How A Narcissist's Inability To Trust Impacts You

[@istateyourname4710]

Shared quote: Real love is not based on romance, candle lit dinners and long walks on the beach. It is based on respect, compromise, care and trust.❣

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well stated!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Absolutely 💯 🙂

[@Armygirl4Christ]

🎯

[@jeannecaley2924]

Yes, you nailed it! I would like to add, romantic cards for special occasions: birthdays, Anniversary, etc. That does Not make the relationship better, or change A thing! It's almost delusional thinkin'...🙄

[@texaspatty458]

Where are they ?????

[@aaronkwolfe]

Demanding trust while offering none is a recipe for disaster. Causing a person to mistrust even themselves (gaslighting) is a recipe for madness. Both scenarios work to the advantage of a narcissist.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it, Aaron!

[@beverlyadams7205]

Good morning team, healthy!😎

[@aaronkwolfe]

Again doing an IV med thing again today. I’ll certainly watch as soon as I can.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Great observation to hold on to.

[@nikiaharvell27]

You've described my estranged husband perfectly, especially the part about demanding truth while lying and manipulating

[@lynnfincham6839]

They are simply exhausting

[@cindytrayer4279]

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “you’re always against me” whenever I didn’t agree. The perpetual victim.

[@moxiepooties6363]

Yep! If you tell them that "this is not a relationship!!" when you want your needs to be met, too, they might say, "You HATE me!" They actually are so full of hate, even for themselves, that if you don't surrender your very identity to them, you are seen as an adversary! Even when you do things THEIR way and tip-toe around their moods, they keep on putting you down and treating you with scorn!

[@monarene44]

The phrase I get is “why do you always have to think the worst?” Deflection.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

For them to trust they would have to show vulnerability. There is no reciprocation down a one way street!

[@rozalina531]

Facts 🎯 💯

[@sage9836]

I like the metaphor!

[@roxymovie3938]

Well said, Amanda 👏

[@marieldavison5121]

Yes!🚙🚙🚙🚙so true Amanda ~ they expect us to meet all their needs but where is the effort when we need them? MIA (missing in Action) Take good care hope all is well.🌹🌻🌷

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@rozalina531 👍

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

You are perpetually “the enemy” even if on the smallest scale possible- you’re still someone they can’t trust which makes you “their enemy.” You could do everything imaginable absolutely perfect (which isn’t possible, but even if it were possible) and they would still see you as “against them” (aka an enemy)and therefore not worth trusting. Because let’s face it… who trusts their enemy. Some people are taught to pray for them… but never trust trust them. A narcissist can’t (and refuse to) trust. It’s sad to be completely honest. And what’s even more sad is they actually prove to be consistently untrustworthy with their contradictory behaviors… and yet still expect you to trust them. It’s exhausting and madding… until you realize how trapped in their own sick world they are and how absolutely free from their insanity you are. Love into your freedom and allow them to continue to choose to live in their own chaos. Light and love, Team Healthy 💜

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for such good thoughts, Kelly! You're especially on target as you mention how these people are trapped inside their own pathology. My heart goes out to them, yet I can't co-mingle with them.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you, DrC! And I so agree about the heart and co-mingling. Well stated!

[@sage9836]

I got into the idea that if I just followed all the rules perfectly. . . you know that went. If I did an awesome job, they found a flaw, my work was ignored, or . . . there was an additional/contradictory set of rules that should have been followed. It took me a real, real long time to figure out that it wasn't me.

[@carolinehebel8649]

They kinda remind me of drug adults in terms of their behavior using people as their drug of choice but there are 12 step programs for drug and alcohol addiction there is narcotics anonymous . How about narcissistic anonymous hmmmmm

[@carolinehebel8649]

Please forgive my misspelled words 😅

[@bradmcewen]

Everytime a narcissist speaks, a projection gets its wings....hey Gus. I trust Dr. C too.

[@jornfox3545]

Gus says I trust this couch for another wonderful nap !

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You got that right!

[@jornfox3545]

@@SurvivingNarcissism yep.

[@DangerousWillie]

Actual quote from my ex-narc. "There's only one way to do things. The right way. My way." When you know what the signs of narcissism are you realize they tell on themselves constantly.

[@jeankipper6954]

Said the man who bashed a bolt into the wall to hang up a picture. He "Couldn't wait" for me to "get around to it."

[@Ohkeh640]

Yeah my dad says the same. I think men are taught to be that way Every woman has experienced this type of abuse and disgusting men. I’m thinking something I’d wrong. I can’t stand entitled abusive controlling tantrum men. I like the respectful ones who don’t cause conflict or inflict any pain and just king their business. Stay well

[@mthomas3547]

Laughing here. Boy, you're right that they tell on themselves! Thanks for your insight!

[@waywardstitch8604]

@@Ohkeh640 It's not just the men. My mother tells me I'm not allowed to end a phone call until SHE says so and becomes furious and tries to pull rank when I stand my ground. ( She's in her 80s; I'm in my 60s). My sister recently went into rage and victim mode when I wasn't interested in reading her "book suggestion". In my world the genders are evenly split when it comes to Ns.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Was sensing a “shark bump” expecting 5 comments, yet seeing only 4. You’ll know them by their fruit.

[@secondhorizon]

To Narcissists, trust is very simply: *What You'll Do For Me.* When you inevitably fail at that (whatever that is) ~ you can't be Trusted.

[@roxymovie3938]

Spot on👍

[@StephenWestSyd]

I cannot stand being with someone who doesn’t trust me and cannot stand being with someone I don’t trust.

[@susanmercurio1060]

I think of the narcissist as "the eye of the hurricane." They move through life, causing havoc around them, and they are unaffected. Then they can say, "I don't see any problems."

[@ladysuperstardust8533]

yes trauma distress and havoc for those around them. which serves them entirely.

[@danrunner84]

Exactly. They are parasitic. They suck the life out of you and move into the next host.

[@demondogmom7221]

Before I married my (ex) husband he was thrilled about how independent I was. I didn't realize that being "independent" would become a profanity after I foolishly married him. I was TOO independent. I had my own feelings and emotions. I liked things he didn't. I read books too fast (seriously). I (heaven forbid) had my own opinions. How could I possibly like wearing my watch on my left wrist when he wore his on his right wrist (no lie)? The list of my deficiencies was long, all encompassing and (frankly) irrational. It was such a joy to divorce him. I think I survived fairly well... some stress related issues but those cleared up. If you're in a relationship with one, get away. You deserve better.

[@statewidefilms]

Hi Doc C . I stayed in a marriage till our kids grew up. I could no longer stay in my marriage with her for the person who wouldn't stand by me after I had stood by her over a big slice of our life together . I thought it was me till I found the internet to ask questions and find the answers . I now understand a lot more about Narcissistic people. And the larger range of B.P.D . Of lots of humans . It's an interesting world when you learn from people like yourself . Thank you for being who you are . There's lots of mental health clinics in Australia that recommend your channel . A friend told me not so long ago . But I find my self now not being able to trust people with a hint of these personalities. Seems the world is full of people looking for an angle to have a lend of you. Get what they can from you . I must have been very naive. Very cautious these days maybe still in a state of healing I guess .

[@mariaverroye9510]

I agree with you; Dr Carter offers suuuuch great wisdom. Another wonderful practitioner I would recommend (via KZbin) is Dr Ramani. Best wishes.

[@mday3821]

Dr. Ramani has some great healing videos.

[@texaspatty458]

We will be healing the rest of our lives ... knowledge is so important . Best of luck moving forward .

[@mthomas3547]

We're all human and trying to do our best. For me, it's just about living my own life and truth and Dr C helps us to understand how to do that!

[@waywardstitch8604]

Dr C, these types of vids where you explain what's going on inside the N's logic have been the most helpful to my confusion. I get such crystal clear clarity when I finally understand the point of view of the N, and then more pieces of my own lingering self-doubt fall away. I don't post much but I wanted to thank you for how much you've helped me, (especially since you recently mentioned that you read every comment🤗). You're a lifesaver! 💞

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Very pleased! Keep learning!!

[@susanmercurio1060]

I lost my ability to trust from my traumatic childhood. I don't want to diagnose my mother as a narcissist, but she did have major problems. She married an alcoholic bully for our stepfather and they made a terrorizing force. They say that children who are mistreated by the people who should be loving them lose their ability to trust.

[@bereal6590]

I'd agree with that. The biggest mistake of my life was to trust my parents. You think they have your back, after all that's what I'd do as a parent if I was one, doubt I've truly trusted anyone except my grandmothers whom I dearly miss. Toxic parents teach you not to even trust yourself so it's near impossible to trust anyone else but at least we have better radars now and if we do meet people we think may be okay we will know to trust our instincts ✌

[@jonnyblade46]

Their paranoia is posion. It just gets under your skin. They're always paranoid. Always.

[@gasisthepastendoil]

paranoid carcustomer this week...total fear......victim.......

[@Bianca-sw5id]

Narcissistists judgemental mindset is a form of entertainment to them

[@notthatvashti8127]

Who wouldn't trust Gus? He seems like one of the most chill beings on the planet. No, Gus I trust. It's my own ability to decipher and trust my truths sometimes that come into play after years of narcissistic abuse and trauma. Thanks Dr C.

[@bilwisss]

quote my narcissist *"i do not lie!. . . . .(anymore.)"*

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That made me chuckle!

[@bilwisss]

i can only trust ....my narcissist will continue to be... ..unhearing, clandestine, disingenuous, magical thinking, blame flipper, chronic interrupter, goating, soulless vampire. then, ....always says *"your gaslighting me, by asking me, to not be a narcissist !"*

[@jeankipper6954]

Dr. C, your explanations of WHY they are doing, or not doing, something is very helpful. Not necessarily the deep causitive roots, rather the mindsets and their goals, and why they think they are right. It's very hard to get someone to even see a different idea, if they just don't want to hear or even think it. Helpful because it's easier to let go of trying to do that, when I realize that their little preprogrammed brains preclude communication happening. It helps me quit trying. Thank you.

[@annking8633]

Trust is a huge issue for me after being raised by narcassistic parents. I'm 59 and it's taken me until now to learn to trust the people in my life. My husband broke the seal. Trust him with all of my heart. Took 20 years.

[@marianacantale769]

You describe my mother so precisely. I'm trying to understand some of her attitudes and it all comes down to her being a narcissist for as long as I have been alive.

[@michignamymichigan]

Be kind to you. 🧡

[@cymbolichuman433]

I learned to be trustworthy at an early age. So I knew what it took to be trustworthy. It has worked pretty good for me because people will trust me and that is a high honor. That honor has to be held with self respect, understanding, and love for the ones who know my value.

[@jeannedouglas9912]

You certainly have genuine empathy and compassion for not only the victims of narc abuse but the brokenness of the narcissist. Thanks for trying to help everyone Dr.C.

[@ND-or5so]

Respect, loyalty and communication is the best for a relationship in my eyes.

[@julienatoli8561]

God bless you Dr Carter 🙏🕊️✝️ & your sweet Gus. Yes Sir, narcs are basically FREAKED OUT by the mere thought of being transparent and vulnerable. 🤦 .. they end up feeling "attacked". Sad ... they really do have an alternate reality. 🤦😞

[@anneyoung2310]

Low grade paranoia catalyzed a dramatic hyper state of control. So true! Thanks!

[@xtianrondow3881]

Thank you Les & Guss I mentioned this to Jess Stanley the other day. I Miss Angie Atkinson. Because it woke me up to realize what you guys are doing here. It's a movement for change, progress, evolution. Overtime, you will see, and we will see that true leaders don't create followers, they create more leaders. Thank you for being our leaders in this movement

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great perspective!

[@billyrayvalentine7972]

I trusted someone who should have never been trusted. It cost me dearly.

[@bbjoyce-je1vx]

Thank you so much Dr. Carter.This video, just like all of your videos hit home for anyone who had to deal with a difficult family member. My mom & sister seemed to be grumpy and moody. You never knew which version of them you'd be talking with. My dad was the nurturing parent who showed affection and love to all of us kids. He brought gifts and was a joy to be around. My mom & sister were dubbed by me as " the tag team from hell". Any gift I bought or any kindness or smile from me was treated as a suspicious threat to be on guard against. I took my personality after dad. He always seemed happy & positive. After so many " side eyes" from mom & sis, I just gave gifts to my kind family members and kept my distance from them. They act like the mean girls in high school. Dignity, Respect, & Civility paves the road I travel. I choose that road thanks to your inspirational videos about how to deal with people who act this way.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased for this feedback, BB.

[@warrenbradford2597]

I can relate to you. I also have a narcissistic mother and sister that "tag teams me from hell". I also have a father who I have a healthy relationship with. I will take your side of the story as inspiration from my own survival against narcissism.

[@melissaminkoff5190]

Dr. C - I am so, so grateful I found your videos. In my relationship I knew I was being mistreated and I knew things weren't right but I was struggling to make sense of what was happening. Now I know that what I was experiencing has a name - narcissistic abuse. As you talk about in this video and others, there was a lot of binary thinking - no room for nuance. When you said "I don't do heart connection; I don't trust" - that describes my ex to a T. He would proudly tell me that he never intended to trust me from the beginning and that people who are open and vulnerable deserve to be exploited. He blamed me for how he treated me because I "shouldn't have trusted" him. As you pointed out, he always painted me as the "bad guy" and refused to take responsibility for his lying, gaslighting, silent treatment, and evasive and abusive behavior. Everything was my fault no matter what; I was the hopelessly flawed one and he was perfect and entitled to be cruel towards me in the name of punishment or revenge. Through the help of your videos (and others like Dr. Ramani), I managed to gain the strength to end the relationship and am still working on healing and breaking the trauma bond. Your videos continue to help me and I appreciate your work and everything you do for this community. You've saved me from months or years of additional pain, betrayal, and abuse at the hands of a narcissist and helped me take my life back. I'm glad to be on Team Healthy.

[@bjones5791]

Wow,good testimony!!Keep it simple and stay sharp!You’ll be able to help a lot of people when you are healthy yourself.It’s a cool feeling!👊

[@Hatbox948]

This has been my experience too. I'm always the villain, he's always the victim.

[@kimonawhim11]

I developed a Xanax dependency as a result of trying to keep my marriage intact. I (finally) left after 17 years.

[@lynnfincham6839]

Oh my gosh this happens all the time I end up being the problematic one! So now when I see something that’s going to cause problems I just have to let it happen because pointing a problem out I get into trouble 🙈

[@roxymovie3938]

Trust can take years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair. Trusting someone is like walking with your eyes closed. Trusting no one is a sure way to lose those you hold close. Quotes of a Narcissist - in this order of time, "You can trust me!" "I trust you." "The only person I can trust is myself." "You have to trust me!" "Everybody in my inner circle has to trust me!"

[@HustleHabit]

So accurate... It helps with the process of accepting the truth, and seeking better. Thank you.

[@mthomas3547]

This video reminds me of something I read a while back on this subject of trust. A narcissist is only interested in what they want and why they want it. Yet, with any healthy relationship, the how's and when's are important to find resolution. I believe, this is where the trust issue surfaces because trust is needed to move through to a place of mutual resolution and if they're not motivated to find mutual resolution by asking, "How are we going to move through this so that both parties find a common solution and when I expect that?" They won't know how to answer it, because they have it in their head, it's my way or the highway.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Right...mutuality is not part of the narcissistic equation.

[@mthomas3547]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Honesty, I love that you said that, no, it's not wrong that we differ on our opinions, we simply have a difference of opinion. :D LOVE THAT.

[@bonnieforman9700]

"The relationship is not going to have a deep root system . .. " I love that analogy. Thanks for the work you do, Dr. C. Just when I think I've met the last narcissist in my life, another one shows up; so, I'll keep watching.

[@denicehaley9902]

This video, being late to join Team Healthy, explains why my narcissist “husband “ tells me he doesn’t trust me. Thanks, Dr. Carter, for your excellent explanation of the narcissist’s lack of trust.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Rather than "he doesn't trust me," just remember, "he doesn't trust."

[@denicehaley9902]

@@SurvivingNarcissism , truth!

[@lovereigns3882]

​@@SurvivingNarcissism After my ex narc coldly discarded me he wrote me a letter stating, "You never trusted me. And trust me on that!" I trusted him with my heart and soul only to be accused of the complete opposite! He also accused me of being paranoid, something no one in my 32 years had ever accused me of. Thanks a million Dr. C for educating us trustworthy individuals about the narcs defenses - THEIR paranoia, THEIR lack of trust, projection, playing the victim, raging, and using the silent treatment to punish us for THEIR delusional thinking that everyone's out to get them.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes. They definitely don't have an issue with stepping over personal boundaries. They definitely have an issue letting go of control. My mother is covert, and she knows that in so many ways she can't control me anymore or really get to me like she used to. So, she will try to prey on my son at times. Something happened recently, and she kept going on and on about it when it came to my son. Now that he found the information that she was going on and on about. She hasn't offered to take him to deal with the issue. I feel that at times she be hoping and praying that something doesn't go right. So, she can go on and on about how right she was. And basically do the whole I told you so. Even if she never expresses it verbally. It is implied. They don't understand or care to understand how draining they really are and can be.

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

Judgement was the word that came up for me and yes I was and maybe still am to blame. I am so glad I do a self trust prayer every morning and I remember the times I've succeeded. Trying to keep up w him only made me sick. May life continually deepen in self trust. Many thanks.

[@betsysorrell1357]

So true! God bless you!

[@vladquebec]

This video came at a right time for me : a very control freak colleague tried to gaslight me and I stood up to him. It describes pretty well his thought patterns.

[@akai.christo]

Thank you Dr. C♥️🙏🔥 Wish you and all here a beautiful day!! 💪🙂✌️

[@karenstanislaw8912]

Align with this one so deeply, Dr. Carter. Thank you.

[@Lemana28021989]

They are so insecure that everything, that is different needs to be controlled, altered and made like them. Then they punish you for trying to be like them (hence the walking on eggshells). Luckily, I am beyond that point. I looked through them and know my worth. Sometimes it is even refreshing when I react with a simple "ok" to the attacks. Oooh the rage that follows. But it's just words at this point. I see how pathetic it is and this is not affecting me anymore. There was a lot of healing to be done to be at this point. Especially as no contact sadly is no option.

[@sylviaamodeo7090]

100% TRUTH! No argument needed.

[@glenicebellamy3048]

Thanks so much for all you do, Dr. Carter. I have referred many people to your channel because you have helped me in so many ways. Some may disagree with the following, but I believe that many narcissists are wounded people who carry unforgiveness toward those who have wounded them. I also believe that this has opened them up to the dark side (aka demons) and they are tormented people who in turn torment others. I don’t think they can recover until they forgive and are set free. My narcissist hasn’t learned this yet, but I pray that he will. I love and forgive him, but cannot live with him. I have established boundaries and he now treats me with respect, which is a big step in the right direction. In the meantime, I am living a safe and peaceful life. Thanks again for everything. You helped me understand him and I have much more compassion for him than I had before. I also understand myself better and that’s a good thing.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You make so much sense, Glenice. Spot on! And thanks for the kind words of encouragement.

[@teacup1703]

Good to see you Gus!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Woof!

[@shelley7975]

They don't trust you because behind your back they are lying to you, stealing from you and talking trash about you. They can't make the connection to their own behavior. I trust because I'm trustworthy. They don't trust because they know they can't be trusted.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it.

[@helendubose2901]

This is one of my favorite videos, but really all your videos are my favorites! Thank you so much, Dr. Carter for helping me heal and become free!

[@victoriarosario3338]

Thank you Dr. Carter, Morning Gus! This was very informative. I'm just more confused than ever, because I feel like I was the one that was too critical. That's what he said he felt. I do have trust issues. But so does he. We both suffer from childhood trauma and mutually decided to separate. I am desperately trying to get my life back in order; and my friends are noticing a positive change in me. But the process is unsettling. Thank you for sharing your loving-kindness with us ( and Gus). 🥰

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep learning, Victoria!

[@AnnePerkins-po5jo]

Thanks to Dr C and Dr Ramani I am learning about this personality style, and also reflecting on my own behaviours and responses. Thing is, you just cannot trust a narcissist, however, I always strive to be trustworthy and reliable myself, especially after surviving a few toxic relationships. Being reliable and trustworthy is important because of how I was treated and let down. However, I think it was Paolo Freire who said something along the lines that sometimes the oppressed take on the characteristics of the oppressor. I was a scapegoat who learned to be very defensive, maybe sometimes too defensive, so I had that characteristic of narcissism up to a point. Dr Carter helps me understand this really well.

[@mthomas3547]

That's awesome that your working toward your healing. Nothing could be better, but it's a slow process. I feel the same way, that trust is difficult to do when you haven't had a lot to trust. Go slow.

[@victoriarosario3338]

@@mthomas3547 🙏Thank you. I am grateful for the validation. Patience. Yes. God is teaching me to have patience with His process. All the Best to you and anyone else reading this. I pray my ex will have peace in his heart, and joy, and an existence filled with loving-kindness, and patience. Lots of patience. 🙏💔😭 Thank you again.

[@victoriarosario3338]

@@SurvivingNarcissism God Bless You, Dr. Carter! 🤗🥰💖🙌🙏

[@johnjohnstone9805]

Strangely I find the role of designated loser to be a familiar scenario. Didn't even know that was the role I was playing out till I started listening in to all these narcissism educational video's on you tube, they just resonated for reasons unknown to me. Is slowly starting to make sense why I couldn't stop listening.

[@mandycote5662]

Someone who requires to live on ly’in doesn’t trust the truth but then the truth is a who not a what And right now I feel like I just did a bit of Dr Seuss!!! 🙂

[@LucyFre]

Highly paranoid they are ! Last words from my wife I heard in mail wife was: " I have enough living in fear and uncertainty from you" . I thought to myself..."What ...!!??" Wasn't any reason to say so ( her extreme hypersensitivity...) But its in double standards : I had to trust her unconditionally..Thank you for this podcast. I'm gonna upload it to my favourite list together with covert vounerable narcististism podcast and silent treatment- passive aggressiveness

[@ladysuperstardust8533]

There is another NPD coach who says silence is the only defence against the Narcissist.

[@jomama8984]

My ex was so paranoid. Eventually he turned everyone into his enemy. I was not trusted and he accused me of cheating with no evidence. I really think he was looking for a reason to break up so he can sit alone with his pornography and no real human to have to deal with. He was full of anger hatred and mistrust. Not a good combination

[@karentrejo1290]

Thanks dr.C and Gus

[@MsChris2707]

Brilliant video. Thank you Dr C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@CC-Raven]

Wow…Dr C you nailed this one! I feel validated. Thank you for all you do for us living with this madness. Not for long though 😉💖🙏🏼

[@ND-or5so]

They come into a relationship not trusting instead of seeing it through. They should not come into a relationship having their mindset. Don't get into a relationship if you are not open minded! They don't trust anyone because of their so-called damage. We can't trust them because of what they do and act towards us.

[@fred.k9875]

Trust yourself!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true, Fred!

[@Songe467]

I hated myself and felt guilty for years for not liking my parents, for lying to them and avoiding talking about my life. Right until I figured out that I don't lie to the people that I trust. Not long after that I realized that if they weren't my parents, then they weren't people I would choose to spend time with, hang out with or re-arrange my entire day in order to spend time with, in any case. Not even if it was Christmas. Once I start to think about why I didn't trust them, why I didn't like them and why I felt the need to avoid them and to not interact with them, eventually all the stuff I had spent my childhood not thinking about and avoiding because parents weren't suppose to be so damned callous and blaize towards their own kids and their welfare came back to me and it hit home just how badly I had been emotionally neglected and even abandoned by my own parents. It's been almost a year now since i had any contact with me because who spends time with people they don't even like unless they have to for work or something. Certainly not under your own free will, that's for sure. Even if they are your parents

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. They want freedom but they don’t want you ( me) to be free.

[@Ohkeh640]

I’m convinced narcissism was taught. There’s just too many men in my experience who have treated women poorly in narcissistic ways. Acting like the grinch. I think it’s either taught or something because every one has experienced this Also entitled people who step on others in general I stay away from. Sick world

[@jared8038]

Its so blatantly obvious the more I look into this..

[@user-kx6tw3fo1e]

Isn’t it! But when you’re in it…. It’s like you have a spell on you 💫

[@c.mareeharris4615]

Thank you! Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're most welcome!

[@bsraeder]

What would happen if I showed this video to a narcissist?

[@anyscaleclassics6880]

Trust and respect are both 2 way streets. You get what you give. Narcs simply don't see it like that.

[@craigmerkey8518]

Thank you so much! For me this personality is always in agenda mode! You may never uncover and know their motivations, but they seriously need you to validate them! Yikes!

[@annbolton5626]

I appreciate this well - stated explanation to help us better understand. It's a dark subject however Gus 🐾 brightens 🌞 the day! He is so precious! Spoil him!!! Thank you so much! Blessings!

[@vettevegas8549]

Trust issues describes me (now) exactly. I trust only my wife and my dog. And even with one of them...I hesitate. ;-)

[@christinadennis1223]

Thank you Dr Carter and snoozing Gus 🐶you help us so much 😊🇬🇧

[@johnmaurer2035]

Great Channel.

[@Alice-fr1ef]

Hello from California Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy. They only trust themselves and how can one expect them to trust someone they are superior to. In my experience anger is the only emotion they can show. Pay attention to what you see because what you see is what you are getting. Great video Dr. Carter. Thank you very much.

[@lynnfincham6839]

Thank you some very good advise all makes great sense to me 😊

[@beckyengland7164]

Spot on and well stated. Thank you so much!

[@esmereldatabitski8335]

Good program a d very helpful! After 40 years of marriage, my husband wbruptly decided to leave me and is in therapy. I am hopeful and standing but trulsy as he ages is becoming more self- centered, and am not so sure I want to reconcile if everything is his way! Thanks for some doses of reality about what I am dealing with.

[@oliverpaco3654]

It’s interesting to see how the different manifestations of narcissistic behaviour are connected to each other and that they can be boiled down to the inability to face one’s own insecurities and inner chaos. The inability to take an honest look at oneself and develop a sense of accountability is often described as being "childish“ (not in this video if i remember correctly). "Childish“ implies that the adult narcissist is somehow unfortunately stuck in a former state of their development, thus, in an immature perception of the world and themselves, where binary thinking and antagonism prevail. I just wondered if the adjective "childish“ does justice to many children, who, even though they are still children, have already developed a pretty solid sense of responsibility, sometimes they can even sympathize with adult human imperfections. So, I think there is probably more to many a child’s mind (flexibility? Capacity to learn?) than to that of many a narcissistic adult’s, which often seems to be irrevocably "impaired“, even though they sometimes have some helpful compensation strategies ready-at-hand. So, maybe comparing the narcissistic mind to that of children in general is just another form of gaslighting and self-deception? It does not only give children a bad name, it also downplays the effects of narcissistic abuse. Just a few thoughts. Thanks for the thought inspiring video.

[@sage9836]

"Difference translates into antagonism." Oh!!! No wonder trying to explain makes it worse.

[@aquagirl9228]

Thank you Dr Carter right on target!❣️❣️❣️

[@Deepintent]

Thanks, Dr. C. As always, the clarity and truth of your message is a calm balm to the soul. Question: we know what DRC stands for. What does GUS stand for, other than treats?

[@terrirobson9043]

Just excellent~~

[@danrunner84]

I can't trust my narcissist wife. She's great at hating and blaming but her behavior and lack of reliability makes her untrustworthy.

[@fredriecka8685]

The desire for heart engagement and investment with stony hearts, prickly porcupines and hissing. scheming, snakes run the risk of being mercilessly devoured, destroyed and, ultimately, abandoned. I thank God for REFUGE in my Christian Faith, Hope, Love and Prayer! And The Peace Of God Which Transcends ALL understanding, Will Guard your hearts and your minds In Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 Amen! There are so many hurting, destroyed hearts and minds, lives in our world. Continue in your mission and goodwill, Dr. Les Carter and Team Healthy. ❤Love your work❗

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Fredriecka!

[@mariannebaldetti2276]

Dr. C, let’s take “trust” a step further: narcissist of an enmeshed family with maternal incest. Tried and tried to gain love and respect of a narcissist for 25+ years, but I was incapable because of his deep loyalty to mom and family of origin. This would cause the narc to feel shame or guilt and, hence, why the narc defaulted to porn -- no loyalty asked. Not only this, the narc husband had a fetish for women’s clothing, accessories and such he hoarded. If I said anything, I was an ungrateful wife, wrong or too sensitive. Yuk! Ugh! So, so, so liberated to be away from this narc and getting a divorce. Anyone else out there with this same experience?

[@michellehill718]

Lol 🤗Yep, Dr. C! Absolutely, the narcissist (s) can go from 0 to 100 in a nanosecond! Team Healthy is like: Hey, wait a minute. What just happened? I just walked in the door and said hello!" Lol 🙃

[@lovereigns3882]

For several months after my ex narc boyfriend discarded me, we continued to communicate periodically. The last time I saw him he asked if we could be friends. When I said no because I still had feelings for him. He went from hot to cold in less than a second and raged about what a horrible, despicable person I was and then proceeded to play the victim as I stood their thinking what the hell just happened? Thank you Dr. C for helping me to understand this disturbing and shocking incident along with other questionable behaviors or patterns of thought he exhibited that puzzled me for many years afterwards. Thanks for educating us survivors and helping us to heal.

[@sabaidee5587]

To everyone: please let me know your opinion- she never said she is an narcissist or a covert one but I saw this things: - she need distance sometimes, like no contact for a while.. (2-4 weeks) - she often cancel meetings. - she said she is afraid to loose control. - she said she is afraid to be alone. - she said she's from another planet. - she said she hate people. - she said often I misunderstanding her. - she said I'm too sensitive. - she said " that's feed my ego" - she's sometimes lovely and sometimes extremely cold. -she's driving too fast, - eating too much - the way she's thinking is very strange, she's really complicated. Would you say , she's a covert narcissist?

[@deemaysie6568]

Sounds like a BPD woman to me.

[@sabaidee5587]

@Dee Maysie Interesting. May I ask you why are you thinking that, or what is the difference? Thank you!!

[@Hatbox948]

She sounds a little nuts. It might be time to move on.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

My ex accused me of lying whenever he asked a question and I answered truthfully. He just could not accept any reality that annoyed him or did not support his alternate reality. I wish I had a nickel for every time he would say, "It's you, Nancy, it's you" when he was trying to blame shift.

[@cherb8022]

Brilliant

[@SpooksMcGhie]

I really really enjoyed this video. Thank you

[@gypsyfaded5907]

🎯 Dr. C! "Lack of impulse control". The narcissist I interact with has maintained strict dieting behavior for decades and mentions it often. They aren't really overweight or medically restricted. Is this a symptom of self-distrust and control?

[@user-ir5ul1ph1c]

God help you if you have an opinion on anything with these people.

[@jared8038]

I'm going to look up your videos on leaving a narcissist boss. It's been 7 years of gaslighting, micromanagement and control. It's time to move on, but he still calls employees who worked for him 7 yeas ago asking them to come in and "help".

[@peggylittle1979]

Dr. Carter, could you perhaps discuss whether there is a connection between Asberger's and narcissism? In watching many of your videos, I keep getting the impression they may be the same. If so, which occurs first, or which causes the other? Thank you for your multiple-dimensions of insight into this plague of narcissm which causes so much misery -- for both parties in a relationship.

[@robrob5264]

I'm asking myself: Do I really have to understand, why a person treats me the way he/she does? This person treats me as he/she doesn't wants to be treated. Imo, that's all I need to know to take my measures, perhaps not the first time, because everyone deserves a second chance (betrayal and violence excluded), but as soon as I'm treated by this person a second time in a way, that doesn't feel right, it's definitely time to take my measures. I'm confronted with an adult and from an adult I can expect in social interactions, that both sides preserve the integrity and dignity of the other, take responsibility for their actions/mistakes/..., regulate their emotions, etc., despite their past and their present mood, feelings, hassles.

[@ryanunderwood5465]

Well done!

[@lil_Miss_Undrstood]

What do you do when they have turned everyone you meet and don't meet against you? I'll be homeless on the street in a day because of this person. This person hated me from the beginning and now has succeeded in destroying my life. I have absolutely no one I can trust. People pretend to nice for a very short time and then turn on a dime in a nanosecond. No one believes anything I say and treat me like I need to be "put away forever," in a psych ward. Meanwhile, I'm aware of all of it and can't stop it. It seems impossible and hopeless. How does a person recover from people helping them destroy your life?

[@Hatbox948]

Get away from them first. I did it with a child and two cats. Had to live in my car awhile, but you'll find your way back.

[@anthonyleveille1]

Thanks!

[@michignamymichigan]

They would check, when I said the sky is blue.

[@thewoundedhealer4950]

Mother and brother in a cult of two. No wonder that I fled overseas, and no wonder that my beloved dad developed Alzheimer’s and eventually succumbed to (or freed himself) from them. I would have liked to see it sooner, but you don’t know what you don’t know, and until you know. The insidious tentacles are so overwhelming, widespread and all over the place, and sometimes it’s unfortunately too late to do anything . Sometimes, the forward momentum and motion can’t be halted, no matter what. Had I known what I know now back then…. But I didn’t. ‘If only, then’ isn’t changing the past, nor does it bring my dad back. It however is beneficial, healing, and helpful for now and what’s to come.

[@2009jadeorchid]

either they don't trust you and or your abilities my cousin thinks everyone else is stupid as though we can't possibly be good at anything this is giving the way younger cousin confidence issues