How To Motivate A Lazy Teenager

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

What If My Child Just Doesn't Care About Consequences - kzbin.info/www/bejne/e6ackHiOlruthdE

[@meaningfulideas]

Whenever I'm with kids I always tell them that if they can stand any consequence their parents can dish out suddenly they're free. I tell them that their parents use their systemic power to control them and they can easily resist. This is how we empower Young people! Get them to fight the oppression in their homes and stand up for themselves. Oh you think you can control me by taking away something that's valuable to me? I don't care and I'm going to do whatever the hell I want. Consider collaborating with me and treating me with respect? Then I might be more willing to open up.

[@gwenpogue4644]

Oh they do mine likes to make me think she didn't

[@cookingwithkoa2094]

Give him physical exercise

[@spiwolf6998]

@@meaningfulideas This is exactly the wrong behavior to deal with children. Please do not listen to this man! He is a spreadsheet of lies.

[@meaningfulideas]

@@spiwolf6998 Respecting kids is always the best approach!

[@missmagicfairy2]

I have a 16 year old teenager and this is GOLD!!! Dealing with teenagers is a game .....its a game of strategy! Teenagers are master manipulators, or so they think and as a parent of one it pays to stay one step ahead. This has helped to remind me of essentially what I already know, but forget to put it into place on a daily basis around being so busy in life. It's a good reminder, broken down well . . . . and there is humour, bonus!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Clare Hudd, we are here to support each other and we all need reminders. You got this.

[@sandracmyers]

I was getting to the end of my tether lol, he's great

[@chobfriday461]

Yes, teenangers are master manipulators

[@meaningfulideas]

You'll get much farther thinking of being in a deep relationship rather than a game. Your kids are only manipulating you because you've made them feel they have to. CHange that pattern and the manipulation will stop.

[@AdrianaRodriguez-xf2th]

Help my grandson is falling in school just staying in his room playing games no intress in anything

[@dawnbunnow7235]

Anyone here watching as the lazy teenager trying to learn how to be successful in life? 😅

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Dawn Bunnow, yes, I have heard from others. They want to know what their parents are up to.

[@kengray1663]

The fact that you're watching this for that purpose says you're going to be just fine in life

[@fiddle8192]

Oh my God! Yes!

[@marimm9680]

Same man I wanna be more responsible for my mom ;)

[@jsmith4742]

They exist?

[@grometheus4556]

"So I'm guessing, that since your the one watching this video, you're not the lazy teenager." Me, the lazy teenager:...

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Haha. Not necessarily lazy, just unmotivated to do what your parents want you to do. Thanks for watching anyway, Nightcore Wolfy. Are you willing to see any more videos? We have a "Just for kids and teens" playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.

[@rachelruiz5637]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV I am also the lazy teenager

[@KikiNation1]

lol

[@jsmith4742]

* you're 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@MoonlightInTheStars-]

haha same🤣

[@ccrock5810]

As a behaviorist this is PURE GOLD. This should be an every parent trainers pocket what a wonderful tool this video is you have outlined things so perfectly and in a way that’s easy to digest for any listener thank you 🙏

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Caitlin Dragony, thank you for your kind words. Please share with someone who might benefit.

[@Timmsy]

As a double parent of three teenagers, I appreciate the knowledge I've gained through your channel. Thank you from Australia

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are very welcome. Honored to be on your team.

[@lauren30128]

When you're a lazy teenager watching this to see your parents tricks

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Lauren Farrow, I would watch it with your parents!

[@JW-iu1fz]

🤣

[@jessicaviolett5122]

That’s Selective Laxity. You CAN do it!!!

[@vickieminhas6592]

That's clever

[@brandonphilbrick3180]

The problem with what hes saying is not accurate.

[@thefunctionalfarmacista7790]

I exhaust myself trying to fight their laziness. Thank you for this! I might get my energy back.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

FiftyPlus Pharmacist, you can do this.

[@jenniferlevey5637]

I have watched this several times now and shared it with my husband. This video really helped me and I love the way you present the concepts. You are very likeable and funny and definitely let us know we aren't alone in this! I love how you give us permission to be all good - no matter what the teen does. It is all about what we provide - as you say. You can't make a fish climb walls as one of my son's teacher's has said. All we can do is love them and try to help them make the right choices via what we provide. Thanks so much and I'm going to check out your other videos.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Glad to have you at the channel, Jennifer Levey. Fish climbing walls? I love that one, never heard it before.

[@rainpuddles7239]

You can bring a horse to water, but you can't force him to drink!😀

[@Scilla-be5hr]

My 13 yr old boy wont let me penetrate his mind with any knowledge. Its like (Im) being scanned for faults in my words whenever I speak. Hes 'sure' he has to know more than me. So I feel like Im missing a very important time in his life that he needs guidance & wisdom. I feel like giving up and tending to him like a zookeeper' for viewings and feedings. 😑 Im soo frustrated. ☆

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Scilla8879, try to develop times when the two of you can just enjoy one another. Don't try to teach yet, he isn't in a place to hear you. He will do more of that when he feels a connection. I do like your zookeeper analogy.

[@phyllismitchell1852]

I feel like giving up too… it’s school holiday he wakes up looking like a zombie 🧟‍♂️ Updates: Some improvement after applying your advice. Thanks Dr Paul 🙏🏼

[@a4anwars]

@@phyllismitchell1852 same here with my 16 year old son

[@dmbrown821]

I can relate.

[@dmbrown821]

My 16 year old daughter is that way

[@iamhis4749]

Best teen/parent advice ever, couldn't stop laughing! 😂 My son is a teen, 16 and full of laziness and attitude and i was a teenager too once, just the same and i remember how annoying adults could be even though they came from love but it felt like they were allway's on my case. So i am trying to find a healthier way to communicate and bond with my son without making him feel bad or upset all the time. It's so hard as a parent but love keeps driving us forward. Thankyou for this great light hearted yet tough love approach! It really helped and gave me a good laugh! 😄👍

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

*Kyra*, love them no matter what and even if...

[@iamhis4749]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV I will 🙂🥰 allway's!

[@meaningfulideas]

Adults are annoying. Do everything you can not be be one.

[@SweetDesertHoney]

The expressions on this guy's face sometimes are PRICELESS. I love it. 😂🤣

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you, Christina Nevins.

[@brettallen1440]

Totally genuine too. I met with Paul as a teenager and he's totally Authentic in his videos. He improved my life greatly.

[@andreabrown1159]

Thank you so much! After feeling rater miserable that I had failed with my teenage girls this is like an oasis in a desert. This is so doable it simplifies and brings a lightness to the role of parenting!

[@andreabrown1159]

*rather

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Andrea Brown, honored to be on your team.

[@jha5059]

Dealing with 2 teen girls at the moment. Very grateful I found you're videos!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

JH A, I'm glad you found the channel, too! Honored to be on your team. We have more for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU

[@QueenD75172]

This is so obvious yet I needed to hear it. Thank you from this mother of a teenager and a 25 year old that thinks she still is a teenager.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Glad to be of help.

[@sg1friz]

Thank you for this Video! It appears parenting comes natural for me as I have followed this train of thought almost to a Tee. It is not perfect or without hurdles. Most of us only want the best for our children. We cannot make them realize how important it is to prepare for their future, however we can show them what happens when they make bad choices! Good choices get rewarded bad choices take rewards away. Make them want to do it by showing them the pay off. Hard work, dedication perseverance, still works!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

sea, precisely, and we do it calmly so they can't react to our emotion, just the situation, which they may not like because it gets them less access to rewards. You got this!

[@unconditionalloveandlight4873]

I have 2 lol. Lazy teens . I try not to label but it's TRUE. They do as little as possible. I'm trying to relax instead of trying to fix them or control things . These videos are very helpful.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you. Glad you are riding the wave.

[@phimphonesiripanyo100]

Thank you so much Dr. Paul for affirming our job as parents and pointing out the bigger picture. Feels much better about dealing with my 12 year old who is unmotivated and shuts us down. We are lucky if we can get a couple of words out of him. The point about control is very comforting. Can't thank you enough for this video as I am trying to find ways to help my boy survive through these difficult teen years. Please keep up the great work.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you Phimphone, honored to be on your team.

[@TheNBChica]

You pretty much listed every single thing I want to control. Ugggh.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are not alone, Stefanie. Thank you for watching.

[@healing_and_humor4530]

I love this so much I've started using it with all my teen clients as a fun whiteboard exercise to do with teens and their parents. Teens who are just starting to realize their parents don't control "everything" - and parents who have this illusion of control over more than they actually have any control over.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Jimita Rae, it has opened the eyes of many I have worked with in my practice. Glad it is helpful to you.

[@j.salmonson1901]

Even at their age I really think teenagers need us more than ever as being a teen is overwhelming and confusing. Adulthood comes and I remember thinking back then, what the heck am I supposed to do now? Zip, nobody to guide me and things sure went south. >_< It ticks me off when my Ex keeps commenting "Just wait until he's a teenager." He has this place of dread in his mind about how Donald is going to act instead of actually looking at how our son is now. A bright, cheerful little boy. I want to comment back that he's creating a self-fulfilling prophecy with that attitude. I think it's unfair if people see teens as being cranky, how would you feel if everyone kept saying to you that you're just going to be a crab anyways, or you're always so sad, na she's happy all the time that doesn't bother her, or how about that guy is always angery, he's mean don't bother talking to him. People, it's really not kind quit it. So why do we have this attitude with our teens? I think it makes everything worse as they get ticked off because we just blow them off as an emotional teen. That's my thoughts on this anyway.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Good point, Darkocean S., not every teen gets moody, but a lot do, due to their developing brains and bodies and everything that goes with them. We should enjoy them in the moment, young child or teen. There are always positives if we look for them.

[@caroldelosangeles3621]

Excelent comment first to show more love kind and respect for our teens..thanks both..excelent channel also..learning a lot . Hugs from southamerica (differents CULTURE but the same issues with parenthood!).

[@mythdark3101]

This video is really helpful. Dr Paul talks slowly and clearly. It feels like I'm in the room with him talking to me in a counselling session. His ideas are catchy and easy to remember. I like his use of the whiteboard.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thanks for all the positive feedback, myth dark! It's an honor to be on your team.

[@zibaa1234]

Wow, ❤You are the master of teen/parent psychology ! Each time I listen to your videos, I learn something new & productive in my hard life at age 50+ with 2 young teenagers! 😔 God bless you & your family. Thank you! I wish my husband & I could come to your office with my teens to help us.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Consider a membership to go.liveonpurposecentral.com and you can be a part of our weekly Ask Dr Paul Live Events.

[@zibaa1234]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you so much.

[@elinat7836]

What is difficult is taking away the computer since everything with respect to school is on the computer, specially right now. I’ve already installed a couple carrier apps to restrict data and another to restrict WiFi but he still has the computer which again he needs for school. I’ve been using the game of negotiability but it’s tough in this respect.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Elina T, I am hearing this from so many parents. It is a tough time right now and we are all learning as we go along. Hang in there.

[@avivithagby]

I believe it’s ok from time to time to cheat with computer times, but overall they have duties and should follow them before leisure time. So I moved all the devices (computers and iPads) to the living room, where I currently work. This way they finish their duties as fast as possible in order to be able to move the computer to their space and play. Same goes for PlayStation and Nerf. Every night back to the living room and so forth. Good luck!

[@hellonhead5905]

Ahaa!!! IN YOUR FACE, ALL PARENTS... 😂

[@tatianaG]

What apps do you use?

[@elinat7836]

Tatiana G. Hi Tatiana, in my case my service is through Verizon and through their app I can restrict data and set day/time restrictions. As far as WiFi I am with Xfinity and through their app I can set day/time restrictions for using WiFi. There’s a lot you can do through these apps but sometimes kids learn how to bypass these. I won’t go too much into that but unfortunately some can. If I figures out how to override their bypass I’ll let you know 😊

[@floridamatty]

None of this will make my son brush his teeth and hair, make his bed, get dressed “appropriately” stop eating constantly and getting his face out of Tiktok, fortnite or anything that has a screen. Theres Nothing on that list I haven’t tried for years.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

floridamatty, how about shutting down the wi-fi?

[@floridamatty]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV he is doing remote learning currently due to the pandemic so that’s not an option.

[@itsshawneee3817]

I hope things are going better for you and your son. Being a parent is one of the most difficult things to do in life.

[@anthai1741]

Hi, I’ve just watched some of your parenting videos. As a teacher, I love the way you discipline a child in the most loving way. Thank for sharing this to us, wish you and your family all the best ❤

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

[@susiewelchman8658]

I’d like you to talk about when the kids have grown up they’ve left home got married and still depend on mum and dad to provide for them financially.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Susie Welchman, I can add it to the list, but in the meantime, let them know that the ATM machine will be disconnected in 2 months so they better talk to their spouse and figure things out.

[@yamunajolicoeur2807]

My child is almost 10 and this is great for preparing his teens ..wow fantastic your chanel has made me such a clam parent.. my parents were always stressed and yelling this is God sent and thank you❣👌💯💜

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Yamuna, you made my day.

[@robinbarnes9863]

My son is extremely bright, but refuses to focus, will not pay attention, and routinely lies about completing his work. He has shown multiple times that he is capable of bringing home perfect to near perfect grades when he makes an effort. We have tried rewarding him for good behavior, punishing him for bad behavior. Nothing seems to work. Recently we discovered that he figured out how to hack the program that tracks his grades in order to show good grades,when in reality he has bad grades. He has no interests other than video games, and says that he wants to create them, but does nothing to pursue that goal. He is 16 years old, nearly an adult and we are afraid that he is going to become a monumental failure, because he doesn't care about becoming a success.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I hear the worry in your comments, Robin Barnes. Your son sounds extremely talented. Don't give up, keep offering him help to take the steps to make a career out of what he loves.

[@plusbonus1165]

Make sure you are not limiting your son with a shallow defining of success. ie, money , big house , mainstream career. The future is changing, trust God to make the men and women he needs for the challenges ahead.

[@philipwoodgate9555]

the computer is negotiable !!! and do it, restrict him

[@pinkypink9413]

I love this channel I am teenager and just want to do job I don't know what is this maybe it's a craze

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Well I am grateful to have you here, Pinky Pink! We have a "Just for kids and teens" playlist if you're interested: kzbin.info/aero/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV

[@kayminnett1405]

Oh my! Soaking up brilliant words of wisdom and tears of laughter roll down my face. Thank you. 🤣

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are welcome, Kay Minnett. It's an honor to be on your team!

[@d.soldier3720]

I'm a stepmother trying to help my partner's daughter. I've been doing everything in my power to keep her motivated. Carry her with me to the gym. Advice with healthy dieting. Advice with limitations about how to manage time better. Listen when she needs, talk when necessary. But I grew up in a different world and I am constantly aware of the modern world's challenges, for as much as I try to help her passing values and principles I also wish her to be able to just be a 17y old as one day she'll forcefully will have to be a grown up in this world and will have other struggles.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I am glad you are there to support the family. Remember to give advice when it is asked for. The advice will be received then, not summarily rejected.

[@PortiaFranklin]

I absolutely align with this way of raising kids I wish I would have learned earlier! Blessings to you and your business of helping parents and kids! This is gold!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are so welcome, Portia Franklin.

[@puppetshack4931]

Well done thanks for the tips. My kids aren’t teens yet but I’m a mentor and an uncle of a lot of teens. Needed this. You choose your attitude so true. We gotta remind ourselves and not just teach it.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Glad you are here to positively affect others.

[@willwarren1483]

This opening is so cleaver, I can't stop smiling.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Glad you enjoyed it, Will Warren! Thanks for being on the channel.

[@doreenchambers9579]

I have helped organize her room with shelves and so on. Also give monthly allowance for goog hygiene and keeping room clean. I put stickers on a calendar. 14 year old female.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I hope it is working for you.

[@isabellas.c.scanderbeg2670]

Wonderful ! Precious advice. Especially reflecting about what we, as parents, truly control! And then, the simple transaction: from « shame » to « game » 😃Brilliant ✨✨✨

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you.

[@Zohirul-Jewel]

Main points. Control access to electronic devices, transportation allowance and negotiate.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Love it! Thanis.

[@chantelcaldwell598]

Thank you for this! So simple and such common sense, but this perspective helps reduce my guilt when I take way privileges.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Glad it was helpful! No guilt in positive parenting.

[@Time.for.tea.]

Parents! Just a gentle reminder/plea to have mercy on the educators who are dealing with these students!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Absolutely! Thanks for the reminder.

[@davidecapps65]

I love my 11 year old unconditionally...he’s been in bed all day watching KZbin and playing video games. Says he’s too tired to do Jiu Jitsu today. I told him that’s fine, but he won’t have access to his phone or games until the following Jiu Jitsu class.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

David E Capps, that sounds fair.

[@cedarpoplar7443]

The man of the house carries a burden that only another father understands. I have no children but through out time, I have come to realize the pain my old man went through while raising me. Today and age, I am the one having to look after his wellbeing. He has given me so much I cannot turn my back on him now when he needs me the most. God Bless mi jefito. Lo quiero mucho

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Cedar Poplar, wow, this is very powerful. Thanks for sharing.

[@JustmeSEVEN]

Thanks! Your videos are always helpful. It gives me also a realization that I may not change the behavior of people around me but I can change my mind and manage my mind.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Perfect! JustmeSEVEN, this is a game changer.

[@bearplayz7337]

me who's a lazy teenager who's watching this to motivate myself 🍜

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Wonderful! Glad to hear that.

[@askshadowboltmoon1476]

P.s. I'm poor as hell. so the "providing" part doesn't apply much to me.

[@j.salmonson1901]

Excuses take away your power. I'm poor too, however, I can make sure that my son has some very ugly clothing by going to goodwill. >:) if I can provide highly nutritious foods that taste great, but have no snacks that aren't fruits or veggies. Think out of the box find a way. Pay attention to them and see what they like. Even just one thing can help. My boy will be ten this year and is already acting quite a bit like a teenager, yet he's in stage one. Still, I don't think it hurts to watch this video now. ^-^ also, I can simply stop doing his laundry, washing the plates he makes dirty, I can keep his friends out of the house, I can add more chores, take away a chore for that day if he does said thing. Try watching all of this man's videos the ideas will start kicking in, :D When I say stop doing his laundry I mean make him do it not stop access to clean clothing. Also if I'm wrong and you have none of these things, I apologize in advance. Am just trying to offer solutions. You have more power then you think. Sure he/she can be with their friends but you have the control if they come in the house or not. In the winter time that I bet would become pretty uncomfortable for your kid if his friends can't come in. lol. Even though we call ourselves poor in the US almost all of us have a smartphone. Many people worldwide can't afford one. If you paid for his/her phone, and pay for their internet connection? Call the phone company and have it shut off. >:) Okay what if you guys don't have a phone, then what? Okay, do you have electricity with lights, a tv, video games? Take away the video games. No games? take away the tv. No tv? Take away the lamps! Bedtime is sure going to come quick. Well for both but it'll work. food. What's the blandest, thing that can fill them up? Rice, bread, really super cheap meat. eggs with no salt or pepper, have only water or milk to drink no flavorings, no pop, no juice. Have some apples or oranges available to eat, don't take away healthy stuff. Look oranges are expensive (using them as an example( but their health is more important than having one more loaf of bread you know? Meat. Don't need it as much as you'd think, hea hea hea. Get some peanut butter and 100% whole wheat bread they make a complete protein together. Beans and rice = complete protein, chia seeds soaked in water, juice gravy or pudding = complete protein. Chia seeds must be soaked or can be fiber overload. I hope this stuff helps and I didn't tick you off. ;-;

[@lakers-pads-boltz-knights-9357]

Jessica Salmonson Love & compassion and leading by example goes along way And it free! Let that be your foundation

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Ask Shadow Bolt Moon, thank you for being a caring parent.

[@balanceskateboarding8807]

@@j.salmonson1901 thank you for sharing this! You've helped me!!

[@rightpa]

Lay the groundwork throughout childhood by: modeling the behaviors you want your child to have; enforcing reasonable standards, actionable punishments when these standards are not met, rewards when they are; setting a precedent of goal setting and achieving through incrementally more difficult age and interest appropriate goals as well as support and guidance when they are not met; have frank and age appropriate conversations to mentally prepare them for the perils and pitfalls of life; spend time with them that doesn't involve pushing them to a goal or trying to change them in some way; don't withhold touch, a hug goes a long way. If you have an otherwise healthy child, as the vast majority of children are, and you do these things then by the time they become teenagers you will have much greater control over the Teen column in this video than the presenter gives you credit for. Any stable building needs a solid foundation and people are no different.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

rightpa, well said, thank you for doing this.

[@_LifeIsGood]

Good parenting apparently straddles the line between strategy and passive aggressive manipulation

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I don't see it that way. I see it as working with what we have and moving to fully functioning adult.

[@gabrielasofiazarin9183]

I agree, forget control tactics, i suggest being sincere. Teenagers are not lazy. They are not motivated by the same ideals as adults. This is a good thing. Evolution means change. They see how unhappy, sick, tired and disconnected adults are and they don't want to devote their lives to the same ideals of material gain, or power mongering that the adults have. Teenagers, the world does need you to find yourself and develop what you understand to be true and become active in bringing forth your self for humanity and the planet. Look what the adults have done to this planet. It needs you. It is no wonder you are not motivated to do what adults say. Most adults are miserable trying to control everything, and not really caring what toxic mess they are leaving behind. Teenagers will find NEW ways to do things. THEIR WAYS. YAY!!! Here is my share for when they become parents: Hi! This works 100%. It is a script method. I get 100% Co-operation! Honestly! This works for me with 8 month olds and UP TO ADULTS!!: I work in a busy child care service. I STICK TO THE SCRIPT AND IT REALLY WORKS. I DON'T CHANGE THE ORDER. I DON'T ELABORATE. I DO NOT USE THE WORDS "CAN YOU" AS THIS FEELS LIKE AN INSULT TO SOME MALES.Try this out: 1. Approach gently and respectfully "Excuse me please Sammy. .." 2. Apologize for what has happened "I'm sorry you're upset" or "I'm sorry there was a problem" "I'm sorry I didn't notice you were hungry, tired, thirsty, annoyed, frustrated, needing to connect with me etc etc" 3. Request using positive words "Please keep your hands to yourself. Please let go of Tommy's hair, thank you OR Please let go of the toy and please let me help you find a toy for you. Thank you. I am here to help you. Please remember to come to me for help when you need something before you get upset. Thank you." "Please help me by taking out the rubbish tonight. I would really appreciate you helping me out. Thank you." 4. Say THANK YOU at the same time as making your request. 5. Remind them of the positive qualities that they are learning "Remember you are a calm and gentle person." At work I don't say "I love you." but children sense my respect. 6. Repeat calmly until they co-operate. Do not grab or touch them. Do not yell. trust yourself, this script works. It will work for you. FORMULA AGAIN: 1.Enter respectfully, as if they are your boss or customer, "Excuse me please Sammy. "Sorry to interrupt." 2. Apologize that they are upset. Apologize for interrupting their play or focus "I'm sorry you are upset (if they had a fight, are crying, are whineing etc) 3. Request using positive words eg "Please let go the toy as Tommy had it first, and we will get you a toy", eg, "Please relax and put two feet on the floor where you are safe, thank you." "Please pack your things away, thank you so much, you are careful and look after your things, well done." Blame it on the clock The clock says it is time to...get dressed, brush your teeth, help pack away the dishes, etc,... THANK YOU." 4. Say THANK YOU with the request as this motivates the child to co-operate straight away. They like to be appreciated. 5. Remind them of the positive qualities that they are mastering "You are getting so good at that." You are clean and healthy."" "You take care of your things, that is so good." 6. Repeat calmly and relax. Trust your intention of caring is being understood by the child. They sense your sincerity and will co-operate if your request is fair and just and is teaching them fine qualities. EXAMPLE: Excuse me Sammy, sorry interrupt your game. The clock says it is time to wash our hands and come to the table for dinner please. Thank you. You are healthy and clean. I am so glad you are my child. I am so fortunate! I love you darling. Thank you." Give them time to finish up what they are doing. Each child has a unique personality made up of similar traits as others. Provide lots of books, games, toys and activities that suit your child's likes. This is forming a future career path for them. Even video gamers can earn six figure incomes by just playing games and streaming, so support all their interests. LATER: Keep talking about the time that they co-operated and thank them for it. POSITIVE WORDS BREED POSITIVE BEHAVIOR. "SAMMY, I REMEMBER HOW YOU CO-OPERATED WITH MY REQUEST THIS MORNING, THANK YOU!! WHEN CHILDREN GET CONNECTION THEY DON'T MUCK UP FOR ATTENTION. REQUEST POLITELY FOR WHAT IS NEEDED NOT USING THE WORD "CAN" AS IT DOESN'T WORK WELL WITH MOST MALES. WHO CARES WINS.

[@randomadviceguy1780]

@@gabrielasofiazarin9183 will you post a video of you in action doing this with your own teenagers? Also start a KZbin channel and show us how all this calm positive talk actually looks like in real life. We can track it like a science experiment. Your real life example shown would be helpful because as of now, all my real world, real time experience with three teenagers... I find the guy in the video to be most wise. I can only see the kind of talk you're talking about working when they were five.

[@michaelpisciotta6001]

There were no control tactics or PA manipulations on this advice. It’s teaching people who will soon be on there own in the world how to operate correctly and efficiently in it for their own benefit. Luxuries and privileges are given too freely to children that it’s become accepted that these are rights when they aren’t. No one has the right to internet, tv, video game, expensive clothes, etc. These must be earned just as I go to work to earn money to get it in the first place.

[@LeadershipAZ]

"...just really efficient at how they use their time" I love that. So true!!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Leadership Society of Arizona, : )

[@luckmorelobo]

A good 15min investment. Like how it's presented in this simple way. Am already calm.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Luckmore Lobo, glad to have you in our Positive Parenting Community.

[@nic8060]

I am looking for help but have all ready started downing this !!! You are absolutely spot on !

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

nic, honored to be on your team.

[@jbn9029]

If I ever meet this guy, I have to give him a hug because this one video is so transformational. ÀMAZING! I have to find his book ASAP. I have six years left with teens in the house and I need to get my game on lol. GOD BLESS YOU. ❤️

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

JB N, you got this.

[@abcxyz9852]

Every parent should watch this

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I agree.

[@magnolia8886]

Sometimes I wish this guy was my father

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thanks for the compliment, ObinaKiddJ. Thank you for watching. Share with your family.

[@niahirvin1287]

SOMETIMES, every day for me

[@willjackson4505]

And you all still wouldn’t listen to him!

[@angelitaazuara4091]

Tsunam!Papi always!

[@tsherman393]

Blessings and hope to you

[@kimcassproductions]

No games......or negotiations, just openess and respect

[@jessicarenae5107]

*My ADHD can't handle this! I'll have to come back and watch on a day that my focus is a lil better lol!*

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Jessica, the beauty of KZbin.

[@maryerb6062]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV Exactly!!

[@yleanagareca8664]

I love my child no matter what and even if she is so disrespectful! But it’s so tiring I’m Exhausted!!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

yleana gareca, it is exhausting, practice self-care and work with a coach if you are running out of ideas.

[@daelnightbird6962]

I am a lazy teenager, mostly because I got motivated with either a) "the great feeling you're going to have after you did this" or b) punishments, not in the sense of deprivation of basic needs, just regular canceling of every and all the things I enjoyed (but luckily we as a family managed to sort out the domestic violence a few years ago). Now (since my parents stopped threatening me because I am a responsible person and an as-good-as-adult) I have great difficulty motivating me because apart from the positive feedback that my feelings are meant to give me and that I am unable to experience, I don't know how to. I don't expect an answer from Mr. Jenkins directly, but if anyone who reads this comment knows effective ways to get that positive response up again, I'd be really thankful if you could share it.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You have a very well thought-out comment, Dael Nightbird. I'm glad there is no more domestic violence in the home. You sound mature, so we have more to work with than someone who is less mature. Parents do need to be careful with rewards and consequences, but they need to start with those when the child is young because they are not self-motivated. As kids become older, the rewards should be more internal. I tell parents that they need to be asking the child "How do you feel about that accomplishment?," or "Don't you feel good about helping that person?". We are working toward children doing things because it's the right thing to do. When you're employed, you get monetary benefits for a job well done. When you live away from your parents, you do your own laundry and clean your house because you need access to things like clean clothes and dishes. I talk about some of this stuff in various videos you can find in my "Just for kids and teens" playlist, if you want to check it out: kzbin.info/aero/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV. Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Bridget Hibbert, please read my response to Dael Nightbird. You can also check out the "Just for kids and teens" playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV. Thanks for being on the channel.

[@daelnightbird6962]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you very much for the helpful response! I will go through the playlist you recommended and I am sure that it will be a really good start for further research on other topics that I can work on, too!

[@awoman9750]

It’s important to set expectations to increase motivation. If your parents have stopped setting them for you, you need to do this for yourself. What would you like to learn next, what are your interest? Your answers to those questions will give you a clue as to what expectations you need to set.

[@1974priyan]

Maybe you could make a weekly star chart for yourself for the most important things that you need to do daily, and give yourself a treat in the weekend when you have completed the tasks for the week ? Maybe you could also ask a parent or a grandparent or some other trusted relative or a friend to act as a cheerleader and supporter to motivate you and to praise you when you have completed your tasks.

[@kabosekoele-onlinemathtuto277]

I love these! thank you Dr Paul.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Glad you like them!

[@Naymichelle76]

Thank you for this information. I have some work to do.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Glad it was helpful!

[@SpaduCanu8]

Thank you! This advice has helped me to have peace and my boys really respond to this method!... I am raising 4 boys, 2 are teens, one teen is my little brother that I adopted because he was going to be placed in the foster care system because our Father has a serious drug addiction. My teens have mastered the art of working together which I love! But they are clever together and have learned how get what they want even if it’s against what I approve. It’s been a bit emotional for me only recently because I am known for the upbeat and joyful attitude that I have. Yet I find as I the 2 teens get older and I lose more control of them, I feel like I have failed them. I know its normal and natural I just didn’t know how to handle it all. The SHAME to GAME is AWESOME!! It REALLY WORKS!! My 13 and 16 year old have definitely stepped up, and everyone is happier!! 🤗👍🏽

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

What a wonderful email, Lauren Spadaro, and you sound like a remarkable person. Glad to hear you are applying the principles and experiencing success. Thanks.

[@SpaduCanu8]

Wow! Thank you for responding and for the encouragement! This means a lot to me! I will continue to watch , listen, and share your videos!

[@saramichael3837]

I like the first half very much @2:00 it's eye opening when you say to focus our shift from all about us to all about them but then in the second half you contradict what you said in the first half. Laziness is not good for them but so is skipping school and going to bed late, everything they do is not good for them :)) "Not good for them" is not enough reason for me. if they are harming themselves or others or their future is at risk or they are wasting good opportunities in life I will bargain with them. From my experience, engineering privileges work for a while, like money if they are not too spoiled already, but after sometime it desensitize them. And in the greater scheme of things this 1+1=2 violates the principle of grace. The father of the prodigal son let him have his way so his son would evolve to the person he is on the inside. And we should let them have their way sometimes because we don't want to mold them but we want to influence them. I would say the title of the video is misleading, it should be titled how to manage a hurtful over the top teen. Laziness could be caused by the (prosperity) having all they need and want, my daughter has money from her birthdays she doesn't know what to do with! It could be not assigning them age appropriate responsibilities and doing every thing for them, depression and anti social behavior, fear of failure...ect

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you for the thoughtful comment and feedback, Sara Michael. I appreciate you being part of the Live On Purpose family.

[@1nazore]

I watch you’re videos for the laughter of it! I mean I feel you’re on point but I love the way you put it out! Keep on keepin on! 👍🏻

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I plan to keep the videos rolling, Nuzhet Majid. Honored to be on your team.

[@plusbonus1165]

Yes, I love the humour also.

[@zepgirl6489]

I like Dr. Paul's attitude!!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Zeppgirl 64, positivity is the answer.

[@lovemagicandroad]

Excellent! Finally a teen video that makes sense.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you for watching and commenting, lovemagicandroad.

[@jonwestern7267]

Live On Purpose TV live on purpose

[@nicholadunphy3199]

Gosh you and your wife are an amazing team, I am a single parent with two children living in Northern Ireland and thankful for these tips ☺️☘️👍

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you so much! Glad the video is helpful, thanks for stopping by.

[@whatthebleep2810]

The negotiable items on the parents list don’t work for kids with oppositional defiance disorders. I’ve heard of parents trying to negotiate without success. I guess this video is made for teens with a simple issues like laziness and nothing more complex.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

If there is a diagnosis, there might need to be other interventions, but often, these work.

[@MsSamanthaTKO]

Played this loud enough for them to hear and they both got out of bed. Job done

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Haha, don't think anyone has tried that before! Great job on your part - I'm honored to help you out with that, Samantha TKO. : ) Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.

[@MsSamanthaTKO]

Live On Purpose TV no problem. It always works when it is not the parent complaining. 👌👌🇮🇪🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

[@little_miss_vintage]

Do you have videos on teenage young adults? My 18 almost 19 year old daughter is making poor decisions regarding her health. I know she’s in charge of herself and her life but I feel I can’t stand by and let her health deteriorate. I believe she either has an eating disorder that or a serious health problem causing lack of appetite. She works 12 hour days sometimes and doesn’t eat at all. She blows off her Dr appointments and does not take her vitamins. She still lives at home with me and I’m lost at what to do, if anything and it’s hurtful and hard to sit back and let it happen.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Be a good example and tell her you have some ideas that will help when she is ready to listen. Until then, she will only see your suggestions as criticism.

[@mathamihoffman8972]

I love these videos! Every parent needs to watch these!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you so much, Mathami.

[@ThemisPapaioannou]

Sorry but you are playing with words. Of course Shelter means a BEDROOM at least in a civilized society. Would you have your kids sleeping in the corridor? Clothes means normal clothes and clean. The housework chores can be learned in minutes, not rocket science. Secondly, kids have school, homework, etc if they work on their education and play, do gymnastics, etc they WONT become lazy NOR irresponsible. Me and all my friends had no mandatory household chores growing up and we ARE NOT lazy nor irresponsible, I am 45 years old.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you for sharing.

[@Snakemasterepic]

Freebie list is topo short. It also needs: 6. Education 7. Health, which includes hygiene (access to shower/toothbrush) 8. Safety Reason: The state said so.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you.

[@97lumberjack]

Brilliant. This puts things into great perspective. Thank you

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Glad you enjoyed the video. A perspective shift can take the stress away, 97lumberjack.

[@yourworshiptv]

I have a preteen who used to be super responsible and I had a baby recently and she turned so irresponsible I had to take privleges away. The most successful "transaction" was, " you can have your phone between 8 pm and 11:30 pm contingent on if you pick up the floor in your room and bathroom (she sanitizes once a week) and finish your school work," works like a charm! You just have to show them you mean business (follow through) or they will walk all over you. So yes what you are saying is very true!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

The Modern Day Hippie, thank you for sharing. Good luck with the new baby.

[@bruns2213]

Some of the best advice I’ve heard! Thank you.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you Jacob Bruns. Honored to be on your team.

[@MrJayforce22]

Take “Air” out and replace it with “Safety”, combine food and water to “Sustenance”, and add “Comfort”... and you have yourself a freebie list that reflects basic human needs.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Niko Demon, thanks.

[@joybaker9164]

Aaaah now I get it!! 😉As a mum I really needed this informative video. I have been frustrated with their list. When are you doing part 2!! Thanks.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you Joy Baker, glad the video helped. I will consider a follow up.

[@victorcamarasa7882]

I'm the lazy teen and have no intention to change, but kudos for trying

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Victor Camarasa, your honesty is refreshing.

[@dranamarie]

I'm sitting here wondering how a parent withheld air from their child.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

It might be criminal a. Marie. Thanks for watching the video.

[@denisecoronado8107]

Him smiling got me thinking

[@karentingler4937]

This is Fantastic! Thank you!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

My pleasure.

[@BrucexfromxCanada]

Another perspective on professionals as You Tubers: Understanding of what the following has has value for both professionals and lay people who are simply watching. Albeit circularly, the value can be learned by what is inside. A new Professionalism and Its Funding: There was a time when I saiud "Psychologists are the least affordable to thois who need them the most." Later, The Government of Quebec found that one of or the biggest cost for theior sicialsed medicine was in Mental health. episodes requiring professional treatment, at times lives and safey having been endangered, there was little economic choice but to change the laissez-faire approach that hed beebn to that time. so the invented what was known as > (translation: "the Wicket". Itspurpose was to make some degree of mental health serevice avaibale ion a socialized basis. However instead of using psychologists (rare cases excepted), they crearted the position of > or "intervenor". thios positin typoically requred a social worker's degree and some added degree of experience with working in the mental health field. This was a "band-aid" solution as ther was not money to do more. The cost of funding mental health, in particular where the concern is akin to a personality disorder, rather than a true physiological psychiatric disease (eg. true schizophrenia) is often unaffordable, and also that same cost can be exacerbated by psychological co-dependence. As if that were not bad enough the cost if socialized, is also subject to political pressures which may often not be for the better, nor always be overt rather than covert. as time goes on these factors show the tendency tio exacerbate also. However thanks to the Internet, and sites like You Tube there is another way. Obviously professional have to be paid, and given what they go through to qualify the cost is inherently high. However, using You Tube as an example, (although You Tube is a very different e-venue from what it started as), and along with, Adsense, there is a new option for professionals. There are already many professionals in various professions producing a lot of good quality videos on their subjects. If one understands what adsense is, and how it works, this can be seen. Adsense is a business, its aim is to make profit. By brokering ads placed on the videos, it generates ad income which is then divvied up between Google and its uploaders. What the uploaders (AKA You Tubers) get is based onan algorithm that takes into account the number of views a video gets, and likely the ad value that is generated with that and the number and value of the ads that can be placed on a given video. The algorithm will then add up these incremental values and put them in the You Tuber's account where eventually he/she gets paid. Hence if any professional can generate enough imnome this way he is paid for his effort and can support ths way of life for himself and his family. The added upside is that it avoids "social medicine politics" interfering with the fair and balanced visibility of what they seek to provide. Ultimately it is democratic in that the people will be the "political deciders" as long as the people respect democracy themselves (think also the constitution). Since the internet is generally reasoanbly available to all (in Canada a person who does to own a computer or have internet service can usually use computer in the local library free of charge). The service is avaialable to righ and poor, so long as they are ready and willing to help themselves. The financing is obtained independently thorough the sale and brokering of the ads attached, avoiding the risk of the cost being misused by others. While You Tube cannot satisfy all the needs of those who would like yto upload videos, there are (albeit smaller and less known) sites that can fill those "market" niches.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thanks for commenting, R.E. Bruce Martin. I love that KZbin allows me to reach so many more people.

[@jgirl345]

I absolutely love ur strategies and advice, and ur personality is refreshing and authentic,, SUBSCRIBED!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you! Please share with anyone you think might benefit.

[@sheneland1164]

Him : Teenagers aren't lazy ! , Also Him: how to motivate a ~LAZY~ teenager

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Shene Land, we want to break down the misconceptions.

[@fishinghuntinghavingfun2607]

Thank you so much for all your advice our lives have become a lot easier

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Happy to help!

[@balanceskateboarding8807]

Simply AMAZING! This has just changed my life! ...and thank you for making me smile 🤗

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Serenity sky, honored to be on your team.

[@strykeplaysmcjohnpickhypix1205]

My laziness is not laziness but rather resentment. If my mom tells me to do something, I’ll do it. But if my dad tells me, it’s the same feeling as a boss you absolutely despise telling you to do something. My dad was emotionally abusive in my younger years, and every time he tells me to do something, I hate being told to do something by someone who had once abused me. It’s not laziness for me.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I am glad he is no longer abusing you. I understand what you are saying.

[@yellowcake369]

Hey, I was a bit concerned when the first two minutes of the video had passed and I thought It may have been time I'd never get back. I am glad I stuck through to the end. I really appreciate you sharing this in the way you did. Very helpful.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

No worries! YellowCake, sometimes it takes a bit for me to get where I want to go. Thanks for sticking it out.

[@chinoisaveclissa1739]

Thanks for uploading another excellent video . I'll share this with my friends.😊

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Chinois avec Lissa, thanks for sharing.

[@brandon7945]

New title. How to manipulate lazy teenager

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Haha, Brandon. Just make sure it is said with a calm voice, calm face, calm manner...

[@sandracmyers]

Ahhaha good one...

[@Carolmaizy]

This video is very helpful. Saving it to share with family as needed,lol.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you so much! We want to reach as many people as possible.

[@cgvalle11]

Ugh I'm at my wit's end! Hopefully this works....

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

cgvalle11, I wish you the best, hang in there.

[@chistkachistka6014]

My job is to be a parent. Friends are at school. Love is not unconditional... that's tyrannical. I'm quite happy to have my children hate me... I've said this from the start... and strangely they love me for keeping them in line... who knew that children love order because in any storm everyone looks for shelter quickly. Dropping brats 30km from home to walk home is a great equalizer.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Chistka Chistka, Children need both love and discipline. Sounds like they know you love them also.

[@sophiec3592]

Omg I’m watching this for my 4 year old - who said ‘school is boring’ 😳 - by the way he acts like a teenager in a 4 year old body - ☺️

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Sophie: C, bet you wish this one came with a manual. Keep watching.

[@activemysa_x1557]

You are utterly an amazing Psychologist Dr Paul Jenkins. You massively helped me dealing with daily issues with my 13teeh yrs old daughter. Many thanks

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I am so honored to be on your team, Ghetto Asmr. Thank you for being a part of the community.

[@stevesloan5935]

Excellent advice; thank you! I'm looking forward to seeing how the application improves the dynamics and results.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Let me know Steve - I'm sure as a father of 11 you can find a teen or two to try this out on. DrPaul

[@SVPJessica]

Omg you could have saved my parental life with this.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Jessica Wadley, we are here for you through the sometimes difficult teenage years.

[@SitYoAhhDown]

How does this change for a teenager who has a job and provides themselves with the things they want? (me lol)

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Daniel Scariti, doesn't sound like you are a lazy teenager. You are up and doing. Sounds like stage 3 level of maturity. Awesome.

[@harmony3395]

Either you are not a lazy teen or you maybe are not providing everything you need (a home etc?).

[@monicagonzalez3490]

Great advice and humorous approach...thank you! I will try it!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are welcome, Monica Gonzalez. Thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV - honored to be on your team!

[@dangeles95]

It seems like we have tried all of this already. We’ve offered our 13 year old money to get good grades, we’ve taken away her cell phone for weeks, we’ve taken away all technology, we’ve taken away privileges to hang out with friends, and now she’s about to lose her privilege to perform at her honors choir Concert… All because she’s literally failing all of her classes. This isn’t a lazy issue, it’s an I don’t care about anything issue. Would any other parents like to give me suggestions for a kid who consistently gets D’s and F’s on their report cards. Trying to get her to do her homework is one of the most miserable things that goes on in our house

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Having kids experience consequences at this age is usually less costly for them than when they are adults and things like jail are the consequences. Step back, let her fail and take the consequences. Her choice.

[@dangeles95]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV I truly appreciate the reply. My fear is that she may have to repeat the 8th grade. She literally will fail all her classes if we didn’t stay on her. On the flip side, since we do stay on her about school, she seems to waste (she has no motivation so she takes all night) her whole evening staring at a laptop screen. That is no way to live life. My other worry is that the school will just push her to the 9th grade and she will struggle even more when she actually does try.

[@savethechildren2]

Does she have ADHD??

[@jynxlynx9611]

This is what it would look like for us Teen. Parents ------------------------------ | Working Attitude | Behavior | | school Language| | media | schedule | church | friends

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you for sharing.

[@livingincrete7157]

brilliant. thank you we are transforming our family. I had to subscribe.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you for subscribing, Clean Living in Crete. I love this KZbin Family.