Hope for Hard Marriages

Ask Pastor John
Episode: 680
Transcript: www.desiringgod.org/interview...

[@numanuma250]

"Instead of focusing on whether your marriage is pleasing to God, focus on whether YOU are." That hit home

[@mslikenootha]

That hit hard because essentially when act in an unpleasing way towards our mate it’s really God we’re acting out towards. It’s literally something I’m working on. It’s rough especially after being independent for so long and a free spirit

[@Bensuken]

Keeping your vow, no matter how sad you are... Is what hit me like a brick wall. Often times my sadness causes me to lose focus on the fact that God is mightier than my issues at hand. Thank you pastor John. I found this 6 years later but it is as fresh as 6 seconds ago. Bless the Lord!

[@timeaaraouzou710]

Dear Angel, I and thousands of wives AND husbands hear you! Marriage is the longest and hardest trial in this life, but the hardships experienced in a difficult marriage, especially if you are unequally yoked and your prayers seem not to be being answered, often create the most beautiful Joy and closeness with our REAL Husband, the Lord Jesus. Unless there is violence in your relationship, don't try to "save your life" in this world, but hold fast to your marital vows offered before the Lord and He WILL be your Rock and the Portion of your soul. I can testify to that. May He bless, keep and strengthen both you and your husband, and give you His Grace to find anew your first love for one another, in Jesus' Mighty Name I pray. Amen.

[@freddavidson286]

My wife of 43 years left im not going to give up I'm trusting god and I pray for the love and forgiveness of Jesus

[@jes5742]

To hear that God is pleased with my faithfulness through these difficult times makes it all worth it. Lord, you are worth every discomfort, disappointment and pain. Please cover me, strengthen me, cleanse me so that I can bring glory to you for all the days of my life. Amen!

[@lilwinged5291]

That last part helped alot. That God has seen the attempts made. God please give me Your strength today and a gentle spirit no matter what ...

[@DejahJMusic]

I’m on my first year of marriage and it is so so hard. I want a divorce so bad but this was so encouraging, I have to remember my vows despite my afflictions😟

[@r3lativ3lyd3lib3r8]

I'm on the same boat. Really struggling with remembering my vows, as well. I love my husband and we dated for nearly a decade before deciding to get married. But even with all the time we had, I'm afraid we made the wrong choice. We are finding out so much that we had no idea was there and has put so much strain on our marriage. I'm at a loss.

[@aliciamartin5501]

I'm on my 2nd year and it's really hard so you are not alone. I came here looking for answers along with prayer😞

[@drucillasmith21]

Wowww thank you Holy Spirit of God ❤️🙏🏿

[@DejahJMusic]

So far the main thing that’s helped me is this Bible Study currently that Holly Furtick is doing. Y’all should really check it out if y’all can. It’s called becoming Mrs Betterhalf

[@EmilyGrobler]

Ladies my heart goes out to you. I know what it is to experience doubts and regrets in marriage, and extreme emotional pain. I have dedicated my channel to young Christian women seeking encouragement and showing how the Bible provides a way for women like us, to build our marriages even when our husbands are neglecting us. Be strong in the Lord and be comforted - He sees you and knows your pain. Click on my profile picture to access my channel. xx

[@carolineomori1032]

Ooooh Lord. I needed to hear this. I needed to hear this. Pastor john piper i believe the lord continues to use you mightily. Your reward in heaven will be great, i pray. When i am struggling i come to find your counsel, and i leave encouraged, all the time. Praise God for wise counsel

[@oar-N-oasis]

Feeling like my tears gonna come out for the last part.. I know I'm hearing an advice from a soul caring Dad. Aside from the peace of GOD I recieved, this council is a real confirmation and I strongly believe that. I know, I believe JESUS CHRIST will always protect me for surrendering my decision to him. Thank you Pastor John.

[@iputakepalu994]

Thank you Pastor John. I really needed to hear this. I pray to keep walking in faith and with God despite what my husband may or maynot be doing 🙏

[@traciwilliams5673]

Pastor John. You are sooooooo wise! I’m so grateful for you! God bless you !!!❤️👍🏽🙏🏽

[@magmartin9726]

Thank you so much pastor John! Your words encouraged me to keep on fighting and praying for my marriage.God bless you!

[@elissahvera3568]

Thanks. I have the same problem. But this, gave me the answer. Praise God!

[@claytonsetuki6143]

Pastor John, thank you so much for this episode as it's helped to ignite hope, faith and love in me to continue fighting faithfully and stand in the gap of prayer, for my hard marriage. My heart is constantly weeping for my wife and my story is quite the same as that of the person raising the question. May the good Lord keep you for His glory. Shalom

[@BibleMunch]

Praise God for His word! These videos are so helpful. Thank you!

[@notallgarbage]

My marriage utterly disappoints me... so much, in many ways, that I feel broken and weak... bitterness and anger have shown their faces... I feel too broken to love and obey... I would like too, but it feels beyond my capabilities... God, deliver me from this bad marriage please... or possess me so hard by the power of the Holy Spirit, that I will feel happy no matter what...

[@yahweh247]

Keep fighting and praying! Start a 1 year Bible plan if not already!

[@pootypotputt]

Anything good is beyond our capabilities. But God gives more grace. He says "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." 1 Cor 12:9 Please continue to look to the Lord Jesus, who is "full of grace and truth (John 1:14)." Prayers sent for you my sister in Christ, and may the Lord bless you, strengthen you, and keep you, and encourage your soul.

[@sossoft]

I could have written this myself. So hard.

[@neoudi2024]

Marriage is hard, thats why you need love 💕 of God in the center of it, to survive during the hard times!

[@Controlladibasstv]

U are still married. Until if your husband is still alive.

[@Joyful-Heart777]

Thank you and the Lord bless you and this ministry for encouraging and speaking clearly the truth God has given us in His word! Lord Jesus, please let our marriages bring you glory!

[@jeanbrits3953]

The Lord bless and guard you and your family, Pastor John! Thank you for this wonderful hopeful counsel from the Word of God. Lots of love and Shalom

[@thomaskurek3524]

What a great answer pastor John gives, words of wisdom. Not his opinion but the scriptures.Thank you.

[@dailywordnuggets8148]

I reckon it to living in Christ and being persecuted for your faith. There is no difference. Persecution hurts, its uncomfortable. But we can not lose faith, doubt or unbelief in our trials and testings..God is our vindicator, He will lift you up in due season. As long as the spouse isn't leading or pushing us into sin, more so he or she is just flat out annoying..hang in there dear children..God first, then our spouse. Please HIM first, then your good works will abound. Amen❤🙏

[@janiceengel4393]

Thank you for what you are doing.

[@SabsmomaSabriel]

thank pastor john. i need some encouragment and this was perfect. you always have answers completely backed by the bible and very well explained.

[@yiqwaba3833]

I love this message keep teaching like this , you i said , you also be encouraged. Even the stranger is of great importance in the kingdom and rule of Masshiac Salaama Moreh .

[@winjuvy9181]

Thank You, Lord for your word.

[@letscarryit]

Wow I needed this 🙏🏽

[@catherinecook8355]

Keep on knocking on the door to heaven ❤️

[@elizaconstantino4336]

I am always blessed by you

[@ShelovesJesusandElvis]

Words can beat down worse than fists.

[@racheldaniels8803]

Thank u so much 🙏

[@annetteforbes1957]

I didn't want a divorce from my husband. He walked out after he turned 50,and moved back into his parents house. We were married for over 10 years. I think his parents encouraged him to divorce me,because they have never liked me because I didn't have as much money,status or education that they would like for their son's wife to have. I was good to my husband,and my heart was broke when he left me. He treated me horribly when he left,so now I have no trust in him. My question is" What should I do now as far as he is concerned?"

[@estelvillz3637]

Jesus does not like divorce and in your case you will need to pray hard about it no matter how long it takes. God will repair your broken marriage. Even if the circumstances looks impossible Go to church, pray daily and don't give up.

[@herreraj08]

This website has been a blessing to me. I hope it can help you with your answers. www.hopeatlast.com Praying for you but His Word will heal you and give you wisdom.

[@terryvest640]

@@estelvillz3637 Please quit telling people that! Not all people change , not all marriages are saved and not all people receive salvation! Its actually rare for a marriage to truly be restored when there is a high level of abuse. Should we try ? ABSOLUTELY, but its cruel and unfair to say that if someone does everything thing they can that GOD WILL RESTORE THE MARRIAGE. Its dangerous because when it doesnt happen people either lose faith in Hod and backslide or they blame themselves for being a failure. It IS GOD'S WILL TO RESTORE AND HEAL BUT IF BOTH PARTIES DON'T WORK FOR IT, CRAVE IT AND SUBMIT TO GOD AND HIS SALVATION IT WILL NOT BE RESTORED. Its false hope and it causes damage even if you mean well. As I am confident that you do. We WANT to help people and relieve their suffering, we WANT to impart hope But unless you get a solid prophetic word from Hod we can not speak in those absolutes. Believe me from someone who has been there it's best to offer prayer, tearful love, compassion and an ear to listen. There is NOT 1 verse in the bible that says this ir even points to it. Scripture says if we live with unbelievers di not separate from them because your walk with God MAY change them. Not will MAY. Please respond in live for these hurting people , I want you to, but we have to be cautious not to do more harm than good.

[@terryvest640]

We can not make decisions for other people. We ca not make people love us or do us right. I cant say that your husband will find Christ and return to you. What I can say is just because someone doesn't love us , didnt value us doesn't mean its something wrong with us. It is no reflection of how God feels about us. I dont know your situation but I know the pain. My advice get as close to God as you can, start healing pray for that man for salvation dont pray for your marriage. Because if he RECEIVES salvation then and only then there will be an Avenue for Hod to start to be able to deal with him. Lift that man up and rid your heart if any resentment. Walk before God righteously and understand that no matter what happens that you are a beloved daughter if God and he shares your pain. You are not alone, you are not forsaken. He may get saved, he may not.... that's totally his choice. You choose to do right in Gods eyes. I will keep you in my prayers and I pray that God will take care if you day after day, hour after hour. With love your sis in christ.

[@corbansports]

@@terryvest640 the statement made by @Estel Villz that "Jesus does not like divorce" is actually an understatement... and technically unbiblical.. because what's written in the Bible is that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).. and im pretty sure the word "hate" is a lot far than "does not like".

[@gettingreal2453]

My husband decieved me. Said he was not into porn but he was. It has been brutal. Lies, porn, fantasy sex, etc. 31 years of lies, rejection abuse.

[@Hepta.Asteras]

He has to get to a point where he realizes/feels that porn is hurting him, you or the Lord. That will make him willing to some extent. Then there is hope, but could be a long and hard battle. There are demons behind porn and you have to cast them out, but they come back. Much prayer, fasting and fellowship with other Christians.

[@EmilyGrobler]

I am so sorry my dear one. It hurts me so much to find out about other women's suffering in this area because it is the most brutal torturous pain from which there seems no consolation or escape. I found out on my honeymoon that my husband had been a porn user for some years and ever since then, I have repeatedly found out he lies to me and practices deceit, taking advantage of my trust in this area. It feels like my heart has been cut and lacerated into a million irreparable pieces. So many tears, and no consolation. I hate this world so much. But we have to pray for our husbands. I know this is the hardest thing but Jesus said to pray for and care for our enemies. This is our cross to bear for Jesus. Maybe we must fast too. Please cling to Jesus. "Be angry and sin not" Stay with him, fight for his soul before the devil drags him through the gates of hell. As long as he lives, there is still hope. You can find some encouragement on my channel too, but I havent made a video on this topic yet. just click on my profile pic. xx

[@gettingreal2453]

@@EmilyGrobler I left him...he is a narcissist...and doesn't care

[@gettingreal2453]

@Dennis yes in the works now

[@EmilyGrobler]

@@gettingreal2453 I'm sorry to hear this... remember to take everything to Jesus in prayer my sister. He has borne all our burdens. What you feel, He feels and bears with you.

[@devonsmith3420]

My husband and I have a hard marriage and he gave up and left and is divorcing me despite being a Christian. I wanted to get help to work on our marriage and he doesn't want to do work, he just wants it to be good without work.

[@Savedbygrace22]

Devon, I am praying for you.

[@l0ckstepefeller143]

Devon, i am in the same situation. I am fighting hard to keep our marriage intact but she wants out and doesnt want to work on it at all. Divorce is what SHE wants. If you see this id like to have an update. Late prayers go out to you and the husband.

[@dz7a756]

Praying for you all who want to keep your marriages together. Praying to the Lord that He can bring reconciliation like nobody else can. Pray to him without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). But if your spouse decides to divorce you, you are to let them go and you are called to peace. Whether you are a believer and your spouse is not. Or even more unfortunate, if both spouses are believers, but one is looking to divorce, you still have to act like a believer and be called to peace: From the Holy Bible: But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15 NIV Be well and be at peace

[@galewosten2010]

I am really struggling. My first wife divorced me and then found out she had PMDD. She got treatment after our divorce and now is functioning better and is remarried. I remarried and my second wife has developed a crippling illness. I have lost faith. I am just a gullible fool that gets screwed out of any kind of a healthy marriage. I don't let on to my wife ehow I lost faith, but I have and it hurts. I don't see why God can't give me a few years with a healthy marriage. I have lost my faith and resent having to go to church. But it means a lot to my wife so I go because she is scared. I don't blame her at all, I blame God. He doesn't give a crap about decent people. My ex could tell me she wanted me to die in a car crash and try to take my kids away from me then she remarried to a doctor. I supported her for 12 years and got discarded. And what hurt worst was the churched assumed it was my fault and I wasn't welcome. I have lost my faith so when the couple splits at church don't automatically take the woman's side. Don't automatically take the guys side either.

[@pookie7194]

❤❤❤❤

[@georgehazzard3514]

Yeah, yeah! I know! OK!!!!

[@resident9011]

we are also told to come out from among them and be separate and touch not the unclean thing and He shall heal us I take that to mean healing from physical and emotional abuse and spiritual abuse. anything that hurts your walk with the Lord leave it and shake the dust off your feet and walk on in the Lord free to do the work of spreading the gospel in joy. I would not suffer my own daughter to be abused in any form and neither does our Holy Father. We are not to be under demonic oppression we are to overcome by turning the other cheek well show him the back of both cheeks and start walking be free and happy serving the Lord life is too short and we got souls to save go about it.

[@louiscyfer6944]

you are a colossal idiot.

[@Savedbygrace22]

resident9011, The context that the scriptures are talking about that you mentioned in separating is from the Old Testament. It's meant for the jews. We are not being told to come out from among anyone. Paul says we are to be in the world but not of the world. Not to be worldly people but lights to the world. We can't be lights in the darkness if we separate from it. God was telling Israel to separate themselves from the other nations to keep his people from idolatry and following other gods that weren't gods. God said if they touched a dead body(an unclean thing) they were considered ceremonially unclean and had to follow the cleansing rituals. It doesn't mention healing in this context. Jesus said to shake the dust off their feet to the disciples if the town he sent them to is hostile when sharing the Gospel and to leave it. This isn't a life lesson that always applies to us. If someone has an unbelieving spouse which at times can hurt your walk with the Lord we can't just leave them and shake the dust off, we have to pray and ask the Lord to grow us in this situation and make us the person God wants us to be and by God's grace save our spouse. It's important to be careful and see the context of what verses in the Bible are saying otherwise it can be cherry picked and be used in ways that are not meant to be used and can be dangerous by saying God said something He didn't say or mean. Blessings

[@antoniocurryoldchannel9747]

😭Jesus ........ Encouraging I tell you

[@johnnymayhugh3250]

I believe there is no re marriage unless your covenant spouse dies,if we looked at our marriages with this teaching we we would all treat our marriages with so munch more respect.If this teaching of our savior was followed I believe that divorce would be rare. But we live in a different world now where marriage is a disposable thing.The consequences of the great lie the Protestant church propagated is now being seen.

[@Savedbygrace22]

That's a little harsh isn't it? I agreed with some of what you said about covenant marriage but the Bible does say if an unbelieving spouse deserts the marriage the deserted spouse is free to accept or seek a divorce(1Cor 7:12-15) Also in the case of adultery(Matt 19:2-9)if the injured spouse chooses. Christ said this was not meant from the beginning but for the hardness of mens hearts he allowed only in these cases. You said the great lie brought on by the protestant church? That's a condemnation aimed at every faithful Christian church that exists.That's too big an issue to expand on fully here but I will say bringing God's word out of the grip of the corruption of the Roman Catholic Church in the 1600's and it's belief that only they had the authority to interpret God's word and the authority to decide who goes to hell and who doesn't was a gift from our Lord. By God's grace he gave us Martin Luther who stood alone against Princes and Popes to fight for salvation by grace alone through faith alone because of Christ alone for the Glory of God alone at the risk of being burned at the stake. He showed without Christ giving us his righteousness by imputation we would have to work for the perfection God requires, something we could never reach and there is no Gospel or good news in that ie: penance and purgatory is bondage. Lastly no faithful (emphasis on faithful) church of our Lord would encourage divorce on demand (divorce in Jesus's day was disposable too). I'm sure you would agree this is a sin filled world full of sinful people who are responsible for our sinful decisions. I would not blame the Protestant church or the Catholic church for the divorce epidemic but selfish sinful human beings who will answer for it someday to God if they don't repent. Also I believe it was Henry the VIII who made the protestant church legal again as an excuse and a way to twist the scriptures to get his long sought after divorce and as he formed his own church known as The Church of England. We can't blame the protestants for that although we can thank God for using even the sins of that king to once again further the spread of His word to the ordinary people of the world, sinners all. As it is written... we mean it for evil but God meant it for good. I pray for God's blessings to you as you defend marriage but we have to be careful not to put a yoke of bondage on people where God does not. Blessings

[@anblessed8217]

What if the spouse attempts to murder you, would it be okay then to get a divorce or do I play Russian roulette and I hope I don’t get murdered by my spouse? I don’t believe God would honor a marriage like that.

[@lisasalvatore1643]

A Nblessed check out Leslie Wernick on KZbin she talks about abusive marriages very clearly. My prayer is that that is not what is happening in your life but if it is you should leave, I’m not saying get divorced I’m saying leave your dangerous situation and pray that God heals him. I will be praying for you🙏❤️

[@yahweh247]

@@anblessed8217 has your spouse attempted to murder you?

[@milastark1975]

Things can change😢🙏🏼👼🧎‍♀️

[@amyleyva1471]

This advice is so hard to follow, but I want to please my Lord by doing my vows but what If I just want a good friendship not intimate marriage becuase I am too broken to be intimate with my husband. I just want God, I don’t trust my husband … i forgive him for eveything he has done but I have trust issues becuase he still fails me in ways that make my mind go dark becuase of all the pain and infidelity. i feel so stuck. 😢😢

[@miltonmusictv7626]

My wife is asking for divorce just after five months of us taking vows. I'm really confused because I never want our marriage to break. Kindly advise,, she's accusing me of having other relationship yet for God's sake I have no other woman. Kindly help coz both Christians

[@onipejoy315]

Pray to God and remain calm and quiet for his direction and answer to drop in your spirit... Nobody's advise here will do enough justice that will suit your situation. It's well with you.

[@ShelovesJesusandElvis]

But…she can separate!

[@michaellarsonck7749]

Pastor John if a woman divorced her husband because of sleeping with another woman. Is there anything in the bible that says that she can remarry. Or is it that how so ever marries her commits adultry. I believe that I have answered my question. But if you would be so kind as to if it is at all possible. Thanks for your work in the lord jesus christ and to him all the glory hallelujah

[@flinryder7119]

I asked my non believing husband for a divorce because our marriage has been just awful not physically but verbally and emotionally and I don’t love him but he said no and that he wants to change so can I still leave? Advise please

[@betty4jesus]

Hello dear 👋🏽read this Scripture and pray 🙏🏽 "... a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? " I Corinthians 7:13‭-‬16 NKJV

[@heathereads9594]

Look up Called to Peace ministries, Chris Moles, and Leslie Vernick

[@rickardnolan3019]

I’m not a pastor but I’ve seen enough to tell you that if you’re obedient to God and truly allowing this to cause you to draw nearer to God you will be moving away from your husband while staying true to God and He will cause the pressure needed on your husband to force him to make a decision. Friends, church, ministry, giving money: draw near to God and he will fight for you. It might not be pretty though. He will probably get physically, mentally, verbally abusive but that’s Christ.

[@terryvest640]

Doesn't mean he makes the right decision . Mine didnt the majority of people doesn't , they either leave or make your life a living hell . It's rare someone who is abusive ( I mean REALLY ABUSIVE, ) changes. They just dont. God doesn't force people to change.

[@rottyhome]

Well first I would like to know what does she mean that he does not want to live as a Christian. The Bible does lay out a plan for a Christian wife to win her husband over to Christ. I am not sure why this is so complicated and why "Christian" women throw this direction out specifically give to wives that do not have a "Christian" husband or do not feel as though they do. One think I have noticed is many "Christian" wives profess to want their husbands to lead but only if it is what the wife wants to hear or do.

[@andreajackson7758]

"He does not want to divorce and I do not not want to live in sin" means she is not willing to divorce him therefore living in sin of adultery the rest of her life.

[@catcat1526]

Every word in the Bible is God’s Words. Why say Paul’s words is not God’s Words?

[@stephaniemichelle9878]

I don’t think every marriage is “brought together by God…” When I hear God’s word (the law) I hear it in an existential way… in other words- let no man break apart what God has brought together means that any marriage that is ABLE to be ripped apart was never brought together by God. Because no man will be able to take them apart if it’s from God. … that’s how I read it. But I also understand how God can turn things into his will if He wants to…

[@notallgarbage]

If she would divorce her husband,it would be a sin...

[@Nodeelite]

Just answer the question already