How to Heal From Your Childhood Wounds | Enneagram Type 9 | Enneagram & Coaching

[@anitadodd]

"Children should be seen and not heard" was a regular saying in my house. I let my kids be seen and heard!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

I love that you are changing that message in your family! ❤️❤️❤️

[@anitadodd]

@@enneagramandcoaching Thanks for your help! You are a great coach!

[@Kinos141]

In my home, if the kids are too loud, let me deal with it. Leave them be.

[@susansommer1463]

Low maintenance! I used to be proud of the fact that I was a ‘low maintenance’ wife. A ‘don’t make waves’ approach to life. I believed this was a positive trait. I never saw this as a learned behaviour.

[@joellenlevitre2590]

Have never heard the 9 called "comforter", but it is so true!

[@allieyates557]

I'm a 9w1 and I was never told from an outside person that I needed to stay quiet etc. I traumatized myself with the "need" to be perfect. I grew up with so much self doubt and my parents knew not to say anything about my grades because they knew I was beating myself up anytime I made a B. I had a pretty privileged childhood but I've always been my own worst enemy. Therapy is helping with that. But you saying "Your presence matters" made me actually tear up. Because I've always told myself I don't matter.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Awwww ❤️❤️❤️ thank you for sharing this.

[@angelagoodwin5758]

I'm also a 9w1. Your experiences mirror my own life.

[@erikaswim]

I relate to this so much! I had really great supportive parents. However I did get bullied and rejected growing up and I did struggle with self-confidence and self worth because of that.

[@jmvanzalinge5023]

I am a 9 and so much of the feelings resonated with me but I couldn't figure out what would have made me see through that lens of that I needed to be a wallflower to avoid conflict until a memory from my toddler years occurred to me. My sister is a year younger than me, I am the oldest, and she had a lot of tummy problems as a baby. She only ever wanted mom or grandma. So the habit of accommodating those desires went on for years. I remembered a time from when I was probably 4 years old and I wanted to hold my mom's hand into the store. But my sister made a fuss so she got mom and I got dad. I remember realizing in that moment that because I could handle it, what I wanted wasn't always going to be given to me. And over the years as I tried to say things, they would either get blown over or misunderstood so not addressed. It didn't help that my mom's a 1 and so whatever she thinks is "correct" is what happens. At some time I started just mumbling the few comments I had because they weren't going to be heard anyway. And this wasn't just at home, it was at school, church, etc. I learned to keep my opinions to myself, especially if my opinions only really affected myself, because saying them wouldn't make a difference anyway. I had a hard time making friends and preferred to be solo and reveled in the fact that if I was on my own I could talk to myself and think straighter than around others because I pushed so many of my thoughts down around others. Amazingly, I came across a very patient boy in high school that encouraged me to speak my mind. He now my husband, an 8, and although I still don't communicate perfectly, I am on a better track now at realizing what I want and voicing it than I ever have been before.

[@jasonwilkerson9497]

Thank you, Hillary. I completely agree. I'm an older guy in his 50s, INFP, 9w1, sp/sx. I studied the Meyers Briggs since the 90s before the internet and recently a deep dive into the Enneagram, the last 2 years. Took a couple of classes with Dr. Tom. You hit it on the head. Literal slothfulness is maybe for the younger teen, younger twenty something 9, and I'm sure some adults, but our real struggle is finding our voice. It's painfully sad not knowing what we really want out of life. To do what we want without shame or guilt. I've merged with jobs and personal relationships over the years that did not help this core issue. I certainly learned my lessons from those relationships, but they didn't help me figure out what I want to do. I'm finally at a crossrods with a possibly life-changing tranistion. I pray on it. 🙏🏼 Thank you for this.

[@TheEternalSamurai]

As a type 9, I just want to say, thank you for this video. I feel like I’ve been on this journey of finding my true self to express to the world, and it makes sense with how I fear asserting myself has held me back on that. Something I need to work on for sure. Thanks again for the video, Hillary.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thank you for sharing your journey with us ❤️

[@PurplePandaAshley]

Ennegram 9 here. I actually discovered recently I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and I actually didn't have a bad childhood at all. I think I just an an empath and saw more emotion than I needed to and became a 9 as a coping mechanism to numbing to it. But now that I am older, I have embraced both sides of it....I love that I am able to see people and understand them but that I also need time to myself to withdraw and reset my emotions to be healthy.

[@DanMark7094]

Thank you so much for sharing your insights! As a 9(w1), I was very fortunate to be raised by a compassionate mother who understood me. She made sure I did not hide the proverbial "light under a bushel". I think we all would do better if we have trusting relationships with people who can give us "less assertive types" a loving nudge, especially when we fall asleep internally.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

You are so welcome!

[@sweetpeasandyarrowaranchdi8327]

I felt very loved by both parents and was the baby of 6 kids. When I look back, my siblings were the ones that made me feel bad😂. They were a few years older, loud, crazy and put me in my place constantly. What's ironic now, is I have a good relationship with all of them, but they don't all talk to each other. Typical 9🤣

[@jimm8594]

When I heard you say “your presence matters” I immediately got something in my eye 😢

[@enneagramandcoaching]

❤❤❤

[@rhiacane217]

I finally feel seen. Thank you this is completely me, narc parents are the worst

[@aleyyyyynaaa]

As a nine, i'm really dealing with conflict with my friends, family or the people i know. This channel makes me feel better, thanks a lot🥰

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Awww 🥰 ❤️❤️❤️ sorry your dealing with conflict.

[@aleyyyyynaaa]

@@enneagramandcoaching thanks to you, i'm improving about it🥰

[@michellecooper2041]

Thanks so much Hillary, this was super helpful. I definitely struggle with feeling unwanted and unimportant because I'm not as fun and entertaining as other people. But I know when I'm confident and with people I trust, that's not true. It's just so easy to forget when the voice inside my head points out little things people say or do or don't do.

[@sgrannie9938]

I’m a 9 with complex ptsd. Don’t know where to start.

[@rhondad9381]

Thanks for this video. As a 9 having had a rough childhood, this really resonated with me. ❤

[@enneagramandcoaching]

You are so welcome 💛

[@francesca.pellegrino]

Hey, thank you for sharing this. My partner said it was very cathartic for him to watch this. And he felt better afterwards too.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Awwww! Thank you for sharing! ❤️❤️❤️

[@Liebessucher91]

Thank you so much Hillary! This was really helpful. ❤️

[@enneagramandcoaching]

You are so welcome!❤️

[@milanetc4865]

Can you please do a video on healing childhood wounds for a type 5?

[@jaysarchive7325]

love how you suggested to think about one way you asserted yourself after each day and if it felt like you “took part of you back.” That touched me and really made me think. I feel like sometimes as nines we need to take back those dreams and parts of us that we’ve fallen asleep to and forgotten about. those are parts of us we deserve to have. sometimes we just need to take a stand for who we are and realize it’s completely okay. once we have that healthy sense of our own needs and worth we become more present, not only to ourselves but also to everyone around us. then we can really make a difference and help others.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Yes! This! So so good! Thanks for sharing! ❤️

[@jojoco120]

Love how easy your channel is to understand!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thanks Johanna! ❤️

[@ZachReynolds3]

Loved the intro I think it did a good job of grabbing attention. Keep it up!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thank you!!! I really appreciate this!

[@mrsparhamsclass]

Hillary, this video presented the best ever description of the Nine. It mirrors my experience as a Nine. Thank you for the kindness, for the empathetic understanding, you offer for every type.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

You are so welcome!

[@joyking7609]

Great video Hillary!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thanks Joy!

[@margaretjudice8944]

Great video! Everyone should journal. Thank you for sharing!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

I totally agree! Thanks Margaret!

[@entitycause1498]

You rock! I just subscribed to your channel and i already feel a little bit better about myself as an EG type 9. Things have been tough coming out of a narcissistic relationship as an empath for 7 years. 💙

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Woot! Woot! Thank you for sharing! I’m over cheering for you!

[@entitycause1498]

Thank you 💙🙂

[@writingmelody]

This sounds like me as a kid, but I’m a 6w5 😂 when I took my test, it said I was 97% 6 and 94% 9, so after much research I learned I was a 6w5, but definitely had A LOT of 9 qualities

[@Elijah24553]

Hey Hillary, I was just wondering why it says "CHANDLER" underneath your video? Also, great video, I look forward to seeing the rest in the series.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Oh funny! That’s the location of the video 😅

[@Elijah24553]

Oh, that makes sense. Thanks!😊

[@13thravenpurple94]

Great work 🥳 Thank you 💜

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thanks for watching!

[@kristenh8899]

Do you have a video like this for 6's?

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Yes! It's out!

[@friarpesel]

Hits hard. Kind of dusty in here.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

❤️❤️❤️

[@P0tH3ADPUNK]

I matter, lol your hilarious!!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

❤❤❤

[@kristenh8899]

Do you have a video like this for 6's?

[@enneagramandcoaching]

It's next!