How is NPD Treated?

[@healnpd]

I will remove comments that are abusive to any individual (including myself) or population. This includes comments that are abusive toward pwNPD.

[@Peace-d6r]

🤝🤝👐👐🤲🤲

[@beaglejuice5681]

I’m a vulnerable narcisisst and the only way I can truely (at least almost) atone towards the people i manipulated, wronged and hurt (mostly without me even knowing, due to pathological self-centredness) is to develop myself and help others. Generally shackling myself off from narcissism

[@frusia123]

Best of luck with your therapy and growth 😊

[@perpetuaL524]

how do you know that? what made you aware? do you have avoidant attachment patterns?

[@Robocop-qe7le]

Yeah is not going to happen.

[@marijakinkela8610]

@@beaglejuice5681 if people you hurt choose no contact with you, respect their choice. That is yours first time to respect somebody's boundaries, so let them be. If you don't it is a proof of manipulation, so learn the difference. Healthy grownups like the company of other healthy grownups. NPD is a state of infantile reasoning about how someone else should meet their needs and provide for them. You teach your self how to do that and then do it. Everything you need is within YOU. If there is NOT WITHIN, you are staying WITHOUT. In my opinion, NPD is a choice. Ones you choose to leave that state and decide to grow up, it is a long time of conscience work on self. Exhausting sometimes. I prefer world WITHOUT NPD.

[@peramenehera7054]

​@marijakinkela8610 yikes "NPD is a choice" You definitely haven't been watching this channels videos... ironically this person is taking responsibility yet you are choosing to morally grandstand and condescend unnecessarily over something they are already acknowledging. Maybe look at yourself 😬

[@EFTTappingwithHeatherAmbler]

In my experience, people with NPD lie almost constantly. I'm curious about how clinicians deal with that in a therapeutic setting, given that when someone habitually lies to you, it's usually impossible to discern what's true.

[@TM-pn3zk]

cia neuroweapons interrogation would solve that, but cia is run by npd so good luck

[@karynhuang9957]

Your channel is hands down the BEST one on narcissism. Period.

[@healnpd]

Thanks!😊

[@mac1291]

This is really awesome! Most just address how to deal with narcissists, how to avoid them,get rid of them etc…I don’t think finding a competent therapist is possible for everyone. Would love to hear more suggestions on what we can do ourselves more to heal the pain than a DBT approach…

[@healnpd]

The problem is that healing from narcissistic issues is a relational process. It essentially requires a sort of re-parenting. The patient must be allowed to project onto the therapist and have those projections understood and empathically interpreted. The patient must be allowed to form self-object transferences with the therapist and have those tolerated by the therapist (something a romantic relationship wouldn't be able to withstand long-term) while simultaneously subject to gentle-but-firm boundaries that mitigate their destructive potential and help the patient accomplish the developmental tasks that are needed to create a more nuanced, integrated, stable, and realistic sense of self.

[@lcstyle2029]

@@healnpd what do you think about Vaknin's Cold Therapy?

[@mac1291]

@@healnpd yeah, thank you! That’s very helpful. I genuinely have not heard any therapist talk about NPD in a way that that made me feel understood and heard rather than attacked, or it felt condescending, or like they were so focused on the behaviors, they barely gave attention to the cause. I hope your tone and your general understanding and approach is adopted by more people because when you already feel so attacked and on edge, walking into a therapist who adopts the same tone as the rest of the world toward NPD, feels like walking towards a guillotine🤦‍♀️

[@ange7422]

@@lcstyle2029 Sam Vakmin has zero education in psychology. (His degree is in something else) His cold therapy idea is to torture and abuse a person.

[@ange7422]

@@mac1291 I hope that you find the right therapist for you. You deserve the best chance at healing like everyone else does.

[@uzairhassan3686]

Listening and reflecting, as you would with a toddler, like the example you provided in another video. Kid crying: look at me, I'm hurt Caregiver: ouch, did you get hurt? Kid happy: look at me, I did something great Caregiver: wow! Very nice, good job Etc etc

[@KrassimiraJeliazkova]

Just wondering how often you get to treat narcissistic patients who VOLUNTARILY come to you? Another aspect of the question is whether these people realize that they have a problem? Is denial of any problem not part of the very description of narcissism?

[@healnpd]

All of my patients seek treatment voluntarily. Sometimes, someone will seek treatment at the urging of a partner, adult child, or spouse. The idea that pwNPD don’t realize they have a problem is only partly correct. When in a more grandiose/defended phase of the disorder, they are unlikely to recognize the problem or the need for help. However, most pwNPD experience periodic collapse into vulnerable phases of the disorder, when they are much more likely to seek help. The frequency and duration of such periods of collapse vary between individuals. Some live in a chronic state of collapse, others are so well-defended that collapse rarely occurs, if ever.

[@KrassimiraJeliazkova]

@@healnpd Thank you! I watched quite a few of your videos and found the one about how aware narcissists are of their (insulting) behaviour towards others particularly interesting. If they are not aware of hurting you they would never say sorry, would they? And thereby potentially kill any further conversation, very unfortunately. I would join the other comments saying that your presentations are very helpful, thank you!

[@TheThiaminBlog]

Thank you. This is helpful to understand.

[@Thunder-lightning852]

It’s hard to help someone who doesn’t know they need help or want help sometimes they just have to hit rock-bottom and hope they bounce

[@ASoulHere]

I can’t avoid all people with difficult personalities. Your videos have been helpful for me to understand how to set boundaries with myself and other people. The results are that I navigate difficult people more successfully. And bonus I learn to navigate myself better too. Sometimes I’m the difficult person that I’m dealing with. Ha!

[@mwomcast]

First of all I just want to sincerely thank you for making this channel and extending your knowledge and compassion towards such a stigmatized and misunderstood population. For the last few years I've noticed traits of subconscious grandiosity and overt vulnerability in myself, along with patterns of behaviour in relationships that got me thinking about NPD, or at least narcissistic defense mechanisms, as a possible explanation. Seeing everything about NPD online made me feel truly hopeless and scared to seek help, but finding this channel has really helped me a lot, and I feel a lot more assured in trying to heal/build a sense of self! I've just started going to therapy regularly, and I find it's been helping me a lot with becoming more self aware and capable of controlling my reactions to my own projected self-hate, but I'm worried that, since my therapist is mainly focused on CBT and ERP (I've got OCD as well), we won't be able to address the underlying borderline personality organization. Do you think it would be worth a shot to share this video/channel with her? Do you have any advice on broaching that subject with her in general? I feel bad going to her and saying "hey I think you're not helping me the right way, listen to this guy", but I also really like our sessions and I just want to make sure we're on the right track. Anywho, thanks for your videos and your time, it means a lot!

[@healnpd]

I think it is always a good idea to express your feelings and concerns with your therapist - especially when they are about the therapy.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

You've likely already acted on these questions, and would like to hear how it went if you did. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship and comfort zone w/ her. I heard one of these really good psychologists that take the empathetic approach w/ NPD say that the method of therapy is not even as important as the connection w/ your therapist. Not saying not to suggest another approach you have instincts that it might work better, just thinking if a good relationship exists, they will likely be amenable. If they are already well trained in dealing w/ NPD, they know not to be easily insulted. Doctors can better pretty excited about new methodologies and cutting edge practices they may not have tried. If she's tried this type of thing and didn't find it worked well, she'll let you know why. Could be a lack of training too, so lack of comfort zone, but that's all to be discussed.

[@aldovirooo]

I love you. Thank you.

[@healnpd]

You're welcome!

[@mandyj5131]

I have looked for someone that seen narcissistic with the compassion I've seen them with (inspite of their deeds) for yearsss. I could see the broken pieces that are there so clearly, I just don't have the training. I have so many ppl that I love fall into the category of a narcissis. I refuse to allow them to stay in misery and bring other there as well. Theyre dynamic ppl. World changers to the core. I believe this is why the enemy wants to leave them as societies cast aways. I look forward to their healing & total restoration. I can even see a new level of healing being bought to their victims through this. I will continue study. Thank you for being a voice of light. You just don't know how I've searched. I look forward to future mentoring from you in the near future. Thanks

[@Enjoytheshow435]

A second before he said that clinicians should be tolerating feeling devalued and worthless I was thinking to myself that it’s impossible for somebody who is paid to listen to me which is the ultimate form of transactional relationships can make me change my idea that every relationship is transactional therefore i should always be perfect or play the rule the caregiver didn’t do in my childhood:)

[@perpetuaL524]

How does one get through these defenses? what if the narcissist blocks you because of your empathy and your sometimes flawed responses? I accepted his flaws, but he instead uses mine to villainize me. This is after I showed him complete acceptance and I cared about him for who he WAS, all of his toxicity that he admitted to me. I helped him see his goodness. yet all of that history just seems to be "forgot" now. I don't understand that.

[@sierrashaheen677]

Look up shaneen megji, she has a lot of stuff on narcissists that has helped me a lot

[@ange7422]

I watched this last night and I was just reflecting on how you talked about balancing between Ottoberg’s method and Khout’s method. The delicate balance between working to challenge the grandious and empathizing with the vulnerable state. All without pushing the grandious too far where they shut down, nor coddling the vulnerable. It reminds me so much of Marsha Linehan’s work where she thinks in dialectics. She talks a lot about constantly balancing between the two sides in efforts to prevent the borderline from collapsing in treatment. I find it very interesting that your style mirrors that aspect of Linehan’s. I can see why you’ve likely had much success with your clients.

[@healnpd]

Yes, there is a delicate line to walk that involves validating without gratifying or colluding.

[@ange7422]

@@healnpd as someone who isn’t a professional I can say this is so hard to do with our loved ones. But I try very hard. I just bought your book by the way. (Jacob recommended it). Its right up there with Wendy Behary’s and Elinor Greenberg’s books in terms of professionalism and compassion. I’m grateful that there’s people like you who don’t give up on this population. They deserve help and when they get that help it benefits everyone around them.

[@Peace-d6r]

@@ange7422 🥺

[@leahgilmore2272]

I appreciate this new perspective on NPD and I think it's important to get out of the judgmental space we usually occupy when thinking about pwNPD/narcissistic traits. However, it is very frustrating to listen to a long video discussing how it's not necessarily the pwNPD's fault they are the way they are, how to recognize projections, how to be patient during therapy as they learn how to realize their self, etc., when I have endured very poor treatment by that person. At some point, my empathy runs out for these types of people. Same with BPD. I'm sorry you possibly had a dysfunctional childhood or parent and I hope you find peace some day, but I cant afford to create any more space for you than I already have. Props to all the mental health professionals out there that are willing to tackle NPD rehab.

[@sarahyip2825]

I like how the different strands that have been flowing all over cyberspace are explained in a structured and cohesive way. Builds knowledge as well as allow confidence that NPD can be understood to a certain extent. This is coming from a frustrated longtime victim of NPD sibling(s) who exhibit both vulnerability and grandiosity! You have given me a foothold understanding minus the alienating that characterises most channels. The last bit about Witnessing ie making the narcissist feel Seen and Listened to, is gold. That applies to almost everyone-the need for validation but narcissists need it as they needed oxigen.

[@themanwhoknewtoomuch6667]

At least this one has silver lining among the spate of doom and gloom and toxicity out there by demonizing them. Yes, I agree these are some of the most hateful people on earth, but I refuse to believe they are so damaged beyond repair.

[@Our_Patterns]

This is so good. I appreciate the acknowledgment that Kohut and Kernberg were both right. Also, the importance of integrating Kohutian, MBT, and TFP approaches. Much appreciated. This was so helpful to me!

[@franlewis1607]

Thank you Dr. Ettensohn for your compassion toward NPD. This is a video that has much to teach and should be listened to several times over and over.

[@healnpd]

You are very welcome

[@michellembarre5032]

Beautiful 🤩 intertwining of two perspectives! Not all narcissists are polarized or linear into one category. But rather needing “meet in the middle where I am” but as you said, not giving into their faulty thinking. Not sure if I said that correctly!

[@Anne.....]

Thank you so much for the video and for developing this empathic approach to treating narcissism. Would you consider explaining the concept of self-object transferences in therapy more in detail and perhaps give some examples?

[@frankievalentine6112]

I don't understand how therapy like this could work for help in real life, though. It sounds great, but once they leave the office, no one in the outside world will actually treat them that well or be that present & consistent. I mean, people just aren't that kind & loving to each other in general ime. So doesn't it just hurt more to build a secure attachment with someone you're paying to do it? If you start believing it's possible to have in real life, then that just sets you up to keep getting hurt again out in the world, doesn't it?

[@healnpd]

@frankievalentine6112 - It takes a long time for the changes to happen, in part because the “dose” of therapy is small compared to the rest of the person’s life. Children soak up a lot of empathic attunement, attention, care, and self object experience - particularly during the first four years of life. That period of care can be enough to allow the person to internalize those experiences. Sure, the world can be a shitty place, but people who have gotten what they needed when they were young tend not to *feel* shitty in an enduring way, despite the challenges they face out in the world. Therapy is meant to be a boundaried recreation of the kind of early experience that promotes such resiliencies. The relationship itself becomes the vehicle for change.

[@PutingPinoy]

This channel and these videos are underrated.

[@merymer]

This is a really insightful video. I always have problems with narcissist at work and Im trying to finding a way to be able to deal with them. I will really appreciate a video on this topic

[@Studentoftheiniverse]

Music is so relaxing) its a pleasure to listen to you.

[@Lave.Nder.]

Thanks a lot.

[@kathleendinsmore7588]

I can certainly appreciate your compassion for narcissists. They are indeed the most suffering people among us. However there are those of us who need to take measures not to get engulfed in their misery. Our position seems harsh at times but distancing can be our best defense. It may not always be possible to do that physically but it’s essential to learn how to distance emotionally.

[@adhdself-love]

Yes. Just yes.

[@giampierofrischi527]

Thankyou for a really clinical explanation. Do you know a therapist with these capabilitys in Spain? Or Italy?

[@artisaline]

Everything you say here is correct for me. This is what I wish I could find. I've been at a mental hospital now inpatient or as a part of a PHP since early December, and even though I've told the experts here again and again that I believe I have NPD I've not been able to get any of them to really react to it. Everything here is all about doing something. You're not going to read this, And that's okay. But if you have a read this and what you know that you said a lot of things that I know are right. And I hope you keep saying it. And I hope you keep telling it to mental health professional so that they can help people like me. I think it's going to be too late for me to be honest with you. I can't do this just by looking at your videos and reading your books and following the links all by myself. Invisible? I am the walking invisible. False self? Yes. But I think you're compassion is beautiful and appropriate and you're doing great work. Keep going please. If you ever do read this, please keep going.

[@healnpd]

I read your comment. Thanks for letting me know that my videos feel accurate to you and I wish you well in your healing.

[@Benjaminpyatt]

Thank you for making this video, it has helped me understand how I can help some people

[@lisajones6334]

Thank you for your channel & videos. They offer a balanced and hopeful view of a person with NPD. The views of Kernberg & Kobut are explained in an accessible way. I wouldn’t however like a few videos explaining some of the toxic behaviours (& how they can be healed), such as triangulation, pathological lying & gaslighting, lack of empathy & triangulation. Thank you

[@WalksfortheSoul77]

It seems like those behaviors are symptoms of the core issues of NPD. I don't know that you should have an agenda to fix specific issues because then the person might feel like the therapist is treating them like a parent who expected good behavior when the emotional child was not doing well and not yet knowing how to relate and respond to their emotions in a connected way. It seems like repairing the inner emotional connection has to come first or at least have a big head start. Then again, if the client/patient brings up the issues as being problems in a relationship because their partner is saying so, then maybe that is an opportunity to talk about it. But seems like that shouldn't be the main focus because the behavior isn't going to be healed, the person needs to be healed in order to have enough inner stability to shift the outer behaviors. I'm not a psychologist, but I'm someone who has taken trauma courses and loves to learn about all things psychological and emotional. NARM trauma courses focus on not setting an agenda, because most people struggling have had an agenda put on them by caregivers and other adults their whole life and it can derail the healing process from what I recall. Highly recommend NARM!

[@carolgerber6375]

Isn't it interesting how everyone is supposed to understand narcissists, yet narcissists aren't expected to understand anyone else or themselves for that matter. What a deal for narcissists. If I'm around a narcissist I just walk away. It's too much of an emotional toll and it's not my job to understand them.

[@Llorali]

But the narrative needs to be changed from narc = villain, to most of them are just broken people, just like the rest of us, and in their mind, not out to get us, as what most of their friends/family want to believe. Defaulting to seeing one’s self as the victim, and the narc, as the perpetrator, is always easier and more validating than becoming educated and keeping the psychological playing field even.

[@advictoriams]

I mean you should walk away if someone's abusing you. That's not something that should be exclusive to pwNPD

[@bryanfisher8377]

Thank you.

[@healnpd]

You're welcome!

[@conkayias8989]

My wife has destroyed my life in so many ways but at times she can be the most caring and loving person and I haven’t given up on her yet other professionals have told me it’s a fake persona and your just kidding yourself you should just Leave it’s damaging your mental health which already has . But seeing this presentation Answered so many of my questions and has convinced me that I’m right she is worth it now i just got to fit it , but how when we hardly talk with out fighting .I actually know her better and she knows yourself and I know that her problem started from a young child of having parents pretty much ignored her and Favoured her younger sister So where do I start Apart from beating up her very arrogant father

[@WalksfortheSoul77]

I doubt a romantic partner or spouse is going to be able to help someone with NPD move toward better mental health. It's too close and intimate of a relationship. Seems like you would need space and serious education and training to maintain the discipline to stay unattached to the projections and manipulations of a narcissist, especially a vulnerable narc. I get it though. I went there too with my ex, trying to help him. In the end, he left me, or at least went out and had an affair and flashed it in front of me all over social media and at work. Cost me financially too. Now that I'm finally moving through the last of my pain and anger over that betrayal, only now can I think about his well-being. It's good you have empathy for her, but are you also having that much empathy for yourself? Or are you identified with being a rescuer like I was?

[@twillsJKZ]

Thanks for sharing :) are there any particular styles of therapy you would recommend the most? Am currently looking for a therapist

[@JessCyph]

I would be curious to learn how schema therapy fits into or between these two methods of treatment. Love this video.

[@healnpd]

Thanks for watching. I may include schema therapy concepts in a future video.

[@reshmasood3447]

DR PL TELL THE POSSIBLE YREATMENT PARTNERS CAN DO AT HOME IF THEY CANT AFFORD THE COSYLY TREATMENT OUTSIDE.GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR IT

[@LOVEisTHEultimateLAW]

🙏DBT skills help me a lot too

[@healnpd]

Makes sense. Glad to know you felt helped.

[@GeorgiaEnglish88]

Thank you so much for your compassionate approach. I have a suggestion for a future video. I would like to know what is the best way to support a loved one with npd when you aren’t their therapist and have to maintain firm boundaries. In my case, my ex with whom I share a very young child. I care about him and I want to support him in being the best father he can be, but I also have to maintain firm boundaries because the romantic relationship is over.

[@jocelynsams6934]

Thanks so much for your content! I wonder if you could do a video on how to find an experienced therapist to help with treatment.

[@mariahwhite7487]

Thanks Jacob

[@RosePierce.]

I was wondering what are some free resources/tips you have for people who are trying to recover/help a loved one recover.

[@noormohamed2991]

Thank you 🙏

[@mixedlag]

Is there anything someone can do on their own when therapy is not or more accurately, the right kind of therapist isn't accessible? Like a book to work through or something like that? Edited to ask that second question.

[@advictoriams]

Quick question. Does ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) help pwNPD? I know it definitely helped me a lot more than cbt did with BPD. I mean everyone's case is different but it's something I've been curious about for awhile

[@healnpd]

@advictoriams - Yes, I think the strength of ACT is that it teaches people to tolerate distress and prioritize what’s really important. Both are essential ego functions that are typically impaired in personality disorders.

[@Peace-d6r]

Thank yiu

[@johanna77777]

I love this channel. just a thought - maybe it's better not to use music and change your voice to be less monotone? it's just that together with the music my mind is floating away 😂

[@healnpd]

This was one of my earliest videos and I hadn’t quite gotten the sound right. I don’t use background music anymore. Thanks for the suggestions, and thanks for watching! 🙂

[@Gothicforever1790]

In my experience the vulnerable narc perceives themself too much as a victim that they do not see they need therapy but everyone else does…

[@kathleengullo4005]

How does someone get evaluated for narcissistic personality disorder

[@healnpd]

You would need to see a licensed mental health provider.

[@narpasword]

Hello everyone! I'm looking for an expert narcissistic recovery counselor/therapist that knows these dynamics he mentions in his video, and can hold their own. I just want to go to the right one, does anyone know of any good ones that match the criteria he mentions in the video?

[@sod172]

The problem is that a narc puts all of his oder her heat, flames on you sooner or later when you're in love with them. I see your point. Your perspective is the therapist's trying to cure the narc. Dr. Ramani's vantage point is the one of the narc's spouses. She has got her reasons, too. You're just talking to different audiences. I myself decided to go no contact before I even knew it was narcissism. I was just so fed up to intuitively make a cut.

[@violetgypsie]

Please reupload without music. My brain cannot concentrate on a talk with music playing at the same time. Thank you!

[@JustT725]

Yes, is there actually a proven treatment plan? It sure feels like this is what I have, but if there isn’t a treatment plan then what’s the difference

[@healnpd]

You might find this video helpful. I discuss what a person can expect from treatment for NPD: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rHe7gqWdqJKGqrs

[@AbsoluteValue1]

Are there any recovered narcs here?

[@sierrashaheen677]

Did you delete my comment I replied to, as well as the persons comment I replied to?

[@healnpd]

@sierrashaheen677 - I don’t think so. I remove abusive comments, so if your comment wasn’t abusive (or I guess the comment that you were replying to wasn’t abusive), then I would have no reason to remove it. Abusive comments are ones that call people names or actively spread harmful or damaging misinformation. KZbin also has their own comment removal algorithm. Comments sometimes “disappear” when I haven’t even seen them.

[@TM-pn3zk]

solitary confinement, to heal society

[@Novapsihoanaliza]

Read Atwood & Stolorow

[@douwe4549]

I believe you, but as a loved one, this is hard, or impossible to do.. They hurt you, badly, how to be objective, reasonable, patient when you are hurt? Mission impossible..

[@healnpd]

@douwe4549 - To clarify, this video explains how professionals treat NPD in a clinical setting. It is not meant to suggest how family members, etc. should treat it.

[@jamiemcinerney8468]

You have to recognize you have a problem first, which seems not possible for most with the disorder.

[@sw.7519]

Does this mean I can become a mathematician without the intellectual abilities?

[@healnpd]

sw.7519 - I don’t understand your comment. NPD has nothing to do with intellect.

[@sw.7519]

children are narcisstic and become reflexive and matura with puberty. Some do not.

[@healnpd]

sw.7519 - Reflective capacities develop throughout childhood. The injuries that produce NPD begin very early in childhood. There is an increase in egocentrism during adolescence that occurs in the service of identity development.

[@sw.7519]

@ very true, i made the experience that some people are no good fit in teams if they cannot reflect and learn. i also found out that narcissm often runs in families ( there is some genetic influence even if kids are raised by adoptive parents they stick to npd) i cannot heal it and the narccisst often sees not that he is different, projecting and gasligthing. it is very difficult so i prefer not to hire and to engage. did you really have sucess with therapy and how to convice perfect people to have therapy? how can a normal person for instance in work environment guide a person with npd. how to make it a fit for a team. they also make no good manager eitler. the are ambitious for sure but younger people are more educated and skilled people find jobs everywhere. they to not tolerate bad managers anymore.

[@calgreg2569]

I think the therapists can make a lot of money off these patients, if you can ever get a narcissists to go to a therapists and it must be remembered..THEY NEVER CHANGE.. learn that the hard way as i have and understand..

[@BigHammerz]

The narcissist will most likely have the therapist eating from the palm of their hand within the first couple of sessions.

[@gaddygaddy1916]

Thank you! After years of hearing how feral they were, now i can empathize. Thank you! 🩷

[@healnpd]

❤️