Resisting the Narcissist's Hoovering

[@samann9]

No response is the best response

[@sharhughes1086]

It's unbelievable how they return to the scene of the crime like nothing never transpired between you and them, The Monster been trying to re engage me because it's been a Year and 4 Months Everytime that creature comes around he gets ignored and I mean like he never existed like he did me, you have to keep your mind set on what they did and how it made you feel, I went No Contact like a Boss and never looked back, if anyone is struggling with the No Contact remember how the creature left you for Dead that will remind you that you matter and you Love you!

[@teetrustyah1849]

Girl you better tell us how it's done🤗😄

[@givegodthanks]

@@teetrustyah1849 its simple go no contact, irs hard but you have to block everything about them and cut off friends or family that takes there side. Usually they come back to hoover and you feel good rejecting them. But dont check up on anything they do out of site out of mind.

[@teetrustyah1849]

Rosey I have gone no contact at the beginning of 2020 I have I have not looked back since I'm telling you the Most High God has truly healed me and help me through this process he is blocked he tried calling me last week but it didn't go through cuz he's block I don't have anything to say to him he don't have anything to say to me we was married he wanted a divorce we got a divorce and there is nothing else to talk about God has healed me and delivered me so I praise him for he is worthy to be praised hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah!!!!!!🤗🤗🤗💖

[@SongofaBeach2012]

I love how you refer to him as "The Creature" lol I'm going to start mentally referring to my ex narc in that way. Respect ✊

[@Annie-vt2ub]

Get it, girlfriend!

[@della3793]

Just knowing because of their disorder that they're incapable of real love and only live for supply is enough for me to reject a Hoover. Narc No-love can go elsewhere.

[@andymath89]

I now laugh whenever the narc tries to hoover. "Oh, look! Poor thing is desperate!" hahaha

[@Eg-jd9zt]

It’s so true their attempts are so ridiculous. Like wow someone is thirsty and straight out of options right now lol

[@alinaterinte8955]

😂😂😂

[@ButterflyEffect85]

😆🙌💚

[@Theinsomniac826]

He is hoovering now. The reason is exactly 1 year ago I stopped talking to him. He is sending books to my house. Book #3 arrived last night. I did not call/text him. I am taking the books to the book seller store, selling them and putting that cash toward my mortgage. NO CONTACT FOR LIFE! 😌 Thank you, Meredith. You look so good! Your arms look fabulous 💪

[@InnerIntegration]

Great idea to deal with the books (and hoovering gifts in general)!

[@makisnerantzis8427]

No contact forever!!!

[@jessicam3373]

Hahahahaha!!!! Love this!

[@Theinsomniac826]

@@jessicam3373 😉😉😉❤

[@Theinsomniac826]

@@InnerIntegration 😁😁😁❤

[@Jasmin96961]

I am so thankful to you for making these videos. My ex would bombard me with hundreds of calls texts and messages threatening to post my naked pictures, defame me and kill me. I lost 10 pounds because whenever I hear my phone beep my stomach would drop. I am stupid for not spotting red flags earlier. Ladies, please be careful, people are dangerous.

[@InnerIntegration]

You’re not stupid! You didn’t know better then. But you do know now and that’s the most important part because it’s empowering!

[@Jasmin96961]

@@InnerIntegration thank you very much. I feel much better now because whenever he harasses me I have nowhere to go. Police won't do anything. Friends don't understand me and one of my friends actually told me:"Wow he really is crazy about you. If he gets this jealous and this mad he is definitely burning in love. You should marry him because nobody will love you this much". Thank you for sharing such life-saving information and your wisdom 🙏❤

[@Overthetop242]

Sorry that happened to you... but it is not only Ladies that get targeted. The number of women abusers is astounding.

[@10outof10x]

Damn, girl. Your arm game is strong 💪 😍

[@MsKK909]

My ex tried to hoover me by phone... His opening volley was, “We had so many good times...I would rather remember just the good times.” My answer? “But if we forget the bad times, we don’t learn anything, do we?” CLICK!!! I honestly have no idea where I got that... maybe from my guardian angel? Feel free to use it... it feels great! You’re welcome 😊

[@lynnxu4146]

Got the same texts, teary chats on phone, and texts of old photos "just wanted to share the good times we had"

[@MsKK909]

@@lynnxu4146 Be careful, love....true No Contact should never progress as far as having a “chat”... the longer you interact with a Narc, the more narcgasms you will be giving and the more he win stay around to play mind games on you. . And how can you be receiving photos if you have the Narc blocked? Block all avenues of communication, return snail mail unopened-, “return to sender”, block all social media, block any and all flying monkeys and if you have a LAN line, block that as well... more difficult to do, but it can be done. For me, blocking the flying monkeys was the hardest part... a few of his flying monkeys were people with whom I really wanted to stay in touch on FB... they just would not take the obvious hints I was giving...(such as deleting their questions and statements on FB).. so I blocked them as well. And do not explain why you are not receptive to questions from or news of the Narc.... that’s talking about him and talking about him give him a hit off the old Narc pipe. If his flying monkeys don’t take your obvious hints, they don’t deserve an explanation. You must be as cruel with No Contact Rule as he was to you. Forget “remaining friends”.... he wasn’t your friend when he had you, why start now? The cut must be surgical and complete.

[@PaperMario64]

I just got the “I miss you”. And I just set myself back a few months.

[@vishmael1028]

You are absolutely right! I am being hoovered and it is hard. It’s so funny how easy it is for us to forget how nasty they really are in that moment just to realize later that they have not changed. The Narcissist that I was seeing sent a message to me stating that i “needed to take today off so that we can go on his family outing”.. I went no contact about 3 weeks ago. I made the mistake of telling him no that I had other plans and won’t be able to make it. I should have not said anything at all. He will probably try again but this time will be no contact

[@vishmael1028]

E Rock Thank you! So encouraging to know.

[@totf6359]

Don’t take the bait!

[@vishmael1028]

Diva R Yes I agree. I have since blocked his number. I cant change my number because too many people that need to have it need it and its too much to change and then share. I trust all of these people because much of it is family or business. Again this is very difficult for me and I am not going to lie. I have deal with where i truly stand in order to get myself through this. I appreciate all of the feedback because it is very helpful. Thank you so much Diva and if you have any other advise please share.

[@bellestarre8589]

@@vishmael1028 Write down everything the narcissist has done to you in a journal like Meredith advises. I started writing in a journal 3 months ago. I couldn't believe all of the horrible things my ex-narc did to me over the 18 years I was with him. I had forgotten all the bad things. Always pined over the good times until I started writing. It has been so therapeutic & justifies why I haven't seen him in 9 months & went complete no contact for 3 months. Note, the complete NO CONTACT for me began when I started writing. I also stopped talking to him on the phone where he made all his saccharin - laden hoovering attempts. It's amazing how everyday, I am triggered by another memory by a horrible event this man did to me. I then write it down in my journal. Since I've been by myself, & he isn't around, my thoughts automatically conjure up these bad memories. Whenever you start pining for him, read the list & I'm sure while reading the list, more bad memories will be triggered. Write them down & read them. It is difficult, but anything worth working for is difficult. You're happiness is the goal. We can do this. YOU can do this, Victoria ! All the best to you !

[@vishmael1028]

Belle Apodaca Thank you so much!!! So encouraging!!! The best to you Also!

[@justhereforagoodtime88]

Cant believe you're 40 you look great and you have youthful energy:)

[@ripshannon]

Wtf she looks like shes in her 30s, shes so gorgeous!

[@harlemosaurus8852]

No way!! I thought she was in her 20s!!

[@wonderwoman8970]

Forty is young.

[@jonsmith8083]

Shannon yeah right

[@user-eu2me4bp7j]

She looks in her 40s to me

[@makisnerantzis8427]

I hope she won't dare to hoover again.I am tired of this sick game...divorce papers is on the way.I am cutting soul ties and healing day by day Thanks for your priceless advice.☺

[@yvetteramos730]

I can vouch that the stress of being in any kind of abuse can trigger illness I was recently diagnosed with lupus ( an autoimmune system disease ) and hyperthyroid problems, my hormones are all out of whack and my body has turned against me. No one in my family has this disease. But I have suffered and survived 30 years of sexual physical and emotional abuse the constant stress has caused me to completely break down. I am in the process of escaping my covert narcissist husband and your videos are so amazing, educational, inspiring and refreshing! Thank you so much for what you do.

[@elizabethsaville8969]

The sweetener that’s actually a neurotoxin. 🙌

[@cynthiayakushev3482]

Absolutely digestive issues!! For 4 days after learning new narc recovery knowledge, my body would not stop releasing crud. I had to begin juicing to help what the body began doing on its own. I feel more mental clarity from drinking more distilled water and supporting the body with more rest. The body is like a beacon of light calling a ship in distress.

[@InnerIntegration]

💯

[@thelight2696]

Recently, I met a man who was so fluent about narcisisim and it threw red flags up. He was highly self centered and knowledgable which might come off as self confidence initially. I felt naseuos, sleepy, withdrawn and ungrounded. My body came to the rescue like a good hound dog tracking a scent. Although many in this circle of people may not share the same experience, I follow my intuiton and keep a wide berth. Thanks Meredith.

[@JimKJeffries]

You only fell in love with them because they reflected back to you your best. I wrote letters to myself just walking out my thoughts of the moment, and set it aside. Once I was no contact, I picked them up and read them. Not 1 of them, every time I thought I missed them I read all of them. Focus on being you, being healthy, honest, best protection from the monsters I have found is give your best in everything, don't hide, take responsibility (more than is comfortable). You don't need to be perfect, just progress, and know you are loved.

[@brandynicjones]

The narc told me and I quote “ Brandy I have been such a fool” mind you this is the explanation he used for abandoning myself and his 2 children over 15 years ago. I asked well why did you discard your children like this? He replied, “ because wasn’t no time and I was busy doing stuff for other people” What a joke, I wish this would of been around 20 years ago. I would totally be a different person. Thank you so much Meredith these videos are life changing !

[@InnerIntegration]

Those are the moments when you can think to yourself, “mmmhmmm you sure were a fool!! And that’s still not getting you back in my life!”

[@clairelariviere111]

I'm sorry to hear of your heart situation Meredith. I as well developed a life threatening heart condition after a lifetime of stress from difficult people. As we get older our bodies become less able to overcome. It's taken me til my fifties to finally honour my body responses. Thanks for all that you do.

[@InnerIntegration]

Unfortunately the later we figure it out about the toxic people and put No Contact in place, major damage has been already done and a lot still needs to be resolved internally. I’ve only been No Contact with my original abuser for 1.5 years. So that was over 38 years of exposure to her (plus others) and I would say most of the first year of No Contact with her I was still feeling the residual emotional affects and working on eradicating that from my being. What most people don’t realize is how your mind can’t tell the difference between what’s “really” happening and what you’re imagining/remembering so the body reacts as if it’s actually happening (ie: the 4F Stress States). So the abusers can still have a negative effect on our health even when they’re no longer in our life. This is why it’s so important to keep doing the inner work.

[@ormorphe]

Same situation for me as well. I flush my meridians a la Donna Eden, I accurately muscle response test for my bio-individually good foods, supplements etc and EFT. All help but the damage has been done. FYI, I learned I have genetically thick blood and I personally use turmeric and cayenne and hawthorn berry well. Traditional herbs for women are also blood thickeners so know how YOU respond. Best wishes

[@meredithalbion3721]

I really needed this today. My "good girl" guilt is quite often tripped through NPD's hoovering. You are right--our lives can be at stake from this kind of manipulation and abuse.

[@Brozafan]

Thank you so much for reminding me to laugh. Not always easy.

[@samire.tarcheh9651]

I have a lot to comment on this topic but I’m not so sure about the privacy on KZbin so I’m gonna abstain. But it’s so unfair that the empaths end up with all kinds of diseases and the narc lives happily ever after, like nothing has happened. As for the video, it is great as usual and you’re looking great Meredith! Hugs from Sweden

[@marketa7752]

@Diva R I agree

[@going-easy]

Happy narc? Huge contradiction🐍😊

[@Eg-jd9zt]

They aren’t happy they are the most miserable cynical people alive lol. They are living in a pathetic existence bc they can’t be alone and need constant attention from people bc they are an empty black hole. My ex narc and I ended and he had another supply and they got together and broke up like 3 times in 2 months and now he hoovered me. Lolol. I felt bad for his new victim and even funnier he thinks I’m going to jump back in for more abuse like I forgot the horrid things he did. Right 👍🏼

[@morningsong8077]

My dad is a raging Narc. Two years ago, he lost my mom to Alzheimer’s (he literally drove her out of her mind). He has lost my brothers and me (except an occasional check-in) to his boorish behavior. The only sibling that keeps going back is my sister. He has A-Fib, a heart condition. Each time I call to check on him, he talks incessantly about his “friends” and how great they are. He cries every time, because he knows he’s lying to me, as well as to himself. His life is miserable. Of course, he blames it on everyone and everything else. He’s living in a hell of his own creation! The same will be true for my husband who is a narc. When he realizes that he’s all alone, it will be hell. All of his “friends” are only contacted when he has a use for them. Otherwise, he keeps to himself. They have probably already figured out his patterns. He’s made prisoners out of the kids and me for far too long. His latest threat is that he “has the power” to stop us from going out to church. I have news for him - we belong to the Most High God, not to him! There will be a jail-break soon! Misery and loneliness will be his only companions.

[@lakeishahrome]

They are not happy. They have experience extreme internal turmoil and definitely suffer health wise.

[@Finnlady77]

Thank you, Meredith! It's so dangerous how your mind and body are affected by narcissistic abuse. Thank you for speaking about it! ❤

[@InnerIntegration]

I’m gonna do another video specifically on that topic as I unravel more insight.

[@Finnlady77]

@@InnerIntegration Great! Thank you! I also had weird symptoms after years of narcissistic abuse like my body and mind didn't work together anymore. It was like an airplane's autopilot starts to shut down. You don't even know how to walk anymore.

[@amwil4980]

@@InnerIntegration I have 2 kids And no money No family I don't know what to do

[@mariefricchione437]

I’ll pray -you get to a priest or therapist. Ok!❣️

[@ripshannon]

I was doing so well for 9 months and I went back to him for a week, but I realized so quickly because of your videos..I thought he changed because he stopped doing opiates but that wasn't the issue..idk why I thought it was the drugs and not him but I'm loving myself again and making this comment as a reminder that he. is. not. meant. for. me.

[@sunowl5301]

Holy your timing is epic as usual! I literally just dodged a hoover attempt!! Haven’t even watched the video yet but I’m sure it’ll be everything I need to hear right now!! Thank you in advance! 💕💕💕

[@Sandra.B]

OMG, I developed heart arrithmia since 2011 and I always thought it was because of pulling away from this guy, I always thought I developed an addiction and anything related to this guy has caused me massive anxiety. Now after 10 years of not knowing from him, he came back talking all those sweet things. I fell for it, his hoovering, then he devalued me and discarded me and he is now with a 3rd party. He totally broke my heart. My arrithmias have gone worse but I went no contact and started a treatment with magnetism, my nervous system was a wreck I'm still working on recovering, sometimes I still cry about what could have been and never was, but also realise it was doomed because of his narcissism... You have to stay away from toxic people, not only partners but also friends, it will really take a toll on your health. I've learned more from this videos than attendind therapy. Thanks so much Meredith ♥️

[@divinelyminded4315]

I literally get sick to my stomach every time I entertain the thought of giving this another chance. I literally could jump off the bridge it makes me so creeped out that I have the compromise everything that makes me happy and he compromises absolutely nothing. I am so proud of myself it's been a long Journey and am just now starting to listen to all your videos. I just have a Head Start

[@daniellepugh3901]

I just want to say thank you!!!! Your videos have been the most helpful in my process of getting over narcissistic abuse so far.. every time I find myself thinking about him and the relationship, I watch your videos and it reminds me of what I was really dealing with. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was trapped in a trauma bond and had no knowledge of NPD or any of this. I could NOT understand why I was addicted to him like a drug. Now, I'm working on getting over my fear of abandonment so that I don't attract losers like him in the first place. Thank you!!!!!

[@jlroussin]

I had a friend who was manipulative and disrespectful. I ran into her today in public 2 years after I ended the friendship and blocked her. She tried to Hoover. Saying she wanted to buy one of my paintings, she has been thinking about me, she missed me blah blah blah. I was just very cool calm and distant. I didn’t engage. I’m not falling for that stuff.

[@victorlatimer9421]

My narc tried to contact me after I've been no contact 6 months now.. I don't intend to ever respond. Block them out of everything and keep healing. Thanks for all of the great advice Meredith.

[@jj-yf4qf]

I haven't been reading the emails from my nex for a while but now I've finally blocked him. Felt great!!

[@InnerIntegration]

Great job!!

[@mandyg5747]

Took me a while to get what 'nex' meant but it made me laugh when I did :-)

[@tayashley3539]

Ive done some blocking. Im starting to feel like blocking is a form of reaponse. For instance on Instagram... I keep getting a request from a previous, and if I remove it, deny it, whatever.. they do find out and it keeps them prying at you in little suttle ways. Different platforms are different. Ive blocked ppl and theyve still been able to send messages thru facebook; to a folder where non-friended ppl's messages go. On instagram they know if theyve been blocked. Thats a bit of fuel. They will be able to re-request you if you remove the request.

[@chriseleuterius]

Incredible video, especially the timing. The spring is ripe with potential hoovers. Thank you Meredith.

[@chriseleuterius]

Btw...you dont look 40. I thought you were maybe in your late 20s.

[@ariannamarchionne7659]

Meredith, I am so sorry to hear about your heart condition. I believe our culture underestimates the consequences of chronic emotional stress on our bodies, and that is so dangerous... when I was with one of my exes, which I believe was a psycopath, I started to experience difficulty forming thoughts and expressing them verbally. All of a sudden, it became hard for me to even form simple sentences. My mind was constantly ruminating, thinking about what he had done to me and why etc, so I was never in the present moment. Perhaps it was that disconnection that, on the long term, created that speech issue. It was only after months of no contact, that I started to feel better: the flashbacks and ruminating became less and less present, and slowly my speaking abilities came back. It was so scary -sometimes I thought I would never recover. It is so sad to hear that what you have experienced is still harming you. I hope you will soon fully recover. I send you all of my wishes.

[@InnerIntegration]

It is unbelievable how the emotional abuse causes so much emotional stress that it manifests over years and decades as physical illnesses. My eyes are even more open now. I’m going to heal my heart thanks to this experience, I’m going to do studies on this topic to raise awareness and hopefully provide new healing methods for the physical manifestations of complex PTSD.

[@morningsong8077]

Thank you SO MUCH for posting this. I, too, have this problem. My teen-aged daughter is also going through this. Thanks for letting us know we’ll recover! I worry a lot about that kind of thing, because my mom developed Alzheimer’s Disease after a lifetime with my narc dad. And since I’ve also had him in my life, as well as a narcissistic husband, you can imagine that I’m pretty scared to end up like my mom did. Beyond that, my kids have developed depression and anxiety, and two have shown symptoms of OCD, brought on by my husband’s poor behavior. They nearly HATE their dad, which I totally understand. But it also makes me sad because I wasn’t aware enough to avoid a relationship with him, and brought them into this hell. They don’t like to hear me say it, but I AM RESPONSIBLE for my part in this situation.

[@TheSahand68]

The idea of physical health deterioration after psychological abuse/manipulation is very valuable...I usually hear about psychological scars and needs for mental health cure/recovery...but the victim of any kind of abuse should cure both, psychologicaly and physicaly.....

[@morningsong8077]

This is why psychological and emotional abuse should be grounds for divorce! Why does the justice system only look at outward scars? SOAPBOX WARNING! Also, in my state in the US, sexual abuse against a child is not considered to be grounds for divorce. REALLY? If a child is being sexually abused by a husband or wife, the other spouse should be able to divorce on those grounds. AND why do folks have to be separated a WHOLE YEAR before they can be divorced here? It’s crazy! Imagine the damage a narc can do in that time!

[@valenciawalker6498]

This definitely does have a impact on health & quality over-being of life span .

[@leanimako1385]

Yes it definitely can affect your your physical and mental health really didn't realize it until you actually said it I refuse to be a victim I can't thank you enough I'm a breast cancer survivor 10 years November 11th 2019 and I want to take very good care of my health thank you again

[@cwizzy13]

You're 40?! I love it! You're right about the heart issues. Luckily I've been checked several times and had them check my heart and all good but I'll always get checked.

[@silleecat]

Thank you for your videos Meredith. And for stressing the importance of emotional abuse correlated with physical illnesses. There’s a lot of proof and evidence out there now to show that they go hand-in-hand with all the quantum physics and metaphysical studies that have been done. I was alway getting sick my entire life and ultimately a few years ago it became so bad that I ended up having chronic fatigue syndrome. Once again thanks to all the coaches and healers who helped me, I was able to trace it back to the root cause which was being raised by my narcissistic mother. Once I changed how I viewed myself and forgave my mother, I became healthy and beat chronic fatigue. I was literally able to heal myself when doctors would tell me there is no cure. Thankfully I had incredibly smart people who educated me when traditional medicine was lacking in making that connection.

[@HaiMunchieBunny]

thank you so much for this, i left my abuser 3 months ago and he got a job in the same building i work in yesterday. i needed to hear the positive affirmations, i am so terrified of him

[@eMMusical]

Thank you cause it's not easy

[@flickeringlight4307]

I needed to hear this. You're literally the only person on YT that has brought tears to my eyes with your beautiful wisdom. *thank you* blessed be🌠🎆

[@chrisk9821]

I am looking forward to the day that I can go "no contact". Thank you for putting these videos out. Unfortunately, there is no legal separation in my state and my lawyer says until there is a settlement or the court hears the case (a year after separating), I am stuck picking up child support checks directly from my spouse. For now, I am getting much better at yes/no answers and not letting my buttons be pushed. Last week, dozens of flowers showed up at multiple locations, including work, and I was forced to either keep my mouth shut when others said how sweet it was or disclose personal information that I had chosen to keep personal. I ended up giving the flowers to a friend to take to the Hospice facility for her mother and other patients.

[@loveb4853]

I have learned to listen to my body and my intuition because of you. I cannot believe the years when i didn’t pay attention to what my body was trying to tell me. Thank you so much. When i meet new people now i notice that if i feel that something is not right, there will be rashes, hives just any form allergy. And yes, even the heart palpitating, i recognise all those now. And the best thing is act on it. Thank you. I got your book too. Big hug to you.

[@tabbymartin7458]

Great video very helpful to me personally. This is SUCH a huge and painful challenge. Its like going through bootcamp, but worse. Those who make it out of this type of abuse are SO STRONG!! Those who are surviving in the midst of it - also SUPER STRONG! We must remember how amazing we are as individuals! The grass IS greener on the other side. Life CAN be GOOD! It can actually be great. We all deserve the best ♡♡

[@SolitaryEcho336]

Thank you for sharing these tips. I’m a therapist and also a victim of a narcissistic father. It’s so hard to avoid hoovering behavior from my dad, but I’m so glad I have a place of my own with my supportive long term boyfriend so I can choose to ignore negativity and focus on my happiness and wellbeing.

[@susielee8101]

You have described so accurately my ex-narc Tom! The fake sweetness sometimes made me feel very uneasy inside. Getting rid of this evil possessed demon is the most challenging thing I have experienced in my life. I'm sure all that heartache and trauma I went through with him has damaged my heart already. I need help resisting his hoovering. Every Hoover gives me a false belief that he still loves me. But in reality he just wants to control me again. Who needs this endless torture !

[@Traceyi1000]

What happens to my body when I think about the abuse? Shut down tense up actual fists and teeth clinching. Need to deal with this once and for all or I am done for. Been having chest pain and discomfort in my body. Oh boy I need help. I'm not worried about him I'm worried about me for the first time in my life. Thank you Meredith

[@morningsong8077]

IKR! I get terrible chest pains when I “talk” to my dad on the phone. In actuality, it’s really just an hour or two of listening to him go on and on about himself. And of course, I get all kinds of tense when my narc husband is around - tightness everywhere!

[@hellogoodbye8760]

Really good video.. Thanks! That feeling you described of your throat closing up, shaking and feeling like someone was squeezing the breath from me was when I knew this wasn't how a relationship was meant to be. And that feeling is my reminder that I did the right thing....When I crave the hoover that never comes, when I desperately miss the person I thought he was, and when I yern for the life I think I'm missing... I remember that feeling because it's a truth that I know is really. Listen to you body people! It knows so much more that you give it credit for. On a side note if not for this process I wouldn't have been stressed.. Had blood tests.. And discovered that I have hyperparathyroidism.... Its potentially serious if not noticed early.... So good can come from this process.

[@elannezeven1129]

Hi Meredith thank you for everything. You have a strong, kind heart.

[@uncle978]

The good news is that they suck at saying sorry. All they want is to say the word "I'm sorry" but never gave me the chance to have a dialogue about my pain. No responsibility, no accountability. They are the magic words.

[@matrixdropout3077]

I was born into a horrifically narcissistic family and developed multiple sclerosis. One narcissist after the other (it was/ is how I lived my entire life). I have hypertension and depression. You're spot on meridith.

[@matrixdropout3077]

@Diva R sorry to you girls for your experiences also. Worst part is that its VERY difficult to explain this to anyone who hasn't experienced it. You must have went through some horrific things..I certainly did. Hugs xoxo

[@SidaFinn]

Oh God, his email came through today. Two days ago he showed up unannounced ... he’s provoking so many emotional responses - this is so insane! I feel it in my body crushing weight in chest , twisted guts, nausea... I can’t stand it!

[@flickeringlight4307]

Same here. I'm going through the same and I'm just waiting for the next move. Look, don't take that shit. Keep a record of everything and get the police involved if you have to.

[@sammoe1292]

That #7 is true. I received (didn’t answer) a hoover recently. When I saw it come up on my phone, my body and mind literally felt like a demon had entered my house.

[@Prlvrboi1]

Thank you so much for these videos. Narcissist a very predictable. Now I can detect them and shield my energy. Protect yourself and validate yourself. Stay safe everyone.

[@jesuscarrillo3705]

Wow this is incredible but true.. When I was "good" with my narc (watching a movie, lying in bed together or sleeping) I stopped breathing.. My whole nasal passages would close literally! Wow it was my body telling me energy was being stolen. Crazyyy

[@InnerIntegration]

Wow, you were literally being suffocated!

[@tamarameis1696]

Thank you so much, I am just going through the fake sweetness phase after almost two years of not seeing my covert narc mother and your video got me on track again. I absolutely needed this. Thank you

[@AmethystDreaming]

So sorry to hear about your heart problem Meredith. In 2011/12 I had cervical cancer. Lucky it was caught early. That was after not even 2 years of being in the abusive situation. Thank God I finally got out.

[@kyraaborkman]

These videos are so validating when dealing with the cognitive dissonance, thank you!

[@ImadeUlook]

Thank you for your videos. It feels like im never going to be "free from this torment". I went from one narc friend to another (whom of which actually "mentored" me after narc 1). Not to mention my mother. The betrayal is so overwhelming and I come to your channel to help me. I don't trust ANYONE, including my psychiatrist. I just keep on keeping on, and hopefully one day this pain will be gone. One thing is certain. I'm NEVER allowing another friendship to manifest. My soul is depleted and I need to focus on my kids.

[@joellongie]

Thank you so much for your videos. I recently too experienced physical heart problems due to stressful relationships. The videos you are putting out are so helpful and amazing I wish you best wishes.

[@AngelKrystalStar]

Or they have a lot of “excuses” for their behaviour

[@foxyred1015]

Thank you so much for your videos! I've developed so many health issues 2 of them were life threatening conditions, I had to go through numerous of surgical procedures from decades of emotional, psychological and physical abuse. I can't even say I was stressed out, the life I was living since I can remember myself was actually beyond stressful. I was living in pain and fear for 30+years . I was terrified of people. I'm so glad I came across your channel, not too many people talk about it. The scariest part is non of the Western / modern medicine practitioners ever mentioned to me that the abuse indeed caused me those health issues that developed over the years one after another. Thank God to people like you who educated me on narcissistic and psychopathic ABUSE.

[@markstoecker1]

Thank you Meredith. I’ve watched many hours of your content and everything resonates. Your Hoovering video finally got me to total block... what could they attack? Friends, work, and most important family. Nope, I won’t permit this to happen again. 4yrs of this viscous noxious merry go round bs. Done.

[@allisonlower2464]

You are my favorite validating source. ❤️ love what you're doing soul sister! I never had woman role models growing up but now you are one of them as I'm growing, healing and learning

[@lisadeee1343]

I honestly didn’t think he’d hoover me as he’d suckered me back in early on in the manipulationship a few times before his mask had totally dropped. Fast forward 3 years and I got away. I didn’t know it at the time but he was contacting my son quite frequently for months, just following my escape unbeknown to me. Thank god my son didn’t tell me as he knew I wasn’t in a good place at that time. He eventually told me but he knew I was in a much better place to hear it, the trauma bond had been broken and the fog had lifted. I actually laughed and thought he mustn’t have nailed a new supply down yet or trying to totally destroy me.

[@corinneecontino]

Dear Meredith Miller a big hug to you too, BLESSINGS To You! For sharing your knowledge... You really helped me pull through this, and I can't tell you enough how much I thank you... I just love you for that, you are a beautiful lady inside and out.. and now I'm sharing your videos with other people to help them as well. Please keep sharing always thumbs up.

[@anonymousemoosy2287]

Meredith your suggestion of writing out a sobriety list was an excellent idea because it crystallises your mind and you see a pattern of behaviour very early on from day one of initial interaction with the narc. My sobriety list had 3 columns (No., Issue, Categorisation). In the categorisation column each issue was dealt with in turn (e.g. Ignoring / Devaluation / Controlling Behaviour = ABUSE (Emotional / Psychological)). You can see the pattern so clearly and makes going no contact so much easier. If any doubt crops up, out comes the sobriety list. This idea is so fool proof I'm going to take it one step further and use it to jounalise any questionable behaviour from a potential close contact (e.g. work colleague, potential S.O that I may be dating). This makes spotting a narc so much easier and quicker. From day one I was on high alert with a narc. I wasn't sure if the person was a narc because the 'presentation of behaviour' wasn't typical but in my gut I knew something was wrong. I 'observed' the person over a period of nearly two months and came to realise I was dealing with a hybrid Benign / Neglectful Narcissist. When I did the sobriety list it was clear and there was no room for misunderstanding or mislabelling the behaviour. It was definitely clear I was seeing abusive passive aggressive behaviour. I guess I've seen so many of your videos along with those of Professor Sam Vaknin and Dr Ramani and others, it has put me in a position where I can spot spot questionable behaviour faster. Being aware of narcissism and the damage it can do will not only save you from years of stress and misery but it will save you from a terrible toll on your health. Journalising questionable behaviour is also very useful in the work environment when dealing with narcs because it can back up emails which acts as evidence for HR.

[@homersmom]

I had the most interesting experience with this recently. My narcissistic sister discarded me several years ago. I’ve seen her one time at a family wedding and we did our old but familiar dance of avoiding each other/being polite when forced to engage (in other words, putting on a show). She reached out to me on my birthday that year, I responded and that was the end of it. Then just a few months ago, out of the blue, she contacted me asking if I wanted something from my childhood (she kept literally everything from our mom’s house when she passed away about twelve years ago). It really threw me for a loop but I didn’t respond. A few weeks later, she reached out once again - the tone was more forceful- again, I chose not to respond. Shortly after, I was talking to her former husband (thank God he got out of that toxic relationship years ago), and he shared with me that around the same time she was contacting me, she had emailed him - she referenced some things from their marriage counseling and other weird things (her emails tend to be short novels). He didn’t respond to her and actually went no contact for the first time in all those years. My point is that obviously she was grasping at trying to suck people from her past back in. It makes me wonder who else she contacted, but I will probably never know. Just thought I’d share my experience on this topic.

[@foxywhitetip7387]

Thank you for sharing. Also discarded by sister over a year ago, then a message on my birthday. I responded TY that’s it. Now she’s blocked but I’m sure she can find a way to contact me when she needs some supply. I just need to stand firm and never let her know anything about my life

[@MarilinJ]

More than 2 years with no contact! He still tries though. I began to think he won't give up. Sick human beings.

[@WayToGoOz2]

Thankyou Meredith, this video popped up just as I resisted the third hoover attempt in a month, and needed some reassurance I think. It is impossibly hard when it's your adult child who abuses. Decades of making excuses have left me with serious health problems, especially adrenal system and my only reason for allowing contact the last time was that belief (per actions for 18 months) that they had indeed changed. Unfortunately not, that invisible hair trigger got touched and now I know there is never any hope they will change. You have made a difference, maybe saved a life, and I thank you.

[@agnessamcconagal9357]

Hi, Meredith! Wish you all the best! Hope you'll be OK!

[@InnerIntegration]

Thank you. I’m gonna be okay because now I’m aware of the problem and it’s early enough that I can do something about it. The quantum medicine machine I recently got sends frequencies to the problem areas after identifying the pathology in the scan. The frequencies are like how a soprano singer can hit a certain note/frequency and make a glass shatter. The machine targets the pathology and neutralizes it with the specific frequency needed to match the particular pathology or microorganism. Little by little over the last 2 weeks it’s showing improvement. Next I’m going to figure out how to bring this technology to others and to do studies on complex PTSD manifestations in the body. I need to find the right scientists and doctors to collaborate with.

[@sevdamemet3495]

Thank you for opening my eyes Meredith!!! I stumbled upon your channel by accident and when I did I was in total shock, realizing that all those things that felt way off and hurtfull in my relationship were actually symptoms of one big tumor. I had no idea and still have to fight the disbelief, that devastating disbelief and burry the hope that things might eventually change. We have a child together, so no contact is not possible but I will do my best to minimize my personal contact with him and try to build a safe environment for my son so he can feel protected. You are my rock in those tough times, as the break up just happened days ago and I am trying to build a new life out of little to nothing. Thank you for all that you are doing, thanks for your advice and the hope that you are giving me by being a positive, strong example. Thanks!

[@julietteyork3721]

I’m curious what a genuine apology would look/sound like vs. a faux apology? How to differentiate? Granted, it’s rare that these people can ever truly own what they did but in the rare case when it may happen, what will it look/sound like? These videos are so helpful. Bless you. You look and sound very healthy - it’s great that you took control in order to make that happen.

[@joec1212]

If you have to ask for an apology it's not one ;) most times they only apologize because they want or need something from you.

[@julietteyork3721]

Joe Capps I’d never ask for an apology from someone who abused me. Pointless. I was referring to a scenario in which the abuser reaches out to the victim and professes remorse. Although rare for a Narc to admit guilt, I’m guessing it can occur once in a blue moon and I’m curious what Meredith thinks a genuine and contrite apology looks/sounds like. Thinking about the Narcs in my own life, I can’t envision any of them apologizing - they’re too far gone. Perhaps if they hit rock bottom or found God - those are the only scenarios I could imagine that might inspire remorse and redemption.

[@mandyg5747]

@@julietteyork3721 My ex would lose his temper and then walk off leaving me where ever we were... it was my car so once he got the bus home - 2 buses home and it took him over 2 hours - and he would switch his phone off. He would also jump out of my car. In the beginning he would come round to my house, through the garden and knock on my bedroom patio door until I saw him, then say how sorry it was, how stupid he was - blah blah. Other times he would take a week to apologise and sometimes he would apologise immediately in an angry tone even crying and telling me how hurt I had made him feel. The false apology comes with further abuse, criticism and put downs or is so late in coming after you have been left to stew and suffer that it really does not seem genuine - more like hoovering, which I know now - it what it was. I don't think they actually do a genuine apology which would necessitate true repentance and changing their behaviour. Never seen it myself.

[@joec1212]

@@julietteyork3721 it's simple. Tbe character disturbed person, as George k Simon likes to call them...again it's simple they just want something from you. They always want to win, so if you told them for instance 'I refuse to see you again' they want to break that boundary and so on. They want to win oftentimes, or try to resume the relationship...if they are a narcissist they are merely working an angle and not truly being apologetic. If you want to keep the upper hand don't let them steer you in any direction.

[@divinelyminded4315]

I wished I would of heard your videos in May but better late then never. You have called everything 100%

[@theloveflows8773]

Artificial sweetness. It's like you can tell when a person is not being authentic. I just started no contact. My heart races so fast when I read his hoover texts. I've blocked him but find myself unblocking him reading his texts then blocking him again. Crazy making. My body feels so much peace without him physically around me even though I still miss him. (Crazy i know) The thing that convinced me to let him go was accepting he believes his own lies and there is no getting through to him no matter how much artificial sweet texts he sends. Pay attention to how your body feels around these energies. Thank you Meredith❤

[@tmcisco]

Hey Meredith! I have watched nearly all of your videos (since being shown your channel almost 6 months ago) and I have been tuning into your podcasts regularly as well. With your help, I have finally started to move through my own cognitive dissonance and denial and into a mindset of acceptance and have started planning a course of action to leave my relationship. I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the amazing content you share and for always being so honest and transparent with your experiences. I truly hope that the health issues you found within your heart dissipate over time. You are a gentle soul and I am beyond grateful for you presence in this world. 💖

[@Jkl306]

I’m so thankful I found your channel

[@geraldinemckernan9129]

Glad you found out in time about your heart problem Meredith ...I have great news My hair has just started to grow back after 5 yrs and my Psoriasis has disappeared on my face and hands ...I have followed your work and advice for 2yrs now. I have started to learn Spanish which is a fantastic distraction from Ruminating Thank you 🙏

[@InnerIntegration]

That’s wonderful news!!

[@mandyg5747]

Wow ! so glad your hair is coming back. I read an article linked from the i Restore site that says that we get stuck in the 'falling out' stage instead of the growth, resting and then shedding stages. My hair has been falling out for 9 years since my divorce - no one believes me because i have always had so much hair... so now its just normal... but the proof is on the pillow each morning and on the floor etc... its seems to be calming down a bit too.... Really pleased that you have got relief from your Psoriasis too. That is great news :-) love to hear happy outcomes.

[@geraldinemckernan9129]

Mandy G Meredith spoke about Dr Gabor Mat'e who wrote the book" when the body says NO, it's in relation to codependency and not putting yourself first and the effects it has on your health.... hope this helps you 🦋

[@mandyg5747]

@@geraldinemckernan9129 Thank you Geraldine. .I will look out for that.

[@susiep.7372]

I can advise everyone, who still suffering, to watch " Dirty John " on Netflix.....

[@jessicam3373]

Susie P. Yessssss girl!!!!! I was watching those KNOWING damn well my narc BF sitting right next to me was JUST LIKE HIM!!!! I’ve been no contact for a month now and am getting back to how I used to be before I was brought to hell and in satan’s presence!!!

[@susiep.7372]

@@jessicam3373 Congratulations , good job !! We are able to grow on that nightmare... Something, they NEVER will !! Soulless creatures, without Emphaty, without feelings... That's their punishment !! It makes no sense, they will go to hell one day !!

[@elviralorenzani7383]

Dirty john looks like my ex husband at the beginning!!! The best man ever !!! The blue prince that rapidly turned into a frog!!!!!!

[@tammycurrah2786]

Anxiety is gone..8 months no narc. Yippy

[@amarie504]

Tammy Currah I’ll be so glad when i can say the same, my nerves are so bad and i’m filled with so much anxiety everyday and he refuses to stop harassing me.

[@smoozerish]

Thanks Meredith for this video. Really needed it right now as a reminder in 2020. I particularly like the piece about owning your reality and the narcissist not taking responsibility’s for their actions. Thank you.

[@shack109]

That makes me sad learning you have a heart condition.

[@InnerIntegration]

I’m gonna figure out how to heal it. The quantum medicine machine is already making improvements. I’m lucky I found out now! Also now that I’m aware of what’s happening in my body I can observe it and focus on reversing it.

[@elizabethhouser3357]

I did call my Mom one last time to tell her I figured it out. My daughter reached the same age as me when my parents divorced. All the memories came back. She selfishly chose helping others and cheating on my dad over her family. She would rather take time away from the family at risk to help strangers for the glory and attention. She ruined my life because she would rather ‘help’ people. When I called her I knew I wouldn’t get anything from her. I wanted her to just know that I knew. But she did say an amazing thing, that she is so happy to be single now so she can help whoever she wants whenever she wants without worrying about hurting her family. 😱 I told her that this is why we will no longer have contact. She admitted that she will always choose helping others over helping her family 😰. We said we loved each other and said goodbye. This way when she dies I know I left it with an I love you. I am still in shock, but know it will process in time. Now my 8 year old daughter has a narcissistic girlfriend that gets hysterical when my daughter tries to play with someone else or by herself. Just teaching my daughter about boundaries.

[@InnerIntegration]

It’s all about the image for them. Helping others for the glory instead of their family just like you said. That’s crazy she even admitted it to you. I’m sure in a bittersweet way that was validating for you. I know it’s hard to mourn the loss of your mother and the mother you never had but you’re making a powerful decision that will change your life and the life of your daughter, so the Legacy of Abuse went spread to the next generation. Great job!

[@TheSahand68]

I had problems with my mother too...maybe she was not narcisistic mother but she was difficult....she prefered her sons over me....at certain point I stopped to expect something I couldn't find because simply it did not exist: love, warmth and understanding. ONE CANNOT FIND SOMETHING THAT DOESNT EXIST! So I told my mother one day that she successfully poisoned 33 years of my life and that I am here to tell her that I will make sure she will not be in position to ruin the rest of it...thereafter I left her and moved as far I possibly could...I switched continents, and my mother couldnt swim accross the ocean...lol....she got sick and her beloved sons were not there to help...she died alone...I psychologically healed and established my new life in my new country....I never think about her....like she never existed...but, I think every day about my childless ountie who had raised to become who I am today!! ONE HAS TO KNOW WHEN AND HOW TO CUT TIES.....and how to move on and start process of healing....Merredith's program gives me tools to recognize dangerous and infectious manipulative behavior and defend myself from being trapped in the web of somebody's malignant psychological disorder or mental illness....sickos are everywhere!...those whose metal problems are contagious should be isolated....people are better off to rescue and live with pets who are more likely to give unconditional love....

[@sunnydayz3756]

This is so 🎯! Ugh...residual effects, I have developed cancer, heart disease, auto immune disease all from the emotional stress from abusive parents primarily Mother and Sisters. The hoover just came by email from Mother as a sickening sweet fake ass message. I read it, biggest mistake and now days later 3 still sick! Block them completely that is the only answer! I’m learning how to be Free!!!! You look so healthy and fit Meredith, your truly a gift to so many.Thankful💕

[@lupitamontoya1195]

Thank you Meredith, I thank God I found your videos because you literally saved my life! Thank you 🙏

[@kellysharon5815]

I need to bookmark this. X is suddenly Hoovering because I have a new boyfriend & he’s realizing I am no longer on the shelf. My bond with him is very weak at this point but this is a stumbling block for me: I don’t want to treat x the way he treated me - dismissively, as if I wasn’t worthy of basic human decency. I don’t want to be that person. When I don’t respond to him I feel that I am becoming callous like him. I want to treat him and everyone like a human - innately worthy of consideration.

[@kellysharon5815]

Manasi Nishchay hah! thank-you; you made me lol 😊

[@jmfs3497]

Cool. I will check out the podcast. I'm in the hoover resisting stage with my narcissistic boss. As long as I Gray Rock, he seeks supply from other coworkers, and it shows in their morale and health, but then he comes around and hoovers and I fall for it. It's like the "Compliment Sandwich", where he starts out saying what I want to hear, and then starts reprimanding me for not filling out all his multiple redundant check-lists or blaming me for projects taking 6 weeks that took him a year to delegate to me. It's so odd to not be able to just talk to him like a person. Most 1-on-1 interactions with him are me sitting quietly until it seems necessary to say a simple "Ok" in response.

[@michellecremers361]

Thank you Meredith

[@tomsmith1016]

Meredith !! You are awesome. Toxic sugar. Pure genius. I love it. Thanks again for all your encourgement and help. From the first time I listened to you the freedom giving insights just keep Lifting me up and propelling me into a life of NO NARCISSISM peaceful child like fun. I just sent you a big hug!

[@Dropshotzjelloshots1]

You pointed out the health aspects of stress and how abusive relationships can cause heart health problems etc. You are so right! Sometimes it's not put together but I believe it definitely is a way to poor health and disease. I've worked as a nurse for many years on an Alzheimer unit and 90% of the residents were women and in trying to speak with them almost all of them mentally regressed to a time in their lives were they felt happy almost like a mental defence system before whatever trama they went through. Women are more emotional then men oftentimes, so ladies the depth of our heartaches can really be detrimental to our health! Over years of prolonged suffering and hoping situations or people will change can ultimately be our downfall. Looking after everyone but ourselves, we all do it, but God is the only one looking after me I come to see finally after all these years! When I pray and talk to God I physically feel the pressure and weight off my shoulders! He saved me from an abusive relationship thank you God, if it weren't for Him I would have been dead by now because I had no strength on my own to let it go. It was like turning on a light switch when I finally trusted God, in an instant He gave me the strength and I haven't look back since. Amazing! I belly ached to friends, family, strangers anybody everybody and nothing helped but God I couldn't have done it, without Him.

[@duluthgoatyoga2135]

Thank you Meredith. You are an inspiration. I love your videos. Hope your health issues are better

[@NigelJ]

Great video! It is terrifying, but true, that these psychopaths can literally be deleterious to not only our emotional/psychological health, but our physical health too. I recently noticed spasms in my left arm, and I'm 99% certain it was from interacting/mind fog with my toxic ex. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk is a fantastic book examining just how insidious the effects of abuse are on not just our minds, but our bodies as well. Lastly, as a nurse, I completely agree that it is worthwhile to seriously consider/seek medical care for chest pain/tightness, palpitations, shortness of breath, etc., for anyone who has been subjected to any form of abuse for a significant amount of time b/c it can easily be more than mere anxiety/stress. PS not to critique, but only for your edification & future use, it's pronounced is-key-me-uh. Thank you Meredith!

[@leanimako1385]

You are explaining my ex so well if you looked up narcissistic person in the dictionary you will see my ex's face thank you I love that you are the person that you are to help us who's needing this so much thank you very much

[@proudamerican5466]

Im so lucky and greatful i came across this video today. Subbed right away.

[@constancejones5036]

I didn't know for sure but now I'm convinced that this relationship is caused by cardiac ischemia all of a sudden I went to the doctor and found out that I was not getting enough oxygen to my heart and I just I'm in Fault in ending this relationship and it is so difficult but this has been such a help to me to know that I have to go forward and resist this hoovering nor to save my very life thank you

[@elizabethandiosa4579]

My abusive mother is using and playing her illness to the hilt. My historically abusive brother contacted my daughter. However, I am using it as an excuse to try and get some evidence of past financial abuse and theft that my mother and brother collaborated in against me and my daughter. My mother is a sexist pig that covered up and promoted her relatives sexually inappropriate abusive behaviour towards me. I am wondering if it's even worth it to have any contact with them. I hate them. I just need to get away from these pigs and get out. I am getting help and support and counselling with all of it. I am trying to exercise, eat well and pray or meditate and take nutritional supplements to help heal my brain literally from all the traumas and abuses. Smudging and spiritual protection prayers are helping too. Bless all of you. Pursue your pleasures and interests. Live with joy and beauty. We deserve true beauty in our lives. Blessings. Thank you. Thank you.

[@karenzambrano1990z]

Sending a bear hug my dear. Im so sorry you had to go through that. hese people are the worst.

[@tiggywinkle5933]

18 months of me going no contact, hoover email as though all the crap they put me through never happened, no apology, no reference to it , nothing. I engaged with the hoover hoping for the longed for validation, taking responsibility and apology but that will never, ever happen.

[@annettefisher7305]

Perfect timing to review this ... my first Hoover after complete blocking no contact came last night.. a call and 4 texts from a new number for him ...I ignored all ... feeling strong and empowered.. and grateful for people like you Meredith .. I do worry that he will escalate into the anger reaction.. 2 years of on and off and no aggression before but this is my first time going no contact .. since January.. when I discovered what he truly was. Hoping he will just move on .. he’s actually living with another since April .. yes a friend told me this via his post on fb .. I’m learning to not want this info any longer so have cut that off ... feeling great and laughing at the Hoover attempt ! So predictable 😀🙏💕💪

[@etherealdaisy4540]

It’s impossible not to get hoovered if they are your family. Even if you hold boundaries against them, they will seep through with their “family member” concern for you. It’s too hard.

[@Iamawesomelovedandblessed444]

I just cut them all off my peace means more than fake family or friends fake people no time or energy for them ever again no more abuse the more I cut off Sap Suckers the stronger and healthier I become so its a no brainer for me the only hoovering in my life is the floors of my flat lol 😂

[@lindagallagher7847]

Thanks Meredith, you are one of the sweetest and most intelligent, insightful and generous people I have had the pleasure to listen to. I'm enjoying the hoovering attempts at the moment and find them funny and pathetic lol

[@kiraalialeeonfairythegreenone]

Excellent description and guidance.