How to Work with Your Parts: Complex PTSD, IFS, and Dissociation | Elizabeth Ferreira

[@ecstaticfrey1147]

Yes please I'd like a whole episode on accepting anger as an appropriate response and utilizing it to enforce boundaries. Even around telling people they've unloaded more than you are able to hold for them.

[@emmee137]

I second this.

[@SuffragettesTree]

Me too! Thank you for this helpful episode ❤

[@ecstaticfrey1147]

More Elizabeth, please. I love listening to her and learning from you both. ❤

[@chrisrendino1529]

Wow. I’m your difficult client. Exactly like you described. I also worked with a therapist for almost two years that specializes in IFS. She cried during our sessions a few times when I talked about hard situations. I was irritated by her emotional responses to my story. Sorry. Just a truth. Once I switched therapist whom was more hard on me and expected more truths with no emotional response, I flourished in my recovery and am still working with her. Not saying one style is better, just noting an experience I had.

[@jujubesification]

I imagine it really helps to feel safe for a therapy to work. When a therapist starts crying, I can imagine feeling like you're being made responsible for this other person's emotions, who is supposed to be your therapist. While you want to be free to just focus on you. The burden of taking care of another makes it much harder to be focused on yourself. I don't know if this is what happened for you, it could be for other reasons. Either way, it's a valid response.

[@Touay.]

@@jujubesification interesting point. i have also heard that some feel validated and 'seen' if their therapist cries. ... they do say try a few therapists to find one that works for you.

[@jujubesification]

@Touay. Yeah, very true. If e.g. your trauma is related to not being seen and not having your feelings validated, then this could be a really good fit. If you have trauma around having been made responsible for how another feels, then a therapist crying is more likely to be triggering. If you have blocked emotions because they are too strong and they scare you, then your therapist crying is also not going to be an easy match.

[@chrisrendino1529]

@@jujubesification this is exactly how I felt. “Oh great. Now I made you cry”.

[@chrisrendino1529]

@@jujubesification exactly. My entire job in life was to make others life easier. Now I’m even making my therapist cry. “What is wrong with me?”

[@RonaldVanlandingham]

Congratulations on the engagement! I am beyond grateful for this episode of Forrest and Elizabeth. While watching this video, I felt peace, grateful, joy, and excited. My heart is opened wide to my current experience. Each day is a day of healing for me, and I have the wholesome opportunity to transform in your presence. I am sending positive, loving, and protective energy to everyone here. May we all experience divine and constant healing through our journeys of life. Much love and as always be safe ❤

[@carolapersoon7501]

Thank Elisabeth for explaining why i find it so incredibly difficult to know what i want, why i do first stuff for other people (partner, kids, employer) before i do important things for myself. And why i do not dare to ask for basically anything.

[@jeangraham5351]

Yes, yes episodes on cptsd in anger expression and asking expressions Great job on this cast! Thanks.

[@jeangraham5351]

second time in... there is so much in this one cast. I am having a difficult time getting past 41:10 Hypervigilance. It's all so new. This you could easily extend to several future casts. So many doing mindfulness just accept the frustration that most people cannot get past the first 3 to 5 minutes before a 'form of anxiousness sets in' as Forrest said. I never considered it as Hypervigilance but it makes sense. Even accepting that this is true, and knowing the 3-4 minutes of mindfulness is great, it would be nice to avoid the anxious feelings if it's at all possible. With so much there, I will skip that section tomorrow and go on to the next.... when I'm in for a third time on this one cast. Again, thank you, both.

[@avakennedy3519]

This was very useful for me. I’m 72, and I have CPTSD and ADD. I’m one of those people you referred to who is very self aware but haven’t been able to get what I want out of it. I do have a monthly therapist over the phone who is very good, but I need this kind of supplement. More of these deep episodes would be very helpful for me. Thank you! Congrats on being engaged.

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

I have compassion for you and for me when I read this. Stay on the journey and if you haven’t please try yoga. Join a group and do group yoga, it’s changed my life, I am 47 and the age range at my group club fitness class is about 18-84. All the best to you

[@MattKastelein]

My partner and I do this kind of healing at The Sacred Union. It’s such an effective method, talk therapy just doesn’t go deep enough and create a somatic change.

[@eveofgenesis]

I have DID so I really appreciate the episodes that talk about dissociation topics. They're always very helpful for me and as someone who finds having a body to be the worst inconvenience, the somatic strategies you talk about are also very interesting.

[@Aquarian_Heart]

27:10... This .. all of this. Growing up without a voice is probably the worse thing. Being physically and mentally terrified to even have an opinion let alone attempt to express it... To this day I still cant express myself, I fumble with words, disassociate while talking.. hurry up and finish without even getting my point across and God forbid I pick up on any suttle cues the other person isn't interested or doesn't believe me. I'll always end my sentences with "it's hard to explain" or"sorry I'm not explaining it properly" it's always so nice when someone picks up on my struggles and asks questions.. then I know I have "permission" to speak and can express myself a bit better 💝

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

Thanks for being so vulnerable, I can empathize

[@AngelOClock]

Oh I hope You can allow Yourself to feel what You feel and to express it. Working through it. *♥️ Lots of good thoughts to You!

[@dragon6414]

Thanks!

[@eleventylevity]

Glad to see her back, and congratulations to you both. And thank you, this is a timely helpful episode.

[@lindaelarde2692]

Elizabeth is brilliant and so insightful. I resonate so deeply with everything she says. I had the good fortune of working with an SE therapist for almost 2 years. It was a game changer. She must be an amazing therapist.

[@michifornow1]

I could have written this word for word, including two years with an SE therapist. Elizabeth is on the mark for me.

[@karenbird1279]

YES! I want you to do a whole episode about the anger part!! And.. Congratulations both of you! 😊

[@metamorphoton]

I’ve missed hearing Elizabeth! Her work on PMDD and somatic therapy has been life altering for me. Your dynamic together is also wonderful to learn from.

[@imbody.journey]

Could you kindly point me to where I can find this work on PMDD. Forever grateful ❤

[@ChrisGuo-di5op]

15 minutes in and the way you two discuss the experience of therapy makes me feel so seen. I appreciate the candor about the topic. Feels very affirming.

[@emmee137]

One of my fave episodes! Really love when Elizabeth is on. I very much relate to her experiences and perspectives. It’d also great seeing you two in a healthy, validating relationship Thank you to you both! ❤️

[@ChildPerson]

So proud of Elizabeth! So proud of me! I managed to heal enough...with years of professional support and encouragement... follow my dream. A high school drop out at 16, I finally attended NAU at age fifty, graduated with high honors, earned 2 MA, and almost PhD,.before life got in the way. Now at 82, listening to Elizabeth, I remember all the trials and tribulations and especially the joys and high lights of those years. And I remember the ever increasing coping skills and tools I had to learn to make it! Now, I smile as Elizabeth talks about her stubbornness, as I own my own as my super power that still keeps me going as I face new Increasoing mental, emotional and physical challenges of aging. I really identified with so many of her stories but one in particular was so helpful to me. That was the inner rage over other's traumas, especially one in particular... A woman's long and dramatic telling of her trauma over not receiving a coveted dress during her teen years. Many years passed before my own developing self compassion extended to enveloping compassion for her pain. Looking forward to more episodes with Elizabeth! Thank you and congratulations to you both!

[@malemaline]

Forrest, I'm impressed with the questions you ask especially since you shared you don't come from a very troubled background. I like the depth in perspective and how you incorporate various levels and experiences in your questions.

[@niks_91]

More episodes with Elizabeth, please 🙏🏻❤

[@hadleyallenhadleyallenfitn6384]

ELIZABETH!! Bravo !! has articulated my confusion for over 30+ years wow Thank you Both!!

[@tonyhill2318]

Your podcast is always so helpful and heart-strengthening. Wisdom and love and science are a divine combination.

[@bluaurora8635]

Elizabeth would make AMAZING ASMR videos, like she’d be a top creator. I get tingles just listening to her talk with such presence and sensitivity!

[@ForrestHanson]

I've suggested this to her, she'd be fantastic.

[@joannamgodwin3072]

Oh I love forests voice! He is def in a lovely space when he speaks

[@roribun]

I listen to your podcast pretty frequently and this was the most moving episode yet. Thank you Forrest and Elizabeth for your commitment to helping others and fostering a more beautiful world we all know is possible.

[@a.s.jackson8203]

Thank you for another helpful, clear discussion. I'm in recovery for c-ptsd. I teared up a few times during this discussion. It makes me sad to think that my recovery is going to take years. I have to accept that I can't think my way to healing; I have to feel my way to healing. Congratulations on your engagement. The two of you make a great team!

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

My sentiment as well💕🙏🌸

[@tonyburton419]

Congratulations on being with someone you have such a major interest in similar themes. You are a lucky guy. Hard to keep up with weekly episodes...but I am to do so during Xmas period.

[@DEBORAHSULLIVAN-rr7tr]

I am so inspired by the flow between the two of you. You challenge and compliment each and hold one another with such respect and regard. We benefit from all of it…. Congratulations! May your love last forever

[@flaneliaso]

I love your podcast, thanks so so much for all your work ❤ And I especially appreciate the recaps at the end of each episode, they’re so helpful!

[@christinalayton345]

Love these. I hope to hear more from Elizabeth in the future. She always helps me feel more calm and connected to myself.

[@TranscendingTrauma]

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! And yes, please do that episode about attachment, trauma, and your relationship and how you navigated that.

[@peacefulisland67]

Generational, cellular memory is my thought experiment every day at the moment. Realizing that all of my sensitivities are not just my own and certainly not all from this life really takes the pressure and shame off of my "inability to get better", or do better. Treatment resistance is more meaningful than we realize, but i sense that's about to change!

[@MarkThrive]

Video's like this are inspiring ! I'm 57, started taking low dose of Adderall for my recently diagnosed ADHD. I now have the ability to work in high tech manufacturing field and w/o the Rx could not do this work without cognitive chemical assistance. So I could relate to your ADHD story. 😊 I also started EMDR therapy three years ago for my untreated childhood C-PTSD. By treating the trauma my capacity to regulate and integrate has given me a deeper sense of self never before experiences. Videos like this are inspiring give me hope to continue doing the trauma therapy "WORK" experience true self even when I experience dissociation, etc.

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

Thank you for writing my story!

[@ven_pasanna]

Incredible episode. I found the somatic approach to parts work instantly applicable. This discussion flipped on a few light switches allowing me to work with some dark places I haven’t been able to access before.

[@lindaelarde2692]

These discussions are phenomenal. You both bring such complimentary insights and language to convey these very complex cognitive and somatic experiences in ways that really land for me.

[@dougaduncan]

This was a wonderful discussion that helped me better understand some concepts and jargon by connecting them to the somatic experiences they refer to. Thanks to you both for a great conversation. I'm excited for more discussions like this either on specific topics with more in-depth discussion, or responses to listener questions as you did here. Thanks again!

[@hadleyallenhadleyallenfitn6384]

Yes Forrest please take us through a session with Elizabeth❤

[@niks_91]

Thank you so much for speaking about the wants/needs in context to developmental and cptsd. It was so validating to my experience.

[@FoxHowton]

Thank you Elizabeth, for touching on the topic of how hard and traumatic it is for Neurodivergent scholars to succeed in academia. I burnt out of graduate school twice, without being able to finish. Now I am still in the process of recovering from longCOVID + burn out - being able to figure out "where the environment did not suit my neurotyoe (AuDHD)" is allowing me to move on past the perceived feeling of failure, and identify what my nervous system actually needs, as opposed to trying to fit into a system that does not respect our neurology. An orca will almost always fail a cycling test, when it is more suited to range the open oceans, where it can shine ;) Or to quote my Dr -- you are trying to run a marathon while on crutches. The timeline and level does not suit - try swimming instead.

[@leila595]

I am so grateful that I have found this (and 1 other) channel in a sea o shallowness and toxicity through shallowness. Love your content! (Oh, wow, I would have felt fury, blind fury if smb would have called me out on disassociation when I weren't aware of it.)

[@night0wl1111]

I want a whole episode on shutting down the fight response. That is super relevant for me. ❤

[@gfyourself688]

They did a full video on all the stress responses, you can search for fight.

[@robertunderwood6788]

Congratulations!,, So happy for both of you. 😄😄😄

[@SeleneAdams-Carey]

This is so fantastically great. Exactly what I need right now. Thank you for your hard and important work.

[@Chichi-cy2bb]

Really enjoyed. You really go into depth with so much clarity. Thank you

[@NorthLight-s9f]

Something I noticed I do as a regulation thing when I’m watching movies or tv shows with suspense and anxiety producing plots, is to get online and read the plot so I know what is going to happen. I might also turn the volume lower so that the sensations I get in response to the show are muted to such an extent that I can process what is happening in the show. I think protective parts do that for circumstances of life that are so intense or overwhelming that integration becomes difficult. I think by reading all the IFS material or intellectualising the cause effect patterns in one’s life, people may be doing the same… they are reading the plot around emotion processing to make the actual work of processing more accessible, understandable and even possible at all, and then when their managers are satisfied they are equipped with enough intel on how the process works, they will finally allow the person to really get in to the work of processing. I think it’s actually a very smart approach.

[@sarahfrancis4532]

Congratulations on your engagement! Elizabeth you did an amazing job in this podcast no need to worry about that!👏 I have listened to countless podcasts and read many many books (yes i'm one of those people!) But this podcast has helped me so much understand on a much deeper level what i have been struggling to fix for year's!! Would love to hear more from you two together what a team!! Thankyou!!❤

[@8Agnew]

To say I feel seen in this video is an understatement. I’ve been on a healing journey a long time trying to figure myself out. Just learning that I have dyscalculia about 10 years ago made a difference as an example. Figuring out that I have CPTSD has helped me. I’m hoping someday I can work with a somatic therapist, too. Thank you so much for this discussion. P. S. Congratulations on your engagement! Would love a video on anger.

[@IAM-gj7jc]

I started diamond painting. The fact that a picture is being created whilst I line up dots, sort through colours and numbers, is very pleasurable although i can get a bit obsessive and sit there around 4 hours a day.

[@Elalolam]

Great video. That the manager does not like being observed was an eye-opener. Very helpful - also for my meditation practice actually.

[@traceinpaper8606]

Congratulations, I'm so happy for you both.

[@weronikakrajewska4258]

You both are a blessing, thank you♥️

[@MarkThrive]

I could listen to you both on a regular basis share your experiences both personally and in the field of therapy... you should have a weekly podcast 😊 Perhaps following this format ...answering letters, etc. Thank you 🙏 Both

[@personalalchemy1111]

ahhh i missed elizaeth! so glad to see her again. I love her podcast too

[@JennaBlanco]

I needed this right now! Going through it & this video is needed! Thank you!!!!!!!!

[@EricRn218]

Congratulations on the engagement You two! I also find myself thinking What's wrong with not obsessing about the pain at times? I feel like therapists love it, and like Love it more than anything else and are getting a weird charge out of talking about it... It's like I'm looking backward at sad times rather than forward at where I'm at or the reality. I still feel like pain can come from things that are bad, And not only things which are not integrated into personalities... Underlying this is a montra of Feel the feelings, but then what ?

[@mvmkr1]

Congrats, you too are such an amazing couple! Very happy for both of you!

[@Bee46727]

Yes, please do a whole episode on disassociation

[@ethanlawrence123]

15:50 I've been going through IFS therapy for a while and I never considered that this might be happening to my therapist while we were in session. I feel kinda awful now for making them potentially feel bad. I don't want to be "littering" my feelings around a room. How do I stop?

[@eleventylevity]

Maybe becoming aware of how one's own emotional diassociation or compartmentalization is affecting others is a step in healing? That's what I'm working with.

[@ForrestHanson]

That's a big part of why you're paying them! I wouldn't worry about it too much, clinicians know what they're getting into. It could even be something you bring up with them as a topic or concern, and it might lead to an interesting conversation.

[@bluaurora8635]

Congratulations on the engagement!!! What a wonderful couple.

[@tracyau9122]

congratulations! and This was an incredible episode! Learned a lot!!!

[@dragon6414]

Super great conversation. Your guest is breaking this down beautifully.

[@stephaniemcgrath5428]

59 ..about trauma, things being hard. Gosh, relatable AF. Needed to hear that

[@melissafreidly7391]

This was an especially helpful discussion, thx to you both for bringing it here

[@jennw6809]

Forrest was dead on when noting how so many of us have the hardest time making even the most benign requests. I took a Hakomi workshop years ago and we did and exercise where we paired up to put a hand on another's back in just the way that felt good to them. I remember how hard it was for me to ask for the kind of touch I wanted, and what an incredible surprise that was to me. Ironically I am a massage therapist, so that is literally my job. I have no issue complying with such requests, but making my own felt horrifying.

[@peacefulisland67]

Sweet! Thank you, Elizabeth!

[@Lore788]

You share a beautiful connection. Congratulations to you both.🎉Helpful and excellent topic, thank you!🙏❤️🎁

[@thuhuongle4976]

Congratulations!!! You both are inspiring!

[@lousiannegirlatheart]

Of course I love you both. Love the podcast in general. Y'all are great! I just want to say, WOW she is so pretty!

[@alanissophia332]

Congratulations on the engagement 🎉

[@coppersense999]

Congratulations! Amazed and happy that you are posting such a timely video, as I was literally looking up Dick Schwartz's IFS book this morning to prepare for some inner child work. And so happy that two mental health power players are joining forces. Sending all the love and well wishes for you both. ❤️❤ Lol my inner child is cheering and unofficially adopting an Aunt and Uncle. Apparently she believes humanity is one big spiritual family and I like it. 😂

[@JamieR]

It's a fantastic book!

[@Relahxe]

OMG YESS, I see you heard us and what we wanted 😊😊 so special

[@konezummmi]

Thank you both✨✨✨

[@MarkThrive]

28:10 ...Adaptive Strategy and a prelude to the beginning "FORCE OF DISSOCIATION"!!! 🤯 FUTURE EPISODE IDEA: 1. Healthy Protest 2. Origins of Dissociation

[@Touay.]

great episode

[@chrishooper7943]

Fantastic...I think I may have had PMDD when younger...one thing Magnesium...used up by stress etc...and a muscle relaxant 🙂

[@brettstadelmann2589]

Brilliant convo :)

[@kevwiltshire6365]

I'm NVLD (DVSD) - for me thinking and feeling seem to be synonymous. As far as I can tell, I literally describe how I'm feeling to myself in real time. I'm wondering what the options are here for those of us who operate a little differently. I can see it's frustrating (I have friends who get exasperated), but I for one lack the facility to switch to a more somatic mode.

[@jori_confluxconnect]

Congratulations on being transparent. To the female; you are not a victim to your circumstances. You so not need to believe what another human told you are. Everything is a skill. If you want to focus then you start to train yourself to focus. Holding these identities is simply a belief system. You also can go to the root of the cause which more than likely is held in your gut, heart or penal gland. Heavy metals, parasites are real…. Cleansing your body and mind are apart of this journey. Have a great day! ❤

[@dhdnyc]

Well done!

[@lindaelarde2692]

Congratulations!!

[@rasmuss-h1897]

Sweet!!!

[@JennaBlanco]

31:50 this is SO ME😢I wanna be like you🙏🏽

[@MarkThrive]

36:00 Functional Freeze

[@JennaBlanco]

How do I get a meeting with Elizabeth? I see so much of myself in her😢😭love you both!

[@ElishevaLe]

On anger. I definitely struggle to connect to my fight response. A part of me controls it very tightly to understand the boundary required and to then communicate it in NVC adjacent language. It's all very, very controlled and alarming. And I wish I could experience it without so much anxiety that it is the end of the world for me to be angry (I also dislike other people being angry with me). The whole experience is super fraught.

[@DR_1_1]

I often feel I'm sliding into freeze mode, I just don't know what to do, except for paying attention, then regulating with some more positive sensations and feelings.

[@CreativeArtandEnergy]

Fully tuned in for this one. ☝️ I love when you all talk about this because I live through it while being back home as an adult. I hope this topic gets more popular by the people who understand it the most, like you all. ❤

[@MarkThrive]

27:15 Healthy Protest ... not allowed to say "No" as a child. Our parents were not capable of Emotional Maturity they required us to regulate their emotions... "parentified" child. We were expected to be little adults suppressing our feelings! Yikes!! I ended up raising my kids the same way... I had no capacity to regulate my emotions... I expected my kids to regulate mine... repeating the toxic cycle!

[@smadm2437]

Forrest, you have a body?! 😅 not used to seeing all of you! Thank you both 💓

[@ForrestHanson]

😂

[@MarkThrive]

32:45 FUTURE EPISODE TOPIC: Learned Protective Strategies

[@thatpsychologyguy]

55:20 I now understand that one's pain cannot be compared with another's. My parent died vs My parents cannot afford to take me to a holiday - are both valid. And unles they happen to the same person, they cannot be rated higher and lower on a scale. if these two people existed in different worlds, their pain should be treated as equally valid. . God I feel backlash coming my way already. Let me rephrase. If you have an existential status based pain, you cannot really trivialize it by saying 'Oh at least my parents are alive. there are orphans out there.'

[@JennaBlanco]

19:32 that’s me!😢

[@expotube1]

Observing managers? Entering space?

[@dcat1730]

YAAAAA Elizabeth is back🎉🎉🎉

[@natgreen5903]

Yay amazing

[@jujubesification]

Lol - it's funny to tell a podcast audience that the podcast audience often listens to these podcasts without doing the actual work of feeling stuff. Are you calling us out? 😂 Yes, I'm doing the feeling stuff. I'm not reading the IFS books. I'll maybe read some books when I'm interested in reading about models. I prefer doing my own processing first, which connects more to my own lived experience.

[@night0wl1111]

This could just be my own insecurity showing, but I felt like it may be insightful. I noticed when he talked about touching her leg in a certain way she stopped and had what seemed to me a rather strong emotional response to how he presented it. To me, I would have felt very vulnerable and on the spot if this hadn't been discussed and approved as something that could be used in the video. That's kind of a private and intimate action.... Anyways, just noticed it and wondered, ironically, if she didn't start to disassociate and freeze up after that because it seemed like she had some trouble focusing on the next question. That's exactly how I would have responded. From a third party objective perspective, I would think she is perfectly safe to set a boundary in that moment, but she may not want to embarrass him or lose a sense of control by being authentic, so the alternative response..... Can be freezing for someone who's adverse to confrontation and setting boundaries. That might not be an issue in most cases if you go to therapy, but might be more complicated in a setting where you're actually filming. But they did post this and may have talked about using it beforehand. It's very possible I'm overthinking the whole thing and projecting. 😆😆😆😆

[@JennaBlanco]

19:20🥺

[@expotube1]

What is IFS?

[@7Meme6997]

My neighbour is an alcoholic and when I stay home, my nervous system seems to connects to his an I feel my nervous system go crazy :(

[@Touay.]

I am that thinky guy. .... and yes, i have spent yeas trying to think my way ot of CPTSD .... i doesn't work.

[@MarkThrive]

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. -Carl Jung

[@JohnMichaelHamlin]

I normally like your podcasts, but I had to stop listening to this one bc I had no idea what you two were talking about. Systems? Managers? I'm very confused. I wish you all had unpacked what those mean a bit more. Otherwise, I really enjoy your podcasts. Just this one didn't have enough explanation for me.

[@brammonio514]

There's an episode about IFS, with Rick Schwartz! There, everything is introduced!

[@psychiccrocodile3679]

Look into internal family systems