Should We Cancel Our Engagement?

Should We Cancel Our Engagement?
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[@antoinettekminor]

Girl, don’t let your boyfriend get in the way of finding your husband.

[@kathleenpritchard4368]

Excellent answer!!!

[@rozitagh4479]

😂yeah

[@JC-di4uz]

As a man myself I can tell u this dudes a scumbag. Called her by his side chick's name for God sakes

[@janerasimmons3445]

I love this response so much!! I am saving this for my girls in case I need it

[@thornyrose1235]

Perfectly said!!!

[@naviifra2374]

Aubrey is scared that she wasted 5 years but doesnt realise she could potentially waste many more.

[@kimmassak8276]

I know she's scared she has wasted 5 years on this fool....why look forward to wasting any more years on him?!?! Please Run!!! He's showing you exactly who he is!

[@Beanzo03]

Don't be me and go thru 30 years married to the wrong person 😢😢😢

[@debralondon2402]

Amen.

[@deeh5126]

Sunk cost fallacy at work... it's vicious.

[@Burncsb]

Although he may well not be worthy it, 5 years to a wedding is not actually that long. In fact in most cases I'd say it's rushing it.

[@sandyrodz6699]

A guy who cheats and then says “it hurt me too” is a huge, gigantic, Everest-sized red flag.

[@jola381]

Right! The first 30 seconds and her statement should be enough to end this. What are they 20?

[@JENKEN425]

AGREE

[@3Torts]

lol

[@MSSHARIII]

💯💯 It's a complete slap in the face

[@kareemamitchell2010]

Nah, sis. He ain't it. Run.

[@claymore9359]

If you’re having these problems before you’re even married, getting married is definitely not going to solve them.

[@FrancineYeshua]

Exactly

[@7Mushrooms7]

It will make it worse and harder to leave. She needs to leave his ass ASAP. He's staying just to placate her and out of comfort.

[@allhailsunshine052]

He will eventually cheat on her in marriage and she will question herself why she didn’t leave earlier

[@rickjames4031]

Even to go as far as engaging with other women in text and also a physical in-person date? Marriage should be off the table for good. Already 5 years down the drain. Restart fresh with someone new.

[@sherriflemming3218]

So many men have a porn addiction. He's got a wandering eye. Not trustworthy.

[@veeshoo2880]

If you're moved to tears while you wonder if you should really be marrying someone, YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER

[@courtneyjackson7181]

So so true. And how many people do we know who have done it 😢

[@ibabymomx3]

Exactly

[@lucygubernat5516]

They should be tears of happiness !

[@JasonTaylor-po5xc]

@@lucygubernat5516 They aren't in the moment. They only are once you have found someone that truly loves you or come to terms it is better to be alone than with someone that resents you.

[@debralondon2402]

Amen

[@unknownmangafreak]

Sweetheart, 5 minutes in and I am already hearing that he doesn't want you. Value yourself more ❤

[@suzyj8708]

Exactly! 💯💯💯

[@jenniferhuerta9824]

Aubrey and Kyle DO NOT GET MARRIED please.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

He 100% wants to find someone else, but is too much of a coward to leave her without someone already waiting for him. Thats why he flirts and talks to other chicks, but none of them actually want him (what a shock)

[@zarahsgarden2097]

100% monkey branching.. so gross and cowardly

[@kayjeffs3741]

Facts! That's why he went on that date last year. He doesn't see her as his wife and he's still looking

[@astrea79]

Yup. 💯 I wish people like this would just wake up and realize it's worse to keep someone around in case a "better" person comes around. This lady deserves to be with someone who actually loves her.

[@KittyCurioso]

He’s a crappy guy

[@aladdout9454]

Gosh men are such whores and bitches always monkey-branching.

[@73odus]

As my mom always said, "Better to be single than wishing you were."

[@EllysaE]

Whew love this

[@lachanna100]

😮

[@sherryd3299]

Love it! Thank you

[@thefirm4606]

Mama is a wise woman ❤❤

[@dagobert1234321]

Smart Mama

[@CanadianHeather]

“I went in a date but nothing happened”… BOY THE DATE HAPPENED!!!! Girl leave this fool!

[@DJNoizevelt]

Funny thing is that he told her already hes done so it's kinda the girl holding on the boy...

[@geraldinevera2829]

He isn’t worth marrying he will cheat and he is a lier

[@sqvirrels]

​@@DJNoizevelt around what timestamp does he say that? I missed it entirely

[@womnofdestiny]

@@sqvirrelsaround 24 minutes

[@womnofdestiny]

@@sqvirrels24:30

[@Latinaperspective]

She’s in denial. He is DONE. Please have some dignity.

[@_Tree_of_Life_]

"I know we have to get married..." No you don't buddy. Let her go.

[@lydiaross4801]

Another suggestion I have for this couple is separate completely from one another for a month and spend each day in the Bible reading the proverbs. By the end of that time God should have the ability to break through your physical attraction issues to each other. Then you should be able to play some scripture Like the double-minded man is unstable in ALL his ways. Or the scripture says it's better to dwell alone on an open roof top don't you live in a fine house with a cantankerous wife .. One shows that if a man is unstable in his decision-making regarding the marriage what do you suppose the future holds. The second is that this woman is already receiving comments from her husband that say things like well she isn't happy with what I'm doing or she doesn't make me happy etcetera That will escalate exponentially in marriage. Follow the scripture where it says seek the Lord with your whole heart and you will find him. This way you will know what God has to say about your future. Jesus loves each of us equally. Neither one of you have to feel guilty when God shows you yes or no you can more easily obey.

[@lydiaross4801]

Another suggestion I have for this couple is separate completely from one another for a month and spend each day in the Bible reading the proverbs. By the end of that time God should have the ability to break through your physical attraction issues to each other. Then you should be able to play some scripture Like the double-minded man is unstable in ALL his ways. Or the scripture says it's better to dwell alone on an open roof top don't you live in a fine house with a cantankerous wife .. One shows that if a man is unstable in his decision-making regarding the marriage what do you suppose the future holds. The second is that this woman is already receiving comments from her husband that say things like well she isn't happy with what I'm doing or she doesn't make me happy etcetera That will escalate exponentially in marriage. Follow the scripture where it says seek the Lord with your whole heart and you will find him. This way you will know what God has to say about your future. Jesus loves each of us equally. Neither one of you have to feel guilty when God shows you yes or no you can more easily obey.

[@CradleEpiscopalian56]

Strings are for puppets and he's pulling.

[@UltraGalacticSuperFantastic]

this guy's an effing asshole. He's talking about going to church and stuff YET he went on dates and messages other girls?! What delusional life is he living?!

[@andreanease4215]

He meant to have sex (morally) and change that aspect of the relationship problems.

[@radar8658]

Your body knows…your body tells you when you are with the wrong person.

[@debralondon2402]

IF we LISTEN!! And THINK it through logically which is VERY HARD to do when you are in love? Sadly. But you are VERY LUCKY if you do!!!

[@sharonrice8255]

So true! She wants it to be right & in love & the wedding but she already knows the answer. Her older self will get better at listening to her inner knowing, and the hard knocks she will endure for not believing her intuition will be the lesson.

[@jefdby]

100%

[@kimperes5987]

Your gut tells you if the partner is cheating or not all in. This is an unequal partnership.

[@mariam6822]

She's not being true to her feelings. They should not get married. He is not ready.

[@etienneswinnen]

“If behavior is a language, what has he been telling you?” WOW. What a question!

[@LyYAHN]

He says that quite often... but phrased like this, it made me think, too. I thought about my best friend of almost 14 years (I'll turn 32 this year and we live together because I went back to school, my last boyfriend died, which broke me... and it just makes sense to not live alone and financially, it's a blessing, too, of course...)... and yesterday, I was at my mom's house, she's injured, she's got a dog, and it would've been her day to babysit my baby nephew. So, I went over there, on my only day off, to do all of the work regarding her household, take care of the dog, and watch the baby... My best friend, after a whole week of stressful work, called my mom around 5 pm to ask if he could come over, directly from work, to help me out with whatever was left to do, and then take me home, so I wouldn't have to take public transportation (I don't have a car). She obviously agreed... he drove an extra half hour to my mom's place (instead of going straight home which would've only been a 5 - 10 minute drive). He took care of the baby while I did the rest of the household chores, and helped my mom to bed. Thanks to him, I got home about 3 - 4 hours earlier than I would've made it without his help. He did it absolutely unprompted. I didn't ask for it, nor did I complain about the long hours... he just knew that it would be tremendously helpful to me... so he did it. That's the kind of person I feel beyond lucky and grateful to have in my life. His behavior yesterday, was definitely him telling me: " I see you, I put my needs behind yours if I can, and I love you." And he never said anything on the way home... nothing like "See, I did that because I want to show you how much you mean to me." No... I guess that he didn't even think twice about what he did, and simply did it because it felt right to him. The only way for me to say "thank you" is to not only verbalize it but to show it through my behavior, as well. Thx for letting me share this... it just made me think, too.

[@karenibeth9351]

Minute 13 🌟👏🏻

[@tubbsmom]

​@@LyYAHNI'm about to cry that is so amazing

[@bluetmato3225]

That keeps staying on my mind.

[@primordialmeow7249]

Poor little girl. She has no self esteem. HE is her self esteem and it’s not working very well.

[@kathyhansen2820]

Too many women feel that they're not whole without a man and that leads to nothing good.

[@JazzmineGriffin]

little girl?

[@romystumpy1197]

Yes she so needy for him,

[@christinamartinez8132]

Ladies, don't ever let a man tell you more than once that he doesn't want you. Walk away and keep your dignity and self respect.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Yes.

[@jamesbond1157]

Are you married

[@mrhoffame]

Ladies? I would think that would be for any person?

[@blueStarKitt7924]

@@mrhoffame Right.

[@HSK.Lerner]

Dignity and self-respect? The guy doesn't have both either, otherwise he wouldn't treat his girlfriend like that!

[@Gardenpath11]

She’s what they call “the placeholder” until his right one comes along He’s not a good man for her.

[@skimbaweed]

Yeah I'm surprised that dude wasn't given more of a hard time seems as I've seen Dr John be pretty tough on some women

[@wolfiemcqueen647]

No-he is not a good man. He is a liar and a self-centered fool.

[@victoriagraham6470]

Run for the hills girl

[@nellybean69]

That are so young and so wrong for each other.

[@temposhop8739]

I don't think men who use placeholder women ever make a good partner, even for someone who starts out as their dream woman. This man isn't playing with a full deck, emotionally. He's not going to treat anothet woman better, at least not genuinely or long term.

[@PP-ep1sn]

Girl, RUN!!! YOU'RE LUCKY YOU FIGURED IT OUT BEFORE YOU TIED THE KNOT

[@cuddlebug1957]

“The one for you” would never make you feel this way Aubrey. He’s not good enough for you.

[@ZZhorses]

I’ve been this girl. Leave. It’s a blessing when people tell you how they truly feel about you.

[@farhanah2244]

I've also been that girl. Listen to them when they say they are done and they don't want to work on it. I was exactly like Aubrey.. thinking to give my all and above and beyond into it n thinking he would obviously want to do the same (we were already married). Should have left and ended it much earlier!! Ex was exactly like this dude. He wouldn't leave though. I'd convince him to stay. At the end I figured he was a covert narcissist. And this guy really reminds me of him. He has no empathy. I hope she listens to what he has said (he's done) and also to her own body (it's not safe to be with him) and she builds her self worth up.

[@mimimonster]

Couldn’t agree more. She doesn’t want to lose him but she already has. She just can’t accept it.

[@Natalia_85]

Agreed. Been there too.

[@eetoved1758]

YES

[@WidgetWW]

@@farhanah2244he’s possibly a closet narcissist, but my guess would be low self esteem over low empathy. Both of them have low self esteem. She’s got the need to cling onto somebody that doesn’t want her and he thinks he can do better but isn’t actually brave enough to leave his security blanket

[@GreenWhitePurple]

This isn’t optimism, it’s denial.

[@anitaclue9868]

ABSOLUTELY!!!

[@FrancineYeshua]

Exactly!

[@sherriflemming3218]

I wouldn't marry this guy. He needs to clean up his act and make some changes. His behavior doesn't indicate trust or committment.

[@ibabymomx3]

Exactly. This guy is so selfish.

[@Opinions-galore24]

RIGHT EXACTLY

[@christiestarr6941]

Gotta love the, “It hurt me to go on a date with someone else too.”

[@vickeycodella7828]

He called her the wring name TWICE. That seems like a huge red flag!

[@betsylongoria8916]

Maybe they had used different names for going on the show, and he slips? Otherwise, it is soon clear they are not good candidates for marriage!

[@randyadams1312]

That was her real name. They were using fake names

[@lobi5104]

Never let a man tell you he doesn't want you more than once! She needs to rescue her self esteem from the pit she's let it sink into.

[@goodgirlvicki]

Exactly 💯

[@mekeiawatson]

Judge Lynn Toler told em! Now she gotta listen.

[@johniii8147]

Exactly. He was very clear about that. I give him that credit. I think he's just feeling guilty about leaving.

[@rebeccaprewett5014]

So so true!

[@Solitaire427]

Truth! I think he’s having a hard time leaving cause she is so fragile..

[@lilyjay2118]

Girl, listen to the elder women here: LEAVE HIM. Love isnt supposed to feel like this. You’re better than this, love ❤

[@FabulousCucumber-ip9hu]

100% ❤

[@cathybaldry7822]

He wasn't even listening when she discussed what is going on. He minimalised her responses, feelings again and again throughout the call. He truly does not care or respect this woman. She is projecting a fantasy onto him.Those rose tinted glasses need to come off. Past behaviour is a strong indicator of future behaviour.

[@sydneypeugh3378]

This was me. I feel her pain and I relate to holding on even when I know it’s over. However, I took a step of courage and ended my engagement. Boy was it painful but it will forever be the best decision I ever made. I am now happily married to an incredible man, and I can’t believe I’m saying that because 4 years ago I wouldn’t have believed it was possible. It hurts now, but down the road you will be eternally grateful you did.

[@hands-to-work1601]

And even if you never find this great person, alone will be better than with this guy.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Aubrey, you're forcing something that shouldn't be forced. Be honest with each other.

[@cucar8363]

Agree

[@-KMA-]

Love a man’s pov, even if it hurts but I’d rather a man be honest than play games ❤

[@LearsiMusic1]

Get out their business 😂WTF

[@FFlores79]

It's the fear of letting go. Fear of being alone..fear of seeing him with someone new..fear of the pain that keeps you stuck and the addiction to the highs and lows.

[@s.m.7635]

Yes

[@IamTheWayIam]

When he said Lexi instead of Aubry my heart broke for her. Run girl, run!

[@leisalee3287]

I think Lexi is her real name! He’s supposed to be using a fake name to protect her identity! He did it twice!

[@lisacraft9929]

This poor girl is so upset, she can't even speak The guy sounds like he is totally uninterested. Sad to say, she needs to let him go or otherwise she'll be crying constantly.

[@juliedewyer1366]

He did it more than once.

[@name9601]

@@lisacraft9929 ain't for him, she didn't want to start over

[@Missycrissy323]

Same here. That was a big Freudian slip.

[@nau304]

Oh, dear sisters, it's time for us to be enough to ourselves, and whoever enriches our life should be around. Nothing else, nothing less.

[@thegoddesswithin8859]

This guy does not want to be married. He is wasting her time!

[@clearsky4003]

Let tables be turn on him in next life and he will become her to be so desperate about getting married, but meet someone that will waste time and drag matter, be in denial like the girl because like him, they don't want to get married too!

[@michellekk1941]

But in the call he says plainly he's done she's in denial and it's really hard to watch 😢😢 I couldn't believe after she said that she would still consider staying.

[@taraalan1131]

It’s over. He’s told her plainly .The pauses spoke volumes. She needs to summon up the courage to leave .

[@freedom4063]

😢 he's a player

[@jeremyholley2978]

The fact that he wasn’t even paying attention during the first question that John asked should tell her everything she needs to know.

[@ElimEx1]

@@freedom4063 I don't think he has enough willpower or ambition for that. He's passive and lets the world happen around him.

[@KFontLab]

Unfortunately that’s not telling someone plainly … its beating around the bush. Adults say “hey this is not going to work”… not holding on to her and expecting her to leave. He keeps hanging around. Leave sir!

[@RJRussoVids]

My golden rule of relationships is this. Things that are bad at the beginning of a relationship...don't get better. 💁‍♂

[@SydniAnnBaker]

IF THE FIST DATE ISN'T PERFECT...

[@sarahburggraf907]

You're not wrong

[@kathleencooney1518]

People don’t change & you definitely can’t change a man.

[@kyleranney]

totally not true. Just met someone a few weeks ago who cheated on his GF in college while being a frat boy and not they are married years later with kids and a successful business. A great and completely transformed life.

[@mariahconklin4150]

Or they do get better I mean me and my boyfriend are good it’s not necessarily true. A lot of my family members in relationships are doing well from what I know. 🤷‍♀️ My cousin went through a lot with her husband and yet they are good

[@ChristineOBrien-yb6uh]

I cannot believe Dr John didn’t address him saying Lexi twice.

[@marshaanderson895]

Yeah, who the hell is Lexi?!

[@EbonyS-v7w]

Alias name

[@denisemcclain6416]

I was this girl. I held on for 6 years. I didn’t end up marrying him. I was so heart broken. Looking back now, I would have been miserable and probably divorced. I did find the love of my life 4 years later. I’m happily married to my best friend at age 60 and life and love couldn’t be better.

[@samco63]

This gives me hope. I’m in a similar situation, it’s only 18 months but I’m terrified to let go because I’m worried I won’t find someone else as I’m almost 40 and he does look after me physically in terms Of making sure I’m comfortable and providing etc, just not emotionally

[@gordythecat]

GIRL if a dude says HES DONE then believe him!!!

[@mssophiad03]

💯 In general, if someone tells you who they are, believe them. His flat affect and mumbling tells you all you need to know.

[@clearsky4003]

@@mssophiad03 I wonder if he did it on purpose. Beside, he knows she will get emotional and he is probably sick and tired of it but every women do that once feeling are invested. Hope he find one that never ever will!

[@mssophiad03]

@@clearsky4003 hope he finds a woman who has no emotional attachment? She loves him but he obviously doesn’t love her.

[@Aeriesan]

"If behavior was a language, what is he telling you?" That's a great question. I'm gonna keep that for other friends.

[@thelucariamonarchs4889]

Stealing

[@user-wk5pz5ek2e]

Right right right...he doesnt respect you...he doesnt love you...

[@sherryd3299]

You are so right! I love that. Thank you.

[@dewilew2137]

Definitely. And behavior really is a language.

[@gayle2276]

I had a counselor tell me -his actions are telling you what he wants. We divorced a few months later and he immediately married his coworker

[@christiestarr6941]

Did he just call her the wrong name?!?!

[@gigi91percent]

Exactly, that's the other woman.

[@gloworm1822]

TWICE!!

[@milakuzmanic3313]

@@gigi91percent No. that's her real name. Aubrey is a pseudonim.

[@gigi91percent]

@milakuzmanic3313 ooh ok. That's why the host didn't respond.

[@kookiecat2803]

“I love Lexi”

[@DarkHorizonEOS]

Out of respect for her, he should have left her long ago. He isn't into her and 5 years of engagement is way too much.

[@emilytreu2312]

Her crying at the beginning is absolutely telling. If someone loves you, hearing you cry like that is heartbreaking and he just doesn’t seem to care

[@jacquidanke1263]

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY.

[@CrayolaCoffeeBean]

He seems bothered. You know? Like it’s more of an annoyance to him, yet he isn’t man enough to walk away.

[@maureenhorrigan7151]

She is haunted by the past. And men and women can and do look that are other people, but not in front of them and not to acting on it. These 2 need to walk way away.

[@amyashlyn2999]

Sorry, on one hand, I feel like he doesn’t want to end the relationship because it will hurt her. On the other hand he wants to end the relationship but doesn’t have the testicular fortitude.

[@listrahtes]

Men and women handle emotion different. You can't extrapolate his inner workings.

[@ericabrewer9220]

"I hurt her. I hurt myself, too." No, sir, you didn't hurt yourself. You did exactly what you wanted to do. Aubrey, you deserve someone who does not look for other women to give him attention.

[@johngreen6938]

And he deserves someone who can grow and put in the effort with him.

[@kenasssss]

@@johngreen6938 nah, you put effort into someone who is loyal to you, not someone who has actions that makes you doubt. Go grow with a woman that flirts with other men too, see how that works. Good luck.

[@aladdout9454]

​@@johngreen6938he deserves nothing from anyone if he treats them like that.

[@BrickKid0416]

Nah, they’re just kids. They’re not ready

[@sthiggs79]

This isn't fair to him.... He probably DOES feel hurt that he hurt her... He's having a hard time because he more than likey does love her, but not enough to marry her. We have lost compassion. Sometimes people just get caught up and cant get themselves out of it.... this is what I like about John... he's empathetic.

[@andreanieto9450]

He legit called her a different name, GIRL RUNNNNNN

[@RamSunMoon]

Twice!!

[@tutin4090]

No he didn't. They use anonymous names and he accidentally called her by her real name.

[@AnnieAnnieBuckwheatCakes]

I caught that, too. They could've been using fake names, though.

[@tutin4090]

@@AnnieAnnieBuckwheatCakes they were.

[@NC-ou6kc]

Dr Phil “The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior.” Girl, “you better run, run, run away, run away, baby” fast.

[@katherinegilson1183]

If he hasn’t t married you in 5 years you are the string he is hanging onto until the ONE comes along for him!

[@jayneanderson8057]

he will be this way for life,,,,,,,,,run

[@marthamainella3658]

That’s not definitely true. I was in high school , my husband was 3 years older. He got drafted and went to war. It was 8 years, we finally got married. We were happy for the rest of our lives. 44 years later I lost him. He was the love of my life for 50 years and will be forever. She loves him and he’s a cheater she caught him!! Run,Run,Run!!

[@debipalmer5775]

Trust is broken He treats you like an option Aubrey

[@melissabrown3976]

100% agree!! This woman needs to run! I married a man I knew I shouldn't because I was afraid/ start over. All it did was mean that instead of starting over at 27, I had to do it at 37. Huge mistake!

[@yoursuchababe]

I don't think this is necessarily true, I think some people have their own issues that they have to work through. I don't think thats the case here, as he's clearly still looking for the right woman

[@Gabster1990]

Life is too short to be with the wrong person.

[@starlingswallow]

It is. I spent 14 years with someone who neglected me and abused me. I left and found my One. He is my One in every way....like, I'm in awe of God/our Creator every single day because we found each other.

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@starlingswallowglad to hear that

[@MattCasters]

You can't negotiate attraction. Either it's there or not.

[@jennyk.8349]

Agreed. She should cut her losses now. She deserves so much better than this

[@adriennewithington6115]

Word

[@linedancing_zalika]

5:45 Did he call his fiancée Lexi? What the hell? He then wonders why she won't open to him intimately 😢

[@carolinebarber7573]

Lexi is her real name. They were trying to use fake names and he slipped.

[@dianericci8369]

He blames her for his wandering eye. He is a RED FLAG!!!!!

[@KVW110]

"I don't want to hurt her." Dude, it hurts more sticking around and sending mixed signals than it is to just leave. At least when someone leaves, you can spend the time grieving and moving on.

[@tinam761]

He’s using her until something better comes along.

[@alluringbliss4165]

She s become the appetizer while he waits for the main course

[@KVW110]

If it was ME, I'd'vd been gone already. SHE doesn't want to leave. HE clearly doesn't want to stay. Trust me, some of us women wouldn't put ourselves in this position, but this call is about them, not us.

[@cashwalk7253]

Like, did he not seriously hear her on the phone?!? Poor thing is heartbroken-if you are not at least in tears over this, you don’t deserve her.

[@georgewagner7787]

He's using her. Don't be intimate before marriage. Too much heartbreak.

[@rosebt9343]

He tells her “I’m done” and she keeps “trying to make things work”. Girlllll he’s been more than clear

[@TahTwinkletoes]

That's why I don't feel sorry for some women they just don't LISTEN! You shouldn't have to convince someone to be with you 🚩🚩🚩

[@virginiaka5902]

What so she’s to blame for the relationship continuing? It’s both of them that need to act appropriately.

[@ToMaSsS10]

@@virginiaka5902 The woman is acting retarded for trying to keep the relationship yes

[@thefirm4606]

He’s still hanging around and won’t walk away either. Why is he still there if he doesn’t want her?

[@Opinions-galore24]

@@TahTwinkletoes EXACTLY!

[@nancykelly9712]

RUN!!!! He's not treating you right. RUN!! Don't settle on being second best. RUN!!! You have to live for yourself first before you give yourself to someone who doesn't even appreciate you.

[@robertdais7569]

This was great counseling. He treated each of them with dignity. He didnt vilify either yet held them accountable for what a satisfying marriage could be & what lovingly letting go of each other could look like. Bravo John.

[@kendrascorner]

Oh honey... You deserve better than this. He just told you that he's done... Take him at his word. A breakup is hard, but not as hard as a divorce. Take some time to heal and become whole again. And then find someone who won't look at you as an obligation and cheat on you. You just broke down crying and he didn't care at all... He's over it. And you deserve to be LOVED. Not to be married to someone who is "over it" before the marriage even started.

[@AN-jw2oe]

SO true, a breakup is not as bad as a divorce. Really helpful perspective for sure!

[@johniii8147]

They both deserve better. Obviously just not a fit.

[@traceejohnson290]

Yes and Not Married and 2 kids later😏

[@kimyoung3484]

♥️💪💪💪💪💪

[@djregina6897]

​@@johniii8147He deserves someone he loves dearly to talk to other men online and go on dates

[@skaterman8180]

It’s so easy to see from the outside that this relationship will never work and should be broken immediately

[@c.edales740]

Yes . They are so wrong for each other. Its on both parts.

[@patriciasadlertrainor6771]

Yes, she doesn't want to say goodbye, but isn't happy with him. They should take a break, and maybe a permanent one. He's so hesitant but has said he wants out. If they marry it will be even worse.

[@terryellis7692]

10000% I was like nope time to end this. It's forced. Not natural

[@deirdrekiely6187]

But when girls are IN WUVVVVVVVVVVVVV they think every dysfunctional relationship should be saved.

[@drollette08]

True

[@sophiep4829]

I gasped when he said lexi instead of audrey

[@annlatham]

I believe that’s her fake aww to protect her privacy. I thought the same at first too

[@tinak2576]

“Sometimes he’s in it, he’s really in it.” Honey, he needs to want to be in it all the time.

[@veronicasuarez3677]

She knows the answer, she is just struggling to accept it. It hurts now, but ending it will save her from more heartache. My dad once told me after I ended an engagement (6 years together) when I was younger "it hurts now, but you'll look back and realize it was the best decision you can make" ..... he was right.

[@ashleyduckworthyt3224]

I wish I had a dad who said things like that to me. I would’ve learned so many lessons sooner

[@blueStarKitt7924]

Bless your dad.❤

[@theluckienurse]

I was literally her. With a guy for four years who had 1 foot in 1 foot out and “wanted to marry me” but wasn’t sure if I was “the one”. I’m now married to a man who was sure about me after our first date and proposed after a little over a year. One day she’s gonna be so happy that things did not work out with this man, And she’s going to see how unhealthy the situation was for the both of them.

[@paolalopez518]

💯

[@d.baileyspeaks]

Every woman is. All men have sexual needs but women don’t take them seriously.

[@ST-rj8iu]

Women need to focus on how men see things sometimes. It might not matter to a woman a man proposes quickly, but it matters to men. You are right, when they know, they don't hesitate. He is stringing her along until the right one arrives.

[@teenyverse7707]

I'm sure that guy is regretting for treating you the way he did... he missed out...

[@andrew8168]

​@@teenyverse7707Chad doesnt regret.

[@roxannemoreno2012]

When he shows you who he is...believe him!!

[@dw5192]

“He makes me feel disgusting.” GURL RUUN‼️‼️‼️ WTF Also if you don’t like his family, there’s a reason. They raised him and you’d be stuck with them too.😥😥

[@leahb.1393]

My Mom always said, don’t let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you. It’s time to let go sweetheart

[@coriemmett1363]

Good advice!

[@nope9790]

Is your mom Judge Lynn Toler?

[@user-ig9ri5er1c]

Absolutely!!

[@SarahHunt]

I have a friend who just filed for divorce because they’ve been married 25 years and he is still continuing to have emotional/online affairs with other women. This was the 9th or 10th time, and she’s finally calling it. Aubrey, do not put yourself through that hell. Get out now.

[@deirdrekiely6187]

tell your friend to clean out the bank accounts - NOW. Because this guy is sketchy and might leave her high and dry financially.

[@flowerchild3312]

​@@deirdrekiely6187And get a good Lawyer!!!

[@lindajones4811]

The sad thing that women don’t get it cause this behavior doesn’t get any better. This is not how men think! If you stay with a man who display cunning and disrespectful behavior early on and you don’t leave they think you’re not strong enough to stand up for yourself! Men don’t respect women who don’t respect themselves!

[@flowerchild3312]

@@lindajones4811 That's why if married you want to hire a good lawyer , That way you get what you are entitled to monetary wise money home. Than you see who get's the last laugh !!!

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Unlikely they weren't physical, at least some of them.

[@hellybelle5]

He asked him a question, and he asked him what he asked! I don't think he was even listening 😢

[@yanasinyawski7475]

I wish John would do follow up episodes on some of these phone calls. Would be really interesting to see 1-2 years down the road

[@hillarybillary21]

I’ve never heard in someone’s voice how little he actually cares for his partner. My goodness, she’s desperate. Heartbreaking.

[@patpatmoomoo5524]

Try listening to testimony from Scott Peterson or Chris Watts

[@hillarybillary21]

@@patpatmoomoo5524 ah ya ok you’re right. But they’re raging psychopaths. I meant in the “normal” spectrum

[@flyandshy00]

You don't need to be a killer to be a psychopath. Psychopath is a cunning person who just takes and doesn't feel anything for anyone just like Kyle. @@hillarybillary21

[@satomlin1]

You can tell by the tone of his voice; a giggling sound in his voice initially. Thank goodness John, you made him face it.

[@nathaliekovacs8140]

He could not possibly care less about her. Poor girl I don’t know how she’s still holding on to this dude

[@omiyinkaogunsegun5012]

Girl RUN!!, RUN!!, RUN!! This guy did not even wait for that "so-called" 7 year itch within a marriage. He is not ready!! He has not done anything physical with anybody? Yeah right!! Get rid of him!!!

[@jennysantana1687]

He is probably ready, just not for her. He'll give the next girl all that she craves...

[@alyssafuller6306]

I had completely forgotten about the 7nyeat itch concept oh my gosh, I think that's what me and my partner just went through

[@danielleelias685]

I agree. If they can't even get physical and they're not even married yet, she needs to run. It's not gonna get better with marriage. And he won't be faithful either.

[@cjlive5182]

@@jennysantana1687and in front of her

[@LKre-vi5oq]

Kyle is not ready to make any commitment. Aubrey needs to move on. Sorry, dear girl, the guy can't tell the truth to save his life. Save yourself and avoid a world of pain.

[@madisonlaughs]

He called her Lexi ON AIR. He ain't it, Aubry.

[@LadyWhistled0wn]

She already knows what she needs to do. She just needs HIM to dump HER. She’s incapable of ending it even though she knows she should.

[@Songbird36able]

Yep!

[@RG-hf4et]

She's incapable of ending it & letting this guy go bc this is a self esteem problem. She also down deep wants that wedding gown & fairy tale wedding most females dream about. Plus, all of her friends are probably getting married & she doesn't want to be out of the loop. I really feel for her, but this is not a stand up guy to marry.

[@dannelle17]

@@RG-hf4et Yeah but when Prince “Charming” keeps trying to escape the castle…………..

[@STak-ju7gx]

This is exactly it. She wants to know that she gave it her best shot and it's failure wasn't her fault. It will give her the closure to know that it just wouldn't have been and any negative cpnsequence wasn't her making.

[@RG-hf4et]

@@dannelle17 She already knows that her Prince Charming 🤴 isn't so charming!

[@Tamar-sz8ox]

After 5 years . He said he’s confused , he said he’s done . Let her go . Let him go. It’s painful , but use the pain to move you forward .

[@johniii8147]

I credit him for saying he's done. So they both need to just move on.

[@astrea79]

Yup breakups suck but sometimes they can be very necessary and healing.

[@catherinewilke5583]

He sounds done and like a hood rat. Why won’t she just leave?

[@onlyhispresenceohp2607]

Not confused! Just too cowardly to let her know he wants out of the relationship - -periodd

[@CanadianHeather]

Lexi… I mean Aubrey. This guy isn’t your person.

[@brittneyrichmond6724]

End things. He will never stop. You will never feel good enough.

[@LiliAnaJP17]

That “Lexi, I mean Aubry” my heart snapped in half for her

[@BlueDauntless]

Apparently it’s an alias. So he called her by her real name

[@simpleman5932]

Obviously. That's why there was no backlash from either her or John when he used the wrong name. Because he was just using her real name instead of the alias. People online can be so ignorant lol

[@J-B-P]

I thought the same but when he did it the second time, I realized it’s just the fake name they were instructed to use for the purposes of this show, to protect their identities.

[@Ginn823]

He did it twice! Said I love Lexi but talking bout Aubrey and nothing was even said about it! Crazy! I ain't never heard nothing bout no aliases while listening to this show but..whateves!

[@followhim4425]

Yes, he said that twice!

[@Daisyarepink]

Girl leave! I left my fiancé for doing the exact same thing 3 weeks ago. I FINALLY LEFT!!! It will hurt but better than being hurt for years

[@ibabymomx3]

💯💯💯

[@luisfernando5998]

I hope u didn’t let ur fiancé use u …. Feel sad for the guy marrying u then

[@carolinenachtrab4357]

Good for you! Respectfully, you could use this time to see a psychologist, who can help you find the tools to love yourself more.

[@jennacisterman7479]

@@luisfernando5998 you must have a lot of time on your hands to go and comment something about being “used” or damaged goods on every comment from a woman claiming that she left a partner she was formerly with. You clearly are very passionate about the subject of other peoples sexual marketplace value, is it perhaps because you have none of your own? Because your a little low on the totem pole and are resentful that women will have sex with men that don’t even treat them well but you can’t find any that want to have sex with you? Maybe you should call in to talk to John because you very evidently have some cinderblocks in your backpack that you seem to be carrying around due to your seeming inability to get laid.

[@onlyhispresenceohp2607]

Truth DAT!!! Yet we Blocking who God really has for us!!…Why because stuck in the wrong relationship…

[@Annahbri]

We gotta stop letting these men play with our time.

[@lauraray611]

💯

[@Zola-vf3cb]

When he says Lexie and not her name.. then laughs! I’d be gone right there

[@monicamiller9345]

I was in this girls shoes. And I got married. He ended up having multiple affairs and leaving anyway. Girl please, please, don’t make the same mistake as me. I am now a single mom and he’s already living in a new relationship and moving on with his life with zero hesitation. Please listen to your tears. It will end anyway. Choose it to end NOW. Not 5-10 years from now when your older and exhausted.

[@kimyoung3484]

Thank you 👍♥️💪💪💪

[@peterramirez2184]

Yeah don't be this clown ,just because your married doesn't mean you own him😂

[@monicamiller9345]

@@peterramirez2184 are you calling me a clown?

[@Mombal5]

And kids come along! What a nightmare that would be.

[@tzunano]

​@@peterramirez2184 are you in a happy relationship?

[@prudencek7087]

Dearest Aubrey, the young man told you flat out that he is done. Believe him! He hasn't left because he doesn't want to hurt you and doesn't want to be the bad guy, he's waiting and hoping that you'll leave. By no means do I think he's a bad guy, he's honest and told you straight out. Don't wait for him to make a decision on your life, make the decision yourself. Y'all should NOT be married to each other.

[@anthonybrown06]

All facts well stated. Perfect comment

[@-KMA-]

❤ wisdom and I wish these younger folks would listen to the wisdom but of course they think they know best

[@jonathanmitchell5171]

He’s caught in a guilt spiral. She’s making this marriage happen. He’s too weak to make his life what he wants. Remember, he brought up the arguments not her. We are always taught to win the girls it’s rarely taught how to leave the wrong ones

[@tinahilliard4447]

He referred to her as Lexi twice!!!!!

[@clearsky4003]

Even if he does not want to be the bad guy and hurt the girl, he already did! Why not he leave first would be the best for everyone instead of hoping she leave? I hope he take this lesson to use more of his brain to think before doing anything the next time around! He does not want history repeating again right?

[@cocosmom2852]

He LAUGHED after calling her by a different name!!!!!!!! This guy is EVIL saying him going in a date cheating hurt him too!!? Insane the audacity of some people

[@sheenesechambers7144]

I've been here. I left a 7yr relationship. Once sex leaves, we are done. I'm no longer attracted to you. He kept cheating, being abusive. I didn't want to leave but the day of my 33rd birthday I realized I didn't want waste the rest of my 30s with him bc I gave him the rest of my 20s. We have kids together and I know they didn't deserve to see their mom in pain all day.

[@essenceaquarius9958]

I think she is trying to convince herself that he wants to try when he clearly doesn't.

[@iloveyoiur9r2r]

Exactly. The way he tentatively and uncertainly said “no” after he was asked if he was done says it all.

[@veronicalopez6187]

She wants so badly for it to work out that she doesn’t even see that she deserves more than crumbs.

[@CrownedbyShirley]

It’s better to feel like you wasted 5 years than to waste 5+ years. He’s a cheater, she’s fighting her intuition, she’s not his dream girl, and she doesn’t value herself enough to walk away.

[@charlesbell5500]

Of course not because she's not that beautiful. Kyle's dream girl is a model who he can only get for one night. He doesn't care about marriage. The fact that he's trying to get married shows that he's a dumbass.

[@chrisellely-portlandorreal9004]

Girl stand up!

[@ceecee6219]

It's hard but yes.

[@user-gb9uk6du9m]

I like Dr. Delony! He is transparent, honest and straightforward: Keep It Up!! She is clearly very unhappy and he is Not making sense - Not honest or transparent with her! They do Not sound likely to marry for real.

[@rebeccamartin2381]

My husband had his first emotional affair three days before our wedding and then multiple girls followed. Our marriage was hell for me, but I just kept praying and believing he would change and finally choose me. I finally filed for a divorce after he started a relationship with a coworker. I am now a single mom of 4. I never thought I’d feel happiness again, but honestly I am just so relieved to have escaped that pain and can finally begin healing. Just let this guy go. You WILL be okay without him. Don’t give your heart to a man who won’t cherish and protect it.

[@zoilalulu3798]

These dudes ain't sh!t. Glad you chose yourself, you're worth it!

[@melindaroop1346]

I would have dropped his ass after the emotional affair right before your wedding. You weren't his first choice and he was just using you until he got who he really wanted. Men are good at that.

[@kimberlybarry8357]

​@@melindaroop1346Why do men do that? It's wicked.

[@alexavasquez1992]

​@@kimberlybarry8357they're evil

[@rosamaundallen1035]

Why did you proceed with the wedding? You were shown.

[@Opinions-galore24]

He doesn't want her. SHE NEEDS TO REMOVE HERSELF FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP!

[@mari7775]

Unfortunately, things don’t get better… don’t do it. You deserve to be happy.

[@jlf6803]

Dr John, you were good and on target with these young people.

[@standground8284]

*Yes, if the person you claim to love is crying and you aren’t moved by it at all… just leave the relationship!* Edited to add- He’s more than likely desensitized by her crying, especially if she does it during uncomfortable conversations. They’re not doing one another any favors by stringing one another along when they should just end the relationship. Some people are afraid to leave a relationship because of years invested, my first love, etc. They never think to ask themselves, do I want to look back 10-20 years from today and find myself making the same decision to stay or leave this relationship?

[@isay207]

100😢

[@bloomingale7868]

He is desensitized to her crying and drama because he’s told her in more ways than one he’s done. Fool you once shame on him, fool her twice it’s her fault now.

[@DNA350ppm]

@@bloomingale7868 What a lazy coward he is! If he is done -then HE should move on, leave, let her be, tell his parents and church he didn't want to stay. He wants her to fix his new life! OMG!

[@raspberrykissable]

@@DNA350ppmThis!

[@DNA350ppm]

@@thebeegood1731 You do the right thing there - tears are language, too.

[@barbspencer64]

My fiancé began seeing another girl about 4 weeks before our wedding. I was willing to go through with the wedding, but thankfully, he called me 10 days before the wedding and said he couldn't go through with it. While I was sad, I felt such peace that God had intervened and spared me from marrying this man when I was too weak to break the engagement. He married this girl and they divorced a few years later. I married a wonderful man and we've been married 39 years and have 5 children and 9 grandchildren. If you're in doubt about whether he will stay faithful, leave the relationship. It will not get better; it's a sign of what's to come.

[@marcusmagnificus1984]

Wow. God saved you from a life of misery!

[@barbspencer64]

@@marcusmagnificus1984 I have so often thought about that. God had mercy on me.

[@jennysantana1687]

What a beautiful testimony.

[@ciggytwiggy]

Beautiful. You are blessed

[@Her.Serene.Feline.Cuteness.]

So happy for that you got your happy ending. This caller doesn't understand yet that one day, she too will be vindicated. There will be proof one day that he had the problem, not her.

[@PraiseJesus23-n4q]

DEAR WOMAN - YOU ARE FAR BETTER THAN HIM. I HOPE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED AND HAVE FOUND SOMEONE ELSE. LOVE YOURSELF! YOU DESERVE BETTER.❤

[@evitaevita98]

She doesn't want to believe she's wasted five years, but she has. Time to stop wasting more time, Aubrey.

[@howmoon67]

Hey, being in a relationship is never a waste of time. You learn so much about yourself and other people. That is what relationships are for. Ok to learn lessons and move on.

[@elainebmack]

She is in tears less than a minute after she starts talking, and he is totally unmoved. What more is there to say except STOP! End this now! He's just stringing her along while waiting for someone "better".

[@s.m.7635]

He wants out! Tl

[@user-ig9ri5er1c]

Noticed that too…so sad!

[@simpleman5932]

Yeah but also the fact that she's coming on a podcast and just starts bawling immediately tells you that she's probably extremely emotional and he's most likely become desensitized to how emotional she can be. I have been with a woman like this. It is not fair to judge him based upon how she is breaking down. Her mental health and ability to deal with difficult situations is not necessarily indicative of his behavior in the relationship.

[@shells500tutubo]

Three minutes in and I know he's not the one for her. Forget how long you have been together. That is time spent to see of you should STAY together. And she shouldn't. This is the best it is going to be. Marriage does not make a person better or more committed. As Maya Angelou said, "when a person shows you who they are, believe them THE FIRST TIME."

[@rebeccabrown1951]

Some women are just so anxious to get married they ignore a million red flags.

[@user-semperfifly]

Aubrey, sweet girl… if you’re in tears like this and feeling this way during your engagement (which should be the absolute happiest & best time of your life) just imagine WHAT you will go through and feel like in a marriage with this arrogant and selfish boy jerk. DO NOT MARRY HIM. You’ll regret it down the line.

[@anitas5817]

People don’t realize that you can genuinely care about someone but not be right for each other.

[@Mom99004]

Absolutely. You can be in love and let them go!

[@kelrogers8480]

Or you can be trauma bonded to an asshole and not realise it!

[@irener3259]

Hard, but true

[@ashleyunderwood4855]

No. Him messaging others is not because they aren’t right or wrong for each other. It’s him being a pos.

[@ennuiblue4295]

​@@ashleyunderwood4855 I do believe he cares about her on some level, but he cares about himself a whole lot more. He's hurting her more not letting her go

[@LBC13]

Nope! Run girl!

[@CarlaHowatt]

"Kyle why haven't you bailed yet?" should really be "Aubrey, why haven't YOU bailed yet?"

[@beckyc3127]

If you’re not his one, he is NOT your one! Don’t force it. Move on and look for someone who cherishes you and wants no one but you.

[@streamerssaymyname]

It looks like they grew up religious and believe because they went all the way together they need to marry.