How to be (a bit) happier

In this week's video I talk about a simple exercise rooted in DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy), often referred to as "Accumulating positives". I give examples of some of these positives and explain how to do the exercise.
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Intro
02:35 Identify your values
06:37 Low energy examples
10:24 Medium energy examples
12:47 High energy examples
17:47 The realisation at how much I've waffled
18:56 Avoid avoiding
23:15 A personal update
25:07 Outtakes
Values quiz: personalvalu.es/personal-valu...
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[@NancyLiliGonzalez]

I prefer this unscripted video style. It’s maybe not as easy to follow, but it makes more sense? I also like seeing my communication style reflected back to me. That feels rare.

[@amnocturne]

Yes! Same on the communication style💗

[@Backforthefuture]

Thank you Sam! I’m an autistic mum of two autistic children. Literally every request that is being made of me lately if feeling too much so I sit there numb and frozen with anxiety once I’ve met their needs. It’s like I have nothing left for me, no reserves. Knowing these things are “things” that can help has boosted me in that I can validate to my “should” self that I’m trying… loved seeing your character in this video. Thank you so much for making the time to post ❤️

[@CanopysGlow]

I thoroughly enjoyed the values quiz. It took me around two hours ( due to deep introspection, and ADHD), but was worth it.

[@withheldformyprotection5518]

Integrating some of my low/medium energy items into my routine helps to make them a consistent part of my life. Without my routine, I would never accomplish anything. Thank you for your videos. They make my life a bit happier. 😊

[@thegiantmimir4664]

Scripts are lawful neutral. They take time, create a polished and professional video with fewer deviations, but can feel a bit mechanical. They are probably more suitable for complicated nuanced content. If that makes unscripted videos Chaotic Neutral, then they can be quicker to record, allow more expression 'in-the-moment', but can be prone to confusion, and deviation. It's possibly more organic and intimate. I think using it for a simple, more emotional message seems to be a perfect fit. It helps build rapport.

[@bethanythatsme]

So much more succinctly worded than I could have achieved. Agreed 🙃

[@whitneymason406]

I'm glad you and your family have recovered! Thanks for sharing these resources. I really appreciate it as I have a lot perseverative thoughts! Love the background! ❤

[@YoSamdySam]

Thank you! Yes I should have added that we are all recovered after relatively mild illnesses all round

[@autolycuse2554]

My values are freedom, ethics, independence, privacy and creativity. That sounds about right.

[@t3zbb]

You don't have to be in full hair and makeup to do a video. We value you as a human. Some of my favourite youtubers accept they can't be perfect in videos.

[@dianekotas5614]

I seem to sing about what I’m doing, I make it up as I go along, every time I go into the kitchen to make a coffee or make my dinner. I seem to feel excited when I am in the kitchen, making dogs dinner or my dinner. That seems to be my high energy thing.

[@AdamElisabethHass]

I feel validated. And I live watching you❤️ Just this week, I sewed myself a rice bag (medium energy), and started putting it just on my freezing cold feet (low energy), and also forced myself to walk the dog in the sunshine (high energy) which I enjoyed afterall.

[@miryamshamar2356]

Have been enjoying listening and learning with you the past 2 years. As a mother of a young adult who lives with late diagnosed ASD and Downs in the US. Thank you for freely giving your time and sharing your life story and enlightenments.

[@amnocturne]

I think that rambly videos like this are fun because it’s like hanging out with you. I also enjoy your more scripted stuff because I think you’re great at conveying the knowledge you have in a way that is factual but also accessible. Thanks for putting content out when you’re feeling buried in babies AND under the weather. Pat yourself on the back!💗

[@krugerfuchs]

Lemon and ginger tea with honey is good for a sore throat

[@lmpnb]

I love the unscripted style - I find it so much more relatable! Also relatable: my 8yo also thinks she's a cat.

[@kaistinakemperdahl9667]

Thank you for this. I love the unscripted style, it gives me time to process what you say. I'm looking forward to new content, but please take the time you need. ❤️

[@Lauren-ud2xi]

You feel so relatable in this video with your eccentricities. I like both styles. This one felt more like how I feel like I talk/present with a stream of consciousness style.

[@appledjerry]

Your talk delivery is just fine x

[@murtazaarif6507]

Thank you for the new video. The topic is just what I needed today to try and be a little happier in my isolated life where nobody likes me. I have been trying to control my energy levels for some time now, but dividing them into three levels as you do makes it easier to achieve this. I also plan to practice thinking of opposite thoughts and performing opposite body language to the ones that depress me. Seeing a new video from you is another reason for me to be happier. It indicates as you say that you are here to stay.

[@stevienowonder6692]

I enjoy your waffling and non-waffling, it's a great mix. Great work Sam x

[@mariuszwisla3230]

Discipline, certainty, accountability, ethics, challenge.

[@aboomination897]

Felt understood by the "(a bit)" - no naivety, no pressure ^^

[@Kerrin11]

Thank you for this video! Exactly what I needed. I’m in the early stages of understanding my ASD, and I find your videos so helpful. Thank you 🙌

[@susanbeever5708]

Always great to hear from you and I am so impressed with your strength and wise tenacity. Wonderful to hear that your kids are doing great.

[@linden5165]

Weaving things into my routine seems to work well and helps me do things and get in a happy, comfortable habit and really counters autistic inertia which is my main executive dysfunction. I can't change everything at once, but I can add things in one or two at a time. I find for things I'm avoiding there's normally something a bit triggery going on and for me I usually need to really examine it and work through it to move past it rather than just pretending the issue isn't there. Sometimes there's a rigid all-or-nothing thought happening and I can counter that with deliberately doing things partially, badly, or in a fun/silly way. My top values were family, love, wisdom, health, authenticity.

[@brendalevesque6384]

Lovely to hear from you. I hope you and your family soon recover. My friends granddaughter screamed for the first couple of months I thought of you, but her problem was an undiscovered hidden tongue tie. I’m glad things are getting easier.

[@Hi_Im_Akward]

DBT is great, I went through the program for a year. Opposite emotion action did not help me through. Caused me to have some meltdowns. I think its executive dysfunction and not depression so I tend to have to go through mental gymnastics in order to ger certain tasks done and need momentum to get to the harder tasks.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

Going for a walk makes me happy and it's also my favourite way to exercise. I don't care for the gym -- all those rows of soulless machines. But I'm going to put it in the high energy category because I'm going to need l-o-n-g walks so as to try and lose some pregnancy weight. My daughter is 12 months already and I want to start working on that. Incidentally, she had reflux without vomiting, too. We had a MUCH easier time once she was treated for it.

[@crackedmagnet]

After watching the outtakes, for some reason I'm imagining an April 1st video where proper tea making is explained in intricate detail in some over the top way... eg: step 1: Invite the Queen... etc.

[@TheKaliMalia]

Most things require high energy for me 😬 on a good day, I get at least one (or half of one) productive thing done. And sometimes that's a load of laundry

[@TheKaliMalia]

... and most times I have to do laundry twice cause i leave it for too long

[@letsrock1729]

Same here, with the energy. Getting a load of laundry done is a major achievement for me. Cooking an actual meal probably happens twice a month. I live on things I can instantly eat with almost no prep (not junk food, luckily, though). And it can take a week to psych myself up to have a bath (even though I really enjoy having them).

[@TheKaliMalia]

@@letsrock1729 it's very comforting to know I'm not alone in that. Thank you! And from one human to another I'm proud of you for doing what you can, too ❤

[@letsrock1729]

@@TheKaliMalia Thank you too! It really is very comforting to feel understood, isn't it. Especially when many of us are surrounded by people who tell us to "get it together" or "snap out of it" or blame it on 'poor time management' xx

[@bethanythatsme]

Chatty chaotic nuetral here who very much appreciated the upload. Love from Oregon, USA 🌲💚

[@zalafinari]

The opposite of a vicious cycle is a virtuous cycle. A positive feedback loop. I'm sure you probably recalled the term at some point since shooting the video but I figured I'd post the term in case it's helpful for anyone else.

[@zalafinari]

My values from the quiz: Health Curiosity Uniqueness Authenticity Family Ranking these was surprisingly difficult and there were definitely some that ended up far lower on the list than I would have expected initially. I had 21 that I selected to rank too.

[@faeriesmak]

Helpful! Thank you!

[@letsrock1729]

@@zalafinari Yes, it was difficult. I selected 33 to start with. Most of the 'Either/Or' section were 'equal' in my mind so I had to almost randomly choose each time.

[@jaxs616]

Great video. I did all of it. I got security, inner harmony, health, curiosity and compassion.

[@jamiereel2578]

💙 Praying you all recover quickly with no complications💙

[@sarahleony]

I am SO HAPPY about this video! You are great.

[@Ricketik65]

Nice to see a new video, although it made me realize that I'm even lower on energy and more depressed than I thought I was. But some of the comments down below have already given me some suggestions on what I could try so I'll give it a go. You see, I'm already more positive than at the beginning of this comment.

[@deviantlegion]

I hope you all recover well. Our baby (now 12 months) had really bad silent reflux as well, it turns out she had a milk protein allergy. She started nursery at the beginning of the year and is happily bringing every form of plague known to man home so I sympathize with having a young child along with being poorly. Thankyou for all of your videos, they've helped me loads since my diagnosis last year.

[@huntermurphylaw]

"I like summer." This is where you lost me 😆.

[@lynleywesterbeke2846]

I enjoyed your video. It was great so don't be too hard on yourself. I feel your pain having had a daughter who screamed in pain due to silent reflux. She also took her first steps at nine months. Good times. It was exhausting, but it did get better. She was so much happier the older she got, as were we. It was tortuous though so I can't imagine what it must be like while managing viruses as well. Be kind to yourself. 🌷🌻

[@kayjay-kreations]

Today is my birthday and I choose to be alone.. I had more texts and messages than ever before, I don't know why, I think it's because I am happier since my diagnosis and am following what I need more , regardless of what others want from me.....at now 59 and newly diagnosed "who says you can't teach and old dog new tricks" hey xx

[@zdg123]

A positive feedback loop!! :) Planning to try this out for myself. I appreciate that you made this vid. Hope you and the family are feeling better soon.

[@danjones13]

I missed most of you speech but thank you for speak at my workplace today. Hopefully it makes a positive impact

[@apeachyhuman]

A great help , sitting with my Journal taking notes and making mental connections. I have a video of myself as a toddler eating cat food. 🐈

[@stell66]

I have missed you, although part of that is my own chaotic life right now and not having time to watch or keep up but now we both have time I’m happy to see you again here making videos. Thank you -

[@yuriyoung5673]

Samu-san! Hisashiburi desu ne! It's so good to see your new video. I struggle to take in information when it isn't scripted and linear, but I also enjoyed the unscripted as more like a "chat" with you. I would love a video on the neuroscience to create new wiring in the brain by scanning for the positive, and other scientifically studied evidence based practices for increasing happiness. I hope the COVID for you and your family stays mild and passes quickly. Mata ne!

[@rosebudnicoll]

This is wonderful thank you!

[@chickenpie9698]

I like the idea of this, it's a more structured way of doing what I was doing during a time in my life when I was really on top of my wellbeing. It's obvious that doing enjoyable things is good for you but it can be easy to fall out of the practice of actually doing this stuff in the first place when life is busy. I've got to admit, I had a routine of making sure I did a few big things throughout the week that I really enjoyed. Normally a couple spread out in the week and then at least one on the weekend - it massively helped maintain my energy levels and motivation throughout the week. Definitely worth knowing what works for you as well as how much energy this takes but I think actually structuring this stuff in some way is important too. My issue currently is that with a 9-5, this approach just seems hard to implement due to a lack of time and energy. I find low energy stuff doesn't really do much but it's the most I can manage in the week typically, I can do higher energy stuff on the weekend by there is a massive wait for this and while it sets me up for the first half of the week, this energisation will have diminished by the end of the week.

[@coal.sparks]

Oooo, love the new intro (literally just 16 seconds in and had to comment!).

[@helenm1085]

As I went through the quiz I thought a lot about my values and at the end I was surprised to find that I hadn't answered in the way that I'd started seeing them in my head. I think I wasn't careful enough with the early answers!

[@letsrock1729]

I feel the same. Plus I think I answered specifically through the lens of what has been happening in my life over the last few years, rather than with my general values in mind. So I ended up with 'Security' as one of my 5 values, but I don't think that's especially accurate overall.

[@meloniekares]

"un-vicious circle" Thank you for this :P

[@dianathomas2674]

Low intensity grilling marshmallows on a grill stick above a candle while watching. Love the video!

[@Jdf440]

This is absolutely perfect. Thank you so much for this video.

[@brunoboaz7656]

I am glad that you are back doing your videos,Sam. Sorry that you may have the covid but I wish you a speedy recovery!

[@distractedcolorist]

I came across this video at the PERFECT time based on what I'm talking about in therapy. Thank you to the algorithm, and thank you for your videos!!! You have been so very helpful. 💛

[@victoriaarrieta3653]

Just what I needed❤

[@caroxic-tokyo506]

Nice new Intro! (im just in the beginning XD)

[@justforsomething]

Love the video, I hope you feel better.

[@arkanejill7816]

You’re amazing. Love you. Thank you for your t8me and energy. It’s appreciated. 😘😘love love

[@alanguest1979]

I'll try to watch it again and remember to make notes!

[@stephanielong9046]

I love your videos. I just relate to them so much. This one made me smile and I really needed to smile today 💜

[@marymyers4751]

I like both scripted and non-scripted. I have ADHH and Autism so I need a little chaos and change but within a frame work LOL. I really like your vlogs since you are focused with your topic. You present both anecdotal and universal connection to Autism which enables me to be engaged. Some Vloggers just rant about themselves- or ideas very specific to them (probably a minds-eye thing). Thanks for being a cool dude!

[@useruseruser555]

The quiz is spot on!

[@AllGood_Thingss]

I needed this today, you’ve covered this topic so well.. nice reminders and something I need to b more aware of thank you for this 💗

[@briena8881]

That was the first video I could easily follow you. As I am a big fan of positivity (not toxic positivity), I enjoyed your practical takes for it. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and for being so open.

[@akala-bluesaville9866]

You could come Down Under! Our winters are really mild. With climate change not really hot summers anymore. You can do it! Love your work mate!🤠😉you really help an old 💨 fart! Thank you for all you do🙏✌️🦋

[@annecooper6061]

Thank you Sam 💕🐨

[@nata1547]

Omg, I needed this. It was easier to watch as those unexpected moments and little funny quirks keep my attention fully engaged without any pressure (adhder here). Right now it is sth that i feel i need to do (this list of values/goals/things that will keep me more uplifted). I heard a tip of having something nice every morning that u look forward to, like small pleasure: listening to your fav song with a sip of coffee and looking at the window... like 5 min. before going to work. It is also very nice for me! And helps going to sleep without flinching hehe.

[@CuriosityP75]

Thank you for this video! I really needed this wonderful advice today. Not surprisingly, my top value is Curiosity. I took the test you linked to and got Curiosity, Creativity, Tolerance, Justice, and Freedom.

[@niencat]

a big hugggg to you Samdy Sam... living with a baby who isscreaming because she is in pain and you do not know the course is so so exhausting. i became an aunt when i was almost 2. I am on the autistic spectrum and i could feel how my nieces and nephews were feeling,by the way the cried. So if you are a mum and have autism (which in my.case makes me very emphatic but also very sensitive to piercing or booming sounds) it must be hell. thank you so much for describing how not being able to get out of your chair, of stopping sitting or lying and do something that you wanted to do or need to do or is healthy or uplifting or all of these things.

[@jennifergauthier3282]

Hello! I missed this video. So lovely to see you ❤

[@carlottak4496]

Nice to see you again!

[@user-sm9tg4rc1n]

Thanks for this video

[@Nandarelle]

You are completely right about green tea.

[@julie8234]

Nice to see you back 😊🌿

[@ginadelfina5887]

I really enjoyed this video; it seemed so relaxing & also real. Plus full of nice ideas that seem attainable.

[@lindadeandatimmons7357]

Love the background.

[@Jas-zzz]

Wow you are amazing! That you have made some great video's recently despite your growing family! 😻I've been there🤔. Man ....that was not fun remembering!😅It does get better in the getting peace and energy way.

[@ladyamalthea85]

Creativity, love, spirituality, compassion and pleasure were the values I got. I'm not happy unless I do a creative thing every day. I'm struggling a lot at the moment, I think what my doctors have diagnosed as a depressive episode is actually autistic burnout. I booked an autism assessment, but it's not for 7 months. I'm 36 and it has only been suggested recently that I'm autistic. Today my creative thing was doing my makeup. Hopefully I'll get a little project done as well, see how we go!

[@polyesterbebe]

Thank you for the new video

[@becauseidontknow4134]

I can really recommend the neurodivergent friendly workbook of DBT skills ☺️

[@kainicole797]

I am an autistic single mom to my 2.5yo autistic daughter. We both struggle when we go off schedule. Can you do a day in your life vlog when you're feeling better? I love your videos! Feel better! ❤️

[@edwinreid8355]

I like a good cuppa tea aswell ( really not a coffee drinker but I don't mind a Latte ) & like yourself Sam, I tend to haver a bit which is Scottish Slang for waffling. Cooking is something I've become quite passionate about in recent years which is a high energy for me as well as being something I do for a living.

[@luikero445]

Good video! I'd love to see a video about your process/story of moving to a new country, learning the culture and new language etc. as an autistic person. Would love your perspective on that. All the best. :)

[@ileanacosanzeana9486]

I'm so happy that I found you 😍, listening to you describing how you are it's like looking to myself in an audio mirror 😁. Wishing you the best luck in life! And I wish that the professional care for autistic people would be as well informed about this as you are.

[@HPNEEK]

A yoga channel that is good for low/ medium energy for me is the yoga ranger studio with aprille walker. The yin yoga videos are very good - they are slower and you hold the pose for longer, so it can be difficult when you first start yin if you're not used to being still I've noticed that be difficult for some of my family. But it can be a really good way to practice patience too.

[@kathybramley5609]

Virtuous circle is a term I've also heard!! Unlike the baby experience though. Hugs.

[@Alex-eh7gl]

This sounds good, gunna check it out. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on ACT sometime if possible as the psychologist who diagnosed me recommended it to me. Sounds like you've had a tough beginning with your second child - hope the crying lessens and you're able to find some time to decompress soon. Me and my wife had a 6 month period that was particularly hard in our toddler's first year so can empathise.

[@spherelance72]

My five values from the test are Certainty, Acceptance, Intelligence, Justice and Helpfulness

[@BipolarCourage]

I see happiness as a temporary emotion. It's been hard for me to not judge emotions as 'good' or 'bad'. Many of those things are self-care which is part of managing and taking care of mental and physical health.

[@kimberlylima8521]

It would be cool if you made a video about how to make different types of teas, properly

[@moll443]

Lol so happy to find someone who's also not good at winking 😅

[@tomarta]

I love Sarah Beth Yoga on KZbin. She's very calming and there are different styles you can choose from to meet your energy levels. My go tos are the Hatha yoga. Lots of laying down hahah :D

[@maryalicesawesomevids]

Honestly I’m not really happy that much I lose motivation sometimes just went through a bad friendship problem I miss my friends just dealing with a lot

[@letsrock1729]

I hear you on all counts x

[@motorcyclehair]

Ha, everything I do is around hair washing, glad I'm not the only one. Dirty hair=I clean the house, dirty work Clean hair=relax, tv/computer time, going out.......I wash my hair every 3-6 days, it's funny how easy it is to lose track.

[@DamnMandi]

Sam: “I like Sumer” Me: what? 🤯 Sam: “I mean Northern European summer”… “it could be 25 degrees and sunny all year around, that would be perfect “ Me: ok, so it’s like winter in mid-western Brazil. 😆

[@britneedaniel6718]

Ty so much for this this was really helpful!! I have ADHD, probs the tism as well, and I also have celiac and reynauds so am part of the specific foods and constantly cold club too lmao! Also unscripted style is a win

[@therealcin]

-Watching Guilty pleasure youtubers lol -Sleeping in until 10am on your day off -finally getting my ass up to the gym ~my day today 🤣

[@PocketaPoemArtbyCCC]

The laugh at 13:10 🤣🥰🤣

[@hughmungus6402]

Depends what your definition of happiness is.

[@religiohominilupus5259]

Thanks for the tips, they're worth a try! Sorry if this sounds morbid, but one of the first things that caught my eye was your throat. Did you get your thyroid checked, by any chance? Raynaud's, in some cases, can be linked to thyroid disease.

[@thesellingsocialworker4773]

Thank you for pointing this out it could help someone

[@sunnylight5753]

Tea Time💚