Difference Between Love & Limerence

[@MarriageHelper]

Did you or your spouse have an affair? Take our FREE QUIZ to find out what to do next. Free Affair Quiz Link: marriagehelper.com/affair-test-evaluation/?aud=yt&kya=2&aqp=infqz

[@xxgil2]

Any relationship whether in or out of the marriage takes work. The person you ultimately choose will be thoroughly imperfect; probably more imperfect than your second choice. If you are aware of this you will probably make it work but both parties need to be on the same page. I think these videos fail to address the taboo subject of how to make a new relationships work when a person leaves the marriage. They automatically labeled them as “doomed” to satisfy the masses and to dissuade those thinking about it. My advice is to not jump from one person to another. Give yourself time away from both persons and you will see where your heart truly is. Otherwise you will end up like this guy pathetically crawling back to his old wife.

[@tonytorrisi]

@@xxgil2 100% agree! And well said. 👏👏

[@pamelad757]

Gil are you madly in love with someone?

[@deborahrouse5644]

@@xxgil2 "Old" wife?? Nice 😡

[@xxgil2]

@@deborahrouse5644 “old” as in “previous” but probably a hag judging by his looks….

[@valbonaivezaj140]

This is a heartbreaking reality check

[@epicnicknameepiclastnickna9634]

But it needs to be done

[@bryantsmith5407]

Indeed

[@tapiwambaiwa5815]

Eye opening stuff😭😭😭

[@nemophilist_one]

🤣

[@PEACEFULWARRIOR999]

I went through Limerance. I can't say there is anything positive about it except if you needed that to start a lengthy, enraging and painful path to self discovery.

[@deborahlee6240]

It is very much the beginning of self discovery, issues within a person that needs to be looked at.

[@ylsflv]

this is written so beautifully, thank u, I couldn't relate more

[@adaytripp]

Amen ! God used it so I could find my self worth

[@Maryladudek]

This is how I wanted to feel a few months ago when I started seeing the signs on the wall. My ex husband showed a lot of disinterest in the relationship and I was really going to let them go if the wanted. unfortunately I was too curious to know what really happened and if there was something that could be fix in there. He was a gentleman and I trusted but he showed strong signs of infidelity and it made uncertain unwanted most of the time, i wanted to know. My friend told me it was possibe to find out everything without risks through phone spying. she introduced me to a guy " Binaryreap3r @ gmial com " who helped me spy on my ex's phone until I found out he was having a same-sex affair all along. I still let him go but I did that knowing I did nothing wrong.

[@orangejustice3536]

@@Maryladudek I'm so sorry. hope you are ok now.

[@59spadesofalife52]

Limerance is one of the most agonizing horrible things I think I've ever experienced it literally rips your goals and motivations from your life and replaces them with an obsession with someone you can't be with keep in mind it really is something you have no control over what's even worse is seeing the lo completely fine like nothing is even happening

[@samia6888]

How are you doing now?

[@59spadesofalife52]

@@samia6888 I don’t have it anymore and things got so much better since than this was years ago I think I was just going through a bad heartbreak at the time and it was really hard.

[@samia6888]

@@59spadesofalife52 I'm glad you got through it I know it wasn't easy

[@trinitysmith2226]

What’s worse is when ur lo is in a relationship and ur watching their partner be happy and in love going on dates, getting flowers, while ur dying inside 🥲

[@rickbell967]

Where were you guys 25 years ago when limmerance caused me to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my family for someone I was “madly” in love with? This is great work. Thank you for doing these videos.

[@elikorn7418]

What happened? How long did the limerence last? I'm on an educational path :)

[@martinestrada7736]

We are married 40 years . I was thinking retire travel chill get ready to help community. While I stepped away to care for dad and help him at his passing husband got involved with his employee. He thinks she like very honest and decent and will put her hands in fire for him. I turned to faith and connecting with our God. Well. Our daughter showed him her poses on instagram promoting herself w A lot of followers. He is wise so he is fighting it. God is working so fast that he is walking close to faith and freeing himself from the blindfold..FIGHT WITH FAITH BE RIGHTEOUS AND GOD WILL GIVE YOU STRENGTH TO ENDURE THE OUCOME!

[@samia6888]

@@elikorn7418 did your limerence resolve?

[@elikorn7418]

@@samia6888 Ha ha soo funny; I AM the limerent object 😉

[@samia6888]

@@elikorn7418 oh no take care of yourself and set firm boundaries.

[@explicitantony9623]

Anyone who has this and can relate to me knows it can be the worst possible curse inflicted upon you

[@tenzinkunkhen7563]

Exactly, everything he said was true. I love her so much, I didn't knew she was just having LIMERENCE

[@CameroneProductions]

I miss my wife so much. I doubt I'll ever fully recover. 💔😔 May Peace Be With You 🙏

[@thedriza297]

@@CameroneProductions condolences...bless you

[@CameroneProductions]

the Driza - Thankyou 🙏💙

[@kimjd2]

Painful to watch my husband go through this....😕

[@sunnysmiles8211]

The root of this seems insecurity, instability, and fear of abandonment. Also there is a projection onto the other person. It’s almost like a fantasy world that is desperate for coming into reality. It’s just intense infatuation.

[@theexoticalaspielady]

Agreed. Underpinning all this is someone or two people with insecure attachment disorders. Securely attached individuals would not put themselves through this because they develop the skills to self sooth from lifes ups and downs 🙏🏼

[@adaytripp]

So intense and toxic..codependent and mine was a narc

[@whyme6214]

Please understand that as hard as it is to believe, It can happen to anyone. The healthiest of minds can and may fall victim to limerence. Look at the person discussing the subject. He has a PhD in psychology and he was victim of it.

[@jeaniemaree]

why me yes absolutely, it can happen to anyone

[@petecham4917]

That’s not necessarily true in every case. I’ve experienced limerence and it was because I thought I had met my soulmate but the person didn’t reciprocate the love that I felt for them. It was devastating when they didn’t turn out to be who I thought they were!

[@markdowning6024]

I experienced this in my life and almost lost my marriage of 27 years. Dr Joe is dead on in his description and effects of limerence in your life, I could no longer function and became someone that I did not know. Good news is my wife and I reconciled 8 months ago and with the support of our family & faith have made great strides in our marriage.

[@MarriageHelper]

We are so glad to hear your about your success!

[@Mollybad]

My guess is that you were going through a midlife crisis. Been there; lost my man to it. Hoping he's simply in limerence.

[@andremarais2706]

Your wife is an idiot.

[@susu7683]

Lp

[@Wil_87]

@@andremarais2706 why?

[@RN25899]

Limerence is absolutely real. I watched my wife go through it. It broke my heart watching her turn into a different person. Dr. Beam is on point! I promise you your spouse will be back one day!! Trust me! I didn't believe it myself. Be patient and work on yourself. Pull them back...if that's what you want - you've got this.

[@bassiegola]

I am not sure if I want him to come back. He destroyed me.

[@kristyb831]

How long did it take your wife before she came home?

[@terrysteward]

How long did it take Robert ?

[@reyr.7439]

@@bassiegola I feel the same way. I miss him a lot, but I don't think I want him back anymore.

[@sandrahints5723]

How did you feel about this and how did you get to trust her again?

[@kulaskagascas6820]

Limerent love starts to decline when you start to see the other person's faults which is inevitable as you live closely with each other. Have you seen her sitting on the toilet bowl, for instance? Or have you seen him cleaning his nose with his pinky? Did you see the name of her ex tattooed on her buttocks? Did you have a sleepless night because his snore could be heard a block away? All of these faults come into view as you develop closeness. Your prince becomes a toad, and your princess becomes a hag.

[@celina1525]

Just wanted to applaud you on this amazing comment, best I’ve ever seen as a description of reality

[@rodab3546]

haha

[@kulaskagascas6820]

@Naukri chahiye Modi ji muje That is not limerence anymore. It could be the real thing already.

[@Cyclon32289]

This is coping. Everyone would have those things. Nobody is perfect.

[@cristina7317]

Limerence is idealizing, fairytale. True love is real life.

[@tsant6591]

Sounds like there's a craving or a validation of being accepted or loved by the other.

[@ReddFlameFilms]

We are

[@mjjay5936]

I’m in such denial that I really don’t want to believe this video

[@JacquelineduPlessis]

It's normal to feel that way.

[@funnyturningredreuplod5963]

believe it

[@elizabethtaylor8603]

Believe it

[@samt8592]

sameeee

[@riyamukherjee7061]

Same Here

[@ReverseCycoIogy]

My wife always love those romantic books like twilight. After 11 years of marriage and 2 toddlers, she cheated and wants to separate. We’re gonna separate but not legally since me and the kids need those military benefits. I have more hope now that I found about this thing called limerence that she’ll snap outta it. I’m not going to chase her, I’m gonna focus on me, be better and be the best for my kids. Thank you.

[@deborahlee6240]

She's most likely in a mid life crisis and your right to back off and live the best life you can, work on yourself because we all need self reflection.

[@titoaraos1662]

I'm also ex-military going through the same crap. I find that Tony Robbins and other motivational speakers on KZbin help, I started reading more going to church exercising and I'm also hoping I can salvage my marriage good luck.

[@ltconyers78]

My husband is military and left me for a young woman who was also military. I was devastated because not only did he leave, but, he made me look like the devil to everyone in his circle and family. Even those people at his job. No one was willing to help me. I was a stay-at-home wife and we had a one year old and I lived hours away from family and friends. I ended up moving out of the brand new house we had just purchased and back in with my parents. I was miserable because I didn't get the emotional support that I thought I would from family and friends. Their attitude was cheating and divorces happen everyday; just get over it and move on. I got no financial support from my husband, either. He and this person were living it up on money that should have been for our daughter. And to add insult to injury, the female would post horrible things about me and my family on social media and even called me to rub in the relationship she had with my husband. I was spent and depressed. But, I snapped out of it about a month after I found out about everything. I found a job, started exercising, and even joined a different branch of the military. I stopped focusing on what they were doing and focused on myself and my daughter. About a year later, I contact him about finishing divorce papers and he ends up apologizing for everything he had done in that phone conversation and asking me to take him back. It wasn't immediate, but, we eventually reconciled. So, Dr. Joe is right. It's not the easiest road to travel, but, if the spouse is genuine in wanting to work things out, it can become a better marriage. If you haven't already, watch the Marriage Helper videos, How To Bring Your Husband Back (which applies to wives, too) and My Spouse Had An Affair. They really helped me understand things better. Stay encouraged and focus on you and the kids.

[@ChrisBanda]

@@ltconyers78 your words give me some measure of hope in what feels like easily the darkest time of my adult life. Hope that I will be whole again.

[@ltconyers78]

@@ChrisBanda Keep the faith. Just know that, right now, taking care of you is key. It's easy to slip into a state of depression and continuously focus on them and what they are doing, but try to avoid that by keeping yourself busy. Find a new hobby or revisit an old one. Take a class, exercise, etc. Just do something that holds your interest. And if reconciliation does occur, know that it will take a whole lot of patience on both you and your partner's part. That old feeling won't happen over night, and, to be honest, may not ever happen. You are kind of rebuilding your relationship from the ground up. Everything will be new. They will have issues that only a professional can help them with and you as well. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to seek professional help now whether it's through Marriage Helpers or some other counselor. Just make sure they are well versed in dealing with infidelity. Not all counselors are. You need an outlet right now, though. Focus on you. What do you like to do? Where might you want to go? Take a road trip or buy a ticket and jump on a plane to a place you have never been. For me, it was Texas. I have a love for Texas now that I didn't before. That also where I ended up going to boot camp... But still love it.😄

[@shanaheisler9897]

My husband recently left me for his Limerent affair. I worked for over a year to convince him that our family, our life, our future, our love and friendship were worth fighting for. Everything described in this video is spot on. My husband literally thought he would die if he couldn't be with this woman, he vilified me, he will not listen to any of our family and friends who have told him he is making a huge mistake. He walked away from a beautiful life, our children, his friends and family, a beautiful future, and all that we had built in our marriage. We truly were each other's best friend. When she came along, she convinced him that our 25 year marriage and 35 year relationship was "stagnant" and that there was nothing more beautiful than a "fresh start." They were very clearly limerent for each other. She would stalk him, walking up and down our street just so he would see her when he came home. He lives with her now and our divorce is in progress. Someday, I know he will see the devastation that his has caused. It truly is a very high cost. Sadly, it is a cost that I have to pay along with all our family and friends. He has ruined everything with his decision to walk away and as this video concludes, this phase will not last.

[@audrydf2585]

Shana Heisler i know o f a great man who h e l p me bring my husband b back

[@audrydf2585]

[phone]

[@audrydf2585]

Text h i m on what's Appi

[@rrurban]

Oh honey I’m so sorry! You are a freakin’ rockstar strong, loyal woman. God will bless you big time

[@asoverall6470]

Any update?

[@Zihannya]

Our society validates and encourages this kind of intensity in films and media in general. Many people come from dysfunctional families and have no idea what "normative" love even looks like. Isn't being "in love" in itself a kind of madness? If someone who has studied all the kinds of love and knew what limerence is was able to fall under its sway, how do the rest of us avoid that?

[@kerrymillar1267]

He didn’t know what it was at the time. It was the catalyst for him studying this.

[@dotdot4895]

i'm so glad there's someone talking about these issues, it feels like limerence is its own epidemic. i believe that when you feel this limerence toward someone they usually represent a part of yourself or your past that you haven't accepted.

[@aellis8899]

Have you been watching Teal Swan? ☺️

[@laura2372]

Hi Caitlin! I'm in limerence as well and have been in it for almost a year now. Please explain what you mean by your comment? Thanks for the clarification!

[@dotdot4895]

gypsy certainly! I’ve conquered the limerence feelings now and can quickly shake them off. If you’re feeling limerence it’s usually because you’ve had some kind of attachment trauma in your childhood that you’re trying to resolve via another person. In my case, my father is narcissistic and emotionally unavailable. So I tend to become obsessed with men who also have those traits and want to ‘win’ their affection to prove I’m loveable. I felt this attraction to other people even though I’m currently in a really loving wholesome relationship. I would always try to sabotage that good relationship because it just didn’t feel ‘right’. (If you’re in this situation google ROCD). The problem was that I felt inherently unloveable and so couldn’t actually accept love when I had it, I always felt like I had to chase it. The solution is to consciously understand this and choose to believe you are inherently loveable and consciously choose loving relationships. You should also search on KZbin for ‘Teal Swan - Attraction (why you are attracted to the people you’re attracted to)’. Actually, any videos by her lol, she’s improved my life vastly.

[@laura2372]

@@dotdot4895 What you say makes a lot of sense and I will follow it for sure! Thanks for the info on Teal Swan-I will do some research and hope to heal myself. I have felt unloved as a child and now unwanted as a woman so I'm attracted to a certain type of male as well. I have limerence for a certain man and I know nothing will come of it so I'm trying to ween myself off of him. I know this is not healthy so I am searching for all the advice I can. Thanks again for your time and I pray your life continues on a positive path!

[@dotdot4895]

gypsy I’m excited for you! It’s already very loving of yourself to be looking for the answers, you’re on the right track. I wish you the best too.

[@patriciahinkin9159]

Love evolves and changes , I was married for 47 years before he died , I realised as we aged that we were very best friends and that was love. Love is looking after your husband when he's got dementia and basically left me. But that Love is still inside you, I did miss the physical side of love , but that companionship is missed more than you can bear

[@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry]

Bless you. I saw that in my Dad as my Mum deteriorated with vascular dementia. She eventually passed of kidney failure in 2019. He went to see her every day of the two months she was in hospital. And he'll be 98 next month. Still takes a taxi on his own to his appointments. I wish you well.

[@relltv8231]

By watching this I learned when your married always give your all. Keep doing the things that was done in the beginning of the relationship keep kissing, keep hugging , keep telling her how beautiful she or he is, because some things you want realize until it’s to late. Today She will tell me who she wants to be with, either way I’m gonna keep my head high. Because you may lost a life BUT YOU STILL HAVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!

[@amandazemke5765]

What happened

[@lesegotshegare2293]

What I get from this video is that limerence is being obsessed and/or infatuated with the other person. Such feelings are unhealthy and I second you for saying that they never last.

[@kimberleyhembree5407]

This is why it's not a good idea to spend too much time with people you feel drawn to. If you are married. Especially if you are married. I don't carelessly hug men or pour out my troubles on them to trigger their "white knight". I'm sure it's painful for all people involved. So why put everybody through it?

[@gervaseprado2155]

I totally agree with you

[@Missndallensworth]

Thank you for this. I need to hear this as a recently married woman. Thank you

[@ghadaemish6989]

Kimberley Hembree I completely agree with you. When in a committed relationship, on which one spent significant time and energy to reach the level of commitment, it makes more sense to prioritize what one has with his/her partner, be realistic that pursuing such an attraction can be costly and make the decisions that would have positive effects on one’s partner and relationship.

[@mrsyeh]

Agree

[@peterdebeer7444]

I'm learning so much out of this channel.

[@jessholz3268]

LIMERANCE ... WOW...what a wake up call !!!!!

[@nissamelton8597]

Everything he says is true. I’ve only been in these types of relationships. They aren’t lasting. I’m in the process of healing from the inside to make better choices AFTER I’m healed.

[@collaborativelearning1]

That how limerence is supposed to function

[@sarim742]

Can you remember how long they lasted. Then please tell me

[@omargonzalezcruz624]

Happens like clockwork. Limerence fades and so does any relationship based on it.

[@WhisperingWitchASMR]

This is, bar none, the single most accurate overview of limerence that exists on KZbin. Thank you tremendously for posting it and for helping so many of us out substantially as a result. 🙏🏻

[@IvetteVilla13]

I would like to thank you and your team for creating this channel. You guys have saved my marriage and for that I can't thank you enough.

[@collaborativelearning1]

thank you as well.

[@samt8592]

This video may save my life. I can't stress how important it is I've found this right at this moment.

[@AbeWiessman]

Ditto! For me too, great timing & possible game changer. If you can see it for what it is & understand the logic (& science) behind it, processing it all becomes a much different experience.

[@petecham4917]

I’ve experienced limerence and I can honestly say it was the most painful experience I’ve ever gone through in my life. I had this intense and immediate connection with someone that I thought I had met my soulmate but this person turned out to be a total fake and it devastated me. I don’t which it upon anyone unless the love you feel for someone is reciprocated. It’s been over 2 1/2 yrs and I’m in a happy relationship with an amazing guy but I’m still not over the guy that I had that intense connection with!

[@samt8592]

This is happening to me right now. She moved away after months of intense romance because of education. Its only been a few weeks and shes already talking to me less. I feel used and I feel like I want to die. I don't get it. She literally said she loved me and wants to spend her life with me.

[@sara6961]

Guys you now have a soul tie. You need to turn to God and repent and break the soul tie

[@samia6888]

how are you doing now?

[@samia6888]

@@samt8592 how are you doing now?

[@thewrongshoes]

Iimerance is what dreams of having with someone one day. Love is what you end up if you are lucky

[@jenniferraymond3913]

Limerence is what I call the honeymoon period. Limerence is the reason for a lot of miserable marriages. As soon as the honeymoon period is over.... life begins. This is when people wake up and wish they never married that person.

[@shea88barbie]

I agree. It’s kinda of scary but I guess you hv to marry based on the true love qualities like compatibility, friendship etc vs just emotions & physical attraction. It also makes me question monogamy

[@ditnooitweer]

​ Glam You Girl Because you "have to" be monogamous, limerence is a threat to your relationship and seen as something bad. It would be far more practical to have someone you can love, trust and be with, Building live, raising kids etc but that one would let you be free to enjoy those feeling to that other person, reality will always kick in and you would never leave the person who gave you the possibility to explore enjoy life. You just love them more because of it. For me, that's true love.

[@vickyvictoria4u]

This was me!

[@terrysteward]

That’s interesting,I think I have experienced Limerence a number of times,as I am currently battling on keeping marriage no 3,and maybe this marriage was my limerence and this wasn’t to be ouch,a very interesting notion,maybe my wife was in limerence with me 24 years ago

[@kyrareneeLOA]

Jennifer, I am sorry , limerence goes beyond the honeymoon period, It is bigger than that. If it is unrequited, I have seen limerence last thus far 30 years. I am sure it last longer. Especially if there is distance between 'the one in limerence' and the other.

[@labyanimami5560]

Currently, my husband is in limerence ,the way Dr Joe describe it is exactly how he is acting. He left our family and live with someone else. He bought a lot, he get all our money, etc..(good that I have job to support our kids) Thank you Sir.. It will not last but i still remember how he made plans for their affair and how he betrayed us.... We need to move on, time will heal. I already made steps to migrate to other country (with my children) so painful that i think its the only way to forget things So help me God.

[@jeroenboekhoorn]

This is exactly how my wife suddenly does. After 22 year relationship, including 15 year marriage and 2 lovely children she became 2 years ago more than in love with this other man and she said "her soul is ripped out" when she's not with him. Now we're close to divorce and really hope this intense feelings stop before the divorce is final. It's so incredible painful but now I finally have an explanation and really really thank you for this explanation Joe. The only thing is, although I still love her very much, that I don't know very well how to talk with her because on many occasions I wished she left my live for good after all the mean things she said and done.

[@jerryanddiannedennison5644]

Remember, if your divorce gets final before your spouse gets out of the limerence, and you still love and want to salvage your relationship, you can remarry. But seek help from Marriage Helper for guidance.

[@kerrymillar1267]

I’m so sorry, hope you’re ok.

[@robertopimentel3900]

Any updates?

[@samia6888]

how is everything now?

[@tumwesigye123]

I have been in this kind of situation for about three months. My wife is aware and indeed she has done a lot to help me come out of the situation. Truly it doesn't las.

[@larrytxeast8756]

For 19 yrs I was "comfortably" married to my wife when I met a woman I was fascinated with. I loved talking to her & felt like she "got" me in ways my wife never had. It only lasted a month, I didn't leave my wife for this woman and the intensity has died down. I still enjoy time I spend with her at work, but no longer do I have the urge to leave my wife & this other woman & I have only hugged. On one hand I would hate it if she left our job I'd never see her again and I'd strongly miss her, on the other hand it might be a good thing if that occurred.

[@samt8592]

what happened?

[@deborahrouse5644]

You are wrong. She didn't really "get you". Gosh how I hate that, "My wife doesn't understand me", kind of thinking! Of course the "new" woman ALWAYS DOES........but it's only an illusion you're nurturing.

[@thecheapbastard5168]

This video exactly describes what my wife is going through right now. She left me for someone she just met two months ago and are planning to get married. She changed so quickly I barely knew her anymore. She threw 24 yrs of marriage for a promise made by this guy to buy her a house, a car and trip to Europe. That's all it took. I let her go. I can't match that offer. I'm closing my door on her and will be focusing on our two daughters. I sure would like to see how their relationship ends up when the initial thrill and excitement has faded.

[@samia6888]

How is it going now?

[@manesitaasmr]

How your doing well, any update?

[@thecheapbastard5168]

@@manesitaasmr I have completely healed. i barely remember this now. It just took time.

[@chavshu]

Any updates?

[@thecheapbastard5168]

I've stopped contacting her since. I've moved on.

[@lisaeischens2352]

I appreciate your honesty in describing your own relationship mistakes or periods of not quite thinking logically. It takes a big person to admit that they made a mistake and hurt the people you love. I’m glad things worked out for you in the long run and hope that your children can come to understand that you’re not only their father but are a human who goes through things in life that you don’t always know how to navigate or look at objectively.

[@kayladawnedonme]

Yes, I also have a lot of respect for his humble & transparent approach💞 Feels very healing & I imagine so nourishing for his kids to witness. So grateful for this channel, through so many years of my own heartbreak/cycles in "love." 🙏

[@the1337fleet]

I believe I'm in limerence, and it's comforting to hear that it's not permanent.

[@arizonacolour8793]

Why do you say this?

[@the1337fleet]

@@arizonacolour8793 because it means my suffering will eventually come to an end

[@laura2372]

@@the1337fleet The suffering does end. I'm coming out of limerence right now and I feel sooo foolish. My sense of reality kicked in and I realized this isn't a good way to live and I deserve better. All the time I've wasted ticks me off because I finally realized how futile my love for him is/was. There's no way he can realistically be mine and I know now I don't want to be his as I have MANY flaws on many levels and I don't wish to burden him. He lives a charmed life and I don't wish to jeopardize that for him. I love him enough to leave him be. Even though I will always love and care for him--he belongs to another, I get that now. She is better for him more than I could ever be. It's time to release.... 💔

[@R3VIV3YOU]

Go after what your heart desires. You only live once

[@laura2372]

@@R3VIV3YOU Oh how I wish I could and if he didn't have a gorgeous wife and sweet kiddies, I would! I know we only live once but I'll have to live without him. He's too good for me anyways. His life is perfect and so are his kids and wife-I can't compare to that. Thanks for the encouragement, though, your very sweet!

[@tonybridge42]

I totally understand this. I have been through it and it is absolutely true. It destroys lives.

[@SchibbiSchibbi]

Dear doctor, this is by far the best explained Limerence video on youtube. Thank You so much. I only found about about the psychological definition of “limerence” because I was trying to explain what I felt, so I researched on the internet until I found a close definition which corresponds to my feelings. I would like to share my limerence story (which I am still in and it’s hell on earth). I was in a relationship which I considered perfect, everything was so intense, our deep connection: we were not only physically attracted to each other but also mentally, spiritually, something I never felt with anyone on earth before. And apart from that, we a built such a loving and respectful relationship, which is maybe the most difficult thing to achieve when two souls love each other. And I’m not talking about the initial infatuation, where everything is wonderful and shiny. I’m talking about having a routine with your partner, the daily routine, where couples usually fall apart and become less romantic, we were growing together and became more and more attached to each other. We lived together and created such a strong “unity” built on love and respect. No swear words ever, no yelling, no jealousy, no conflicts. Yes you might think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. It's the truth. I had never experienced before what’s it like if you've found “that other half” or the love of your life. It’s really difficult to match with someone, even more if you set high standards and are very sensitive about anything like me. So yes, at the age of 33 years I found this true love. And not only that, we created this perfectly functional relationship and yet somehow I felt it was “too good to be true”, so good that I felt so much fear only by thinking that he might lose interest in me. Those fears grew and finally, I ran away. Literally. I took my stuff and I ran away and now he doesn’t pardon me for what I did, because I didn’t do it only once. I did it four times. The other three times he accepted me and told me that I should control my fears and my inner conflicts. Until then I didn’t even consider therapy, I didn’t even think that something might be wrong with “the way I loved him”. I had never heard about limerence. I really had no idea. I thought that love and fear were two feelings glued to each other, because if I have no fear of losing that person, I am definitely not in love, right? So anyways. I ran away because my mind created such a strong image of myself suffering if he would break up with me at some point in the future, so that I preferred to end this relationship out of the blue. And it really was out of the blue, because the night before, we spent the most beautiful night together, everything was romantic, it was just us two at home drinking wine and listening to music while looking at each other and saying how much we loved each other. It was so intense. I would describe that moment one of the “wholest” emotional moments in my entire life, due to its simplicity: I was with the person I loved. I was enjoying that moment, no fireworks, no glitter, just us together. Our relationship created so much happiness in me, that I was focussing on “what if he ends it?”. My psychologist told me about “self fulfilling prophecy” and yes, that was exactly what happened to me. My mind began to use any gesture, any sentence, any rejection to create and feed these negative imaginary thoughts of him breaking up with me. Doctor, I can so rely to the part when you said that you go from ecstasy to misery within seconds. I felt this many times during the day. Any comments started an emotional rollercoaster. I felt this especially during sex. The times I felt rejected, I would wait until he fell asleep and then cry all night long laying next to him. On the other hand, when we had sex, I was in heaven, but this amazing feeling also set pressure on me, because I tried to please him so much. I was more preoccupied with him enjoying me than me enjoying him, that pressure lead to sexual disfunction. How was it possible that I was sharing bed with the love of my life, but I wasn’t working sexually because I was too nervous? And that lead to more insecurity. Any rejection was analised by my powerful mind. Any word. Any subtle sentence and I thought to myself “Oh damn, you didn’t function properly last night in bed, today he doesn’t want to have sex with you because he is tired, but all he does is lying or trying not to hurt you because in reality he is losing interest in you”. Instead of talking about my fears (and he always offered me to talk about everything), I wasn’t able to express my fears. As a hyper sensitive person, I try to avoid conflicts at any costs, and even if there wasn’t any conflict involved, just by having a conversation, my mind pre-created his reaction to exposing my fears. I always thought that as soon as I started talking about my insecurities, he would tell me that he doesn’t want an insecure boyfriend, that he doesn't want that kind of responsibility. To break this vicious circle, I didn’t see any solution. I was frustrated, and I ran away. It’s the biggest regret in my life. Because I thought I’d feel peace at some point, but all I feel is pain and guilt. Now I have to deal with all of those “imaginary nightmares” I had before, of him falling in love with someone else, etc. And I created this scenario!!! It’s literally a self fulfilling prophecy. While we were together, instead of focussing on us and everything we had created together, and our future plans, all I did focussed on were fears and more fears. Fears of losing him. Fears of him breaking up with me. Fear of losing that amazing relationship. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of rejection. Why did I focus on that? I gave all those negative thoughts so much power, that they started to dominate me. Now 6 months have passed by and I am thinking about him and us and our past 90% during my day. I try to distract myself, but any emotion leads me to “us” again. I don’t enjoy sex with anyone else. It hurts. It’s a torture. As soon as I touch anyone, I can’t disconnect and my mind tricks me and so many hurtful images pop up about him having sex with other guys. Even non sexual situations such as having coffee with a friend of mine don’t distract me, I don’t feel that I’m present in that moment. My mind takes me to “him” again. “How would this situation be enjoying a coffee with him now, as we always did while we were together”. That strong feeling inside of me, feels now like I an emotional cancer I’m carrying around to any place I go. I travelled. I went to parties. I surrounded myself by many people. Those are all just distractions. No cure. My love for him will always exist. The Pain is the price I am paying for losing control to my fears. I lost the love of my life. I lost a loving and harmonic relationship. I lost a deep connection. And I need to accept the fact that this kind of love only happens once in life. I know everyone is trying to help me and tells me that it’s just a matter of time to fall in love again. It's uplifting, but, I know myself and I know that there exist unique emotional links to people during your lifetime. Your family (you were born with and couldn’t choose) and the love of your life (the one you were lucky enough to find). I found and lost this person. I won’t ever love anyone as much as I loved him. I might find someone to “distract” myself from the pain. But I will never find true love again in anyone, no matter if someone tells me that there are 6 billions of people on this earth, that doesn’t mean a thing. You don’t feel a strong connection with anyone just because there are 6 billion people out there. I found love, even if that love was limerence and came with fear, but I loved and now all that’s left is PAIN. The anti depressants help me to avoid panic attacks. I never had panic attacks in my life before. Me running away created a life changing event, it became a trauma. I depend on anti depressants in order to get up and smile. I can even be cheerful again, but I need to suppress any memory of us, any emotion that takes me back to us, it’s really hard. It becomes my daily exercise: suppressing. Any emotions triggers a memory or triggers what I feel for him. There are days were I struggle and I want to end this. I still cry every day. All I do is want to sleep because I dream of us. He appears on all of my dreams. Mostly us together again. Then I wake up and have to face reality. I don't even know where I am heading to in life. I lost my purpose, my goal. Our goal in life should be happiness right? So what does make me happy? I have no idea. You could give me a million dollars right now and I wouldn't feel happiness. Money can't turn back time. Nothing will fill tis emotional gap. I hope I might suffer less in future. Maybe I might be able to "silence" this feeling, but I know it will always be a part of me, as the language you learn and never forget. It's something within you, you can't separate yourself from. I had to share my pain. Thanks for reading.

[@stephanielemaire1366]

Mitchel Rieger t

[@Stellabyestarlight]

❤️ you’re not alone ❤️

[@aparimit]

I highly doubt that my request shall be accepted, but can we be friends? I know this is strange but I think I can relate with you to a great extent and it is very rare for me. Not by experiences but psychologically I think we make a good match. Anyways. Don't be bothered. Happy to know that people like me exist.

[@SuperBezee]

i know it's hard, but what you're doing is giving in to another fear, the fear of not finding another person to love. so don't. accept that you won't love someone the same way, but trust that you will love again, and maybe this is for the best. find ways to stop giving in to the same mental loopholes that keep you in this thinking. and as cheesy as it sounds, love yourself enough to stop this toxic cycles. peace and love

[@AG-ft3cd]

Thank you for sharing this ❤️

[@johnwalsh518]

True love comes from living life together and caring and being respectful to each other long term and that's where true love comes from, It develops over time.

[@brianbane6199]

Could it be possible that the person who leaves their spouse while experiencing Limerance is the only one feeling that, & how often is it just a turn on for the other person involved. I mean it's got to be quite an ego booster to know that you were able to lead someone away from thier spouse.

[@SimonaOmina]

Limerence is basically being addicted to a person. Period. I speak from experience. Also, limerence CAN last a lifetime, if it’s unreciprocated, which actually is most of the time because unreciprocated limerence is more common than the reciprocated one. And a lot more serious, since you’re addicted to someone you can’t be with.

[@dkgnew]

so true!! I have the SCARS!!!

[@staytoxic6238]

Thanks for sharing. So I have a chance to get my wife back who thinks she is in love with another man?

[@kennethdefreitas6845]

I’m in misery I’m sick you’re describing my situation exactly

[@volleyballjerry]

Amen, Simone!

[@volleyballjerry]

Stay Toxic - Not necessarily. She needs a LOT of fixing. Even if she DID change her mind and come back, do you really want to take all that on?

[@kadiva3429]

I made this very mistake. I had someone that I loved and loved me like no one ever did or could. I found myself in a “limerence “ type of relationship else where and no one could tell me that this relationship wasn’t meant to be. People tried to tell me but I couldn’t listen because it would take away from the constant high I was on. This relationship was EVERYTHING that you described. After 2 years we broke up because he said loving me wasn’t fun anymore. 6 months later we were back together and engaged. A year later I found that he was working on another limerence relationship with someone else . This was devastating since he was everything I ever wanted or so I thought. We broke up and I hadn’t spoke to him since. Now I look back and see all of the red flags that everyone else saw. I know now that what we both were feeling for each other was this word ( LIMERENCE)I’d never heard of before.

[@deborahlee6240]

Yes, it's very much an addiction where two broken people come together, even where one is very similar to a parent that needs to be outgrown.

[@staytoxic6238]

thank you for sharing, I'm going through this right now. wife of 33 years moved out with some guy that left his wife and kids. she left me and my 2 son's at home. it was hard for me at first although it is much easier now. after 6 months of hurt, I decided to start dating and now I can't handle so many gals that want to be with me. I believe since I changed my life around and looking good, she will be a rebound to this cheating piece of sh**... karma always comes back. I'm sure she sees my changes but will not admit she made a mistake by throwing away so many years and all the family and friends for one person. i believe My sons resent her for her selfishness. from what I see in this guy, she downgraded and what others tell me as well. the day will come when will ask for forgiveness and I will forgive her but not forget nor take her back. In my eyes she is used goods. May God forgive her for her selfishness and adultery.

[@andremarais2706]

Narcs live on limerence.

[@BobaJett]

Limerence is not a mistake, it is perfectly normal. Its the crazy decisions we make while under its influences that are the mistake.

[@robertgordash8908]

Is is possible for limerance love to last as long as 10 years ? Then crash?

[@candywalker4499]

Omg im sorry i didn't c this sooner!!! Sometimes i feel like i cant breath when im around him I think abt him everyday right through the day .. sigh

[@samia6888]

how are you now?

[@RenataCassari]

Going through this right now. Praying it doesn’t last a lifetime. It hurts so much

[@bluemagic80]

Me too.

[@inkystarz]

As a person with cptsd and a fearful avoidant attachment system, I have experienced limerance many times… it has taken deep self awareness and shadow work, parenting myself to identify this tendency and consciously choose to vet both people and my own emotions in relationships.

[@hav1byte]

Well done- only people with understanding will hear what your saying - lots of lost people put there, actually lots of sick people out there, to be healthy is to live in truth and honesty

[@ylsflv]

preach

[@flowerfullgirl_]

i also thought it was impossible but i will always miss him for ever and will be emotionally affected from this rejection, i will always shed tears out of this

[@brettkoch6618]

Omg this is what it was!!! It definitely wasn’t Love! Thanks for bringing clarity!

[@carribean626]

That was deep, where was this video when I was going through that. I actually got over it by realizing that I had placed the person on a pedestal that he was not worthy of being on. I fell out of limerance last week just like that. I didn't understand it, but now it makes sense. Thank you for shedding light on this limerance.

[@anasalvinasantos2702]

Thank you Dr. Joe, my husband had limerence for a year or two. I know he thought he was in love... and it hurts but i thank God i have faith. I showed love and compassion all the more. After 3 years, he told me "i am so glad we never got divorce"... if you initiated divirce at that that i would take it! Yes, fatal attraction will past and soon they will realize how foolish they were... if you are a spouse of the one who is having a limerence affair "do not pay back evil with evil" pay back evil with good, pay back with acts of love but don't let him/her abuse you. Draw boundaries. Work on yourself and be the bigger person. One day you'll look back in amazement on how things turned out...

[@Ricci1978]

It certainly doesn't feel like that right now and my situation involves a child that has come from the limerence romance.

[@thegabby2001]

Wais Na Misis thank you for your words of encouragement. I am going through this now. My husband is having an affair, wants a divorce & seems obsessed. He is never home, will leave without even saying goodbye to our children and come home late. This week I stopped trying anything to fix our marriage. I am just being pleasant while putting myself & our children first. My heart aches but I will no longer cater to him. I am praying 🙏🏽

[@joyofsalvation100]

Exact same situation with me. He is in limerence and doesn't care about me and my kids, gone all the time.

[@sea.camryn]

Venus Washpun that’s tough. Although I have known some women who were able to look past that. If you can’t, the best thing to do is to protect your heart and let go.

[@kimjd2]

Losing a marriage of 22 years due to husband in limerance. I also choose to show compassion and love as I could see right away that my husband wasn’t “normal”. We’ve been separated for 10 months now and will be divorced end of July if he doesn’t come to his senses. 😬🙏

[@ammarshafique9064]

Spot on, Dr. The way you articulated your knowledge about limerence was sublime. Keep up the good work!

[@possumpossum2232]

Me and my wife both went through it. And it took these guys here to save my marriage. Been the best marriage the last 3 years ever. I'm glad I paid to attend there workshop. It opened so many omg moments. Pointed out where we both went wrong. And while we left without each other holding hands lol. It took the work of continuing what they taught us. And when 1 would give up the other took over until we both were in the same level. And now it's been perfect. We sure would love to return to tenn and be a couple that assist with others. Marriage helper 911 saved my family.

[@ld3027]

My 19.5 year marriage, 24 year relationship, was sacrificed on the altar of my ex's limerence for a woman he wouldn't even like under normal circumstances. (I'm pretty sure she thinks he's a fool and is only using him as a fun distraction.) In his mind, what he feels for her is the real deal and our 24 years together were a lie. (They weren't.) He told lie after lie in an attempt to justify his vile actions and make himself the hero of a delusional epic fantasy. He's the only person in the world who can't see the reality of the situation. Early on, her own brother tried to talk him out of it because he believes his sister is bad news. Interestingly, my ex seemed to come to his senses for a few weeks this summer and talked to me about how special our relationship had been (it was) and how badly he had messed things up (he had). Her sister told him how glad she was, for his sake, that he had broken it off. Turns out, the woman he believed to be the love of his life had been living with another guy the entire time. Eventually, though, he fell back into it. He's never been good at dealing with uncomfortable emotions and I assume facing the truth was too heavy a burden. It was easier for him to go back to believing she's the only woman he's ever loved than to face reality. He wants so badly to be the star of The World's Greatest Love Story (frankly, I think he already had been, with me) but he's really the star of an all too common run-of-the-mill tragedy and he only has himself to blame.

[@thebeecubed]

I am a month out from DDAy and my now ex is dealing with this and she is a married woman, How are you doing? Tell me the pain gets better?

[@ld3027]

I'm sorry you're going through this but it DOES get better. When I found out that he was "in love for the first time in his life" (lol), everything I had ever known to be true was thrown into question. I felt like I had been forced into a parallel universe where some of the best people I knew were now hateful monsters. I struggled for a long time but am much much better. I focus on what is possible for my life now that he is no longer dragging me down. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will be okay. @@thebeecubed

[@enquetedusavoir6665]

i've been through this shit and it was exactly how it's been described above in this video!

[@tabithakilonzo5932]

Because of this video, I am now with someone that genuinely loves me, something I never thought I could have,I thank God for using you to leading me to the love of my life.. God works in mysterious way for sure..

[@TamaraRenaud]

My husband and I have been separated for 10 months now. He immediately started dating other women and is now in a relationship that he is being tagged in on social media. He states this is to an affair because we are separated and I just so not agree. I have been leaving him completely alone and hoping he will stop and think about what he's doing but I'm losing hope in the process as it is just too painful and affairs cross my boundaries.

[@deborahsunflower939]

This man is the family member I always needed. Glad to have found this channel.

[@ericab7818]

What's the difference between limerence, "falling in love," and infatuation? They all seem like the same thing.

[@heyalexisleigh]

My best understanding is that Limerence is more obsessive & delusional. A person who is infatuated, has sincere feelings of being obsessed with a person, but they are realistic about whether it is reciprocated or not.

[@myblueandme]

It's like falling in the road.

[@kcs4652]

This man is so pleasant, loved the video. I was in a 7 month long online relationship with a man I talked to in high school. At the end of the relationship I realized that I didn’t even like him, and he wasn’t interested in getting to know me. He was in limerance, too. I did this all behind my fiancés back. Wondering what the next steps are.

[@JJ33438]

Nothing wrong with LImerance if one is SINGLE. If one is married - hankering for someone other than spouse - do your spouse a favor and get the hell out of their lives! give them a chance to find "real love".

[@andreacobian7289]

My husband and I separated with the intention I thought would’ve been getting back together. One month later after the separation he moved in another woman. I was devastated after 13 years. I’m currently in the divorce process... but working on my self like never before and depending on Jesus Christ that heals. He’s my new profound husband and teaching me to be the perfect wife. 🥰

[@BDCsSanctuary]

That means he was already having an affair behind your back unbeknownst to you. Same thing happened to me. The term limerence to me is an excuse for inexcusable behavior for those that are married.

[@KidCity1985]

You have a very interesting face. It makes me want to listen.

[@OrgKgTV]

extreme people person & great heart of gold..

[@The_Stubborn_Christian]

I love his voice. Almost hypnotic. He's so... down to earth. Easy to listen to. Very calming

[@ninalove3584]

@@The_Stubborn_Christian yes, very hypnotic and soothing tone that makes you listen. I'd like to compare this to David Attenborough if you watch national geographic channel and animal documentaries 😀

[@imeime4021]

Like Bob Ross 🤣

[@moaminabdulhussein1454]

I agree with you

[@ReigningWomban]

I have never, ever even heard of limerence before. Sounds so much like infatuation but deeper. 🤔

[@davephillips9274]

I had no idea. Amazing and absolutely true. I am going through the end result. Realizing what it is doesn’t make it any easier to deal with but it does help.

[@c.j.p.7607]

I'm going through it as well. What was the end result like for you? How long did it last, what was the outcome?

[@tiff2422]

I’ve been going through this over 10 yrs…she blocks me instead of talking to me about what it is and how we could fix the problem. I’m married and that’s not working but the obsession is real when it comes to the person I’m in limerance with!! I hope this end it comes and goes!!!

[@melodymacken9788]

Absolutely brilliant. Described to perfection. Been there, done that, never ever again.

[@divyashirley]

My ex doing this mistake the second time. Not realised.

[@MBSKanal]

Dear Dr. Beam, this probably was one of the best and helpful videos, I’ve ever seen on KZbin. In my language, there isn’t even a word for the state of mind that your’re describing with the expression limerance. But it is definitely existing, thanks again.

[@paytcpaythecreator7264]

Limerence is a reaction to lacking the impulse to resist lusting after a feeling you want to feel. All while dealing with the emotional highs and lows of this thing called life. Many are never satisfied. So they put themselves in the best position to create the opportunity to come into the lustful feeling they long for. Regardless to honoring a previous commitment.

[@heathertillerson6841]

I had this last over 20 years before I learned

[@nicolelevan2423]

This is absolutely true. I had no idea this was happening to me. I almost lost everything.

[@collaborativelearning1]

This has happened to me as well, it happens to so many people.

[@samia6888]

how are you doing now?

[@samia6888]

@@collaborativelearning1 how are you doing now?

[@RosemaryReid-j9t]

I was in limerence /love with a wonderful man whom I still love. I remembered my marriage vows and stayed with my husband, who never really appreciated me. I loved him more as a friend. Now over 50 years later, I wonder about my lost love, and how life would have been with him.We lived a long distance from each other ànd I thought of all the people I would hurt, and probably never see again, so made a conscious decision to stay with my husband. They are both dead now,

[@RosemaryReid-j9t]

It was agony and I was heartbroken

[@RosemaryReid-j9t]

However I suffered agony and it took years to settle back into my marriage. I was still in love with my lover,but never made contact again, because I hoped he would find happiness,and so he did. When my husband died 30 years later I made a conscious decision not to contact my lost lover,I realised that I loved him too much to disturb his marriage and family . He died a few years later.

[@Yoksol]

My feeling of limerance lasted 5 years. Passionate, a rollercoaster of emotions. I was crying half the time....and when my husband told me he wasn't in love with me...it hit me. He's not perfect, I thought he was a saint. I sacrificed my own career. I gave it all! Anyway, I am slowly finding who I am. We are still married though it's not looking too good. I have decided to develop personally before anything else. So, as a couple we agreed to give ourselves 1 year of getting to know each other, work on ourselves and be better parents. That's the best I can think of at this time ...it really is difficult to be rational when all I did was go off of my emotions ...thank you Dr.

[@samia6888]

how are you doing now?

[@tali_leb292]

Thats why in the end you have to focus on what makes you happy and what you should be doing to love yourself, even when in a relationship.. have limerance for the things you love to do and be so that when the limerance of that thing goes away you can always get a knew hobby, learn a new insrument, a new lifestyle, focus on what you are supposto be doing and limerance will be around every corner.

[@tali_leb292]

Weather it is still with your partner or someone else. If you feel limerance for another person other then your spouse it doesnt mean your cheating if you do not act apon those feelings and eventually they will go away. Limerance can come and go in a relationshio

[@rhondahauser6443]

That's why the Bible says our hearts are wicked and evil above all things. We can't trust how we feel. But we can choose to do what is right according to God's standard and yes sometimes it requires a sacrifice of your will. Exodus 20:1-20 How do you get rid of this thing powerful demon called "LUST" ? Pray and fast, yes get alone with God, get on your knees and surrender your will to him, go without eating for 3 days as you repent, confess and call out to God and see what he will do for you! It's free, it's written in the Bible, these (demons of lust, adultery, pride, covenantness, wanting something GOD does not intend on you to have) do not come out but by prayer and fasting! You can do this for other strongholds as well, anger, unforgiveness, drugs, alcohol, gambling, homosexuality, cussing, etc. God Bless

[@HuricaneChampagne]

Rhonda Hauser kzbin.info/www/bejne/iWe0f2mgndefmcU

[@americablessgod1273]

Pray for me! I don’t see God sending that godly husband! I need so much help to deal with dysfunctional or emotionally unavailable men! I think these have messed me up! But I don’t want to wait too long for my bow!

[@vickycrayton8991]

Yes prayer and fasting works. The Lord supernaturally set me free on more than one occasion from this type of obsession. Accept after 20 some years of being free from this it showed up involuntary about 6 months ago. I had to just set before the Lord and renounce it. My marriage was more important to me than going after some strong desire for someone else. It has been awful. I call it taking authority over these thoughts and speaking truth of God's word. It is a lot better keep waiting for it to be totally gone. Limerence is an awful stronghold. I know it will be gone totally at some point.

[@vickycrayton8991]

Thanks for sharing this truth of the Lord.

[@sincerlymusic]

I’ve been in limerence with someone for 5 years. It’s on and off, but for the most part it’s really constant

[@tammygiovanna4760]

Also scripture says fill you head with Gods words, do not trust all your thoughts, especially if they do not coincide with scripture. If a person dies not have a relationship with God it is very easy to become mislead..

[@juanacosta1981]

I went thru this and lost my relationship with my son that to this day is still hurting deeply, that was 20 years now

[@grace.b.cleveland]

I'm really struggling with limerance with a guy I've loves for 6 yrs. I haven't seen him in 4 yrs and we have never even dated. I just can't get over him and I have continued dreams about him! I need your help!

[@sarabadran2007]

How about now? Are you over him?

[@laceyj311]

And now?

[@taliyahrose]

I am in limerence with my crush in my class and I'm realising that it has happy to every one of my previous crush.

[@vanpenguin22]

God bless you Dr. Joe. It's a wonderful thing you do for us all.

[@JC_Lyfe]

My now ex is deep into limerence it’s been 2 yrs since his affair he has even married the OW 1 yr ago, I’m hopeful that we only have to endure another yr if this, not that I enjoy being in the thick of his limerence, but he vilifies me terribly & everything joe said is true. “I’m his biggest regret”, he never loved me etc etc. it’s super hurtful & ive struggled terribly in SC & my PIES, but I’m praying more now, letting go more & just trying to focus on myself until he can free himself

[@volleyballjerry]

One other thing worth mentioning - limerence (and all the crazy drama that goes with it) is a very insecure, selfish kind of love. That is why it differs from true love. My one concern moving forward is that the last thing I want to be with a future partner is a burden to her. That is why I am waiting before jumping back into dating. And for those folks who are screaming “stay away from married people”, well, you are 100% right! Because all of that has cost not only me but my two daughters (which I am pretty sure I will get full custody of).

[@deliaoblino5972]

I think my husband is on this Limerence nowadays, I’m going to focus on my Pies now and we’ll see what I can do when he get back, I don’t wanna deal with him anymore and waste my time here on earth with he’s bs!

[@royabauman5770]

I learned about Limerence about 5 years ago and it explained SO MUCH. It was part of my awakening to my own faults and tendencies. I experienced limerence at least twice during my marriage, and I wasn’t able to be open and communicative with my own, actual husband about what was going on. We now are divorced, for that and other reasons. Limerence is completely real, and completely false. Please spread the word about it, because so many suffer the effects without knowing why.

[@rl1890]

We’re you able to get back together with your husband?

[@royabauman5770]

@@rl1890 No, we did not get back together. Many many issues.

[@evaniaradu9503]

@@royabauman5770 so it wasnt caused by the "limerence" then?

[@MultiMingus]

I have been in a limerent relationship but I am still friends with this person after many years and our relationship has become one of genuine affection as longterm friends.

[@jamilethlopez8670]

I’m so happy to hear that it will end !

[@leopardabsurdity]

I started feeling nausea and palpitations just thinking about someone feeling this way about me.

[@KelleyBroussardMackaig]

It's incredibly suffocating and it can really drive the person on the receiving end of it further and further away. 😞

[@vickycrayton8991]

Thanks so much for this article. Not heard of limerence until a couple of months ago. That is when I found out what I was experiencing now for about 6 months. It was awful. My marriage and relationship with the Lord was more important. I continue to stand in prayer and the word of God to defeat the feelings.

[@flowerfullgirl_]

i had limerence but in good way, i did not have jealosy, i was not blind to his bad things etc etc, it was perfect for a healthy and intense relationship for ever ;(

[@joannenickell5096]

Feelings can (and do) change over time. Making big decisions based on a feeling or emotion can lead to big problems. To do so is impulsive and reckless. Children operate in such a manner. As adults, we need to use the brains the good Lord gave us and recognize that feelings are constantly changing and instead of basing our decisions on our feelings, use our logical and analytical capabilities to evaluate the situation as well as the short-term and long-term ramifications/consequences of our choices.

[@mirembezubedah9330]

You said it ends. What if the person you're married to is having limerence!

[@ThatsDell]

mirembe zubedah most likely the person you’re married to took some time. limerence sort of take you by storm most of the time which means it just comes out of nowhere, you can feel limerence in no time. kinda like no buildup or based upon anything

[@treasurem2491]

Im in Limerence with Jesus so thats ok, coz He fulfills all my needs.

[@revsellers]

Question: As I watched this video I was surprised at how well you described me. I have been married for 20 years and I am still in limmerance with my wonderful wife. I overlook her flaws, even the worst thing that a wife can do to her husband, and always look at what is good in her and dream of our future together. As you described limerance you described me, almost perfectly - I was wondering if you actually know me. I have been lacking in the area of motivation outside of my marriage. The thought of losing my wife terrified me. Am I really the only person on earth who has maintained this deeply passionate desire for love of my wife?

[@mlvnlx23]

Hell no!! I have too

[@zacx5188]

You likely have Anxious Attachment Style.

[@maunder01]

@@zacx5188 you are SPOT on!!!

[@zackyboi2048]

I think I’m sort of like starting to come out of this limerence thing I just found out about 15 minutes ago, but I’m honestly scared that as soon as I go back to school and see her again it’s going to come back up. I’ve barely seen her in the last month and I can honestly say that I’m really happy about it, even though it’s been killing me. I haven’t been able to work out in months and my grades have dropped a TON. I need to let her go, I guess, but God help me because I have no idea how to do that.

[@nypala]

Are introverts more prone to limerence? Or what kind of people usually experience it? I'm new to this concept of limerence but I'm starting to see that all of my previous relationships were based on limerence. I am very much introverted and I tend to fantasize a whole lot in my head before even getting in the real relationship.

[@alllowercase6277]

He's like a wise, jolly grandad. Love this guy! Just reading Tennov's book now. Illuminating. My past/youth was definitely spent being addicted to the state of Limerence, mistaking it for love. I even wrote a list just now. Fourteen different LO's. (Limerence Objects) in my 38 year old lifetime. Some reciprocated, some not. Some still close friends to this day. Some beautiful, and worth the fight. Others unattractive, both on the outside and the in. The mind boggles and I'm confused to this day as to why I spent so much time obsessing over these people. One thing is for certain, it was the feelings I was addicted to and not the person. Something was missing, broken, or not formed yet in me. For anyone suffering from this still, please listen to the man above and question this all-consuming, anti-productive state you're in. It's a false reality, a heavy delusion. Now I'm grounded and my love is pure and fresh, unconditional. Limerence should be taught in schools and brought to the public eye much more, and The Sorrows of Young Werther will be sorry no more. Ha. Thanks. Much LOVE to you all.

[@charlesolds6566]

Doctor Beam, what if my spouse left me, she is with another man and filed for divorce... but I am the guy feeling all the emotions of Limerence towards my wife! I don't want to lose her! I'm not seeking to control or possess her, but I love her more than words can express, and I want to save my marriage!

[@aprillester3761]

This is exactly what happened to my ex! He left his family for a teenager that’s 13 years younger than him. It’s a heartbreaking process!

[@divyashirley]

Same here

[@juricapuljiz5738]

There is a great song by U2 on this, "A Man and a Woman", if someone wants to listen to it will understand this difference immediately.

[@irenebuford8930]

I have had limerant love and it does not last, when you mention that it last 3 to 48 months, this is completely accurate, limerant love is also unproductive, I also lost part of my health...

[@samia6888]

how are you doing now?