How To SEDUCE & INFLUENCE Anyone With Psychology - TRY THIS & SEE RESULTS | Vanessa Van Edwards

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On Today's Episode:
Social settings either get you hype and excited or they make you think of a thousand other things you’d rather do and any excuse that will get you off the hook from having to go.
When your fear of being around people and having to interact with them costs your dreams, your opportunities, and your growth, you have to do something different.
Vanessa Van Edwards, a.k.a. The recovering awkward person that sold millions of copies of her bestselling books, Captivate and Cues, has more tips than you can remember, so get the pen and paper or your favorite note-taking app ready. Her work with her company the Science of People has been dedicated to helping you learn to stop being awkward, start better conversations, connect with people and understand their verbal and nonverbal cues.
Some key points Vanessa share in this masterclass is:
How to master charisma
Why you want to listen to your gut
Understanding your level of openness, neuroticism and conscientiousness
Understanding your psychology is just the beginning. Knowing how to interpret cues in different social contexts and when to address them is next level. Vanessa gives away key ips for understanding yourself and the people around you. Warmth and competence is the magic dose to look for.
Books to check out by Vanessa Van Edwards:
Captivate: amzn.to/3IVvvZh
Cues: amzn.to/3wbVxjt
QUOTES:
“I would rather you be aware of the cues that are being sent to you to know, ‘I want this or I don't’ because they are that powerful, that if someone has bad intentions, they can still produce trust.”
“This is the challenge we have as cue readers, do you want to address the emotion or the cue?”
“I think that people who doubt their ideas, and they doubt themselves, that leaks in their cues.”
“High neurotics prevent crises from happening in the first place.”
“I would rather live in hard truth than in ignorant bliss.”
“Charisma is the perfect blend of being likable and powerful.”
“Competence without warmth leaves people feeling suspicious.”
“The best thing you can do is open with warmth, hit them with competence, and end with purpose.
Follow Vanessa Van Edwards:
Website: www.scienceofpeople.com/
KZbin: / vanessavanedwardsyt
Twitter: / vvanedwards
Instagram: / vvanedwards
Facebook: / vvanedwards

[@TomBilyeu]

WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!

[@staryknight9697]

Hey Tom, what's your SSN? Asking for a friend.

[@connectingthesciences4621]

yesterday: I look over to see a water bottle on its side soaking my electronics because I was too stupid/lazy to use the cap and/or close the drawer. My first thought: God Damnit, my time machine designs are still pretty far from done. I got to laugh while cleaning my mess. When people bitch about the past ill interrupt them. Very serious tone: "I don't know anyone in the field working on a time machine at the moment so..."

[@vincionyou]

@ Video Editer or comment reader Can you add time stamps? Makes it airspeed for studying the video after the first watch, keep up the great work as well

[@firstwavecrypto4093]

When are you gonna have Andrew Tate?

[@karie_brown]

@ 1hr 29 mins in, I had a random thought from the study she was talking about. Do you think that if a pregnant woman was in an abusive relationship and had a lot of stress and was pregnant with a girl, that’s why some girls come out feeling like they should have been a boy? I have a friend with this situation and not makes me wonder if this is what happened to make her daughter feel like this, she’s an adult now and still feels truly like a boy (I love them both deeply and love her and any and everyone else no judgment but just wondering this now after hearing this section of the interview)

[@Ferelmakina]

This woman is such a good communicator, using empathy and listening as her superpowers. I read captivate back in the day and I loved the fact that she used to be socially awkward and just LEARNED this shit. Empowering af

[@sannaryles]

fesgseh

[@TheSofiv]

Yes I notice she has autistic spectrum and Borderline personality

[@tehehe4all]

What kind of simp are you?

[@gigi9301]

I think Vanessa is Brilliant!! I would love to feel comfortable and excited to enter a room, instead of afraid and awkward.

[@j01150126]

I got the audio book Cues and Vanessa should have narrated it just the way she is speaking in her interviews with Tom. In the audiobook, her tone sounds unnatural, controlled, and less convincing.

[@IZRRL]

That's a great idea! Starting a conversation with what your pronouns are can really speed things up when it comes to meeting new people. As soon as someone walks up and starts listing their pronouns, I can immediately walk away and save us both some time.

[@jway9097]

exactly!

[@the_imposter_analyst]

😂

[@jl5676]

LOL

[@dima6488]

truth

[@oldstoic3154]

Great comment 👍

[@sazennonumber]

Everybody is likable. Perhaps not by you or me, but there will be someone who likes them. I have been literally hated by a few people for being friendly!! I'll never change my friendliness, because that's who I am and I know that there is a lot of people who I will get along with, just for being me.

[@KiKi-te9yd]

@John Fogarty 🤣🤣 being extra friendly, love that. Agree, I'll never stop being friendly and c those that dont like it, I wouldnt want them as friends anyway.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

sometimes the people who hate you for having a default friendly curious demeanour are powerful socially. You arrive and connect with people in the workplace, just randomly, not in any kind of status grab, but they think whoah, hate this b1tch, better use my power to exclude her.

[@healthhollow7218]

It’s the exact same way for me. I’m “too nice” or I’m a doormat…it’s so bothersome but I can’t change who I am. I can try, but ultimately if I am who I am then there’s nothing I can do about it! We are all made differently. I’m not saying we can’t better ourselves but who’s to say I don’t like who I am this way?!

[@davidbowen6284]

This biggest misconception is that people who are like this are validation seeking, manipulative in some way, or that they have low self esteem. I don't agree with this. I think you go into interactions with positive vibes so you can lighten up each others day. Its not that you need it. Its that relationships are more fruitful for both parties and creates harmony and good lines of communication

[@kuga7423]

All aspects which are too much will be troublesome. Too stiff, too friendly, too flirty, too boring, too much smile, not smiling at all, etc.

[@dameanvil]

00:29 🧠 Recognizing cues of social rejection is crucial. These cues include eye rolls, scoffs, and certain tones of voice. 01:09 👁️ When we detect a cue of social rejection, our field of vision widens, and our pupils change in less than a second. 01:36 👶 Teaching children about recognizing cues of social rejection empowers them to decide how to respond. 02:43 🗣️ Lower lid flexing signifies deep listening mode. It's a universal response to focus and scrutinize details. 03:10 🤝 Nodding balances warmth and competence cues, demonstrating deep listening and intensity. 03:39 🌟 Highly charismatic people naturally balance warmth and competence cues, building trust. 04:23 🔍 Lower lid flexing may indicate scrutiny or reevaluation. Address it appropriately in conversations. 04:51 💬 Softly inquire if everything is understood, without being confrontational or aggressive. 05:34 🔄 Changing the mode of communication can reveal more information if red flags are detected. Adapt based on the situation. 06:55 🖐️ Use a physical touch to check in with someone, a gentle way to show concern and support. 08:31 🎙️ Address vocal cues, like vocal fry, that indicate tension or discomfort. Encourage clearer communication for better understanding. 09:55 🧠 Trust your gut instincts when you sense something is off. It's a powerful tool in reading non-verbal cues. 11:19 🔑 Equipping people with the knowledge of non-verbal cues empowers them to navigate social situations more effectively. 12:39 💪 Giving people tools to read and respond to cues helps them overcome challenges like being overlooked or underestimated. 13:50 🔄 Taking control of a conversation and signaling your intent to interject is crucial for effective communication. 14:47 🗣️ Being aware of vocal cues like vocal fry can help identify anxiety or discomfort in others, leading to better support and understanding. 19:01 🤐 Going mute is a cue in itself, indicating a danger zone in a conversation. 19:30 👀 When observing poker players, focusing solely on their hands provides the most accurate read on their confidence and hand strength. 20:27 🤲 Smooth, fluid hand movements often indicate a player with a strong, confident hand in poker. 21:53 🏆 A poker player won a major tournament by prioritizing the observation of opponents' hand movements, rather than focusing on facial expressions or body language. 23:42 🧠 Trust your gut instincts; they provide valuable cues about your surroundings and interactions. 24:33 💬 Engaging withbetter, more meaningful questions can lead to deeper connections with others. 25:26 💪 Overcoming underestimation, both by others and by oneself, can be a powerful motivator for personal growth and success. 27:21 💡 Asking about someone's hero or role model can offer insights into their values, motivations, and self-narrative. 30:39 🌟 Discovering someone's role model or hero can provide valuable insights into their self-narrative and inner drives. 35:58 🕵️‍♀️ Vanessa's pursuit of understanding human behavior stems from a desire to decode social interactions and make them more understandable and manageable. 38:45 🧅 Understand people like peeling layers of an onion. Start with Big Five personality traits: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism (OCEAN). 39:29 🧳 Personality traits can often be observed in personal spaces like car trunks, medicine cabinets, and walls. 40:54 📋 Conscientiousness ranges from highly organized (lists are like a sport) to spontaneous and easygoing. Organization in personal spaces reflects this trait. 43:10 🌊 Neuroticism is about how one handles worry. High neurotics tend to make pros and cons lists, while low neurotics believe "it'll all be fine." 44:06 📜 High neurotics find comfort in motivational quotes, which act as external regulators for their internal world. 45:32 🧬 High neurotics have a harder time producing serotonin, making self-soothing a challenge. Low neurotics naturally produce serotonin, allowing for easy self-soothing. 48:32 🧩 Understand your own wiring before trying to understand and work with others. Optimizing rather than changing can be more effective. 52:04 💔 Ambivalent relationships, where it's unclear where you stand with someone, can be draining. It's crucial to evaluate the quality and nutrition of friendships. 55:12 💬 Charisma is a blend of likability (warmth, trustworthiness) and power (competence, capability). Balancing these elements is essential for making a compelling impression. 58:06 🤝 Trust Signals - Establishing trust involves non-verbal cues like body language, tone, and gestures, even in virtual interactions. - Key questions in trust assessment: Can I trust you? Are you on my side? Are you a threat? Will I be safe, emotionally and physically? 58:21 ✉️ Effective Email Communication - In email communication, ensure warmth in the subject and opener, competence in the body, and choose a sign-off that suits the context. - Word choice matters - use words like "collaborate" to encourage collaboration, and "power" to inspire a sense of empowerment. 59:04 💡 Impact of Achievement-Oriented Language - A study showed that adding achievement-oriented words (e.g., win, succeed) in instructions improved participants' performance anddoubled their motivation to engage with the task. 01:00:28 📧 Harnessing the Power of Words - The words we use in emails, messages, or profiles can significantly influence how we're perceived. Choose words that align with your desired outcome. 01:01:10 🚀 Communicating Purpose in Email - To make a lasting impression, open with warmth, demonstrate competence, and end with a clear sense of purpose or call to action. 01:03:14 🔄 Balancing Task-Oriented Focus with Relationship Building - It's crucial to balance task-oriented communication with building relationships, especially in leadership roles. People remember how you make them feel. 01:04:26 💬 Maximizing In-Person Interactions - In-person interactions provide a flood of positive chemicals (oxytocin, dopamine) that are lacking in digital communication. Being present and connecting on a personal level is essential. 01:06:45 🤜 Techniques for Interruption Management - Use non-verbal cues like the "open mouth" gesture, hand raises, or subtle touch for interruption management in conversations. 01:09:59 👥 The Power of Self-Touch - Self-soothing techniques, like self-touch, can help in managing anxiety or stress in social situations. It's a tool to create emotional distance and regain focus. 01:12:25 🤗 Harnessing the Power of Touch - Touching, when done appropriately, can release oxytocin, creating a sense of connection and trust. Start with less intimate touches (e.g., hands) and gauge the comfort level. 01:17 🤚 Self-touching between collarbones or sternal notch is a soothing behavior for calmness and reset. 01:43 🤔 Self-touching, like touching the face or stomach, can be perceived as signs of nervousness or deception by others. 04:46 ❓ One key question to identify Frenemies: Are you ever in doubt about their genuine happiness for your successes? 07:01 👀 Facial features, like jaw shape and eyebrow structure, can give off signals of dominance and power. 09:12 🧐 Radical honesty involves being upfront about your preferences and limitations rather than making up excuses. 01:36:00 🧠 Understanding team dynamics: Vanessa emphasizes the importance of knowing your team's personality matrix, preferred feedback style, and brainstorming approach to enhance task management and productivity in the workplace. 01:37:24 💰 Recognizing primary values: Vanessa shares her experience of discovering that an employee's primary value was status, not monetary rewards, highlighting the significance of understanding what motivates individuals in the workplace. 01:38:46 📊 Resource Theory for motivation: Vanessa introduces Resource Theory, which identifies six different resources exchanged in relationships, emphasizing that money is just one aspect. Understanding these resources can lead to more effective motivation strategies. 01:41:50 🗝️ Self-awareness through questions: Vanessa suggests using Arthur Aron's 34 questions to deepen understanding between individuals, helping them explore interests, values, and relationships, ultimately enhancing self-awareness and connection. 01:45:04 🤔 Self-soothing techniques: Vanessa emphasizes the importance of recognizing how one copes with anxiety, whether through verbalizing worries or seeking solitude. Additionally, knowing how others can assist in the self-soothing process is crucial for healthy relationships. 01:49:18 😊 Chart of Happiness: Vanessa introduces the concept of the Chart of Happiness, which involves ranking activities based on the contentment they bring. By identifying and incorporating more small moments of happiness,individuals can positively impact their overall well-being. 01:51:11 🔄 Unlearning helplessness: Vanessa shares insights from her research on happiness, emphasizing the potential to unlearn patterns of helplessness that may be limiting one's overall happiness. This involves identifying and challenging learned behaviors and attitudes.

[@garlicnaan1]

Ledgend!We need more people like yourselves. Thanks for the effort.

[@tostronenergy3302]

Amazing...

[@susymay7831]

Thank you ❤..

[@susymay7831]

Timestamps would greatly add to your nice videos. Check out the timestamps one of your viewers graciously made! ❤❤❤❤❤

[@z.s3072]

legend

[@littlemisssunshine2931]

Incredibly informative from an Autistic point of view. I wish they taught this stuff in school. Life would have been so much easier if I had learned what to look for with people's faces and body language. People always baffle me, it's like there are invisible subtitles that everyone else can see but I can't. Thank you so much @TomBilyeu for interviewing this lovely lady. I've ordered her book and hope to gain more insight.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Yes! I completely agree with you ❤ I hope you love my book Cues!

[@metal9lover9maniac]

That's because most neurotypicals are total idiots.

[@rtbrain]

The day I gotta start asking for peoples preferred genders as small talk is the day I stop talking to people.

[@chrisblack9955]

I wouldn’t even give it a thought. I can’t tell what gender they are I’m probably better off not talking to them ha ha Ha

[@daviedood2503]

She's "handsome" 😆

[@KennethStevenson3]

Same here

[@_FJB_]

Ab so f**kn lutely! 100‰

[@seankelly1366]

I couldn't agree more with the provided comments I am a man who was solely raised by the code(s) provided for me & passed along by the Spartans as well as the Samurai..as well, the Vikings & the Native Americans along with a huge amount of knowledge provided by Sun Tzu. Indeed, everyone may have their purpose when it relates to their immediate path of mortal existence but by all means I think that it was never provided in my itinerary to ever suspect that I may have to relocate in any form of formal communication that I may have to express "they" when I am speaking about a single individual..enough expressed .I just follow my code with my knowledge and my sword.

[@linesyverinsen9215]

The true reward really is liking yourself for who you are.

[@TheKrispyfort]

Yep 🙂

[@mimisravanis7093]

Who is yourself?

[@kaysianrain9203]

My neighbour gave me a pat on the head at the end of the night when he was leaving to go home and it instantly offended me because on a primal level I knew what that meant, in my mind it was disrespectful to do that because I had invited him into my space to meet a new friend of mine. I knew immediately that he was trying to show my friend that he's above me despite being an alcoholic that has no control of his emotional state and he has no job due to this. Which I realised was a toxic trait that I had to avoid. He's an interesting case because he lives in a fantasy, a fabricated fantasy that helps him feel better about himself. I know he lies to himself because he once said, "I'm an alpha like you, so i wouldnt get along with your other mate if he's the bold joking type." It was strange because I don't consider myself an alpha, his statement seemed fake, he complimented me to safely elevate his own status against any accusation of being egotistical, also I think he was afraid of being picked on by my bold friend even in a joking manner due to his own insecurity. My friend would hold a mirror to his face which is uncomfortable for an insecure person that's living a lie to compensate for feeling small. I don't associate with my neighbour anymore, I did it because I saw potential in him and wanted to help him climb out of the hole he has put himself in. But I don't think he wants to, he seems to enjoy misery and so I've accepted that. I won't be apart of someone's lie.

[@calvinfatman7918]

Grow up. You're not that special.

[@AddieMcD]

11:53 exactly. People don't always know how to identify certain cues, but psychopaths are masters of the whole game. Honestly, I don't think they would even need any further education, so I completely agree that it is important to educate, inform and equip people with this awareness.

[@beaumatthews6411]

Very true, I hadn't even thought it through that much! 👌🧠

[@scottblackburn2969]

Thing is more people know to look for trait of psycho

[@kaysianrain9203]

I call it when I see it. People usually want to express their reasons for disagreement, so I try to help them feel comfortable with expressing what they're really thinking. If you let it slide then that's allowing tension to build within them. Help them and yourself by calling it in a way that makes them feel safe to express themselves

[@kaysianrain9203]

The physical touch is a gesture of support, conveying that you're there for them even if they're not okay or disagree, it's quite natural with someone close to you.

[@graceismine1111]

Not if the people involved are not touchy people.

[@Joy-mm3cz]

I’m NOT physical touch. It’s my last ❤️language. So if your not my parents or my children you better keep your hands to yourself. Even with my spouse I’m very limited with physical touch. Glad that most of my close friends aren’t physical touch either.

[@stepheniedomingo9089]

What about if someone is not close to you? My coworker offered me a ride home and he held my upper arms while asking about it. I am not put off by physical touch therefore I was okay with it.

[@harlinaindra4899]

I prefer not to be touched

[@betonblockchain9199]

Outside of maybe hugging family member I would never touch somebody else during conversation or anytime I can think of.... like ever. Maybe if they were really upset and looking down or crying and I wanted them to know I was there. I can't even imagine doing that lmao.

[@kaysianrain9203]

I might be totally wrong but my guess would be that she's not afraid of missing cues, the true fear stems from the unexpected, being surprised is unnerving, so maybe she's naturally more prone to anxiety, she developed this love and passion for understanding cues due to it being able to alleviate or avoid anxious situations of the unexpected.

[@KiKi-te9yd]

What a freaking brilliant interview! As someone who has similar insecurities with people, a like for honest people and interest in personality construct... this gives some really useful answers! Charisma is warmth and power. Wow!

[@bricecook1680]

Really this is a lame pathetic interview Just trying to sell a book. Neither of these 2 know what they are talking about.

[@discbee9107]

More GOLD from Tom and Vanessa! Salute 🫡

[@marcialaboo3996]

I worked at a place, and u could absolutely feel the negative energy when u walked in every single day. Makes so much sense now.

[@jgraymatter3317]

I feel like I try so hard to be chill but as soon as someone I want to talk to engages me, I come across so awkward and they quickly disengage and I’m left mad at myself again. My anxiousness takes over so quickly.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I hear you ❤ It's so tough. I know you'll get there!

[@jeffgilmore8901]

Golden content! I bought Vanessa's book "Cues" this morning at the gym when I started this interview , I bought "Captivate" tonight in the last minute of listening. Very helpful Truth!!

[@renzoohm6844]

Yes ! New unique material with Vanessa! She’s brilliant ! Thx Tom ! 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

[@DaPoopIsInDaPudding]

Save time. Who gives a shit who likes you as long as you’re true to yourself.

[@SofoArchon]

Generally speaking, it's pointless to try to make others like you when you aren't a truly likeable person. For sooner or later they are going to find out the truth.

[@adriana_dinu]

lol that's me ...i like to interact with ppl, socialize, help ppl, but ppl don't like my face :))

[@Infinite_exhilaration]

@@adriana_dinu respectfully that’s just a part of your body, that you don’t fully love and accept, where you haven’t cultivated self love, I know people who have unsymmetrical faces, and I’ll say not winning genes, but because they’ve learned to love themselves, not care if the other person likes them and aren’t emotionally attached to the result, takes initiative, and be’s themselves they score and having loving relationships with more people then I’ve ever even met. Your face doesn’t make you unlikable, you just think it does, and so reality adjusts and responds in alignment with that disempowering thinking

[@stanspb763]

Vanessa is one of the most interesting and useful interviews I have seen, and such an lively and attractive person. I could watcher her all day and not be distracted or bored. Think this was the first time I have seen Tom allow a guest to speak without disrupting the thread before it is expressed by a guest, so her information was actually allowed to be presented and made it the very best talk I have heard this year.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you so much for your kind words! ❤

[@4adreamer]

Wow, this is one of the best content I have consumed for a while, so full of insights that are extremely useful. Thank you 😊

[@Pwstyle22]

I would love to see this person on the reality show survivor. That would be a good test of her abilities.

[@Squirrel-zq6oe]

Wow that's actually a great point!

[@Dancing_Alone_wRentals]

Before this video, I was watching another channel and struggling to get through the program. I fell asleep twice, finally after starting that video again three times....I did something I don't do. I quit. KZbin then brought me here, and I just enjoyed two hours of dessert! tHank you to the guest and to the whole crew!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You’re so welcome! Happy you stumbled upon our video! 🙏🏻

[@dawnrichardson8230]

4:32 I hate when people ask me does that make sense? I just want to say something incredibly simple and ask them, “Does that make sense?”

[@808ionman]

She looks fierce with the lid flex.

[@Squirrel-zq6oe]

Yo fr

[@sunnylight5753]

Thank You Both. Life is So Different when you see how you treated others & how they treated you. I Mirrored a lot, which made me appear fake to many people. Other times, I’m Just Different❤️Good & Bad. Many more Lessen to Learn🙏🏼

[@ScienceOfPeople]

❤

[@TransylvaniaGirl]

She is so special and engaging.

[@nataliaklemanova9763]

She is GENIUS!

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Wow, my deepest fear was to be excluded, because I thought it would destroy me, but my family has written me out because I asked them to stop calling me paranoid and sensitive. They have given me silent treatment and martyrdom for nearly three years and it's been so frustrating, so pointless but I'm ok. So maybe it's not my worst fear anymore.

[@graceismine1111]

I hate when people tell me what I'm thinking. "Are you sure you're good, because I don't think you are or you don't look like you are?" If I told you I'm good, and we are not already people who know eachother, then don't ask me. I told you what I want to tell you.

[@sherrymeilana]

Brilliant conversation! They have great chemistry.

[@larissafonseca4007]

The answer to what’s your deepest fear was so honest thank you for that

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Of course! 🙏

[@DAYMENEA]

38:29 Tom asks 'what are the key points to understand oneself and others' 41:50 Low in conscientiousness 42:42 neuroticism

[@adimeter]

Hi Vanessa. Thank you. So intriguing. Thanks for having Vanessa Tom. I had to save this one.

[@AdilsonAdeodatoAzevedo]

I'm brazilian and I've never heard a portuguese speaker do vocal fry. To me it was a exclusive english speaker issue. I hear it a lot in podcast like this and it it really drives me crazy. Because here in Brasil no one talks like that.

[@CRJpod]

So grateful for this energy. Thank you two.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You're so welcome ❤

[@danielbocancea519]

Great episode, thank you :)

[@markjensen4782]

I do enjoy your willingness to learn new things, and not afraid to accept your weaknesses.

[@StockTraderClassLive]

Vanessa is awesome, really high value and great person, always a pleasure to listen to, amazing content, looking forward to read your book.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you so much 💕 I appreciate you!

[@footinstirrup4948]

this is an incredible interview...Vanessa is so dialed in with her research...

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed it ❤

[@Loulous10]

“ we can prevent burnout by gifting the right chemicals “ 🤩

[@ScienceOfPeople]

🙌

[@MansaMusa19]

I Appreciate your channel Tom Keep up the good work

[@Mind_Foil]

Thank you, guys for making this. Perfect information at the perfect time.😊

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thanks for watching! ❤

[@kaysianrain9203]

Man I love this video so much that I can't help but comment more than once.

[@JeffGraham-xh4yt]

I have never made a comment on any program ... but felt like you needed to hear this ..this is one of the things I've ever heard .. turned it off half way through because so so so many commercials.

[@awonderfulfeeling8588]

Love this woman, for the entire duration of the interview she is super pumped up and excited and it's just great!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you 🙏 I'm so glad you enjoyed this interview!

[@dennisrobinson8008]

This topic is her passion

[@kaila2880]

44:24-48:22 about high vs. low neurotic people

[@joshp.5714]

Tried the self-hug with eye closed along with deep breathing and only got an insanely aggressive feeling of needing to escape.

[@thesolduo1786]

I love this interview. I bought both her books and I’m currently reading captivate. I even bought a book she suggested called snoop. I’m so intrigued!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I love to hear this!! I hope you're enjoying Captivate. 💙

[@thesolduo1786]

@@ScienceOfPeople I do! It was amazing book! I can’t recommend it highly! I’ve learned so much! Now I’m reading snoop then cues after :)

[@PedramNG]

man, this video is a knowlege bomb. I am taking a lot of notes!! so excited to read the book.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Amazing!! I can't wait for you to check out my book 🥰

[@peterwittenberg2068]

Love these interviews with Vanessa. I am a fan from the beginning. Tom is also one of the best interviewers

[@ScienceOfPeople]

So happy to hear this ❤

[@traceycarson6799]

Wow this was one of the best podcasts I have heard for a long time… so much to take in and learn.. and I will definitely be getting Vanessa’s book to read… thanks 👊

[@asing197]

@Tom Bileu can't believe you are that high on agreeableness and low on contentiousness. I always thought that is what is pulling me down.

[@gloriosatierra]

I think this is weird because I am more into authentic people instead of trying ones. 🌿

[@geecash6709]

50/50 on educational and entertaining thanks

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Solving people! I used to want to do this. I got obsessed with miers briggs but funnily enough, it doesn't account for things like motivation, or people's wounds, or levels of confidence. So it really is only a clue.

[@Bobbbbbyhigh]

I love her she’s the beat

[@lucienkahozi3314]

Hey big bro thanks for your impact on our mind. Please think to add captions on yours videos to allow us to understand better because our English speech understanding is no so exceptional

[@Treblady]

This is exactly what I been looking for when my coworkers gave me tension on Tuesday.

[@frankhassle9366]

One of my patented tongue-baths will melt all that tension away..😉

[@ME-wc3px]

She is just awesome! ❤

[@AddieMcD]

23:35 we call it our intuition because we don’t otherwise know how to make sense of (or interpret) the information our brain is giving our conscious mind. Cool science: What’s actually happening is that the pheromones released are able bind to receptors in the olfactory epithelium in the nasal cavity. Signals are then sent to the olfactory bulb in the brain to process the information. It is similar to how essential oils can effect our mood. They are essentially phytochemicals that plants produce (in addition to pheromones and other chemicals) in part, to communicate with insects and other plants. Other animals have an enhanced sense of smell that accounts for seemingly mysterious knowledge and awareness that we can’t explain. Now it makes sense to say “something smells off”!

[@kailaMachado]

I believe i am like this! I show my real feelings! I do not try to hide…but somedays i became really stormi But still people respect because i am autentique…

[@Johnwarner84]

Amazing insight thank you 🤔💯👍🏻

[@clarkparker4860]

This was a fantastic interview! I gotta get my hands on that book.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you for watching ❤

[@MariFuster]

loving her, great tips for bonding and improving relationships

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thanks so much ♥

[@menikersantos236]

Vanessa Van Edwards u are simply the best

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You are too kind! Thank you ❤

[@themasterpiece7460]

Great content 😊 I felt the energy between you guys as much as you both are trying to hide it 😅

[@zukodude487987]

I dont think we partially close our eyes to see things from a distance with more detail, i think we do it reduce the noise in our field of vision so we can focus more of our FOV on the object in questions.

[@catalinazapata8039]

Love the information! 😊

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I'm so glad! 🤗

[@melindamenley8967]

Love this! ❤

[@Kumori90]

I want people to like me. I'm afraid if people don't like me, or if i never find love, then i will have wasted my life.

[@kaptainkool408]

Hmmm. I like it. She is definitely giving us some vital advice here.

[@Bittzen]

This was fantastic for many reasons

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you!!

[@wdcsucks1]

For sure a young global leader.

[@jdw9260]

😆

[@muskduh]

Thanks a million!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

❤

[@agaanim5898]

Anyone else feels like they should be together? 😍 such great chemistry and content!👌

[@Squirrel-zq6oe]

Yeah, if he didn't have a wife already I would say for sure you're right!

[@calvinfatman7918]

He's actually a lesbian.

[@oredaze]

Ok, the first thing that comes to mind that I want to understand before I watch this is: isn't learning all of this a bit like a psychopathic behavior? I mean you naturally react in certain ways depending on what you feel and think, If you start to modify that in order to game the system, you are not only being disingenuous, but you are trying to gain certain benefits for yourself with what is essentially lying (because your reactions are not the same as your feelings).

[@kaila2880]

we often are misled by our feelings and also don't understand others and their cues correctly. I think it's more about gaining knowledge of what's really going on vs being unaware and having opinions that are not correct. That might lead us into troubles.

[@oredaze]

@@kaila2880 Actually there is a bit of an answer to this in the video.

[@kaila2880]

@@oredaze do you mean that moment when Vanessa told that she had a writers block because someone could use it to harm others?

[@oredaze]

@@kaila2880 yes

[@MatthewSaville]

We can all choose which pill to take, or whether or not to "eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil", as it were. If anyone starts watching this video and feels uneasy about what they're learning, they can choose to simply not open Pandora's box; stop watching the video, or if it's too late for that, at least put it out of your mind and without practice it should mostly be forgotten soon. However, I feel that it is better to be aware of these things. I can choose not to weaponize them, but simply notice them as I go through life. If others d cide to use these tools for "evil", then hopefully someone else who has learned them can notice, and prevent any potential victims from being taken advantage of. Either way, spreading the knowledge is likely the best path forward. You simply have to trust that there are more good than evil human beings in this world.

[@TheMyhelen]

Great interview 👍

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you! 🙏🏻

[@vlightphotography]

Nah, why would i even want to spend any energy trying to get someone to like me? 🙄I'm just gonna be myself and the right people will come to me ✌

[@suesmythe4115]

your system is smarter than you are if that is what you are thinking at the light IT MEANS YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT AND MAKE SOME DECISIONS !!

[@CamdenMcInnis]

Wow, this is incredible.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you! 👏

[@nicholasm2861]

Favorite video so far. ❤

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I'm so glad ♥

[@cmineaj]

Great information and at the same time torturing animals for our own curiosity is sick and disgusting. I’m so disappointed in the disregard we have for other animals 🤬

[@DjR3aper]

51:46 My thing is I sometimes do things to make people think I'm lying when I'm telling the truth ie: awkward giggle, smile.

[@OfficialCANVAS]

Lie less so people don't get used to thinking ur lying when ur not

[@joey-cn6mt]

I have been underestimated all my life and it works out grate!!. It's EZ to look good if the bar is not set to hight

[@grantholliday6057]

Tom, your descriptive language is/is one of your super powers. You're able to put thoughts into words with such ease. How do you do it?

[@bagginn]

practice and reading most likely

[@raimaishrat5934]

One of my favourites ! Vanessa Van Edwards.. amazing interviews so insightful as always!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you! 🙏🏻

[@lynnb9069]

This is GOLD

[@ScienceOfPeople]

❤ ❤

[@IZRRL]

Oooh, pisses me off when someone asks "does that make sense?". It's like I'm not an idiot, if at any point something you said doesn't make sense, I'll let you know.

[@cyrusrising930]

I feel your point.... but perhaps consider this.... the other person is "asking" for a confirmation that they communicated clearly. As a friend, family member, associate, even as a student, it's an opportunity to not only confirm our understanding, but also to provide important feedback to the communicator. Helping them out to be better at delivering their thoughts or instructions. Sender and receiver both benefit! Just a little re-frame can eliminate future pissed off feelings.

[@T-aka-T]

Yup. What's even worse is the "little Sir Echo" psychobabble trick - "so, what I hear you saying is ... " Makes me want to look around for a machete.

[@IZRRL]

@CyrusRising well I think the biggest reason it bothers me is because 99.9% of the time people say that phrase is after explaining something a toddler would understand. I could probably see it if someone was trying to explain something hard like quantum physics. I'd be like, "thanks for asking cause I'm not even sure you're speaking English right now".

[@cyrusrising930]

@@IZRRL yes I absolutely understand what you are saying. Like anything there's always "2 sides." My view also is dual ... that is not only do I provide feedback to the communicator, but I also protect my state. There is no right or wrong way to respond per say, though I should seek to enjoy the process.

[@Geaxuce]

Smelling fear makes sense. A coworker of mine lost three fingers in an accident at work and the day after, when the floors were cleaned up and everything was basically back to normal, i started getting a small adrenaline rush

[@jolly7728]

A fun topic breaking down social rejection like this. Wish this video had been broken down into smaller 10 to 15 minute chunks. No time for such a long video. Still, the subject matter is fascinating!

[@beaumatthews6411]

43:50; I actually had the pleasure to learn from Sam Gosling (albeit, an online course) at UT Austin during my year there. I had no idea I'd hear about him like this! Makes me wish I reached out to him then

[@armindaarosass]

😂❤️ I loved this

[@vektacular]

This may work for people …..who care what other people think or who thrive just to be in a relationship…..you really wanna attract anyone….stop caring what other people think, do, care about, live at, live like, do….they will fight just to make you care about them. Not that I’m bashing the Video….she is probably pretty good at what she does….but I’m speaking from experience as well. Also would like to say if they say it’s all good and it doesn’t feel like it’s good….it ain’t good….you’re always just a moment away from the biggest backstabbing regardless of where you think you stand.

[@davidbowen6284]

I suppose it could also be said that being more orderly & organised could lend itself to people looking to regulate their neuroticism.

[@greenlitlleman]

This interview with her is actually useful, unlike the other two on this channel, lol.

[@udonloews1301]

I would like to follow my instincts 200%+. 🎉

[@RomanPeacock21]

What's she's taking about @ 44:19 is what I understand to be the stoic practice of negative visualization. You imagine what could possibly go wrong with your plan. But the stoic comes up with a plan and press it into place just in case. You don't just fret over a negative possibly. That's just being neurotic if you don't make plans to mitigate it