How To Deal With Difficult People | Scripts for Crucial Conversations: Communication Skills Videos

[@TheWizardOfWords]

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[@edrenajones5960]

Gentle friend, I haven't seen all your lessons, except for the one on wimmen:men commo. I was a sergeant in the Army, and commo was my first couple of tours. I learned while giving commands to pitch my voice just a half-step or so lower. I could control my voice better and I think all soldiers responded to this authority voice better. I know, it's not fair. I learned to cuss, then had to learn not to! And last but not least, I couldn't call anyoner Dear or Honey (this was a Long time ago!). When a trooper called me sweetie, I told him "that's Sgt Sweetie private." I learned that day. Hope this helps.

[@nikstar1313]

Wow..short, sweet, specific. I am a Social Worker, Employment writer/ Job coach and pup star sitter and I literally ramble on like an idiot sometimes I feel..I remember this back to school where I just felt so uncomfortable speaking or like my opinion didn’t matter…even just trying to connect with other kids as I felt like I spoke too fast (I did) as I was always so nervous and I still reply with ‘Nik novels’ for messages, comments and conversations!! I have so much to learn from you Dan!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Nikki, we all have a lot to learn--all of us.

[@97lumberjack]

Dan you're such a brilliant smooth communicator I almost feel like I'd enjoy being reprimanded if you were my boss at work. Lol! Love your videos, Dan. I practice & use your strategies. They've transformed my communication with my family, coworkers, & difficult situations to the point where people are actually bumboozled at my newfound transformation and self control. My 16yr old son is now a fan of yours because he's personally seen the change in me. Realizing WHO I am and not letting others change me and my perspective has been the key. Stoicism rocks.

[@SydMountaineer]

Same here - it's because he bases the language he uses on communicating without ego, emotions, and is a person of integrity who truly cares to be decent to others.

[@funkyyyykitty]

As someone with real life struggles in talking to others( I do really well with writing/emails etc), I fumble to find words and fail to communicate well. This has led to lot of bullying at work place. And I fee deep resentment for not speaking up. Your videos are a blessing to me. I will watch these videos on repeat every day. Please keep up the good work, God bless🙏

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you, R Shenoy, and I will keep it up :)

[@wanketta]

I LOVE this channel. I’ve been retired for two years, yet I really enjoy and admire the content here. Dan is a communications rock star!!

[@djw8591]

Dan, thank you soooo much! I watch and re-watch your videos frequently. This one was particularly helpful to me this week at work when I had to have a sit down at work with an employee whose job performance is very lackluster, and in front of my own supervisor. It helped keep the meeting tight, and not get off track. Your simple wisdom is brilliant.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you Deidre. I'm happy to be able to help you in your professional life--and hopefully in your personal dealings as well. Dan

[@djw8591]

Oh my goodness. Almost a year to the day and I am back listening to this again. So much wisdom here. I had to come back for a refill!!

[@taniafino3393]

Dave you’re my favorite channel! How to respond when supervisor always uses gas lighting/ condescending phrases such as “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you seem to be under the impression you were getting a promotion”

[@hayleyb467]

Dan has LOTS of videos on this channel about that exact issue:)

[@monicahill9335]

What a profound explanation of only one relationship 👏 Mind-blowing paradigm, yet so elegantly simple to put into practice. Thanks, Dan!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Glad you liked it, Monica. :)

[@fazbell]

The dog thing was brilliant. Sad that I didn't have this series thirty years ago. It could have made a big difference.

[@EllaChinois]

It is very enlightening. I really appreciate all the efforts you put into making these wonderful videos.

[@aartidayal4268]

Excellent video. Very informative and practical tips for improving communication skills. Thanks so much Dan.

[@NightmaresStorm]

This is really going to help me communicate better thank you so much. It's surprising that a change of perspective is all that's needed sometimes.

[@EllieShinKnight]

I wish I could press a “love button” for some of ur videos that are so enlightening for me

[@cottonHoover]

Bro your convos are fire and help me out alot at my work as a jailer

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks a lot for saying that, Colton. I assume fire is good?

[@joannasmart1815]

You Rock, Dan O'Conner !!!!

[@grind-n-find214]

Dan is Amazing!

[@Luvnsummer]

Thank you, so insightful!

[@ohawaiki]

Wow... An amazing eye opener!!! Only one relationship

[@bethshebaovercame9580]

This really helped me and popped up exactly when I needed it.

[@gemenigal5481]

Dan I just found your Chanel. I’m very happy omg you’re such a great communicator and great teacher. I learned so much watching this video. I love the point that you made that once I believe who I am and remind myself if that in all my relationships and not to allow anyone to change who I am I will succeed in all my relationships. Thank you and God bless

[@Maggie-gn7rm]

Here, you offer something that is not always found in this videos. That is a good foundation on how the way we think and who we are links to the very practical techniques in communicating effectively. You really offer the whole picture and for that, I thank you. 👍

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Maggie. The whole picture is part of solving the whole problem.

[@EllieShinKnight]

You don’t know how much you’re helping me!!!!!!! 💕💕💕

[@mickeyg3305]

Holly Molly Yes!

[@dexterdanieltnt]

That was a VERY interesting perspective.

[@MegaTinni]

This is Dan at his best!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

OK, now I'm blushing. Thanks MegaTinni. Dan

[@MegaTinni]

My pleasure Dan, and thank you. I have learned a lot from you, and still do.

[@MrAdonis561]

DAN.....YOU'RE THE BEST!!! THANK YOU SOO MUCH!!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're welcome MrAdonis561, and please continue to like, comment, and share. PLEASE!! :) Dan

[@yobee100]

Thank you, outstanding.

[@sunnyseven9687]

This was a Master Class. Thank you!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Sunny. Go to my website danoconnortraining.com and check out more master classes :)

[@pmacdo]

You are the best thank you

[@feralswann]

Hi Dan, You said “speeds up self-talk.” Can you direct me to the video where you introduce this? I undermine myself big time with this one.

[@MelissaJMJ]

Amazing as always. Thank you.

[@Iamme24870]

This is my favorite KZbin channel

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Great to hear! Now please spread the word, Audrey :)

[@kimneuparth5565]

Fantastic, thank you!

[@creator2149]

Thanks Dan.

[@aderodriguez3481]

Oh my god, I noticed you have a dog! That's sweet, he is so cute. I could see him just a little. Again you express sooo great And effective.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Buddy and Maggie Mae are my springers--parents to Jack and Buck--my parents' springers. Buddy is a communication trainer, and Maggie Mae is just a material girl-- :)

[@shirtmark]

Dan, I see what you are talking about is exactly matching the principles of NVC non-violent communication by marshall rosenberg, right? however you modified them slightly due to motivational reasons. I like it :-)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Klaus: I'll check out Rosenberg. He's not one of my teachers or mentors, but I'm happy to hear we're thinking alike.

[@shirtmark]

Yes, Dan, actually he s having the structure of Observation, Feeling, Needs and Request. But your approach with "A-E-I-O-U" is even more easy to remember ;-) Good luck in doing all this amazing work with your great videos and lessons!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Klaus. Wouldn't it be wonderful if several sources of mindful communication converged and the planet regained the civility borne of awareness, compassion and concern? If we all use the platforms given us, I believe this is possible.

[@shirtmark]

Yes, you are so right, Dan! As I am - similiar to you - quite passionate on communication skills and give trainings on them, I believe it s a basic skill for bringing more awareness, joy and peace into the world :-)

[@jamiekrista]

Wow...great stuff

[@amyrichardson3140]

Dan O’Conner, if in multiple conversations with a person who CONSTANTLY makes EXCUSES.. what is some language to help hide the excuse maker forward? I need help!

[@amyrichardson3140]

omit the word hide.... not sure why that posted

[@beverleycumming1876]

Fantastic

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you so much Beverley and please spread the word. Comment and share at will (whoever that Will is). Dan

[@lorindahandcock-cropper1185]

good theory, and plan, however for effective conflict resolution or effective communication, you should also give the other party time to speak and get there reasons across, Mary's child might have been sick and she needed to travel extra distance to drop child for minding, and the extra traffic incured delayed her getting to work ontime. food for thought, we cant always give proper communication without listening ourselves.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Absolutely!

[@claudiabrown6329]

I can relate to reasons why I was late...I had a child with a disability and mornings were very difficult.

[@Burchamarama]

How do you deal with people who believe they are more "enlightened" than you, and who discredit your whole being and experience as "not good enough?"

[@Nope_Nope]

A B Run! Run as fast as you can... Just like the GingerBread Man...! And if running isn’t an option, then look up on youtube- “How to deal with Narcissists, and Sociopaths...

[@sackratte24]

9:26 says it all.

[@truth322]

Karl an 😁

[@persiusk]

Audio was much louder this time, thanks.

[@intrinsicallyme8404]

12:45 ohhh myyy dayssss I shat myself 😂😂😂

[@misstbikini]

ty!!!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

YW!

[@l15t3nr]

I wonder why someone is late knowing they want to do well and want to be on time. I wonder whats going on in their life. I wonder what habits they have, how they handle stress, if they've experience trauma, if they have an addiction, if they need help. I wonder how I can help rather than demand more from someone that might not be having a good time in the world. That's just coming from a place of empathy though. I know not everyone sees life through an empathetic lens and yearns for deeper understand of cause rather than effect.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Some people are just disorganized and perhaps a little self-centered. I don't think they're giving their tardiness a great deal of thought. From my experience, I wouldn't go much deeper than that.

[@Lady_Amalthea9]

Hi, this was really eye opening for me, thanks for making this video! I have a question regarding this. What do we do if our best isn't really that great to begin with, isn't there a danger of just coming across as fake, or just getting exhausted from going against our nature all the time? I know for a fact not everyone is nice and kind and stuff like that, or otherwise someone could be so beaten down and abused that niceness just dies in there. What best self is there in bad apples? How do us bad apples get to be "better" without fakeness exhaustion? I truly want to be a much better person but i admit i'm just genuinely bad and idk what to do about it. I don't want to hurt the people around me but i literally always do, without even trying. Thanks again, sorry if i don't make a lot of sense, english isn't my first language. Best regards!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

3Sunslayer, first of all, I do not believe there are "bad" people. I believe that good people sometimes fail and do hurtful things--for many many reasons, most of which will be unknown to us. Speaking kindly and trying to do "good" things is not a fake or phony thing to do. Striving to be our best selves is not being fake. Yes, sometimes kindness can be exhausting, but it is also rewarding. And good people don't have to suffer abuse. Goodness is not weakness. Goodness is strength. To say that trying to do the right thing is "going against our nature" is, in my opinion, a statement based on the falsehood that one's nature is "bad." Your nature, like mine or the nature of anyone else is essentially good, but flawed. Work on the goodness within you and overcome the flaws. That is the task of every civil person on earth.

[@Lady_Amalthea9]

@@TheWizardOfWords thank you kindly for taking the time to reply and for reminding me (and maybe others too) to see these things from a more positive perspective! All the best!

[@GS-st9ns]

How do you handle employees who are old enough to be your parents, and I don't mean offer them a retirement LOL. People are getting older and they want to work longer, but the style you are offering today doesn't necessarily work because it sounds like a reprimand. I am over 55 now and I'm purposely not late because I couldn't listen to someone reprimand me. I taught school longer than most of them have been alive, and am no longer in charge. How do you walk that line?

[@amazingyear9042]

sounds like being consistent.

[@truth322]

don't talk at ppl..talk to them..a lot of employers get this wrong

[@vkng_drag0n982]

I have no patience. I'll say it they way it comes out and deal with it.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Vicky, I think the operative phrase here is "and deal with it."

[@SarahRejsa-oi6bq]

♥️

[@JulineBasil]

Omg- if someone spoke to me like that it would be very ineffective.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Then best not to say it.

[@curiousnook6358]

👏👏👏😁

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you for the applause, Curious Nook. :)

[@russellwalsh9081]

"with your ready light on" does not sound sweet or specific.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Really? Sounds specific to me. Apparently we see it differently, Russell.

[@czy.rus.bon13]

4:39

[@sharonhainesNumber1Red]

I have had jobs where you would get fired if you are late, more than once or twice.

[@yolandapai-ge7521]

♥️💋♥️💋♥️💋♥️💋♥️♥️💋♥️💋♥️

[@parler8698]

Dude, use the carrot way more than the stick.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes.

[@sharonhainesNumber1Red]

The Universe is not God any more than a clay cup is God. The Universe is the creation, not the Creator.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Really?

[@sharonhainesNumber1Red]

@@TheWizardOfWords Obviously, in order for their to be a creative, their must be a Creator. A building does not just build itself. Anyone can see the sunset and know there is a grand design, and there must be a Grand Designer. I do not have enough faith to believe everything came from nothing.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I see it differently.

[@sharonhainesNumber1Red]

@@TheWizardOfWords Because you do not have eyes to see or ears to hear.

[@sharonhainesNumber1Red]

@@TheWizardOfWords You are blinded by the god of this World.

[@intrinsicallyme8404]

I wonder if your house is haunted

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Funny you should say that--

[@staceyd2057]

Thst's interesting, why would you say that haha

[@valerierobertson1611]

Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor 9:32 dogs are sensitive to the presence of ghosts and spirits.

[@Nope_Nope]

Excellent💫

[@donnarakitzis2719]

AEIOU. Brilliant