I Called My Aunt Classless And OUTED Her Biggest Secret To The Family r/Relationships

[@MisterNightfish]

Here's an idea. If you don't want everyone to know you essentially stole (that is what we call "borrowing without giving it back" around here) from your family: DON'T STEAL FROM YOUR FAMILY. Nobody should be expected to uphold your lie so you can look better than you are.

[@groofromtheup5719]

yup. She planned on NEVER repaying that loan.

[@doggolovescheese1310]

Exactly

[@sarahjaneheckscher6737]

Rule of thumb: if you have a decent sum of money stored, require two signatures to get at it, and by all that’s holy DO NOT share that information with the family… Uncle and Aunt never intended to return that money.

[@loganholzwulf1689]

I literally stopped the game I was playing and laughed when the Aunt said “now you’re never getting the money”. Like she was going to give them back the money in the first place.

[@jogermaine8600]

The funny thing is, aunt shot herself in the foot. If there was nothing in writing, OP’s parents would have had an uphill battle after so long with no payments and no demands from them proving it was supposed to be paid back. Aunt just put into writing that it was always supposed to be paid back and the court will not agree that “emotional distress” is present here nor that she can write off the loan because of it. 😂

[@eIhag]

I kind of wish you had included the comment from the third OP where she says her husband had cheated on her before. That's definitely a reason he would be so obsessed with surveiling her.

[@aurea.]

What a piece of work, that man. I hope OP's okay

[@LilChuunosuke]

Oh he is almost definitely projecting his insecurity and monitors her in private for evidence of HER cheating (or to more easily lie about his own).

[@JoeShanMac]

I was literally thinking during the story about how it might be him projecting his insecurities onto her because he cheated…suspicions confirmed

[@crem-crem4070]

Still not a justification, if you need a camera to watch your partner then you need to leave.

[@jakeand9020]

​@@crem-crem4070 Literally nobody was hinting that it was some sort of "justification."

[@labella9291]

Story 2: She doesn't want to be in the wedding party and that's why none of the solutions are good enough for her. Example, she could dye the already bleached blond ends back to brown to match the roots... And that could be done without touching/affecting the new growth

[@taetannim3581]

I think she's jealous the sister is the bride and wants to look like shit on purpose.

[@1911odisea]

Story 1: It's not that the aunt is classless - it's that OP's parents are spineless. Letting other people take advantage of you like this is a huge character flaw. OP sounds kinda weak willed too, for even apologising to the thieving aunt. She should work on that. . It's good that the cousin stepped up to take financial responsibility, he sounds like a decent guy.

[@skydonkey9515]

Well you have to remember his goodwill was also a benefit because him uncovering two secrets saved him in away, especially because he found out the business was tax evading lmao

[@Loaves_of_Cat]

For the sake of the cousin’s mental health and the mental health of his wife and future children, along with their safety, he should start preparing to go low contact or cut contact. I swear the aunt is going to somehow screw their lives over, not including the tax evasion fiasco.

[@roelthas]

Yeah, they should have gone with the option of the cousin selling his house to have the debt paid outright.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@roelthas aunt should have been the one selling a house.

[@bunnyslippers191]

OP apologized for the stripper remark they made, not for their anger about the loan that was never paid back.

[@sadraccoonboy]

Rest of the story aside, story one is a good example of how to announce something at someone else’s event (when it was later said about the pregnancy and stuff). Not stealing the spotlight, and pulling the person aside to announce privately. That part made me happy

[@reasonpeason847]

Right? Cousin also did say he didn’t want to steal OP’s thunder with it. Tbh I also think it’s a sweet gesture just “we wanted you to be one of the first people we tell” and I mean if the birthday is that close anyway, why not double up in the card? Especially if you’re gonna ask the person if they want to be a godparent.

[@TheEmpressReborn]

Story 1: I'm so glad that the cousin is taking responsibility for his mother's actions. He's a good man.

[@devlyn873]

Story 2: sounds like sister isn't comfortable/doesn't want to be in the wedding. Story 3: red flag levels of creepiness. Sharpie to the lens.

[@bun04y]

I was gonna suggest that she either turn the camera OR smash it.

[@kentario1610]

@@bun04y or if she doesn't want to provoke him by destroying it (wouldn't be her fault but it could be dangerous), and since turning it off won't work, I suggest a stood up book! Simply block the view with nothing broken.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Story 2 : i think the same, i would ask if she wanted to be in the weddingparty, cause i have the feeling she doesn't want to and try everything to get kicked out. Then it is someone else to blame not her.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

Or OP could use (NCIS reference in 3, 2, 1...) oatmeal mixed with glue and seeds.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Ironically that "I won't pay you back now because I'm in pain and suffering" line would probably get her slaughtered in court and she put it in text form which is easy to save. Her mom's the asshole though, they way they say "she only thinks about herself" so casually means that when you loan her money you know it's not coming back. Edit: of course Reddit gets angry about her feelings of her aunt being a stripper. If she didn't view it as something negative she wouldn't have hid it. Also, it's not important to the story, who gives a fuck?

[@Loaves_of_Cat]

I agree, let the aunt stew in her hurt. That’s nothing compared to what she did to op and her mom. The aunt got what she deserved anyway, acting like she’s superior when she stole from her in-law. I wonder if cousin’s dad even knows cause if he does, he’s as bad as his wife. A bird of a feather flocking together.

[@aspidistraeliator]

@@Loaves_of_Cat they said neither husband knew at the time of the loan. OP father only learned of it when it was time for her to go to college

[@Loaves_of_Cat]

@@aspidistraeliator then that man better divorce her quickly before she does more sh*t that causes him to get isolated too from association

[@charlottewalnut3118]

Honestly she ought to go with biblical punishments on this demanding four times the amount stolen from her from each of the people who stole from her and if they cannot return the money then they must either serve her for an appropriate length of time or in the case of the aunt who was a whore she should be stoned to death in Saudi Arabia or some other country that still does that big showy punishments are often very effective in preventing asshole-ish behavior reminds me of the judge who sat on the throne made of his father’s skin because his father got bribed

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Maybe it is just me allowing my Assholery to shine thru but none of this is the fault of the OP or the cousin. Why does the cousin have to pay this back??? Why not the cousin's mother (aunt) or the father (uncle)??? They are the ones that got the loan from OP's mother. If anything, the people to blame here are the OP's mother and father for not doing what was necessary to get that money back to pay for the OP's college and for the Stripper Aunt and her husband the Uncle for not paying it back immediately when they are able to. Here is my philosophy on loaning money to family members. It's like any money you gamble with, only loan or gamble what you can afford to lose, and don't ever consider it a viable option that you will get paid back or win back that money. If you loan that money to your family, consider it gone, and then later, IF you actually get paid back, consider that a boon to your finances.

[@annavarian8946]

Last story. OP doesn't realise her husband views her as a child that needs watching and monitoring too. No respect for her as an equal adult. Poor lass.

[@TonySamedi]

I'd tell the hubby I'm fine with keeping the camera on, so long as he starts wearing a bodycamera every second of the day he's outside of the house. I'd be lying, but it'd be hilarious to see the inevitable freak out of how unreasonable it is for HIM to watched 24/7 before I handed them divorce papers.

[@taetannim3581]

Lol, this is where I'm at too. F this controlling ass.

[@BlueSkyBS]

Story 3: This is all about control. The husband's sense of entitlement in being able to monitor his wife and kids 24/7. Why else would he want it on all the time? Why else would he get so irrationally angry when it is turned off?

[@toysruskid5074]

Story 3: buy some clown makeup and stare deeply into the camera. Set up a silent manga reading video behind it and read for an hour or so before turning it off. When he goes back to watch why you turned it off, tell him you were tired of being his entertainment.

[@Andrea.S.Alvey12]

I don't fault Op. I *hate* having my picture taken, I always have. Other than annual school pics, there are less than 20 pictures of me as a child. My maternal grandfather believed he was part Native American (he wasn't, proved through geneology research) and he believed cameras stole one's soul. He passed that discomfort on to me (I haven't believed that in close to 50 years). My point (I really did have one) is that Op's husband may be developing a wild hare about cheating because she's uncomfortable being filmed for no real reason: Mayhap he's heard/read too many Reddit stories about spouses bringing affair partner's home? Or, he's just controlling?

[@JW-vd4il]

@@toysruskid5074 You, I like you. 😂 My only situation about a fight about cameras was at a work situation (and NOT safety just Orwellian Watching, thus the fight). If it ever happens again, I will absolutely go Full Clown! Thanks! 😂

[@kathybeckford3592]

Wondering if he's keeping tabs because he's paranoid OP's having an affair...which then makes me wonder if he's actually having an affair.

[@Milagros81]

Well, my now partner had security cameras also shared family location for YEARS! Then his ex out the blue said she felt like she is being watched and she switched off location on her phone and cover the cameras in the house... my partner just let it be as he is not the argumentative type. Well a few months later the ex asked for divorce and on top of that she cheated with a guy that lived around the corner. 🤨 by this experience i think OP Might have something to hide 🤔

[@nikkiwhray1598]

The husband keeps turning the camera back on... kinda proves he's always watching her when she's alone. The other cameras would show she's not cheating, so he's just concerned with monitoring her life. That's more than controlling. It's creepy.

[@huinismith]

Story 2: I've gone through the "my hair is in between (short to long, bleached to natural, dyed to graying)" phase too many times to know better that to have my tacky three-month-old roots on full display in all their glory at my sister's wedding. NTA.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "Why are you focused on the stripper aunt when the uncle-" Was the uncle the one that sent the whiny text saying they're not gonna give back the money because aunt wants compensation for getting her fees fees hurt? Does the uncle even know where the money came from or was he kept in the dark like Op's cousin? Maybe the stripper part was uncalled for but aunt was being a shitty person, she deserves at least a few insults.

[@catandrobbyflores]

if she didn't want to be shamed for being a stripper then maybe she shouldn't be a shit person. op was calling it like they saw it.

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

That person who wrote ESH was stupid. Some people are just determined to look for politically incorrect stuff and blame the victim because of it, even if what they said was unintentional.

[@MrSophire]

ESTA, to be clear both Moms are the TAH. I never loan money to family, I give money. No point make unnecessary drama. The op’s mom gave money that was not hers to give, the Aunt did not pay it back in time and op’s dad put blame on the wrong family member, ( this was his wife’s mess), if the Aunts past life was a secret how did OP know about it. I wouldn’t put it past op’s parents talking smack behind the Aunt’s and Uncle’s back. This is a family of AH, the only good seems to be the cousin.

[@Alteusgirl]

Story 2: i have to agree with the 2 last comments pointing out those who say YTA haven't read the post. Not only is OP not asking her to dye her hair, just to blend it or tie it up, she offers to pay for it or any other alternative. There's a buttload of options the sister could take: a simple blending, semi permanent hair dye (who isnt damaging at all, it's usually conditionner with pigment, it would stain the blond a bit but the sister is trying to grow that part out), a wig, wearing her hair up etc yet she refuses to compromise at all. OP doesnt sound like a bridezilla just someone wanting nice souvenirs, as someone who dye her hair often i often cringe at photos of good event where i hadnt made the effort to do my hair well because it would have made the pic so much cuter.. The sister also made a fuss about the dress when Op was once again being rather Bridechilla rather than bridezilla by offering the choice of the cut and given a proposition to help the color.. most wedding i've heard of or been in will just give a lot more instructions for bridesmaids and especially maid of honors.

[@HeiwaTori]

I was gonna say the same thing, if she was a guest it would be different but shes in the wedding party at a formal event, she gave several options, the sister seems like an asshole to me, from disagreeing with the colour of the dress (wanna point out I'm super pale & pink is the colour I wear most, it literally doesnt matter) the sister is making everything about her instead of oh idk the bride & groom?? but reddit gonna reddit & if you have preferences for your wedding, youre automatically the AH

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Sounds more like the sister doesn't want to be in the bridal party.

[@shydog7276]

This comment, 100%

[@terramarini6880]

I say let her show her behind on the subject and make sure the least flattering pics of her hair are on full display, right where everyone views them. She will grouse about it and demand they come down, but it will make the wedding pics WAY more entertaining now, I would be all over that. Much like the story about the MIL who was a royal pain at the wedding, got in all the photos and managed to set her wig on fire while squeezing into a shot set up by the photographer. Groom is a sport and got that pic framed and it now lives in the front door area of the home, oh how she whinges about it, and oh how the bride laughs at her. Boss level comeuppance.

[@TarisLuna]

Story 2 NTA Having your hair up for at least the ceremony and photos is not too much to ask from anyone. I get not wanting to permanently dye your hair, because wanting to grow it out, but that's not the only option. There are temporary dyes that actually nourish the hair, so she could color her out grown Highlights very close to her actual color temporarily without damaging. Out grown roots simply look terrible from a certain point onward.

[@beckabelle5927]

Story 2: color depositing conditioner. As a cosmetologist I totally understand what the person means, on both sides. Since she doesn't want any chemicals or anything there are manyyyyy options. 1) because she's going to have awful banding even if the highlights are touched up. 2) she doesn't want to do anything to her hair anyways so getting it all back to it's natural color would be in her best interest anyways.

[@TarisLuna]

Yea, and even if she doesn't want that it isn't to much to ask from anyone to wear the hair up for ceremony and photos

[@lily-zg6io]

However, on the other hand, OP and her family are being very insistant on this, and it gets to the point where you genuinely have to ask yourself whether you'd want to alienate your sister and make her feel bad for her choices for some pictures that long term only she will look at, and that realistically, will not make such a huge dent in how the wedding looks

[@jodieisnotokay]

that was my thought, I tried stopping dying my hair but the roots were abysmal and the green washed out to a yellow toward my root and my ends were blue, it was horrific. to grow your hair out you'd need to dye it a solid colour close to the natural colour to stop it looking ugly

[@thundahsenshi150]

I still don’t see how OP is the evil in that story either because to be honest it’s just etiquette it’s not like she’s asking her to lose like 100 pounds or completely change anything about her she’s given her options and she’s asking her just to do this one nice thing for her she’s not asking her to give birth she’s not asking her for kidney and she’s not being unreasonable. If it were me after all those options I would’ve kicked her out of the wedding party

[@mariajw4803]

Story 3. The husband is a major creep. I find his behaviour very unsettling.

[@Erinia13]

Story 1 I'm really glad that OP's cousin didn't take after his mom, also good on him for not stealing OP's thunder with a pregnancy announcement. However that gift for OP , being a godmother doesn't sound like a gift to me lol just future responsibilities. I hope my siblings never ask me to be godmother to any of their kids I'm just fine being the cool aunt when we happen to be in the same continent.

[@jessig.6791]

Well it was the being the godmother soon and a gift card to a pricey pet supply she likes which the cousin gave her

[@johnpexton3614]

First off a godparent is in worse case scenario where the child is looked after if something happens to the parents. Its not like you are a parent to the child right off the bat. It’s just a symbol of trust you still could be the cool aunt.

[@Erinia13]

@@johnpexton3614 Maybe in your culture it's that simple, I'm mixed and in a big part of my family it goes way beyond western responsibilities, not all countries are the same and in many latino and asian countries being godparents suck due to all the strings attached. There are big expectations, expensive gifts for every special occasion, demanding your time, money and so on. So nope I got zero interest in being anybody's godmother at least in my family especially because I'm childless, so they'll be like "you gotta make so and so your heir your money should go to family blah blah blah." If it was just taking care of them in the worse case scenario I wouldn't mind, because tbh if something happened to my siblings I'll there for my niece and nephews anyway, but that title in 2/3 of my family it's too much craziness lol For example I'm adult completely independent but if I ever get married my godparents should give me the most expensive wedding present possible after my parents according to tradition. Sometimes I forget that's it's not like that everywhere, so it's normal if most people here find my comment too harsh or something 🤷‍♀️

[@hothotheat3000]

Last story: that camera isn’t to watch the kids. He’s watching OP to make sure she isn’t cheating.

[@MusicGirl881]

Story 2: The sister was given many compromises so she can be in the wedding party. OP needs to just remove and replace her with someone else. Reimburse her for the dress and have her come as a guest.

[@robertx8020]

I agree But I bet the sister would go and cry to the family that OP kicked her out 'for no reason'

[@LaineyBug2020]

8:22 I just want to stop and say that THIS is how you announce something of yours on the day of someone else's celebration! How did cousin D get so much class?

[@heathermiller5765]

I was thinking the same about the other story like this

[@catT5236]

Clearly not from his thief of a mother

[@bluebirdie4118]

Story 3: NTA! I totally agree with OP, in fact im in the same situation as well but im the child with a father who wants to watch me and my sisters 24/7 with a camera while we’re all at home… mind you-ALL OF US ARE OVER 18. If OP can read this: hold your ground! Having a camera on while you’re at home is gonna tell your kids one thing for sure: that you dont trust them. It’s gonna cause problems in the future and im sure you don’t want to risk it either. Kids grow up, and when they do they don’t want to be treated as such anymore. This is coming from someone who knows what it feels like!

[@JohnSears1970]

Story 3: Girl, *run* . The "Head of the household" crap over you turning a *camera* off is major red flag.

[@groofromtheup5719]

sounds like a MAJOR control freak, or projecting his own affair seeking behavior.

[@pippo17173]

I so wish this gets a update because I worry where it was gonna go.

[@hawkaiserthefinalbrave1859]

Lmao you have no idea what youre talking about

[@cl5470]

@@hawkaiserthefinalbrave1859 I see the incels and misogynists have arrived.

[@laurenc4138]

@@groofromtheup5719 well apparently the channel actually missed a comment where OP admits the reason the husband is so jealous and controlling is because he himself was cheating…. So you pegged that one totally right!

[@thefiretailedweasel6206]

Imma need an update on story 3 bcs that stuff can turn physical at the drop of a hat. Hope she's okay 🥺

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Yeah I feel like only 1 of the people replying figured out that it was always about watching her, not the kids. If I had a friend who had cameras in his house I wouldn't even go over there to watch the game. It's very creepy and invasive.

[@QuietRage]

Yeaaaaaaaaaaahhh husband in story 3 is a ticking time bomb. He's a misogynistic control freak and OP needs to wake up REAL fast.

[@TrippySensei25]

The misandrist are here and buzzing. Why does she need the camera off 🤔. Also those cameras do push notifications to your phone when it's turned off or disconnected that's how he knew she did it.

[@edwardbickford8277]

I definitely wouldn't want a camera on me like that. It would be too creepy.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Wedding Story: Sister is butthurt from the dress color so is doing everything she can to piss OP off until she gets thrown out of the wedding party so she doesn't have to wear the dress and gets to make OP look like a bridezilla.

[@groofromtheup5719]

This is it exactly. She wants to be kicked out of the wedding party so she can be the myrter and OP the bridezillia.

[@ruecifer5012]

Yep some sisters are just selfish like that

[@robertx8020]

@@ruecifer5012 sadly so

[@randomusername3873]

I mean, if you think that your sister hair color will ruin your wedding then you kinda deserve to be pissed off like this

[@robertx8020]

@@randomusername3873 It's not about the haircolor

[@donnalothes7085]

I would be taking that camera out of my house period. No more conversations.

[@marsalwin5101]

Story 1: When lending money to family you should always get a proper contract drawn up for it. Even if you have absolute trust that you'll get the money back the contract will protect everyone involved in the evident any shady stuff happens. People will do crazy things when money is involved.

[@Misspellednumbers]

Story 2: I'm sorry, but it seems like OP gave her sister enough compromises. At this point, I'd just take her off the bridal party. If OP didn't originally, just buy the dress from the sister and tell her she'll come as a guest. It's truly not worth fighting over this anymore.

[@julianne089]

I agree. This wasn’t the usual overbearing bridezilla overly controlling appearances thing. This is more along the line of a member of the wedding party insisting on wearing tennis shoes or something.

[@groofromtheup5719]

This is what the sister is hoping for. Now she gets to ruin the wedding while throwing herself a pity party

[@goawayleavemealone2880]

Also if the sister wants healthy non-chemically treated hair, she should have had it cut at some point to remove the dyed portion.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@goawayleavemealone2880 lets not forget hair is dead. Just dye the bleached portion.....or just wear it up for one afternoon. This is all so silly that is is obviously a ploy for attention.

[@paden1865able]

Knowing me, I would hand sis a barber's shaver and a wig, then tell her that she can shave it off and start over and wear the wig over it. Or, she can use a temporary product to blend the roots. 🤷‍♀️

[@catT5236]

Story three: JFC! OP seriously needs to RUN from this situation! This is scary controlling. I'm disabled, I literally need a carer to monitor/help me particularly with falls & seizure episodes & even I don't have this much invasive monitoring going on. There's no call for this creepy BS & he's definitely not doing it because of the kids if OP's there by herself. So likely options are: 1) He thinks she's cheated/cheating & doesn't trust her at all. 2) He's cheated/cheating & is worried OP will find out or wants to know where OP is to facilitate that. 3) He cheated & has now become a controlling/abusive sh*t-rocket as a way of managing his guilt over it &/or he's become paranoid because of his own cheating. 4) He's just an abusive & controlling donkey-wang. Tbh this behaviour is massively controlling, seriously invading OP's privacy & emotionally abusive, so no matter the reason behind it OP should just leave & take the kids with her.

[@wmdkitty]

5) All of the above.

[@buffysheffield1328]

Story 3, those cameras need to have an accident, try not to be obvious about it though.. But seriously, get a lawyer. That’s illegal in some places.

[@moonbear5929]

First Story: Why aren't OP's parents on the hook for her lack of further education? DON'T lend out money you cant afford to lose!!! There's never a guarantee one will get paid back. What if the pandemic never happened? That money more than likely would have been lost anyway. It was a foolish decision to "lend" out money, that was allocated for their child's future. So, OP's parents are the true AHs here. They trashed OP's chances of getting into higher education. I doubt they can sue for the money as I'm sure no legal documents were drawn up for this. Ultimately, OP's mother is the one responsible for the loss of that money.

[@MrSophire]

Thank you, I am reading all this comments about the Aunt and Uncle when it is clear that this is op’s mom fault. I not even sure how much the Uncle was involved but he wouldn’t have taken the money if he knew so, something t tells me he would have paid it back on time had he known, the crack at his wife might stop him now. The stripper thing was a secret so how did op know. Something tells me that Op’s parents looked down on cousin’s parents. The only one coming out clean here is the cousin. If I were him I would cut all these people out.

[@FredRated1967]

First story, every time the aunt and uncle comes to visit, OP should play the song "I'm In Love With A Stripper".

[@b.c.9358]

Honestly, I felt like the OP in story 2 was pretty reasonable. She offers compromise after compromise, and most of them are reasonable, including the gloss. It's not very damaging, and OP is trying her best to make sure it won't be too bad for her sister's hair.

[@keul2704]

exactly! Plus the comment that was like "the only one who cares about this is you" is so dumb. Like OF COURSE they care about it! ITS THEIR WEDDING!!! Like of all the people to care, you would expect it to be the person getting married, right? Like it's their wedding, and they really want this person to be involved, and they want to make them feel as comfortable while also working them into the wedding itself. Now does it sorta sound a bit off that she wants her friend to change her look for the wedding? Kinda, but that's in the same vein as someone wanting a color scheme for their wedding or specific hair styles for the wedding to seem like more of a cohesive group. I don't really put too many eggs in the basket of "people who ask other people to change their appearance just don't want them there", because for most cases, they want the person to be there, they just want a specific look for the wedding, which honestly isn't an AH thing to do or want imo.

[@sltslt24]

She's not even telling her to dye or change her hair just have an updue that blends the hair in. I don't see how's she's the ah

[@Flakey101]

So you agree it is damaging, and back some one trying to damage another persons body, just to please a bridezilla asthetic?

[@___Music_Is_Life___]

Yeah, she offered to cover the costs and suggested plenty of solutions with varying degrees of permanence, sure her sister's hair is her sister's choice, but it's not like op is trying to make all the bridesmaids get matching cut and color or something ridiculous, she's just asking her sister to choose from a plethora of options to not have a sharp awkward looking divide in her hair color on full display for one day.

[@cl5470]

@@keul2704 nah. No one actually cares. People hate you for making them look at your wedding pics and wish you would just elope. Social media makes you think they care, but they don't. The most fun they had at your wedding was taking bets on how soon you will divorce.

[@Mikohanyou]

Can relate about leading money to family being a bad idea. My dad was furious with his sister in law for ghosting him well over $1k to pay for her daughter's medical bills despite promising to pay him back. I can't say anymore because of how crazy it was but its safe to say that I don't speak to her again due to the fact that there was an attempt to me being dragged into their mess.

[@lalvarez5151]

Camera story- that is divorce worthy. If my husband pulled that bs I would be gone. I hear in an additional comment that Op mentioned the husband previously cheated..mso he must be projecting

[@crem-crem4070]

Story 3: OP’s husband is using the camera to monitor op and ensure she isn’t cheating. This is symptomatic of his controlling behaviour

[@LisaApril]

Story about the camera in the house: if she wants to turn it off she should unplug it. No one can turn a camera on from a phone if the camera is unplugged. As for her husband’s attitude, that is not something I would suffer. It certainly is controlling, bossy, uncompromising, demeaning and Something I would divorce over because a man telling me that he wants to see me through a camera when I’m home alone is too much for me and sounds like he’s observing me to make sure I don’t do anything he doesn’t approve of. That kind of attitude is not attractive to me at all. I think she definitely deserves better, and her children might enjoy a respite from this kind of father. What else is OP overlooking about his behavior?

[@TrippySensei25]

Most jobs do it smh 🤦🏾‍♂️ it's not in the bedroom it's in the living room.

[@cv8167]

Whenever I notice a camera pointed at me, I casually give it the finger. Just on principle.

[@threeducks157]

For whatever reason people on reddit go mental when weddings are mentioned, the sister is literally being difficult for no reason even whem op gave so many options as compromises, all reasonable yet she still gets attacked by the reddit mob.

[@Iflie]

Sister doesn't like the look of her hair in an updo but likes it hanging down halfway blond? haha. You do not have to photoshop her in all pictures, the 4 main ones is enough. She will just make herself look bad in the end as everyone will see she doesn't care to look groomed. You can also dye your own hair neon with spraypaint at her wedding, haha

[@HobieInTheBox]

Comments like this confuse me. Sister has been uncomfortable about the wedding from day 1, but if she's leaves, she will be made into the villain. So she's staying for her sister while still being forced to change her appearance

[@Iflie]

@@HobieInTheBox No, the sister didn't like the color of the bridesmaid dress, which is the case with most bridesmaids. She even got to pick the style of the dress herself. She also still wants to be in the wedingparty, she's just stubborn because it's her sister. She could easily wear her hair up and look way better than with a year of regrowth, that must be at least down to her ears or more. But she's doing it on purpose.

[@randomusername3873]

Why do people even care about the sister hair color? It sounds insane to me

[@Iflie]

@@randomusername3873 Neh they care about the regrowth, it looks like she doesn't care about dressing up for her sisters wedding and being in the weddingparty. Everything she said about needing her hair healthy was an obvious lie as there are several options that will not damage her hair.

[@HobieInTheBox]

@@Iflie she said she fault insecure with the colour, bc it's a light pink and her skin is pale.

[@ladyvee2090]

Can relate to the family theft. My dad borrowed over 3K from my brother and jept dragging his feet about paying. He kept saying he didn't trust sending a check in the mail. Yet when he wanted me to help pay for his phone plan, which i was on at the time, he immediately had me send it via Facebook messenger. My brother and I live in the house our mema, dad's mom, left him and dad. Dad signed over his half of the house to my brother and continued to evade paying him back. Finally my brother asked him straight up if he ever planned to pay him back. Dad replied that he considered signing over the half of thehouse his payment, even though that was never agreed upon. This is just one of the reasons that dad is not invited to my upcoming wedding. Another reason being he lied to us in order to get my brother to lend him around 2K. Saying that his roof was in such bad shape he was going to lose his house and because he owned half of our house then we would lose ours too. He's a garbage person and Im glad we rarely see/talk to him.

[@jmac5951]

The husband who wants the camera on all the time is a creeper.

[@vibecheck8987]

Hey Mark. I’ve been watching your videos for a while now, and they’ve cheered me up whenever I’m in distress. My mother sold my puppy, recently and it’s.. crushing me deeply. Thank you for posting these videos, they’ve been helping me cope with it.

[@Yori6552]

Wow, I'm so sorry you're going through that. It sounds awful. I hope you have people you can talk to who can support you through this, and that things get better for you soon. ❤‍🩹

[@corneliawissing7950]

Just a note: our children and their spouses really like our wedding album: it's a source of endless giggles among them. They look at the shoes, the hair, the dresses and the 'photograph of the noses' in which the photographer had us look at each other and took a photo of our profiles. It is, after nearly 60 years, something to see ... So, don't worry too much about wedding photos!!!!

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#3 - You know what? He can be the 'man of the household' all he wants, but it is gonna be a household of one lonely person if he keeps that shit up - at least as far as I'm concerned. OP is NTA but surely needs to get a tech in some morning to just disconnect all that crap and screw 'the man of the house' if he throws a fit over it.

[@Snowshowslow]

Can I just add a story from my own family about lending money to show it doesn't álways end badly? My aunt is an artist (sculptures, mainly) and so she was never rich, but when her scumbag boyfriend of years left with all they had, including all her tools, she was destitute. My grandparents loaned her a lot of money (enough to impact everyone's inheritances) and she once told me that what moved her more than anything was that after that happened all three of her siblings called her separately... to ask whether she needed more. She got back on her feet and no one blamed anyone. I'm not saying it's a smart policy in general to loan money to family, but in healthy families things can also work out.

[@skylargreen7156]

#1 Whenever someone asks me to lend them money I make them sign an IOU so they never forget they owe me money. I saw my parents being deceived by members of the family who asked them for money under the pretext that we were all a big family except that these same people, members of this big family, came to forget my parents when their financial situation was in good shape. Most members of this family never come to see me because they know that I am not like my parents.

[@jennstewart3003]

Story 3: Sounds like husband may have some unmanaged anxiety. It's definitely a control tactic, but I'm curious about the cause. Is it anxiety? Insecurities? Or is he just a controlling asshole? No matter what it is OP and Husband need to sit down with a neutral mediator, whether that's a friend, counselor, pastor etc. because this can't be the only issue.

[@lovinglifebutnotonearth3909]

Fuck that. If the roles were reversed, you would have told the man to run. Why do we women need to stay and try to fix a controlling man when men are told to leave controlling women.

[@lovinglifebutnotonearth3909]

And a pastor? Hell, they will agree with the head of the household bullshit.

[@lisakaz35]

I think negotiating on the hair thing is good. The sister just won't bend an inch. Gotta wonder why she's a bridesmaid given the lack of even a slight bend. If it was a haircut demand or dye or similar, I'd be appalled but it seems sisterwont even consider a work around. Hell, how 'bout a hairpiece?

[@amerlin388]

Story 1. If it had turned out that none of efforts to collect panned out, Mom could always officially forgive the loan and notify the IRS. The amount of the forgiven debt is considered income for which Aunt will have to pay income tax.

[@DarkCrystalSage]

I'd still get legal actions against the aunt since she's evading tazes

[@helenconnor3714]

A sticky note over the camera will solve his turning it back on, lol.

[@lauradelacruz8287]

Always feeling like your being watched in your own home would be very unsettling to me

[@fhuber7507]

Camera story... OP is being spied on by the hubby who doesn't trust her. F the controlling hubby.

[@fhuber7507]

Here's the hubby regarding OP's privacy. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bYrZcox_f7iGkLs

[@Habitarse]

Story 3: nobody can film you if you disagree with it. It’s invasive and he is a controlling jerk.

[@lina9535]

If I was in OP's situation with that camera at home, I'd be setting up a good old prank for the husband. Keep turning it off and print out one of those screaming faces (that were so popular a few years back to put in the end of videos to jumpscare people) and then put it right in front of the camera.

[@ShadowbirdX24]

story 1: never do business with family,i have a story,in 1988 my parents were selling their car, my cousin (dad's side) who was 23 at the time wanted to buy it from my parents (they didnt think it was a good idea,dad esp) but my cousin promised he'd pay, he made 1 half payment & then stopped, then after a yr sold it, never gave them ANY MONEY. then in 2007 my dad was selling something, this same cousin had the nerve to say to him "hey uncle you've never given him anything"..dad shot back, "i remember a red car,do you"-that shut cousin up.

[@keepdancingmaria]

Why didn't your father keep his name on the title as lienholder? Cousin can't sell it with a lien on it,

[@ShadowbirdX24]

@@keepdancingmaria i have no idea,thats pretty much all i remember,i was a little girl then.my parents didnt like talking about it.

[@keepdancingmaria]

@@ShadowbirdX24 Ahh, I see. My mom lent us money, we had a formal agreement, notarized, and the payment was one of the direct deposit allotments. It worked out well, at least in part because we tried to be professional about it, rather than an entitled FAMILY whine. I wish your father had treated himself as a car seller, rather than as an uncle. Your cousin may have learned a helpful growing up lesson from your father. Family loans aren't always to be eschewed. It isn't the lending, it is the undeserved trusting, that is bad.

[@cheskydivision]

Absolutely tell the family about the money, mom was wrong for giving away money ment for you.

[@skyetan86]

Story 3 reminds me of another story where a woman freaked out about her husband watching her on camera while she was screaming at their newborn child. In that instance, everyone jumped on the husband for "invading her privacy" when the reality was that having a camera on was the only way to make sure the child wasn't getting their head smashed on the floor. Cameras can be extremely important to protecting kids when you cannot trust your partner. Butt this? This is where you can say the husband is actually weird and controlling.

[@TrippySensei25]

How it's in the living room she could easily move rooms

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Long long day at work so glad “Mahhk” has some new videos. Tbh his positive takes, voice and community supporting him are the absolute best on KZbin. They wish we could see him like Mr Reddito does. Animation would be cool too. Sending love and light to Mark and our community

[@ceeshnia]

Oh man, I read that in a Maine accent XD

[@samthescotsman]

i have a camera in my room because i am disabled and my mum worries a lot about me during the night so this allows her to check on me without coming down (she is my payed carer). i also have one looking out at the front door for my benefit as i have ptsd and a neurological condition and being able to see if there is someone outside calms me down a lot. i have this up on one of my computer monitors at all time

[@naturalPaths]

That makes perfect sense, and works for you and your mom. It’s a far cry difference from the story though, but maybe that’s your point.

[@samthescotsman]

@@naturalPaths yeah, that was the point i was trying to make

[@KCCAT5]

Story number three? That man has got some serious control issues girl I would run if I were you

[@Regrettable-Username]

Story 2: This reminds me, I need to touch up my hair... I had to go from dark blue to "as close to natural as possible" for my best friend's wedding. Good news was that I succeeded in making it where I'd look 'normal', so I didn't stand out in pictures or anything. Bad news was that it completely killed my hair and I had to cut it all off and grow it out again before I could go back to being blue. The things we do for friendship, eh? 😅 Story 3: The ideas of cameras inside the house are a big no no for me. They can be hacked, there are online communities built around sharing hacked and open camera feeds, so I wouldn't be the only one watching to see what my kids were doing in the other room. Plus some of the cameras have a speaker built in and hackers will speak through them to kids to scare them, claiming to be an alien or a monster etc. It's just a bad idea imo. If someone pulled the "head of the household" card I'd be out of there, but that's probably the religious trauma talking lol

[@angelaa7388]

Story 3: husband believes he is head of household, meaning his wife is his subordinate. He is not interested in a partnership built on trust, he wants to know everything OP and their kids do and have them follow his commands without question. Yikes.

[@Siinwu]

Last story, sounds like the husband is cheating... they like to project that to others over things like this.

[@Icalasari]

Apparently there was a comment from OP that Mark missed where she explained her husband has cheated before So you are likely correct

[@Alteusgirl]

story 3: yeah i get what you're saying Mark. I worked as a cleaning person and normally we're supposed to be told of the existence of cameras in the house and the clients aren't allowed to use them to spy on us, if they were to try to use them even to highlight something we'd do wrong they would be dropped by the agency (but their issue like damage or theft would still be adressed by insurances of course) well i had clients who had a webcam near their TV, it was visible enough, i knew it was there without them aknoledging it and assumed it was for video calls with the kids and grandkids.. except i started noticing it was on when i was alone downstairs... i have nothing to hide and worked hard but i still felt not at ease and ended up reporting them when i quit so they wouldnt do it to another person. If you can't trust someone that's worked for you for over a year being in your living room while you're upstairs as well.. don't hire someone to come to your house regularly. In my own house i would freak out having a camera on.. i've been concidering getting a pet camera with mic for when we're away so we can see the cat and talk to him but i would hate the possibility that it's on when i'm home or that my mil thinks we could spy on her when she comes to feed the cat etc.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

S1: NTA. OP’s comment was a bad idea said in anger: I understand being angry, but mentioning the aunt being a stripper is entirely irrelevant to her aunt’s issues and detracts from the major issue of being scammed out of money, and I could understand other family members seeing it as rude and intentionally malicious. Even if it was minor, I’m glad OP apologized for that, even if it was due to tactlessness rather than being malicious. Still, the uncle and aunt are the AH for the entire issue, and evading paying OP’s family. They still clearly seem entitled to their money, and the mom is a bit of an AH because she gave money without colluding with her husband first.

[@thetruth1816]

Story 1 : NTA.. this is like if someone walks up to you everyday and punches you in the face are you gonna fight back or are you gonna let the abuser keep punching you in the face... op fought back therefore not the a hole..

[@praeeo]

The cousin sounds like a great guy and she is blessed to have such a great cousin who is of moral fiber, unlike his mom. Cousin is doing the right thing and I'm proud of him for doing this and taking on his mom's debt to his cousin and her mom, although I feel his mom put in him a very bad place in not taking care of it herself. Good for him! The second story, the little sister is being selfish IMO. The sis getting married is trying hard to help little sis with ideas and yet, little sis is not caring, but she will when it's her turn, just sayin'. Sis getting married isn't being a bridezilla either, no where close. sounds like she will let little sis do whatever she does... At that point, just pay the photographer to only touch up the photos that are the most important to her. Third story, the camera guy... yeah, that's creepy and he's using it to keep control over his whole family and HIS wife... Big red flags there!!!! I'd throw a hand towel over it when I'm home unless I'm going to bed.

[@adataylor4956]

Story 2- OP, your sister is doing everything she can to either disrupt your wedding or make it about her. Maybe there is a hint of jealousy? Either way, you do not need this added stress. Tell her either she wears it up, let the hairdresser do a temporary fix, or be promoted to guest. You are not being a bridezilla! She is being difficult for no reason! She knows how bad her hair looks. Story 3- I’m going to go out on a limb and say ESH. Op because she is thinking of her own reasons for not wanting the cameras on when the purpose of them is for safety. Maybe ask her husband if there is another reason he insists on having them on all of the time. Does he leave them on when he is home? There has been a lot of crimes increasing due to the pandemic. What if there was a home invasion? What if there was a fire? What if OP slipped and fell unconscious? We hear about these kinds of things happening all of the time. And of course, we also hear about infidelity. The husband sucks because he is not listening to OPs concerns. They may need marriage counseling to find out what is really the underlying cause of both of their concerns. As for the “Head of the Household” remark… I question if the husband actually said that. Also, when you file taxes in America, they ask who is filing to which OPs husband would be considered the head of the household because he brings in the most money. So try not to read too much into that statement. OP hasn’t said that he treats her as less than an equal partner at all. Just my opinion.

[@juletneptune6264]

OP your aunt is a dishonest and greedy, she had know that the money she took from her sister was money belongs to you for school ( college) ,but she lied about it and took care of her own kids. But her son seems to have a heart, when above and beyond to do the right thing. Aunt really needs to jailed for her dishonest.

[@slick8086]

Photoshop looks pretty good these days, and would be easy and cheaper than pay the hairdresser.

[@purpleiguana208]

Story 2: Is it just me, or was the sister trying to come up with reasons for getting booted from the wedding? Maybe she doesn't like her sister's fiance? Maybe she doesn't like big parties? Maybe she doesn't like dressing up? Maybe there's some feud going on between OP and her sister? It just seems like there were SO MANY THINGS that were offered, and the sister said no to everything, like she's TRYING to cause a problem.

[@scousemouse9566]

I cover my laptop camera too, NTA, its wrong on so many levels

[@TWhiteTiger]

The thing about the story 3 is that in the comments it is implied the husband thinks OP is cheating and that she is turning the cameras (yes, more than one) off to cover for herself.

[@gail8834]

Story 1….. Perfect reason to sign an agreement about payments and how much is borrowed. Then have two witnesses and a notary sign it. Family is no different then anyone else. In the end you never know what will happen in certain situations.

[@theshadowofgod1]

If there's going to be anything involving an agreement, loan, whatever ESPECIALLY from family or friends, put it in writing and have all parties sign and date it.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@juliamiller2299]

Story one: If you ever want to lend a family member money and you WANT it PAID BACK, have a lawyer write a loan contract with a defined payment schedule and deadline to repay the loan. If they don't agree to the terms of the loan, then they don't get any money. Story two: I think OP should have told her sisters that she has paid for a visit for everyone to the beauty salon, and at that point when she is in the chair, have the stylist propose they fix her hair color. At the most, she can tell the sister she will be out of the bridal party and photos if she doesn't agree. In story three, the husband doesn't trust OP and demands she is monitored 24/7. This is invasive controlling behavior on the husband's part. I would throw away or destroy the camera, and tell him you will that if he replaces it, that means he doesn't trust you, so a divorce may be in order and this is non-negotiable.

[@goldenoptic]

"Head of the household" RECORD SCRATCH

[@krowqueen4497]

The hell,is my family the only one that pays back what they owe to family members

[@GhostBear3067]

My family does not loan money between ourselves, if money is exchanged it is explicitly a gift.

[@jennilynne1977]

I hope everyone is having a great day/evening/night! Peace, hugs and love to you all!

[@bearbaird1424]

LOL: She expected your silence but failed to pay the bribe LOL!!! Time for your family to get a lawyer and sue for that college money. NM... Good kid... WEDDING HAIR: It's your wedding. You're not asking a lot. YOU MAY NEED TO SAY "I respect your hair choice. So I'll find someone else to be my bridesmaid" Thanks for being honest and clear with me.".

[@edgardo8971]

Story 1- lending money to family doesn’t always turn out well.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: OP isn't an asshole for asking her sister to do something to take care of her hair. She has given multiple options, as well as offered to pay for those options only to have her sister turn her nose up and say no to the entire thing. At this point it feels like little sis just wants to be difficult.

[@robertx8020]

@@ZomBeeQueeen She isn't compromising at all on enything and I bet she would not do this for ANY sollution OP would give .,..She sounds like an entitled sister Btw I wouldn't be surprised if she was a 'my rules, my wedding' when it was her time to have a wedding

[@SherriLyle80s]

Story 1. NTA She wasn't going to pay the Mom anyway

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark

[@iSmileyPerson]

Story 2: If it’s really that big of a deal for the OP, she should’ve asked her sister if she’d be willing to use something like oVertone. It’s this conditioner system that adds color to bleached or naturally blonde hair. They even have color options for people with brown hair now. It’s just a color depositing conditioner, she could get the color brown and use it without damaging her hair, and it would immediately start washing out. She wouldn’t even have to worry about her roots anymore because she’d use the conditioner on the blonde part of her hair.

[@Julienna]

STORY 2 - OP´s sister does not understand or is able to have one day to be about OP. She is complaining about everything and not cooperating. First the dress color, how she would look, then the hair... FFS, it does not matter, it is not your wedding. OP realized that her sister is selfish. Yes, OP cannot force her, so she asked her and gave her a few solutions. I guess, that this relationship will not be like it was before and OP starts to see her sister for who she is. I doubt that this is the first time, when her sister is selfish... I would not make her bridesmaid after such a behavior. Also exclude her from nice photoshoots. :D

[@randomusername3873]

Why does a bride think she have any right to even ask a guest to change their appearence? Why does she care?

[@stalkercabbit5710]

Wedding to tone hair: after all the pictures and the day is done talk to your photographer and have him fix the hair there you go

[@ceeshnia]

The problem with that is that is a lot of work that will need to be paid for.

[@stalkercabbit5710]

@@ceeshnia make the sister pay for the picture fix or kick her down to being a guest. The sister doesnt want to. . . 1. Wear the dress color ( the fix get a tan) 2. Fix the hair to look right for a event. ( the fix trust your hair stylist/ put your hair up/ do a washout temp color/ get a haircut) So the bride needs to find a fix. 1. Have the pictures fixed for the ones that are seen in your personal album.( could make the sister pay. But it's her wedding.) 2. Make the sister a guest and she wouldn't have to wear the clothes or have the hairstyle that needs to be in every picture.( I think that's what the sister wants but wants the bride to say it)

[@ceeshnia]

@@stalkercabbit5710 I don't think the sister would pay, because it would be "OP's fault/decision". Honestly, the sister is being a brat and would make OP out to be the bad guy for kicking her out. Feels like she may have a victim complex when it comes to at least her sister, or she just wants to spite her sister for whatever unknown reasons.

[@TheMimiSard]

Story 2 - From what I know (which I admit is not a huge lot) about hair, the most damaging hair dye is any that bleaches it. Dying darker is far less damage, because lightening (especially if it has actual _bleach_ in the formula, instead of peroxide) tears the hair shaft open in the process. I made an attempt at further schooling in my early 20s and one of my science classes had hairs under microscopes. The brown hair was the straight tube of keratin you might expect, but the blonde hair (bleached) was a somewhat loose collection of shreds. In another point from my life, Mum both dyed (lightened) and permed her hair through the 80s and early 90s. She quit with the perm in the 90s and let it grow out straight, and found where Noddy's super-fine hair came from when hers grew out a lot healthier. Perms are also a very damaging process, as it is forcing curls via chemical treatment. I had my hair permed a couple of times when I was a kid, when I had a drastic haircut in my upper teens the ponytail had almost all split ends (i.e. hair damage). In addendum, I get my haired dyed now, but not lightened, I get colour added, namely a dark red. I like being a salon ginge, and it relates to a favourite OC I have who is a redhead. Adding colour, be it adding red, or brown, or black, or even less natural colours like blue and green are less damage than bleaching, though some colours need bleach beforehand to get the best effect. I also think a temporary dye is probably less damaging as well. I am not sure, mine is permanent dye, and even then it can fade after a while.

[@FriedaMMartin]

Take care of yourselves everyone!

[@Lillypop93]

Story two update makes her sound more like a bridezilla than the story did

[@samalvarez8776]

Hard day at work so far I needed this video!

[@thomasbarca9297]

Story 3: This is worrying I do hope he learns from this action

[@KCCAT5]

Story one you would never going to see that money pain and suffering or not she was never planning on paying it back. Tell your family to get over it telling the truth these days is a noble thing and it sucks because people don't like it