How to handle someone who insults you but disguises it as a joke

The people who insult you and continue to laugh, like it's only a joke, but it's meant to be really mean and hurtful are insecure and have self-esteem issues. What can you do? Laugh right along with them. If you act all defensive and look down and appear very embarrassed, then they have won. But if you laugh at yourself, you come across as poised and self-confident.

[@VincentAlcatraz]

Reminds me of why I don't want to be nice with people, let alone interact with them.

[@corsofrenchie]

They are called narcissists

[@u235u235u235]

that's not always true. not everyone who uses sarcasm and jokes to insult people are narcissist.

[@thesurvivorssanctuary6561]

They are using narcissistic behavior though, and that behavior is one that is EXTREMELY LOW in EMPATHY, 😒.

[@u235u235u235]

@@thesurvivorssanctuary6561 That's a great point!

[@johnrondeau1180]

Hi kayla. My dad is narcissistic. My wife uses sarcasm on me. I want to kill them both. It's extremely hard to deal with that.

[@_danfiz]

In my case, it's true. The person tends to jump in the conversation when I am speaking to my other friends. Turning the attention to her.

[@clinteast7476]

sometimes its hard to smile,when you really want to beat there head in.lol

[@paneesh]

+Clint East Lol true. But that would again give them power to hurt us physically as a retribution xD

[@5winder]

If you beat their head in, they won't be able to retaliate.

[@BeeRich33]

Plan B: Beat their head in, then smile. Then say "Have a nice day".

[@mariellataia5211]

Ikr thats the breaking point for me when I really want to throw them in a pit of fire

[@crazygoblinmastermaster3405]

True

[@eviltree6779]

Your grand message: STOP HANGING AROUND TOXIC INDIVIDUALS hahahaha XD

[@mariedubuque]

+NT Guy yes, exactly!

[@crazygoblinmastermaster3405]

But I have only 2 or 3 real friends... Any tips?

[@hordebucket8971]

Sometimes in life they are hard to get away from. But if you know you csn get away avoid by all means. Find the happy place not the negative.

[@chriswalls5831]

Agree they come across as nice good but are not

[@penus7639]

@@crazygoblinmastermaster3405 just seen your comment, you can make friends anywhere on the internet, mainly in games, social media(beware of the toxicity tho) feel free to befriend anyone online under the condition that they are not looking to get benefits out of you. We all need friends 👘

[@h.7573]

Gradually start distancing. Stop calling, reply late, say that you're busy, and eventually block them everywhere! 3 months and I've finally completely cut them off. Best DECISION ever 💖

[@sophisticatedmm3632]

I had to distance myself from fake friends/ classmates doing this BS

[@tercial]

Thank you makes sense now. I notice they would always make me feel like nothing even though I always uplifted them. They took my kindness for weakness. I got tired of it and had to cut them loose.

[@kumbakebbeh9878]

C4Zero goooood

[@KL-bg8fi]

C4Zero 👍🏾

[@rgw1380rw]

It's the same with me brother. Things got to the point where I realized that they secretly hated me because I didn't need some tough guy image or storyline to gain a woman's attention. When people have to go to the point of playing on a woman's illogical emotions, then telling them you're a rapist to get any attention around you, it's time to cut those clowns off. The same exact guys that I'd give almost new sneakers to, needed to hold something, I even kept their bullies off of their backs were the same ones to cock block me when women were around. Those guys really were jealous because the don't look like, can't dress like, didn't have so called good hair like me.

[@tercial]

@@rgw1380rw exactly I've experienced something similar on a smaller scale from some dudes but just keep doing you and I bet they still want you around

[@rgw1380rw]

@@tercial Trust me when I tell you that I've been overlooked or fucked over for the exact shit they've been repeatedly complaining about since scumbags like my so called father was over a decade younger than me. Being turned down on a date offer for a known crackhead, or deadbeat dad that's been in and out of the system let me know that you must be the scapegoat for their liking of a problematic relationship. Those niggas aren't shit, yet they repeatedly are the chosen few in every neighborhood?

[@Rhaxma]

Also, looking down defensively is definitely a no-no. You look them straight in the face and give them a look of disgust. They might keep on laughing, but they get the idea.

[@mariedubuque]

Rhaxma so true.

[@amazonqueen5694]

@@mariedubuque people like that have delusions of grandure. They are also what i like to call megalomaniac. Or as we call them a brat. Michelle from louisiana.

[@l.adodg3r70]

Narcissist don't care

[@Jasswrldd]

I did this to my teacher today, girl isn’t funny.

[@Reshme77]

"The classic bully defense: when called out on being mean they claim it was a joke and the victim is at fault for having no sense of humor. Classic from the Bully Party." For example, my brother in law said, "hey silky have you ever seen a buffalo or a cow before?" I said, "Well I know you have seen one lots of time…every time you look in the mirror." Odd enough the man was over 40 and I was 19. How can older man feel intimidated by a teen? Strange enough he started to really respect me afterwards.

[@user-gz5mx2nd5p]

Nice one. I wish I could as it impacts my sister who feels int the middle or is helpless is her marriage

[@sherisetodd9281]

Although I am older and middle age yes some older people can be intimidated by someone younger.

[@mrgh1650]

Good for you for standing up for yourself!!! 👍🏾😊

[@darkcadence938]

That a old person with low self esteem and worth..

[@lahaza6515]

Brilliant! You're fast on your feet. You'll be just fine in life!

[@mynamehasbeentaken3564]

The problem is when you laugh at the insults and they think you don't mind being insulted and keep pushing it further🙂

[@kylejefferson4453]

Yeah, those losers just want attention.

[@Proximity94]

Yea that's why I think this particular strategy is not good. You need to make it explicitly clear that they should not try this in the future. You don't have to yell or get overly defensive but you have to show them you don't abide bringing you down. Stand up for yourself, going along and laughing at yourself is an invitation to even more bullying and losing respect for yourself.

[@Nordic4U]

I disagree about 'laughing it off'....I dated a guy years ago who constantly insulted & criticized me & when I got upset he would say, "what's your problem, I'm just joking"...so I decided to change my approach & laugh it off, but he NEVER stopped insulting me...it got worse. But i do agree with your other video when you said to ask them, "what's your point?" and it catches them off guard & they have to explain themselves...I find that approach really effective...thanx!

[@kittenlove1987]

theres good people and then theres people that make insults to others for no good reason to make themselves look good. i hate people like that.

[@nataliesmith235]

I'm definitely gonna try this. I'm sick of my one family member that constantly insults my special needs son. It's so hurtful.

[@paulaslife3781]

Natalie Smith this family member needs to find his heart.... Sounds like he lacks education maybe you could sit and show some learning Stuff that's easy to grasp.. We are all gifted in many ways and that goes for special needs children also. Your relative sounds like he or she Has the special needs.. I'd keep my kid away from that type of person could damage your child. Or have a serious WORD if it ends a Friendship so be it, let them think about their actions they may feel sorry later. It's a fact we all learn at our own pace. But we should feel Sorry for ignorant people also.

[@rcola6235]

Straight up tell them, they shouldn't dare insult your son again, and there is no shame in standing up for your loved one.

[@mysterious8058]

Natalie Smith iam sorry to hear that he has no heart ❤️ if he had he than it’s a rotten one

[@izzythebrawl5415]

Omg thats not funny at all

[@Trini190]

Oh heck no! You better distance yourself I wouldn’t have anything to do with them

[@natesmith134]

I have a question? How come when you make a 'joke' back; people jump my ass. They can say hurtful jokes and when I laugh and say a 'joke' back it's not funny and I crossed the line? WTF

[@B1GJOHNSTUD]

cut them off! they are definately not worth having around!

[@heusernamenishta4820]

nate, if you can't get away, try to point it out. like if they joke about you in front of everyone, don't laugh with everyone and say 'that's very mean/rude'..Then walk away .. Then wait and watch .. if anyone else watching there doesn't come to you, they are not real friends.

[@5winder]

Narcissists hate it when you one-up them... it's THEIR game.

[@ushmaasher]

OMG That happens to me so much

[@mariewilliams802]

nate smith its because these rude people are self important and don't care about other peoples feelings.

[@simonpetkov6640]

the problem is the one who are insecure and shy they are the one who get insults. Its soo stupid like what did they even do to you.... and the worst part is when your "friends" start loughing as well and insulting

[@N-HTTi]

It’s the law of attraction my friend It really sucks but does make some sense

[@Gorillaglue2]

Or when ur friends are the ones making the "jokes"..

[@yukiruikuta6500]

At least my friends never laughed or made fun of me.

[@despoinagoddess]

And this is exactly why I don’t call everyone my friend. Anyone bold enough to insult you in your face has absolutely without a doubt done it behind your back.

[@stuka80]

i actually have a coworker like this. At first we were friendly with each other because we were both new to the company, but then i guess she got really comfortable with me and thought that she can hurl insults at me in the form of jokes and get away with it. She's a woman in her early 20s, i'm male in my early-mid 30s. How I handle it is i boomerang the insult right back at her. For example, she made fun of the fact that i'm 10 years older than her, i responded with something like, "yea but you actually look older than me". another instance was she made fun that i tried to dress nicely for work and that she doesn't care about dressing up at work and once again, i responded with something like "you know who doesn't care about their looks? ugly people". Man the look on her face everytime i throw one at her is priceless.

[@stuka80]

Nitron DSP actually that's the first thing I did do. I just started ignoring her and stopped being friendly and just spoke to her only when it was work related. But for around 3-4 days she kept bugging me asking me why I dont talk to her anymore and why I dont greet her etc etc. So it got kind of annoying so I made up my mind to be friendly with her again, but when she does insult me, i'll give one right back. And that's how its been ever since. I do feel kind of bad though because some of the things I tell her is pretty messed up lol. The stuff she insults me with doesn't really affect me at all. she's barely reached adulthood, i'm in my early 30s, i just dont get offended. and i know that whenever i insult her back, especially about her looks, she does get hurt I can see it in her eyes and by her reaction...but the weird thing is she keeps comming back for more. If you insult someone, normally they wont like you anymore and stay away from you. But with her, especially when its a really brutal insult from me. She'll just stop talking to me for like a day then the next day she''ll act all friendly again...Its like she likes it when i insult her...its weird.

[@abominationdesolation8322]

Meh. Your examples of her insulting you were kind of weak. I wouldn't feel insulted by those. But I understand if she says other stuff that gets under your skin. The problem with boomerangs is that people like that will *never understand what's going on.* They think they're teasing you, and they think you're overreacting by "insulting" them. It's stupid, it's aggravating, but if you want them to learn a lesson, you have to realize that they are not level-headed or logical people. You need to explain that they're actually insulting you, which is why you do it back. If they just laugh in your face, then they're not your friend nor are they worth being friends with. If they aren't going to learn, even after you politely explain things to them, then why bother wasting your time trying to be friends with them? I have a handful of really, truly wonderful friends who I would go to great lengths for; but to meet them, I had to filter out a *lot* of really shitty people who are now left scratching their heads as to why I don't talk to them. I know this is petty and mean of me to say, but giving someone the cold-shoulder, when they REALLY deserve it, feels awesome. Seeing you have a good time without them tends to humble such people.

[@abominationdesolation8322]

stuka80 Bro, she's ten years younger than you and obviously not that bright. She confronted you about why you didn't talk to her anymore, and it seems like you dodged giving her an honest answer, and went right back to being passive-aggressive. Do what you will, but man I built a lot of respect for myself by being more straight-forward with people. I'm not telling you to be aggressively blunt; that's just as bad if not worse than passive-aggressiveness. By all means, be kind to people; but by reflecting her attitude/behavior back at her, you're slowly becoming just like her. Be careful, please. It's very easy to become a monster whilst fighting one. I say that having been to the other side and back.

[@abominationdesolation8322]

stuka80 Also, honestly stuka, it sounds like maybe she has a little crush on you. She probably respects you for not being affected by her insults, and may even respect the wittiness of your responses. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong or bad; it is what it is. But this girl might have a lot to gain by you being gently honest with her.

[@gainthirtylbs]

Jesher Perigord "It's very easy to become a monster whilst fighting one." Soooo TRUE!!

[@Asdfgqedfglo]

Actually, this advice is wrong. I use to have a “friend” that did this to me every single time I hung out with her!! When you laugh it encourages them to keep doing it! So the only way to truly solve this problem is to put distance between you and that person or drop them completely out of your life because they’re going to keep on doing it and when you laugh you’re letting them know it’s OK for them to keep doing it. So either put your foot down and tell them to shut the fuck up or put distance between you and that person. *That’s the only way to handle a person like that!* I understand what this woman is saying in the video completely and this tactic does work in *other situations* when someone is trying to insult you to make themselves feel better. But in this type of situation laughing is only giving the impression that their behavior is OK and when you do that they’re going to keep on making backhanded comments toward you and the comment will get worse. Put distance between you and the asshole or put your foot down and just tell them to stfu already!

[@rik-keymusic160]

But if you get all emotional, you kinda give your power away! Practice the art of responding, not reacting emotionally. Its not always easy but you feel more empowered if you can because it show that you have self control and that by itself can reinforce a boost to your self esteem 😎

[@Asdfgqedfglo]

Richard I’m not sure why you commented this. I didn’t say anything about acting emotional. Most adults don’t have a problem with keeping composure when telling some one to knock something off. Kicking someone to the curb that thinks it’s OK to insult you whenever they want is empowering yourself. Its having self respect.

[@rik-keymusic160]

​@@Asdfgqedfglo I don't agree with you because kicking someone to the curb because they insult you is not a healthy respons but an emotional reaction... It's actually a lack of self confidence if you get all mad in such a situation. It's completely un attractive to get all fired up and knock someone down because of an insult. It's crazy that you give someone so much power over you... Its a form of emotional immaturity and I had this problem my self. A US Navy Seal told me this once and then i realized he was right!

[@Asdfgqedfglo]

Richard You’re projecting too much of your own problems. Real friends don’t insult you all the time. Keeping a toxic person like that in your life is unhealthy. I have years in this field. When a person, regardless of who this person is is toxic you get rid of them. Keeping a toxic person in your life that is always insulting you shows you don’t have self-respect. Any person that loves them self would not accept this type of behavior from anyone. So yes the mature thing to do is walk away from the relationship. Anyone that tells you to keep a toxic person in your life has no idea what they’re talking about, that’s ridiculous. Verbal and emotional abuse in any type of relationship is absolutely not OK and should never be tolerated. Walking away from a toxic human has nothing to do with being emotional or getting mad. That’s how you might act in response to that but that’s not how everyone acts. If you tell someone to stop insulting you and they continue doing it all the time you walk away, you get rid of the toxic person. That has nothing to do with being mad or emotional. It’s just being an adult and walking away from a toxic relationship. Simple.

[@niccogutierrez4585]

This is actually the right advice... the best way to destroy a toxic person is to ignore them... walk away from them... trust me... the thing that pisses toxic people off the most is when u never gave them the chance to do what ever it is that's toxic to u... ignore the toxic person and walk away... now he has no one to be toxic to... Richard is a toxic person too btw... pretends to give "good advice" but actually intentionally gives bad advice on purpose cuz hes toxic

[@Rhaxma]

I find confrontation or coldshouldering far more effective.

[@iluvv_saraa]

Rhaxma I confronted my bff and she’s always like it’s joke you over react but she does it all the time and I told her I’m depressed and she’s like haha yeah right or lol no your not like it’s a joke but next she says something I’m gonna be like haha yeah I know or lol I know

[@707josh]

You have to remove here Sara or speak to her once and for all. That’s toxic behavior and she’s not benefiting you if you can’t even tell her what you’re feeling

[@anespressomachine]

People say I couldn't handle jokes and overreact a lot! People were making mean rude and hurtful jokes, but when I came to this video it made me realise what I was doing was what they wanted it and yes, it could be very hurtful to many people! thanks for this awesome video!- you earned a subscriber

[@mariedubuque]

Nikita Kanjani So glad I could help. Thank you for your kind words.

[@ihssanalzaeem]

+Marie Dubuque cab I have your Google maul adress would like to talk to privet, because there somethings that is going on in my life and need a mentor like you.. plz send to me..

[@kittenlove1987]

Nikita SK I feel ya on that one. " people say that alot" like i dont have humor and stuff. or cant handle any jokes ETC. ya know it would MAYBE be a little more different or sorta okay with super close friends and family/ like somewhat comfortable. but i just like it when people make it a everyday thing especially when its towards me and super douchebag rude. it just depends on what theyre joking about. some people NEVER give it a break ever.

[@kittenlove1987]

Nikita SK i just dont like it when they make it a everyday thing ( had to correct that) lol

[@venna1520]

Me as Well😐😐

[@community1949]

There is friendly, loving teasing then there is malicious making fun of everything you say and do and making it into one big, continuous joke. I had a sibling who did that. At first we all thought she was just being cute and funny until I realized everything she did was an insult wrapped into a joke.

[@amv062184]

im hated by people who act like this because i turn it around on them. i LOVE to make them think that they bother me, and make me feel bad, when it is just a game to me its what i live for. the look on their faces when they realize that i am toying with them: priceless. >:}

[@synyster_gaitas]

@@tonic777 He just told you, he prentends to be offended and then they realise he was just pretending

[@adu1991]

Call them out on it. Everyone has a different opinion on what they find humorous and what's offensive to them. They can use the line "Well, you can't take a joke", but if they truly cared about the relationship(whether you're family, friends, bf/gf, etc), they would take a step back & at least say "I'm sorry". If they're still not willing to apologize after that, then maybe you should re-evaluate if this relationship is worth it.

[@jamiemohan2049]

Sometimes not reacting at all is a good response too. I've had a few people realise I have no time for them afterwards.

[@user-mg8fw1lw9f]

When I was younger, what worked for me was to give no response. Nowadays I think I'd laugh it off because that's the opposite of the reaction they desire.

[@katydrew5274]

I wouldn't laugh if someone insulted me. That's how bullies keep on bullying...

[@matthewimposter8010]

There are some people that you can just talk to openly, calmly and effortlessly about anything. You bounce ideas off each other, don't have any trouble with disagreements and quickly find your views and theirs being slowly modified and resolved into something harmonious. These people make great company, but they are quite rare in my experience. The worst types are those who see everything you say as something to be competed with, to the point where they will even make something up just to disagree with you. I have a general dislike for competitive people for this reason. I find them tiresome and have always felt they must be insecure and feel the need to prove themselves. Why can't these people see that they just come across as assholes? I would say I've met less than 20 people in the 30 years I've been working who were great easy-going company.

[@despoinagoddess]

Yes this is so true and describes me and only 1 of my friends personality. We can literally talk on any subject completely understanding each other’s views and supporting whatever view as well. People should understand that gives people so much confidence to just be heard no matter what you’re talking about. Good people who definitely value you and what you have to say no matter how small it is are definitely some of the most amazing people on this planet I’m glad to have a friend like this and I do my best to be that friend to everyone else even though most times it’s not even reciprocated.

[@loveya23able]

Really need this right now thankss I thought this person was just being sarcastic but the insult was getting stronger and I was getting more pissed off and I blew up. Guys remember those peasants they aren't worth it :))

[@babyfacejaharmony1993]

they use to do it to me now i keep them far away from me now ill be better by myself

[@26whosthatgirl]

This happens alot to me with friends, I do think of some very witty comebacks.. but don't use them because their harsh. At the moment i've decided to avoid certain people and that helps alot.

[@PopcornWales14]

I dont think I can explain how much your videos have just helped me. Thank you so, so much for posting these.

[@mariedubuque]

Thank you Popcorn, you made my day!

[@reinemazidath5466]

Marie Dubuque I really like your videos . How would you react if someone tries to belittle you by insulting your intelligence , for instance "You are stupid" or "you are immature " .

[@abominationdesolation8322]

"The natural reaction is to.... cower" Wow. I hope no one here seriously cowers over thinly veiled insults. When you give people that much power over your emotions, you're asking for trouble... Anywho, I actually like these videos. I don't really want advice on anything, but I respect the advice you do give. Your positivity is wonderful.

[@abominationdesolation8322]

I used to have extremely terrible self-esteem issues. I've worked on them and have since become much more confident in myself, my abilities, etc. But even now it can take some time to rationalize the terrible ways people treat me. I honestly wish you had this channel when I was in highschool. Your advice would have really helped with that painful knot in my stomach. Now, I don't really need such advice, but I respect the positive reasoning you use. The world in general would be a lot better if people didn't feel so horrible about themselves; and you're doing a wonderful job of helping such people. I've left a few comments already, but this was the last thing I wanted to say. Thanks for reading, and do take care.

[@doodleghost90]

I've found calling them out back in this situation is the best way to handle this. Respond with "The way I am affects you how?" Or "am I supposed to laugh, I don't think it's funny" works well too. Catch them off guard. Don't let them make you cower that's what they want.

[@ushmaasher]

Man I wish I'd found your videos a few years ago. Everyone was literally teasing me about my body and my appearance and everything I did and if I got hurt, they'd say I was too sensitive or that I was playing the victim card, but I was genuinely hurt and humiliated. Well anyways thanks for this video! ♥

[@karissagarcia.]

Omg I hope you're ok now... I've been through the same thing ❤❤❤you're beautiful......dont take them on

[@ahabrawgaming1289]

Yup definitely jealous and are insecure I've noticed it a lot. There two ways to face problems like this either you roast them back and make fun of them, or just ignore it. It's a win-win if you do one of these 2 things.

[@boazbaruchin9085]

Trust me laughing doesn't work, I tried it for 2 years and the insults keep on coming... Thank you for trying to help tho..

[@alicegoldenvalley]

@Zero I would just say: "Haha wooww, we really don't have the same sense of humour 😃. It's okay, I get that you're trying to make a joke" and be gone, just continue with your life. If they react to what you said I'd say: " I rather give people compliments and have positive easy breezy vibes. But you do you" And then move on and end the conversation with grace. Make it their problem, bye! 😊

[@isaiahogarro4951]

9

[@l.adodg3r70]

Just fire back! 🔥

[@MainelyLove]

I think "laughing it off" might be ok for certain people, but as a blanket strategy for the majority, no. These verbal incidents happen in context. And you can't "not" feel hurt if that is how your inner self feels after the incident. The person putting you down didn't cause the feeling, but people have feelings, and most people know it hurts to be the target of this kind of dialogue. You have the right to be approached as if you were a person with feelings, capable of being hurt. That is being treated with respect.

[@GearheadExplorer85]

I had a more senior coworker do this to me this past week. I didn't laugh...I went right for the jugular.

[@post11tracy1]

I had a co-worker make a comment when I was stating in a conversation, "I had a friend who knew something about something" and he interrupts and said "you have friends?" I said WOW! That really hurt my feelings! He said I was just kidding and I said I know but who makes a comment like that and be kidding" People are just vicious.

[@grapiken7766]

Your videos have helped me a lot. They helped me to understand a fundamental truth about people who try to knock you down - that these people are really jealous and insecure and probably have a low self esteem too. Just seeing things from another perspective helps so much. Thank you!

[@TheGoodTheBadTheTarot]

Marie is the kind of gal I would like in my life. Don't you just wish you had a girlfriend like Marie?

[@MrAmbassador11]

The Good The Bad & The Tarot Agreed

[@mssaarahn]

I've had the same thought many times! She's wonderful!

[@l.adodg3r70]

Marie is a beautiful person inside and out

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

You just said exactly what I was thinking, and I had to do it plenty of times whenever I have to be around this one person who I always have to see. They get real grumpy when you ask them, "And why in the world would I care about what YOU think?" And just believe in the fact that they really aren't better than you, and you will send this message just by the way you walk past them, and then fail to meet their eyes (as if you were looking past their shoulder, or through them; showing that you don't care if they don't like you).

[@AngieMusicArt]

This actually happened to me today 3.17.18. It’s phenomenal how I caught this video, and it really helped lift my spirits up. Thank you 😊

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Your series is great for these common situations which can anger or disrupt you. Your body language and faces are pretty serious enough to defuse the situations and show that you have 100% awareness and control over yourself.

[@CatsAreNiceMeow]

You’re wonderful! Thank you for taking the time to make these videos! I have a couple of toxic family members and these clips help me immensely!

[@paulaslife3781]

I've noticed everybody on here has a good soul.... We belong together👍

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Oh my! I’ve just found your channel. I’m looking for this sort of clear and direct information for years. Thank you.

[@iqras3016]

You’ve changed my life so much, I really appreciate you making videos like this, thank you😊

[@pierronry]

What if I don't actually feel bad and thought it was funny. I am secure in myself, but it's as if others are telling me what they want and I'm so secure, I go along with it... being too secure probably screams of insecurity?

[@ShaunJamesDnB]

Wow Marie, this is a great video, I can so relate to this, this happened to me a few weeks ago at work, what I thought were friends we doing it behind my back, and when I found out they said it was a joke. Great video. Thank you

[@mariedubuque]

Thank you Shaun, so glad it helped!

[@kelhimacmillan5675]

That happened to me not too long ago & I just retorted with ..."So how's going through life like an axe wound working out for you?".... The look on their face was priceless and everyone laughed at them & not me! All they could muster, was to tell me to "shut up!". It's not easy, but the less power you give to bully's, the less they'll try to take it from you!... I'm still learning myself!

[@cu99460]

Your such a beautiful person. Thank you for this upload. I dealt with ass-holes my whole life. I would say though, I wouldn't laugh with the person criticism me. I learned to call them out on it. Trust me, this works. Simply say to the person: 'why would you say something like that'. This phrase completely throws them off; and while there standing there like an idiot thinking about a response, walk away.

[@yourdailymusic6906]

Recently, i realized that my parents and some of my relatives are really toxic people. They bring me down through "Jokes" and manipulative tactics. I dont know how to response cause i thought they love me there no way they would hurt me and they keep doing it again, again. I think it is time for me to take myself back, to see what's really going on. Thank you Marie. You are a guardian for people suffering like me.

[@d3r2000]

you just made me remember who I was someone who was nice but let negativity bring me down, I think I want to live to make people smile again

[@MsJanetLouise]

My husband insults my looks/body and says i can't take a joke. The lastest insult is he told me he has a better butt than I do. I've also found pictures of girls with large butts on his history and pictures he sent himself to his email ( which he denies he sent to himself) he never admits to anything, so I'm not over reacting. We are middle aged adults (50ish) so I find it especially insulting. Husband's are supposed to make their wife's feel loved and wanted, mine makes me feel horrible. I'm really fed up with him insulting me and saying it's a 'joke.' Thanks for your site, it's helpful...

[@kathrynthomas6138]

Try to be happy with your looks/ body, do not let your husband insult you in this way. He should be proud of you!Men like these are bullies. It's probably because you are an attractive person that he is doing this. I had years of this from my husband, so divorced him! Turned out he was jealous and had is own insecure ideas. Best thing I ever did!

[@wynstansmom829]

I just found this channel and read your comment. It's one year later now, how are you doing? I'm a 60 year old female also with a husband who loves to 'joke' around. Have you noticed they don't enjoy that same type of humor when it is directed towards them? Happy New Year.

[@Gemini61062]

It hurts my feeling so bad. It pushes me away. He will never change. I love him so much and our family. I cry silently sometimes., but that’s my choice right. Oh well.

[@gemzgirl1973]

A person who loves you might resort to light teasing, snoring, little eating habits, but looks, weight, are huge no-nos. Anybody's self esteem will eventually break down. I have toxic family on both sides, and the first they go for is your vulnerablities. Not sure why they do that.

[@Heythere2810]

Oh my gosh please leave him. No one deserves to talk about their body in such a way that brings them down. Your are beautiful & smart & there’s nothing wrong with your beautiful body. I pray that you heal over time & remove people that only bring you down.

[@vidhyapriyadharsini234]

Thanks!! I got this from your video- don't give power to mean people to get under your skin!!

[@ghaul111]

I thrive on doing this to people. Even if its something simple like: hey you're looking ugly today. Its not a plan to piss people off, I just enjoy throwing people off, seeing how people react. Conversation is just so much sweeter when the other person can handle a sarcastic joke or even a humiliating joke. I don't like it when people are too nice to me, its too dull, and it gets repetitive often. Anyways if someone makes pokes fun at you: just laugh or smile, don't take it too seriously, if they do happen to cross a line then be confident, don't hesitate to tell them what bothered you.

[@elixir2701]

You made my day. I needed that ! Thank you!

[@rydhwan]

Hi Marie Dubuque, i just wanted to say you're videos are amazingly helpful, thank you for taking the time to make these.

[@ChrisPBacon-ex5du]

Thank you for this I have this stupid cousin who always tries to insult my intelligence or make me look stupid in front of others. I feel like cussing him out when he does this but now I see that he's just insecure and maybe a lil jealous/intimidated your video has made me realize that clear as day. I'll have to learn to laugh at myself more and not let him get the reaction he wants.

[@rosiejones9241]

There is something so comforting and reassuring about your videos

[@mhillvo]

Very insightful and spot on. Thank you for the enlightenment. I would never do this at someone else's expense. Just not in my DNA. But for others...oh my Lord. Here it comes...so learning how to deal with it is essential. Subscribed. Good stuff here..

[@hybriddimension2442]

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS WAS VERY HELPFUL!

[@sharoncherryontop1275]

so so true... ! Thanks ! ''They can't make you feel bad if you don't allow them to...'' Thanks for this vid

[@Coocoocookachoo]

Love your videos! Your words put it perfectly. I have a M-I-L who is super insecure and I panic everytime I'm in the same room with her. She is a pro at sour-compliments. This video was VERY encouraging. Thank you!

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Rebecca Mullikin-Davis,you got a lovely smile

[@wayaca47]

It is better to be healthy alone than to be in a bad friend relationship. A real friend doesn,t treat you this way. Delete, ditch her !!. What you believe is true for yourself. Never be defined by the box that people want to put you in. Like Marie said insecure people want to elevate them self by bringing you down.

[@thepiOneskiess]

Thank you for the help, hopefully I can laugh it off the next time round!

[@ChanelCoco-pk7mp]

Exactly beautiful- No one can make you feel inferior without your consent

[@exitcheese]

I recently had to deal with this twit who insulted a fellow mature student, needless to say we now don't speak, I don't have time for such people.

[@janberdigan3188]

Does this work, when my classmate whispers and insults me in my ear and sometimes he spits and I say "Is it raining in here"

[@applesewer2684]

I'm not sure I could just laugh. If someone is telling insulting jokes to me and I think that they're just trying to bring me down, laughing at the joke just makes me feel weak. I mean, I guess it depends how confident and socially skilled you are. Ideally, if you were impervious to criticism, then their insult wouldn't even touch you, and you'd feel as relaxed and breezy as you were before their insult. it'd make no difference. And in that state, yea, maybe if the joke was vaguely funny you could laugh, and if it wasn't you could respond as you normally would to an unfunny joke. The problem is, most people are not impervious to criticism. Even if I know in my mind that it shouldn't matter to me what this other person thinks, our brains are powerful things and they'll just send all kinds of anxious signals through me, despite my best efforts. So for me, I find just ignoring them is the best method. If they start to tease me, I might smile patiently, or just stand there with a polka face. If they challenge me with questions, I'll just respond with bland, neutral, brief, throwaway comments and walk away at the earliest socially acceptable moment, or just tell them I'm busy and keep walking or something. Then, if they think of me as a moody, killjoy who can't take a joke, well that part doesn't actually bother me. I don't actually care what they think of me. What bother's me is the moment when I'm being teased and the feeling of being humiliated and not knowing how to respond and often it's made worse by my attempts to fight back and respond and I'll say things I regret and feel even more guilty, and the anger for the person too. Yea it's really really tough, to get to a point of being absolutely impervious to the insults of others. But that's the ideal.

[@JohnnysaidWhat]

Hey I just went to a big event and met a few people with this personality. I really appreciate you making this video. Thanks for this it made me feel a lot better!

[@Archcadegamer]

Thank you kind lady you helped remind me of who is valuable, and who is not. I have plenty of shit going on. I'm strong, I'm a student, I have many things in the works. GOD BLESS YOU, if that's your thing.

[@lora2586]

You made these videos 7 yrs ago but they are still helpful today😊🥰 I hope you are doing well and thank you for the advices Ma'am ❤️

[@GS-st9ns]

I like self-deprecating humor, but when people take it to the extreme and I can't laugh it off, I overreact and shut them down . That way, they don't think it's okay

[@Frank020]

Moments of gold there near the end...LoL this olden but still golden. 🥇🥇

[@juliusrobertson7764]

I dealt with childish people at the workplace and it’s irritating.

[@someonerandom9931]

Clicked on this video because you look so serious

[@bludluva]

I'm beginning to understand people a little more, and this video describes my brother to a T. It really is amazing how similar people are, especially the insecure ones. it's an amazing feeling of power when he's the one who cowers away after he fails to get a reaction out of me. He's family, but i know sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. THANK YOU

[@miamiflorida2043]

Every time I watch your videos you make me feel so good about myself.

[@thehazelnutspread]

My response: "Laughing like an idiot at the end of all your snippy comments does not make them less of an insult."

[@louisdemm1758]

I instantly see through the just kidding and no offense bullshit. I call them out as soon as I hear either of those phrases.

[@chooselife903]

One time during a card game one of the players told me the card move I made was the dumbest thing she ever saw. I started laughing and told her as a special ed teacher I deal with stupid people all the time and I love them....so thanks!.... She didn't know what to say and apologized. During another game she made a dumb move and I asked her if she was stupid too...and she could now be friends with me...since we had dumbness in common... True story....we are good friends now....dumb and dumber. :)

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Catherine C,you got a smile that can make the news!

[@speccysquaregolike9629]

You're coming across as a mum who gives good advice. I like that

[@zoozyg3108]

I love u I really needed this 😩❤️

[@MrBittercoke]

First off I really wanted to say I truly enjoyed this. I have a former friend at my school who is the president a club which I am a part of. His personality didnt really change but the thing is people have to listen to him now since he has the latest news and such. What I really dislike is he is 2 faced. He acts really nice and sweet with the girls but throws insults disguised as jokes to the guys. This video helped me release my pent up anger at him today because of how he insulted me in front of the club today. Everything about him shouts arrogance like how loud, cocky, and even the way he sits (puts hit feet in a higher chair or table). What I have realized is that he is self centered and insecure. He feels the need to put down other guys in the club because he feels jealously ( I am 5'11 while he is 5'6) but also the constant need to establish that he is more dominant? idk I guess I should just speak my mind next time instead of shying away exactly as you said

[@mariedubuque]

MrBittercoke he just wants to put on a show in front of the girls, because as you said...he is very insecure.

[@kenseabury1067]

I think Marie provided an excellent strategy for people like this who interact with another person inappropriately. She is describing here what I believe to be some of the characteristics consistent with malignant narcissism. Some of my siblings had these personality attributes to varying degrees, and I wasn't the only person they interacted with inappropriately and/or treated badly. People like this sadistically thrive on your pain. Let me emphasize though that persons who act this way are not necessarily full-blown narcissists.

[@brittneypearson9022]

Just laugh. No. Lol I think more along the lines... call them out on their behavior. It’s toxicity. And toxicity must end.

[@queenrellallc]

Hello Marie, I have to say that you touch on such relevant topics! Your humble and honest opinions are GREAT advice every time!! Off topic, I have to tell you that you wear such adorable outfits,beautiful jewelry and your hair is always on point!! Please keep making these videos!!

[@rocknroll9027]

Hello, I like your videos alot, you're an amazing person

[@mariedubuque]

Rock n Roll thank you, you made my weekend!

[@cliffcarr3632]

Great video!! I have dealt with quite a few people like that..so right what you said and laugh at them! Once they finished I usually say you are so smart and intelligent you could be the 4th Stooge! ..: )

[@Gabriel-er9dd]

I can relate to this so much, thank you!

[@paneesh]

THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU'RE AMAZING!

[@ChannelZero1031]

This is crazy. These video pop up RIGHT AFTER the situation happens to me. Yesterday, a friend threw an underhanded joke at me. I did not react or reply. Today i see this video. Amazing coincidence.

[@jacquelinemanzano9328]

Insults cloaked in a joke are deliberate. condescending people are insecure.

[@lahaza6515]

I landed here because I'm bewildered by something that happened yesterday... I've been working for a really jovial, successful, artistic couple in Woodstock NY. To meet the husband you'd think he's the kindest and funniest person. I've noticed in the past year of working for them that he's said things about people like "I think the handyman is a racist." I asked "why would you say that? Did he say something?" He said "I don't even want to say what he said." So anyway, a few months ago, out of nowhere he "jokes" to me "Oh come on, I know you're really anti semetic" I laughed it off & said "that's just not true at all, why on earth would you even say something like that about me?" Then he laughed as if he were joking... Then yesterday while having a design meeting with he & his wife; he says "Oh come on now, you know you don't like Jews" (mind you, he's saying it in a poking fun sort of way) I'm thinking to myself, "why is this guy ALWAYS looking for something wrong with people? Why is he always trying to "catch people" at something? Did I say something along the way that he misunderstood? And what is this persecution complex with him?" Why is he always coming up with sneaking suspicions of people disguised as jokes? My last name is Dutch, and a lot of people assume it's German & I wonder; is that why? But now I can't help but to feel hurt and angry about it. It's like he tries to catch me totally off guard & do this & I'm TIRED OF IT. To meet this man you'd think he's a brilliant, educated, successful business man who's also a musician, so he comes off kind of quirky, but I'm starting to see that there's a VERY judgmental, passive aggressive person. I'm just flummoxed and don't know how to handle it in a way that doesn't make me look defensive. I assure you that I'm not "anti semetic."

[@gtran7]

I love your videos, (+thumbs up as much as I could) I am now able to understand why this person was criticizing me unrepentantly one after another. From my hair to my skin... she grabbed my arm when I tried to flight from her. -I am usually a person that understands every person has their own insecurities, therefore I am never afraid to admit and even join in the joke when it is on me. Now, I can see why they (many) would come onto me with full-blown attacks- to make sure they do damage.

[@0622sweetheart]

Thanks, Marie, I feel the exactly same thing what you mention in the video. Your suggestion is helpful. I will follow your video.

[@JessicaMillerMusic]

Your advice is the best!!! I wish you lived in Nashville so you could be my therapist!

[@doctorcj5253]

People understand that I hate rude jokes but they still do it on purpose

[@sophiegrace3708]

People always call me ugly and big nose or Pinocchio. It hurts so bad and i can’t tell anyone it’s so hurtful and they don’t even realise

[@erikanthony8412]

Thank you. I was being tailed Downtown for a block or two by a pair hardcore lesbians. They were both laughing very cynically and whispering as they passed me. I realized I took it personal and had trouble shaking it off. Even though it's a bit off your topic, the video helped me a lot, thank you