How to Avoid Baby Mama Drama| Tips for the girlfriend/stepmom

[@lisalisatoejam2751]

Just don't date or marry men with kids, especially if you are childless. It's to much headache and the man will always put them first.

[@michellerosebrown]

Too much drama. Out.

[@resksmith5862]

I think it’s the other way around 🤣nice try tho

[@rosyb4619]

You said it, is not worth it. Specially with an unfit baby momma. HORRIBLE!!

[@wanderingbutterfly2665]

Has anyone here walked away from the relationship due to baby mama DRAMA?? I’m about ready to throw in the towel...She refuses to respect boundaries.

[@sherickajackson7566]

I’m going through this now 😞

[@SakenaRedmond]

I’ve had multiple moments including this weekend when I was about to dip on him bc it gets to be too much

[@CuteCats1014]

I have two kids with my ex-husband, we get along, I get along with his wife, he gets along with my man...but ALL is HELL with my mans ex! She is HELL! ABSOLUTE HELL. If I had known it would be like this before I fell in love with him and his daughter(my kids love them too), I would have RAN for the hills!! True story.😘😳

[@cupcakebuttercups6922]

don't you dare, thats what she wants you to do, if he's good to you thats all that matters....she miserable and want everyone to be miserable lol

[@naomigates30]

Its not about her respecting the boundaries, but rather the man keeping the fence up! She probably want's him to be alone, or better yet, with her, so she's going crazy that another woman's on the scene. He shouldn't be entertaining this crap, and if need be, he may have to go to court to show her he's serious.

[@SheilaTrueLove]

First of all you shouldn't be dealing with a man who have still have small children because that's only going to give him an excuse to keep going over to the ex's house and you know how that's going to turn out they're going to end up laying up in bed having sex together so avoid all men who have children who are not grown. Save yourself PMS ....pain, misery and suffering.

[@brookemiller1698]

Do you have experience in this bc I’m dating a guy who I have loved from afar for so long then 2 years ago got this girl who he says was a safe bet knocked up!?! A lot of our fights are bc of her and just as a btw I had a son who passed away 4 years ago and it’s hard watching him raise his son as mine is in the grave. But we are really in love expect when her miserable ass gets involved.

[@brookemiller1698]

Do you have experience in this bc I’m dating a guy who I have loved from afar for so long then 2 years ago got this girl who he says was a safe bet knocked up!?! A lot of our fights are bc of her and just as a btw I had a son who passed away 4 years ago and it’s hard watching him raise his son as mine is in the grave. But we are really in love expect when her miserable ass gets involved.

[@chosenforever2265]

Queens, plz don't settle for less. You don't have to be with a man (especially a man who has a whole ass family on the side) Just bcuz he is Nice to you and Treats you with Respect. That should be mandatory! No woman deserves to have to jump through hoops to help a man in court or tend to HIS family's needs or for you to make sure the dynamic btwn you and HIS baby momma is at ease. Leave his ass!!! Go get you an empire and be with a man who's gonna make you #1. A man who will buy you furs and diamonds 💎 and commit to you 💯. Live a life stress-free, enjoy your life. If you go down this road for a MAN, life will not be AS Fulfilling and Wholesome! Life goes by too Fast for you to waste it on someone else's children, someone else's man (sorry ladies, but this type of man will always belong to another woman [AKA:his baby momma] no matter how much you love and invest in him) and someone else life. You don't have to be with flaky men, baby daddy's, mamma drama relationships. Set yourself FREE. No disrespect to yall ladies who want to live in this lifestyle. If anything God Bless your heart. Don't treat him like your husband if he ain't married to you and treat you like his wife, period.

[@VanessaRodriguez-bw6my]

Omg yes i felt the part when she said don't be best friends with her ....they try and get you against ur bf/husband and try and get info they cant get from him

[@MsEhern1]

Thank you for creating thia channel. My blood pressure is back to normal now. Haha

[@BabyChristianBibleStudy]

😂yea I came here cuz my blood pressure was getting high too

[@ImbrendUh_]

Hahaha girl seeing ur comment brought me back to normal lmao thank u that was too funny 😂 @erikaramos

[@raeo7963]

Lol crazy baby mamas

[@rstbaptiste]

This made me laugh, because I can relate to the blood pressure thing so much. lol

[@Banks040]

This seriously is such good advice.. I’m a stepmom to a 11 year old daughter and thank you Jesus her mother and I get along ... you officially our my favorite KZbinr now .. I like it that you are all about the kids ..❤️ #stepmomsrule👊🏻

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Katelyn Cardell Thank you so much! And yes, you are extremely lucky to have that. Most do not. And Absolutely I am all about the kids, because as I said, that’s what it should be about. Nothing makes me more upset then seeing two parents that can’t put their petty differences to the side for the sake of the children they made together. I feel like this...y’all had to like each other at some point or you wouldn’t of slept together, so you just have to get it together for those times that the kids are involved. That’s not asking too much.

[@mysmallfamily2309]

I'm a step "mom" more of a mom then their mom. She's lazy, she doesn't work or wanna work. She keeps having kids so she can avoid that. Doesn't buy the kids food or clothes even Christmas gifts. Very sad. My hubbs has full custody of all 3 kids. I tell him I never wanna replace her. I love these kids. My husband and i do so much for the kids we travel with them we take them places . I take them to school and pick them up. Buy them anything they want. But also I never hit them. Not my responsibility. Never tell , or anything . I never get involved in my hubby and his ex arguments. It's up to them to work it out.

[@Butterflyyyy9]

You're an awesome step mother ♥️

[@raeo7963]

💛 awe that’s sweet in all but what about when you want kids ?

[@hansorabo114]

Annoying baby moms only Latinas or black women I've never seen or heard about a White or Asian baby Mama drama. I am speaking from experience. Besides most comments here are from Latin women. Doesn't that tell you something?

[@rubiruvalcaba6758]

Actually no baby momma is white

[@EllysaE]

@@rubiruvalcaba6758 I’m dating a guy right now with a crazy WHITE baby mama

[@mede3728]

What if the mom can’t leave the past in the past and always tries to bring it up with him private conversations because that’s my big issue right now. I’m trying to ignore it but she tries to use things against him like everything is my fault.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Well, that would be most mom’s babe. Most people really. He just needs to cut her off before she even starts. Especially if it’s really old stuff. Like for instance if he used to have a drinking problem but has been sober for 9 years. Simply ask, “How long are you going to keep on this? How are we ever supposed to better ourselves and make a better future for our son/daughter if you’re always living in the past? All I am interested in talking about it right now, and our child and what we need to do right now that’s in the best interest for our child. If you can’t get on that level let me know?” Sorry to say in those instances just like most you all have to become the bigger and better person, and then continue to point it out so to hopefully lead by example and set the bar.

[@julianacheriza1575]

I can’t date someone with a kid too many hoops to jump through and I have to always make sure I’m not being too pushy sorry but with my kids I don’t have to worry about that

[@justmissjamey]

But as you get a bit older, isn't it difficult to find men without kids??

[@julianacheriza1575]

@@justmissjamey it is but I’m only 22 so it’s more common to find ppl with no kids vs someone at 30

[@raeo7963]

The kids will tell the mom all the stuff about you trust me my step daughter is her mamas puppet

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

In some cases yes absolutely. But, in others not so much. It really depends on the child and the level of manipulation tactics used by the mother. With that said though, this is also why I find it’s best to keep your personal and private adult matters away from the kids and assume that the walls always have ears. Unless you want it getting back to mom, it is not said in my house. Now my stepson currently plays both sides, so just as he tells his mom everything (Which isn’t much because we guard anything of value or importance from him.) he also tells us everything. Down to him hearing his mom lie to a friend via a Bluetooth phone call in the car that he was witness to. And that’s another good point, kids don’t usually know (ages below teen years of course) the difference between what is valuable information or not, they just usually know right from wrong and are just brutally honest about everything. Whether it’s something we care to know about or not, they tell it.

[@raeo7963]

Very true I have been with my husband for 7 years now and your right 💯

[@wendylinkem6201]

Done the step mother bit. For me it was a horrid experience. As the saying goes...once bit twice shy.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Wendy Linkem Yeah...somehow I have not learned that lesson yet myself. After my husband passed who had custody of his 3 daughters (So we were in court ALL the time because she was constantly trying to get them back.), I am now 4 years into a relationship with a man who has one son and the last 3 years of our relationship has been battling his ex for custody of his son. (Which we finally won last summer.) The good news is I have TONS of experience now dealing with court and exes. Lol

[@wendylinkem6201]

Boys are a bit easier to handle. You wont have the high expense and debt of a wedding. Then theres the emotions to be dealt with if you have no kids.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Wendy Linkem Well, we just had a boy about a month ago. 😂 And I had a 13 year old girl, so now total we have 3!!!

[@wendylinkem6201]

I never did.

[@ashleymarietv2]

The Not So Evil Stepmother I know this is an older video, and a very personal question, so I understand if you’d rather not answer. But what happened to your late husband’s 3 girls? Do you still have a relationship with them? Court is definitely intense! I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all that.

[@Ghazel2290]

Question- I know you mention boundaries. I’m trying to set them but I’m being seen as the “crazy jealous fiancé”. I’m not okay with her texting him while he is at work. She has access to speaking to their kid everyday but she decides to text him specially when he isn’t home. “Is there something to hide” why when I’m not around. Sure it’s their kid none of my business but I take care of the kid. Take her to school. Make her lunch. Take her to the dr. Etc.

[@nellispoetrycorner9766]

G Hazel Lopez she is trying to create drama so talk to ur fiance about it because it makes you feel uncomfortable because if it doesn't stop its going to create a big mess in your relationship. Going through that right now.

[@brookemiller1698]

Do you have experience in this bc I’m dating a guy who I have loved from afar for so long then 2 years ago got this girl who he says was a safe bet knocked up!?! A lot of our fights are bc of her and just as a btw I had a son who passed away 4 years ago and it’s hard watching him raise his son as mine is in the grave. But we are really in love expect when her miserable ass gets involved.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

That’s a tactic babe. She thinks that he is making decisions based on you being there or in the room, and so if she wants her way she is more likely to get it if she catches him alone at work. My man’s ex does the same thing no matter how many times we have told her not to. So This is where those boundaries come in to play and it’s important for you both to stick to your guns. You need to let your man know that you are not OK or comfortable with her doing that, so therefore he needs to ignore her unless it’s an emergency while he is at work and just message her back and say I’m at work right now I can’t talk. I’ll call or text you when I get home. She’s still going to try, because we’ve been doing this 5 years and ours still does, but it’s significantly less and a majority of the time she now waits until he’s home.

[@dominiqueesquibel197]

I am dealing with the same drama! Loved the video! Definitely could use some more advice!

[@gabimunro3416]

he asked me to meet his children literally right after I gave him a tip for toddler bedtime anxieties. like it literally went from “here’s the tip” to “when would you like to meet them?” it fair to say it’s getting serious because he wants me to meet his children? how do i not act awkward?

[@bettynap67]

I'm so happy I'm done with those days my hubby ex is a crazy b***h.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Amen! 😂

[@monilove920]

I'm stuck in this and it's crazy

[@adelinewurzer4533]

yeah same. she's an abusive salthead. i'm so glad the kids are almost 18 so it can just be over with and he can get a restraining order

[@adelinewurzer4533]

@@monilove920 do u want to talk about it? i went through some crazy shit with my husband's ex

[@monilove920]

@@adelinewurzer4533 sure

[@DoinitHangDo]

Glad I don’t even talk to my boyfriend ex 😂. I don’t say nothing to her and I don’t want to get to know her. I leave their pass alone and I only worry now is the kid which just turns 18 years old who got bipolar and depression and some sort of mental disorder but I only be by his side and let him deal with his daughter.

[@nicoleberry6614]

All I can say is amen, sister!I wish I had this video 12 years ago! I was a super young stepmom at 21 and all of this advice would have been so appreciated! Not many people talk about this and I love that you have!

[@arelidelarosa1259]

It's impossible to replace the baby mama with the step mom bc she doesn't share the same blood however, What if the baby momma is super toxic, alcoholic loser bum and horrible at parenting and the father deserves more custody of the child and he is the bread winner so he needs a lot of the help of a woman (as close to a mom as possible) for his child? What are negative consequences of dressing up the kid that's not yours, feeding, playing, going out, tucking in at night, bathing, combing hair, etc....? My boyfriend sometimes calls me mommy in front of his daughter. It makes me feel weird because I know I am NOT the baby mama but he visions us 3 as a new little family. He still does the diaper changes and the big parenting stuff, I just sometimes help around the the small tidious tasks so that he can focus on the important tasks like working and making deals to make money.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Areli De La Rosa So I completely understand where you’re coming from. Like COMPLETELY. Been there, done that, have the T-shirt and hat now.😂 I helped get custody of my husbands 3 girls, and when he passed, had temporary custody of them until their mom got her crap together. Also, I just recently helped my now fiancé get custody of his son, after a long 3 year court battle. So this video is mainly for people JUST STARTING a relationship with someone who has kids from a previous relationship and how to avoid future baby mama drama with that. In my lives on Sundays at 9pm, we get into a lot of the other stuff like you’re talking about. How To with court and issues that may arise with the stepmom/girlfriend doing everything. (Cause I get it, my fiancé works all the time as he is a salesman, so if there’s a sale, he has to stay until god knows when.) But when courts are involved you want to give and have a certain appearance, otherwise he will never get custody. Because in the eyes of the court, they want the biological parents involved mainly, with the stepparents having as little involvement as possible. If you’d like to talk more you’re welcome to DM me on IG hun.

[@sassystas8808]

Great advice! I’m going through this now. It’s stressful!

[@MrsDurham]

I completely agree with the advice that you’re giving...

[@hashbrown6171]

This is super helpful and makes me feel a bit more reassured. I’m in a fairly new relationship (I’m 20 and he is 23) and sometimes I do worry a lot about the situation. Even though him and his ex aren’t on good terms, I made it clear in the beginning when he brought up that he’d like to me meet his kids one day, I worried what his ex would think. I would never want to replace her because she is the mother of his children and it’s not my place to act as a parent or etc. This video addressed some of my worries and made me feel a bit better.

[@elsapienaar8551]

I love this video!!! It's absolutely true and legit advise. I'm living proof it as the "stepmother" and no way want to or will ever try to be a mom to my hubby kids. They know me as the fav aunt and mother to their little sister. Period

[@A2Z11tree]

Such a hard spot to be. My now husband had a one night stand and ended up having a baby the girl hunted him down demanding a DNA test so he did it now all she goes on about is the fact that he’s married to me now. It was literally a one night stand. She doesn’t know him but she wants to make it clear that she doesn’t know me. The DNA test came back that he is in fact the father and she is already trying to dictate our lives when we’ve been nothing but blunt and straight forward, we’ve paid for things for her without even knowing if it was his daughter or not. We’ve politely asked her to not bad mouth me (the wife) but she ignores every serious question/ everything we ask her politely not to do. Unfortunately it’s at the point where we’re going to legally separate so I don’t have to deal with her anymore.

[@mushkamishka]

Are you two still together?

[@cassieday1960]

Sadly sooo much of this is soooooo true. Not w everyone obviously but in my experience oh ma gosh TRUE!!!!! ESP keeping a healthy distance period! Which sounds hard when you help raise someone else’s child but it’s very very important to just stay out of it!

[@afuaakyaaabrafi7678]

Thank you so much. I was in tears of frustration before finding your video. You really helped me to decide what my boundaries and next steps should be. I’ve just started a new relationship with a guy and his baby mama is horrible one minute and wants to be my best friend the next. The boundaries are non existent and I know it’s because he’s scared of loosing access to his child and she’s threatened it so we have to tread with caution. It’s been a steep learning curve for me -a lady without kids -but I want it to work with him for the long term and navigate how to make it work so I don’t go crazy. Bring the biggest person and taking the high road takes its toll, but the love is worth it.

[@chelsiemuscarella6504]

She’s become very bitter. Hung up on my man he has nightly phone calls with his girls it was his one daughters 4th bday. He said happy bday and said I loved them. And she immediately hung up. She’s seen me once I’ve felt for her how hard it must be even after two years and she’s been with a new guy for a good while. I feel bad she is jealous I don’t want her to feel bad. I respect her she’s the mother she brought them into this world. She has never seen another woman stick around as long I feel guilty since she’s withheld the kids twice from him. After she recently saw me with him in a Walmart shopping. I feel horrible I wish I could make her pain go away. I wish she didn’t hurt him with his two daughters. Idk what to do. I stay away. I don’t talk to her I don’t trust her she’s spread lies to his family once about me. I just am kind and I don’t see any reason ever not to be. I don’t have any negativity in my heart. What can I do? I’m worried she may hurt him more by withholding him seeing them, again. I just stay out of it. And support him let him handle it it’s their business. My anxiety is high. Just worried of what she may be capable of....

[@uhm6577]

It's very hard to not get involved in their arguments when it upsets him so bad. It triggers a loyalty thing in me, especially when she is doing things to trigger him. She literally triggered an argument on Christmas Eve over something they had argued about 5-6 times prior to months back. And of course that put him in a foul mood. It pissed me off because I had worked so hard getting things ready for Christmas. I gave her a snarky comment about the easy solution to the problem. She called me childish. I'm the bigger person about 95% of the time, but I am also human.

[@monilove920]

I need all the advice I can get these kids are getting brain wash by there mother they have spit on me hit me pulled my hair I still have the patience to deal with this I ask why do you act that way my mom told me to do it the week come they behaved awesome as soon as they go and come back they do the same now its getting worse they are getting older there mother has a say in my own house in how and what I do my husband now let's it happened he never makes the effort to do something about this is more then what I ever bargain for I do so much it's so true this video says let him take care of it someone please help

[@Pink_celeb420]

Girl run!!!!! I know its easier said then done but, its not worth your sanity. The disrespect is an outrage! Run!

[@massagebyadia4481]

I've made so many mistakes as a step mom at 23 but now these kind of videos are so helpful

[@emysasso8536]

Even though I am not in this situation I like how helpful you are trying to be by sharing these tips with people who might be. Great video

[@joychinweze7571]

Thank you for this video. My boyfriend posted his baby's picture yesterday as "his val". Honestly it made me feel bad. I dont know if am just over thinking this or that it is wrong.

[@raeo7963]

Yup it’s wrong!

[@heatherb.4302]

Whew. Amen on the best friend part... she tried with me but to get close to me and stay center of his life. Im friendly and nice and kind to the kids which is enough. I told mine that my ex-husband doesnt even know his name...none of his business... shes texting him wanting to know myhair color and phone #. Nah. Im 40 yo so Boundaries and respect is critical. We do a 1 to 10 with 10 being most critical to us and his wife not respecting boundaries like giving us the kids game schedule in advance so she can text him all week caused a big fight. That was an 87 for me on the scale so he course corrected to address it with her as I have children also and we have a life together as well. I struggle with letting him be the parent as the kids run over top of him so it's been a coaching opportunity.

[@vanessamandujano8140]

I’m a new mom and a step mom my husband had Previous life with a girl and let me tell you she’s so crazy won’t leave us alone she try to hit me while I was pregnant

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

That’s dangerous girl be careful.

[@elizabethwickman3458]

I wish I knew that 6 months ago

[@emilypaiz]

I’m glad I found this video. Lately the issues with my boyfriends baby mama is draining me completely that I feel like throwing the towel. The woman is a relationship with another man with three kids with him. Yet she still sends flirty Messages to my boyfriend it’s becoming a hostile environment with that woman.

[@brookemiller1698]

I’m dating a guy who I have loved from afar for so long then 2 years ago got this girl who he says was a safe bet knocked up!?! A lot of our fights are bc of her and just as a btw I had a son who passed away 4 years ago and it’s hard watching him raise his son as mine is in the grave. But we are really in love expect when her miserable ass gets involved.

[@alicehoffman5207]

These is tge best vacination I really need to hear:never try to be her best friend. ....thanks for that

[@Jamie-zs2bl]

I love this advice. As someone who is on both sides as well, I do think it is good advice. Though, in my situation, my man and his ex cannot talk without fighting. Nothing gets resolved ever! So a long time ago we all decided that it would be best for me to talk to her for him and to him for her. UGH! It would be so annoying when they'd still want to fight, but do it through me, and want me to tell the other one something. I would say "no, I'm not telling him/her shit! That's why I am talking in the first place instead of you two!" I cannot tell you how happy I was when my stepson turned 18. I no longer had to play middle man.It worked out for us that way though because if they spoke and fought, she would keep him from us. And it wasn't fair to him or to my man or me or my kids either. And the court would tell her repeatedly she can't do that, but she didnt listen and would anyway. So in our situation it really did work out better for me to do the talking for them, and for me to be the one to pick up my stepson so that they wouldn't have to see each other. Honestly, It is ridiculous that they couldn't put their differences aside. But she was really really obsessed with him too, and she felt he should be with her and their child instead of with me. And that always lead to fights.

[@sarahscalpel561]

where is the jail time for mothers not respecting a court mandate on visitation? seriously bitches need locked up, if they are being spiteful and not respecting court orders...jail time for not respecting court orders...or crime should fit the punishment but there needs to be actual punishment...loss of benefits maybe? a dip in child support?

[@mikealouidor480]

A very hard when you deal with a woman that has a child ready when a child getting used to you you know I'm not a father you know any woman I've been with no to the kids different I treat the kid like his mind or sometimes the mother feel like that you never treat her good you never loved her in back of my mind as well if I had a child with her how my situation end up I can look at it any good

[@jeiivyandjeiivina3576]

I agree thanks after 9 months of taking her bs I had to step in to her emails because she thinks she can run over him and sometimes we have to step in just a tap or these women think we stupid.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Precisely. You just have to do it wisely though.

[@jeiivyandjeiivina3576]

@@TheNotSoEvilStepmother I never treat her with disrespect and she always calling me names. She is starting to bother him with unnecessary messages and I'm like no we not stepping there is ok argue about the baby but your not goine message him when you dont have to I dont play those games those my rules I respect her as the mother of the child but she has to respect me as future wife and future mother of his kids we planning having kids together and getting g married so she has to learn not cross the line.

[@jeiivyandjeiivina3576]

@@TheNotSoEvilStepmother if he wanted her back they can get together and leave me alone but he has told me he wants nothing with her and she cheated so is done.

[@monilove920]

I have the same problem shes really unstable went as far making a false cps report and making the kids say things not only that but made the lil one mind shes 3 to tell me daddy was kissing another girl and when i ask honey you really seen something like that she didn't say nothing following question was who told you to say they said my mommy im so shocked how many women are unhappy and bitter its really disturbing and I got these kids in thearpy but there case work continue to side with the mother its really sad that the system failure to see mental issues like narcissistic behavior and mental verbal abuse its so hard for a fathers and step mothers to defend the children

[@genesissalazar7308]

I’m a step mom only issue we have is that my step son has failed three ( no learning disability) ( she lied to us ) grades in private school (we pay the schools tuition aside from child support) and we want to take him out of private school to go to a regular school ... mom says we’re crazy for even consider putting him to go to a public school yet she doesn’t support him or even bothers to help him . She is remarried and has children with her current spouse but she always blames my husband for not being “more” involved .... and she always speaks poorly of my husband and honestly I gave her a piece of my mind . I got tired of being the bigger person and put my petty Betty suit on . 🤷🏻‍♀️ after that she got herself together real quick .

[@heatherschaeffer4579]

You, are so beautiful y could still get a man without children.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Heather Schaeffer Men without children my age are almost impossible to find where I live. Besides, I love being a stepmom and being that extra bonus in a child’s life. It may be a little harder, but nothing worth having is easy...you know? That’s the way I look at it anyways.

[@heatherschaeffer4579]

@@TheNotSoEvilStepmother I guess there is a shortage of good men that is why there are sister wives tv show. If i met a guy w children I would tell the ex as soon as y need him back find me a single guy with out children and I will be on my way.I find y site helpful to woman that have to settle or fell in love to be able form healthy rlts w baby momma and how to handle all the drama that comes with it.

[@aleciadonohue9895]

This video is probably one of the most helpful resources I've found. Love real!!!

[@savannahbrown5396]

Ugh, well my dudes baby momma is wanting to discuss “expectations “ with what she wants when her kids are here (we have been living together for a year) and I told him I don’t think I should be discussing anything with her , that she doesn’t have control over me that I’m grown and have my own children, that she can discuss it with him and then him discuss it with me. I didn’t tell him to tell her that, that I’m still in my thought process on how I should handle this. He ended up texting her just now that I don’t want to talk to her and he wanted to know the expectations , and she just told him since I won’t have the conversation with her that his kids can no longer come over here. && now he’s angry at me and it started a fight , I told him I never told him to say anything to her yet. She’s so full of drama and wants control over everything. I don’t believe she has the right to have any control over my life or what goes on in our home , I have my own kids that I have 24/7. It’s so aggravating . Now I don’t know what I should do. I guess text her that he misunderstood me and that I will talk with her ? But have him and her do most of the talking ? Like , I literally don’t want in the middle. I know though within a week she just gonna tell him to get the kids cuz she don’t want them 24/7 and is going to want a break because she has pulled the whole “the kids aren’t coming over there anymore” before . Wish me luck I guess 🙄

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

From what it sounds...you’re dealing with an ex that sounds similar to mine. Definitely all about the “control” factor. And yes you’re right, he had no business texting her that because obviously that’s going to start a fight and he should have known better. But you are right in your feelings, that the kids and their dealings are between him & her. So now sorry to say my dear, you have to do damage control. Remember, girls are too emotional and think with their hearts, and guys don’t tend to think past their noses or what their statements or lack there of may cause. Also, do they have a court order? Does he have visitation already established through the courts? If so, then don’t even mess with her. Let him Go to pick up the kids according to the order, and record everything. If she’s not there, if she refuses, etc. Then file a contempt of court. Some women just need to be shown that the guy is not messing around when it comes to his kids and he has rights too. And if he doesn’t have one, now sounds like the perfect time to get one because that will save a lot of hell in the future. Because the courts aren’t going to care about you, and the second she tries to bring you up, they are going to tell her it’s not about you, unless you are doing drugs or have child abuse in your history or something crazy like that. Remember, they have seen plenty of jealous ex’s with control issues before. They won’t have it. As to texting her and attempting to do damage control, I would simply say something like this to her (If it were me, and knowing just the bit that you have told me.) “I apologize for what he texted you, because that is not my words nor what I said, & sometimes text messages can be misconstrued. What I stated simply to him was that I don’t feel comfortable or that it’s right or my place to be meeting with you about your all’s kids, because that should stay between you all. I don’t want to be a mediator between you all, & I am in no way trying to be their mom or take over. All I want is to be their friend and an addition to the fun they have while they are here. If there’s something I need to know like an allergy, in case of emergency contact, health condition etc, I would be more then happy to send you my email so you can email all of that to me.” Remember, document everything.

[@snacktime66]

I could've used every single one of these tips 1.5 years ago! Thanks

[@betterbehufflepuff9255]

There's all these videos bashing baby mamas. And the majority of the videos are from the step mom pov. It's not fair. As a single mom, I'm not bitter that my son's father is in a serious relationship. I'm hurt by his actions towards me. Which surprise surprise he's never taken accountability. But goes around like he's gods gift to women. He doesn't help with his child in anyway. But can take her and do all these expensive gifts and trips give ALL his time to. I get it that's your woman.... But you got a special needs kid that needs you too. But im just bitter if i say any of this? 👀 tf?

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Not one time in this video did I bash anyone on any side. As I have said in previous comments, I live on both sides of the fence. I am not a bitter baby momma either. Not all women are. And I never once stated that in this video. This is for women who do have baby momma drama, and how to deal with it appropriately, and put the kids first because at the end of the day, and as I said in this video a few times, that’s what it’s all about. And I even go as far to state at the end, that it’s your job to be empathetic and put yourself in the mom’s shoes as well. Because that is super important. Have a good day sweetie.

[@betterbehufflepuff9255]

@@TheNotSoEvilStepmother I didn't say you. I said there are MANY videos. I was just leaving a message for all the bm out there that the bm stigma is wrong. I liked your video. I personally blame certain type of men, which in my case, twist the truth. So no matter how respectful and nice I am too his current girlfriend she'll automatically look down at me and think im a joke.

[@betterbehufflepuff9255]

@@TheNotSoEvilStepmother I also know that the type of situations im in is different. I know their are are soms bm who do dirty and are spiteful. And i know theres people who can act like adults. I don't like the stigma "she the baby mama" because it groups up all into a group. One thats publicly a negative one.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Mama Steph Well that’s wrong...because not every baby momma is full of drama, which is why I created this video. I don’t think it’s right for every woman to assume the worst of their man’s ex. I wanted those girlfriends or wives to have some empathy and look at both sides of the story. I always say, there’s always 3 sides of a story, the dads, the mom’s, and then when you mix that and put it in the oven on 350 degrees, you get the truth. I plan on doing an updated video, and maybe I need to say or address that at the beginning. I appreciate the feedback and comment.

[@betterbehufflepuff9255]

@@TheNotSoEvilStepmother I appreciate that you did this. I really am. I with more bonus mom thought like this. I also don't like the term stepmom. Makes me think of cinderella lol. Plus bonus mom just sounds cooler. I'm sorry if my comments came off harsh.

[@MsYaissa]

Your advice is very helpful, Makes me feel better since I’m in a horrible situation where my boyfriends baby momma hates me so much, a year a ago we got into an argument where I told him to leave and he ended up at her house spending the night because he had know where else to go since then her and I have gotten into arguments both on the phone and threw text I know I have said some stuff I shouldn’t have and now she is going to his family trying find things about us like our fights or even more stuff about me, she always talks about me and says I’m crazy but I have defended myself over and over again because is always talking about me behind my back and then she acts like a victim acting like she doesn’t do anything, what should I do now because she’s isn’t letting my boyfriend see their son because to her he isn’t safe with us, keep in mind I have two kids I have a 6 year old from a previous relationship and a newborn with him and I’m tired of this problems! Now he is taking her to court and I’m afraid that she is going to use all the fights that we have had in the past ....

[@Myownmuse1]

These are great tips, lived & learned these the hard way, I'm right there with ya!

[@Sheislove144]

😂do

[@teresahuff1822]

Thank you i just recently started dealin with this situatin

[@chelseatoyi2522]

What if I do photography and I often model nude?

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

If it’s a “job” I would definitely keep things out of reach of the children and their mom, like off social media and stuff like that. Don’t leave negatives or prints laying around the house. You know girl, all that kind of stuff. Also Keep it from public sites and Easy accessibility.

[@Kimberlypellot]

I proposed to a college sweetheart but he had a kid with a fly girl and he never answered me.

[@نبيهةملكة]

It’s so hard not to replace when the biological parent is neglecting their kid, if the stepparent is there, and is there more than the other parent, well naturally they’re going to depend on them more. Ex: I’m a stepmother of a 4 year old girl, and whenever she is crying or has a nightmare or wakes up because she needs to use the restroom, she walks into the room, wakes me up, asks for hugs or help, then moves on. I can’t help but to be there for them, because I define motherhood differently, it’s more of what a person does for the child, rather than defining it as “my child, because they came from me physically”. Well great, they came from you, but how much do you really care for this child. I’m saying this because the child I’m taking care of, has a parent who seems possessive, but then comes home with literal diapers on. How do I know my boundaries from there?

[@kimberlypellot140]

When Gods past that is the Holy Bible situation he falls as an angel as satan to rescue his soul the devil from suffering loss or becoming led astray, To be led astray is to rush into a marriage under grounds for divorce to latter on be lead by regret. I know even if I have never experienced a human marriage but nature still has the power to live out my physical happiness and to fail in my beauty and body and to even get surgery and pretend it were fascinated by the cruel challenge and act of love and marriage under grounds for divorce if I don't acknowledge him or her and put her above all things because even God wrote in the bible "do not lean to your own understanding"...

[@kristamcginnis7522]

Kids don’t visit! They just live with him. Just not all the time.

[@meganhoward2105]

Spoken with wise wisdom, there is a story behind these tips 🙃 I hope lots of people who are starting a relationship with this type of scenario finds this video. I'm older & wiser now, but also am too leery to even try to start a relationship...I've been by myself for too many years & it would take a really special man at this point 😉 I have my work ( story, oh the tips I could share & the things I have learned) but hindsight is always 20/20! My boys ( 2 malamute husky 2 yr old brothers), my grown kids & a grandson coming home ( my daughter came home bcuz it's soo expensive to live out there for these kids)in a few weeks, due 6.12....super excited! Thanks for sharing & have a great week!

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Megan Howard There’s several stories! 😂

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Megan Howard And I hope you have a great Memorial Day weekend!

[@camracrewttv7067]

wow

[@sarahscalpel561]

what? it's all true...being a step parent fucking blows sometimes and is a lot of baggage to take on...it sure as shit ain't for the weak...

[@susieq2933]

Great advice. I went through this 3yrs ago lol 😐😕

[@candacetorres2066]

Susie Q I’m still going through it 6 years later.. with a marriage and two kids later and a home between me and my husband she still starts shit

[@michaelrwhitsonjr6913]

Thank you 😊

[@Brandi_777]

This was like water to my soul

[@chrisgarcia1487]

Keep the friends close thing is not true in all situations. I'm going through the complete opposite. I have been nothing but welcoming as the ex and the new wife seems insecure with no reason to be. No one talks about the other side of this.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

None of these tips are true in “all situations”. And we talk about both sides here. As a matter of fact I have an upcoming video coming from the “mother’s side” because I have been on every side of the fence when it comes to co-parenting relationships. It’s never a one size fits all solution ❤️🖤

[@chrisgarcia1487]

@@TheNotSoEvilStepmother Thank you. I can't wait to see that video, because I need the advice.

[@Tmyzgrl]

Wish I had this years ago. This is all great advice.

[@MissLove26]

Great video. Thanks!

[@jojobarrera2357]

It's so sad that i have to turn to this video for advice and i cant go to my own sister for it. Thanks for the video. I appreciate it.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

That’s terrible hun. Feel free to email me anytime.😘

[@jadachantelle1272]

The Not So Evil Stepmother can I email you as well? Just for advice 😭

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Jada Chantelle Absolutely

[@rosemariemerzlak3856]

Ah no

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

What? Ah No you can’t set boundaries?😂🤷‍♀️

[@godsavethequeen1816]

Perhaps im a rare case.. i am the childs mother. The man was toxic. Is toxic. And is doing the same thing to the new woman.. Funny thing is, i really DO like her as a person. Shes very likable, and says i am too. I thank her often for being my daughter's bonus mom.. Hopefully she isnt doing as you say -gathering info.. cause i see her as a good woman. Truly deserving of someone better than my ex..

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Well, it sounds like you’re a rarity in itself. Obviously this isn’t the situation for all moms and stepmoms or girlfriends, but it’s sorry to say more common than not. But it sounds like you guys have a good situation so more than likely she’s not gathering info because it’s not normally the girlfriends or the stepmom’s who are gathering info on the mother. It’s usually the mother who’s gathering info on their exes new girl or new wife to use against them in court or to threaten them with future court proceedings....which is something I see far too often sorry to say. But it sounds like you all have a good understanding and relationship and I wish you all the best and hopefully things get nothing but better.

[@rubiruvalcaba6758]

Hey hunn you are the only one with a completely different opinion here that I admire and as a step I now know I have made my mistakes not knowing how to genuinely go about things never been a step mom before. I have genuine question I dont understand how moms would think they afe being replaced just by simply giving child nurturing love I have kids myself and have placed myself in this position me personally wouldnt be offended I rarher have a woman in my kids life knowing they are safe and loved than having someone harming my kids

[@godsavethequeen1816]

@@rubiruvalcaba6758 I think it’s more of an ego response. And we all know love isn’t stemmed out of the ego. I suppose it’s like seeing your ex with someone else? Some can be happy their ex found someone, others get possessive and begin to compare themselves. Making an enemy out of the person before they’ve even met them. I think it’s kinda like that.

[@rubiruvalcaba6758]

@@godsavethequeen1816 when you put it this way it makes sense in a way I couldnt get a grasp as to why. Thanks hunn God bless

[@rebekahvidler6769]

You've made reference of how you and your husbands have taken custody of mothers' children. You even commented on a mother trying to get her daughters back. Then "we" won custody of your second husband's son! While you appear to have not had your children taken from you, you seem agitated by mothers' distress at having you and your husbandS take their children. You even ended this comment with a "lol". Yeah you're really altruistic and "empathetic". Wow.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

I actually have been on all sides of every fence that I have referenced in this video so I am not really sure what you’re meaning...🤔 Maybe lack of info?

[@rebekahvidler6769]

@@TheNotSoEvilStepmother Nope. A direct response to your statements that you have helped in the taking of custody of multiple children.

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Well I didn’t make any statements as such in the video, which means you’re obviously taking this from a response to a comment, which is absolutely impossible to tell if someone has empathy or sympathy in, because it’s always going to be based on your perception of my comment. Not my body language, tone of voice ect which you would see if you have ever had an actual conversation with me, but instead your making these assumptions based merely on a comment/response (Hence the lack of information statement.) And absolutely I have helped multiple fathers with custodial court proceedings, and a majority of them were in situations where the mother was on drugs and needed help, or was withholding the child(ren) from the father due to him having a new girlfriend or wife, therefore going against and being in contempt of their court order. And even in one situation the mother disappeared with the child and even went as far as to withdrawing the child from their school, and holding them at home for over 6 weeks. So yes, absolutely I helped those fathers with what court papers they needed to file, how they needed to prepare for GAL or Social Service visits for home checks, how to act in the courtroom, along with several other things that are extremely important and that can make or break a custody hearing depending on the circumstances. But ultimately, it all falls on the fathers actions & stability, the mothers, the courts findings, and the evidence presented etc. I have never been the deciding factor. I merely have been a helper for inexperienced individuals (I have helped Mothers as well as a set of grandparents too) that need the help, deserve the help, more importantly that it’s whats in the best interest of the child, and that they are willing to do the work...because custody cases require a lot of it and take a great deal of time and money. And no, in a lot of those situations, empathy or sympathy has no part in it, because those individuals chose to make the decisions that they made, they are choosing to not put the child first (Which is what should really matter & what I am more worried about.), and so therefore they have to deal with whatever may come of those decisions, actions, or lack thereof. We all make choices and have to deal with whatever consequences come of those choices. That’s part of being a parent and an adult. Which is why I made this video. To hopefully prevent someone from making a bad decision based off of pure jealousy or emotion, rather then thinking about what the other person may be feeling or thinking, or what may or could possibly happen in the future if they choose to continue with their path. Also to let other stepmoms or girlfriends know that they aren’t alone and that there is hope and options always. But my response to your comment was actually in reference to your comments or assumptions rather, where you state things like “you appear to have not,” or “you seem agitated by mother’s’ distress” etc. As I stated, I have been on all sides of the fence. I may have custody of my children currently, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t have to have my own court proceedings and struggles to make it so. That also doesn’t mean that something couldn’t happen and change that in the future. The key is doing the right things for my children and stepchildren now, so that there’s less likely of a chance of that changing, because everything in and about life is simply a temporary situation evolving into the next.

[@rebekahvidler6769]

@@TheNotSoEvilStepmother You should know that I and my daughter are abuse survivors who were dragged through the courts by our abuser. Are you aware that every abusive man who has ever entered into vexatious litigation has always procured a new source of supply to which they lie, claiming their victim is jealous? Or coached the children? Or the abuser defence "parental alienation"? You surely don't presume that you're getting the truth from your partners, do you?

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

@@rebekahvidler6769 First of all, I am also an abuse survivor, as well as my daughter, except our abuse was strung across the 12 o’clock news. But that isn’t what I am referencing or speaking about in this video or in the comments you’re referring to. Also, having worked with and in the courts as much as I have, I have to respectfully disagree with your statement. Because not every abusive man that enters the courtroom lies for one thing, because I have heard some sick stuff and we all believed he was being extremely honest. And some have even admitted that they were the jealous ones, or that there were other reasons for the abuse or they just lie and say there was no abuse at all. Every case is different. Secondly, did you actually watch or listen to my video? Because I clearly say there’s two sides to every story and what happens in a relationship and why it doesn’t work out. Believing the man’s side or woman’s without hearing both is beyond naive. Lastly, did you read my last comment? Only two of the hundreds of people, meaning men, women, and even grandparents that I have helped were people that I was in a relationship with either at the time or in the past. (And both of those men I was with for a very long time, and never once laid a hand on me or our kids. Usually if a man is abusive, that doesn’t change when he enters into a new relationship. Sometimes it does, but it’s rare.) And every person I have helped, I have always looked into, done my research on, and spoke with or made an attempt to speak with both parties involved as an attempt to come to an agreement or arrangement before taking the steps to go to court. No one wants to go to court, and it’s always a last resort. It’s hard on everyone, but especially the kids. Again, you have little information and are jumping to assumptions and conclusions based on very little info. It sounds to me like you’ve gone through some rough stuff, and are trying to take it out on me. Maybe I am wrong, but that’s the vibe I am getting because all of this has nothing to do with my video. Wish ya the best and good luck to you & your family

[@kimberlypellot140]

I agree cause when you start a new relationship don't take out on the new relationship in the way that your ex wronged you because relationship experiences are meant to make you a stronger more fit person so that you could finally be for sure and truly trust that person and marry forever; don't just help your kids to love a person temporarily , help them grow mature enough to choose for a husband or wife a person that goes out of their way to please them and doesn't fear to be honest with them.

[@tylercollins12]

Hey I am the step mom I need advice on a situation can you please comment back

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Sorry babe I just saw this comment. You can email me anytime if you would like some one on one help. [e-mail]

[@kimberlypellot140]

Mothers that conceived you in the flesh are Demons acting out the mark of the beast your enemies that don't deserve mercy nor compassion if they didn't baptize you and grant you God parents.

[@armaniharris2705]

You have a Instagram?

[@TheNotSoEvilStepmother]

Of course but we moved all the not so evil stepmother content to our new TikTok page which you can find here www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRShSjMM/ We just started it, but we have some good Q&A to come. Also we did this video as well…for step parents Am I The Evil Stepmother?// Baby Mama Drama Horror Stories kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWPUknWalt2kqNU

[@armaniharris2705]

I need your advice on something serious do you do phone conversation