How Do Drug Addicts Think

How do drug addicts think about themselves, their relationships, and the drugs? This video covers these 3 topics. Addiction specialist Amber Hollingsworth explains what goes in inside the mind of an addict.
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About Me/Us
My name is Amber Hollingsworth, and I worked in a private psychiatric hospital for 10 years. This facility provided acute care (short term) for serious mental health and Substance Use Disorders. I learned a LOT from my experience working in a psychiatric hospital. I got to see and treat almost every type of mental health and addiction issue you can think of, but it felt like a revolving door. I'd see the same people come in over and over and their families were absolutely desperate for help.
Unfortunately, the system isn't set up to help families in general. I did pretty much every job in that hospital that a counselor could do! I worked in detox. I developed and ran an adolescent substance abuse program. I worked sometimes worked on the unit with severe mental health patients such as Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personal Disorder, and many more.
In addition to working as a counselor in the inpatient facility and the intensive outpatient programs, I also served as Patient Advocate and Service Excellence Coordinator. The Patient Advocate is the person that gets called in when a patient or family member has a complaint. The Service Excellence Coordinator was the person who trained all new staff on providing excellent clinical and customer services.
These experiences gave me a unique perspective on the flaws of our mental health and substance abuse systems and also what needed to be done to correct them.
I don't want to make the facility out to be an inadequate facility. In fact, it was one of the better emergency mental health facilities. It just wasn't useful for creating long term recovery. You see, the system just isn't set up in a way that's conducive to creating sustainable long term change for individuals or families.
All this led to me deciding to leave the hospital and start my own addiction treatment center, specializing in addicted family systems. Over the years, I had developed lots of good relationships with other clinicians, and I knew who was the best! I put together a superstar team, and we now run out own outpatient addiction treatment practice called Hope For Families Recovery Center.
We've worked very hard not to tie ourselves to the "big system." We don't work for the insurance companies. We don't work for a hospital system, We don't answer to anyone except our clients, their families, and the licensing boards that provide us with our professional license. We have all Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC)-(which is mental health counselors) and also Licensed Addiction Counselors (LAC).
We don't provide inpatient treatment, but we do partner with a phenomenal sober living facility called Greenville Transitions. They offer top-notch sober living care for young men in the early stages of recovery. www.greenville...
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You can help us in our mission to get the right information to everyone who needs it by sharing these family recovery resources.
We know that not everyone can access our treatment services, but we do offer consultations and coaching sessions to individuals and families all over the country.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

🕵️‍♀️For more information on the psychology of addiction, 👉Watch this next: kzbin.info/aero/PLaaJWwIpP_zYq04-E63orpw-6U-Kvt_B4

[@jokibud-sm1kr]

52 years old 35 years heroin addicted,cant stop,was on methadone for years but bck on the gear any suggestions

[@brandillysmom]

My fukass brother is swelled up with ascites, heart failure and cirrosis of the liver from alcohol and cocaine addiction. He is a delusional terrorist right now. He used to run an addiction center.

[@brandon3636]

My future ex-wife had me absolutely thinking I was going crazy for 29 years but since I've stumbled onto your videos it has really enlightened me as to what was going on

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Five Steps Ahead!!!!😁

[@rochelle2269]

I was in the same boat for 15 years! My ex made me feel like I was the crazy one.

[@a.m.pietroschek1972]

@@rochelle2269 Research terms: Gaslighting, victim blaming, scapegoating..?

[@goldenchild_chosenone]

Wow

[@TeaRose9]

Every addict I have known has always tried to gaslight the people in their lives who they know they can manipulate to get what they want.

[@creeper5794]

Im a 14 year old girl! And thanks i promise i would stay away from those things! They are horrible

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That is wonderful! You're one smart girl 😊😎

[@tinkerbell7237]

You are absolutely right abt everything u said. I always find excuses and rationalise the crazy things i do. My life and relationships r falling apart Worst part is that i lie to myself on a daily basis. I put myself in very bad situations and still find smth or smn to blame instead of admitting it was the drugs and my bad decisions So today I finally admit to myself that im an addict and i will try hard to fix it.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow! I love your honesty and humility! Sending mad RESPECT! ⭐

[@hat69696]

It isn't the drugs it's just you In general the drugs you take show how you are as an actual person

[@fruitsyfarms5115]

I hope you can get yourself away from that stuff. I’ve seen some bad stuff that I hope no one has to go through. My family has done so many bad things to me to feed their drug addiction

[@kalpanap5483]

Now that you admitted you are an addict.. trust me the guilt will play a lot stronger then it did.. I am a smoker and I hate myself that I am. I've admitted a long time ago but the rationalization keeps me going and the guilt keeps building. It's so hard. I want to stop smoking but I am scared what the other side holds for me so I keep doing it.

[@loriloy1564]

I was on drugs for 20 years. I have been clean 3. Now she is right. I couldn’t do nothing until my need was met. It’s so hard to shake the feelings that the drug gives you.you got to have more and more.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Lori! Thanks sharing a part of your story. It's so helpful for us all.

[@janessaroberts6595]

My boyfriend had a back injury..he uses heroin as an excuse only way to keep working. Says he doesn't use enough to get high...is he just feeding me crap?

[@megaphish]

@@janessaroberts6595 YES

[@johncocchia210]

@@janessaroberts6595 I have been a recovering addict for 20 years and I have heard the bad back story all the time from my junkie friends I would say am I the only one that uses herion to get high? One time a friend of mine says to me my kids come before anything. I had to remind him that I am a former addict and nothing but nothing comes before your drug. That is your lover your companion and your master and that drug dictates your every move. You do have my sympathy. Not for having a junkie boyfriend but your very poor judgment.

[@noone-zg2fo]

@@johncocchia210 coming from a recovering addict that's got 3 years of sobriety under your belt, I would think anyone who's lived a life of a real addict, you would know that very few things in this life are black and white, especially in a life style of an addict. I was raised by my father, my mother left when I was 5, who was a very high ranking member of a biker gang back in the late 80s early 90s and did hard time In Texas in the early 90s which made him even more violent and racist. I was raised around every drug known to man, did meth my first time when I was 11 and stayed cooking by 13, first time I shot upwas 15. Did old school oxy 80s when I was 12, old school crank (real bikers dope, one hit would keep you up for 3 days no exaggeration at all) around 13 also. And was around every kind of high ranking gang member or shot-caller you could think of. My point is I've seen every side of drug abuse to drug use to drug profits and you sound like you're full of shit

[@WarriorGalVibe]

This is a hard one to process because it’s truly heartbreaking and shredding as a parent. 💙

[@PutTheShovelDown]

it really is, Jenny

[@utube0372]

Hi Jenny, how are you doing a year later ? I hope things got better. My 34 year old son is an addict so I know how hard it is as a mother.

[@utube0372]

@@PutTheShovelDown My son is 34 years old he is a heroine addict, he is on saboxone but he still relapses. He lives with my husband and I off and on for over 13 years, but this last relapsed two weeks ago, and I told him it’s either rehab or he has to move out so he moved out and now I feel like the worse mother ever 💔 Did I do the right thing ? I have so many mixed emotions cuz I feel I’m a TERRIBLE Christian cuz God would never tell us sorry you sin too much so I can’t help you anymore...

[@wss222]

@@utube0372 Sometimes it's appropriate for a little tough love. I'm sure you've given your child hundreds of chances. At some point you need to draw a line in the sand so you don't become an enabler. It took me going to jail and almost going back to finally stop my insane behavior. You're not doing anything wrong.

[@utube0372]

@@wss222 awww bless your heart thank you for responding and I’m so glad you got on the right path. I am very proud of you so keep up the good work cuz life already has its own troubles so why bring more to our lives, and you’re right, i need to start showing some tough love. God bless you!

[@DR-nh6oo]

This is a very clear explanation of addiction psychology. It took me so long to realise that addiction, of all kinds, leads to erroneous thinking, very difficult to break out of, nothing short of strong boundaries will get through. No judgement, I am talking about one who has taken decades, a shitload of the newest most scientific information, and a whole ton of unconditional love from a long suffering parent, to even begin to see through the fog. Shame has been found to be a strong barrier against psychological growth of all kinds, it is near impossible to learn new things while in a state of shame.

[@y.m.3739]

I never knew shame was a barrier to psychological growth. My deepest thanks for mentioning this 🙏

[@TeaRose9]

This story of the girl who stole jewelry and her rationale about shifting the blame onto the mother is exactly one of the many gaslighting behaviors that my AD and AS do to in their minds excuse and rationalize their toxic behaviors towards me and others. They definitely try to make me think I’m the crazy one. I’m over that game.

[@nazlife7081]

...I talked to one guy online and he had me thinking for almost a year....I was thinking for a year and at the same time I didn't know what I was doing at all,what I was doing on this earth....am I really crazy? Why am I thinking and why is this guy talking to me like this always?why is it happening to me? What have I done to anybody to deserve this kind of guy who doesn't treat me normally the way I deserve to be treated.....These questions were getting my mind absolutely every single day and his behaviour also made me go wrong way and go in a small amount, little,very little amount of debt,now I am a bit relieved because the debt is decreased a lot,I just have to pay some 120 Dollars maybe and that will be done.But I started thinking about "why it happened to me and what was going on and what did I do wrong?" Questions after I got into a very little amount of debt, fortunately it was a very little amount of debt,not too much thank god 😢.After that I stumbled upon this video and now I am getting everything more and more,kinda in detail.Also, lately I have been emotional 😭 even if I try not to be I just get emotional,also I have diabetes since I was 5 years and been in an intensive care dying,all these things with that guy who made me get into very small amount of debt made me remember my past and past traumas,even the coma that I used to be😢😢I am 23....I am still young but I already have stumbled upon this kind of thing which is very horrible to me.I just still disappointed 😔 and sometimes thinking,he once told me"there are things that I don't know how to explain" and I was thinking about that too,now I know about what he was talking about and about what he couldn't explain.Since he said like that as every girl I started overthinking and threw me many thoughts in my head and for a long time, almost 6 or a bit more or less months,I don't exactly remember I was thinking that this guy who I liked was rejecting me because he had another girlfriend or at least might have had another girlfriend,but now I know everything is crystal clear for me and the thing is why he has hidden it from me instead if saying "I use drugs?"..... because I mean if he had told me this situation that had happened with me and him,it wouldn't have made me think whole year and suffer and wouldn't have had me thinking.... that's why I want to cry 😢😭😭😢😭😭.Now I am kinda feeling that I wasted my one year for nothing,but it was also a good lesson for me, because from now I will not get into debt and will be careful when I talk to people, sometimes I even think that maybe I should have gone through this because it was like a lesson for me,a super new lesson and I should love myself first than thinking about helping someone who is in a far away country..... it's just happened with me online,I just think what would have happened to me if it had happened with me in real life?....I can't imagine.

[@annjoyce579]

You are America's most needed therapist! My housemate keeps saying of himself," I'm not on drugs!" (Huh? I never even thought about that topic.) He constantly calls my name to come to his bedroom door. Stupidly (too nicely?) I go to his door. Again, same topic," I'm not on drugs. Why do we not get along anymore? You complained I'm on drugs." (Huh? No. I never said anything on that topic.) I am..not..alone. Thanks for your videos.

[@AccordingtoJexi]

I think you described this really well! I described how it felt in a video where I shared that it's like being in the desert for days with no water. After days you get to the a table that has your drug of choice and a glass of water. You can only choice one. The addicts brain tells them they need that drug or they will die. 100% of the time the addict will choose the drug because their brain tells them they will die without it. I guess that goes with your first point of safety being a primary need. Living in addiction changes everything!! Life is so much better now that I don't live that way anymore

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Recovery equals freedom!

[@noone-zg2fo]

You make it sound so black and white and I can tell you 💯 of the drug world is not that black and white. And you just sound ignorant making it sound like that is every addict

[@owaisqasim5054]

Everything you said is true. My younger brother is a drug addict and I have seen all this behaviour in him. We tried to cure him with medicine but for nothing and now we are just dealing with it.

[@TeaRose9]

THIS!! This is what I’m always saying is that we have to understand the psychology behind the addiction, which explains it all.

[@notkerrystolcenberg]

Yes! I used to think "functioning alcoholic" was nothing but denial, but they will truly function better while drinking (to an extent), because then they're satisfied and can shift their focus away from the craving and onto the next task. It's still an oxymoron, but it isnt denial, it's the opposite- it's acknowledgment.

[@16Alessandra]

Deep!

[@jasonjones4036]

You are so calm and informed. I have my LMHC and have done addiction work for 12 years. You are teaching me

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow, Jason! I consider that a huge compliment. Thank you so much😁

[@TeaRose9]

I too noticed the calm and the clarity of the way Amber speaks and her delivery makes it even better to listen.

[@tinkershell1856]

I’m becoming addicted to your videos. You’ve answered so many of my questions I’ve had for decades ❤️ thank you!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Shelley! I'm really glad these videos are helpful to you😀

[@justintalarchek153]

This was actually incredible most people get a lot wrong but this is very accurate. Thank you for this

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow, thanks Justin! 😁😁😁😁

[@noahm7003]

I just want you know, you are amazing. I feel like no-one understands what im going through but you have hit the nail on the head with everything I am dealing with being involved with a partner who's a drug addict. so thank you so much

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Awwww thanks, Noah! 😊😊😊

[@taylernoelle1]

I love the videos where you get into the science behind addiction. Really interesting and makes everything a lot more clear when dealing with loved ones that are addicted.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I can definitely go full blown NERD sometimes! 🧐

[@TeaRose9]

Exactly!!

[@jennyunira4927]

Thanks for giving me a lot of informations..its helping me to understand and I used to blame myself a lot. Until I stumbled your videos.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Happy to help!

[@Simplegirltv]

My husband is battling this demon right now and I always end up to be the bad person. He needs help yet I can’t help him if he can’t address the fact he needs help. He is delusional yet shames everyone else…

[@user-ob3yc1zt3s]

My husband too smh I’m just over it. He focused on everyone instead of himself.

[@S2375wattage]

She is great and I believe that she has experience dealing with family members who have alcohol problems, like maybe even her mother. Good for her for doing this kind of work.

[@yukomattingly]

Wow, it’s an eye opener. Thank you so much, you really enlightened me!! About 4 and a half years ago my alcoholic husband and I separated after 37 years of marriage because I became crazy too, LOL. I couldn’t take anymore chaos and insanity of alcoholism. After I had seen a therapist for 9 months and had attended an Al-anon meeting for 6 years, I still can’t understand what addiction is. Probably my husband doesn’t understand neither, I feel sorry for him since he grew up in an abusive alcoholic home. But he took alcohol not a marriage, so sad!! Again thank you so much!!

[@ZFern9390]

Same story here too 😢

[@paulasuprenant6728]

I keep trying to get off drugs.thank u for helping me Amber.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Paula!

[@amethystthescientist7716]

More amazing insightful info. Each time I feel frustrated again with the senseless actions of this addicted family member, your videos help me to understand. 💗

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Awww thanks Amethyst TheScientist! I'm so glad it's helpful 😊

[@HelotesHellRaiser]

I have been recommending your channel to the family members of the clients at our Treatment Center. Excellent advice and profound Insight on issues families deal with

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow, thanks. What a nice compliment😃 Are there any specific topics you think would be helpful to family members? Feel free to email me if you have any ideas. [e-mail]

[@latenightinyourfeels]

Wow no one has ever explained or talk about this issue that accurately thank you

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you!!! 😁😁😁

[@stpdncr]

I just found your page last week, been absorbing all your info and it’s been helpful, thanks. So, I developed a dangerous addiction during the pandemic and I only just got clean 5 months ago, the fog has since cleared and I’m looking back at all my crazy behavior and I’m shocked, it wasn’t me, my main goal at all times was to get back to my base level. I actually functioned better on said drug but it was a tricky balance, everything always had to be timed and aligned so I didn’t go through withdrawals. For example Winter 22 I walked almost a mile through a New England blizzard 2 feet of snow to get a fix, insanity. As they say in recovery the same effort you used to put in getting intoxicated you now use towards recovery.

[@melvoniabouwer7896]

Thanks for the informative way you explained what goes on in the mind of an addict. It's very difficult to understand when you yourself haven't been there .It makes so much sense to me now.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You are so welcome!

[@sarahjodoin6078]

Thank you for this! This I show to every addict and loved one I know, it really makes it make sense!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Sarah! I’m so glad you liked it😀

[@irisvicuna6964]

What about dealing with an adult child of addiction who has addictive behaviors? Lying then infidelity then drug use. I'm on the brink of divorce, been in therapy myself and watching as much as I can

[@PutTheShovelDown]

There's a lot of literature on the topic of Adult Children Of Alcoholics. There's some really good material out there about it. (even if the parents were addicts and not alcoholics, it's still applicable) There are even support groups for this called ACOA.

[@yuvonneallison7592]

I made my LO move out last week due to ongoing manipulation and denial that now is gaslighting, manipulation and deflection. I so confused when I leave a conversation. There has been some speculation about perception, reality and delusions but After watching your video,wow!!! I had no idea!! OK so we are seeing what we think we're seeing last night i ended my journey with him I'm still very much in love with a man that i dont see anymore and may not ever again. 😭 This new version of him is like somebody I've never seen and is so toxic. Unfortunately I have memory and cognitive issues due to long covid and that has been fully taken advantage of by him and I have become a scapegoat and so I've learned to be very aware of that and my dealings with people in general. I know that if he gets a right help he will be able to regain himself again. But when you're in denial and you think you're in control still you don't need any help so it's it videos I would not be surviving without them.

[@PrincessCashmonie]

I kicked him out and blessed my home. It’s demonic. I don’t ever want him back over. Heavenly Father.

[@loriloy1564]

I seen Demons , I seen all kinds of spirits. I heard Gods voice.He said” I got the keys to hell”

[@jessicawilkerson2417]

Okay..not real sure how that's relevant to the video but I sure hope you're not seeing demon's..

[@hackerman2552]

@@jessicawilkerson2417 seeing demons and stuff is the most iconic drug thing ever. Probably just an attention kid

[@vanessacantu158]

Maybe the devil voice not God but yes drugs is the key to hell

[@stevehirsch8413]

I said in a Facebook post that I'm glad I don't drink. And I said drinking is disgusting as well... The addicts in the post started attack me about that... Saying I'm the problem... I knew right then what I was dealing with...

[@littlelulu4107]

You can’t talk about some serious issues on fb...the extremely combative ppl will attack. That’s why I think maybe many ppl just portray sunshine and roses for self preservation.

[@ZFern9390]

Don't you think your judgement perpetuates shame? It doesn't help the user , it only invokes more isolation and shame which perpetuates the addiction. Publicly shaming is what's discouraging and shows Zero class especially on Facebook, it's a cespool of gossip and trouble .

[@hat69696]

I still believe the damage addicts cause is there responsibility and deserve no sympathy unless they realize it's them not the drugs

[@fantasiatopia]

I agree 💯

[@brendareed5050]

I understand the patterns of how they think, but what I don’t understand is if I can help my loved one see their specific patterns and how it keeps them stuck, or if that’s something they need to figure out on their own. Thanks.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Gaining self-understanding is definitely a major step toward breaking an addiction. Often times, we need a little help to see our own blind spots. That can come from family, friends, a therapist, a sponsor, etc... If you want to help your loved one see their blind spots, the first step is to help them person feel understood and safe, because it will help them take their guard down enough to let the insight in. Think of it like..... preparing the soil before you plan the seed.

[@dorariggs3473]

Within 2 minutes you cited 'Inception' and Maslow's hierarchy of needs... this is why I love your videos. ❤ it's so great to find someone who speaks my language! (And was a high school teacher 🎉) thanks again! I started watching this channel to learn more about setting boundaries/enabiling and to better understand my students' mindsets and their families, but honestly... my brain gets wrapped up in these snares too. 🙃 this is important info for everyone 🧠🌱🎉

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😁😁😁 Thanks Dora! You must have a crazy ADD brain like me! 😂😋

[@dorariggs3473]

@@PutTheShovelDown 😇 Yes, ma'am 🤩

[@ginaherdlcswranxietyclass9213]

Brilliantly explained.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Awwww, thanks Gina!

[@montishaya]

Great video, but I'm having trouble hearing what the former addicts have to say because of the music over them :(

[@joeycooper6223]

When my bf was hi everything is grand he loves me to death! No hi..... aggressive, selfish, me not feeling loved. I felt like I was with a mentally delusional lunatic. I was going crazy... nothing I say was entering...your right they build a forcefield ...I was never getting thru. 😢. I was drained ....I don't even know he was anymore. I was with a stranger. My metaphor for that situation is my bf was the beautiful "sunshine"🌞 hidden by dark ugly clouds and my forecast was always partly cloudy. A peek of "sunshine" maybe? thru out the day. Then finally just an ugly solid cloud.🧠 ☁️. 💔 Is all I was left with.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That would definitely mess with your head!

[@hopkins-mccoy5259]

God bless you. I'm going through it to with my mother and grandmother of my kids. You will be okay and make it through this. You have my prayer and Gods help and love.

[@hopkins-mccoy5259]

@@PutTheShovelDown yes it can

[@cateperkins9186]

I feel this in my bonessss. I really do. I try to remember I’m not angry with him, because is not really him right now. it’s hard though

[@PutTheShovelDown]

@@cateperkins9186 even when you know it’s the addiction, it’s still hurtful.

[@soulair3038]

My spouse, who is addicted to cocaine left and is maintaining sobriety better than he was with me and he is blaming me for his unhappiness and triggering him. I thought I was doing the right thing by encouraging him to go out and get some things done but it’s been so frustrating. He’s lost his job over and over, he has been dead and I’m sure it isn’t nice to be around someone who is affected by their problem because I’m frustrated and stressed and worried constantly wish I’d found videos like this two years ago. All I found was how to tell if someone is on cocaine, not how to actually support them.

[@vanessacantu158]

Thank you my husband been struggling with pain pills for years and he’s at the point pawning my tv my kids shoes their Xbox and he says I’m get out Friday what is the big deal then take sit out then 2 days later pawn it again? Yes it’s a big problem. We did rehab suboxone. Self treatment none worked idk what else to do but pray for a miracle at this point. :(

[@nicolettemoore7711]

They think mirror image backwards. Left it right right is left and inside out

[@chirondawn2966]

What happens when the addict has a good job, good hygeine, great parent, clean house, fridge full, good healthy kids, loving husband? I had no idea until she came to swim at my house and i caught her using! Never knew she was dealing with addiction for 3 years and NO ONE knew!!! She my bestie since gradeschool and i never knew!!!

[@verogee8937]

I know someone kinda on that same page. How is she now? What happened after you found out? Sorry, if you dont mind me asking?

[@chirondawn2966]

@@verogee8937 its ok to ask i need help with this. Nothing has changed except she dont want anyone to know and doesnt hide it from me anymore. It has gotten to the point that i cant have her over or ride in my vehicle because idk if she has drugs on her and i dont want that around my kids. But if i keep quiet then im not helping her get better im enabeling her. So im giving her ultimatum to either get help and tell her husband or I will. Shes an RN at the hospital we both work at. Shes using that breaking bad stuff??!! Im still shocked

[@verogee8937]

Im sorry this happened. I really wanted to hear shes ok now. That shes happy, everyone knows. She still loved. Shes clean. I really wanted a happy ending.

[@chirondawn2966]

@@verogee8937 she is 6 days Sober today and in treatment . thank you so much for your kindness

[@cateperkins9186]

This makes sense, but it makes me even more sad. At how far gone our loved ones might be, and that their delusional and miserable. I hurt for him. Is this an appropriate video to show him? So he knows I’m trying to understand his side?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It depends on whether or not you think it would make him defensive

[@cateperkins9186]

I hope not, and I don’t think so.

[@silver9062]

Thanks for the video. It was very informative.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad you enjoyed it, Silver!

[@getemall69]

Sort of a weird concept to think over, my family just smooth cuts you off, and you can die for all we care, but on the flip side there's no situation where I would even entertain the idea to try drugs.

[@paulasuprenant6728]

Thank you for helping me Amber😁

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're so welcome, Paula😀

[@paulasuprenant6728]

How do I avoid temptations?

[@nazlife7081]

I have stumbled upon this too,but online,the thing is that what should i do now after i know this? Should i leave that person to live his life the way he lived it before me or should i try to help him to conquer this drug addiction? also i think i can't help him because i am not with him in the same country.Also when i care about him,he says to me "you care as if you are my girlfriend" and i asked him "why are you saying this?" And he answered me "you are not" maybe it was a bit personal but i just left it here so that it could be easier to understand and to clarify my situation.

[@AnonymousPerson488]

I was pleasantly surprised that this was a good video. Bravo!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad to hear that! 😁

[@AnonymousPerson488]

@@PutTheShovelDown do you have book recommendation on how the emotions actually work? Like 'compromising your values lead to shame which leads to rationalizations etc?

[@sandimiller5187]

rationlizing is totally exhausting!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

It sure is!

[@jericho10810]

Brilliant! Thank you for this.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@danielvlado9895]

Very good video..I'm still fighting with it an haven't stop yet :(

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hang in there! Here's my playlist for people working on sobriety: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oX-xcomufNWIfqc

[@GarlicPizzaCrust]

Thank you

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Welcome 😁

[@teresarodriguez821]

The alcoholic can have a day without their needs to be drinking daily and the next day satisfying their need for a feel good moment by drinking. My housemate just won't get the help she needs and urges are always satisfied by one more drink and another and another she is in so much emotional pain and although she promised to get help now her delusional thoughts have her spiraling out of control, she has no filters.

[@madelineharris9414]

Hey I just happened upon this video and I see it's 2 years old and I was just wondering if they are still making new videos here or not. I'm an opioid addict of 11 years and I'm trying to find out some way to get help. Rehab has never helped me and my family most definitely doesn't understand. They are like, well just stop if you don't want to do it anymore. But they don't understand that I honestly really and truly can not stop

[@jamieleigh807]

Your channel is fantastic!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow! Thanks Jamie

[@privateprivate5302]

I wish we could fast forward on how to get OUT of the cycle of manipulation. When you understand the priorities of an addict and the driving force of their manipulation how do you get them to reality

[@UnknownHumanOnline]

They manipulate because the withdrawals are hell. They need money & drugs. When they are clean they start to regret many things and then relapse because it's just generally self medication in the end, and the guilt&shame is so huge they turn to old habits. And then round 1,2,3,4 etc ....

[@AlanSito-md2ji]

Its makes anything funner i could literally stare at a wall and enjoy it while high

[@TheNobleLoyalist]

I am a 20-year opiate addict with three years clean time. While I agree with the first two stages that she describes the third stage is a far Leap Forward. I would add a stage before the stage of delusional. Not every addict reaches a delusional stage. I did not like the example of the woman getting caught and being angry at her parents. I think a much more important stage before delusional would be extreme guilt and being aware of the wrong that we are doing however the drug addiction and disease overtake our reasoning like a body-snatcher we are watching what we are doing we are aware of how bad it is and feel extreme guilt and shame and yet we are unable to overpower it and pull our hands back. That is the one thing that always upset me about my friends and family that would judge me. I would try to explain to them what do you think I sit here and I enjoy stealing and lying you think I feel good about this as if I'm owed anyting. This is partly the reason why many addicts are relieved to get caught, as the madness could now be put into the hands of saner Minds. In all actuality I would rather be dead than ever have this disease.

[@ericapaige-ym6bu]

THIS!!

[@TheNobleLoyalist]

@@ericapaige-ym6bu i could have added so much more, but I felt that suffice. Non addicts could perhaps sympathize with addicts, but unless they themselves have ever been under the relentless thumb of addiction, they cannot ever, EVER really know and understand what it's like. I use the analogy that when going through withdrawal, it is like drowning, you will do ANYTHING for a gasp of air, it is an AUTOMATIC REACTION. I dont care what or who, in withdrawal, especially full blown withdrawal, you ARE going to burst through whomever and or whatever it is blocking you from getting your head above water and taking a breathe. It is NOT personal. It is merely absolutely mandatory.

[@ZFern9390]

That would explain why my son is suicidal 😢

[@stephenkarla7113]

I became addicted to pain meds after I had severe physical health problems that many doctors could not diagnosis me. I was just prescribed pain medication. After eleven months I finally got a diagnosis from a specialist. I had pelvic floor pain syndrome. By the time I received a diagnosis it was to late for me I was already addicted. This diagnosis had little research that I could find from the medical profession. It's caused from stress. It's also triggered by the flight or fight response. Looking back on my life my diagnosis made sense to me. I had been physically assaulted by an ex, raised by a narcissist mother, sexually assaulted at age thirty five years old by my husband's disabled nephew. When I told my husband the response I got was oh he didn't know what he was doing. I was left alone with the nephew and my three year old daughter for the family to go to a funeral. So for an hour and a half I was sexually assaulted and trying to protect my daughter from my assaulter. I can not explain the devastating effects of the fight or flight response. It destroyed my adrenals. I looked like I had just gotten out of the shower from profusely sweating. I was like a caged dog I couldn't take my arms or hands off my daughter to fight him off of me. Years later when I tried to show my husband what his nephew did to me he couldn't handle it and told me he didn't want to know. He also told me I should have been able to fight off a thirteen year old boy. No compassion no empathy. I had a total hysterectomy at forty. I went to physical therapy two to three times a week. The addiction is much better. I'm still trying to heal from my traumas and my husband doesn't want to talk to me about any of those. There are many more traumas from childhood as well. I just wanted my life back I never wanted to become an addict but it happened.

[@krazyunlimited9528]

I don't know if this will get any answers but my husband has been clean for 1 year .And is hanging out with his brother 24/7 now who just got arrested for a doing a drug deal.He says he's strong enough to start helping them out.I wish he wouldn't even associate with them

[@UnknownHumanOnline]

One year is SHORT , Depending how long he used? How is it going, is he still clean

[@krazyunlimited9528]

@@UnknownHumanOnline he seems to be clean still

[@tennesseegirl5539]

I'm looking for help and info. I just excepted a job as a property manager at a really bad apartment complex and I just found out it's really really bad! Almost all the tenants are on drugs and or selling drugs. A lot of the tenants are crazy and have been abusive to past property managers. I want to make a change! I want this job, but I'm scared for my safety! How can I handle these people????

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Tennessee Girl 🖐🏻(I'm a Tennessee Girl myself 😁) Unfortunately in the role you're in, there isn't much your going to be able to do to help the situation. As bad as it sounds, you may want to get out of there. 😓

[@adammorin4810]

5 months clean I feel like giving up tho hate life every day

[@kalissekelly6323]

This was excellent ❤

[@PutTheShovelDown]

😃

[@PrincessCashmonie]

I know someone that is on drugs. I don’t care what it is. How long before he dies. I want my sons to see what I mean. How can they learn without examples?

[@lizledarney5949]

I have a question about recovery. If the addict is delusional, how long , how much treatment to get the addict to "normal" thinking??

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's a good question, Liz. The longer the person is sober, the more clearly they think. Working through their shame and guilt also helps them take their defenses down and see the truth more easily.

[@vivadios7065]

Say no to ice

[@Ninja-so9bo]

It’s really eye opening

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm glad this video was helpful, Nino!

[@Quartzone6145]

Just seen this video and am wondering if it ever gets any better

[@travissaldana8647]

This viedo helped a lot

[@BolsakTBagger]

I love your accent!!!!! are you from eastern NC by chance?????

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Harry. You're very close. I'm originally from TN, but I live in SC.

[@dickdastardly8067]

I've always had reservations about loaning any money to someone using crack. I did loan it because I knew they were about to get a lump sum in a few days. This video proves why I had reservations. The addicts mind will always rationalize why they should not pay you back! They will come up with some reason whether it be a resentment of you or them believing you've wronged them in some way, shape or form.

[@afifirohman1325]

My brother tested positive with drug today. Help me and my family solve this problem please

[@radicalhonesty3628]

I can't focus on this video, no matter how hard I try. I'm in agony. In hell. Wish to die. Nothing I long for for, nothing I wish for: other than death. I hate it here. I hate life on this planet. I cannot bear another moment of this endless loop of suffering...

[@y.v.4306]

You are a godsend, Amber, thank you so much for these videos. But, can you please cast the net a little wider and modify your definitions from "people addicted to drugs and alcohol" to include 'all addicts'? And maybe clarify in some of your videos that an addict can be addicted to not just one thing but many? The videos often just reference drugs or alcohol. My soon to be ex-husband has addictive behavior and that includes alcohol (at times) but also he will do drugs, porn, steal from stores, get into fights and risk arrest, work out incessantly taking testosterone powders, watch conspiracy theory videos for 6+ hours at a time, and become a workaholic and amass piles of debt until he is being sued or losing his driver's licence. He constantly engages in risky and wreckless behavior and it's been explained to me as an addiction to dopamine, rather than just one substance. Some of these things that he does can even 'seem' like good things so he would argue that he is now doing something 'positive', which can become confusing for a partner because the ongoing symptoms are still ongoing (i..e missing money, lack of sleep, edginess, missing work or debt payments, lying, gaslighting, stealing my credit card and jacking it up, the list goes on...) The drug changes constantly in his case and that has made these past years so confusing as the behavior (compulsive lying and gaslighting, missing money...) never changed. Everything about the addict 'behavior' was there but since he took a hiatus or could manage his drinking, for example, (on the surface anyway) he would argue that he was not an alcoholic or an addict so he was ok and he didn't need help and I would continue to look like an angry crazy person because I couldn't put my finger on what was going on. Thank you again Amber, your videos are so very helpful and really help with healing process I am now going through. After listening to these, I wish I had handled things differently, but now I am too exhausted and have had to cut all ties with him. But you can bet I'll be seeing signs of addiction in the beginning when the next relationship comes along if there are any.

[@crissieroserose]

Amber i want to ask you a it feels very shallow ,question , what baffles me about an addict i know is ,, when im trying to have a conversation with him ,

[@learnenglish699]

which is the best on addiiction , according to you mam?

[@crissieroserose]

i luv this video ,, when you say "fullout delusional ""that line has stuck in my head and helps me through difficuilt times !

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Crissie! I'm really glad you liked it 😁

[@crissieroserose]

I use that line all the time now AMber.. it has saved my sanity!

[@akifguler2404]

It's a very different feeling. I don't think I use drugs regularly, but I can't be sure of myself either because I guess I'm not in a position to make a rational decision, so you decide for me. I've been using molly every other month, ketamine last month (tried it for the first time), and weed every other week. But the problem is that while I'm walking down the street, I have some dreams about drinking drugs, involuntarily imagining myself in a situation where I'm drinking drugs. I guess this is psychological addiction, so what's the solution? Do I need to quit drugs because I don't want to quit?

[@y.m.3739]

For your future family, for your future wife and children, and for yourself, yes. Please. Please quit. Develop yourself into a person who your future self would be proud of.

[@myspates6]

I found out last September my partner is an addict I got him sober by October and thought it was all behind us about once a month he was acting like he relapsed then about a month ago he was showing those behaviors more n more. Every week every other day every single day until he dumped me and he finally admitted relapsing which I knew 98% but wasn't sure bc he kept saying he was sober. So he said he was going to his cousins to let it filter out of his system. He's been out in the streets house hopping partying for a week and a half. I don't know what to do bc everything I say aren't resonating with him. I've found myself driving around trying to find him but yet am scared to let him come home without him going to treatment but he's refusing to go even tho he's claiming he's sober and wants to come home. I don't know how to handle this situation. Idk how to say the right thing. Idk what to do. He pulled up outside my house and I wouldn't even unlock my doors and I cracked my window to talk to him bc he's not the same. It's confusing bc I know who he really is. He's not the same person.

[@emilkolev7896]

Do former drug addicts and alcoholics retain parts of their former addicted behavior in their personality after they have stopped abusing substances years later.

[@simoneheath4991]

I totally agree with this dillusional messed up thinking, which is coming from being stuck down in the survival levels of being in addiction, I recognize myself and adult child Soooo much, but can you guide me as to what to 'say' to them instead of wanting to do the shaking by the shoulders response, becuase I I want to question their excuses, defences, self justification but I am sure you suggested family would get more out of staying in neutral and seizing the positive points and reflecting this back to them for them to process ,or is it ok to call them out on the lies, or does this just bring up 'the wall' Amber do you have a video where you question them re lies and illusions ? sorry if you have already explained this 😊

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Simone, You're a good student. You're right on track about staying neutral and seizing the moment! However there are times, when you just have to call it out. I'm not sure if you've already seen this video about dealing with lies, but it might be helpful to you. kzbin.info/www/bejne/joeVeGmlr5aYa8k One thing I suggest is to say something like "I'm having a heard time believing that" "or "my instincts are telling me there may be more to this story" . These types of statements are harder to argue with than if you accuse them of lying. This statement says something about your thinking instead of their behavior and it also puts it in their ball court to show/prove otherwise.

[@simoneheath4991]

@@PutTheShovelDown that's what I needed a bit if reassurance I wasn't going to undo some of the good work recently made with them 😊👍

[@gissellehernandez7161]

I feel so sad cause I don’t want to leave my sons father my son is 1 year old and I wish I could have a happy family with my child’s father but I feel like he will always choose drugs before us :( I guess the best things to do is to leave him cause I feel so stressed n depressed being with him but I just wish so much he can change ://

[@lynyeliga5251]

There are other men who has a heart to love and willing to have healthy relationships.

[@dakotaellis4402]

I'm an addict and been struggling lately. I'm from Spartanburg, SC. Any advice?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Howdy neighbor🤠 We're right be side you, in Greenville! Have you ever attend FAVOR meetings. I know they have a chapter in Spartanburg. favorupstate.org/locations/spartanburg-center/

[@dakotaellis4402]

Howdy 🤠. Haha. haven't heard of it, but I'll check it out.

[@mariobucci7683]

wow did not know that

[@travissaldana8647]

My dad is a really bad drug attic he does fentanyl, heroin and meth

[@louisemagro5451]

My partner makes me crazy he s a cocaine addict sometimes i stumble in people he owns money .... lately its not a surprise always catch him in lies... but i have no where to go... so im stuck with him

[@lynyeliga5251]

Shelter,social services can direct you to a program. If you have l friend that is willing to investigate the programs with you, she will have a clear mind to think. You are so tired with the bs ,you are not able to think for yourself. Let people help you, doctors, nurses, phone any programs in phone book and cell phone.

[@Lee-up4bz]

Ty!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're very welcome!

[@user-to1mk2um3h]

Thank you for your Analysis, it is very interesting and informative 👍. But the problem is you speak English so fast, you never stop for a minute just to Breathe. We are poeple from all over the world 🌎 😃 and we are very interested in your lectures but it is a bit hard for us because 1. We are not English native speakers. 2. Many of us, thank God, we don't know anything about poeple who use drugs. We are trying to figure out and process the information, it takes us time. Thank you 😊 👍 Efrat. Israel

[@tinkerbell7237]

Can you please talk about psychedelics

[@theghostisdead]

I have a question: Most addicts I know are socialites and charismatic but I had come across addicts that seem to be secretive and avoid social interaction. What are this people consuming and what is making them fear communication with the general public?

[@nicholasverdusco1889]

Shame. Guilt. Theyre attempting to hide the things they do wrong from ppl for fear of being exposed or blamed. Means theyre aware that what theyre doing is wrong but refuse to change. Its selfishness. Pride. Lust and addiction all the same. My roommate does these things and my fiance and i just gave him a move out deadline. Weve had so many talks about his drug and alcohol and self harm problems. Therapy, encouragement, prayers. All that changed was that he stopped telling us things and blatantly lied to continue what he was doing in private. At some point u need to put ur foot down, lovingly and compassionately but with integrity. Cant change what u tolerate.

[@johnnyatkison3066]

I’m so tired of being addicted and wanting to die without the pills

[@simonrees9117]

Very good 👍

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thank you! Cheers!

[@nikkistahr7105]

Hi, thank you for this video. I just lost my friend from what I believe is heroine alcohol and opiod pill OD im heartbroken 💔.....I have kicked a food addiction but going through her passing is causing me to feel triggered a bit....can I apply everything you are teaching to my past binging eating addiction...im realizing addiction isn't just drugs, an addiction can be anything and everything from porn to gambling to drugs to food to shopping and video games etc... I wish I felt shame when I was driving from place to place looking for food to soothe my mom dying young, and from traumas I was trying to silence.....I have had a healthy relationship with food for the past 7 years now, steady light weight, worked hard to heal and emotionally unpack etc....but seeing her in that casket 2 days ago has triggered me bug time, what can I do immediately to stop myself from relapsing into overconsumption of comfort foods........ None of my other friends know what it feels like to lose a friend to drug addiction..im finding out so many things about her life that leads me to believe she was only showing me 20% of herself, the lies are deep, the web is deep and it hurts to know what was truly going on........so many points of this hurts and shocks and aches 💔 that I just want to bake a brownie.... I swear and binge watch Netflix to take my mind off of it all for a moment... But I know it would send me spiraling Into a eating frenzy.. Help? How do I just face that my friend was sick and we tried but the battle wasn't ours, that truly their wasn't anything we could've done if she didn't want help... I found out late in her addiction but it was only because she hid it so well until she couldn't anymore and once I noticed something was off I suspected drugs....so from then I tried...albeit unsuccessfully but I tried.... Now I'm just heartbroken and angry n craving foods I know aren't good for me and solve nothing for my emotional state or my health and body I worked so hard for. What advice would you offer me?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I can tell that you're devastated. You've got a lot of good insight Nikki, and you're right addiction is addiction. You can apply any of this information toward any of the addictions.

[@NY10007]

Start martial arts my friend. It does wonders for the mind.

[@lynyeliga5251]

You are describing my life, you have done your homework, l didn’t like that l got sucked in, l think unresolved grievances is what happened to me. Please forgive yourself and your friend. We do not have the education to handle addictions. Thanks to Amber, she will guide us. And we will learn how to become powerful again when we apply the work . Hugs and kisses to you, your friend was lucky to have you in her life.

[@loriloy1564]

She felt ashamed for stealing the jewelry. So she was embarrassed and trying to get out of it at the same time

[@amiliatryte9816]

Hi , I've been wanting to help a friend with an addiction but I really don't know how to start coz not even her families know about her addiction.. thinking of putting her in rehab but I currently dnt have enough money for her treatment... please suggest me if there's anyway for me to help her..she ask me not to tell anyone abt her problems not even to her families so I'm feeling so helpless...

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Amilia, I just released a video about how to talk to someone about their addiction. It might be helpful in this situation. kzbin.info/www/bejne/fKq3gXmsn9OneqM

[@lynyeliga5251]

Phone parents now!

[@Eyeamthewitness]

Is it possible to be delusional during late stages of recovery from alcoholism....?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm sure it's possible, but not likely unless there's an underlying mental illness

[@delmyrodriguez2952]

My dad just got so mad start throwing stuff llike the table and big stuff first he crash the truck into the house then I said bad stuff to my mom😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@sandimiller5187]

3:43 is that the same thing as a functional alcohilic/addict?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

sure is!

[@niladridas3506]

Come to the point