How To Make A Bad Submarine: The Disastrous Elbonian Navy

[@paulsteaven]

- Forgotten Weapons and the Chieftain covered the Elbonian Army. - Perun covered the Elbonian Air Force - Now, H I Sutton covered the Elbonian Navy Can't wait who will cover the Elbonian Space Force.

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

Check out Ed Nash's Military Matters channel also Had planned this video a week or so ago but the Ursa Major ship attack trumped it

[@JinKee]

@@HISuttonCovertShores we need to ask Ryan MacBeth to do the Elbonian Cyber Command

[@shaider1982]

Ed Nash also did a similar video earlier this month

[@OnlyTakk]

this is the best timeline

[@RyTrapp0]

Perun covered Elbonia's closest ally, Emutopia

[@Dlck.C.Normous]

All Elbonian subs are built with carbon fiber hulls and are steered with logitech game controllers

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

too dark

[@jmurray886]

*wireless I have the wired version of the pad, and it's not half bad for a cheap controller, but I certainly wouldn't rely on it for life-critical operations

[@pugsymalone6539]

​@@jmurray886 Scaredy cat.

[@JeffBilkins]

those controllers were the most tested and reliable part of the thing

[@jmurray886]

And probably the only part with a warranty...

[@Verhagenvictor]

Ian standing in for Lenin on the typhoon photo cracks me up :D

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

Exactly

[@nedyahyakcam]

I hope ian prints that out and puts it in his next elbonian vid

[@Past10Performance]

​@@nedyahyakcamneed one of his patreon subs to make sure he gets a copy of it lol that would be great

[@spacedmanspiff1543]

Gen 2 pattern of Ianpat....camo

[@handmadehearts]

🤣 I was wondering who that was.

[@wylnd]

Forgotten Submarines

[@sharg0]

Earliest mention of Elbonia I can remember is from the comic strip Dilbert, probably back in the 90's. (It was a small oil producing country with dubious morality if I remember correctly).

[@johnd2058]

Yes, and I believe someone presented the idea to Ian, who hit it out of the park

[@blurglide]

Yes- and the creator of that comic strip has an EXCELLENT daily podcast... www.youtube.com/@RealCoffeewithScottAdams

[@PointyHairedJedi]

​@@blurglideExcellent? my impression was he'd gone off the deep end a while ago.

[@blurglide]

@@PointyHairedJedi He became a bit of a hermit, but his podcast is profound as ever. Helps you see "the gears of the machine", as he calls it. He makes some out-there predictions and is right more often than not.

[@Korporaal1]

@@PointyHairedJedi I love it that we have a 'Pointy Haired ~' name tag discussing Dilbert and the Elbonian Navy here!

[@JinKee]

Perun just did the Elbonian - Emutopian Air Force yesterday

[@danielmartin7838]

Perun knocks em out of the park.

[@EdNashsMilitaryMatters]

LOL excellent video as usual. Thanks for the shout out as well.

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

Cheers!

[@homuraakemi493]

Using a 1980s payphone to narrate the video was an interesting touch

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

Authenticity! real youtubers will be copying my style before you know it

[@szj3255]

Perun just uploaded a video about screwing up the air force. Is this a collab? (or a conspiracy if you prefer)

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

Oh, wasn't aware, must check it out.

[@noecarrier5035]

It's a meme, really. Loads of weapons and military types are currently doing videos on the Elbonian military to showcase how procurement goes wrong.

[@Sean_but_Not_Heard]

Kiwiland forever!

[@charlesparr1611]

@@HISuttonCovertShores It seems that Elbonia has become a meme amongst the military history/milsim crowd, and they will ask Albania questions of their favourite content creators. There are a LOT of examples kicking around. The chieftain on armour, I'm not sure if Drachinifil has been tapped yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. Animarchy and HO and lord hardthrasher have hosted some live chats about Elbonian procurement in the 1950s, when Elbonia was ruled over by an iron fisted dictator called 'el jefe' who seems to be a version of quadaffi only funny instead of evil. Those ones are a little long winded, but pretty funny, although extremely Australian. It's a fun meme, I will say you did a smashing contribution here, but I think the winner thus far would be Perun, and the elbonian technical model showcased on the NAFO modelling contest was a strong contender....

[@davidmurphy563]

They clearly don't know their arsonian from their elbonian.

[@hygri]

You are of the highest order of internet commenting creatures.

[@charlesparr1611]

Take your upvote and get out.... Good god man, I was drinking coffee.

[@daviddb2528]

Consider my hat ripped Sir!

[@daviddb2528]

Tipped even

[@leakycheese]

I think this is the most subtle of all the Elbonian defence procurement proposals to date. A truly covert attempt to sabotage the defence of their shores.

[@stevesmith8155]

As a very experienced engineer, might I recommend you involve plenty of non-technical folks in your Marketing Department, that will develop "narratives" to drive the product definition. That usually does the trick. Another method is to involve plenty of non-tech Project Managers to whip the technical people to get it done much faster. Short cuts will drive plenty of fails and follow-on delays and cost overruns. Another fine source of development disasters. Green's theorem: "Anything's possible when you don't know what you are talking about".

[@Simon-hb9rf]

there is a limit to the ineptitude your can show if you want to stay on the project, im sure the politicians would be fooled but at a certain point of so many F ups the accountants will get involved. then your screwed.

[@relwaretep]

All glory to Elbonia!

[@wardaddyindustries4348]

"You might be familiar with the Elbonian reamament program" "Umm no.. no not at all" "You going to learn today"

[@MrArmybiker]

2:57 Who else spotted Ian Mc Collum aka "The Master Traitor of Elbonia"?

[@kramelbbiw]

Nice spot!

[@Meower68]

What you're looking for is "what are the anti-patterns?" A pattern is a useful methodology, technique or process. An anti-pattern is something which looks, at first glance, to be a good idea but is actually a bad idea in multiple ways that you don't discover until later. There needs to be more books which document the anti-patterns, the "worst practices," etc.

[@chemputer]

Elbonia actually originated with the comic strip "Dilbert", to refer to a generic 3rd world country without offending a specific group. Ian did, though, I think, come up with the idea to outfit their horribly corrupt military.

[@charlesparr1611]

Yes, this was before Scott Adams realized he could be blatantly racist out loud on the internet. Such a shame, what happened with him. I assume it's mental illness, but he's turned into a truly awful person.

[@carpathianhussar8553]

First Perun and now you, this ending of the year is unexpected, but most certainly appreciated

[@williampratt1066]

I’ll vote for the sodium cooled reactor, relatively safe from the radiation point, not so from the potential water contact point……

[@ulfpe]

I believe Elbonia was named in some Dilbert stories, I don't know if that's where it came from..

[@acidonitrix]

Sure, it's a Dilbert thing. Seems youtubers use that fictional country to address controversial matters that otherwise could demonetize videos.

[@GerardMenvussa]

2:49 Took me way too long to notice the portrait of Our Leader over there. o7

[@bruh5361]

Another video, is it Christmas already?

[@jemimus]

I was not even aware of this Elbonian joke, but now I am invested! :D Gonna watch the Forgotten Weapons and Military Matters vids next!

[@LordJuan4]

add Perun to the list! he did the air force yesterday lol, truly a great end to the year

[@jkull173]

I know the Elbonian defense apparatus would love your MS Paint designs

[@Kishanth.J]

Kind of wish you went the Canadian route and buy used submarines that have already had years of service and cost a fortune in upkeep. As well as low availability due to maintenance.

[@DarnokIksnibiks]

I just hope Polish MoD team wont see this before they select Orca program winner and just let the proffesionals select the sub. :D

[@DailyFrankPeter]

You need to explicitly make sure imperial and metric units are combined in the design at all times.

[@AvocadoAfficionado]

Great father H.I.Sutton comes bearing gifts.

[@peterasp955]

Love this! And your unscripted unedited approach is so genuine. But please please get a better microphone! Cheers from Stockholm

[@charlesparr1611]

Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a world war 2 field telephone in operation? Some people have no respect for the classics.

[@M101K3]

Long live the Elbonian National Materiel and Equipment Special Procurement Yeomanry (ENME-SPY).

[@manishdyall4779]

What is Elbonia?, when was it founded?, and what is her relationship to Emutopia?

[@JeKramxel]

Some terrific ideas in there, Ian would be proud! The easiest one to do, would be exactly what Portugal and Greece did, and it's the safest way to sabotage a country: convinced them they need subs, even though they can't afford a bare-minimum surface navy: Both went into default on their debts, less than 2 years after purchasing their subs. Assuming Elbonia does have some money to invest into it, you could have gone in a reverse of what you did with your SSN/SSBN, and have 5 or 6 different clasess all speciallized on 1 specific task (Soviets also loved this), especially when there's limited interchangeable technologies between them, like for example: a designated special forces SSK capable of carrying a battalion (basically a bus), a very fast SSN designed specifically for interceptions and narco-traffic deterrence with air operation capabilities (which take a million years to assemble), a throwback to the 50s with a designated SSK for anti-sub warfare only (a "cheap" area defenese, never in range to act on anyhting), or the opposite of that with a fast-moving SSBN (with short range BMs) that couldn't go anywhere without being detected a million miles away (wth the sell point of being anywhere really really fast). Such a fun exercise.

[@warhawk4494]

Great video man. Happy New Year to all and here's to your channel growing even bigger. 🥂

[@stijnvandamme76]

bit soonish

[@thundercactus]

A "minimum viable product" is still an MVP on paper, that makes it easier to acquire funding lol

[@richrico2635]

This is literally Indian military procurement in a nutshell. Hell, it even extends to the simple stuff (one would think), like plate carriers, small arms and uniforms. Corruption seems to be one hell of a drug.

[@1stbn8thmar]

thank you

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

You're welcome

[@Strykenine]

I already watched Perun's video, can't wait to hear yours. Happy New Year.

[@alexgreen1767]

We should sell them top of the range, sea wolf, with the essential forward facing fire down radar.

[@alexgreen1767]

Sonar? Nooooo, that is just vapour ware. You need aesa radars. With synthetic appaturre features

[@davidwright7193]

Ultra silent apart from the loud crunching sound when they hit a sea mount.

[@williamgarry2635]

Congratulations H.I. Sutton!! Sadly you just described the process for half of USN ship acquisition programs (until you added the hybrid response system)

[@trancamortal]

What about Navantia's S-80?

[@Vtarngpb]

And I thought Elbonia was landlocked 🤣

[@willemkaret1568]

8:57 Here we go, ocean going diesel submarine for the Dutch Navy. Buy in France but demand integration of the American Mk48 torpedo. I'm so worried. By the time they will have worked out the integration of the sonar and weapons the price will spin out of control and we might just as well have bought a tried and tested nuclear attack sub from the French.

[@Mau4ever2]

There still 2 unbuilt project 971M Hulls somewhere in Russia that would be an perfect start for the Elbonian SSN force.

[@charlesparr1611]

I think they should buy the Kursk, you know, as a project....

[@neilrusling-je6zo]

"Peace Dividend"...what a fatal error that was

Did you put Ian's face on the Typhoon picture? 😆

[@benwinter2420]

Elbonia . . The land of the blind

[@alt5494]

Requiring all boats to be carriers, provide cabin berths for all crew, & greenhouse facilities to grow fresh produce. Would be absolutely devastating to effective design.

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

A bit like this? www.hisutton.com/Nautilus-2020_Luxury_Submarine.html

[@alt5494]

@HISuttonCovertShores That would be a option. With 1960 technology mandated crew complement the length of any type. Would more than double just to contain the cabins & greenhouses. The carrier hangar & flight deck basically guarantee high center of gravity issues. Combined with low mounted ballast tanks make stability difficult to maintain. Extremely long unstable flexible hull is the stuff of nightmares being handed to first generation submariners.

[@Lobsterboy1776]

Very well done and so in depth, please do more, maybe on the Elbonian ASW fleet plus helos!

[@Szlater]

How much mischief would it cause if you ordered several German SSKs, and just prior to delivery had the Elbonian surface fleet buy Chinese ASW surface ships? Would it cause a situation analogous to Turkey with the F35 and S400?

[@TallerCarnivore]

That banner with Gun Jesus in the thumbnail is hilarious. I'm sending the link to Ian

[@ronchappel4812]

I'm shocked the soviet's didn't build their lead bismuth reactors so that they were capable of being re-lit by building a fire under it

[@Rainersherwood]

You and Ian definitely need to figure out a reason to do some videos together. You guys run two of my favorite “nerd out” channels. feels like you guys are so similar, just different interests.

[@Fortunes.Fool.]

Interesting thought exercise as always, neat stuff

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@mgtowbylogic5592]

Aweee you painted a smile on their submarine. So cute!

[@guidor.4161]

Tribute to Ian of Forgotten Weapons...

[@Lintary]

Poor Elbonia they never catch a break.

[@endeavor02]

They really need to rehaul their internal security. Oh wait...

[@baronengel248]

The poster of Ian in the factory is perfect!

[@Mobile_Chernobyl]

This video makes me think the Royal Australian submarine service procurement is compromised in the same way as “Elbonia” is in this thought exercise.

[@mattparker9726]

I LOVE your channel, I'd like to hear your take on building a replica (modernized) of the USS Holland, and how you could make it applicable on the modern battlefield. Within a budget of course.

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

Would be beautiful. The Royal Navy submarine museum (www.nmrn.org.uk/visit-us/submarine-museum) has one, and the Swedish maritime museum at Karlskrona has a very similar boat. Modern applicability, close to zero

[@DarkRendition]

I absolutely love your content! Thanks for doing what you do! 💚💚💚💚

[@MeanBlueSpider]

A cold war RMCM/SS told me in NJROTC that the combined SSBN/SSN conversion project was called a "slow approach" instead of a "fast attack"

[@brucermarino]

With all these excellent ideas my taxes are going up! Thanks for another great video!

[@mmogaddict]

The only thing I wish you changed in your videos is your mic, it is rather hard to hear you clearly sometimes as the volume keeps dropping up and down.

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

It’s not a studio set up, just whatever I have to hand

[@Publius380a.C.]

amazing video, but the audio quality isn't quite at the level of the content. hate to be a ballbreaker, but buying a new microphone could be a great improvement.

[@pigletsdaddy3052]

Drach and/or Doc Clark for surface fleet? Scott Manley for space program (with Kerbal demos).

[@TheWhoFan4]

Any reactor that can't be shut down is just cruel. Shutdown reactors require less than half the number of watchstanders as a critical reactor. The poor sailors assigned to that reactor department would never be able to leave the boat.

[@blaydCA]

Emutopia can sell some converted riverine oil barges to Elbonia real cheap!

[@bodstrup]

Given our experience with Italian IC4 trains in Denmark - just leave the work to Ansalda-Breda - and sit back and watch 😅

[@garywhite2050]

I really want to watch this. Is there anyway you can re release it with clean audio?

[@lyledal]

I think that Elbonia, was created by Scott Adams (a totally awful person, but that's not relevant here) for his Dilbert comics series. That's the first reference I've ever seen to it. From the Wikipedia article: 'Elbonia is a fictional non-specific under-developed country used when Adams wants "to involve a foreign country without hurting overseas sales".'

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

Yes I think so, but these videos I am told originated with Hush Kit (not Forgotten Weapons as I believed)

[@charlesparr1611]

@@HISuttonCovertShores All I know is the video meme started years before I ever realized, until I had a reason to go search for 'elbonia weapons' in youtube search and realized it goes back over four years...

[@OffendingTheOffendable]

Is elbowia a disease?

[@martindice5424]

Check out Anamarchy and Lord Hard Thrasher on the Elbonian arms procurement process. This has become viral on KZbin- bloody good show!

[@bryanst.martin7134]

I remember the US MSR project could be started on Monday and shut down on Friday as easy and reliable as a Diesel. That seems to be the most intelligent lot of American engineers ever. They must have had heater coils outside the plumbing to liquify the salts prior to ignition. Maybe the salts wet out(liquify) faster than the Lead Bismuth?

[@williamsalati9851]

Ian's likeness appears on the banner adjacent to the Elbonian Typhoon. 😂

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

real poster there was lenin

[@peterzerfass4609]

"Elbonia" as the synonym for an inept nation originated from the Dilbert cartoons.

[@deckape714]

Please Place the Thanks button Mr, Sutton

[@JohnSmith-of2gu]

Wow 2024 is the year of Elbonia on youtube!

[@solutionless123]

Make sure to use the US DoD contracting process to ensure that everything is hyperexpensive and late

[@ryelor123]

Elbonia does benefit from having nice mud. Also, Elbonia isn't new. They've been around since at least the early 90s.

[@Br1cht]

Constructive criticism: your audio goes from quite good to some strange underwater muffled sound in a Doppler pattern. The underwater sound is keeping with the theme though.

[@GeneticDrifter]

An alternative is the Australian strategy. Spend a lot of money going around in circles and have no new submarine in sight.

[@lqr824]

13:01 I'm certain there are simple-enough ways to allow a lead-bismuth or other liquid metal reactor to heat up from solid. I don't know enough to say whether such workarounds would more than wipe out any advantages of the liquid metal, but we shouldn't say that just because the Soviets couldn't figure it out 60 years ago it's therefore an unsolvable problem.

[@Yandarval]

Elbonian Submarine grade hull steel would be an interesting twist. As its not exactly standard steel used elsewhere. Wreck the hull life and crush depth calcs. It would be nice if all the calcs were done using the imported subs. With the right steel and proper coatings for corrosion etc. Perfect place for a "bean counter" type spy.

[@nnglnd]

It was started in the Dilbert cartoon series.

[@shingnosis]

I think you're giving Elbonia far too much credit, it's originally from Dilbert and these guys can barely make a straw hut even if you pre-cut the straw for them. If we're going to give them a submarine it better not be anything more complicated than David Bushnell's 1776 Turtle.

[@shaunybonny688]

Ian in the Typhoon photo 😂😂😂

[@timothyedge6100]

Don’t know this guy, but I know Elbonia. Here we go!

[@M101K3]

"The French might be willing to help" when it comes to nuclear power has done so much good for the world!

[@jacobcastro1885]

The Elbonian Army wears IanPat camouflage? That's the only way this works.

[@billycampbell6446]

Some truly brilliant ideas for putting the Elbonian submarine development programme into some serious systems integration development hell here, with the mixing of platform and weapon systems and the mid design requirement changes! 😂

[@dubiousName]

Better than the Swiss Navy’s subs!

[@gafrers]

This is fantastic 👌👌

[@HISuttonCovertShores]

Thanks a lot 😊

[@moosesnWoop]

"great fun for a couple of hours" Ah the Elbonians

[@556MSL]

Thanks very important considerations. It took me a few years to figure out why people would read all of Samuel Pepy’s diary.

[@scottelaurant9747]

As an Emutopian taxpayer I am quite concerned about the similarities between this video and both the cancelled RAN Attack class submarined and the AUKUS plan which may require the RAN to simultaneously operate and maintain three separate classes (1 SSK, 2 SSN) from three separate supply chains.

[@danielmartin7838]

I had to look up the Elbonian thing…

[@dazaspc]

The blueprint for Albonian Navy Subs has already been done, Just look to Australia over the last 20 years....

[@PhilSallaway]

I think Elbonia was the creation of Dilberts …Scott Adam’s

[@wyattroncin941]

As an aspiring naval power, it is clear that the elbonian navy should invest in a fleet of nuclear powered submarines. However due to their small budget, they should invest in a small fleet, say 2 to 3 of each type, attack and ballistic missile. The shipyards lack the experience and expertise to build large submarines, so the will submit tenders for foreign built submarines, completing them locally to gain experience. In an act of fiscal genius, they should submit RFI to builders in both NATO and the communist sphere, druming up fierce competition for designs. Due to technological transfer restrictions and in support of Elbonia's fledgling nuclear research program, Elbonia with develop and provide their own sodium cooled reactor for the designs, so all the builders need to do is get the boats ready to be towed to elbonian shipyards for completion. As a result of this process, the elbonian navy will receive a trio of soviet built nuclear ballistic missile submarines, coupled with a pair of french nuclear attack submarines and a single US built sub, completed before the CIA got word of the soviet built subs (france was much more willing to introduce a potential ally to the cult of the bomb). The submarines use different weapons and sensor suites which require two entirely seperate trades to opperate, and foreign support for the systems will be limited if not entirely nonexistent. Lacking support and insufficient fleet size means that most of the time they have at best a single submarine of each type in sailable condition, and often see a deployable fleet of zero. When the subs are available to sail, they do so with the bare minimum of weapons, a crew of which half are trained on a completely different platform, and a constant echo at 15 NM off their port quarter. Oh, and a rythmic rattle coming from the #1 sodium pump. Might want to check in on that before the pump seal blows.

[@jonwesick2844]

Echoing a comment from another Elbonia video, this should be a DAU class.

[@themercer4972]

So basically what Canada does to its military.