how to spot high masking autism: 13 signs

[@lisae6725]

Is this why I always walk away from having a conversation with someone new and thinking that I say way too much. Then I just don’t want to even be around people so I don’t have to worry about saying something weird.

[@DrKimSage]

Yes exactly 💔🩷🙏🏻

[@Yourmom_dotcom]

Me too!! I have a hangover just from talking to people. Even just the cashier at the store I’m like omg Liz, why did you say that?!? 🤡

[@jayneanderson8057]

yep, thats me,,so frustrating,,just trying to be friendly and let people know me

[@lisae6725]

@@jayneanderson8057 Yes. I like people but then they immediately start asking too much from me.

[@lilyosah2562]

Does anyone else repeat things that you've sent over text or said to a person over and over in different voices to try and figure out how they interpreted it

[@thedailymakermaking]

Super helpful list…. ❤ 1) Endure/conceal sensory issues 2) Hiding food aversions 3) Suppressing or avoiding sensory stimulation 4) Repressing stimming 5) Mimics or memorize socially acceptable behavior/clothes/makeup 6) Practicing, scripting, monitoring conversation while having them/ overly nice 7) Overly focusing on eye contact 8) Adjusting body language continually 9) Masking social discomfort in conversation/social settings 10) Hide or change how you would normally solve a problem 11) Chronically hyper aware of impression you are making socially 12) Relying on others to be with you when you do routine things 13) Feeling very different from others 14) Raging anxiety Thank you for making this video! And sorry if I split one into two!

[@BranchDavidian-]

Ohhhh that’s me.

[@Inprogress_of_newbeginings]

Thank you. Some feel repetitive, especially the top 4

[@PatchworkDragon]

Thank you! Champion of the day!

[@lareelongtin5129]

Thank you! 😊👍🏻🤍

[@ANN-ow7ce]

Thank you so much for making this list! ❤️

[@annaunger9328]

In Sweden where I live, you can choose when you book your haircut, to not speak during the session 🤍

[@DrKimSage]

You know I’ve recently heard this but I can’t imagine that it wouldn’t be hard to ask for!😂❤

[@Yourmom_dotcom]

I love this!! Oh wow. That would be amazing. It’s extremely difficult for me to ask for that. It’s so deeply engrained that I am always to be accommodating and friendly to others. I end up talking to some Uber drivers the entire ride bc my friendly mask kicks on and I don’t have the strength to stop it. But all I want is to just sit quietly 😭but then just for wanting that, I feel like an a$$hole!! Ugh no wonder I’m so tired all the time.l everything is so hard out there in the world!!! Lol

[@heatherrae901]

Wow!! The conversation aspect alone will keep me from making hair appointments so that option would be so nice!

[@iamafieldonfire]

I travel 2 hours to a salon in Edinburgh that does this.

[@Yourmom_dotcom]

@@annaunger9328 I wrote a whole thoughtful reply but YT doesn’t want me to be great and it disappeared after posting. Suffice it to say, this sounds like an amazing feature I wish we had here for many things. Because I don’t have the courage to say that that’s what I want, bc I’m so used to feeling like I need to be friendly and compliant!

[@DawnTrelawney]

I am 58 years old and I realized a while ago that I've been masking all my life. The issue for me is that the older I get masking has become more and more difficult. Hypervigilance is exhausting. I notice that I overstimulation is taking its toll on me. I feel like I'm having a mental breakdown on a daily basis. Work is becoming difficult because the "real" me emerges when the stress of the job hits me. I also have a 32 year-old son who is autistic at home. This adds to the craziness.

[@Sarah-bn1hg]

Be yourself and you’ll realize a lot of people are actually similar to yourself. We all have issues and people who act perfect are liars and fakers

[@sherry9833]

I’m 63 and know I’m on the spectrum and now realizing I’ve been masking for as long as I remember ! My daughter who is 44 and autistic has been living with us for a yr.. and we’re raising her 13 yr old who is autistic and her 6 yr old who isn’t on the spectrum , so I can relate to the craziness and exhaustion ❤️🙏❤️

[@Bendydog]

You just exactly described my life except I'm 59 and my son is 26.

[@bethmoore7722]

The fact that ASD and ADHD is hereditary means that we will be in the unfortunate position of needing to teach our children things we haven’t figured out, yet. My daughter’s 5th grade teachers told me I needed to teach her organizational skills. I did not know whether to laugh or cry.

[@GinaF69]

I'm 55 and have suspected for a few years now that I'm autistic and it explains so much about my whole life. I have a 23 yr old autistic daughter which is how I started to realize that I might also be on the spectrum. In all my research on her behalf I related to so much of what I learned. I haven't received an official diagnosis but I believe it in my heart and notice the older I get the more pronounced it is, the way I Stim or communicate, my avoidance of socializing and needing to decompress after being with others, my sensory issues are more pronounced, needing to avoid crowded or loud places, etc.

[@davec200i]

I found this video upsetting - not because it's bad. But because more of the realism hit. Thank you for helping me understand myself.

[@warriormamma8098]

You deserve love & acceptance.

[@BarbzSA]

You aren't alone. It's upsetting to realize how hard we try and want acceptance. Rejection has been an experience for most of us and it's tough to acknowledge. I deal by saying that others don't understand and don't deal with the challenges of neuro d. But at the same time they don't experience the joy of what our gifts can bring us. Take care.

[@northofyou33]

My entire life has been one long performance based on shame. Chronic fatigue -- also a fact of my life. I've suspected my autism for awhile now, but I never connected masking to my chronic fatigue until watching this video! Wow! (Getting my hair done is one of my biggest aversions. I let my hair go gray.) I have always hidden my inability to do the daily technical requirements of being in society. Hypervigilant about presenting as normal. Procrastination based on my eternal anxiety. Etc, etc. Thanks for these videos. They are so helpful!

[@warriormamma8098]

Early on I learned to cut and color my own hair. I can even use two mirrors and give myself a stacked bob or pixie cut! It helps that I am extremely flexible as well.

[@krissyk9767]

​@@warriormamma8098I cut my own hair too 😝

[@gwenhwyfarsdottir]

People sometimes ask (indirectly) how could I not KNOW I'm autistic - how could I go through life not realizing something so fundamental about myself? But when you think about it, inside our own heads we're all living our own version of "normal", right? So before I got diagnosed I thought it's the same thing and "normal" for everybody; that everybody is always aware of their body movements and facial expressions, and monitoring them to fit what everyone else does; that everyone feels awkward in social situations and has to force themselves to participate. Turns out it's not normal and not everyone does it, shocking 😂 When I was in my 20s I had enough energy to deal with all that, but then I got to my 30s and started to crash and burn every 12 months, then every 6 months, then every few months... and I didn't understand why. I now know that it was my constant masking in a demanding work environment that sent me spiraling into burnout all the time, because the accumulative cognitive load became too much for my brain to handle. Masking really is the the silent killer, it sneaks up on you little by little. And trying to unlearn all those coping strategies is a whole other beast to tackle. I don't know if I'll ever be fully unmasked, even with people close to me. Time will tell I guess.

[@thegamingps5110]

Couldnt said it any better a relate myself and i feel a could write exact same but a feel like adhd is also bouncing me all over place a feel like a can write it through triggers experience but ye 20s 30 deterating badly and some pyscoligists using social anexity and hang attempts happen and miss understood and a deep distress in brain for me flight moding 0thoughts by look stem emotion regulate. But ye fight hard to mask follow copy all life follow strong me and wonder why its alien world or how hell can people do this shit. To me even asking how hell can a run round construction 17hrs with asthma fine.. and burn out doing basic or lifes demands. To me a want smash phone to pieces. Cant cognetively spit words out hard sometimes.but a have convos before and after events taxing me to and pys send new new new and never get know real you and a feel its such dangerous line miss understanding happens all time n burnout ive sent load paperwork in me and some new fuker gets me mad not thinking social anexity even though picked it up 16 and 25 cause stage demands. A emotion regulare fight like solider keep up lol. Money management is fuked up trigger for me a was stemming with metal .pen. wood all school and money was rage utter rage .rules aswell time limits overwhelm burn out for me. Lot stuff

[@leejordan001]

You put it in words so perfectly. It was a shock realizing not everybody suffers from all of this… but me.

[@thegamingps5110]

@@leejordan001 to me a feel were on our own to a degree cause familys especially mine.sisters raging & not understanding. Mam throws doors rages/ and trys sink us. And there expect go out there and function when so much going on that there unwilling to learn. Endless death attempts and surrounded by strong dad only. Physcially sick. Adhd autism to. Head trauma .unsure of world. Feels wrong social. Stem battle hard keep youtube thearpys. Malfunctioning alot. And departments somehow as a write lot didnt read it circle issues fully. But hang attempt and utter distress at family imputting falseness s and dad sticking up for me as other 2 dont know real me and clueless to circumstances. And others giving snipets false and overwhelm me shutdown me have it as a lie and there 1s lie in. Teams been out to see me and 16 to 26 seen me and look normal but clearly not brains malfuctioning loads loads was sat and i stemmed hard to got go to 10. I got diagnosis. And because am suffering more mental health issue and others saying there shit and lie in . Made it all worse and i have undeniable from 2year old to 15 proof knew stuff was up and there use 16 to 34 social anexity against me and its million times deeper

[@laubowiebass]

So not everybody feels awkward in groups ?

[@catherineburton3988]

Thank you,this is one of the best explanations of masking ive seen ,im late diagnosed (62) and used to think "oh i dont think i mask " basically because it was a vocabulary i wasnt used to , youve managed to explain, in detail and importantly how it feels, ive been listening along silently saying yes tick to each category, this has been so helpful.

[@DrKimSage]

So happy to hear it was helpful ❤❤❤

[@prodigalson1870]

I am 60 and have an evaluation scheduled for 7/22. Are you employed? If so, I’d like to ask you some other questions.

[@anniella29]

Relate to your answer very much

[@honeyplug]

This is absolutely me 24/7. I'm trying to fit into this planet, and even after 50 years here, I'm still doing most of this on a daily basis.

[@mindfulmaximalism]

I didn't feel I was different. I knew I was always different. Stimming ✅ Comfort in routine ✅ Repeating a song all day ✅ Lining things up ✅ Feeling textures ✅ I just never have any sensory overload issues, thankfully. Still an introvert.

[@cheryldailing1294]

I'm SO Introverted!!!!! I also have zero tolerance for people with negative energy. I find it IMPOSSIBLE to mask when I'm around them

[@WillyKling]

You sound normal.

[@raytowler2286]

As the Japanese say 'We have 3 faces' 1st your work face, 2nd friends & family, 3rd when you are alone.

[@j-555]

I admire the Japanese way. I've noticed the rise in popularity of those street interview videos in which youtubers ask passersby their opinions on various subjects. But I see that as a fool's errand because I recognize the Japanese tendency to avoid saying anything bad or offending anyone. And I've heard a lot of westerners getting frustrated over this, but I admire it. I understand this is their way of keeping the peace and harmony with others. In truth, everyone does that, but for some reason when the Japanese do it, westerners get offended and feel the behavior is dishonest or fake. I don't think it is. I think there are ways to sincerely appreciate any view in such a way that one only has good things to say. It's just tact and courtesy. And if it takes a little more elaboration to know a Japanese personally in order to get them to show their unfiltered opinion, I respect that as well.

[@CrystalLenBrown]

In my communication theory class for my master's degree, I did a paper on face negotiation theory and found it extremely interesting.

[@iloveFreedom.]

As the Hopi say ...Feel it to release it... Equally invalidating in this conversation. We Must define the energy and embody it fully ...own it... I have at least 7 faces and the Japanese person in my life is a bundle of joy face All the time So whadoIknow 😂❤🎉

[@nudibranch1379]

@@j-555 Thank you; your comments are very insightful and much appreciated.

[@j-555]

@@nudibranch1379 blessings !

[@aniaa2151]

I'm not sure if I am autistic, but I definitely have some traits you mentioned. I got seriously overwhelmed recently. I started a new job and had to go to the office for the first time since 2019. Everything was new: new people, new faces and names to remember, having to think about what to talk to people I had just met, and not wanting to come across as silent (although I didn't feel like talking to anyone while I was already overwhelmed). There were many new rooms to remember. I had to wear not-so-comfortable 'office clothes' and controll my body language (making sure it looks like I am listening and being nice and open, because that is the impression I want to give of myself). There were lots of bright lights, having to learn new things while being in an open space with lots of noise, people talking simultaneously and walking behind my back. I had to commute in noisy and crowded public transport on a hot and humid summer day, and then wanted try to have a life after work, doing stuff, talking to my fiancé, friends, and family... Too much of everything and everyone. I like people, I really do. But I also like my temporary solitude to charge my batteries. Today is Saturday, and I'm happy being home alone, not talking to anyone, just slowly doing things at my own pace and trying to heal. Thank God the job is mostly work-from-home from now on, with just rare visits to the office. I plan to buy noise-cancelling headphones asap, hope that will help too.

[@rachelhall9249]

Hi, I can resonate completely with how you have described what you’ve been going through. I hope the headphones really help you. I worked full time until 2019 until I became so ill I had to quit my job and am too disabled now to work. I am 42 and a single mum of an autistic/adhd teenager. Still waiting after a few years for her diagnosis 😢. I am learning just this week that I may be autistic…..it’s been a shock realising about myself after all these years. I wish you all the best 😊

[@sarahlogan2075]

This is me, too. I've been masking since I was 5 or so and early on gave up on social interactions. I'm now in my 70s. I also have a high IQ, I'm an INFJ, and am a psychologist who works in higher ed administration. It is so freeing to finally get answers, not based on the DSM, that can help me sort out everything. Thank you!

[@shapeofsoup]

Thank you for this. Your combination of professional and experiential knowledge on autistic traits is something our community definitely needs more of.

[@fleetingmoment]

I find both masking and not masking stressful, though masking is generally worse due to the exhaustion involved. In general, I try my best to minimise contact with people these days, but the downside is that you're viewed as being asocial or even antisocial, though I'm pretty much at an age and a stage in life where it doesn't bother me as much as it used to, pre-diagnosis. I no longer feel that I owe people as much effort as I once did with regard to trying to fit in. At my new job (where no one currently knows about my diagnosis) I only make an effort to talk about work-related topics. The rest of the time, I immerse myself in music. That said, I expect to regularly have my routine broken and to find myself in situations that I struggle with sensorily and socially. I've now resigned myself to the fact that that's how life is and that I just have to get through it, despite the burnout and inner turmoil involved.

[@tiffcat1100]

Retirement will bring more peace ❤

[@emmasharp1174]

She's helping me more than any "professionals" I've seen since I was 18. I'm a 52-year-old single mother of a 13-year-old daughter who has been diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism. I have a general mistrust of all medical workers because of decades of medications and misdiagnoses. I had to endure ECT twice. I really feel like I've been a guinea pig. I am now Disabled for PTSD, ADHD, and an "unspecified personality disorder." I honestly feel as if I've been flying under the radar of Autism for all of my life now that I've been watching her videos. I do every single thing she has mentioned, and it really hits hard. All I really want to do is to be able to "function normally" for the sake of my daughter (and yes, I really would like to be comfortable with the process of living.) I feel like if people see that I am "mentally messed up," then they will think that I'm a terrible mother, especially with my daughter learning to navigate life with Autism. And that feeling spirals so that I feel hopeless. I cannot allow that, though, because I want with all my heart to give her the best life possible. So I am way, way out of my comfort zone while gathering help for her with a psychiatrist, therapist, and special education at school. All of it is triggering, and my physical health has steadily declining because I still cannot find "real" help for myself mentally. I'm sorry, I wasn't meaning to whine when so many others are suffering too!

[@warriormamma8098]

I feel you. I am proud of you. My newly 18 yr old daughter is Asperger’s. Aka autism. She has always homeschool due to that and severe anxiety and bad ADHD. I am trying. Low estrogen made my mental health so scary. Birth control pills are helping w depression, anxiety, ADHD & all the other perimenopause stuff like night sweats, headaches, chills, muscle aches, joint stiffness, memory issues, insomnia, constipation & so on. It is so hard especially I feel like for women in America. God bless anyone who needs support. Love from Orlando FL.

[@RedNicole22]

@@warriormamma8098 perimenopause/ menopause/ ADHD makes life so incredibly difficult. Work is so stressful bc of this.

[@Donna777]

​@@RedNicole22 Emerita Progest balancing cream has been a life saver for me. It balances estrogen. It's a natural progesterone cream that's made with wild yams.

[@sue5158]

No need for any apology. You deserve to be heard as much as anyone else.

[@iloveFreedom.]

❤oooh gosh I feel like so many of us have been gaslighted by mental non-professional institution malarkey...frankly SHIT at listening and have their hearts dissociate from their nurse Ratched heads hahaaaa Except the great ones ofcourse I never got to meet. Loads of Love to you ❤you go grl xxx

[@carirussell292]

This brought a tear to my eye realizing there's an answer for some of the life-long struggles that I have felt.

[@hairsensationbyfiona4098]

I’m a hairdresser… good on you!! Us hairdressers sometimes need a break from taking so it’s goood for us too!! We are quite happy to not talk so never be worried to ask for a silent appointment so you feel less pressure and hopefully can learn to be more comfortable and maybe in time feel comfortable asking for a Silent appointment ❤

[@bikepackingadventure7913]

I absolutely hate the pointless chatting at the hairdressers. They try to engage me in conversation but I give one word answers so the conversation just stops and I stay silent the whole time. Did not even realise I might have autism and ADHD until a few weeks ago because my new partner who has both said it was obvious

[@watchwmn]

Thank you for the Silent Appointment tip! Didn't know that was even a thing...

[@BarbzSA]

So helpful thanks! At 40 I found out I'm neuro d. So much made sense! Now I'm using calmer ear plugs, wearing clothes inside out when possible to avoid seams and generally finding ways to make life easier! Love the wallpaper. ❤

[@amemabastet9055]

As a person diagnosed with autism (asperger) late in life, I don't like the expression "high functioning/low functioning" either. Mostly because it depends and it varies. I'm really high functioning in some areas and will excel, but in other and quite mundane areas, I suck. One area will not cover for others.

[@miri__pf]

Thank you for this video and for talking about these issues!😊 This whole series diving into high-masking autism has been incredibly helpful in my journey❤ For those who think this happens to most people, it is true that many may have difficulties showing their true selves at some point in their lives. However, as neurodiverse individuals we hide most of the things we do, say or feel in fear of rejection or judgement. Some of us spent many many years feeling out of place, being frowned upon, receiving mistreatment because the way we talk, socialize, laugh, or go about our everyday life is weird to others. The amount of energy we put into looking "normal" and "acceptable" is huge, so much so that it is exhausting. I used to wonder why I would get sick after certain social events, why I needed so many things to be a certain way in order to attend events or meet with friends. It even affected my higher education and professional possibilities, and until recently, it made me feel guilty and weak. Now I understand better. So no, not everyone is autistic and not everyone masks in order to survive.

[@revvend]

19:42 I was booked to the dentist the other day and for whatever reason they mixed up my details and booked me to another dentist not my regular one. When I saw the person, I thought she may be the assistant so, I asked her "where's the dentist" and she said "I'm the dentist". I literally jumped out of the seat like "oh no sorry I want my regular dentist" so we all quickly realised it was a mix up and they kindly booked me to my regular one. I was thinking all the way home like how much I freaked out for no real reason basically, I'm sure this other dentist would have been just as nice and competent as my regular one, but the fact that she was not the one I was prepared to see, even I was surprised how much it triggered me suddenly. 😲

[@rocky1raquel]

Shit. This resonates for me. I didn’t have these kinds of reactions before covid and before all the stacked trauma however … it’s a feeling of not being safe.. having the rug ripped out from under you. I attribute it to CPTSD. 🙏🏼 Hoping she has a video distinguishing between the two

[@warriormamma8098]

I blurted out to my new dentist that I had autism. He was the first person non family I sd anything to and I don’t have a formal diagnosis yet. He was great. Offered for me to keep the X-ray weighted thing on, offered warm blankets, earphones with my choice of movie or music and promised to be gentle and tell me everything before he did it. Wow! Dr. David Sutton at Dapper Dental in Winter Park, Florida if anyone is near there.

[@leen8430]

Sudden, unannounced changes are the worse. I remember going out with friends, we had planned some activities, but when we arrived one of them wanted to change plans and everyone was on board. Such a stupid, inconsequential situation, but you know the deal - I was caught between wanting to go along for everyone's sake, wanting to force everyone to stick to the original plan, wanting to communicate my discomfort in a lowkey, non-dramatic fashion so no one is concerned about my sudden change in mood, not finding the words, telling myself I'm overreacting, telling myself I'm underreacting, people looking at me, a decision waiting to be made... and eventually, as it all became too much, breaking down in a miserable puddle of tears, feeling overwhelmed, too sensitive, embarrassed, angry and helpless all at once. It's difficult.

[@joyful_tanya]

I love your videos. They are very helpful. ❤ High masking for almost 60 years.

[@DrKimSage]

Thank you so much ❤️🙏🏻❤️sending love!

[@MarieG-hope]

Wow! You are first person I have heard to mention not being able to eat other peoples food! I am 70ish and it’s been a lifelong struggle. I have gone as long as 10 days without eating when faced with no other way. I “can” now at times, but still avoid. Thank you.

[@sunstardrummer]

Yeap,do not like other people handling my drinks and food. Do not trust the cleaning,washing hands,and the intentions while cooking. I do it better.No, thx. Love to eat in good company.❤😊and enjoy the feast of appreciation for food and moments we share while eating.

[@elaine3963]

Sounds like ocd

[@joannamillan8882]

I do this too

[@1untamedbrain]

It’s wild realizing you’ve been a high maskinh person with Autism as a 42 year old. So many things make sense now. I HATED wearing button down shirts and dress pants. HATED it, and never really understood why until now. Was always miserable any time I wore that.

[@tsikish1]

Im learning so much from you, I'm sitting here crying, things are finally clicking. Thank you for all of your videos, even though I really need to go back to the beginning! You are a wonderful person, thank you again 💜

[@dreamscape405]

❤❤❤

[@prodigalson1870]

I did the same when I found her on TikTok. After SIXTY YEARS I finally KNOW what it is about me that is different from others. I want to say “what’s wrong with me,” but I’m trying not to look at it that way. But I cried when I first started watching her videos and seeing myself for the first time. And I have CONSTANTLY sought answers!

[@tsikish1]

@@prodigalson1870 me too! It's really nice finally understanding and knowing I'm not alone 💜

[@CathyThorsen]

I cried when I listened to this because I feel like different aspects of me are always in conflict, and I have been exhausted for most of my life.

[@cb73]

I don’t know if this is masking but I’ve felt very different from everyone else socially my whole life and even now at 50 it’s still work for the most part to try to be “normal”. It’s not a problem until I have conflicts within relationships (personal or business) where I instinctively believe that I’m the broken one and therefore I must defer to others opinions rather than have respect and boundaries for myself. But over the last 5-10 years I’ve made some changes that have greatly improved things… Number 1 (this wasn’t overnight) I believe that I’m inherently not broken and that I’m a good person who deserves respect. I give myself permission to make mistakes and be wrong and be ok with it. Number 2: Everyone to some degree or another believes they are in some way broken. They are battling too. People aren’t inherently “better” than me socially. Number 3: I started practicing active listening- really listening to what people are saying and not being afraid to ask questions if something they said doesn’t make sense. Conflict resolution is about listening and learning to understand the other side not merely defending your own. This can sometimes be annoying to the kind of people who don’t think they should explain themselves. But overtime you can surround yourself with more likeminded people who aren’t afraid to be more self aware.

[@chrisc7276]

I started realizing that I am autistic and have adhd at the same time after finding out that my nephew is autistic. I took a dive into learning autism to learn more about it, and started getting adult autism content. I started watching and listening to them and realized that there is a lot of things that I resonate with. I went to different sites to take tests, and they all say that I am and that I am high masking (through the cat-q test). I am looking at a diagnosis but am struggling with the money part of it.

[@olgasherman2327]

Wow. I stumbled upon your videos accidentally today. Yes, you get it and explain so well. I am 55 and really learned to mask only by the age of 15 or so. I learned to do it quite naturally, so that my friends don’t believe I had any issues at school. I thought of myself as as introvert, and mostly was reading and watching tv as a kid, but then I felt I needed people, I wanted social life, so I learned by reading whatever I could find, and mimicking. Then again, its good to understand where its coming from, but I would still be doing it to fit in. Once I learned I could afford to become more selective, almost like “normal people”, honestly I think even better, due to all this learning. Anyway. I am here to tell you I am fascinated by what you do, and will be following your videos! ❤

[@topsyturvygirl]

Hello, you are one of the most relatable KZbinrs I’ve come across. Can you possibly discuss how autistic women are vulnerable to men. I have had a lot of bad experiences with men, and I have difficulty understanding why as I’m intelligent, feminine and independently minded. Yet I have been victimised a few times and it’s always taken me by complete surprise. And then my peers are really confused as to why this has happened to someone "like me". I wonder if it is the trained masking, and difficulty in reading non verbal communication, or if dangerous men target neurodivergence.

[@MachaMongRuad]

I wonder the same thing... I've had a lot of bad luck with attracting and falling for narcissists that just end up leaving me even more broken than they found me. I don't know why I can't recognise them when they pop up.

[@BadNessie]

Your passion of digging into this topic and presenting it the way you do is truly much appreciated. Thank you very much for sharing your findings and perspectives! I'm on my own journey, with no official diagnosis at this point, but my own research has shown that it's more than likely I'm on the spectrum. My CAT-Q results suggest that I'm high masking. The longer I've been thinking about it, the more I see two different versions of it in myself. One functions basically as a translation between myself and the rest of the world, like a foreign language. This part helps me communicating what I have to say (or not). I try to take care not to wear any random clothes as I naturally would, but socially accepted clothes that are not miscommunicating things I didn't intend. But I'm trying to do my own version of it, where I don't go to work in track pants, but in the most comfortable work-fitting pants I can. I don't blend in perfectly, but it's enough not to raise eyebrows. That part is fine. The other one I'd rather avoid, because it's draining SO much energy that I would rather use on important things, which is why regular tasks seem to be draining me so much more than other people, looking at it from the outside. However, it's not the task that's draining, but all the extra energy that goes into behaving like a normal person. This one sucks. A lot. Need to find ways to deal with this, because my overall energy keeps running lower and lower.

[@DrKimSage]

Yes I can truly relate to the tasks issue and so many of us also have chronic illness which silently acts to sabotage whatever energy is left/ alongside it not being rewarding or stimulating but then adding to stress and shame ❤🙏🏻thank you for sharing here and being here with me

[@BadNessie]

@@DrKimSage oh, indeed. I consider myself very lucky not having to additionally fight CFS or anything else that goes in that direction.

[@darcyjones7382]

I've just stumbled upon this video & I must say a big thank you. I struggle to watch these educational videos because the voices, background, basically everything hurts my brain. But this video was so soothing. Your voice, your hair & definitely your background! Lol I'm diagnosed with CPTSD but I strongly believe I have autism & ADHD & I'm trying to get diagnosed. Both of my son's & 2 of my brother's have been diagnosed with autism & ADHD so I've been learning about all of it for a few years now. I remember when I was 6 and I had just learnt about asthma. I told my mum I think I have asthma because I keep losing my breath. Like can't breath for ages. She told me I'm making sh*t up & there's nothing wrong with me. Turns out I've been having severe anxiety/ panic attacks since I was 6. I literally wrote a note to my mum saying "Mummy, if I die I want you to know I love you. But I can't breath & I'm scared I'm going to die." At 6 years old. So I've been masking being alive basically because i just made her angry all the time.

[@Ia_catI]

So I got extremely high masking on the cat-q like half a year ago and I do all of these things. Goddamnit lol. I felt really suicidal like every other week until I came to terms with the fact I might be autistic and started masking less and treating myself a little better. People still tell me that I’m weird however hard I try anyway.

[@flyygurl18]

🫂

[@PatchworkDragon]

My depression also improved significantly when I started suspecting I had autism. Like - I don't have to feel guilty about being this way, there's a reason for it! Better to be really weird and content than slightly weird and suicidal. And at this point (age 40), I don't really care what random people think anyway. I hope your brain starts being nicer to you.

[@warriormamma8098]

We all deserve love & acceptance. I had been feeling really suicidal in part due to low estrogen making it harder and harder to mask and keep it all hidden. Even considering checking into hospital. My dad & husband have helped as have my psychiatrist with adjusting my anxiety meds, diagnosing depression and working to find ADHD meds and my new gyno prescribing birth control bill at age 46 even though I had my tubes tied after daughter #4, 18 yrs ago. I am a big hermit and avoid social stuff at all cost other than a few close family members. Even that can be hard if I have t seen a daughter in a few weeks!

[@tiffcat1100]

People should stop saying weird & 1) stop judging 2) use the word different if they absolutely can’t help judging! As they say on The Chosen (there was merch too), ‘Get used to different!’

[@iloveFreedom.]

❤I find people can project often when they are unable to handle Their emotions ...am tryin not to take things personally and wear more funky clothes ivdont know why I feel costumes help Like Khruangbin 😂❤

[@jayleeper1512]

Thanx for the Video, very appropriate. Like Inspector Monk said “ I am not really afraid of change, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” I am retired now and can create my own life with my dogs. The light at the end of the tunnel was real and it was sunshine.

[@flowerchasethesunshine9063]

I wish I had this list 1-2 years ago! I was very unsure do I mask at all because I didn't "mimic" anything really. Later I realized that my social anxiety is mostly masking.

[@TheMerowe]

Super helpful! Thank you so much. You've opened a huge door for me.

[@rachelhartwig1]

I tell hair dresers and nail techs , i want quiet while i am getting services. This helps to set boundaries so i don't get burned out. 😊

[@hairsensationbyfiona4098]

I’m a hairdresser… good on you!! Us hairdressers sometimes need a break from taking so it’s goood for us too!! We are quite happy to not talk so never be worried to ask for a silent appointment so you feel less pressure and hopefully can learn to be more comfortable and maybe in time feel comfortable asking for silence ❤

[@daisiesandsunflowers5587]

Thank you for this video. It's very affirming as I question my late diagnosis, at age 59. Your videos are really helping me pinpoint just how I fit into this very new view of my world. I am autistic, aren't I! I really am!😮❤

[@tyrejuan8]

Feeling like an alien usually comes from having terrible parents, they either rejected you or yelled at you, ignored you etc. You were an intrusion in their life and they let you know it. So you go out in the world with the mindset or belief that you are being an annoyance to people.

[@user-cu6yl2kt3v]

What you said about "At work, you become your job title" really resonates. Years ago I got my go to mental mantra from Star Trek. Data was having a melt down and Picard calmly told him "Mr. Data, you are a Star Fleet officer. You will assume your post and do your duty." A much better thought than get yer mind right Luke or it's back in the box." Thumbs up!

[@gardengirl4718]

What a helpful video! I'm 65 years old, diagnosed on the spectrum at 60. This masking thing is the one aspect of autism I've really struggled to fully understand. One thing I have learned though - if you let your mask down in front of the wrong person you learn real fast who the unsafe 'friends' are. You've given me some real food for thought here. Thank you for that!

[@jayjaychappo]

Thank you for being so comprehensive. 1. I was a preacher’s daughter so you may be able to imagine the ‘training’ I had from a young age to be a certain way. 2. Just yesterday my GP and I were discussing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and my ‘burnout’. She talked about how many of her late diagnosed adult autistic patients also present with the symptoms of CFS. And she was so excited when I mentioned your videos re links between C-PTSD and BPD and autism because she had been thinking along the same lines because of what she’s observed in her clinic.

[@BarbzSA]

No 8 SO spot on. Hearing this reflected back to me is so affirming. And I'm also perimenopausal which brings it's own sensory experiences! An added complexity for a neuro d!

[@tiannakyker3175]

As an autistic individual I feel like a lot of these are rooted in people pleasing/ seeking approval. Yes I have masked before for that reason. I have masked at a college church group by sitting at tables and waiting for someone to start a conversation then when conversation was over I got up and sat down at a different table all because I was trying to make friends - and seek approval via the way I interacted so they would be friends with me. Never went back to that group. I didn’t want to pretend to be someone I was not again. I moved to the women’s 20s 30s group who were alot more including and kind and I was hardly in masking mode not only that I made a new friend with out the masking :).

[@PatchworkDragon]

I recently started a (much needed) new job that is well within my range of capability. I couldn't figure out why it was making me so anxious until I watched your video. Routines? Scripts? Familiar faces? All gone. Everything is new, new, new. And change is not my forte.

[@tiffknox6158]

Oooh, I feel you! I am currently job-hunting in a new town at age 57 (in 2 days.) Meeting strangers and trying to make a good impression is stressful in general but when you add social anxiety disorder it turns the dial up. The older I get the less patience I have to mask my sensitivity to noise, lights and commotion in general.

[@Kelly-wj7xd]

Just been diagnosed with ADHD but I feel like I'm autistic as well when I watch these videos. I'm so grateful for knowledge of creators like you. But here in England we can't get a diagnosis for 37 months it's so frustrating. Because I am 53. The only good thing is my granddaughter is 13 and is being diagnosed now. So she will get the help I didn't get. My daughter was miss diagnosed so I will have to go back to get her the help she needs.

[@computerlove87]

This is another one of those videos where I feel like I've been on The Truman show my whole life and now you're reading back the script 🤣

[@lovestudiobibi]

I love this video, thankyou. I am 55 and starting the process of diagnosis. I've done all the self report tests for autism and adhd and score very high on the CatQ. I am so fascinated by the masking and how well I do it as I've been an actor (in the profession) for 45 years and have taught theatre for over 30 years. My special interest is psychology and human behaviour. I even wrote a masters thesis on the meanings in the subtext of human interaction and conversation! I think I did my homework on fitting in lol, and also now I love not fitting in on purpose. I think the menopause has helped with that. I am worried that I won't get a diagnosis because of the masking, and ability to ace tests etc, but I have become such a hermit because I can no longer not honour my natural state. I'm also totally resonating with a PDA profile. I have been no contact with family for over 10 years because of Narcissism and it's so interesting to explore this overlap with autism. I can really see how my dad fits the autism profile as well as Narc now I look at it through this lens. So much trauma and CPTSD has been acknowledged and healed from by me, but you're right, it's not explaining everything. I'm fascinated to see what I discover. I will say that the NHS path to diagnosis makes me feel like a victim and I refuse that label, so it's a fine line to stay empowered and also convince others I do actually need support. Anyhoo, great video. I feel prepared for my GP appointment next week to secure my referrals and advocate for myself properly if they try and squeeze me into a 'white middle class boy who likes trains' niche! (which is my dad incidentally!)

[@tiffcat1100]

I’m also beginning to see autism overlaps with my narcissistic family

[@JustinGauthreaux]

You're hair is perfect and thank you for the amazing info

[@oliveoyal]

Just discovered your channel while looking for clues as to whether I could be autistic, or to what to attribute some of my sensitivities and somewhat unusual reactions to. Just at the beginnning of looking into this, and your channel offers a very credible and professional resource for me. So many thanks for your info, as well as your warm manner and intelligent articulation. 😊

[@sharkitty]

I was diagnosed adhd 2 years ago. The psychiatrist couldn't diagnose me with autism since it isn't his specialty, but he said it would be worth looking into based on my survey score in the autism section. Since I've been on medication for my adhd, I have noticed my autism traits more and more this last year. I pretty much fit all of these masking signs. Now I gotta figure out how I can stim openly and unmask when its safe for me.

[@LaUwa-dt5lu]

Dr Sage, I am just grateful for your passion to share your knowledge with us (who suffer for many reasons)for free. I can't describe how thankful I am for humans (Angels) like you. You are making this place (earth) more bearable. Greetings from Czech republic - Europe 🇨🇿

[@warriormamma8098]

I have always realized I have sensory issues clothes, food, sounds, smells, textures, pressures, temperatures etc. I thought I was a good communicator because I was thorough. I went to work a yr ago for 13 months after being exclusively a SAHM for 21 yrs & was teased for my style of communication. They asked why? My reason was I am use to others misunderstanding me so I want to leave nothing open for interpretation. My elementary counselor said even though I was gifted she didn’t recommend the gifted program for me because I was too much of a perfectionist and worry wart. I was labeled a book worm & shy. I was diagnosed with anxiety & depression at age 16 after yrs of wanting to self delete and self harm. Early 20’s told I had chronic fatigue syndrome then fibromyalgia. Over active immune system etc. ADHD diagnosis at age 44. Can not find right meds or supplements for me but birth control oils are helping with that! Insomnia from teens. Social anxiety. Panic attacks. Excessive worry and rumination. Forcing myself not to be “quirky”. Etc.

[@CardiacRn333]

Yes!!!! I am a nurse and always wanted the higher challenge of an ICU and have tried all types of icu's but the over sensory is such a challenge. Masking is so much harder in this area. Also very agreeable with one of the last things you mentioned about handling business better with someone with you. I have paid for vacations I didn't get to go on due to not getting the time off of work but not knowing how to or have too much anxiety to call someone and have it cancelled. I bought a new refrigerator because trying to figure out how to call a repair person and actually talk to them was much harder than a $2500 online purchase of a new one. I appreciate these videos because it can shed light on how we hide in plain sight struggling so much with seemingly silly stuff to most others.

[@lundsweden]

I might add my 2c. Things like depression can feel similar, you might know the right things to do, but can't do them, you don't have the energy. If you're depressed long enough, you can know what others expect but can no longer put on the "I'm not depressed mask". People have thought I'm autistic, I've even considered it myself, but I don't think so. I find people very easy to understand, an good at predicting people's sneaky games even. That would suggest I'm not autistic- my social instincts are very good. But depression/PTSD/CPTSD can look superficially similar, reduced it volunteer affect may be apparent, social skills may seem impaired but it's more that the depressed person just doesn't care enough to play the game.

[@PatchworkDragon]

Sometimes, putting on a happy face is too much effort. I'm sorry you know how that feels.

[@cindymauck4047]

I have CPTSD and just scored 167 on the little quiz thingy

[@flyygurl18]

Always gain an even deeper understanding of myself from all of your video🙂🤲🏾🖖🏾

[@YaHaWaHenciaga]

Turning autism into something beautiful n productive , you r a tru inspiration, i have one friend that is autistic also and i see alot of similarities between him and you but he is kind of lost but im going to recommend this channel to him for sure beautiful ❤ Bless you strong beloved woman 🌄🫐

[@stephaniemthoma]

What's interesting is that in many coaching containers that assist with social skills that attract those on the spectrum teach masking in order to get along in normative career situations etc.

[@MargaritaRodriguez-cj2ri]

It's been very useful, Kim! Thank you. It's amazing how my case matches your description. Very eye-opening. Blessings!

[@saranavarro1880]

Thanks for another extremely helpful video, Dr. Kim. I often feel overwhelmed by the speed and intensity of the information in videos, but still make the effort to listen to the whole thing.

[@victory902]

Listening to this is somewhat exhausting- so much of this is 85- 100% of how I have approached life. When 2020 stay at home happened other than not going to work changed nothing in my life- i have to recover by hibernation from overwhelm. ADHD diagnosed 2013, finding out now about Autism. Almost everything fits. I look really calm in the midst of chaos. The lines "fake it til you make it" and "pretend you are an actor on a stage", =real life for me. I can "look normal". Whatever that is!

[@JnLashay]

Sooo true & so much trauma from trying to keep everyone happy & not let things slip. The worst- being accused of being rude, flirting or leading someone on when you think you had rhetorical behavior right and were just being friendly. 😭

[@GranddaughterCrow]

Hi! GenX, Native American woman here. I identify with HSP, and now looking into autism as well. I really enjoyed the idea of "subconsciously masking" - it struck a chord with me. The more that I explore this topic of "masking" the more I see that I have been masking for so long that I thought that everyone is doing this. I, also, gave other reasons to why I mask. Now I am like... huh, where it came from is not as important as the fact that "i mask". Just subscribed to your channel - thank you for your content. Helpful!

[@MathStatsMe]

This was very helpful. I have a lot of autistic characteristics, and suspect I may be on the spectrum, but I have a hard time identifying places where I may have been masking in the past. The older I get, the less I do it. I learned throughout young adulthood that I'm just not comfortable in woven fabrics, and need everything knit, but sometimes I would still dress uncomfortably for job interviews and such. Amazon and online shopping in general have been really helpful for me to be able to search for different fabrics and find comfortable business attire. Then, during the pandemic, when everybody was isolated, and I could really focus on how I wanted to do things, I determined not to wear makeup anymore. So I just don't. Not to church, not to work, not to school. I figure people will get used to it. And even though I see all the women around me wearing makeup, I think, good for them, it's not for me. And this was all before I had any suspicion that I might be on the spectrum.

[@rowdyriemer]

I don't think I was aware of how much the sounds, crowd, etc. of a busy store bothered me until the past few years. But I did notice that I'm much more at ease at a busy store when I'm by myself. I'm still in a rush to get what I need and get the hell out, but I always attributed that to just not wanting to waste time in a store. One thing that occured to me is that if I'm allowed to daydream, I escape, to some degree, from the noise of a store. I can tune it out well enough. But when I'm with my family at a store, my wife demands my attention, which prevents that escape. Then having to pay attention to her along with making sure my youngest son isn't getting into trouble can seem much more overwhelming than when we're interacting at home. Suddenly, the sound and commotion of the store become much more relevant, and my stress levels skyrocket. It gets worse if it's a long trip to the store. Coming to that realization and explaining that to my wife has helped quite a bit.

[@Earthoceanfire435]

Thank you! My daughter of 13 is autistic. Finally diagnosed a month ago! I have Myoclonic Epilepsy. It’s so difficult to control. But you’ve explained this so well. I understand my daughter better!!! What you’ve explained is overwhelming for me!! I try to relate to my seizures BUT that doesn’t relate as well as you explained. Thank you!

[@maxenielsen]

Wow! This presentation is super informative! Well organized! Highly insightful. Empathetic. Thank you!

[@minako25]

The memory of copying other kids sticks with me so hard. Unfortunately, I was made fun of for copying others too. Laughing when I didn't get it. Unrelated to me, I know realize my late father had a stim. My mother hated it because she just thought he was annoying her. I was annoyed too, because she was annoyed. Really he didn't hurt anyone.

[@rowdyriemer]

Many years ago, I was hanging out with some neighbors, and I thought about how I was talking to them - the accent I used, the kinds of things I'd bring up in discussion, the way I worded things, etc., and I realized that I was a very different person around them than I was at home or around other groups of people. No doubt "everyone" does this to some degree. For example, most people are at least a little different at work than they are at home for professional-appearance purposes. And most people aren't going to talk the same way around their grandma as they do with their friends at a bar. But I think I was doing that on a much different level.

[@nathanxxvii]

47 mixed male, undiagnosed. Many of these really do resonate with me. And it didn't make sense till I started looking into it. I have been masking my whole life. Growing up as one of maybe 5-6 people of color in a community of 30k I have been monitoring the way I speak, the way I handle situations, the way I meet new people, the way I hold myself in a space, the way I criticize anyone (or not) the trauma response of dealing with others that may become violent if I'm not what they expect becomes something that I have to be aware of at all times. My sleep cycle has been destroyed over the years, my strumming is done very VERY controlled so I don't bother anyone else, teachers and parents often times didn't see the problems I have had fitting in because I didn't let on that I had trouble. I am constantly "in my own little world" and while it's fun and funny when I make observations. I know a lot of the time it is inappropriate. I have had over 35 different jobs. I have had a lot of different relationships. My marriage didn't work out, but I think it was her and I problems. (I obviously have problems but I don't think she is without blame) All in all I believe I have a LOT of autistic traits but I don't know if I will ever get closure on a lot of the situations I have been in and didn't understand. I have been told I'm very intelligent and very clever. But I think it's because I'm observant.

[@gehanosama88]

I appreciate your vulnerable honesty as a psychologist

[@jessicacarron8117]

I have, over the last few years, had multiple people in my life express that my brain is spicy. My very close loved ones joke with me regarding the odd ways I process info. Or my confusion regarding how others behave. I’ve realized recently that those folks are the ones I mask the least with. They often roll with whatever is going on with me. So now I think I’m gonna be saving up to get assessed. H-EDS and POTS were also mentioned regarding some of my health issues. So I am very glad I found this channel

[@Laney-yf4hh]

Finally, you've described my entire life. I used to be so proud to be able to mimic the group of people I was with because it made me feel like I fit in everywhere, but I realized as I got older, I fit in nowhere.

[@Milaperadotti]

I’m 42 and just got diagnosed autistic. I have an autistic 10 yr old daughter with global delays. I tend to talk a lot and relatively social which a lot of people with autism do not do well but years of masking his made it much easier, but I still have difficulty reading or telling somebody’s intentions and understanding what they mean

[@easyartisan]

When I was very young I would go off to birthday parties for other kids in the village where I lived and end up in the corner facing the wall through choice. I am a HSP and fit a lot of things on this list. Life has been hard. Now I am 61 and although I still struggle sometimes, things are easier through understanding and years of dealing with my feelings., Animals and nature give me what I need and the rest I manage through learnt behaviour and masking.

[@vickiamundsen2933]

i would sneak out of parties and go read their books. :-D

[@SupportKennedyVoteTrump]

I'm really glad i found your channel. I go to a state-operated therapy center, but the therapist leaves me feeling invalidated & im 62 & im pretty tired of being misunderstood, misdiagnosed & going home feeling worse than when i got there- especially bc it can take a day or 3 to feel better. I have come to believe that the BEST therapy comes from those who persist in trying to heal themselves. Experience IS the best teacher. A few years back i found the AQ test & raads-revised. I scored well above the mean. I also found i scored very high for masking....no surprise there...i'd always had to form strategies to gain acceptance in school but as i got older i thought adults didnt bully & i was really wrong about that. Now im kind of trapped. It's reassuring to know that someone actually realises the adhd & the hypervigilance & the (self-diagnosed) autism do have a major impact on life & it's a video but that's where i find the support i crave. Thank you.

[@dangerbeans]

I'm so happy that I found your channel. I've always wondered if I have some of these problems but anytime I've tried talking to a therapist this masking behavior is so automatic and unconscious that I have no control over it and can't have a meaningful conversation with a therapist.

[@tyrejuan8]

I attended a "confidence building" course once and they said it all comes down to fundamental beliefs. If you believe deep down that you are a loser then you will do things in social situations to mask that e t c. If you believe that you are a winner you will have an entirely different set of social behaviours. These beliefs were established early in child hood based on the way your parents treated you or adverse things that happened around you at an early stage.

[@rowdyriemer]

Maybe because of my grandpa's "Always look a man in the eye" advice being drummed into my head (he did this with all his grandsons), I don't do a whole lot of avoiding eye contact all together, but I do think a lot about whether I'm making too much or too little eye contact. I especially do this when talking to someone I don't know.

[@thelanavishnuorchestra]

I learned early after entering school that I was different and "weird". Not just from all the lovely (sarcastic) people who let me know this, but recognizing they were correct. I loved reading, was always trying to unravel some fascinating mystery of the universe, was always engaged in some project for hours and hours at a time. I recognized that my mom was the same way, so I came to view this as having inherited the "mad scientist gene" from her. By the time I got to college, I spent an entire year on a side project (besides the amazing thing that they had a computer system that I was constantly fiddling around on) of learning to fit into a social group. I knew that picking a normie group was out of the question, as they were boring and had nothing interesting I could talk about with, so I hung with the psychedelics crowd. That was interesting and they were much more open to people who weren't typical. So it was a self-selecting group of unusual people. But I did succeed in becoming friends and a part of that group. I mean, they still knew I was weird, but being weird was not an inherently bad thing for them. But still, I learned a lot. So, yes, I view this as having college credit for learning how to successfully mask.

[@BikashDas-lj7il]

Thank YOU Doc - really helpful :-) You have a WONDERFUL DAY .. and EVENING... TOO :-)

[@DrKimSage]

You too ❤❤❤

[@TheJilly1337]

When over stimulation and not really relating to most people is normal, you learn to adapt. I developed an entire personality based on mimicking others for my old job where I had to talk to a lot of people. After a while, it became too exhausting to continue. The older I get, the less I care to blend in. I have a closet full of loose pants and am finally ok with being as weird as I am to people. My southern is coming out as I age too.

[@tiffcat1100]

We feel we have the right to be ourselves as we get older & especially after retirement ❤

[@jarredcarlson2479]

The sweatpants at work thing!! I had a fb memory from like 10 years ago, I was working at a retirement community in the kitchen - the post was “Wearing scrubs to work = wearing pajamas to work!”

[@jarredcarlson2479]

Also always have been a picker.

[@jarredcarlson2479]

I do have a lot of hypothetical conversations in my head that I might have or want to have or am afraid of..

[@jarredcarlson2479]

Watched a different video recently that suggested the same website for the tests.. I took two an scored very high on them

[@ShayShayShay37]

Hi, I love you!! Wow, you’re speaking everything I feel. Not only with autism and masking but with hot flashes, too!

[@nfc598]

You literally just described everything about me... I have adhd and some trauma symptoms but now I'm wondering if my chronic struggling is related to autism

[@euchiron]

Been doing this since childhood. Grew up gay in the 80s. So many reasons to mask. I always felt alien. I click well with people on the spectrum and I'm not surprised at all.

[@AnbuNinjaXIII]

This is helpful. I have major depression, social anxiety, and generalized anxiety. There is a lot of overlap in symptoms, such as burnout, loss of executive functioning, having meltdowns after being overstimulated, social anxiety etc. So it’s really difficult to parse out what could be autism and what is just depression/anxiety. But the thing is, I’ve always felt like there was something “off” about me since childhood, particularly in social situations. I have always felt like an alien, I have always felt like I didn’t get the manual that everyone else got for how to have social interactions, no one seemed to understand me, I felt like I was always performing in some elaborate game, and I think my early failures at social interaction as a child are what contributed to me having social anxiety disorder in the first place. I had to learn how to interact with other people through a lot of trial and error. To this day, I feel like I’m masking constantly whenever I’m not alone or with people I have known for at least 10 years. I have some random odd stimming behaviors that I didn’t even notice or realize might be stimming until recently. I was a “gifted child” and I can easily see my parents writing off any possibility of autism because of that (it was the 90s, shrug). The thing that makes me hesitate is that I don’t necessarily feel like I can’t tell what others are feeling. I’m something of an empath. But sometimes I get it wrong. And the main issue is that I don’t ever know how to naturally respond to the emotion in a socially acceptable way. It’s hard to explain. I’ve been masking and dealing with my social ~difficulties~ for so long that I legit don’t remember anymore whether I instinctively knew what certain facial expressions signified or if I had to learn them manually. I don’t even know! Is it possible to be autistic even if you didn’t need to learn facial expressions? I have no idea.

[@knithappy]

Please keep these videos coming! You are helping me (and others) sooooo much❤

[@bridgetpalmer8097]

This makes everything make more sense.

[@susananderson6882]

this is great! I see/hear many things in this video that I've dealt with my whole life and am thanking the universe for this coming to me. Thank you!!! 😍

[@cowsonzambonis6]

Such a great video!!! I’ll be sharing this with family to help them understand masking ❤

[@santieengelbrecht9810]

Thank you so so much, this is so insightful. I always felt the cPTSD do not explain everything. And I was confused about borderline as well but my counselor bless her said I am not borderline and she agreed autism is a possibility because I was struggling with oversharing and undersharing.

[@prodigalson1870]

Your southern accent? I would never have guessed. Arkansan here. Spent a decade in Europe trying to rid myself of the accent. It never left. Lol

[@DrKimSage]

Yes- I spent a couple years on the east coast and for years had “no accent” but my kids say that my accent is coming out more😂❤

[@prodigalson1870]

@@DrKimSage I must have misunderstood. I thought you meant the southern US. 💜😊

[@prodigalson1870]

@@DrKimSageOk, clearly I stopped watching yesterday before you said,TEXAS! Smh! I’m so sorry to be such a doofus. My friend called as I was commenting and I didn’t finish watching until today. I am constantly watching, with baited breath, for your videos. I just turned 60, (f), and have an upcoming evaluation. As I live in LR, I could LITERALLY only find one clinician to assess me here. Funny enough, he moved to LR from TX! However, HE, at the wise old age of 38 (sarcasm-sorry not sorry)and being highly successful and knowledgeable in the area of CHILDHOOD Autism, wrote what I could sarcastically label as a “short dissertation” on all the reasons I should not waste my time on an Au evaluation. I honestly became so angry that I had to stop reading because it was clear that by him having a Ph.D., and me only having two Masters, although I’ve done intensive research on my own, his ego is far larger than his knowledge base when it comes to Level 1 adults, and especially high masking females. All that being said, I have a 15 page, categorized, single spaced, 12” font, Times New Roman document that consists of: sensory issues since early childhood, stimming since early childhood, expressive language issues since childhood (I’m a far better writer), social issues, special interests, and even motor issues since childhood. As well as statements from a couple of longtime friends including a LPC. I say all this not only to thank you and tell you how much your information has LITERALLY CHANGED MY LIFE, but to say it doesn’t matter HOW OLD someone is, it might be worth any amount of time and money to be evaluated! Funny thing is, I was previously married to a high ranking mil officer who was diagnosed when he was 55! He had a very successful career, working at the Dept of State with (not for) John Bolton (don’t get me started on that), he flew Janet Air to work for five years (Google that if you don’t know), he was the commander of a large base in the Middle East, then became the IG at the largest AFB outside the US. Sadly, he also, like an overwhelming number of people on the Spectrum, AND high ranking officers, was an alcoholic. Fortunately, he got sober and was evaluated. Back then his dx was Asperger’s. But it did help him to better understand himself. But the fact that I thought his behaviors were all related to being in the mil and growing up with a high ranking Army dad, still blows my mind! All of this, and with my extensive background with children on the spectrum and being able to spot them immediately, I had NO IDEA about MYSELF! NONE, until I started reading research and articles and watching you and Dr. Jessica Myszak on TikTok! So again, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[@Skipper_geriatric_chihuahua]

I like the wallpaper behind you. The pink flowers. Carnations are my favorite flower smell except maybe stargazer lilies. It's right up there with freshly watered tomato leaves. Education and science, therapy, and empathy are my tools. My mother was patient and my grandmother more so. The military gave my father structure and he loved the Air Force and science. My mother made little spaces all over the house where we could sit and read and listen to the rain. Many tools come intuitively but seeds can only grow well with the fertilizer of love, empathy, cherishing of self, acceptance and celebration of differences, and an invitation to all who can safely and sincerely engage in a discussion about all this fun stuff and the smell of damp tomato leaves as the Oregon sun rises.

[@RicardoFernandez-wh8sq]

I check off all these boxes. I've always joked that something's wrong with me... but if you spent a minute in my head, you'd see there ain't no joke about it. I've been faking my way through this life from the moment I started talking, at 3 .

[@warriormamma8098]

I just scored a total of 163 on CAT-Q. Then 57, 54 & 52 on separate areas. Feel like in order to not self delete I need to get a diagnosis and support. I never had to learn to cope in the outside world long and if I am to go get a job to help save more retirement I need to figure out how to cope without cutting, shutting down etc.

[@Muchaspass]

Thank you Dr.Sage Helping me an my Daughter to be seen.

[@krissyk9767]

I totally relate when you say that conversations feel forced and like performances rather then really connecting with someone naturally. I don't have any friends and I feel like I don't know how to relax and be myself in social situations. When I have to talk to people at work its an effort like I have to really be careful what I say and its a performance. I feel like when I was more myself when I was younger I got rejected too much, so now as an adult I feel like people wouldnt like the real me so I have to pretend with this fake persona.

[@TwoMomFamily]

Scored SUPER neurodivergent on all those tests.. 35 & always had a feeling. I think I’m going to pursue a diagnosis b/c my daily is in denial. As you know back then autism was highly misunderstood. Everyone missed my signs from clothing texture issues every day-hating the Bells & bright lights at school-temp regulation, being held back a grade. All the signs were there.. it all finally makes sense. Thank you for all of your content, very informative. I will definitely come back with an update

[@TwoMomFamily]

Family is in denial *

[@TwoMomFamily]

Just to add there’s so many more “signs” I had. I watch my childhood videos and scream HOWWW did they miss it lol😅