How Do You Raise Godly Children in Today's Culture? - Arlene Pellicane

How do you raise kids in today's culture? Our friend, Arlene Pellicane, has some answers and words of encouragement.
See more from her at the Focus on the Family store: bit.ly/2OTJws1
Arlene Pellicane shares her fun stories and research to encourage you towards strong parenting by teaching respect, instilling character, and spending intentional time with your children.

[@Xdestinyritchiex]

First time mom here, I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant. This video is really helpful, thank you 😊

[@jimb3093]

update? How is it going? Boy? Girl?

[@cjjuju9100]

I’ve often second guessed myself over the years thinking maybe I was too harsh etc. and I’m sure at times we were. But when I hear my 9 year old tell me about some of his classmates and say “they were so disrespectful Mom. They need to understand the teacher is in charge. Not them”. Oh! I was so happy. He gets it! 🙌

[@virgie4715]

Aww, that shows you’re doing not just “something” right, but at least a few things! The fact that he comes to you and talks about those things shows a lot as well. I was never, and still aren’t, able to come home and really tell any of my family about what went on at school or goes on at work and them really care. Well, my mom (grandma who adopted me) did but she passed away when I was 12. Your kids seem like they’re lucky to have you..❤️

[@dennisw9574]

My 5 year old granddaughter was acting spoiled and selfish as most kids will do at times. My daughter took action and told the young one that she would not receive any personal gifts for her upcoming birthday. Instead, she could pick a worthwhile cause that friends and family members could contribute to instead, if they wished. She picked the recent plight of the koalas in Australia and with some help, set up a fund goal of $200. She is beyond excited to see her little fund grow to help her cause and I think it will creat a lasting impression on her, more than any toy could.

[@sambailie4773]

Great idea and I'll bet your little granddaughter will turn out a wonderful young lady. This is a lovely story and a great tip x

[@merlinsmagic6061]

Thats a wonderful way to teach a lesson!

[@aysha.humayun]

Thanks a lot for sharing this lovely story.l will surely use this for my family.We have way too much stuff and it is so difficult to decide what to get them as a gift.On my wedding anniversary l asked my husband to get rid of the broken dishwasher rather than getting me something new.

[@steveswan5714]

“Remember this: There are some terrible times coming in the last days. People will love only themselves and money. They will be proud and boast about themselves. They will abuse others with insults. They will not obey their parents. They will be ungrateful and against all that is pleasing to God.” ‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭3:1-2‬ ‭ERV‬‬

[@traceycancio1795]

True! Look at the messy world now. Children should obey their parents.

[@alyseceleste]

And even now 😭

[@KochwithBen]

Very important discussion right there! I grew up the hard way due to many factors in life but those moments helped me that I can nearly fix and do everything by myself, we learned to give parent their position as parents but today I worry so much for our little ones, they barely can think or try do things by themselves, Parents are so busy now days looking for food on the table. So overall, time with our children is everything.

[@db9525]

I'm in the middle of the video right now, praying she is going to talk about teenagers.

[@annetteysquierdo]

I had that attitude with my Blue Heeler! I heard, “blue heelers are just a certain way, there’s nothing you can do.” By 3 months old he didn’t eat or drink unless told he could, he knew so many basic commands, and learned not to go into any of our bedrooms. I knew dogs were capable of boundaries and a lightbulb went off hearing her talk about that blue line with her baby! Wow! Such a great example that I can really relate to!

[@jackjones3657]

Our society now enables a lot of destructive behavior in young people that was not acceptable just 1 generation ago. It's good how she said the balance needs to go back toward the parents. They are the rule makers and God's representatives to the children.

[@hebrewhammer7465]

If more parents chastised according to The Word maybe it wouldn’t be so.,.,

[@ClaritySinger]

I remember Arlene from Biola days! She loved the Lord then and now shares wisdom from years of walking with God.

[@jpb6511]

Love Arlene's personality and her speaking. Heard her on Family life (31 days Husband) Simply Great!

[@Discovering.jess.]

There is so much truth packed in here! Share with alllll the parents you know, awesome. We love Focus on the Family. Thank you for all you do to help families and especially parents! I have learned so much since I started watching

[@Ulvetann]

You are a twisted person. She is out of bounds crazy.

[@Discovering.jess.]

@@Ulvetann I am wondering what you think is out of bounds crazy? Also wondering how liking a parenting advice video makes me a twisted person. Could you elaborate?

[@FloJoMoJo676]

Our Summers Home, don’t feed the trolls. Just scroll up the comments section of the video to see a gross comment by this same person. Best to ignore and move on.

[@Discovering.jess.]

@@FloJoMoJo676 thank you🙏🥰

[@suegilchrist2637]

16/07/2023. We have been having a tough time with our 17 & 15th year old teens. I genuinely I’m at wits end with them, white lies, phone issues, where it should be charged, to why us your phone in your pocket when you’re going to the bathroom, to oh you can’t tell me that, you are so weird mum, to you have no right to be in my bag. Boy has this shocked us. So this has been amazing to hear. Thank you so much. 🙏🏽

[@virgie4715]

How do you honor your parents when they hate you? I mean literally. My dad doesn’t hate me, but he’s caused a lot of damage. I forgive him, but that was for *me* he’s done absolutely nothing to earn my forgiveness. I had to let go because it was making me bitter. My mother won’t even speak to me, she left me high and dry in the darkest, lowest point of my life. The beginning of my “rock bottom.” I just don’t know how I can honor these two. My dad is trying, I’ll give him that and that means the absolute world to me. My mother is the one I’m mainly concerned for, she will barely speak to me and I’ve never done anything to cause that. She’s treated me this exact same way since I was a baby, she does not like me.

[@elan1071]

Very helpful! Thank you!!

[@rogerrabbits68]

Thanks for the closed captions!😁

[@sarammaalexanderasha3429]

Thank you for this. It was indeed edifying!

[@hajahkalobwe9915]

watching and learning ....4th May 2020

[@stephanieandersen462]

Another great guest!!

[@tintina2753]

Awesome tips ! Thank you focus family

[@kwall1464]

So great, thanks!

[@PartyCreate]

Some great tips on here. Thank you for sharing this Arlene!

[@estheryefanov676]

Thank you so much for the helpful info ☺️

[@RIOTPodcast]

Thank you so much.

[@samanunu5622]

wow, love these tips. I do a few but defintely implementing the others. Thank you Focus on the Family.

[@excellentchoices]

Thank you so much for this 😊

[@dlam2864]

Music or social media can exist completely separately from parent child relationships. Children need to respect their parents and for that parents need to respect their children too, while making clear that they are in charge from the beginning.

[@courtneyhaselberger2382]

I appreciate this so much! I want to save this link to refer back and share with others as well.

[@mericiagill6585]

Love this !!!

[@fordmusclecar]

Love this

[@codylaker8514]

I like boldness in my son's towards strangers but I also want my son to obey my instructions

[@231natasha]

This is really helpful

[@breerobinson9256]

Thank you

[@marjeanstalewski2915]

This is great!!!

[@Ulvetann]

Seriously?

[@adwobaquaye36]

I enjoyed this

[@jefftube58]

What gives these kids this kind of boldness to say "make me"? Parents that don't discipine their children and teach them how to respect authoirty figures. Far too many young mothers now want their children to like them. This is a major reason so many kids in school are mouthing off to teachers and other adults.

[@codylaker8514]

There has been no time in history like these times it's harder now than in the past definitely

[@rebeccachambers419]

I remember when we parents started hovering. We were hearing about kidnappings. Especially when women started going into the work force and a whole neighborhood full of women were not home during the day looking out for everyone’s child. We have probably taken this too far too.

[@nickb3463]

Advice on single dad with two teen daughters? Bounderies on cell and media structure how m much time i should allow them to spend time on it

[@canduscanty8583]

Pray Dad and ask the lord to give you a stradegy for your daughters

[@gabriellapeebles1660]

Nick B Ask your daughters what they feel is fair, then share you piece on what you believe. Listen to your children genuinely then come to a compromise

[@gabriellapeebles1660]

Daniel Tinney I’m sorry but that’s terrible advice and the complete wrong interpretation of the gospel for who we are as a people. First of all, that’s not how life works lol. That will make his daughter rebel and be defiant and teach them to be hermits when that’s not even realistic for today’s day and age. Times are different and we have to be realistic here..nowhere in the Bible does God say to shelter ourselves. He calls us to be the salt and light of the world. Social media, television, and the internet aren’t the enemy, it’s the devil that is. God wants us to be the leaders in society so being out of touch with reality isn’t realistic and nor are you reaching anyone that way. Instead, he can encourage his daughters to use technology for good use and teach his kids the dangers of this uncensored world, not to HIDE FROM IT.

[@gabriellapeebles1660]

Daniel Tinney Ok so I see that you completely misinterpreted what I was saying and my point so I will clarify everything and respond to all of your points/perspectives. Btw this is going to be a long response so I apologize in advance but I hope you take something out of what I’m saying 🙏🏾 1. “first of all, that’s not how life works”. To tell your children you are not allowed to have the very things you’ve been accustomed to your whole lives (social media, television, phones) and to expect them to even want to listen and obey commands with no biblical reasons can cause a big issue. I’ll explain later 2. Telling your kids to not drink and do drugs. You can only tell you kids so much but it’s definitely how you tell them. When you try to be authoritative, most kids will try to test the waters with their curiosity. Being told NO NO NO YOU BETTER NOT DO IT, all your life can make some kids want to try it. Authority in that sense doesn’t always work. A more effective way to scare them out of trying drugs and alcohol is by modeling my example, teaching them that God hates it, and sharing story’s with them of those who suffer and have died from drug & alcohol use. Showing the consequences rather than forcing them to listen to you is more effective and gives them the opportunity to speak on how they feel. Also, it builds a tighter bond between the parent and child. When they respect the parents, they usually do right by them but if they fear them, they usually do things behind their back. So always give your kids the comfortable space to speak their opinion and teach them consequences. The point is, it’s better to explain and show than to be forceful and pretty much tell them “don’t you dare”. Rebelling is the result of not having any control or voice and that’s something most parents fear. Separate. There’s a difference between separate & isolate. Let’s ditch the word delegate but it comes off as stand offish and doesn’t serve the Lord. We wants us to stand out and to do that we much be shameless when preaching his word right ? What if your kids wanted to use social media as a platform to do just that ? What if they wanted to use social media to educate others on the works of God? What if they wanted to connect with other life minded people and start a movement or event venture into entrepreneurship and use Gods word in business? Now I can agree the Yes, the devil uses people through social media and it can be a very deceiving and toxic place. But teaching your kids to fear social media and modern society is only keeping them sheltered and afraid of the devil. Here’s a proposal: teach your children all that Gods needs them to know. Give them the shield of the lord before ever introducing social media, television, and cell phones to them. I do the same for my kids. It wouldn’t be fair for me to shelter my kids in a technology driven world. It’s almost impossible to function without some sort of technology. It’s getting harder and hard and even those who live off the grid use the internet. It’s a way we can stay connected but like we agreed, it can also be a very dangerous place for our vulnerable children. Lastly: this is what everything boils down to. Proper Christian parenting. If you just carelessly hand your kids a phone and don’t teach them anything, then they will easily be sucked into this world. So like I said earlier, giving them the shield of God, and teaching them to be MINDFUL and to use wisdom with these devises is the best thing you can do for them, not shelter them. That’s just being realistic and honest.

[@daniesavage]

Social media on the weekend only. Lack produces resourcefulness. If they can't rely on social media to entertain them, they can tap into their creative gifts. There will probably be a fight from them, but it's all about what your goal is and what you want the outcome to be for these babies. They won't be in the house for much longer, but while they are there they can learn discipline. Also, something to implement could be to "earn" social media privileges: One hour of social media for a summary and perspective of 1 John, 2 John, and 3 John. Something like that. Hope things are going well :)

[@danwu2718]

Boundaries are enforceable

[@patosmith923]

Discipline should be outlined on day 1. Rules should be outlined and punishments should be clear. Kids are not kids today, they are in charge of mom and dad. Let kids only look up to people who will improve their lives. Looking up at rappers and gang bangers won't help. Look up at the cops, engineers, lawyers, businessmen, etc. Bring realism down to them. Here is what you can possibly do and be honest. Don't lie to them about what they can do when it makes no sense. There are too many people training the next tiger woods, michael jordan or Jay-Z with no backup plan. Teaching kids that they can make mistakes and still go forward but that consequences exist. Lay down a plan. What do you want your kid to do? Even if they don't do it, there will be a fallback plan. Give love and guidance and don't be buddies. Grounding in reality is important. If mom and dad are middle class, the plan has to have a middle class option. There maybe a professional football plan too, but you make education #1. This is in case football never happens. Mom and dad do not have to be around them all the time because they will not know how to function in life. You can be with them at football, soccer, violin, etc but you won't be able to be there to save them at work. People at work are mean and if you don't know how to adapt, you will fail. Corporate America is full of kids struggling because helicopter mom and dad are not there to save them. Give them space to wander and dream. Don't crowd your kids and have high expectations of them no matter what you think they will be.

[@Liz13579jhv]

What I'd this book called?

[@solascripturaPR1517]

That "viper in a diaper" WILL be rebellious; because said child is unaware of respect, true love, godly sorrow, humility, etc. As with Paul the Apostle --and his comments to Galatia-- "(PARA) He did not know sin, until the law said that he was sinning".

[@Ulvetann]

Did I find a conquitadorian society or something? Go into yourself, Is this what You want or need? Supressed children?

[@nickb3463]

Should i pray the obedient prayer in font of them? Lol

[@em4665]

:))

[@danwu2718]

Try intelligent motor skills energetic. Time equals Love

[@sambailie4773]

Yes I've noticed this. I think it's horrible seeing kids cheek adults

[@traceystrange7114]

:)

[@debbieharbin8223]

Thanks to all is our day I wanna is your way

[@TheLindensOfficial]

Who else is buying this book? What chapter are you most looking forward to reading?

[@danwu2718]

Lou Holtz right others...

[@garybung7907]

Liberalism with Jesus, oh a safe Christian and he’ll become a doctor!

[@garybung7907]

Asian women can be so attractive

[@smokyquartz5817]

Creep.

[@b7dope]

Kind of sounds like being helicopter parenting ?

[@Ulvetann]

9:23 You (are tired after a long day but have to go to the grocery store... ....this lady talks actually about punishment for the kids..). ...-Now remind me why I have to put away mu leather whip, regarding dating older women??