How to Heal From Your Childhood Wounds | Enneagram Type 1 | Enneagram & Coaching

[@idlikemoreprivacy9716]

"your inner judge is unreal, you'll be judged AGAIN with different criteria by others (and the laws of physics too)" was a key realization to me.

[@healwithyan6178]

I really appreciate you posting this video and giving healing advice to the wounded child version of Enneagram 1. It is interesting that the healthy version strives to be Perfect but have love and grace when she's not. The wounded version strives for perfection and when imperfect, denies her identity and worth. 💌

[@deborahsmith2828]

This was great!! I'm married to a 1, and I truly believe 1's are the most misunderstood number on the Enneagram. Their drive to improve/reform/perfect things is intended to help people, but is often heard as criticism. I love your videos! As a fellow Social 9 I've learned a lot from you. Thank you for being so generous with your time and knowledge!!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Awww thank you!

[@Docdoolit]

Would you and Abby Howe do a collaboration?

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Would love too! I love Abbey!

[@abstract-thoughts]

I came from a home with lenient rules and felt like the "responsible" and "go to" person as my parents' second language is English. So I had to do many things on their behalf like gov't paperwork and apply for jobs. I'm even the go to for many other things including tech related stuff. Family/friends have labeled me as a responsible person without me telling them I'm responsible haha... it's just how I've been perceived. Interesting indeed. Great job and spot on!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thanks Christian! Hope you have been good!

[@ebrush4669]

All I needed was to see my older brother have a belt taken to him over the coffee table before dinner to make me behave. The Five year separation between us meant I had to grow up quickly and protect my younger siblings. Perfection was the only way to be invisible.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

I’m so sorry for what you have been through. Our childhood wounds can go deep. ❤️

[@confidentsuccessfulwomen]

Unfortunately, I can't relate to the Enneagram system because I have many different characteristics including those of type 5, type 6 and now type 1. I have a hard time putting people in these type of boxes. I find myself to be a very unique type of person that doesn't conform to any system. I have always forged by own path and live life according to my own standards. My coaching style is based on the model that the quality of ones thoughts creates their feelings, which fuels their actions which ultimately creates their results. Your results with always prove your thoughts.

[@molinam4979]

Thank you for your kind words...as a Type 1 so difficult to give myself grace...sigh.

[@bradfordwicker702]

Great video Hilary! I really resonate with what you’re saying but I’d hesitate to say that my parents were strict. I used to feel that they were, but putting things into perspective they really weren’t. My two older siblings were the ones that received the big punishments. My parents had something called “Wicker Work Camp” and if you misbehaved, you had to do chores around the house until you could do anything fun, like watch tv, play games, or hang out with friends. The bigger the offense, the more hours you’d need to work off. My oldest sibling received the longest hours with one time infamously receiving around 40 hours. My second oldest sibling received a number of hours but nothing approaching those numbers. I was the youngest and I think at most I only received 4-5 hours. My parents gave me less hours because I broke the rules less and because less hours would accomplish the same desired outcome (as I’d beat myself up a lot for receiving even 1 hour). Even though I had lesser punishments, I still perceived my parents as being fairly strict and that I was just as likely to receive a big punishment as my siblings. I think I started to realize this self perception wasn’t true as I grew up and realized the stress was coming from myself. Even so, I’m deathly afraid of making mistakes and certain mistakes still haunt me to an extent. I think I go to the 7 arrow a lot to avoid the stress of “what if I make a mistake.” It’s silly I know, but it’s easy to get lost in it. I think I tend to rationalize it by telling myself that “If I don’t engage with the problem, then I can’t make a mistake” or “I’m stressed, mentally drained, and more prone to making mistakes if I work right now.” I don’t feel like as a type 1, it’s really possible to let go of the inner critic. The best approach is to challenge the inner critic and show that the basis for the inner criticism is wrong. My inner critic assumes a very harsh perspective, and my belief has been that if I can satisfy the inner critic then I won’t make mistakes. What keeps my inner critic in control is when I don’t have a clear understanding/standard for the task at hand. It makes trying new things hard. My control over the critic increases the more I understand what’s expected.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

It's always so great to get your perspective Bradford. Thanks for sharing this. I know your insight helps so many.

[@bradfordwicker702]

@@enneagramandcoaching Thank you for the reassurance. I always appreciate it! It helps when I'm doubting the usefulness of my insight.

[@foreveranexplorer]

@@bradfordwicker702 Thank you so much for sharing your insight on the inner critic. Helped me gain a new perspective :)

[@bradfordwicker702]

@@foreveranexplorer Absolutely! I'm happy to give any insights I've learned on the Enneagram. :D

[@melodyjoy5082]

I am married to a 1. When he is oneing really hard, I always say, very sarcastically, that I need an instruction manual or news brief to keep up with all the procedural changes he implements! Haha It does help me to understand why he is this way. He grew up in an extremely strict home. Thanks for helping with that insight!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

You are so welcome!

[@natiakhakhubia2227]

im sobing. thank you❤

[@enneagramandcoaching]

❤❤❤

[@debmarrett212]

I'm a 2 wing 3...that obviously has a few 1 tendencies. I'm pretty sure my coworker is a 1 and we have bumped heads occasionally because of this. Your insight into 1s has helped me how to understand her better and operate with grace her. Compliments really diffuse issues with her competitive nature.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thank you for sharing! ❤

[@13thravenpurple94]

Great work 🥳🥳🥳 Thank you 💜💜💜

[@enneagramandcoaching]

You’re welcome 😊

[@karlanavarro1014]

Good explanation ❤

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thanks!

[@jojoco120]

Helpful!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Glad it was helpful!

[@jennybolte1553]

Hi Hillary! I love your stuff :) this was really deep! Way to go! :) I am having a hard time still receiving the message that I am "good" because in Christianity I still feel like the message is that "I am not inherently good" and that I "fall short of the glory of God" but He makes me good :) So saying that I am GOOD still makes me feel uncomfortable! Any thoughts about this?

[@enneagramandcoaching]

I think you've got it. He makes you good. ❤

[@margaretjudice8944]

Great video. I have some friends that are 1s. Thank you for sharing!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thanks for watching Margaret! Have a great weekend!

[@margaretjudice8944]

@@enneagramandcoaching you have a great one too! We figured out my son was a 1. We thought 5, then 8, then settled on 1.

[@nelliejeanbluegrass2485]

I love all of your videos! 💗 Hi Hillary! 😀

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thanks Nellie!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[@nelliejeanbluegrass2485]

@@enneagramandcoaching 😀💗

[@charlottebarnes5052]

Can someone operate in a Type 1 and a Type 9?

[@MatthewEaton]

_Thunder rumbles as the door to the 5's inner chamber of rationality opens. In walks two figures, one pushing the other into the room._ *_(Without looking from the 1000 page ledger)_* Yes, what is it Wing 4? Can't you see that I am busy auditing the "Irrational Feelings Index?" You and Seven keep-- *_(lifting head up)_* Oh, hello there little one. You most certainly must be lost. Here, let me-- *_(tilting head slightly)_* What do you mean "You caught Seven?" *_(wincing in agony, eyelids fluttering rapidly)_* That's not Seven. Seven is hanging from the ceiling by his ankles while Wing 6 plays pinata with him. The joys of peer pressuring that poor little -- I'm sorry, I really should watch my language around a stranger. *_(grimacing)_* How many times do I have to tell you that is not Seven. Look at his shirt. *LOOK.* *_(following along with Wing 4)_* That's right. There is a straight line, a little slash at the top, and a very large line at the bottom. What do you think that says, Wing 4? *_(Wing 4 holds up seven fingers)_* That's right, i -- Why, I outta! That is a one. You kidnapped a one, thinking it was Seven, and brought him here so I could punish him. *_(Waiting as Wing 4 glances between the One and him before nodding like a small child)_* If there were a day you actually used rational thought and applied yourself to every situation, it would be the same day the sun winked out of existence and the cold death of everyone we know would happen. I *_might_* actually look forward to that day, but today is certainly not that day. *_(motioning for One to come closer)_* Here, why don't we do this? I will call your parents and have them come by to pick you up. In the meantime, there are snacks in the fridge and if you take any cookies or cakes, I won't say a word. Have Wing 4 take you down to the cellar and play with Wing 6 while you wait. He really does like to be told what to do, and I know you have quite the ability to do the right thing. *_(smiling)_* However, in this house there is only one right thing. Whatever you do, do not listen to what Seven has to tell you and don't go easy on him. He might scream and cry that he has had too much, but that only means you hit him harder. Who knows, you might find some candy inside. When he is done, make sure you string up Wing 4 and hit him a few times too. *_(glaring at Wing 4)_* It will take his parents days to get up the mountain, even with the best car. The boy needs entertainment. Congratulations, you are now entertainment. In all honesty, I can see how so many fives misidentify as a one simply because of all the positives. The need to be right is not the need to be logical and right. There are feelings behind what a one feels where there is often a cold truth behind what a five feels when they believe they are right. Instead of an encyclopedia of inane knowledge no one needs until it is useful, ones do something that is amazing and beautiful, they listen to that heart of theirs and take action. That's admirable even in the worst of times, I have to admit. However, most fives don't feel the same negatives and if they do, it is usually a narrative they created to make them feel better but isn't the truth at all. Well done! I liked this video! Quite informative and helpful! Hopefully One is finished with Wing 4 by the time his video comes up.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

So good! I just love your insight and how you tell the story. You had me laughing! But also, I love how you always bring it into perspective and share your views and journey. Thank you Matthew! Hope this finds you doing great!

[@cameronmichael2354]

1w9