How Childhood Trauma Can Make You A Sick Adult | Big Think

[@bigthink]

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[@leafyjr-amp5063]

Lol No

[@MoveInSilence23]

It can make you a sociopath. It can make you suicidal. It can make you sick. It can make you antisocial, angry, bitter, all kinds of things. It is hell.

[@rosbifle413]

Me too. No friends. No one close to me. Going no where. I hate my dad. I'm 33.

[@Africangyal]

I'm 28 feels like a waste of a life tbh

[@Africangyal]

@@makaylahollywood3677 Thanks Makayla. I'm impressed by his depth and philosophy thanks for that, I'm already hooked. I definitely won't give up. I'd be lying if i were to say it's easy, it's not. Its extremely difficult. But i definitely won't give up. I'll delve deeper into my music (passion) and watch encouraging individuals like Jordan. A little kindness can go a long way & your words though few have encouraged me greatly. I thank you.

[@ImANiceGamer]

@@rosbifle413 your not alone !

[@rosbifle413]

@@ImANiceGamer since I wrote the last comment my dad passed away. Just opened pandoras box of depression and sadness.

[@christophershepherd1983]

It fucks your entire existence up. I realized it after I had kids. Repressed memories started creeping in the minute I saw my parents interacting with my kids. Deep fear and anger like I've never felt. It doesn't take constant abuse, but it doesn't take much thats for sure. Be good to kids. Life will be easier for them.

[@rs5570]

If people are abused they must count on abusing their own children. Some won’t abuse, but MOST will. We know this. It’s not a guess. Why is it controversial to hard encourage young adults not to EVER have children if they were abused? That’s the ONLY way to stop these hellatious patterns in their tracks, to stop cycles of generational, entrenched abuse.

[@DCSTEETSKATER123]

@@rs5570 i agree with you. As our brain is developing through the early stages, its absorbing and storing at any patterns from our immediate environment, good or bad. Once an adult, these solidified set of behaviours will be almost impossible to change. It is possible but it takes an enormous amount of will power, an attribute which most lack.

[@janicenakonechny3674]

@@rs5570 another way may be to learn how to rehabilitate and throw lots of love to those people that are injured this way. We could open up the communication of this tragedy that happens to so many, and ensure them its not their fault. This will alleviate the self hate, and only then can we heal. I have been microdosing mushrooms for a few months now, and its true that the mushrooms actually stop the damaged neurons in the brain, and grow new ones. I have experienced this, and it works. There is more and more new research now, and will grow. You are right when you say most will abuse again, without counselling and left with no support during their abuse. Maybe add the education to school curriculums, to free kids who are getting abused to speak of it to others. It may be a slower way than not allowing the abused to have kids, but more humane, because that would be just retraumatizing for them. Not their fault they got abused, and kids can save your life if you are suicidal every day of your life since it happened. Might as well shoot them because they will die. Also not all abused become abusers.

[@empressqi1722]

@@rs5570 Because this the most terrible, painful truth and it goes against popular notion that it's possible to heal from childhood traumas (which were not their fault) and start anew. This is some people's last and only hope.

[@laurenpaterson3475]

Running on empty good book looks at neglect and bad parenting

[@ladyinredlace]

How i wish my life was just filled with love growing up. Things wouldve been so different now

[@miguelchippsinteligente6072]

Jesus christ referenced living waters 💎👨‍🎓👩‍🎓science described water memory 🌊🎭psalms16:24 k,j proverbs27:19 Tesla referenced human energy 🌬👻existence psychologically god bless fight the good fight 💖👻💎💖👻💎👨‍🎓👩‍🎓🗽🤍⚖🚬🌪🌬

[@kys4s4c]

Same. I'm never going to have children because I don't want to pass on the trauma.

[@maryammeskienyar7412]

i wish that for you now. may god give you so much happiness that you bring that same joy to others

[@rayan8289]

Same

[@melanietoth1376]

I grew up in terror and pain.

[@ELTarTree]

Maybe parenting skills should be taught in schools, and a safe place where children can tell someone what is going on behind closed doors.

[@yomomahoe599]

Jd Ck I do agree with you but if your like me and you seriously don’t like life it can be hard and plus people already know about it in my school

[@DenisBonenfantclaveciniste]

maybe except that some teachers are abusers...I had a very traumtic experience while in 5th grade with an abusive teacher...I was a very sensitive boy and I was crying easily...everyday for a year she had me crying ion front of the class,,,,to a point that I started to dissociate during the abuse, or pary Jesus to coime and take me with him in heaven...every friday I would start to have indigestion and vomiting....on sunday nitgh I would not be able to sleep because on monday hell was going to open his doors again...no one in my famyli did anything..so non school is not a safe place....

[@itsmesteve1081]

That doesn't help solve anything. It parenting was a skill that was taught in school it wouldn't help at all. Kids would skip it or just use it to learn how to sneak around adult's defenses even more. Its like trying to teach a tiger how to eat. Regardless of how you teach a tiger to eat it's programmed to do it either way.

[@ambriadanielsband4132]

I wish for you all peace and love

[@maricamaas5555]

Believe we can - in humility - learn from what our parents did, and from what they did not do; without rejecting them because they were not perfect. They will be held accountable for what they did. We are called to forgive. With our children, we are given a clean slate, and we will be held accountable for what we do. One way towards not being a good parent oneself, is to remain embittered towards parents. Honouring parents is one of the 10 Commandments - it has a promise/reward attached.

[@glorialovesChrist]

Child abuse happens in all economic classes. Many years of counseling has helped me. Healing is a life long process. No abuse victim can " just get over it"

[@meganbaker9116]

Yes!

[@Angela-ot7es]

Thank you for saying this.

[@candyhernandez756]

Exactly! People think just because you grew up to be an adult you should be over it. NO! that lives in you for ever. It makes you an angry person and no one understands it. I so wish I wasn't mean but I just can't stop because inside I love people but I just can't stand anyone 🥺😥 I always feeling guilty for being mean.

[@johnnybristol6561]

The worst thing about it it happens 25% more in lower economic, and lower income, and drugged filled communities, where there is is no help, and understanding of these thing.

[@DemocracyFirst2025]

Can u call my dad and talk to him for me? Plz & thank u.

[@TitzMagee666]

I was beaten, starved & more from age 2-10 years old. I didn't have children, I was never 'ready', this choice was the right one for me. I've been married twice, neither husband's had kids. I've been married for 18 years with my 2nd husband. I'm 46 years old & have started experiencing Flashbacks of the abuse. Mine is a twisted tale filled with trauma & misery that didn't stop at age 10. I stopped the cycle, by not having kids, I'm proud of my choice.

[@jazminlima-lotfi3202]

Titz MaGee I am So sorry you went through what you went through, your choice not to have children is yours to make and no one else’s. I hope that you find peace in your soul.

[@maricamaas5555]

@@jayaom4946 Find it interesting how our adult children (now having their own young children) cannot remember how they were behaving during their own teen years; some memories of their teen tantrums hopefully to return once their own children are teens - towards extending grace and understanding? Have you looked into the work of Diane Langberg: How to heal from complex trauma, PTSD etc.? Talking... Tears... Time... Personally believe somehow we are protected by forgetting much of what happens to us during our childhood - even until age 18. As I understand, the brain thins out, losing unhelpful pathways not needed? Also, before reaching adulthood, we are not in control and do not feel responsible. If one allows for yourself to be abused as an adult; then one additionally has to forgive yourself.

[@HarashiKalou]

God bless you Titz MaGee

[@ajl2232]

@@maricamaas5555 You're getting carried away. Feminism is not the problem here. Having no children by choice is not a bad thing. Would you rather have women have children when they don't want them? That is one of the reasons why women neglect their own children because they were pressured to have them. Not all women are harming themselves by not having children especially if they don't want them in the first place and contraceptive pills have helped prevent many teen girls from giving unwanted birth. Lastly, the love hormone can be produced without giving birth. You sound like one of those misogynists or someone stuck in the past. It's the 21st century. Times have changed and you need to move on with the times. That's how life works. It isn't always about what is right or what we want.

[@Archie-the-cat]

Thank you for sharing. You were strong to end the cycle.

[@piloot]

Primary prevention = Some people should not have kids.

[@jrthegoat7841]

My thoughts exactly people who are abused,molested etc will most likely have kids who go through the exact same thing to prevent that don’t have any

[@AndJusticeForMe]

Agreed. I’m one of them.

[@wl415]

Well it’s not my moms fault I got sexually abused. There are predators among us. It’s usually never a stranger that’s how they get children to trust them.

[@777DISCIPLE]

The same parents having these kids were almost 9 times out of 10 abused victims as well

[@777DISCIPLE]

@@wl415 I’m sorry to hear that are u okay and do u need me to pray for u??

[@sylviegamboa106]

It's so true how people with happy childhoods are happy and people with trauma in their chilhoods are depressed thru their life. I had a very taumatic childhood and I had a very selfish neglectful mother and it caused me to develop PTSD.

[@VibeWithVida]

Me too💙

[@yvettelatin6885]

You are not alone.

[@Emiliapocalypse]

Otherwise agree with you, but many people with happy childhoods also have depression

[@meganbaker9116]

@@Emiliapocalypse That statement cannot be authoritatively made until child abuse is much, MUCH more out in the open. As it is, many people will not admit they were abused or neglected, many don't realize that what they went through was abuse, and on the whole, we do not study, look for, or expect child abuse among the middle and upper-classes (that's most of the country!). It's fair to say child abuse is a taboo subject, especially among the latter groups, and as long as that's the case, it's impossible to say with accuracy whether depressed people had happy childhoods or not. In a country where so many things are studied so carefully and exhaustively, you would think you could trust studies that find depression is unconnected to trauma, but you just can't.

[@milascave2]

I agree that the odds of being depressed as an adult are higher if you were abused as a child. But your statement is too totalizing and fatalistic, IMHO. Some people with no childhood trauma still become depressed as adults. And some people who do have trauma, and even PTSD, do manage to work through it enough not to be depressed as adults, at least not all the time.

[@thepiratejosh]

Whoever you are reading my stupid comment, just know that you aren't alone with your problems and there are people you can talk to. Please don't hurt yourself.

[@ZetaMoolah]

Life is complicated for sure, I just wish more people would make more "stupid" comments like yours :)

[@georgegray2712]

+[FnB] Aldy Thanks for your great comment to people out there mate :-)

[@nick5518]

my father was an alcoholic, he often abused my mother. my parents were very young when they started family(mother 17 and father 24 or so)... so we had serious financial problems. I don't drink or smoke, i don't know how to swim or how to ski. i've never been to cinema or theatre. I have always hated my life. so i was trying hard to change it. i had the best scores in my school. i have won regional painting competition, i was school football team capt.. i was the best... i was a leader... but whatever success i could reach, it was never enough... i wanted to finally change my life... to have different life. i learnt English from books and TV and i can speak fluently even know that I've never been to a country where it's spoken. i went to University hoping that was it... the moment when a new life was starting. but due to my awkward social skills i made no friends.. i was living alone and had no vision of future. i thought uni life would be fun but i was wrong. i got depressed, gained weight, couldn't leave my house... i have social anxiety... i'm still at university now. that new place, where no body knows me... I'm no longer a team capt.. not a good student or painter. I am nothing here. i have no one... and life has lost it's sense. i wanted to see a cinema when i was at school, but now i don't. i want people now. i want friends... but not like that... i want to do well financially first and build a house and not make my father's mistakes. but life is very difficult and as i said above i have serious problems. i wasted several yrs of my life and now i try to get back on track. started workouts, changed university... i really hope that i will be happy some day and build a nice house and marry a beautiful girl and i will travel the world with her and I'll never fight her and i'll love her and we will be happy..

[@eviltree6779]

+[FnB] Aldy I feel like I'm going to die before i hit the age of 30. Hard to believe i've made it this far to 20 years old. Sucks that most people don't even try, and the ones who are, are given strange looks. Pretty pathetic, I've come close to making a suicide plan a few times.

[@georgegray2712]

Nick Chxeidze good luck mate. you may want to try mindfulness too. can help with anxiety and social anxiety. and maybe joining some uni clubs you're interested in so you can meet similar minded people, make friends, and have fun :-) go well mate.

[@audrey-zd5dm]

Childhood trauma an bullying left me with Self hate Suicidal thoughts Social anxiety Intense emotions Self harm in my teens Low self confidence Fear of abandonment

[@Sebanoe]

You know i've always thought parenting is too large of a responsibility for everybody to have, the reason there are so many dysfunctional people in society is because of their upbringing and parents. I wish there was a way to mitigate it but you can't stop people from procreating, even worse is the fact that most dysfunctional people often have the most children.

[@lindor1695]

+Sebanoe - It is a big responsibility, and not much social support. I see so many parents on auto pilot, just doing what their parents did. I'll never understand why people don't even take the time to educate themselves as parents.

[@22TRUEVISION]

We have to change our idea of the family . I would say more but it would destroy to many belief systems read Engels "the origin of family" and huxleys "the island"

[@pennymac16]

+jack cogburn Probably because they haven't learned otherwise. I'm sure you are doing things that you have never questioned before. I'm sure pretty much everyone is.

[@lindor1695]

Pennymac16-Did you read my comment?? "You're sure"?? That is the problem right there. To say me, and "everyone" else you don't know is still repeating the insanity they were shown is a huge mistake. Business as usual, just repeating the same mistakes.

[@pennymac16]

jack cogburn Are you aware that, with this reply, you indirectly claim to not make *any* mistakes your parents/educators did? To clarify, I was speaking in general terms when I said that pretty much everyone does things they have never questioned before. Indeed, I tend to find that close to impossible. To avoid making any mistakes shown to you, you first would have to _recognize_ those mistakes. Even if you apply a static, subjective (realistic) norm, I doubt anyone has ever indentified *every single mistake* shown to them.

[@gabrielsimbachosenboxing6734]

I believe this is why I developed OCD, so many unwanted intrusive thoughts, PTSD and Social Anxiety....

[@wn1086]

Im on the same boat along with both my parents passing at age 20. Im having intrusive thoughts and questioning if i was ever sexually abused. But i feel like the overwhelming loss ive experienced in my life won't allow me to fully recover memories if there are any about CSA or any other form of abuse since im already overloaded with such loss and trauma as ive seen both parents hospitalized constantly at a single digit age.

[@gabrielsimbachosenboxing6734]

@@wn1086 I'm sorry you lost your parents. My dad died when I was 7 and my Mom has been an alcoholic since I can remember. I know it's hard. Turn to God

[@tom.jesussaves.]

Dude is that you in the profile pic Your jacked! 🤯

[@shnookiepookie9971]

Same here. The psychologist that diagnosed me literally blamed my parents for it so you may be spot on.

[@rileyjenkins7482]

Thanks for the insight I'm 20 and this is spot on, thanks for helping me articulate my thought

[@prodrumreece]

I was abused as a child in Chicago Illinois, to this very day I still have struggles with what happened to me, to the childhood abused community we are not okay but we will make it! Everyone stay encouraged! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@andrewapurcell]

me to, and in the same place

[@Kamaya-gn8pf]

❤

[@sazonsongs]

I’m so glad there are still smart people out there actually studying, understanding and giving context to things.

[@Sameoldfitup]

When i was 5 years old my father took me from my mother with her conscent, to live with him and his new wife. It quickly bacame apparent to me that she took an instant dislike to me, more like hatered. She had four children of her own. Anyway the abuse started off almost immediately making me stand in the corner of the room facing the wall for absolutely no reason that a five year old child would understand anyway. The days went on with low level mental abuse, well to a five year old boy it was devastating. My father was a long distant driver so all this abuse took place when he was out, but he could see that I was unhappy there. So her four children started to bully me and attacked me in the house. They had a dog that use to nip me, and they would all just laugh. I started to hear her mother say to her, "Why don't you just dump him somewhere." So after a year of mental tourment at the hands of everyone in that house, she finally decided to take her mothers advice and dump me on the street I was only 6 years. So Social services placed me with a foster family but after a year the moved me to a children's home. That was a blow to me because I became part of a loving family. When I was 8 years old they moved me to another children's gome where I stayed for 8 years. I left the children's home when I was 16, then they moved me to another children's home for a year, then when I was 17 they moved me to an half way house to get me use to an independant life. I left the care system as I went in feeling alone, worried, & affraid. Of course i have not put every awful experience in this post. Thank You.

[@jessicaclauson1997]

I had almost the exact same thing happen to me. I completely fell apart as a young adult and even though things are a bit better now and I do everything I can to be functional and healthy, my life is still a mess. No one really understands unless they've been through it.

[@Sameoldfitup]

@@jessicaclauson1997 sorry to hear that. You are right most people don't understand, that the trauma stays with you all throughout adulthood 💙

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

Holy crap. What and unbelievably unfair set of things to have happen to a little kid.

[@moochieeats1909]

I’m so sorry.. this is heart breaking. Shame on every single adult who hurt you! Those women 😢😢my heart … I’m sorry. ❤️❤

[@Sameoldfitup]

@@moochieeats1909 thank you

[@aly1246]

13 years old, lived with mom 10 years of my life and my dad 3 years in the summers, 9 years of mom telling me how worthless I am step dad watches in disappointment, but that disappointment is for me, not my mom, every morning after yelling at me for hours until I almost go insane she says sorry and I always forgave her. But it never stopped, I'm sorry, I've changed, empty words I've forgotten but this year it just all came back, I've cut twice, tried to die once and have no self esteem I've told people, they apologize and I just say it's okay but it's not, I've never had anyone hug me and say they love me, that they care and that they're here for me. So now I'm broken and I have extreme social anxiety, when I talk no one hears me so I write; for those who read this, for myself, for hope....

[@oceanegauthier1190]

you know there are 4Bil people on this planet... someone cares but there not in your reach, i care even thou i dont know u i cant image that life... You cant let bad things get to your head, because once there in the center there attached there hatching there little babys and soon by then you will have the courage and freewill to go crazy, although let the good thing go to the center of your brain and repopulate, that makes a really nice brain. The posin and cancer like substance is evil, the cure and anti cancer is good, just remember that they attach and you need more of those repopulating good guys to fight off or else ur stuck in cancer again, and the cancer likes it when it destroys you because it makes it stronger, the cancer is fighting you, saying "either you die or i die" and its trying to kill you so it will live, the cancer it ur enimy, the good babys are ur friends and help u grow strong...

[@ellen4078]

Aly your mother and father are both toxic for you. do not take in anything that they said, they themselves are emotionally mess up . research on setting healthy emotional boundaries, learning to Stand up and speak up for how you like to be treated, so No to all the crap. watch video on what is a acceptable behavior, what is a non acceptable behavior and how to set boundary with emotional toxic people. no matter who they are. you feeling and you emotional wellbeing are important and valuable, you are important and valuable. your feeling matter. your needs matter.

[@lauriemtz8616]

Watermelon I'm sorry but what are you talking about???? You're saying if you don't do better you'll get cancer and wtf are u talking about? Also, let me ask you, do you find your comment supportive for someone that's suffered abuse?

[@tabasdezh]

I love you bro and I care about you since I had the same story as you. Try to stay away from your abusers for ever. Forgetfulness is one of the best human qualities but you need to stop reminding yourself by contacting the abuser. Connecting to the omnipotent G-d has helped me alot to overcome my problem... it may work for you too.

[@susanmeans]

where do you live now, where do you cut yourself? I have felt the way you are feeling right now and it really sucks, but you WILL get through this, you need to BELIEVE AND HAVE FAITH. I know that there is a purpose for everything in our lives, sometimes it is just really hard to see throiugh all the hurt and pain we have and are going through. I have attempted to take my own life 3 times, my brother has tried about 10, he cuts himself too because of pain he went through. I have tried to kill myself three times, the third time I almost got what I though I wanted and it scared the $%@! out of me, I have to eat a tube full of activated charcoal or they were going to pump my stomach, I ended up in the hospital, on the heart floor on watch because my blood pressure kept dropping down too low. Then a boy I had a crush on worked there and seen me, I pretended I didnt see him, then to make things worse, my mom refused to come and get me, she said I wasnt ready to come home yet, I needed to stay there a while, my aunt came to get me and that was the last time I even thought about doing anything like that ever again, but it was a very bumpy road for many years, still has a few potholes, but they are there for a reason, maybe I need to get a flat and be stranded on the side of the road, it might keep me from being struck by lightening down the street where a telephone line fell into a pool, you never know. I hope this helps you, if you ever need anyone to talk to please look me up on Facebook, I will respond as soon as I see it, but please dont feel like nobody loves you, your father up above does, my name is Susan btw, :) please try to smile today, here is a trick, if you put a pencil in your mouth longways it will trick your brain into thinking it is happy, just try it, it really works, lol.

[@bstrongbbelle]

The torment just never ends. You grow up and try to live a "normal" happy life. However, life seems to catch up with you. I just want to be happy.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

I also recommend the book, "The Body Keeps The Score" - mind, body and brain in the transformation of trauma

[@TheRealSk8rcruz]

That book, combined with therapy, helped me release some physical pain. I recommend it as well.

[@Malakai__WeLoveYouMafumafu]

As someone highly interested in this topic, thank you for the recommendation!

[@It.is.snehal]

That book first triggered the fuck out of me, it made all the abuse I had till now surface and then I understood how much my parents are blind fuckers and have ruined my life completely

[@vitamcrae5115]

Agree...incredible book.

[@flower1923]

No child should ever go through any of this😔🙏 💔 💔 😢

[@Naka-wc3yo]

i wish i did

[@asbestos_NH3]

@@Naka-wc3yo you shouldn't be. it's a living hell.

[@adios_nachito]

@@Naka-wc3yo why?

[@SurrealisticSlumbers]

Heartbreaking, isn't it

[@armyshope]

Sadly I did

[@trayseebee2302]

My score would be 8. Thank you for the confirmation and being able to listen to this spoken out loud. I am now 51 with no children, living in another country away from all of my family. I renewed my faith in Jesus last year and found my joy, while experiencing real unconditional love with Him. I have true peace for the first time in my entire life. God bless you all who are here for the same reason I am. Acknowledgement. May you ALL find your Joy and Peace.

[@dreamyday9259]

Mam please tell me if you have no trauma. If can't remember anything about this abusement,if you are normar you if are mentally fit can you be a mother...?. For example you were abused at the age of 3/4 and you dont remember this... Can in future you face pregnancy problem???????

[@Malakai__WeLoveYouMafumafu]

@@dreamyday9259 Ananya Roy my psychology teacher said one of the biggest signs of trauma is not being able to remember large parts of your childhood, it's scientifically proven that if you go through something traumatic enough, your brain represses the memories (basically your brain forces itself to forget those memories in order to protect itself) however, the trauma is still there in the back or person's memory, and they might have unexplained phobias or behaviors that they gained from a traumatic experience in early childhood. They might regain those memories decades later when they are older, if something triggers it. Just because someone can't remember their trauma doesn't mean it hasn't happened to them.

[@almightymj7915]

I’m 15 and keep getting flashbacks from elementary and middle school my childhood

[@xenatron9056]

It helps if you can look at the memories as an observer.

[@Maureenieee]

All I can say angelface is I'm 50. I never received help, was never offered help, nada. I just diagnosed myself, finally after 12 drs. My life is in shambles. Get help now so you don't wish you were dead your whole life. Love you. Please get help.

[@McRemmyBaby]

I went through hell ever since i can remember, you will be ok

[@Jessa1258]

Was born a middle child, I don't have happy memories playing with my siblings, I was constantly bullied. My parents maltreated me as well. No one in my family really liked me, they all humiliated me even infront of other people. Until now I never see them sincere about me, I am also happier when I am away from them.

[@cherryice4603]

I barely show my true emotions in front of people...but some days I still wake up crying.

[@jacobandrews2696]

We also relay need it to become socially acceptable to speak about these issues publicly. Especially for men, who in general are expected to be emotionally neutral all the time and are looked down upon if they show any of these traits.

[@kebabfoto]

Jacob Andrews I think that's mostly in our heads. Most people as you get older are really nice people.

[@molly7930]

Jacob Andrews Preach

[@skgixnrl5158]

Jacob Andrews Yees, I totally agree. Sexual abuse, rape and things like that are as much a taboo topic as male emotions are. It really sucks

[@humanbeing8602]

Men are looked down upon for showing these traits even by people who preach about how men shouldn't be looked down on for showing these traits.

[@jaidev777]

Most often society talks about women and to a lesser extent young girls... but not about men or boys (except often to dehumanize and/or blame them). That's feminism as it's currently practiced, sad as it is despite claiming it's about equality of the sexes. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to attack feminists or anything. But it's just, really I feel we're always talking about what women face (even down to really mediocre issues by comparison like if whistling at a woman walking down the street should be illegal), I think it vastly dominates discussion on social problems when I really think we should seriously be putting far more focus especially on young girls and boys - our kids growing up. And that also means that the responsibility lies with women and men - no shielding them because of their gender, while at the same time recognizing their issues too, what got them to where they are, and to have empathy for them.

[@AlmostEthical]

Yup, school bullies damaged me. My main bully basically limited my capacity to do things in life I otherwise would have been able to do, severely limiting my possibilities. The school did absolutely nothing to help despite charing my poor Dad a bomb. So I stumbled on for decades, underachieving, with regular bouts of depression, unable to maintain relationships until I retired and could retreat from the world and find my inner calm. As far as I know my main bully has a steady relationship and is doing fine in life. The world still favour bullies over victims.

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

Oh there's no saying he's a happy guy with a happy wife though. He could be a miserable bastard with huge problems that are behind closed doors. Don't worry about that guy no more.

[@AlmostEthical]

It didn't look like that shen I saw him 25 years later. Still a happy psychopath thriving as his victims struggle. Happens all the time. In real life, villains often win.

[@laurieford6373]

😢😢😢

[@mrandersong1]

Its true. I'm 36 and still sick from my childhood trauma. It gets programmed into your subconscious and determines your self image and causes all kinds of unhealthy coping mechanisms, relationships, attachments, irrational fears etc. Faith really helped me and knowing Jesus loves me qnd learning from the past

[@heavyiron3572]

what happend to you as a child?

[@jakobriisjensen3309]

Amen, the amount of weight that help from your loved ones and Jesus can take off you is enormous

[@Wande861]

I never got pregnant for my father, but he sexually abused me. He also let his friends abuse me. 19 years later I’m still dependent on him and I hate my life. I have a child for one of his friends (I don’t know which one) but I love my daughter very much. The problem is I can’t even get a job because I can’t afford daycare and I don’t trust my family with my daughter. I hope I don’t eventually break. I never want to compromise my child’s mental health for making money but I also need to get out and be independent from him. I learned how to be a virtual assistant (SEO, e-mail management, social media, graphics design) so I could work from home, and I charge 400 dollars per month, but I still haven’t met anybody that needs my services. I plan to save up for about a year and rent a room out of town. I feel so unfortunate but I also believe in the light at the end of the tunnel. I see people with regular lives and I wonder how it feels because I have never really been on the positive side of life. This video resonated with me. Thank God I’m still alive, because about a year ago, after having my child, my first thought process was to kill her and kill myself right after. I know it’s easy to judge me but I genuinely thought (and knew) that my daughter was better off dead that growing up with my father. I care about her contrary to what some people would say but I think I almost went crazy, hence, why I thought of killing her and putting her out of her future mystery. 11 months later and I’m still going strong, still miserable, not thinking of killing myself, not thinking of killing my daughter either, so help me God.

[@MaryWIlliams-ie4qp]

​@@Wande861welldone. May GOD strengthen you and give you wisdom!

[@curtistinemiller1560]

Yes,Your Childhood Can and usually scars you for life..Hurt people Hurt people and the cycle goes on and on until generations of families are extremely dysfunctional!

[@petergriffiinbirdistheword]

I've been traumatized and severely abused my entire life, starting at an early age. I'm now an adult who can barely function. I'm completely isolated, no family or friends. I'm convinced I will die alone. invisible scars never heals.

[@Johnonayacht]

I was raped by my father for seven years as a child. It has destroyed all aspects of my life. My kids hate me, family hates me for outing him. I have no life

[@RedaReda-vl9ff]

Im so sorry bro,i wish you a happy life

[@laurieford6373]

😢😢​@@RedaReda-vl9ff

[@bethcarey399]

Prevention doesn’t help those of us who were subjected to abuse. There must be a secondary answer to help us.

[@hbhooooihbbgvv]

Beth Carey find someone to talk to about it, therapy, work on mental health. I listen to a few different people on you tube that deal with mental health issues, Lisa.A.Romano, main focus is helping people who grew up in alcoholic homes, but can be useful if you've suffered any kind of abuse and/or neglect. Richard Grannon, does a lot on narc abuse and CPTSD, improving emotional literacy, recovery from abuse really, and Kati Morton, a great therapist , great at explaining terms and conditions, live streams, has a great community on her website . Check them out, their just a few that I watch, but there is a community out there to help you, you just have to find them.

[@kjtamf]

figuring it out ❤️👍🏻🙏🏻😔😔😔

[@taraswertelecki7874]

You can't talk about this to most people, they won't understand, and worse many will BLAME YOU for it.

[@masterchiefblank4885]

@@taraswertelecki7874 especially those who makes the claims they care for you when they realize not they are one of the few/many that are/have caused harm in some way to the person who they are blaming for having mental illness or making the mental illness the person has worse in one way or another

[@rs5570]

I would be better served as a human being who was profoundly abused from infancy to 25 or so, to live on tranquilizers forever until death comes.

[@yulitom8549]

I had so many traumas I can't even function outside anymore I don't think I can do it I can't live a life

[@cooperbradford8107]

Yulito Morgia You can heal.

[@yulitom8549]

Cooper Bradford i hope so

[@sarankumarsatnami8087]

Yulito Morgia hi same here

[@cooperbradford8107]

Yulito Morgia You can. Overcoming adversity is part of what makes us human.

[@SacredSoulPractice]

Lone star praying for you. Please don’t give up. Get help.

[@Nitephall]

It's nice to hear someone acknowledging the impact of the past on our lives. All these new age spiritual folks love telling us that the past has no power over us, but it just isn't true.

[@maricamaas5555]

Yes, living honestly means we cannot escape our past completely. Whatever happened to us, remain in our memories and is part of our identity. Yet, we have a choice of not letting the past determine our future. We consciously decide ourselves - on a daily basis - how we are living our lives; this is integral to being human.

[@meganbaker9116]

@@maricamaas5555 Traumatized people don't have the capacity for free will that non-traumatized people do. You should become trauma-informed, because you are essentially blaming the victim here.

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

@@meganbaker9116 We still have to try. What else is there to do?

[@meganbaker9116]

@@Captain_MonsterFart Yes, we should always strive to be fully conscious. I just wanted to make it clear that PTSD and CPTSD, by definition, send us into past traumatic events and emotions without our even being aware of it. With a good therapist and hard work we can become aware of when we’re being triggered, but it’s important to remember that non-traumatized people, for all intents and purposes, have more free will than those of us with PTSD or CPTSD, at least until that work gets done. It’s not a defeatist attitude, it’s just the way it is.

[@ConnieStapletonPhD]

Thank you for this critically essential study. I am a psychologist who works with those suffering from obesity and also those who deal with addictions (food, sex, alcohol/drugs, etc.). I stress the need to deal with the ACES. Most professionals do NOT want to acknowledge this as a factor that affects weight, addiction, etc. Those of us who know will continue to work to educate those who also need to know!

[@unionunicorn6776]

My heart goes out to everyone who has experienced childhood trauma. I have childhood PTSD too, so I know what it’s like. It’s especially painful to learn that once your childhood is over, once you turn 18 and you’re finally “free” from your abusers, the struggle isn’t over, but it’s only just begun. The path to healing is a long and lonely one, but it is worth the fight. Keep pushing up that mountain. Don’t give up. Know you ARE loved. You ARE worthy. You DO deserve good things in this world. You DO deserve to feel happy. I hope you find your way my friend, because remember you are never alone. In love and light. ✨

[@theprousteffect9717]

The effects of childhood trauma are seen throughout one's life, but sometimes we don't even become consciously aware of how fucked up our childhoods really were until we reach adulthood. This may only become clear when you learn what a healthy upbringing is supposed to look like, or when you try to live a normal life or have a normal relationship. It's only at that point that we can begin processing it and working through it, so the idea that "you shouldn't allow a bad childhood to run your life" is even more bogus.

[@jowyschwarz313]

Make sense!

[@jennifermartin40]

This has me in tears because I've dealt with most of these categories. In the process at 38 to seek therapy since it's now manifesting in many ways of my health.

[@maryclaire4251]

i am crying while finally having the courage looking these up

[@foxydnav1]

same

[@maryammeskienyar7412]

mary claire same

[@Askarcher]

Good for you .

[@combustion9x]

You know this entire video gave me chills. Im actually glad to be alive right now after attempting to take my own life 5 years ago. My own mother found my letter. Still slowly getting through every day slowly. You can too.

[@heavyiron3572]

what happened to you in your childhood?

[@adriennebernal5]

This hit me hard because every single word in this video described my entire childhood. It's hard to face that reality but having people acknowledge the problem helps the situation. For instance, now that I know that there are others, who share this reality with me, it gives me a peace of mind. It tells me that I was never crazy or stupid for feeling the way I did; nor was I "demonic" for having tried to commit suicide at the age of 14. It was because of my extremely traumatic childhood and nobody wanted to acknowledge it. It was horrible to deal with the problems that unstable adults imposed onto me as a child. It's even worse when they ignored their wrong doings and acted as if it didn't happen. It's like a poison that seeped into my soul and it's still subliminally controlling my abilities to be a better me. Seeing this video made me realize why I do what I do. When I get flashbacks or reminders I go on an eating binge, gaining an astonishing amount of weight within a short time frame. In the past I would binge drink and before that I've had to constantly smoke the pain away. My truth was hidden and denied but now I know that I was never crazy. I was, and still am, facing the effects of childhood trauma. Today, I had an awakening. Because this video spoke of my reality, I know that I can face. I am not alone and now I am aware. Thank you

[@YolaroozXD]

This needs to be shared and discussed all over the world.

[@volkrov]

Throughout this entire video I couldn't stop tears coming out of my eyes as I reminisced past childhood experiences and beyond.

[@maricamaas5555]

Diane Langberg's lectures on dealing with complex trauma points to: Talking...Tears...Time...Taking small steps to patiently reverse the trauma process. An open rock does not break a hoe.

[@brettsinclair4007]

I'm only in my 20s, I get depressed at the thought of my childhood. I wish I could only remember the good memories, my home life was fine, but school was a traumatic experience; both other kids and the teachers hated me and were awful. I know I can never have children as I'm scared of them going through what I did. Every time I think of myself when I was a child, I can see a scared and lonely sad little boy. I'm getting better with it but I'm scarred for life.

[@seikojin]

When he says primary prevention: It should be part of basic medical support and be offered openly for anyone/everyone who seeks it. And shouldn't cost money for the person seeking it.

[@MarkLucasProductions]

I keep insisting that I had a monstrously traumatic childhood but then when I hear of these other categories I feel as though I've greatly overstated my own case. I wonder what the world would be like if all parents were good parents.

[@dramalexi]

+Mark Lucas I feel the same way. It could have been all much more worse. If all parents would be good parents, then we wouldn't be humans anymore but Vulcans.

[@ronmaest]

+AraragiTheXIV and +Mark Lucas I see you're thinking relative there, but at the end of the day, you're going to care a lot more about your pinky being cut off that some woman in Africa whose arms have been cut up to the elbows. Why? because your problem affect you everyday, almost constantly. The other woman's issues? Maybe from time to time, and it's not like you know what she's actually going through, only what you think she is. Even though there's so much pain and misery in the world going on at this very moment and for a long time to come, you want to know whats more important to me than all of that? I have to go to the supermarket and buy eggs and garlic to make aioli. 's that for perspective.Hows

[@pennymac16]

+AraragiTheXIV I never thought that Vulcans actually feel all that much.

[@dramalexi]

Ron maest First: You are completely right about what you say. But that's not the point. The point is that you should think positive no matter how bad your childhood actually was.

[@ronmaest]

AraragiTheXIV That's easier said than done, though. You're ignoring the strength of many pathologies. Have you ever been clinically depressed (or bi-polar)? schizophrenic? Felt you were born in the wrong body( trans-gender)? Are a pedophile? Had an anxiety disorder? Or even a combination of any of these? Even if two people shared in one of these, it doesn't mean they'll experience it with the same intensity. Heavy physical/sexual abuse to a child is not the easiest thing to overcome for said child. And that' with proper therapy. Most kids are not afforded such care. If change was so easy, there'd be many carbon-copy personalities out there. Who'd want to be awkward and anxious all the time? But, yes, in general, stay positive. Things are what they are.

[@PutriOddity]

My mother recently died of a heart attack and I still have not shed a tear bc she was my tormentor growing up, not a mother

[@armyshope]

Cometely understandable

[@Paseosinperro]

Finally this stuff in coming to light. Let's see how much of this society is ready to to accept.

[@FeelingShred]

Most people deny when child reports one of their most beloved person as an abuser. The guilty goes always to the child, once again. It's a circle of perpetual shit being spit from all sides.

[@meganbaker9116]

@@FeelingShred Children always blame themselves for any abuse. They don't have to the option to see clearly that the people they're deeply dependent upon are abusive and crazy. That means that the rest of us have to be witnesses to abused children. And we can...

[@FeelingShred]

@@meganbaker9116 Exactly, but when you look inside these families, you see the relatives themselves are enabling the abuse to keep going on. They are not doing shit about it.

[@janicenakonechny3674]

I think that things are changing in all areas of human life these days, 5 yrs after your post.

[@meganbaker9116]

@@FeelingShred Absolutely! Abusive families are sick families, with secrecy almost ALWAYS being of paramount importance. I was my mother's scapegoat and not one of my four siblings has ever taken my side. Millions of people have known about abuse of children in their families and done nothing about it. It's a brutal betrayal.

[@ChRiStY4t5]

He's on the right track. What happens is the body begins to build automatic defense mechanisms during prolonged abuse. You hear or see triggers that put u straight into fight or flight, over producing the hormones from the amygdala and that screws up blood flow and breathing

[@maryammeskienyar7412]

yes it also messes with your cortisol levels which if they are not and high do to stress it makes it hard to lose weight especially around the belly if they don't level out. because your body always feels like its under attack and it holds on to the weight

[@jeanskilling708]

I've come along ways since I decieded to stop punishing myself for what my abusers did to me.

[@maryammeskienyar7412]

yes thank you because they sure walk around like they have not done a thing to anyone, infact they act like they did you a favor.

[@Stefanuslol]

Finally a good video... Faith in this channel has been restored... for now...

[@Stefanuslol]

+Apemanwithcalculator Tnx, re-edited it, how clumsy of me xD

[@herblee4180]

69 years old. 6 of the 10 parameters. Unhappy all my life, and cannot imagine what happiness feels like. Don't know what to do, keep trying to fake it, lesson less successfully.

[@maricamaas5555]

@@herblee4180 It is never too late to connect with God.

[@SCAREDBANANA]

When a child is molested repeatedly, every one is horrified and wants to help him. But when that child grows up, and kills someone, or rapes a kid, nobody cares. They just say "hes just a bad person, we just need to punish him". It sucks. You can't really condemn, and punish people and feel good about it.

[@ronmaest]

+SCAREDBANANA Good observation. Difference is expectations. Whether or not the adult gains the tools to control any pathology, by that time s/he is expected to reign [to a large degree, at least] those impulses in. Kids don't have those mechanisms even developed yet. And yes, traumatized adults may have those mechanisms stunted, but tough shit I guess. Someone is going to want blood for what they did and is more appropriate to go after the adult than the kid (even though there have been exceptions).

[@lilacosmanthus]

+Ron maest "tough shit, I guess". Lol. I like the "life sucks and then you die" approach to things.

[@shadfurman]

So you're saying bad people are born bad and we shouldn't have sympathy for them? Which one is it, nature or nurture? Or do good people just one day consciously decide to be bad people, I guess that would make it strictly their fault. I think its obviously a result of many factors. You also can't equate all experience, not all molestation is the same, there are other people, cultural influences and severity to consider. Saying some people are stronger than others and don't succumb to their experience is a no-duh-non-starter, otherwise we'd all be millionaires or dirt poor. Nature obviously has its influence or there would no no such thing as a bad parent or affluent upbringing.

[@pennymac16]

+Chad Thundercock It might not excuse it but at least it can explain it so people in their vicinity can identify and understand the problem which then can be dealt with effectively.

[@joshlovesto69]

+Chad Thundercock Yes, yes it does. Noone is born with a moral compass.

[@Yolduranduran]

That's me. 300 lbs at 53 with years of dieting with short success. A very controlling and emotionally neglected childhood. God help me and my fellow survivors.

[@h0lyspiritual.sweetheart]

mindful munchies and extra steps

[@LindaSchreiber]

The more we know, the more I am *AMAZED* that the concept of *chronic* PTSD is pooh-poohed by the medical community..... Maybe the reality needs to be given a new acronym.....

[@rs5570]

It is not taught in medical schools. If it’s not taught there you are told it doesn’t exist.

[@meganbaker9116]

Most MDs are idiots. They're not scientists and they're not very good humans either. Disregard their ignorance, because western medicine is primitive and insensitive. If Big Pharma can't make money off it, they don't believe in it.

[@toneman335]

Childhood traumas effect everything in one's life!

[@elliemathews6884]

My therapist used the EMDR technique for some of my childhood abuse and it worked very well. Just make sure the therapist is experienced with this and knows what they are doing.

[@nathanpen1031]

It's not my fault!

[@7211_]

I'm not having kids, honestly. I'm not qualified for it, I wouldn't want to mess up someone as badly as a lot of people have been messed up

[@pugapino]

Jo Tyson It’s only those like yourself who realize the magnitude and responsibility of parenthood, who eventually become the ones best qualified.

[@kbucket]

This validated so much of what happened to me... I constantly doubt it and myself... I still just don't know what to think... but it can't be nothing if I'm 24, totally isolated, never been romantic or intimate with anyone, socially anxious, and with a drinking problem...just to name a few..,

[@Tootruetootrue]

"Ultimately it turned out that 55% of the people in our obesity program acknowledged the history of childhood sexual abuse". Damn. People go through so much and its so easy to judge.

[@Skatamska]

I'm sure this is the reason I had a stroke at age 35.

[@maricamaas5555]

Physical-, chemical- and emotional stress: All adds up to keep body in sympathetic dominant state - moving away from direction of ease - in direction of disease. Too simplistic to assign one reason?

[@hahna77]

Yes. I've had extremely high blood pressure since my late teens.

[@ajl2232]

I almost had a heart attack a few weeks ago because of the abusive environment and people In surrounded with.

[@maryammeskienyar7412]

im sorry

[@rs5570]

I’m sure this is the reason I am completely physically disabled w Fibromyalgia & chronic pain.

[@natalie9884]

“Totally unrecognized” until the disease takes over you and you are trapped in your car disassociating for 6 hours at a time. This isn’t living. Unfathomably complex, and I’ve accepted that those who haven’t been there will never understand.

[@juliewirch2992]

Prolonged interpersonal stress can cause your body to be stuck in fight or flight for the rest of your life (fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome).

[@nryane]

Wow! PTSD from childhood trauma is huge! EMDR therapy helps to retrain one's brain and ease the pain. I'm feeling much better, after a lifetime of dealing with things through a filter of pain, frustration and anger.

[@kjtamf]

Nettonya Ryane Never heard of that therapy ,.. but sounds like it’s worth looking into to heal .....👍🏻

[@jeahwinder4600]

I been through a lot as a child now I’m more disturbed and depressed from the past. Neglect is deadly

[@xxxshadowgamingxl7520]

I have experienced my parents hitting me and I mean by throwing punches and slapping me and their was this one time when I was 5 or 6 years old and I was in a corner and i was scared and my mom had a hammer and tapped my head with it and i was so afraid of her and this is one of the few times I considered to kill myself to escape all the pain but I some how overcame it.And when i was 12 my older half brother used to beat me and threatened to kill me sometimes.when I was 10 me and my younger brother were playing and I fell and I tried to grab my brothers to keep me from falling but my uncle saw it differently he thought I pushed my brother and in a few mins he told my mom and she dragged me to the room by MY HAIR and she threw me onto the wall and started slapping me until my nose was bleeding and I cut my lip inside my mouth and it was bleeding in my mouth and when she stopped me keeped yelling at me and gave me a soapy wash cloth to clean my face and she was so mad she took me to my dads and dropped me off for a few hours and then my dad got mad at me and started to yell at me and I was so hurt on the outside and inside and keeped on telling myself to just be strong buts its just so hard and now I'm looking for an apartment to move away and now I have moved to my foster parents and i'm doing well but i still sometimes have flashbacks of some of the incidents but i'm still in the procces of healing.

[@imaamericangirl1406]

I am so sorry you had to go through all that. I am glad you are doing better. It hurts when those you love and should love you, think the worst of you and misjudge you, punish you and abuse you for the perceived wrongs you have done. And often didn't even do...or didn't mean to do. All I do know is they are wrong to hurt you and I am glad you are now safe. Stay safe and know you are loved by God. And I am sure by many who are reading your story on here. Your family was wrong about you. You know the truth. You aren't perfect, no one is perfect, but you know, no one deserves to be treated like that. Hugs! And comforting thoughts sent your way!

[@Africangyal]

Many of us have lived in hell. I'm so sorry for this

[@mysticTT]

I'm so very very sorry this happened to you. Hugs

[@tejaswi5763]

I'm sorry !! I hope you are in a safe place now...Hang in there!! That's what I am telling myself,I'm telling you the same..Life is really tiring!!!!I know that very well just like you... Don't worry you are not alone..I don't know who you are but I hope you all the PEACE,LOVE and HAPPINESS in the world.🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 A BIG WARM HUG FOR A WHOLE 3Mins💖💖💖💖

[@farah6258]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you are on a path of healing yourself and that you will address your trauma well. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💐💐💐💐💐💐🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@starnix3072]

I was severely neglected and abused as a child by my mother. By the age of six, the social services got involved and I was sent to live with my dad. He mentioned that when I moved in with him, I was covered head to toe with cigarette burns. My dad was very loving and did his best, but the damage was already done. I was a violent child and was often in trouble. This progressed into adulthood. I want to seek help and I'd love someone to talk to, but I'm not in a great place at the moment and I don't have anyone.

[@sugarsore]

Please consider a therapist.

[@alejandramena1942]

Talk to God ..and im here as well

[@alejandramena1942]

Go to chuch go to mass it will help you tremendously

[@insertnamehere7661]

you know what its like when you are making your own childhood and your dad ruins it? I wish I can reset life.... I just wish so...

[@maryammeskienyar7412]

im so sorry you feel that way.

[@abysswatcherthyl666]

I've been emotionally abused in my childhood by my mom and as result I have zero self esteem and suffer from depression and anxiety.I've thinking many times about committing suicide,it seems the only way I can escape this unbearable pain.

[@pugapino]

AbyssWatcher93 We are not in control of the emotions we endure. However we can understand their root causes and limit their negative influence in our lives.

[@maricamaas5555]

The diseased conditions we are in, are collective results of chemical, emotional and physical stress (as described by Dr.John Bergman D.C.). There are many things one can do to induce healing. Start for example by looking into the work of Neurologist Natasha C.McBride (GAPS diet) to heal the gut. A diet deficient in healthy fats and nutrients to support a healthy brain and nervous system may lead to anxiety, depression and other psychological conditions. Also look into different ways to detoxify your body; this I found to be quite an adventure!

[@meganbaker9116]

@@maricamaas5555 Wow, way to invalidate someone's experience!

[@evacody1249]

It's like bullying or being in a car crash, plane crash, and so on. The reason it is not talked about is that they are shamed into not talking about it. As if they should just move on and never face what then went through or that it was no big deal.

[@DerAua]

Another reason it's not talked about is that abusers are often in high power positions in society. Any attempt to challenge their behavior produces some counter reactions.

[@charliebrown6590]

I’m thankful that even though I grew up with a widowed mother she never remarried and I thank her everyday for doing that….I have two girls of my own and expect to give them the perfect childhood.

[@lrrich8023]

Can I ask why you thanked her?

[@charliebrown6590]

@@lrrich8023 I would rather struggle with life with a single mother than become abused by a stepfather that never would have loved me as much as my real father….It’s not his fault I’m not his kid so why would he care? I’ve seen plenty of examples of that to back up my argument.

[@lrrich8023]

@@charliebrown6590 I get your point there.

[@mariaglover4202]

If it weren't for the love and grace of God saving me from complete destruction I would be one of those statistics/percentages. My relationship with him is the only reason why I'm not an alcoholic. Drug addict, 400 or 80lbs. The more broken you are, the more his love shines through. I'm no more special or worthy of love than you. If you haven't before I encourage you to ask Jesus to come into your heart and save you from the evil that's trying to steal, kill and destroy you from the inside out. Only he can heal you from your pain. God bless😢🤗

[@Briget6]

My chronic pain is a constant reminder of my childhood experiences. Every day I wish I was never born.

[@TammyFinkey]

I was bullied extremely bad most of my years in school. My life had some amazing moments, and Im thankful for them. Truthfully, my childhood was scary, lonely, and made me wish I could disappear into the cracks in the floors. I became a child who is still hiding behind the couch. My 5 year old self is still hiding, never really felt safe! I wonder why I struggle with health issues?? There is much work to be done..or undone! Its time to let my little self out.. set her free. My future depends on it!!

[@OldSchoolL4D-zb2kt]

Relatable but I guess in other ways. Like not trusting people. Can't communicate with strangers feeling safe. Hmm... growing up terrified hiding from people. Feeling everyone will wanna hurt me if they knew how traumas affect me since I'll be misunderstood

[@masteroftheunseen7941]

I'm watching this today because I've been aware and ACTIVELY working on healing from/overcoming childhood trauma. My ACE score is 7. There have been pockets of time where I feel strong and can live a "normal" life, but without fail I fall into a valley. It is discouraging to struggle with the same issues after YEARS of working on yourself. I feel like I'm fooling myself to think/hope/try to be something other than a childhood trauma survivor. Like, in the end, I feel like I can't do it on my own yet there is no one to carry me when I'm weak...as usual.

[@maricamaas5555]

In your own strength it will continue to be difficult... with God's help: If you are weak, you are strong.

[@pamelalundgren8163]

I'm very discouraged as well. At 65, after years of poor choices, bad relationships, screwing up every job I've ever had without meaning to, as well as years of therapy, taking every antidepressant on the market, watching every video on the subject, etc., I have become convinced that my life has been a total waste, that I will always be broken and damaged, that my abusive childhood has impacted every aspect of my adult life, and my only relief from this pain is death. Which I look forward to, as every day is a struggle and I'm just existing.

[@HoboStrangler]

This spoke to me on such a level that I can't stop crying...

[@DavidTitus_]

They should have included childhood bullying

[@sureseam]

Perhaps they could have included childhood bullying: but perhaps it is a consequence of pre existing ACE factors, so should perhaps not be counted as an ACE factor.

[@imaamericangirl1406]

I believe he did. It would be under the verbal attacks and humiliation.

[@jonathanakerele8006]

@@imaamericangirl1406 Don't forget violence: pushing, kicking, stabbing, shooting, punching, stomping. That's part of childhood bullying too! =(

[@jayaom4946]

They admit that they don't include everything. They simply included 10 different kinds of trauma for a study. This allowed them to make a simple test that anyone can take and see how it relates to health factors later in life.

[@maricamaas5555]

@@jonathanakerele8006 Today there is cyberbullying - even by other children's young parents!

[@natashavonoskabaya5494]

What a great interview. I am one of those 1 in 11 people. I suppose the part about this that makes me sad is that it seems there is really no full recovery. I've suffered my whole life. It doesn't give one much hope for a healthy peaceful future.

[@maricamaas5555]

That is not true. There is hope for recovery.

[@lostboi210]

I grew up in the state hospital 1983-2000... Trauma fucks you up when its trauma based care that traumatized you!!

[@azn_persuasion]

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” - Frederick Douglass

[@lorianncharlebois8832]

I have never managed to get over my unwanted childhood experiences even though I've made great effort to. It never really goes away does it? This video made a lot of sense to me and has helped me understand some of the effects it has on you and anyone else going through the same thing. Hope it's done the same for a lot of people 🙌

[@ew1547]

Love the way he described the childhood background environments he studied. Ah! Takes me back. Just like home. The good old days, lol.

[@marinapavli5178]

It s one way ticket...no love...no support...no adult...no confidence...no identity...Big CHAIN....

[@manicpepsicola3431]

I really think the trauma I've experienced as a child is why I have such a problem with getting close to others and actually caring about others in a genuine way. It sucks knowing that no matter how close I want to get to someone I just wont care about them in a way that i see other people care about each other. I understand it and I see it all the time but I just can't really feel it like other people do and it makes me sad thinking about it. I was raised partially by my grandmother who is a narcissist and she always played the victim and it effected my ability to get close to people because as a kid it always meant that I would be made to constantly carry the burden of whatever she wanted me to carry to make her feel like she was on someones mind 24/7 even though I was really young. At a certain point in time I understood what she was doing and got extremely angry and then anytime emotions were involed and getting close to someone was involed there is always a part of me that gets flighty. If someone has a victim attitude at all times I get extremely irritable with them and just can not have them around me without constantly trying to make them shut up because its so evil. Ugh narcissists are the worst arent they? Lmao

[@shyamalidasgupta671]

Please get therapy from a good psychotherapist to have healthy relationships as an adult

[@grimm_destroyer5566]

I wish I had a normal childhood but at least I realize the kind of person I need to be now

[@toneman335]

Theses childhood traumas can make someone a Narcissist.

[@keyanna2633]

Why do you say so? Just courious,and would like to see your perpective.

[@maricamaas5555]

@@keyanna2633 A narcissist is typically someone who created a false self as to dissociate him/herself from the self that was traumatized.

[@glorialewis5444]

What needs to happen is that you inform children from early in age that nobody touches them where they should not from very early as soon as they can understand in some cases it may be too late and if the abuser says things like I will kill don't care tell someone as soon as you can teacher next door neighbour family member. Speak up straight away then you put that person to shame 😨😨😨

[@thirstonhowellthebird]

Nothing will stop this not now not ever because all the parent or family member will do the minute the child speaks up is to deny it. Then they’ll send the child to a psychiatrist who will write a letter that the child has problems with lying (so then it’s documented on paper) proof that the parents or siblings didn’t do anything wrong and sought therapy for the sick and crazy child who in reality was actually telling the truth but who would believe that when the parent or family is a prominent and upstanding citizen. NO ONE!

[@suzannederringer1607]

Grew up in a very bad family. Alcoholic father...he beat my mother...both parents beat me...father went broke and family broke up...mother struggled to feed and house 3 kids on a meager salary. She suffered. But both parents abused me physically and emotionally. Neither parents nor school provided any support - there were no mentors. I was not allowed to develop my talents - I had to get a job after high school and help support my mother. I left home as soon as I was able. I did get married at 22 - hoping for stability and affection - but I had to support husband as well. I chose not to have children. I had my tube tied at age 25. I never regretted it. I'm almost 75 now. Life has been a struggle, financially and otherwise. I never drank, or did drugs, or gained weight. But I never fulfilled my potential.

[@itsHeatherKay]

Yes! Abuse makes physical body trauma.

[@srijitabaidya3495]

I m one of the child molested victim...I have been molested twice in life...I m 15 years old now, having mental issues, temper issues, trust issues,suicidal thoughts and more. I need a therapy for healing coz its my trauma....I m still very depressed can't sleep without sleeping peels. Idk how to cope but I m still fighting with it

[@efilwv1635]

The best way to guarantee the wellbeing of your child is not to have one.

[@wn1086]

The only true way 100% It would have been better to not have been born at all.

[@AnaMaria-ww4iy]

As an adult who was abused as a child...i realized that this ran in my family. And the way I stopped it was by getting myself help so that I could be a better parent than my own were. I think prevention will come in the form of making information like this WELL KNOWN. This should be shown in schools, at awareness assembly's, at workplaces, in commercials, previews at the movie theaters ect. Educate everyone on how common it is, what abusive behaviors are, how to find help if you think you are an abuser, or of you're being abuser, and how to help others. And encourage people who see red flags to SPEAK UP. Also to make therapy easier to access. I know sometimes I can't go to therapy because I can't afford it and I'm sure I'm not alone

[@michaeld.williamsiii9026]

Born into a severely broken family, abandoned at the age of 7 by my own mom losing my dad to an overdose in my teen years. Being raised in the foster care system having so much loss grief, emotional pain over the years, and abandonment...😞🥀🙇🏽 I know I suffer from many scars, and trauma most people could never understand...🚶🏽 Being biologically parentless is one of the hardest and most heartbreaking things I’ve had to endure I’m 33 and it still really hurts I’ve even wanted to not live and be in this world often...😢💔😔

[@DeanMachine121]

A score of 8 has made me rethink my thinking !!! I’m sending much love to all who are here in search of answers and ultimately in search of themselves 🙏🏼❤️

[@GRiMHOLDx]

The drug war has produced millions of children like this.

[@barktwid7057]

I dont think my parents should have had kids but I'm happy I'm here. I sure love my kids and am just trying to be better.

[@TheHappyNisha]

Anthroposophical Therapies helped to heal my' ACE' 'symptoms', specifically Eurhythmy Therapy, Art Therapy, Clay Modelling and Stone Carving (very grounding, safe, gentle, empowering, artistic and I'm in charge of how fast or slow I choose to go, and supported by people who understand the forces inside the human being).

[@hopeodyssey]

Absolutely true, I became an artist designer and creator. Baking is another relea

[@kimberknutson831]

Brilliant. So, so true. Thank you. I also really appreciate Besel van der Kolk on this subject, especially his book The Body Keeps the Score. We can carry around trauma in our bodies at the cellular level that we have no memory of, which makes conventional Freudian "talk therapy" ineffective. What I love about this time in which we are living is that mental health is a subject that is discussed in the open. What I hate about the Ozzie and Harriet lifestyle that is currently being lauded by the psychos on the far right in America is that things were not better back then. I hate secrets and lies. Again, thank you for this very important and valuable discussion. : )

[@Andrei-yv8fz]

I'm one of those who experienced 6 or more of those things. Most people just want to pretend that things like this don't happen. Everyone thinks they are a great parent, too. People just look the other way and those like myself don't get the help they need. How have I never had an addiction? My vice is perfectionism. No one takes that kind of coping mechanism seriously, it seems.

[@hbhooooihbbgvv]

Yeong-min Bae yes, I agree, because it's not viewed as a "bad" thing to be perfect, or to make things perfect, or trying to be perfect. It can actually be very restricting, stopped me doing so much in my life, because I feared it not being perfect or gave up because I was afraid of failing, and it is hard to change that mindset, but it can be done. I use a mantra/affirmation to help me, I simply remind myself that no one and nothing is perfect, perfect doesn't exist! Still drives me a little nuts when I finish something and it's not "perfect" but I'm working on it.

[@maricamaas5555]

OCD is a type of addiction... Also about maintaining control over: the outcome of event/s, what other people do, things around us - large or small; this as an antidote to not being in control in the past - unable to prevent the abuse. It can cause one a lot of anxiety and stress - leading to diseased states; as well as affect our relationships negatively by us holding others to the same high standard of controlled, perfect behaviour... According to our high expectations, others are seldom good enough? Have learned myself about how this work - over 30 years - by being married to someone like that... Whatever it was that I did - I had to be aware how I failed. Mostly later stopped even to try to meet the expectations and started doing whatever off radar.

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

+1

[@waynejackson8534]

You never get past childhood trauma, but the first step to healing is forgiveness; for yourself even though you're blameless for what happened to you, just so you can learn to love and value yourself, and for those who harmed you, because they were dealing with their own trauma and self loathing. You can't love someone if you have no love to give.

[@PeachesCourage]

Please read in local libraries "The Body Never Lies" by Alice Miller who researched child abuse cases for over 30 years and wrote a series of books like the one above here.She was eventually invited to the new MRI studies of the human brain in Norway and how critical abuse before 15 months old and what that does permanently to the brain.

[@meganbaker9116]

Abuse at any age is traumatic. It may be harder to uncover or recall the younger it happens, but being betrayed and abused by a caregiver is always extremely damaging. Yes to Alice Miller and her amazing work!