Husband Said I Can Sleep With Others And He Would Forgive Me So I Did r/Relationships

[@m37pw]

The fact that he said if she slept around he would forgive her indicates he's not okay with it the word forgive indicates that

[@PrincessAfrica3]

Yep…

[@enkiimuto1041]

Yeah that was the red flag right there... When you open a relationship like that, especially because something serious you can't provide, you work through it. You may be angry, jealous and feeling not enough, but you don't "forgive", you gave permission, you two agreed on that. It might not even work, but there is a clear consent. With that said there is a huge problem on so many years him not working through that with her. Trauma is really a problem, but to some point you owe to the person supporting you to at least give clear answers when they're hurting them deeply.

[@MrBeevee5]

I think we are over thinking the word, forgive, here. If I was the husband, I would logically use that word.

[@bjsaust]

Yeah, that jumped out at me. "I would forgive you" is totally different from "I'm ok with you doing that".

[@damien678]

​@@MrBeevee5 Nah, man. I'm polyamorous and would never use that wording to say I'd be ok with my partner sleeping with someone. He probably felt very guilty, inadequate, and wanted to give her what she wanted but he didn't...while still feeling monogamous

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Stories like this remind me that sometimes relationships are not what I imagine them to be and that being single can sometimes be better than dealing with this kind of a situation.

[@americasteam2112]

Maybe you should stop watching these. Many of the stories aren’t the norm for relationships and many of them are fake stories.

[@mornemauvais5873]

Well, it's like everything. You can look at a car crash and think driving is bad. But there are a lot of people that go their whole life with no or barely any accidents, and you get a lot from having a car.

[@posaidon67]

Yup, I've been divorced for 15 yrs now , she cheated on me and I destroyed hers and affair partner life forever, my kids haven't seen or spoken to her since 3 yrs of our divorce, that makes it 9 years, I'm still single and I'll stay single, I do everything for my kids and they do everything for me.........

[@brad5167]

Well said.

[@dream6562]

Honestly don't take it from the ace, but think about what you want, do you want to be in a relationship, or feel like you have to? Is having a family the goal or you looking for something short, basic questions like this as far as relationships go

[@randomusername3873]

I'm confused on why Op expected the guy she had sex with while married to start a serious relationship with her Who in their right mind would start a serious relationship with a married woman? Why was Op looking for something serious while being married with someone else?

[@tomorrow4eva]

She's in survival mode, like when drowning people try to grab onto rescuers instead of calmly allowing the rescuer to grab them. No logical thinking.

[@Cel3ere5]

Oxytocin is a hell of a drug

[@AndreNDP]

Because she equates sex with love. She screams intensely monogamous. Wee bit of codependency in there too.

[@socialmoon]

@@AndreNDP Yep, she's just setting herself & her husband up for a whole world of pain when she inevitably has to choose between the husband & the boyfriend. She should have just left the marriage when the first chance rose, rather than turn the whole thing into a fucking mess. Husband's going to be even more fucked up mentally when this thing explodes.

[@damien678]

Well, I mean, I'm polyamorous and want to get married to my boyfriend. But I get what you mean, the assumption of monogamy is too massive to ignore and even I'd wanna make sure he's cool with it before doing anything But also...more men are into cuckoldry than you might think

[@dannietea]

I feel so bad for the husband.

[@mr.protagonist5639]

God that was a shitshow. Honestly I feel worst for the husband than the OP. Imagine having all this happen after remembering your repressed abuse memories. It's just a shit situation.

[@anthonycollier2456]

Right, she just a coward.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

I think it would have shown more kindness if she just left him, tbh. He deserves someone who loves him back.

[@PrincessAfrica3]

@@CircusoftheMoon true

[@PrincessAfrica3]

I feel so bad for him! Can you imagine being so traumatized by a monster that ruined your childhood and still ruins your life.😢 and desperately holding on to your wife that you even let her cheat. I pray this man heals and finds a wife who loves him.

[@vanzy01]

😔

[@nexutus8073]

To rephrase the story: "My husband opened up to me to his horrible childhood and why he can not be intimate and all I heard was his half-hearted proposal for an open relationship. I cheated loved it but was rejected by my AP so i crawled back into my marriage and tried to save it. When I got another chance I went into the next romantic affaire that finally killed my marriage." There are no excuses for cheating, even if the situation is hard and frustrating to the point of burning out. Also the story is a bit fishy because some details seem to change or "vanish" over the updates

[@PrincessAfrica3]

Agreed

[@francb1634]

OP is a disgusting piece of shit and would've been ripped to shreds in the comments if the story was gender flipped.

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

That is exactly what it came off like. And I couldn't even finish it so I didn't hear the updates. It was just too disgusting for me.

[@devchekhov7512]

Does therapy not exist in OP's universe? I feel like I was watching a snuff film in slow motion. Gonna bathe in holy water now

[@kichikitsu]

god same listening to this one felt like a whole ass twilight zone episode in which therapy just straight up did not exist

[@ProtocolDroidHK47]

Make room in the tub, I need to rinse off after this shit storm.

[@paden1865able]

I'll join but I'm bringing a scrub made with Kosher salt and lavender...

[@johnatandelacuso4174]

Honestly there was so much me me me sentiment in this story and yhe wishy washy behavior that made me really frustrated. There were so many options to make it better or to have as clean a break as possible but she kept picking the worst option for her and for the husband that it was tough to listen

[@kristelneedtoknow3207]

Because his an adult that can't be made to go into therapy. He needs to heal himself and work on himself before he can get into a relationship. This was toxic from the beginning. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you work together as a couple.

[@victoriapyles7752]

“Life is short” but also spends like a year hemming and hawing over leaving her husband before actually leaving him..

[@keshaponso2034]

and leading him on whilst saying we can be 'open & honest' with eachother.

[@nikkideede7972]

Bet it was the life he provided that she didn't want to leave until she found the replacement

[@catandrobbyflores]

Its not that simple. You are literally unending your life by divorcing someone. To call it hemming and hawing is disrespectful.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍

[@StandYourGroundHomestead]

Well, marriage is a serious commitment. It would be disrespectful to the whole idea of marriage if she just up and left without doing everything she could to try and make it work. Some countries have a 30 day probation period after submitting divorce papers for the couple to try and reconcile before they re-submit for an actual divorce, and a lot of the time, it works! If you're going into a marriage with the idea of a divorce being as casual of an idea to you as "breaking up," then you should just stay dating. Dodge those state marriage and divorce fees, let alone divorce lawyer fees.

[@leaf4087]

I kinda want to hear this from the husband's perspective because I feel like there's missing information even though the husband gave her permission to cheat I don't think it was genuine I think it was because of low self esteem

[@alwayswondering127]

Yeah I don’t believe her at all.

[@damienenzo2085]

Exactly

[@vamp567]

As someone who basically gave their ex spouse the ok to cheat, when you really love someone and have no self esteem, you say your ok with things when your not so they will be happy. OP and my ex would get along swimmingly

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Yea, when I came out as transman I also told my husband (who's into females) he's allowed to cheat. Not because I want an open relationship, but because I already ask so much of him (partner literally changing a gender), so the least I can do is give him permission to forfil his sexual needs. I feel like it's the same for the husband in this story. He knows he's hurting his wife and can't forfil her needs for years, maybe never, so the only thing he can do - besides divorcing - is opening the marriage for her. (Add: unlike OP in this story my husband doesn't want other women, so he chose not to cheat, bless his heart)

[@dodgyyoutuber9560]

@@Nathan_Bookwurm What happened to your marriage, if I may ask? Did you divorce?

[@cstmollins]

Jeez the wife sounds like a terrible person

[@colleens1107]

The title alone made me go this relationship is doomed. Ain’t no freaking way this could end well. Christ I hope OP gets a very good therapist because good lord she has MASSIVE insecurities. And get divorced.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

Divorce is never an option

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

shes in love with a guy who told a married woman he loved her after a few months of sex... ya this new relationship is not going to end well.

[@laughableInflection]

​​@@Batman-lg2zj divorce is usually an option. And its a better option than all of those cases of one spouse abusing/murdering the other because they cant take their situation anymore. Or staying in an unhappy relationship for so long that that unhappiness and hurt reaches their children.

[@randomusername3873]

​@@johnsmith-kt7ef she really thought the affair would turn into a serious relationship Hilarious😂

[@j.j.juggernaut9709]

@@Batman-lg2zj Maybe for you

[@VesnaVK]

10:19 "I know no one here has the answers..." In fact, EVERYONE had the answer! OP didn't want to act on it.

[@janedoe885]

I feel fucking horrible for the husband in this situation. OP should have divorced and gotten him to therapy instead of having an affair. She can love him without being in love with him, and vice versa. But it sounds like she’s been repeatedly traumatizing the guy trying to meet her own needs and there’s a fundamental lack of comparability going on.

[@ineedhoez]

He's a grown ass adult and knows how to Google. If he wanted to go to therapy, then he could have gone to therapy. She absolutely should have divorced him without being a cheater. It's not her responsibility to get him therapy

[@jrod1591]

She should have never gotten married. After 5 years and she knows this. She fell in love with the only other two people she had sex with. That shows you everything you need to know about op.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Wow, they're still married, he moved out, she has a boyfriend, she really didn't have to make any sacrifices did she? Bet she won't worry about a divorce until boyfriend proposes. Also the fact that she was willing to be with the first guy who was also in a committed relationship... As my friend used to say, she really wants to have her cake 🎂 and eat her pie 🥧 too!

[@HaliaStone]

And what if she got pregnant from her boyfriend while still being married? Is the boyfriend aware of this ‘arrangement’? This is a shit show worthy of Jerry Springer.

[@madambutterfly1997]

How does sleeping with someone else make you appreciate your spouse more? I’m pretty sure you can appreciate someone without betraying them

[@GallowayJesse]

Lol people will do all kinds of mental gymnastics to justify their desires & actions

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

She's so obviously a liar to me, I don't know anyone can believe her version of events.

[@sonialinsey8083]

Should have just left him. He’s been abused as a child, he needs to heal before having them himself or he could mess them up even if he doesn’t abuse them.

[@GallowayJesse]

@@Aaron-kj8dv Yeah it's so obvious that she's extremely manipulative & conniving She's basically preying on & using this poor guy with mental issues

[@kichikitsu]

​@@Aaron-kj8dv oh thank god im not the only one feeling icky about her version of events. it really feels like she was purposefully obscuring and omitting things and like truly... she didn't care one bit about his consent to sexual acts, which obviously to a CSA survivor that would be hugely detrimental to him. so yeah idk she's not trustworthy

[@nyxcuseme]

I could never in a million years imagine myself in a situation where my partner tells me about childhood SA and all that is in my head is "me me me". They should have broken up in the beginning. Imagine telling your spouse about what happened to you, and all they hear is how they don't feel good enough and want to sleep with somebody. I understand difference in libido, I understand not feeling wanted when you're rejected like that, but for the love of all that is holy, just LEAVE THE POOR GUY. What a horrible selfish person OP is, I am shocked. The man is literally dissociating and so in love with his wife - he was clearly too mentally ill to even consent to an open marriage like that OR to break up with her, and I'm not even gonna talk about the cheating. How could you do this to somebody that is so traumatised that he isn't even himself after sex. How can you just use your partner like that, just because it would make YOU feel shit if you broke up? He said "it's okay" MY ASS, SHE KNEW he wasn't okay, and she didn't give a flying fuck as long as she could fuck another dude and feel better about herself because "he said it was fine". Gross as hell. I hope he gets therapy, and she leaves him the fuck alone.

[@pixymisagray4276]

Amen

[@Deedoof]

I don't agree at all how OP handled her situation. OP has her own mental issues and they both needed therapy long before this post was made. However, co-dependent folks are people-pleasers and we will give until there's nothing left. Our own trauma makes us believe that any failure in a relationship is our fault so we try harder, past personal experience speaking.

[@skylargreen7156]

👍

[@DaniS398]

She's allowed to think about herself as well. She JUST found out about his trauma, but has been dealing with her feelings of loneliness and unworthiness since before they were married.

[@farhangustiwan1827]

What she said and what she did is very hypocritical that it's ridiculous... I think in the end of the day, she does want to leave but don't want to be the one that "dirty her hands" Egotistical partner

[@potatoempress5731]

Yeah no. I feel for the husband having to repress his TRAUMA to fulfill OP's constant needs. Girl, leave him alone. He's doing so much and giving passes to her like candy but what did she do for him? This post is all me me me me me me. Like she's in a marriage with herself and her only!

[@Mammongus]

Well that was what she said the issue was, that she feels like a caregiver rather than a wife. She said every decision has to be made by her, whether true or not that's how she feels. She defo should have divorced though. I knew a situation where the husband's mental health made the wife think he'd kill himself if she left since he had tried before while they were married. She eventually made the decision to leave him and whatever he did with her decision would not be her fault. He didn't kill himself at the very least, but that fear kept her in an unhappy relationship for years.

[@truthseeker9249]

@@Mammongus I know that feeling on a personal level. My abusive ex was the same way. Every time I tried to leave him he'd threaten to do something to himself.

[@kichikitsu]

​@@Mammongus honestly this whole story has left mew questioning if that's the truth. if she really had to make the decisions bc he wouldn't... or if she wanted to make all the decisions without any concern to him and his desires and he just went with it to satisfy her. she talks about feeling sexually inadequate to him, but I feel he may feel the same way for her. I mean... He's a CSA survivor. It's not uncommon for them to feel that if they can't "put out" in the way their partner wants than they are lesser. And I think he may compensate by being a complete doormat and letting her make all the decisions in their life. idk. we only have her version of things

[@whims6278]

Whaaa? Did we read different things? I think you're maybe triggered or reading too much into things because she was talking about them both the entire time and trying to work out HER feelings... and acting like she wouldn't leave him alone when he was essentially her child is weird. She was selfless enough to stay with this dude who offered her nothing, and then was kind enough to continuously try to help so he wasn't alone. Trauma doesn't give us a free pass to be selfish and ignore our partners needs. I hope you're OK, because this whole take on it seems like somethings going on with you that has made to read so much into things that weren't there ❤

[@tamsel814]

Yeah even after the csa and dissociation reveal she never once mentioned, asked or worried about how to support him. It was all about her need for physical (and emotional) love.

[@Poopiepies]

I am so happy that my husband actually loves me and was patient enough to love me through my demon. What a horrible woman

[@PrincessAfrica3]

Your husband is a gem!🙏🏾

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

Yeah, same with my partner. Having an actual human that can feel empathy and loves you, unconditionally, is a wonderful thing. That is how a partnership is supposed to work, both ways. As a team. Mine helped me get through a terrible addiction that would have ended me, and wanted me to be happy. We have both been there for each other at our worst times and have always been able to count on one another.

[@ronhall5395]

Th his woman is the type who will dump her new man in a heart beat if he gets hurt or disabled. She is chasing the thrill.

[@janespencer7864]

Not ONCE did OP mention her husband was in therapy. That should have been the first point of order. He will never heal from his abuse without it. OP needs therapy, as well, for her overriding feelings of insecurity. You can love, cherish and care for someone and still know neither of you should be in the marriage. Theirs was doomed from the start.

[@kristelneedtoknow3207]

Excatly

[@anamcnamara9]

Disgust. Thats all i felt this entire story. As someone else pointed out. This entire story is about her. SHE isn't having enough intimacy, SHE wants kids, SHE doesnt feel fulfilled, SHE decided to have not 1 but 2 affairs. Sure, your feelings are important, but the entire time she openly states her husband was in pain. He was openly in pain. He confessed having r*pe based trauma. He was so bad he was disassociating because She wouldn't leave him alone. Then she got upset when that obviously wouldnt end well! It doesnt sound like she tried to encourage him to seek help at all. She just let him suffer. This was awful to sit through; absolutely infuriating!!

[@lb1984]

She let him suffer so that he wouldn’t have the want or strength to fight her when the inevitable happens. Most women leave the marriage with a plan. As did she. She found his weakness, weaponized it and strategically went about getting what she wanted. Now she just needs validation from others that she’s not a horrible person.

[@pyroflamekid7412]

I mean this is her persepective of her experience. What do you expect most stories are like that when retelling an experience.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

That poor husband. Not only does his wife show him so little sympathy after he opens up about being assaulted, but she cheats on him and then convinced him to comfort HER. Then she talks him into an open relationship, she falls for the other guy, and she tries to weasel her way back into his good graces, all while STILL hanging out with the guy she was cheating on him with. He’s better off without her. Her entire post is “me me me!”

[@ToxicSunrise132]

Story 1: Aaaaand this is why you LEAVE unhappy relationships before you do something you regret. If you are going to open a monogamous relationship, you need to have open, honest communication with your partner, and clear boundaries and rules established beforehand. OP did none of that, and was clearly looking for an excuse to cheat without feeling guilty. I'm about 4 min 30 seconds in, and I'm betting this ends in screaming, tears, and both of their clear mental health problems getting worse, when they could have had a clean break instead. I really don't understand people sometimes. Edit after finishing the video: welp, 2 out of 3 ain't bad! What a toxic, codependent nightmare! I still don't understand why neither of them could put on their adulting pants and just break up already. My general rule of thumb is, if you need a "break" what you truly, desperately need to do is just end things. See other people. Heck, maybe a few years down the road things will be different but right now? Right now you need to grow and change as a person, not stay stuck in the same patterns that are making you miserable.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

Literally right at the end she literally in my opinion just had no regrets about what she done and was only thinking of herself and to be honest this is a woman who is glad to be out of the marriage and only comes out of it with less guilty when she truly has and she's even thinking about having children with the dude she cheated on her husband with and says we're still going to be friends knowing that the dude that she cheated on him with wants her to cut contact with him at some point

[@WritersOnTheWall]

as an old guy, if you want kids 32 is cutting it close to start over 36 is considered a geriatric pregnancy chances for birth defects and dieing from the pregnancy starts to skyrocket, your body starts falling apart faster then you think it will in your 40s imagine running after 4 small kids after waking up randomly like a pretzel becuase you slept funny. I don't have to imagine, I mean if your in a bad situation get out but sometimes just playing the cards your delt is better

[@bajojohn]

I love the lack of empathy for a woman who was faithful for years with a man who neglected her physically and emotionally. Life is complicated and so too are relationships. She IS at an age where she will have to give up on at least one dream to be happy. She shouldn’t have kids because her life is so complicated, not because she is old.

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

Before you get married in this situation

[@n3rdv10l3nc3]

​​@@bajojohn Dude was sexually assaulted as a child, repressed the memory, and developed severe sexual hang ups. But sure, he's a bad person for not wanting to fuck while coping with resurfaced memories of being raped by a pedophile.

[@gigicat3943]

OP needs huge therapy NOW. She married someone before finding out if they were sexually compatible and basically became a caretaker. Then instead of getting help and figuring herself out, she forces the husband to make decisions. She then uses the husband and the boyfriend. Apparently she's ok manipulating two lives just to get laid. If this was a man telling this story - everyone would be having a fit and saying how abusive he was!

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

ya after hearing this, i thought she was just as mentally messed up as her husband just in a different fashion... plus people in these stories pretend to be saints when i bet she didn't do half the stuff she said for her husband.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

She isn’t really using her husband as her husband is saying it’s okay to cheat

[@gigicat3943]

@@Batman-lg2zj She's using the husband for her own security - living with him, going back and forth about what she wants to do. An honest person would say it's not working and move on with her own life. Not stringing along the husband and boyfriend!

[@Lillireify]

@@gigicat3943 Well all three of them were stringing each other along. You can't solely blame OP for not divorcing her husband earlier, the husband was not happy as well and he also did nothing. It's as much his fault as hers imo. The boyfriend was also ok in this situation instead of giving her a simple boundary: him or me.

[@bernieheartdragon1888]

Yeah. She seems to put a lot of pressure on him to take the fall for her decisions. And when he left the bedroom after sex....I mean I get she doesn't want to be a caretaker, but at the same time she's his partner (wife!). Maybe I'm too care-takery myself, but knowing his trauma, I would have absolutely checked on him and asked what he needed from me. Sex is clearly complicated for him and she didn't seem able or willing to understand. Of course at that point, she was likely burnt out and low on empathy. Dead relationship.

[@caelum8160]

This story just made me feel so gross. The lack of empathy from OP is astonishing. She's so busy trying to get her rocks off like some sex crazed nympho instead of trying to help her husband trying to work through his trauma of CSA. Like I'm definitely biased since I've been a victim of CSA and SA in my adulthood as well, but not once did she mention therapy or even mention her husband's trauma in an empathetic sense. She's only worried about how it affected her and her alone. It honestly made me consider if the husband's/Ex's abuser was a woman, because that would explain a lot, but I digress.

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

It's called caregivers burnout. Basically you spend so much time taking care of someone else's needs that your ability to empathize kind of fizzles out until your own needs are met. It sounds like she was suffering from it well before she found out he was a victim of CSA. Not that that's a blanket excuse, you don't need to empathize with someone in order to know that when they're dealing with trauma like that, you get them into therapy. I'm also a victim of CSA but I've also seen caregiver fatigue first hand, and while OP definitely effed up here, her lack of empathy is more understandable than her lack of logic. Like it should not take a genius to realize that this back and forth is hurting her husband more. Get him into therapy, and then either rip the bandaid off or decide to stay, but for the love of God, whatever she decides she needs to commit to it.

[@annienunyabiz6627]

@@EveryDayALittleDeath The problem with the caregiver's burnout theory is she never once explained exactly what she does that qualifies as caregiving. Reddit gave her the term as well, and she latched onto it as an excuse by her first update. It sounded more like resentment that she decided was caregiver's burnout because people told her it was.

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

@@annienunyabiz6627 I mean she mentions her husband's had mental health issues for years, at least as long as they've been together. I'm not trying to excuse her actions, she definitely effed up multiple times, but without further evidence I'm not going to condemn her for irredeemable selfishness, just for utter stupidity and the inability to make up her damn mind.

[@kateworkman921]

@@annienunyabiz6627 She said in the first post how dependent her husband was on her, and that was part of the reason that she went through with marrying him. She may not have known the term "caregiver's burnout." I certainly didn't when it happened to me, but if someone had described it to me, I'd have said yes, that's exactly what I was going through with an ex of mine that was so completely emotionally dependent on me.

[@Hajiyt]

@@kateworkman921 And yet her husband was completely fine being away from her during their multiple breaks (some of which were half a year) and he's supposedly being utterly fine now that they've completely broken up. That does not sound like someone dependant on others unless he's being taken care by his family now.

[@mayowhishes]

I can't believe how much op is worrying about herself rather than her hub

[@mayowhishes]

like she's describing him like a creature she's taking care of rather than a human person it's weird

[@twilightsparkle75]

"my husband was r*ped as a kid and kts hesvily affected him his entire life and hes only discovered it recently, meanwhile i havent had any sex in like forever and i hate my life!"

[@shamimtorang4390]

That's caregivers' burnout. When you are not selfish on your behalf and sacrifice for a long time instead of maintaining a balance an enormous emotional disassociation happens.

[@kateworkman921]

@@twilightsparkle75 Yeah, that's pretty much exactly what happens when someone is so completely dependent on you that you become their physical, mental, and emotional carer, as well as personal psychologist, whether you want to, or are qualified to, or not. As someone who went through it with my first real boyfriend, lemme tell you, it. F*CKING. SUCKS. You *have* to be on your game at all times, because the second you start to break down and want the slightest bit of comfort, or want/need *your* needs met, the other person absolutely freaks out on you and has no idea what to do because the roles are suddenly reversed and they can't handle that. So then, not only do you feel like sh*t because of burnout or whatever issue is making you break down, you also feel even worse because you have to turn around and comfort your partner,. squashing down your own emotions and your own needs, because you're with someone who can't put aside their issues for a couple hours to comfort you. I don't know how/why therapy wasn't loudly shouted from the comments section, but frankly, it was heartbreaking to hear her say that his childhood abuse was something else she would have to help him through, because no. Full stop. Absolutely not. It was nowhere near her responsibility to help him through something like that. She should have called and made an appointment with a therapist for him if he couldn't get up the initiative to do it himself. *That's* the extent to which she needed to help him.

[@therealjoeyjazz]

​@@shamimtorang4390 is it? I know that's a thing, but like... she talks about him like he's a pet she's caring for. I did not think that was a symptom of caregiver burnout 😳

[@immasnakeee6460]

I really hope the best for the ex husband. How awful and what a sad situation. Them separating was the best for the both of them

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: If s3x is more important than your husband's trauma literally just leave him. She's a narcissist.

[@kristelneedtoknow3207]

He needed to work on himself before getting into a relationship. This is on him and only him . People who dump all their problems on a partner and expect them to become a carer for them is wrong. Their relationship if you want to call it that is over.

[@veezopolis]

No after being with someone for YEARS its now also your problem. You're kind of a pos ​@kristelneedtoknow3207

[@RK-tg1sp]

OMG this story was exhausting. Unbelievable, how OP kept trying to convince everyone she loves her husband 😑. If she loved him, she wouldn't be able to sleep with others. I've been in a sexless marriage and it was full of resentment. She just seems to want everyone to think she's a wonderful human but she's just laughable.

[@beccaf262]

It’s not that simple tbh she has needs that weren’t being met that lead to her self esteem breaking down. She literally thought she was disgusting to him. The fact that people are polyamorous is proof people can love more than one person and love takes many forms. The fact she spent so long caring for him despite the damage it did to her mental state is proof of that love even if it’s not the conventional love people expect.

[@RK-tg1sp]

@@beccaf262 I don't believe in polyamory either. My father had two wives, and trust me neither got all his complete love and attention. How many pilyamorous couples in their 50s and 60s have you seen? Like I said, I've been in a sexless marriage and I loved my ex husband and I couldn't sleep with anyone else! I felt disgusting, I thought I was ugly and I spent my youth thinking I'm just unlovable. Look, you can defend OP and that's your right but having been in her shoes for as long as her, she doesn't get my sympathy.

[@robertx8020]

Ppl should stop pretending that they are a 'blueprint' for the whole world "I could do X so others can do it too" was never convincing to me!

[@GreenKnight1982]

​@@beccaf262honestly that " needs not being met " is a BS excuse because I've seen other posts where it was the man in that situation and everybody was calling him sexist and telling him to just suck it up and deal with it.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

It was very apparent that the only reason she “loves” him is because he loves her so deeply.

[@Sylphella]

The longer this goes on, the worst it gets. Oop is so selfish and continued to fail her husband all while complaining about her shallow needs not being met.

[@FreijaVanir]

"My husband just told me he was abused. How'bout I start sleeping around?" Erm... Huh?

[@Louves192]

Her husbands trauma just seemed to be more like an annoyance to her. What a wild story.

[@blix_xo]

​@@Louves192 that's what I sort of got from the entire thing. OP was tired, but also, desperate to get her cookies munched on. I feel...she abandoned her husband to have the romp around. When she mentioned about how he dissociated after sex, all I asked was what did you expect? Your husband confessed about his trauma, but instead of helping him, encouraging him for therapy, and bloody communicating, she was too busy wanting to get off.

[@randomusername3873]

The fact that sex was her first priority After finding that out is insane

[@shaymorcormick8743]

​@@blix_xogood she deserves it. Sounds like he was insufferable to be around and constantly needed to be taken care of. He didn't need a wife but a mommy. He didn't see to give a fuck about her needs for over 5 years.

[@catT5236]

Wow! OP is incredibly selfish & self-absorbed. Her husband is dealing with repressed memories of sexual trauma & instead of both of them going to therapy & her dealing with her own needs whilst they figure out if the husband even wants a sexual relationship after his trauma, she just goes & repeatedly cheats on him. Then blames his mental health problems for her behaviour. Could have reassessed the situation there too & seen if there was any way to improve it. It's all about her needs & her panic etc etc, meanwhile her husband is going through the hell of dealing with traumatic memories alone.

[@Koality_Maker31]

Im exhausted just listening to this story…I can’t imagine living it

[@MGOsketches]

It makes me sad when a partner suddenly brings up open relationships because they are sexually unsatisfied. That kinda manipulates the other partner into accepting out of guilt. Just break up.

[@flaminhotyoshi7403]

There might be something I missed, but had they tried to set up the husband with any type of therapy for his trauma? At the end, when she asked “How could two people who love eachother so much not be happy” and he said “because one is unwell”, that was my first thought. The marriage could have stood a chance if he’d sought out the help he needed.

[@dave19328]

No you didn't miss anything. As soon as he told her about the sexual abuse, she started making the whole issue about her. He wasn't able to ask for help for years. He's not going to do it now. If she was selfless, like she's making herself look, her priority would've been to convince her husband to go to therapy and get all the help he needs. But I'm sure in that moment, the first thing she thought about was her sexual life.

[@ladynoir8243]

OP sounds like she left a lot of things out. It's like she keeps saying " I can change him" when he is struggling. Sexual assault can feel like you have been kidnapped from yourself, and it seems like the husband needs to see a psychologist

[@VeranaXS]

Wow this is OP is something, like the whole time she seamed to look for excuses If she was so unhappy she would have left sooner, there is definitely alot of info she is leaving out.

[@dave19328]

She wants to have sex by day and goes back to her husband by night.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 this relationship sounds like they are majorly incompatible and should have gone their separate ways long ago. Sex is absolutely not the most important thing in a relationship, but this sounds like majorly sexual incompatibility. It doesn't sound like OP loves her husband, it just sounds like he's a responsibility/obligation. People have personal and religious reasons for not having sex, but it seems like it just didn't happen with no explanation. The trauma was not revealed until several years later

[@okyep]

She does not love this man.

[@Azulakayes]

I feel sad for OP's husband.

[@majesticgothitelle1802]

​@@okyepshe did say sex was her way of showing love and how she expressed herself towards others. Plus falling in love with the first person she had sex with show sex is her romance

[@akl2k7]

@@majesticgothitelle1802 Plus, how she and her new boyfriend basically saw sex as their hobby and how obsessed they were with it. Meanwhile, did the husband even get any therapy? It doesn't sound like it.

[@majesticgothitelle1802]

@@akl2k7 it's was broken from the start she only desire sexual connection and sexual interactions. no emotional interest and or support. she wants the security and safety that comes from married. We don't know what their lives are like outside of sex. We don't know that she works or not or the husband is the only working one. People who have drama mostly have a permanent low sex drive even after therapy. To me it seemed the op was in control of the relationship, deciding most of the stuff and using her husband's mental state to portray and convince him to agree to her terms. She even said she was not in love with her husband just dragging him alone.

[@taylorslade961]

Honestly, this feels like OP and husband both felt obligated to get married because they were close friends. They've never loved each other romantically, they're friends, nothing more. My guess is that parents and friends made assumptions and neither had enough spine to say "nah, not us."

[@ShadowknightEX]

By nature I don’t trust the words of someone who’s committed infidelity

[@jakemarie828]

I wouldn't call this one cheating but rather a s÷xual mismatch. Both parties tried to be okay with stuff they were upset about.

[@okyep]

@Jake Marie "I had an affair but he forgave me"

[@SherriLyle80s]

Didn't he give her permission though?

[@str4yk1dsw0rldd0minati0n]

​@80sGamerLady She was still calling it an affair and stuff tho and some wording seemed off

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

@@str4yk1dsw0rldd0minati0n bc she lied about it and wasn't upfront with the husband until after she did it and the other guy rejected any type of relationship with her. This lady is just as messed up as her husband. She falls for any guy showing affection or when they give her some decent sex. I mean her bf was saying he loved her after a few months while banging a married woman? I mean this seems like a healthy relationship... i bet it ends badly.

[@erikahammer4337]

Divorce should have been the first step, instead they both decided to abuse each other and themselves emotionally. 🤦‍♀️

[@neferpitou3934]

Sadism....

[@immapotato1]

what the hell was that shitstorm

[@επιθετικόακτινιδιο]

In the end they went their separate ways. Thank God they didn't end up having a kid together

[@erikahammer4337]

@@immapotato1 as @nefer said, it's sadism, more likely emotional sadomasochism.

[@Wolfiechrm]

I think therapy should have been first. Especially for the husband he suffers from such bad trauma that she was essentially triggering him each time she wanted to have sex. It shows how callous she is by not even thinking of therapy.

[@Roastpaperover9000-]

If the gender roles were reversed, and it was the woman that was sexually abused as a kid, and was dealing with the trauma, and the husband was the one to step out on the relationship everyone will be ripping this man to shreds. I don’t understand why they’re giving her the kid gloves lol. So tired of double standards.

[@knonaeem275]

@@blix_xo oh no, sometimes the women are in the wrong, but reddit still finds a way to spin it as the man's fault.

[@blix_xo]

@Kno Naeem Exactly! And I felt that OP had abandoned him to a degree. It'd have been great if folks got smart to know they were being talked about on reddit to give their side.

[@JustinaStark]

@@blix_xo oh nooo poor men always the victims in everything waah

[@blix_xo]

@Tina K. you mean just like women, too?

[@Roastpaperover9000-]

@@JustinaStark honestly speaking if you were sexually assaulted and you had a partner that knew about it and then their response is to cheat on you. How would you feel instead of saying poor man lol how about saying their partner is a piece of donkey dooo I hope something like that never happened to you, but honestly speaking, you’re probably a piece of crap for that response shows a lot of your character

[@gtc9966]

OP swings wildly between wanting to ‘save’ him…and desperately hurting him.

[@Sakuraqueen]

Story 1: face palmed so many times!!

[@jennilynne1977]

Got a doctor's appointment to go 😅.I hope everyone is having a great day/afternoon/night! Peace ☮️, hugs 🤗 and love 😘!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Good luck I have some to go to later 🤗🤗💜💜

[@bonnielovely]

As someone with experience in poly-amorous/open relationships, as well as me enduring SA in my youth, I can related and understand both sides of this concern. However, based on the whole thread, it seems like her reason for pursuing this passionate lifestyle is because she wants to have a child and that is very difficult in a DB. I didn't see any comments about the husband wanting children, it seemed like he was willing to do anything to have his wife be happy, even though HE was the one suffering more. He was okay with letting her sleep with others, but it's pretty obvious she has already emotionally distanced herself from him and wants validation for it. Half the thread is her talking to herself and wanting others to support her so she does not seem like a bad person for leaving him. I am all about finding your own personal happiness, but she just kind of seems like she did whatever she wants without fully considering her partner's needs as someone that endured an extreme trauma. It's okay to fall in or out of love and move on to a marriage that has all that you want, for both of their futures, and I hope both of them are happier now.

[@simonechristians5319]

I’m glad I’m not the only one who felt this way as well 😅

[@kichikitsu]

​@Nyanx4 honestly! holy shit! the entire fucking time I was practically screaming in my head that if being his "caretaker" was so exhausting, THEN GET HIM TO SEE A THERAPIST. He needs someone actually TRAINED to work through such cruel, disgusting trauma inflicted upon him. OP is not a trained professional. I'm surprised no one in the actual post's comments pointed that out to her. I quite honestly think she, in some capacity, liked it. Liked having him dependant and waiting on her. Liked knowing he'd always be there for her in non-sexual ways -- that he'd always be there to fall back on as a safe option. It also just feels like she left out a lot of crucial info and purposefully left certain things vague for whatever reason. It may just be her way of writing but idk.... It feels icky and off to me. I'm glad they are no longer together tho, sex as a huge priority for OP would only ever cause harm to husband. Hopefully they're both in therapy now.

[@annienunyabiz6627]

@@kichikitsu That's exactly how I saw it. He was disassociating, and it felt like she was ignoring how bad that is. The man was really unwell, desperately needed professional help, but it felt like all she cared about was herself and how his trauma affected her instead of how it affected him.

[@miaposamarie226]

​@@kichikitsu why cant he get the therapist himself? Yes OP needs more empathy but this grown man is awhere of his depression and failing marriage. He can work on himself and the marriage but chooses not to. At the end of the day, your mental health is your responsability

[@kichikitsu]

@@miaposamarie226 man would it literally have killed her to say "hey I'm not a trained professional, I cannot help you further in the ways you need, I love you and want to see you better. Please seek a therapist"??? she is supposed to be his partner, she's more than allowed to suggest and support him in seeking the help he actually needed. instead she chose to take his desperate attempt to salvage their marriage as an excuse to have emotional affairs

[@cpaul9269]

So, did OP ever actually take any of the advice she was offered? I found myself getting angry that she was wasting so many people's time, but also if she had ever ever seen a healthy relationship modeled. Good luck to her

[@vamp567]

About 7 minutes into the vid and Reddit's gender bias is already showing again. Love how when it's a male looking after a female with physical illness, he should seek therapy and not give up on the relationship. But when a female cheats on her struggling partner (I'm sorry, the man remembered he was SA'd as a child, clearly the route of his current issues) its leave. Wow. Nice empathy there reddit. Edit: the more this post goes on the more I can't stand OP. Yes, sleeping with other people is totally going to help OP's husband's mental health issues. She dragged this poor man deeper into the shitter. It would have been kinder to the end the marriage. This isn't love.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Mark had a video yesterday where it was opposite and Reddit ripped him apart, at least the comments on these videos are consistent I agree, the more she talks the worse she comes across. I don't think she ever mentions his feelings at all, it's literally all about her. I think she has main character syndrome.

[@knonaeem275]

this ^ not long ago there was a vid (can't remember if it was on this or another channel) about a man who's wife was suffering from post-partum depression and would neglect their child, and reddit basically shits on him for not trying hard enough to get her into therapy even though he did try, and the wife simply refused. Then we have this OP who hasn't even bothered trying to suggest therapy for her husband and reddit and a few comments here saying husband is an adult and should be seeking help on his own instead of waiting on OP to do it for him. typical reddit misandry

[@Stopthisrightnow560]

​@Kno Naeem There's a slight difference between those two in that in one story, there is LITERALLY A CHILD INVOLVED. Sure, he could leave her. But if she got custody that's a potential dead child we're talking about. A child that those two are 100% responsible for. There are no children in this scenario.

[@MIchick1989]

Yeah, sometimes I get sad about being single for so many years. Other times I am super happy I'm not dealing with any of that.

[@emilydavidson-sv8zr]

Listening to your narrations while chilling with my morning coffee?? A lovely start to the day~ thanks for always doing such an awesome job with these!

[@kevineusebio]

Does therapy not exist in the world of story 1? Good God.

[@safespacebear]

OP is a walking trainwreck and her husband needs to be completely free of her so he can heal from his childhood trauma and the hurt she puts him thru

[@theghostguy5475]

OP's husband: I was abused as a child OP: I guess I'll start an affair

[@rudebarb]

Does OP not see that her tendency to fall in love with every man who shows her attention might also be a problem?

[@catandrobbyflores]

I think she was so starved for love she went with any guy that showed a slight interest. Her post early stated she felt ugly and repulsive because her husband wouldn't do s3x with her and stated it again after the first affair. I'm guessing her love language is physical intimacy or something along those lines.

[@agentzapdos4960]

S1: People who are as mentally unwell as I am literally cannot be happy in life. I feel for the husband. The brain can be our worst enemy.

[@valbear2996]

As someone who’s be SA as a child and has a low libido, talking with your partner does help out a lot. I would reject my boyfriends advances because I wasn’t feeling it and we would go weeks are even a month or so without sex. He came to me and expressed his concerns and emotions about the bedroom and I now try to engage in the bedroom more often. Granted my memories were not repressed, I’ve been remembering them and battling this for a little over 20 years… I’m 25 now. I love my boyfriend and want him to feel my love, even if my libido is low due to past trauma. In all honesty, OPs relationship seems too far gone. Not enough communication, betrayal, trauma, and low self esteem has caused y’all’s relationship to decline. There might have been a chance of salvaging the relationship a long time ago with therapy (couples and individual). Divorce should’ve happened a long time ago if therapy didn’t work. There is a lot more, but I do not want to make this longer than it already is lol

[@Stopthisrightnow560]

I feel this as a sex-positive asexual. I will almost never think about having sex so I'll often have to rely on the other person to instigate it.

[@randomusername3873]

I mean, in this case talking with the partner ended with her making it about herself and starting an affair, so I don't know

[@valbear2996]

@@randomusername3873 i see your point. I meant if she talked to him earlier in their relationship. Who knows how long she waited before speaking to him about it. If she did say how long she waited to tell him then I probably missed it. Sorry if I did miss it. In all honesty therapy should’ve been a thing years and years ago, if that didn’t work or if he refused then they should’ve broken up because they are not compatible then. Her waiting this long to make things work broke down her self esteem and turned to other men and his trauma and self esteem turned her away. I know everyone deals with their trauma in their own way, but how he handled it wasn’t the best. I do wish them the best and happiness. In all honesty even if she didn’t talk to him she probably would’ve turned to another man at some point.

[@valbear2996]

@@Stopthisrightnow560 I feel you on having to rely on your partner to initiate. Sometimes I feel bad that I don’t initiate, but I try my best to at least be receptive.

[@videofan1010]

OP#1 sounds annoying...

[@_JC_1]

Yeah man, he dodged the biggest bullet.

[@unchained_wings]

I would love to hear the husband's side of the story.

[@bhart3321]

Seeing the people in this section that get it & can completely sympathize with the husbands trauma thank you. To everyone else trying to excuse her behavior by blaming him, y'all are part of the reason men keep our traumas bottled up & don't seek help cuz y'all use any vulnerabilities against us to excuse your behavior. Y'all are the reason more & more men are just opting out of relationships & society in general. Why should we prop up a society that blames us for struggling while you have so much privilege & STILL have the audacity to complain about how hard you have it. Yes he had some huge issues that needed addressing but never once in the massive narcissistic ramblings did she once bother to suggest they try therapy, or communicate really at all. They both are pathetically broken people that never should've been together but to blame one to excuse the other is bs. They both need industrial strength therapy & she needs it more than he does. He at least knows he's drowning but she doesn't even recognize the added trauma she added to him with her cheating. Yes it's cheating he was in no headspace to make the decisions he was & she took advantage.

[@DayumSonny]

I don't think this woman understand what love is. She has no respect for him, which means she doesn't love him. If she did, she would file for divorce him instead of cheating on him and opening up the marriage. Things are only going to get worse from now on.

[@cynthiaholland13]

Why didn't she go check on her husband after he walked out the bedroom to make sure he was okay?? He was working so hard to meet her needs, even pushing past his comfort zone.

[@HyliaFell]

I'm similar to the OP's husband in that I had a lot of repressed trauma from sexual assault rise up in my adulthood that thoroughly screwed with me. People like OP make me glad that my partner isn't anything like her. He's patient, understanding, and doesn't treat me like a burden for the trauma or seek out others for sex during times I'm having a hard time. He isn't a caretaker. He is my partner. We love each other 100% and we take care of each other. Trauma doesn't require "caretaking". It mostly just requires patience, understanding, and a bit of slowness to work through it. The most important thing he should have had when those came back was a feeling of safety and security and she immediately took those away by cheating on him. It makes me so angry how she voices her views on him and tries to make herself seem almost a victim in this.

[@whims6278]

We are so often taught there is only ONE way to be on a relationship, and that is so harmful in situations like this.

[@emcustard]

Did no one inquire about or suggest therapy at any point??? Honestly BOTH of them need intense therapy

[@MoonStruckBunnyIRL]

Sometimes I think I have problems, then something like this comes along. I still have problems, but at least they're not these problems.

[@jdkxieiao2938]

I honestly don't get how this op said that she loves her ex husband so much but never ONCE in this story did I hear how she supported him and helped him to heal his trauma. All I heard was how hard it was for HER and SHE was in a place of pain . And no one talks about how the husband starts healing after he leaves her and is able to work things out with other people so easily it gives me the vibe OP didn't want to heal and work it out

[@sinakirainine1719]

OPs husband has some really hard and deep trauma that'll take a lot of effort and support to even slightly get through. Yet the only thing OP cared about the entire post was getting her rocks off like some sort of rabbit. Its disgusting to hear. The lack of regard for the Husbands mental well being. OP really doesnt sound like a good person.

[@cocobrowny]

Sex IS important in a relationship. If you’re having a sexless relationship with your partner then you might as well be siblings or friends. She was warranted in her concerns and frustrations, and you seem to have conveniently skimmed over the fact that he had a mental health issue, childhood trauma and that she was essentially caring for him and being his emotional crutch. Life is too short for a single person to carry another’s weight, and life’s also too short to sacrifice your own wellbeing, mental health, your wants, your needs, your dreams - to appease someone else. She was with him for long enough. She tried for long enough. She’s young enough to try to have the sex she wants with someone else, to have the children she’d always wanted, the relationship dynamics she always wanted. Your assessment of her whole situation is extremely reductive.

[@madnessofvdub]

Op is so heartless its crazy

[@mocchimocchi746]

Op in the first story is a massive AH. Not once in her entire explanation did she ever once stop and consider her husbands feelings, it was basically just her her and her the entire time like sheeeesh.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Yeah I'm trying to remember a specific time where she mentions his feelings at all. Literally everything is about her. She'll get bored with this new guy, cheat on him, then blame him for her cheating.

[@UnityDoesWhatever]

No, Op I just went thru the same thing. It doesn't get better other than a couple of days, move on, it's over. It doesn't matter what you have, the sunken cost fallacy, its not real, even if you left each other and you live with friends or your mom. It sucks, it definitely feels like paralyzing limbo, but no. In my instance I had the best part which was him breaking up with me. I couldn't uncoil my mind from him, get time to really truly talk to urself. Alone, leave. Please.

[@gcarr1089]

Did I miss husband getting therapy cos there was no way OP could help husband without professional help.

[@daichie97]

​@Nyanx4 no it a clear window into how people see male sexual abuse victims

[@daisychain5087]

I knew OP was a witch from her opening salvo, and boy was I proved right. She sure did beeline and marry that poor, horrifically abused man, like predators of all ilks know, with such aplomb, how to find those perfect, already hyper-vulnerable, "pre-chewed" victims. Vile...! I hope he's able to extract himself from her one day very soon, and finally get the real help he needs to work through the trauma, scars, and the attendant fallout of the sexual abuse he's endured. I suspect he needs a whole new team of mental health professionals, unless he's simply been entirely disregarding their guidance and advice. Either way, he needs to be free of her malign influence in order to make the best progress possible, and have a chance at building a real, authentic, and genuinely happy life, with folks who sincerely care about him as a whole, autonomous person with a soul, entirely separate from themselves. I fear he won't lean into this anytime soon. But a girl can still keep a good thought and a prayer. It often works!! ❤

[@scourgedarkpaw9949]

She cheats on him and he comforts her. She says one sentence about how bad he feels then goes on and on about herself. My sexuality abused husband didn't start sex with me and I'm so upset because I will have to wait for the luxury of kids. Why can't he just magically move on from his trauma and breed like a good piece of livestock. Don't worry I love my husband I just see him as a tool for my ambitions rather than a broken man who needs the help of a professional.

[@Cheycartoongirl8]

Oooh... Waking up to a Mark Narrations video! This just made my morning! No Life Hack, as it's morning and I literally just woke up.

[@nateo3040]

I swear each update was giving me heart palpatations. I feel terrible for that husband, he was SAd as a kid and finally had the respressed memories crop up only for his wife to decide that she NEEDS to get her rocks off and have multiple affairs. I can’t imagine how inadequate and desperate he mustve felt to "give her permission" to cheat. I wish I could hear this whole story from his perspective

[@helaina8284]

Alright everyone needs to wish me lucky on this biology exam i’m about to take

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You got this

[@pee74332]

Good luck!

[@hariet6756]

She loves him so much but she still went on and agreed to cheat and then admits to falling in love with the firat dude she banged. Yet again she loves him so much huh. Just divorce for fcks sake.

[@paulchaudoir190]

I only saw this type of situation be successful once. But it was in a completely different part of the couple's life. They were done having children and the children were out of the house. The husband didn't have anything left in the tank per se. But he wanted his wife's sexual urges be met still. So they found a man together that would be okay with their current situation. It ended up being very fulfilling for everyone involved since the husband also got to watch.

[@Stopthisrightnow560]

I think the key is that you have to have considered it before you've even been in a relationship. I offered to my last partner to have an open relationship only because I'd met a bunch of polyamorous people and decided it was something I was personally okay with long before I met him.

[@melaniekelly1642]

What a woman! Instead of helping her husband with therapy and talking to him about being raped as a child, all she cares about is herself and is trying to spin this to make her look like a selfless saint. I hope the husband finds someone who CLEARLY cares about him.

[@AndyyWithAY]

You're posting super early today Mark. I haven't even had my coffee 🤣

[@MarkNarrations]

Yeah, you know when you accidently hit publish instead of schedule.....that was me :)

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

​@@MarkNarrations 🤗🤗💜💜

[@AndyyWithAY]

@Mark Narrations Haha no worries. We love your posts no matter the time

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

Why do I get the feeling with this story that the original poster really wasn't sorry for cheating on her husband but she didn't want to leave him because she was afraid of what the future was going to be. This is a woman who was only thinking about her own interest knowing that her husband had went through years of sexual abuse and probably didn't feel comfortable enough or more of a man enough to tell his wife about that history until it got so bad in his marriage that he had to tell her. Now affected their sex life and marriage to the point where he gave his wife permission to cheat and have an open marriage and she connected one of the dudes that she slept with in a romantic way and now she's leaving the marriage. This is a woman who let's be honest here has been in a loveless marriage for years and now she's leaving him for the fact that she wants to lick be happy and to be honest she shouldn't be having children to begin with because her own mental health it's not even in the right mind frame. She's staying married to him because she doesn't want face the future of being single for a long time especially if he's just now beginning his journey to heal.

[@randomusername3873]

Imagine finding out that your spouse was sexually abused and the first thing you think about is sex

[@bookgirl2]

I have no idea why she thinks a person who has childhood sexual trauma that he hasn't treated would make a great father? Also, she has obvious issues herself, and a problematic mother. What makes her believe she'll be a great mother? Both of these people need deep therapy before they even think of bringing a kid into the world.

[@sallensmae4995]

For me... leaving someone because you can't handle their needs anymore is one thing. Everyone has a breaking point. What makes her so awful in my opinion is cheating right after he admits that repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse have surfaced and destroyed his sex drive. Even if he said he'd forgive her if she cheated - she intentionally, knowingly, sought out and initiated a sexual relationship with someone behind her emotionally damaged husband. Someone who already has an emotionally turbulent relationship with sex... because of CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE... who understands how his inability to have sex is causing his wife distress - she CHEATED on him. I can't imagine how hurt he must have been. How useless, and worthless he'd feel - how broken and lacking... If she had grown beyond "Partner" to "Carer" because of his other problems, the dynamics at play... she abused his mental state by cheating. She should have just left when she decided cheating was the best course of action. Everything else was her trying to justify and ease her guilt. ((This is my own opinion, and in no way is a judgement towards those with Open or Poly relationships - she specifically said she cheated, that her husband didn't know, and even later acknowledged his hurt and anger over the cheating - both of these people need extensive therapy before they attempt any future relationships.... so - much - therapy - ALL OF THE THERAPY!))

[@JDPOWERNO]

The guy is going through mind wrecking trauma and his wife can't just Jill off for a few months. She's horrible.

[@annienunyabiz6627]

I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion or not, but as a victim of childhood SA, I am utterly disgusted by OP. There seemed to be a disturbingly large lack of empathy towards her husband for the trauma he went through. The man is disassociating, and all she could think about was how her sex life was affected. You don't have to be his carer, but stop pushing him into more trauma through sex and get him into therapy! If you love someone, you want them healthy and happy, and all she seemed to care about was herself! If she fell out of love, that's fine. But don't keep jerking the guy around because you don't wanna put your big girl pants on and end it. While I have sympathy for her situation, it feels like I have more sympathy for her husband and his trauma than his wife did. It did not feel at any point that she truly understood the depth of the trauma and pain childhood SA can cause, or even tried to understand. She was flat-out ignoring disassociation for Pete's sake, which means he was really badly off and desperately needed therapy.

[@phoenixfire8978]

Hey Mark! I FINALLY got permission from my housing association to have a support animal! What might you name a support kitty?

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Aww congrats and maybe give it a human name cause it's always funny to tell cat stories when the cat has a people name

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1 sounds like Entry #666 in "Why did you two get married in the first place and why are you even still together?"

[@LovesGaming37]

She's upset an affair partner is seeing someone when she is married? She's narcissistic for sure

[@spacelady4935]

If the genders were reversed, Reddit would be fking pissed at the man.

[@LeeLeesBanter]

The level of denial this woman has is off the scale. It's made me sad just hearing about it😢

[@tomjones4521]

I love how we always agree with and make excuses for disloyal cheaters like this woman. He is supportive and loves her. He is struggling and I doubt she shows so much care and consideration for him as she portrays

[@donwhiteley3293]

I feel horrible . . . for the husband. All I felt during that entire story was absolute disgust. All I heard was "Me me me". Your husband has severe emotional trauma over him being SA'd as a kid and you think that gives you the right to cheat. Not once but twice. Not only cheat, but admit to falling in love both times. Guys, this is the type of woman who if you every got into a serious accident would leave you in a heartbeat rather than stay by you and take care of you. She's an absolutely disgusting human being.

[@moonlightshadowpony]

I'm imagining around a year from now we'll get another update that starts with "I was idly browsing youtube and came across this story, and realized how disingenuous it was to leave the last update as the final word" followed by another update about how life has improved.

[@AAAforshort]

Honestly, through all this I could only think how she wrecked her husband mentally and emotionally through this whole ordeal. Because it's OP writing she keeps framing it like she's this victim suffering in her marriage but I can only read 'me, me, me'. Meanwhile her partner opened up about significant childhood trauma, and she basically went 'but what about my needs?' she should've divorced right then and there because no matter how she tries to spin it, she didn't truly love him enough to actually put in effort to make it work

[@DezGrowSpot]

The wife isn't a wife. She is selfish. She took a vow of "for better and for worse" and couldn't do the worse part.

[@rylashadow18]

S1) So there was no couple's counseling before wedding, during the issues to work on communication and no one putting their adult pants on. You also admit that at best you were emotionally cheating on your now husband while in a relationship with him and before marriage. No matter where in a relationship if something becomes a deal breaker it's okay to say you're done. It's okay to walk away with a hopeful aspect for the future. So again why not leave? Why not have any once of self respect for yourself, respect for him as someone you claim to love and just end your relationship? Or are you just overall selfish in nature you want the security of the relationship with an extra on the side fling? The only person you seem to love is yourself. All your post screams is about yourself, your wants and needs. Divorce and stay single. No one deserves to be living with the likes of you. Dear lord just watch as soon as OP get bored with the boyfriend she'll be whining about how she wants something more meanwhile after her ex gets the proper help he needs to heal and gains them W's she'll be crying about how he doesn't want anything to do with her. Girl needs to focus on therapy.

[@kaurava3]

That poor husband

[@LisaApril]

Story one: while some people see divorce as uncertainty, others see divorce as liberation and freedom. Freedom is uncertain and that's the adventure, and uncertainty is better than certain misery. Besides that, this lady's writing gave me a dark feeling. Someone who could be so panicked over a divorce from a man she no longer loved in a romantic way, It just seems so pitiful to me. Now she's OK with leaving him because she loves someone else. But it hasn't been very long. How long will that last? Who knows what's going on with her, or when the walls will come crashing down. She's building herself up using other people instead of just herself, or with therapy.

[@Weirdo365yea]

As an Ace Person I just can't relate to the OP she seems horribly selfish to me.