How to Set Physical Boundaries (When Dating)

[@Beanie1879]

I absolutely love how Elizabeth said the Church is a loving Mother that doesnt want you to get hurt. I felt that.

[@TheologyoftheBodyInstitute]

Amen! Thank you for sharing.

[@meltingpopsicle5842]

I know of a Lutheran pastor who suggests not even holding hands before marriage. His idea is that any form of physical contact between a couple is the beginning of the process of their flesh becoming one and as a result will cause greater emotional attachment, so if the relationship breaks up there will be greater heartache than there would have been if they had not touched each other.

[@lolar6085]

I read the same from a rabbi book - Manis Friedman "Doesn't anyone blush anymore? " In my experience this is so true.

[@ellamanuella8038]

Wow...as a Christian I can confirm i This is toxic

[@jonathanfairchild]

I’ve definitely read of this and I know of some couples that never kissed before marriage. Their first kiss was on the alter. This made is so awkward and so much pressure that it ruined the moment. Also they had no idea when and how to hold hands or kiss. The newfound freedom of “everything goes” was very intimidating and they felt like they didn’t know how to relate to each other or how to initiate physical contact. Many of these people have gotten divorced because it wasn’t healthy. Let’s be clear that sex and fooling around sexually is most definitely too far. It can be easy to go from kissing to making out to more and more step by step. But the other extreme is too. That’s why I love hearing this channel talk about this stuff. It’s prompting very good healthy conversations with my girlfriend.

[@Driftwood64]

Then how does anyone build up a relationship without intimacy? Everyone is just to remain friends until they get married? So many Christians get married just for the sex then end up breaking up. Other than penetration or heavy petting, it's ok to caress,cuddle and kiss. That's how you go from friends to a relationship.

[@israeliana]

They have this in Orthodox Judaism. Cheg Naggia? (Don't touch).

[@nellyblancaflor5559]

I wish I had these information when I was dating but at age 74, my husband (bless his soul) and I came out ok. He was my first love and I was his first love. We enjoyed and suffered the ups and downs of married life for 45 yrs.

[@ez-g3090]

That's why men need to stay single. Wen are nothing but problems. Including you.

[@jellojenna6]

"Premarital interdigitation!" 🤣 I need to remember never to treat another person as a means to an end, even a good end. Would those who read this comment please pray for me? :)

[@Gray_Jay]

Lord, please help jenna to remember this information and take it to heart. Help her to apply it and treat people as valuable image bearers of a holy God and not just means to an end.

[@emberdrops3892]

I think you two are a great duo :D Christopher goes on these crazy deep tangents about what God has designed love to be, while Elizabeth channels these concepts into actual scenarios for us to apply.

[@JoAnneGittensCanada]

Really love this video that asks each of us to look at the position of our heart in the action. Thank you!

[@cm4644]

11:06 min - Do whatever you want and trust them they want your good. It one thing when they are close, but another when no one is watching. I am talking about the actions, not the words. That touched a very sore spot for me. Obviously I allowed someone to violate my boundaries.

[@donna713]

I’m so glad I found this channel! Our society needs so much support on this subject! Thank you!

[@KennyMNgoie-xl2iz]

saammmmmmme!!!!!!

[@ez-g3090]

What this society needs is to get rid of modern feminism. It's such a lie and is ruining our young women.

[@BeingArtful]

Great discussion. Christopher West is one of my favorite human beings. He's so articulate, funny, and transmits theology of the body into perfect language.

[@TheologyoftheBodyInstitute]

Thank you for watching! Please consider joining at one of our weeklong courses in PA, we'd love to meet you in person. tobinstitute.org/programs/tobi-schedule/

[@joshuacapstick5322]

This is a way I would like to love someone if and when I get the chance still waiting on you Lord!! 🙏🙏

[@AP777-JC]

I also try that. Now, we can prepare and learn.

[@thelayprayloslaicosoran6390]

The intention. The intension. Ty Jesus. U don't judge judgementally

[@humberto4344]

Thank you, deeply needed!

[@saturdaysolitude7800]

One way to set physical boundaries is by making sure the person you're courting lives in another country :P

[@maryrankin9869]

LOL

[@anezkaburesova7855]

Haha Me and my (for few months yet only civil marriage) husband! 😆 It is actually so true! We were writing for 3 years and 7 months (living in different continents), then dated in person for 2,5 months and got engaged. And now we have to fight so so SO hard to wait till marriage (the one at the church). Being far made it safe... 😆👌

[@ThatCatholicNurse]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@etcwhatever]

Good point...but some men will still try to talk dirty on a distance...and then a seemingly normal and good guy needs to be blocked and forgotten 😂😂

[@Jan-A]

The problem with the Distance thing is that it's artificial & not likely to work once that distance no longer exists or a weak party might eventually end up in a relationship with someone who is accessible.

[@danielarodriguezminsky9643]

This is so beautiful 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺thank you so much!!!

[@carmenfreeman693]

Excellent post. Thank you. 🙏

[@user-vj9qz3br6l]

I haven’t watched the whole video yet, but is there a video on what the boundaries should be? I’m confused on what begins to be too far

[@r.j.whitaker]

So good and so necessary.

[@AP777-JC]

Wow, I wish I would have heard that before dating my ex. I made so many mistakes by setting boundaries, I was a kind of "rules follower" and he started to think I don't like him anymore which was not true but I didn't show him so much. And on the other hand, we both fell into sexual sin after a short while. It was a confusing thing because both of us have never experienced Christian dating before...

[@LainaTayler]

Thank you so much for everything you do!!

[@thelayprayloslaicosoran6390]

Sacred, that word is powerful

[@maryrankin9869]

oh my goodness. Loved it. My youngest just is starting to date. Great insight.

[@tradslnd9872]

Love this video. Be careful that you do not ENTER into temptation Matthew 26:41

[@kerwinfernandes9583]

Thank you both! It was so deep. God bless! :)

[@monikaswiniarska2263]

Dear Dr. Christopher West, I admire your wide knowledge about theology of the body and the eagerness you share it with the world. I learn a lot-thank you! Nevertheless, I feel overwhelmed, exasperated, and disappointed when you invite a guest (like here; I recall also another one with Jason Clark) and you don’t give a space for them to talk and to share their minds. I would love to hear what Elisabeth has to say but you don’t give her a chance. At the end of this 16-minute talk of yours I find actually no answer to the question posed in the title… Please, talk less and let your guests talk more 🙏 I would appreciate it a lot. Thank you!

[@amhresendiz]

What is the name of the book the Q&A he mentioned. First time watching a video so Im interested in expanding my library. Thank you!

[@TheologyoftheBodyInstitute]

Thank you for watching! It's Christopher's "Good News About Sex & Marriage" You can find it here: shop.corproject.com/products/good-news-about-sex-and-marriage but we also have this free playlist where he walks you through the book: kzbin.info/aero/PLAbqXQaOvkM4Q01szl54g7Sj9mJ8bfKf0&si=zZG7qYfniz9J_KKB

[@davelaz5582]

I did my best to be a faithful Catholic man. I was a virgin when married at age 30 as was my late wife. We married at age 30 and had two sons. My wife died 9 years ago on January 14, 2014. After experiencing the loss of a spouse, I can't encourage anyone to marry because it will eventually end in death. Looking back, I would have rather never married, never had sex, never had children and never experienced the loss of spouse through death. All the happiness of my 26 years of marriage does not outweigh the pains of the loss of spouse through death.

[@raiyan.j6693]

Awww...Bless you. She must really meant alot to you. That shows how much love you have towards her. Bless you for that. You will reunite with her in the hereafter for sure. Bless her soul too. 💕 Stay Strong. 💪🏽

[@etcwhatever]

I cant understand how much pain you feel. All i can tell you is you wouldnt have experience the happy moments with your wife, if you never met her. Second point is your sons wouldnt have been born. Honestly it sounds like the loss is still too fresh. Dont deny your emotions and seek support of your close friends and family. I wish that God eases your sorrow.

[@ez-g3090]

@@etcwhatever he is right. Why go through hell with a nagging wife and waste the best years of your life?

[@etcwhatever]

@@ez-g3090 you to read his words attentively. You understood nothing.

[@gmirelys7898]

@@ez-g3090you understood nothing.

[@coolkidvt01]

I think you should put some parameters such as Age/ culture. Setting boundaries in 20s is very different than setting them in 30s or 40s. No one deep in their faith goes about wanting to treat the other as a means to an end... but when you are single for so long it's very different scenario. We can't have a generic answer without some context.

[@ez-g3090]

Women in their 30-40's are too old for marriage. They become a nanny or something like that. No man I'm his right mind would settle for and age women. The best thing a woman can give a man is her youth.

[@Iamawesomelovedandblessed444]

I'd rather be on my own than be with someone just to be with someone what a waste of life 😂

[@angelicapinto3837]

I have a question, how long is too long to date, when dating overseas ?

[@okEorB]

10:50 through 13:05 👌

[@Tomorrowandtomorrowandtomorrow]

shomer negiah in orthodox judaism is no touching until marriage. works pretty well for them :)

[@YovanypadillaJr]

Funny because I actually saw tweets saying holding hands is not condoned by St Alphonsus.

[@ignaciop9850]

Come on man!! Let the girl talk. Both stances are interesting. God bless.

[@jowaovieira]

So pretty much almost every marriage we have today, Christian and non christian is a USE-ME I-USE-YOU? 😅 unless true conversion of the heart? Wow

[@ez-g3090]

Yeah don't get married. Women want providers not lovers. Don't be fooled by these so call Christian women. They usually end up being the worst ones.

[@Lauradahl-creations]

I disagree with Christopher west on that only "crazy" people think you shouldn't hold hands. Some people who were sexually molested when younger and so, just holding hands can be a huge turn on...... But I think that for them what would help to heal is prayer, growing into a loving relationship with God and body mortification. 🙏

[@syedhasanahmed3514]

5:20 st jerome, contra jovinianus (and any other 1st mill. commentator on 1 cor 7:1) - 'crazy person' augustine, soliloquies - 'crazy person' st thomas, commentary on 1 cor 7:1 - 'crazy person' Lessius, the salamancans, st antoninus, sylvius, filliuci, sanchez, Viva, Moya, Corella, Palaus, Lopez, Cajetan, Bonacina, the continuator of Tournely, Croix, Diana, Trullenchus, Roncaglia, Sporer, Holzmann - all 'crazy persons' Cornelius a Lapide, on 1 cor 7 - 'crazy person' st alphonsus liguori, theologia moralis - 'crazy person' billuart - 'crazy person' bp j-b bouvier - 'crazy person' j-b vittrant - 'crazy person' thomas slater sj - 'crazy person' john ambrose mchugh - 'crazy person'

[@thefacelessquestion3333]

As a means to an end. A happy end(ing)?😂😂

[@ubiveritasetamor]

I think Christopher's comment re: his engagement didn't...seem helpful...bc it assumed a context of trust *already built*. People are wondering about, as you are getting to know the other, how do you have the conversation(s)? Like he (by his own words) should have done with the woman he dated for a bit. 🤷‍♀️

[@claytonshankle4427]

A suggestion, stop pointing to ur physical heart when referring to where u make ur life decisions, the decisions are made in the mind(brain) and the Hebrew word for heart means the brain.

[@thelayprayloslaicosoran6390]

The person. Yup God is definately married to His church

[@aabc8141]

This whole “no sex before marriage” thing is the reason why I lost a number of guys in my youth. I believed in it whole heartedly back then and it messed with my head and with my life.

[@israeliana]

Youre not losing these guys. They weren't meant for you. They likely would have just used you

[@ijeomajenniferkorie3934]

I'm in my youth and I've had to turn down a good number of men for the same reason of waiting till marriage. Though it appears that if I don't conform I might eventually not settle down as most guys now will laugh at the thought. Nevertheless, I have male friends who honestly hold to the belief, I have female friends too who are in beautiful marriages today and didn't get physical. These and the fact that God is ever faithful to His promises give me assurance that I need not give in just to 'settle down '. May God's perfect will be done for all who love and trust in Him. Amen.

[@Kitiwake]

If you had had sex then, you would be seriously messed up now. Thank God for your good decision.

[@ez-g3090]

Ah ha ha ha ha! Now your too old and have lost what men value most in women. Your aged goods now. Buy some cats to keep you company.

[@ez-g3090]

@@ijeomajenniferkorie3934 well if you wait to long then you'll get too old and men will look past you and over to the young still fertile women while you will remain aged damaged goods.

[@marianievessolsona2119]

Stop smiling

[@Beanie1879]

There's no way to measure what is in someone's heart but your own

[@Steve-om9rn]

🤣🤣🤣

[@trishinbrissy1515]

That wasn't helpful at all

[@antoniolen-rios8482]

The most important things in life are never easy.

[@MORamalho]

I get what you mean (it MAY look like they're not speaking about it straightforward), but they DO speak of guidelines that ARE the answer to that question. Again, they can't give a 'cake recipe' for every single person. There are people who are weaker in faith but do want to try to follow God's righteousness / There are people who don't even think about sex before marriage as a possible reality... That's why I've found the example of the holding hands so powerful, its not giving you the 'cake recipe' but it's giving you a way to write the recipe yourself, without damaging the 'cake tastiness'. Believe me, if you do want to know the answer to that in a precise way that works for your life, your daily temptations, your daily struggles, keep watching those videos and meditating on them, the theology of the body IS the answer.

[@lauradahlus]

Love it! Ask: "What is sacred to you?" And say "What is sacred to me" 🥲