How I overcame depression by just sitting around | Jonathan Schoenmaker | TEDxDelft

[@makmak3804]

“I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to live” that is EXACTLY how I felt in my worst days oh my god

[@makmak3804]

Aconstant Contaradict I don’t know you or your situation, but hang in there my friend. It’s bound to get better, it did for me. And of course it’s not completely gone and there are still bad days, but it will get better. I wish you the best :)

[@sebastianfeuerstein9306]

Aconstant Contaradict Same.

[@robertatoledo2555]

That's me always...😢

[@booxwee3804]

This is how ive felt for the past 3 weeks :'(

[@maddragon3076]

mak mak same

[@nathansalty1217]

Would be cool to have those "close friends." Update: It's about a year later after posting this comment, and I would like to say it gets better. Hang in there y'all, it may be dark right now but there's always a way out. Be safe and healthy :)

[@johndowson1852]

Or any friends for that matter.

[@jamesardian8717]

wyciskTV They are usually the ones you are friends with prior to depression

[@avocado184nhs82]

too bad i stopped talking to all my friends i had when i got depressed. and that was years ago before i even knew i was depressed.

[@dragonswordmountain2908]

+hey, isn't that salty? This story reminded me of a guy telling me at school "While everyone is having a difficult time asking girls out on dates or just talking to them, i just tagged along and played videogames with them, minimum talk considered a few words, just focused only on tv and commenting on the game and that alone made me very social with everybody not just girls". I think this video is on to something, what matters is the presence.

[@ScottSavage-sh5fq]

It sucks to go out and meet people but that also helps with depression

[@notbanksy8294]

The hardest part of depression, for me, is getting out of my own head. The longer I stay there, the more ground depression gains. I have to force myself to leave the house most times. And before that, there is a 5-10min period of standing at the door before I exit. Battling the thoughts of not wanting to go outside into the world.

[@nataliap2705]

Jesus I thought I was the only one who had to spend 10m before leaving sometimes

[@Mortequal]

I relate to this, moments of apathy when the depression has deepened. I rarely have energy for anything other than go to work and then get back home. Escapism to keep the thoughts away, usually videogames that takes focus or youtube. Sometimes the indecision is real, scrolling through netflix for 30 minutes without making a choise what to watch. Everything seem equally pointless.

[@jawadahmed2520]

same and i didnt know that there were some people like me

[@kirjuschaks]

best is ketamine here, opioids and weed also work

[@anthonystallworth474]

@@Mortequal You're not alone this is how i still manage and what worked when times were harder

[@XemidanHNoxja]

This seems great if you have friends, but what happens when your alone and trying to overcome and don't have a soul to even be around

[@lilmogwaii]

Xemidan Hydrazine Noxja if youre not in an environment where you can socialize find one and dedicate your time to making conversation and friends.. Its hard but being alone is going to make it harder. When I had felt completely hopeless to the point I knew I had nothing to lose I just gave in and said whatever I wanted and I gained friends that way. You need distractions

[@mymanson77]

Sadly this is easier said than done. Depression is often accompanied by low self-esteem and anxiety; 2 things that make human interaction so very difficult for some. I've never had close friends because of my autism, I don't really get human interaction, so my advice for those who have no friends/family to talk is; to keep yourself busy. This includes getting help through your GP/local health center. Rescue animals, work for a charity for the homeless etc. Giving your energy, free time to a good cause you feel passionate about will give you an amazing perspective; it will basically remind you that life is not only about you. I don't mean it in a bad way, but once you notice there is so much more than you and your inner demons, you get distracted from the never ending negative thoughts and find new passions and reasons for existence.

[@whitneya.6930]

Pray. I went from being a severely depressed, anxious, suicidal atheist taking multiple medications to finding unimaginable peace in Christ without any of the side effects ;) I wish you all the best and I hope you can find peace and happiness.

[@tx9986]

Get a dog? Go do a sport? Sit in a park and strike up a random conversation? Go do music classes in a group? Go too meetings for fellow depressed people? Go play video games online, who knows who you might meet. Religion? Not saying its easy but, might as well, its not gonna make your life worse if you try.

[@exo-l36]

Listen to K-pop

[@MrCrowebobby]

When I was 15, I told my mother I thought about suicide. She said "Well, be sure to do it right, otherwise you linger." Followed by "People who talk about suicide never do it." That was 66 years ago and I'm still here so perhaps she was right in my case, but I've suffered from depression for my entire 81 years on earth, despite much medical help; perhaps just an iota of sympathy and/or understanding might have helped a bit.

[@missfunkadilly]

crowe bobby that's a pretty cruel thing for a mother to say to her child. If I told my mom that she'd go nuts and probably have me committed.

[@johnsonkids3058]

crowe bobby I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes our parents say mean things because they know better. They grew up in different time, they were raised differently, they didn't have knowledge like what we have today so please forgive them.

[@RussellCambell]

I feel the same way. Just be there you don’t have to say anything.

[@danielc4267]

Your mom was so wise. Failed suicide makes depression worse.

[@bobbyb.4867]

Regard ✌

[@ShylieKay]

Nobody wants to be around a depressed person, happy people like happy people. Once you pull someone out of the hole they've fallen in it's so much easier for them to keep their head above water. It's the inertia that's missing when you're isolated. Sometimes all I need is a hug.

[@bobbyb.4867]

🌻 and hug for You

[@dwg8084]

I content that to be happy you have to be selfish..

[@hindugoat2302]

@@dwg8084 depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, no matter how good your life is, no matter what you try or do, you are always unhappy

[@Prohib]

yea

[@Sharsung]

Well said!

[@nachiketjadhav9999]

“I didn’t wanted to die, I just didn’t wanted to live” depression was never contained in a single phrase better than this one ! Thank you sir.

[@davidk7529]

I thought you were going to stop at "depression was never contained in a single phrase", which would have been correct... how disappointing. This talk is not about actual depression. It's way more complex than that. If it were so simple, we'd be able to beat it just as easily as eating chicken soup for a cold.

[@justanothermortal1373]

Yeah, I have depression. I just wanted to die and not live. So this is not everyone with depression.

[@second5952]

same @@justanothermortal1373

[@klanderkal]

Exactly,... I kept telling my sister those words.. its how you really feel. Then I would say,.. this is not me.

[@janetdipaola3232]

I just want to say that I had a very similar experience and noticed the same thing. One day my husband came home from work and I had been feeling very depressed for a long time. I had been dealing with my parents all day long asking why I was depressed and telling me to snap out of it etc. Then he came in the room, could obviously tell I was in bad shape and just sat with me and watched a funny sitcom. No questions, no explanations needed, just his company and a funny show. I'll never forget it. Was just what I needed.

[@kalleyluv]

doesn't work if you are depressed and also have social anxiety

[@cellogirl11rw55]

Yes, it does work when you truly put your mind on getting well. I have Bipolar Disorder, and I checked myself into the psychiatric ward at my local hospital when I had a mixed manic/depressive episode that caused me to have suicidal thoughts. I didn't speak to any of the other patients there for the first few days because I didn't have the words to explain what I was going through, and I was absolutely terrified of people I didn't know. Then, a girl my age (22) joined me in coloring pictures when I didn't have the words to tell anyone how I felt. We sat in silence, just coloring until our time was up. I didn't have to tell her how I was feeling because she already knew what I was feeling by what I was coloring.

[@randommess6667]

I have social anxiety too causing me to be depressed, because im stuck not being able to live a normal life an do things, I could try to overcome the anxiety an it might work , i guess the problem is i dont feel like i have anything to offer other people as i really feel i have no interests to talk about an nothing to say aswell I seem to just feel irritated when i talk to people aswell , so even if i had no social anxiety people wouldnt want to spend time with me anyway so i dont do anything as it is impossible to make friends with my type of issue, only maybe friends with the exact same problems but then maybe would just bore eachother too ,, when your this way you need outgoing people as friends but outgoing ppl dont need friends as already have enough and would find me not outgoing enough id be boring for them

[@laracsouzamed]

I'm sorry. I know you all mean well, but after some years dealing with a couple of "mental disorders", I just cannot keep on reading or listening to ANYTHING that starts with "You have to..."

[@cellogirl11rw55]

Larissa Souza What about "I have had depression, and this worked for me?"

[@Sybil413]

Heya Arcturus, I'm also a very uninteresting person but I'll gladly be your friend if you want a person to rant at/talk about random stuff with. Do you have an account on Discord or some other chat system?

[@Aiden214]

Appreciate the ideas but when I'm depressed I avoid friends. It makes me feel worse seeing them all happy and together while I'm struggling. I do talk to them a bit, but I find hobbies, keeping busy, exercise and finding a purpose to get up in the morning are more important steps to take.

[@JozRad]

Friend would be the key. I believe Jonathan is saying call a friend and say I want to vent or let have a pizza or a cold beer. That would not be about them and "happy" life. That friend would be comforting just being there. That person would affirm that you are not alone. That people do care about you. That you are not alone in the life and it's roller coast ride that it can be.

[@OscarLT321]

If you feel like they are having happy lifes and stuff just talk real with them. Me and my friends arent pretentious since we know from eachother that we all struggle sometimes. The happy stories come up and it might seem like it is going well but we stay real and care about eachother

[@dragon-tamer7956]

Definitely the same for me.

[@mangotango3748]

same seeing them having fun while I'm miserable makes me wanna die

[@davidk7529]

How lucky to have friends that you can so comfortably avoid! Sounds like you don't know about serious depression either, especially since you say _"when_ I'm depressed." Just feeling badly for certain extended periods of time isn't depression. Truly depressed people only feel more depressed or less depressed, with little to no happy escape in between.

[@time4chai995]

There should be a network for all of us people who isolate ourselves but are experiencing these same challenges. Imagine if we could just all sit together and give each other company. I feel so alone and depressed, but I know I’m not the only one.

[@salazarsh6916]

Hi, are you okay now?

[@joshuaboyd-gn1xf]

A good idea, I’m so lonely

[@bright-future]

must be twitch

[@AliciaGuitar]

There are online support groups. Lots on facebook.

[@truthseek3017]

That doesnt seem like the cure for me. It seems deeper like i have emotional/sensation blocks that is making everything in life dull and feel like work. I felt myself starting to come out of it and feel again but it slipped away.

[@rabbitss11]

Unfortunately when you get much older 'close friends' and the rest just melt away and that's when you really have a battle on your hands

[@beyondher]

When I told my mother I had depression at age 16 she said to me "can't you save those kind of feelings for when something really big happens, like when someone has cancer". This is a lingering memory of maternal betrayal for me and I've told this story now to so many friends, and everyone is horrified by my mother's words. It's so true that some people don't know how to respond to other peoples depression, and they better keep their mouths shut in that case. Also, I find it's often the older generations that don't know how to show empathy for other people's suffering. My generation, millennials, are much more open to sharing and talking about mental health issues.

[@josepheridu3322]

Personally I find my generation is too open to it, to the point that even normal sadness feelings are pathologized. We went from an extreme to another.

[@RB-yt6rx]

​@@josepheridu3322it may seem overdone now because the information is actually public knowledge now rather than something only professionals or severely affected patients deal with. I think things are moving in a good direction. Oversaturation can lead to normalization. With a lot of mental illness the feeljng of being an outsider/outcast is half the disorders problem. Getting rid of stigma makes it easier for the light cases to be fixed faster rather than risk becoming a more subtle pathology like we deal with now.

[@YTLukio]

We care for you :). Start working hard towards goals like working out WITHOUT EVER giving up and have a happier and more cheerful personality towards others like holding doors for them or wishing them a good day. Eventually, they’ll appreciate your kindness and talk more, from which you start engaging and light-hearted conversations and those people will be your true friends :). This works SOO GOD DAMN WELL for us :D We all love and care for you :). Goodluck ❤

[@patriciafisher3108]

I have had depression episodes many, many times in my life. I can tell you to listen to this guy. We just need someone or several someones just to be with us. We do not need useless advice, just friends that are happy just to hang out with us. Make the move toward the depressed person, because that person is incapable at that time to reach out. Too much alone time is not good, even for introverts.

[@ameermoaviakhan4277]

Have you overcome it or still get depression episodes?

[@FlameJackstar]

These "fake it till you make it" people, you're bound to encounter when depressed, are the worst. They have *no* clue.

[@pinkgal206]

Lol

[@davidk7529]

Neither does the speaker. He was just feeling down for a while and feeling weird about it, not really suffering from serious depression.

[@YAHOOISNOTG]

@@davidk7529 It is very easy to brush people off who have come off depression when you yourself are depressed just based on how they look and talk about it. The thing is that depression makes you a different person, when the depression is over is as if nothing ever happened, you have no visible scars (well hopefully not) or any signs that show you were depressed. Now that doesn't mean your depression wasn't serious or severe just because you managed to overcome it or it simply subsided. I don't know what you consider serious depression but having no motivation to live life or do anything at all is serious depression to me.

[@reignoffire1010]

@@davidk7529 I know right

[@tybarker5038]

And the fact they’re insisting on being fake annoys me.

[@MegPal]

I have struggled with depression in varying degrees throughout the past 8-10 years (from the very dark to lighter days when you'd almost forget you had depression) and after a lot of counselling and being kind to myself I realised that what relieves my depression at least is just that. Being kind to myself. Taking it easy when I need to and praising myself for all the little accomplishments, sometimes just making the bed seems like a mountainous task when you're having a low day! If you know you know. Developing a regular self care plan and a self care "urgent" plan was so helpful to me. I make Sundays "self care Sundays" and I look after myself and do things that bring me joy and things I know will lighten my mood. I'll have a bath and if I have a bath bomb I'll use it, I watch a Disney movie, enjoy a nice dinner and plan out my week in my bullet journal. Having depression for so many years I can feel when darker times are coming and this is where I use my "urgent" plan. I reschedule social plans I'm not feeling up to and instead recharge by getting some rest, watching some Disney and being SUPER kind to myself and as non- judgemental as I can. It's during these dark times when I can have no motivation to do the things I enjoy but it's so important to persist as much as possible knowing it will do good 💖 Please be kind to yourself and remember these three quotes that help me so much "this too shall pass", "it doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop" and my favourite "just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" 💖

[@Alish-j7l]

Thank u so much,it's really big support for me.

[@chrysantus]

That was beautiful!

[@SRNF]

Severe clinical depression needs way more then this. His method would be useful for those with mild symptoms but its quite a leap to presume effectiveness in all cases. For instance some are so severely affected that people no longer wish to be around them. The guy who was known for being a laughing goon and joker becomes emotionally flat and numb....people fade away from such figures whether it be conscious or otherwise.

[@justabout6979]

I used to be the class clown so happy, so many friends and just like you described now I'm emotionally flat and numb

[@Soren_Hayes]

The speaker actually commented on a post saying how the title is inaccurate, he never said anything about “overcoming” it. He was just saying that it helped

[@mjohnson1741]

I agree w/depression you need to throw everything at it, meditation, exercise, good pharmecutical drugs, iowaska etc. It's a war and you need to gear up and be armed.

[@davidk7529]

This guy isn't talking about actual depression. Totally different topic.......

[@philive4200]

To me this sounds like acceptance; You didn't need anyone to say anything or do anything other than to witness and be alright with your grief. They just needed to care and to be there. I'm glad it worked for you 😃

[@niharikaverma7823]

well put

[@helenwatson1317]

Absolutely. It's like going through grief when someone dies. The friend who is not frightened of your grief and allows you to express it, is the true friend.

[@Ninanufu]

Depression is in my opinion very different from grief.

[@kevinreeves3774]

I think there’s different levels and depths of depression, and also under different circumstances. This seems very specific to you personally, this isn’t going to work for everyone. Most people fight it without any support, and that’s part of the problem.

[@Dantallica1]

because we all know depressives have tons of friends to hang out with

[@gonzalezmagali6960]

Hahahah my thoughts through the whole talk

[@poopsmith890]

While I agree that the claim that 'depressives have tons of friends' is baseless and generalises, you shouldn't suggest a generalisation in the opposite direction and suggest that sufferers of depression will never have tons of friends. Also I'm not sure that the speaker suggested that this was a catch-all cure, but more as advice to friends of those who are depressed. There's no catch-all for such problems, but that doesn't negate the importance that this talk has.

[@Funwinxpixee]

misery loves company

[@reicrystalline2506]

The dude in this video was lucky to even have friends. Dang it the very last friend i trusted in the world, decided to arrange that i pay him for "counselling" because he's amazing, but poor. F*k everyone I'm buying a VR set.

[@n74jw]

Don't have too many friends. Don't want them. My decision, no one's else's.

[@vanessaviola1648]

When I was really depressed I pushed most of my friends away, luckily a year or so later when I reached out no one was mad at me for basically ignoring them ☺️

[@Nithin-o9s]

@Recite-God-Heal-Me im going through severe depression and wish me luck and pls keep me in prayers💔

[@nickr.2850]

Depression and everything that comes with it is a lot. I have so many friends tell me how they dealt with "depression" by being more positive. Depressed people have little to no self worth, and telling them that their biggest struggle in life should be easily shrugged off is demoralizing. We just want to be allowed to vent these thoughts that haunt us all day and get it out of our own heads.

[@Nithin-o9s]

hey man im surviving in depression.....can us pls talk for sometime

[@sallynahass8935]

His message is simple go out and start again and never isolate yourself.. It's good but it's not efficient for some. As I do believe being conscious is better doing.

[@peacheskong2245]

I think breaking away from the isolation is so difficult due to fear beingfrom west AFRICA this idea of the community and getting people out of isolation are methods used to combat isolation.

[@kmobass]

Dude you're amazingly brave for sharing your recovery. Much health and happiness to you!

[@lucerosanki7920]

this made me understand something about myself... every time i go to class, even if the class itself makes me stressed and anxious, it keeps me distracted and sourranded by people and although i have awful social anxiety some times, it helps to be occupied and distracted, feeling like you ARE doing something with your life. when i get home it just goes away and i feel bad again, like no progress was made. amazing video man

[@GoQuokka.GoQuokka]

I know right, i relate to this so so much

[@rain_reverb]

I don't even feel like going to class

[@abbykoop5363]

There are also the people who just abandon you because they think you are "toxic". And also, if you ask "how are you?" don't walk away when we give an honest answer. If you want to hear "fine", don't ask a depressed person, because often we are not "fine". You are so lucky to have friends who will just "be" there with you.

[@joshallen4502]

I feel the SAME way. I feel very abandoned right now and even more depressed after I lost a loved one after taking care of them recently and having problems bouncing back. "How Are you doing" is the one question that they regret asking me. They want me to say "fine." Real friends should not just be there in "happy times". I must be toxic because everyone I thought were my friends have gone MIA or stopped calling and texting or answering mine. I was so down about it that I changed my phone number so they cant call me back when they feel I might be doing "fine". I feel that I never would do that to them.

[@abbykoop5363]

@@joshallen4502 I'm so sorry.

[@allyeatworld]

“I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to live” was only accurate for me when I wasn't super depressed. In my worst depressive state, I was suicidal and actually wanted to die. It's not the same for everyone.

[@zid2five268]

Ally C if you really wanted to die you wouldn't be here, that statement is entirely accurate. You wanted to not be there anymore but you didn't actually like the idea of pain and death did you

[@allyeatworld]

I actually attempted suicide, but was taken to the hospital by emergency services and put on suicide watch. So no, it's not accurate. I couldn't care less about the pain and I would actually prefer death even now, but I am currently only forcing myself to live for the sake of my friends and family. Don't falsely assume things about people with depression, it only worsens the stigma. :) Also saying things like that might actually trigger someone to attempt, so you shouldn't be so damn careless with your words.

[@alannacarlson6715]

Wow, you're an extremely insensitive and rude person, aren't you?

[@allyeatworld]

@Alanna Sorry, who are you talking to? KZbin's comment reply system is awful...

[@alannacarlson6715]

Ally C I was talking to maud, sorry.

[@connorgrice4863]

Honestly reaching out and building a solid friend base and becoming a socialable person with fomo is what helped me overcome atleast my most intense stretch of depression. 5 or so years and my story is very similar. Even today I have a fair amount of challenges when it comes to depression, anxiety, and other mental illness but I no longer wake up everyday in a state of limbo. I have a path, and a goal, and constantly distracting myself and occupying my time with other people is really to thank for that

[@RishiRaj-or6dh]

He really deeply understood depression and gave most accurate and effective way to treat depression.

[@garimadabas1972]

I saw other videos about depression too but the positivity I got from this, I never got from others. The calmness, the right selected words are just great. 👍🏻

[@e11even01]

Storybook solution for someone, who by the looks of it, has mild depression and a large social network. Doesn't work if you are socially isolated and too depressed to even listen to music.

[@leonbelmont4028]

sounds like ur just making excuses, and that will be your downfall.

[@John-mv1sp]

True that, I have depression and don't really have friends. I have co-worker buddies but not true friends. I however use my time to meditate, I do internal alchemy, I do QiGong meditation. It's sorta a win-win situation though. Makes me realize how draining most people can be.

[@peacheskong2245]

I read many comments making this comment and I can't seem to stop myself from wondering,why the isolation? Is it self-inflicted?

[@okcurrr5573]

Peaches Kong it can be but there are also circumstances when it’s not self inflicted. I personally don’t feel I click with anyone and when I am around people because I don’t click with them I don’t really enjoy myself and end up feeling worse about myself because I can’t find anyone I click with and this completely drains me of energy. I want to be a fun person to be around but when I’m mentally tired and depressed I’m not going to be fun to be around and I don’t want to make other people feel like my depression is affecting their day and putting a downer on the mood. Other times however if someone is depressed and not fun they might still like to socialise but others do not want to be around them because they do not want a potential downer on their day. There are many different examples and reasons

[@anmitsuu-chan8967]

It's none extreme case of depression, thats true. But I think the way he feels is probably the most common way people are affected by depression. So am I. And I am glad to see people like him (and like me) who also actually have great lives and no reason to be sad but still are. To know thats it's ok to be that way and to allow oneself to sometimes be happy either way also has importance.

[@lerolerolerolerolero256]

The very fact that I'm looking up these kind of videos is pretty sad already.

[@fronks90]

Kurapika c'mon bro xxxx

[@sfarzanyar]

The very fact that you're after helping yourself by watching the likes of this subject is truly promising.

[@Duchatho]

They come up in my feed as well, very annoying as I am trying to recover

[@bueryaquett7519]

No it's not, you're taking care of yourself by looking up things that might make you feel a little better

[@no.ca5270]

You are correct we need to stop being so weak

[@tristunalekzander5608]

I'm the opposite, my depression went away when I isolated myself from people and friends.

[@a.o9656]

Maybe coz you had bad quality friends at that time? I found that I felt worse with some friends ... I realised that they were my trigger. So for me it was finding the right friends. Isolation is also good at times. I hope you're coping well now

[@davidk7529]

If you have friends that you feel comfortable isolating yourself from, and if it just "goes away", you're not experiencing real depression.

[@allinonechannel6782]

isolation in nature is so food

[@RizzGoodNight]

You are introvert as a person. Which there’s nothing wrong with that at all, you don’t have to be outgoing like other ppl if it’s not who u are.

[@nicoleann9658]

Yeah when you have no friends anyways it's pretty easy

[@Mi3ND]

I suffered from depression too. I feel better now This is incredible because you are the first person ever to put accurate words on what helped me. I didn't realized myself, until now. God bless

[@johnwood7079]

I have a question did u take meds to feel better or did you think and move positive?

[@muhammednaeem9921]

@@johnwood7079 how did you overcome depression? If you can help me please please

[@akanicolerocks711]

A lot of depressed people don't have friends so thanks for making us feel worse.

[@joshallen4502]

Thank you for saying this. For some reason all of the so called friends and close family that I thought I had have gone MIA on me at the time that I need someone the most to talk to or hang out with. It's beyond baffling. Feel like I am in the twilight zone and so out of focus and confused about everything.

[@howardgelf]

Your presentation spoke volumes. I identified with it 100%. Each catagory and the pain and true suffering I experienced going through all those ways from people (who truly loved me) didn’t realize how alone it all made me feel. Just presence was and still is at 66 that truly gave and gives me some sense of solace. Thank you for creating a concise and contrite dialogue which was something was able to do at 15 years old and wish I could have then and until now. God bless you. Cheers

[@ashsqx3246]

now lm even more depressed because l have no friends lol

[@Aerochalklate]

ashsqx324 don’t let tht bring you down... i had no friends... i started meditating, and my anxiety was decreasing... now i could start talking easily to people without feeling as anxious as before... i learned that u should be yourself snd i realized it was true after meditating for a couple weeks... just start at 10 minutes... it feels weird sitting by yourself at first but it becomes easy to meditate long after a while

[@graticule82]

lol indeed :(

[@lovestarlightgiver2402]

Try not to judge yourself but just sit by yourself and let the thoughts come and go without holding on (Meditation)

[@sarahflynn5762]

be your own friend - that's the relationship that really matters! when you love yourself it doesn't matter what other people think of you!! and when you love yourself others will too - and you will be able to recognise their appreciation of you!!

[@reicrystalline2506]

I meditate. I still have no friends. But i guess that means i also don't have karma... LOL.

[@kath2391]

Wow! This explains so much and made me realize I too need the “just sit with me” method. I have one friend who lives in another state, and I call her on the phone to go with me (stay on the phone) while I go places that give me anxiety. I love her.

[@TheMrYognaught]

Humbled beyond words at all your responses. Thank you all so much!

[@ethiopienqueen]

Thank you for your testimony! We are millions living with depression and its refreshing to witness that we are not alone with this daily battle!

[@davidk7529]

Sure, but you don't understand real depression, and your idealistic solution is actually pretty insulting to the many people who suffer from depression that goes beyond just feeling sad for longer than usual and feeling weird about it. You will certainly argue that it felt worse than that to _you,_ but that's only because it was the worst low that _you've_ ever felt... which is comparatively really peachy the way that you describe it (yes, even the part about thinking of dying). Actual depression is more complex and often requires the _opposite_ response from what you recommend. I hope you'll try to meet people that have much deeper long-term experience in the topic and come back later with a more enlightened talk. A lot of people are silently suffering for their entire lives, and a band-aid solution simply cannot cover it, no matter how nice it sounds.

[@hejhej821]

@@davidk7529 why are you gatekeeping depression lol, hes saying it worked for him which means it might help other people.

[@vee5315]

@@davidk7529 I second this. To Jonathan - you should read more of the comments I think more people disagree that this video was helpful.

[@h0neyy11]

I have seen this talk live in Delft.. as someone who has been suffering from depressions several times in my life already, this touched me majorly, got me crying. having my friend there, who sat through my last depression with me, made it even more special. thank you very much

[@kunal-ko]

I'm feeling that right now No one to talk to about it No one to share how i feel . Just in a room sitting all alone doing nothing

[@colleenseibert5934]

Very few people really understand anxiety and depression. If one has clinical depression then you know what it’s really like. Don’t quit, somebody does care. ❤️🇨🇦

[@viktoriadevenyik]

In some countries they treat mental issues by offering someone to listen to you, it is sure that acceptance and to see that others CARE is what heals, the whole world actually, even the ones who doesn't have such problems

[@torinobob]

I came clean to my friends about my battle with depression and, without exception, they all ghosted me.

[@YTLukio]

Those aren’t real friends. Start having a happier and more joyful personality, and KEEP DOING IT PLEASE. I promise, people will start to love your personality and those GOOD people will become your friends ;) ❤

[@YTLukio]

We care about you :D

[@pugonato]

@@YTLukioso I have cero friends! Nobody from my close circle is here right now. It’s the people “I saw twice a year” who are here with me. But nobody is sitting in with me. Sad. But true.

[@jakeoswald8017]

Developed depression, anxiety, panic, slowly pulled myself out of it by just being in my hobbies and practicing good mental habits when possible. This won’t work for all, some definitely need medication. However for the lucky ones like me, surround yourself with people you love, and keep yourself occupied!

[@clappers1233]

I’m not comparing myself to anyone else but being someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety. The only thing that has ever worked for Me is diet exercise meditation/breathing exercises. It’s a daily struggle but sticking to a routine has helped me far more than medication, And self medicating again I’m only speaking of my experience hopefully someone finds this helpful

[@WaterMeA-biscuit]

We all have choices, although this method worked for him, it may only work for so long. Notice he said these interactions kept his mind occupied from what was making him depressed. He never addressed the root of the problem, he just shoved it away. It's hard but you must find why you feel the way you do. Perspective plays a good role in this, dig deep. A seed must be burrowed in darkness and nurtured before it has a chance to grow.

[@mark7698]

My mom passed away 2 years ago since back then I've been depressed and every day it's really hard to cope with it I started exercising and tried to divert myself but by the Eod it was not working so I decided to start my freelance journey I was feeling 50% better and then another strategy took place my grandfather passed away he was my mentor and everything I ever imagined all I felt was broken & alone. Now it's almost 3 years I have insomnia, fatigue, depression heaviness in my chest & my stomach gets upset whenever I think about this stuff & I'm losing interest in things that I used to enjoy like sports and my freelance thing I got thinking like what after I become successful no one is there to watch me then why I should struggle. since they passed I never stopped wondering what would I give to have them back for just one more day If that happened what I would say? I'd say your love made me who I am today and despite the darkness, I still carry your light inside me every single day so will I do father.

[@anhphuong5505]

Thanks for your great talk Jonathan. "I didn't want to die, I just didn't want to live". People around me always talk that "Stop living like that, please live happily, smile, do what you like..." I have tried and I just feel exausted, even worse. True insights, you know.

[@PumperKrickel]

Wow, guess I´ll just go to the friend store then.

[@leansephbishop4309]

haha, right, If things were that easy

[@helenwatson1317]

I have had bouts of depression on and off through my life. Friends trying to help, making myself do things etc have never helped. Eventually I just learned to sit with the depression with the intention that if I stayed with it my mind in some way would figure it out. It always has. Depression is telling us something that not all is well is well in our pysche/in our life. Sit with it till the mind unfolds. If you need help, ask within what help you need/want. We really do have our own answers. The man in this video knew to go to the park with his friends - he just knew it.

[@Snailsonthebeach]

@helenwatson1317 that was a great insight... but isn't there a possibility of falling into a rabbit hole or worse, pit of false perceptions? What if one cannot trust their own instinct due to consecutive setbacks?

[@juliafrost4967]

Ok, but I lost ALL my friends (mostly because of my depression) What do I do now? I´m so lost and completely alone.

[@user-xd4rs6vr4n]

Julia Frost there should be an app for depressed people to meet eachother. Like tinder but for sad people

[@juliafrost4967]

AaAaAaAaAaA Omg YES!!

[@plukkebillie9141]

I think that 'friends' you lose during depression are not friends at all. These have never been your friends (I personnaly think) You did not lost them, they lost you. Depression is one big research survey to find out who you are and where you're getting happy from without walking around with a mask. It takes time, curiousity, courage and ups and downs. Keep looking for yourself, until you are at peace.

[@user-xd4rs6vr4n]

It can be difficult for depressed people to socialize with non-depressed people though, for example because the depressed person feel, sometimes correctly, that they're bumming other people out. Also, people who have never experienced depression often have a hard time understanding what's going on

[@plukkebillie9141]

Mmh that is correct. However, I think it is about having the same mindset that connects people. So when you feel sad or depressed around your current 'friends' these might not be your true friends after all. Not that they are not okay or what so ever but you cannot force a real connection that just does not work. Often depressed people start conditioning their minds again from the start, making a fresh new life in which they exactly know what (for them) is right or wrong. Doing this you develop a very strong personality and succes will be yours. Moving on is hard but worth it.

[@Dellaa2222]

i hate when ppl tell me “u’re not depressed u have no reason to”

[@davidk7529]

Maybe try slapping them once? That'll be refreshing for you and an awakening for them.

[@Marmar3309]

Do it 😂!!! As someone, who has been told this for the past year, I understand the urge to do this.

[@epicbehavior]

Aliyah low IQ

[@truptikulkarni9503]

💯

[@theandykat]

I read title and expected him to be sitting around, alone and at home, and he uncovered some revaluation which cured his illness.

[@nicoleann9658]

theandykat right

[@yoshi2413]

I was so happy, now I feel lost. I broke up with my GF because I thought things wouldn’t work long term. Wasn’t the wrong decision, but it really sucked when life plummeted. Losing my dog, followed by multiple other things happening. Now I want to return to just being fine, I don’t need money. I just want to be comfortable, escape whatever depression I’m in.

[@kellyrivvas]

Yeah that’s the thing I say, money doesn’t bring happiness in my case. But I see that it is what drives a lot of people and keeps them focused to not fall into a slump

[@TheNeptuneSeas]

Some people don't have friends. Defeats the entire point.

[@YTLukio]

We care for you :). Have a happier and more cheerful personality towards others like holding doors for them or wishing them a good day all the time. They’ll appreciate your kindness and start talking to your more often, creating more engaging conversations with true friends. I promise, you’ll feels MILES happier :D We all love and care for you :). Goodluck ❤

[@kashishshah7482]

At least you had friends or someone to talk.

[@ashb9254]

00:18 "It is incredibly difficult to explain depression to someone who has never experienced it before" So true

[@AbberlineArrol]

So true, I often get a response such as ‘look, you have food on your table, and the view is great’ as something to shame me into not feeling depressed 🥴

[@silentshadow867]

Part of the reason I am feeling depressed is due to lack of friends and lack of a means to get friends. Thanks for this.

[@YTLukio]

We care for you :). Have a happier and more cheerful personality towards others like holding doors for them or wishing them a good day all the time. They’ll appreciate your kindness and start talking to your more often, creating more engaging conversations with true friends. I promise, you’ll feels MILES happier :D We all love and care for you :). Goodluck ❤

[@ivyleague10]

He is right. I have struggled with depression since I was 13. Many times I wanted to go away. Away from the people who told me it would be a phase, who kept talking when I asked them to stop, and would not leave me in my peace. The sad part about it is the loneliness. It kills the happiness inside and shuts me off from the world. Coupled with anxiety as well as ADHD, I knew that it wouldn't be easy to cope. Just sitting with someone is something I've desire for long time. Keeping you company allows your mind to become clearer and a sense of self-awareness. Its amazing.

[@Sara18118]

Doesn't work if u are lonely and have 0 close friend

[@GraceBegley]

Doesn't work without good friends. Doesn't work for me with critical friends, reminding me of how I don't measure up.

[@Keyboardje]

Very good talk. Very true too. And... FINALLY! Someone who is able to stand (relatively) still while speaking on TEDx :)

[@kaustubhpurohit2236]

Being 22 currently going through a tough phase in my life. Not sure if it’s depression or just anxiety or lack of being patient. Like you said in the video I do too have a few or let say 1 close friend but I am an international student studying abroad trying to cope up with the current situation. Knowing a bright future waiting on the other side of the wall but unable to break it or pass it. I want everyone in similar situation to know that everything thing will be great just be a little more patient. Write this lines down has actually helped me a little summing my thoughts in for people to read and feel.

[@nyelo7217]

This guy explains how I feel about my depression perfectly

[@user-yh8li2tm8g]

It's true, I always feel better when I'm busy with something that doesn't have anything to do with how I feel. The best friends have been the ones with the ability to distract me from my mind, not the ones dead set on curing me or talking about it.

[@jessiedc1710]

I felt this on a personal level that I know exactly what I need now someone a friend, a partner, or a family member who can just sit there in silence with me. We all go through tough times.

[@chaserivera1623]

This is the most straightforward advice ever. When all else fails, just sit down and feel everything, and being around people for the simple comfort of laughing and hanging out. it's no miracle cure or pill. Just acceptance

[@trinijoyl1720]

When my sister died. I had a few friends who did that. They stayed beside me. Without words. One sat on d floor in my bedroom, while i slept. One just lay their hand on my shoulder in d funeral. One just stand nex to me fr place to place. Its a struggle each day, to keep yr mind focus and strong. God knows yr heart. Give it all to him. Throw yr self at his feet. Be bless!

[@Claudettem]

Good friends

[@1234567rek]

You are blessed

[@SocPro]

This is incredible. I want to shout from the top of the mountain, this is incredible. Watch closely. There are just too much to learn from him then what meets the eyes, which in itself in magnomious.

[@jmroxas87]

Depression, no words can explain how it feels like 😥

[@davidk7529]

Unfortunately....... But even though it requires a process to overcome, it's not impossible! It's worth the effort, even if it doesn't seem to work right away.

[@karentorlage8988]

So very true.

[@apollofateh324]

Presence is the cure for a lot more things then most people will ever be aware of, the irony being it's often the last resort when nothing else (escapism) has worked and you have no other options. But to get out, you must go through, or else you just kinda,,, get stuck.

[@videovedo36]

What he says is true, that's the best attitude from friends, but when a seriously depressed person can gather the energy to accept friends' invitations it means that was already a "good day". I think what he talks here about has to do with how to best take advantage and treasure those relatively good moments, but in no way it can get you to "overcome" depression.

[@awakealphachadbro3336]

Woooow!!! That was deep. That was the best Ted talk on depression I've ever heard. That young man is gifted.

[@asharani7860]

It's like someone speaking my feeling...which at that time was hard to explain

[@missstarrynight7736]

People with depression, PTSD, anxiety usually lack THOSE friends. I was a great friend to everyone, yet as soon as my life collapsed, I realized the phone stopped calling. They stopped reaching out. And even if I reached out, they let me know, that there's not place in their lives for me. They were people whom I helped overcome depression, people, who lived with my family, when they studied in my town, people, whom my family helped to get money for their education.... . I believe it's true what this young man says - we need people, who will treat us good. Who will see us as normal, who will hang out with us just because. Who will call us just to say, "Hey, I've been thinking of you!". Reach out to people, guys! Chat with an elderly neighbour, chat with a cashier, talk to a stranger in a bus stop. People need it more than you can imagine! Hugs to all of you!

[@charlie6196]

Thanks for getting me back to depression and feeling like *disappearing* again

[@coachauntcandy5489]

The power of presence, beautiful! Wonderful talk, thank you!

[@ameri7260]

the title should be "how to overcome depression when only u have friends that understand you "

[@mike70s]

i have been fighting chronic depression since i was 15 years old,now 47. Permanently on medical and years of therapy. I live but I'm not always present. It's like roots that come out of ground and latch on tight and try to keep you from moving,breathing, crying,smiling,frowning, laughing, it's a heavy blanket that is difficult to remove . Keep busy, fall,get up and put one foot forward,fall again, repeat. If you stop for to long it can take longer to get up

[@marcelgrisa8528]

After my first suicide attempt I realised which people around me really are my friends. But depression and inability to work put me in such a debt I lost my will to fight the problems, I quit. People.... please talk about your depression, before it´s too late. Take care and stay strong.

[@rob4643]

No one has ever captured exactly how i feel and what i needed than this. Thank you so much

[@DISTINGUISHED.GENTLEMAN.]

Taking these 4 supplements helped reduce my depression considerably: 1) Vitamin B9 AKA Folate 2) Vitamin B12 3) Vitamin D 4) Magnesium I wish everyone luck in their fight against depression

[@jodam96]

Yeah, on my bad days I get picky and particular about who I want around me, and I also get extremely intolerant to small talk, I’d rather just say nothing but still want their presence. I don’t have many friends, but I have one close one who sometimes I’m happy to be on the phone in silence with when I’m upset

[@supernatural1233]

I just wanted to ask, does anyone else just feel like not caring about living all the time, like even in moments when I’m actually feeling happy and am enjoying life, I still wouldn’t mind not existing. I don’t know, just wondering if anyone feels this way, or know why you feel like that.

[@sitathisfeet5797]

Yes, I relate. And feel there is something deeper, as to why we still would rather not exist.

[@yourelusivedream]

Supernatural 123 I feel like that all the time for many years

[@shaunbarnett2972]

Yes I feel that way all the time, every minute in fact and it is not healthy. If that's the way you feel often then you should seek help from a professional. No it isn't normal. You ideally would be fully engaged with your life, your work, your friends, your purpose, and your family, and the thought of not being around to get the things done you want to do should make you shudder. We have evolved such a complex brain that sometimes things go very wrong but the basis of any healthy existence, being a living part of nature, is striving to survive and reproduce, and provide our family with as much love and support as possible.

[@sitathisfeet5797]

sbarnett37tiger Barnes Thank you. I agree that it isn't 'normal', and at the same time, not something shameful. It is only the taboos and shame that has been created around suicidal feelings that cause such people to feel bad and like they have to hide that aspect of themselves.

[@supernatural1233]

Thanks guys, I honestly thought I was the only one. Existence is a really hard thing to understand and I don’t think anyone does. I feel like for me it’s that we were given life when we didn’t even ask for it, I mean I know people say it’s a gift and everything ( and it probably is for so many people), but not when that gift feels like it’s destroying so many lives. I don’t know, i hope everyone feels worthy and like they deserve the best, because we all do and we all deserve help, but it can be difficult, I just hope we all treat ourselves the best even though we don’t really care about it.

[@valentinaruizberindoague1806]

I am glad this is a "solution" got many people, unfortunately some of us have no friends :(

[@YTLukio]

We care for you :). Have a happier and more cheerful personality towards others like holding doors for them or wishing them a good day all the time. They’ll appreciate your kindness and start talking to your more often, creating more engaging conversations with true friends. I promise, you’ll feels MILES happier :D We all love and care for you :). Goodluck ❤

[@kikipaxton2078]

That speech was amazing. I’m glad to know you’re doing better. 💚

[@megwenger8756]

Good education for those who haven’t suffered. Each is a unique journey, honor your own and others (no comparisons to others) as one with MDD/PTSD/GAD/TBI it’s a different beast and you do enter the ER for intense suicidal desires and hospitalized for weeks

[@wowwee0]

Uh I've been sitting around for a decade and am still depressed.

[@davidk7529]

Yeah, this guy doesn't get it........ wrong title, wrong topic.

[@nicoleann9658]

Yeah I've been depressed since leaving high school and that was about 3 years ago now idk what to do with my life man.

[@SCPEACEFUL]

There are many many ways to overcome depression and he is giving a great talk about one of them. Everyone settle down with the critiques. We all know one solution is not a cure all. I enjoyed this talk!

[@Falco4u]

Oh and thanks Jonathan my man thanks for giving your moment to all human being to hear you and feel happy for you

[@joshuaboyd-gn1xf]

I’m so tired of feeling this way, it’s been 20 years

[@13shivan]

As a person fighting through depression i can see this method actually working. Thank you

[@haroldstott22]

I’ve been depressed for a long time! And I just realized that recently. Honestly it’s the worst feeling ever. Ups and downs everyday suddenly. No body really understands this. Such an exhausting roller coaster…

[@YTLukio]

We care for you :). Start working hard towards goals like working out WITHOUT EVER giving up and have a happier and more cheerful personality towards others like holding doors for them or wishing them a good day. Eventually, they’ll appreciate your kindness and talk more, from which you start engaging and light-hearted conversations and those people will be your true friends :). This works SOO GOD DAMN WELL for us :D We all love and care for you :). Goodluck ❤

[@marcusrayrosales1]

I recently dropped the last of my good friends from childhood due to their ongoing drug addictions and the resulting toxic personalities that were developed. Sucks though because my new "friends" just don't do it for me; feels like our conversations are interview based and forced. Definitely feels empty. Gotta go out and make some real friends.

[@lovestarlightgiver2402]

Something similar happened with me. Having no friends is better than having false friends (uncaring, no similar interests, no connection)

[@davidk7529]

Maybe try a martial arts club. Great way to build trust with people that have the mental capacity to stay by you for the long hall... assuming you find a good one, of course.

[@adamnewman1740]

Cheers to you too, I needed this today and thank you for sharing your story.

[@iwnunn7999]

It's an unpredictable, unquantifiable despair. I know. I'm there today.

[@dreamcometrue9293]

Depression has many variants this changes from person to person, every variant needs a different solution but atlast confined to a one strong affirmation can kick that depression

[@isthisagoodyoutubehandle]

Yeah but how do you make friends when you work from home, graduated 5 years ago, have no remaining social connections with anyone in the area, and are generally a bummer or distant in interactions because you're always sad? Feels like a catch 22. My depression keeps me from making the friends I'd need to have to get out of it

[@MC-od1im]

Sorry you are going through this and feeling isolated. I can understand. I know how helpful it can be when even one person can just let us share our real feelings without any judgment. In my experience, that is so rare. Also, we have to look within. What is described is something that worked for them, and it is a way to emerge from isolation, which is indeed one way to re-train ourselves. However, the truth is, we cannot seek or grow to depend on others to help us get out of it, we need to mostly, look inside. Small changes to your daily routine can help, such as taking a walk, adding one new interaction outside and of course, talking to a professional, or finding a self-help group. Changing your daily depressive patterns can help and as you open up, you will likely meet others, but your healing has to come from within, not seeking others to pull us out and many of us do not have such support I think. There are free support groups you can try. I am sorry you are feeling this way, just take one small step each day and I wish you all the best...

[@YTLukio]

We care for you :). Attend clubs or go to the gym and ALWAYS have a cheerful personality towards others like holding doors for them or wishing them a good day, they’ll appreciate your kindness and talk to you more often and have engaging conversations. Also, Work HARD towards goals without ever giving up and you’ll reach there :D, the only thing stopping you is your doubts, they deceive you. We all love and care for you :). Goodluck ❤

[@malexmartinez4007]

Among the hundreds of Ted Talks I've seen, this may not be the best, but this is the one that resonated with my soul the most. 😭

[@YTLukio]

We care for you :). Start working hard towards goals like working out WITHOUT EVER giving up and have a happier and more cheerful personality towards others like holding doors for them or wishing them a good day. Eventually, they’ll appreciate your kindness and talk more, from which you start engaging and light-hearted conversations and those people will be your true friends :). This works SOO GOD DAMN WELL for us :D We all love and care for you :). Goodluck ❤