How to be Warm

[@Urspo]

"I'm so glad you did that, usually it's me" - what a brilliant useful supportive statement. This is the best things I"ve learned here in awhile.

[@ItsMeTheSteph]

Ur Spo I also use "that happens to me all the time. No worries!" I use it instead of the other one only because it's more inclusive in terms of clumsiness instead of a term that suggests 'better you than me'.

[@DasMegaman8LP]

At the same time your statement sounds kinda self centered. Like you wanna pull the focus on what you experienced.

[@n.t3026]

good point steph

[@ItsMeTheSteph]

Shiranui Hanten I guess it's all in a manner of perspective and whom is on the receiving end of the comment. Perspective is everything.👍🏻

[@ItsMeTheSteph]

Nathaniel Tewolde Thanks!👍🏻

[@juzzyboxx2185]

I just find the narrators voice and accent simply splendid.

[@theschooloflifetv]

Thanks!

[@juzzyboxx2185]

KZFIFA Bent?

[@clumsydad7158]

great video

[@niftynette9570]

JUZZY BOXX 50% of the reason why I'm here lol. He provides great Info as well 😌

[@jasonstation]

It's Alain de Botton, one of my all-time heroes

[@FabalociousDee]

How can something be so analytical and critical and yet be so beautiful and touching at the same time?

[@RolandMcGruner]

don't worry , I heard they have awful fashion taste and that they frequently spill milk!

[@Chiefmucka]

RolandMcGruner haha thank God!

[@maicolmallers2999]

Fabalocious Dee It's impossible, or at least I can't picture myself on both sides. You'll see, my GF's friends don't like me that much because I make them feel stupid, but the only people who feel stupid around me are the ones lacking self confidence. My best friends are people well aware of themselves, they are critical and analytical too and wouldn't feel threatened by someone like me. It's rather their problem.

[@FabalociousDee]

Maicol Mallers I was actually talking about how the video quite deftly balancing in-depth analysis with warmth and even compassion.

[@Ekvitarius]

Because those conditions do not necessitate a contradiction. :)

[@noneofyourbusiness6981]

The more comfortable you are being yourself the more those around you feel safe to be their own person

[@theextremeloader1]

Now I'm even insecure that everyone knows I'm insecure

[@sandythebeaute]

I love this

[@yong-haotan6576]

Always remember: People are as vulnerable as you. We are not much different than another.

[@nimimerkillinen]

some are much more than others

[@DasMegaman8LP]

That's because society is a one-way-road. Only some human behavior get classified as 'conventional'. Others are left insecure with the thought what is wrong with them and why they're different.

[@Yuki_Francisco]

nimimerkillinen "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." -Animal Farm

[@cheesecakelasagna]

The problem with "cold polites" is that they tend to analyze before reaching out, they think through what could someone be needing and they scale the importance of their "possible" help. And while that whole deliberation is happening, the warm polites have already reached out to that someone, asked them what happened or gave them a subconcious hug.

[@theextremeloader1]

I'm having a hard time figuring this difference out

[@ravenx0x033]

That's me alright

[@lazuli9381]

Gosh. The cold polite definition definitely sounds like me

[@May-ei5nb]

I think i watched this video more than 4 times already and its crazy how eye opening it has been for me. I have NEVER been able to put my feelings into words before seeing this. I have always been this cold person but what was weird is that I am a very sensitive person on the inside. I was always in tune with how people around me were feeling but I was never able to connect with them warmly. I never knew why. I am sure this is why I am connected with very few people and I find it very hard to connect. I want to change and I want to be a warm person more than anything because very few people were like that with me and I always felt alone and unloved so I dont wanna make any loved ones feel that way about me.

[@MeganS1995]

I feel this way sometimes too--wanting to be connected with others' deeper selves, yet finding it difficult at times... Maybe it has something to do with our defense mechanisms formed in childhood. I think we just really desire compassion, warmth, and gentleness from others but there's a disparity between this desire and how we're actually treated, or at least notice the opposite more often. How's your progress after 4 years? Have you been able to develop more warmth towards yourself and others?

[@kazibouzot]

How did your journey toward warmth go in the 4 years that separates us from your initial comment ?

[@Rosonicole]

You will change because you are that person. You probably just lost your way from people hurting you and you haven’t to be strong. It starts with being gentle with yourself and seeing the outsiders as yourself. Hope your world becomes so much vibrant once you realize that you are capable of this.

[@mistermood4164]

just increase the room temperature.

[@michaelhand8771]

Mister Mood I clicked it thinking it was temperature

[@sushantsrivastav]

The real LPT is always in the comments.

[@mistermood4164]

Khalamitous boiling isn't warm.

[@Acalamity]

If you are cold and you put only your head in the water, then COMMON SENSE says, you are going to become a very warm person.

[@mistermood4164]

Khalamitous i don't think that's how it works.

[@newme3319]

I used to be shy and am pushing myself to connect more with others. I've noticed that I do all the right things but somehow people still don't feel completely comfortable around me. This video helped me understand the missing ingredient - BEING WARM! Thank you for the info!

[@theflowergodleanne]

this makes me wanT TO GIVE THE COLD PERSON A HUG (cmon children, let us gather into a virtual hug )

[@LordSandwich97]

*Virtual hug* I read your comment in Mabel's voice

[@michaelpesavento8268]

Hi, Reality and basic humanity. But we do he best we can under the circumstances!:) Thanks.

[@sf5823]

hahaha...brilliant xxx hug

[@holkangel]

I like the idea. :)) Merry Christmas, folks!

[@sf5823]

merry Christmas xxx :-)

[@themonarchofbaddecisionmak1405]

I love the use of colour theory in this one. For the "cold" person, they you cold colours (teal,cyan etc.) And for the "warm" person they used warm colours. (Light red,dark red) They also used shape language. Where the cold person has more triangular shapes (triangles are used for villains and cold people in the character design works),the warm person has more circular shapes (circles are used for more passive characters). Who did the animation?

[@joshuaizly5502]

Ignatz Johnson

[@vkyugly]

I love how underlining all of your videos, is a fundamentaly negative view on people as a whole. How everybody is imperfect and incredeply complex while the root of it all might be annoyingly simple and childish. Mostly i just love how you turn your (and mine) negative understanding into something truly kind and positive. I think that in the negative view, there is much more room for positive action. Well, that's at least my understanding of your philosophy. Thanks guys.

[@theschooloflifetv]

Thanks; we do keep an eye on the negatives while aiming for the light.

[@dianafrank1567]

School of Life, you have a very wonderful and intelligent channel. Honestly you've inspired me to become wiser and more aware myself and I am wondering where do you find your wisdom and knowledge?

[@Fluxquark]

I'm so cold helium turns solid in my presence.

[@qaedtgh2091]

I'm so cold, I poop dry ice.

[@alanbeaumont3186]

Qaedtg H I'm so cold that... I'm shivering!

[@alionabiss]

Alan Beaumont nice answer from master

[@ashboon1625]

I'm so cold, everything around me turns to absolute zero.

[@samthenan]

physics says no

[@bolivar1789]

1. There is a very funny and cute video about how warm hearted Greek people are! Just one minute long. It is in English, but you must search for the following Greek title to find it: "Συνάντηση α λα ελληνικά " And I must say that it is exactly the same in Turkey! Nationalists from both sides would hate me for saying this, but I think this is the reason why the couple of times I have been to Greece I always felt " at home". But I am sure, as we have seen in this video, everywhere in this world, there are "universal signs" of warmth among people. After all it is all about deeply caring for that person in that moment and always remembering your shared humanity. 2. I have this obsession about "brotherhood". I live with that feeling all the time and despite having my doubts ( of course... ), thank God I have never lost it until now. You can indeed talk to anybody about anything. How "private" can a private life be? I go for long walks every night. Just tonight in the street, on a bus stop I met five people by chance: a group of people from Colombia, Ecuador and Brazil who work in the same Spanish restaurant and then two boys from Tanzania. We had a chat for a while. They were all drunk but it doesn't matter. I told everyone to subscribe to The School of Life. 3. The most warm hearted person I know from literature is " The Happy Prince" in Oscar Wilde's story with the same name. Poor guy is in the most desperate situation a compassionate person can be! He sees everything but can't do anything. Except sacrificing his life and the life of the one who loves him... ( You can hear that story on youtube from Stephen Fry. ) 4. As I understand, some extremely warm hearted people live in a town called Geel in Belgium. The families there follow a 700 years old incredible tradition: they accept people with all sorts of severe mental diseases as a new member into their families and live with them and care for them for decades. That's one of the most beautiful stories about brotherhood I have ever heard. It's so touching. You can hear all about it on an Invisibilia podcast . The episode is called: " The Problem with the Solution" 5. I love the podcast " The Moth". They tell the most incredible stories from everybody's lives.. There is one episode called " Phone call- Auburn Sandstrom" It is on youtube too. The story is just 10 minutes long. But you will see how one very warm person could literally SAVE someone's life just through a phone call. 6. The best way to make a person feel safe and "at home" is to listen to him properly. There is an excellent "On Being with Krista Tippett" podcast with Rachel Naomi Yemen. The episode is called " Listening generously".They give us very valuable insights to live by on this subject. 7. That wonderful tale with the kangaroo and the Tigger at the end, reminded me of one the most valuable, beautiful and life changing books I have ever read, which is " Just Mercy" by Bryan Stevenson, one of my heroes. He is an Afro-American lawyer based in Alabama. That's one of those very rare books that shifts something in you. You are a different person when you finish it. Here is what Mr. Stevenson says there: “The power of just mercy is that it belongs to the undeserving. It’s when mercy is least expected that it’s most potent-strong enough to break the cycle of victimization and victimhood, retribution and suffering. It has the power to heal the psychic harm and injuries that lead to aggression and violence, abuse of power, mass incarceration.” 8. Friends who speak Spanish, we must always keep in mind Atahualpa Yupanqui's wonderful song that says: " Yo tengo tantos hermanos que no los puedo contar"

[@theschooloflifetv]

Thank you so much - as always. Beautiful words.

[@bolivar1789]

Hello Elisabeth! What a beautiful thing to say... Thank you so much for your time reading all this and for such a kind message. You made my day. Nice to meet you! I wish you and your family a very happy Christmas:-)

[@bolivar1789]

+The School of Life You are most welcome. I always feel in debt with you. And it is the right thing to feel after watching the 424 videos you have made for us! Thank you so much for everything. Happy Christmas:-)

[@jaimeflor4181]

Lua, "The School of Life" is probably the most helpful channel that I'm subscribed to. I haven't watched 424 of their videos yet, but I haven't watched 1 video that didn't have something helpful in it.

[@cq33xx58]

Merry christmas Lua, You are unreal, I wish you to find all that you seek the next year... mostly Love i can tell :)

[@arete7884]

The difference is the state of energy the person is in ,its a subtle thing but yet everyone notices it , if you're in state of awareness during social interactions you will spot these imporant nuances.

[@coreycox2345]

It may be useful for the warm, polite person to realize that the cold, polite person feels things just as deeply and can care just as much. It is just that the way we express this is not the same. Also, it may not be because we have an exalted view of humanity. It could be that we are thinking about something else.

[@interestingcommentbut....7378]

coreycox2345 The warm person usually brings out that side in cold people. I can be both but it depends on who you surround yourself with and what mood they're in.

[@zennloo7343]

coreycox2345 that's exactly what this video says warm people do as the lil cold pointy nose guy hugs the warm pug nosed dude... 3:48 roughly

[@qaedtgh2091]

Moral of the story: cold people appeal to the _superego_, warm people appeal to the _id_.

[@kingofthetrill3586]

lmao must be why all my clients are big buyers, very few but big buyers.

[@DarkLordGanondorf190]

This video again brings to my attention one of my shortcomings. I often seem to come across as cold when I am really very concerned for others' well-being. I do see other people, especially those I value the most, as "bigger" than they probably are. I think highly of them, I want to acknowledge their opinions and experineces and just give them the room they deserve as grown adults with their unique and great personalities. And while I am doing all this, I often forget that they can be insecure, that they falter or make mistakes and sometimes want to rely on others or need a shoulder to cry on.

[@googleacc6022]

For me, it comes from thinking that I’m respecting their boundaries and giving them the space they need assuming that in a similar situation that’s what I would want..

[@ilhamonytube]

I find it hard to create emotional connection with my own living environment. People talk about local developments in education and politics, they pick their favorite politicians and regional candidates, they talk about android apps, and dating and flirting. While I would talk about more general knowledge like strange things in history, ghost stories, definitions... I don't know why I'm so afraid to catch up. I feel so detached and left behind.

[@johajoha460]

And interestingly enough, The School of Life would definitely be associated with the "cold person" rather than the "warm person"

[@Lyotac]

Johannes B why is that

[@theschooloflifetv]

Are you sure?

[@Stiggandr1]

When was the last time you made us cheese sandwiches? T_T

[@marcusquek7847]

I think they are more "warm", since they often discuss about vulnerability, fragility, imperfections etc.

[@Stiggandr1]

I know. All they talk about is the big issues, and all I want is a cheese sandwich. Lol. On another note, that reminds me of a conversation I had last night. When you read Lord of the Rings, Bilbo Baggins is considered among the wise of the elves. I was always fascinated by this until my second read through of The Fellowship of the Ring. It's subtle, but when you read scenes with Bilbo in them, (Especially in Rivendale.) you notice something. In these scenes, there is usually an underlying emotional truth or personal anguish that is being communicated. Recognizing that truth is wise. Recognizing and responding to that truth is even more wise. But Bilbo responds not with logic, but with the perfect emotional reciprocation to those scenes. He responds in ways that seem non sequitur, but in fact perfectly comfort the underlying anguish. I could just be reading something into the book that's not really there, but I do believe Tolkien is of the caliber to deliberately, or even passively, include something like that, and I think that it goes along perfectly with the theme of this video.

[@joesaround]

I think losing touch with your natural warmth is ironically a common side effect of personal development. You focus so much on bettering yourself that you unconsciously start seeing yourself as better than those you don't think are putting in the same work, or you feel inferior and defensive to those you think are doing more. Developing a genuine unconditional love for people as a whole is one of the hardest undertakings.

[@Acetelyne]

THIS!!!! This comment has summed up what I’ve felt for I don’t even know how long but could never put my finger on, more recently I’ve been working on what I’ve called being more “human”, but you could describe it as being more warm. I lost it because I’ve developed myself and just grew cold because of it. Thank you for this. You have no idea how much this has helped me 🫶

[@fadys3989]

This actually might be it. Thank you.

[@WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLU]

its also about vulnerability. be vulnerable. we are human

[@onetrueegg8287]

I’m actually sitting outside with no key in the middle of January in Chicago trying to avoid death but this was helpful too😭

[@morbid1.]

school of life is my tutorial for social life... whenever it starts... i hope soon, maybe... :|

[@AkaironoUnko]

Neurotyczny Kot Hello

[@sophiag2403]

Sae D. Unko I don't think he's ready

[@morbid1.]

internet is a different place...

[@AkaironoUnko]

Neurotyczny Kot Not necessarily, socializing to me is a matter of how one shares their information. The information you receive on Internet is, however, more manipulated and limited. Also less affected by the surrounding depending on the person. In reality it's more likely that the information can be affected by their surrounding like sounds that changes their mood therefore act on it. Needless to say, it doesn't matter if it's in real life or not. If both work out the information shared into an emotional investment then there you go. friendship is created. Are friendship not an achievement of socialization? Either way hello is what we always starts with. Sorry to sounds so awkward, you can probably guess I don't have too many friends and I don't, but the three I have. I hold them very dear to me. P.S please be kind and ignore my grammatical mistakes, it's 2 am I'm too tired to care.

[@bobbypatton4903]

I've found this warm attitude amongst my rock climbing friends. we all share food and graciously put up with each others inevitable body odor after a few days of climbing, haha!

[@splash2849]

Bobby Patton lol

[@Leon-pn6rb]

This channel is a gift to humanity.

[@greyareaRK1]

Now, how to do small talk?

[@tedchirvasiu]

So... what do you think about Hitler?

[@kalyanarc4467]

In my opinion, the purpose of small talk is to lead you to bigger, interesting topics. So small talk should be consisted of things that lead you to bigger, interesting topics.

[@ultort]

I think they have already made a video on it if I remember right

[@rozio9287]

John Matthias see alpha m. video on small talk, he's the chuck norris of it

[@flubbyz]

don't. Small talk is terrible, you're saying the same shit and asking the same things as everyone else. that's far from interesting in no way memorable.

[@emmanuelstyles6345]

I thought this was going to be a guide on how to stay warm in the winter. How can I be kind to someone when I'm freezing to death.

[@Nuhjeea]

Same. About to go on some winter hikes. Now I'm going to die from frostbite. Thanks, School of Life.

[@ItsaJuraff]

If you light a man a fire, you keep him warm for the rest of the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. With this in mind, we can focus more deeply on the basic needs of those around us, and take the full effect of our affection straight to their heart.

[@Bepetoni]

I learned some colour theory and character design from this video.

[@andrewdeangelo1]

For me,coldness is cynicism. I learned through high school to be a snob because many of my friends were that way, it is a very hard mentality to escape. I found this helpful. To be nurturing rather than cold is a virtue that is hard to practice but well worth it,I say. Who doesn't want to be a genuinely kind person?

[@Rosonicole]

I love how this brought me to think…treat strangers as you would your own children. Like they are innocent. When they might not appear as so. They forget but you could be the one that brings them back to that inner child. And that is such a great feeling. That feeling can literally stick with someone for so long they will never forget how you made them feel and love you.

[@YiaMdj]

What the hell I just wanted to know how to be warm. I'm always so cold, I some times keep my coat on indoors.

[@sillybillybob123]

Ahhhh but you might want to consider..what does it mean to be warm or cold? What even is a coat? Do indoors/outdoors exist? Can jet fuel melt steel beams?

[@tautvydasnagorskas4122]

Well, when you think about it, having a warm personality can warm you up physically. You may be cold, but if you're happy, you're not going to care as much about the cold.

[@Jachammer93]

Finish every shower at lowest temperature for a minute or two :) Been doing it for 3+ years and I am always way warmer than anyone I know

[@dothedeed]

Your body stops circulating blood to the extremities when you're seriously cold. People who die from hypothermia often strip naked trying to "cool down" when they're almost frozen.

[@YiaMdj]

Jachammer that seems like a good idea, I'm gonna give that a shot.

[@Anarcath]

I've lived in many different cultures and in some Asian countries like Korea and Japan, people are very polite but only because they have to be. It was impossible to get to know the "real" person buried under all that politeness. Maybe there isn't anyone else there. Maybe what you see is what you get.

[@interestingcommentbut....7378]

Trace Absence In Latin American countries people are the exact opposite! Very authentic and unapologetic.

[@Anarcath]

In Latin America I saw women who loved to party and came across as very open but actually very cautious. They were afraid to get a bad name as "whores" and "sluts" and justifiably so. On the other hand, the macho attitude of the men I found pathetic and pretentious. Bottom line: no one dared to be themselves.

[@romanfox5368]

That's interesting.

[@Nocturne108]

What if they are like that? Is it possible?

[@GhostSamaritan]

There's similar behaviors in Sweden and Russia. You act polite because that's expected.

[@juanmincia]

Haven't had a hug in years.

[@7000Leafs.]

ahh, man. you don't know what future holds.

[@Tom_Quixote]

@@7000Leafs. It's been three years now. Did you manage to get a hug?

[@7000Leafs.]

@@Tom_Quixote take the initiative.

[@7000Leafs.]

@@Tom_Quixote i've had plenty.

[@vanessaveiga9257]

Dang I'm a cold person. No wonder I'm a repellent of people especially those I like..

[@poppyseed5056]

omg me

[@Maijamaijamaijamaija]

Vanessa Veiga same

[@V.Hansen.]

Vanessa Veiga I'm so glad you said that. I thought it was just me. *wink wink* did it work? Did I sound warm? haha. I'm frostier than Elsa or the snowman.

[@vanessaveiga9257]

V. Hansen I don't know if being warm through the internet counts lol. The trouble is in person for me anyways.

[@simsitzer4578]

Literally me too

[@oliviahesson881]

This is harder than it looks because people might see you as being flirty or too clingy. I get what the video was going for but it only explained what warmth was, not how to actually BE warm.

[@arete7884]

All in the energy u embody its subtle but very noticeable nuance.

[@erincovert2880]

Clinginess is a characteristic of warm (more likely to be anxious than avoidant) people, but that doesn't mean you can't be warm and emotionally secure enough not to be intrusive or overly approval-seeking

[@Blullaby]

I'm really warm emotionally and physically to males and females the same way, and it doesn't mean anything more than what it is... But I've been told lately that it can be misleading, which sucks... I'm very frank and direct though... I believe in clarity / transparency... So if I'm in love with you, I'll probably just say it because I can't shut up ^^, but if I say nothing and just am, it's apparently hard for some people to not get the wrong idea ^^'

[@hornypervert3781]

Olivia Hesson I am so cold my hands glide off you.

[@chenluwu4270]

Growing up as the polite warm person, it feels so warm to watch how warm person treats people.

[@biancaisabellelariosa9196]

thank you for the louder volume!!!

[@datcat1981]

Gosh, I appreciate this channel so so much

[@sarkany888]

I'm glad you ended it with a hug.

[@Meg_A_Byte]

I like the visual style of this video. Cold person - pointy, sharp and cold shapes and colors versus warm person style, where everything is round and warm colored. It amplifies the feeling of the message from this video so much. It's my second from this channel I've seen, but I will definitely watch everything soon.

[@virginijusandrijauskas3012]

This is such a sweet little video. I love the art, how soft circles are used to represent the warm person, and sharp angles represent the cold person. The colour, too. Very beautiful.

[@isaactartaglia3442]

next video - "how to have friends and a family who love you and can help you get over that crippling depression you've been facing for 7 years, 12 weeks, 4 days and 3 hours"

[@PogieJoe]

The animation on this is so lovely. Very 60s.

[@azzaalameh]

This channel is the warmest of all. I also want to pay my respect to the people who worked on the animation, beautiful.

[@jokerkdk]

You guys always manage to make me feel so good about myself each day, all while confirming why i love other people. Thank you, as always.

[@bingo1232]

Daring to state the obvious -- it all comes down to empathy.

[@ohanadono3934]

your voice is the warmest voice I've ever heard 💖 i have finals & got depressed ... when i saw your videos & and heard you talking I instantly got better 💟 sir , thank you so much 💞

[@TKO_CEY]

the cold guy seems pretty cool

[@jackalope2302]

Kaan Ra A) good pun. B) Coldly polite is better than most forms of in-politeness but it isn't warm.

[@iradiakalenz4225]

yeah, he's so chill

[@kirstenkzachry7679]

This actually opened my eyes a bit. I've always been polite and kind, but never a confidant or companion. This has left me lonely, but I now see a solution.

[@vincentlotus5516]

think "I like you" body language is everything

[@illegalcommenter4300]

Vincent Lotus ;)

[@vincentlotus5516]

Andrew Jung try it sometime, one of those customer service tricks. It works.

[@eizhowa]

That warm person better not try to get anywhere near my bathroom door unless he wants a good scolding.

[@Brian-dq2jc]

This has been one of the most helpful vids for me on youtube, ived watched it a lot

[@andreaho4634]

The voice telling the story is simply amazing! Thanks for your awesome videos.

[@jordanl2403]

"A cheese sandwich, a glass of milk and a hug" a beautiful saying

[@problematicchild7742]

It's so sad. I would love to be a warm type of person and to some I really am. But it feels wrong sometimes because where I'm from, politeness and warmth are taken for granted from women. I feel like I'm giving in to this stereotype when I am warm and affectionate to anyone besides my siblings. Moreover, many men--- relatives, friends, or acquaintances, take this warmth for flirting, obedience, and take advantage. I really am torn.

[@ananya.a04]

My advice is always that treat others the way you would want them to treat you. Don’t think about it too much; it’s sometimes just that that prevents people from warming up to us and causes miscommunication. Also, don’t back down even if you feel like your niceness isn’t being reciprocated - people aren’t used to receiving kind behaviour from others without a hidden incentive, so they’ll naturally be a little skeptical and aloof at first. But don’t let that discourage you. You probably are making someone’s day by the small acts of kindness. About the part about men - make it clear from the beginning that your kindness doesn’t make you a pushover. Be receptive to others, but don’t be afraid to take a stand for yourself or establish your opinion and persona in the group. If they are invading your space or make you uncomfortable, just say it to their faces. I do this with friends and family alike. If they do it unintentionally, they will be more careful about it the next time. If they are doing it intentionally, then the embarrassment of being called out in a crowd is enough to keep them in line. Even they don’t stop even then, confide into someone elder you trust that can do something about it.

[@caravanofthieves]

The animation, colors, etc always do such a good job at fully cementing the concepts into my brain

[@dannylopez4940]

I always watch The School of Life when I'm feeling down. When I need someone to comfort me I check out videos like this one and feel more at ease because I remember I am human and not a monster. Thanks Allain and your team!

[@MohamedAhmed-ms9eu]

I had a friend who was welcoming and did all the right things in offering me food and drinks but ignored the small ones. For example, when I tried to curl my feet on the sofa he would give me a bad look seeming to ignore that I had been sitting in the same exact position for 3 hours. It upset me but I couldn't put my finger on it since he did the major things right in offering me food and drink. His kindness didn't come across as genuine - more of a formality.

[@1547-p4k]

did anyone notice the bobo, kiki design in the characters in the animation?

[@kamakozy13]

VANNIVEZ smart, smart

[@ItsMeTheSteph]

VANNIVEZ I'm not sure what that is but I noticed differences in shapes and colors with characters and their surroundings. "Cold" had very pointed, sharp, and angular features whilst having blue tones. "Warm" had softer and rounder features whilst having warmer colors like orange and yellow.

[@angiebaby8870]

VANNIVEZ I did notice that. And had forgotten these words til just now.

[@dothedeed]

I don't think you can call design "Bouba /kiki". That would be more of a "visual Onomatopoeia" for lack of a better phrase, and its more of an inherent human bias.

[@me000]

wow, i'm glad i've watched this. i've been having the issue of instinctually thinking that my compassion would be useless to everyone because they don't need it and don't care for it.

[@Sugarskulls_forever]

I have been enjoying these videos back to back when I feel that I have spare time on my hands. Honestly, the narrator's voice and content are refreshing and are thought provoking. I really appreciate this channel!! :)

[@puddinmaster4704]

i like giving people complements they deserve and open up to them simple things about myself. that way they seemed to be wanting my company.

[@ohsorandom]

Hello School of Life, I watch your videos and try to practice them with my life. Can you add something on commitment phobia?

[@michaelpesavento8268]

Hi, Baby steps,little by little you can get there just take it slow and know you'll get there someday!:) Thanks.

[@hypnotizeddream2099]

Warm people don't stay warm very long because of manipulative people who take advantage of kindness.

[@theschooloflifetv]

There are some manipulative types out there, and being wary is in some cases very wise, but our target in this 5 minute film is a different one: it's when one definitely wants to charm others, but finds oneself unable to, and hampered by reserve.

[@cq33xx58]

The worst mistake you can do is to change your behavior towards everybody because of some bad experiences you have till now...you will eventually treat the wrong way the wrong person and that will be a loss for you.

[@Davey97]

Hypnotized Dream. Some people just need to be put in their place now and again.

[@Un1234l]

@@cq33xx58 Try being falsely accused of sexual harassment because your warmth and hugs are taken to be sexually predatory and now you lost your job, reputation, friends, people instantly think you're guilty without investigation. You now have a scarlet letter due to a few people out of the many who misconstrue your intent and actions. Happened to a few people. Happened to me.

[@Un1234l]

@@cq33xx58 Thanks. I understand your apprehension. Before it happened to me and before I discovered how frequently it happens to others, I too would have had a hard time believing that claims of sexual harassment/assault would be anything but credible. It's still a raw memory for me. I only just gotten largely over it, putting it into my past. So unfortunately right now I don't really want to go into details. If you had asked a month prior I would have shared everything. Now I just want to savour the peace I've lost for almost 3 years of my life. I developed actual C-PTSD from it happening. This COVID self-isolation? Been self-isolating for over 2 years already. But long story short, everyone at work knew me as the kind, warm, caring guy. Most people would instantly like me. Many people who used to dislike me, bully me, or hate me would eventually turn around and treat me well, even lauding me as a great guy. I was the guy who preferred intimate conversation and immediately get past small talk and form deeper connections. I was chill, relaxed, confident, and I had the mentality of being strong to lift others up, because I've been through so much hardship I know how lonely it is and I never want others to feel what I did if I could do anything about it. When someone would need something, and I could easily help them, I'd do it. It's like a Southern Hospitality mentality, and of never knowing when someone is in pain but is putting on a mask. People saw how despite how focused I was at work sometimes, as soon as there's a rookie I'm in charge of, I would be completely engaged in helping them succeed. Many who thought I was cold, stuck-up and aloof turned their opinion around because of that. I had a great relationship with the guys, and the girls. A few became my surrogate sister and mother. We'd hug regularly because we adored each other. Now a new rookie comes in and I just am my usual self. Just the past week I helped two other boys in the way I do normally; when we'd be alone individually, they'd both remark with surprise at how nice and kind I am. At the time I didn't think my kindness was anything special, it was literally how I've always lived and I knew no other perspective. People would constantly tell me with surprise how nice I am and I'd never understand why they keep saying that, until during my PTSD self-isolation bitterness and anger phase I understood. Anyways, with this new rookie girl, I was wary in not giving her the wrong impression, whilst still maintaining my warmth. Everything was going great, and I found myself dropping my guard more the more we spent time together and joked around, and connecting like friends. She'd eventually win me over and drop my guard enough that I'd consider her my sister. So I treated her like a brother who adored his sister would. She even followed my lead when I was waiting for her after work to chat about strictly work related stuff to help her as a newbie. During convo she even mentioned giving her SnapChat to me for communication but since I didn't want to cross boundaries and I didn't have SC I just said Nah, I'll just use the work e-mail system. Anyways, hug and cuddle were involved, and throughout this exchange I'm thinking if she had any problem with the hugging/cuddling, she could just move away or say something about it, since we're having mutual conversation actually. Anyways I send her off and thought nothing bad of the (in my mind) positive interaction. Maybe 2 weeks later I'm called in about a SH/SA complaint. It was by the girl I built trust in and who won me over as a sister. My managers knew me for years but even they have to be skeptical and treat things seriously because "You never know," and it just wouldn't look good if they turned a blind eye. I'd also had prior complaints of SH/SA too-similar reasons of hugging, not any blackmail, suggestive language, crudeness, etc; except the prior complainant CLEARLY said I was her younger brother and she my older sister, so I should call her Noona (Korean term of _endearment_ for older sister). Her partner complainant I found out later only followed along because she was roped in to believe the hugging was SH/SA; I never suspected the other complainant was her due to us not missing a beat in our friendship for the 2 years I've known her, and she would say with a smile a few days after the complaint that "Wow, you are such a nice guy!" So because of a history, this new complaint just didn't look good to have on record. I became paranoid, confused, angry, lost focus, hypervigilant. Couldn't trust anyone anymore, and walking on eggshells: literally was told it doesn't matter what my intent was with my hug, it only matters what she interpreted it as. That's fucking bullshit. My familial hug for warmth was misconstrued for predatory seduction. Bullshit too because I saw her hug a gay co-worker after the fact like a brother/father as well. Same with the previous complainant who did the same thing (ironically this gay co-worker platonically admired and respected me very much unabashedly). Instantly recognized how fucking bullshit the double standards were. It warmed my heart to see their pure display of affection, but at the same time confused, lost, hurt at the arbitrary and ridiculous double standards. What if I was secretly gay, or married? What if I was known to be gay or married? My manager who talked to me about "the woman's interpretation is the only one that mattered" (HR guideline I suspect he also thinks is arbitrary based on how he said it to me) was even walking by one day when a female co-worker hugged him out of nowhere and treated him like she usually did, warmly, like an older sister. We both knew I saw that, and in my mind it further fractured my mind in how dumb and arbitrary a SH/SA accusation could be. For the following 3 weeks my emotions were shut down to protect my mind. I was losing focus, distracted by the broken trust and accusations, but convinced myself it was due to lack of exercise, sunlight, or focus. So I overcompensated by distracting myself with work. But one day when work was slow, when there was nothing to distract me with any longer, tears started to flow down my face uncontrollably. No matter how hard I fought it, they just came out. I didn't even actively think about anything but they just came out, and then I was forced in that moment to actively shut down the crying because I'm at work for God's sake. No matter how hard I tried to stop crying or distract myself, I couldn't, I could only wipe them away sometimes and minimize the tears. The grief had finally caught up. I did my best to hide my tears from the others until I finished my shift. I turned away from everyone which was awkward. I didn't know who saw or suspected anything. I don't think I did a particularly good job concealing everything. And about the time my shift would end, guess who I see from the corner of my eye walking by, catching a glimpse of me fighting back tears? Guess whose face went from dismissive and blissfully ignorant to suddenly standing there gazing at me with horrified guilt, confusion, and a visible shattering of what she thought she knew to be true? I left work that day trying to hide from everyone on the way my face and eyes. Then for the upcoming weeks while I remained at my job, a certain someone would be really sweet with me, and instead of ignoring me for 3 weeks from the complaint like before, she's actively engaging me and trying to be friendly, even complimenting me on how nice I was. My trust was shattered and I was hurting, though I appreciated the effort and gestures. This was also further reinforced by other colleagues meeting her for the first time, and them being ignorant about our history would frequently tell her she can trust "this guy over here" , and that "he's a very sweet and remarkable guy," or "he's a great guy." She'd also see me treating other boys and girls with the exact same warmth I treated her with, only this time I'm distancing from girls I wasn't already close with, and spending more time with the boys. Again, she could see my warmth with even just the boys. And then a few months later the MeToo movement happens. Believe all women, why would she lie? Predators hiding in plain sight. And our ignorant co-workers would naturally talk about this big event with me, or just casually discussing amongst themselves near me, and even when she was nearby to me. It was traumatizing and uncomfortable, I'm sure for the both of us. So that's my false accusation story due to misconstruing warmth for something more sinister. I'm honestly worried about her mental health and guilt because of all this. But I can't bring myself to reach out to her still, almost 3 years later. This misconstruing of warmth also happens/happened to other men. Most famously Vic Mignogna, but it also happened to Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, John Lasseter.

[@NothingLikeAGoodWork]

I love how your videos always seem to be assertive, rather then a broad opinion, but manage to be intriguing and able to be applied to most personal situations. Such a good job, once again.

[@CreightonMiller]

This was one of the most perspective-changing vids I've seen on your channel for a while; way to go!

[@ghaul111]

your videos always hit home with me

[@safewaycart]

This time music and sound effects volume is lower compared to voice. This is what it means to pay attention to the audiance requests. Well done.

[@choochoocharli]

Aww!! Your description of a warm person just sounds so friendly and nice. I love it when I meet someone like that.

[@Contemporarywise]

This is so touching and helpful.

[@gigganigga9351]

step 1: Grab blanket. step 2: cover yourself with said blanket. step 3: profit???

[@CasperKersten]

Blanket cocoon FTW, especially in the winter.

[@Rosi_in_space]

Phase 2: Sell underpants to Japanese single men?

[@hornypervert3781]

Weeb Slayer for the grace for the might of our lord for the home of the holy

[@marcogiacomoruaro2227]

hi, i sincerely like this video and love the channel! quick question: do you make the animations or there's a site that does that?

[@theschooloflifetv]

We work with a variety of freelance animators.

[@chrrosales]

Marco Giacomo Ruaro great question

[@lycheens]

I also love a lot of the animations. They aren't hugely intricate in how they move but the design is A* and the simplicity really works.

[@Tripserpentine]

Very good animations on this channel, that and the quality of the substance in the videos made me subscribe

[@daltongrowley5280]

id like to see a video about learning out to unabashedly unironically doing things, instead of being always afraid of what the world may think....its a struggle.

[@deeprince8856]

You can also be warm and classy/bougie. shrip, classical music and personal topics.. ended with a warm smile and BIG hug.

[@Music-mi5gg]

Ignore the haters, keep doing you TSOL!

[@theschooloflifetv]

THanks!

[@emopanda87]

I love the little hug at the end. I felt bad for the cold guy :-(

[@VMorgenthaler-yp6yz]

This video contrasts two kinds of classiness. The type that is performative, without real feeling, and meant to impress others with one's superiority. The other kind is the warm kindness the video talks about.

[@Rinne_is_real]

I love you School of Life! I love your videos and the narrator's voice is simply calming. I really wish you can make a video about giving a f--- about something you don't really care about (such as listening to other people talk).

[@theschooloflifetv]

Thanks so much.

[@madvolleyball95]

so, respect their dignity, and their ability to hold themselves up strong, But also be generous in your giving and kindness, recognizing their human needs not as a weakness, but as a commonality :)

[@Anonimulo]

I would like a cheese sandwich, a glass of milk, and a hug from Alain de Botton

[@theschooloflifetv]

Coming up!

[@imogenn3641]

Why are you selling plain black jumpers for £126 on your website? I thought The School of Life wasn't one to encourage highly priced status symbols. To put the icing on the cake the jumpers aren't even available in a large size because they 'run small'.

[@CasperKersten]

The way people are described and compared here reminds me very much of the video about cynical people. How strong is the connection between cold vs. warm people and cynical vs. non-cynical people?

[@dr.vegetable]

Casper Kersten I am cynical but I wouldn't call myself cold :@

[@addsk966]

The whole video I felt bad for the "cold one" but when they hugged at the end it made my heart warm up.

[@grillbaked]

God this is so British lol.

[@theschooloflifetv]

It comes out of Britain - but has global resonance, we feel.

[@KutadguB]

I agree with both of the above :)

[@JohnCasey]

Alain is as French as he is British.... it's warm, is what it is. Don't you think Americans could use a little more of that?

[@svetlanajones3912]

True!!

[@samuelsnyder1587]

@@theschooloflifetv it does, indeed

[@KoolT]

These are great daily reminders

[@pasquino0733]

Thankyou... I love these videos that encourage empathy - we need a lot more of that in every facet of our world :)

[@ericmacfadyen4134]

So succinct. The ending made me listen to Hungry Heart

[@gamophyte]

Yay! Everyone to Alain de Botton's house for toasted cheese sandies!

[@katkhan6049]

I've watched this video 3 times this week. One of your best so far.

[@ALSeth-Storyteller]

Awwwww.... want a hug?

[@EyalBor]

Huuuuuuuug

[@imapabdou2503]

It's all about COMFORT!

[@allisonsmith1041]

School of life isn't very vegan friendly :')

[@allisonsmith1041]

VeganRevolution haha true

[@FoggyMcFogFace]

Let's make Gary sandwiches instead :) (for those that don't understand: www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/food/article-3819260/Woman-s-furious-Facebook-rant-against-dairy-free-cheese-goes-viral-vegans-embrace-Gary.html)

[@lloydmullins2658]

Come on now, haven't you been watching this long enough (or have enough common sense) to know that everyone will not have the same view of the world as you. just imagine he said avocado and bean sprout on non-animal product bread sandwich. :)

[@lloydmullins2658]

brainwashing? please expand my mind

[@ThePayola123]

Allison Smith Exacto...I love being vegan. Break out the warm almond milk already.

[@shivanshuagarwal4349]

What a vid! Got a tear in my eye.

[@Yvädastra]

I just wear a coat. I guess that's why no one likes me...

[@noorulaynx]

Never have I subscribed to a channel as quick as this ☺

[@DeanRendar]

I came to a shamefully late realization today, the world was always being warm back when I made up my mind almost 2 years ago to turn a new leaf, start over, and try things a new. Things never turned out the way I thought they would entirely but what ever does? But I never stopped to think if it was because of preference or unavailability. In a new situation as the rookie renegade leader with no experience or formal training I assumed the worst and my fragile self esteem concocted all the scenarios in isolation. Returning to the led by someone else to a more structured and time tested role in a community I finally realize I was in warm situations the whole time, I just could not realize what I should do now, and that the very same things I've feared as well as practiced very carefully to psychologically not get swindled or blindsided by, was the only things offering an innocent hand out to someone in a desperate need to fix his broken state. I took it all wrong, and realize the warmth was the reason there were responses to interpret in the first place. I'm befuddled in the fact that being outwardly warm was the gimmick I raged over never having reciprocated for me from an "unjust" world. Now I know it was a personal thinking error, and thankfully, its a lot easier to pick up where I left of and then some. Thank you to all those who in actuality was the change I wanted to see in the world which led me to attempt it solo because I deemed it lacking. Like a family it was there even when I didnt see or appreciate the gesture for what it truly was.

[@eus9]

Yet another incredible video that absolutely nails the complexities of human beings. Thank you.

[@lucianeeichelt1043]

Great video! I think, as a brazilian, that there are cultural aspects that can usually influence the behaviours between cold and warm politeness.

[@vixenkinz4074]

I thought this was how to be warm in the winter. That would be helpful because I live in Minnesota

[@trufisp1]

...thank you....