How We Met - Laura from the Bruderhof

Laura Maendel and her fiancé Chris Robertshaw answer some questions about how they got to know each other and how they're preparing for their wedding (only days away).
Laura has moved to her own channel--find here here: / laurafromthebruderhof
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What is the Bruderhof?
The Bruderhof is an intentional Christian community of people living in radical discipleship in the spirit of the first church in Jerusalem. We gladly renounce private property and share everything in common. Our vocation is a life of service to God, each other, and you. Learn more by subscribing to our channel: → kzbin.info...
More info is at:
→ Website: www.bruderhof.com
→ Instagram: www.bruderhof.com/instagram
→ Twitter: www.bruderhof.com/twitter
→ Facebook: www.bruderhof.com/facebook

[@annie3343]

It really resonated with me when Chris said "I have always felt that a true Christian faith has a vibrant and joyful expression in everyday life. Because hey, it is the Good News!" I know so many Christians who always act miserable and grumpy. It put me off from the faith for a long time. Now that I have rekindled my walk with Jesus, no one can steal my joy!!

[@catherine9808]

Reading some of the comments here isn’t surprising. As a woman living in this world I have been broken by relationships broken by rejection and sex without real commitment, this world tells us to be free sexual liberation and all this complete lie . Listening to these two people is an absolute gift I don’t care what she is wearing I don’t care about any of that all I see is hope in this mess . We are so desperate for love and intimacy yet we don’t know how to go about because ultimately we have pushed God out. I believe he is my creator and praying for the strength to just give him a chance in this area of my life

[@alexbecker4149]

Yeah, sexual liberation is a complete lie. The happiest people are those living in strong families and supportive communities, not singles or career-oriented feminists. But the media doesn't show the path to happiness, they only show dysfunctional people because drama is entertaining to the broken people watching at home. As a man I also feel disillusioned with life in this artificial society. I'm 29 and have a good career, I work over the internet etc. but I feel like in this fake society there is nothing worth living for, it's only a hamster wheel and circus with no true fulfillment. My dream is to have a family and live a simple life in a healthy community where families support each other. I just learned about the Bruderhof community, I previously considered joining the Amish but I think technology can be useful, when used mindfully. So now I'm considering joining a Bruderhof community. I've been living a simple life and saving all my earnings, just because I didn't know what else to do with the money, but also saving in case something bad happens in the future, because in this modern world you always have to be worried about the future. The media is instilling fear in people while selling insurances. It seems like the Bruderhof system works better, they are not worried because they are supporting each other, so they can invest in the present and live in the present, which is more healthy and fulfilling. I wish you the best and hope that you'll find true fulfillment and happiness!

[@catherine9808]

@@alexbecker4149 I hear you Alex . Artificial society is spot on. It is empty and broken. Maybe you don’t need to go live in a different community maybe it’s about finding peace no matter where you live . Personally I think it’s something only God can bring and won’t matter where we live if we have Christ in our hearts . Hope you find what you’re looking for

[@estellesmith6418]

Chris, this video is 5 years old but oh brother.... you've found a diamond. What a beautiful lady Laura is. Inside and out.

[@notafeminist5948]

True, pure Christianity at its best, well done guys, all my best wishes💐 if only the whole world was like your community there will be no poverty, no loneliness, no suffering on earth just peace, love and care ( Muslim sister UK)

[@lilianmbugua2370]

True this is very nice life I love it

[@therealzilch]

I'm an atheist, but whatever works for you is great. Congratulations.

[@danacaro-herman3530]

@Scott Wallace. I pray that perhaps you find the love of God the Father, Jesus Our Lord and Savior and The Holy Spirit!! Peace and God bless 🙏

[@therealzilch]

@@danacaro-herman3530 Thanks for your good wishes. Peace to you and yours too.

[@thedreamer4761]

@@danacaro-herman3530 no

[@lawriecoombs6876]

I'm a Marxist and a life long socialist. I love these videos - there is so much to learn from them.

[@jamiemarie4894]

She didn’t ask.

[@shystudyspy]

They’ve known each other for years, have been taking walks together in nature, talking a lot, getting to know each other on a deeper level, finding out who the other person really is, reading together... If that’s not dating, I don’t know what is! That’s definitely how my boyfriend and I have been dating, and we’re atheists. The only addition is that we have sexual contact, but I wouldn’t say at all that that’s the important part of dating or even that it’s necessary. I mean, that would mean that asexual people can’t date! But maybe „dating“ is a term that’s a little looked down upon at the Bruderhof and perhaps that’s why they don’t like to call it dating? But they’ve definitely been dating. Which is not a bad thing! :)

[@kittyp1569]

True! It is a form of "dating." Generally in cultures or communities with this type of "dating" it is not seen as just having a relationship, but specifically getting to know a person for the ONLY reason of marriage. They literally do not "date" anyone they are not seeking for the point of marriage. I do think she has a point that it holds back a certain type of intimacy in order to develop the heart/spiritual side of the relationship. There are many relationships twisted by physical intimacy or ruined by it, b/c the heart/spirit side wasnt developed first.

[@shystudyspy]

Kitty P Ah, I see. I missed that it was only for the purpose of finding out if marriage would work for them. That’s definitely not how we’ve been dating, even though I realized pretty early on that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Marriage will probably be in our future at one point because I like the thought of being married to my significant other, but it’s not that important to us.

[@osricwolfing4553]

I'm an atheist too. I think a lot of people are under the impression that we are immoral hedonists who deny gods to live in debauchery without shame, but I like traditional old fashioned dating. It really is better for you emotionally.

[@flowersafeheart]

Yes sounds like they've been doing really enjoyable non-sexual dating and feeling out their compatability (other than sexual compatability but I respect their right to choose what they want about that).

[@notafeminist5948]

The word dating nowdays is completly messed up, it can refer to promiscuity.

[@jaynecooney9549]

I’ve been married 21 years three kids and I couldn’t be happier even though I had a stroke last year and now my husband looks after he’s great

[@susannemulholland4804]

I don't understand how your "getting to know" each other is any different to dating? Dating doesn't necessitate physical intimacy.

[@postcodeox278]

The dating term is used by many to mean that you go out for a coffee, which like you said isn't about physical intimacy. However the 'dating' term is also about sex, its being open and ready for sex if the door is open the guy will walk through it. Christians don't have a view of dating like that!

[@airenesivad2975]

Real dating is not hooking up it is getting to know one first and checking compatibility etc.

[@anthonym4706]

Let's be honest with ourselves... yes it does.

[@johnsala1619]

@@anthonym4706 I'll be 46 in a few days, if dating necessarily means physical intimacy of any kind, than I've never been on a date. Actually, I never have been on a date.

[@theescapist9450]

Who dates someone they don't know? You get to know eachother then determine of you want to date

[@jenm2251]

"Don't have to worry about a fancy dress..." These aren't negative things to most people. They enjoy them, that's why they CHOOSE them. Lots of people on the outside also choose not to have a big wedding or fancy dress. When u have been conditioned to think it's wrong or sinful to wear a fancy dress, however, I can see why u would think it's a burden.

[@Heyimvalarie18]

Yes, completely agree

[@kittyp1569]

Jen - you miss the point. The worry is the negative part, not wearing a pretty dress. She was referring to the expense & finding of a very extravagant gown. I'm not bruderhof - but I dont want that stress either! I would NOT choose to worry about a fancy dress anyway! I dont think its "sinful" to wear a fancy dress, & I dont think she's been taught that either. But I DO think theyve been taught to enjoy & focus on what marriage is REALLY about: joining 2 lives together, just 2 people as they are, as beloved friends, before God... When THAT is the reason you are getting married - why would you care about a stupid dress?! I personally think its disgusting that many modern american women are incredibly focused on "MY DAY, MY WAY" & EVERYTHING about them & what they want. What a way to start a marriage (a joining of 2 people) - by believing you, your dress & what you want are the only things that matter. Is it any wonder we have such high divorce rates?! PS. And yes, according to numerous studies the level of gross entitlement & narcissism in our society has a direct impact on how we tend to operate in our marriages.

[@amed9476]

@@kittyp1569 I think you missed Jen's point. Jen was saying that most people choose whether they want a lavish wedding with a fancy dress, or if they want a small ceremony with only close friends. That isn't saying that the DRESS is the most important thing, it's saying that CHOICE is the most important thing. They aren't conditioned to think that the want for a material thing is bad; they're taught that it's okay so long as you work for it, so long as you don't view it as the most important thing in the world. Also high divorce rates would correspond with it actually becoming more socially acceptable to divorce (and society becoming less conservative, and less likely to prioritise appearances and reputation over individual wellbeing). Years ago, many more unhappy couples would stay together due to societal or religious pressure (divorcees look bad, are treated poorly, have done something wrong in the eyes of God - staying in a loveless, unhappy marriage is SO much better than that, right? smh).

[@mikecornell5018]

Thank God there are young people like this. Maybe our civilization won't die out after all.

[@caylarose6658]

This is the most wholesome relationship I have ever seen, and this brings me so much hope 💖 I see so many broken families and I myself come from one. This is awesome 💖

[@Hebiscus998]

my eyes are turning into hearts, Laura you are so delightful, and Chris is so wise.

[@BronxBriar]

So very happy for you both. Ever since I became interested in the Bruderhof I have found your videos both informative and entertaining, full of good humor and God's love. May God bless you with good things always!

[@cherilynlarsen8104]

I appreciate how they express their faith and how they interact.

[@waldnermarilyn5657]

Congratulations Laura. It's so great to see you here and hear your voice. I pray that you'll have a Blessed and Spirit Filled Godly marriage. You haven't changed abit with your joyful and outgoing personality.

[@donnareinhart3538]

God bless you both!

[@sandyfaithbringer6072]

May God bless you both and I trust you will be very happy together. When your marriage is built on a solid foundation, it is a beautiful thing!

[@MrProAntagonist]

Well, that was refreshing.

[@spenserwilkins1381]

Congratulations Chris I know if you remember me but I used to be a teacher at Belleville school

[@Nexus-ub4hs]

4 years late but congratulations! Wishing you all the best 😊 God bless. You look a lovely couple

[@earthygirlnut]

Such beautiful and respectful people you are to one another. God has truly paired correctly. After seeing this, I only wish I could go back and live a bit differently. My walk with Father has taken me a long way, but I do wish I could have had the start the two of you have. Just lovely both of you! Congratulations!

[@abhilashpaul9237]

God bless you both my dear sister and brother in Christ.

[@dannyplaqlez347]

I am born catolic,butt decided to chose for a Christian community in Belguim after hard time in relationship ,not married,but i have a son of 9years old,i wanna be baptist again and living more like the bible describes,the Bruderhof is fascinated,this is how life supposed to be,good luck and may God bless your marriage,maybe whit children,The modern world needs community's like the Bruderhof,Amen

[@CMBauer]

You guys are too cute! I love that you two took a serious approach to dating/courting. And not having to plan a wedding seems awesome! Planning the wedding was the most stressful part of getting married for me.

[@annaohare8263]

This is so wholesome

[@dawnpetras5146]

this was by far the most enjoyable video yet! ;) such happy news!!!

[@garethnorman5486]

May God bless and protect you.

[@joanne1497]

Aw, that looks like a good marriage on the right foundation. God bless!

[@sarahstevens640]

Fascinating! Really makes you think. Thank you

[@Bruderhof]

Thank you!

[@leah_slv]

I am so excited and happy for you! God bless your marriage!

[@Bruderhof]

Hey thanks! - Laura and Chris

[@pro4291mo]

Im so interested in this community/religion, i randomly typed something which sounded like this lol, some dish or something but im so happy ive actualy discovered u now :)

[@ginettemelody1035]

Wishing you a lot of happiness, blessings and strength to face life in hard times. Much love

[@Bruderhof]

Thank you so much!

[@carolinefalzon6309]

May God bless you and keep His face shine upon you both always...

[@Socalove-ss3xo]

That's very nice words!!couldnt agree more.

[@elishamalisha]

That was really sweet. Looking forward to being able to see what a bruderhof wedding is like, if that's the plan.

[@Bruderhof]

Yeah we're planning to do a little photo/video montage of the wedding celebration. Check back for it! - Laura and Chris

[@hatersgonnahate4343]

I'm a non practicing Catholic but I just wanted to say I think you are a really cool person. It seems you're in touch with reality and living a life that makes you happy. You seem to have a fun personality. Stay who you are.

[@NoName.._.]

Awww congrats from a muslim hope you have a happy life may Allah bless you /God ♥️

[@Bel-ri4vz]

Yes. May God Bless you both.

[@PaulaEdwina]

This is pretty cool. When I was younger I had a different take on relationships. I always felt like if I met someone I was compatible with, why not declare ourselves partners and build a relationship inside those parameters? This did not work out at all. People thought that was too intense. I, on the other hand, was uncomfortable with "the game" where you were supposed to only hint at your intentions, and read the other person's signals in order to figure out whether he was interested. I felr quite isolated by this. This was way before the internet could have shown me likeminded individuals. I am so happy that things are different now - that it is okay for people to build relationships in different ways, and that it is possible to find likeminded people. Mazel tov!

[@Svetlana_Zakirova]

Being a christian and having been completely disappointed in males, I really hope you do live a true christian marriage and are faithful to each other. I hope that this video isn't just a pretty picture hiding an ugly truth. Blessings from Russia 💗

[@connollyd10]

Hi Chris and Laura. I'm so happy to hear about your wedding. All the best from Darryl Connolly.

[@Bruderhof]

Hi Darryl! Thank you. It's great to hear from you - Chris and Laura

[@sandrastreifel6452]

God bless your marriage!

[@stephenwilliams4801]

Love it, good luck.

[@fanig4020]

Lovely how you did it. ButI would like to add, that what you did in getting to know eacbother is considered dating. Dating is whatever you make of it

[@nicolerymercox]

Totally agree. Dating is spending time together and getting to know each other. Sound like that's what they did.

[@Lynnetteify]

that's what I thought!! They dated!!

[@mtblaho]

Nicole Rymer Cox it’s more courting than dating. They dated with the specific purpose of seeing if they were compatible for marriage. That’s the difference between courting and dating.

[@user-wv4rc8rn5c]

Hello from Greece The way of life you have in your community is the best thing a human can do I don't say this from the religious prospective The natural life,the common table but must important, the live with no money

[@tonyparton5796]

Father God, bless these two I pray in your AMAZING NAME! I pray your blessings over the whole Bruderhof Community! Lord let them continue to share the Book of Acts with the whole world by actually living it! I love that I have brothers and sisters in this world who still live this way! Go Bruderhof! Keep showing the worlds Christians how adorable the new Kingdom is gonna be. By hinting at its splendour!!! Amen 🙏🙏🙏

[@TheGeeeeeeeek]

Pmm

[@jillianlea9690]

what you are describing instead of dating is pretty much the same as dating .....there are some people that may be more relaxed but other people that are not members of your particular faith still may date in their own way GUIDED by faith

[@jenm2251]

Exactly. When they said all that, I was wondering what they think we do here on the outside. Not everyone becomes intimate right away. Maybe that's what they're worried about w the term "dating."😳

[@nicolerymercox]

@@jenm2251 Yeah, it's a little amusing to see how they view the outside world. There are plenty of religious people on the outside who take the exact same approach to dating/marriage that they do. These folks take the extremes from the outside and project them on to *everyone* on the outside. But I understand. I was raised in a devout religious household (not anything like a commune though), and we were the exact same way in how we viewed outsiders. It's kinda trippy to see my religious culture, but on steroids, in these videos.

[@nateloish3309]

As part of a conservative religion. Not Amish or Mennonite, we only (date) court someone from our own fath for the sake of marriage, not for fun. If we find out that we would not want to marry that person, we break it off. Also, when it comes to being physical, we don't let our emotions get the best of us. Sex before marriage is (and should be) a big no. We find that when intimacy gets involved, it clouds your judgment, and you can't see the real person properly. Not saying you can't hug, kiss or hold hands with that person during courtship, just don't jump right into it. Give it some time. Also, depending on the consciences of each couple, it will differ on what boundaries are set when it comes to physical interactions. There is one thing that is a constant in each courtship, a chaperone.

[@flyonthe7013]

Such a beautiful couple.

[@andyokus5735]

Laura you are beautiful! What wonderful followers of Christ you are. Sadly my life and faith was destroyed by being in a psudo Christian cult as a teenager. I wish you all the best in your new home and marriage. I'm so happy for you guys!!!

[@charlesbeaudelair8331]

Inspiring to see such a lovely and happy couple!

[@jeanfrancois177]

this could greatly help solve many societal issues based on ´nowadays moral values. I personally dont see myself committing to your community and way of life all though I do appreciate your healthy life hygiene and ethics, God bless you all.

[@cherilynlarsen8104]

My husband and I were married "after the manner of Friends" meaning we had a very traditional Quaker wedding. Its sounds similar to your experience, in that it is a meeting for worship and at some point we promised before God and the community to be loving and faithful to each other, with Divine assistance, as long as we live. My husband and I have been married 44 years and God has blessed us with a loving relationship that is sound and based upon the Rock, which is Jesus. Are there ups and downs in marriage? Sure, but when you wether them your relationship deepens and matures. May God bless you as you start your married lives with Him.

[@Bruderhof]

Thank you!

[@taylorlynn534]

I just stumbled upon your channel. I’m not religious at all, but I love your positive energy and I find your videos super interesting😇

[@Bruderhof]

Thank you!

[@averibobaveri]

I totally love and respect that you guys didn’t “traditionally” date. I think people get wrapped up and lost in the novelty of a new relationship without building a strong foundation for a solid future together! Wishing you both loads of happiness 💕

[@hr4563]

You guys are lovely!!

[@davidnicholson5241]

Happinesses to both of you 😍😍😍

[@1celloheaven]

Just to wish you both a wonderful 3rd wedding anniversary...and all happiness ahead :)

[@zariballard]

Wow he is very cute♥ Just gotta sat that, girl👍 You two will have an awesome life together. Keep making each other laugh, it's a way to each other's heart that bonds in lasting friendship. Blessings to you both...

[@Bruderhof]

Thank you so much!!

[@breatherepeat]

Blessings!!!!

[@thesubmissivewoman]

May the Word of God be the foundation you build your life upon! Submit to one another in love! Choose humility over pride and your way!

[@Bruderhof]

Love that!

[@StephanieMiller-om3dw]

Yes my parents helped with my courtship IN and SC here

[@TurquoiseTalks]

Beautiful

[@birgitcangonja5175]

Happy long life together 😍🙏🕊

[@adelinaponzio9370]

you make a lovely couple, I wish you both a happy life together, your lifestyle looks idyllic

[@unathleticutd]

All the best for the future and a successful marriage

[@Bruderhof]

Thank you. - Laura and Chris

[@Petra44YT]

Obviously, a match made in heaven. :-)

[@mjcard]

All the best to both of you. You are very cute together. ❤️

[@kristinepalandro3206]

God Bless

[@dhrubamaharjan8732]

Awesome couple.

[@lenhofer3214]

Oh sorry,,, congratulations.....! I like ur ( God is the reason) approach to ur marriage,, been proven time n time again......only way it will last....God Bless

[@sfunyc1281]

Seems unfair that the women are subjected to a "visible uniform" while the men are dressed more anonymously.

[@laverndowsley8850]

@M B true but their clothes are store bought and they look far more fashion forward. Maybe they should dress like the Amish :)

[@Theskaterenegade]

@@laverndowsley8850 maybe people should leave people live how they want and exept that not everyone live by their desires 🙂

[@neatznotso7424]

@James Tatum are those left for "bad" Christian women?

[@neatznotso7424]

@James Tatum it was a question actually, for you.

[@Zavidar2]

Looks comfy

[@DreamGyrl360]

Belated congrats.

[@jamiepoems]

Hi Laura my fiance likes your lively spirit and likes to meet you we are from the UK and we will try out the Bruderhof for two weeks hopefully next summer.

[@amyyyamy]

„we felt god was leading us to a relationship”= we developed a crush on each other. 🙄

[@deanpd3402]

Seriously, if the world was far more concerned with approaching relationships in this manner and with Christ in their heart, we would have nowhere near the magnitude of problems that the world faces, as it does now. Brilliant feedback about dating there.

[@rocioz5687]

Love simple weddings

[@bellak46]

You seem like a very sweet couple! I wish you a lifetime of happiness.

[@Bruderhof]

Thank you so much!

[@simondavey7787]

You are such an adorable couple and I can see from the proceeding four years since your wedding, that you made the right choice to get married. That said, I would argue that you did date each other beforehand. Dating does not necessitate sexual contact. Is falling in love allowed in the Bruderhof? What support is in place to keep both parties accountable during the dating/getting to know each other phase, to prevent sexual contact? How does the community work to ensure you are both making the right decision? Did you have a formal proposal to become engaged? Sorry, I realise that is a lot of questions! I have a lot of them.

[@looli1327]

I agree with not using the word dating. Dating in mainstream culture definitely does not presuppose an express purpose of getting to know one another for the immediate end goal of marriage.

[@windasafriend]

Oooooook, NOW it makes sense: this video is 3 years old 😅😅😅 Because the last Video from Laura was the one with her son and that had me totally confused 😂🤣

[@lailja21]

Love your laughter!

[@AbiNomac]

God bless your marriage.

[@joycecavin9676]

Very sweet. It is a closed community. They have a fairly typical path to marriage, nothing shocking here. I wonder if she has full efficacy w her video content or if she has to have it reviewed or filtered by her church? Again, what a sweet couple.

[@jacobharris9883]

ok I'll say it. Chris is hot asf.

[@michelebergman4336]

HaHaHa🤙

[@emjohnson76]

Hilarious 🤣

[@susiearviso3032]

VERY INNAPROPRIATE

[@zariballard]

Jacob Harris I just said it too and scrolled down to see who else said it😁

[@Truth20237]

@@susiearviso3032 ew susie

[@saffronhammer7714]

As long as you're happy, that's what matters. Be well!

[@belove219]

i think what makes dating different is when your dating someone you consider them your boyfriend/girlfriend and expect a certain level of commitment from the start (and marriage not having to be a goal). correct me if im wrong but these two seemed to be just friends who mediated on marriage before actually getting married. it was more of a discernment process for them vs immediate attraction and coupling.

[@connollyd10]

Do you think you might be able to put some songs from the Christmas Red Book or others? Those songs are so uplifting. All the best. From Darryl Connolly

[@Bruderhof]

Thanks for the suggestion - we'll see what we can do.

[@kathymaxted6151]

What a Godly couple

[@billiebergmann8835]

that was interesting, are there more recent videos?

[@Bruderhof]

Yes lots kzbin.info/door/sty3aVKzyMkD2Uh3JLbDJQ

[@roseannepryor1542]

This is the second video I watched tonight, and I am so intrigued and interested on how you live. I think it’s a beautiful lifestyle, and you’re very lucky. The number one question I have is why you do not have British accents? That might seem like a dumb question, but I’m very curious? You sound like you’re from America?

[@Bruderhof]

Yes most of our communities are in the US but we have two in the UK

[@sianwordsworth]

@@Bruderhof I live just down the road from the Bruderhof in Robertsbridge, East Sussex

[@yakovmatityahu]

She has a channel of her own...

[@MrCostas32]

I'm very religious.. I always go to Chilli's on Sundays..

[@SharonCullenArt]

I’m still watching the video and I know you’re married with a son, by why in this video are you both wearing rings on your right hands? So are the rings related to the vows you took when you joined the community? If so, how old are you when you choose this? You stated you grew up there.

[@PierreRiopelClone]

You both look smart. :-)

[@maryscott1842]

Hi I found you're posting really interesting! Is there any Broderhof in canada?

[@Bruderhof]

Not yet!

[@lukeperry6861]

Chris is 🔥

[@kristinepalandro3206]

How old are u both?

[@sarahp.8420]

Hey L'aura! Looks like we are neighbors! I live in new paltz ny!

[@LaurafromtheBruderhof]

That's so cool! I went to NPHS!

[@sarahp.8420]

@@LaurafromtheBruderhof wow! Small world! I was sorry to see the cafe near mobile that you all ran, go. Loved hearing the singing voices in the streets!!! I'm curious now though after watching some of your Q&A's. The bruderhoff do not recruit, right? My question then is, what was that cafe all about? Apart from the free and delicious cookies, that is. 🤣🌼

[@LaurafromtheBruderhof]

@@sarahp.8420 Just wanted to meet our neighbors and make connections I think. I actually never made it past before it closed unfortunately.

[@lenepiedra9919]

Se puede ver el video pero en español?

[@GreenJack451]

How old are you?

[@mikelisacarb]

I grew up in a religious Catholic family, but I don't practice any religion now. With all that we know about biblical evidence, or lack thereof, I find it very difficult to suspend reality and make that leap of faith. In the 1960s, I came of age in a modern, mildly sexualized media world that hadn't quite brought sex into dating yet. Since the pill, things changed drastically in the next decade or so. As a public school middle school teacher in a secularized environment, I watched as sex gradually inched into dating to the point where it is now an expectation that very few people question. Young people now seem to crave intimacy beyond sex, and the overwhelming pressure to have great, perfect sex together from the get-go sets up a whole lot of frustration. Now it's all kind of a weird flip. Before the pill, starting in the 1930s?, dating took over from formal "courtship" rituals, and we got better socialization, but we naturally craved the sex. After the pill, the sex became possible, but very few people now seem to get what they need . Awkward couples can't fit the idealized media version of worthwhile sex, and they can't get truly intimate without those sexual expectations getting in the way. I don't know the answer to this, but I see a whole lot of lonely young people around today. They aren't just naturally pairing up the way we used to. I've been happily married for 44 years, and it is wonderful to have a true life partner. It's a shame, and I really don't think that it will all just get better through religious practice. Perhaps it will personally for couples that can blindly share religion, but collective worship of a provenly fictitious God requires a denial of reality that most thinking people find unhealthy. Religious people seem to be too quick to stop thinking logically, and then a whole lot of other horrible developments find their way in. I often envy the way that religious people can just compartmentalize reality like they do, but I think it is a dangerous solution. My time for all this is over. Good luck to you young folks as you try to figure it out. :) If I were you, I'd start embracing some sort of new communal existance that can provide the stability of religion without the fairy tale. Something that teaches the wisdom of the ancient scriptures without claiming exclusive divinity and dogmatism. Blind faith just never seems to work, but it sure does make happy people ....... for a while.