How to Deal with Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships | Sex and Relationship Coach | Caitlin V

Another guy is hitting on your girl. How do you feel? Jealousy and insecurity are extremely common, but left unchecked, they can enslave you in negative feelings and even destroy relationships. Thats why, in this video, I'm talking about where these emotions come from, and how to overcome them in 5 simple steps. 💋LEGENDARY LOVER: SHE COMES TOO COURSE | Be the Best She's Ever Had💋
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00:00 Start
01:20 Why even deal with jealousy and insecurity?
03:38 What is compersion?
04:36 My 5 steps for dealing with jealousy and insecurity in a relationship!
11:49 Make sure to pleasure her ALL the time!
14:30 Build your confidence and security in your relationships
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#CaitlinV

[@CaitlinV]

💋LEGENDARY LOVER: SHE COMES TOO COURSE | Be the Best She's Ever Had💋 www.caitlinvneal.com/legendary-lover-2/?+to+deal+with+jealousy+and+insecurity+in+relationships

[@lymanmayhew935]

I was never a jealous person until my ex wife had an affair during our marriage. I struggle with this even 16 years later. Thanks for this video!

[@vanessamw1140]

This may be a bit lengthy but I hope you'll read it and give it some thought. Perhaps it can help in some way. First I'd like to say I'm sorry you've had to live with that painful experience and the negative consequences its had on you through out your life. I'm sure it's quite a struggle. I also want to tell you that I used to be a jealous person until my husband cheated. I wasnt like a crazy person jealous, but I got jealous over silly things that probably weren't justified. Once I started suspecting my husband was cheating, I became overtaken with jealousy...and grief. When I think back on it, I realize how close I came to a mental breakdown. But since then...once it all came to light and we had some time to move past it, I'm not at all jealous anymore. It doesnt mean I dont love him. I do and that's why I chose to stay with him...a cheater, I guess. But somewhere in the process of it all, it's like something went off in my head that made me realize that those years I spent being jealous or worrying he might cheat on me didnt do a damn thing to prevent it. During the time I felt it in my gut that I knew he was cheating but i didnt have the proof, that jealousy nearly drove me mad, and still, it didnt change the reality of what was happening. So somewhere along the line, I guess I just realized that the only impact that jealousy, fear, and worry were having was on myself and my mental health and happiness. I accepted that if he is going to want someone else, there's nothing I can do about it. I can let myself go mad with jealousy, and it wont change the situation. If hes going to cheat, hes going to cheat. Theres nothing I can do about it. This wasnt an attitude I consciously arrived at. It just happened in me and one day I had the realization that this was my new outlook. But the purpose of me telling you all this is that I hope it sparks the same realization in you as well, and you can be at peace too eventually. ❤

[@trinsit]

@@vanessamw1140 but if you were wanting monogamy, why did you stay? You could have left him to find someone who also wants monogamy. Or do you not believe monogamy exists anymore? I'll never get proof, but I know my ex cheated. I don't believe monogamy exists. At best, you can TRY to keep everyone ignorant about sex and force everyone into marriage without dating. But you also invite higher std and teenage pregnancy rates and it totally backfires as human biology will drive people forward even in ignorance. But you get the advantage of feeling like you've done a good thing to society.

[@lymanmayhew935]

@vanessamw1140 Sorry Vanessa, but cheating is cheating, and I will not be ok with someone doing that to me,period. And I sure in the hell wouldn't stay with that person. I value myself and have too much respect for myself to put up with that shit! But you're right about one thing if they want to cheat, there is nothing anyone can do about it. And yes, i read the whole thing,thanks..

[@bobhill4582]

Thanks Caitlin. I am generally not jealous but I remember being at a party with my girlfriend and after she spent 45 minutes talking to a guy I felt that I should go over. It turned out he was gay. She moved on and I talked to him for about 45 minutes cause he was super interesting 😀

[@dajeedwards]

Catlin I too am going to recover from jelousy and no longer identify as an insecure person!

[@kallmezae832]

Caitlin I too am going to recover from jealousy and no longer identify as an insecure person👍

[@jamesdufour4836]

A lady asked me what my greatest strength is this weekend, and I said security. It’s been a journey, and I’m so thankful to be here. Great video, as always. Especially for us poly folk. Thank you!

[@davidz2808]

You're both polyamorous?

[@theprousteffect9717]

Jealousy has been programmed through millions of years of evolution, of course it's natural. Sure, jealousy can be greatly enhanced by the way we're socialized and by one's insecurities (which is the case for me). But you can be the most confident, secure, emotionally healthy person and still have perfectly rational concerns that your partner might prefer someone else over you and could potentially leave you. This fear is a completely natural part of being human. With males in particular, jealousy serves an important function, which is to help reduce the chances of cuckholdry and him having to use finite resources to support offspring that isn't his. Being completely free of jealousy isn't really the point, nor is it possible for most people. The goal is to manage it by openly communicating with your partner, and by learning to accept the omnipresent possibility that your partner can always leave you. This is just a reality you have to live with when dealing with other people. They always have the option to leave (and if they don't, that's abuse), but if it's a healthy, loving, trusting relationship, you know the chances of that happening are acceptably low.

[@trinsit]

The idea of cukery and raising children that are not yours is a fantasy idea in your head, just the same as the jealousy. If you go back far enough on the family tree everyone on the entire planet is related. If no one took care of anyone that "wasn't theirs" then you're asking for the worst of situations where orphans are left to die on their own everywhere. Be responsible to Everyone instead. The rest of what you said in how a relationship needs love and all those other things still applies regardless of whether you choose monogamy or not. How are you assuming jealousy has been around for millions of years? How old do you think humans have existed? Jealousy is the feeling of the fear of loss. It's created by forming attachments that you identify as yourself. You fear losing a part of yourself and react in anger, suspicion, violence, or the weight drags you down when you feel empty. You choosing monogamy or having been raised in monogamy culture doesn't make it the law of the universe. For one, statistically, humans are not monogamous.

[@gordonbecker1456]

​@trinsit you're dumb. Pair bonding is very real. It exists for a reason. I agree in the idea of it takes a village to raise a child because that is very true. It DOES NOT take away the reality that marriage and monogamous relationships were the most common and healthy relationship style.

[@BamsenSlagbjorn]

@@trinsitDang, you really do not understand evolution

[@LeadedCoffee]

I absolutely needed this video and will refer back to this when I am experiencing jealousy again. I’m a bit insecure, mostly over my looks, but I try to focus on other things that bring me happiness. I may never meet anyone because of my looks, but at least I have things that bring me joy.

[@TheGreyguse]

You have the best videos! I enjoy watching your stuff while I take breaks at work!

[@AlexHarrison]

I just lock my girlfriend in a room and tell her it's just a kinky fantasy of mine. She hasn't left the room in 4 years but I don't have to worry about jealousy AT ALL.

[@adammorton6540]

Caitlin you are amazing!🦄 You have helped me sooo much I watch basically everyday. My wife and I are on our journey thanks to you!!! Love you!

[@simplesmile6984]

I think when a partner makes his or her someone special Insecure they FAIL as a partner, and that goes to show how little they think of that other one, it means they aren't serious about that relationship they are in, if you are with someone make sure you got your heart and yes on them, that they don't need to worry constantly be on guard and etc cuz you are there for them sadly many women and men don't know real Love now a days and are not committed enough to one another, after all Love is not just a feeling it's infinitely deeper and requires sacrifice, faithfulness and so much more but it requires 2 to be 1 or if it's just one pulling all the weight you'll brake down .... Is how I see it ) God bless you all

[@lenframe]

Thank you! Perfect timing for me. You're the best!!!

[@thomasjuuljensen4223]

Great video, and great topic :) ! I used to be jealous in earlier relationships, its a horrible feeling, but i Got over it when i met my girlfriend! I do sometimes get hit by retroactive jealousi, which is really a killer just as Well - so Caitlin, if you need a topic for another video, i would love to watch your take on retroactive jealousi :) !

[@nenishere24]

You are a Queen CaitlinV! Thank you! I love you!!

[@trulysurprised-bk7cy]

Get rid of it ! No time for jealousy !!!

[@kamalamaniyamrajagopal9187]

Awesome, thanks for step 3

[@masoudsolky2346]

Hey Caitlin, Tanx for the perfect video, as always! Will you plzzzz make a video about Retroactive Jealousy???

[@johnbowman476]

Great video!

[@Foever378]

This is not easy to do but it's absolutely valid.

[@LisaSabala]

Yeah, that's one common issues since ages ago. I love your tips, classic but very helpful.

[@earlknapp9918]

You are amazing and thanks for all you do

[@anthonyikechukwu6333]

Thank you for this information.

[@jerrytanner5604]

It is a real problem and many hundreds of thousands of people suffer from this. It's called Retro Active Jealousy. There is a cure, and it has to be dealt with on a daily basis....but facing it, takes time and determination.

[@spencegould4128]

Excellent advice. I used to suffer from jealousy. It took me a couple times at bat but now I’m totally getting great at gettin’ over it. Your High Performance Male community has armed me with the EXACT tools I need to stay on a vibration that’s way too high for that anymore. If you’re reading this and considering High Performance Male coaching - stop considering and sign up soon! I’m currently enrolled and it’s already changed my Life and my SexLife!!

[@ProfWho-ut5he]

Yeah.. Can't get a relationship so I may never experience jealousy.

[@ihategooglealot3741]

Jealousy exists, the notion that it doesn't is plain foolish, a person taking their own selfishness and creating an excuse for it by denying the feelings of others. Really good video, valuable tools for dealing with it. Often people (of both sexes and all orientations) treat others badly and then act jealously towards them - that's bad behaviour - treat people well, and set out expectation that they should treat you with respect. We all sometimes need to ask ourselves if we're placing an unfair balance of expectation and demand.

[@Coldfin9er]

For me there are 2 distinct types of jealousy, jealousy over something you think would happen or jealousy over something that has happened. The former most likely driven by self confidence / anxiety / past experience (fear of being hurt) and the latter based squarely on trust post an event (fear of being hurt again). Either way it’s a mind fuck emotion and one that will consume all if not addressed. If you are in the unfortunate situation where you have been betrayed, the person who is suffering really needs to look hard at their ability to genuinely and unconditionally trust their partner again. Lots of couples mange to move past such a betrayal and can retain a healthy relationship, but, there shouldn’t be any guilt if the struggling party can’t. There is no point in continuing the suffering, It will end up destroying everything so just admit an unacceptable boundary has been crossed and move on. If on the other hand the jealousy is based on the fear of being hurt and what may happen, that also needs to be checked and talked about openly. Worse case the behaviour could turn to possessiveness and controlling, both very dangerous. On both cases, it all boils down to unconditional trust and 2 people’s ability to communicate about it 🙂 Edit: post number 69 👌👍🤣😛

[@brianwilliams6839]

That's true, I'm not jealous at what she is doing, I'm jealous at what I THINK she is doing!

[@janpauledwarddedios5366]

Great advice but I would be cautious about what you do next because it could just be harmless as you say or sometimes it could be a manipulative trick. I agree knowing your partner is really important in regards to deciding what to do next.

[@2fpick]

Much obliged!!!

[@rustymurdock1748]

I wish I had the money to get your coaching. Love your videos.

[@10a1978]

Caitlin, I too would recover from jealousy.

[@47ooB]

I love you 2 , thank you

[@user-ud4vi7zv9v]

Hey Caitlin I'm going to try to get over jealousy

[@munkeefinkelbeen5395]

Happy to be a recovering jealous person. I'll have an occasional flair up, but for the most part, I'm pretty chill. I'm to the point where (currently single, btw), I can look at really attractive coworker, or customer, and feel no jealousy at all toward them talking to someone else. I've noticed that my lack of jealousy even seems to attract them to me...anyway! Thank you for sharing this information! You're a great help ☺

[@djfrank59]

In reality, jealousy is a useless emotion....

[@KallyJones]

I think that presenter may have dismissed the inverted relationship of jealousy to other things. Loneliness may have, as a core component, jealousy. Anxiety, Mood, and about three other DSM listings that can be triggered by jealousy.

[@jaredaltenhof7215]

I will overcome jealousy and stop being an insecure person.

[@jonathanjollimore4794]

That kind of got knocked out of me early in life and problems with that is I assume way too much about others...

[@vicguani2108]

Thank you

[@p_nutt]

Agreed, with almost everything except the locking the phone thing. Me and my partner know each others lock codes. When we had locks at one point, it just cause problems, so no secrets.

[@BillCollins0707]

Ok. Gonna think about this. For future.

[@trulysurprised-bk7cy]

Don't deal with it, move on !!!

[@jenniferlaroche6007]

i am an A EXTREMLY JEALOUS PERSON.. and i hate myself for it!

[@johnnyblaze4053]

I am a jealous and insecure person... I mean I still seek the approval of someone that treats me like an after thought 🤣 and I am looking to get over this because I don't want to die unhappy one day 🤗. Caitlin you are a phenomenal being thank you for everything.

[@vickifennell6925]

I love your channel and your advice!! I’ve learned so much!! Thank you. I hope this question is ok… how do we handle jealousy and insecurity in a threesome situation? Sorry to be so blunt… I’m struggling with this! I enjoy it but I have to pull myself together several times during… and some of that stuff creeps up on me from time to time, while sleeping 😏 in dream form!

[@brianwilliams6839]

I'm very jealous! Or used to be! Now I employ the strategies I use to stay off drugs to stop me being jealous! I just overthink everything!

[@rabidgator6473]

If your girlfriend/ wife, and they are talking/flirting with another guy, it calls into question “are they really truly trustworthy “? If they really “love “you then why are they talking to anyone else ? So if you knock the shit out of the person your girlfriend/wife is talking to then he deserves it, and you embarrass her, i then they both get what they deserve. For the guy learns she has someone, and he needs to go away; she learns that she screwed up by putting someone else in danger, and she has just put the relationship in jeopardy.

[@markgorton7175]

Been a jealous person for years and always thought it was my fault I couldn't stop feeling that way, but just recently I discovered that there is a phycological condition known as Borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) . People who have this have an extreme fear of abondonment, which leads to the jealousy and anger,.

[@digivizionmedia894]

Great video. What I can’t grasp is why your partner would be so into or all over some other guy if she’s that in love with you. How/why would she be so intrigued by someone else?

[@christopherswanson84]

I need jealousy recovery ASAP

[@IdAlly]

Thank you so much! I get into a panic attack. My partner is poly.

[@danielsmith-ze3wy]

Morning everyone

[@ogersteiner]

I too am a person who suffers from jealousy and I want to recover.....the rest the words you said....sorry short term memory - no bueno.

[@jdivitt]

How do you deal with all these feelings if it is just a work crush?? I talk daily quite openly with a co-worker but my mind races about who else she's talking to

[@munkeefinkelbeen5395]

Been there before. What worked for me is, if I wanted to ask her out and see what happened, I did (I don't recommend this, especially if you work together often, as it can lead to a LOT of awkwardness in the workplace if things don't work out), or I'd remind myself that she's "not mine," and has her own life, and can do whatever the hell she wants, ya know? Hope that helps some. Best of luck, bud ☺

[@daviddawkins2989]

I believe igree with you

[@CP-qh2gm]

Hey Caitlin ,just wondering if you have any plans for going on tour after covid? Specifically Canada? love all your content, you are smokin hot!!!

[@comedienne3896]

I too

[@cruzmesa8079]

to me ,jealousy is like a green snake , a long ass snake that is wrapped around your stomach and neck, you feel like the snake is pressing real hard on the stomach and telling you some shit that you try to ignore.

[@chrispetite7338]

Did you actually read my mind before posting this video??? Luv your videos

[@jafaralijaffery636]

Hi ma'am

[@trinsit]

So long as I am being treated with love and respect, I DO experience compersion. I don't think I was meant for monogamy, I just don't want to be abused. And religious idiots can't come up with ANYTHING other than, "YoU aRe BeInG aBuseD if they do ANYTHING with anyone!" I'm perfectly fine on my own and don't NEED anyone. I'm just looking for a best friend and that WE can play with others from time to time because sex is just a fun activity and doesn't change how I feel about the girl I'm with. I don't want to hurt the partner I'm with, and if I'm being responsible with having fun with others and keeping the house running strong, I don't see it as a big deal. I'm not going out to find it and taking time away from those I love. It's more special occasions that come up where either we both go to an event together or being by myself and a chance to play with another responsible mature adult comes up. Find friends you can be naked with. It doesn't obligate anyone to have free reign with my girl or me. We choose and it's consensual. If you choose monogamy, you do you. Im happy for you. Keep it to yourself. You don't understand.

[@ashtarbellazzecca5027]

Jealousy person in process .. 😅

[@jafaralijaffery636]

Hey there

[@kellyespinosa8370]

I am trying to figure out why my boyfriend always talking to females when I am next to him or looking at women pics alot and then saves them on his phone

[@tinamead6747]

Hi Caitlin, unfortunately I am a jealous person and I do not like it at all

[@coreywojick3021]

im not say you dont have any good infomation but i feel there needs to be some boundries layed down which i dont have a problem doing

[@WhiteMouse77]

Never accept insecure or jealous people come to your life becoming its part and always sacrifice everything you have to for getting rid of them today because as much you let them dig up your existence that much or even more you will lose later... Only rejection and loneliness can this type of characters make recognize their mistake and give will to change... If you are one of insecure and jealous ones you would rather to learn how to control yourself prior to other one will make you to shut up or even leave... this time and space... BTW do you know that over 60% murders of non-organised crime are done due to jealousy conflict?

[@shodan198]

What do I do if I'm in the kind of a relationship where my partner has said she wants to follow rules and boundaries but then she breaks them and has a problem when I call her out on it saying I'm insecure but if I break them she loos s her mind an expects me to change how do I handle that

[@purpessenceentertainment9759]

Make a statement a fact. “I don’t see myself in a relationship with a partner that does xyz.” Make your rules and boundaries known in the beginning , and enforce them. If not, she knows where the door is. I don’t know your rules though.

[@Imaginationfamily33]

Jealousy n insecurities kill todays relationships

[@munkeefinkelbeen5395]

FACTS!

[@peteroprzadek7773]

What if the girl wants you to be jealous?

[@davidz2808]

What's the best way to suggest being polyamorous? When I tried, I received a hard slap to my face.

[@Semaj_Thomas]

Amên 🤯

[@markcrowe5881]

I don't feel jeaulousy

[@jharrison5086]

My wife would like to know your opinion on a great sex coach for women as you are so wonderful for coaching men. Thank you Caitlyn, you are always my one and only coach!

[@YaramazYumurta31]

Yeaaah… So, my husband is Turkish… 👀🤷🏼‍♀️

[@randomperson8771]

If you watch The Donan sharpe. He'd certainly say your wife or girlfriend dancing with another man.. Is an instant No no! You simply don't allow that sort of behavoir

[@pavelshnaps2345]

Why not just dump the %itch? There is a load of everything out there), my ladies would always know, one glance away, her game is over, ok next)

[@sistahomecareservicesadmin3426]

Hi bubba your frozen so lest go there look at the menu that love your sags ansmall a an me s l b love you all ways

[@mattimus1979]

Where do I find this “sex dust”? 😅 jk jk.

[@dougarnott8768]

Me and my Fiancé both DESPERATELY WUD LOVE TO TO HAVE YOU JOIN US OR US JOIN U AND YOUR HUSBAND !!! IF EVER COMES A TIME You ARE BOTH OF U WANT TO POSABLIY EXPLOR THIS FURTHER OF JUST MAKE AIME NEW FRIENDS PLEASE FILL FREE TO GET AHOLD OF US. .. THANK U HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY NABE ...XOXO

[@Luke_wait_for_it_marengo]

Just so we're clear i need to have a proir agreement with my partner so she wont make out with some random person? To be honest this appears to be truly horrible and insulting advice. How would this behavior not already be not allowed or at the very least frowned upon. Then to actually state that if you have an uneasy feeling about said partner or think of them engaging in disloyal acts, then find out that thats what they actually are thinking about too n actually want to do those things with said person while there supposed to be with you n loyal n respectful towards you n the relationship. Also proving that its not in the person's head at all but actually playing out right in front of them. Then being told that the jealous person needs to correct/adjust their behavior before even finding out wtf is going on. This is utterly horrible advice. Caitlin i am honestly truly shocked how you came to these conclusions in anyway. Furthermore why you believe they would help anyone legitimately dealing with these issues, or that will have to in future. You have basically told people in a nut shell that if they feel or see something out of place/completely wrong or detrimental to thier relationships, that they need basically step there game up so they dont loose that person. What an absolute load of crap.

[@coreywojick3021]

i really find you over look the real cause of these behaviors by discrediting closed relationships which plays into creating these behaviors ,you degrade people by suggesting through out your work that you cant get it all in one partner, by promoting this agenda it just causes people a lack of will and growth it causes people to flake out at a plateau instead of build stimulus response and connection instead connection is looked for else where creating the jealousy and insecurity in one party to where the other party gets the confidence . i get it if one party is unwilling to learn but who is not ? so ultamatly in one sense your creating this and suggesting to aid it without looking clearly at your shadow side ! this inconfience created will only meet you down the rd in another form and do to you what you done it thus is the world of duelism,,,its the people who get the inconfidence end of the stick tht end up in positions of power and end up getting it all

[@pane2125]

Terrible video and understanding of the topic in my opinion of course. She's starts off saying jealousy is not something you are born with but something taught then a minute later says some people are born with it 😂

[@gordonbecker1456]

If you ACTUALLY cared about your partner you WOULD NOT do anything that could possibly ruin your relationship or hurt your partner

[@gordonbecker1456]

Why do you believe getting over or past jealousy is a good thing.

[@gordonbecker1456]

This is pure gaslighting