Honest Relationship Q&A! | Melanie Murphy & Thomas

My boyfriend Thomas and I sat down to answer your questions on our long distance relationship and what we've learned now that we've passed our 1 year dating anniversary!
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If you're reading this comment a green love heart down in the comments!

[@amira222]

I think you found the one. Keep him forever.

[@inediblearrangement]

Some advice on not losing yourself in a relationship: 1. Have a strong sense of self going into relationships. 2. Tell your partner that this is something you're worried about! You can work together to have a fulfilling life together, but also a fulfilling life apart. 3. Tell your friends that you're worried about this, and that, if they notice you start to lose yourself, you want them to tell you. 4. Take up a hobby by yourself. 5. Therapy, therapy, therapy! I cannot recommend therapy enough, even if you don't think you 'need' it. 6. Journal regularly. Every once in a while, go back and read past entries -- can you still relate to that past version of yourself? 7. Just keep checking in with yourself, and trust your gut 😊

[@gracebuttery8802]

I think why people might be saying you've changed is because you're so much happier! Happiness radiates off you which you might have been less like that before, especially in videos that Thomas isn't in. I love you two together, you're amazing! 😍❤️

[@claudiajade624]

On the marriage thing, ppl also live a lot longer now. You could have an awesome, 20yr marriage with kids that ends up breaking down, but that doesn't mean u would regret that time. I always found myself thinking with my partner that if we broke up, this would still have been the best '1, 2, 3' years of my life. 8 years later, still going good 😊 and whilst I hope we are together forever, regardless it's been worth it ❤️

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Claudia Jade THIS ❤️

[@lynncrf]

Exactly right. And nobody regrets their kids.

[@lynncrf]

Exactly. That's part of why it's important for women to have kids *and* to raise them with love. If you don't have kids or are an abusive crappy parent you'll be all alone in your dotage.

[@claudiajade624]

Jake38nine whilst it's true that women are protected from some diseases (notably cardiac) prior to menopause, much of the discrepancy in average life expectancy is down to men dying younger from accidents, ie linked to higher risk-taking behaviour, as opposed to women living significantly longer. (And as a side note, in that respect I think we do care a lot about that, for example investing a lot of funds into reducing road fatalities)

[@lynncrf]

Women do have it great in western culture, and they are not denied equality of opportunity. The issue with divorce though is that while men do get screwed over in divorce court, BOTH men and women don't take marriage seriously. They give up so easily because western culture teaches people that life is all about personal satisfaction. It's not. First and second wave feminism were good, but third wave feminism over the past 30 years has been destroying the world since the 90s. Destroyed the family unit; destroyed million of innocent babies in abortion; and overall led to a decrease in morals.

[@smilewithmel]

Mel you are absolutely glowing in this video! I'm so happy you found someone as lovely as Thomas! You deserve it and I love that he supports your passions! ✨

[@josepha133]

Smile with Mel so true! She appears so happy :)

[@rubinahafeez5341]

I really like when Thomas said he knew he wanted a family but only with the right person. I feel like that too and it's surprising how so many people don't get that. They just do what they think they are supposed to do and end up settling to marry someone. I just can't do that bc it's unfair to bring kids into a family in less than ideal circumstances. Life is tough enough so both parents need to create a situation that will be the most beneficial for the child's development.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

100% agree! xxxxx

[@sadowskaphoto]

You guys are literally perfect for each other, you really are Like two people moulded into one but in a good way :D

[@acotscohotdog]

Oh my goodness, this made my heart so happy. I remember when my partner and I moved in together and the long distance was finally over...there's no words to describe that level of joy and gratitude. P.S. you're both so insanely good looking, my poor little bi heart can't take it.

[@KajaKurczewska]

I love how comfortable, loving and sweet you and Thomas are around each other. I will say I teared up a lot during the monthly vlogs which featured the ups and downs of a long distance relationship - I really appreciate how real and uncensored you're being about it. Especially when Thomas talks about communication and its vital importance in any relationship - it really struck a nerve with me as I'm just now realizing what toxic relationship I'm in and that I need to get out. Your story makes me hopeful about true love and how it happens just when you least expect it. G'wan Melly and Thomas- wishing you both a lifetime of happiness together. Love from Switzerland! 💚

[@yanad6980]

I do hope you did get out of your toxic relationships!!

[@anyatrepachko2781]

So happy for you guys! The moment of realizing that long distance relationship is over is so AMAZING! We "dated" for 2 years via only letters, messengers and Skype because we were not only in different countries but on different continents. Now we've been married for almost 5 years and even though it's not always smooth, waiting for those 2 years was all worth it. You are absolutely right, you need some other things going on with your life, lots of trust, patience and firm belief that one day you will be together forever :)

[@leslie-anndiaz7397]

Anya Trepachko I could relate!!! 😃

[@laurengilbo1304]

i'm obsessed with you two! Your laughs are contagious, I'm so happy for you both 💚

[@aromancandle]

I've been alone for a very long time, and just recently, I had been taking care of my mom for a year because she had cancer and eventually succumbed to her illness in January. I still have hope that I'll find someone but watching this video is just so refreshing and honest and it does give me a bit more hope. You two are adorable together!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

aromancandle I am so very sorry to hear about your mom but goodness she was a lucky lady to have you there for her, so many people have nobody! I believe you will find an AMAZING person simply because you yourself sound amazing and like attracts like ❤️❤️❤️

[@lilithbowtie8765]

He seems incredibly nice, kind and caring. And the dynamic of your relationship seems wonderful. I'm so happy that you're happy, Mel. Wish you two nothing but the best 💛

[@sushmabhandarkar1700]

EVERYONE NEEDS A THOMAS AND MELANIE IN THEIR LIFE. 😍😍😁😭👰🤵🙌

[@lynncrf]

I am circa 10-15 years older than most of your audience, but I do have some advice gleaned from that. So many people say they don't want to get married or have kids, but both are well worth it. My parents died young so I literally sat beside them as they died, as did all my siblings. Watching your mother die over three weeks in a hospital certainly teaches you a lot about life. And family is everything. Your kids are your blood and the way you raise them can literally change the world, as they will be so powerfully influenced by everything you show and teach them. Plus, when you are 80, you will likely be very lonely if you don't have kids. I recall my SIL saying that to me when she was younger and I thought she was talking nonsense. Now I realise exactly what she meant. We literally never left my mam or Dad's side when they were dying. Plus, our parents live on in us in terms of physical characteristics and personality traits. Also, because I have experienced so much death I want kids so I always have a part of my husband if he goes before me. Again, those who have never lost parents can't relate to this POV. Most of my friends don't even consider the fact that their partners might die someday. As for marriage it not only brings the possibility of children, but it offers security and stability in a way that ordinary relationships don't. Best thing I ever did! Please no hate on this comment. I am 38 and infertile. Due to illness, I could not try for kids during my late 20s and early 30s when I would have had more of a chance, so I am just trying to pass on my wisdom to young people who perhaps believe the lies in western culture that marriage and kids are over rated and too much hassle, and that we are overpopulated. Many parts of Europe have a negative replacement rate, which is why governments keep raising the pension age. Peace.

[@2trickyvicky]

It's nice to see a deeper side to Thomas. I hope your relationship continues to flourish xx

[@siriusdepp]

I appreciate you all talking about overcoming past toxic relationships. It takes a lot on both sides to do that, and seeing you all succeed is so reassuring to many. Thanks! 💚💚💚

[@lenaschneider6987]

You are such pure people. So open minded, kind and loving. Thanks for sharing your advice 💚

[@marthelea]

You two make me smile so much! Thanks for bringing smiles to my day and reminding me a lot of my boyfriend and I (and our own situation). Together for over four years now, doing some temporary long distance a few months this year and the next, but also living together for some of the months. It's just wonderful! And I want to say that when you're apart for periods of time, it really makes you appreciate that other human so much more than you thought were possible.

[@dianadorme]

you are so cute together! I've been in a long distance relationship for about seven months and it's really hard but I hope to live in the same place with my partner soon ♥

[@punklikedrug]

I came to your channel crying for not seeing my girlfriend in a month and I found exactly what I needed. I always find what I need when I need it in your channel, thanks Mel. Love you.

[@jas88cam]

Phew, that was a tense moment- it’s just the long distance that’s over not the whole relationship! Congratulations on making it, you two, hope everything keeps going well for you. My LDR didn’t make it through this summer, I’m happy yours did!

[@danielaklimesova5327]

Hi Melanie, I just wanted to say that I usually never tend to enjoy q&a's because I feel like youtubers don't try hard enough to think their answers through and just say whatever comes to their mind first and that's why I really appreciate this one cause you and Thomas really gave those questions a thought and kinda talked about each topic in a larger context which I think helps us viewers to really understand and take the message out of it and that's what matters most right? So thank you for that, love you! ❤

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Daniela Klimešová awww I am so happy you liked the long answers! xxxxx

[@LisaNicoleStevens]

I just Cheshire cat smiled at the screen through the whole of this video

[@ellisommer4491]

This is just amazing. I really have a hard time believing in relationship, just love being single, but stuff like that makes me feel like maybe it could be nice to have something like that someday:)

[@BridgetRavens]

Melanie my heart warms at the sight of you two so happy and in love!!! Your joy just comes through the screen. Also! Hehe since we subscribers are one big famely... I wanna let yas know I had a wee date with a lady recently hehe. Summer lovin! Love you Mel 😻💚💚💚

[@stefsj9511]

I love seeing both of you so happy! Wish you all the love, health, and happiness in this new chapter of your relationship 💚

[@eldaily1173]

You two are so cute, it just kills me!! I love it!! You just both seem like such sweet and positive people and it’s lovely that you’ve found each other. I love seeing Love and happiness in the crazy world!

[@MRJarwson]

I do agree that you act differently since being with Thomas, you're more confident and happier 💚 (Was that too cheesy?)

[@amberjadeharding3241]

At the start of the year I was commenting about leaving a bad relationship, and now I've found my very own Thomas. we've only know each other 3 months and already know we will get married one day. There is a perfect match out there for everyone never settle for anyone less than amazing for you!

[@qshannon4791]

“baby that was a nice kiss” MY HEART Melanie you are so cute 💚💚💚

[@olgaafanasyeva8976]

Every time I look at you, I always crack a smile 😊 you are so harmonious, happy and loving with each other. I hope you stay like this forever ❤️ And you know what, Melanie, he is so caring about you - it’s priceless. I’m glad you have it in your relationship

[@amberdodson4619]

Doing long distance from California to England and have been for the past year and a half and you guys make me so happy and give me so much hope!! So so so happy for you guys xxx

[@ibreathemusic3]

Amber Dodson My now husband and I dated long distance for a couple years from Seattle to Northern Ireland. It does work if it’s meant to!

[@amberdodson4619]

Aw bless!! I sure hope it'll work out for us like you guys X

[@ebsalonga]

As a guy, I can relate with Thomas with being independent indefinitely yet somehow seeing myself in the long term with someone else. I agree that finding someone with a lot of similarities, and the most important similarities that is, really helps in the success of the relationship. Melanie, you’ve found the one who just isn’t into half-arsing things and that trait is crucial to succeeding in life. More power to you two!

[@emmadalby3638]

Myself and my boyfriend have just started 2 years of long distance (if all goes to plan) pretty early into our relationship. It’s not the longest of distances, we’re both still in England, but far enough that it’s too far to go for a day. But seeing you two cope so well has made me feel so much more confident about how I’m gonna cope! The having nothing else to do thing is hitting me right now cause he’s graduated and started working whereas I’m on summer break, but I start my uni placement in September so know that’ll help a lot! You guys are fab, so cute together 💚💚💚

[@courtney702]

You guys have the kind of dynamic I'd love to have with someone one day!! So happy for you two!

[@RolyWestYT]

You're both so perfect for each other and it makes me so happy to see how happy you are love

[@belleoftheeball]

Your videos with Thomas always make me laugh so much!! And I love seeing you so happy too! 😭❤️💚

[@chlolouwil95]

LOVE this. Myself and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and knew each other for a year or two before dating from uni. He's from the USA and I'm in the UK, but we got engaged a couple months ago and I'll be emigrating over there before the end of the year! People dismiss long-term relationships very fast, especially those that move "quickly". But everyone has their own pace, and I feel like they LTR's force you to really truly get to know the other person inside and out so you don't feel as distant from them. We've only had 5 trips to visit each other over the year, but we talk up to 2 hours a day on the phone, so you very quickly find things to occupy your time which also gives you more to talk about and bond over *essay over*

[@taranashah3973]

We have this thing in India.. where when we tease a couple about their future babies, we join their names together! So, Melanie + Thomas = Baby Thonie, Baby Melmas? Don't hate me hehe, just something peachy. Love you Mel 💚

[@alais2520]

I enjoyed this video sooo much because you've dealt with REAL couple life topics which are very relatable, managing to keep it always fun 😍 This is the kind of content I love. By the way, you and Thomas look amazing together! The love, chemistry and compatibility are too evident not to be seen! Wish you two a bright future! Have a good day 😊

[@foreverjoanie21]

Commenting before I've even watched the video because you guys seem so in LOVE!!! and it makes me so happy to watch! Thank you for sharing xoxo

[@BamblingsofNaffy]

You guys are absolutely adorable

[@payaljoshi1551]

The last answer was so comforting and it was something i really needed to hear. I would constantly put myself down cuz everyone I knew was dating and I wasn't and it just takes a negative toll.I did try to put myself out there but for the wrong reasons. I guess all I needed to hear was take up new hobbies and be happy all by myself first. Also you two are fucking beautiful and both of your take on relationship advices is amazing.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Payal Joshi 💚💚💚💚💚😭😭💚💚💚🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@payaljoshi1551]

Melanie Murphy DAMN you replied gosh ilysm

[@johnorr8812]

You 2 are awesome! I wish you a long happy relationship- Remember on 'trust issues'- like any couple you 2 are together because you choose to be together. Not because there is anything either of you can do to 'make' the other one be with you. It is a choice to be together. Trust in that choice. Choose Love.

[@a3b33dubs]

You two have such great chemistry. I have the biggest smile on my face watching you guys together!

[@ashleyelizabeth90]

Coming out of a toxic relationship is so hard especially when you become codependent and stuff. But its awesome i wish a lot of people were like Thomas and patient

[@charlotteharrington3821]

Just as I thought “I need a Melanie video”😍relieves all stress❤️

[@clodaghw5710]

"You didn't believe in true love!" "You didn't either!" 😂😂😂

[@waterbender19]

aw they're like best friends. they are so much their own people but they come together so well ahhhh so cute

[@coolcatcarolena4951]

You 2 are perfect 4 each other 💕I want a man to kiss me like THAT! #RelationshipGoals

[@lulac.3293]

JESUS! For a second I thought you guys had broke up and I lost it. Thank God. I wish you both the best , you are lovely people 💚

[@ShannalovesBieber98]

Okay I'm only 15 mins in the video and I'm already having a blast and being like awhh they so cute and happy. I hope I can find my person just as you have. Shine bright Melanie, and your vids have really helped me come to terms with bisexuality. I just want to say thank you for being an amazing influencer :) Lots of love to you and Thomas.

[@stineegeberg1338]

This is honestly SO cute and heartwarming! I think I’ve found true love myself now, so to watch you in love too makes me doubly happy ❤️

[@DaniellaSushi]

i'm so happy for you guys! you complete each other i'm obsessed with watching you (not in a creepy way i promise) xxx 💚

[@geaninette5592]

Thomas is amazing!! happy u two are happy!!!

[@MrsCScraps]

You & Thomas Are So Perfect For Eachother! Your Videos Together Are My Fave.. Can't Wait To See What The Future Has In Store For You Both! Xo

[@caitlinmccoll2354]

I used to have the worst insomnia and typically went to bed around 4am, but my man wakes up early and sleeps early, so I gradually started sleeping earlier and earlier to go to bed with him. Now I get a good 8-9 hours a night and I’ve never felt better 😍😴

[@dianaalvarezrocha5557]

Why are you two so adorable? Your love destroys me and glues me back together everytime 💚 thank you for sharing this part of your life with us, and thank you for putting a lot of thought into your answers.

[@TheBookfrog]

The two of you seem to be such a loving and happy couple- I am really happy for both of you. :)

[@sineadmc1990]

I do that 90 granny thing too 😂😂😂 and now my boyfriend does it too... irish thing maybe?! 🙈😂

[@caitrionamurp]

The two of you just make my heart feel so warm and fuzzy ☺️ 💚

[@morguemorgan1991]

I’m busy working on my Masters in History. And I’ve been saving this video as a treat. I told myself that I had to write 15 pages before I could watch this. AND I WROTE 15 pages and now I’m here! Mel you are the very best. You are so magical. ❤️ My partner is bisexual, and your videos have really helped me to understand from the other perspective. Which has been so beneficial to our relationship. And as cheesy as it sounds, to not feel ‘threatened’ by the other sex. Love is love so I’m sending all my love from South Africa xx

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

awww this comment made me smile so so SO much! xxxx

[@galenc1a]

Yay, I am so happy for you guys! Looking forward to settling in and watch this! :D Edit: Lovely, lovely video! Very insightful answers to the questions! 💚💚💚💚💚

[@panicatthehippo3660]

Oh my gosh you two look so happy together!!! OTP

[@sophiesrambles6468]

Melanie, thank you for uploading this video 💚. It couldn’t have come at a better time for me, my long term boyfriend is moving away to France for four months for a job, and I’m finding it so hard to deal with the concept of long distance (due to past experiences). I’ve been a viewer for such a long time (a silent one, I rarely comment on videos lol), and I’ve enjoyed so much seeing your relationship progress, and seeing both your struggles and your happiness during long distance has helped me so much. Love you and your channel a lot 💚

[@MrHollyWJ]

Awww at the start of everything! So cute, wish you the best for the start of your relationship, I was 24 months long distance with mine :) x

[@amannyelattal5695]

You two are so epically perfect together, it's almost disgusting. (Sarcasm, I love you both) 😊🐇💚

[@mella4417]

Seeing you two look at each other the way you do just melts my heart :)

[@ComicChicken3]

I heard that in your generaltional line divorce is less likely. Love your videos.

[@catsandstrawberries]

Omg you two are adorable and so funny 😂😂 Thanks for modelling a healthy relationship!! 😊

[@steph6796]

You two are so cute. Been with my girlfriend for about 8 months and your love for each other reminds me of my gf and I. I wish yous all the best 😊💚

[@leslie-anndiaz7397]

I think Its ok to be "girly-girly" sometimes when your man is around, as long as you are not being pretentious. It might sound cliché,but its absolutely true that our significant others help us to bring out the best version of ourselves. No matter if you become overly bubbly,painfully cheesy or suddenly you feel like you want to be a seductress in front of him. Always enjoy being inlove.❤

[@zerinagreen3599]

And now they're married and Mel is having a bubba how times have changed ☺️💚

[@firefly24601]

That whole "movies only show the honeymoon period" is exactly why I like Into The Woods. Not a SUPER fan of Sondheim, but I do like seeing the results and aftermath of fairy tale romances.

[@Jo-qw2xr]

Firefly 24601 the musical?

[@charlottedawson6166]

you both make me so happy, seeing you both together and being so happy in each other’s company is just heart warming, i’ve been very ill lately and your videos take my mind away from it all, i’m so happy you’ve found love!❣️

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I really hope you feel better soon, I wish I could give you a big hug! xxxxx thank you for being so lovely!

[@deborahr2236]

That man is a keeper ❤️❤️ lovely couple x

[@caitlin7311]

I hope if I get in a relationship that it will be as open and honest as your guy's. You are so cute and happy! Love you! ❤️

[@ohio_nights]

I really like this guy. He seems so genuine.

[@dorianspicelatte]

you guys are GOOOAALS 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

[@kimberlyvandeputte1818]

Loved this video! My boyfriend also makes the old woman noises when he moves around :D I used to think it was annoying but now I think it's kinda cute :D 💚

[@emilylindsay4853]

I am living for this content! I am already a bit of a gushy romantic (despite being perpetually single haha), but this just confirms my belief in love!

[@InshasChoice]

Your sense of humor 😂😭 got me in tears

[@stefaniawelvaert7063]

Oooooh god 😍 you 2 are adorable xxxx so happy to see you happy 😘 lots of love girl xxx

[@lucyfleming4772]

Love your videos Melanie! This one was particularly interesting. You are the only youtuber that I ALWAYS watch! So yeah massive appreciation 🙌 woo keep doing you X

[@LiviLaree]

I can't believe this!!! I am so happy you put this out, because I literally just met the most amazing human on holiday and traveled around with them for weeks to different cities in the US. He lives in Holland tho and I live in Chicago v.v not sure how it will turn out but this makes me relax a bit knowing it is possible. He has been away for a week now, and I am trying not to worry about it .-.

[@mirandamarvin6489]

I love you two together so much; I aspire to have a relationship as happy and full of laughter as yours 💚 Can’t wait to see what your future together brings xxx

[@henne8890]

You're so similar to me and my boyfriend 😇

[@MayaMaya-ru4rx]

i hate watching happy couples cuz i get jelly but yall r SO FREAKING CUTE I LOVE YALL N AM JELLY BUT LIKE HAPPY JELLY CUX LOVEEEEEEEEEEE

[@liz-tastic.]

NEVER BEEN THIS EARLY HOT DAMN 💚 so excited for this video, and for you guys to finally be together everyday

[@rebeccaz.8615]

Ohmygod MELANIE you inspiring human! Congrats you two lovelies💚💚 you've become such relationship role models for me I'm glad to know you can have a healthy, happy realtionship even if you've got all the baggage 🤗

[@bonshannonvoyage]

my absolute favourites 💚💚

[@essa2956]

I think that the biggest reason to why people might change in a healthy relationship is that they might become more happy. I know that’s what happened to me in my relationship I’m in with my girlfriend. I also think that you might feel more safe because you feel loved. Once again: as long as the relationship is healthy. This might also be easy for me to say because I have a really good idea of who I am. I knew this even before me and my girlfriend got together.

[@android659]

I had a smile on my face for this entire video. You are both so infectious 😍

[@XwhatshesaidX]

I'm ALWAYS getting my boyfriends eyelashes!

[@ameliesdiary9249]

You both are so funny and so amazingly cute together!!!

[@cassandrang687]

OMG THE TITLE ALONE MADE ME HAPPY AHHHHH

[@MathandMakeup]

I actually really enjoyed this!!!!! omg it was refreshing. you two seem like you're on the same wavelength for sure!!! LOL when he said i'm jamie lannister....i died. that is amazing lol :)

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

MathandMakeup 😂😂😂😂😂💚

[@pixiie666]

I love the chemistry you guys have together ☺️😘 both so funny too aha

[@lolafiiona7014]

Watching this just after your official wedding in 2022 😍 beautiful couple.