How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Sexual Relationships

[@Psych2go]

What is your attachment style? Tell us in the comments below!

[@asriel3564]

How do I figure out what my attachment style is?

[@cal3b543]

Why do I now feel like nobody gives a rats butt about me 😂

[@jamuswe]

​@Cal3b I don't know you but I do hope things are well with you and hope the best for you, but I think you have a pretty safe assessment of how people feel about. It should help with those times when people hurt you, at least it's helped me, lol.

[@jamuswe]

​@@asriel3564 You should be able to look up a survey that will tell you your attachments style if you didn't really see yourself in any of the descriptions that were listed in the video.

[@Appalachiansmoke]

Mine is a little bit of all but mostly fearful I wish I wasn’t but it’s just complicated

[@HeisenbergFam]

Remember before trying to be happy with someone else you gotta be happy with yourself first

[@Psych2go]

Thank you so much for pointing that out. In your opinion, how do we come to a place where we are happy with ourselves? How do we know that we are happy and ready enough to be with someone else?

[@HeisenbergFam]

@@Psych2go do a life evaluation and wonder: "am I really happy", follow life dreams and such. Worth noting some people just feel better off alone

[@stschnorr4306]

Yup, it's self-preservation, not selfish. We'll be happy with ourselves together or we'll be happy with ourselves on our own

[@inggelestariharefa5178]

2:06 2:07

[@Anthony-dj4nd]

Not true😂

[@A55a551n]

Timestamps 1). Anxious 0:23 2). Avoidant 1:46 3). Fearful 2:58 4). Secure 4:10 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[@NoxNyx]

That was fast

[@Psych2go]

Thank you!

[@A55a551n]

@@NoxNyx I just work really fast on timestamps

[@A55a551n]

@@Psych2go not a problem happy to help

[@imaymellow]

I feel I've been all of the 3 types in that order and have been trying to become the secure one.

[@Exclamationmarkclown]

I finally stopped being attached to any type of person whether they were a family member or a partner or even a friend and now I love myself and proud of not being attached to others to feel smth

[@Psych2go]

That's very interesting! How did you come to a place where you are not really attached to anyone? Does it ever get lonely sometimes?

[@Anthony-dj4nd]

​@@Psych2go loneliness is nothing compared to being used and abused😅 lol

[@m.l.7558]

Congrats! How much time did it take?

[@onnol917]

Dont let de-attachement take a toll on your commitment

[@Exclamationmarkclown]

@@Anthony-dj4nd I'm not lonely lol in fact I have more consistent and strong relationship with my family and others instead of wasting my time pleasing and getting attached forgetting completely about myself and what I like cuz I believe love comes eventually and so do friends :3!❤️❤️you just gotta appreciate your alone time!then go ahead and explore your world that's full of different ppl or similar ppl to you!

[@e.harmony]

personally as an avoidant attachment style, i have commitment issues/ fear of being in a relationship so i avoid those and tend to friend zone when things get close.. i also lead on because i like the idea of what it could be but cant see myself actually getting there. but sexual encounters i can do without strings attached. still wanna have the benefits but no relationship and can’t feel the need or want to be in a relationship. it’s difficult but we chillin

[@Shona100]

Literally described me to a tea wtf 😳 I just like the “talking stage” with people for some reason and when they try to pursue any further I suddenly get an ick and distance or put a stop to it even if I know someone is good for me ://

[@teedotel]

Thank you for your honesty 💛

[@carlostavarez153]

Go to therapy

[@kruz2582]

Thank you for articulating what I can't. I am unable to even have a "friend" zone as that is too close these days. Just co-workers and acquaintances and then ghosting those acquaintances.

[@Lizzypalm]

I'm so lonely idek why I'm watching this, I honestly just love her voice💀💀😅

[@SoSFalcon]

For me, my body tends to shut down when it comes to intimacy, and I end up feeling detached from the moment. I'm not sure if others have experienced this as well, but I think I'm a mixture of the Avoidant and Fearful attachment types.

[@beagrothus7916]

Made me think of aeroace dont know why .

[@aynilaa]

I experience the same thing. My attachment style is avoidant but I'm also highly sensitive, so sexual encounters are very overwhelming.

[@crimsonsr20]

I dont know if its possible to be a mix of two, but I think I'm stuck between fearful and anxious. Whenever someone has shown interest in me romantically, my brain automatically goes to the dark thought of "what does this person want from me? What do they want me to do for them?" I have a hard time with the concept that someone might just be interested in me just for who I am. This comes from the fact that I didn't get any love or tenderness growing up from my parents, unless I did something for them. As such, I feel like I act starved and desperate for affection and understanding. This became clear to me in my last relationship, where I found it weird, that intimacy usually only happened after arguments, and only if she initiated it. This made me feel like something was terribly wrong, but I gave in to what she wanted, for fear she'd go elsewhere and seek that intimacy. She ended up doing that anyways, so my efforts were all for not. I know I shouldn't, but I start being fearful of the fact that if I ask for more tenderness or sweetness or say no to something that was asked of me, that the affection and tenderness will be ripped away from me, which is something I honestly really yearn for. Since I'm so afraid of being hurt though, I tell myself that they'll show they're true colors once I've given them what they want, or once im no longer needed. Its a horrible way to think, but its a kind of safety net for when and if it happens. Kinda like I knew it, and like it'll somehow make it hurt less. Contrary to the video though, I haven't had many sexual partners. I need to have some sort of connection first and is probably the only way in which I value myself. I like to take things slow before I make that leap, and as such have had some criticism and ridicule from previous relationships and friends

[@Meg.1122]

I'm sorry you have had such experiences in childhood, you didn't deserve thar. After reading the book Attached by Amir Levine, I cleared up my attachment style which is fearful avoidant and also that I might have cptsd due to my abusive unpredictable mom. I know what it feels like to push away people or withdraw. Everything we do is to protect ourselves because the fear of abandonment is bigger than letting our walls down. But the fear of not trying to heal is way bigger than that, at least it is for me. I can spend hours and hours talking about attachment, core beliefs, dysregulation, etc, but I'll instead encourage you to read the book Attached, seek therapy and work on yourself so you can feel better and happier, or whatever outcome you wish from healing. Good look my friend ^^

[@jarryj1995]

I am a Fearful Avoidant as well and have had similiar experiences. If someone showed interest in me I was quick to reject them because they were "Crazy" or had "low standards" for showing interest in me (Dismissive) and people that I had interest in I remember the rejection from my parents / family and my highschool crush and that affirmed my core beliefs that I wasn't good enough for a partner so I didn't engage at all or they were already happily in a close bond already (Fearful-Avoidant).

[@Nihonguy]

Your real friends wouldnt give you shit for having standards just saying, if both people arent comfortable in a relationship then its not a healthy one,

[@crimsonsr20]

@@NihonguyCompletely agree. They're no longer my friends. I hate that it took me so long to realize that the friendship I had with those people, wasn't a healthy one. I've since cut them out, and honestly have no regrets about it.

[@Meg.1122]

@@crimsonsr20 Wau, that's amazing. I'm so glad you've been working on yourself. And thank you for sharing your experience, it's really awe-inspiring. Hi five for the ptsd(?) Hahaha sorry, that was supposed to be a joke. I was in survival mode until 2020, pandemic was the peak of everything for me. And then change came up and I'm still on it, and it's so exhausting sometimes, especially because I can't afford therapy. Anyway, you made it, you're here, and I'm sure you will inspire others to work on themselves too ^^

[@Flynt010]

Hey Psych just here to say y'all help so many people with these videos and make people comfortable with who they are and how they act. I'm almost certain so many people watch these and are too scared to leave a comment about how it helped so to you guys, let em know, I'm certain you'll feel a bit better ❤

[@therealdoc]

Their videos have done a lot more harm than good to me. Basically every single one sends me into a depressed spiral.

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for your comment! We're so glad to know that you feel this way about our content! :)

[@covers2343]

​@@therealdoc why? You might not be watching the right videos

[@ionelalexandra]

@@therealdoc Then just don't watch them. It's simple ^^

[@xb683]

@Doc the way I interpret & understand the intentions of the videos is: It's information to help people going through difficult situations & for their social network of people who care & love these people, to understand them & the challenges & the situations, to help people have more acceptance, compassion & patience for them, to have a starting point of how to be supportive for them In life & the world these days, more acceptance, understanding, patience, & compassion will make for a better world. Because . . . these mean kindness & consideration & care has a chance to fight off the negativity. I really wish you well @Doc

[@daniel.s.stefanov]

I am anxious, but my main issue is not being overly compliant, it's how I handle rejection, can you elaborate on that next time?

[@TheSwauzz]

So you don't like to adhere to your partner's expectations or come to a compromise? Will you elaborate?

[@justalpha9138]

For the time being, I see myself in the 'secure', and I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I used to struggle a LOT with my self-esteem, especially during my last two years of high school, but nowadays I'm a self-assured person, and I know that all that time spent working on improving and bettering myself has really paid off, even when things did get challenging.

[@grenouilleg6320]

Hi, how did you do exactly to get high self-esteem? I’m struggling with it and I’m not sure I’m doing in right ways.

[@justalpha9138]

@@grenouilleg6320 The shortened and simplified answer is the combination of persistent effort, exercise, and doing what I truly enjoy, even if people would think I'm weird for doing so. I could go into more details, but that's the simplified answer.

[@art_games_and_writing9778]

I'm the same! I totally did not expect when watching this video to relate the most with that one, but here I am. It makes me feel relieved that I am taking the right steps in my relationship at the moment by encouraging communication and verbalizing boundaries!

[@justalpha9138]

@@art_games_and_writing9778 That sounds fantastic my friend! I hope things continue to blossom for you! :) Even when things get hard, always remember to love, laugh and smile, and give yourself the chance to cry and be sad sometimes. We all need it.

[@art_games_and_writing9778]

@@justalpha9138 that actually means so much right now, thank you :) I have struggled a little mentally these past few days and I really needed to hear that ☺️

[@David5005ful]

Is it possible/difficult to work on yourself and change attachment style to a secure attachment? If so… could we maybe get a video on that? 🙏🏾 And thank you for everything you guys do, I’ve been working on myself for a few years and I’ve used tons of your videos as guidance and I can’t express how grateful i’am to you guys for making such beautiful content!! I hope this helps someone that is in the same journey. I recently have been working on my inner child, on showing him how much I love him and how I’ll always be around. After talking to my inner child for a few months and repeating those things every time and just talking to him about how far we’ve come, I’ve become so happy and so grateful for everything. I do it by laying in bed right before heading to sleep and meditating in my head I picture a safe place and then I focus on my child self and he eventually appears in my imagination and that’s when I sit down and chat with him, I give him a big hug every time we end a chat. Good luck and I hope someone finds benefit in this!

[@m.l.7558]

Do you mind if I try your idea? I haven't been the best to my inner child lately, in fact, I've been resentful Because I didn't want to be insecure anymore, i didn't want to regress into them. I guess live is better than being harsh on yourself

[@Meg.1122]

That's lovely. One of the things I've changed throughout my self-healing journey is my self-talk. I used to talk to myself like I was the most despicable and worthless thing in the world. Although I still sometimes struggle when I got dysregulated, I tried to come back, apologize and keep showing my inner child that she's precious to me and that I love her just as she is.

[@nanonatronaviation6007]

I believe that you can. you just need to change your mindset... question is, how are you going to do that. But the fact that one might have been the happiest person before they where stucked by trauma or such goes to show that it is posible to alter ones mindset. and if its posible to make it worse, then its also posible to make it better ^^ you really just have to work on it. idk how but I'm determined that everyone who tries will suceed one day.

[@TheSwauzz]

Every single person has the ability to improve themselves in every aspect, it's just a matter of setting aside all pride, realizing our self destructive habits and thought patterns, and then focusing on self-awareness/mindfulness. It also takes a lot of discipline and willpower. This helps us figure out the core of the issue, the "why". Understanding why we do things or think things is the most crucial step to overcoming. After that, finding like minded people online or in person, or a support group helps a ton. I find it more and more difficult to meet people that are truly sincere about these topics; it's harder to find people that care about ANY real self-improvement honestly.. It's mostly just 'self-love', which is not the same thing at all.

[@Theri000]

​@@m.l.7558 It also helps when u realize that ur inner child wasn't weak,they were naive. The resentment will go away if u stop blaming the inner child for having believed what they didn't know better of.

[@glap_T-T]

Honestly, i feel relief and or excitement when I get the Notification that this channel posted❤

[@Psych2go]

❤️

[@BloxxingDinosaurus]

The Anxiously Attached style hit me really hard, almost everything was true what the heck-

[@Psych2go]

Which parts did you relate to the most?

[@BloxxingDinosaurus]

I love pleasing my partner way more than pleasing myself in multiple different ways, and it feels emotionally extremely draining for me when she doesn't text me for multiple hours throughout the day straight, only for her to give vague uninterested responses when I text her first I talked to her about the last aspect though, and she felt bad that she treated me like less than I actually am to her, since she did have some problems of her own she was too scared to talk about, but now we are much happier together again like we were the two years before. I am still very compliant though, I love being compliant, being happy whenever she is happy, and I hope there is nothing wrong with that.

[@blackjack8480]

@@BloxxingDinosaurus Feel you!

[@venlakirahvi]

Great video and the info was really helpful. However I wonder why the examples of "risky sexual behavior" all were about BDSM. I truly understand that it's easy to do it in a very unsafe way, both physically and mentally, if you lack information, but having it as the bad example feels stigmatizing and gives the wrong idea. The sexual encounters in my past that were "vanilla", non-BDSM, were the ones where I went beyond my comfort zone and had a difficult time setting boundaries and communicating. However, I've recently started to learn more about BDSM, how to do it SAFELY, and started tipping my toes into it with a trusted partner. And it has been hugely empowering and positive for me! A complete opposite of the "vanilla" sex encounters I've had in the past. I'm not saying this is always the case, obviously, and I do agree that BDSM activities carry some risks that you should be aware of before engaging in them, but I just wanted to highlight the issue with the idea that the video presents.

[@onnol917]

Hook up culture and one night stands are more dangerous then BDSM imo. Ofcourse the scene has their share of toxic doms BDSM is all about consent. Something hook up culture absolutely is not.

[@Blubberblase7]

thank you for writing it! I was wondering about it too and didn´t like so much how it reminded me on how my grandparents would talk about bdsm... I hope it was not intended that way

[@Theri000]

​@@Blubberblase7 I don't think it was. I think it was to represent that although BDSM can be safe,people with certain attachment styles go to the extreme and no longer have the willpower to engage safely. There are barely any extremes in vanilla so that's apparently why it wasn't the representation.

[@Paula-sh7zn]

I never would have imagined my man would have rejected me sexually when this used to be long time ago the most important part for him in our 37 yr relationship for past yearshenot want any sexual part with me he only rejects me rather pleasure himself than lay with me idk can't be me I know that has issues have healthy sexual disie for him untill he just lets mekniwhehaszero interest he started on valentine's evening he told mehewaavery nervous to laywith me why icouldfigurwwhy thThesnever been nervous with me before nor any irectileproblems

[@blackjack8480]

Thank you for these videos about attachment styles. I finally understand that there is no big problem in my relationship. I`m just realy have anxious attachment and my gf seems to have some of avoidant attachement. It is hard sometimes and we even went through break up for a year. But now I at least understand that there is nothing wrong with her or with me. We're just different in this, but I still love her and I'm starting to believe that she loves me, just in her own style. I still need to remind it to myself everyday...

[@venlakirahvi]

Happy to hear you've been able to work with it. It's sad to think about all the heartbreak that must happen just because people lack awareness of and help with this subject

[@Psych2go]

You're welcome, it's great to hear that the videos helped you understand your attachment styles and relationship dynamics better. It takes a lot of self-awareness and effort to work through these differences, and it's commendable that you're making that effort.What strategies or techniques have you found helpful in managing your anxious attachment style and maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner?

[@blackjack8480]

@@Psych2go actually I can't say I found them yet. I still don't feel completely comfortable alone. But after all that time we were separate we both hadn't had other partners and now we realised that we are the most comfortable together. I still have anxious thoughs like "she doesn't text me because she doesn't love me" but then I think if that was true she would never come back, but she did! She is just busy most of the time so I try to concentrate on my own things. I think I just behave as I would behave without her. And I am happy when she finally writes and we go for a walk. I want to give her all the time and effort I have but now I know that this is not what she needs because her life style is different. I do not wait my kind of love from her anymore. I lowered my expectations from any relationship in general. We also talk about our feelings more. She promised immediately tell me if there is something wrong. And she does sometimes. I can't say I am completely satisfied, but I am much happier now than before!

[@songbirdrebel5895]

Just watching this video made me realize that my attachment style is 1 part fearful, 3 part avoidant. Thank you so much for all of your work, they’re eye-opening and helpful (though, I agree with the idea on NOT replacing professional help with these informative videos)

[@Psych2go]

I'm glad to hear that this video was helpful for you in identifying your attachment style and gaining some insight into how it might be impacting your relationships. It's great to see that you found this information to be eye-opening and beneficial. Have you noticed any specific challenges or patterns in your relationships that are linked to your fearful-avoidant attachment style?

[@lollybirdy]

I have a coworker who had anxious attachment to her bf. Her bf finally had enough of it and broke up. He waited till after prom though so he was cool about it.

[@Jungkookswif3]

I honestly love how more Psych2Go talks about this topic because it helps me fix this part of myself which is the most important part to me

[@anonymouspig992]

Why do I watch these videos like I’m ever going to be in a relationship

[@geeeckslacksee]

same

[@aquablast3155]

AFAIK (I could be wrong): 1. Anxious attachment style means being too afraid of your partner leaving (afraid of being too far away); 2. Avoidant attachment style means being too afraid of getting close to your partner; 3. Fearful is a combination of both Anxious and Avoidant, where you're both afraid of getting too close, but also afraid to be left behind by your partner; 4. Secure is the lack of fear in attachment altogether. That said, Secure is only good if the person is actually in a healthy relationship, since people who feel secure probably will not question themselves or their partners at all. These styles aren't set in stone too. A person can lose their fear and become Secure, and a Secure person can end up gaining a fear (if it looks like their partner is about to walk, etc). Finally, this theory might be more useful to identify your partner rather than on yourself, as an Anxious partner will need reassurance, and an Avoidant partner might need to be let know when they're being too distant but also needs to be given space/freedom, etc. (Though it's still helpful for self-diagnose-- if being Fearful is a problem, for example, then perhaps it's time for a change of mentality.) FYI, I believe I'm considered to have an Anxious attachment style. If my crush ever reciprocates my feelings and reassures me that he won't leave me, then perhaps I'll finally feel secure enough. At least by knowing my style, I'll try to avoid being too clingy and try to have more faith.

[@TheSwauzz]

I don't agree that secure people are less likely to question. I posit they are secure because they are the ONLY ones questioning. I'm secure and hold myself and my partner accountable all the time in terms of expectations and communication. A secure relationship requires clear and steady communication, and it takes regular attention and presence of mind. We are constantly considering ways to improve how we communicate, how we split responsibilities, what we expect in a given scenario, how our desires change, etc.

[@aquablast3155]

@@TheSwauzz If a person feels secure, I'd expect it to be due to one of the three reasons: 1. The person is in a healthy relationship (or believe that they're in a healthy relationship); 2. The person doesn't think or care about it; 3. The person has other reasons (other than a healthy relationship) to believe that they have low chance of losing their partner. (Remember it's entirely possible for two people with different attachment styles to get together. A person can easily feel secure because their partner is Anxious and they have 0% chance of losing their partner.) If you're in a healthy relationship, then what is it that you question? You and your partner are already doing everything right, no? Secure by definition means not having extreme worries or fears of losing or getting too close to your partner. But I suppose I was too harsh to say that Secure people probably won't question things at all, or have the lack of fears and worries. In the end, these things aren't black and white. Probably more like a scale. While it seems like you feel secure because you (and your partner) have been doing everything right, I hope you're not implying that people have different attachment styles because they did something wrong. Sometimes it's trauma, and sometimes it's circumstances (like falling in love with someone Avoidant). I'm not saying it shouldn't be worked on or that they should just give up on trying, just that things can be complicated/difficult and a clear-cut solution may not be visible or available to the person in question.

[@bobbruce4135]

I found it becomes avoidant after they have received the financial benefit. This is especially true if you're trying to geo-max.

[@seankinyua9562]

Wow! It made me happy seeing psych2go use a research that was conducted in Nairobi cause I'm from Nairobi, Kenya. It's good to know our country thinks of things that are often overlooked!

[@ericalashay0209]

My mom raised me and my 2 siblings by myself. She was very very absent physically and mentally. We all grew up not knowing if our mom genuinely loved us or cared for us. I always wondered why did I go back to people for love when it was an unloving relationship but I realized it was due to trauma. 😩 now my eyes are always open looking for any red flags of someone trying to take advantage of my vulnerability of just genuinely wanting to be loved. 😭

[@chainsofalice7070]

I am under the fearful attachment style, and pretty much every partner I've had has taken advantage of that in one way or another, a few even going as far as emotionally and physically abusing me. I'm trying to work through both my childhood trauma and my relationship trauma in therapy but it feels like it's an impossible task. I feel as though I can never truly be intimately vulnerable with someone bc every partner I've had in the past has shown I shouldn't trust those I want to become intimate with.

[@qcao]

It's time to rise from the dust and fear your state of independence?

[@sausagepartyfan1481]

My boyfriend was definitely avoidant when we first met, but our relationship is now secure ^^. He has changed a lot for me and so have I for him, I am so glad this video makes it more clear ❤

[@questionablethoughts9524]

I’m sorta a mix between anxious and secure. For the most part I have secure tendencies but I do have some trust and abandonment issues that from the past that come up as intrusive thoughts every now and then. The main thing I have been working on is not to give into those thoughts and insecurities, and realize that what I actually have is real.

[@JustaflirtyChick]

You are just so amazing at this stuff. I could never

[@giovanim9338]

Avoidant. As the survivor of an emotionally abusive (so-called) mother, I got two mottos for life: "Si vis pacem, para bellum" (latin: "If you want peace, prepare for war") and "Expect the best, prepare for the worst". Yes, the purest survivalist reasoning. Also as a foresight-based person, I see no future on flimsy, casual, short-term relationships (value disallignment), on long-term, compatible, functional, healthy either (extremely low odds - possible bias?) either. Hence my rejection to infatuation or any romance prospects, since I don't know what to expect; what I can't mentally conceive as viable - not merely or theoretically feasible - and beneficial, makes me deprioritize it (in other words, I give up on it) - a lifelong pattern.

[@sparky6743]

2 years ago, I took an attachment style test to discover I was heavily anxiously attached. And after 2 long years of agonizing self work, deep friendships, extensive trauma addressing, and a particularly challenging romantic relationship, I have evolved from an anxious wreck to a secure partner. It’s nothing too exciting on the surface, but I am still incredibly proud of myself. Idc how narcissistic that might sound, I love me and no one can change that now🤘😤

[@yjbts253]

good job!!! so happy for you 🙌🙌

[@HappinessIsLove]

Awesometastic! What is that one thing that you applied and how it impacted you ? ❤️ *LOVELOVELOVE* ❤

[@HappinessIsLove]

Hugshugshugs

[@roses15_a30]

I have anxious attachment, now I know why I always tried to please my partner and was jealous of the dumb decisions they made which made me angry and sad, except I was not clingy.

[@decxphvr]

I struggle with being avoidant towards my girlfriend. Ive lived in fear my whole life and its affected my relationship with her a lot in the short time we'vd been together including our sexual relationship. I don't know how to get out of it.

[@m.l.7558]

Talk to her and prepare what you are going to say but not too much, like, have an idea of what you are going to say. Reassure her and be patient-you're not t gonna change overnight. Also, don't stop at just talking: problema---> solutions. See what can you do about it. Maybe you feel like you need to take the relationship/sex slower-its alright! Say it and do it. It's an example though. You know what you need better than everyone and if you make a mistake, it's ok, trial and error

[@decxphvr]

@@m.l.7558 thanks bro

[@hydrogreen1111]

My daughter left her two children who she loves and is concerned about because her husband is a narcissist. He denies everything and flips the blame and responsibility onto my daughter. Your 8 steps to understanding a narcissist precisely outlines my daughter's present circumstances. She walked out one month ago and am doing my best to steer her in the right direction to help her get through this trauma. It took her about 14 years to get to this point and am shocked at the punishment she has had to endure. Any thoughts without taking up too much of your time?

[@LadyGoddessSephiroth]

I suffered narcissistic abuse for 36 years. Your daughter *needs* therapy. She needs a therapist that is familiar with narcissism to navigate the complex trauma she has suffered. She also needs a physician. It is proven that longterm relationships with narcissists make us physically ill, and it can manifest itself in countless ways. For me, personally, I wound up with depression, anxiety, asthma, PTSD, CPTSD and arthritis. These were all diagnosed by professionals. I am being treated for all of these by a team of doctors. This may not be possible for your daughter, but to the best of her/your ability, take care of her medically. Finally, at NO POINT should you or anyone else EVER tell your daughter "You need to get over it/forgive him/ bc he's the father of your children." That is probably the most damaging statement you can make to a victim of narcissism. Your daughter needs to heal at her own pace. Do not rush her. It is quite possible she will be healing her entire life. That's OK. And she does not have to forgive him to heal herself.

[@hydrogreen1111]

@@LadyGoddessSephiroth That helps greatly and have brought her in the direction you discussed. We talk daily and one of the problems here is that she is in the US and I live in Japan. We talk daily and thankfully she is employed and her boss has helped her significantly. A great relief for me. She is partly Japanese and explains her submission to her narssistic husband for so long. It got to the point where she was mentally demoralized and walked out 5 weeks ago leaving her children with him. She had no choice because he controls the household income, finances and bills on a full military pension and disability. We finally figured out what was going on after she opened up to me explaining all the circumstances, his behavior, language and lack of empathy. She was fearful I would come to dislike her husband. Thank you for the insights. It helps.

[@LadyGoddessSephiroth]

@@hydrogreen1111 If you want further information, I suggest that you and her look at Dr Ramani's videos here on YT. She is the world's leading expert on narcissism. She specializes in it. She can help both of you understand what she's been through. Demoralizing doesn't even begin to cover it; I'm sure your daughter feels empty, guilty, has terrible self-esteem and a host of other problems. Narcissists strip their victims of everything, even their humanity. I hope your daughter can rebuild. I wish both of you the best. And from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being so supportive of your daughter. She needs that now more than ever.

[@bladegriggs4090]

@Hydro Green I am so sorry this happened to your daughter! I hope she gets to see her kids again!

[@hydrogreen1111]

@@bladegriggs4090 Thank you. She will make it. The sad part is she had no other choice than to leave her children. Now her husband is using the children to deliberately hurt her. He is not capable of understanding that my daughter didn't leave her children. She left him. He just does not get it.Thank God he at least has the compassion to physically care for the children. He is on a full military pension and disability after only 13 years of service and used that against her. Unreal. My daughter didn't abandon her children. She didn't want to abandon herself.

[@jarryj1995]

As a Fearful Avoidant / Disorganized type sexual relationships / intimacy has become something like "Voldermort" to me (something I don't speak about save for select understanding and compassionate people). I want Really bad to share these moments with someone but I've just now gotten to the point of accepting myself and all that I experienced. How do I go about asking to get my needs met? What are the signs someone is interested? And How can I flirt or show off my attraction in a non creepy way? I'm a cis guy (Gender Non-conforming / Pansexual) but this is a bit harder since Society's idea of Masculinity has Cry for help and Self Sabotage written all over it.

[@dinosaurtrain301]

I don’t have an answer for u bud, but as a fellow fearful avoidant/disorganized pan gnc guy, I feel u bro 😔💪 the struggle is REAL, lmk if u ever find the answer 💛

[@AngelsandWolves1]

This is a beautiful upload, thank you ❤️

[@valerypc25]

I currently identify with the anxious attachment style but thanks to my partner I'm slowly leaning into a more secure attachment. Sometimes fear and anxiety can creep in but with the right tools, it's possible to heal and become secure.

[@lerneanlion]

This video boiled down to one question: Are the Jedi right that attachment is bad?

[@melaniestewart7141]

When I was in a relationship with a narcissist I was anxious attachment because he made me feel like I was never enough and I tried everything and did everything he wanted me to do and did little for myself. Now that I'm in a healthy relationship I'm happy because we work in a actual partnership and talk everything out and work together

[@tulipmars]

Main points: 1. I 2. Don’t 3. Know 4. The 5. Video 6. Just 7. Dropped

[@jayd57]

You are the only person that matters rn 😂😂

[@Psych2go]

😂😂

[@hitomi_ichigo]

In Hong Kong, it is very common for families with children to employ maids from SE Asia, and I'm afraid that most of the younger generation here suffer from insecure attachment styles due to the absence of parents... (maids are employed to take care of the children + family instead as both parents work) It's better if the same maid is hired for 20+ years, being on the children's side and witness their important life events, especially major changes like going to college/first love and break ups, cuz... They're always on their side. I've got classmates who have grown up with the same maid and they share strong bonds. That wasn't the case for me tho. My family switched maids every 2-4 years or so, and the most recent one was there since I was 12. I think one of the major reasons behind my fearful attachment style's due to the inconsistency of carers... It was rather unpredictable; a maid who came when I was 10, was, unfortunately, incompatible in terms of personalities, my emotions were unstable at that time due to pre-adolescence but couldn't bring myself to communicate with her. To be honest, it was a pretty traumatic experience for me, as I could not longer communicate normally with the maid who came after her (I wanted to communicate normally, but I couldn't bring myself to do so) Until now, I often find myself getting envious when someone talks about growing up with the same maid.

[@C00tienoodles]

Hi i was wondering if you could do some more videos involoving autism? I have autism and your videos are very helpful in other things but it would be nice and helpful to have more videos like that. :)

[@jarryj1995]

Yes!! More videos on Autism and Neurodivergence! ♾️🌈🧠

[@DavidJonson_126]

2:59 This is me with my partner in a relationship and they really try to help

[@Psych2go]

That sounds really rough. However, it's really good to know that your partner is really there for you when you need them. What are somethings that your partner does for you when you have a hard time regulating your emotions?

[@karazhni]

Hey Psych2Go, I would love a video going into more detail as to the reasons why someone with a fearful attachment style would tend yo have more sexual partners and what that may mean for them and their future relationships. Thank you!

[@neofulcrum5013]

What do I say when I first approach her? How do I keep her interested? What if I say something wrong? What if I’m not good enough? Yeah the mind likes to play games.

[@TheSwauzz]

"Hi, my name is _____. I'd really love to get to know you more if you are open to the idea". It's easy to keep people interested if you understand what they like and don't like, plus being willing to try new things yourself. You will definitely say something wrong sometimes, but it's okay as long as you accept responsibility for it and learn from it. Own up to mistakes quickly and humbly, and you'll find that most people are very forgiving. The only one who matters in terms of thinking you are good enough or not.. is you. Trust me when I say that you are good enough and you deserve to be seen and loved. Once you believe that yourself, people will notice and want to be around you.

[@raisin-reagan]

Could u do a video on what it could mean when ur nervous around a friend or a person? Ty and have a wonderful day and stay safe!!!!❤

[@mimansawalde7475]

What the hell I'm everything I do everything I had abusive past my parents didn't pay attention to me I love myself what .....!? Like what am I

[@nanonatronaviation6007]

I find it interesting how I can see myself in those types shifting from time. I use to be anxious. I was scared that nothing was ever true nor that they do love me. they ofc cheered me up but I felt guilty for them cause off all that whining. I felt bad that I couldnt be any better at that time wich eventually broke them and they went away. nowadays I kinda isolated myself and simply abandoned my feelings... even if I try to feel empathic, its more a series of task to work through rather then truly feeling empathic, essentially I dont care anymore but I'm still scared that this behavious will have a bad influence on me hence why I still act as if I care but its exhausting...

[@silverletter4551]

Nobody is attracted to me, so it doesn't really matter.

[@RayPeng-07]

Thank you for this episode I needed to hear all this to be more clear about myself. We all are dreaming about being the last style which means the "secure". Even before watching thins I knew I am not that one. But one of the rest. I think that when I was younger I was the "Anxious" or "Fearful" Bad experiences (not only in relationships) made me evolve to the "avoidant" one.

[@Psych2go]

I'm glad that this episode was helpful for you in gaining more clarity about yourself and your attachment style. It's true that many of us aspire to be in the secure attachment style, but it's important to recognize that there is no "right" or "better" attachment style, and that all of them have their strengths and challenges. It sounds like you have had experiences that have led you to evolve from an anxious or fearful attachment style to an avoidant one. Have you found any strategies or techniques that have helped you manage the challenges of being in an avoidant attachment style, and navigate relationships successfully?

[@RayPeng-07]

@@Psych2go I think I hadn't found yet. I also don't know if the psych2go chanel has made a video about such tips. If yes I would love to see. There is still so much to explore here because I met the chanel some months ago. And if there wasn't any episode yet about such tips with attachment styles, then it would be a perfect topic for a new video.

[@irene_f.]

Learn to be alone before you are with someone else.

[@jarryj1995]

Mindulness, doing Shadow work and immersing yourself with Kind and understanding people is 🔑

[@LadyGoddessSephiroth]

I have an avoidant attachment style. I have a history of SA. Last time I had sex I had a really bad trauma response. I felt disgusting, dirty, used. I cried myself to sleep for days. When I took a shower I would scrub myself raw. I just kept thinking "They used you and you let them." My first instinct was to withdraw and protect myself. So I did. I didn't want to tell them about it either, bc I didn't want them to blame themselves. So I just suffered in silence until I got the courage to talk to them about it. Everything is alright now, but I don't ever want to do that again. I'm on the asexual spectrum anyway so never having sex again would suit me just fine.

[@Sarah-kv3qs]

Are you going to a professional to work through everything? Could be a reason as to why you are on the spectrum to avoid flashbacks and all those feelings of disgust.

[@LadyGoddessSephiroth]

@@Sarah-kv3qs Yes I have a team of doctors. I know what's going on with me. I know why I am the way I am. It's why I could identify it as a trauma response from being SA'd and not just me freaking out bc I had sex.

[@Sarah-kv3qs]

@@LadyGoddessSephiroth Amazing. I hope you they are positively helping you on your journey of healing 💛

[@AnimeNewsRadio101]

I’m anxious here, I do feel guilt for myself when I do sexual one to twice. Then, snap to find out why is this wrong. I want my platonic and me do less, more hugs and cuddles, I will do anything for my platonic partner to get better and not needy.

[@TheSwauzz]

I'm a secure attachment style and find it very difficult to meet people similar to my level of clear communication and self-awareness. I wish I could teach everyone how to communicate better. I think that's helped me the most in accepting myself. If I communicate clearly and kindly, and the other person still has a problem with me, well.. I now can safely know that that's on them, not me.

[@jazo1177]

I would love a video that goes into more details about anxious attachment style or all of them

[@kb8511]

I have insecure anxious attachment style and now I’m thinking maybe a bit of fearful attachment style too. I need constant attention and if I’m getting to know a guy and I don’t hear from him for just one day, I feel abandoned and neglected, and I resort to unhealthy coping skills. I’m incredibly afraid that people will eventually leave me that I either don’t try to make an effort at all, or I put maximum effort (and become clingy) which ends up pushing the other person away. Also, I have a lot of difficulty saying “No” to someone I am dating because I am afraid they will leave me if I say no… especially when it comes to sex. It’s weird because I know what I am doing wrong, but I just can’t stop myself.

[@eddiepadilla1078]

I'm definitely fearful with my background. My therapist says I have cptsd but I don't know if I agree with that. This video is going to have me thinking for a few days--thank you for your work, Psych2go! It's helping me

[@thedarklord8372]

Another question. If you have a anixinity disorder like me, and you have depression symptoms that have lasted for I think 2 years (maybe I don’t know) how do you find the strength to ask for help from family or loved ones.

[@marcemallows]

do you think someone who is secure, is still able to be into the more- risky stuff? If it is what they're into and what not

[@Psych2go]

Sure! The key here is whether the person feels comfortable or not about exploring acts that are considered risky. Regardless of how risky something is, if a person doesn't feel comfortable about it, then one should never feel forced to do it. Of course, as intimacy between partners grow, this is something that can definitely be discussed. As long as there is consent, understanding, love, and communication, we can explore deeper into intimacy, even slightly risky ones, without having to force each other into doing something we're not comfortable with! Of course, we encourage exploring risky activities with great caution as there are clear reasons why some actions are considerd risky. The promise of pleasure should never ever trump safety!

[@divo_yk1544]

I’m so glad I fall into the secure type, I’m glad my parents raised me in a privileged house and education to know what’s a healthy intimate relationship and how it should be like, same applies to other people, it takes time, so do not do what you don’t want to, tell your partner what you think instead of hiding it

[@ashzyx]

Oh tysm!❤❤

[@AnaGomez-yg5ty]

I’m avoidant, fearful and anxious… yay me…

[@ashqar._.]

Thank you for another awesome vid :D

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for watching! What did you think of this video? :)

[@4luv2cuppycake0]

i always thought i was more of an anxious attachment style, but it turns out im more fearful attachment

[@MsLilac88]

I enjoy learning more about your relationship techniques, thanks so much for the great advice. 😊

[@Madamchief]

I definitely developed an avoidance to intimacy from emotional neglect in childhood. It's not really my parents' fault. They're not emotionally mature people but damn, it's really fuct me up

[@echowolf4230]

What you said about the fearful attachment style was hitting a little bit too close to home...

[@amyli092]

Even though I haven't had my first time yet, I have a feeling that it's going to be a while before that day actually happens. My boyfriend is definitely the avoidant type, and I still find myself feeling anxious every now and then when it comes to the topic of sex... If anything however, I feel like my trust in him (and vice versa) has only grown over the years of us being together as opposed as to when we first started dating 😊❤️

[@caseygreyson4178]

I’ve never hooked up with anyone. I want to wait until I’m in a committed relationship with someone who I trust with my body. But everytime I’m about to get into a relationship, finding out I’m a virgin is always a “dealbreaker” because they think they won’t be satisfied by me and my lack of experience. But how am I supposed to gain experience without sacrificing the values that are important to me?

[@Sarah-kv3qs]

I suggest you find someone you like but don’t mention being a virgin right away. They don’t have to know immediately and I don’t mean to lie but be vague

[@KariN-rt1ok]

@@Sarah-kv3qs yeah but if you're getting into it, it's not that you can lie about it so easily because indeed, you don't have experienced and people nowadays go straight to hooking up. So I think it's rather difficult.

[@Sarah-kv3qs]

@@KariN-rt1ok Since he doesn’t want a hookup. I would say he waits till this person commits a bit. Lots of women wouldn’t have a problem with getting serious first.

[@svclana4ever]

If that's a dealbreaker for them then they weren't relationship material anyway and you dodged a bullet. That's toxic and stupid and actually a red flag. Also do they think you can't learn? Like what's their deal? If someone really cares about you and likes you for who you are they won't care so much about themselves and getting satisfied during your first time. They'd be slow and gentle with you and try to meet YOUR needs first. Just keep staying true to yourself and your values and one day the right person will come along ✌️

[@marrowbrown]

at least now i have a reason why i stick to fantasies over experience

[@Psych2go]

How so? Could you tell us a bit more about what you mean?

[@m.l.7558]

Excuse me, it's ok if you don't want relationships, because they can be a lot, but there are some great people out there. Getting stuck in your head isn't bad sometime, but it can turn into a bad coping mechanism I'd it's very frequent and can lead to forgetting about your reality or creating a new one

[@dye4na]

I have never heard of fearful attachment and it finally feels like I belong here. I would love to learn more about it

[@W0mp_w0mperer]

Tell me.. How do you know this stuffs?

[@VigilTheProtogen]

1. Super helpful video 2. PSYCH2GO DRAWING KINK BONDAGE GEAR 💀💀💀💀💀💀

[@Psych2go]

😳😂

[@JustaflirtyChick]

Amazing.

[@devilsdaughter6754]

I have anxious and fearful attachment

[@tmeyer2022]

Based on your description / explanation, "Avoidant" and I am not at all sure why I am that way.

[@hotkrisbun1044]

Is it bad to relate to all three of the first ones at once? Yowch. Yowwwwwwch. That said, a very helpful video!

[@Shicksalblume]

I think I developed into an avoidant style because of how society treats transgender people. Every time I think maybe it's time to start dating again, I can't help but go through worst-case scenarios in my head.

[@johnnyjohnnyhottiethottie8345]

it comes from childhood though or trauma how did that happen bc of society

[@ryanricks318]

Tally tilt at a loss wot say err mine feeling sensations how dat sharing fails lacking nya sojourneys

[@mumboexeyeye4240]

I guess the closest thing to me in this video is avoidant, though I don't feel like I go out of my way to dodge some incoming interest. I just don't actively pursue relationships and so far, no one's pursued one with me. I have an abysmal self-image and can't really imagine anyone being interested in the first place.

[@meisstupid1831]

me having multiple of them at the same time: i am 4 parralel universes ahead of you

[@GRIEZMANN-gi6qk]

nice name

[@ayushi8404]

i think im both a mixture of both avoidant and anxious attachment styles

[@P4RT1_F0RK]

I may be Asexual at the moment, But I have watched this just in case Im not fully asexual. Thanks for the information!

[@dearmother00]

I hope that i can find a way to beat being anxiously attached.

[@TheNonameHousehold]

I need to know my attachment style first, I'll find out when I find a partner 🤔

[@koban4max]

This cartoon is better than carebear

[@Psych2go]

☁️🐻❣️ 🐻❤️

[@maddieames1234]

Oh my gosh you guys pegged me in the first one 😅

[@Limepure3]

My attachmentstyle is a mix of securely attached and avoidant. This should have been svailsble in school years ago.

[@willow_pillow]

Fearful avoident

[@jarryj1995]

Same here 😢

[@im_hurrying_homie]

Hi

[@Beutimus]

I'm definitely avoidant because I hate conflict. So if I didn't enjoy something, I just simply stop talking to the person. XD

[@ardidsonriente2223]

But... if the way to make an avoidant feel secure is letting them avoid you... then you will never be intimate with them. Am I misunderstanding this?

[@ananyapkumar7761]

I have anxious attachment

[@xethrion4758]

I probably might have the Avoidant attachment style

[@DeeJaeProductions]

I am the first 3 altogether, damn 😢

[@theshadynorwegian6036]

Well, my girlfriend is quite anxious, a bit autistic and hella cute. But she's had some bad partners in her time whereas this is my first real relationship. Does she go above and beyond for me? Probably. Do I remind her every day that she's perfect and I would never leave her? Yes. The biggest difficulty we have is just geography since she lives in england and I in norway

[@Piecesoftheshadow]

Well I’m a mess. I’m all of the first three. *sigh* So much to work on.

[@hienicy6893]

hi

[@cal3b543]

Can you make a video explaining how people work im confused why i tend to get angry around my friends now im actualy depressed at this point cause none of my friends talk to me like that unless i go and talk to them but most the time they would just ignore me. Not gonna lie i feel hated.

[@cal3b543]

Strange

[@ems.master]

Is it possible someone to have 2, 3 or even 4 of the attachment styles at once?

[@octaviasworld3414]

Luv you guys❤