How Fe Feels (INTP)

[@Skimmerlit]

My novelette is available. Picking it up and leaving a positive review would be a tremendous help to me. Thank you. Novelette: www.amazon.com/dp/B09XL1VWJW/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2O9IAGTS3FCV2&keywords=skimmerlit+book&qid=1649553882&sprefix=skimmerlit+book%2Caps%2C132&sr=8-1

[@JuliaMarieH]

The point about other people’s bad moods is the reason I get so stressed out about politics. It’s not just that the world is crashing down around us, but everyone else is ANGRY about it. And if I say the wrong thing at any point (which as an INTP is likely) , then all that anger will be directed at ME!! It could even be someone I agree with, it stresses me out all the same. Or maybe it’s childhood trauma because my dad got really angry about politics and then yelled at me lol. Also THE PRESSURE TO BE IN A GOOD MOOD OMG good moods of others stress me out almost as much as bad ones hahaha. I also get great reads on people! The only thing I don’t relate to is not putting myself in others’ shoes. It’s actually one of my greatest strengths! Im so good at seeing situations from a nuanced perspectives because I can really understand where all sides are coming from and why they think and feel the way they do.

[@SS-bu8ez]

Why is the onus on you to manage other people's moods? Let them feel and get over it by themselves.

[@sakuraflares7054]

wow casually one of the better mbti videos ive seen. "if you wanna make an Fe type like you, be someone they can be real around" slow clap. Say that shit

[@LentilSoupGirl]

Fe is truly exhausting.

[@senantiasa]

Wow, this is such a bizzare way of thinking. It's so foreign to me. I'm grateful you're sharing it. If someone came up to me all happy, I'd probably just say "Lucky you, I feel miserable today..." and show a miserable face. Or I could also say, "Great! My chest on the other hand hurts real bad.." and hold my chest with an I'm-in-pain look. I don't get why someone would feel pressured to have to act differently. It's so fascinating how different people's minds work..

[@SS-bu8ez]

Exactly maybe we are missing the brain prompts

[@somemadsci1923]

As an INTP whose Fe was a source of fear and pain all my life, this gave me a lot to think about. I am used to hiding at home away from people (and strong emotions) but what you said about using Fe sounds pretty interesting, and might prompt me to go out more and interact with people to test this. If you are open to suggestions, I hope you would make a video about fear of confrontations in INTPs or a video about self development in general for INTPs (only if you want though, don't want to trigger your Fe with my request :P) Cheers!

[@batrishaiscute]

As INTP I started working on my Fe and I started feeling like an INFJ

[@toddjacksonpoetry]

As an INTP I've typically refused to do so, and have always felt like an INTJ.

[@michaelhall5801]

I'm still in the process of typing myself, and I always thought I was a Te/Fi type but I have never related more to this explanation of Fe. I definitely need to explore the Ti/Fe axis more

[@doroteapavlovic4949]

11:00 I love your videos they always call me out and point out stupid behaviour I engage in. I go through all 7 stages of grief, while listening to you. I'm an ENTJ female and sometimes fi will strike and I will be crying on the floor to my ENTP boyfriend about how everything sucks, how I hate my appearance ect ect. And he will just look me dead in the eye and say something like: "Remember that outfit you wore like 3 days ago, you looked really hot in that." And I will every time, without fail, pick myself up and be like:"Huh, I guess you are right. I did look hot in that. I am so attractive." Mental breakdown over. And now that I understand why that is, it makes everything so much funnier. And I will never be able to look at those interactions the same.

[@f.j.9391]

Wow definitely describes what Fe feels like to me & I definitely use it to gain insight. Im an INFJ & when u described how i use certain truths in order to get along with people is what I do a lot but not often but very true. What i notice is when i want to use Ti i have to push Fe in a form of power control in terms of social status to make Fi hero users accept it. Because sometimes they react bad if i just say it outright or I can’t cross a certain boundary. Also It feels clumsy going from Ti to Fe but when i Fe a lot somehow Ti is more swallowed for Fi hero users.

[@giomar89]

To me, this weird combination of lucid awareness + pressure to adapt is the part of Fe I have more trouble dealing with. I can’t reconcile these two facts, they seem too contradictory, i.e. if we fear that which we cannot understand/comprehennd, how come I understand something yet feel threatened by it? I “see” them for what they are, so why the anxiety? Then, the inevitable conclusion comes: “I probably don’t undertand them as well as I thought” And so, I pay even *more* attention to them, and from there on it’s just a downwards spiral of paranoia. Edit: your contrasting between Fe empathy - Fi empathy are brilliant. My sister is an ENFP and the coolest most awesome person ever, but I CAN’T STAND how, whenever you tell her any of *your* problems she immediately goes: “This is like that time when X did so and so to me, and I told them this and that, and there was that other time when Y did something similar to me, blah blah” And indeed it’s annoying because it would seem to me that she can’t detach herself from her own ego/perspective even when she is trying to console me.

[@SS-bu8ez]

Fi types learn to keep that to themselves as they age although mentally in order to empathise they have to see it through their own lens first otherwise can't relate.

[@jackanghoff8320]

This makes so much sense. You just 100% nailed down this vague dissonance and dread I've felt my whole life and always attributed to more broad/vague faults into something I can actually use.

[@avocadoperson]

ENTP here, overall, I understand what you mean in this video. I also relate to finding enfp type of emphaty distasteful. I totally found them to be so fake nice, so selfish and hated the way they thought of themselves as so cute and nice when I was younger. Now I'm pretty much okay with them. It really is so annoying when someone directs you emotions that has nothing to do with you.. I used to be unable to do that fake empathy thing, or at least was worse at it, and ended up in endless arguments but I've gotten soo much better at it now, I want to be away from that kind of situation as much as possible.. Unrelated to this video but thanks for making these, I enjoy your thoughts!

[@jaimebanks8377]

Maintain someone else's mood? Ugh! As an ENFP, that sounds awful. I don't need anyone to maintain MY moods, and I don't intend to do that for others. This is very interesting. Thank you!

[@ntsomewhere885]

You have just told "the story of my life" experiences. Well said. Spot on. However, I still can't buy into the whole mbti thing. I haven't been able to cleanly validate it. But sometimes, like with this video, sh*t makes sense. Thank you.

[@grazynawolska8160]

Fi types do put themselves in your shoes yes, but if they can't relate to the situation, they then imagine the situation completely from scratch, the entire scenario and how that would feel... but still from the point of view of self. So they do have sympathy. Not sure if someone with more unconscious Fi does this. Like an ExxJ becuase they struggle with their own point of view of Fi, but Fi higher up does do this. I wouldn't say its arrogant to imagine it. Fi is trying to reconstruct the original feeling at the core. Kinda like Ti is trying to understand an idea at the core. Just because you take an engine and take it appart and reconstruct it with Ti bit by bit doesn't meant you're being arrogant to the original constructor of the engine.

[@manerodawd6640]

I agree, Fi isn't useless, I wish I could use it, as it is my blindspot, so I really struggle with it, but getting to the point, I don't think Fi is bad, it is just different from Fe and has it's own advantages and disadvantages, I think that certainly when an Fi type can relate to another person's feelings, it is much deeper than and a Fe type can ever be, isn't that true ?

[@manerodawd6640]

it's is like a laser which is difficult to aim, but when it hits the target it's the most precise shot, and Fe is like a shotgun which hits everyone almost the same way depending on the distance, but the damage doesn't change that much.

[@Skimmerlit]

2nd part: Yes-ish. Fi can be more useful than Fe in understanding people’s feelings sometimes. The trouble is Fi types tend to dislike what they think people think/feel and then impose on them, all without referencing the person they’re judging and now harming. Imposition based on assumption is arrogance.

[@Skimmerlit]

@Manerodawd Yeah, close to that second one. Edit: Good timing.

[@manerodawd6640]

@@Skimmerlit Yeah, I agree

[@goosegg4653]

As an Fe dom, I definitely resonate with your depiction of scripts in social interactions- one thing I've noticed is that Fe/Ti users are usually fine with other Fe/Ti users disagreeing, poking fun, etc. Fi types by comparison often get offended very easily since their "script" doesn't often have sarcasm- this sometimes stops me from going over to a group of people with, say, an unhealthy INFP or ISTJ female (idk why but Fi is just more obvious there) becuase I have no idea what script to follow, the Fe script or the invisible Fi one.

[@hooman9554]

As an INTP with an INFP friend, this makes sense. Fortunately she seems to understand sarcasm better and her scripts allow it, as long as I don’t use dryer humor. Or maybe she’s a mistype. I don’t know

[@Noelciaaa]

@@hooman9554 Ah yeah, dry humor. As an ENTP I found this to be one of the safest bets. Alongside extremely abstract,, absurd kind that kind of makes me seem like a lunatic and/or an idiot (but I'm fine being the clown as long as this allows for a tense atmosphere to be resolved). Honestly, being around even moderately healthy Fi doms or Fi tert tends to stress me tf out (for some reason Fi aux is fine, they seem to have a bit more healthy distance from it, just as most Fi inf types, unless in grip). It feels as if I keep stumbling on my delivery of things and have to basically walk on eggshells. or else i would have to deal with being responsible for someone's existential crisis because I'd been asking questions that made them realise they actually don't know what they're talking abt or sth, while I didn't intend that, I was just curious.

[@Noelciaaa]

@@kyurei4478 fair enough but i don't hang out with ppl who dislike humor in any form. that sounds like torture ngl. i have plenty intj friends however who rly appreciate my dry, sarcastic type of humor.

[@SkIbIdI0rchid]

Fr tho, my mom is an ISFP and sometimes I'm being sarcastic and just playing around and she takes it seriously and says " Stop making fun of me! "

[@77HadassaH77]

I’ve had lots of very, very bad experiences with Fi users (mostly unhealthy INFP). They can be more evil then skimmerlit is mentioning. Bad Fi are tyrannical, manipulative (gaslighting), and can become very evil. They only take things from their own (egotistical) perspective. I think this function when underdeveloped can be the most dangerous. I’ve noticed Ni types are doomed in dissecting types on this YT page by skimmerlit, while I wonder what makes this relevant when he also states they’re mostly mistyped when it comes to Ni. Why not highlight Fi’s darkness I wonder?

[@karalewis388]

My mind is blown. You absolutely know what you’re talking about. Earned my sub and my respect.

[@hooman9554]

I remember the one time my friend lost this overpriced pen some dude got at a gift shop for her. She was in a really bad mood but I couldn’t see why she was so upset over a pen. Instead of ignoring that and comforting her I decided to provoke her further, while my head was also screaming at me not to. She exploded and I had to apologize later. Anecdotal but I thought I’d put that here

[@Noelciaaa]

oh god that is too real. happened too many times to count D:

[@nigelharvey640]

I thought the analogy for the Te script kinda clicked some things for me as well. It’s hard to detach from coming at things with Fi but the Te script comes from the most overt expression of the Fi of the person. It’s like we are actually trying to make it as obvious as possible that we are playing out a particular role. I think we play these out on purpose so that everyone gets a clear sense of what we are about so the people who don’t like it will steer clear and the people who do will welcome it. When the Te finger wagging turns on to tell a person to follow the script, it’s usually because that person is like 3 tiers deeper than they should be, or we are taking guesses at what’s 3 tiers deeper for someone else. We either haven’t made a script or process on how to deal with someone this intimately, we thought they were on the same page and now they are not on the same page, or we thought their intention was to be closer and we are trying to build up how best to connect with each other. Ti/Fe types feel like people who don’t want to spell out the exact script they want to do with people but end up getting caught up in doing scripts that make them feel like shit because they didn’t bother to make one. Without MBTI, this essentially boils down to what seem like a masochist or someone stuck to “being on everyone’s good side” script. To them not making a script will inevitably lead into pointless conflicts in the future. If for some reason they believe a Ti/Fe type is an Fi/Te type, then they think it’s a person knows what they want but are just having a hard time expressing the script they want to do (or are in the early stages of working out) and how to make it work for the both of them. In this case they try to do more guessing of the deeper “floors” that are underneath based on what is said. However because it’s an Fe type it can often end in a totally incompatible script all along that they didn’t know about or didn’t know the extent of the difference that existed. A conflict inevitably happens. The Fi/Te is triggered now and doing shit that they’ll probably regret because they’re in uncharted territory. You’re on the wrong floor and doing the wrong shit, and now their feelings are steering the wheel so they can’t think properly but they are desperately trying to get back on the same page (or end the interaction sooner). The Ti/Fe does some calculated retaliation for something not explicit negotiated or is backing away from the emotions both parties feel instead of building a new script. The Fi/Te walks away reflecting on how to make their intentions more explicit with more illogical scripts grounded in a deeper bias to prevent it happening in the future.

[@nigelharvey640]

The finger wagging is an attempt to reconcile between themselves and the other person, what are the differences and how to be back on the same page. I think the tiers mentioned before are like different protocols for how to deal with strangers, associates, friends, close friends, partner, etc all the way down to the closest essence of your being. But the common denominator across all of these scripts is that the Fi/Te user attempts to make the scripts good and fair for them in any situation. What good means depends on the individual. But the deeper someone goes, the more the person is interacting with traumas, confusing feeling, and fucked up urges that the Fi/Te user has not figured out how to “make good and fair” expression of. They are aggressively trying to prevent people who don’t have any experience with these these feelings or aren’t compatible with it from getting effected by these emotions they don’t know how to engage with properly. The the higher Fi is, the more they hate misunderstandings and being misunderstood because they don’t have prepared healthy/productive ways to turn things around when they go wrong. Once they feel like you’re an asshole, the only thing they can think to do is treat you like they would an asshole. They’ll feel bad after but they also feel annoyed that you got so close to them and didn’t even bother to understand their script (something they generally try to do if they suspect any compatibility in the first place). The cold turn off thing is a result of realizing they are not equipped to bridge the gap in incompatibility at that time. All they do is psychoanalyze the fuck out of everyone and everything to learn about themselves and people and how best to coexist. High end Fi is just someone who hit the mark on what that combination is. Every other Fi is working on it, with varied degrees of success. The Higher the Te, the more layers of checks and contingencies they have in their scripts for the layers they are aware of but they often get surprised by new “floors” of intimacy or emotions and have no idea how to decide what’s good or bad. So they just build more contingencies to stop people from leaving the floor their on or a script they can have that allows the person up or down floors in a controlled fashion (for better or worse).

[@LentilSoupGirl]

That's why I'm always in a bad mood. Happy is just rare.

[@ninat5007]

Excellent description of the lower Fe paradox, I'd say.

[@EresirThe1st]

Intj here. I definitely don’t pursue scripts the way you said Te does. I can’t stand them in fact, because they’re fake and dull. My Ni and Fi want to see inside people’s minds and get to the good stuff underneath the persona. I always try to act like someone people can be real with like you say at the end, and I’m not expecting anyone to maintain or match my mood.

[@thecaracarn6544]

In my experience the examples you gave fit mostly Fi inferiors, high Fi users don't direct their emotions the wrong way unless under stress or an Fe user was insisting about it.

[@lilgaything]

Why not just ignore expectations, and act as you want to, genuinely, whilst at the same time, simply keeping up mannners? If Fe gives you so much pressure and stress, do what you want, with a solid internal moral ruleset that you deem noble or princely, and ignore the small details of Fe in being an overanalyzying sheep hoping to appease others. Live how you think is morally correct, adjust as needed, but ignore the large scale ethics word for word.

[@Bobby_101]

Funny how accurate this was, for the most part.

[@freshmintbubblegum3831]

That’s a great video, again. Really a kind of thought out view of functions from the standpoint of INTP. Still that’s extremely confusing to me, why TF people make things tricky with FE and its strange set of scripts that somehow always work… can’t remember how many times I kind of felt what to say, but it was illogical, I went with logical and was blamed for not doing how I felt.. but again, this kept me angry and rejecting it as a legit experience to implement and Instead I just prefer not to react completely

[@elnogo9196]

Keep it coming homei

[@elnogo9196]

I just moved to Texas from CA. I was born in Oklahoma and lived there until I moved to CA. Now that I'm back I sometimes exaggerate a southern accent. I often wonder if I've made a point t or offended a few people. But since I rarely talk to anyone anyway I don't care. Plus I'm a black bet so no threat is ever felt. Cause I karate chop a wig.

[@cainwilson8564]

Slam dunk!! -Fellow Southern INTP Male. 😂 I really appreciate your perspective of Fe… It’s like being a Sims character and seeing that you can only choose between the bubbles, each one with it’s own unique set of both positive and negative effects. The thing that an Fe user needs to hone is also displaying their own Fi bubble text options, instead of basing all decisions off of what they can tell are someone else’s preset conversations. Family is where I’m most naturally going to communicate using just Fi.

[@paovic9032]

YES

[@imuze1]

Thanks for this shit.

[@andromorph-ts6xt]

been wondering what Fe is like as an INTJ 💀

[@andromorph-ts6xt]

wow this is so insightful thank you, great refresher

[@Mike_B.]

12:31 lol

[@tvfreak114]

Skimmerlit I would like to suggest something for you. Please check out this video. "It's The End Of The World As We Know It but you're detecting Soviet nukes (And You Feel Fine)" If you are unfamiliar with this( format?) of video You are the "wojack" charecter on screen experiencing the event. there are many other similiar videos in this sort of format but I recommend this one as an introduction. I see it as a low form of solo roleplay. Please let me know your thoughts and opinions on the video and sort of video format. Does this effect you in any way?

[@TheFirstManticore]

You are INTP and you are prejudiced against White Southerners? I would think you'd be too logical for that.