5 Reasons Avoidants Pull Away

[@Tiggerinas]

You say avoidants that having emotions makes them a bad person; well, what really does make them a bad person is entering into relationship after relationship knowing full well that it's not going anywhere other than breaking the heart of the poor hapless soul they abandon with no explanation whatsoever.

[@healingwithcharlie]

Certainly entering a relationship knowing you've no intention of fostering anything serious can be bad. However, I want to challenge the "knowing" part. Based on past personal experience and from other avoidants doing the work, many avoidants didn't know that it wasn't going to go anywhere, nor was that their intention from the beginning. Many of them are purely living based in a fear mindset that determines why and when they pull away. There are many severe avoidants that will enter relationships knowing it won't go anywhere, and leave abruptly without explanation but in my experience I can't say that's reflective of all avoidants, just the bad apples. I'm sorry if you had to experience this though as it's certainly not fair to you

[@Tiggerinas]

Thank you Charlie, I get what you’re saying however, in the initial stages after we’d both agreed to delete everything on the dating site including profiles, she had copied and offered to send me mine to keep. What she really meant was ‘here, you’re going to need this in a few months!…needless to say that’s exactly what happened. She also engineered it to make it appear that I was the one who blew her out.

[@ld921]

Yup some of them know it’s going no where and they do it over and over again, my DA boyfriend told me from day one that he MIGHT leave the country for work (so why are you trying to date) that’s his way out because he knows he can’t tolerate closeness for more than 3 months, it’s at that stage partners start needing and asking for more and the Limerence wears off for him, I had to break up with him to allow him to recognize that perhaps he also NEEDS something from someone, he came back around a month later, no talk about leaving the country, we shall see where this goes, cuz he’s married to his work. Which is good and bad I’m also a workaholic but I’m FA also so I have the capability to connect on a deep level. Some of them know they will break hearts but are selfishly looking for SEX and other residual benefits, certainly not long term commitment where they will eventually feel smothered, very very bad apples !!!!!

[@moni855]

My boyfriend is dismissive avoidant and expresses how he feels through jokes. This is one of the ways he handles conflict. He will pull away for 2 - 4 days to regulate himself, then attempt to reconnect...... It took me 1 year to realize this pattern.....

[@healingwithcharlie]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It's good you've realized the pattern. Some are ok with this as long as their avoidant partner's explain why they need to regulate, and when they might reconnect. I can understand why this doesn't work for everyone though

[@philipramsden4975]

I feel my girl is an FA, and she does this. Sometimes it's a day or two, and she's back being her normal self like nothing happened. I let her come and go because I know that's what she needs.

[@eileenfuentes6975]

Mine pulled away bc he was cheating and was OK doing that in my child's presence.

[@Hhej927]

Thats just an asshole

[@ericamhall1984]

How safe is sharing this information if the person doesn’t have the language for their actions? For example, sharing this video with someone who may not be familiar with attachment styles.

[@octaveful]

Thanks Charlie for another great video

[@healingwithcharlie]

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

[@chetbailey1529]

Do DAs ever come back after breakup? It's 4 months no contact but I know he had deep feelings for me.

[@healingwithcharlie]

They can, many don’t but if they do it can either happen in a matter of a few months, or much longer, Sometimes over a year until they reach out. Why the breakup happened, and why no contact was necessary can also influence if and when they come back

[@AnimeNewsRadio101]

Yes they will, takes them months 3 or 6 once they missed that one person in their life. Further, right now, you can do it. Just don’t panic, be secure, set healthy boundaries and needs too! I know you can do it.