How To Spot a Subtle Narcissist. Fakers Pretending to Be Normal

Subtle narcissists share similarities with covert narcissists, but their primary goal is not to be adored, appreciated, powerful, or influential. Rather, they strive to project a sense of normalcy. They accomplish this by mastering the art of presenting themselves as endearing, sincere, likable, concerned, empathetic, and genuinely caring individuals. In the following video, Ross Rosenberg sheds light on how to recognize these individuals who may appear ordinary but are ultimately hidden pathological narcissists.
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ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.
Ross's pioneering contributions to codependency have provided sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developed a treatment program that permanently resolves the issue. Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest.
In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops. His global impact is best illustrated by his KZbin channel, with 30 million views and 297,000 subscribers, and the sale of 190,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages. In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services.
Learn more at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com.
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[@Peachy_Pea_007]

Lying gives them away every time. Watch carefully.

[@pavanatanaya]

When you toe the line, it's not bragging. An actual result has value. Anyone who attempts to devalue, is an assailant. Don't let them bring you down!

[@rhondathompson6592]

As I heal from SLD, my discernment is sharpening; getting stronger.

[@deb2319]

Thank You Ross💯📌 Great talk.

[@RossRosenberg]

My pleasure!

[@CarolanRoss]

What an apt description of these subtle signs and sneaky behavior patterns. In the narcissism arena, this is a crucial point that few discuss. I'd even say that a lot of therapists would benefit from hearing this discussion, for many simply do not see it. It's rare for a narc to attend therapy anyway, but even IF they did, most therapists would miss these clues. No wonder so few narcs are ever diagnosed. The therapists themselves have blind spots. For a person who is so deficient of empathy, the narc is remarkably efficient at manipulation and often gets away with it because many will miss these sublte signs that can be tricky to discern. Once these behavior patterns have been experienced long-term and unveiled for what they actually indicate, one's personal radar for such subtle signs may increase to a significant degree. Mine did.

[@OklamaJr]

Those subtle narcissist are way smarter Because they are aware of how people perceive they narcissistic trait.

[@tanyakashyap6944]

For the Lord has not given Me a spirit of Fear but of Power, Love n Sound Mind 🗽🕊️🌟

[@alexiphigenia1618]

Yes - excellent breakdown. They really love bomb you.

[@gregthompson-y9f]

I HAD NEVER EXPERENCED LOVE BOMBING ,,, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THE EXPERENCE COULD NOT BE REAL,, ... SUCH A DUMB-ASS

[@alexiphigenia1618]

@@gregthompson-y9f - not your fault. How could we have known? We're groomed by our predatory culture to be kind to predators, to sacrifice ourselves for them. We're fortunate we live in a time where there's so much information, so much knowledge - they're losing power. Game over for them.

[@rhondathompson6592]

Covert narcissists can win an OSCAR award for acting!!

[@victoryamartin9773]

Well, that includes just about everybody I know.

[@waywardstitch8604]

The thumbnail + title made me giggle. 🤭

[@RossRosenberg]

Glad you enjoyed it haha

[@caleuxx9108]

.... my husband has a couple such friends.... They burst out angrily.... They get insulted by a person saying somehing that is an accomplishment in general.....

[@suzannegravel1238]

This family member will literally tell an airline pilot how to fly an airplane (she has no flying experience). And the scary part is she seems to believe what she’s saying. Oh the stories I have…

[@victoryamartin9773]

Scary.

[@Gabriel-p1n4r]

21:35 I'm glad you brought this up , I recently realized... how my dad would try to act like he was able to be a landing zone of sorts of what represents me , but now I believe that is for the worst , because there are so much differences between me and him , like I don't wear golf shirts ( no offence to anyone who wears golf shirts if it's not like a Narcissist does lol.) I don't like doomsday cults who say they are for God , but really do works that look more like satens , these are HUGE differences , not small ones like this person I really never knew... more like a person you share a locker with in high school... a multitude of other things you are not really ready to divide are at play... as far as our differences , I realized later in life is the only time you can even START to tell the differences between you and your parents... it seems very very unfair to me , like they are an opportunist for about 29 years... his church sends souls to hell , I want absolutely NOTHING to do with him.... unless he turns and speaks out against such an evil corporation , the Jehovah Witnesses is what he is involved with , it's a cult. The leadership are more to blame than any of the rank n file... alot of those rank n file are like hostages... I just don't have closure if he will ever change... that's what gets me , it's like I'm left to guess based on my gut and his personality , of how my Mom described him... which to me seems like he fits well with a evil cult moreso then someone who will have a lightbulb moment and get out , I don't want him to stay in there... I hope he turns to righteous ways... and forsake his deception , because that's why he and all narcissist do what they do... for deception's sake SOLEY , for that veil over their eyes simply... it can all end there. If the reader doesn't believe in God please read the words around my certain lingo or wordage I believe it can still be of use.

[@julianterris]

Hi Ross, I'm interested to know what you see as the differences between covert and subtle narcissists? Covert narcissists seem (by definition ) to be suble to me? I understand that you're saying that the subtle narcissist's "goal" is to be seen as "normal" but isn't that simply their strategy to remain undetected so that they can continue to be covert about their narcissism?

[@RossRosenberg]

Subtle narcissists share similarities with covert narcissists, but their primary goal is not to be adored, appreciated, powerful, or influential. Rather, they strive to project a sense of normalcy. They accomplish this by mastering the art of presenting themselves as endearing, sincere, likable, concerned, empathetic, and genuinely caring individuals.

[@briankelley7918]

As a recovering narcissist even this guy doesn't truly get it.

[@lucid2184]

Aren't codependents to narcissists actually Victims? I don't understand how this recurrent Victim is considered a covert narcissist (towards end of minute 19) when talking about the repeated victimization they experience

[@RossRosenberg]

The "victim" i speak of is the perspective of a narcissist. They mostly feel inocent or not responsible in hurting others. Instead, they believe they are victims, when, in fact, they are perpetrators.

[@lucid2184]

@ And I would like to know more about the codependent

[@melissaevanicki3998]

Could some of these also be attributed to ADHD?

[@RossRosenberg]

No, not really. ADHD people might be socially awkward, but not dishonestly deceptive

[@lucid2184]

Sounds like the leadership in many churches. How do you handle hearing someone saying some crazy rhetoric they heard that you know isn't true? Don't we understand that they're messed up and we want to tell them a bigger perspective on that?-- but you're saying that would be covert narcissism

[@RossRosenberg]

Setting boundaries or calling out narcissists will always be dangerous. See my video, "Don't take the mask off a covert narcissist" for more information. kzbin.info/www/bejne/aZLRapaoi56Zm68

[@lucid2184]

@ thanks

[@lucid2184]

@ interesting thank you. I'm recovering pretty well after growing up with strong narcissist + codependents in my conjugal family and then of course marrying a narc and discovering this whole dynamic about 25 years in. BUT now my husband has passed and our codependent daughter just married a ridiculous sponge narc who's turning her against her brothers and especially me. She's pregnant with my first grandchild and distancing herself.... any advice?