Hyper vigilance explained in 3 ways.

[@clararob9869]

The pushing away healthy people has always been my thing. When I was younger I told myself they were boring but in reality I didn’t feel comfortable around them because I was so unhealthy 😢

[@good4gaby]

I relate 😢it’s so hard to contend with this reality. I saw when someone else struggled with connection but it took a lot of blood, sweat &tears to recognize it in myself. I appreciate the validation 😊❤

[@ramsesmedina9203]

This one hurt

[@narcnotallowed]

Eye opening Some people are called boring alot .. always threw me off... because I never found them boring....but I guess they were too healthy and non problematic or toxic

[@alexandramn6734]

I did that when very young grew to hate men then became an escort. Well turns out it's BPD but I went back to God and he's healing me

[@corsicanlulu]

i always called that sabotaging myself by only being comfortable w/ toxic people

[@buffalomomo5061]

My therapist once said to me, “Tools fashioned in danger require danger to be useful.” And suddenly I understood so many of my poor life decisions. ❤

[@victorcraraujo]

Oh i love it

[@michellelove9838]

This comment will stay with me. Thank you.

[@TheGhostofAbigailMills]

That's so powerful. It feels very "live by the sword, die by the sword". In the sense that we don't know how to handle times of peace when we're so used to being at war.

[@patriciaobrien6600]

Summed up beautifully, thank you! ❤

[@aazhie]

​@TheGhostofAbigailMills it's like this and the "person with a hammer sees almost problems as nails" combined!

[@meanerrweinerr]

"Hypervigilance does not like the absence of stress or a threat" Wow... this perfectly describes my life right now. I'm making my life more stressful for no reason and I'm always picking up on fake signs of danger.

[@randymulder9105]

Always on egg shells. Even during good times. I'm getting better. I try and cancel those thoughts. And I tell them to go away...out loud. Sadly. I still feel I'm risking joy ...by enjoying joy while it's happening. And I still feel I'm risking being sad....by working on cancelling perceived ideas of impending doom or sadness...or trouble. Sound confusing. It was. Lol. Now I try and catch myself beating myself up and give myself a pep talk and move on. I'm able to enjoy time with others now without negative feedback loops. It's work. Hopefully I will be able to be in more positive thinking overtime.

[@DJ-sv7xf]

Totally can relate.

[@smeag9280]

This makes total sense. Always prepared for the next emotional explosion, the next fire to put out. There is no down time.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Yes! Always have to be on the look out for the danger….

[@BETH..._...]

When it's all you know 😔 it's exhausting. Thank you Patrick.

[@bethmoore7722]

Yes, it is exhausting. Sorry to see another Beth who knows exactly what he’s talking about.

[@BETH..._...]

@@bethmoore7722 a heartfelt hug Beth♡

[@joannaharrison7368]

Beth it's sooo exhausting, i know.... I'm so sorry, I hope we can all heal

[@veronicasmyth3830]

I've never gone out with someone who made me feel beautiful like he did. He is charming.

[@BETH..._...]

@@joannaharrison7368 I felt that 😔. That is my desire also, that we all find our way ... that we find the necessary resources to get help and the strength to stay the course on this healing journey ... ♥︎

[@DidiRizzo]

I literally make people uncomfortable by trying to make them comfortable. I assess everything!

[@rebeccacarlson9166]

This doesn't sound weird to me because I've lived life like this for all my life!!

[@wellnessotr]

Right! Until, I started to wake up!! Love Patrick's work!!

[@BookWorm2369]

It's definitely weird to other people who haven't experienced trauma. It's also weird when you are healing and starting to recognize these behaviors.

[@jaklumen]

@@BookWorm2369 All I want is to be able to navigate that weirdness, then. I also want to find a balance between the therapists and counselors who haven't experienced trauma, and those who haven't finished healing, so that weirdness doesn't create more trauma.

[@BookWorm2369]

@@jaklumen I hear you. You will find a way. Go slowly and work with your higher self or higher power, whatever you believe in

[@everstar7733]

Recently I've been dealing with starting to come out on the other side of living with trauma. It's been hard with things starting to feel "normal" and "boring". This video helps to understand that my hypervigilance is starting to decrease, and even though it can be majorly uncomfortable at times, it is a good thing.

[@christineribone9351]

My parents fought horribly all if my childhood life. They played dirty tricks on each other, and stole and lied to each other. There was no love or respect, only abuse. Consequently, I always thought the proof of a good relationship was being able to still be together after a fight. So when I started dating in my 20's, I would pick fights, bad fights, to see if the boy really loved me. I felt unloved because they all left me. It wasn't until my 30's that I realized I was the problem. I never knew what a healthy relationship was. Dysfunction and abuse was all I knew.

[@RankStankulon]

Dating in my 20s, had far too many girlfriends do this to me, and a few friends who did this to their boyfriends. When I'd ask my friend-girls why they do this, I'd always get the same excuse, "to see if he really loves me," but nobody could expound upon that when pressed. I now wonder if they saw things through the same lens you did. Thanks for your insight. It's helped me to understand and forgive better. I'm glad you were able to break the cycle of abuse.

[@christineribone9351]

@@RankStankulon yep. I did that kind of 'test' in my 20's, it was all I knew. Then I realized how wrong and unhealthy it was. That was not what love was about. I changed, and became honest and sincere in my relationships. I chose to mature. That's when I realized that most people are NOT honest. Did I say I broke the cycle of abuse? My birth family will always be like that. There will be no change in them. I forgive when people make small mistakes, such as forgetting to buy bananas, or not remembering a birthday. But when people intentionally try to hurt me, cheat, and lie it is UNFORGIVABLE and INEXCUSABLE. They were not little mistakes, they were intentionally meant to hurt and damage.

[@ameliachung4151]

Yes! I also read somewhere that our bodies can be so addicted to the chaos and high adrenaline that when you’re not in it you feel like you’re not alive 🙃. God this is a lot. Thanks for posting!

[@corsicanlulu]

i think thats called peptide addiction

[@DJ-sv7xf]

I call myself and family adrenalin junkies. My mom was shooting flames 2 to 3 times a day and I was running around the room avoiding them.

[@milliereeves2215]

I feel like my hypervigilance has led to depersonalisation. It's like a part of my brain has gone 'nope you can't handle this much stressing and thinking all the time' and it's just shut down and stops me feeling anything. But then that's become the source of all my worry now. Really wish I could break this cycle.

[@Foxy_ladyYTSL]

You can Hun. But it takes practice...daily practice. Find a trauma therapist and learn the triggers. Combine it with relaxation so yr brain learns to enjoy calm. Yr an adult now so the behaviours you needed as a kid aren't relevant anymore. You can do this 🙏🤗

[@milliereeves2215]

@@Foxy_ladyYTSL thanks for your comment 🥰

[@ninaromm5491]

@ Millie Reeves That exactly describes it. I am dissociated zombie...

[@Leonicles]

Wow, this is EXACTLY how I feel- I just didn't know how to put it in words. Thank you so much for sharing, stranger. I hope you find peace.

[@milliereeves2215]

@@Leonicles I hope you do too 🫂

[@nikstar1313]

You have no idea how invaluable these shorts are Patrick, I mean, you probably do LOL but seriously, when a new one comes up I jump up and down on the spot like I’m living from happy child mode 😂🎉

[@AA-mm6wu]

OMG! This is so me as far as my current job. My current job is so stable and non-toxic, but I have thought about looking for a new “more intense” job. I know that this is my hypervigilance wanting that constant stress and drama in some part of my life again.

[@nancyparker8363]

Take up roller skating.... fast paced, gets tension out of your body and you can learn to enjoy the music while destressing!

[@MeMe-od2mg]

So accurate!! Sometimes (I'm getting better at it) when things are calm I think to myself "this is too calm" or "what's going? Something bad is about to happen". There were no peaceful moments growing up. Our body, mind got used to it.

[@cortneypayton6473]

Also when people are are being nice to me alarm bells start going off It's like, oh no! Watch out! This is a set up! I'm always waiting for the monster to show up... So now I'm just lonely and alone because I obviously stay away from the overtly dangerous people, but I'm also very leary and avoidant of the nice folks.

[@whodoyouvoodoo3024]

This resonates with me in my romantic relationships. My dad was never physically violent but was always and still is verbally abusive. Especially towards my mother. They are still together and although my folks are getting older, (70s), my father continues to verbally attack my mother daily. She does not react. She's very religious and gives it to God. I now see that this dynamic was traumatic for me. And if I'm honest, it still bothers me greatly when I visit them. Hence why I myself date men that verbally attack me. Some part of me wants to "fix" them. I'm trying so very hard to break this cycle but it is extremely difficult. I am now a single mother because once child was born I realized her father was never going to change. I currently am not dating, nor am I looking to date. I am solely focused my my beautiful daughter and giving her the best life that I possibly can.

[@HahaT634]

Sounds like you broke the chain of generational trauma! Good luck to you and your daughter ❤❤

[@narutogoldylocks]

YES!!! My therapist actually just pointed this out to me in our last session. I was talking about how I never feel like I can truly be myself around people, & she pointed out that I was raised constantly being criticized by my parents. Or if I was given praise, it was conditional to what my parents wanted me to do. So I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop & it makes it hard for me to be authentic & to connect with new people or maintain connections. I had never pieced those parts together & it feels like a huge eye-opener. This was on Monday so I’m still thinking about it 😂

[@Eighties-Jadie]

Hypervigilance is absolutely exhausting 🥵 it takes a toll overall after being on the alert for so long. Even though I cut contact and feel better overall knowing I never have to deal with them again my mind and body is still shattered with CPTSD and bad sleep. Thanks again Patrick and best wishes ☀️

[@le_th_]

When I had PTSD (adult), I had ZERO tolerance for any stress, loud sounds, or any possible threat. I was hypervigilant as hell, and all I could deal with was calm, stress-free quiet environments. I had zero tolerance to spend even one second in stressful, chaotic, or threatening situations.

[@cathipalmer8217]

Not being comfortable with NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND THE DANGER is not weird - and now I know why happiness makes me uncomfortable.

[@jessicahopwil]

So true. I remember when i left my home and got taken in by another family and the Mum was just like sit down and relax while she was doing the ironing and i started to shake and freak out because I wasn't doing housework or helping contribute. I was just waiting for her to start tearing into me for not helping. It was very stressful

[@joannaharrison7368]

Oh my gosh, your response has just taken me back to such a similar scenario... I'm 50 now.... I'm pissed I literally have these feelings still. Ughhhhhhh

[@NightMystique13]

Very relatable.😔

[@lonefaolan6042]

I feel this way at work. Taking breaks is a nerve wrecking venture.

[@jessicahopwil]

@@lonefaolan6042 oh you poor dear, is it pressure from the work people or just stuff from home bleeding into your work?

[@jillryan-fortier639]

I feel awful when I sit down. My alcoholic father demanded everything be perfect in the house. He would hide Pennie’s under throw rugs just to make sure we picked the rug up and swept under it!!! That’s psychotic type shit! Or we would get beat if the face clothes and towels weren’t folded exactly the same way!! I’m happy if my kids fold the towels!!!!

[@youtubeblockedme5864]

I ment a friend... who had childhood trauma....what I noticed about her was she constantly noticed things not worth noticing. she finished my sentences quite often and never felt present. her life was nothing but trauma from the time she was a child and even while I knew her there was always something major going on.. I didn't even know this was a thing but I knew there was something odd about the way she would notice a spec on my clothes, a leaf in my hair, a snake on the bike trail. all distraction from the conversation.... yet she was a messy and disorganized person. not ocd but hyper observant and vigilant.

[@KOME11]

One thing that never gets talked about with hyoer-vigilance... excessive caffeine!!!! There have been times when I've weened off my caffeine intake and I've felt so much better! Working on weening off again. Hope this helps some one.

[@sedonalamont6309]

Yes it did help someone. I know this was commented a year ago but I will wean myself off soon then. Hope it went well and that you are well.

[@emosag]

I had to do the same. Caffeine made me feel so hyper alert!

[@dyscea]

I’ve only leaned into the chill very recently. I’m 42. And it was because I had to make some thought out decisions about my stress. Even recognizing stressors wasn’t enough. I still had to learn to navigate them, or even better: avoid them completely. I always say i sleep. A LOT. Or just in bed. That’s me exercising my chill time. I barely have a social life and i’m GOOD 🤗 Probably because i do have a lot of social anxiety. But I continue to put myself in society because 1) it’s ultimately healthy to socialize, and 2) it balances out with my chill time.

[@janessah.2534]

Completely identify with your story! Same situ here 💖

[@rabbitsaurus]

Ever since I can remember I’ve experienced this overwhelming un comfortability with just being calm, quiet, and still. I always feel the need to create some kind of chaos for myself to stress about in my life or my relationships with people. I’m finally at a place where I’ve realized I don’t have to keep this cycle going I can learn to be comfortable in the calm. I never realized my whole life I’ve been waiting for and expecting the worst of everything. I’ve always felt extremely paranoid about something, and still to this day struggle with the creating paranoia for myself. At times I feel distressed about the absence of stress because I’m constantly thinking about what I might be anticipating next-and if there’s something I could do to prepare for potential tragedies in my life when it’s just not possible and is taking away from my present experiences. :/

[@bethmoore7722]

I have lately puzzled over why I won’t let myself play the piano or listen to music on my ear buds, as I go through my day. It has to be news, analysis, etc. I know I would feel better if I listened to Chopin, Schumann, Warren Zevon, or Lady Gaga, Cardi B, or and Afro-Celtic group I like. Those things give me joy. Why would I not want to do that? It’s hyper-vigilance. Some of us with CPTSD have both local and globalized hyper-vigilance. A lot of my recovery has been due to my human rights activism over the past 20 years. Kantian morality, summed up by the Categorical imperative, has given me clarity about who I am and what I should do. It has given me courage to stand up to my family. I’ve even learned how to be arrested without freaking out. That’s huge, for someone with my diagnosis. It’s because civil disobedience has a mindful purpose, and I did it without fear, on behalf of people deprived agency, power, or equality. However, the inability to be mindful about the things that give my heart joy and peace is still something I struggle with. There’s still the fear that something awful will happen without warning. Thank you for reminding me of this, and how it affects me. I’m no good to anyone if my spirit is ragged and spent by hyper-vigilance.

[@i-love-comountains3850]

It's wild how relevant these videos are... thank for for helping us not feel so alone. ♥️

[@vanderdendur4640]

Everytime I have a really *fun* day with friends, immediately after I get this strong sense of dread, it's like clockwork. Feeling like something has to go wrong and when something does i feel so much more relaxed, like, aha there it is!

[@jeremiahpratt1130]

I am so glad this is helping me and others in the same boat. You're awesome keep it up

[@VioletEmerald]

Honestly one of the best signs of my healing was when I realized I'm not hypervigilant anymore. I'm just not.

[@TheQuinntessential]

I love this! Can you tell us what helped you along the journey?

[@jillryan-fortier639]

Amazing!!!!

[@katradiction]

Me literally today in therapy: "my boss is quietly letting me work and even though I know it comes from his confidence in me, it gives me anxiety."

[@missbee1968]

I can relate!

[@chesneymigl4538]

Yes! Check, check and check. Normal people freaked me out. I hated finishing a project because the lack of some impending deadline felt wrong. It's also why it's hard to leave bad situations, because at least then you know what to expect. The unknown is even scarier

[@aspyn.j_]

Realized this when I have downtime. Even when I’ve done everything for the day and handled tasks, when I have leftover time and im “bored” it just means my hypervigilance is waiting for waiting for some mess to happen lol

[@joannaharrison7368]

This is SOOOO me... These videos from this AWESOME man has helped more than 8 years of therapy .. I finally stopped going as I STILL didn't know what was "wrong" with me

[@twilfits]

So true. When every situation is a minefield your choice is "Don't".

[@joycestempa5647]

I’ve never heard of this, I don’t know you but you’ve just described my entire life in less than 10 seconds!!!

[@ac1646]

He's very good at that 😊

[@VenusinCalico]

Thank you, Patrick - I really needed to hear this today. Recently I had a major surgery, one that I needed and fought really hard to get appropriate care for (it's rare). Had to do a lot of research & prep, and the surgery went well, then I had tons of stressful, intense aftercare. But I handled it all fine. Now the "hard parts" are over, and I've been struggling, feeling down & unmotivated. You're so spot on. The things that help us survive can cause confusion when things are (finally) going okay. Brains are wild.

[@iamlove8783]

I felt this, I'm always looking for a threat when there is no threat. I need to be able to identify a threat for me to feel safe. It's horrible 🤕

[@BookWorm2369]

Thank you, I am still seeing some of these struggles currently, but I know they will decrease over time. The more I trust my gut, the more I can rest.

[@saragates2255]

Boy you hit the nail on the head here, Patrick! Ty for giving examples, they were very helpful! 😊

[@sarahmathews9794]

Yes, yes, yes. I'm sitting here taking a moment for myself in the middle of taking care of multiple sick children, and I can't help but feel like I'm "wasting" the day because I'm not cleaning or being outside.

[@dianetgomez7410]

Me:always waiting for the other shoe to drop, can’t be with myself, I’ll have to much time to think and I get triggered, so I keep myself so busy to where I’m exhausted.

[@JessiV111]

Ooooomg can you see me !?! This is this inside of my head 👀I’m always the negative Nancy” can’t just enjoy life “lalala I’m paranoid “I freak out for no reason” or I need to grow up already lalala . “Those things are What I hear all the time when Im like uh oh cant enjoy calm becuaee it’s temporary and my inner cynical person comes out I think .

[@billyje4726]

Love how acurate and authentic you describe! 🙏❤👌

[@MNkno]

You keep coming up with things that explain so much! My ex always had stress or drama in his childhood and student days... When we first met, and for the first 20 years of marriage, things were manageable because we both happily buried ourselves in mad crazy work schedules, with minor breaks of solitary time, but then... downtime happened, and we couldn't handle it together.

[@jenniferwood78]

This really helped explain a couple of things I've been trying to figure out. I've known that I'm hypervigilant about bad things happening, but the related discomfort with what should seem positive makes perfect sense now.

[@N3onphoenix]

It doesn’t sound weird at all! Getting over that this year, it’s cool to start being comfortable with not being stressed 😅🥰

[@michelekurlan2580]

Totally makes sense,Patrick. Great observation and conveyance

[@nikstar1313]

Oh my goodness me, I literally wondered why I don’t have ADHD, a lot of people have always commented on that and I’ve always said I think it’s due to trauma as I can concentrate for seven hours at a time and tested but ADHD would explain a lot of things, hypervigilance is literally where I live, oh my god thank you Patrick, you are amazing ❤🎉 I still can’t relax and smoke a shitload of weed and cruise around like I haven’t ingested anything???!!

[@janessah.2534]

This resonates so much! Same story 💖

[@patriciaarcher751]

"Hyperfocus" is part of ADHD. When you concentrate hours at a time do you tune everything out? Forget to eat/sleep? Are you only concentrating on things you love? Adhd.

[@nikstar1313]

@@patriciaarcher751 not just things I love 🤷‍♀️

[@charlotte5671]

Ahh yes. So much of this. I couldn't stop at all even when I was at the worst of my brain injury. I'm still learning how to relax

[@kichipoppi140]

I suffer with Vasovagal syncope thanks to trauma :) it’s fun.

[@desertangelfish140]

I'm glad to have finally acknowledged and outgrown this behavior. I missed so many wonderful opportunities in my early twenties that would have set me up for life! Now I'm soon to be 56 and trying to scratch my way back to the top. It's disenheartining to see that I've been My own worst enemy basically my entire life.

[@juenescarter7040]

I am grateful for your channel. Its the added therapy that explains so i can recognize some of these characteristics in myself and address them in a healthy way. I'm currently in therapy and have been for a while. Its great and in growing but the explaining that you give helps tremendously. I won't go on I'm sure I'd write a novel. Thank you so much sir. 🙏

[@baddlizz]

Love this!

[@nova4476]

This is what I’ve been dealing with a lot lately but didn’t know the name for it! Especially the pushing people away part. I seek out toxic situations on purpose because it feels wrong when it’s not.

[@DesertLife4me2]

I always look for the other shoe, I have guilt over downtime. I miss when I could sleep in and enjoy my day. Thank you for this information. I'm on my way to happiness!

[@decidingdifferent272]

nah... i don't think it sounds weird at all... sounds familiar... beginning to learn about the whole "it kept me safe" thing, accepting and honoring that... thank you for all you do!

[@couchpotatoqueenera]

This makes so much sense, hyper vigilance is in the name. How can I be present in the moment is all the self care or leisure activities I desire, when I "need" to be vigilant and anticipate bad events or backlash from others in life.

[@K3L1evt]

Perfect description of certain people in my life to a tee! 😁

[@caracopland710]

Love your manner of helping- look at the colour of your EYES in this video- terminators new arch enemy or something 😍

[@annamolly6]

This explains why some people I've encountered were so hostile to me. I have my own issues with anxiety but I'm introverted and come across as very calm and polite. And that triggers a certain type of person, the type that is bitter and mean and just wants to bring everyone down. It's taken me a long time to realize that the problem isn't me and that I did nothing to deserve being mistreated just because I was "too nice." I've also come to develop a lot of compassion for those types and once they realize I'm not a threat they let their down their guard. In fact, I've actually found myself pretty good friends with some of these people who often turn out to be pretty nice themselves once I get to know them.

[@GiftsAmimalsGiveUs]

You are always spot on with these. Yes it took me a while to take vacations and take days off when I feel the need to. If you are always ready for something to happen then you never have to get ready if it does. It is exhausting always look out for the next disaster. One time when I was going into my building at work there was a coworker behind me but my brain just went into flight mode. I was walking faster and just clocked in and was almost in a run but I knew the guy and he noticed and stop and talked to me. Even though I laughed and talked to him my mind was still in flight mode and also was feeling shame for the way I acted. Most of the time I can just let it pass but that day was hard.my friends always tell me I need to relax and just breath because I never just be in the moment always on the go. When you spent your whole life doing this it's just feels nautral.😔

[@raymellon9572]

I once had a panic attack on a school bus because I didn't have any pressing deadlines and thought that I must have forgotten something.

[@prettypuff1]

Whew. You just keep posting the messages I need

[@bubblysodaa7115]

That down time thing is true. Idk how to chill 😿 I feel guilty that I can rest.

[@emanuel-florinciubotariu]

Thank you really much! I appreciate your point of view and I find myself in what you discussed! Especially about having a day off or doing too well at work thinking ‘oh something should happen, something bad, or why don’t I use this time to do something rather than just relaxing and taking a small break’. Huge thank you!

[@michellelove9838]

I'm retired now, but I always knew this is why I became a critical care nurse. Hypervigilance was my superpower. My patients had better outcomes and I was comfortable enough in the chaos and drame to be high functioning in an emergency. The downside was that sooner or later you have to go home, and exhaustion isn't really good for relaxation. Retirement meant more therapy to learn a new way of being in the world.

[@Babka113]

No this doesn't sound weird at all. If you know you know.

[@kkey4700]

I didn’t really look into hyper vigilance before..but I’m glad I watched this. I have been putting myself into the drama…taking jobs that put me in difficult situations where there was LOTS of stress and drama. If only I knew this earlier in life…that’s why this information needs to get out there… I didn’t look into Narcissistic abuse/ toxic family systems until way later but I guess timing is everything and that was the right time for me to find out what happened to me. Thanks to Patrick, Dr. Ramani, Dr. Carter, Dr. Ingrid Clayton for sharing this information and their story. It has helped more than you know. ❤❤❤

[@leslieholland6477]

I’m having a morning that is calm. My body is feeling a great amount of anxiety. This video is a good reminder of why I am like this. I live alone, which feels uncomfortable for me. I remind my self daily that I’m not in danger. Requiring my brain to feel calm is taking practice and diligence.

[@sedonalamont6309]

Oh this makes so much sense! I am uneasy around mellow people and only know how to relax towards the final days of a vacation. Right now I'm under time pressure to clean and organize my apartment and I feel really energized and motivated to do it. A really good therapist told me years ago that I waited to the last minute to do something but related it to ADHD and not hypervigilance. I'm working on making a routine and sticking to it.

[@L4LA0412]

You are not sound weird at all sir. Thank you for the information to understand our neurological patterns.

[@SensitiveSage]

Always focusing on the most toxic person in the room 😮‍💨 and also never being able to sit down or rest omg... but WE HAVE TO do it for our mental and physical health!!! Especially Heart health 💜

[@jools7234]

The feeling of not being comfortable when you are comfortable

[@shawnforsythe918]

Yes! I've always felt a weird sense of relief or familiarity when things go awry or chaotic.

[@Bl4ckSquirr3l]

Man every time I scroll into this guy I feel so called out...

[@thescapegoatclub]

Yes! I will look for trouble as I don’t trust it when things feel safe. I always wonder what the catch is, where the threat is hiding….

[@savannaurban324]

Very interesting. I found out that I seem to do well with stressful situations and hardships in life. But when life is going well, I seem to crash and go into depression. Almost like I really don't know what to do with myself. Or how to find joy in things if it isn't necessary for survival.

[@missrachelrue]

The explanation I didn’t know I most desperately needed

[@ericaokeeffe799]

Having been to over 30 schools (not army brat or expelled) and having lived with an adult figure that had two documentaries & a TV episode on him, hyper-vigilance seems to be my middle name.

[@DJ-sv7xf]

I am hypervigilent in that any unexpected noise or touch and I literally jump, especially when seated. I adopted an abused terrier over the pandemic and he is helping me with my issues as I try to help him understand that he's safe now. Much like me he was raised without boundaries, just physical punishment. He's so hypervigilent that he barks every time a car door slams or he sees movement outside or hears a noise in the basement. He is nervous and fearful. After 16 months we had a breakthrough and everything is one step down on the fear/aggression/ terror scale. Likewise I am learning better reactions and communication skills. He is helping me understand myself and my history with my parents. He was a nonstop barker but now it's just some days he's a little berserk. I wish I could've had parents who weren't addicted/dedicated to chaos but that's not how toxic works. I keep chihuahuas and terriers. They're yappy dogs but they can be trained to be calm quiet happy friends. I wish it was so with my biological family but well you know...

[@thinkforyourself518]

Great. I already ended the connection today. 😂 I felt like they didnt really like me, theu were really chill calm, nothing to talk about, no passion.

[@leila595]

For me, hypervigilance is one thing that keeps attracting agressors. They feel that in me and take advantage of it every chance they get.

[@laurad1487]

Yess!💔 Silence ain't golden, always that looming pervasive sense of the next disaster. Vacations are a nightmare, always worried about what is going on at home, and too much "together time" with unpredictable, volatile people in an unfamiliar environment. Hypervigilance and managing everyone's emotional temperature by fawning and jollying people along 24/7 is exhausting..

[@lindacarlton3154]

You're an amazing teacher, thank you! And thank you for your honest, open sharing. You're an inspiration. God bless you and yours. ❤🙏❤🙏

[@shandranorman4710]

I love this - and I love how much your explanations here show me how much worse this was for me a couple decades ago.🎉

[@emmaschauer5409]

My husband is incredibly hypervigilant. He always bring his work with him on vacation and it makes him crazy having a Sunday off. Lord have mercy.

[@zk9494]

Yess! I was like this with my now partner until I caught what I was doing realized what happened!! It took a few more weeks (and also making it a practice to engage in consistent healthy communication with him) to realize he is a healthier person than I and there isn't a "hidden abusive/toxic" trait, that's its pretty consistent with his personality. Also it can explain why we hate sitting in calm totally quiet rooms or darkness in our bedrooms before sleeping because its "too quiet, too devoid of stressful stimulation" so we like whats familiar even when itd harmful

[@YDdraigGoch1]

Oh, gosh…this resonates with me big time!

[@kd5499]

Your brain convinces yourself that the beautiful normal people around you are somehow going to betray you even though you know they won't. You're constantly self-sabotaging your good relationships.

[@beastshawnee]

My daughter said “Really mom-I think you are addicted to stress.”! I thought about that that and said “Don’t be ridiculous! I don’t want to be stressed. Now hush-You are interrupting this True Cr…im…me sh…owwww. Dammit! Dammit! Thanks a lot kid…now I’m addicted to stress. Great. Good to know….” LOL. We both cracked up! I am also adducted to dark humor so there is that!

[@stephanielacoco]

This is so on point, I have cptsd from childhood abuse. I have to say all of this is accurate for me as well.

[@KJT1567]

Makes so much sense and why I choose the partners I’ve dated. No drama. Something is wrong. I learning my worth more and more each day.

[@lapislazuliphoenix]

Downtime is super hard! I can't relax without feeling guilty and ashamed; and without something else to focus on, my feelings do come up, or memories. It's easier to look for something I'll have to take action on. I'm always looking for the next thing to fix.

[@realhealing7802]

You just described why I am soo hypervigilant.

[@alindsey1013]

Yeesh. Called out. Thank you for sharing 💗 It's nice to not feel alone/crazy.

[@kobyb888]

This must apply to those that have not discovered their hypervigilance because there is nothing that I want more than peace.

[@rmw9130]

#3- I'm definitely three. I'm learning to push past that but it's really hard...

[@catherinecrow5662]

like having an aggressive, protective dog. You certainly cannot even TALK to someone with a fancy, wellgroomed Poodle 🐺🐩🐺

[@thenameisA]

Feels like me, though i try a lot to calm myself and just sit with shit even when in being punished, it makes me uncomfortable to become uncomfortable (especially when I'm stonewalled or given silent treatment, even after knowing what the abuse is doing to me).It is absolutely confusing, and sounds very too, i understand. Thank you for the insight.

[@eleanorbarsic8065]

I think one way for me if I'm around no drama I bring it but if I'm around drama I feel major chill. Interesting