"How can I stop hating myself?" ep.182

Licensed therapist Kati Morton addresses our issues with self-hate, shame, and why we can believe we are unlovable. She walks listeners through the ways we can overcome those beliefs and heal from it. She then explains more about dissociation and freeze states. She dives into what causes them, how our nervous system decides what to do, and what techniques she uses to ground her patients when they are dissociating. Kati also talks about regressing when triggered and why that happens. This and so much more in this week’s episode of Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast.
Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 182
If you want to support the podcast please check out my affiliate links in the description. If you shop on Amazon, or Instacart please use my links! Also, BetterHelp offers 10% off your first month when you use my promo code KATI when signing up. Okay, let’s get into today’s questions.
1. Hi Kati, looking for some additional tips to overcome self hate…I have been in counseling for almost 2 months now with anxiety and depression from childhood trauma and neglect. As more and more issues from that start to surface... 0:49
2. Is it possible to have full on discussions while dissociating? Sometimes during therapy or other overwhelming situations, I can't remember what was said. Is this dissociation or something else? 15:52
3. Could you possibly talk a little bit about age regression, why we may want to and if it can be a healthy coping mechanism? I feel for much of my life I’ve felt this urge, mostly used to self-soothe, but understand that it would be socially unacceptable... 23:24
4. I know you have talked extensively about dissociation on here, but what exactly is the difference between dissociation and freezing? Is one harder to manage? Do you intervene differently as a therapist? 31:10
5. I wonder if you could talk about how to handle negative thoughts that come up while journaling. So often my journal entries end up filled with anger, frustration, and despair. I hate what comes out and I feel ashamed of writing it. 40:52
6. Here’s my question: can flashbacks and dealing with trauma cause regression? Scenario: I’ve been battling a really intense CSA flashback lately. I’ve not had one this persistent or reactive in awhile. I often come out of these flashbacks in a different room... 47:52
7. I've always kind of had trouble focusing or keeping my attention on things that I don't really find interesting but lately I feel like it's escalated to a whole new level. I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety so I know that can be a symptom but I'm finding it really hard to focus on anything, even just scrolling through TikTok... 53:28
8. What do you do with clients that don't meet the full criteria for any particular diagnosis but have some common symptoms? My therapist says he... 57:54
9. I lost my safe person and safe space when I stopped seeing my therapist in May. Even though she made my mental health a lot worse I felt a deep bond with her and I opened up completely to her. Now that I've stopped seeing her I feel so incredibly lost.... 1:00:54
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[@LittleHobbit13]

I once saw a quote online that said "The anger is the part of you that loves you" and I've never been able to forget it. Anger because you know you deserve to be treated better, anger because you've been unfairly hurt. When you talk about anger being a secondary emotion, it makes me think of that.

[@LeapFrogHopShop]

OOOF

[@dgvfsa66]

For 60 years I was told by my mother and 3 sisters that I was mentally ill and the root of all family problems. It took 6 years of NO Contact and a whole lot of work (including at least 100 youtube videos) but now I KNOW it was not, and never has been me. THEY are, at their very core, severely dysfunctional.

[@chinesekungfu2031]

You're right. Sounds like you may have been the scapegoat for your narcissistic mother and sisters. Sorry you have been through that..I understand, and no or extremely limited contact has helped me reclaim my life from their control. If you can go to therapy I suggest it. Talking and using emdr has helped tremendously.

[@bsbfan4life26nkotb]

That's how I feel about my family. But I no longer have my mom or dad now. And don't see my brother only like 1x a year. My family is so toxic.

[@jjmccloud]

They only put it on you because you weren't playing along with their nonsense and being to be yourself. Narcissistic people can cause alot of emotional trama es when coming from loved ones. Keep going on your path!

[@mashaaaaaaa]

Oh, wow, that’s tough. They took gaslighting on a whole new level. You’re absolutely correct to cut them off. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey. ❤

[@kristenp6547]

I'm tired of having to overcome things.

[@mid5606]

Unfortunately, that's how life works 🙁

[@chelseaap]

Yep

[@joeminella5315]

Emotional neglect PLUS extensive religious indoctrination ("you are bad") really messed me up. Thanks for the tips, Kati.

[@tomskih203]

I feel like I swing between anxious and avoidant attachment styles.

[@RockSolidKaraoke]

When I'm by myself I don't hate myself. When other people try to evaluate my worth as a human being I start becoming frustrated why people only look for the negatives and ignore the positives. I mostly keep to myself due to others undervaluing me.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Sounds a lot like me as well . You're definitely not alone .

[@iUnderstand]

Can I ask- who are the people who are most likely to try to evaluate your worthiness?

[@Vulcaneer900]

I like to say that this world is God's Insane Asylum. (Jokingly) Everyone here is nuts. Including me. I have learned to stop taking life so seriously. I mean, why would I take critisism from a nutcase.? Right.? If a 5yr old child walks up and kicks me in the shin, I'd shake it off and walk away. But if an adult does it I lose my mind. Why.? Because of Expectations. I expect the adult to behave like an adult. But, if that adult thinks like a child, I am the fool. I expect them to give me something they don't have. Maturity. I look at the adult that would do that as a child who has problems I don't understand, and I devalue their critisisms. I don't take them seriously... I like to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself the truth. "Chuck, you are a good person. And Susan is messed up. She is full of critisism because she can't look at her flaws. That is her problem. Not yours. Don't let her insanity ruin your day." "Now go out there, Chuck, and change the world.!" "I Love You." 💖 And I give myself a, Big Thumbs Up, and I move on with a smile on my face.

[@shael177]

Ask yourself, who you like more, yourself or those people? Ask yourself, how much does this person know about me? Do they know me for 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months? Should I even pay heed to their judgement?

[@Meriba.]

Me too

[@grmpEqweer]

"Something must be wrong with me." Oof. I really, REALLY feel that.

[@grmpEqweer]

P.s. I'm also thinking, "I don't deserve any better."

[@brycamp3237]

P.s. that and what comes to my mind, “if all those people abused me and God allowed it it must be cuz I’m a bad person and I deserved it.”

[@dgvfsa66]

@@grmpEqweer Are you a good person? Are you kind to others? Do you treat them well? Do you care how others are treated? Then don't EVER doubt yourself or believe something must be wrong with you!!!!! That is garbage.

[@dgvfsa66]

@brycamp3237 Our purpose on earth is to evolve into better people. God doesn't allow people to abuse others. He allows them to use their free will. If they choose to be monsters, they will face their day of reckoning. Just remember, their flaws have NOTHING to do with you.

[@MMStrademark]

I wonder that myself but most due to long childhood memories that have been returning to me or sometimes I remember things my family don’t.

[@dizzytel]

I'm so scared of angry people because of my upbringing. I don't know how to handle it.

[@ericb8413]

Me too. My father had a horrible temper and was physically abusive. I’m in my 60s and still can’t handle it when people start raging. I just want to run 😢

[@angelagoodwin5758]

Anger terrifies me. In my mind, it equals danger.

[@Lemonady]

Timestamps! Q1 - 0:49 Q2 - 15:52 Q3 - 23:24 Q4 - 31:10 Q5 - 40:52 Q6 - 47:52 Q7 - 53:28 Q8 - 57:54 Q9 - 1:00:54

[@Gwenx]

I didn't know about the disassociation thing while "functioning" i have tried telling my doctors and nurses about these things but they don't even know what disassociation is.. I often struggle to remember my days or the whole week, i only remember some highlights and i know i "slip away" often. Sometimes my partner will ask me if I'm okay and ill snap back to my body and feel like i was gone for hours, just working on autopilot the entire time. It could explain a lot for me..

[@ZAB_Nailz]

A little pushback on your response to question 8. My fiancé attempted to get therapy at two community mental health centers due to some serious life stressors that were causing a lot of distress. Both places did a DA and told him 1) he’s too well adjusted, doesn’t have serious enough symptoms, able to cope well enough, etc. to need therapy 🙄 2) he didn’t meet the criteria for a diagnosis (so they couldn’t bill insurance, Medicaid). They could have at least given him a diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder, imo. Being on Medicaid means that not a lot of therapists will take your insurance. Don’t you need a diagnosis for them to bill insurance? Either way, my pushback is that although therapy should be accessible and affordable, it’s just not.

[@jacobmounts8975]

Welcome to the American healthcare system. I've been fighting it for 25 years.

[@SoCalDoll]

I also went to a Community Health Center when I was going through depression. I was rejected for their services & sign off of disability bc I "looked" normal. When the person interviewing told me this, I broke down crying & explained how difficult it was to get out bed & get dressed to make it to the appointment. I filled her in on every little thing that my appearance didn't tell. She listened & accepted me in their program but it should not have taken all that emotional distress just bc I "looked" normal. The American "health" system sucks major ass & mental health assistance should most definitely be affordable but it is most definitely not. I still need therapy & do not have it bc I can't afford it. I'm having to instead listen to KZbin videos like this that are thankfully made by people in the mental health field. This should not be what people unable to afford therapy are relegated to.

[@rainbeau9752]

money. if you don't have it your mental health is SOL. Kate thank you for your videos and channel. You are more helpful than any therapy I've had so far.

[@low.key.dj_uk]

What does S.O.L mean?

[@PrestoJacobson]

@@low.key.dj_ukshitouttaluck

[@sydneyalisonbaker]

@@low.key.dj_ukSo Outta Luck or S**t Outta Luck

[@nobodynowhere21]

Liberal democracy (capitalism) is a crime against humanity. An abomination beyond comprehension.

[@AngelofAces]

How do you motivate yourself to get money tho

[@angko-pe]

I asked question #9 and I've been diagnosed with cptsd. I will look into dbt. Thanks for answering my question ❤

[@maddie_142]

Sooo strongly disagree about those comments on the therapist being seen as a safe person/safe place and that being unhealthy or not having boundaries. Therapists SHOULD be a safe person, and sometimes they are the only safe person for their client at that time. There are also so many different types of therapy. Any attachment based or relational therapy is like this, and it is totally healthy and helpful. You build that relationship with the therapist and that helps you to go out into the world to build healthier relationships with others. I don't think this is a lack of boundaries situation at all. Therapy isn't just about pushing clients.. It's also showing that relationships can be safe and that people do care

[@user-im2pc1ce3o]

I remember how I decided not to be hateful and not to express anger. I was in fifth grade, it was a hard time - we were devided into new groups and each subject was in a different classroom, when previously we stayed primarily in one room and had only one corridor to roam about. It was also when we seriously took on foreign language. Studying wasn't hard for me before, but our new teacher was far more demanding than before and I found out I didn't know much of the subject and couldn't learn it fast enough. I got my first C as a result of a second term, therefore - a year. I was really scared. My mom was really mad at me. I tried my best, but just couldn't do anything. I was shamed a lot, but I just wasn't able to help the situation. The more I tried - more stressful it got, and I completely forgot any information. I couldn't concentrate (I think it was my first serious signs of neuro diversity), so I tried following example of my classmates, who were also getting bad grades - being angry at the teacher. I don't think I ever did that before - never joined in on discussions about a teacher with peers, verbally dissing the person. It didn't help. I just felt worse - children were being pretty rude, commenting on her appearance and behaviour, without showing any compassion. She was an older woman - my classmate's grandmother at that - so at one point I just couldn't agree with those mean words and be angry at her (which at that point seemed one and the same). She wasn't hostile to me, she was doing her job. I was hurt, but it didn't mean I had a right to lash out on her. I was unfair to her. So I forsed myself to not be angry at her. Yes, I didn't cope with things the best way - I started blaming myself, which is rather sad - but I managed to talk to her and cooperate to get a better grade. Also, later I Aced my finals on Foreign language when I graduated, practically with no extra effort - apparently, when you need language to learn something interesting for you it is easy to be good at it)

[@aosidh]

Affirmations always make my inner bully dig in really hard. Bridge statements are great, and as an upshot, the silliness of all the qualifications help to lighten the mood 😾

[@EmJay732]

Thank you for answering!! Update: I brought up the sensation of feeling like I was going to faint during my flashbacks with my therapist last week. She explained what happens physiologically with freezing/dissociation, so I’ve started monitoring those things. I wasn’t cognitively aware in the moment to check my heart rate/blood pressure during the flashback, but about 10 min after my BP was 90/58 mmHG and my HR was in the 40-50s. I don’t know if this is helpful. I might just be weird 😅.

[@katydid594]

Growing up in abuse does a number. I never really got away, never married, had to move back in with abusive mother for 10+ years. I managed to move to my own place, but I waited too long, and think it’s too late for me. No friends, no family of my own, family of origin believes my mothers lies (she destroyed two of my relationships already). I’m depressed, sleep a lot, live with multiple diseases, and chronic pain. I have no one to lean on, nothing to live for. I end up laying in bed or sleeping for hours on end. I need to get so many things done, but I am overwhelmed. Self-hate, depression, anxiety, and dissociation have been with me since I was a child. I’m not taking care of myself. Anytime I talk to my mom or siblings I go into a flashback, but when I don’t hear from them I feel rejected. It’s a no-win. I’m barely functioning with no money to pay for a therapist. No surprise my default is freeze/sleep. This is torture.

[@geraldinecoules3405]

Hopefully you can talk to your doctor to get help. It’s not your fault that you’re suffering with this. You can heal and find relief from the struggle. These videos are helpful.

[@michaelkoon326]

I've been telling myself that I was worthless for a long time and just you asking if there was something I was good at made me think and realized that I am better than I thought only herring my family and friends telling me I thought they were just saying that to make me feel better thank you

[@MMStrademark]

You mean I am not the only one who goes through this? Because I always tell myself what a prick I am or what an awful friend I can be which oddly enough makes me feel better sometimes.

[@4fatsluts]

ohh i need this. thanks kati!

[@ericberger4751]

Omg...u are my angel...I just turned 60 and finally have figured out why u have felt (feel) the way I do. I have so many talents and experiences that could and WILL help others. Love to chat perhaps with you for a spell if poss cus your messaging has seriously just saved my life. I am not crazy not a loon...but mostly a victim of a horrible family experience...you rock girl.❤❤

[@robbielynmccrary872]

well what is hard about this is people can see and sense someone who is not the standard or normal person. So others automatically don’t like you or worse narcissist take advantage of you. i look in the mirror and listen to my video recordings of myself and can see that i’m different. i’m also avoidant which doesn’t help either. it’s a tough road to like yourself if others reflect back to you you aren’t worth much. and when the occasional person actually sees the good in you, because it’s occasional, i don’t trust that or think something isn’t right with them.

[@emilyrosewell308]

Is dissociation what happened when, in my childhood, I felt “glassed in”- like I was in a glass booth? As an adult, I learned my brother felt it too. Our parents weren’t abusive, but they were very anxious and somewhat controlling.

[@annandrews5644]

Pppppppppppppppp

[@MrEpsilonZero]

Helicopter parents? Yeh, fighting your battles and reassuring parents to help overcome their anxiety?

[@alexandria3458]

Thanks for this video. I have started positive affirmations this month I found on KZbin. I am actively kicking out the "terrible garbage thoughts" about myself and replacing them with affirmations. It really helps to hear things that are on the opposite end of the spectrum from my internal dialog.

[@Skyblue-oi5is]

I had lovely parents. But we all suffered from ill health. If I wanted to do something my mother didn’t think was good for me she would say you are making me ill. So I feel a bad person. I went to a Convent school and everything was sinful. I blame myself for everything.

[@MysticCreature]

Your voice alone is worth it… it’s soothing just to hear you…. ❤❤❤

[@nabt7009]

Thank you, this is something I struggle with a LOT

[@maus0liam]

i finally realized who you kinda remind me of... Nicole Sullivan! you could be sisters in my eyes. anyways, i needed this video today. thank you.

[@cornel.fitness]

Thank you so much. Really.

[@ABiblioManiac]

I can’t remember any abuse with my parents or anything like that but emotional blockage. I don’t know why I have these issues-I don’t think I went through hard/traumatic times?

[@SAM-dm5qg]

Thank You For Sharing ❤

[@Truthseeker-sd2ho]

Listen to Teal Swan’s video on Self Hate…completely my story. My mother’s shame (because she couldn’t control me) turned me into the family scapegoat wherein my self hatred at that time became a coping mechanism in order to survive the dysfunction, but now it’s threatening to take my life. The answer: integration of aspects of myself that I turned against me in order to shield me from the abuse. As long as I harmed myself, others wouldn’t be so inclined to do so.

[@Elizabethpepper8]

Self hate the most dangerous coping mechanism? That's my biography too! It explains things so well.

[@LowLightMike]

Comment not related to this topic: I'm subscribed to this channel, and also subscribed to Emma McAdam's "Therapy in a Nutshell" channel. I watch videos from both occasionally, but not often enough because evidently I was thinking of them as one person. Then today I got notifications of new videos by each of them, and I found that odd, still not clueing-in that they are two different people, 2 different channels. So I got both persons' videos up in my browser and I clicked back & forth for a while, and I had that fun & somewhat embarrassing realization that I had been constantly mixing-up these two professionals in my mind, thinking they were one. Life is funny that way. Now to watch the videos, both of them :)

[@sidewalksurf800]

I find Kati to be much more personable than therapy in a nutshell. But love her too!

[@amg9163]

@LowLightMike Thank you for posting about your combining both therapists. I used to watch Therapy on a Nutshell regularly, and then dropped off for no real reason. Because I subscribe to 150 channels of various subjects, I hadn't seen a notification pop up in a long while. Out of sight, out of mind, which usually happens for me. But now, because of your post, I was reminded, and I'll go look for the videos I have missed! 😁

[@Stanley-xc4yc]

00:12:15 excellent idea for resource examples of how to cope well with anger, anxiety😊

[@arthurpenfield8229]

This hit me hard 😢

[@bereal6590]

Brilliant, I'm going to watch all of these a few times to get this in my brain. The one person that triggers this for me is my vuln covert martyr mother. Problem has always been she has chronic illness so I took the psychological abuse not wanting to make her more sick, whilst making myself sick in the process!

[@lilycat1694]

Need this!

[@ddemon4406]

Health Care Triage did a video on "ice baths" and found no legitimate research backing up any of the claimed benefits.

[@brokenhalo315]

I really hate the "thoughts are not facts" logic. I get why it's a thing, but how can I trust my thoughts when I tell myself positive things then?

[@RachaelJohn]

I think it's more about recognising when we're being irrational with ourselves. Negative thoughts most often are based in false ideas/beliefs

[@dianavandevalk3714]

That's why the bridging thing is there? If you've been internalizing negative thoughts for decades and all of a sudden start with happy joy joy thoughts, you're not going to believe that. Your brain is not going to believe that cause you believed and internalized the negative stuff for so long. The switch is too drastic. It's doesn't make any sense, it's too much of a gap. The bridging thing slowly chips away at that negative conditioning. It would be awesome if we could just flip a switch, like what happens at emdr sometimes but with a decades long pattern that totally wired and carved in your brain, it'll take in between steps and consistency to create a new habit/pattern. Give it some time, it will change.

[@brokenhalo315]

@@dianavandevalk3714 I meant when I have naturally happy thoughts. Like if I think "damn, I look cute today!", but then I have someone tell me "thoughts aren't facts", I start to question whether I actually look cute or not. Am I wrong? Am I not cute? I understand that logic when it comes to questioning the validity of negative thoughts, but I feel like it creates self-doubt when I have a genuinely positive thought.

[@Hemlocker]

@@brokenhalo315 Does it matter whether that's a "fact" or not? Can cuteness even be a "fact"? Surely the important thing is that you _feel_ it.

[@Hemlocker]

@@brokenhalo315 Also, that self-doubt is itself just a thought, yet you pay more attention to that than the initial thought?

[@crystalfarao4763]

I feel like I am a unloveable person 😢

[@Himeko-wv7fu]

How come you're such a good singer 😍❤️

[@katydid594]

I’ve always hated myself. I was depressed as a kid, have had panic attacks since my 20’s, and have always thought something is wrong with me. I can’t imagine it getting any worse during therapy. I’ve been living in chronic pain from orthopedic injuries and other diseases for 15-20 years. I’ve been completely disabled since I was 48. I’m 60, single, live alone, have one friend (kinda), no family support, no job, no money, dissociate routinely, etc. There is very little about my life that is positive or good. Question: What type of therapist should we look for? My current therapist seems to be over her head with me. She keeps wanting me to make friends with someone. I’m too fucked up physically and emotionally right now to consider socializing. I’m barely hanging on and am getting tired of her asking. What kind of background training is best for a trauma therapist?

[@ritalarbi8275]

Thank u I now know ,the hate I have for myself is notme but those that I stayed with there is something wrong with them ,and with this knowledge I can love myself deeply and my family

[@mid5606]

If you have low self-esteem, you tend not to accept compliments. That is why it is hard to get rid of negative self- talk and believe in bridge statements.

[@FFWrench]

Hi Kati! Can you do any videos on Combat PTSD? Treatment and long term recovery? How to find a therapist (or psychologist or psychiatrist?) that can help effectively? Are medications a life long curse or a temporary tool to help manage the anxiety and panic from triggers? It’s not like there is a “fast acting inhaler” for a PTSD trigger.

[@user00688]

32:35 this is so cool

[@alexandria3458]

💛Thanks!

[@Katimorton]

You're welcome 😊

[@RebeccaDrexhage-fh4gl]

I have that fainting thing as well and it freaks me out. I have been very curious about how it can be explained and stumbled on the “flop” trauma response. But I would really like to know what is behind it physiologically. It is nearly never mentioned anywhere. For me it is definitely out of a freeze state. I usually cannot move and speak normally right before even though I can feel it coming. Sometimes I m in that state for hours. It is scary and weird.

[@Brody-wg4kk]

I feel the same way as her

[@Lisa-mf6vy]

I don't have any of these sad or abusive stories most people in the comment have. I still hate myself. Almost makes me feel even more of a disgrace bc I have no reason to hate myself, other than myself.

[@stl2nola72]

My N mother is super religious to the point that she is totally out of touch with reality. She believes that just because someone claims to be a Christian that they are good people and should be trusted. When I was 8 years old I had to stay overnight with a church family because she and my dad had to go to an event for his work. These people slept in one room with their kids. This man walked up on me and he was totally naked and stood within 5 feet of me and tried to verbally coerce and intimidate me to come sleep in the room with him and his wife. It was terrifying and it was my first time standing up to an adult and telling them off. I refused and told him there was something wrong with them. I locked myself in the guest room and wouldn’t come out and called my mom’s mother. When my mom found out she acted like she didn’t believe me and made excuses for them and continued to take us over to their house to hang out. After that I refused to go back in that house. When we went there I would stay in the car or stay outside. I have religious trauma. I am finally in therapy at age 51 to deal with all the childhood trauma. It’s so hard to go no contact because she made me the “golden child’ and sees me as an extension of her. The family has zero boundaries and she has triangulated all my siblings against me. They are resentful toward me for getting all moms attention when we were kids, attention I despised. She needs to cut the cord and leave me alone.

[@jaybube478]

Damn. Hopefully you’re doing well

[@stl2nola72]

@@jaybube478 I’m ok now but all that childhood crap caused me to become a magnet for narcissistic relationships in adulthood. I removed a woman from my life in August who was with me for 12 years. She was emotionally abusing and manipulating me all those years. I’m following the advice of Dr Ramani and not going near any kind of dating prospect for at least a year but probably longer to make sure I don’t jump back into another narcissistic relationship. From now on I will just assume everyone is a narcissist until proven otherwise.

[@SkiraReed]

I'm currently going through a lengthy, painful process of infertility with my partner. I did not expect the amount of self hate it brought up for me. My father was never really a protector and i had a really bad and abusive relationship before i years later met my husband. I have the feeling i just buried so much to function and it's all coming out now, that I'm reduced to my 'natural' function as a human being. I feel like, if i can't even get pregnant, am I not even good enough at being a woman?! I need to get through this, I'm torturing myself every month over and over again.

[@xmlstudios]

36:00 during dissociation Ive passed out, It can happen. I was only out for a minute or two, it only happens in extremely stressful situations

[@LiveFaustDieJung]

It sounds funny, but yeah, don’t operate heavy machinery. I did in construction. Luckily never dissociated, while using machinery, but you don’t want to be on a shaky boom lift, 10 stories up, when you’re dissociating. 😅

[@Fjgrugnn3334]

She’s so beautiful 🥹

[@richardgatling4663]

Be curious, not judgmental. A good reference from Ted Lasso.

[@julietteg4229]

I just clicked on this video because I was like this is me and then I heart your voice for two seconds and I was like wait I know her from Shane!!!!

[@eloisemarie5219]

Haha!! Kati funny. You learned to type because computers were new. I learned to type because we used typewriters. 🤣😊

[@Katimorton]

😁

[@twjr2855]

So I never really thought about it until now, but what if you have a combination of attachment and avoidance? I will move heaven and earth to keep people at a distance to a certain degree but when I do let someone in I’m like Velcro and annoyingly so. I have had people get burned out by me and others who I will talk to have work acquaintances but I never let them in. I have no real friends other than one that lives half way around the country that I have never met who knows everything but other than that I don’t let people in.

[@BlackPyramid111]

I was homeless for 30 years living alone in the woods or under a bridge. All the years outside kinda messed my head up. Not so sure about the hate myself part BUT I'm for sure not real happy about all the years wasted.

[@katarina6724]

You probably have some interesting stories, though.

[@BlackPyramid111]

@@katarina6724 It would be a sad movie indeed

[@katarina6724]

​@@BlackPyramid111You should write a book. I'd read it.

[@BlackPyramid111]

​​@@katarina6724 I don't want to re-live all that again although I can never forget. I'm somewhat of a steampunk artist nowadays. I made two ancient looking Celtic musical instruments. The two string bowed lyre. They are the real deal NOT toys. I got a violin bow from ebay and rosin. Trying to learn to play. I listen to music like ALCEST / Spiritual Instinct and SULDUSK / Lunar Falls. If I could find a girl singer about my age we might could busk on the corner. Have fun too, meet people

[@BlackPyramid111]

​@@katarina6724 yeah I was suicidal for a long time. I ingested some radio active medical waste I found in a dumpster long time ago trying to hurt myself. I feel fine but it will always be in my system. Stupid me

[@LessThanThree76]

What a crazy coincidence - I’ve been listening to ”Hate myself” with NF all week. And I truly DO hate myself. I’m a waste of air and space. My only dream is to be able to die in a way that I can donate all my organs to people with rich lives and happy families. That way my existence haven’t been a complere waste at least.

[@spaceangel1981]

Hugs

[@spaceangel1981]

Wish I could PM private chat

[@LessThanThree76]

@@spaceangel1981 Thanks. ❤️ Maybe we an chat elsewhere? Not sure how, but still.

[@huha123]

I feel similar, but I don't want my organs to be donated, so I won't contaminate anyone else.

[@LessThanThree76]

@@huha123 Contaminate how? In what way?

[@klanderkal]

I've noticed, i always seem to betray myself..? Even when im aware, or tell myself " whatever you do, don't do that", or.. I should never!, or I will definitely suffer consequences... I keep betraying myself, over n over... then. Bang! I realize my mistake, and remember telling myself Dont, stop, wait, etc.... and that i was warned by myself,... i recently lost my marriage, i lost my sport, i lost best friend, lost my career job... and they're all my fault... i always realize after, what i did, or said.... and i don't believe it was done by me... i hate myself!! I have Guilt and shame... i want to end me !! But,.. im afraid to. Im always living in coulda shouda wouldas,.. always! I know i cannot redo my mistakes, can't go back and change..... i know i have to go foward,.. but i don't want to! I have no desire to live., i don't like life, i don't like me My neighbors want me to hang in there.... but, i just don't want to,.. after loosing my career job, and that was all my fault to. I don't have my structure, purpose, coworkers. .. i have absolutely nothing left.... I suffer now from depression, anxiety, insomnia. ..etc. i hate myself, i caused this all..!!!

[@user-kp8do9bp8c]

I’m really scared of my parents and adult sister cause they seem to have a disorder where they don’t care about my anxiety where I can’t drive vehicles, can’t communicate and too scared of the feeling going to school and hiding in the school bathroom and getting bullied for being quiet

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Been asking myself this ? for the lonnggggesssst time ... 🤔

[@al.g9534]

lack of love is self hate...when your family doesn't love you its not something that doesn't make sense...they are spiritually ill...when a mother or father doesn't love their children THAT is a sickness and if you backtrack you find abuse after abuse amd so on. we don't have to become infected blaming ourselves but know they don't even love themselves how can they show us how to love or love us?

[@user-mi7bn5wp6u]

Hi Kati, my soon to be ex-wife filed for divorce out of the blue. Living happily (so I thought), one day, she left on a 'business' trip, and six days later came home announcing her filing. I'm crushed to say the least because I was blind sided. I had no idea she was unhappy. She kicked me out. I'm lost, hopeless, and I feel disregarded like yesterday's garbage. How do I cope?

[@kc6401]

WoW first one sounds like me 😮

[@ryannesumbry4130]

Looking 👀 for time stamps

[@johnpaulsawan1990]

the smell of rosemary makes me disassociate back to when I was molested and abandoned. There were rosemary bushes all around the house I was in.

[@joecurry6102]

Dude thanks for the title but I don't have the mental capacity for an hour of this I'ma head out

[@blackeneddove]

What if you are the problem? (By “you” I mean me). What if I actually am the problem?? Because people aren’t perfect and some people really are the problem. What if I hate myself because I have come to realize that *I. am. the. problem.” What does one do when they are the problem?

[@MissddStarr]

I feel this way too. I am the common denominator 😿

[@alicewonder6500]

Yeah…I do need to desensitize myself to anger bc of distressing experiences with my brother and his anger issues. Anytime I feel angry I feel unstable now. Literally any form of anger my body and mind treats as a HUGE HUGE threat! Including my OWN emotion of anger! It’s AWFUL!!!! It fucking SUCKS!! I’m not sure how to heal from this right now as I still live with my family (tho thankfully my brother moved out to college so the trigger is less) but just because the trigger is not around doesn’t mean I’m healed. It’s just so fucking awful.

[@Omegared_o]

all the self hatred i give myself and whatd i get more -ppl angry at me???? why and now im too self aware hyper aware honestly for no reason like

[@backroadsofeasternwashington]

When I check the facts I reaffirm that I hate myself.

[@indridcold8433]

Most people hate complete losers. Why should I be any different t just because I am said loser. At least I realise how undesirable and ugky I am. Most undesirable, ugly, losers do not even realise just how undesirable, ugly, and what losers they are. I would not even be around myself if I could help it. But I just happen to be myself and can not leave my own presence. Thus, I am stuck with a pathetic loser the rest of my life.

[@aam6545]

i'm so sorry you're dealing with such painful feelings.

[@user-vl7vk3ne6y]

Word for word this thought also goes through my head. My therapy is reading other peoples brutally honest comments, which at least there a little doubt/question comes out so it is not just me. WHat Is this then?

[@BEACHDUDE71]

It's a struggle

[@mitalipatel5352]

I am open to questioning the possibility that may be i am not as unlovable as i thought Bridge statment Check fact Whats the anger i feel about..(be chrious not jugemental)what is other thing that is deeply feeling basically acknowledge it

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Imagine if the 🌎 suddenly came to a stop.

[@danielsmith6465]

37:22

[@EvalenaSheets-of7zb]

I'm throwing in the towel I'm getting no were in my life I end up going back to being a anxious mess to the point were I can't function and I'm tired of people telling me to stop worrying or pray about I'm done. Im done trying I'm running on E. Bye

[@user-vl7vk3ne6y]

same here

[@larissakraszewski7703]

That's the thing...i can't watch TV. I can't see all the cheating. I get physically sick everytime i watch a TV or show that involves cheating. I can't talk to people i know have done it. I've isolated myself really bad. I can't get away from it. Not in music. Not on TV. Not in games. Not in books. Not at work. I can't get away from my trigger and I'm living in hell with no insurance. Do you have any advice for me. I really really need it

[@donnaechlin5550]

Hi I from Canada Iwas in therapy all they want to do is drugs hi had a tumor on Adrenal gland from being on that hi crashed hard

[@SAM-dm5qg]

👀 🤔

[@oneflyguy1949]

regrets

[@fredatai928]

Hi Katie , I am form HONG KONG , thank you for you sharing

[@kazirahman-bw7cn]

how old are you , i am 44 year old man and even my school we used computer snot type writers

[@TarkMcCoy]

"Fuck Carrol, I guess I hate her too." -Carrol (Renfield 2023)

[@ranmanb.7479]

I am choosing to ask god for forgiveness as I am coming home to him soon whether he wants me or not. May he show mercy on my soul

[@2okaycola]

Stay strong. We need you here

[@rachelfarmer0277]

Never going to happen

[@nia.gregory]

Get a mood support formula and find a hobby. Write a list of your strengths.

[@huha123]

Bridge statements never ever worked for me, nothing can make a sucky life and inability to make the right decisions ever change. Nothing will ever change or be positive that I am responsible for a suicide, he killed himself because of my inability to get help when we were kids, I was told by everyone it was all my fault. The girls who attacked him were never held responsible, it was all placed on me.

[@heysaras]

Maybe there’s a tiny possibility it wasn’t 100% your fault? (Of course you’re not to blame no matter who tries to convince you that you are) And it might be possible that you can change a tiny bit and make a good enough decision today. hugs.

[@huha123]

@heysaras no there is no possibility it wasn't my fault. Even 15 years after the fact I looked him up just to apologize again and he looked at me with an empty soul and walked away from me. He blamed me until the end. He was going to be a great person, he had everything going for him and it was all taken away because of me. My father, the police, he parents, all the parents in the neighborhood pointed the finger at me. Life sort of got better after we moved away, but I never recovered, obviously he didn't either evey time I saw him I would apologize and never got a response. I feel so bad for entering his life, I wasn't even supposed to be alive. Both my mother and stepmother tried to kill me and failed, they knew what I was when I was a baby and a toddler, I hate I wake up every day. So how is it possible for me to say it wasn't my fault? Everyone on the outside who wasn't involved try to say it wasn't, yet here we are, I can bring it up today to my father, and he'd say the same exact thing, that it was all my fault.

[@tablecloth1943]

@@huha123 im so sorry, i hope you can find someone like a therapist to talk to more about this in real life :( i know i dont know the whole story, but if your mother and stepmother tried to kill you, it doesnt sound like they have a right to blame you for something or make you feel bad, they cannot be good people. i hope you try to forgive yourself, you cant change anything about the past you can only be better in the future.

[@blklionz659]

Clindamycin

[@bestyoutubechannelever3206]

First

[@slr4092]

:( question 8 you forgot to read the comment I left :( Here is the comment: I am currently seeing a therapist who said on paper she is treating me for anxiety but in actuality is treating me for a little bit ld everything. It used to annoy me that she couldn’t just tell me until I realized she is probably not telling me so I don’t focus on it. I guess I am the type of person who needs labels for everything then focuses and blames things on the label. Does that make sense.

[@heysaras]

In my experience the therapist chooses often with your permission because there is stigma to certain labels more than others what diagnosis to use purely for insurance billing purposes. It could just be that.

[@zoltanbabli6892]

Katalin Morton te neked van mondjuk esetleg fekete színű bőr kabátod vagy fekete színű bőr nadrágod meg egy fehér színű Adidas sport cipőd szeretném tudni Katalin Morton

[@bellaluce7088]

Kati, I'm writing to request that you please, please take down and repost your recent video This Is Why You Keep Attracting Narcissists (THERAPIST EXPLAINS) without the "Fun Facts About Narcissists" interludes. If the "Fun" Facts were so triggering for me even without having experienced hitting or SA as part of the narcissistic abuse, I'm guessing some people are in even more distress after watching it. < : - (

[@MaciekRabizo]

Get jacked :D