How to Get Out of The Friend Zone in 4 Steps (With Science!)

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Learn more about how to get out of the friendzone in the full article: www.scienceofpeople.com/friendzone/

[@nicolasaugspach6987]

Vanessa really good video helpful and clear.I'm watching it from Argentina. I will stick to the plan Thanks 👍👍

[@ancomarzio8190]

My dear, best congrats for your husband and baby ;^) Really :D

[@frankkennedy6388]

Currently I don't have any options in the Friendzone, but this advice terrifies me. I am pretty comfortable with the way I live my life, but women would think im boring. I don't think I would be able to keep up with those changes; eventually it would look like I'm trying to be something I'm not and it all falls apart. Any Suggestions? (Maybe you'll see this reply, who knows.)

[@hipbrown2634]

000⁰

[@hipbrown2634]

@@nicolasaugspach6987 0

[@Road_Rash]

You can actually get out of the 'friend zone' in one easy step: leave her alone & find someone who's actually interested in you...

[@leomakesgames3980]

:(

[@Arrow-vu7xc]

Ya true

[@ryandeffley7652]

💯 FACTS

[@CeeP211]

Facts

[@Leveluplivin]

Facts

[@sloebone7399]

It doesn’t take 4 steps to get out of the friend zone, it only takes one step, backwards, away from the situation.

[@Edward-xd1td]

Lol.. actually you got to start treating that other person like you would anybody else like they're not special that's what usually puts you in the friend zone you put them on too high of a pedestal also you have to back off and live your own life and level up I went from being a nail-biter overweight just average to wear now a workout on fit I look good I lost weight quit biting my nails etcetera make yourself a catch be confident manifest whatever it is you need and want

[@pinyoable]

This is what I do. I wont fight anymore and wont put any effort to show that I am worth. No, not anymore. Step away. Leave and focus fully on yourself but just for yourself.

[@seng-shideng6264]

I think all of these pieces of advice from Vanessa are very good. However, I would like to add that if after doing all these things the person is still not out of the friend zone, then just move on. It's most important to value your self-worth and not pine for someone who just won't be a fit for you.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Great point!!

[@nemoretime7466]

Has Vanessa made a video explaining to woman Where all the good guys have gone?

[@geemail369]

@@nemoretime7466 Might wanna go check your friend-zone, honey! 😉

[@nemoretime7466]

@@geemail369 Girls make videos asking Where are all the good guys? What does that have to do with me? I never said I have a problem being in the friendzone. If guys dont want to be in the friendzone then dont put girls on a pedastool.

[@sebastianpolczynski6108]

@@nemoretime7466 What's your definition of a good guy?? Psychology you want a 'good guy', but when one comes around you aren't even attracted to him. You're attracted to Chad, the guy that you can never have. Once you get a Chad, you want to change everything about him to make him a 'good guy'. Then when you change him, you get bored and move on.

[@AttyBen]

Rejection is part of the game. Real Winners don't need to win every round. You can date for as long as you live. Always adjust your tactics to the situation.

[@paulcolin9071]

It's a great mindset

[@mykljamz]

Thanks for saying that

[@pawelsokolowski]

You don't have a clue what friendzone is.

[@exedeath]

"Real Winners don't need to win every round." Thats a loser mentality.

[@BillClinton228]

Real winners also don't hang around at the start of a race hoping that one day they might be winners... start the race, but if the finish line keeps moving further and further away go and enter another race where the finish line is set and you know you can finish it. What I'm saying is if a woman shows no interest in you move on, if she doesnt flirt back or agree to any date plans don't hang around. Don't think that talking to her for weeks means anything, it doesnt. I've slept with women I met on the first date, not all women are like that but if theres nothing happening and things arent moving forward in the first week or so chances are either that A) She's using you for your attention or B) She's just wants another male orbiter. Don't be an orbiter, it will never work in your favor.

[@dbuck1964]

The best way to get out of the friend zone is to avoid it completely. You do this by not crushing on people, period. It’s one thing to have an interest in somebody, but interest doesn’t become a crush until you make the choice to start engaging in fantasies about them. Once you have taken this deadly step you have handed them all the power in the relationship, which is something that nobody wants.

[@tomaszsosnowski9279]

Yes. Once you fap to the fantasy of being finally intimate, you lost the game. It’s done.

[@hivicar]

Yes, because you've now planted expectation for a response or reciprocation of some kind. If it doesn't come, you own impatience or disappointment affects your own thoughts, making some relationships less natural.

[@emanuel_soundtrack]

@@tomaszsosnowski9279 THIS. Or you set the goal clear so...

[@eQuariuz]

Absolutely. See women for what they are, a temporary compliment to your own life. A "helpmate" as the Bible puts it.

[@davidthomspson9771]

Exactly right

[@justrightpro1]

Genuine desire cannot be negotiated

[@mgtowbylogic5592]

You get out of the friend zone by accepting the rejection and moving on with your life. Why would you want someone that doesn’t want you? Don’t be pathetic.

[@SupSucka]

Preach ☝️💯

[@ticiat5832]

Well it depends! In my case I got friend zoned because I lost his trust, these steps could help me repair what I broke

[@mgtowbylogic5592]

@@ticiat5832 The reason people are friend zoned is because there isn’t mutual genuine desire. The chance this develops later is so small it’s not worth a discussion. What usually happens if someone is pulled from the friend zone rubbish bin is they are said to be “settled for”, except that’s a rationalization to cover up the lie…. “settling” means being content with less than you wanted previously. It doesn’t mean not being content and taking something from someone under false pretenses, making them believe things that aren’t true so you can benefit while you also make them suffer as you act out because I you still think you “can do better”. Almost no one successfully achieves contentment in this scenario. People far more often than not pick people then stay with them for a few minutes up to about 5 years for whatever selfish reasons before they can’t stand their own lying anymore and they leave. And, of course, don’t forget, it’s all the other persons fault as well.

[@ticiat5832]

@@mgtowbylogic5592 that’s not why I was friend zoned idk why you think you know everything

[@mgtowbylogic5592]

@@ticiat5832 No one knows everything. It’s just some people know more than others. 1- I’ve been in the game for over 30 years, married, ltrs, strs, I’ve been SAed multiple times… 2- My experiences also match those of hundreds of other men I’ve talked to over decades. 3- Our experiences also match the literature/studies. The plain fact is when there isn’t genuine desire, ie desire sufficient to keep someone out of the FZ, if people ignore that fact then claim to “settle” but really they’re pulling a con, that is a terrible thing to do to someone else. How dare anyone do that. And that’s the majority of what’s going on. People are running cons on each other. And you reap what you sow. So you may take my words as a slight but I wish you wouldn’t, at least until after you think on it. If you want someone and they don’t want you, why would you not move on? Im not saying it’s easy. I’ve been in that situation too. I was with a woman for years who wouldn’t commit and it was very hard for me to cut ties because we were friends for decades and she had that raw genuine desire for me, but still… she wouldn’t… 🤷‍♂️ I’m just pointing out they don’t want it. So don’t let them take advantage of you because they know you want them more than they want you. Without genuine desire the situation is ripe for fraud and esuba. Be well Ticia!

[@LuxeraLuxuryLifestyle]

Eye contact and breaking touch barrier. You wont be friendzoned. No touch and you go to friend zone. Just imagine your life depends on it and you must do it. And dont overthink.

[@toddjohnson271]

eye contact and touch does not mean you're not in the friendzone.

[@alfafalk]

The irony thing if you are friendzoned and meet some one else, it's not rare for the person that friendzoned you to get jealous.

[@gordonwatson328]

To be fair, you can be jealous just as a friend too.

[@tonycash5550]

Its very tricky.

[@olieantonetti7393]

How to get out of the friend zone? Simple and very easy, follow the Sun Tzu principle, "the best way to wage war, is to not fight at all." In other words, don't play the game. Secondly, let the person you are pursuing play your game, and play on your terms, not theirs.

[@Dekkard5]

Yeah, she lost me after the 1st point. If she's not into you after you've improved yourself then just drop her.

[@apope06]

The best way to create dopamine is to experience FEAR together. Roller coaster, ferris wheel, movie, bungie jumping, haunted house.

[@HarryWilmington]

One step I would add to this list: BE LESS AVAILABLE. If you're friends and making yourself available to see them all the time, this doesn't allow the other person to miss you and feel the feelings of not having you around. I also found that setting up dates with other women (thus naturally making you less available) can also cause a "friend" to re-evaluate how she feels about you in a romantic sense.

[@ryanciani3324]

why would they miss you. the point is to hang out with them

[@roberteugene7295]

Well, coach, it's your best chance, but 98 times out of 100, it won't work. Better to just ghost her (vast majority of "friendzone cases" are a guy getting friendzoned), let her go. If she suddenly pursues, great; but don't expect it. Just the way it works. ;-)

[@roberteugene7295]

@kids and joy 😊 Actually, no, works better on women.

[@roberteugene7295]

@@ryanciani3324 There is no why. Just the way nature works.

[@roberteugene7295]

@kids and joy 😊 The fact is, men get "friendzoned" a lot more often than women. (Defined as the object of an individual's romantic desire "only accepting a platonic friendship"). The truth is, the more desirable a woman is (i.e, pretty and young) the more attention she gets from men (both in number and perceived 'quality'); while for women, there are a lot fewer of "desirable" men (i.e. tall, financially stable [at least], handsome, and experienced). "Desirable" men and women are pursued in great numbers by the opposite sex, but "desirable" men and women are on the opposite in numbers. Women that the largest percentage of men would regard as attractive are about 50% or so of the female population; while men that would be so regarded constitute about 15-20% of the male population. Especially at younger ages, it's a truth that 80% of women are competing for 20% of men, which amply demonstrates that young men especially get friendzoned (a popular woman can only handle so many guys for "relationships"), leaving the other 80% of men (who do make an effort to "get" one of those more desirable women) apt to be friendzoned by one of those desirable women, and he accepts it because he has fewer options. Bottom line, there are a lot more men being essentially invisible (as far as romantically) to most women than the other way around. Addressing your point, while a woman trying this on a really desirable man will only succeed if she herself fits as desirable (because he has other options that are just as or even more desirable), this works more often on some desirable women by lukewarm desirable men because those women are finding it difficult with the increased competition for men who have options. Hopefully, my professorial gobbledygook wasn't too confusing, but women (especially young, pretty ones) have a lot of options, while most men don't have that many options.

[@seung-wunyi475]

Friend zone = Strike zone You either strike out or strike it lucky. Fortune favours the brave.

[@MarokoJin]

I like what you said, thank you!

[@adorablechrysalis7386]

One tip is don’t change for a person. Don’t be someone you’re not. It would make you miserable even if you’re together. Don’t force it to much.

[@johnnyinsight]

Focus in you: study, do excercise, do interesting things for you. Dopamine: make her laugh. Be funny Oxytocin: touching, hi Five,hugs. Handshakes Unpredictable activity and planned activity. Be fun. Traveling

[@coffeeperson1461]

Her case might be an exception but I would say in most cases find someone else. If they know you are interested and actively putting you in a friend zone, enjoying your attempts to escape it, leave. They are not who you thought. Find someone who doesn't need to play with others to feel good about themselves. I have seen this happen more than a few times.

[@AE-tb4ee]

Gender neutral advice only works for gender neutral people.

[@tryingtochangemyways5074]

Sounds like my situation..She knows I like her..It's a long story but I got her to the point of being horny..And made a move and it was all good until..She push me away before the act and played with herself while I watched..Most embarrassing thing in my life..Her excuse was I care about her so she didn't want to have sex with me..She said if you stop caring she would f me..So much has happened good and bad..But I just going to stop being available..And focus on myself..She hasn't called me today I think she is getting the hint after calling me 4 times yesterday and me not responding..I just tired of this 7 months wasted

[@Daytruin]

i wouldn't say it is malicious , but yes, moving on is probably for the best. you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and when you are taking a test, the best strategy is to give your best answer and move on to the next question before the time runs out. If they don't intend to take your time seriously then you should just move on. Also i need to follow my own advise on this because i've been in a long friendship where it was close, but the distance kept growing and it feels as if i'm just the girl's safety line now. I did that for a while now, she can get her own floatation device because i've done my part and then some. Now to work on fixing myself.

[@Ace.0.0.0.]

@@tryingtochangemyways5074 this means you must do more work on step 1. Improve yourself. Become the kind of person she cannot resist. You will then find other women will be attracted to you for the same reasons. This woman is also toying with you. So improve yourself, and become spoiled for female choices. The woman who toyed with you will end up kicking herself.

[@tryingtochangemyways5074]

@@Ace.0.0.0. Thanks I removed her from my life on Monday..She did everything she could to stop me from leaving..Apologized basically everything accept give me what I actually wanted..Made excuses for not giving it and pretending like she didn't know..But come to find out she is a narcissist..So the 9 months of push and pull,Future faking,Triangulation,gaslighting,word salad etc makes since..I have gone no contact she finally got the point and agreed to move on..Of course she made it seem like it was her decision..She was nice and pretended to understand which means she has a new target to use..But yes I know the things I need to work on..

[@plutoniumcar]

Knowing you're a catch doesn't necessarily imply egotism. It can also show that you have self-worth and value your own strengths and are always looking to improve. Thinking you have no room to improve means you need humility. There's a difference.

[@katrecemiller8325]

It’s just 7 days and the outbreaks are well treated and unseen. Thank you so much #Autism #Cancer #Herpes for curing my HSV 1&2 completely. 🌱kzbin.info/door/_YFEEZEr1BxGkNg1d4vqww 💙🧡🇺🇸

[@vincewarren1271]

If you're in the friend zone then she has no "genuine desire" for you. If at some point she did (usually the beginning), then you have a slight chance of getting out of the friendzone by improving yourself (gym, wardrobe, body language, game etc) but if he or she never showed genuine desire to begin with, move on.

[@UnexpectedWonder]

Not necessarily. It can be completely with Women. Maybe, she has general Attraction to you but just doesn't view you exactly as a Romantic and/or Sexual partner, or she's battling with her Attraction with another Man.

[@vincewarren1271]

@@UnexpectedWonder general attraction isn't genuine desire.

[@UnexpectedWonder]

@@vincewarren1271 I never said that it was... 🤨🤨 Reread what I actually wrote.

[@tarcisiasiniscalchi6641]

I love how delusional men are, thinking gym and wardrobe and body language can improve. Your ugly bone structure or shortness

[@Draziell]

@@UnexpectedWonder nice beard

[@DarthMessias]

If you get friendzoned, just say: "Farewell, my friend...!" Works every time...xD

[@AaronEkbladNHL]

i saw you had 68 likes...so i helped you out

[@bigal98761]

Yup walk away don't waste your time on a women that's not interested in you sexually or physically

[@kmarcin48]

+1 I always act like this, but I really don't give a damn what's on second person's mind after that. She/he wouldn't even care, so why should you?

[@evilinside6327]

and then start singing:"Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again..."

[@141MusicLove]

Yall are epic 😂😂

[@tomaszsosnowski9279]

If your strategy is relying on hope that the other side will make a move on you, will somehow open up, and that your romantic bliss is in the hands of that person, you are in the friendzone.

[@womenwhodate7643]

"Should I smile because we are friends? Or cry because we'll never be anything more?" So much value and very interesting angles and thought, this really was a great video Vanessa

[@nahCmeR]

Why cry? You control your emotions, not the other way around. If you're not getting what you want with someone, there's literally almost 8 billion humans alive now, there is other choices. Don't get so involved emotionally with someone if they are not doing the same.

[@teravolt6113]

I just don't care. Couldn't care less. Friendzone? Already taken as everyone else? You just get a cold stare. If i don't deserve relationships for some unknown reason, then i'm free to meet sex workers whenever i please. Legal in my area.

[@garmisra7841]

@@teravolt6113 Sure thing Legal, but is it moral? And how do you define that for yourself? I can only speak for myself but I don't want sex to be transactional. But even so, from the beginning of time, it's the moral morass attached to prostitution. Few of these women would be there if there was another opportunity they could realistically take advantage of to support themselves. And it is never sustainable. And the sex industry is riddled with vice, corruption, exploitation, abuse....why would anyone be in that world by choice? Only Fans and all that has complicated matters for sure and I guess some people see it as self-empowerment, but then it becomes the guys that are being exploited. It hacks your brain similar to how porn does but it's also different in the way that it exploits the need for connection and relationship in these OF simps who may be good guys on every other front and perfectly deserving of happiness and connection. I am not saying it isn't hard bro...it's the conundrum that good people find themselves in, that it's a moral and character compromise to get what you want or need, legal or not. But given the choice wouldn't you want to be with someone who wants to be with you for you and not the money? Doesn't matter if it's a sugar baby or an escort or a gold digger or e-girl or whatever. We are men and are used to exercising our power and taking initiative and thinking that Action A results in outcome B, but relationships don't work that way. You can do everything right and not succeed, and you can do everything wrong and somehow get lucky (in whatever context you choose to see that). Trust me, I've been in both situations! We all need to be self-aware, honest with ourselves and others, willing to take risks. Nothing is guaranteed, but that includes failure. I'm not telling you what to do or what to feel. But I fear you'll see the long term damage from the lack of sincerity and true connection and authenticity. I wish you luck wherever you are. God bless you and good luck.

[@kayleecole4512]

I like that quote and it makes me emotional since I’ve been going through it 🥺😢😭

[@dianneciresi6324]

Well he tells me he's been thinking about me, when he hasn't seen or talked to me in awhile. He always hugs in the meet & bye til next time stage.. Has ED & low T, low sex drive & other health issues like emphysema, arthritis, as well so where do u go from there with that. I wore skimpy red top, his eyes only glanced upon meeting then just talks like a male friend. No physical touch or advances. Some coaches say to flirt more but how does that work when u get no response cause they have low T..& other health issues when on meds...

[@normancook965]

I have a number of genuine female friends, and I'm blessed to have these friendships. The problem with "the friend zone" is that so often people aren't sincere when they say they want to remain friends, but rather just aren't very interested in you in any way except in some cases to use you. And that goes for both genders.

[@GovernorRP]

I did a lot of this myself. 1. "Be the Catch" - I've worked hard on myself, and continue to do so. She's said how I'm a "great catch" and "any girl would be lucky to have me" but rejected me this past Sunday after almost a year and a half of going out places, getting to know each other freakishly well. We knew each other back in high school and met up again after almost not seeing each other for a decade. 2. "Focus on Dopamine" - She desires to see me every weekend and SHE is the one making the plans herself to see me and how she loves seeing me and spending time with me. We do new things every couple of weeks, and any weeks we do the same things we've done, it's a walk somewhere to burn some calories and get dinner later. Heck, she's wanted me to meet her parents and she met mine, and both my parents as well as hers have hinted they see something happening between the two of us and seem to support it completely. 3. "Focus on Oxytocin" - We nudge up on each other sometimes, maybe a little playful touch here and there, but she absolutely tenses up or cringes in the two times I've attempted to hug her. 4. "Focus on Adrenaline" - As part of the things she and I have planned out, we have quite literally several months worth of new quests together, trying new things and seeing new places. Heck, we did that as recently as yesterday (which I know is probably a bad idea on my behalf after the rejection). Biggest problem is that she brought up a guy she hasn't seen in years (similar to me) and he asked her out right away. She told me she rejected him, but she brought him up every time we'd hang out and how it bothered her that he wasn't getting back to her sooner. She told me "you'd think if you're interested in someone, you'd want to reach out and make effort on them, right?" It honestly hurts to hear how fascinated and interested she is in that guy. I get told "just drop her" but she keeps making plans with me to see me and she made every sign that she was interested in dating me until this guy came along (even my sister and every woman I know said they saw numerous signs that she was indeed into me). Thing is, what's the point of any of this planning out as if we're some couple if she has no plans to date me and she KNOWS how I feel about her? I kind of think she feels like this newer guy is some kind of "upgrade" or something. She knows it bothers me because I get quiet when I start thinking about things, particularly things like that. She said last week she wasn't going to talk to this guy again since he didn't want to make effort to see her. She got messaged by the guy while we were out yesterday and her face lit up and she eagerly messaged him back. She said she got to hang out with him on her day off last Monday. No idea what happened, but I can't help but wonder "why continue to drag me along like this if there's no hope in the end with her?"

[@flexforr3al333]

How did it end did you leave her bro ?

[@pb-uw2jk]

She’s just keeping you on her back burner…and basically she knows you won’t say no. You have to walk away, for yourself. If she changes her mind after you maintain distance, like, she hugs you, kisses you etc then awesome…..but honestly she sounds like a user who will always be looking elsewhere even if you do get into a relationship. I’m not trying to discourage you, but as a woman, I can almost guarantee that you won’t ever feel secure with her.

[@jshudo44]

So are you letting this crap continue? What is the update?

[@dayoolyngdoh5453]

She got you on the hook. Even if she ends up going out with you, she'll always be on the look out for that 'upgrade'. Be honest to yourself, can you really trust someone that's always looking for something better to come along? . . Don't waste your precious resources (time, energy, money) on someone like that. She can't see your value if you don't even value yourself. She's treating you like an option so do her a favor and take yourself off that equation.

[@minibuns5397]

Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style…Look Into It

[@willemdebest3237]

Run away from friendzone if you don’t want to. Don’t let her use you as nr nice guy.

[@The_Cold_Slither]

I escaped my own way. Or maybe it’s a part of these methods, but it’s just not clicking lol. But when I was told the typical friend zone lines, I make her own it. It’s not malicious, but if I’m told I’m seen as a brother, then that’s the energy and attention I’m going to give. That energy and attention is reserved for the next woman. It may be manipulative, but if you’re a interesting catch, and you’re scarce and you start talking about other women and bringing them around, your friend zoner might start seeing you differently. I’m not saying date other woman to make your crush jealous, but you should be living your life regardless. And it is a long process. Over 15 years, and the 3 times or so I got out of the zone, it was a year or more of doing my own thing.

[@Silirion]

Focus on being the catch pretty much

[@deibymanzo6265]

I call this technique "make them to miss you". And I agree with you. It changes the perspective about you.

[@Sydkip]

Tbh same, I just simply match the energy and put my emotions aside, I don't have to express my emotions on someone who's not gonna reciprocate. It's really easy someone who's interested will reciprocate and will be open about it. Plus at end of the day what we call "rejection", I view it as an opening to get someone who's actually interested. I do not deserve everyone and not everyone deserves me 😎

[@The_Cold_Slither]

@@Sydkip There’s so many women out there. They’re not going extinct. So if one rejects you, there’s literally thousands in just your own 5 mile radius who may be receptive and wants your time. So why focus on the one, who for whatever her reasons are, only wants to be friends?

[@michaeldavid6832]

@@The_Cold_Slither Often their sister is the next notch.

[@StefanThomas-lifestyle]

Don't ever let her "friend zone" you. Ditch her immediately and don't look back.

[@acemanley111]

Or just be comfortable knowing you took the L and just move on. Don’t gotta act so hurt keep doors open but just don’t walk in some if you know you need to be walking to another instead.

[@rebekahgomez2173]

No no pls don't do that. As a girl I will tell u there are so many reasons u could be rejected but we almost always hope that u will at least be our guy best friend. I personally get more broken if u ditch mee

[@SideEffects297]

@@rebekahgomez2173 ofcourse you want him to be your best friend, you want to use him. That's what you want. May I ask why you rejected him and then wanted him to be your best friend? What does he get? You want to fullfill your emotional need.

[@remowilliams7029]

@@acemanley111 SIMP it's not about being hurt or some 💩 like that. It's about not wasting time on someone who doesn't add value to your life! Time is the most precious commodity. If she puts you in that zone you turn around walk away and never look back, she is mot worth your valuable time.

[@bigal98761]

@@rebekahgomez2173 you want him just as your friend so you can use him for emotional amd finacial support while giving him no dates no sex then you'll go and sleep around with the guys you didn't friend zone what a joke being just friends with a women is no.benefit for the man

[@captainjosue]

This isn't just a video about getting out of the friend zone but it's about becoming a better version of yourself. IT truly is a list of suggestions for you to improve yourself.

[@simonh6371]

No sorry this is a video about how she tricked a guy to be her safety net while she was with other guys.

[@TooBanger]

@@simonh6371What???

[@simonh6371]

@@TooBanger What I wrote.

[@TooBanger]

@@simonh6371Could you further elaborate..

[@MrLove717]

​@@simonh6371facts 😂😂😂I thought I was the only one who picked up on this She's a Chad chaser and she only got married to her husband because she wasn't good enough for Chad

[@sergiosolis4538]

I got "friend zoned" in the middle of a relationship. The gal that I was with at that time "friend zoned" me in order to get close to someone else and even wanted me to take her to meet up with the guy. I cut all ties with her.

[@ruthjohnson9025]

Good for you👍🏾

[@JasonValadezVEVO]

King move 👑

[@rescue270]

Yah, they really do think guys will do that. Unbelievable.

[@rolsonDotcom]

How to escape the 'friend zone'? Don't be her friend. If she asks you a favor, tell her you can't or better yet, just don't answer text or calls. Ghost her. Work on yourself.

[@akshy471]

Yes she is talking about the positive things that makes dopamine and oxytocin. And the truth is women are constantly bombarded with jokes and men tryin to do all these stuff. So it's much easier to go the negative route. And it'll work everytime. A guy who has lots of options and will dump her any moment is more attractive than a dude who says godly jokes 24*7.

[@sloebone7399]

The whole idea of being friends with a woman is a joke. When she finds a boyfriend, the friendship is over.

[@Ace.0.0.0.]

@@sloebone7399 Not so. She will continue to keep you as a backup. But only if YOU CHOOSE to accept this status.

[@AnthonyArgyros]

A REAL man is rare, like a needle in a haystack. Therefore, REAL men reject the “Friend Zone.”

[@niknak4421]

Really can't believe that you described yourself, in an interview, as an awkward person in the past. Such a catch! Love your work, thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom 😁🙏

[@ryanphillips5591]

Step 1. Don't allow yourself to be put in the friendzone in the first place. If you are in it, walk away. She doesn't respect you on that level, because you didn't walk away.

[@michaeldavid6832]

Yep. I ghost them if I can and ghost them in plain sight if I have to work with them. The "plain sight" means that I stop hanging out with them and treat them like everyone else at work -- I'm even genuinely cordial because I'm never really bitter about it. It might hurt a bit, but I don't hold a grudge for very long.

[@evig9216]

I see a lot of people commenting to leave immediately but sometimes it takes a little advice to help make your bestfreind think of you a different way naturally. Not everyone is naturally gifted at progressing there. I find it hard to like someone when they approach me immediately with romance in mind so I can see this working on me.

[@msliltrinity]

Agree with others’ comments that it’s critical to focus on your own self-worth first, but this is such great content with specific examples. Thank you!

[@MrLove717]

​@vernonjohnson1198facts 💯

[@gmartins4393]

Thanks!

[@TheInsiderzone]

There's also the 1-step method. It's called LEAVE! FORGET ABOUT HER. If she comes back, well! leave anyway 😂 Ain't no friendzone possible. The nothing zone is better. Respect yourself.

[@KingoftheJuice18]

If you respect yourself, that includes respecting your love, your intense feelings for someone. It doesn't happen every day; those kind of women do not grow on trees. You might not be able to make it work with that woman, but immediately walking away is not "respecting yourself," it's giving up on yourself.

[@KingoftheJuice18]

@Precious Brown If the person has made it abundantly clear that they have zero interest in you, that's a different story. But very often it's not nearly so clear and that's what the video is talking about. The OP makes it sound like there's no need or value in putting in effort to develop a romantic relationship with someone who is uncertain or is "just a friend" right now. But that's not always true. You hear about many situations where one party didn't immediately feel the attraction and interest, but developed it over time. If you just "walk away" to protect or "respect" yourself, you could be missing out greatly.

[@mitri5389]

@@KingoftheJuice18 nah if she doesn't sleep with you after the 2nd or 3rd date shes just playing with you.

[@KingoftheJuice18]

@@mitri5389 Could be exactly the opposite: if she's willing to sleep with you after two dates, maybe she just wants the sex.

[@mitri5389]

@@KingoftheJuice18 yeah that's kind of one of the few important things in relationship... you know the whole point in dating is to find a life partner.

[@benergy100k2]

In my observation and having followed you for years, this stands out to be your favorite videos you've ever made because it involves everyone and not just a few people in professional settings.

[@ligerllama]

The only thing worse than the Friend Zone and that's the Fan Zone. If you're romantically interested in someone don't be a friend, don't be a fan, just be known. That means exactly what Vanessa is saying: Be The Catch.

[@davidabarak]

I think this is the most logical, most thought-out, and least hyperbolic video I've seen about this.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you!!

[@theunholy1812]

Best advice when your friend zoned: Move on. Never simp. Your too needy if you stay around while shes sleeping with 30 chads and then later on you win the prize of taking care of her and her kids.

[@143Oshawott]

Whats her name man?

[@UnexpectedWonder]

Why are you assuming she's inherently sleeping with a bunch of Guys? 🙄🙄

[@simonh6371]

@@UnexpectedWonder Lol women are never not sleeping with someone, hard fact.

[@renee6066]

Thats lol so not true mate ​@@simonh6371

[@mrfranklin_81]

💯

[@CallOfDutySniperzzz]

Ive seen a lot but this is definitely the best video I've seen so far. So logical. 1. Be a catch 2. Have fun together (dopamine) 3. Add romantic element by touching (oxytocin) 4. Add excitement (adrenaline) this makes something addicting

[@raymondcorey5297]

The only way to avoid the friendzone is to boot them out of your life and find someone worth your effort.

[@chandu007i]

This simple video has saved me a lot of time and I can't thank you enough. Now After all this if a women is flaky she definitely ain't the one bro. Cheers Vanessa.

[@ashleycameron1599]

Most women tend to friend zone nice guys. And use them to fulfill their emotional needs. To not feel so lonely being single, until they get with the person who they actually want to be with. And then it turns out that the person who they actually want to be with is no good. There's no problem being friends before getting in a relationship with someone. But it's important to be clear with your intentions and not use the person. The same goes for men not just for women. Men who are only interested in a one night stand, and then lose interest.

[@Sodomis666]

It is great fulfilling someone's emotional needs if you love them! The friendzone does not have to be a one-way street either: I see some friends more than they see their own boyfriends. And I can sleep with anyone else I please, without the drama.

[@UnexpectedWonder]

Indeed. 🙏🙏 The One Night Stand honestly goes for both Sexes.

[@UnexpectedWonder]

@@Sodomis666 That's not exactly the Friendzone.

[@Sodomis666]

@@UnexpectedWonder Yes it is. They know I love them, they know I want more, yet they want my attention and have a lousy boyfriend at the same time.

[@grizzlybear2702]

The person she wants to be with is better looking and taller then you

[@francoiskern9904]

Girl, you are 100% right. This is the best explanation and solutions I have yet seen or heard. Excellent job!

[@likewise4gaming]

If your a high value man who finds yourself in the friendzone, then the solution is simple. Leave the friendzone and find another woman who is interested. If you work on yourself then it really shouldn’t be hard. No woman is worth all that effort.

[@tarcisiasiniscalchi6641]

Women get friendzoned too especially ugly women

[@Yusa_Beach]

If no woman is worth all that effort. Then there is no woman that is. Which means there is no point in loving a woman other than liking to have sex with them. Pretty dull romantic life eh?

[@frankcrawford416]

I get out of the friends zone by not caring about the friends zone. Its her loss. I just be myself. I love myself.

[@niklasandersson1424]

Be clear with what you want and dont make it possible to put you in the friendzone, simple.

[@yf222000]

How to escape the “Friend Zone” in. 4 steps. 1* dump the manipulative wahman. 2*.block that thing from all of your daily life. 3* ignore her if happens to run into her. 4* tell her you don’t work for her no more if she asks for anything at all, then scoff and walk away. There you go. You’re welcome!

[@bigal98761]

Bingo don't waste your time on a women that's not sexually or physically interested in you

[@ECO473]

JACKPOT!

[@richa4425]

Thanks I was thinking the same. Her advice seemed for a disgusting blob chick who only wants a man who has 6 pack abs.

[@taymazpourhosseini7031]

Joke or not, men should seriously stop giving boyfriend privlages to women that arent their girlfriend.

[@Blinkers2007GameDev]

ok....

[@psychoticamericanteacher]

If I'm out with a lady and she is still on her phone after I asked her politely to put it down I'm ending the encounter. It's very disrespectful.

[@DepthFromAbove]

You sound super controlling & probably a psycho red flag walking, bro. Good luck.

[@jwill9877]

Get out of the friend zone means "after shes done trying out the other men in her life she will try you last since she knows you will always be there." If you get friend zoned, just end it. Have some self dignity and find someone else.

[@stevec3526]

I tell guys who are in a woman's friendzone to walk away and start casually dating multiple women. You should only date women who clearly indicate they are interested in you. I also tell guys to not chase women. If they don't show true interest in you it's waste of you time and energy. A few months ago a woman told me that she just got engaged to a guy who had been in her friendzone for 15 YEARS. I told her she was a horrible person doing that to him.

[@stockyguru]

Damn 15 years 😅

[@simonh6371]

Damn he must have been low on her list, or she spent 15 years being in a harem trying to win.

[@ronaldfuniestas2841]

After 15 years, I'm pretty sure that dude got sloppy 50ths...after being ran through by the whole neighborhood, she finally decides to settle for the guy to raise a family...he needs to be careful though, chances are high she will cheat on him with Tyrone somewhere down the line.

[@LoQueYoDigoVaAMisa]

C'mon an 15 older vagina is better than no vagina for the new hubby 😂😂😂

[@johncanaparius3233]

This is a good start. Even more effective is triggering addiction withdrawal mechanisms. Once you have dopamine triggered withdraw it abruptly and unpredictably.

[@lonewolf604]

All the girls who I knew from church have in a way bro zoned me and/or friendzoned me (through talk ," he's like a bro to me", not from me asking them out). It stings because the dudes they liked by default in church were tall handsome, jockey types. Then theres me, the shorter, nerdy, nice guy. It stings and it makes me feel undesirable.

[@emmanuelebole325]

Don't be a nice guy any more.

[@plasmopix]

Stop being nerdy

[@loope9421]

You should probably start talking to girls you’re not attractive to to understand girls. Work on yourself and be your true max self and try to be fun, you’d be surprised how many “ugly” guys get with cute girls.

[@lorenzcastillo6484]

This is your welcome to reality moment

[@bdL91]

Be nerdy, make money, work on your social skills. Don't try to be something you're not (a jock); be better at something you are (nerd with endless career options).

[@offbeatscratcher]

I like this. Don't be yourself just manipulate and trick women into liking you! This is the secret I've been missing all along. Thanks!

[@Ghanaba23]

Very true

[@roberteugene7295]

Best way out of the friendzone? Ghost her as soon as she friendzones you. Don't waste your time on her. Trust me, she instinctively knows you would like to be "more than friends," but it's also not going to happen. As far as our hostess goes, just remember, the exception doesn't disprove the rule. He escaped the friendzone, but he was the very rare exception.

[@simonh6371]

He didn't escape at all, he was completely played. She kept him on a back burner while she was playing the field, and he was her safety net. Disgusting. But the guy should have known better.

[@kevinsjournal]

This is 1 of better videos on this topic, thanks for sharing this!!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Glad it was helpful!

[@markharc7615]

I have been married for over 20 years and my wife tried to put me in the Friendzone at the beginning of our relationship, I simply said "No not interested see you later" and she moved in my apartment the next week and was waiting for me in nothing but a tight g-string when I got off work. Never take dating advice from women. That is like asking a fish how to catch itself.

[@Anonymous1dskjoadi93]

So advise a woman how to get out of a friend zoned placed by a man please ?

[@alexflips393]

Subbed. This is really important. I am definitely not a lot of fun, I’m average with conversation but when I like someone I can go mute and nervous.

[@paulherman696]

Every date starts on the friend zone. You go through these stages. Really good video.😊

[@mtheory3]

So refreshing to see a science-based video on this instead of a pick-up artist style video

[@carlosestrada51]

Thank you Vanessa. I really needed to see and hear something like this. I’m autistic and have a lot of hopes and dreams. And I’m absolutely sure that I’ll find a great partner one day. And I took notes 📝 as I watched and listened to your video. Thanks for the tips!

[@gordonwatson328]

This is actually great advice. I would add as well that - from the off - you should only stay a persons friend if you actually value, or can see potential value, in them as a friend. Then either you've got an awesome new friend that can maybe set you up with new people, or a potential love interest later. If you are a guy that can't get over your attraction to someone and *have to* leave - potentially leaving an awesome connection behind. That looks like fear or rejection, and weakness to me. A person who is emotionally strong and stable gives zero fucks if you want to date them or not. It's your loss! Also, there is a hidden value in the friends first approach. You might find that *you* don't want to be romantically involved with this person after getting to know them better! Particularly since they have already displayed their terrible judge of character in not wanting to date your sweet ass!

[@MarigoldSundays]

If someone is Friend Zoning you, it’s best to never do step 3 - touch them. Wait ‘till they touch you first and if they never do, you never do.

[@ruffiun1881]

Bust your butt to get out of the friend zone. Remember now you have to continue to bust your butt to maintain the relationship. Save your energy and move on. You shouldn't have to work that hard for a good partner.

[@S3GXY]

Best way to escape friendzone is not to be in one first place. Ask out the person you want to ask out they say no block them and move on. No one is important enough to waste your time. Most people enjoy putting others in friendzone and the people stuck in friendzone are pathetic to stay stuck in one while the other person bangs the entire town.

[@Murph_gaming]

Blocking seems extreme and like it should only be reserved for toxic people.

[@S3GXY]

@@Murph_gaming no normal people can be unintentionally toxic one of my crush did that friendzoned me then kept being nosy even though i told her I don't want to talk to her. It was her way of being nice and checking up on me as she kept being nosy and friendly we kept talking and i stayed in the friendzoned which is like hell when they've rejected you but you still have to be friends with them even though you have feelings for them. So yeah best thing to do is block them move on its not extreme not blocking would hurt you more and waste your time even more.

[@DepthFromAbove]

You don’t need to block them, spaz. Hah.

[@S3GXY]

@@DepthFromAbove you do if you think your time is more precious than letting it be wasted on stuff like this.

[@DepthFromAbove]

@@S3GXY You spend more time blocking them than just not. Don’t be that weird, creepy dude who hits on girls & then calls them a bitch when they’re not interested. It’s not personal. Throw your ego in the garbage & keep movin’, bro.

[@chilly_man09]

Pretty much what she said was Step 1 Be new-do different things Step 2 Do stuff with her- make her have exciting memories Step 3 Have more physical touch-upon greeting and exiting Step 4 Do something risky-a exciting quest something to get adrenaline pumping (road-trip or something like that)

[@creativechannel6148]

No formula, nor recipe. Just be yourself. Be clear, simple and sincere since the first minute you meet. If she's not in the same page, it's fine, she missed out, stop seeing or contacting her. Trust me, you are going to save a lot of time, energy and money to try it with another one. If she looks for you afterwards, it's yours! Finally, never never marry the one that friend zoned you.

[@timnichols7760]

These are all great, science based recommendations. It does require a lot of self, and emotional awareness, which some people JUST DO NOT HAVE! Lol!

[@Gk2003m]

3:57: exactly! You should be living life, not waiting around for someone to call you! And btw, not doing it in order to get someone to call you…. but doing it for yourself. For your own sheer joy of living. If you’re doing it as some sort of ploy to “seem interesting”, people will see right through that.

[@Silirion]

Word

[@DarthMessias]

Some will see through it. Not all...xD

[@_dekanijo]

Have her see your value as a man appreciated by other women to show proof of what she might out on or lose an opportunity to be with. It cannot happen if you're only focus is solely on her. Sometimes it's that lack of "proof" that leaves her feeling, thinking or saying, "I don't know". Great video by the way!

[@jesussamurai8433]

It's been said several times in the comments just go ghost and never look back. They have no issues sleeping with countless men who probably don't put any effort but get the job done without even taking them on dates. While you're over there trying to "dopamine" or fighting to get her attention she is most likely talking to 20 other guys and getting ran through. Just leave and never look back. You'll then realize how irrational you were being.

[@mattleofric1766]

How to get out of the friend zone: Step 1: You don't.

[@rh5776]

Guys, don't attempt to escape the friend-zone. You will put in a lot of time and money, but the first time Chad comes along, you'll be right back where you were. Best advice; block her number/texts. Never, I repeat, never talk to her again. If you do try, you will be set up as an even lower level friend; on-call handyman. This is the seventh level of hell; darkness and insanity.

[@numsnkx6839]

Darkness and insanity you've said everything man

[@maderik899]

One of the better advice videos I’ve seen.

[@dallasdandy6276]

I got one for you. Ever been friendzoned by that one person you thought that weren't really on your level. When that one not so hot girl says let's just be friends it stings deeper than a 10 saying NO to you lol..

[@mikeoxlong6587]

your video is so awesome from a regular guy peosptive who is just trying to rediscover himself. thank you so much

[@flyaway6671]

In my experience it is possible to be friends first then become a couple, but there was physical attraction from the start and she already liked me as a person. The key thing is did she put you in the zone or did you just fall in there because you didn't pursue her at first then became available.

[@DepthFromAbove]

You’re that creepy dude who waits for her to be vulnerable. It’s disgusting, bro.

[@WitchOnABroomstick]

now all you need aside from the pshysical attraction is: emotional, sexual, and romantic attraction, you are almost there.

[@DepthFromAbove]

@@WitchOnABroomstick “if I can trick her into being friends long enough, she’ll eventually see I’m the one she’s been searching her whole life for.” Serial killers.

[@JasonValadezVEVO]

"If I'm nice to her, maybe she'll touch it" Bill Burr

[@WitchOnABroomstick]

^Simps

[@erics670]

Walking away is the best way out

[@bernhardtweihrich3893]

You forgot one "I can only offer you friendship"

[@arsal123]

Loved it! After watching this video I realized that I can be a Great Catch

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You absolutely can!

[@nightcall7398]

OK you are pretty funny! I like how you explain these little nuances. Got me cracking up lol. Don't get friendzoned: Stop trying or expecting. Work on yourself and stop simping. If you're not in love with yourself (not as a narcissist) why should anyone else be? Work on yourself. Get to know yourself. Get used to spending time with YOURSELF. Get to a point where you're in love with yourself enough that you are completely happy and excited about yourself and your life. Be happy with yourself but also feel like you want to share yourself with others without wanting anything in return and....voila...People end up loving you more opening up more potential opportunities for possible romance. Weird but it works. Most INFJ/Sigmas already do this naturally.

[@shaynepound5371]

This is the one thing I will never have to worry about in what is left I'm life because if I can't get any dates I will never have to be told just friends

[@Dominik40301]

Classic woman, takes its own -one experience and tells like its universal advice. Its only an specific situation that happened, in certain way, between her and her husband. Nothing else, there are many other different ways that can lead into same outcome, and different variables that could be part of it.

[@KingoftheJuice18]

You think only women extrapolate from their own personal experience? With all due respect, you have to get out more. Everybody does it to some extent (how could we not?), and men do it just as much as women. For example, you apparently have had some bad experiences with women--and you think it applies to ALL women!

[@tarcisiasiniscalchi6641]

Spell it’s and not its

[@Yusa_Beach]

@@KingoftheJuice18 When people say "all women" or "women" in general, they mean all the people that they've interacted with in wanting that thing. It by no means mean they mean every single woman. So this kind of useless making a point not to generalize when you don't understand what they really mean.

[@KingoftheJuice18]

@@Yusa_Beach No, they do mean "all women" or "the vast majority of women" or "virtually all women." If they didn't mean that, then their phrase "classic woman" wouldn't make any sense. It's very ironic, though, because the OP is doing just what they're accusing women of doing.

[@Yusa_Beach]

@@KingoftheJuice18 people talk about their experiences of what mostly what happend to them. That's why they say women or most women. That doesn't mean every single woman in the human species. When he says "classic woman" he means the ones he deals with the most in his experiences. It's a perception thingy if you know what I mean. The Op as well as the rest of us who struggle to want to get a partner who doesn't leave us because of soem better dude or having to compete for dominance just for a mate are just bitter with all the failures that we've continued to have whenever we tried. Why bother wanting something you can't get? And whenever you do get it, it's not worth it, because sooner or later they're just gonna leave or cheat. Which is why some guys (not saying most, because I don't know the majority of guys) only prefer pumping and dumping women without a care in the world about their well being.

[@gr8-fun162]

A lot of this stuff can get a guy in A LOT of trouble in today's world. She's just not worth the risk. If she insults you by putting you in the friendzone, it means she wants to keep you as a 2nd banana in case the guy(s) she's really attracted to doesn't work out, (which is usually the case) and she likes the validation she feels from you stroking her ego with your interest. If she does select you from her friendzone, you were not her first choice and she will likely resent you later which will end the relationship anyway. Don't waste your time, money or emotion. Just dump her back to wherever you found her and move on.

[@TheDeadlyKnight]

The vast majority of the time, isn’t the friend zone the kiss of death? At this point you’ve screwed up the impression you’ve made on your crush. Good luck changing it. Most of the time it might be best to part ways from the friendship so you don’t grow resentful

[@kayleecole4512]

I don’t wanna deal with it anymore. I feel like I’m giving up. I just have to accept that he’ll never be mine and vice versa. It’s easier said than done though

[@kingjimmykingjimmy]

You friendzoned him which means he was literally your last choice….

[@wikewawa]

thank you !!!!!!!

[@plasmopix]

Lol, he's last choice and has to try hard everyday to not fall back into the zone

[@ryandeffley7652]

Yep a guy's basically settling to be a consolation prize after the fact. 👎

[@maxhouse2409]

Men should not stick it out in the "friendzone". They develop more Relationship Market Value (RMV) as time progresses while women's RMV will diminish as she gets older.

[@seamasmanly]

This woman knows her own heart. She will never put her husband back in the friend zone.

[@cameronthomas3398]

This is actually really good advice. I didn’t know you and didn’t have high expectations but i was very pleasantly surprised

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I hope it helps!!

[@stevec3526]

Learn French to get out of the friendzone? For real?

[@thetruthserum2816]

One must be a pool of oxy to "jump into"... If attraction is real, it will be instant, it will be mutual.

[@jamesmakume2630]

So basically you rejected your husband. Then when you realised you can't do better, you came back to him. And he rewarded you with a life commitment? Wow!

[@Murph_gaming]

Or he just started doing things that clicked that made her see him as more than just a friend.

[@Jason1904]

I just started reading ur book this week. So far loving it. 💜

[@thisandthatautomotive]

I would say that a trip definitely works. Thank you for the tips.

[@Silirion]

Love ya Vanessa 👊🏼 Thanks for this 💖 When being friendzoned recently, the person Started writing ”buddy”, and ”pal ” when We texted, never having done it before. Feeling it a bit force and awkward I percieved it as setting a certain frame to the conversations. I found it Really important for myself to respect my integrity and respond by Name and still be cheerful in my responses.

[@steveninabnitt1680]

I dont usually comment, but wow you killed this video.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you so much! I appreciate that. :)

[@estebangodoy773]

Changing people's perceception is always hard and requires a lot of work...but it's totally possible.

[@thesunisout2858]

I like just being friends with women that way there is no pressure or stress.

[@jwsmith1470]

Best advice for men to get out of the "friend zone"??... Put most of the women that you meet in the friend-zone FIRST and treat them accordingly.

[@huonglarne]

wow actually good and practical advices! thank you

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You're so welcome! ❤

[@colinjaccino9350]

Lots of good insights. I see a lot of 'just move on' comments. You might just be dealing with a person who is a keeper as a friend. If they're a real friend and someone whose feelings aren't going to develop romantically, why throw the friendship away? If you're a real friend, you'll get your own feelings in order and respect their boundaries. Explore making good moments, but if they don't end up in the bedroom, be glad for what you have rather than throwing it away.

[@x1mjp1x]

@colinjaccino9350, are you a woman? I think most women don't understand what it feels like to be friendzoned. Once you do experience it, you'll realize the advice you're giving leads to more torture and frustration and you'll suffer for it.