My Family Is Turning Their Backs On Me Because My Ex, Now Sisters Husband Is Abusive r/Relationships

[@HoodieHorizon]

Even if he was abusive towards OP like they think. Their immediate concern was not “oh my god both our children were abused” it’s “how dare you!”

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Even if he was abusive to OP, her sister cheated with OP’s boyfriend. I would have been hurt and pissed enough to say, ok you want him, you can have him! Damn passing on information about abuse , she wanted him, remember? She probably wouldn’t have believed it anyways 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@MGP2210]

Excellent point! 👍👍

[@Cl0ckcl0ck]

Little sis seduced him, making him lose the woman he really loved (yes mistakes happen) and then tied him down with an anchorbaby. That breeds the kind of resentment which can turn into abuse. Abusers aren't a genotype, they are made. The mom+dad are idiots and little sis messed up her life by being a little envious snake.

[@ValirianDefiance]

@@Cl0ckcl0ck Wile I agree with you for the most part the ex is far to guilty himself for genuine sympathy at this point at least from me.

[@Cl0ckcl0ck]

@@ValirianDefiance I also have no sympathy for him. He made his own choices and mistakes. I just think the little sister is probably the main evil here (and it bit her).

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

I'm confused with these idiotic parents. They can't have it both ways, either she was abused by him and didn't warn sister, or she was better than her sister so he didn't abuse her.

[@pippo17173]

Also why would op even bother to warn them after that. They got what they want so they need to live with it.

[@LunaMane]

And even the best can be abused so that second idea is moot already. People would blame the Pope for why they spilled coffee before taking responsibility.

[@titofuente9979]

I'm in fact happy the sister got the karma she was asking for (deser... word is banned in YT, it seems) and her parents too. You want it, TAKE IT ALL...

[@peachesnsht]

First, Let me say that I'm not trying to excuse the parents, the sister nor the ex, just trying to think as them. I believe that this is a chain of scapegoat-ism. Ex MAYBE was a "good man" (you can laugh about it, I'm laughing aswell) but he became an abuser by not taking ownership of his actions and decided to put all the blame on AP/sister because she "baby-trapped" his ass. Also, sister and parents do realize that OP is a better person (that's why they keep bringing up the "better woman") but would rather believe that everybody is as shitty as they are to not take ownership of the consecuences of their actions. Basically saying that OP deserved to be abused aswell. So, 4 people not taking responsibility of their actions and deciding to pin it on the person they all betrayed.

[@JordanDragonAs]

​@@titofuente9979 wth how it is that banned

[@artistwithawanderingeye908]

This story is something, all right. So OP's family believes that her ex was always abusive and instead of worrying about what he could've done to OP, they got mad that OP didn't "warn" her sister? We know who's the favorite.

[@x1tekja]

This but I also suspect sister is the golden one.

[@diarradunlap9337]

Of course, the younger sister. At least OP's brother has sense enough to see who's in the right.

[@sonialinsey8083]

I don’t have siblings but this dynamic baffles me every time. Do people not understand how bizarre the favoritism behavior is? Is this common irl or just Reddit?

[@thebladeofchaos]

Welcome to Scapegoating mechanics 101. the Golden Child is never wrong and the Scapegoat is always to blame. OP didn't get abused, she lost her partner because golden child slept with them. normal families would take this as a red flag and worry, but to them, nah, OP is just holding a grudge. now that the colors are up, OH MY OP WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING! MY POOR GIRL!

[@Zarathustra_infinite]

@@sonialinsey8083 it's the perfect example of a vocal minority and vocal minorities are quite loud so they stick out

[@randomusername3873]

"Monogamy is boring, do we really want to be exclusive for all these years?" Why is it that people like this never say those things in the beginning, but only after trapping some monogamous person into a marriage they have no intention of respecting? And somehow the monogamous person is the one getting guilt tripped

[@SunshineTheLover]

i think its possible to suggest polygamy and still respect monogamy when its denied. depends on the person and whether they're truly polygamous or not. if they've ever shown jealous tendencies its likely they arent capable of it

[@smiley4995]

Not exactly his words but ok. I get the fear of getting bored and losing love, that's why it is important for BOTH PARTNERS to communicate ways to keep things interesting with one another, the husband communicated an idea and respected her, she refused to communicate anything and is now plotting a divorce because he communicated an idea to spice things up, sure after awhile she communicated but she never thought of resolution only destruction, even in her supposed resolutions she half-heartedly wrote you could tell she wasn't being fully in it and my guess is would use some for the divorce. Personally I'm not into poly relationships, but I'm definitely into conflict resolution and actually communicating with your partner. What she wants in a relationship seems to be a partner that will lie to her and rather than communicate possible things to do with her will rather do it in secret with someone else, at least that's what she's setting herself up for.

[@davidsmnje]

​@@smiley4995 he didn't communicate wanting to spice things up or what he's missing, he just jumped into, how do feel about an Open marriage? It should have been an honest conversation and then suggestions on how to work on it and thennnn he could have brought it up! First try to solve the problem in house, then bring outside help!

[@sachxtrem]

​@@smiley4995 Nah if my GF offered to open the relationship, we'd be done. She's aware of this too. I don't blame her for wanting a divorce.

[@KatzMcKatz]

Well, he communicated something that ended her wanting to be married to him anymore. If he had no idea how she would react then he really doesn't know her well. Hopefully they can communicate on how to separate their lives with the least damage to their children.

[@madambutterfly1997]

She refused to leave him out of pride. She’s already burned her bridge with you. Her leaving him would make all her efforts to get him be in vain.

[@delilahbelle2125]

From the way OP described the sister's jealousy and accusations to the ex, she might think that if she leaves him, it'll leave the door open for him to try to get OP back (the woman he was always loving towards). She's angry & miserable, and she wants him to be miserable too, so she's going to keep him away from the "woman he loves."

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

My thoughts exactly, which is exactly why OP's sister gets no sympathy from me. And to tell you the truth, I think she's a even bigger doormat than OP ever was because while OP accepted that this sorry excuse for a man was scum of the earth and decided to leave the toxicity behind, sister would rather stay in miserable trainwreck marriage and whine about her problems than face reality, accept the consequences of her actions AND do the right thing for herself and her children. I especially feel sorry for the poor little babies who are trapped in that sham of a marriage. Hopefully CPS can whisk them away before they start getting the abuse.

[@maddy8328]

The poly person saying that monogamy is abusive is utterly insane. The fact the husband thinks his wife is essentially boring is laughable. He is saying "I'll eventually go to Someone else"

[@jellysquid8077]

As a poly person myself, let me just say: Wtf was that swinger smoking when they decided that monogamy automatically equals abuse? Like--what?

[@enkiimuto1041]

Right? It started so well with "If he didn't respect you, he'd be cheating, he can just move on" and then it went to that crap lol

[@Heydodoakskdkdjf]

I find that people who are comfortable/happy with their lifestyle rarely talk about it, but those who are insecure will go off on anyone saying they don’t care for it lol. I see it a lot as a homemaker, seeing women who are obviously drowning in toxic households yet attack working women for being “pathetic”. The unhappiest people are usually the rudest and loudest.

[@anonamouse2052]

Idk about that person, but the way she explained did sound unhealthy to me. Like she wants someone who feels sick with jealousy at the thought of her being with someone else. I understand that monogamous people exist and should never be pushed into polygamy, but it always seemed possessive I guess. I can never really put myself in the shoes of a monogamous person because I’ve never felt a strong need to be with anyone in an exclusive relationship, so to me it just comes across as being possessive. If I really like someone I just want them to be happy whether it’s with me, someone else, or both.

[@wmdkitty]

@@Heydodoakskdkdjf That explains so much about the "poly" "community". They know it's just cheating with extra steps, and that's why they get defensive.

[@draconicfeline6177]

@@anonamouse2052 Wow, judgy much?

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: As a poly, I don’t get the other poly people sh*tting on op. If you are polyamorous/swingers by nature you need to tell your partners this before you get serious. Op thought that her husband, like her, wanted a monogamous relationship. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a polyamorous relationship or monogamous but you have to tell your partner that before getting serious.

[@streamerssaymyname]

Those comments were out there, and I'm surprised there wasn't more comments highlighting the trend that is if someone wants to open a monogamous relationship they almost always have someone in mind and basically want a free pass to cheat. You can't really switch from monogamy to healthy respectful poly so fast and easy. And really? "monogamy worked when people died at 40," dude's 40 now, it sounds either like a midlife crisis or he planned this out for a long while.

[@Pastel_Dreams]

Yeah. It's because so many assholes think that being "poly" is just code for casual cheating. If reddit has proven anything, bring up the possibility of "opening a relationship" when in an already established & serious MONOGAMOUS relationship is a clear sign to cut & run.

[@TsukiKageTora]

And not only that, he basically said that their lifestyle is boring and he doesn’t want to fall out of love with her. What a scum bag

[@whims6278]

It bothered me personally that she phrased polyamory as a kink. I am not polyamorous in my current relationship, but I was a bit offended by how she phrased that, and would probably be a bit defensive in return as well.

[@sandeesandwich2180]

@@streamerssaymyname Exactly!!

[@panicatthebts7434]

Story 1: The crazy thing is, even if the boyfriend was abusive with OP and she did try to warn them, I’m 99% sure they would just have told her to stop taking her bitterness out on them and trying to break up the new family. The sister is truly the golden child and there is no way the OP could win in this situation.

[@squirrel670]

I'm 100%. If they pull this now they would've pulled that then. Even that could slightly make more sense

[@star3catcherSEQUEL]

And then once he became abusive to the sister even after OP warned them, they would just get mad at her again for "not trying to warn them HARD ENOUGH."

[@francessmith5073]

Story 1: Keep the brother but throw the rest of the family away. Story 2: My parents are in their 90s and have been married for 65 years. They even sailed around the world together and never once did they feel the need to cheat on each other.

[@vegaskullkid4503]

Yeah, the brother seems to be the only one in that family who actually understands that the situation has nothing to do with OP and is strictly the sister being miserable and too prideful to leave a f’d situation. He’s got a good head on his shoulders and I hope he can get away from that family too.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story one: there is no way a man who cheats on his girlfriend the second they were at her family house is “kind and sweet”. The parents allowing this should be ashamed of themselves because they let their daughters be with a man that cheated on their other daughter. Why is it OP’s fault that her sister got abused? Didn’t he proves he was abusive in a way of cheating? They put this on themselves. Not OP.

[@sonialinsey8083]

I wonder if he was nice when he was younger until the crazy sister used him and took him for a ride with her baby trap. Anyone can be nice under ideal conditions but when things go wrong even previously normal people can snap. Not that it excuses it; just because you want to hit people doesn’t mean you should. But I’m sure that golden child spoiled brat sister is no picnic to live with. Or maybe he’s simply a piece of crap lol.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@sonialinsey8083 I wouldn’t call him nice. He cheated on OP right when he met his family with her sister. Nope. Who is the hiding his true colors.

[@robertx8020]

@@TsukiKageTora It takes 2 to cheat so I bet her sister has no issue with cheating either

[@jusminejustice2794]

​​@@TsukiKageTora there's also a lot of young people who don't cheat on their partner. the "there're young" excuse is just honestly pathetic.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

@@jusminejustice2794 Decent people don't believe in cheating regardless of their age. Yeah, the "they're young" excuse is ridiculous.

[@HoneyBakedHamlet]

I think the only reason why the OP thought this guy treated her so well was because he was lovebombing her and she'd never been treated nicely before by anyone whos supposed to love her. (Which is absolutely heartbreaking) I can relate to the OP in a sense where my abusive ex lovebombed me for a good two years in the beginning too.

[@carlrood4457]

Also note that OP never got pregnant and this seems to be what triggered him.

[@NotGamgee]

Exactly. He was playing the long game. Love bombing and pretending to be sweet until he “trapped her” with marriage. Cheating with the sister was definitely done on purpose to break her and start the cycle of abuse, but he miscalculated how strong she was.

[@kolacic80]

Plus thanks to her cheating sister OP didn't get a chance to find out his true nature, as she wasn't with him long enough.

[@kolacic80]

​@@NotGamgee Exactly! He was hoping that she would forgive him and take him back.

[@amandasunshine2]

Or he's taking out his losing OP out on her sister :/

[@ComaLies225]

“It got worse because she always asked him why he was gentler towards me and he told her that it was because I wasn’t a cheap W like her” I know the ex is a terrible person but talk about digging the knife deeper into the wound. He straight up murdered her with that. I can’t feel anything for the sis in this situation since she’s still with the guy and using OP as a scapegoat for her misery. I hope OP can cut her losses and go on a self care vacation. This isn’t her baggage anymore.

[@sonialinsey8083]

My jaw hit the floor with that line. I can’t imagine what the sister is like after a lifetime of being favored by her crazy parents. A hole husband and spoiled sister are a match made in hell lol.

[@SunshineTheLover]

i mean she cheated with her sisters man. its fucked up but an expected response

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I just commented about wondering if the sister made the first move. And by the wh*re comment, I am leaning towards the conclusion. She wanted her sister’s life with all the trips and presents and set up a plan to trap him. “Reap what you sow” is very fitting in this case!

[@kolacic80]

The truth hurts I guess.

[@smiley4995]

Honestly I laughed at that, can't feel bad for her she betrayed her sister and acted like, well a cheap whore.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1 update: mother seems like a gaslighting B. Honestly when OP mentioned that they didn’t see the red flag of him cheating on her as an indication that he wasn’t a good person, she turned it around back to OP and said “she should get over it”. Yeah, like how sister should just get over the fact she married a cheating AH

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

And sister is choosing to stay in the abusive relationship, despite the parents telling her they'll take care of sis + grandkids. Sister needs to fix her own problems instead of blaming OP.

[@Hogwarts_dropoutt]

Story 1: the parents have the critical thinking skills of a walnut if they blame OP for her ex boyfriend beating up his wife.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Not to mention that they clearly have a golden child. Hope playing favorites was worth it for her.

[@kizzykiz]

Story 1: When I was in high school, I had a childhood best friend who dated this one band guy. He was nerdy yet popular and everyone only had good things to say about him. Little did they know, he was severely abusing her. No one believed her when the truth came out, because the guy dated another girl in their friends group who he never abused. They painted my best friend as a lier and she was pretty much shunned by our classmates. Some abusers seem to pick and choose who/when to show their true colors.

[@KeyClavis]

It's control. Some can be controlled by charm, others need to be undermined (abused) before they'll become subservient. My dad was abusive and got my stepmom with charm. He saved the abuse for mom and I. We were too stubborn for charm.

[@carolroberts4614]

Keyclavis, I've known at least two people like that! Their workmates tend to think of them as good chaps too!

[@clairebear-96]

I’m with you on story 2 Mark, that one comment about how she actually wants an abusive relationship…… wow 💀💀💀

[@kaykay8855]

Markee covered this story and took the husband’s side because the husband didn’t push for it. Like other commentators, I don’t agree with him

[@wimsylogic65]

​@@kaykay8855 I agree with the wife's side.

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

@@kaykay8855 Markee has some weird takes... he's one of two reddit story retellers I don't watch. He was on my do-not-recommend-to-me list for a while on YT after he had some baaad and sexist takes on an ex sex worker in a relationship

[@kaykay8855]

@@BexsBoxofConfusion which video was that I missed it

[@carolroberts4614]

I am so appalled by this comment! I want to reach in and throttle that commenter!

[@Foxyfire73]

As someone in a poly relationship, I'm appalled by OP's husband. I'm glad she talked to him and expressed her feelings but his whole reasoning for opening the marriage sucks. "Because we'll get bored some day?" Naw fam. That is absolutely not a good enough reason to open the marriage. That trust is absolutely gone now and I'm kinda with Mark. Is it worth saving? Also I'm pissed at that commenter! Telling OP that being monogamous means you want an abusive relationship is disgusting. People want different things and just because they don't line up with your wants doesn't mean they're bad or abusive. That commenter needs to get their head checked.

[@draconicfeline6177]

Honestly, I think the commenter is not very secure in their poly relationship. They're doing that thing where they're going MY WAY IS BEST to try to compensate. Or they're new to the lifestyle and riding the new-thing high and once they come down they might rethink things.

[@Foxyfire73]

@@draconicfeline6177 That's probably a fair assessment.

[@delilahbelle2125]

Story 2: "Do you really want to be with only one person for the next 40+ years?" Um, yeah, bro, that's why OP chose a monogamous marriage. And why does he associate monogamy with "boredom"? His mindset is the problem, not his number of bed partners.

[@draconicfeline6177]

Honestly, multiple partners sounds really unfulfilling.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: I loved how OP just clapped right back at the "psychotherapy" nutter. I mean, they have a toddler and an infant in the house, OP is clearly exhausted and doing most of the work, and Hubby's proposed solution was for them to go poly? My dude, if you're so dissatisfied with this marriage, how about putting a tad more work into it? I'm not at all surprised OP fell out of love with him in that moment. She seems to be reevaluating how much he's actually contributing to their relationship. I agree with those calling out Hubby's nonsense about how monogamy only worked in that mythical time when people "died at 40." That's right up there with the pseudoscientific theory that men aren't designed to be monogamous, so women should just put up with their cheating.

[@asmith8692]

So weird. My parents were together for 50+ years without cheating. My aunt and her 2nd husband were together for nearly 40 years without cheating. My sister was married 25 years before her divorce, some signs he cheated near the end. And yet OP's stbe is "monogamy boring".

[@MsIvalane]

And it's not like the 'humans died at 40' thing is true anyway; the average age skewed young for so very long in human history because so many young children were dying, thus messing with the averages. Statistics are trixy things.

[@timon6759]

Where does OP say she does most of the house work? Please keep your personal problems out of the story

[@paulastiles5507]

@@timon6759Where did *I* say she did most of the house work? I did not. I said she "is clearly exhausted and doing most of the work." And she is. She spends most of her time taking care of the kids and is so exhausted that she even sleeps through their Friday movie night. Her words. Try *not* engaging in ad hominems and projection, and upping your reading comprehension game, instead.

[@prettyevil6662000]

"My wife is always tired but I'm horny. Clearly the answer is-" The majority of people would think the answer is to take on more household responsibilities. Either they'll both be too tired to be horny after or they'll both have just enough energy to be horny. Win-win. But no, this dude thinks the answer is to leave her in the same state she's currently in while he goes to get his jollies elsewhere.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1 : scapegoat is, by definition, blamed for things that weren't done by the scapegoat. When you are in this position, get out. There's only suffering, and those who do it to you, don't love you. And if you're one if the few, they hate you. If you are the only scapegoat, they really hate you, no matter what they say. Their actions speak louder.

[@starbird3939]

The family don’t actually want to rescue the sister from abusive husband-they just want to be victims and have Op play as their scapegoat. OP is kind to be worried about her sister’s wellbeing-but sister has to be the one who decides to leave.

[@LoneWanderSpark303]

I don't think she's going to get out of that relationship. That would mean admitting to wrongdoing, and we all know how people like that (and their enablers) feel about being wrong.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree. OP's sweet, but good faith has a limit and she's better off without her toxic family minus her brother.

[@bunnyslippers191]

Well, we've found out who's the Golden Child and who's the Scapegoat in Story 1, haven't we? Everything that goes badly in that family they all blame it on OP.

[@bunnyslippers191]

It sounds as if OP and her ex only dated for maybe a year or so. Abusers can hold off on the abuse for a year in the beginning pretty easily. They usually love bomb their partner for quite a while in the beginning so they can get the hook in deep before they start the abuse.

[@cupcak3ninja209]

It’s obvious he abused op’s sister is because he cheated on OP with her and he is taking out his anger that he wants to be with you and he feels trapped. So now his true colors are showing

[@AndyyWithAY]

What the sister is saying is not correct at all. A lot of times abusers are incredible at hiding it and no one believes the abuser could be that way. No one deserves to be abused but the sister is insanely out of pocket. She CHEATED with this man and he's abusing her, but somehow OP is the problem here?? TF? Make it make sense! And I agree to go NC. This whole family is 💩if nothing else for defending a cheater.

[@tennesseedogpack]

The sister deserves to be a speed bag. She baby trapped a man

[@VidGirl88]

Imagine instead of blaming the abuser, you blame your wronged daughter,the ex, who was cheated on for not somehow magically knowing he's a psycho. Not your circus, not your monkies OP.

[@dablackangel]

Story 1: I'd be sooooo angry if I was OP. Her bf cheated on her with her sister and gets pregnant. Fine, mum and dad forgive sister. Understandable. But when they find out sister is being abused by OP's ex... instead of everyone thinking... sister should not have cheated (not in any way saying she deserves to be abused)... but instead of thinking that sister put HERSELF in that situation by sleeping with OP's ex... they blame OP... What in the actual f*** Really???? REALLY??? F*** right off. Ugh 🙄

[@jessilynallendilla5014]

people like this deserve a gold medal for their mental gymnastics to find a way to blame anybody but themselves

[@LoneWanderSpark303]

That family has some nerve. This is simply a penalty for traitorous behavior. Supporting an affair is not a good thing to do. OP needs to drop the deadweights as soon as possible. They can fix that horrid mess on their own. She did nothing wrong.

[@lokcachte]

Story 2: these comments are ridiculous. I’m in a polyamorous relationship and enjoy it but it really isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. It isn’t abusive if you want to only be your partner’s person and I can’t believe that person who said OP needs therapy.

[@violetfeather5717]

No one deserves to be abused but the fact that the sister tries to guilt op for this, just shows that she doesnt want any help

[@LightShadowButterfly]

Story 2: I couldn't continue. That would absolutely crush me. I would stay up all night thinking about my partner thinking about and perhaps wanting someone else. That's not a life I'd want to live. To be happy mostly, then get crushed with the thought that my partner isn't happy with just me when I'm ecstatic with just them.

[@NovaGirl8]

Sister essentially baby-trapped her husband and the husband lashed out because he realized she was not what he wanted after cheating. Sounds like they deserve each other. Brother is the only person in the family aside from OP who has a good head on their shoulders.

[@diamcole]

And honestly, I'm questioning the truth of it being a "trap". Neither of them are very honest individuals, who the fuck knows what they talked up together while in the heat of the affair.

[@eye-chan1711]

Either way I don’t really understand how the family can’t see why the husband would be abusive… he lost his first pick. He is stuck with second best.

[@TTtiger373]

No, they deserve an unhappy relationship. she doesn’t deserve to be abused

[@diamcole]

@@TTtiger373 Of course not but we can't pretend like she didn't (literally) choose this trash box of a human being by being equally as trash herself. Abuse is never deserved, it just shouldn't be this big of a surprise in this situation - all things considered.

[@NotGamgee]

He probably thought he could have his cake and eat it too and marry OP while having the sister on the side. Now he’s stuck with the sister because OP was too strong to get caught in his web. He’s now manipulating this whole situation from the sidelines making sure OP loses everything. Abusing the sister is just a means to an end. This is a game to him.

[@TheHellsHobbit]

#1 If Op did say anything they never believed you and say you are jealous. Op needs to go nc to all that toxic AHs.

[@MorningRose370]

Yeah. OP can't win in this situation. She just needs to cut them all out and go on with her life.

[@Rose_Bride]

When a partner or spouse brings up an "open relationship", 9 times out of 10 they are either ALREADY cheating, or have someone in mind that they would LIKE to cheat with. OP is right to think that this is the end of the relationship. The fact that he was even so comfortable to bring it up shows how little he values her. Now he is scrambling to backpedal and I hope OP stays strong and doesn't fall for his obvious lies.

[@isa-morena]

Exactly, she sounds like a strong lady and it's gross how so many comments are trying to paint her as confused and abusive.

[@kristinecollier9155]

He is taking out his anger out on the sister because OP wouldn't take ex husband back AND the sister got pregnant really fast. He married her because she got pregnant. Never an excuse to be abusive, but that is what I see

[@Russman67]

OP is being scapegoated for sister's bad judgement and her husband's abusive nature. Getting blamed for the results of the golden child's bad choice is ridiculous. That would be reason to pull back from the whole family. They aren't trying to solve anything, just absolve the golden child of blame.

[@davidsantiagotate7380]

Story 2: abuse can happen in any kind of relationship, whether poly or not. I don’t get what that swinger was going on about they just sound like a jerk. But poor OP! She just wanted a happy marriage and now her husband doesn’t think that’s even possible. I don’t blame her for wanting to leave him

[@BohemianScandalous]

Story 2: what was that commenter on???? I find that relationships that are initially monogamous and then open up usually never work out because they are done out of dissatisfaction with the primary relationship rather than staring out on the same page like relationships that are poly from the get-go. It’s fine for people to be poly and it’s fine for people to be monogamous, neither need psychotherapy. What OP’s husband did was pull the rug out from under her when she thought she was on stable ground because she was happy and content with her monogamous marriage and now she’s hearing that it was not satisfying even though they had an understanding that they were monogamous. And a monogamous man who is okay with seeing his pattern sleeping with other people is someone who no longer cares about their partner. That’s what OP is trying to get at, I think. And no, a partner who is not okay with you sleeping around isn’t abusive??? Jfc that commenter is terminally online and *they* should get psychotherapy for that. Edit: wow from what OP said it already sounded like her husband was getting bored. Yikes. L

[@CaptBrightside89]

nobody deserves to be in a domestic violence situation. that said, my sympathy for OPs sister is conspicuously absent.

[@crowdemon_archives]

It's perfectly fine to feel bad for the abuse victim but also think the same person made their own mess of a bed to lie in. It's not mutually exclusive lol

[@Iflie]

Most people by far are monogamous or technically serial monogamists, sure you can be poly but loving and being in love with several people at the same time in the same way is rare. Most poly situations I've seen are constantly swapping partners. There was a human behaviour study once (it was on a tv show so I can't link it) that showed some evidence that relationships with a limited bit of jealousy were the most steady as it's probably part of protecting your relationship from outside threats. That's it's not in fact ideal to not feel anything if your partner bonds with another partner. Which makes evolutionary sense as we needed our partner to raise our kids.

[@ronny407]

Story 2: if you don't have the same values as your significant other, it's ok to not want to be with them anymore. If one of you wants kids and the other does not, you are incompatible. Just like being swingers. You won't have a healthy relationship if you have to make compromises that make you question your personal preferences and life goals. It's important to talk about these things and understand where you both stand in life and what you want out of it.

[@samantharoggelin1467]

Not her problem anymore🤣🤣

[@mirandanils5114]

Bro said she wants an abusive and controlling relationship bc she wants her man to want exclusively her 😂 she’s obviously saying she wants monogamy I can’t stand Reddit sometimes. 😂

[@brina4058]

The last story seems to me that there is a profound level of trust that was broken. If OP really wants to save the marriage it will take lots of work from both parties. I've been with my husband for 20+ years, and there are times where it did feel stagnant, but we both had to work together to change that. There maybe someone in our lives that seem to have the perfect relationship, but like any other relationship there are times where it's not rainbows and puppies. Trust when broken is hard to get back, it's not impossible, but it's still hard.

[@tonemaster4608]

I think it's weird how she claims to have tried everything, but wants to put therapy dead last, which should've been top three. Not to mention how she claims to say he's less manly with him being open to her being with another man. Clearly the marriage wasn't good if one question can lead you to wanting a divorce like that

[@brina4058]

​@Tone Master I agree. I would think if OP wanted really save the marriage therapy would be 1st. Something else could be going on that wasn't discussed.

[@mythogenesis4788]

@@tonemaster4608 Unfortunately, therapy really won’t help in this situation. Therapy would have been what the husband should have done before bringing up wanting to try opening the marriage. Why does he feel a long-term monogamous marriage is unattainable without getting “bored?” What does he feel is lacking? Rather than jump straight to- “I want to be with other people,” without having the empathy to realize what unspoken messages he has sent to his one year postpartum wife and mother of both his young children. Now, a deep level of trust has been broken. The foundation of the marriage is likely irreparable. Therapy will only help in making that final step of leaving before it all comes crashing down on top of them. If you marry into a monogamous, your vows are to a monogamous marriage. If you want to be polyamorous after, you have to realize that you are risking burning your marriage because you are breaking those vows. If you know your partner well enough to know they may be okay with it, it’s still even then a risk you are taking. If they accept, you essentially mutually rewrite your vows to eachother.

[@tonemaster4608]

@@mythogenesis4788 actually the whole one person forever marriage was made a thing by Christians, before hand people had multiple partners. Second, although we saw it's not true, as humans, we lose interest in things no matter what it is, it's just human nature. Third, all he asked was for a open relationship nicely, mind you if he was checked out like she claims he was he would've gone out cheating. And lastly, her biggest complaint she mentioned multiple times was that he wasn't manly enough, which most likely means she's into the whole alpha and omega false good. Considering how she's the one who got mad at the question, also she claimed to have done everything she could to keep the marriage going, but did she, cause I heard nothing about the therapy which she wanted to save for last. However she hasn't said what exactly she's done to save the marriage, it sounded like the husband was doing everything to make her happy, and to show how sorry he was. And he tried to talk to her after, but she was the one to turn him down. She sounded like she just wanted a divorce and did nothing to save it, then tried to claim to have fought for it

[@mythogenesis4788]

@@tonemaster4608 1. Not my point. 2. Not when you vow to marry into a monogamous relationship. That’s cheating. 3. Asking is fine if he understands that he’s risking numbing his marriage (see prior comment). 4. Okay, we get it. You took the red pill. Her complaint was that he thought SHE wasn’t enough. And she wanted a relationship where both parties would be satisfied with what they promised eachother. Have a nice day.

[@simac8396]

There are worse things to be called then a "doormat"...there are people in this world who have endured far worse then you.

[@paden1865able]

He didn't abuse one but did the other. The ex hid his nature from the first sister but let it loose on the second sister. You didn't have a clue about what he was hiding so it's not your fault. Why in the hell did they support the cheating in the first place? Most families would do their level best to prevent the relationship between the two, so they can blame themselves. They're all sick in the head.

[@Fete_Fatale]

He did abuse OP though. He cheated on her with her sister.

[@wmdkitty]

He didn't have OP locked down with a baby, so he hadn't started abusing her yet.

[@Fete_Fatale]

@@wmdkitty He didn't 'lock down' OP's sister either - quite the opposite. He wanted her to abort, she [probably] thought she could baby trap him. Her sense of entitlement in getting one over her sister by stealing and trapping her bf meant she didn't see that she was involving herself with someone whose moral compass was as bent as her own.

[@astronautviolet153]

I just feel sorry for the children. it's not Op's fault that the sister married an abusive man and cheater.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Hopefully, OP's sister's children can be whisked away.

[@HunnieSuckle24]

Story 2: I've so many stories where one spouse wanted to open the relationship but the opposed spouse ended up prospering from it. Then the one that initiated it wanted to close it up after they failed to fulfill whatever desire they had in their minds. You have to tread lightly with this. As much as I'm against the idea of divorce, I don't want to feel like I'm forcing or guilting my partner into staying. I'm pro monogamy but I respect if others are not. If you tell me that you want to open the marriage, I'm going to let you because I will be planning my exit strategy. No way you're going to openly smash another person then come home and want to kiss and be up in me like it's cool. We can be friends and co-parent.

[@sierralovat5498]

When people who are fully commited suddenly say "I want an open relationship," it is usually "I want permission to cheat" or "I always wanted this and decided not to tell you from the beginning because reasons." this isnt being poly, its being a crappy partner. Edit to add - If you are poly, this isnt an attack on you personally, just shitty people who arent honest from the beginning. this also applies to people who do t want or do want kids, finances, expectations, careers, religion, marriage (because marriage isnt for everyone) etc. If you want something, please tell your partner before fully commiting. Because keeping that type of info hidden HURTS both you and your partner. Dont be crappy, be honest from the beginning.

[@vidhead85]

So...OP's sister cheats w her boyfriend, gets married, is revealed as abusive...and it's supposedly OP's fault when he wasn't the same way w her?! I would never speak to them again even when all was revealed and they "want to get over this" They forgave a cheater (red flag) Watched them marry her daughter (red flag) Let one daughter betray another and be okay with it (red flag) These parents are beyond terrible, they deserve to suffer in the worst nursing home that exists

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

Whenever someone asks/demands for an open marriage, hall pass, etc. they already moved on from the relationship. They either are already cheating on you or they have gotten close to someone they want to sleep with that’s not you.

[@onurkneezb]

Story 2: Just like any other open marriage situations, once the question is asked of a monogamous person, the marriage is over. He already had someone lined up, or he cheated.

[@slimjim877]

In regards to that second story, I'm in an open relationship because me and my partner are sexually incompatible (we're both guys and both tops), and have strict rules around the rare time we play outside the relationship. The people who were talking down to the OP need to pull their heads out their asses, honestly, they have it so far up there that they don't know whether to fart or burp.

[@jackchop1576]

Why should OP care if her ex is abusive to her abusive POS sister? She's getting the same exact energy that she gives.

[@eye-chan1711]

True... I can't imagine ever caring for someone that wishes you abuse... not because you're a terrible person... not just for her own safety... but so she can feel better about herself. That level of cruelty is so far beyond me I can barely comprehend it.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I am sitting here wondering if the sister who made the first move. OP states that she always talked about how good person he was and all the trips and presents he showered her with. I think the sister wanted that for herself and hatched her plan to get him for herself. But, I am also wondering if the ex boyfriend is angry because he was led astray by the temptress and lost his girlfriend because of the sister. (Not making excuses for him in any way). He probably felt trapped and this brought out the anger and aggression. He had a good life until he met the sister. Surprised he didn’t just dip from the scene and disappear!

[@SailorMya]

WHAT!? Monogamy is equal to wanting an abusive/controlling relationship? That was quite a big leap for that Redditor that I wonder if they are projecting... Polyamory and monogamy shouldn't be pitted against each other because it is a very personal choice and you shouldn't feel bad if you are one or the other!

[@The.S.M.Evans.91]

Story 1 confirms the fact that you don't need enemies when you have family.

[@deifieddata4462]

You can't come back from an offer for an open relationship if the other party doesn't accept. Simply in the asking you've basically accepted "me getting my way is worth probably nuking my current relationship". Open relationships really need to start open and end open.

[@moonyollie6977]

S1: I'm just so baffled by her family. Their immediate reaction was to accuse OP of purposeful omission because they thought that she would want what, revenge? How fucked up is that?! The amount of projection here is astounding. Throw the lot of them in the bin (except for the brother). Like holy shit, they should try for the Olympics with that level of mental gymnastics

[@madambutterfly1997]

I have no sympathy for the sister.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

I empathize for any abused person but choosing not to leave is ridiculous and for the parents to blame OP is ridiculous. Everything u do in this world comes back x3.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Ps unless you’re an incel hating on women this sounds horrific

[@amandasunshine2]

Yeah I agree with Amberlee. Sure, the cheating is bad but her HUSBAND IS ABUSING HER. She doesn't deserve to be abused. It kinda sounds like you're saying that.

[@mm.akoshark]

ur a freak for not feeling bad for a victim

[@Siinwu]

same. also the only victim here is the kids and OP, the rest are abusive, cheaters, enablers, lets get that straight.

[@samantharobinson1630]

Hey for story 2 I completely agree with you mark to bring that up after having two kids would be a absolute red flag

[@lalvarez5151]

Story 2- NTA. Asking for an open relationship is a marriage killer. She should leave him

[@Ospyro3em]

"Moral compass of a cucumber". That's pretty unfair on cucumbers!

[@Pastel_Dreams]

2nd Story: $5 says that the assholes that were trying to talk-up how superior they were to others, OP included, are the abusive douchebags in these "pseudo-poly relationships"

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

yeppp like the language they use sounds so rehearsed and manipulative, like they have it up their sleeve to wave at people when the narrative isn't in their favor. Jumping to a relationship being *abusive* because they want different relationship dynamics is... wow.

[@rylashadow18]

S1) "How dare you not tell her about something he was hiding all this time. This is all your fault your golden child sister is being abused." Yeah they want someone to blame cause she thought she had a prize that she could rub in your face. Now she feels if she divorces him that'd be like loosing to you. Odds are he never really wanted to be with her and takes out his frustrations of loosing you over her. He did this of his own choice as well. They can't have it both ways. Either you hid he was abusive or he thought you too good to be true to be abused. Cut them all out. Dude is still carrying a torch for you and you're not interested which causing his anger. Be grateful she has taken this trash with your trash family along with her out of your life. They both chose to cheat OP. She's just the one choosing to stay with him as a form of twisted one up on you thinking you still want him by his actions alone. S2) Dude either has cheated or has someone he wants to cheat with and is saying this to get a pass. Good on you for seeing your relationship as over there and then. It's one thing to have a mutual want as well as understanding for the relationship you build with your chosen SO. It's a whole other show of disrespect when they want to open the relationship for their selfish reasoning. I'd go for full custody and see about getting every bit of assistance you can. Hire a PI to see if there's anyone he's been spending extra time with and look into an attorney. Omg I get what OP was saying. She wants someone whose devoted, caring, loving and in a relationship with her alone. Some people get their fee fee's hurt cause those who want to stay in one on one relationship's aren't comfortable nor want poly relationships. Craping on OP for wanting what she wants is no way to win. Once someone asks for an open relationship they open pandora's box. It's the same as cheating in that sense. They stepped out of your relationship in that moment to want to fill their fantasies. It's selfish. For some being poly makes them happy for others being single and others one on one is what they want. All those have meaning to who want them as long as it's approached in a healthy manner. I'm of I love the one I'm with and them alone (outside of family and friends ofc) good enough for me. It's not the same for everyone and that's okay.

[@TheSouthernSun]

I feel so sorry for the last OP. I understand her emotions. Polyamory works for some and that’s lovely. But not for everyone I couldn’t do it either. I want my partner to be obsessed with me lol

[@madambutterfly1997]

If you’re not enough for your husband, that’s his loss. You are not problem he’s just not man enough or mature enough to throw his nonexistent needs to the wayside. If the marriage is faced with intimacy deprivation, instead of seeking intimacy elsewhere (I.e. infidelity) bury yourself in activities. Travel, Exercise, take up hobbies, ANYTHING!!!

[@vampire9545]

Story 1 is just karmic hilarity. Also sister is responsible for her own abuse. Cheating is a form of abuse, so of course he's abusive

[@eye-chan1711]

Story 1: OP's sister is one of the worst people I've read about here in a long time. The only thing that makes me not go full on doomer is that the sister is almost getting what she deserves. I know a lot of people are going to think this is wrong, but frankly she deserves to be abused. She ruined OP's life once(That's ignoring the backstab of having an affair with your sibling's partner), but that wasn't enough for her. She had to ruin OP's relationship with her family. OP's sister went as far as to blame the abuse on OP and even wishes that OP was abused... not just for her own sake(which would still be unimaginable cruel), but so that she would feel better about herself(and so she could know if stealing her sister's husband would be a good thing for her). OP's sister can't just accept that maybe getting stuck with second best made the husband not care about and maybe resent her is stupid on one level... but to blame OP for it is another level of malice that I almost can't comprehend. I don't care if it's cruel or heartless to say OP's sister deserved what she got... She is much worse than the most vile things I can think of. OP's sister is only fit for pain and suffering. Any joy she feels is a blemish, a mistake smudged on the universe.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree with you. Serves her right. And to tell you the truth, I think she's a even bigger doormat than OP is because while OP accepted that this sorry excuse for a man was scum of the earth and eventually accepted that her family was toxic trash, sister would rather stay in a trainwreck marriage and whine about her problems than face reality and accept the consequences of her actions.

[@James-sq4sc]

Story 1: it’s pretty disgusting when you’re only means to gain traction with your own family is to insist your ex would have probably beaten you too. Story 2: If 10 extra pounds or a hectic life is all that’s driving your partner to sleep around, then they’re a lost cause. Double that if they don’t even try to talk about it with you first. And claiming not wanting their so to sleep around is abusive is just a new level of mental

[@paulclay4229]

Story 1, kinda feel like the guy was baby trapped and thats why hes lashed out. While hes at fault for cheating and TOTALLY out of line for violence, can't help thinking theres a reason he was ok with OP and not the sister.

[@kiwifreund]

The problem is, the OP is available to yell at and berate. The abusive husband isn't. It's so much easier to go after the OP.

[@heychardai5870]

So not only is OP in the first story a doormat but she is a doormat in denial. I hope she RUNS to therapy.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: abusers are really good at hiding who they really are. They will keep that mask on until their partner is on lock, and that mask comes off. I’m pretty sure if OP, where to say “hey sister that betrayed me and she did with my boyfriend don’t be with him because he’s really abusive” the families not going to believe her and will even tried to accuse OP of trying to ruin her sister’s happiness. This is a lose lose situation. It is total BS to blame OP for this instead of holding the man accountable for abusing sister. Although I guess that’s the victim of abuse, won’t hold her own husband accountable and blaming her own sister the rest of the family is following suit.

[@Mr48two]

Imagine having your child getting into a love affair with your other childs partner, just to find out that the partner of that child was abusive, and instead of being worried for both of your children, you dismissed the one that was cheated on for not warning her sister about the affair partner. #1 parenting tips guys. Gettem while they’re hot!

[@viktorvongerdenheim2999]

Story 1: I feel like the husband beating up OP's sister may be him seeing OP's sister and her pregnancy (he wanted OP's sister to terminate) as the reason for his relationship with OP ending. AH logic, for sure. It could be that he really wanted to have a relationship with OP (he never showed any aggression towards her) and he believes the sister "sabotaged" his relationship with OP and he got baby trapped by someone he only sees as a fling (or, in his own words, a cheap ho). Again, AH logic.

[@philwill0123]

Story 1 - basically blamed OP, because after the cheating they put their eggs in one basket and went all in with the sister and ex. Now they look like shit, they need someone to blame. Blaming the ex means blaming the sister.

[@AryonaSamoto]

Story 1: I hope OP moves on from her family and finds healthier people. Her family sounds so toxic, and while I know that they are a product of their surroundings, both the family and OP need to do some serious self reflection. Story 2: I'm strictly monogamous in relationships and while I understand others have different relationships, I would want my partner to want me and no one else. I completely understand OP's reaction and while I hope OP can heal it seems that OP's hubby either has always felt this way or changed over the years. Individual and marriage counseling is needed if this marriage is to survive.

[@SP-io7lj]

Story#1: OP needs to cut that family off! Second, every person isn't the same with other people! Abusive people ARE NOT always abusive! It's just like a rapist. Rapist don't rape every single person they encounter! Serial killers do not kill every person they meet! People need to recognize that sometimes people devalue certain types of people and mistreat them, while not mistreating others. To put it in simpler terms, they don't treat the prostitute and a wife the same! Many people are wired like that. In fact, most people are wired like that in some areas. OP needs to leave the family alone - PERIOD!

[@theconfusedvampire]

I consider myself to be ambiamorous and even though I'm okay with a polyamorous relationship.... if a relationship starts monogamous, it stays monogamous. If someone tried to switch from mono to poly mid-relationship without showing any interest early in the relationship, I don't know if I could trust them to not be trying to get a cheating free pass.

[@agesofshadow8136]

Story 1: I know they say "play stupid games win stupid prizes" but damn, that sister really pulled in one double flusher of a prize. Not that she deserves what's happening to her in any way but honestly if you cheat with your siblings partner you can't genuinely expect the guy to be decent in any way.

[@oiwhathefuck]

As someone who was abusive and went to therapy. I did avoid doing it to certain partners. It was honestly as the sister says, I wouldn't hurt people I respected and valued. If a girl baby trapped him and made out with her SISTER'S boyfriend, she doesn't seem like a high value woman. Those men don't care about their own value. They only judge the women they're with and expect the best for themselves

[@jpbaley2016]

S1 - the biggest difference is sister married the ex and has kids. The abuser knows she’s trapped because she has kids and he thinks he’s her sole support and she won’t leave to be a single mom. He knows sister is so much weaker than op because how easily she chose the abuser over her sister. OP needs to tell her parents how disappointed she is with them that their ignorance of how abusers operate and not confronting him like they should be as they take the cowards’ way out by blaming the blameless.

[@jpbaley2016]

@@LostSoulchild89 I know telling the parents how disappointed OP is to their unreasonable actions won’t change their ignorant minds but OP might get some small satisfaction by throwing their words back in their faces. You’re right about the NC. None of them are worth thinking twice about.

[@alexandermccalla5098]

“We are swingers… cannot see myself with another person.” Does not compute

[@FreshlyCrackedSpine]

Probably meaning another base person. Even swingers have their primary partner. I’m not one, but pretty sure that’s what they meant.

[@olakinrimisi6053]

An oxymoron if I ever heard one.

[@carolroberts4614]

I puzzled over that one.

[@quintecence]

Sister has been baby trapped - excuse for the husband be abvsive without the risk of her leaving him (or at least making it harder for her). I doubt OP could have done anything for her sister... *UNO REVERSE* : SHE BABY TRAPPED HIM?!?

[@SuperTalise]

It’s not her problem, and how come no one is disgusted by the sister making out, getting married and having kids with OP’s ex?? She did that to herself by taking what wasn’t hers to begin with. I just see it as simple Karma

[@sonialinsey8083]

It’s like if someone steals your trash lol

[@beeppboopp]

So let me get this straight...sister marries a cruel man who was willing to cheat on, and break OP's heart but is surprised that he is abusive 😂 Like, no one deserves to be abused, I don't believe in victim blaming but like...sister really doesn't have any braincells does she

[@titofuente9979]

AMEN! KARMA it is...

[@LisaApril]

Story two: I’ve heard many stories about this, and that when a boyfriend or girlfriend asked to open the relationship the answer should be to break up right away. Why is it different in a marriage? I would think in a marriage.this question would be even more detrimental than in an exclusive dating situation.

[@ohreally1997]

I mean, yeah, but breaking up is definitely not the same as a divorce, especially when there's kids involved. Splitting up your assets, retirement, KIDS, etc is a lot bigger deal than just moving out of your boyfriend's apartment, so it makes sense to be hesitant to blow up your life plan over a single question (seemingly).

[@poohbear4515]

Heard of this and still find it funny how OP tried to say that she’s not a doormat, but it’s plainly obvious. She didn’t leave that toxicity when the family just accepted the affair and allowed all the blame at her. I get that she’s worried for her sister’s safety, but she had this all on her own and her family treats OP as shit so why continue to fight?

[@Emi_TheWinged]

yeah by the way they are treating her i would assume that if the sister never get with op ex and he turn out abusive to her, her family would tell her that she is just wrong/lier/dramatic/needs to improve to be treated better etc. they dont love her they dont care about her. How disgusting for these parents to go thru such mental gymnastics to blame everything on op...

[@kennethbarkley1491]

Abusers often hide their true colors until they have the victim locked in.

[@janedoe885]

Story 2: The ‘people died when they were forty’ thing isn’t accurate. The average lifespan was lower because infant and child mortality was disproportionately high in the past. Adults still got old. It has, historically, been normal for monogamous marriages to last that long. I heard this story on another channel before, and I do think OP wanting jealousy specifically at the idea of someone else being with her rubbed me weirdly. A sense of betrayal because marriage vows + disloyalty I completely understand and would agree with. Jealousy made me pause. To me, it sounds like the husband was potentially just really dumb. If he’s that worried about getting bored or losing interest, 1) marriage probably wasn’t the right call for him 2) frankly besides trying new things in his marital sex life, I’ve heard that having a partner using wigs/dying hair or doing roleplay can give brains that sense of variety he seems to want without being disloyal. He could have had a conversation about wanting to keep marriage exciting but he fucked up massively. I don’t know how to articulate it exactly but I feel weirdly disappointed. Feels like the situation was all so unnecessary.

[@kimsvisualdiary]

This story is like that book The Last Mrs. Parrish. The sister is getting her karma for being a jealous slag that would steal her sister’s boyfriend. Yes, abuse is terrible but this little narcissist would rather stay and be abused so she could pretend she “won” over her older sister.

[@ohreally1997]

gross

[@linkinlady06]

Story 1: OP shouldn't feel guilty, her parents are idiots!

[@PavillionKing]

Story 1: "how dare you not warn me about him being abusive before I slept with him behind your back?" NTA

[@QuietRage]

"Do we really want to spend 40-60 years just being together that would get boring." News flash: if you find that 'boring", then you either a. want polygamy which, cool, pursue that and DON'T trick a person that wants monogamy next time, or b. you don't love your wife that much if the thought of spending the rest of your lives together is "boring." Wow.

[@NoOne-fo1di]

Lmfao, omg i can't help but laugh. The family is being so shitty to OP and blaming her not warning her but SHE'S FUCKING STAYING WITH HIM!!!!!! What would it matter if OP warned her or not? She knows now and is STAYING!

[@Deas-Mhumhna]

So, let me get this straight. Parents discover husband is abusive and their first response is to... blame op? Like wtf? If she was hiding abuse, wouldn't that make the parent more concerned? I would be heartbroken if I heard my son or daughter inlaws were abusive to my kids. If someone goes through abuse, why are they at fault for hiding it? I would have been very concerned for op. Your better off without your parents op. They are blaming you for something beyond your control.

[@anonymouse9833]

I learned in therapy that sometimes, when bad things happen, people just want somewhere to place the blame and you can't do anything about what they think. Move on and protect yourself.

[@CensorshipVictim]

Story 2 NTA: but WTF? This story is a simple communication problem, that needs therapy. But that comment about OP wanting an abusive relationship is Farfetch and so out of line that it borders on insanity.

[@0SC2]

Solid guess is that the ex in story 1 still wants OP, resents her sister for cutting off access to OP, and let his true colors show.

[@davidtoomey559]

2nd story: Honey, he's already messing and just thought he'd get permission. It's got nothing to do with how jealous he'd be. He's just looking for a green light to find sex outside the home...