My Parents Say I Owe It To Them To Care For My Brothers As "They Kept Me Alive" r/Relationships

[@AndyyWithAY]

It's so weird to me that parents think they can completely mistreat a child like this and don't expect their kid to go NC as soon as they can.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

It’s entitlement. They want the pleasure of abusing someone else, but also don’t want that person to stop being in their lives.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

I remember one time I was browsing Amazon books and one was about how parents can get back their children who go NC. I didn't read the book but the reviews were fascinating. It was Boomers realizing shit like "young don't want relationships with people if they feel like it's one sided or there's no benefit for them" which I'm sure to you and me is so obvious. I feel like their surprise is an indication of how they treated their children, because I view all relationships through that lens. If I get nothing out of a relationship why would I be in one? and vice versa, I need to bring something to a relationship that makes people want to stay.

[@BloodInTheStrawberries]

@@Aaron-kj8dv That's a very odd and transactional lens to look at your relationships with- A relationship isn't about "what's in it for me" it's about respect and consideration, healthy boundaries and communication. Idk but the way you just described that book sounds very weird, and not exactly in a good way. 🧍

[@abm5119]

I mean I get it, but you've seen many a story on here where that child accepts that the treatment is normal and just goes along with it. It's not really a foregone conclusion that the kid will go NC at 18, more like a coin flip.

[@amandasunshine2]

Yeah my mom even set shit up so I wouldn't be in charge of where she goes when she's old, she assumed I'd take revenge on her, but she keeps contacting me even though I've blocked her on everything.

[@patriciaalastre2546]

This stories of kids that are forced to leave their homes at 18 for mental health reasons are heartbreaking

[@Callimo]

Right? if I was a billionaire I would definitely create an "Out @ 18" hedgefund for kids who have to leave home because they were thrown out, or pushed out, or just need to escape abusive situations so that they can get a basic apartment, a decent starter job and be able to start college with no fuss. Too may of these kids are on the streets because they haven't been given the tools to be independent and can't rely on extended family either. :

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "We kept you alive!" Wooow, it's _almost_ like you were _legally and morally required to do that_ or you would have been arrested for child abuse and neglect to the point of what would have essentially been _murder._ Man, who would have thought 🤯 Story 2: If someone is no contact with _anyone,_ let alone their own _parent(s),_ then you 👏🏻 respect 👏🏻 that 👏🏻 You don't get to decide what someone else needs just because you're a ✨️professional✨️, especially when they didn't even ask.

[@robertx8020]

1. "but familyyyyyy" /s 2. "But familyyyyy": /s 😂

[@Nylak-Otter]

1. I mean, they did have the choice to bring you into this world. You wouldn't be here otherwise. My mother often expressed that she had considered aborting me, but decided to keep me and use me as a bargaining chip, and that she seriously regretted that particular life choice when she was in a bad mood. 😅 After you're born, all they need to do legally is give you cheap food scraps, access to potable water, clothes that don't reveal anything inappropriate, and say they're homeschooling you. ...And let you in the house at least some of the time, if the weather's dangerous. The rest is kindness, and for that you do owe them because they've met and exceeded their legal requirements.

[@JRMAV1]

@@Nylak-Otter Either way the child never asked to be here. Bare minimum makes you a piece of trash human.

[@Nylak-Otter]

@@JRMAV1 A piece of trash human is still following the law. And there are tons of folks who don't even remotely mind treating others like trash.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yeah. They were SUPPOSED to do the bare minimum. That's what they signed up when they decided to have children. If they didn't want OP, they shouldn't have had him. 😒

[@TriXJester]

Story 1: OP is going to school near where I live, so if I run into him I'll get him a cake that says "The Internet is Proud of You" lool In all seriousness, it took incredible strength to do what OP did and it shows he is a person of great character. That kid is gonna go far in life.

[@dionysus_adores]

Seriously keeping your child alive is just under the bare minimum. Keeping them happy and feeling loved is the minimum. Parents will not see op ever again and they'll be stuck with their other two kids til they die

[@robertx8020]

Do you think OP carries a nametag with his Redditname on it? 😋

[@jannekelind1220]

Story 2: That mother just wanted to be the star in her own narrative. The one who could solve all the problems and everyone would be so so grateful. Very egocentric. I wonder how she was as a therapist

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Probably awful. People like that are absolutely incapable of understanding that they can EVER be in the wrong.

[@Catherine.Dorian.]

He should be careful and go very LC with her because when his wife gets pregnant the mom will probably do it again. What is to stop her giving their address to the dad? Especially since she thinks she knows best she may try to prove it by doing it again but worse

[@tallyp.7643]

@@Catherine.Dorian. and as restrictions ease further and further over time, wouldn't put it past mom to let him know that she's going into labor and he'd be waiting outside the delivery room for news while OP was supporting his wife inside and not knowing til too late. Then wife--disoriented from labor and drugs and wanting to sleep--wouldn't be in much of a position to argue or explain if dad managed to get in to see her and the baby anyway.

[@tallyp.7643]

Probably became a therapist b/c she has a "savior complex" of sorts. OP even notes this in that she'll stubbornly believe what she wants to and had this gracious "praise me for doing this wonderful thing for you" look on her face when she announced that she invited the dad to the wedding. She sounds like a selfish person who wants recognition for doing something, and does it FOR the recognition. I wouldn't be surprised if she was the kind of mom that would ask everyone at the table how the food was after she finished cooking and expecting praise every single time, too.

[@Cl0ckcl0ck]

@@tallyp.7643 That's why I roll my eyes with all the obligatory 'get therapy' in Reddit posts. It's not like therapists are without motives. Having a stranger mess with your head for money should be a last course of action, not a first.

[@tennesseedogpack]

Story two: imagine all the damage your mom did while she was an active psychologist

[@Iflie]

Yeah I was thinking I knew why she was retired, you hear plenty of terrible psychology stories that go totally against all teaching.

[@a.u.t.057]

oh god those poor people

[@xelectrix]

"Child-parent unification" sounds like one of those outdated practices like when people would have their kids kidnapped into some sort of boot camp or behavioral camp.

[@AnniePannanie]

I heard about a few stories about children with all kind of disorders with psychologist (even good ones) as parents. But alot of psychologist tend to have some sort of trauma themself, so maybe it is unrelated to their profession.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

i have difficulty with this story for many reasons. 1 she was NOT her therapist, 2 even if she was her therapist you do NOTHING without the patient knowledge. 3 if you plan a reunion you prepare a patient in many sessions. 4 you NEVER do this without the patients consent. A psychologist that does not know the word consent is very troubling. 5. You NEVER go over the boundry's from your patient. 6 talking to others about a patient (in this case the father) is a hippa violation. If it weren't his mother but a her therapist i would tell the patient to report her.

[@jessilynallendilla5014]

2: I remember a story where OP had to completely reinvent their life to get away from their abusive mother...then fiancé who was raised "we forgive family" brought abusive mother to a dinner with OP So OP left fiancé moved and aborted their baby because they couldn't risk it If somebody is estranged from family usually it is for a damn good reason and it is up to them if they want that person in their life again if you love the person DO NOT spring it on them

[@brokenmask333]

I remember that story too ! Never could find it again if there was an update

[@tallyp.7643]

That story gave me the shivers. Wonder if she ever tried to get in a relationship again after that. Probably still paying for therapy after all this time. The naïve mentality of the fiancée really drove me bonkers. Folks who are in such "happy happy joy joy" families that can't ever believe family would do them wrong make me nervous; like stepford wives or something. Seriously--they need to watch the 10pm news once in a while to see how many stories there are of DV, murder for insurance money, child abandonment, child abuse, stalking leading to violence, etc. The fiancée was an ostrich: if he never saw it happen in his family, then it COULDN'T POSSIBLY happen in any OTHER family, right? /s

[@enjolireyes643]

Story 1- OP threw a hand grenade of reality and accountability into a lake of stupidity and laziness of the parents surrounded by a toxic dump of red flags! I am happy he got out as smoothly as he did! Awesome job!

[@Donald43]

Story 1: Hot take, the parents knew exactly what they were doing, and are pretending that they don't know why OP left.

[@brokenmask333]

They’re mad their live in slave left

[@typeoddnamehere2362]

Ah yes, the classic 'missing missing reasons'

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

@@brokenmask333 Cinderella has left the building!

[@Russman67]

Story 2: Just like "there is a reason there's an ex" There are reasons that people decide to be estranged from parents. And you don't decide that a reunion is the best thing for them unilaterally. How much damage did this woman do when she was in practice?

[@JJerseyGirl]

2nd story- NTA. How many times has OP's mother(Psychologist)unified children with parents that didn't serve in the best interests of the child/children.

[@TheLilyMustang]

Story 2: I have had some friends through out my life that have had therapist in their family. The interaction in those families have shown me why you shouldn’t treat your own family. Most of the person in the mental health field always felt like they knew best about everything. They would constantly listening in on others conversation, butting into everyones life, being pushy with their “suggestions” and get salty about not following them. I had a friend who I stop telling things to in general because their mom would come and give me advice about things when I saw them. At a birthday party she came in while we were playing a game sat in the middle & told us each need to do to improve our “problem”

[@asmith8692]

My cousin has often told her psychologist mom that "I'm not your patient and I'm not on your couch." I have adopted that phrase to use on her when she tries to psychoanalys me.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

My friends mom is a psychologist/therapist and it’s appalling to me what goes on in their house. She allows her husband to hurt her family with verbal abuse and cheating and screaming but she doesnt stand up for herself or her kids and wonders why they dont want to be around. The youngest is in college now but I always felt bad for her patients. I dont trust therapists due to knowing her.

[@beccaf262]

that one person asked what the mother expected out of the situation. she expected to play hero and wanted the social glory of being able to say "arent you glad i invited him? I reunited them arent i the best" it was pure ego and selfishness

[@juliearmfield2634]

I have a hard time wrapping my head around how parents can be so cruel to their kid.

[@KCohere33]

The scapegoat syndrome. I wish I could understand why this happens. I’m glad OP wasn’t broken by this and is planning to escape as soon as he is able.

[@Janellethepuppyhandler]

@@KCohere33correction: he has already left

[@runawayfromtoads674]

OP heading to the police was smart. I'm glad he has support from his aunt and cousin-- and possibly other relatives.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

"I did the bare minimum as required by law, you owe me"

[@madgevanness4011]

1: I can’t help but feel they had considered termination and “kept him alive” so considered themselves entitled to his labor. Lucky he could escape. Wondering if they are now being successful in adulting his brothers. They won’t be able to stay in the artificial womb.

[@MarkTrueblood]

OP of story 1 is a badass and I bet he’s going to have a great life

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1 and update: As I’m glad for OP’s aunt kicking his mom out… why didn’t she help him IF she knew all the stuff his “parents” did to him? OP had to do everything on his own to get out of his abusive family and the aunt knew what was happening the whole time but didn’t help?

[@madgevanness4011]

Louisiana and Mississippi are tough on outside interference.

[@asmith8692]

Sometimes the only help you can provide is a sympathetic ear.

[@PonderingStudent]

Sadly, the way OP was treated almost certainly wasn't bad enough for CPS to be involved. The parents gave him, just barely, the minimum necessary to keep him physically healthy, which is all regrettably all the law requires. So aunt couldn't inform CPS. She couldn't offer to look after him herself because the parents wanted him with them so he could support them. She could call the parents out on their behaviour (and may well have done so in the past, OPs post didn't cover the whole background), but she was probably worried that if she did it too often or too forcefully they'd stop letting her have any contact with her nephew. Which would have left him even more isolated. The fact that she and her child (the cousin) were willing to help OP without question and defend his actions to his mother, once he turned 18, suggests to me that their whole family were just biding their time until they could legally help.

[@calliew311]

​@@asmith8692I disagree. Maybe they couldn't help physically or financially, but surely the rant at the end could've happened at any time. At least OP would've known his aunt stuck up for him. That would've went a long way over the years for that poor boy.

[@sisterskeeper29]

@@calliew311 I was in a similar situation growing up. When my grandparents did try and intervene, tell my parents they needed to do better, they made sure she never saw me again. They also made sure anyone else in position to offer support viewed me as a liar/attention seeker, so it wouldn't happen again.

[@Ospyro3em]

Story 1- what a horrible way OP had to live, but I'm happy for him getting out. He really thought of everything too and made the perfect preparations.

[@poohbear4515]

The thing I wanted to know is did the cousin, aunt, or any of the good family members do anything to help him before he left? Like make him think he is loved in the family even if his parents a full of shit? The cousin helped, yes, but it sounded like he had dealt with it for a freaking long time without any support from others until he decided to finally leave. Or I’m just speculating on what I heard. I am glad OP left and is now a free man while the shitty parents are raising their hell spawns the way they always did, but now are suffering because their punching bag is no longer there. Aunt is also a BEAST! Love her.

[@thebirdchannelforfans623]

I have a pretty stable family but had a friend whose parents were like this and got help from a cousin later on. From what I understand, her parents were great at convincing the extended family that everything was fine until she got older and was better able to explain her side of things. I do wonder if the OP's parents got them into so many sports to isolate them from other family without looking like that’s what they were doing. I’m sure the aunt had an inkling of what was going on but didn’t have the full story until OP was approaching 18 and went to the cousin for help escaping

[@randomusername3873]

I feel like people really overestimate what an outsider can do in those situations, unfortunately

[@thebirdchannelforfans623]

@@randomusername3873 exactly! Particularly since the parents were providing the bare minimum and I’m assuming weren’t hitting them, certainly not leaving any visible injuries if they were. The aunt can obviously report things to CPS but the parents weren’t necessarily doing anything that would warrant removing OP, at least in their eyes

[@copercurlz]

I hope OP in the first story keeps living a good life. He deserves it after the hell his parents made his life. I wish the best for him. He sounds like a wonderful person.

[@Oicurmtoyoy]

Keeping your child alive is the bare minimum legally, and less than the minimum morally.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#1 - Mark, please keep us updated as to OP's progress on his new found freedom and success at uni. I cannot wait to hear how things go after getting the fuck away from those nightmare parents of his!

[@TheArnaa]

Story 2 makes me appreciate my own psychologist who has respected every boundary I ever set.

[@peteranon8455]

Story 2. OP's mom is a terrible person and even worse psychologist.

[@yellit1975]

When I hear stories like these, I’m incredibly grateful for my parents. While being far from perfect parents, they did their absolute best for us. They’d never did anything remotely as cruel and stupid as these parents.

[@chelseas3885]

The incredibly petty part of me says that OP should have responded to his parents' stated expectation that he owes it to his parents to look after his brothers by saying, "Oh don't worry, I'll keep them alive--just like you did for me. They're older than 12 now, so obviously I won't be giving them anything but the bare essentials, and they'll have to help with chores, and I might sign them up for sports. But you're right, I do owe you, and I'll be *happy* to pay it forward to them." See how well the parents actually think they treated OP when they hear that.

[@tallyp.7643]

Bonus if said with a slow, steady, soft tone of voice and a creepy smile, with a dead-eyed stare right at them... they'd probably be more than happy to see his backside out the front door after that.

[@actuallynotsteve]

Sadly I can relate all too well to the parents forcing sports on you and robbing you of your childhood...I played baseball every day, 50 weeks out of the year, for at least 2 hours a day if not 4-6. Was almost never allowed to do anything outside of school and baseball until the summer before high school. I hated playing and my coach knew it, and during one of those "if you're not having fun you shouldn't be here, it's not about winning and losing" speeches I took him up on and it said I was out. A few weeks later I got snatched in the middle of the night by two bodyguards and sent to a wilderness juvie program. Fuck that.

[@ravengulledge3659]

what happened at the juvie program?

[@skullphantom705]

That sounds like an interesting story, care to share the rest of it?

[@truthseeker9249]

Tell us the rest of the story! TELL US! TELL US!

[@sierrafirerider]

Bro what the hell? Over not wanting to do baseball anymore? Hope you’re not talking to your parent

[@actuallynotsteve]

@@skullphantom705 Thought I replied earlier but it looks like it's gone, I'll write up the whole thing on Medium tonight or tomorrow. Maybe it's time to really unpack it mentally. Look up SUWS Idaho Wilderness Program if you want a taste of what's to come.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

Story 2: not all therapists/psychologists are good at dealing with people. And too many use it as an excuse or weapon against family. Still, I’m shocked she would do something so destructive.

[@albertgongora6944]

Dude the thing I find so shocking about that second story is the boundaries the mother crossed as a retired psychologist who knows that it's not so easy for a parent and their child to mend Bridges overnight or right on the spot Plus on top of that the fact that everybody left and right on all the sides was telling her not to do this and mind her own business is even more shocking on why she just went ahead and did that in general maybe that's just me because I can never see myself like if I was a a license psychologist with the same headspace as Op's mother wanting to do something like that like I can't see myself doing that

[@khaleesireyna731]

While I know plenty of amazing psychologists and therapists in the mental health field, there are also a fair number of them with big egos at best and outright narcissistic traits at worst. I'm really hoping it's just the former for MIL, but let's just sat, if I'd been in the wife's shoes, MIL would've been called out as a bad psychologist right then and there for that along with a heaping helping of "who tf do you think you are?" And I probably would've kept her disinvitation in place even if she did say sorry. Actions have consequences and you have some trust to rebuild, honey.

[@albertgongora6944]

Yeah I agree but you have to say 100% especially with the Mother-in-law like it's just crazy how you know she thought it was best for the wife Sarah to just go ahead and be like you know what I'm just going to ignore everybody who keeps telling me the butt out and I'm going to go ahead and break the boundaries of my son's wife who told me especially everything to do with her dad and why she wouldn't want them there but you know she did apologize and she did you know stop the dad from being able to show up and all that especially with the way the original poster and his wife and his family had to do like a bit of a switcheroo LOL to make sure that the dad didn't show up in the first place but I'm not going to lie that whole entire situation is one of those moments where you know you would have no choice but to make sure you can rebuild your trust with your child and you know the person who is now their wife or would say of this with somebody else like their husband or something like that but yeah I just agree with you it's just crazy to see somebody like the Mother-in-law in the story do what she did

[@tallyp.7643]

Also, what's with family members wanting to stage reconciliations at weddings in a lot of these reddit stories? Isn't that like the WORST time to do that, anyway? You've got a couple getting married, a bunch of guests... the focus is the couple, isn't it? Why throw an emotional monkey wrench into the day (and this is from someone who hates weddings)? Guess said family members want all their happy fantasies to come true at the same time and don't care who--or what--gets ruined in the meantime... until it blows in their faces.

[@yumchain6957]

To the 18yr old that ran off, I'd look into making sure the birth certificate that he never found isn't used to open credit cards to pay bills or fund the kids lifestyles.

[@thebigbadwolfe_27]

Not sure about the US, but here in Australia when you get a new cert the number/identifer is defunct. I lost my cert and got a new one and in the paperwork they stated that if the old one was found just distroy it as it is invalid.

[@kopykat6843]

​@@thebigbadwolfe_27here in the USA we get a copy of the original that's kept on file. That's the standard. You have to specifically state identity theft and special request a entirely new certificate. Same goes for our ss card number. Honestly, thinking of trying to make the standard as you Aussies do here would be a bloody nightmare. Hell, even only Texas alone I doubt we could handle that load of brand new numbers every time a new copy is requested and keeping track of it all.... We have a bunch of people here 😅

[@thebigbadwolfe_27]

​@@kopykat6843 That's probably because in Australia, all those numbers don't actually mean anything. It's just a way to authenticate a document. We don’t have anything that is even a close approximation to your SSN.

[@samvoss6697]

I’m so proud of OP for getting out of there. What terrible parents! I’m definitely worried about OP’s siblings though. They’re not gonna have fulfilling lives

[@pau_5435]

Maybe they'll get a Dudley Dursley redemption arc...?

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Maybe OP was an affair baby? Still, doesn't excuse this kind of shitty behavior.

[@Cl0ckcl0ck]

They wanted to turn him into a real man and by the sound of it they succeeded by the age he was 12-16. At 18 he's probably more mature than they will ever be. He got abused and benefited in some ways. His brothers are being abused and won't get any benefits of it. They are being set up to fail. He probably doesn't want to switch with them (in the long run).

[@frozenfresh6406]

Here's my prediction: OP in the story is actually not his father's child, either from a passed relationship or cheating on the mother's part. Notice in the story it's always mentions of the father giving him a hard time and the mother does nothing, then when he left, it was only the mother coming crying looking for him not the father. Usually when their is a stark difference in treatment it is something like this, or perhaps an adoption from another family member or something etc. 🤔

[@ronniec427]

Story 1: Glad OP got out and hope that now that he is 18 and is in charge of his own life, he is able to build a stronger relationship with those family members like his aunt and cousin who may have been limited in their ability to help him when he was a minor, if that is what he wants. They very well may have tried to build a strong relationship with him but weren't able to because his parents prevented it and OP could have not known or simply left it out of his post due to character limit.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Did FMIL get her certification from a cereal box? Pretty much anyone could have told her this was inappropriate and a terrible idea. Ummm, your fiancee doesn't even want to have a wedding now, clearly the prospect of her sperm donor showing up is very triggering. This should be cause for longterm NC with OP's mom.

[@lorifiedler13]

A Cracker Jack certification would be worth more than wherever MIL got hers.

[@simonO712]

I know right? I worry for her former patients.

[@bricolleen7956]

Story #1- as William Wallace once said "Freeeeeeeedom" on his literal hill when he died. Im happy for op escaping.

[@jeannebuttons5301]

"We Kept You Alive": NTA. What on Earth makes people think that their first born child is to be a stand-in adult/caregiver for their younger siblings?! This is part of the reason I think there should be a psych evaluation before people have children.

[@Othomqcpwr]

Every time a parent says "We fed you/we kept you alive, you owe us" send them a bill for how much a stay in prison would have cost them because afterall, you stayed alive so they weren't imprisoned for child neglect and murder.

[@tallyp.7643]

this needs to be heavily circulated. So true.

[@plantemor]

An ex psychologist? Wow. I wonder how many lives OP's mom has ruined during her career.

[@robinwhite4148]

There is a book called a boy named it. The man David was one of several children. His mom singled him out to mistreat. His siblings were treated well. He was starved, beat terrorized. So many had things. There is no rhyme or reason to such horrors. I'm glad he got out when he did and I'm sad his aunt couldn't help him.

[@tallyp.7643]

The whole book is hard as hell to get through (all 3 really), but what jabbed at me most is sometimes after some of the worst punishments, his siblings would bring their friends over to look at him like he was a zoo exhibit. Kids can't keep their mouths shut and though they're prone to exaggeration, it still baffles me how many adults probably heard about this, and how long he suffered before he was taken out of that mess. Of course, now laws have changed around reporting and such, but gives me the shivers to think some kids his age watched him suffer in his own home and did nothing.

[@GBunnyG]

Story 1: Every time I hear about someone in Louisiana (New Orleans airport tip off) suffering bad family, it hurts my soul. I want to be their fun aunt. I can't support you financially but I love you all. 🥺

[@technicaldifficulties368]

Any adult person leaving their parents like this. Inform the police. That way your parents can't use the police to track you down.

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 good on op for leaving them high and dry. That's how you go ghost.

[@yvonnefobbs6232]

I had a friend that had a sister that was the golden child. She was given everything she wanted and she got nothing. Unfortunately, the golden child loved food a little too much. She was given all the food she asked for. If her mom cooked dinner and she wanted Burger King, they actually would drive to Burger King and get her food. She ballooned up to over 700 pounds. Her mom died and the father actually told her that he was ready to retire and move to California and he expected her to take card of golden child. By this time she had developed a lot of health problems but she keeps eating. My buddy had received a inheritance and took off to move out of the country. She left them all alone. She didn't even come back home after her dad was hospitalized from a slight stroke. The sister was eventually put into a living assistance home.

[@LisaApril]

Story one: some people are just very smart. He knew how to get away because he’s been on his own working, studying, playing sports and applying to colleges all alone. He knew what to do because he could predict his parents actions, so he went to the police and told them he was not missing. He got his birth certificate because he knew he would need it. He Must also have a Social Security number if he was working by the time he was 16. He can always apply to the Social Security department and get one if the other has been “lost”. If he’s studying finance he is intelligent and capable. I wish him the best! He is his own hero and that’s where it’s at!

[@jenniferg2771]

Kept them alive- isn't that the absolute bare minimum required by law?

[@LaineyBug2020]

My therapist fully supports the fact that I've removed my parents' other offspring from my life, and so do my parents for that matter. I work through trauma from growing up with them and hold no hard feelings towards them, I just refuse to let them impact my life anymore after many cycles of trauma and normalcy to lure me back in.

[@vincentender1486]

My dad gave me the best gift as a one way ticket to where his mother lived when I was 18. I've kept contact wit my mother and brother to a minimum and sent occasional texts to my dad. Sadly my gran died several years back and it brought my dad and mother up and of course she caused chaos again, setting back so much of the progress I and gran and all the people helping me had made. It's been a Rollercoaster but I'm still kicking, not all mothers should be, as much as they desperately want to be.

[@carlrood4457]

If the mom were really a retired psychologist, wouldn't she know the potential dangers of springing future DIL's dad on her without notice and without all the information? Sounds like she was terrible at her job.

[@DigitalCowboy000]

In the first story the OP is most assuredly is *NOT* the arsehole. His parents & brothers are. I also absolutely *LOVE* how the OP's mother couldn't understand why her son would leave "without warning." I wonder what the OP's father & brothers reaction to the OP's leaving.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: Today is December 2nd 2022 and I'm listening to this video. 22 years ago today I helped a friend do this exact thing. She turned 18 at midnight. At 3:00 a.m. I picked her up and drove her 8 hours to the nearest Big City for her to get on an airplane to fly from our state to another city to escape her mom who had oarentified and abused her She was pulled out of high school to be the full-time caregiver for her little brothers at 16. Other than when she was in school, she was already the full time caregiver. Her mom had made concessions on hiring babysitters while she was in school until she turned 16 when she could legally not send her back to school. It's crazy how time flies!

[@emo7636]

I feel compelled to say, I just adore the way the British accent pronounces 'New Oreans'. It's lovely.

[@brokenmask333]

1st story: NTA and I’m glad op got out. Though I have a feeling that op is affair child and that’s he “owes” his parents for keeping him alive

[@Streetwisefirst]

Story 2: I would be kicking that brother to the curb. He can have a relationship with his father, but what he should not be doing is giving updates about his siblings who have chosen to go no contact with their father. And the mother is horrible psychologist. Literally in her field she would know that you can bring two people back together if one of them does not want to see the other.

[@Sir_Gerald_Nosehairs.]

Maybe the OP was a "whoops!" baby, and the other two planned? Would explain, though not excuse, the resentment towards him and the babying of the two others.

[@absolute-xero7502]

In the second story, of all people you would think that a psychologist would understand boundaries. What the hell is wrong with that woman.

[@amandab8433]

My husband's family life was just like OP. Started working several jobs at age 15. His brothers NEVER held jobs, and lived with the mom until she passed away when the brothers were in their late 40's and early 50's. It was just assumed that my husband and the sister would let them have the family home, and would financially support them. Surprise was on them when they sold the house, divided up the inheritance and dipped. They asked if they could come live with me and my husband. We actually have the room that now our kids have gone to Uni. That was a big fat NOPE NOPE NOPETY NOPE. One is living in a camper, the other is sponging off of friends. They are what happens when you require NOTHING of your children.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Uninviting your mother was the only thing to do. What she did was disgusting , of course she can never trust your mother.

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Story 1: I am in awe of OP's resourcefulness and fortitude. He has crossed every T and dotted every I. I agree with the commenter who advised that he make a living will. The parents tried to create a slave who was under their complete control. Instead, they got a young Spartacus. I wish him well. Story 2: It horrifies me that this is what the mother actually did for a living! I can only imagine the number of children that were pressured and forced into unwanted situations just because this quack of a psychologist thought she knew better. All of those poor children.

[@shebakoby]

It does not surprise me (story 2) that the Psychologist Mother pulled that stunt. Professionals are often stricken with Narcissism themselves, which is why she was in the "I know best" mode.

[@PlasticBluVentRabbit]

“We can’t believe 😢our child has decided to just leave us 😢 and not stay and take 😢 care of his siblings for us 😢 like we told him to 😢 because we made 😢 him do all sorts he didn’t want to 😢 while growing up 😢 why did he leeeeave😢” Any “parent” willing to do this to their kids should not have kids in the first place. A kid is not a mini version of you that you get to make to this and that. Obviously the resentment was gonna spill, and making him take care of his younger siblings that didn’t have that kind of bs?? Good thing OP got away, hope it crashes and burns for them “parents”. Shout out to the aunt and cousin for not taking any of that mess

[@astronautviolet153]

Story : 1 I hope Op have a wonderful life start family, friends and never ever allow toxic people into your life,.

[@flamelily2086]

I am so pleased that OP had got away from his toxic family. They only want him to be a permanent caretaker for his lazy brothers. Even his aunt knew what was going on and called his mother out. OP has shown a great deal of maturity. As horrible as his childhood was it has made him mature, and self-reliant. I am sure OP is going to be very successful in the future. Story 2 If that mother was a psychologist surely she would know that springing the estranged father onto OP's fiancee was a very bad idea. I am not a psychologist, but I can see that that would be very traumatic for the person who had gone no contact with a parent for years. It was not the mil's place to try and force a reconciliation.

[@AA-mz3ig]

Story one: How is he paying for the university? Scholarship?

[@BHRamsay]

Sometimes these Golden Child stories seem so unbelievable a far more likely scenario is one child was so aggressively disagreeable in comparison to another that parents basically gave up on one and took the path of least resistance with the easy kids

[@alyzu4755]

Isn't keeping our kids alive the bare minimum we try to do as parents? I mean, there are things beyond our control (accidents, disease, etc.), but providing food and shelter is the very least we're supposed to do.

[@pupsicle5345]

"thanks for the bare minimum"

[@BrennanCh06]

Story 1: man, I want to give that guy a hug

[@jodyknapp5374]

The first story is so heartbreaking, I can’t believe how bad those parents were. I hope OP gets signed up for credit checks to make sure they don’t apply for credit or loans in his name. I also had my Dad force me to pay for things when I was 14. However my Mom convinced him to start a chore chart so I can earn money that way. I was kinda bummed to have to buy my own clothes but got a job the summer I was 15 and when I turned 16 I worked in clothing stores so I could buy what I wanted. Ultimately as tough as my Dad was, I was able to pay for my own apartment and college, books, everything. I wish OP the best of luck.

[@jorisvette6098]

I listened 12861 minutes to your podcasts according to spotify this year. Plan to spend many more thank you for giving me a moment to release some stress!

[@rylashadow18]

S1) My heart goes out to the OP. I hope they have everything they need, birth certificate, SS Card and all other documents safe where they can get them or with someone they trust. To be expected to be burdened upon then to take care of those that do less then the bare minimum is insane. If any family tries to force you back to them cut them off. If any friends tries to force you back to them cut them off. Go onto living your best life. Register for a PO Box and see if you can have your address as unlisted for security reasons. A restraining order, no contact order and protection order would help leagues in keeping these trolls where they belong. There is no "But Family" There is no passing go for them. There is no way in shape or form they'll be collecting 2 hundred dollars let alone a penny after they get cut off and for good. May all those scum snuffers be blessed by the cuts of a billion papers and ghost pepper juice on the wounds for all eternity. S2) In all honesty mom's lucky she wasn't reported for trying to practice with an expired license. She's lucky she only got cut out of the wedding. You'd think someone whose been told "This is the boundary. Please respect it regardless of how much you think you know best." Would know that for some there's a reason a boundary exists. I hope she realizes just how thin the ice she treads is.

[@nikkid7838]

Story 1: OP posted an update 1/23. He is doing well…3.9 GPA and actually went to his hometown for the holidays. Appears his extended family are NC with his family so no chance of seeing them.

[@samanthasmiles9112]

St 1 - I am so proud of OP for seeing his abusers for what they actually are. Most abused children are brainwashed and don't have the confidence to defend themselves. Yay, OP! Run and never look back.

[@francit4856]

The more I read these stories of people like OP in story #1 with delusional abusive parents, the more grateful I am for mine who believed children needed to be given unconditional love and wings and provided both. While we grew up higher end of middle class, I can clearly see now we were rich beyond belief.

[@holyek7892]

The last story. Well OP should just start writing the update of how his mother dearest destroyed his marriage. Also OP and his wife sound like soggy wet bread. No spine, no hard boundaries, no nothing. It was a horrible update. They are only teaching the offenders that they can get away with it again and again. His mother and her brother are worse than Brutus. They will try to stir drama again.

[@krystalfloods6197]

I know right? The mom is a huge AH and they basically let her get away with it. They literally couldn’t get married on the day they dreamed that had meaning to them because of his mom! They’re both dumb for trusting her again

[@holyek7892]

@@krystalfloods6197 you are absolutely right!

[@riley6740]

I think he needs to get in contact with the school psychologist and let them know that he has never had a childhood and am afraid that he doesn’t have life skills to discern what people around him or “friends” that he will make. He doesn’t want or need to be taken advantage of because of this and he may need help. Also he needs to lock down his credit, name and social security number so they can’t use him for his brothers. 1st story.

[@DisneyChar]

You owe 0 for the first 18 years, from the sounds of it the parents still owe you a lot. S2nta, I really wish that lady got reported, how any times has she forced healing onto her patients

[@jasoncarter4343]

One good thing to come out of this is OP developed discipline, a work ethic, and was never spoiled.

[@animefanboy201]

oldest sibling is always taught to be the strongest and smartest, prepare us to be head of the family. it never ends oldest always has to keep everyone happy, healthy and in line.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I got some news that's causing some major anxiety this morning, so really needing this video.

[@carolroberts4614]

I hope things work out for you

[@hungrymusicwolf]

Ah yes, parents and psychologists choosing what people they believe underneath them should do. For any psychologist reading this, you're there to advice and support your patient in their journey, not decide what is right for them. Guidance, not decree or authority. I just had to get that out of my system.

[@josephbrown9665]

My daughter in law was kicked out of her house by her adopted parents when she turned 18 she stayed with us until she graduated from high school. She joined the Air Force and went to the academy to learn how to fly and she became a captain. My son was stationed by her same base she had to stay in the military until my grandson was 16 . He is in college now but she loves living in Alaska and she has a new husband. They have been down here since they got married. My grandson just said he had a father and he didn’t need another one. He lost him when he was a baby but he had a book and letters from him for every stage of life.

[@Sevness]

For Story 2 I am reminded of Home Improvement, in the show, the wife starts to become a psychologist, and one episode revolves around her thinking now that she has taken all these classes and read all these books on psychology, she could be helpful. Well, because she isn't actually licensed, but a student, who got a big head about things, she really fucked up in giving terrible advice, and ended up being a whole big deal to try to fix.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you, take a deep breath let it out slowly, and lower your shoulders. Know that you are important to someone even if you feel like no one loves you, guess what I do. I'm so proud of you being here. Thank you. Now make sure you take care of yourself and drink some water, eat something and take a stretch break.💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@queen_of_flatulence]

Hello beautiful person! I hope you're doing well!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@queen_of_flatulence thanks and you too m8 much love 🤗🤗💜💜

[@FlamesofJagger]

Hey Broken. I hope you take it easy today, reelax, and take care of yourself. As always, stay positive and much love 🤗🤗🤗💛💛🤗🤗🤗💙💙🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗🤗

[@joeschmo622]

Shrink-Mum: I wouldn't gaf if my fiancee were willing to forgive and reinvite Shrink-Mom, *I* wouldn't reinvite her. Further, I'd report her to the shrink-board for massively overstepping a known and firm boundary, and warn them what she might be doing to those in her care. I'd go totally scorched-earth.

[@atex6175]

Story 1 bro the aunts the real mvp of this post. I’d have loved to see the look on the moms face when she got her bullshit thrown back at her

[@lorifiedler13]

Everyone say it with me, WEDDINGS ARE NOT THE PLACE FOR RECONCILIATION, OR ANNOUNCEMENTS FOROM ANYONE BUT THE COUPLE.

[@paden1865able]

You don't owe them your life, it's not like you asked to be born. You're also not a third parent. They, and your brothers, suck. RUN!

[@lisakaz35]

Don't blame OP over the uninviting of his mother to his wedding. Can't understand the mother's complex thinking she knows better without having been there. Maybe the fiancee needed to heal that rift if her father is remorseful but that is her decision, her speed. It's not to be sprung on her at her wedding. It's not a Hallmark Film. Hope the couple hires bouncers and is able to go on without either offending party able to enter. Gotta ask if OP's mother likes drama.

[@llamabrat07]

Story 1 OP needs to freeze their credit score or at least put an alert on their credit. Their parent’s already feel OP owes them for “keeping him alive”, so I wouldn’t put it past the parents to take out loans or credit cards or put utilities they don’t pay in OP’s name. If the parent’s do that OP needs to press charges asap and not back down. Also, all security questions should be wrong answers only. ie, if your favorite animal is dogs, if that’s your security question you answer something different or even random. This is also a good safeguard against social mining scams where scammers ask questions to get to know you so they can answer your security questions you have on accounts.

[@kendra31]

They don't have to have a reason for being shitty parents but I kinda wonder if the first OP has a different dad than the others...

[@ettinakitten5047]

Or maybe just looks different. I remember a story where several family members decided that the second son had to be from an affair because he was a redhead.

[@joeschmo622]

The Opie is a total f'n legend!

[@lilolmecj]

A wedding is not the place to hold a family “reunification”! It is incredibly unkind, even hateful, to decide that you know what is better for another adult who is competent to make their own decisions. The mother is so out of line.

[@sirbacon761]

I'm glad the OP in the first story took care of his bank account, I hope he locks down his credit and SSAN though. I can see his parents or worthless brothers taking out loans or getting credit cards in OP's name.

[@UchuKejiMovan]

I'm happy OP in the first story broke away instead of just accepting bad treatment and letting that bad treatment put him in a cycle of accepting bad treatment because "that's all they knew growing up"

[@aconvowithcrissee222]

So insane that thr parents expect to shit on their kids and then go surprise pikachu face when they dip out

[@GMWILD87]

Story 2 OP is a great guy his mom is a massive problem.

[@jaylynn8630]

Story 1: I hope OP knows that a lot of colleges offer steeply discounted mental health services, and sometimes a certain number of free appointments to every student.

[@tess289]

Just amazing work like always Mark!