How Does Betrayal Trauma Affect the Brain?

[@heatherwade2373]

Betrayal is not just someone cheating in a relationship! People can betray in many, many ways.

[@justinjackson4073]

Absolutely 💯 correct.

[@darwinkius]

I have not been able to find a single video on KZbin of a mental health professional discussing possible effects or treatments of betrayal trauma NOT related to an intimate relationship. The absence of such content can reinforce victims’ beliefs that their experiences are totally unique, potentially perpetuating a downward spiral into unmerited shame and self-imposed isolation. I hope at least one clinician has the awareness to remedy that soon.

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@darwinkius your children can betray you when they 'choose' to stay with the abuser. Your siblings can betray you by withholding compassion, funds, expecting you to function normally, the courts regularly abuse victims because the TYPE of people drawn to that occupation, are themselves after gaining Power and Control over others. They identify with the abuser, not the victim. I believe many suicides are a result of the complete failure of society and courts to recognize how severe this is. Victims are left stranded and shunned, left to starve to death and no one, absolutely no one, will help them. Healing involves Restoring relationships that are safe, Regaining a sense of control over one's OWN life. But society takes this away over and over again, while still expecting you to behave normally.

[@tearthangel373]

I was traumatized by Financial Betrayal, Intimate Betrayal and Pathological lying by my X

[@deanarjones9114]

It’s all things before and after cheating too. The lies, the sneaking, the exclusion, the manipulation, the gaslighting, the lost friendships, the isolation, the loneliness, the loss of affection, etc

[@ericephemetherson3964]

It's been 30 years after the betrayal. And I still feel it.

[@mr.wright9867]

That's deep. I hope you have found your peace.

[@ericephemetherson3964]

@@mr.wright9867 Thank you Sir! My problem is that I sacrifice myself too much. I have found my peace despite the fact that once in a while I have a recurring dream about that moment. My subconscious cannot forget that. I hope that you are fine, too.

[@jadegreen1554]

@@ericephemetherson3964 please do betrayal trauma therapy to deal with it. I know it is scary, but please try to give yourself a chance to find FREEDOM from this.

[@ericephemetherson3964]

@@jadegreen1554 I confirm and thank you.

[@jap3270]

@@jadegreen1554 where? With whom? I’m 11 years post, mine came with devastating career and life changes. 11 years later I’ve accomplished less than the previous 11 BY FAR. Should have accomplished much much more as we age and gain more resources. My career were so great, my brain just screams, danger all the time. Lately I notice I’ma lesser father and more easily triggered. Causes problems.

[@lindarose8299]

I burst into tears at 3:00 “…if I know what’s happened in the past so that I can predict the future, I know that I can keep myself safe.” Wow. That statement reflects the untold and profound burden that betrayal places on the betrayed’s heart, soul, body and sympathetic nervous system. Thank you for that singular sentence alone!

[@AlMerrymBintImranaway]

Yeah but there's still elders left and not every one need to learn these things the harder way, some maybe , everyone? Not even close .

[@AncestorSalvage]

It was important for me to know the entire timeline and all the facts and details so that I could be real with myself. Sparing myself the details would not have helped me and my healing at all. Not knowing the details was torture. I couldn't even make an informed decision about staying vs leaving without that information. I think betrayal victims are entitled to whatever information they think they need to heal. Knowledge of your own timeline is crucial to accepting what you've been through.

[@SuperBlakes2]

That's wise. Thanks 🙏

[@hayleysterling3598]

I agree. It was hard for me to hear but there was some information that I couldn’t recover because he deleted accounts and apparently “forgot” about some of the women he met over a 5 year period. It hurts to know that he was even searching for people outside of our relationship and makes me feel like I wasn’t enough. He even took part in romance scams which makes me feel worse like even fake people were better than me.

[@PJHEATERMAN]

My wife's affair gave me PTSD. It was done in a very cruel way. Her Limerence affair fizzled out and i took her back for the kids sake. Been married 33 years.

[@AlMerrymBintImranaway]

Did you considered about STDs

[@freedomofspeech6095]

After my betrayal with my narc husband I took him back because we had a two year old special needs child and I have to say I don’t allow the devil to touch me we’re in separate rooms. Eventually I’ll be divorcing him. financially I’m not In That position but I’m still feeling the effects after years of the betrayal. These things aren’t human.

[@gmhtown]

Same here bud. I’m here for my kids and because God convicts me to stay. I’ve learned about her narcissistic, manipulative ways. I’m slowly losing that conviction. Almost as though I don’t care if I lose her. The one thing I want and need is a godly marriage. I’m not sure she’ll ever give me what I need but I stay for the Lord and my girls.

[@gmhtown]

Same here bud. I’m here for my kids and because God convicts me to stay. I’ve learned about her narcissistic, manipulative ways. I’m slowly losing that conviction. Almost as though I don’t care if I lose her. The one thing I want and need is a godly marriage. I’m not sure she’ll ever give me what I need but I stay for the Lord and my girls.

[@STACKVICIOUS_74]

You're a strong man I'm currently going through this right now I don't wanna punish my kids in what she did I love her but I feel I need to have my own affair but I'm not gonna lie about it I want her to know I want you to feel it I told her this she just started crying I'm just looking like deal with it like I did

[@LoneStarLady-]

Wonderful explanation of the terrible experience I’ve endured over the past 3+ years. Makes it worse when the lies continue and there is continued discovery or revelation of additional betrayal or more details around the magnitude of what the unfaithful partner has done. It is crazy making even worse than the years of gaslighting. I’m so worn out from all of this.

[@MichaelAlbrecht-d7z]

I recently caught out a covert narcissist one hour after they had betrayed me.They had been putting up a facade of friendship for many years and I had put trust in them ,confided in them,and went to great lengths to act on their advice, invariably ending in disaster.I also was the scapegoat of the family.The air of superiority they put on was something I did not buy into,I had just ignored it.The language was always patronising I am so glad that I can recognise all of this now and know what to look out for Much damage has been done to my relationships ,money stolen, privacy disrespected and invaded etc.I now am Much more aware and guarded at the cost of mixing with some people who I had trusted. C'est la view I still feel very shaken but at least I can now make better decisions.

[@lauradingle6186]

I found this video yesterday and I finally feel like I’m not crazy. I sent this to my betrayer, friends and family. It’s been 5 months of grief. At any moment I can start to cry, I think of one thing that didn’t make sense and put it in another context and i was literally doing that all day and all night. And with all 1000 other instances of lies. So yes, I was very occupied. This has been the WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY WHOLE LIFE. And I try to say that only the most important people will be allowed in again but he was important. It was so many things he did, from dating day one. We saw a therapist whenI found out and was basically told that the only way to continue our relationship was to accept apologies and allow trust. THERE IS NO TRUST. The only thing helping me is talking about it and talking about OTHER THINGS. And laughing and allowing myself to indulge in blocking it out. And accepting that I have no desire to change anyone. That those choices that he made were made in his natural state and that anything afterward is fake. That is what I have to accept. That I never actually knew that person and he knows he’s missing out on my love. That I’ll never trust anyone like I used to. And acknowledge that suspicion creates toxicity and I have to be aware of when I might be bringing that out to the forefront. I am moving out. And I’m so f***** scared and so mad and excited and upset, I am physically Ill over all of this.

[@leenas6111]

update please?

[@SaystheTruth3]

Did you really leave though? Most women don't... I'd see them staying in the same house as unfaithful and crying about it everyday instead of actually doing something about it??

[@tammycox9894]

I totally relate to every word and know exactly how you feel. I live like this every day too. The worst part is when they lie or omit so many details which is the worst form of gaslighting and makes you feel crazy, and then deep rooted resentment towards them is magnified by the omissions of the truth aka the details. The reality is that we are now living with and in love with this person after they have totally disrespected us in every way, ruined our relationship with our children and others. People who we thought loved us, respected us, looked up to us, look at us differently now because we’re still with the person who made a total fool out of us. Hard to leave though especially when you build an entire life together and will lose everything because of their careless, selfish, foolish, decisions. I feel loss, wounded, broken, damaged beyond repair. I wonder if I will ever be able to have enough happiness for the rest of my life to outweigh the unrelenting painful memories of what my marriage and my life realistically was versus what I thought. I think the worst part for me is my deep seated regret for not listening to my subconscious mind which constantly tried to warn me or just gave me unsettling feelings of fear and anxiety but I listened to my heart instead because I believed in my husband. I thought he was a good caring devoted and even faithful husband to me. He pulled the perfect crime by presenting himself as sincere and unquestionable. I looked at him through rose colored glasses and so did others. My kids and friends thought I overreacted at times when my suspicions were warning me that I was“unsafe”. I was often looked at as a moody person who could not control her emotions, a mean bitch, nag of a wife, etc. when in reality, I knew something was wrong. I knew I was in danger. I just could not put my finger on what it was and he was adamant in his denial when questioned by me. He cared more about protecting his addiction so he could continue enjoying it then protecting our marriage, our love, my safety, my security and my sanity. I’m still in the marriage. I’m still trying to make this work because I’m almost 57, he’s almost 61. Our life has already been built together so to start a new one at this point seems a lot more scary than trying to go forward in recovery and hopefully come out stronger on the other side whenever that may be. There’s no telling it could be years, many years. I just hope it happens before I leave this earth. There just is no easy answer in this situation. No quick fix, no resolution that will be satisfactory. It’s about emotional pain management, realistic expectations, open communication, honesty, trust and unrelenting commitment to stay together no matter what unless he is unfaithful again of course, then I have no choice but to be alone and die alone. This is the reality of betrayal trauma and how it affects someone’s life. Many people do not understand unless they have experienced it themselves and some have had a long history of it that they have to connect to make sense of which makes it that much harder for them to heal and move forward.

[@cliffbooth2540]

Thanks for explaining this. I’m going through this from last two months. The pain is unbearable.

[@terrywade3696]

This is exactly what I’ve been going through for the last 3 years! Part of the physical toll is weight gain from constant high levels of cortisol that this level of stress causes. With the high amount of cortisol constantly being pumped into my system, I run the risk of wearing out my adrenal glands. I’ve also broken out with shingles. Betrayal trauma is real & causes real illness.

[@BtrOrg]

Trauma definitely manifests in the body!

[@EVallone]

Ditto that. Cortisol. Shingles. Adrenal exhaustion. All this the result of taking the wrong partner

[@SuperBlakes2]

Amen it's so damaging on every level of a human being. When you are bought up, with constant parental betrayal, you mind, body and spirit is severely damaged. And you can't figure out what is wrong with you, cause that was your normal. So tuff. 😐

[@UnacceptableTee]

Very similar life to mine. Adrenal brown out. I have had a couple burnouts before due to severe trauma. Cortisol takes control. I avoided carbs. Didn’t matter. The liver creates fat ; regardless. I’m so sorry. It’s real visceral pain. Be gentle on yourself. This is completely devastating.

[@recoveringsoul755]

my child developed Addisons disease, and still "chose" to stay with the abuser, thereby abandoning and betraying me. They then developed even more life shortening, expensive medical conditions with no cure. So sad for them. No money for food puts you in starvation mode, hard to gain weight when you cannot afford food

[@sheliaphillips9108]

Wow this is so me!! I thought I was going crazy!! The PAIN is so intense I can’t…. I ask him questions and he just gets mad I feel like the past 35 years of marriage is all lies!!

[@lindarose8299]

I hear you, Sheila. My spouse who brought on the rupture of trust plays the wounded victim and is angry that I don’t just “get over it”. I am dedicated to doing whatever it takes for me to regain a sense of safety, in the time I need - to recover from the years of being lied to and deceived (relational abuse for sure). My peace and joy have been shaken, but I am determined to thrive again!

[@stacysnider4899]

Linda Rose, Cheaters want us to just ‘get over it’ so they don’t have to be faced with reminders of how deeply and profoundly they hurt us. Reminders of what they did triggers very appropriate shame that they would do almost anything to avoid because it is so painful. It is outrageous when a cheater acts like HE is the victim - when the truth is, he is the perpetrator who wounded us on a level he will never come close to understanding. We have a trauma response for many reasons: He was the one person in the world who was supposed to protect us. We trusted him more than anyone in the world. We handed him our most vulnerable heart. We entrusted him with everything - Our body, our secrets, our safety. It is clear he cares more about his pain than he does yours - Which HE caused. Cheaters change us at the core of our soul - FOREVER. This goes double for those who are married and / or have children. Cheaters want to abdicate responsibility whenever possible. The truth is, they owe us a MASSIVE karmic debt for the incredibly deep and profound life (and brain) changes they forced upon us by their incredibly childish and selfish behavior. While they just want us to ‘get over it’ and move on like it never happened, we are left sifting through the ashes and trying to rebuild the soul they almost destroyed. 💗

[@lindarose8299]

Stacy, thank you for your rely and words that are super clear and helpful to me today and going forward! It never ceases to amaze me how often I now need to read words of assurance, like yours…that I am okay…that my normal requests are not unfounded or unkind. Living with a narc entity is spiritually, physically and mentally exhausting. I’ve been treading in the direction of divorce, but have delayed to gather strength as well as to do everything I can to armor up against his “promise to destroy me”. Here’s to all of us survivors that we return to our Highest Selves and find immeasurable Joy and Peace💜✨🙏

[@janetfrittenburg6451]

You are not alone. Never let anyone devalue your feelings.

[@briarroseO]

Thank you for making this video. Betrayal trauma destroyed my sense of self.

[@jennabryan1658]

Wow I havent felt that understood in a long time - those last few minutes, about how desperately you are trying to understand.. wow thank you for articulating that so well.

[@lolz-f6c]

My whole world was torn away and then I was told that what I saw is not the truth. My brain has been going nuts trying to figure out what the heck is reality. I’m stuck in this place, for almost three months now. It sucks.

[@nonconformiconoclast]

I am told the same thing. I can't seem to get over my wife, my soul mate doing this to me

[@wspeiler5869]

I totally understand and am in the same place

[@chelseamarie7young904]

I’ve been there for 4 years now.

[@mr.wright9867]

I feel your pain

[@suzannenorthcutt6692]

Thank you for this video. I have been doing this! I have tried to stop rehearsing the past 16 years of my life with my husband. I have all the syptoms you mentioned. Well meaning people are telling me to move on but ifeel stuck. Now I know why. I'm going to work hard to work through this process rather than suppress it. Please make more videos.

[@cliffbooth2540]

Sorry that you’re going through this. Wish healing for you and all the people facing this.

[@Karlien68]

Oh waw....thank you for this. 20 years of deceiving and betrayal that I only realised after the final discard. I have been obsessively ruminating for years about every detail that suddenly became clair. Now I understand why. It has been horrible. And selfblame that I can"t seem to be able to move on. He gave me PTSD by his deeds. My body tried to tell me for years. Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Still not out of the woods but this is so helpful to understand the trauma reaction ❤

[@isiartdotcom]

I went through a betrayal against me which occurred in a November. If I thought about which month we were in, to me, it was October until about the following June. I was stuck in time unable to move forward on my internal calendar at least. Took me about 6 years for the shaking to stop every time I thought about the betrayal. I was well and truly over my Ex but the nasty hateful act in which our relationship ended was horrifying to me. All made worse because he was a Psychiatrist and I was 5 days post surgery from a craniotomy at the time and I have MS AND he’s told all my friends and family that he was taking care of me. Diabolical. I’m fine now but do enjoy telling the story as it would make a great storyline for my book haha !

[@lakehairdontcare3398]

My mother in law protected, & defended the man criminally convicted of breaking into my home and committing a sexual crime against me. I was guilted and blamed in writing, for his benefit to drop the civil case, which is a crime-influencing the victim for the benefit of the perpetrator. It was just an exacerbation of her Narc behavior already present. It’s been very difficult

[@deanarjones9114]

I’ve been trying to explain this for over 25 years. It’s the only way I’ve survived and healed

[@tgrsparrow]

Three years ago today. Finally getting therapy for it to protect the people i love from the past.

[@RestorationRanchHealing]

Thank you for sharing. This is such a necessary subject to be spoken openly of. The betrayal trauma and all that it involves is truly a health epidemic. God bless your work.

[@betsy3075]

I just found this video, yes! Please make more. If you know of ways to speed up this process , please share.

[@BtrOrg]

[@ammievdm8190]

Thank you for making sense of the trauma and explaining it in a way that is easily understandable. The "feeling safe" part really struck a chord as well...

[@SuperBlakes2]

This is an interesting subject. Doesn't seem to be a lot of information on you tube about this. Very helpful and informative. 😊

[@Beul8677]

Thank you for making this video! Please post more 🙏 God bless you!

[@Runawayslave2023]

Does a sexless marriage cause relational/betrayal trauma? What would be the best approach to resolve the trauma if the partner does not want to change?

[@jakesdekker7503]

Absolutely spot on. The proverbial dam burst 10 years ago and I’m still drowning. Every new shred of evidence even today is a new trauma. It’s like a never ending earthquake in slow motion.

[@janetfrittenburg6451]

I understand how you feel. If you can seek professional help. I waited over ten years to do so and am now so far down an emotional hole I fear it will be an insurmountable task to get out.

[@karladejesus8647]

Thank you so much for posting this video! It makes so much sense! Please post more videos on topics like these.

[@glor432]

Wow as I’m watching this, it’s clear to me this is what I’m going through. I knew the change in me was because of the betrayal, but I didn’t know it was an actual thing that can happen to your brain. It’s been about 3 months now and it has gotten a little better. (Some days are still bad) but wow…this was spot on.

[@drjakeporter]

I'm so sorry for your experience. Please reach out to us if you need support! DaringVentures.com

[@lauradingle6186]

Has the pain gotten easier? Or lessened after a year?

[@glor432]

@@lauradingle6186 it has gotten easier. I’ve done a lot of self work with trying to evolve and more self love. I now believe things are supposed to be part of the journey-what you’re going through right now, flow and grow with it. Meaning don’t let it consume you, you will come out stronger and better.

[@ivywildwss]

I don't want to be the sum of my trauma experiences. Somebody "Total Recall" my brain and reset my brain! It absolutely sucks, and trickle truth just blasts me apart.

[@angelh1608]

I found out less than a year ago that my abusive husband, whom I dated for two years before marrying in 2000, is gay. I’m just at a loss.

[@nancyfleming8038]

I'm divorced from a sex addict husband who hooked up with men all his life. He sucked as a husband but I hung in there. He did me a favor by revealing this horror so I could get out. At 3.5 yrs later I cant stop replaying it all every day. WHY why can't I stop thinking about it? This vid helped alot. Now, how to really stop the thinking? answer that one.

[@nancyfleming8038]

@@MichelleNagir thanks! I am getting there and making progress now after 4 years!

[@nancyfleming8038]

@@MichelleNagir Thanks!! I am actually getting better every day. It has taken this long. I'm enjoying my personal freedom as a gift to myself.

[@bhawand]

Where are you from? I wonder if a support group will help. I am struggling so much. I can’t make sense of anything anymore. I have small kids. I am trying to be strong but I am so broken

[@catcat9582]

Have u found a solution

[@RobinHerzig]

“It is a neurobiological necessity of the brain… It is a matter of survival to make sense of this” Yeah. That feels right. Hearing this stuff described so vividly feels really validating

[@drjakeporter]

I'm glad you could feel validated by hearing this information!

[@shahilagh]

I experienced what they called knife in the back a few times before in the workplace from colleagues and manager. Now after few years from the last one I am so frightened anytime I feel a dangerous situation pops up in the workplace. I can’t sleep until I get an email from them showing they are okay. I am very sad about this reaction I have and affects me inside me. And the agony is that I am the empathetic person who always want the best for people and colleagues and all I have done is for their goodness. But I m afraid of their reactions because of their reactions in the past going on my back …. What can I do ?

[@UnderstandingLimerence]

I saved the text messages. It helps me find safety in knowing what, where, when so I can make sure I/We don't allow those opportunities again.

[@zoosy]

Thank you so much dr. Porter!! It's the tenth time I rewatch this video in the last 2 months! So true.... everything that you say is so true! I've felt that I'm somehow different, to feel exactly what you said in this video, but after seeing this I feel normal again! Life changing video for me and for my therapy process!

[@drjakeporter]

That's so wonderful to hear. Thank you for sharing those encouraging words! I hope and pray you find complete healing from all your wounds.

[@leeballestrin5142]

I have been trying to move forward and recover after 4 years...I feel foolish that I still live with such emptiness after my husband of 30 years for a woman the same age as our kids. It helps to know I’m not crazy

[@rexremedy1733]

Very interesting topics! Unfortunately the video is so short it only scratches the surface,

[@youlandeerwee9740]

7 months 😢 can still not make sense of anything, my life of 32 years shuttered

[@mr.wright9867]

It gives everything a different context. That's the mind screw

[@theservantsofthesoul1606]

My band and I professionally produced a brand new song in Chicago that we posted today on KZbin that sheds light on betrayal trauma and sexual addiction. Please click on the sleeping tiger to the left and it will take you right to the song. Thank you for listening, if you do.

[@greenlitmining4733]

Wow! This video hits so hard.

[@PamWessel]

Thank you!!! I tried to order the whole webinar but it never went through. Any thoughts?

[@katiej5551]

Of those that you have worked with with betrayal trauma, how frequent is it that the offender reoffends and betrays again?

[@chelseamarie7young904]

Im guessing they will certainly continually to betray unless they start doing real work to fix themselves.

[@zumwaltfam]

Almost every time. Best thing is to leave.

[@lindarose8299]

In my own experience with a covert narcissist the betrayals are predictable and vary in degree from lying to gaslighting, However, the repeated ruptures in trust and his vehement denial (in the face of facts) is wearying. Thankfully though, I am becoming more clear and emotionally stronger. Perhaps my limbic system feels safer…?

[@strandedinanisland457]

Well the truth is, a series of traumas spanning several years truly does not make sense. That just makes the future a lie by default.

[@jamiesmith2724]

My father died found out he stole my inheritance from my grandmother when I was and spent it on a sister I didn’t know about. Then his family stole his house and my inheritance from him out from under me. I did get my dads guns then my mom took them and sold them. This all happened in a month. 3 years later I’m just getting better

[@janetmartinez9811]

Such great information. Great work!

[@sarawinger6542]

Thank you! You are spot on.

[@arthurlockwood8735]

I'm 73 now. My advice is to go get out of it it naver worked again for me after 41 years ago and also a kid not mine it's not good enough. For my daughters sake now on my own at 73 love you all that's the same as me from Lancashire England UK pendle ❤😂

[@rocsire]

is it possible for the brain to be in such a severe survival mode that physical symptoms occur , like a brain tumor ? Lets say a narcissist (demon ) betrays a super-empath (a highly sensitive person who relies and truth and intuition ) , could this betrayal make their brain send out emergency warnings in the form of a brain tumor .

[@drjakeporter]

Hi, there. As far as I know, there's no evidence or research of that happening - that we know of. Of course we know that the body DOES respond physically to trauma, and we know that many autoimmune disorders are likely linked to unprocessed trauma.

[@michaelcarnevale5620]

@@drjakeporter "and we know that many autoimmune disorders are likely linked to unprocessed trauma" Can you speak more to this? Any examples?

[@drjakeporter]

@@michaelcarnevale5620 Here's an example of one study: www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0006322314004570

[@Mikehunthertz51]

I experienced betrayal trauma at the same time i had a bleed on the right frontal part of my brain and it really got me messed up i believe it has to do with that bleed and the fact i almost died so people could have a threesome.

[@MavenJayne]

Is this why i have developed a sort of OCD in relation to checking if its happening again or not?

[@bittehiereinfugen7723]

That is very possible. In any case, it's fear-driven. What does your spouse do for you to make you feel safer? Is he open, honest and reliable?

[@prersgirls]

FANTASTIC VIDEO!!!!

[@hangryturtle9006]

Am I the only man in here who’s been betrayed many times?

[@GM-rn9rf]

I really hate that they don’t tell you how to heal it

[@tousifk3138]

So How to heal from betrayal trauma

[@alisonlittlewood4780]

What do I do about it

[@angieagniius1974]

Spot on.

[@ricardopena6629]

Thank you 💯

[@stevie9292]

I watched it twice. Why? I don't know.

[@SuperBlakes2]

Brilliant

[@JeanLewis-y6c]

Omg indentity due ti how he did it asi looked imposibke that hes inocent when hes not admited stuff luesd to what he daid ect

[@deniserutkowski6336]

I have to read this this is KZbin play KZbin because I Don’t want to read at the time.

[@JeanLewis-y6c]

14 yrsbof his lies

[@JeanLewis-y6c]

Img u on the ball onones. Explained it in this way simplified