How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris | TED

Childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up. Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain. This unfolds across a lifetime, to the point where those who’ve experienced high levels of trauma are at triple the risk for heart disease and lung cancer. An impassioned plea for pediatric medicine to confront the prevention and treatment of trauma, head-on.
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[@truthylucy7068]

Bad parenting is a health crisis. If you have stable, well adjusted & loving parents. You don't know how fortunate you are...

[@danijanimi]

Yes!!!

[@SpecialArtEducation]

Yea but everyone talks about trauma and never says how to fix it. Traumatized children grow up and often are unhealed and abuse their own children. Then out society is harmful to everyone.

[@gracefool]

The reason we don't want to face the problem is Western culture. We believe in nuclear families, rather than raising children in extended families with high connection to the local community. We believe in prioritizing career far above ancestral place. We also believe in preventing adolescents from assuming responsibility as adults, which is historically a very recent change and is highly related to these other values, but that's another topic. So long as we hold onto highly individualistic materialism, we are implicitly de-prioritizing the health of our children - and thus our future. We constantly listen constantly to media and marketing propaganda that reinforce these values, and we increasingly expose our children to them despite their vulnerability to such messages. We really would rather be sick than change.

[@truthylucy7068]

@@gracefool You see this & so do I. Try sharing this with the people you care about. They either look at you like your crazy, don't really care or both. Morals, values & raising healthy & mentally healthy children is being intentionally challenged in more ways than I can list. The family unit is being dissolved, education system is dumbing down our children. The television & media controls what people think & believe. Until they turn off the television & think independently, use some common sense about what's really going on & pay attention to how really backwards everything this. It's going to get a whole lot worse. It has to begin with the parents they need to wake up!!!!

[@MF-du8hq]

So effing true!

[@VonSolo5]

What I wish someone told my mother before she had children: “If you do not love life, do not create life.”

[@keyanna2633]

WOW!! That is a VERY PROFOUND statement.

[@Miss_NatashaO]

I wish someone had enough sense to tell my father and uncle this. They have children that are suffering as a result. And I had to stop it by letting my father go and never letting him back in my life ever again.

[@BeautyisHerName692]

I wish someone told my father this. How do you raise your other child - and abandon one. Backwards

[@mikesereny3839]

@@Miss_NatashaO i wish i could have done that

[@VonSolo5]

Keyanna Thank you Keyanna ❤️

[@TheSouthIsHot]

Children REQUIRE a happy childhood. Not a privileged childhood, or a pampered, or spoiled childhood. Simply a happy childhood where they are treated with respect and love and understanding. Thank you, Dr. Harris. I pray you continue your mission and spread your wisdom all over the world!

[@hannahschneider300]

Happiness shouldn’t be treated as a privilege, it should be treated as an expectation.

[@laurakibben4147]

They also deserve to know they weren't literally deviously created in an attempt to keep the other person from leaving...

[@jerrimuhammad2308]

This is profound statement!!!

[@mildredwilkins5781]

I started crying when you said the bear comes home every nite. I'm 71, really horrid medical history, currently facing stroke level blood pressure. I found you because I'm trying to understand what I must do to keep living. Thank you. So much.

[@fannyissac7398]

Look up Dr Eric Berg

[@holesareprettycool1495]

Look up dr joe dispenza he’ll be a big help , I hope you’re doing well

[@Pauline_mrt]

Look into psychedelic therapy. Very helpful to heal trauma and regulate the limbic system =) Also look up Gabor Maté and Bessel Van Der Kolk !

[@kendallgagnon521]

I hope you are doing well my friend.

[@angelamarie969]

I’m 30 and have endured every terrible thing you can think of. As a child age 8, I wanted to create a safe treatment facility for children and families so no one would be without their parent no matter what they were struggling with. I became the addict. Finally 6 years clean. Lost my oldest sons dad to suicide a couple years back. Im a struggling single Mom with two beautiful boys who are now dealing with childhood trauma and there’s no way I could protect them from it, completely out of my hands. That makes me feel awful. No matter my adversities I live each day as a gift, the beauty of the simple things around us and the love and comfort and wisdom and wonder I can give to my two boys keeps me going every day. When I get over this financial burden hurdle I will eventually go back to school to be an art therapist. That is my dream and I’ll get there ☺️ My hope for anyone reading this is that they allow themselves grace for any hardship they have gone through and they realize how special and important and WORTHY they truly are🖤

[@jayalexander-thelastking162]

The worst thing about abusive parenting, is the parents many times don’t realize they’re abusive. This is why I believe every new parent should take a parenting class to understand child psychology.

[@HeyJudie]

YES. I was raised in an emotionally and sometimes physical abusive household and I never felt safe, which has caused me a great deal of neurological problems So when I was pregnant with my daughter, I read tons of parenting books. I also read studies by neurologists and child behaviorists, relying on that information to make important decisions about how to raise a child. So far the outcome has been great. I am by no means anywhere near even the ballpark of being a perfect parent, but I have chosen a no spanking no shaming style of parenting that focuses on guidance, support, and love. My job as a parent is for my child to know she is safe and loved, and that I support her to develop her talents and enjoy the simple act of living. Please read all you can about parenting when you decide to become a parent! If you haven't yet, it's better late than never!!!

[@juliavanrun-kilic1744]

You Need Jesus: you’re right! If you grow up in a dysfunctional family and never have any treatment, you copy this parenting behavior thinking it’s normal! Therefore passing on the dysfunctional behavior to the next generation......without doing this on purpose. It has taken me many years of therapy on my own childhood and my own parenting to learn to see, admit, understand and gradually change this. And boy: is it well worth it! 😌☺️

[@SexyWellness]

Sad enough, The ones who need it (parenting class) the most-- realize it the least.

[@Shedrick7711]

Parenting should be taught from the beginning.

[@7777species]

Most know they abuse, treat as a lesser and control. Do unto others as want upon you, as IF the abusers would not lash out if treated how they treat their young. No animal needs classes, .. but, classes need to be done as well as neuter and spay bad humans.

[@venust.4119]

Most parents don’t think about their kids emotions. Feed and clothe that’s all they think kids need.

[@kimd3445]

So true, I just learned how complex emotions are. I am sadly being a mom before I even understood how complex this is.. I am having a full focus on mental health care on the moment.. but guilt of not being enough confronts me all day everyday. I definitely agree on patenting classes before people should start having kids !!!!!!!!

[@juicylucy6488]

@@kimd3445 honey you will never be “enough” where in the bench mark ? You’ll never be perfect, it’s like chasing after a destination that keeps adjusting itself. Just focus on being “good enough” coz mum, you will make mistakes, you will have to learn as you go. And you will make it out the other side, stronger and good enough. Xx

[@valentinipinto]

@@kimd3445 theres no “guide for the perfect parent” so just kerp trying your best. on a daily basis, and stay aware that as a parent you can make mistakes but apologize for it. stay humble and empathetic

[@valeriepat7456]

Lots of parents can't even manage their own emotions or even know how to love

[@stuart1001]

Yep my parents and I don't understand how they think it's okay.

[@brittanym.7136]

All I do is hug and kiss my daughters. I always ask them if they are ok and I ask them about their feelings and explain emotions to them. I was given up for adoption and I know what childhood trauma feels like. It’s my goal to help battling children in the future because they are precious and deserve healing.

[@malayshiabrown5411]

you’re amazing❤️❤️❤️

[@Eagles52655]

Queen

[@majinnofaf]

Love from India 🥺❤️

[@kateh.2327]

OMG! I literally cried during this . As a survivor of long term sexual abuse I have had heart attacks, strokes, pulmonary embolism n a multitude of gastric issues ... I feel like someone finally understands that you just cannot snap outta things if you have suffered severe trauma... Great info!!

[@JesusSavesLives88]

Same for me. I went through sexual abuse from the age three even to 21 and I also was mentally, emotionally and verbally abused. I have had to carry an epinephrine pen for so long due to allergic reactions that turned out to be caused by stress hives. No heart attacks. But constantly on edge and stressed out to the max and most days for no good reason.

[@tianyue5814]

Hello Kate! Thank you for sharing. I also find the teachings of Deepak Chopra and Plum Village, Thich Nhat Hanh transformative. They empower people, care for this planet, commit to veganism. Veganism, supporting local organic farming, can help one heal physically, feel better emotionally, spiritually as it cares for animal, fish wellbeing and doesn't hurt them. Great book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Sending love and blessing! 🥰🙌 Show less

[@tianyue5814]

@@JesusSavesLives88 Thank you for sharing. I also find the teachings of Deepak Chopra and Plum Village, Thich Nhat Hanh transformative. They empower people, care for this planet, commit to veganism. Veganism, supporting local organic farming, can help one heal physically, feel better emotionally, spiritually as it cares for animal, fish wellbeing and doesn't hurt them. Great book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Sending love and blessing! 🥰🙌

[@kateh.2327]

@@tianyue5814 . I'll look into what you recommended... Thanks so much for taking your time to offer some insight/ information 💚

[@kateh.2327]

@@JesusSavesLives88 my abuse was physical from ages 8-19 then sexual innuendos until I hit 55 n said ENOUGH!!! thank you for sharing your story... I never told anyone but as I became an adult it occurred to me that none of it was my fault n I was not the sick one !!! I think we survivors tend to blame ourselves somehow ... I no longer hesitate to tell people my story as I'm not the one who should feel ashamed... All my best!!!

[@mrscelestejones]

"What if that bear comes home every night" That hit home.

[@tobflipped]

yeah, right!

[@lonee7886]

Profoundly true.

[@tamararodriguez4413]

Struck a personal nerve indeed...

[@lenap4956]

That moment when you realize you began to asociate 'family coming home' with 'danger' and that's it has been the case since your childhood. This hurt...

[@user-we2vv4wv9h]

that metaphor isn't the only thing that hit (at) home.

[@richardbedford6657]

My dad was beaten by his dad, He did not beat me. He did not want me to hate him like he hated his father. That is how you treat child abuse.

[@huseynhasanov8162]

You father did the right thing. I'm going to do the same thing to my children too.

[@ey2496]

Sadly, in must cases it’s not that easy

[@SandraLovesRoses]

You respect your child. That’s the way.

[@happyeverafter3369]

My dad, beaten by his mum during childhood, vowed that he'll never beat his own child. He kept his promiss but the anger gathered in those years of abuse made him batter my mum instead. Then, out of frustration probably, she started beating me... So in the end the harm caused to me is the same, if not worse.. living with two bears

[@happyeverafter3369]

@Mike Haydon true. It's v.difficult. you have to fight daily with the urge to do exactly what your parents did to you

[@bellajimenez13]

I wish both my parents got to watch this before they raised me.

[@steceymorgan814]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@Jennifer-bw7ku]

Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@elizabethwilliams6651]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Is he on instagram?

[@Jennifer-bw7ku]

Yes he is. dr.sporesss

[@kevinroyceho]

When she said "what if that bear comes home every night" I was literally triggered. I have so much anxiety and self-esteem issues so I definitely know what this woman is talking about.

[@lelalombardo3534]

Make your healing steps a daily priority, in any and all small ways that feel right and before your know it you pave a path intuitively shaped after your natural freedom and genius. Read about trauma research. You can do it. Science helps us.

[@Athvna]

When i heard that i had to stop myself from crying.

[@Healinghands829]

Literally triggered

[@nicoleowens2318]

Same 😕

[@claireharrison437]

+Kevin Hoe get help, go see someone. Don't suffer in silence. I did for years. It's a miserable existence x

[@katiehunt3083]

And there are parents who would NEVER have their child diagnosed with this because it would let their secret out. God forbid anyone else know!

[@Nick_las_seafarer]

Katie Hunt yup right here my dad still plays the victim i hate him deeply

[@roseysoulsco]

sadly true - rather say the kids got behaviour issues or ADHD - hmm - easy to blame the kid isnt it when it's actually a responsibility of a parent to love their child and not treat them like a nuiscance or a prize to be shown off and lived through and bragged about in society and on social media but behind closed doors - abuse.

[@heatheralfano1871]

Oof that’s so accurate it’s, obviously, painful. But we are not alone, and, one person at a time, we will end cycles of trauma for future generations. I really do wish you-all of us-the best. Good luck 💛

[@annarenee5565]

My mom is exactly like this. I hate her attitude toward problems that she helped create.

[@anonymous.youtuber]

We couldn’t tell anyone because “you don’t want your daddy to be thrown in jail do you ?”. What a schmuck he was.

[@shelly478]

I took the test and got a five. Every day I lived in fear with my siblings that my mother would be in a bad mood and beat us. This happened on a daily basis. There were days I would be sent to bed hungry as a punishment for something I did wrong. Most of my birthdays I spent sent to bed early after getting beat up for something I did wrong and told I was too full of myself because I was happy it was my birthday. No wonder I feel the way I do and don't trust anyone.

[@hana.9271]

My mum was the same shelly, went to bed hungry as punishment just sitting in the dark with my brother and we would get hit, it really messed us up.. hope you find healing

[@imanzuhric4781]

You’re so incredibly strong, please don’t give up.

[@mayojigi5536]

Plus my dad said my mom are giving me a life but then I’m worthless

[@shoneyluvsAmerica]

@@ahdell5536 It's your mom who is miserable. you don't have to be Ahdell. I'm sure she did terrible things to you and hurt you deeply and it is in YOUR POWER to release that and let it go so that it no longer has any kind of hold on you. Get it in your rearview mirror forever. These comments are heartbreaking and I am so sorry about the pain you carry daily. Sending heartfelt love and light to you!

[@Blabou]

I'm so sorry, this is absolutely horrible, I wish karma upon your abuser and abondance, joy, fulfillment and serenity for you

[@murderthemassacre]

I was drowned by my father as a child. I wish I was not abused, I just wanted to live a normal life but I was drowned by my father. If you are a survivor of child abuse I'm sorry. If you did not suffer child abuse, please know how fortunate and blessed you are .

[@SingSirenMae]

❤️ I send you so much love

[@znoequeenvalentin8373]

My mom once as a child choked me really hard cuz she got mad at me, I thought I was gonna die.. I wish I had a normal life😢

[@thestahlfamilycircus7317]

So sorry this happened to you 😢

[@mikemcneeley1580]

My father would take me far out from the shore and hold my head under the water. I came up gasping for air, desperately telling my father that I loved him, but it didn't work. He would repeat doing this with insane like gratification, or joy. I know this is freaky to say, but this was a spiritual exercise for me. It is not possible to put into words. I experienced terror and then euphoria. I was no longer there. I know this doesn't make sense.

[@thestahlfamilycircus7317]

@@mikemcneeley1580 I'm so sorry this happened to you. 😢

[@janetwalton1321]

Bullying in school is a major contributor to childhood trauma.

[@sheeplesheep9379]

you attract that into your life because of abuse at home

[@ryugaatsuka3344]

@@sheeplesheep9379 Could you elaborate more about this? It's very interesting.

[@sheeplesheep9379]

@@ryugaatsuka3344 the way you were treated as a child carrys on into your adult life,,..you are use to that kind of treatment ,so it carrys on until you learn to heal from it,

[@gessrinky9129]

@@sheeplesheep9379 100%

[@ker_possible]

Those bullies have parents....

[@goldark395]

I was abused as a child I don't drink in don't smoke I don't do any drugs. but I do stay far away from people in general.

[@blinkspacestudio8892]

Agreed, I tend to be a recluse and feel much safer in my studio. I am not that afraid of people just crowds more so. I have become VERY good at the "one on one" conversation. Gatherings put me in a blind panic.

[@SelenaY.1331]

I'm proud of you for not doing any of those things besides of them not good for your health theres more money in your pocket

[@kregg34]

I was similar for a long time, forced contact with others at work helped me to grow away from that

[@skinnysince96]

Same. I want to live alone as much as possible

[@LydiannaBella]

Same.. i have a cat ☺️

[@emilymarentette7555]

A childhood trauma therapist I had once told me that a child’s brain decides how it’s own life span will go in the first 6 years of life. So for instance, if a child’s life is very full of trauma in the first 6 years, they will more than likely have the issues talked about in this video. And the opposite for those with little to no trauma.

[@shreyaa768]

Actually true

[@pamelaaraujo6292]

Problem is that, no one cares to face our monsters. Hope we can find more Dr. Burke's who are willing to speak up.

[@ziyulin8222]

sometimes emotional abuse could be worse than physical ones.

[@tao.exoself]

yes! because it's much harder to identify as violence.

[@tao.exoself]

@John Smith Totally feel that sentence. But in the past few years a surprising amount of emotional wounds healed as well and I know I can completely recover. It's just a shitload of hard work when you're already so tired. Hope you are well!

[@NateVII]

veryyyy trueeeeee

[@citygirlingraham]

It definitely is worse!!!

[@sheeplesheep9379]

its equal...I had both the physical and emotional,, most people have

[@themostgraciousqueenmarger2015]

What she said about doctor's lack of trauma training is so important.

[@myosotismalva]

They're so cold and distant.

[@garterbelts]

It's really tough to find a proper mental health professional. They really need to update their study materials

[@rmp7400]

Most likely the Rockefeller Foundation did more damage to healing in the USA than just locking up many proven cures for cancer.

[@aliciacarstensen7904]

@@garterbelts strongly agree! I moved to a different state and left behind a therapist I love. Who has helped me the most of all the crappy counselors I tried and he has the least experience. He always seemed to be reading up on the latest medical studies and discoveries. We still text but not treating me, just so that he knows I am very happy and healthy now as opposed to trying to exit my world. I'm currently not up for the challenge just yet of finding a new therapist. Takes so much energy. Best to you GB

[@bellajimenez13]

Nurses are getting more of it now.

[@maryellendelong7221]

Having grown up as the scapegoat in a family with 2 narcissistic parents, I can confirm from personal experience that this is true. I am 61 years old, have suffered a lifetime of narcissistic relationships due to a strong trauma bond. In the past couple of years, I have come to understand this at a cellular level and am now healing. The effect of a traumatic childhood with physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual abuse is so hard to overcome, not only because of the trauma itself, but also because even some of the most reputable therapists don't understand this, therefore, they don't treat it. The best therapist I have ever had was recently, a very young woman who worked for the local domestic violence center. I am thankful for her, because she helped me dig into the past and understand where the trauma began.

[@solidstate9451]

Dr. Ramani on youtube. She is amazing.

[@gigagoatt]

No one can fix a pain they’ve never felt; I’m not saying there’s no talented therapists out there but they are few and hard to come across.

[@helder3951]

Exactly I’m 54 and in good therapy finally …

[@jennifergrant4443]

I've experienced childhood trauma and the sad part is that alot of people think you're already a big person and this thing happened since u were little why are you still thinking of it and why not let it go and move on. I know they're saying what seem possible but what they don't understand is that childhood trauma is not easy for anyone to overcome like that. I'm at age 33, and still struggle to socialize and they're times when people may find me odd and say things about me which will hurt my feelings but I understand that they don't understand me. So what I do is keep smiling and focus on my job and pay less attention to negative comments. Cause I realized that in this world alot of people are broken in different ways and our behaviours are affected by many things of the past. As I'm here I find people to discuss my situation with and if they seem not to follow I forget discussing anything cause like I said alot of people don't know how to talk to people like us.

[@ishanablack3871]

Bless you and you do your thing

[@charlotteasaaba1753]

Cause of the rape survival at the age of 8 from my dad,,,,, domestic violence. Have encountered failed relationships,,,,lost trust and dont feel loved. Hate myself for the past 13 years ........just know this trauma is real

[@soulprosperitypioneers]

yes, we were infected as children; and remain affected as adults

[@promisemaliwa3214]

My boyfriend calls it childishness 😢

[@FleurPillager]

People don't understand that early childhood experience shapes your brain for life. Great information, thank you.

[@LazyOtaku]

Yup?

[@abdullahm..2303]

Your opinion actually defies the scientifically proven neuroplasticity of the brain, and by the way, it's not an optimistic way to look at life.

[@GraemeMarkNI]

Abdul M Can you explain how this goes against the concept of neuroplasticity, and what optimism has to do with anything when surely facts are more important.

[@darkcrayz]

Abdul M It doesn't matter that its not an optimistic way to look at life. You have to look at reality.

[@FleurPillager]

Abdul M "It's not an optimistic way to look at life"=denial about serious health and social problems. If you just dismiss people with serious health problems as "not optimistic enough" then you don't have any responsibility for making things better do you?

[@makhosazana7384]

I’m 36 years old and Today I broke down and cried from a memory from my teenage years of all the insults and abuse my mom. Today i decided to go and seek help from a professional and start healing

[@nicoleraheem1195]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@chantellabelle3133]

Hey I’m so happy for you. Take the journey slow. Go at our own pace. Your healing journey is not something to be rushed. Things will slowly fall into place and start to make sense with time. ❤️ so happy for you.

[@heavyiron3572]

Eventually I became numb to the physical and the mental abuse took more of a toll.

[@heatherbruce1668]

So glad you made that life affirming decision! Best wishes to you!

[@rarejourneys]

Blessings to you. I just realized I think I’m suffering from PTSD and it started in 2017 and I’ve been fighting to get over it but it won’t stop

[@dion789]

My dad has given me a phobia that has led to so far about 18 years of chronic sleep deprivation and stress which I'm sure will affect my lifespan.

[@ganobivictor]

This needs a billion views

[@kenyad223]

I love this woman's aura , her presence.

[@GabrielaJoie]

Yess her voice makes me feel safe 🥺

[@julianabotero]

Her passion inspires me ❤️💪🏻

[@wendyberrios5957]

YES. It’s such a powerful momma bear aura.

[@chasetimmer2430]

She's a leader. She is the voice of those with no voices.

[@chasetimmer2430]

@@masterspacetime2826 go talk to your psychiatrist about your problems. None of us can help you with your childhood trauma.

[@sapphire1817]

The "bear" example was spot on. Even if I get a text from one of my family members even if it's a good text I still start to shake and breath and sweat ready for the worst. It never leaves you.

[@Mairas.Labyrinth]

Sapphire McDaniel Me too...

[@sapphire1817]

I have already but it doesn't make the symptoms disappear. Its learnt behaviour from being in flight or fight mode all of the time

[@patrycjatworek3320]

:(((

[@rickimcfarland2269]

The same.

[@euhdaccord4462]

Maybe you can try therapies such as somatic experience or EMDR (don't know the order in English, it has to do with Rapid Eyes Movement). It helps in case of trauma. But, you should only do that with someone who has good evaluation by the patients. You can either do it with a trained psychiatrist or a trained psychotherapist.

[@jamesblumensheid353]

I first watched this when I was 58 years old. The abuse, rejection from my father has caused a flood of health problems in my life. It's sad that this hasn't been told to every new parent.

[@wilryanson]

I feel your pain James I hope you are doing better

[@suzannemartin6817]

The Body keeps the score. Start listening to people like Dr Howard Schubiner, Dr David Strachs. Also The Pain PT on KZbin. Our bodies keep the score from these things. Some our stuff is from disease or damage to our bodies but some is really just our brains seeing danger everywhere and reacting accordingly. A good trauma-informed therapist could help too as they are trained to help you get pass my the trauma and resolve it. It’s never too late to get a new lease on life. I’m 58 and working on mine.

[@brandybonner9561]

We are still watching this 8 yrs later trying to help ourselves and now our children

[@dontmindme.imjustafraidofe9327]

I’m gonna do it. I’m going to make a change. Whether through writing my book or speaking out, I’ll change the way adults speak to, treat, and communicate with kids, teens, and young adults.

[@rositasouza1216]

Same ♥️ good luck to you.

[@sosorandom80]

This is beautiful

[@yvonneash1340]

I'm so very proud of you, tell your story. You Go Girl

[@dontmindme.imjustafraidofe9327]

yvonne ash Thank you.

[@cavelwoolery9151]

That's great... wish you the best

[@michaella1453]

When she talked about the bear coming home every night, I felt that anxiety that I feel every time my dad comes home.

[@caseymariez]

I felt the same growing up. I see you! Thanks for speaking up.

[@denisemorris5583]

..or going home from school wondering if a bear was waiting at home

[@denisemorris5583]

@@caseymariez I like that your reply said "I see you" Those are powerful words

[@LyssieLysse]

Same! My stomach instantly turned into knots whenever I heard the car door slam and keys in the door. During summer vacations I’d be wanting to stay outside all night with my friends instead of going in the house. I still can’t believe this has such an impact on me now as an adult. I’m no longer in contact with my dad and I’m trying to do my best to keep myself healthy so I don’t end up with any chronic disease when I’m older. I want to live a happier life for myself and my future generation. I hope your and anyone going through this situation gets better.

[@soltyrei6]

My whole life bro

[@LabbyLover]

My guess is that this doesn’t just apply to trauma in the home but exposure to bullying outside the home as well. Excellent lecture.

[@marlosunnyfruit4431]

Yes! Everything before 6 is very Bad, later stuff minor Bad, but still can activate the odler stuff from early childhood. You can see that with sexual abuse, the later Symptoms are worse, when it happend before 6...

[@jeepersmcgee3466]

@@marlosunnyfruit4431 care to elaborate please? specifically on trauma symptoms being worse when caused before age 6

[@maggie1000]

@@jeepersmcgee3466 A few studies have said that birth-7yrs is when your brain/body is having the most growth and development and is a critical + sensitive period so if it’s receiving trauma in that critical period it is especially damaging

[@maggie1000]

I read her book and with the main 10 ACEs they’ve also developed like “bonus factors” idk what they call them but it’s minor ACE factors essentially like bullying or community factor but the stuff that happens in the home is more damaging and community factors can be buffered with a good home environment

[@donnahughes8289]

I related to your talk. My Mother had BPD an Bipolar. She felt it was more important to treat strangers better than her own children

[@AugustAdvice]

Diagnosed with anxiety disorder at age 13 after years of abuse from my mother. Doctors didn't even ask why I was feeling anxious. Not once.

[@nathaniel7103]

amisfitpuivk Don't try to justify doctors, yes they keep us well and watered but lets be honest here, roughly 60% of our local doctors don't even try new things, they just follow what they were taught; by the book. We need a new education system for doctors, one that is flexible and has more outcomes. This is just my opinion, I'm from Australia and this is all I can say about the doctor's iv'e seen, and I have see a lot.

[@cinceybud100]

and that's what this talk was about, working with the various specialist and service agencies to identify high risk children and youth and develop a protocol of treatment that includes coordination among car providers to develop and implements a multi-faceted healing approach across the disciplines to promote behavioral, physical, psychiatric and emotional well-being...from psychotherapy to nutrition, from family dynamics to nutrition, from psychiatric support to community support to education, self-care skills building and early intervention on all fronts

[@AugustAdvice]

Colonel Veers Totally agree with you.

[@yourmostmagnificentlife2791]

Colonel Veers You describe this epidemic so clearly and have helped me order my thoughts around the fundamentals that have always shaped the world. My grown children refuse to see how my mother damaged all of us with her abuse even though she never physically abused them. Even though my mother is dead my family still refuses to acknowledge the rampant abuse in every generation of our family on both sides and affecting every member of our family. Even when memories of horrendous child abuse were surfacing in my sister's tortured brain and she asked for clarity of the memories our family told her she had an unremarkable childhood. They would have rather my sister kill herself then ever admit what they had done to us when we were children, all the while professing to wanted to help my sister. I am active in the ACE movement in my state and getting the word out about how pervasive ACES are and always have been, is my mission. Hope you will continue to speak out Colonel and many blessings to you.

[@jemima_g]

Colonel Veers I agree

[@lillynsage7229]

I wish society saw how important it is to raise and love our children. They are literally the next generation of humanity.

[@karinasarah_24]

I approve

[@codesm96]

Most people are greedy, selfish, scumbags, even the so-called good people

[@swoosh3684]

THIS!!! My mind was blown how important this is. I have seen it for myself. There isn't a small difference but a major difference.

[@kendallgagnon521]

100%

[@inhobiswinecellar9571]

Fr. This is why the “gentle” parenting movement really excites me.

[@number1angel66]

This really hit home for me. My mother is an abusive narcissist, my absent father was an alcoholic, most likely due to PTSD from WWII, and my brothers and I suffered emotional, physical and sexual abuse because our mother put men above our well being. My brothers all wound up with women like our mother. The abuse continued into my 24 year marriage because of my traumatic childhood, and the grooming I endured between the ages of 8 - 11 1/2, much of it has been locked away in my mind but I get glimpses of it from time to time. I've been divorced for 14 years and am still recovering from all of it. My health issues are definitely related to all the traumatic events. I am a firm believer in the bodys ability to heal and I am constantly seeing improvement. Slow and steady wins the race. Blessings to all in love and light. 🙏🏼💜🙏🏼💙🙏🏼💛🙏🏼💚🙏🏼🧡🙏🏼

[@votephillips2564]

This is making me so sad. My mother was a drunk. Three or four days/nights per week she'd get so drunk, she would crawl to my locked door and ask me to come out and talk. She had a 'thing' for seventeen inch knives. So she would chop away at the door. I could hear her. Sadly my half brother, who got a terrible deal from my parents, absolutely hated me. So, being a head taller, he took it out on me. Father liked children for real. But after she died, we saw the real father: he immediately left contact with his two grandchildren, then my sister in law and I finally I realized he would have left my mother in a week if she went to meetings. ...meaning he needed her drunk. It was so complicated and confusing. The worst thing was one night, around 4 AM, she reached into the knife drawer and grabbed one. ...then she made my brother and I choose whom we loved the most. My father just walked down to their bedroom and lay down and wept. I disassociated with no feelings. To make things "complex", I am a veteran and had access to the codes. I was a "Missile Launch Officer" ....meaning I would have to launch 100 hydrogen bombs to anyplace they told me. I tried so hard but could not countenance murdering all the people in North Korea or anywhere for that matter.. ...spent 6 weeks in the base hospital in Ca. I don't care to get sympathy....I just want to learn how to get through this. Help.

[@mrsschaaf77]

Oh, Phillip😭🫂

[@voguehaven5154]

I have no memory of my parents hugging me as a child. Not one memory. Plenty of memories of them verbally abusing me and physical punishments as far back as when I was 18 months.

[@noahluvskittenz2154]

How are you doing now? 😢

[@unimpressedcat2140]

Oh I got hugs, but only to prevent me from straying too far away after an episode of abusive behaviour. Just enough so I’d convince myself that everything was ok.

[@keumamelanie5602]

Same😔 my first memory of my mom is her beating me up

[@compatiblesystem]

@@keumamelanie5602 I'm so sorry you experienced that. You didn't deserve that.

[@lisabrickner6004]

Me too.. :(

[@ToniOne03]

“We don’t want to look at it...we’d rather be sick.” Wow powerful words. Great Ted Talk. This woman is def someone I look up too.

[@roseysoulsco]

So true but I'd rather not be sick anymore. I was so sick in childhood as a result of abuse and sick again in adult life. I'm done with it. I'm seeking help. I wont live in denial and shame all my life. I refuse.

[@tomowillcock7061]

I felt that so hard too!

[@sabrinastone4580]

I have a very high ACE score. But during one of my suicide attempts in my early 20's (first was at 15), I began therapy and that sparked my journey to heal my past traumas. I have experienced already a lot of the mental disorders due to my adversities along with digestion issues and other various conditions that can easily be connected to my childhood. I really believe this movement needs to grow so our children and their children don't grow up miserable or with health issues. I'm currently working on the workbook The Child Adversity Experiences (may have that incorrect) but its nice to know there is hope. Much love to those that live with their adversities today!

[@rynnroo1396]

Actually sobbing because I feel SO heard. She described it amazingly, She is amazing 🥺

[@stanleycoleman]

This makes a ton of sense. I don't smoke or drink or do drugs, but i suffer from anxiety and stress easily. And a lot of it is conditioned behavior from childhood.

[@Misana]

stanleycoleman all the best to you.

[@dewadharmawickrama2386]

Me too .Pls send me friends request in FB .I have same symptoms .

[@sunnynguyen8877]

Me too

[@nickbargas7352]

you might want to look into Richard Grannon CPTSD

[@bmeo1234]

stanleycoleman yes

[@May04bwu]

This was one of the best TED talks I've ever heard.

[@micromanagedmarbles]

May04bwu yes she’s an amazing speaker

[@rosalynkaplan8756]

Ok, against my perception of the political bias of Ted Talks, I agree with you. Setting "politics" aside, Dr. Burke takes childhood neglect and abuse by the throat . . . And more. "Early adversity" is not a political problem.

[@ErinIsReal]

Why are so many men wearing dresses nowadays?

[@cory4682]

@@ErinIsReal I have only seen this once,Transgenders.

[@auntiesinspirations5970]

Truth

[@stephaniekay112]

I just took the test and my ACE score was 10/10. I feel like this explains so much about my health issues and constant level of stress. I've been very far removed from that part of my life for a lot of years now but the underlying anxiety is always there. The one thing that makes me feel better is knowing my children's childhood is nothing like my own in any way. I have used my experiences to push myself to do better.

[@patriotliberty3070]

Where do we go for help? I'm having to face the painful reality that I need healing from a sexually, physically, emotionally and mentally abusive childhood😭😭😭.I begged and cried for my mom to protect me from the step pig parent that abused me whenever she left for work. I begged her to not leave for work to please protect me..the next day I came home from school to all my bags sitting outside the house with the doors locked💔💔💔😭😭😭. At 15 I was on my own. She never spoke to me again. I had noone. Completely on my own. I've blocked these memories out but it's time..I desperately need healing. Does this amazing woman offer counseling anywhere other than her youtube videos? I hope everyone finds healing, love & peace. We all deserve to be whole and live our best life❤️❤️

[@ellanina801]

I am so sorry for your pain. No mother should allow that to happen to her baby. I am going through some similar pains (finally addressing what I blocked out). I feel like shattered glass, but I’m trying to put the pieces back together. I have gotten to a place where I don’t blame my mom because I tried to protect my child, and things have turned out worse. If my mom had divorced my dad, he would have had more power over me…like he’d not even have had to try to hide what he did, and maybe been able to get full custody because he’s always been enabled, and that is how the legal system works, enabling abusers. I just found this person, so I’ll have to find what I can on her. Patrick Teaghan (sp?) has been very helpful to me, so I would recommend checking him out. He came from a trauma background. I hope that you do well in your recovery. 💜

[@brentduanefoster]

"Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) are the single greatest UNADDRESSED public health threat facing our nation today." - Dr. Robert Block This is scary...

[@Alexlittle9]

this is reality. We are the movement✊

[@nowestflyzone3791]

Brent Foster #Facts

[@Tryagain563]

I agree. I prayed to the Lord Jesus and He answered me and helped me when I was helpless. I had severe abuse, I shared my story further up. You may not like what I offered you here, but it works. I felt sad to hear you say what you did; and I understand exactly what you're saying.

[@lolavonvegan6770]

💚

[@i5-4670k]

It is a major tragedy to neglected children, especially the low awareness among therapists. Luckily, thanks to the internet and heroes like Pete Walker, we can still get the help we need. What an evil world where a enormous problem like this, which affects helpless children, is so routinely ignored.

[@citygirlingraham]

I am 56 yo and finally figured out that my traumatic childhood has affected me my entire life and I’m just coming to terms with it. Like a light came on, my ah ha moment.

[@GoldenSun10]

Did you have a good life despite your childhood? It's affected a lot for me, but it's hard realizing how much. It also makes me feel like I'll never break out of the patterns.

[@garycox3841]

Same here, only 76. This time of isolation has really put my past and present in my face, and ultimately my heart.

[@THEEck5000]

Glad I had this realization at age 21. How did u fight through it?

[@THEEck5000]

@@GoldenSun10 me too, smh. Just when I think I’ve defeated the demons they crop back up

[@amelie23river]

An epiphany

[@msher33]

We need to stop putting parents on a pedestal. This world is filled with broken and abusive parents

[@sagethemage3979]

I've been watching this video every few years, each time with a little more personal growth and understanding. Now, at 27, I sobbed through the whole thing finally able to look it in the face and understand the extent of my suffering as a child. It's excruciating to me that it's been 7 years yet feels like there hasn't been a dent made. I want to help finally make it a reality.

[@Jan_YTview]

She just publicly outed why so many endure PTSD today. Poor parenting of children moves up to less resilient adults who then face societies 'systems' where injustice, cruelty, lack of basic understanding re-traumatises adults until brain function is so impaired, they cannot work.

[@norulesbook]

As schools close and employees are encouraged to work from home to combat the coronavirus, experts are concerned about an increase in domestic violence. In order to help the more than 10MM children who are living with domestic violence, please share this Emmy nominated children's program which they can watch on their phones through KZbin: kzbin.info/door/SYvtCfNc6EjFIYe0vJbQ0w Website: www.cdv.org

[@roseysoulsco]

agree, ive had this expeirience. i havent been equipped with the tools to deal with the stress of living in an adult world where there's a lot of competition and unfortunately a lot of manipulative arseholes and abusive people so much in denial of how they are - when i have challenged it recently ive had a lot of rejection - but oh well, i'm glad i'm sticking up fo rmyself now - rather than drinking to numb the pain. my recovery has been tough but im starting to see more that i dont have to be a victim/survivor i can learn to thrive and coming out of denial and into ptsd in some ways is a gift because i can heal from the pain. Some people never come out of denial sadly. they just drink or use drugs or work addictively and have a numb life. this is really really so common this problem - so sad, but lets thank god we can take proactive steps to change it. i have made a conscious decision to unlearn the behaviour i learned as a child - to be rageful, untrusting, chaotic, a betrayer, use drugs, BEFORE i have kids. I want nothing more than to have children, but id rather not have one until i am ready and know i am prepared to treat my child the way a child deserves to be treated. yes boundaries are necessary and discipline but not screaming and shouting and trashing a kids room when theyre too small to do anything- i was petrified as a child absolutely petrified and then when i was old enough to stick up for myself i did and got into violence in a big way. now i choose not to be violent but sometimes i lose my temper and its misdirected anger and very corrosive to my relationships. i see myself do it and i feel sick - its a compulsion and a learned behaviour - sometimes the front of my brain does shut down and i can't think straight whatsoever cant work out how to communicate like a calm, measured adult. it's very annoying and i feel a lot of shame at times. but at least i am self aware and working at addressing it. and not ignoring it or stuffing my feelings. learning ways to cope. im at the start of a new journey with ptsd and i am tired, weary and in grief, but also excited for my new life when i have learned how to deal with it better and hopefully one day i can help others through same things.

[@davidlanier2290]

Yes!

[@ChanaRules]

And those adults become parents again, and the cycle never ends... unless someone decides to break the cycle, which in many cases doesn't happen.

[@sheeplesheep9379]

@@ChanaRules one way is to not have kids,,that was my sisters way,, she aborted all her kids because she was afraid of abusing them

[@LEdson-rk2kv]

A brilliant beautiful lady with an intelligent mind. Thank God for people like her.

[@gabrielle6158]

Yes i agree. Such a well spoken confident smart woman.

[@Afinef]

So true

[@soslothful]

@@Adventure_fuel It is a great and rare treat to read such an intelligent, thoughtful response.

[@daniellemontgomery7692]

Amen

[@CedarRoofsOnly]

I don't thank god, but I agree a brilliant beautiful lady with an intelligent mind. (Flawed human thinking, thank god for the good people, and the bad, well, errrr, ummmm God has nothing to do with.) The word god for me is nothing more than a product of human weakness. "Albert Einstein"

[@sebastianovando9876]

It’s so heartwarming that after all this years, struggling with anxiety, fears and trauma I finally found someone who is vocal about traumas that are very often overlook.

[@te34]

As an adult with an ACE score of 8 (out of the original 10) and many many more traumatic events in adulthood, including becoming a victim of domestic violence, suicide attempts and addiction, I was excited to learn about the advancement in Trauma Informed Care as a mental health care recipient. Unfortunatel it has been my experience that those in the helping profession seem less inclined to want to help older people like myself or utilize our experiences to help others. I personally believe it is those of us who survived our childhoods and early adulthoods who could be the catalysts for a far wider understanding and ultimately a healthier population, if only the "professionals" would see what our contributions could provide. Too many egos in the way.

[@rachelreichert1966]

I absolutely agree with you! adults need support as well, as we live with these traumas every day.

[@MoonFirefly13]

If I die sooner because of the trauma I endured as a child then the less time I'll have to deal with emotional pain in my heart that never ever goes away.

[@Aircheekz]

Jen Lee that’s kind of a pessimist view point. Why wouldn’t you rather want to learn how to deal with the trauma, versus just saying “oh well, I’ll just accept my fate”?

[@MoonFirefly13]

Aircheekz we all die that's all I'm saying. Some sooner. I've tried to heal I'm still working on it. I just feel that I'll never get ovet it. Maybe it is my fate? I don't know. All I know is that I'm in lots a emotional pain and eventually it will end when I end.

[@Aircheekz]

Jen Lee I understand. I too have had to deal with some of that and am still healing. For me my life imploded over the last couple years. ended with an addiction problem that I eventually discovered was rooted in childhood issues/ how I was raised. I’m still dealing with the repercussions. I’ve just found it easier to forgive. We’ve all done things, and affected or hurt someone... even if it’s not to the same degree as was done to you, you’ve hurt someone before, guaranteed.

[@MoonFirefly13]

Aircheekz i did try to forgive my mother. Even after all the physical, mental and emotional abuse. I forgave her. Started building a new relationship with her and in the end she told me I never forgave her. When I did even when she denied what happened and said I had an over active imagination. I learned later that my mom is a narcissist. She cant see she's done anything wrong because she projects her bad behavior on others. Especially me when I was a child. Saying things like its all my fault I was born and how I was her biggest mistake. Those wounds will never go away. There is a scar and ir doesn't take much to bleed. i have trust issues and trouble building relationships. I meditate and I keep fighting though. I have an addiction to love a mother who will never love me becausw she doesn't know how to herself. My Dads an alcoholic so seeing how' he has suffereed from his addiction I stay away from drugs and alcolhol. Besides I think that would make me an even more emotional wreck. I'm sorry you went through hard times. Glad ypu figured out the root cuase came from your childhood. That you were able to forgive without it slapping you in the face. I wish you the best on you're healing journey. Sounds like you're doing a wonderful job.

[@Aircheekz]

Jen Lee thanks, but I’ve still got plenty of work to do to turn my situation around, I’m a complete mess. Over coming my addiction ended up with me having very serious health issues that I’m still battling. Thought I was gonna die at some point, now I feel like I’m on track to get my mind and body back to where it was. Though I know it will take a bit of time. Only thing that’s helped me get through it all is my faith in Jesus Christ. All the stuff I’ve had to endure over the last couple of years, I should probably be dead. But He allowed me to keep fighting and now I’m starting to realize why I had to go through all this and so I’m very optimistic about my future. Idk anything about you, or what you believe but Christ can do the same for you. I really didn’t even see the point of living for quite some time, but now I have hope that my future will be brighter than my past. Getting pat all my fears that have been in me since I was a child is my next giant to kill. I’ll get there but by bit. But my hat goes off to you for your openness and willingness to try and repair things with your mother. Those things are very difficult, and I don’t have things as good as I wish they were with my folks (I’m forced to live with them now too so it’s less than ideal for me) but I pray and hope my situation gets better. God bless you and good day!

[@engine9435]

Brilliant. She covered systemic racism, cognitive dissonance, and child development in one lecture without pointing a finger.

[@casperr1299]

Engine9 poverty and bad childhoods don’t exclude any race

[@engine9435]

yazmin gutierrez right. Universally, but not systematically. I guess you don’t understand to context of the video or my comment and that’s fine.

[@Purpleiciousbabe]

Definitely did. loves the post.

[@LtGrandpoobah]

She did point a finger... At Christianity. "...Who actually believe that if you 'spare the rod' you 'spoil the child.'..."

[@patriciascotman9923]

yazmin gutierrez don’t think you get the point honey but go off

[@evangelle82]

Oh crap this makes sense!... I just took the ACE Test and my score is a 5/10, my mother (from what she told me is a 3/10) and my Dad is an 9/10 (from what he has told me). My father has/had always been the primary source of abuse. My mother did her part too as an enabler. It was until I turned 40 and started asking questions of my parents.... I found out that HE was just a vulnerable child and heard stories of horror. I see him differently. I wouldn't be surprised if his actual score is 10. For both of them (mom and dad) to live 70-75 years of their lives without dealing with this in counseling and healing... how sad. I have forgiven them for their abuse and neglect. May they find peace. May we ALL find peace.

[@MM-gv1ps]

How strong that you forgave them! To forgive someone ist the hardest thing to do. We don't forgive to forget or say it was okay. We forgive to let go of the pain and gain real freedom.

[@sen10ritakh]

You’re powerful and blessed by the most high! Please continue to be a powerful source to others when they are suffering. ❤❤❤❤❤

[@Maevynn]

Seeing the passion behind this woman's body language and micro-expressions brought me to tears. Nobody in my life understands this, and I have been ostracized from everybody and everything that could bring me joy because people refuse to understand over gossiping and slandering. It isn't just medical support that we need. We need social support to. We need to see that the world isn't as ugly as we were brought up to believe that it is, because our hearts have been screaming from the rooftops from day one that we deserve better, but we have yet to find it in a single other soul who has not also been so severely damaged by their own version of this type of trauma that they are also in full need of support, and as such, cannot provide that type of support to another person, even if they desperately want to from the bottom of their hearts. Please, start understanding and being kinder to us. We're fucking dying.

[@soulprosperitypioneers]

I am in ACA - they understand

[@kaleidorainbow]

She doesn't talk about it, but this talk really paints a picture about how trauma can even be intergenerational and cyclical.

[@RiaSwiftHealing]

Trauma is inter-generational...you are correct.

[@tash1741]

It is

[@yuuablewon]

Yup generational curses

[@boopadoop658]

Yes yeeees. Very much more intergenerational because of the possible lack of parenting from my perspective

[@tammydavis8800]

You are so correct Ash...trauma is inter-generational and cyclical. Hurt people hurt people and the output becomes input again...said reality that hopefully outreach and learning to share openly without shame, will help to stop the cycles that form in any unhealthy relationship

[@deeplyblue7299]

Being told to "suck it up" always felt wrong to me and it never made me any stronger ...glad science proved me right and i'm glad i made the right choice for my family to end the cycle .

[@traceylennon1204]

Somebody who says "suck it up" is a P.O.S. with no empathy or compassion!! @Deeply Blue

[@alexwarner5395]

Every time I was sick, "Suck it up and go to school. I don't stay home from work when I'm sick.". This talk hits the nail on the head for me.

[@bella-iu7ku]

Idk that line has always worked for me

[@cammiek3348]

@@alexwarner5395 Unfortunately, the schools send parents to court for truancy. Even with illnesses as an excuse, parents have to pay thousands of dollars in fines if a child misses more than the allotted days of school. Going to see the doctor for every single fever, stomach bug, etc is costly and unrealistic. My poor children get exposed to traumas at school so much they have psychosomatic symptoms during the mornings before school. Its heartbreaking, but after so many absences (one of my daughters even had strep throat twice this year) I have to send them to school and let the nurse send them home if they're truly sick. (Absences don't count if sent home sick from school.) It breaks my heart, the government's rules make it impossible to mother my children how I see fit!

[@Cutiejuliya]

Cammie AK thats strange i was absent a lot super a lot from school and my parents never had to pay any fines? like my grades went down how often absent i was because i also had throat issues and fevers and such

[@jesuschristislordjesuschri4502]

Such an eloquent, educated, intelligent and beautiful women. I'm impressed and did learn a lot, thank you Dr. Nadine Burke Harris.

[@jimtabler]

I've struggled with executive function issues and bouts of depression for the majority of my life. I've recently discovered through podcast after podcast, listening to experts speak about childhood psychology, that this stems back to a toxic childhood. I now have kids of my own and need to stop the generational trauma. I am grateful to those in this field that helped me find the root cause of these ailments. If you're reading this and find yourself in the same situation, know that there is a better way ahead. What was done, can be undone, and I choose to identify as a victor, not a victim. Shed yourself of the labels that you or society has placed up you, and realize you have the strength and ability to change. Love yourself, and give yourself credit when you deserve it. I love you, and I hope that every tomorrow is better than today.

[@thevaluemessage]

You have an incredible message of hope for people.

[@MiraMira-gb4uu]

My childhood is full of painfull memories and frustration 😖🥺

[@goertzpsychiatry9340]

Mira Mira kzbin.info/www/bejne/o3TcZ4Bpjdh6sLM

[@NateVII]

I feel that, I had to share my story so hopefully they can understand or aware of what we go through!!!

[@totalhealthtrip]

I have a hard time thinking up good memories because they are laced with bad

[@sheeplesheep9379]

me too

[@radheyradhey6300]

No happy memories at all🥺🥺

[@adamatova]

Nominating this woman for president.

[@r8chilln]

for president!!

[@copywriter2001]

I would nominate her un-ironically for Surgeon General. This is an important topic and research/improvement here could dramatically improve healthcare.

[@SuperGorak]

actually fucking yes, haha, please. A person with this kind of awareness of everybody's needs to be a political actor. Not a business douche but a mental health advocate.

[@rosaliedawn6535]

Adama Tova oh my gosh yes!! Ill vote for her!! It's a real problem!!!

[@minecraftminertime]

A doctor wouldn't be a good president. The president controls the whole country and doesn't pay a lot of attention to specific health problems. We need legislation to implement these tests.

[@teritaylor375]

I've worked with victims of childhood trauma for over 3 decades, am also a survivor of childhood trauma myself. This is excellent and accurate information, important for all to hear. Great job, doctor, and thank you so very much from all of us!👍

[@vivianfoster702]

I wish my parents never had children. We are all so damaged because of the abuse and neglect. Some people should be neutered because they are incapable of actually parenting.

[@myassislong6644]

Most parents think they know best and simply refuse to acknowledge that they have made major mistakes or that their treatment of their children was abusive. My parents think that because I wasn't severely beaten or violently molested that I should just shut up and quit being so sensitive. They're the worst.

[@WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLU]

Danica Want’s Ramen yep

[@vc1163]

That's classic gaslighting.

[@seeker2716]

I feel you!!! SO HARD, isn't it?!! My parents also call me hypersensitive and don't want to admit the abuse.. HUGE pain to live with, isn't it?!!! I believe this has affected my health, both physical health and mental health, tremendously!! MUCH LOVE and COURAGE to you, dear one🙏 Eva, Belgium

[@charlotteice5704]

Same

[@PunkBunny56]

I’m not sure how old you are but until you’re in your 20’s no one cares about abuse. I was emotionally abused growing up but I couldn’t find an adult who cared until I also became an adult.

[@nan_c77]

Childhood abuse will affect EVERY aspects of your child's life. Abusive parents, listen up! It is NOT OK to hurt your child.

[@ryanhouse5736]

nanc77 That is the most unnecessarily useless comment I've ever seen.

[@nan_c77]

Why is it unnecessary or useless?? Some parents think it's OK to hurt their children. Are you saying that just because people are watching this video that they CANNOT possibly be or become abusive towards their children. I am speaking from personal experience. I was physically, mentally, and verbally abused for YEARS! And while I am not abusing drugs or other substances to deal with my past, I still struggle with daily lives as an adult. Childhood trauma DOES affect you. So, unless you've been abused in the past, DO NOT think for a second that you have the right to judge others.

[@ryanhouse5736]

nanc77 Well I have, and that's not what I was referring to. Saying "don't do that anyone" to someone won't change a damn thing. Telling parents it's not OK won't change anything at all- they'll still do it. Your comment is useless.

[@nan_c77]

You are correct that my comment most likely won't change a thing. But being an American, living in America, the land of the free, I am entitled to voice my opinion. As far as I know I am not hurting anyone with my comments.You, sir, are also entitled to your opinion :) have a great weekend!

[@ryanhouse5736]

nanc77 I never said you weren't entitled to your own opinion. I was just saying that stating your opinion is useless.

[@nicholaskoehler2055]

Thank God for such educated and dedicated people like this ❤️

[@user-tv2dw5wb4j]

When you have kids. Youre not supposed to think about yourself anymore, you're supposed to think about your kids. Most parents still wanna feel like they should care about themselves. That's a big problem.

[@alanli22]

This just might be the best TED talk ever.

[@sarahbucket8037]

agree!!

[@Tryagain563]

Never heard one till tonight. I like her. She cares.

[@wioletakoziol2252]

Yes!!!!!👏👏👏👏👏

[@charmagneq]

Alan Li agreed!

[@Reunion4ever]

“We don’t want to look at it. We’d rather be sick.”

[@KtotheB1218]

Yellow yep!! And keep feeding us medicine. I’m glad she said she wants to educate the parents

[@RA-qq8nf]

I agree sometimes thinking about it makes you even more sick!

[@elizabethm2901]

Some people want to look at it but don't have the funds or support to do so. As a society you're right but individually I disagree. 9/10 times people are left on their own to deal with it, they can't expect support from the very people who are at fault or the ones who also endured the same thing as they also don't have the support to heal as they can't connect with other people because of the trauma they put their shield up and end up alone. Some seek help, but it's only there for so long until you need money to continue, so they have no other option.

[@rmcd839]

I weep heavily every time I listen to this phenomenal presentation.for the children who were never validated, were treated like trash, unimportant, and abused by the very ones charged with their care. This woman is speaking 100% truth. I know this by experience. I weep for the scared little boy who had no one to turn to. I weep for those who want to escape but can't. May they get the chance to survive to thrive.

[@woofolliesmydog8628]

I'm 54. I lived a childhood of physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual abuse. I was starved, teased, tormented, beaten, and humiliated. I was not allowed to show joy or be happy. My mother was a drunk, my stepfather the devil. I struggle with abandonment issues and crave love....though I rarely let anyone get close to me. I lead a promiscuous teen period. I married at 36 and divorced at 45. I've not achieved success career-wise. I feel as if I've never reached my full potential through fear of failure. For much of my life I blocked out most childhood abuse.....but it comes in flashbacks at the oddest times. I wonder how much time I have left before I die of natural causes....or end it all myself. Sadly, everyone thinks I'm a happy person.

[@unknownuser4879]

i'm so sorry for that. i'm 16 and my parents are emotional,physically,mentally and sexually abusive too. i can imagine how bad you're feeling. there's still time to heal. have you ever considered therapy?

[@debeegrant5162]

I watched this and have tears rolling down my face. Tears of gratitude. I wish this woman was my doctor. Thank you Nadine Burke Harris for your commitment to this.

[@TheYearOfLauran]

debra grant I am sobbing too. My struggles make sense now.

[@nylathe718]

Me too!!

[@thepochade5992]

Very rare to find someone these days that hasn't experienced trauma of some kind during their childhood.

[@paulieism]

Maybe impossible

[@iamagift7679]

That's because this world is filled with sick people

[@brennah8861]

That’s because emotional neglect can be so minimal, that neither parent knows they’re doing it because they’re just doing their best, loving their child. However, they are not fulfilling the child’s needs in one way or another, and just doing what was passed down to them through their parents’ parenting style.

[@itsthekiddem1364]

April Marie And that’s why it’s an epidemic- abuse is so often cyclical- is a generational curse of someone doesn’t make changes. If we educate today’s adults maybe we could eventually work it out.

[@majestycrush]

Yeah and it reminds me that I’m nothing unique and me being abused isn’t an excuse. I mean if everyone gets abused as a child, how come most people I know aren’t socially anxious or don’t have extreme mental issues like I have that stem from abuse?? I always thought that being abused as a child is a rare thing, but now I realize how meaningless I am and how hard I try to be a victim since everyone else seems to be doing fine even though they were abused. I hate myself

[@fishinwithq3959]

We watched this in rehab, this needs to be watched by the entire world.

[@Lunay08]

I went through intense childhood trauma. I am not happy with my life, I am definitely more content than I used to be but, I will not have a child and let it bear witness to my mental illnesses, or allow myself the possibility of inflicting harm on a child. Daily, I wish I was never born, but I try to fill my days with as much love and compassion as I can until I meet my end

[@samanthajo1593]

She has definitely found her calling

[@michellelove34]

Yes!!

[@rashimasimmons7583]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

[@SinisterSpinister]

This absolutely blew my mind! As a survivor of childhood and adolescent trauma I am just now learning that there is a physical change the body and brain undergo that can impact the rest of your life. I have struggled for years with complex PTSD, depression, anxiety, chronic pain, etc and this information is really helping me realize that hey...it's not all just in my head..there's real science behind this. This is helping me soooo sooo much!!!

[@dreamsofturtles1828]

Amen! so helpful...i just thought i was weak.

[@mj.christ9864]

I went through all sort of abuse almost my whole life; Didn't know about complex PTSD until I read a narcissism abuse book I ordered on Amazon, recently. Discovering the sad truth was so much painful, and reading that part of the book too. So many people abused me, starting from childhood. Now, I don't even trust any friends; people I trusted just took advantage of it. Anyway, God will have the last word. Stay strong!! :)

[@edithcasines9550]

Kari K. Rose the same in my childhood life, but people think 💭 I’m a narcissist, I’m a very given person! I get criticized, they don’t understand what is ,I grow up with no self esteem!! I never smoked, no drugs, or alcohol 🍷 no one understand me! I do feel alone!!! There’s so much more, 😭

[@jac1161]

Yup! And my childhood trauma bled into adult life and while I have better boundaries now, it's still hard - understatement

[@kcole5177]

Omg!!! I really!! Understand what you're going through😭❤

[@ladielynn008]

This is so True….One of the reason Im scared to have kids…. I never had a mother daughter relationship. Even tho I would be nothing like my mom, I have a fear that if my kids felt the same way about me, as I do my mom. It’s hard to break a cycle when you wer never taught the correct way to love. It’s possible, especially with God! But I would never want to put my kids threw, what I went threw. Broken home, Parents fighting, a mother that choose a man over me, and a father that moved out of state to start a new life. I have my own childhood trauma, so bringing kids into this world isn’t a must for me. I enjoy being a Auntie ❤️ Praying for everyone reading this 🙏🏻

[@suecbrn]

Even 7 years after this originally came out, this has such relevance!! Thank you Dr. Burke for your insights. It has opened my eyes to my own history and now, I have another tool to use to help not only myself, but others.

[@veryangrypigeon]

Just thought I'd add: The Fight or Flight system has a third reaction. Fight, Run or Freeze. When there's an adversity or a "bear" that you can't fight and can't run from it either, humans will freeze and not be able to move. When you panic e.g. in front of an audience, can't move, can barely speak or think. That's the Freeze reflex.

[@coffeetime89]

Isn’t it fight, flight, freeze, or fawn? That why if faced with an angry dog you try to placate it I though.

[@pollyrg97]

Thank you! That gets overlooked so often. And then we ask 'why didn't she run away?' 'Why didn't she fight back?' When the answer is 'her subconscious instinctively recognised that neither of those options was likely to work and went with freezing as the thing that offered the best chance of survival.'

[@karmel5603]

Polly RG yeah. That is what happens when I'm scared.

[@Patil1411]

Been there and it's the worst kind of feeling

[@lemurlover7975]

Don't forget flop around like a dying fish and faint. That's what I did a lot (and still do) in my abusive situation that I survived (which was human trafficking). I did that mostly with fawn and freeze second most likely. Third was flight. (Not too useful because I had severe asthma, and running gave me asthma attacks). Fourth was fight (not too likely to win a fight cause I was a 50 pound child and I had 250 pound men raping me). And now I'm a 100 ish pound adult. So as a teen getting raped by large men I was also about 100 pounds. Mainly I just tried to avoid them crushing my ribcage so they would not puncture a lung and I would not die.

[@hifiShant]

When the TedMed is so good, you clap at your computer screen. Excellent contribution & thank you for your efforts Ms. Harris

[@akeem1221]

Hahaha, as if you saw me clapping at my laptop in the middle of the night. Thanks you.

[@Light-oz5pv]

This hit home, and I think hospitals should develop programs where they provide parents with free (optional) psychology classes after childbirth.

[@wellthatsretarded2591]

Hospital.. free? Right…

[@EsiaAF]

They need to be mandatory for all parents

[@anis4373]

I’m 20 years old and I actually have realised how childhood trauma affects my life since last year… But I just can’t bring the courage to admit it and seek help. I’ve experienced multiple of physical health issues and I’m the only person with the most health issues in the family. As far as I remember, it started with minor anemia when I was 7 or 8. I grew up in a dysfunctional family but never thought that it was the main factor of my first issue and the rest after it. I’ve been sick with different health issues every year. I wondered “why am I the only one who’s always sick?” Now that I look back, I’m the person that has been exposed to trauma the most compared to my younger siblings. In the end, I’m the oldest child and have to carry the family burdens by myself. I believe that I could’ve had less health issues if I had someone as emotional support because I have never ONCE vent my feelings or personal problems to anyone.. I used to think to myself that I’m strong enough to bring all the pain and secrets to grave without anyone knowing. I guess I’m not as strong anymore, after holding on and keeping to myself for 14 years. Due to my childhood experience, I think that it’s best for me to not have best friends, or create a family of my own because I don’t want to hurt anybody. My family always tell me that I can be selfish and narcissist. I’m an empath and HSP, so it hits deeply to my soul. Everything that my parents told me damaged my self esteem and will stay with me until I die. I fell out of love with life since I was 6 or 7. Nobody asked for my story but I’m having an emotional burnout and I have trouble talking about my feelings loudly, even to myself. Maybe that’s why there are voices in my head and it would never shut up. I mostly take 2-3 hours to fall asleep for the past months. I have a quiz tomorrow, and another quiz in 4 days…I don’t know how am I gonna handle it. I could just flop both quizzes but I am a perfectionist and have always excel academically since I was 9. The academic pressure and stress distract me from my real problem, so I like studying and striving for good grades. You know what? I honestly feel that I failed in this life. Nothing good will ever happen to me and even if it does, I will not be able to enjoy it to the fullest. I’m doomed for life (and the hereafter). If I can put it in a metaphor, it’s like I wanna scream for help but my vocal chord is not functioning because I haven’t speak for years and now it’s affecting other things in my life since I don’t know how to use sign language. I have wished this for more than a decade but it’s still the same; I wished that I was never born. Everything is my fault.

[@keishabowla-hines9382]

It took a lot of courage for you to share your story. Thank you for being vulnerable. It is not your fault. Some horrible things happened to you and I am glad that you have become aware of them. Healing from trauma takes courage and will not happen overnight, but, IT IS possible. After carrying so much for so many years, it may be time to release the load and place the responsibility where it lies - not on yourself but on those who failed you. It is not your fault. Those who should have protected you and didn't, are are fault. Those who should have loved and encouraged you, but caused you pain instead, are at fault. They are responsible for their behaviours, not you. It is likely to be very helpful if you seek trauma informed counselling. Wishing you all the very best.

[@chandiacuster4359]

If you believe in your soul, you’ll know this post was your ego talking ❤️

[@shrimpdance4761]

How your family treated you isn't your fault. Jesus loves you totally and unconditionally. You just have to let him. I know for myself that faith doesn't make the effects of trauma go away, but it's an anchor to hold on to in the midst of it.

[@kamlawteeragoo7223]

The video did not but your comment made me cry. Today I realise how, when and why I fell out of love with life, just like you typed. I don't like life, I exist for others. Now I know why.

[@quadrantzero3161]

I know how you feel but you are still alive and as hard as it may be , you got to keep moving forward with life 🙏

[@erinfleming5128]

"...And the bear comes home every night." Brilliant speech.

[@kbroers6480]

There was a bear at my house.

[@snjmriguy1]

So so so so true. I am 65 and the bear has been with me my entire life. Aniexty depression addiction isolation inability to have a normal intimate relationship a search for a person and desire for a person who caused me stress for so many years and experiencing the same pain over and over again.

[@coloradobrad6779]

Spot on from my abuse. Trauma: the body remembers. My mind is daily likened to navigating a mine field in the middle of a category 5 hurricane and when I sleep the night terrors are worse. I am 44, it sucks.

[@Brimarieddddddddd]

Erin Fleming efsctly

[@RnW9384]

The. Bear was my late father. My mother was too clueless/ immature to protect us. In my 30's I asked why didn't she protect us. ' what was I supposed to do?'. She responded. At age 49 ( 61 now) I cut off my parents and my chronic illness improved dramatically. I should've done it much sooner. No regret just better health/ life quality / marriage.

[@PK-re3lu]

Sadly, going no contact seems to be the only way to go. Well done! Onwards and upwards...

[@89cjenk]

Auntie Rose my story to the T

[@KtotheB1218]

Auntie Rose do you ever regret cutting them off?

[@mrbookish6701]

Been 2 years, I am 24 now. Best decision ever

[@mrbookish6701]

@@KtotheB1218 No. You may feel regret or miss them, but its actually may be just the idea that it will be okay. Look after yourself and make your own 'family' of close people

[@theythemgae9025]

After studying early childhood I've realized I was neglected often and massively emotionally abused as a child. I'm healing and I'm learning, even just today at 26 years old I've realized I had to face "food insecurity" a lot as a child as food was withheld at times as "punishment" (aka my mum decided she couldn't be arsed or decided she wanted to hurt me). I have PTSD, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, an eating disorder that's just about under control (binge eating) and hormonal imbalance issues and possible ADHD... I live with these issues and it's hard but I'm learning to like being alive, to trust that others do not have an alterior motive, to beleive people when they say they're not mad at me, to be relaxed when someone touches me.... so many things. Finding our families and our people later in life is so important, I'm hosting an "orphan's christmas" this year full of people I've grown close to, who have had simular childhoods. This is going to be a happy Christmas, one without screaming and nastiness. One with food freely available, lots of laughs and care free vibes.

[@heidiperet7087]

"We don't want to look at it, we'd rather be sick" . Spot on!!

[@EdwardGarrenMFT]

What I spend 90% of my work with clients exploring. Childhood trauma is the cause of most of the ills of the world. All the cuts in child welfare programs, the difficulty finding child care for children under 5 or 6, our attitudes towards single mothers, and our punishment of their children, all contribute to the ills of our society, and are VERY expensive later in life (prison, cancer treatment, etc.). After decades of work in Offender Rehabilitation, I KNOW this is true. Ed Garren

[@Thicketworks]

Edward Garren Thanks for weighing in, Mr. Garren. As someone working on the front lines, you are in a clear position to know. I can only imagine the suffering that you have witnessed. Thank you for doing the work that is so necessary because our power structures *will not do the right thing*. I wonder what approach you might suggest when faced with the deep denial of this truth by those who can't allow themselves to see it? What has your experience been when sharing what you know with those in positions of authority? Any insight you can share will help not only me, but anyone who reads it with an open mind. Thanks for your time, Heather

[@blognewb]

+Edward Garren Edward, it got me thinking, do you then think, this ACE study explains why those blacks who came from generations of slaves explain they have been stuck in this cycle, not to mention the already still existing prejudice they suffer from that employers hesitate to hire them?

[@EdwardGarrenMFT]

+blognewb Yes, Yes and Yes. One of my clients is reading "Post Traumatic Slavery Syndrome." I don't know the book, but having come from a family of "Bastards" and Orphans, who lived in desperate poverty and lack of a larger family infrastructure, I know this is true. Family therapy looks at three generations of a family's emotional infrastructure. I often remind clients that Black people in this country didn't even have access to decent housing until 40 years ago. The ghosts of our grandparents lives inside of us. And, the United States is a nation of genocide survivors (in the "old" countries our ancestors came from). We brought all that pain with us, along with the fears, which is why so many of us are so fearful. What was going on in Europe for the 300 years that North America "infilled" was things like the inquisition, class genocide, torture, and enslavement of anyone who didn't own land, which was most of the populace then and there. So the dark side of that history lives in us. Donald Trump being the "poster boy" for a lot of it. Barbara Boxer said it best, "The Republican Party is the politics of fear."

[@norahbradley5138]

It's what I've been saying about my criminal clients for years. They usually are broken human beings.

[@amenuf]

Edward Garren thanks fot your honesty

[@skyfairchase5636]

I think we all need professional counseling, to be honest. There a stigma about people who have their own therapists, as if they're crazy, but I think not enough people have one.

[@minecraftminertime]

I don't think everyone needs professional counseling. I think not enough people have counselors.

[@lizoriginale]

i tell everyone i know to get a therapist

[@Skylightatdusk]

Yes, maybe that's what responsible television should be about ... because we already know how very effective it is at shaping the mind.

[@missmsmrs.7309]

True.

[@zaysay5422]

If only 1/4 of us could afford to have one

[@kitten1122]

these findings were some of the worst for people with chronic pain or disabilities. now instead of treating us they just say its from the trauma

[@Motomilf]

I’m happy to have grown up in this generation where I can teach myself how to be a mom. I’m 13 weeks pregnant and have been watching a lot of these videos

[@Peach-kv4ze]

I’m 26 and I’ve struggled with mental illness for my entire life and with alcoholism for the last 5 years. Please take a long hard look at yourself before you have children. I work so hard to fix the damage that’s been done to me and it feels impossible. Everything hurts and existing like this is so fucking hard.

[@yasmine1305]

Wishing you hop for your beautiful future 😊

[@patriciagrenier9082]

I am praying for you as I pray for all. So many need help. Have you read her book? I just did and it helped me understand why I did something’s and why I had a heart attack in spite of my being a health nut. I am 73. I went back to the Roman Catholic Church over 30 yrs ago and from that first day and still sleep with a crucifix and my teddy bear( I stole it yrs ago cuz my mother would not buy me one) I whisper my hurts to them… they listen

[@deliadiaz9912]

@@patriciagrenier9082 Very intelligent doc.

[@patriciagrenier9082]

I read your lament again and understand your situation pretty much as we are all different. I am in a mental fog for the past three weeks. Due to water on the supermarket floor I fell and

[@patriciagrenier9082]

Hurt my arm and lower back. Three hrs up gets me three hrs plus lying down. A breeder lied to me about THE doggie I have been looking for since Angell killed my Best Therapy Friend. I keep getting these troubles. I am not happy. And who is happy all the time. I think most people on this planet have more un- happiness. I strive for contentment, happiness is not mine. I read Dr Nadine Burke Harris’s book in one sitting. I was transfixed by the truth I read compared to all the labels that people have called me because I answered THEIR questions. The last place I was at a Dr got it the closest to right: chronic PTSD. How someone can call another bipolar without experiencing that behavior, seeing it as it happens is not moral. I view psychiatry as a joke that whoever plays with whatever they have read!!! When the last guy reported that my parents were dead and my younger siblings had mood disorders. I got very upset. My father is 96+, and I have no accreditation to make such statements about another persons mood. I corrected him and said I want no more correspondence… let your lies lie. Read her book slowly to grasp the implications. Look in the mirror at least once a day say out LOUD: nevertheless or in spite of everything GOD LOVES ME!!! Cuz it’s true. That much I know. I will always be a victim, I have been one for too long, and change can be fickle. I am pray for you and the many people like us that have been driven to various mania because of ignorant labels by ignorant people. Oh, one more thing that might help is prayer . If you never have, just start with a GOOD MORNING GOD!!! when you wake up. And if you remember at bedtime say GOOD NITE GOD. I started slow and am still starting. May GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS FOREVER🙏🙏🙏

[@becomingdanyelljoe7490]

Suffered severe emotional abuse from the woman that gave birth to me. felt like a failure my whole childhood now suffer from anxiety and depression it's been so rough it's breath taking. Thank you for this

[@no1nestandsalone387]

becomingdanyell joe I understand girl. I was emotionally abused constantly by my father and made to feel lesser. He’s a little better now but I still refuse to talk to him. My mom and him get along now which is good I guess and I think he sort of apologized to her. There is repercussions of it in my life when my sister is around too. It’s sad so I understand. And my mom does it sometimes too

[@no1nestandsalone387]

I understand why u feel like a failure I have at times too girl

[@LikeNoWayDude01]

becomingdanyell joe I know exactly what that’s like.. currently debating if I should get back on Zoloft..I mean, i’d rather not.. but it’s getting harder 😞

[@lalocks4992]

becomingdanyell joe. Im sorry to hear that but it does happen. This will often times set you up for abusive relationships. Hopefully you have cut her off.

[@patrickANDscrupples]

you're a good person and deserve happiness....bad people don't suffer from depression or anxiety....sending love your way

[@TheRoom2Breathe]

A lot of ppl need that 1 good 😭 to heal of past hurts. Once U have that good breakdown, comes a great breakthrough. I had my good cry about 8 years ago. Put it all behind me & I must say "life has been much easier since then". 🙏 for healing for us ALL.

[@sws316]

So many TED presenters are nervous and you can hear the dryness in their mouth and they stutter and stumble their words. This woman walked out and slayed so confidently like it was nothing! Amazing presentation skills! And an important message.