The Psychology Of Compatibility | The Mel Robbins Show

Today, Mel sits down with a relationship therapist, Spirit, to answer a few questions about the compatibility of couples. What does it mean to be compatible? How do you know if you're truly compatible with your partner?
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THE MEL ROBBINS SHOW is a 1-hour talk show hosted by the leading global motivational speaker and best-selling author of THE 5 SECOND RULE, Mel Robbins. Mel helps real people transform their lives by empowering them with the tools necessary to conquer their everyday problems and life’s biggest problems.
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[@Daniebklyn]

oh my gawd - that circle in square example just saved me extra hours in therapy.

[@Mariana-ud7dw]

Hahahahha

[@romonique7058]

I'm a 100% with you!

[@DJRenee]

🌟🌟🌟🌟

[@emilietije4836]

And she said it in less than 1 min

[@alitakovin6231]

The circle isn't also touched on every side. Its a half truth

[@kipholder8577]

The whole video is spot on. Give this women (in red) a ted talk

[@solochica81]

Kip Holder thinking the same thing

[@gabrielle6158]

YES PLEASE

[@MichelleChinMoYouStudios]

Absolutely. Everything was spot on. Very well articulated.

[@miG23458]

She has a fabulous Ted Talk: How to stop screwing yourself over. Highly recommend!

[@jojocluddy2534]

Yes!!!!

[@ChaseSizemore]

Who is this woman and why is she not credited?

[@jemzjems]

She is credited in the text below the video....her name is Spirit

[@TheSadie88]

jemzjems Spirit what? She has to have a full name and they didn't put it.

[@sherik233]

@@TheSadie88 She goes by just "Spirit." Easy to find her via Google.

[@liacharisma]

Chase Sizemore I wish her social media was linked

[@jemzjems]

@@TheSadie88 her full professional name is SPIRIT which as I said is credited. This is what she advertises herself as.

[@sumaiasaif82]

Reminds me of this poem and illustration: "She had blue skin, And so did he. He kept it hid And so did she. They searched for blue Their whole life through, Then passed right by- And never knew." Masks, by Shel Silverstein

[@benjaminbecker8508]

Awesome. Awfully tragic.

[@wafaaansara7704]

This poem took me 5 yrs back and I shared it with him too 🙃

[@ugqueen]

The way she answers these questions! Fast and efficient 🤺

[@DaringDanielletravels]

Yeah, she’s spent a lot of time thinking about this

[@ugqueen]

Daring Danielle And it shows!

[@awatifana7154]

You know who is she?

[@alexisdavis7578]

Awatif Ana Spirit from “Love Goals” on OWN

[@benergy100k2]

Because she planned them ahead.

[@firefeethok_tui2355]

This woman seems Like she knows what the heck she’s talking about. Articulate smart easily answer the questions. Why can’t she be my therapist :-)

[@Sldindpunjab]

Maybe you can't afford her therapy :(

[@XXClodaghBXX]

She's great

[@firefeethok_tui2355]

Samantha Jones ?? No, its bc she is famous and super busy, and lives in another state.

[@clearaswater4424]

Yes!! Will she take my money and just HELP ME!

[@yunggestgoon3713]

Why would she not Articulate her words dumb ass 🤔

[@IndefiniChronicles]

This woman just helped me have more strength to actually wait for the right person.

[@linamarie84]

Yes! Girl you will get that right person!! It is sooo worth it in the end!! You are worth it!

[@LisaEverette]

Exactly me too!!

[@alexforce9]

If you are above 24, doing more than just waiting probably is the right idea.

[@moe808]

If waiting is your strategy, you will probably be waiting for a long time. Everything in life requires action with purpose.

[@demigod6133]

This knowledge is pure liquid gold. This should be taught as prerequisite in graduating high school and a core class in all university level degrees. This might reduce 50% of the population's marriage divorces, bad relationships, unwanted hook ups and pregnancies.

[@Alexandra-uk4vr]

I wholeheartedly agree with you, sir.

[@RoyalBlood23]

Never gonna happen.

[@XXClodaghBXX]

Yessss 💯

[@vickyvale78]

Unfortunately it won't happen. Cause majority of people watching these videos are women. Men seem to think it's weak to seek counseling, not even relationship counseling but personal counseling. Although I know a few women who would benefit from this as well.

[@ladyshaw0698]

This is literally a BRILLIANT idea! I am about to do a school and I never considered adding anything like this to the curriculum, but I will, thanks to your brilliant suggestion. It will be part of the life skills portion of the curriculum. Thank you so much for sharing that thought.

[@Wealthybaby]

“Wound mate not a room mate “ that’s a word somebody need to preach on this

[@XoticMasrya86]

Wound mate was so profound. I was just like wow.

[@SH-vj2ce]

Amen!!!!

[@ksachadunkin17]

Loll CMON SOMEBODY!

[@GGrace2012]

Amen that will preach

[@LanaClarkLC]

I heard “womb”. Thanks for making it make sense 😂

[@helenasavels4509]

THE WOMANS NAME WAS NOWHERE MENTIONED. GIVE HER SOME CREDIT.

[@tanisha866]

Exactly I totally agree. Please share her name so we can follow more of her articles, videos and advice.

[@Aoneify]

Her name was in the video, it’s Spirit!

[@Aoneify]

She’s also the therapist on one of the reality relationship shows

[@vasht7976]

@@Aoneify was just about to say this.

[@sweets20062107]

Her name is spirit she has a show on own called love goals great show

[@baghashvili]

This clarifies even more how people rush into long-term relationships and then feel miserable for years. Finding a compatible partner isn’t easy but everyone around us makes it seem like it..

[@Ava2969ny]

@baghashviii - people rush into long-term relationships because that's what they are taught to do. No wants to do the hard work of getting to know themselves before getting involved with someone, which is why so many people marry the wrong person. People rush into long-term relationships because they want to be taken care of, or rescued. As this woman on this video says, relationships give people an excuse not to show up in their own lives.

[@shimag1992]

"Wound Mate" = Trauma Bond

[@LEXZAYful]

yes ! exactly what I was thinking

[@vanessatheebutterfly4625]

= toxic soul ties

[@ericlind6581]

Co dependency

[@victoriabaranik7686]

A wound mate - Could attract someone with narcisstic tendencies!

[@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559]

This woman's great! She definitely comes accross as someone at their best!

[@sydnitroy4423]

What is her name? She’s awesome!

[@judgeashley2347]

I played it over and over. Wanted to memorize everything she said.

[@judgeashley2347]

Spirit...you are awesome

[@teefrazier7248]

Omg! This woman done jumped in my marriage and exposed some stuff.

[@XXClodaghBXX]

Yes 😁

[@NicolineNDahl]

Holy smokes, that woman is so elegant and well-spoken. What a class act. She's goals :)

[@sylvietapos807]

Yes, she is.

[@gonzalezknicksnknacks4433]

One way compatibility.... "The Square and the Circle Analogy!!!!!" NOW that is an excellent way to describe compatibility.

[@ellebelle6439]

Want to know something funny? I wore a red mask, my boyfriend wore a red mask. I thought hmm he's not really lilac like me but I'm drawn to him for some reason. Months go by and finally we both take off our red masks. We were lilacs all along and now we can see each other for who we really are and it's a beautiful thing. Sure we argue, sure our relationship has its ups and downs but I was so happy to take my mask off with him and brave the vulnerability together and we make ourselves stronger.

[@drita5038]

💜

[@xenniemarieesgana5393]

😍❤

[@yzma6142]

Wow beautiful

[@mrchris6684]

Can you imagine being married to this woman and asking yourself on a daily basis am I measuring up lol. She’s absolutely gawjus I must say, very intelligent, well spoken. I wonder if she’s married and if so does she feel compatible with her husband.

[@selinagray1087]

I believe so. She has 9 kids I think.

[@broLuther]

@@selinagray1087 😂😂😂😂😂

[@natashashere]

She is and it shows that she’s at her best.

[@SG-kp5hi]

Yes she is married. N a Mother of 7 children i think

[@biancamichelle11]

Katrina M WTF? He literally said she was very intelligent and well spoken, last time I checked those are not superficial qualities. She is clearly on top of her game, that’s what he admires.

[@mimtenderness]

I love Spirit's warm energy and wisdom!

[@selenajackson1745]

Me tooo

[@XXClodaghBXX]

Me too 😍

[@mimtenderness]

@@XXClodaghBXX

[@siobhanrachel2969]

The black powerful woman in red knows her shit! Thank you for this insight

[@dennisrobinson8008]

A supportive and mature minds as hers makes a better man

[@wellknown1204]

@@dennisrobinson8008 how about she invites the better man to her life instead of _making s better man_

[@dennisrobinson8008]

@@wellknown1204 Either way. If she invites a "better" man into her life and is ultra critical, negative and fault finding, it will degrade him.

[@alexaculver1033]

@@dennisrobinson8008 He wants a wound mate, will he bring out the mature positive determined intelligence in the woman? Or just what he can receive from the relationship?

[@sincereiam]

A wound mate can also be a friend(s).

[@sabrina77769]

So true !

[@XXClodaghBXX]

Yes true

[@chicgal3]

Most Definitely!!!

[@arushrestha1122]

Just a friend...

[@dennisdanner4273]

My former best friend for over 10 years turned out to be a wound-mate. :(

[@mariadla7]

She hit the nail on the head for me. I was with the wrong person for so long and now it makes sense.

[@virtuosityll7116]

Yeah! That ExPlains Why Every Time I Left My Ex, I Felt More Happier 😄 & fulfilled 😘

[@Lina-rf9nb]

Me too! I just realized why my 6 year relationship failed.

[@virtuosityll7116]

@@Lina-rf9nb Lolol Yeah & You Really Don't Wanna Admit To YourSelf That Maybe This Man May Not Be Compatible with Me, beCause After All, We've been Trying To Make It Work for 7 years, So We Keep Playing The Puzzle Game! But StiLL Something Just Still Not Fitting, I Can't Even Just Do A Romantic Dance With Him, Oh How I Miss Dancing 💃but you Knew He Couldn't dance That First Date Y'all had @ A Club, but You disregarded It As, Oh Well He Just Not Use To "Dancing" That Affected Sooo Much In Our Relationship 😧 It Turns Out, We Had Few Romantic Connections. 10 Years with Him, 3 kids, Later & While I Have No ReGrets, however I FeeL Like Nothing Was Accomplished Either, BeCause I Spent Too Much Time Trying To Make Him Understand That, First I Don't Want To Be In An Abusive Marriage & ReLationship!!! Or Should I Say, "Wounded" Couples Keep Coming Back To Each Other's Aid!! Wowww

[@pcharm3711]

What were the first signs that made you realize that you were with the wrong person?

[@Lina-rf9nb]

@@virtuosityll7116 😂 And after you've put so much into it, you don't want it all to have been for nothing, and now you're forcing the situation, when YOU KNOW you're not compatible. I knew the first six months that it wasn't going to work. Somehow talked myself out of what I knew!

[@nowayjose23]

She forgot financial compatibility...the number 1 reason why relationships fail.

[@Lisa-tr3ou]

True

[@ericlind6581]

Great point. Also political compatibility...no way a Hillary supporter getting on with a Trumpster.

[@jessicatamele145]

Hi L A, i think that couples can get to that part if they do the quiz. The third question "do you have compatible lifestyle?" also applies to "do you like to go out for dinner, where, and can you afford to do it as much as you would like?" or maybe "you drive an expensive car, live in an expensive flat, can you afford it?". But i also think that its important to discuss this with open minds, and to know that even if money is the center of all it cant be the center of a relashionship.

[@PacificMoceans]

I'm transfinancial.

[@nowayjose23]

@@jessicatamele145 Do you have compatible lifestyles is NOT the same as do you have compatible money...and I beg to differ, most Americans live on credit and want...and have nice things with debt financing. They think they are 'affording' things by paying their cc bill every month.

[@diddyxgi]

“This woman” is absolutely incredible and you wont even say her name? Seriously what a shame! Who is she? What is her name?

[@americanbeauty171]

Here name is Spirit. She have a show called LOVE GOALS on OWN network....

[@tiphanidowner7114]

American cutie Thanks. God bless you🙏🏾✨

[@Evita05]

Same thought here. Not even a link to her so you can find more information 🤔🤔

[@SoffyLoves]

At around 2:42 her name appears. Her name is Spirit.

[@XXClodaghBXX]

Spirit I believe 😁😍❤️♥️

[@3clr134]

Omg 😯 if I knew this 18 years ago I would have called my wedding off to the person I’m now trying to divorce😒

[@ST-cj5gm]

I empathise with you. That’s a really long time to spend with someone who doesn’t contribute to your happiness.

[@Wealthybaby]

She said some good stuff. Like why we stay in toxic relationships...It allows us to live in the space we’re we don’t have to show up in our lives

[@stephanieCl]

This entire video is spot on and so deep. I wish she could navigate about changes in a couple as they are both growing as individuals and how it can affect their compatibility. Who is this woman, where can we find her please

[@rositapaulo7412]

Right now she works on the show Love Goals. It's truly impressive to see how she works and guides the couples.

[@chasingclouds7101]

What is her name?

[@heathab...._-_]

@@chasingclouds7101 her name is spirit

[@mirv1998]

Talk2Spirit on IG

[@heathab...._-_]

@@mirv1998 I also found her on Instagram spirit2talk, she has alot of motivational posts an she goes live on Friday's

[@Gelobee98]

My exes failed in spiritual intimacy. It's hard to find someone who has the same views that you have.

[@sizwenxumalo3925]

Why want the same views in compatibility? Share the same spiritual inclinations, but views should different for learning to happen.

[@XXClodaghBXX]

Yeah :/

[@uduakudoffa52]

Ah, absence of spiritual compatibility is an up front deal breaker, dear.

[@diannashuster5594]

This was such an eye opener for me! I've never heard anyone break it down so simply. Wonderful interview. I wish it was longer.

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Dianna Shuster,your pretty smile can make the news!

[@kyndracrump]

One day very soon, I’m manifesting that I’m going to be a special guest on here. Make sure you all tune in.

[@miasministry07]

It is so

[@flooredjustfloored]

Believe you deserve it, and the Universe will serve it!

[@Demifan39]

Speak it so I be it! You will be there

[@kyndracrump]

floored JustFloored thank you! Whatever you want to do in life, your dreams will come true also.

[@kyndracrump]

Demifan39 thank you! No matter whatever you want to do in life, your dreams will happen also.

[@Thomas06992]

Melllll darling this lady is everything - keep her involved please

[@rosiehailu2221]

Wow the part when she said we all wear “mask” to hide our true self... that hit different. She’s so well spoken and spot on!

[@daintyapple]

Wow the best explanation of relationship compatibility. Now I don't feel bad anymore for cutting ties with the exes. We weren't compatible and it makes sense now. Find your tribe!

[@monumentalmoments7757]

I love this woman's fairness to the game/art of compatibility

[@heathab...._-_]

I freaking love spirit so much she is so beautiful and Intelligent

[@emilietije4836]

She is really everything

[@niceone8935]

One way compatibility = one person is a narcissist and the other has a soul.

[@nonyabizness3869]

Ouch!

[@MakeupTiffany]

Spot on!!!

[@lovely-mk4rt]

I just left a man like that. One year ago and I’m still recovering

[@tuktuk3399]

THE TRUTH!

[@phenitagomes1292]

I felt this comment

[@natasharahil8240]

Just perfect answers. Sometimes we see all this red flags but afraid to live and start all over again...

[@ProudlyAfrican]

i love that red modest dress...nice talk from two grown women...

[@XXClodaghBXX]

Yes

[@nomathembadzinotyiwei8077]

Compatibility Quiz Do you miss your partner when you’re away from them for along time ? Do you trust your partner ? If not, why not? Do you have compatible lifestyles? Can you talk to your partner about anything Do you laugh together?

[@poeticlovee]

Thank you

[@americanbeauty171]

Thank you

[@juneofspades2374]

The answer is no

[@pipsterr__]

@Emily Redford 😂😂😂

[@XXClodaghBXX]

Great thank you

[@guitaro5000]

3:28 "we walk out and we wear masks all day everyday" You had no idea. Lol

[@santran9602]

Does this woman have a book omg 😳 I want to buy

[@EB-sl2dd]

RIGHT

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

San Chan,you look stunning 🌹🌹🌷🌷

[@sf5823]

Intimacy = in to me see! 3:24 Such a good analogy, I'm going to see people that way from now on! It looks red but it's really lilac. Signs of compatibility. 5:36 Choose Ascension = some rise , some fall but you want a relationship that RISES R - Recreational intimacy I - Intellectual intimacy S - Spiritual intimacy E - Emotional intimacy S - Sexual intimacy

[@NA-vt6mz]

And guy I was with didn’t fit any of those !!!

[@djari3s412]

Everything she's saying, right on the money. Love her spirit.

[@stefanysanchez2]

Btw, her name is also Spirit 😌

[@BrothaNeo]

Now THIS is some serious real deal information that EVERYONE who wants to be in any form of relationship should be aware of! Most of the information Spirit shared is new to me lol! Thank you for this video! I needed it!

[@gierk27]

She has so much wisdom. I have worn the red mask when I'm truly a lilac before and my needs never got met. I've decided not to let my representative show up, I want to show up as my real self so I connect with my compatible mate

[@NallahBrown]

“Wound mate” woooow. That’s a good one Spirit!!!!

[@emmanueloyalabu2328]

* Grabs Notepad and begins to write* 📝 This Queen dropping jewels ! 🙌🏾

[@SanctifiedLady]

I can’t believe it! I met a guy who him and I just totally hit all this levels over 3 meetings…. We haven’t gone to all the deep spaces yet… trust is developing…we haven’t revealed our “need them to know list” and haven’t shared any secrets…just building a solid friendship and he’s asked for exclusivity right away. ❤️

[@samiraqurux.]

i love how she is calm and collected in answering

[@ChristSaves88]

I would love to have a one on one conversation with Dr. Spirit. She’s so wise and knowledgeable!

[@lonnettascott]

So true!

[@DP-oi9nd]

The interviewer leads the conversation well. Guess thats her job though 😂

[@rebeccajones8628]

This expert is amazing. Every single sentence that came out of her mouth was full of wisdom and incite.

[@realtalktina]

The therapist was very helpful wish she was my therapist!! Also is there a man who covers all those areas and is still available?? Wow!

[@QuantumManifestQueen]

So she’s just gonna end with “if we can’t laugh together we are not compatible”

[@jayarikishii]

HA!

[@cherylmia]

And here I was thinking perfect people don't exist... Whew this lady is just...

[@XXClodaghBXX]

😍😍😍

[@agatawitczak8407]

Thanks for this video!!!

[@biba350]

Absolutely brilliant thank you

[@shomavyas3646]

She explained compatibility so well! The concept is so clear to me now. I would love to hear more from this relationship therapist!

[@cristinay9950]

I’m blown away at her explanations!! This made so much sense. She is brilliant

[@victoriabaranik7686]

Just brilliant. Thank you👏👏👏

[@alyssahubbell5160]

Loved this.

[@madgemackles4337]

So the first step is to find out who you are. This was a good outlook on things

[@widdd_]

“When we walk out, we wear masks all day everyday. “

[@ChainBreakerswithDrTrista]

Awesome info!

[@ns1498]

Great interview! Very insightful

[@arbonneladyTN]

Sooo very true! What she didn’t cover, how a couple grows and changes together. After 39 years married, was we look back we see that at many times we each made changes and were not in sync with each other. Too often couples don’t understand that there was a lot of work in the following years after a wedding. It takes DEDICATION and commitment to work through what is worth holding & working for.

[@ireneramirez3691]

Not many people stay married as long as you do. I congratulate you and your dedication to your partner because I am sure it wasnt easy. But I always wanted to ask someone who has been married long enough, did you put up with issues like cheating to make it last or was it respect that made your relationship last? What advice do you share having done the work to make it this long

[@riselle1]

I agree with this ^^^

[@jenniferhergert4447]

"Feeding each other" I love that concept!

[@gorevidacosta409]

This is so good, thank you very much

[@cindybello1915]

Wooooooow! Loved this!!!!!

[@ersofrescht4661]

Im happy learning this. Wound mate made many sense to me

[@mellys6246]

This is sooooo goood 💞💞💞💞💞

[@bunnymeighan7265]

This is so Good!!!

[@sblogan07]

Great episode!

[@Banana-lk7tf]

This is one brilliant woman!

[@thandiwemasaisai5138]

This was so on point and effective. 🤯 " into me see" Loved it.

[@lonnettascott]

Great concept!

[@Chacha2ouf]

Mind opener... You broke it down so well.

[@lisav6583]

I love everything about this video. WOW! Just WOW!

[@JacquelineVerellen]

I love that you are ACTUALLY doing the talk show, that you talked about doing in your decade challenge. Its only been the first few months and you are off to an amazing start :) Thanks for inspiring me Mel.

[@vp5134]

Amazing. Crystal clear explanation.

[@susangagliano2915]

Awesome. Thank you!!

[@blessingsbest6838]

I can’t express how amazing this information is. Wow! Wow! Wow! Thank you 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@KrisSymmetry]

She said that. My gosh wound mate. This was amazing.

[@karrielenora]

I needed this.

[@daniellesagang1037]

Can't stop listening to it again and again.

[@mariee.5912]

Yay! Spirit is great!!

[@chinarainradiology]

WOW! I am sitting here like mind-blown.

[@aaliyahrobinson841]

Love it !

[@lightvox6152]

Fantastic video!!

[@isaidaduane]

This is the best and most illustrative way I have ever seen these ideas and perspectives. This was a fantastic segment thank you so much

[@msve3730]

I can listen to her for hours. 💜💜 She need her OWN podcast !!!!!!

[@rasheedahhaneef2380]

OUTSTANDING!!!! Thank You Spirit

[@irisvictorino8251]

Dope!!!! Congratulations!!! Im speechless ...!

[@nyaworld]

this video has literally changed my life. the way I was screaming yaaaaasss after every answer wow. thank you thank you

[@camilleandriette]

These answers were so informative! Makes you rethink relationships.

[@GPatrick137]

very informative thank you

[@OhhYouu..MICHELLE]

Great conversation!

[@GS-ff5dd]

I knew these things intuitively!

[@KendellLenice]

I love Spirit! She is always right on target!🙌🏾👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@kennylu804]

Very helpful.

[@meghamerlyn6664]

Amazing conversation...