How to STOP Going Back to a Narcissist

[@Boymom515]

I made that list per your suggestion. I made two columns: the terrible event on one side, how it made me feel on the other side. The most frequent feelings were embarrassed, unloved, hated, worthless, suspect, scared. And I look at that feelings list and I decided I will never allow a partner to make me feel that way ever again.

[@drlarrymitchell]

"Well, I've given it some thought, and I really don't see any reason for us to talk with each other any further, because the only thing you can talk about is yourself, and I give less than a shit about that."

[@queenofcups3753]

Thank you so much for this video! I going no contact since January 1st… I blocked him on my phone but his text still come up on my Apple Watch. I just look at them no reply. We’ve been on and off mostly on for 4 years. The last few days been having a really hard time not reaching back. This video really helped me snap out of it.. exactly what you described he’s done it time and time again and I always it end up falling for it. I didn’t know he actually really doesn’t care about me, which makes sense given his actions. He says one thing and does another. I’m going to stay strong. Anyone dealing with a Narcissist really NO contact is the way to go. They will manipulate you! They know how to get you to cave. They know what to say. In my case he does change but it’s not real a few months and then we are back to square one. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! How many chances will you give them only for them to mess it up again and again.. they just don’t care about you. Only themselves.

[@ckn9503]

Everytime I'm with him I feel so lost. He's the parent, I'm the child. He's taking care of everything. I end up not taking care of anything. I become dependent on him

[@kayligo]

they want you that way so that you can't get rid of them and will be stuck no matter what they do.

[@askew9976]

Shit I would do more than him or his own mother. Therapy is helping, but I continue to slip. Yesterday was the end.

[@cherrybacon3319]

When you said it was OK for us Victims to feel that we want to go back to our Narcissists I started to cry. I can't fully explain why. All I know was it felt that you helped me completely understand I'm not crazy. I'm fighting two battles in my head. When I've made that list, all 25 of the Nos and signed it, I will show you and everyone what I put so maybe it can help someone else like me...

[@rebeccanicks1649]

Hi cherry... I would love to see that list maybe it will help me.

[@tamimann3828]

I’m with you on this too. When he said to first write down 25 things …. And say to yourself I’m okay with these things in my life again if I go back, I had to put the video on pause and take a deep breath because that is so true. And I said aloud “I’m not okay with that!!!” I get in a twist too thinking should I have learned better ways to cope, deal with my husband when his behavior turns toward that destructive spectrum of narcissism? I mean, I never gave that a chance. I never tried to learn how to live with a narcissist who could be at different places on this spectrum of narcissism. Sometimes so funny, charming even sweet and affectionate, appearing very caring to being verbally abusive, manipulative, condescending, controlling, belittling etc. it was so confusing for me and the pain I experienced had me crying so much and I’d distance myself for about 4-5 days to think and try and figure it all out. I’d end up giving all my confusion to God saying “I can’t deal with this, I have no way of understanding so it’s now in your bag God and I’m leaving it with you so I can forgive and find peace in my soul again”. That was my roller coaster method of dealing with the confusion. I left him 2 weeks ago and this time I’m learning all that I can about the narcissistic personality so I’m not deceived again. Not sucked back in again.

[@blondshellcc]

Making the paper lost vs. The mental lost is a game changer.

[@StarlaFuller-sy9ui]

Completely broke me down made me cry. Realizing is so deep of all the love given and receiving pain In return. Taking in all the truth.

[@glendahallerbaird8421]

He divorced me . Called me and told me God told him to call me and get your marriage back. He kept calling and calling I thought my phone was going to blow up. We went to counseling and it was awful and the counselor called him but never called me back after 3 sessions. Then I found out he lied to the new neighbors because when he left he brought a house without me knowing. He retired and it wasn't time for me to retire. My military girlfriend was on dating site and he showed up on her page and sent to me. This all happened before the divorce. We remarried February 14. And we did counseling and he wasn't honest or transparent. He had total hip replacement and I honored him took care of him because I am a nurse. After he healed he called me a stupid b. I was upset and I told him to apologize..he wouldn't. As matter of fact he said I never called you a b... I knew then this is right he is a narc. I had to have my surgery bilateral total knee replacement in February and 3 1/2 weeks after my surgery he told me that he was going to paint his daughter walls and hang her TV while I was still healing. He said get your son to come take care of you. I said we said we will take care of each other. We committed to this and now you are doing this. I told him if he leaves me like that keep going, pack your bags and go back to Valdosta Georgia. I live and work in another city. He had his surgery in the city I live in. That's why I told him leave because I changed the locks. Do you know he thought I was kidding. He packed his bags without me knowing and when I went to therapy I saw on my security camera he packed his truck up and left. I called a Locksmith and locks change. 6 hours later he comes back and I said you left. He said I was packing early I was leaving Thursday . Well he left Tuesday instead. I never ever want to be treated like this again by him or no body. Enough is Enough. I prayed for him, fasted for our marriage and I would go around saying God saved our marriage. He would say the same prayer over and over. He did not want me to pray. I gave him a boundary and he decided to go to his 33 year old single daughter. He tells her everything about our relationship and trianglelation - he called me fake Christian, he hated I supported my church, . He can file for a no contest divorce like he did before. I have no desire to talk to him. If I saw him I would run.

[@melissajaynejones8425]

He doesn't have to do anything I keep unblocking him and going back when I feel low or vunrable. I used to be so confident and good about myself and he brought me so down that hes the only person I feel which can make it better. I don't get why I keep going back after all the hurtful things he says

[@leahjane3986]

Hey I hope you're in a better place now, I'm going through something very similar right now and I hope we both get through it you're not alone hun ❤️

[@melissajaynejones8425]

@@leahjane3986 ❤️🙏 I am it took some time though and you've got this

[@rachelmcdaniel443]

I do this and I don't know why. Did it get better?

[@crystalclimenhage9980]

Does it get worse every time you go back? I am wanting to reach out but been stopping myself

[@crystalclimenhage9980]

​@@rachelmcdaniel443did it get better for you?

[@RRS78999]

💯 The TRUTH does set us free 🎉

[@jenniferevans2264]

I can't stop crying. I needed this more than you'll ever know. When you explain how we are not abusive was so spot on I had to hit pause because I started crying so hard. My boyfriend, well boyfriend would accuse me of being abusive or crazy when he would say certain things. Then I would watch him get calm, sometimes lay on the bed and just watch me. Sometimes I swear I even seen him smile just a little. I'm sure i was acting crazy in those moments. I would get so angry at yet another unfounded accusation. Or he would just throw something I trusted him with in my face. And I'd lose it. I would cry and yell back at him. I have been with him for almost 4 years. I have left him so many times I have lost count. He loves to throw that in my face. I always feel like I'm doing the right thing by leaving him. And I swear to myself I'll never go back. But then I do. Every damn time. I do know better. I know I shouldn't be with him. The stress and anxiety of being with him is awful. But when I leave him and the night comes or I cant keep my mind busy enough the soul crushing pain will start. It's all consuming and all I want to do is rush back to him. And I do. And I hate myself a little bit more every time I do. I just left him again after finding out he has been lying about the relationship he has with another women. He says he did nothing wrong. And that hurts the most. I dont want to go back. I hope I dont go back. Im definitely not planning on going back. Im going to write those 25 things down when I feel like going back this time. Actually im going to write down all of it. Every single thing he has done to break my heart. I will let you know how it goes. Thank you for this video. It really was what I needed at the right time. Thank you.

[@RawMotivations]

Thanks for watching! You are stronger than you know and i wish you the best! You deserve love!

[@daniellemorse6929]

In my experience, you only go back a second time into an actual 'relationship.' After that they just hoover for benefits only because they don't want any commitment and want to move on to other supply for an actual 'relationship'. This is a fantastic video, thank you!

[@truechamp3404]

😢

[@ms_snazzy_jazzy2500]

Just explained my 10 year on again off again relationship to the T! In Jesus name I will be free this time and not allow myself to go back. I am proud of myself for seeing the red flags sooner this go around and breaking free sooner rather than later.

[@Presca1]

I know exactly how you feel - been attached to a narcissist for 10 years myself!

[@shadysunshine9293]

Thank you for helping me deal with the shame.

[@Presca1]

Made my list and after I saw the abusive things my so-called friend of 10 years has done in all that time with our on and off again relationship - and I said "and you went back to that?? Girl!!" I will keep this close by. Thank you.

[@Greenephoenician]

Omg such insight. No one understands why we go back

[@ckn9503]

I've had reactive abuse. I end up screaming in his face because he pushed me so much

[@newterraentertainment2481]

Since they have no idea the damage they have done to you I had to explain like this. Remember when you totaled your truck and nearly killed me? It’s like that. The relationship is totaled. You can’t fix it you can’t drive it away there is too much damage done.

[@veral2274]

When my ex narc hoovered me two months after discard, he came back as sounding as if he had had 2 years of intense therapy. The self-awareness was mind-blowing, and I actually think his emails were copy pasted from a book or written by someone else entirely. I believed the transformation and we started seeing each other again. Until the day I casually bumped into him and his new official girlfriend, whom he had cheated on my with and coldly discarded me for. I had no idea this woman even existed. She has since been informed of his wrongdoings towards both of us and she is sticking by him because of image and money.

[@danielladossantos8935]

Wow I needed to hear this today. My goodness it's how I feel. The writing helps me to be set free. Thank you Ben

[@RawMotivations]

Thank you for your comment, i hope you are doing well

[@danielladossantos8935]

@@RawMotivations its been rough. Your videos are very helpful & on point with what exactly I need to hear and going through. I'm Considering really doing a one on one with you.

[@selenajurgenson9871]

That was very good and clear explanation why just keep no contact with toxic person. Narcissists are good actors, or maybe they themselves believe that they love you but those little breadgrums are not real love. In relationship there is no way love and hatred going together, so that is never real love they show. That is the hardest thing to women get over with. Because narcissistic person plays the love part so good. Hollywood is missing them! And we so often are forgetting all the bad and only those little love moments come up and then it is so hard keep no contact..but your video is very helpful reminder. Thank you Ben!

[@AutumnTrees]

Keep saying this again and again. Many of us have reinforced those unhealthy patterns for years and, like any bad habit, change is hard. Even when we know the truth! I like your videos and appreciate the hard no nonsense truth with the occasional f bombs to drive it home. Thanks for your effort and mission.

[@Libbylou77krtc]

I Appreciate your video you're hitting it home for me. You're trying to get people to wake up and avoid going back to their abuser. I appreciate everything in this video.

[@RawMotivations]

Thank you as always!

[@keatea9485]

Heal grow and change

[@RawMotivations]

100%

[@edgreen8140]

What is the average 7 times? Thank you for saying the truth! Wow the list totally tells me no.

[@RawMotivations]

Thank you for watching!

[@BambiOnIce19]

Been there too. It is like they have you on remote control.... lol I do laugh about it now, but yeah, it was bad. You have a moment there where you miss them, something triggers you, you are lonely, you remember the way they talked to you, the way they understood you, touched you... and you are back right where you started. I kept going back like a dog with a bone. I admit it. I was terrible. I couldn't get enough of him, i was a sucker for punishment. Lots of factors played into it as well, i think. Single mum, worked so hard, needed some love and attention, was lonely, I wanted a man in my life to help me... and there he was. He said to me once that i fell into a trap he hadn't even set! lol And you are correct - the truth did set me free. The realization that he was putting all his shame on me. It was such a huge slap in the face, but it was something i needed to see. That moment, that realization, was such a massive wake up call. I honestly cannot see myself ever going back to him again.

[@karlmm8738]

Young in nature, but mentally wise. Good luck son

[@gsincorp]

I must say, it’s also the intermittent re-enforcement/ push pull AFTER the discard that keeps you stuck and hopeful; this can’t be emphasized enough!!! 18 years with a narcissist serial serial cheater!! Cruel devalue over and over, and a little crumbs of affection when they’re wanting to emotionally suck you dry... abandoned my 3 children and I multiple times horrible!!!

[@truechamp3404]

😢

[@Greenephoenician]

I have never had any one explain the traunm bond. Ur flipping spot on

[@MrGearoid65]

I needed to hear all of this , so thank you. I keep trying to 'fix' things with a person who doesn't come after me but says nice things about me when I get in touch. We're supposed to meet in Sunday for a pint, at my request but I think they're going to cancel. I need to be rational especially because their friends blame me for everything and have no concept of reactive abuse.

[@msnorway79]

It explains why we are never on the same page. I think he makes contact because he wants to try and has realized. He thinks that everything can be forgotten and that he can continue to be an asshole..

[@RawMotivations]

Thank you for sharing that, hope you are doing well and healing as well!

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Mine did that..... I got rid after three wk

[@vasilikifrangou9215]

I broke with a narcissist after three years relation. No hope, ho illusion, nothing. He lives in a inland and me the most of the time in my home, in Athens. I have left some stuff of mine in his home. By message, i asked him to sent me a part of that by post and throw the rest. He tried to hoovering me again. I didn't answer. And i prefer to loose all this stuff than to see him again... But i dont like to think that he will have things of mine in this negative place...

[@aprilboykin4607]

Thank you for being vulnerable and real with this one.. I needed this 100% Seriously am so grateful!

[@ssentieri]

Thank you for sharing

[@Intothelight94]

So true. I think this is one of your best videos Ben!

[@annettedevries7559]

The last time hé was with me. Hé stole, what my father gave me, on his death,bed. That was the last time. How can someone steel that.!!! Now i never ever wanna see him again...😔

[@jaydaquin7821]

Like 80 times moved back and forth... yes how do I stop!

[@RawMotivations]

Hope this video helps in any way!

[@Judysbayoubostons]

I no longer have any hope for my adult daughter. I will hold onto my peace rather than any hope that she will become the person I once thought she was, loving and kind, caring, empathic, trustworthy and loyal. I've completed the list exercise before and in all honesty I can say she never brought anything good to the table of our relationship. Was I a perfect mother? No because no one is perfect but was she a perfect child? No because no one is perfect but I will not willingly feed into her delusions, making them mine. I will not pretend to go along to get along, clean the slate and be a silly goose by willingly laying my neck across the chopping block so she can mentally and emotionally take another swing at chopping off my head. It's not going to happen. I know it hurts. It's absolutely anguish but you've got to go NO CONTACT and STAY NO CONTACT to save your neck. Don't hoover yourself back on the block. Remember time is not an apology. Remember, forgive them for your own peace and stay away from them so you can heal, completely recover and grow. You deserve it!❤

[@christinahall9258]

Ah dude I REALLY needed this today. This mf paid a bill without my permission and confused me for a min but I see the manipulation. When we lived together, my health declined significantly. Wild. Thank you for this vid.

[@Greenephoenician]

The list!

[@BunnieBee136]

Thank you for this! Truly needed it today. ❤

[@heathermcdonald233]

On point as usual!!! Thank you Ben!!! ❤️

[@RawMotivations]

My pleasure!!

[@theresat8379]

That last statement was powerful!!!

[@MZEBLUE]

Thank you

[@franceshaggitt3104]

I don't want to go back...as . He was rude, angry, projection doing, gaslighting doing, sulking 🤔 blaming, shaming, unpredictability, I was bonded thru sex only. He was taken back twice. That was that. End. As he walked over me and got angrier even after he stopped drinking and blamed me for that too and had therapy for six wk lol

[@gsincorp]

Thank you tho Ben, you’re helping soooo much. Need a one on one!!

[@gypsyrayne890]

Just Empty promises and Words. Sounds Good 😌😊 But. It Never happens

[@marieclaire6060]

Very well said!! 👏

[@RawMotivations]

Glad you think so!

[@cherrybacon3319]

This is an excellent video. Since I blocked him and went No Contact I've stuck to it, but there's one thing I keep doing. I keep looking at my blocked messages but not reading any from him. I'm not sure why I do this, but I know by doing this I'm ripping the band aid off Ben. How do I stop looking at my blocked messages? I can keep no contact because yesterday I felt bad bit didn't weaken and contact him. If I could have one to ones with you I would but I can't afford those yet as he drained me financially, and what money I had I went on a bender to drown my sorrows, no answer I know. Does anyone have suggestions?? 🍒

[@RawMotivations]

I would consider changing your number. Small price to pay to get that mental freedom.

[@babahaft4043]

Glad u did that video

[@naturalxnae]

Thank you so much I was contemplating this so much and I needed to hear this. I’m working on building my self love and confidence I never want to go back to what broke me. Also I’m interested in your story becoming an ex narcissist? Is this possible for most narcissists to change and want to help people instead??

[@DNCT]

Why do they want us back so badly 😩?! They beg and cry. Whyyyyeeee if they’re just gonna abuse us anyway?

[@lauren.11111]

Right!!!!

[@SF-wr4zn]

Because you’re a good supply. 🧛🏻‍♀️

[@teresastephens3698]

Powerful!

[@RawMotivations]

Glad you think so Teresa

[@CL-lo4wd]

Thank you.

[@cbrown123422]

Yes

[@glendahallerbaird8421]

Enough is Enough.

[@rainarelaford1504]

Thank you for this one.

[@danielladossantos8935]

The truth 100%

[@RawMotivations]

Thank you for watching!

[@therealrachyo]

Honestly this is fucken key 👏🏽👏🏽

[@Ezulix]

My ex ruined me it’s been 1 years im still coping with all the lies

[@askew9976]

I’ve “gone back” 4 times. Walked away again yesterday. I can’t do it anymore.

[@RawMotivations]

Then let’s get you free permanently. Https://www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough

[@taazzmaann]

2 years later i wish id found you sooner

[@RawMotivations]

Would love to help you on your healing journey. Check out this video to see if you connect: www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough

[@taazzmaann]

@@RawMotivations sadly my narcissist is a woman im not sure if its the same

[@savewaterdrinkwine3802]

He left me, I begged then stopped, went No Contact....after two weeks he text me, then rang me, then came to see me, then nothing....I started finding reasons to text or ring him, I asked him to come see me, he always had a lame excuse......I am not going to get in touch again, the rejection is so painful. He has lied, cheated, texted women, gone with prostitutes, he is always sorry, I get expensive gifts..... he left within two weeks he was on Tinder. He emptied our bank account of thousands...last time I saw him I told him I loved him, I'm sure he smirked?.....to the world he is the nice guy.

[@katiecatterall]

How do u get the truth from a narcissist?

[@zaheeraessack2519]

I have been in relationship for 13yrs. Cheated on 4 times that i know for sure. Last year i was left for 1 of them. But 2 months later was back together. However it has happend yet again i got left now for someone else. It feels different thos time though he barely contacts me anymore and is moving in with her soon. Is it really done now?

[@JD-bj5kp]

Realise that it wasnt 4 times, it was 400 or 4000 times. Respect yourself enough to shut the door. Its not love but trauma bond. Its up to you when its done. He may want to get back to you after another 2 months or 2 years.

[@reginaanim8287]

You need to set boundaries go no contact and value yourself

[@yahushuajahweh1418]

Wow

[@crystalclimenhage9980]

I don't understand how both yours and Lee's marriages worked out? But our relationships with the narc cannot work out. What can we do to make our relationships work out??? You say dont look at you for hope...how did you change? Or os your wife just turning a blind eye?

[@RawMotivations]

is your partner willing to do the work?

[@crystalclimenhage9980]

@@RawMotivations good point. Probably not. He told me he " never does anything wrong". I broke up with him and changed my number on him after catching him trying to meet with another woman on a fb dating page. He showed up at my door and told me his " pastor said I need to do a three day fast and cut myaelf off from my friends because they want nothing good for me...the fast is for you not for me". I asked him if he told the pastor about his cheating and he responded '" my cheating?!" So I stopped the conversation. Then he sent me an email saying " I understand if you need space but I respect you and value what we have and if you are open to it, I'd love to talk things through". I wanted to respond but I have not out of fear......anytime in the past we tried to resolve an issue he would flip all of the blame onto me.

[@crystalclimenhage9980]

@@RawMotivations what provoked you to want to do work?

[@metallordsap1110]

Start at minute 4:04 otherwise all promoting

[@RawMotivations]

Thanks. I was wondering when the video was gonna start

[@justindiaz1991]

How are you able to be in a healthy marriage if narcissist can’t change?

[@Khrystalbug21]

How do you go “no contact” with the father of your child?

[@RawMotivations]

Third party apps, drop offs, communication. Anything to not see or have to talk to

[@Soulwhisper1188]

In Jesus Name I will never go back 💫 I am healed in the blood of Jesus 🙏🏻✨🤍

[@Fateme_Pourghasem]

Omg, too many ads!

[@jaydaquin7821]

😭😢😭😥🥺

[@RawMotivations]

I try to help people with or abused by narcissism. Please reach out to me if you need someone to talk to you can book a time at rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones

[@naturegirl372]

So, is this true for your relationship; are you still unable to care for your family or as a result of your work, are you developing empathy?

[@ArtandKitchen_]

why am I attracting narcissists men?

[@RawMotivations]

Hope this video answers your question kzbin.info/www/bejne/nKGZaKKla7Kkic0

[@jayasankar1589]

❤

[@therealrachyo]

Omfg timing

[@NeerajLalu]

You talk to much I doubt you can help anyone at 2:59 you still just promoting yourself if you good you need not do that people will find you..

[@mothebarakuoane363]

What are you doing on his channel? You guys are so bitter and negative. Just go away.

[@NeerajLalu]

.Unfortunately, my dear, we have no control over what rubbish KZbin thinks we should watch. That decision is up to us. I only returned to reply to you since you asked a question and you deserve an answer.@@mothebarakuoane363