His Silence Is A Decision | Do THIS When He Pulls Away

[@JonathonAslay]

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[@dawnriel5915]

❤ love your words! I experienced this recently and then after 2 weeks he came back with he was sorry it's not me it's him and maybe it was but I gave it another go and still feeling the pull back from him he doesn't call just short subtle texts. I just said hey I think we should stop talking for now. I can't sit here and collect all the red flags until they bury me I need to end this with grace and just told him hey if later on you decide your feelings for me were real and your in a better place and your ready to come to me as a whole person then come find me

[@SherriFlemming]

He's breadcrumbing. Sounds like a classic avoidant attachment. Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles. I like your farewell speech.

[@MichaelHawthorne-t9s]

Great video, just wanted to share that I recently watched a pretty cool video. It's been a month since my five-year relationship came crashing down. The love of my life made the tough choice to walk away, and honestly, I can't shake her from my mind. I love her deeply and have done everything I can to bring her back into my life, but it feels like I'm hitting a wall. It's frustrating, because I can’t envision my future with anyone else. I’ve tried to push the thoughts of her aside, but they keep creeping back in. Not sure why I'm pouring this out here, but I really miss her.

[@Coraferguson3]

I get it; letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things. I faced a similar struggle when my twelve-year relationship ended. I fought tooth and nail to win her back, even seeking the wisdom of a spiritual counselor who ultimately helped me reunite with her.

[@MichaelHawthorne-t9s]

Wow, that sounds incredible! How did you find this spiritual counselor, and how can I connect with them?

[@Coraferguson3]

His name is Dr. Apala Omofulma, and he’s a phenomenal spiritual counselor who has a talent for rekindling lost relationships.

[@cecilang9721]

I took over a year to get to know someone, slowly growing closer, and finally being intimate and it was amazing, only to realize the week after that he was a dismissive avoidant. And he immediately started doing all the weird things avoidants do even though he never did when we were friends. And it was just absolutely awful for me because being intimate caused me to bond immediately because we had already built all this trust over time. It was a biological reaction to being physically loving with a man I trusted and cared for. And when he suddenly pulled away it was so painful for me. Anyways, I later found out it wasn’t personal that he did that. He just suddenly felt all out of sorts because the threat of being emotionally close in a relationship sort of way triggered a panicked running away. It wasn’t because of me or anything I did or didn’t do. At least I have some closure from that. I wish he wasn’t so damaged or that he was self aware enough to NOT hurt people like that. If I knew he would be like that I never would have gotten intimate and just kept our sweet friendship. It’s what I valued most anyways.

[@debraharmon1244]

Great advice! Someone I knew for 20 years ghosted me after about an 8 month situationship that I thought was a relationship. It was very painful but what a gift in the end! I did a deep dive, did the inner work and it was like that Wizard of Oz moment where black and white becomes technicolor! Changed my life in all ways❤. Loving my life in such an authentic way now!

[@DrMortezaChalak]

true, suffering os separation is sometimes the best medicine for our soul

[@cecilang9721]

Did he call you his girlfriend after 8 months? 20 years, you think you know someone…

[@DrMortezaChalak]

@@cecilang9721 sometimes they just try to keep it unclear as long as possible

[@barbaralandsaw7949]

You can abandon the person, just don't abandon yourself. Be true to you, because if they really wanted to be a part of your life they'd try to understand you and not abandon you so easily when things dont go their way.

[@lc-fu6xy]

This is so me! I now realize I withdraw and get sucked into my own thoughts when I get overwhelmed with emotion. Especially those that take deep acceptance. But my biggest mistake is that I will never address them with my love interest for fear of rejection. And the endless cycle of never going deeper than surface level begins. I'm learning to open up, but it is still a constant process. Thank you for ALL that you do Jonathon!! 🙏 ❤

[@debraharmon1244]

Have done the emotional work, also have lost 50 lbs in the last year and gotten into shape. But no one is interested lol. Still having a great time and living my best life:)!

[@tallspicy]

Silence is cowardly. You turn an explanation into an excuse. Most people, and men especially use silence and justify it by saying “it was easier for the other person”, when indeed it is easier for them. If you are not old enough to end a relationship kindly, you are not old enough to date.

[@JonathonAslay]

Humans are not perfect beings...

[@tallspicy]

@@JonathonAslayI understand. it is good practice to not take people’s actions personally… aka understand the “explanation” so you can move on if someone treats you poorly. And when people do that, it is mostly a them issue. But it is a bad idea to normalize bad behavior, which is becoming more and more rampant. That is my point, you need to do what is kind to the other person, not what you feel is easier and then Jedi mind trick yourself that they are the problem because your feelings have cooled for whatever reason. You give your example, how long would you have avoided her if she had not reached out? Another good point you made, choose someone has their life in order.

[@kenbrb6261]

all true in theory, but unfortunately it's not like that in the real world - people don't normally feel great about hurting someone or being uncomfortable and they take the easy way out - which sucks, but it's reality - one could flip this statement and say if people aren't strong enough to handle someone being cowardly, then they shouldn't date - dating is a contact sport and it's not for the fragile - one has to be able to take a hit

[@gc825]

Love is unpredictable equation, agree too much ❤

[@TameraEdwards]

Mine is doing this after 3-4 months. Ugh! 😩 breaks my heart!

[@JonathonAslay]

Ugh 🤬

[@TameraEdwards]

@@JonathonAslay thanks! I think he’s not over his x and he of course is running away right after I got intimate with him. Big mistake on my end. Thanks for all your great video’s! I just bought the Eight Dates book! It’s great! I’ll buy yours soon too!

[@kenbrb6261]

sorry! - hang in there - we've all been there and it's awful

[@lorrainec3673]

Yes! This resonates! 🙌🙌 I like your style if I may call it "insightful" as you help us understand ourselves in order to better understand the world around us. This advice works for most relationships, not just dating and I love listening to you as I'm home alone about 80% of the time with my young children and this way of thinking about how we are processing everything while rebuilding our lives, it's a welcomed format for me. And, thanks for sharing & always being real & vulnerable with us! This is why we love you Jonathan & I am rooting for you that the connection you make is a solid one that will make each of you happy 🌞💐💝

[@annritter9373]

Omg , keep on moving That’s on him

[@debbiemoeller2169]

The wisest dating coach i know!! Im always intrigued by these episodes. I have learned so much!! Thank you Jonathon❤❤❤❤

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you like them!

[@sairaphilip437]

You can be two people without chaos, trauma and drama, dating for 10 weeks or 10 months and then someone's just "not feeling it" anymore. That's how deceptive relationships can be.

[@JonathonAslay]

Love is an unpredictable feeling.

[@kenbrb6261]

i don't think it's "deceptive" - it's just that we are all allowed to change our minds - there are no guarantees - if we continued to date when we weren't feeling it, THAT would be deceptive

[@nancystevens5136]

A lot times if I go silent, it's because I'm busy doing something, it's not against someone I'm trying to connect with, if we Don't share a number to keep in touch, it's harder for me being on the internet every time they what to connect to get to know each other! ❤❤❤ I rather get to know by phone and meet in person if that's possible!

[@danasandlin2435]

divorce is traumatic, but so is death; death of a spouse is traumatic...dts/usa

[@LR-dm8wp]

🍁🍂HAPPY AUTUMN - VERY INFORMATIVE JONATHON…I LIKE YOUR IDEA OF SAYING “I’M NOT ATTACHED TO THE OUTCOME”. IT REALLY PUTS THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE AND MAKES SENSE ALLOWING FOR A NEW BEGINNING. 🦋

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad it was helpful!

[@sallysmithy9860]

Yes. Thank you! I'm forwarding to my guy. So now he can see why I ask why he's silent! ❤❤

[@JonathonAslay]

You got this!

[@sallysmithy9860]

@JonathonAslay Yes he started this a week ago. I asked him to talk with me. He's in the middle of a stressful contract right now overseas. Buy I said.. Just dump it ! I will listen that's part of caring so he hated a little and said he's not liking how he's feeling upset right now and feels he is different. So, at least it's been addressed

[@tallspicy]

SIlenc I

[@kimberlyschauffler9385]

I’ve been put on “pause” after a whirlwind romance with a lot of chemistry and connection of only a month. I don’t even know what that means, lol.

[@tanaayotte]

This was a great video! This is truly one of my favorite videos so far. I can totally relate to it because it's so true. Thank you!

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you think so!

[@clarisec1451]

Thank you for the information and for sharing your stories. It was very helpful.

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad it was helpful!

[@marybeeler501]

I'm still been talking to someone that's about almost about 50 now and he was chatting with all these people online with copied profiles and basically stolen photos that all said that they were in their twenties and thirties that never had kids but could still do everything they needed to and that was out of state and stuff and actually told me that I didn't need to have any more kids I had a total hysterectomy through 4 years ago and is now just making me feel bad and there's nothing I can do about it I can't take anything back I can't put everything back here and I don't even know that I value my life anymore because of them

[@tallspicy]

Please get some therapy. This is an alarming story. Why were you choosing this person? Why are you still talking to them? Why are you abandoning yourself and inner child to them?

[@jecarlin]

Someone pulls away, let them.

[@CatherinaBaby.1928J]

Nice mug 😊! Yes! , It's resonating, and it's sinking in!!

[@JonathonAslay]

Yes! Thank you!

[@kippyc98]

Good talk... but I would say as a woman, I'm less likely to pull away/go silent. I'm more likely to be anxious and to get clingy, needy. And thanks for mentioning The Hoffman Process.... that looks super interesting! And your own book looks enticing too 👍

[@libbynovotny9979]

finding men so very lazy, act like they want a realtionship but dont want to make any effort at all sad... so difficult to connect with a real human being

[@DonnaM-ue4bv]

I agree with you… but, I’m not sure men are working on themselves …! Most men really don’t think they need any work… I think it’s the #1 problem , and it’s probably on both sides…

[@JonathonAslay]

It's a human thing

[@vixter28]

Wow ! When I met my ex, my dad had just passed away not even a year prior - I have abandonment wounds from my father, not being in my life but I thought I had worked through but it brought it all up again when he passed away 😢 My ex had just separated from his wife and clearly was not over the marriage and has a lot of trauma as well as I found out ! Neither one of us should’ve been dating, but I see why we bonded We had so much in common and especially in our backgrounds too What happened is he got triggered one night and got really upset and then he went silent ( I’m sure he was in a lot of pain because he thought I was going to leave him - bc I had broke up with him before) Then I got really upset because he wouldn’t talk to me about what happened & still was silent so I blocked him I just wish that he could’ve told me what was going on instead of getting really angry - I’ve tried to talk to him about stuff in the past and he just shuts it down He is very shut down 😢 So long story short is I attracted someone who is not emotionally available because that’s what I always do 😢 No contact 6 weeks now

[@janiceduvall9320]

Right on!

[@privateconfidential4775]

No it’s no a Decision

[@marniratner-universoulspac51]

I love listening to sophisticated and no-nonsense advice. We are all in trying to navigate the dating world with awareness and grace. Thanks for your input.

[@JonathonAslay]

Awe... thank you 😊

[@gloriapotchebski5367]

Hi Jonathan. Your podcast is excellent and informative. My question is this. I am an older woman who feels and thinks 39 and has for umpteen years. I am divorced and have been for many years. I still have many feelings and am not ready to be put out to pasture, so to speak. Am I pipe dreaming or are there still good men out there who are available? Ages 40 to? 🦋

[@JonathonAslay]

Yes, absolutely

[@DrMortezaChalak]

I agree with Jonathan, was telling my friend that is we encounter some unsuitable people, it doesn't mean everyone else is the same. 39 isn't old

[@Joy-mm3cz]

Plenty of great men 40 & up out there.

[@DrMortezaChalak]

@@Joy-mm3cz true

[@jacobcamerson430]

It’s like you pulled away after being physically intimate with her. Then lost your interest. Why?

[@JonathonAslay]

I didn't feel a heart connection after...

[@jacobcamerson430]

@@JonathonAslay yes many men say so only after their physical intimacy with her they lose their “heart connection”. Or suddenly realize they didn’t have it in the first place but enjoyed her company and her intimacy. It’s like if a man doesn’t pull away it’s abnormal?

[@kenbrb6261]

@@JonathonAslay your perogative - the timing sucked but not much you could've done - if she couldn't have handled the possibility that it could end after intimacy, she had the option to not begin intimacy - we all have to own our behavior and the chances we take starting out - at least you told her and didn't continue it knowing you weren't feeling it....just sayin

[@jyarbrough90]

how do you flip it on the woman that he turns out to ghost her.? seriously

[@sherryreed2182]

Yes

[@JonathonAslay]

Yes ❤️

[@susanharrie3326]

❤

[@Ruth-vy1qj]

Gm

[@JonathonAslay]

GM 😊

[@SukhamSpa]

❤