I Don’t Enjoy Life Outside of Work

[@NickWaddell]

She opened up the call saying shes been “happily married” for 5 yrs.. but listening to this, it sounds anything but happy lol. I credit her for trying to be positive, but it’s pretty obvious she’s lost respect for her husband. I swear so so many people married folks are secretly miserable but refuse to acknowledge it

[@SaystheTruth3]

So true.... it's sad.

[@floydestelle6242]

When women grew bigger leg eggs than men

[@devnerdgirl4638]

Why respect? I respect plenty of people that I would never marry. Maybe it’s an American thing, but I married my husband for love.

[@boston312]

Well the 50 percent divorce rate speaks for itself. Makes you wonder how many of the other 50 % so called successful marriages are actually happy

[@rustyshackleford6637]

​@floydestelle6242 bigger dicks

[@americangirl8970]

I used to feel that way as a teenager. I would volunteer to work holidays and work for people who needed time off. The camaraderie of work was more enjoyable than the stress of home.

[@genxx2724]

Wow. I grew up in the hills outside town, so I couldn’t get to a job. If we had lived in town, I could have done the same. That would have been a very good escape.

[@boston312]

the stress was from the husband?

[@supernova11711]

I couldn’t deal with this. My husband works his ass off for 8 months out of the year and then gets 4 off. He’s a seasonal worker. When we first met and he told me this I thought he might drive me crazy for those 4 months but it’s actually the opposite. Every year he gets all the stuff accomplished that we usually tend to put off. He goes through clutter and organizes. He does home renovations. He cleans the house and shovels the walks. He even does our taxes. He gets sh*t done! I’ve come to love the winter months lol. It’s about drive. I couldn’t deal with a lazy partner that expects to be carried. If her husband lost his job, finding a new one BECOMES his new job. AND, in the meantime, there’s probably plenty of other things he can be doing to help out and make his wife’s life easier. I think the main point is that it needs to be a partnership! Two people working together. Relationships where one person is expected to do EVERYTHING isn’t a relationship at all…it’s parenting.

[@thecramptons]

Hi five girl! You sound like me. No LAZY MEN😂

[@robertmarshall5982]

Well said !

[@eatnplaytoday]

I have the opposite problem. I don’t enjoy work outside of my life

[@sanitary103]

Lol that’s what i’m saying. I have a good job and nice coworkers but you better believe i’d rather not be there if I could.

[@el676]

That’s completely normal! So don’t worry haha way better that then this woman’s scenario,

[@agnieszkapotyra6909]

Me toooo😂

[@bunjier4041]

Jokes on them, I don’t enjoy work or life

[@Mr.Boring_Man]

I agree with not quitting until you have another job lined up. This decision affects someone else. The original question has an easy answer to it. Get that man out the damn house! Ain't nobody trying to come home to a fully grown adult who's probably still complaining about the last job they quit. Depressed or not? This can be an emotional toll on your partner. If it were her, I'd say the same thing.

[@genxx2724]

He was able to quit his job precisely because he’s married and she’s working.

[@texasgoddess323]

Maybe he’s always been trifling, and she’s been the “man” in the relationship. But now she’s getting tired of it and has loss the respect that a woman must have for her husband. He couldn’t be so casual about working if he were single!

[@thetaxgawd]

Maybe he has tons of savings/investments and can take six months off? We don't know the facts, this was a shallow/silly conversation. I've taken a sabattical and I've noticed it's always people who live/lived paycheck to paycheck saying "YOU CAN"T DO THAT!! YOU"RE A LOSER!!" etc....

[@heileens]

What if you are having a medical problem

[@cheetara639]

I had the same issue and recently lost my relationship. I'm glad the topic was addressed. Thanks Emily for sharing something so personal that is also happening with other people around the world. Thanks Dr John for your perspective, now I know what is going on.

[@fauxbro1983]

I really loved work when my live in alcholic ex girlfriend turned my house into a nightmare. She enjoys work cause her husband is a bum and she doesnt want to be infected with his weakness

[@Davefitz04]

Facts

[@genxx2724]

She enjoys work because it’s an escape from home.

[@fauxbro1983]

@@genxx2724 right, because the husband is a jobless loser.

[@dhazelwood85]

Unless he made a ton of money in the job he quit the financial stress she is under must be incredible. Teachers in Tampa do not get paid much and it is a very expensive city to live in.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

14:21 sums up a lot of this call. If you physically can’t get a job for mental health reasons GO see a counselor. How is sitting on your phone checked out a good solution to helping depression?

[@cashway0420]

Do you have Delony posters on your wall?

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

This husband is getting slammed too hard. He had a job, he hated his job, he moved along from his job. Cool! What he chose to do afterwards hasn't been great. If he is that depressed and has the time, an inpatient clinic may be of great help.

[@Kristen-ek9rz]

You need more compassion John if you're going to be broadcasting on a podcast from someone with a counseling educational background. You don't really know what is going on with this woman's husband. She has every right to feel frustrated. "I don't care" is uncalled for in this situation. You should care.

[@jadedavis822]

Agreed

[@jimv77]

I work at home independently. No real coworker collaboration. No meetings. My manager totally leaves me alone. Christmas party is the only face to face interaction. As an introvert this is heaven.... though also sad.

[@thecramptons]

This is not sad if this is what you prefer and are not being affected negatively. Different strokes for different folks

[@genxx2724]

I think it would be heaven to have quiet and calm and just be able to do my work. It’s very bad trying to concentrate and do important work in the middle of noisy, mindless chaos all day. Don’t feel bad. You can get involved in a social activity of your choice during your time off if you wish. Something in which you can participate as little or as much as you want.

[@imnobodywhoareyouu]

I do work at home alone too. But I also go to the gym, take tennis lessons, go to french lessons, my sister visits me at least once a week and I hang out with my friends during the weekend, or I visit my parents. Life is SOOO much more than what you do at work.

[@genxx2724]

What kind of man sits around and lets his wife knock herself out supporting him?

[@Emptytopfloor]

A bum

[@miketoth7000]

The weak kind

[@boston312]

Why not? Women do it all the time

[@kateruterbories2692]

The modern kind.

[@rustyshackleford6637]

Knock my ass

[@rebeccahenderson7761]

I totally relate. I started a business in 2006 with my husband to help him back in / and it's the worst thing I've ever done. I've worked like a slave most of which was 6.5 days a week. He's contributed 10% to my 90% and now I hate him and cry or rage when I drop something on the floor.

[@zillobeast5257]

Honesty is prolly the only solution

[@TG-to3dv]

I am not happy unless I am busy and working. It’s helped me become widely succesful. The problem is it’s never enough and no matter what I accomplish and have there isn’t happiness at the end. I just keep piling it on.

[@suen5006]

You enjoy being busy but need to figure out what truly brings satisfaction and peace. For most people that's finding meaning in relationships, family, and serving others, perhaps spiritual pursuits. I hope you are able to find contentment and meaning.

[@TG-to3dv]

@@suen5006 thank you for the well wishes.

[@ballisticrooster5541]

A lot of people I think would agree with me on this. But if you have to ask someone or tell someone how to love or treat you its not genuine. Cause than it feels forced and a person man or woman is only doing Cause you asked and not cause they want to. It makes any relationship or marriage very awkward

[@el676]

Amen. Same thing with “what I like in the bedroom” advice.

[@Seamonkey1981]

JD gets hyper focused on the husband and spends the rest of the call beating on him. never says another thing about the wife. it seems like she is a workaholic and leading into burnout.

[@blueravenchick]

She has to pay all the bills by herself???? Men say the dumbest things.... of course she has to work supporting herself and her bum husband. I highly doubt he's doing many domestic duties or making himself useful at all......

[@genxx2724]

I don’t understand a teacher doing “volunteer work “in her spare time. Their job is already public service, and it’s very demanding. They need to rest and take care of their home when they’re off work.

[@eeayquetting5963]

​@@genxx2724exactly no time left for herself or no time left for her husband, it seems like everything in the world is more important to this lady than her relationship and her own well-being

[@Candace-M-]

You cannot make real change until you're real and honest about your current status. Her husband always being on his phone while she's gone makes me think he might also have an *addiction*. A lot of these men stay online for hours in a day on that stuff. Another thing... Dr. John says no mom wants to have intimate relations with her son but that's definitely happened 🤢 Maybe he should add "No mom in her right mind" to that.

[@stephaniehidalgo6281]

What is it with all these calls about Husbands not working or looking for jobs. What a huge turnoff.

[@PureJoySkinCareWaxStudio]

Get a job first, then quit. 💯

[@jennifershray4962]

If he is getting defensive, that is a huge tell. Girl take care of you.

[@bunniewood]

This guy has good advice but his intros are so annoying.

[@faraha2826]

I agree but I think he jokes to lighten the mood because he deals with some heavy subjects.

[@DominickSpano]

I love Dr. John, but I sort of have to say it is easy for these guys to tell others to get a job when they all have great jobs working for Dave. I do think it is dumb as heck to quit a job with no other job, but imagine the husand has multiple advanced degrees, maybe IDK a JD or MD, do you know how hard it is to bag groceries with that? I am not saying his advice is unsound or bad, but it is hard to get some low end job geared towards a teenager when you were a professional.

[@jackdeniston59]

Yeah have to be wary of physically exhausting jobs too, That is a real hill to climb that these guys, and all women, have no clue, no clue at all about.

[@DominickSpano]

@@jackdeniston59 Also if the shoe was on other foot would they immediately tell the female at home to work? Would the females on Ramsey Solutions say that to female callers? Unsure, but I go toward not so much.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@DominickSpanoTo be fair, he’s said several times women who were financially struggling they needed a job. It also doesn’t sound like this couple has kids because she would have mentioned if he was a SAHD.

[@fire12731]

But what Dr John is saying is that when you are working you are in that mode and mindset of employment. A job even if it’s not the greatest could lead to something that you didn’t expect. An employer seeing you work hard at a grocery store and have pride and care in your job will respect you, especially if you are humbling yourself and making ends meet. You can learn new things you didn’t expect. You could work your way up. I hear what you’re saying

[@DominickSpano]

@@flashthecorgi2053 I understand and I am not necessarily throwing shade at them. I don't even full disagree. But a grown man is unemployed and probably down, so having a naggy wife come home to yell at him daily is the solution? But I do have less empathy for the man b/c he quit his job w/ no job in tow. Not a great plan.

[@brightpage1020]

My 1st gut reaction to the title question is: that’s nobody’s fault but you’re own. Now cross out “fault” and put in “responsibility” over that. To empower yourself. But I know with Deloney callers there is always more, or deeper or complicating details. That’s what makes this show so addictive. Because it’s so revealing and so many of us can relate, silently, to those brave enough to call.

[@90charim]

The biggest red flags and the most funniest is when they start off with a problem but quick to say “but I’m in a happy marriage!” Uuummm are you are you really!?? 😅 I wonder what make us lie to ourselves or what allows us to tolerate things we deeply do not have care for or that’s depleting us! I wish we could all heal so we don’t be living a life full of delusions

[@erikaerika7788]

Stay home husband😂😂😂😂

[@el676]

Johnnn.. he’s been doing better but once again falls into these cringey anti-man, I’m holier than thou complexes. at least offer one of your “it could be this OR this” talks. He can’t resist an opportunity to air his daddy issues and talk badly about a husband with a female on the call.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

What do you mean he was completely fair in this call he said If you just can’t work because of depression go see a counselor! How is that not fair?

[@chereeburtner4659]

I just interviewed for a job in a nursing home. They are in need of help all the time. Get a job today!

[@pinkpixiepeony4407]

Her husband gaslights her. I find it very suspect that he is on his phone constantly. I hope she starts to put away money for herself, go to counseling, and begin an exit strategy out of this marriage. Period.

[@jenniferpetti859]

Oh please. Her husband can even work at McDonald’s..Any job is better than no job…

[@boston312]

In America your life is work. She should just work more hours to numb herself or exhaust herself from thinking about life when she is not at work. Sounds like the husband is just living off her. If they divorce he can get her for a few years of alimony

[@ST-rj8iu]

get help!

[@cw5948]

This lady lives to work 😂

[@bufficliff8978]

I don't enjoy work or life

[@cl5193]

She's going 100 mph. Her husband is going 0 mph. She doesn't respect him.

[@chuckdameron5626]

He can make good money drive Uber in Tampa at least he got a job or work at Publix they all ways looking for help or a 7 11 store any thing

[@Richie2k6]

This call got more and more disgusting as it went on. Dr. John ALWAYS does this and he needs to be called out for it. "I don't care. He needs to get a job" "He's a grown infant man child" "Tell him you don't respect him" "Have you told him you don't feel loved?" "What do I do when he gets defensive?" "That's what children do." All of these quotes referring to a man who isn't working right now, and they both admitted he is GOING THROUGH DEPRESSION. And then he proceeds to rail on him by calling him an infant man child or that if he gets defensive in a heated discussion he's acting like a child? Simply ask yourselves this: If this was a man calling about his wife sitting at home not working (while they have no kids), WOULD DR. JOHN TELL THE MALE CALLER THESE SAME THINGS ABOUT HIS WIFE? OR WOULD HE HAVE COMPASSION AND SUPPORTIVE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THE MALE CALLER'S WIFE INSTEAD? The amount of biased, sexist assumptions Dr. John makes when women call is INSANE. This woman called because she doesn't feel happy outside of work and within MINUTES Dr. John turned it into a "let's bash your husband and call him a child and tell him you don't respect him because he's depressed and not working right now". Really? That's how you handle depressed people's spouses, Dr. John? Such a disappointing call, and he ALWAYS handles these calls these ways. A woman calling about sadness in her life is immediately shifted to "Let's break down why this is all your husband's fault". I thought in 2024 gender roles were supposed to be dead and gone? Interesting how people choose to revive them only when it benefits them. How do we know this woman isn't unhappy outside of work because she has no friends? How do we know she isn't a bad friend? How do we know she isn't extremely socially awkward? How do we know she isn't depressed and has no hobbies? How do we know she isn't unhappy because she's tired, because she works 60 hours + volunteers + grad school while being 50 pounds overweight? How do we know she didn't grow up in a traumatic household where she worked a lot as a kid and now she doesn't know how to turn it off? How do we know she isn't failing to meet HIS needs? It doesn't matter to Dr. John. It's just "Oh, you're a female caller? Let's dig deeper into why nothing is your fault. Oh, you have a husband? This is easy - let's make him the bad guy. He probably plays video games. He probably throws temper tantrums. He's probably a man child. You shouldn't respect him." I can't tell if this is a therapy show or just a show where Dr. John decides to come to his own conclusions and name calls men when their wives call in with problems in their lives. It's EXTREMELY unprofessional.

[@evil1143]

I've noticed that as well, dephony always sides with the women I don't know if he thinks it's going to make his show or his little book more popular or what but it's really annoying watching him do this episode after episode only ever interested in one side of the story.

[@GAFB1122]

Men need to man up!! I'm a guy, and I take care of my responsibilities.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Why would you want to respect a man who doesn’t work and plays on his phone all day? I’m sorry you’re mad that Delony is calling a spade a spade but have you ever heard Delony call a responsible, driven husband a child?… No, didn’t think so. This guy is seriously a man child. If you truly have depression go see a counselor and he’s unwilling to do that as well. Also, let’s just call this out just because Delony is “harder” on men doesn’t mean he cares for them any less. He just understands the mans perspective better than a woman so he feels he can speak into the conversation more. Plus Delony has been laid low with depression and so again, he knows how that feels!

[@joshgoodman101]

I 100% agree with you. He doesn't dig deep enough to find out all the facts before he rushes into putting all the blame on the male in the relationship. And the name calling is very demeaning and unnecessary. I really wish this show had both partners on the call at the same time. I have a feeling his advice would end up being dramatically different.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@joshgoodman101 Please explain what more he needs to know besides the guy is unemployed and sits on his phone most of the day while his wife works 60 hours a week as a teacher? AND again, he did caveat by saying if you physically work because of mental health reasons to go see a counselor! Also, having both sides haven’t really worked out for the guy so far. Did you watch the “we are on the verge of divorce call?” 😳

[@micahwright5901]

John. You gotta stop tearing into womens’ husbands as soon as you hear they don’t have jobs. We understand you value work ethic and you’re right, but you made the second caller’s problem all about him which you claim you don’t want to do. She had stated she’s learning empathy for him and despite the fact that he likely needs to take finding work more seriously, calling a woman’s husband a man-child especially in the closing statement is immensely disrespectful to everyone involved. This is an area you need to work on because slandering someone’s partner with this little information is very dangerous and downright unprofessional. Love you, man. I listen to your show every week!

[@flashthecorgi2053]

I really don’t think he slandered the guy. He was super fair and said if he physically can’t work because of mental health issues he needs to go see someone! I mean it’s pretty clear why she feels so miserable when she gets home. Her husband is depressed and checked out. What John said is right and fair! Calling him a man child is just calling a spade a spade. I mean you heard he gets defensive when she tries to talk to him instead of listening and honoring her.

[@mellowbirddreamer77]

My mother in law is in a similar situation. She's working several hours a day making over 200k and her husband does absolutely nothing except play on his phone all day. He likes watching conspiracy videos. When she comes home he treats her like crap. Then she treats him like crap then they attack each other all day. They're marriage looks fucking miserable but they both come over during the holidays to me and my husbands because they don't have friends. I don't like having them around. My husband doesn't either but he knows she'll cry if she's not invited over 😵‍💫

[@joshgoodman101]

Well said OP.

[@janetr5929]

He needs an ultimatum now. Losing respect for the non working partner who has many excuses is true. Been there done that. Once respect is gone there’s no going back.

[@boston312]

But they took a vow till.death do us part. Not untill unemployment do we part.

[@sitka49]

I was just wonder when John will start getting neck and face tat's, so he can look like a real ex-con.

[@JD-jg7jx]

Hurryyy!!!

[@rarebird_82]

She needs to have some kids of her own with a stronger provider, instead of being the provider and mothering not just other peoples kids but her husband.

[@dobrasil8479]

I dont understand people not standing a job to the point the need to quit and be w/o work. Unless it is a danger to your life, you just don't quit.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

She’s escaping the reality at home.

[@aimeevargas4016]

You have a mother-child relationship. That’s a bind. You need to take back some hours and invest them in yourself.

[@dachater1]

Did he answer her question 🙋🏼‍♀️

[@ruthirwin8222]

Wow great advice

[@stephaniec5215]

“He’s just really not interested in working…”. Edited: John said to accuse him of ‘not being honest’. Based on she said they ‘talked about plans’ when they were first married? They took VOWS to include for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer. They are in it - for better, for worse. He’s living out his VOWS honestly. How frickin messed up is John’s advice to tell him ‘I don’t feel loved in this home’ and the ONLY way she can feel loved is if he has a job? Yikes. Again, why take vows if you’re going to manipulate your spouse with boo hoo you must work or else I don’t feel luuuuvvvveeeddd!

[@calebburghardt3391]

Are you the husband? 😂

[@big123lak]

If that’s manipulation how is he not manipulating her too lmao 🤣 I can make a case that any human interaction is manipulation

[@riseagain9677]

True, true

[@Price8903]

So because of vows quit and don’t have a game plan and put the burden of the running and maintaining a house hold solely on one person…?

[@cookinsteve9281]

The BME280 in tandem with an ESP32 can create a simple web ui displaying air quality index information. Make sure the air you are breathing isn’t polluted!

[@Jswilk830]

An there is the underline issue of why she’s unhappy outside of her work like… The husband’s not pulling his weight financially…

[@evanl889]

What do you know, another episode that turns into a wife calling in to get the husband blamed for her issues. Almost every call these days is basically that same thing. Get John to validate me that my husband is the problem in my life.

[@eeayquetting5963]

You're right the call started out with her not being happy with her life because from my point of view she has taken on way too much and has left herself no time or space to actually have an enjoyable personal life. Get pretty quickly it all becomes the husband's fault because he's going through the same thing I'm trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life. They're both in a crossroads where they need to figure out what they want to do with their lives and what is most fulfilling to them but it becomes all his fault

[@williamjohn8633]

Now i know why divorce rates are nearly half. Stop promoting this stupid thing

[@john1425]

John I swear to God I am going to fly to Nashville myself and take that SICK OF IT ALL ALBUM OFF YOUR DAMN MANTLE! You've got a whole closet full of Social Distortion gear and I could live with that, my wife and daughter think they are cute. Sick of It All is crossing the line.

[@judisterlynn7896]

I know that feeling about work is my life. I work with insurance, and I feel horrible if not at work.

[@HLTrds]

I’m the same way!!! We love helping people’s

[@johngallo4159]

Hi Dr john,im happy married, NOT!

[@amiraguereca3596]

A marriage is 50/50

[@extremecarpetcleaning-wvwi86]

So many men deal with women who don't want to work and most people don't care. Men are only loved for what we can provide. Its really sad because we don't care if women work or not. We marry for love not money. I wouldn't lose respect for my wife if she decided not to work, we would just have to learn to live within our means. Beans and rice would be on the menu. 😂

[@chelsmaria]

Comment section is interestingly divided by folks who felt his advice was anti-man, and others in the opposite direction who thought Dr. John wasn't hard enough on the husband. A few thought it was just right or in the middle. I agree that he seems consistently more firm on his expectations of fathers and husbands compared to women, but that makes sense to me. He should be harder on his own gender, just as women should harder on theirs. We gatekeep our own the most safely. And lets be honest, men are more likely to fall into complacency and passiveness compared to women. That fact is Biblical too. Women, we have our own issues of being too controlling in the opposite direction. That's also Biblical. Therefore, the best person to come down hard on a man is another man. This gal needs a lady in her life to help her come to Jesus with her own problems too.

[@LumerasLight1201]

Get into great shape, go out without him, meet new people, improve the way you style yourself and most importantly stop complaining. Expression of your needs only sounds like nagging to him. Give the impression that you no longer care enough to waste one more ounce of breathe on him. Carry yourself like a woman preparing to reenter the dating market and let your actions speak louder than your words.

[@BubbaSnipe03]

First

[@90charim]

He has high narcissistic traits aka emotional and mentally abusive

[@JFuckinMoney]

I feel like this while at the gym