How to Thrive as a Highly Sensitive Person - The Terri Cole Show

[@terri_cole]

Where are my highly sensitive people at? Let me know what your experiences have been as an HSP below!

[@TenTenJ]

@10:10….wow, I never thought of it that way. I am a strong empath and I just realized my empathy sometimes trades off my comfort as an HSP for relating to others.

[@vedamartinez8076]

My family has always said I was too sensitive that I didn't have to cry that it wasn't that serious my whole life growing up and my children decided that they didn't have to let me know when they had any event in their lives because I made it more than it really was and that hurt me more and they said to me you see that's why we don't tell me anything?

[@beverlyhogan3682]

in the house

[@AristoclesPlaton]

Hi Terri, You are using a ring light for your portrait video. This is an error. The reflection of the ring light in your eyes is interpreted by some deep part of our brains as an eye, giving the impression of a mini-eye within your eye. Consciously most people shut this out. I cannot. As a highly sensitive person who was in a prior career a portrait photographer, I am also highly sensitive to mini-eyes within eyes. But everyone unconsciously sees this reflection as something vaguely creepy. Please use a different front lighting system. Get a large square diffuser. This will seem to be a reflection of a window in your eyes, something that we are all well equipped to look at. Please.

[@nicolafarnhill2184]

Before I knew I was an HSP, I was subconsciously choosing dimmed lighting, soft clothing and furnishing, lots of time in nature,calm people,lots of sleep and plenty of time around positive people. My boundaries are now very high. Self care and doing what feeds my soul, is paramount. I love being an HSP, I'm super creative and experience such depth of feeling when it comes music, poetry,art etc.

[@terri_cole]

🙌🙌🙌

[@lauraruiz1834]

For me even the tones of voice of some people which makes me feel very bad because I just can’t be around them. Thank you so much for this ❤

[@terri_cole]

I feel you 💕

[@mrsjillpassmore]

Everything you stated I am. I knew I was sensitive as a very young child. And I often wonder why people aren’t as sensitive. Thriving is crucial to get through without feeling so uncomfortable.

[@terri_cole]

I see you, Jill ❤️

[@ArcasDevlin]

I have bipolar disorder and severe anxiety and have some of these issues quite severely, but others not at all. The fabrics thing is important. I sleep between 2 ultrasoft fleeces, have a weighted blanket, and my pillow case is velvet, also a foam topper. I need a fan and near-complete darkness to sleep. I can't wear clothing that is considered "normal". It's tight to me, and I never get used to it. Certain textures in food bother me a lot, especially anything like whipped cream or fatty meat. Smells. Good smells have a more positive effect on me than on most, but negative smells can quickly make me nauseated or activate my asthma. Cigarettes are the worst, but coffee and perfume bother me, which makes life a bit hard sometimes. And my sense of smell is really good. Crowds are terrible. But that's my anxiety more than anything else. But also people smell weird. I prefer low lighting, especially coloured lights, but this isn't as much of an issue. Same with the sun. Sunlight doesn't really bother me. I actually like loud music, really loud music, as long as it's music I like. It calms me down, overwhelms me in a good way, helps with the racing thoughts.

[@terri_cole]

I see you ❤️

[@Christine-uf3oj]

One sensitivity you didn't talk about is the sense of smell. Mine is very heightened. It means I love good smells and some perfumes, but I also cannot abide what to me are bad smells. My clothes and my sheets and towes, etc. have to smell fresh. If I travel I have to take my own pillowcases so that they smell right, or else I cannot sleep. I can't sleep if I smell certain smells in the air, too. The way some people smell makes me feel physically sick. I will avoid going to certain restaraunts that make my clothes and hair smell like food. And the list goes on. I also have other sensitivities, as well.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Christine ❤️

[@artistmaureensharkey5321]

I learned so much about myself just now, listening to you! If only I had this epiphany a half a century ago, it would have improved my life by just realizing I'm a highly sensitive person. And I'm sitting here thinking, I'm okay with being sensitive. I like being a deep thinker - and prefer it over all the insensitive people I've come across who irritate me because they are not. I love the shady side of the street, and the seat under an umbrella at a cafe. I am an artist by profession and essence, so I guess this explains that as well. You are such a lovely speaker and woman and spirit. Thanks for being you.

[@terri_cole]

So glad you found it helpful, and thank you for sharing your insights with us ❤

[@wendyharris9346]

I AM A HIGHLY sensitive person, who has had several spontaneous kundalini awakenings from dramatic life experiences. so now i am also highly empathic as well(for 20 yrs now). i am now 60. i had NO IDEA why i was so traumatized just living! from the time i was a teenager, i used disordered eating and alcohol to cope. i am grateful to be in recovery from these coping mechanism now.i have often been labelled "high maintenance" & i had no idea why i needed so many specific things in life (lights, noise, etc.). so validating listening to this video, terri. thank you for articulating so clearly what it is like to be a highly sensitive person.

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it made you feel seen, Wendy ❤️ Thank you for sharing your experience. Happy to hear you're in recovery, too!

[@monicathrasher3561]

Hi. New here. After being the only nurse for 132 men at a rescue mission , becoming completely exhausted and developing compassion fatigue, not understanding why, listening to my body, I quit my job with notice and discovered at age 54 that I am an HSP. My whole life makes sense now. Diving in.

[@terri_cole]

I see you ❤️❤️

[@christelnielandt5117]

Dear Terri, I was told many many years ago that I am HSP. I do not like labels in life yet it was an eye opener. Now I realize I do need downtime even though I like my daily chat. What I find the most challenging part ? I feel way too much the emotions of others and that is something I LOVE to work on 🙏💛

[@terri_cole]

I feel you on that ❤️ I have a video about how to deal with energy vampires here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mJmqfGSMrLCEqMk And the top 7 energy leaks I see here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gF6cgKWneqyGg6c I also recommend doing energy work in general! I love to recommend my pal Lara Riggio: larariggio.com

[@artistmaureensharkey5321]

I'm so sensitive that I pretty much can read how everybody else is feeling at a get together.

[@MartaSalvadr]

As a highly sensitive I easily absorb the energy of people in places... remember when I had to commute on a train with very low income people. 60min after finishing the journey I would break down crying with all the suffering around. I tend to act as a sponge and it can be hard to disconnect from the feeling. Thank you for all great videos!

[@birdie6916]

Great video, Terri! Thank you! Yes, always been an HSP... loud sounds, crowds, people who yell and scream, violence, etc. Always was told "too sensitive" as a child, but funny enough... as an adult, finally see my value as an HSP. Priceless. Getting countless text messages throughout the day when I'm trying to focus on my work used to drive me crazy. Now I use the "do not disturb" feature liberally without explanations or apologies! My boyfriend finally gets it. Loud TVs and music and bright lights don't bother him one bit; he didn't understand how uncomfortable these things made me. I was always a people pleaser, but finally realized I had to speak up regarding my needs. Three years later, he makes the effort to make sure I am always comfortable in his home when I'm there. TV and lights off at bedtime. Huge step. 😍

[@maiahmed9711]

I am highly sensitive. I can handle some sum but can't stay a day at the beach for instance. crowded big malls give me headaches and a feeling of overwhelm. Big hyper markets with excessive lights hurt my eyes and makes me feel I need to shut my eyes and that I need to go home. Despite being a social butterfly bilut I need a breakups and me time to restore my energy

[@Nicole_elizabeth1561]

Thank you Terri! I'm also an HSP and aspiring Boundary Boss. I relate 100% to serving myself up on a platter then feeling depleted and resentful. We really do have to protect ourselves and remember our feelings are important too, not just those of others.

[@terri_cole]

Exactly, Niky! Right on.

[@natachaguyot]

Thank you for these helpful tips! Finding out about HSP in the last couple of years has been eye-opening. I thought “sensory overload” was just an isolated thing but of course it wasn’t.

[@leanneb9111]

Thank you so much for this Terri. I thought I was the only person on earth who experiences the sun as an aggression. One of the worst family excursions our family had was when we took our children to a famous amusement park ....the crowds. The hollering. The loud music blaring from every street corner ....sent me scuttling back to the hotel room where I stayed for the next two days. I couldn't wait to go home. I love your energy.

[@terri_cole]

I see you and feel you, Leanne! You're not alone ❤️

[@rinakellogg8208]

Having blue eyes you are more sensitive to light so that’s part of it as well. I also found out I have cataracts. I can relate to all of this. For me growing up in such a volatile home & neighborhood with constant screaming is why I feel I can’t handle it anymore. The new exposed lighting trend in houses and restaurants is awful for me. I have to wear sunglasses in my friends house, etc. They sell magnetic coverings for lights in an office or school ….I used them for my special education classroom.

[@terri_cole]

Witnessing you with compassion, Rina - you're so not alone! ❤

[@rinakellogg8208]

@@terri_cole thank you. Hugs.,

[@susie5254]

Apparently there is now research connecting eye issues with trauma such as CPTSD. See Tim Fletcher.

[@rinakellogg8208]

@@susie5254 thanks Ill look that up

[@ArtistManagement48]

Thank you Terri, after listening to that video.I never leave the house without Suncreams anymore

[@user-fs6ou3fk9p]

I knew this about myself but was told that I'm so sensitive. Thank you for validating this.

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@HolisticallyHannah]

I am so grateful to have found you Terri

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@julie48twbreezy65]

It's very empowering to hear you talk about HSP, dear Terri!! Your videos have been very helpful to me, especially when I have to deal with narcissistic people and set up boundaries.I have no idea you are also a highly sensitive person until and I think I need to pay more respect to you. I listen to this video and keep nodding because your wise words really resonates a lot. I also find Danish author Ms. Ilse Sand's books very helpful and empowering. I want to send a warm hug to all the HSP people out there, keep thriving!!

[@ladyofgrace6712]

I resonate with loud noises and busy places being way too overstimulating! Thank you for this video. Big believer that boundaries help us navigate life and difficult relationships, although its tough to implement at times!

[@mitzicrowder2186]

I can totally relate,they call me an empath as well.I feel so isolated

[@stephaniemagda2585]

Thank you Terri.. I truly feel you have given language to how I am wired! Down to the actual feel of wool!! And as I get older the more I need to recharge from all this processing. Thank you for all you do! ❤️🙏🏽

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad it resonated with you ❤️

[@lonestar1558]

This is so important. Thank you for sharing your own experience as an HSP. It helps a lot. Very much appreciate all the help, light and guidance you continue to offer. Thank you so much Terri.

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad you found it helpful 💕 Thank you for being here!

[@kandismueller7716]

I am so relieved since I learned about HSPs. I am not wierd, I am tuned in. How many HSPs also have electrical hypersensitivity? I cannot sleep with wifi on.

[@beverlyhogan3682]

I have always been a highly sensitive person and did not learn any protective strategies until I began to hear about this term and re-conceptualize myself as wired this way vs. being pointed to as needing to accommodate the sensitivity (or non-sensitive) levels of others.

[@pinkroses135]

I don't like certain kinds of polyester against my skin, besides the wool, and can only sleep on 100% cotton percale sheets so I get that. I deal with hsp, cptsd and introversion so the overlap amplifies things. Making my bedroom a sanctuary in every way possible helps me tackle all of these areas in life.

[@terri_cole]

Yaaasss! Love the idea of making your bedroom a sanctuary.

[@maiahmed9711]

at 2018 or a bit later when I ran into your channel you taught me a lot about myself and my boundary issues. actually you hit me by the fact that it wasn't about the people , it's about me serving myself on a silver plate.. It is hard as he'll to face the truth, but it is definitely better than dieing(yes , dieing not living) in a LIE . I am thankful for you

[@terri_cole]

Thank you Mai, I so appreciate you being here ❤

[@bcbro142]

That's me❤😊

[@karenlowes7802]

Talking to an adult child of mine who turns my most mundane comment into a conversation about a world-wide conspiracy issue! We've had "the conversation" about agreeing to disagree, but still it continues.

[@lars-gunnarronnkvist5116]

Yes. Thank you. Thank you for using your voice to help others.🙏

[@SpiritualGuidanceandSupport]

Thank you for this video. I am an HSP and found your video supportive and comforting that I am not alone in this trait. I was married to a man who totally invalidated my sensitivity. He constantly dismissed it. I remember asking him if he could not use scented dryer sheets because they actually made me sick, he said that was ridiculous. I asked him to read Elaine Arron's book on the Highly Sensitive Person and he never did. He told me that I needed to toughen up and get a thicker skin. I had to leave the marriage for many reasons but the invalidation of my overall sensitivity and his dismissal of it was a big part of my decision to leave. Do you think that sharing with the people close to you about the traits of being an HSP is a good idea? In my case, I have been judged harshly for it, not just by my ex-husband but by family members and friends.

[@pinkroses135]

Dryer sheets make me queasy and give me a headache. The scents seem stronger than what I remember years ago.

[@terri_cole]

Hi Irma - I think you should only choose to share it with people who are emotionally safe. An effective way to protect yourself is to have a good boundaries. Your preferences need to matter to you and you don’t need to justify them to others ya know?

[@ishratpopal633]

THANKYOU...LIFE IS NOT EASY FOR US...

[@Ninilu.x2]

Hey Terri 👋🏼 Happy to have found your channel ✨

[@terri_cole]

I am so happy you found it, too! ❤️

[@NarcNerd11]

Thank you for recommending books. Starting this one today 😊

[@jeanbudden1129]

Thanks Terri, this helped me. 😊

[@terri_cole]

So glad to hear it Jean ❤️

[@mitzicrowder2186]

I love white puffy clouds,it helps me enjoy the day Miss Terry this is a great talk

[@R.A.A.1980]

Wow this is so validating

[@vanessaware1272]

Yes the lights! I worked in pharmacy for many years and found those bright bright lights extremely draining. Still love some loud music though... thank you ❤

[@jen2269]

Your videos are so beneficial to me. I'm a sensitive person. I have a lovely Mum who is 86 and I look after her, she is a bit muddled, I spend time with her everyday. However my brother and sister zap my energy as they do very little to help my Mum and it really upsets me that they care so little. I have asked them for 3 years for one weeks break from looking after my Mum but they say they are too busy as they have children. Somehow I need to not let it drain my energy. I have very poor boundaries and feel very overwhelmed.

[@terri_cole]

Witnessing you with compassion, Jen ❤️

[@myhottea]

Thank you Terri for another fantastic video! I don't think you could ever know just how much my life has improved since I discovered you! I just downloaded the guide and I want to thank you for your generosity and for providing so much helpful information! This episode describes me in so many ways! Your Boundary Boss book has been my manual, and I am currently enrolled in your Boundary Bootcamp... it's amazing!!! Thank you Terri for the work that you do! I am so grateful! Be well, and as always, take care of you!

[@terri_cole]

You are so welcome myhottea. I appreciate you being here and I'm glad you're finding Boundary Bootcamp helpful ❤️

[@lindad1063]

You're so good. Really appreciate you.

[@terri_cole]

I appreciate you, too, Linda!

[@trevawhitmoyer682]

Thank you, Terri! I needed to hear this. You make a difference!!❤

[@terri_cole]

Thank you, Treva ❤ glad it resonated with you.

[@ceekay3143]

I'm currently on a HSP information deep dive after realising I am HSP (so many sensory issues, but I'm also emotionally intelligent and perceptive). Everything you said in this video resonated with me. I was already on a journey to understand myself, and now I feel like I'm getting closer to knowing myself better, my strengths and weaknesses. It also seems to explain why I've had the experience and reactions to dating that I have had, which is kind of comforting. I had already been working on being kinder to myself, and my self care just happens to align with what HSPs need to do (alone time, sensory breaks, getting into nature, distancing myself from emotionally draining people, creating art etc). Hopefully I will quickly learn how to protect myself emotionally and exercise boundaries.

[@terri_cole]

So glad this was helpful for you, Cee Kay!

[@blinxxy1]

Thanks Terri your work really is supportive...n nurturing im so sensitive n feel the odd one out but not any more x brightest of blessings to you always

[@terri_cole]

I see you and feel you! ❤

[@anusivaNilavu]

Thank you 💖Your videos are great 💖

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@mitzicrowder2186]

Truly I thank God for your help on this place called earth! Most days I feel like an alien

[@mariabuckley1749]

Thank you very much Terri 💖

[@juanoliver5662]

yes!

[@pinkroses135]

It can be hard figuring out what you like when you've been in toxic cycles. I'm still climbing out of it.

[@terri_cole]

Witnessing you with compassion and love, T ❤

[@poojachanana2889]

Namastey, Through my personal experience I realized that I was not highly sensitive right from my childhood but gradually as I navigated through the pains and traumas of my existence ,I grew to become overly sensitive.So my question is if being highly sensitive a sign of impoverished mental health and indicates there are some unresolved issues and hence healing is yet not complete ? Can a totally healthy and healed person be highly sensitive ?

[@terri_cole]

Hi Pooja - Yes they can 💕 what you’re describing to me sounds like it might be more like hypervigilance (being hyper aware of danger and potentially reactive to anything that feels threatening) as a result of traumatic or painful experiences in childhood than being highly sensitive (like born that way) as there are some similarities in these two experiences.

[@cutepuddleslime8201]

One of my biggest questions I have right now is how do I, a highly sensitive person, get out of my comfort zone? Because there is a lot of good in getting out, but I am very discomfort intolerant meaning my energy drains a bit more easily the more uncomfortable I am. How can I set realistic goals and expectations even if I am uncomfortable, but not want to run away from discomfort like it is a threat or a danger.

[@terri_cole]

Go slow and make small goals. Make sure to build in time to restore, which will support a healthier nervous system as an HSP. Sending strength xo ❤️

[@kandismueller7716]

I am in northern Arizona. Watch out for dimmer switches - they create "dirty electricity" (voltage irregularities).

[@bethanybailey202]

😮 I'm buying the book!! This is me😢. Thank you

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@Michael19283]

Who are you? You are amazing!!!

[@cryssco1893]

Hi Terri, do you think highly sensitive people are sometimes wrong in their assessment of the way another person is feeling because they are so dialed into to others' feelings? How do we know when it's just my projection or the person isn't necessarily in tune with their own feelings. I know it's a strange question. Thanks!

[@terri_cole]

Hi Crys - Yes we can be wrong because without asking the other how they are feeling we’re honestly just guessing (even if we have amazing intuition) and being a highly sensitive person does not exclude us from unconsciously employing the psychological defense mechanism of projection 💕

[@astrialindah2773]

ah yes.. highly sensitive people cannot stand chaos basically. in the last 10 years I have hardly watched TV at all, and when friends mention TV shows or actors they are baffled that I don't know who they are.. I also just like quiet in my home. the radio is rarely on or as I mentioned the tv.. even in my vehicle I'm the same way.. and as highly sensitive people we are all so very alert to the feelings and emotions of people around us and are more aware of minute expressions from people.

[@rosemetcalf]

Terri, Do you think being a Highly Sensitive Person is nature or nurture or a blend of both? I attribute alot my sensitivity to over-stimulation to my nervous system that is dysregulated from trauma. If I trace back to childhood, however, I can trace always being highly sensitive. The reactions of others to my stimulus preferences does reflect back to me a sense that I am 'being difficult'. Since digesting every page of Boundary Boss thoroughly and putting the teachings into action, I am so much better at asserting my preferences. Thank you! Is it our propensity for laziness that prefers others to be mutable and 'easy-going'?

[@terri_cole]

Hi Rose - I think it can be a combination of nature and nurture. The nature part is the way you’re born and the nurture part is the environment you grow up in 💕 I’m so happy the book is helping you!

[@TheGoby]

That’s me I find it hard to cope with loud music at work, hate crowds- people don’t get me. ❤

[@amandapaigejones3659]

Oh Terri It’s me I was always knew I was like the girl in the book the Princess and the Pea It’s all me like you And so many other things that there isn’t time to type about So glad I’m not unusual 🥳🥳🥳🥳

[@terri_cole]

Welcome to the HSP club! ❤️

[@christalhuff4764]

What kind of sheet do you use? My daughter is like that.

[@terri_cole]

Hi Christal -- the sheets are from Bloomingdales: charisma ultimate luxury sheet set 610 thread count cotton sateen.

[@rosalie6468]

Hi, i was just wondering if you have any tips for extrovert HSPs? I feel like I’m constant over- or understimulated, and the only person that can fill up my extrovert need and dosen’t make me overstimualted is the person I live with, but they are a HSP introvert, so there’s were we clash.

[@terri_cole]

Hi Rosalie - I feel you on this! I would suggest that you become radically curious about what is provoking the over and under stimulation. When you feel under stimulated you can choose to find a way to stimulate your own mind or body without others to see how that feels. Also, you can check out larariggio.com (my pal) for ideas of how to protect your energy as an HSP.

[@audronekvedariene5528]

I have to go sleep on time eat on time otherwise I'm even more sensitive

[@Naan795]

A person can have high sensitivity but if it used to punish others and use emotional abuse, playing the victim or blaming, and resentment, if issues are so deep and so terrible that issues cannot be solved as they should, then is not only for the parter to love a HSP.

[@Hanna-Nyasa]

What is your understanding of being a HSP and/or being on the spectrum (perhaps late stage undiagnosed females) Im curious about the key differences you see between these ? I think theres a lot of overlap

[@terri_cole]

I think there’s a lot of overlap when it comes to sensory overwhelm! However, I think an HSP may have a different internal reaction to these overwhelming feelings and may be able to adjust in a way that someone who has autism spectrum disorder may struggle with, and will have a different internal reaction. It’s also completely possible that someone with autism also is an HSP!

[@fauziakhan9954]

Hi Terri ! ❤ I just found you on Facebook. I know I am HSP and unicorn empath. I would love to get therapy from you. Thanks ❤

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad you found my channel ❤️ Unfortunately, I no longer offer 1:1 therapy or coaching, but I can give you the name of someone I recommend if you'd like to reach out to my team - support @ terricole.com (without the spaces).

[@monekaburns4400]

The sad part was when i was ready to leave my friend house i ask are you finished with me now . because i always feel as if . just third myself on a plate you said that just right❤😂. They were looking like huh .we didn't ask you for anything 😮 .

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion, moneka ❤️

[@OlgaPuma1977]

It is not true that it us undiagnosable. There is a test on HSP right in Elain Aron's book. You can diagnose yourself

[@terri_cole]

To clarify, it's not listed in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) and isn't clinically diagnosable according to that. ❤️

[@TruePathLiving]

I am like this too. I am vegan for this reason. Cannot even stand the thought of animals being killed for food. Also can't stand bright lights etc.

[@taghazoutmoon5031]

Isn't everyone sensitive at some point in life 🙄?