I Cheated on My Wife (She Can't Move On)

I Cheated on My Wife (She Can't Move On)
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email www.johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
Learn how to change your thoughts, change your behaviors, and change your life. Subscribe to the Dr. John Delony’s show!
kzbin.info?...
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- DreamCloud - dreamcloudsleep.com/delony
- Hallow - www.hallow.com/delony
- Thorne (25%Off Orders) - www.thorne.com/u/delony
Get John’s Questions for Humans Conversation Cards:
bit.ly/3wkym67
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( JohnDelony/).
“This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/Delony and get on your way to being your best self.”
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show.
If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...

[@jademcl4727]

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions."

[@laquamartin4602]

Exactly He's Wants His Soon To Be Ex-Wife To Hurry Up And Heal So He Can Be Back On The Bullshit!!! Divorce Her Already Since You're So Miserable!!!

[@GalaletsangSeema]

That’s what I’m thinking

[@annc.3908]

If I could hit the thumbs up multiple times I so would

[@Veracityseeker7]

Exactly

[@MicheleWeismiller-sq5qt]

Good counseling forgiveness.. if not move on..

[@luannkelly5071]

As a woman who's ex-husband cheated on her, I felt he was dirty and didn't want him touching me. I felt he was gross after having intimacy with another woman. I didn't want him anymore. It was like, yuck.

[@natasabrandt21]

Good for you sister!

[@marmar6764]

That's what i would feel.

[@Amila-ym7ny]

Absolutely. Cheaters are disgusting physically. Like wow nice u couldve caught a disease and gave it to me?!?! Rot

[@Mgramato1]

This is exactly how I would feel too.

[@sexyslim92]

Yup that’s how it feels

[@ember13dp]

Wow... and my husband says I hold on to stuff!! He's still carrying around a blank look she gave him 10 years ago 😂😂 but expects her to get over HIM CHEATING 😂 I can't with this guy.

[@AJK8144]

The audacity of this man makes my blood boil. His wife was probably walking on egg-shells around him 😢

[@lindalund9621]

It is Him Him Him Him

[@kandymuffin]

I was kind of surprised how easy John let him off. 😅 He should've been asking more questions as to why this guy wanted to get back with his wife at all since he seems to be complaining about the same things that he says lead to the affair in the first place. The guy acts like by his wife agreeing to try to repair the marriage after he cheated, that she would also repair the things he didn't like that lead to him cheating .... because he blames her. As if emotionally getting over the affair wasn't enough, he wants her to do more.

[@bebop2523]

Also, he was so vague about the situation that led to his wife giving him a blank look. Somehow he “crossed a line“ but it “wasn’t a personal failing“ like huh? What did he do? This guy is so full of self-pity that if he was actually innocent in that situation, he would tell the whole story because it would get him more pity points, the fact he’s being so vague about it means he definitely did something wrong. He was probably throwing a pity party and blaming other people for his mess and the wife didn’t believe him hence the blank look.

[@saturdayschild8535]

Classic disordered behavior. My ex went back twenty-five years to justify his affair. Context completely lost on him. Even the instance he complained about my reaction was something unacceptable that he did initially. I hope this lady realizes he’s out gathering support to divorce her and leaves him for good. He’s not worth one more day of her emotional safety and mental health.

[@lunacarolyn]

The amount of men calling in with zero respect for their partners is alarming

[@Veracityseeker7]

Typical

[@dhibba52]

Given the culture we live in, it isn't unusual at all.

[@lunacarolyn]

@@dhibba52 honestly yes, you’re right

[@documentariesbycategory1483]

It’s disturbing, but then it’s paired with such a profound lack of insight, self-pity, and whinging that I end up feeling completely horrified for these men’s partners!

[@barb7124]

Raised by toxic mothers

[@elladeon]

So this guy brings up a sob story from 10 years ago because that is relevant to his relationship today, but it's unfair for her to bring things up in the past? He cheated, he left, he dangles divorce over her head and then complains that she's withdrawn and not committed? This guy is morally weak and incredibly selfish. This isn't accountability, this is whining.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Agree with most of your points, but the part about "she's withdrawn and not committed". Wife is far more committed to this marriage than caller. She has not left, not filed for divorce, not cleared bank accounts, not had a retaliatory affair, etc. Wife is committed to this marriage, but she is not committed to caller, there is a difference. Glad to hear caller is going to therapy, but didn't hear what steps caller has taken to rebuild wife's trust in him. Sounds like caller feels ENTITLED to wife's trust; no one is entitled to trust, it is always earned over time.

[@BP-xe7dw]

I am always amazed at how quick to judge and define moral perimeters are thrown on people of which you know so little. This is difficult for both of them. I wish them the best, hope they find peace and a resolve to their situation.

[@calibaby3442]

You said it best!! I 💯 agree with you ! You have some tweedle dums who think otherwise.

[@elladeon]

@@BP-xe7dw I'm am very comfortable calling a cheater "morally weak." That is pretty much all the info you need.

[@cosmicshy637]

He doesn't deserve her. 💩

[@Reshme77]

Dude If she cheated, you would have just left her

[@RG-hf4et]

EXACTLY!!

[@bloomingale7868]

Then leave. Why is she torturing herself and him by staying?

[@PossibleTango]

And he should leave her if she did cheat. The woman can end it whenever as well. This feels like they're just torturing themselves.

[@Reshme77]

​@@bloomingale7868I have a better idea. He shouldn't have cheated to begin with

[@dtschuor459]

You don’t know him and you don’t know that

[@toscadonna]

“I need her to completely forget what I did and just give me her heart on a silver platter to eat again.” -the Caller

[@MS-cg1mj]

Well put. He deserves to be alone.

[@mrv2308]

She’s dumb for staying too. When will woman have enough self respect to leave the first time?

[@shecaptain3444]

The condensed version. Thank you!!

[@user-pn6rd6fv9w]

Best comment

[@Jackrabbitsteaparty]

Yea, its weird.......

[@laurennguyen1008]

This made my blood boil. My son in law cheated on my daughter and she immediately divided their money and told him they would get divorced. He has said many stupid things since then like this guy has. He feels sorry for himself and seems oblivious to the shock and utter devastation. I am proud my daughter is smart enough to project into the future and know she will never trust him again. None of us could so that's it. They are divorced and she has blocked his texts.

[@blueseptember2174]

How is she doing now? Is she feeling more hopeful? ❤

[@jengoodwyn2715]

You're a good mother for being there for your daughter.

[@kdphotos4691]

Good for her. Sounds like she will be ok. Glad you are supporting her through it.

[@lindalund9621]

Good

[@SunnyDenmark]

Your daughter strong 💪❤❤❤

[@claymore9359]

You can't be vulnerable with someone who betrayed you.

[@Gxport]

Right?! Why would you trust them to be that open again.

[@katemiller7874]

Some people are very forgiving. I have seen it many times through the years.

[@midnightblue117]

Co-dependent and weak people forgive! Period!

[@lademoiselleketoret6958]

So true!

[@thecolorfulhag4008]

​@@midnightblue117Yes!!!

[@maebee23]

He didn't just cheat, he LEFT HIS WIFE amd tried to replace her and came crawling back when it didn't work. Now he wonders why his wife is traumatised? I bet he's been a piece of work for years and that's why she emotionally shut down

[@elladeon]

He only talks about her feeding his ego and emotional needs. So, so selfish.

[@JoyofRVing]

She didn’t want to be intimate with him because she was fed up with him not meeting her needs even before the affair.

[@EadsB7002]

The fact that so many women tolerate behavior like this and stay when they are treated this poorly is just absolutely beyond me!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@pear_jules4013]

He didn’t come crawling back. She initiated the reconciliation.

[@purplelove3666]

So , question,why is she still there?

[@nickalton]

Once you cheat and get caught your relationship changes forever. She/he will never view you the same. It’s just reality.

[@theaxe6198]

Oh my goodness. If I cheated every time my husband looked at me blankly when I told him something that was a big emotional issue, I’d have slept with entire town.

[@rebeccapiamonte]

😂 This guy must never have heard of the "nothing box." He needs to get a grip and stop being so touchy.

[@queenwhatever5217]

Amongst all these serious comments, this one was refreshing and made me laugh.

[@an67481]

😅❤ 100%

[@genacostello5896]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@sanamo86]

Loooollllllllllllllllll 😂😂😂

[@RespekfulFungus]

Trust is never gained on your time table. Face the reality that she was in it forever, you weren’t. Patience or Divorce.

[@IHateNicolasCage]

Regaining trust is like taking Elmer's glue to a shattered window. Good luck with the repairs...........

[@aimeerebecca1]

@@IHateNicolasCagebut why do you hate Nic Cage? 😂

[@catholicfemininity2126]

Bruh, hatred is not healthy. xD@@IHateNicolasCage

[@jzwalz51robin45]

Sounds like divorce

[@nly4607]

I'm thirty three and this attitude is why I would never get married l o l Women quit the second things get tough and think they can do better and then whine when men only want to use single moms for sex

[@MegaSamTheMan77]

He cheats and suddenly he’s a victim.

[@abark]

Just like every woman.

[@VioletPersuasion]

He cheated because he was telling himself he was an "unheard victim," even before the cheating! Entitled people like this are so gross. And, he's had therapy enough to use it as a weapon - Dr Delony started to call him on it when he told hin to stop using broad-stroke language, then get swept up in how bad the man "has had it."

[@I-hate-youtube797]

@@abarkA man cheats on his wife and tries to act like she’s the villain and you somehow turn this into a sexist thing against women saying it’s women that make themselves out to falsely be victims. God you people are unbelievable smfh

[@abark]

@@I-hate-youtube797 every woman who cheats justifies it and plays the victim.

[@korvonfrancis6552]

If it were the other way around women would be telling him to such it up

[@angelaalexander1581]

At no point did the host say , "What have you done to earn her trust back?"

[@AstridViktoriya]

That’s my biggest issue. It was never asked. And it should have been. Because that would have been a big tell and it’s a huge thing that was majorly overlooked.

[@sameerajafri747]

The host generally put a lot of blame on women

[@catcat9582]

Noticed that,too. He has shark eyes.

[@zk6019]

he hates women and has so much sympathy for these creepy men.

[@Jacob-qz5mu]

​@@sameerajafri747 if you think that, you dont listen often, and not calling the host, john by his name insinuates you dont listen often enough to make that conclusion.

[@megd5498]

It's so strange to me that he never mentions why he wants to be with her. Not once. Just lists what she's not doing for him and how hard he's working. It's also interesting that he's upset she's telling "random" people about his cheating, but he's doing the exact same thing to everyone watching this.

[@texuztweety]

You make excellent observations!! Yes I agree

[@auemmjee]

Something probably went sideways with the side chick

[@crazymusicgrlcheesecake]

He says everything good about the cheating though.

[@brightpage1020]

💯 I love 💕 you for this comment! 🥰 🍿

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

​@crazymusicgrlcheesecake he would stay with the affair partner but I'm guess she dumped him

[@NeeNee_B.]

She doesnt even have space to heal comfortably, you keep holding divorce over her head. How selfish can you be??

[@jzwalz51robin45]

Sounds like there will never be enough space, she will make life with her a living hell.

[@JoyofRVing]

You can’t rush healing.

[@snoozyq9576]

​@@jzwalz51robin45cheating made life a living hell for them. That's why you don't cheat

[@NeeNee_B.]

@@jzwalz51robin45 um no, HE made life with her a living hell. Prior to this, their biggest issue was that he didn't like a face she made 🙄

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

@@jzwalz51robin45any man that cheats will be in hell. A hell he created for himself.

[@jasminebaby3375]

❌🚩So he cheated, had a affair on the wife and he is also the one who brings up divorce yet he is here crying!! The nerve of this man. 😂😂❌

[@agricolaregs]

I think you missed major parts of the call.

[@Gxport]

He sounds like he’s always saying he’s a victim and his wife is probably emotionally protecting herself.

[@blueravenchick]

@@agricolaregs he sounds like a douche..... sorry.

[@Snappypantsdance]

@@Gxportlike the other comment above, you might not be taking all of the factors into account. These things are usually very complex…

[@sueblack5794]

He also very much blamed her for his cheating.

[@giftfromabove2107]

He put divorce on the table because she is not moving on as fast as he wants. He wants her to be all giddy and singing Kumbaya after rubbishing their marriage. What a man!

[@aladdout9454]

This girl is an icon tbh lol. She's making him feel worthless without uttering a word. "she gave me a look and i feel bad waeeeeeee😭😭😭😭. All I did was ruin her life???"

[@Obsidian_9]

goofball that happened before he cheated, he literally explained that situation was one of the reason he even began to look outside his relationship.

[@aladdout9454]

@@Obsidian_9 WAEMBULANCE🚑🚑🚑🚑

[@bebop2523]

@@Obsidian_9 he actually didn’t explain the situation at all. He was extremely vague. Something about him crossing a boundary, not protecting his family, but he also says that it wasn’t his fault. Why won’t he just say what actually happened? It sounds like he did do something wrong and it was his fault and whatever he did was way worse than his wife giving him a blank stare. It is absolutely insane that he says he cannot get over her making a certain facial expression 10 years ago, but he expects her to get over him cheating on her three years ago. He acts like her making a certain facial expression is worse than him committing adultery

[@justforshow629]

I don't think he feels worthless at all. I think he just wants all of us to think he's hurt. It justifies his past behavior and whatever he decides to do next.

[@catcat9582]

I love this take.

[@royh2618]

Bro cheated. Game over. GAME. OVER. Another weak dude who messed up and now feels victimized.

[@frankcorrea8691]

Don't feel sorry for you bro, should not have lusted!😮

[@lv2756]

@@frankcorrea8691shouldn’t have acted on it, now he’s gonna make sure the person he hurt is forever miserable

[@elladeon]

"Wait, you mean my actions have consequences?"

[@sometimesising1016]

​@@elladeon😂😂😂

[@frankcorrea8691]

Yep dude, gsme over, game over, game over, game over, game over, you lost, sksnk boy, you lost, you lost, you lost, you lost, you lost, you lost!

[@keelycramer7364]

Dude just wants her to file for divorce so he can perpetuate his good guy story

[@ErickaWilliamsCC]

Bingo. That's exactly what it is

[@midnightblue117]

Exactly!!! That what I’m hearing too!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@kdphotos4691]

Yes, that's a good point. Then he can be another "my wife divorced me, blah, blah, blah..." Classic.

[@suzziezhills]

Yep!

[@ffsno9078]

Spot on. My first thought too.

[@Amgs_]

I am starting to really dislike how dr John handles these cheaters. It’s almost like he justifies/ condones their behavior. Sometimes these people need to be told the brutal truth. I understand he’s with them on the call but still.

[@scottwall8419]

And what then? They get defensive, put thier guard up, shut down, stop sharing, stop being willing whatsoever. Good idea, he should call em out so you feel better. This comment section is littered with those who lust for revenge. Jon is where he should be....and your exactly where you should be, not counseling people.

[@TheKingT17]

@@scottwall8419Cheaters get Elon sympathy they sure didn’t have any sympathy when they were out cheating.

[@KristinaLopezWrites]

@@scottwall8419It’s called accountability.

[@dmsviola1]

​@scottwall8419 I don't know man. Maybe it's the jaded, walled-up pessimist in me, but do these kinds of people ever ACTUALLY get better? Is there any point in assauging their feelings and guilt when that shame is justified? Even if you hold their hand and rub their belly, does that lead to them learning and growing past their toxic patterns? Because I haven't seen that at all.

[@scottwall8419]

@@dmsviola1 it's not the pessimist in you that you should be paying attention to inside you. It's the holy spirit you should be leaning on. As Christians we are not to judge, judgement is the final action of God I'm these people's lives. #1, we're not qualified to judge becuase we still sin and thank the Lord he doesn't have a pessimistic side when viewing us. No is beyond saving and to judge is to say they are not saveable. We are not more or less worthy than any of these people. We are saved through Christ l, not because we don't make the mistakes these people make. Yours and mine sin are in the shadows, these people are reaching out for help. #2 one of God's name is the counselor, christ first called the holy spirit that and said he'd come and convict the world of sin, conviction is to correct us to the path of righteousness in Christ. John is on that path and we should be learning or encouraging that mission of his. Christ did not kneel next to the woman caught in adultery and tell her she was lost and never redeemable, the God of the universe said to her he did not judge her and to sin no more. We should strive to be like him and be an example of humility, showcasing the world that we are humbled by the gift christ has given us and wish for it to be given them as well. Do not appeal to the pessimist fallen nature inside you, appeal to the spirit, if you can't do that pray for the ability to remain silent. We should not be a stumbling block to our fellow Christians and we can be just that by beating the lost down, making it harder for those evangelizing to show people the love of christ. This Comment section in this Christian program is one of he most dossapppinting "christian" things I've seen in a while.

[@reewritten7]

Telling someone to get over being cheated on is like telling someone to stop grieving the death of a loved one. There’s no going back to the same love after infidelity has made its way into a relationship.

[@Jackie-sn1km]

Well said

[@Kathy-qu8zj]

No, it’s absolutely never the same.

[@cruiseny26]

This guy cheated and instead of calling and asking what can I do to help her to trust me again, he calls and says, “I said I’m sorry. Why won’t you forgive me already? Maybe we should divorce? Why are you so distant from me and give me what I need?” This dude is a piece of work….

[@allisonhernandez3829]

And Dr.John seems to encourage this nonsense. He didn’t call him out once for the crap he did and is currently doing.

[@shachede6828]

@@allisonhernandez3829so you just skipped over where dr John said “ you blew this up and you’re keeping divorce there, how is your wife suppose to anchor into that” and ‘have you ever thought she could be right when you’re repeating old pattern” and he called him other times too. Y’all just have selected hearing or something?

[@onecompass7290]

@@allisonhernandez3829 and he FAILS to call out the insane level of covert narcissism going on because he can't see it. very very disappointing!

[@xclusive40]

3 years… If you can’t work through it move on🤷🏾‍♂️

[@xclusive40]

@dillardsshopper24863 years isn’t hurry up. He owned his horrible action and is trying to work through it. That’s all anybody can do. They should stop wasting each others time if they can’t work through it. What’s a narcissist to you? That word is used frequently and inappropriately many times so I have to ask. What does that mean to you?

[@michellebreedlove2711]

Scott, dude, trust is lost in buckets and gained in drops. You destroyed your wife. You entered the body of another human being with NO regard for the risk you put your wife in. If it was bad, you could have left, but you chose to violate her body and the marriage bed. You are asking her to re-engage with the same person that violated her and you're frustrated because it's not easy. In no other crime do we as a society ask the victim to re-engage with their attacker. Imagine if your wife stepped out every time YOU didn't meet one of her needs. You need a dose of perspective. It will come up in arguments because YOU changed the lens she sees the world through. Own what you did and accept the consequences.

[@chrissyellem7397]

You are right. What's scary is that the middle aged population is getting STD's in droves now. It's because they are too trusting because back in the 80's people weren't concerned about diseases it was free love. Now if these older spouses cheat it is a VIOLATION of the spouse because you just brought their risk up for a permanent STD. Selfishness is the worst.

[@brightpage1020]

This response seems considerate as it is realistic. I appreciate your sense of respect for him while carrying concern for her.

[@dabd8175]

Terrible comment 🤣

[@pinkfairydust83]

100% agree!

[@debfox]

That’s a great way to put it!

[@sugarmagnolia33]

This guy is a living, breathing red flag. I hope his wife gets the strength to leave him - he has no empathy for her.

[@Hephbeu]

This is all so tiring. He needs his mother not his wife. He’s draining & self-absorbed. He holds on to grudges for years, a mere look or a non-response but expects forgiveness and understanding for the ultimate betrayal in a marriage and then is audacious enough to dangle divorce🙄. Sir please go! Pack your entire bags and leave! Let this woman be free to leave in peace that I’m sure you’ve robbed her of for years!!

[@pattydella4]

Yep!!!

[@danielrn133]

"I need deep emotional connection". So he cheats on his wife. He says a lot of "I need". He sounds like a creeper.

[@neisci]

It's all about him. ME ME ME ME. He's emotionally draining.

[@Dark_Souls_3]

He’s a RAPIST

[@mistermanman]

Very weird how "emotional connection" always turns in to sex.

[@rayf6126]

It's also weird how same gendered friends is never an option for emotional connection, stress relief, or breaking up a routine.

[@CeeSparks]

Right. The selfishness, self absorbed "him" is the reason he cheated in the first place. Nasty SOB

[@MoonFoxSassy]

Is anyone else *extremely* creeped out by the way he said "She's not going to be there when I need her... and I carry that with me"? 🤮This guy is sick.

[@GhostruckerX]

So are you keep cheating on your husband. If you have one.

[@MammaBear-xp7ur]

@@GhostruckerXwhy are you being offensive to someone else expressing a perfectly valid opinion?

[@Sarah-dq1fm]

@MammaBear-xp7ur Because he’s also a cheater and his wife is divorcing him. Hits too close to home.

[@libertyna933]

It's almost like he is taking the words of the wife and turning it back on her. This guy scares me a bit because there is something VERY manipulative about him.

[@rengurenge]

He is keeping her for utility reasons, if she will get seriously ill or for other reasons become no use to him or if he finds better "deal" then he will dump her in light of speed because he does not love her at all. It's all about him, his needs and wants.

[@jennifert2953]

She can feel anyway she wants. You broke it. She owes you nothing.

[@dove861]

Wait a minute. This guy had an affair, but we’re supposed to feel sorry for him because his wife gave him a “blank look” once when he was going through something? Nope.

[@basedjenny7362]

Lmao Fr

[@katrina2931]

I’m sure I give a blank look frequently. It’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I’m going through my own stuff and my mind might be occupied. If it’s serious say some like “hey can we sit and talk about something serious for a minute?”

[@katrina2931]

Those of us with a one track mind need a second to adjust… or even realize someone is speaking. 😅

[@Phoenix-mh5eo]

10 YEARS and that's the worst he can come up with? Meanwhile he violated their marriage in one of the absolute worst ways possible and expects forgiveness when he can't forgive a blank look? Not even a mean look or a disapproving look, just one that didn't have a lot of emotion behind it. I hope she heard this episode and realized he's a professional victim and she's already out of there.

[@rodneyperry7940]

What a narcissist! He cheated but it’s all her fault.

[@romans52345-cy3tq]

Not all her fault but it takes two to Tango

[@Prismalpink]

Yeah it makes me angry because he’s just like my father.

[@Veracityseeker7]

Typical

[@romans52345-cy3tq]

@@Veracityseeker7 Yeah but she's to blame too, it takes two to Tango

[@tideio]

@@romans52345-cy3tq”takes two to tango” are slow? She’s not the affair partner she’s the betrayed spouse, that not what that metaphor implies, tbh I’m surprised you even have access to a cell phone lmao.

[@MelissaBarrotti]

"I'm pretty amazed at all the personal progress I've made in the last few years"... what a piece of work this dude is.

[@Erica-wz8yv]

😂

[@blackbutterfly233ify]

so he isn't allowed to work on himself?

[@melissab0515]

He really likes himself

[@katemiller7874]

Well he realizes he has the problem. Not her

[@snoozyq9576]

​@@blackbutterfly233ifynot what they said lol

[@cherylwright5540]

This man is not the victim. He broke the marriage.

[@phuonghuynh5946]

I used to stare into my ex’s eyes and swoon over them, I felt so loved so SAFE, his eyes made me feel at home. After he cheated on me, I look into them and see those same eyes looking at other women, and I feel so completely disgusted. I didn’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable with him anymore. That was it, there was no going back to the way it was before. The feelings were destroyed and his eyes never had the same effect on me anymore.

[@rfpnc]

Did I hear this right? HE stepped out on her, left her, and then came back, says he wants the marriage to work, but brings up divorce because he doesn't feel things are moving forward fast enough? Well whatever his wife did or didn't do, i can understand if she has put up emotional walls the size of the Empire State Building.

[@PureJoySkinCareWaxStudio]

Yep, that's what I heard, too.

[@hillarybillary21]

Not enough for her to leave.

[@bebop2523]

He can’t forgive her for giving him a blank stare 10 years ago, but he’s mad that she can’t forgive him for cheating on her 3 years ago

[@kimberlyfloyd1009]

@@hillarybillary21 she really should but maybe she is torturing him on purpose...punishing maybe?? can't blame her!

[@maryalicecampbell341]

yes he is really saying this and how great he is.

[@snowwhite2709]

Why would she trust a guy ever again who cheated, and now put divorce on the table? She should walk away.

[@Tionaintown876]

They both should. Not just her

[@LoveLetters1076]

totally agree, he is an ASS

[@citrustaco]

He should walk away. He's putting in so much effort to repair it and it's just not worth the time. It's trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Just throw the towel and be happy elsewhere. There was a reason he cheated in the first place. It's OK if it's not working out.

[@EadsB7002]

The BS people still tolerate in their marriages nowadays is absolutely astounding to me! No wonder there are so many unhappy people and screwed up families (messed up kids) everywhere. 🤦🏼‍♀️ sometimes it really is most healthy/best to cut your losses and just move on!

[@GhostruckerX]

Vise versa

[@alladreamwedreamed]

I love it when toxic, selfish, fragile narcissists call in and expose themselves. Thank you for taking their calls 😂

[@sundaylass6828]

This guy is nuts. He knows exactly what he has done and continues to do to make his wife feel "less than" he just wants her to open up so he can fool her again. What a piece of work.

[@chrissyellem7397]

It's been 21 years since my ex-husband cheated on me with the teacher next door. We got divorced. It ruined my dating life for 15 years. I couldn't trust anyone. There is always collateral damage with selfish people.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Found out my husband’s cheating the week of our 22nd anniversary… it’s definitely thrown my life in the meat grinder. Selfishness and self centeredness seem to be two things that every man possesses.

[@lademoiselleketoret6958]

The trust thing is REAL. 😭😭😭🙏🏽

[@frankcorrea8691]

@@sarahalderman3126 hey dude girl ,one day the ex husband will be so alone because of his evil doings and hurting innocent people old and shriveled in an old folks home with several marriages under his belt, karma is out to get you!

[@mrshappywife8468]

​@@sarahalderman3126 not every man, just the weak ones.

[@lynette599]

@@sarahalderman3126 Women are not far behind.

[@foxxybrown291]

You don’t get to choose how long it takes for her to get over the affair xx

[@drewbear17]

Try telling my ex that

[@cayleebis]

this. 👏

[@Tionaintown876]

He does get to choose how long he has to deal with her after she claimed to forgive and truly does not

[@skincareceo]

He does get to choose if he wants to stay in a marriage where he'll never be forgiven.

[@foxxybrown291]

@@drewbear17 That wasn’t your person 💓💛💓 xx

[@AngelaEvans_]

Cheaters need to realize, the person they cheated on will never be able to forget, and will never fully trust them again

[@coureenlawrence4915]

He doesn't even sound like he's sorry for cheating. He is sad that he is not getting the affection he wants. All about him..

[@KENTUCKYUSA1]

It took 5 minutes for Dr John to say that Scott is tired. It took me less time to be tired of Scott.

[@terrywade3696]

😂🤣😂 I completely agree! I’m not buying his sob story for 1 minute! But I loved your comment!

[@kimberlyfloyd1009]

haahahha yesssss

[@kate3519]

Best comment 🏆

[@TheSwordandPearl]

😂

[@smmds]

Hehehe

[@Brenaenae]

This guy totally avoids accountability. Girl, run!

[@unknowncomment85]

i think he is pretty accountable compared to most women.. i have heard woman who cheated on their husband giggle on this show.. so there is that..

[@binnie2150]

​@unknowncomment85, you turned this into a gendered thing instead of demonizing deplorable acts these people commit. What about the man who was giggling when talking about abusing his ex-wife. These people know their actions are bad, so they using laughter to cope for their moral failings. Let those red pill video rest. Men aren't any more innocent than women.

[@romans52345-cy3tq]

​@@binnie2150They are much more honest and sincere

[@sameerajafri747]

​@@unknowncomment85this guy giggled when John asked him what the affair gave to him.

[@unknowncomment85]

@@binnie2150 fyi, women cheat more than men.. go read the stats

[@grilledcheeseandsoup1652]

Wow worst advice ever. If your husband cheats on you, then complains that you aren't healing fast enough, then takes you out to breakfast and lays out what he needs from you to stay in this marriage, RUN!!!!

[@christiestarr6941]

THIS!!!!! You should be taking these calls!!! lol!

[@hillarybillary21]

I don’t know why, but I laughed out loud when John asked “have you forgiven you” and he said “well yes I have”. Lol Aw whatta strong man…

[@snakeypuffs6154]

“It was not a personal failure on my part.” That just confirms it was most definitely a personal failure on his part. 😂

[@kendradamm1428]

💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[@thevisibleclear]

He thinks he can do no wrong

[@bebop2523]

100%. He was being so vague about the situation, how did he simultaneously cross the line but also it wasn’t a personal failure? I bet he did something wrong and his wife found out and he was trying to throw a pity party and point fingers and make excuses and she didn’t believe him, hence the blank stare. And he has victimized himself so much that somehow he has twisted the situation, so her blank stare is more hurtful than the actual actions he took to cause the situation in the first place

[@Nesrook]

For real. When he said he “needed his words to matter and be heard”… yeah I’m sure he was really saying meaningful things that really needed to be shared with his affair partner. This dude is a loser lol

[@limiwa]

This is exactly why I've told my husband if he ever cheated on me I'm out. I'm not going to try to work on it because I know myself, I will most likely never 100% be able to move past it and it will make us both miserable. The burden of, "Hurry up and heal so we can be happy again" is not for me. Nope, it's over.

[@lademoiselleketoret6958]

This. I’m the same way. Not all women are the same, so… they need to know her personality. He violated her trust so he lost the key to her heart. That’s just wisdom. When you know a thief, you don’t ask them to hold ya wallet.

[@mistermanman]

Same here. I told my husband that if he REALLY feels the need to cheat that I can't stop him, but he needs to fully understand what will happen if he does and if he would think it's still worth it to cheat.

[@cyna866]

You said a word! 🙌🏽

[@moniqrupley6019]

Yes. Absolutely. Cheat on me we are done.

[@seadragon1456]

I wouldn’t stay either. I’ve let that man love me in many different ways. I’ve opened my body and soul to him. We’ve had babies together. There’s no way I’d be able to look at him. I’d be destroyed from that damage.

[@towpottsfam7631]

John you are very sympathetic to this covert narcissist. I wish luck to his wife to escape from him. Shes tired of colluding with him that the world revolves around him. She must be tired of walking on egg shells. I hope she escapes him

[@rockingredpoppy9119]

@towpottsfam7631 absolutely, I'm so surprised John hasn't picked up on all the Narcissistic tendencies! I'm actually disappointed.

[@catcat9582]

It's bc he said he relates to him

[@nancyballard8666]

She probably has told him what she needs, but he lives on the mountain of his own ego and feelings.

[@BryceGarling]

Women never forget pain. This relationship is tainted forever.

[@chrissyellem7397]

You are right. I'm still angry with my ex from 40 years ago.

[@agricolaregs]

My parents divorced about 8 years ago. And my dad died this year. In hospice he was talking about good times with my mom. He never wanted a divorce. All my mom could do while I’m crying on the phone with her while he’s got days to live is tell me his mistakes

[@mozerm]

@@agricolaregs something so few people seem to understand is that truly forgiving someone isn't saying what they did to you was OK but rather it's to free you from anger, bitterness, and resentment. Your mom could benefit from that message. Remember, hate corrodes the vessel in which it is carried...

[@ivywildwss]

Was your dad unfaithful to your mom? @@agricolaregs

[@blueseptember2174]

​@@agricolaregshurt lasts a lifetime. She just couldn't grow past whatever it was. ❤ Hugs.

[@Nah-ah]

I’ll tell you now, Scott… your wife hasn’t forgiven you. And she never will. She’s checked out! She’s done.

[@mistermanman]

That's why he needs to make the decision to leave. He's waiting for her to pull the trigger because he doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy yet again.

[@jonathanmitchell5171]

Agreed, the marriage is over and was over before the affair. Reconciliation is no joke and most of the work is on the betrayed spouse.

[@kdphotos4691]

@@mistermanman - That's exactly right. Then he can claim "my wife divorced me" and continue to play victim.

[@mistermanman]

@@kdphotos4691 It's a tale as old as time. They neglect their wife's needs for years, she finally leaves, and he's "blindsided".

[@vegasrenie]

and when a woman is done...

[@laughingwaters8309]

He did not call for advice on how to make this better. He is looking for John to give him a reason to leave.

[@laughingwaters8309]

He is totally focused on what HE needs and she is not meeting that. Where is his acknowledgement and awareness of what she needs? She sounds like she is disassociative to be honest (sign of trauma.) I wonder how much gaslighting she endured? If they have children, he better take care of the kids and not leave her in poverty.

[@mogulmade]

He definitely called for validation... and unfortunately, he got it.

[@elsaromero4743]

Her guard is still up. She doesn't want to get hurt again. No one else is looking out for her feelings and heart but herself. She loves him or she wouldn't be stringing it around. Hard place to be in. Sending Love her way ❤

[@AngieMcdonald-fu9nh]

Hes a self absorbed prick. He doesnt care about her feelings at all. Hes too far up his own arse to ever salvage a relationship with. Hes trying to take back the power by constantly threatening to leave unless she forgets about his cheating, and thats manipulative and abusive pure and simple.

[@ladysparkle6784]

Her heart isn’t safe with this idiot. She probably regrets taking him back. He’s probably a bully and when his girlfriend dumped him he had nowhere else to go so begged his wife to come home and she took him back out of sympathy.

[@agricolaregs]

Sounds like his wasn’t safe either. They should just end it.

[@ladysparkle6784]

@@agricolaregs I agree. No sense going through life hurting each other.

[@probablynot1368]

He said that he chose to end the affair, so it doesn’t sound like his girlfriend dumped him.

[@RandomName-my2uo]

​@@probablynot1368if we're assuming he's being honest, sure. Plenty of reasons to lie in this situation, including the glaringly obvious if you tell your wife your side chick ended it and you wanted to keep it going, she would be the most naive person ever born to invite you back.

[@mattier.9095]

@@probablynot1368cheaters often lie and say this - he was dumped by his new chick, and went crying back to his wife and he lies about it… bc he’s selfish and needy with little self control.

[@Mkay999]

Him: “years before the affair I didn’t protect my family like I should have. I confessed this to her.” Wife: gives a *blank stare* Him: I will never forgive you for this and know you will never be here for me. Oh cut me a break with this narcissist.

[@Mkay999]

Completely. The woman just listened and he hasn’t been able to move past that for 10 years. Ugh this guy is many women’s nightmare

[@Deroliebe]

He sounds like my mother. He reads too much into things, creates a story in his head and runs with it.

[@TheShortykorte]

He kinda glossed over that "didn't protect his family like he was supposed to" part. I bet there's A LOT more to that story that he didn't want to share. He will find a way to make himself the victim of every story he tells

[@MattCasters]

Yeah, this perspective feels closer to the truth. Their marriage was over before he cheated when you take BS like that into account. He just didn't have the balls to end it then and decided to go and have an affair.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

“ What I need “ 🤢🤢🤢🤢 I need her to … blah blah .You don’t get to ask for anything. Typical narcissist.

[@TheHyperfixationStation]

Stuck in a dark room? I'm telling you that is EXACTLY how she has felt.... welcome to her world

[@christiestarr6941]

She probably shared that analogy with him and he adopted it as his own.

[@RoxiieSays]

lol he wants praise for going to therapy, has the audacity to bring up divorce and has the nerve to be frustrated with her when he’s the one who cheated. I hope she’s secretly preparing for divorce. I’m sure he’ll be “blindsided” 🙄

[@gabbyyyyy5452]

Maybe she doesn’t feel like putting in the effort to fix what you broke

[@thelimey351]

Yup, divorce time.

[@jakitaprice9633]

OMG THIS RIGHT HERE!

[@alladreamwedreamed]

Exactly. What's in it for her?

[@larissaalcorn3406]

No one should be surprised when they use divorce as a threat in arguments and then their spouse becomes indifferent. She's protecting herself by shutting down. She thinks that you're going to run off with someone else every time life gets hard. That's the behavior pattern you have set. That's the behavior pattern you need to break. If you don't want a divorce, then stop threatening her.

[@brennanleyen]

Yes. My “husband” did this same thing. Cheated for months and then kept threatening divorce for 3 years. Now we are getting divorced. I never cheated and I gave my all. The root of it- selfishness.

[@heartsmyfaceforever8140]

He’s impulsive. He left her to get something he wanted in the moment. He threatens divorce in the moment too. He’s not good to be married to.

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@brennanleyenclassic man… I’m sorry. My cheated for years with my best friend and sister. I found out the week before our 22nd anniversary, a year after he “ended it”. I just don’t believe men are truly capable of the love or commitment needed for marriage. They just haven’t evolved enough apparently.

[@lademoiselleketoret6958]

@@sarahalderman3126 what a horror. I’m so sorry 😭😭😭🙏🏽

[@user-if4ke6en9r]

@@sarahalderman3126sorry for your situation, but it’s not helpful for anyone to blame all men because of anecdotal experiences.

[@LOADING...o.o.o]

He sounds like my military ex. He just wants to pretend like he is a good guy, but inside is rotten.

[@marilynbrodeur8354]

"I want my wife to tell me directly what she needs." Also the same guy "I feel attacked when my wife tells me things."

[@omowhanre]

If she was the one who cheated, would we even be having this conversation? Let’s all ponder that together…🤔

[@lademoiselleketoret6958]

He would have dropped her like an old rag.

[@laquamartin4602]

​@@lademoiselleketoret6958Absolutely

[@dogelincoln7167]

Sounds like a rotten tomatoes review

[@us5freaak]

He’s just having a pity party like oh no I cheated now I feel sorry for myself

[@DevHazy]

Absolutely. Cheating is a symptom of our deep insecurities. We have to truly own up to it and get therapy in order to change

[@bebop2523]

Exactly. He’s acting like his wife making a certain facial expression one time a decade ago is worse than him cheating on her. He says he can never get over her giving him a blank stare that one time 10 years ago and he even did the crocodile tears when he said it, yet he expects her to hurry up and get over his affair?

[@ShalomDove]

I once had a friend who did something like this… cheated on her husband, then got her girls on a group call to cry about how she was really the victim… ummm, no, girl. You are in no way the injured party here 🙄

[@JNGL-bw8ux]

They never ask “what can I do to fix this?”

[@ophiecat]

If she cannot “get over it”, it is because she does not feel heard or understood.

[@Dansyoung]

You already threw in the towel when you had an affair 🤷‍♂️

[@RG-hf4et]

Amen!!!

[@Blah951]

Dude, you’re smart. Seriously, summed up in one sentence what we are all trying to explain. 👍

[@WorldOnAString]

Narcissistic. Personality. Disorder.

[@WorldOnAString]

@@wordsalad01 Agreed. He's definitely getting his rocks off on a national talk show talking about himself, playing the victim and painting his partner as unreasonable. Heaven help that poor woman.

[@gb8889]

Short version: she looked at me wrong 10 years ago so I cheated. But also she's not allowed to bring up anything about things in the past and can't get over my cheating. So I'm going to hold divorce over her head. I expect her to have a smile on her face, a happy attitude and be grateful I'm giving her a chance to make things right.

[@crazymusicgrlcheesecake]

I dated a dude just like him, this guy's brain is broken

[@t00862]

Wow. Slow caps for the cheater.

[@KristinaLopezWrites]

That guy is oblivious and narcissistic as hell! So YOU hold a grudge for a look for ten years but you CHEAT and she has to get over it fit?!🤦🏾‍♀️ Then, you KNOW your wife doesn’t feel safe with you but you haven’t even tried to reinforce that safety after breaking her heart into pieces and dangle divorce over her?! You are the absolute jerk here. There are two sides to every story but this guy is clearly entitled as hell to what he thinks she should do vs worrying about how to be a better human/man/husband. 🤡

[@christiestarr6941]

There are two sides to every story… BUT we have heard his side and we are on her side, can you imagine if we heard her side too?

[@neisci]

So he did the crime but doesn't want to do the time? And he still talks about what HE needs 😮😮!! If audacity was a person.

[@agricolaregs]

Sounds like he’s done the time. The question is how many more years does he have to be miserable.

[@JoyofRVing]

@@agricolaregs until he realizes what he’s done to her even before the affair even started

[@Chris_RLM]

​@JoyofRVing no it's beyond that, she is telling me people what he did over and over again. They need to divorce, she was hurt they decided to work it out. It's not working

[@lademoiselleketoret6958]

@@agricolaregs what is an appropriate amount of time for murder? Because he killed her. So… and the marriage so… how much for murder?

[@Obsidian_9]

@@lademoiselleketoret6958 that is stupid

[@wendyeskelin8765]

So let me get this straight. HE'S hurting because of a look she gave him 10 years ago and her seeming indifferent, when HE was in a bad place at that time, but now she's supposed to be over HIM crushing her soul after three years. And not just one soul crush but by the sounds of it over and over.. If he can't get over a small infraction why does he expect her to? Whatever therapist he's seeing he probably needs a new one, one that will hold his feet to the fire and give him a wake up call that he's being totally selfish. What he did is 100000x worse than "indifference"

[@deborahjean5474]

Yes!!!

[@arra6361]

I was taken a back by Dr Johns empathy for this guy he sounds like a terrible husband 😕

[@deekayvixen]

She gave him a blank look and he cheated. They’re even now 🤷‍♀️

[@Joyjoyjoy4]

Yeah I undertake him taking an empathetic approach, but the fact that he didn’t point that out was shocking to me! All of this because of a blank look? Ridiculous

[@austinlarange6328]

@@arra6361i think its because Dr John just wants to help the caller. If he was helping the Woman, he wouldve been much harsher on the guys actions I think

[@detert08]

The comment section didn’t let me down on this one. This dude is something else.

[@christiestarr6941]

Right? Dr. John let us down with this one, so thankful for the comments to redeem this situation.

[@amyt8093]

This guy seems more concerned with his own emotions and feelings than hers. His wife is shattered. It will take her years to heal.

[@annieganim1057]

This makes my blood curdle. I feel horrible for this women. She doesn’t feel safe because she’s not. He holds his wife’s feet to the fire for a LOOK she made TEN years ago. Yet calls a public radio show sobbing that his wife is still hurt about the affair he had TWO years ago. If she didn’t feel disposable enough, he threw divorce in the mix. A subtle reminder of his superiority and her disposability, and that he has the upper hand. He hit the nail on the head- EGO. An ego so fragile that he’ll continue to identify as the victim, while demanding more. Just so long as no blame is directed his way. Meanwhile, his wife’s feelings are silenced while she’s busy trying to jump through hoops to validate this child of a man. Sir, your therapist mostly listens because he or she knows you’re a full blown covert narcissist. It’s more obvious than a giant neon sign. Your wife has nothing to hold on to, because you’ve never held on to her, only yourself. If you have any humanity, the best thing you can do for her is let her go and find a new source of prey to feed your insatiable ego. She has a long rode ahead of healing from the damage you’ve caused. It’s so painful for a person broken down to admit they’re as disposable as they’ve been made to feel. It’ll take her a while to gain the strength to walk away. Do her a favor. Better now than later.

[@stefaniamalatesta8076]

This call made me so mad. He isn't a victim.

[@mistermanman]

Beautiful comment. This man is a weak baby.

[@ellamarie9709]

Well said. She’s exhausted from having to deal with his fragile ego all of these years and now she’s dealing with his unfaithfulness. He sees himself as a victim. He’s not a victim. I hope he’s reading these comments and understand he’s a huge part of the problem before it’s too late.

[@towpottsfam7631]

Totally agree with you I said the same. Covert narcissist ...its disgusting how he treats her. Though he doesn't perhaps know. He really can't cope with an adult relationship. There us no room for anyone but him in his life. He's wsi awful. John gave him way too easy a time and was drawn into colluding and enabling

[@BradKandyCroftFamily]

He hurt her in the deepest way possible and now he's made her needing sufficient time for forgiveness all about him and his feelings. I wonder why she's so "indifferent"?

[@agricolaregs]

She was indifferent and dismissive before the affair…hence the affair.

[@mikaelzurich6166]

@@agricolaregs that's what he told. Classic excuses from the cheater.

[@katemiller7874]

Ya but she shouldn’t be throwing it up in his face every argument that doesn’t help or telling random people.

[@deztellez2571]

​@@agricolaregscommunication is the most important thing in any relationship. He should have talk to her, go to therapy, try to work it out. Then divorce if they refuse to change.. not cheat and hurt your SO and give them trust issues. Never an excuse to do that..

[@Alayne89]

@@agricolaregs The dude even stated that he makes everything about him. Even when she needs to talk about something worrying her, it becomes about him. I'm not surprised she is indifferent; she's not allowed to have emotions around him, unless when they center and celebrate him.

[@auemmjee]

Hmmm 🤔 "I failed to protect my family," but "SHE'S not gonna be here when I need her."

[@tjturner3916]

So you cheated, told her to get over it, and she's refusing to just accept that she's not worth fidelity? Great job. "Be vulnerable with me after I publicly humiliated and betrayed you with someone I valued more than you."

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

Glad that he's acknowledging where he messed up... but his audacity is showing. He caused a lot of pain and damage here. He deeply hurt someone he claimed to love. She heals on *her* timetable, not yours.

[@BradKandyCroftFamily]

You notice how he never really dove into what she needs?

[@calibaby3442]

Why is the host on his side justifying his sorrys. She needs to heal this man can't rush it he screwed up if it takes forever to prove his love for her so be it! He is a jerk!

[@SpeedfreakUK]

@@calibaby3442yeah he should take the side of someone whose story he hasn’t heard and who isn’t on the call 🙄

[@calibaby3442]

@SpeedfreakUK sorry , to me, it's giving victim vibes. He seems to be entitled as far as wanting her to just get over all the things he has put her through. It's selfish to think she should be over it after 2 years. I'm all for forgiveness, but I'm sure it's hard to forget. It's just very odd to me.

[@CyeOutsider]

But at the time time, she committed to trying again, then has not held up her side of that. She's just put him in a position where he can't do anything right. Committ or don't. It's up to her.

[@karynnotkaren693]

I am so surprised by this response. Usually John pays better attendion and catches the inconsistencies but he is just taking this guys side and not challenging him on why the wife doesn't feel safe. The guy even said when she does share he reacts and makes it all about himself. He keeps putting divorce on the table not her. I wonder how much he has changed. Who says they are so impressed by their own changes??? Narcissists

[@Veracityseeker7]

I hear you; but he's trying to get him to open up. He won't, if he feels force

[@Kathy-qu8zj]

The guy keeps putting it on the wife.. yeah, if you did something you knowingly put your family in jeopardy, she’s gonna b upset for awhile. He seems like a narcissist that has to have his ego constantly stroked and the attention all on himself. That’s an exhausting position for any spouse to be in. Constantly having everything revolve around the other person. No one can fill that gap… except Jesus.

[@Kathy-qu8zj]

And I’m sure the wife would have a whole different story to tell.. you know it.

[@Kathy-qu8zj]

( seems most marriages are entered into by 2 broken people that try to make one whole. Gotta look deep inside ourselves first and figure out where those broken places need to be me see before we can both come together, or separate to b healthy for the rest of life..

[@Kathy-qu8zj]

Healed

[@chandimagunaratne8220]

Like a broken vase, u can not put it back together and there's always be cracks

[@judithmiller7308]

He cheated. He forgave himself,,,he gives himself a free pass and he wants what he wants and he wants it in HIS timing. Tough.

[@elyse443]

If he wanted such a close, intimate, connect marriage then he shouldn’t have cheated. Then when it didn’t work out with the other person he came back to her and now is over the crappy environment he created? What a catch!

[@agricolaregs]

He tried to communicate with her and she disregarded his feelings. And pretty much said, that’s just my personality to not care about you. Deal with it.

[@elyse443]

@@SarahConnor562 emotional toddler is right. And drain.

[@ireneswackyjournals8810]

@@agricolaregswell he’s also hypocritical. This is a guy that claims she talks about him cheating which is close to todays date but then brings something up from 10 years ago against her. And he claims he wants constructive criticism but then claims he takes things personally. You can’t have it both ways. And we are only hearing his side of the story. There’s no excuse by the way for him cheating. Unless she approved it it’s no bueno. He does seem to want a lot of attention and reads like a narcissist

[@mikaelzurich6166]

How the hell is she gonna feel safe if he puts divorce on the table? She knows he is one foot out from the marriage. Why the hell did he come back if divorce is on the table?

[@brendamoon2660]

He needed a place to stay between affairs

[@kdphotos4691]

@@brendamoon2660 - Yes, good point.

[@k-807]

Mine cheated on me 17 years ago. I'm still fuxed up from it. My hearts still broke, and I have trust issues. Some people are forever damaged from it, some heal and move on.

[@deborahrich2666]

It’s all about him! That poor woman. He doesn’t get the pain he caused!

[@MichaelJones-rn2pq]

"I told my wife that I was committed to us." She heard that before and it wasn't true, was it? It's going to be a lot harder (if not impossible) sell this time, Bud.

[@IHateNicolasCage]

There is no "vulnerability" for her left, brother. She is walled up. No going back now. Once the trust is gone, it's gone for good.

[@MiahVega]

I can ALREADY smell the gaslighting from the title..

[@user-he6rs8xi7u]

​@@MiahVegasomebody learned a new word.

[@IHateNicolasCage]

​@@MiahVega Who would've thought doing everything wrong has consequences? This guy sounds like the "I am so sorry that you can't accept my apology" type.

[@MiahVega]

@@IHateNicolasCage Facts. Or the "I'm sorry that you felt that way and that you can't move on from this" type

[@sgo1oneill]

Then why did she agree to continue the "relationship"?

[@brendaleverick3655]

He ended his marriage when he stepped out on his wife. His wife now needs to find the strength to end it on her end. When she releases it and lets him go, then she can look forward to the future.

[@lesley_lezley]

I don't think she's ever going to let him in again.

[@pinkfairydust83]

'Lets go be adults'. Wow, John- betrayal is trauma and shes likely traumatized. 2.5 years isn't really a long time at all. She needs to heal and that has nothing to do with 'being an adult'.

[@jaz_my_life6661]

EXACTLY.

[@gricel8402]

We can forgive , but never forget. It will never be same. Dude sounds like a gaslighter and playing the victim here. His wife, feels it to her core. She is probably disgusted by him.

[@johannesswillery7855]

In other words he needs to walk away.

[@EadsB7002]

They both need to move on honestly. It’s just going to continue to perpetuate an extremely unhealthy dynamic for the entire family. Seen it before. It’s best to remove yourself from toxicity and move on!

[@GhostruckerX]

The Bible says to forgive and forget

[@user-tl4ep9ob6s]

​@@GhostruckerXit is also the only reason Jesus justified divorce. Adultry excuses the innoccent party from the bond.

[@richerDiLefto]

@@GhostruckerX ​Jesus *literally* said in the Bible that you CAN divorce for adultery. You can forgive and forget what someone did, but that’s not a guarantee that your relationship with them is going to stay the same or even continue at all. I should also add, it’s incredibly unsafe to take your spouse back after he/she had sex with someone who might have had an STD. I know I wouldn’t.

[@madihaq2252]

Gotta love it when cheaters say "I'm committed to my/our marriage" particulalry *AFTER CHEATING* ......

[@righand]

As a man, this guy disgusts me. How could you commit this type of treason against someone you love?

[@witchsistah]

She's smart for being reserved and protecting her feelings from him. She needs to leave his self-centered ass.

[@thisis.michelletorres444]

This guy is selfish and gross! He cheated then instead of leaving her alone, he went back after her! If you were not sold out and committed to her, you should have left her alone! YOU'RE TIRED? How might she feel about a weak man who's a hot mess and she knows is likely to divorce her! CREEP!

[@onetry7406]

What?! Please tell me you were not implying that the spouse who was cheated on should keep it a secret!!!

[@RG-hf4et]

She is never going to let it go bc she can't. Someone cheated on me & it was the most excruciating, painful thing I ever went through. I couldn't even drive a few blocks away from this persons house without breaking down & hysterically crying. I tried to reconcile, but all I could see was the 2 of them having sex 24/7. I was going crazy. I had to walk away & let the relationship go. I couldn't trust him & I was physically & mentally drained. Very few couples can survive an affair.