I Failed My Girlfriend’s “Test”

[@tkbreen1381]

People who test their spouses don’t want a partner, they want an obedient pet

[@Playingwithproxies]

You can’t fail a “test” they can only fail the relationship by trying to test you.

[@Iamam313]

not necessarily, maybe her daddy was a shitty husband and father and she couldn't trust men unless she had proof (in certain situations). Unfortunately this is a valid cause.

[@raybohlander5502]

​ @Iamam313 no it's not.... her daddy issues have nothing to do with his relationship with her... she's the problem and should fix herself so she doesn't feel like it's necessary to "test" her boyfriend

[@kathyp1563]

Another viewpoint... She is looking for excuses not to marry him. Often girls are so afraid of hurting a guy's feelings, or being mean, she ends up being more mean & hurting his feelings more. Again, this is very immature.

[@tyronewilson7890]

@@Iamam313this sounds like an issue that she needs to figure out before she gets into a relationship

[@TMPS93]

John is right on the money here. The whole situation is toxic. Once you have someone "testing" you, you have to walk on eggshells 24/7 and that's just no way to live

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

I listen to country and rock, my gf listens to some pop, and some emo stuff. Whichever car we are in that person plays what they want. We haven’t had any issues.

[@amde8554]

She’s not mature enough to be a wife

[@Wagyubaby]

Definitely a red flag! Walk briskly (actually RUN) in the other direction! My current partner had a (now) ex-wife who constantly tested him in their marriage. And would make him feel small when he failed her tests. Over many years, she seemed to delight in him failing her tests. He was constantly walking on egg shells, never knowing when he was going to next “fail” and then be on the receiving end of her displeasure. After 35 years he finally gathered the strength to walk away and value himself again. He’s been separated 4 years and we met a 2 years ago and he is a wonderful person who doesn’t have to prove anything to me. I love him unconditionally - for all his amazing qualities, and even more for his faults. I will never test his love for me, because I never need to. I know exactly who he is and respect him totally. And he is the exact same with me. We are grateful for each other every day. The idea of “testing” your partner shows innate distrust and you need to dig deep and ask yourself why you are even doing that? His ex was testing him before they got married too. If he had only known what unconditional love was at the start … and never married her … he would have saved himself 35 years of heart ache. I agree with John here entirely. RUN!!!

[@dennischiapello7243]

She’s not mature enough to have a boyfriend!

[@lupitaocon5832]

@@johnsmith-kt7ef😅

[@ferngulleyhomestead]

She’s not wife material. She’s incredibly immature. Dude, move on and I’m sure there’s a wonderful woman waiting for you elsewhere.

[@Whiskey_Jane]

Can't find the right one while your still with the wrong one. I was with a few controlling spouses and thank my lucky stars now it didn't work out. Did they change who knows but it also isn't my problem. Find someone who wants to be with you for you. Great work John.❤❤

[@vittoriagnecchi5783]

You have to wonder what kind of traumatic childhood produced someone who would behave like that - not a way to excuse her, btw, I'm relieved the caller is free.

[@BlackStump172]

@@vittoriagnecchi5783She sounds like a spoilt brat .

[@erudite1987]

The problem is most American women are not wife material in a traditional way. Most women are a liability unfortunately. They are not helpmates for sure......

[@cuivre2004]

There may not be another one that comes along, but that will be better than living with this manipulative girl.

[@thatonelxser512]

Hey! Easton is my brother, and I’d like to say how proud I am of him. He’s come a long way from this relationship, and is pretty happy now! I love to see him grow from this, and be able to learn and gain from the relationship. This call has definitely helped him a lot, so thank u!! ❤

[@Sorchia56]

I’m so pleased to hear that! He deserves so much more respect. Very, very pleased he didn’t get back together with the girl.

[@Topself24]

Thank God he didn’t get back with her

[@nanmn9050]

It's so nice to hear a positive outcome from a crummy situation. The girl was immature at best; a liar and manipulator at her worst. It sounds like Easton has a loving and supportive family and friends. He will be a wonderful husband to a lucky woman when the time is right.

[@jessynachobusiness8619]

How nice! Thank goodness!😅

[@cynthiaholland13]

That's wonderful. Please send him our best, let him know we are praying for him and thank him for being vulnerable and open for our learning.

[@builtontherockhomestead9390]

She might think she tested him, but in reality she lied to him. She isn't an honest person can never be trusted.

[@tia-mariasmith8538]

That’s a really good point. She did deceive him! Why would you do that to someone you love?

[@judyperri9496]

And yet men do it all the time

[@baitroyale6070]

@@judyperri9496you have been hurt which is fine, but to simply point at a singular gender as being the problem is not right. Both men and women lie, let’s get over the sexism that is spreading across this generation.

[@Bowens443]

@@judyperri9496 yes women have never lied ever they are perfect angels

[@deana1938]

It sounds like she deceived him in order to have an excuse to get out of the relationship. She sounds very immature, and IMO, he's lucky she did that. It probably saved him a lifetime of deceit.

[@lizr5287]

Something is definitely wrong with this girl, move on.

[@carolyntgghanderson4139]

She is very insecure

[@John.Christopher]

Is it really immature of her is Giselle is banging the jujitsu coach?

[@GameChanger597]

She's legalistic. That is a serious problem among Christians because they get caught in a trap of making everything evil which is not what Jesus died for and it's no way to live

[@vegandolls]

and there's something very wrong with him too. like he's missing a spine

[@generalali7609]

@@vegandollshe isn’t missing a spin, he is trying to be a good person according to his religious beliefs and he saw that even though those things felt small to him they were very big for the person he loved and wanted to marry. Also there was some truth to what she was saying according to this religious beliefs so he felt shame. She was using their religion to shame him. It’s unfortunate but it’s the people that really try hard to do what’s right that can be easily shamed by people that want to control them.

[@janwells2199]

Finding out someone's character doesn't mesh with yours is actually a successful dating experience! That's the whole point.

[@teresamagnusson]

I think she did the right thing.

[@josephmbimbi]

And walking away when you find that out. You don't want to try to build a relationship on "hopes", and continuously try to convince yourself of this and that to keep going. But that is also in some way a successful learning experience, you figured out you had less maturity and perhaps character and integrity as you thought you had. Bonus points if you manage to confront yourself, without dodging, but with compassion (my own experience lol).

[@heatherchandler1184]

LOTS of people don’t seem to get this. Well said 🎯

[@faarfaat8010]

Exactly❤!

[@TheErtybgh]

Testing your partner is wrong. Period. If you have trust issues then get help for yourself.

[@metronomegoldstrat]

John in every other call: "I can´t tell you what to do, ..." John in this call: "Dude, RUN!" lol (I agree btw)

[@gambers20001]

Lol 😂 so right. Sometimes it is so obvious someone is toxic.

[@iwwqytv]

Usually they are married when he says he won't tell them what to do. A little less complicated when they are just courting.

[@j.t.1086]

​@@iwwqytv plus they're already broken up

[@GameChanger597]

​He was able to say it bc they weren't married yet. Dr John is trying to save this guy's life 😂 Legalistic "christians" have no joy in life bc they make everything about the devil instead of Jesus

[@jvogt4643]

Leave …. Your marriage… You forgot the married part

[@christyliberge4189]

She "baited" him with sexual temptation. He went with it because he loved her and she punished him for it. She Failed to love Him.

[@teresamagnusson]

She found him out

[@nervermore867]

Let’s be honest here, he went with it because, despite what he had made her believe, abstaining isn’t a core value of his.

[@teresamagnusson]

​@@nervermore867I like this test. She found out that he didn't share her values.

[@teresamagnusson]

I love how every comment is supporting him. The excuses men make for each other is crazy. He was tested, and he failed. She got her answer.

[@LivingOnCash]

@@teresamagnusson No, she deceived him. What was the point of her "test"? He was fine with waiting until they were married but she said she is okay with not waiting so he agreed with her. Then she says she was just testing you so in truth, she was dishonest. She revealed her true values (or lack thereof).

[@jh26pt2]

Let some other dude make the mistake of trying to "pass" her "tests", and find another woman, one who is actually secure enough in herself to be in a relationship.

[@teresaneumann8505]

Right!!!

[@AshleyLebedev]

Well said!

[@Wagyubaby]

This right here!!!

[@OtisFlint]

She'll be alone her whole life.

[@standground8284]

She only has those test for genuinely decent men. Chad and Tyrone are exempt from those tests, pop quiz and final exams.

[@angeronal]

WOW!! I have never heard Dr. John say, "RUN FROM THIS!" Good for him. My heart goes out to this young man who sounds sincere and honest and like he'd be a wonderful, loving, caring husband. She's not The One. Not at all. God, what a hurtful person she seems to be. 'Easton', this wasn't your fault.

[@BlackStump172]

He was almost a victim . At least , he was not intimate with her and that should help with the healing . It sounds as though his friends are there supporting him and I will bet that they could not stand her . If all of your friends and family don’t like your partner , think again .

[@joetheboy04]

RUN from this woman. For the sake of your future kids run!!

[@Scarlitcorpse]

Truth

[@Kellendras1]

And the sake of himself

[@iam_jwelz]

Right guy, pure intentions, wrong woman.

[@KendraSmith087]

I haven’t even watched the video yet, but based on the title.. if your girlfriend is testing you, she is not wife material.

[@Playingwithproxies]

On the money 💰

[@MrDedvalson]

She is very manipulative and controlling! Run!

[@BirdDogey1]

She probably has a Chad on the side.

[@RoyalMasterpiece]

Jezebel!

[@kathyp1563]

From a female viewpoint... It seems like she is looking for reasons to NOT marry him. She didn't want to marry him, but was too childish to say so. Sometimes girls are so afraid of hurting a guys feelings, she ends up hurting him so much more than if she was direct. This is very immature. She is spiritualizing not wanting to marry him. Now she can tell herself that she broke up because he is not her spiritual equal--which is shaming him.

[@chupachuuups706]

@@kathyp1563true. Or they break up with you mentally months before they do so physically.

[@tyronewilson7890]

@@kathyp1563I agree, you don’t breakup with someone you love for something small like that. Even the fact that she set him up. All the pieces come together and make sense. She didn’t want to marry him and didn’t know how to breakup with him so she walked him into a trap to use as an excuse.

[@Chet_24]

Count yourself lucky she showed the crazy before you married her. Much cheaper this way. This lady sounds nuts!

[@Topself24]

Lol yeah she could wait lol

[@cuivre2004]

Yeah- he just THOUGH he was going to get "lucky"- but she pulled the bed out from under him.

[@MrAgnosticman]

This guy is right to feel sad about the relationship ending, but he should feel happy that he ended up dodging a bullet with this girl. She showed her true character and he should be relieved that this happened before he got married to her. Then he'd be stuck with her. Now he's free.

[@BlackStump172]

Yes , sadly people don’t find out until they are married . She made a mistake being abusive before the ring was on the finger .

[@meganelizabethmoon]

I would abandon this relationship. This woman is showing early signs of abusive behavior.

[@Kellendras1]

Absolutely! I worry for him or any man she is involved with

[@Asia_B_85]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@fatwalrus4011]

That early signs this is incredibly abusive

[@ShalomDove]

This woman directly tempted you. She was literally like, “hey, you want to engage in sin with me?” And you know what? I don’t care what her reasons were- that was a terrible thing to do to you. That isn’t ok, for any reason, ever. All of the no.

[@Margatatials]

Yep, if she was really invested in helping him avoid sin, (which all christian spouses should be) she would never have intentionally tempted him to sin.

[@rtphotos4691]

I didn't hear that part. What "sin?"

[@Margatatials]

@@rtphotos4691 fornication

[@VanityDivined]

@@rtphotos4691she offered to start sleeping together before the marriage

[@rtphotos4691]

@@VanityDivined 😂😂

[@hw2050]

I am/was this woman. As soon as he started explaining about the music it was me! It comes from having past trauma and being so hyper-vigilant that the fear of sìn is taken to an extreme. Then when it was explained to me how irrational I was being about the music, the same thing would latch on to something else he was doing that I perceived as sin. I’m now formally diagnosed with CPTSD and OCD and owning it as my problem, working on myself. But when I was undiagnosed it felt so real and true that I really thought I was protecting us from sin and punishment. Looking back, I saw God as a perfectionist abuser. Now, I feel terrible and constantly apologise for what I put him through in the past. Now when the OCD latches onto things I seek outside help and don’t put it on him. Having said all this, I would never have set traps for tests!

[@mmkvoe6342]

Right? My own mom was pretty much like this but her husband and kids haven't been able to get her to see or admit how much she needs help that we can't provide, and in the meantime, she was in a fair way to try to get all her kids to be raised to be the same as she was, and we always resisted it out whole lives but ended up with CPTSD ourselves many of us and will be working on it for a while. But if none of us are finding it easy to get married, and we always could watch our parents and are at least determined not to have a marriage like that, then we are so much better off at least.

[@hw2050]

@@mmkvoe6342 True. My dysfunction came from dysfunctional parents, especially my mum who wouldn’t get help and thought there was nothing wrong with her. I decided not to have children because I didn’t want to mess them up and I knew I wasn’t well enough mentally. I’m so thankful that I had the insight to listen to others and realise the issues were within me. A lot of people don’t.

[@velocirapture89]

Good on you for finding help. I’ve dated women like this and it was so hurtful.

[@rotcaka]

This is good insight. Thanks for sharing. I immediately picked up on what was going on when he talked about the girls dad and how controlling, pious, and critical he was about the music he was listening to. Like, there's religious and all than, and then there's God is this strict fire and brimstone, w/expectations of perfection --- red flags from jump. RUN! These people are going to judge your every move.

[@avp6730]

Getting diagnosed is so important! I have certain obsessions and it seems so real even when everybody is explaining it's not. But getting diagnosed let's you get that distance from your thoughts that you just don't have before it.

[@berniegordon6338]

“Run from this” is the best advice I’ve ever heard Dr John give

[@nataliianezhynska5119]

My father was testing me when I was a teenager. We were broke and he said he bought a new TV for our very wealthy grandmother, his mother. We barely had money to eat. I broke down and cried that I need the cheapest computer for studying since it was a daily requirement. Why did he buy a TV? He said I was being tested. He never bought a TV. He wanted to see my reaction. Since then he tried to "buy" my and my sister's love many times with phones, stuff etc. We were broke because half of the year he sat on his ass instead of providing. So he exploited our "brokeness" that he cultivated himself. Haven't seen that guy since he left us over 15 years ago. My life is good without him. RUUUUUN FROM THIS WOMAN.

[@camellia8625]

That was a very cruel thing to do just to test your reaction.

[@zeroounce8874]

I’m so sorry. I had the same experience. Didn’t speak to him for 20years… never gave me a penny, didn’t provide for us. And I have heard from a relative that he is angry with me.😂 Like what? And he has a nerve to get angry with me? Wow! Entitled crazy people.

[@lavenderkisses9461]

I’m so sorry-that’s so so cruel.

[@BigMichael78]

Sounds like he was a psychological sadist.

[@rabbitholegirl1]

You didn't fail. She failed you. No partner should ever test another one.

[@standground8284]

I always promptly dumped girlfriends after passing every loyalty test. One lady was pissed because I promptly dumped her after informing me she loyalty tested me 8 months prior. At least I gave her kudos on the planning aspect and creativity of it. If you need to test me chances are you don't trust me, I'll save you the headache and end it. Too bad cause that relationship was going very well.

[@standground8284]

@@elfascisto6549 Who said anything about trusting someone 100%. I trust people until they provide me a reason not to and there are no percentages to it. I’ve never witnessed someone say, “yeah, I trust them 63.7%”… tf

[@rabbitholegirl1]

@@elfascisto6549 testing is not normal

[@teresamagnusson]

​@@elfascisto6549The caller's girlfriend was right, though. He can't be trusted.

[@teresamagnusson]

​@@rabbitholegirl1She doesn't trust him. And apparently she was right.

[@om617yota8]

She's testing you? That means she failed your test. Goodbye.

[@garykeith1048]

You test appliances, not people. She thinks she's a goddess who demands absolute obedience to her wishes. A very narissistic personality.

[@kathyp1563]

She's looking for reasons to NOT marry him. Sometimes young girls, especially sweet girls, are so afraid of hurting a guys feelings that she hurts them way more than if she was direct. Too immature to marry. Or maybe she just wants him to be at fault. If so, I doubt it is conscious. But, again too immature to marry

[@tyronewilson7890]

@@kathyp1563I agree she wanted to breakup with him long before and didn’t know how. She used this test as an excuse to leave him.

[@bperez8656]

Very controlling for sure

[@kp782]

Yes. I think many girls are pressured by their friends to test their bfs. Thats what one of my friend try to make me do. Well she is no longer my friend because testing my sweet bf now husband made me feel so uncomfortable. I even my bf about that and he was like that makes no sense she is not a good friend. She just wants drama

[@laurenopferman7278]

This girl has the maturity of a high schooler.

[@jojokeane]

Not even.

[@kathyp1563]

My opinion, too. I think she didn't want to marry him, but was afraid to just say it. In the end, she shamed him & hurt him more than if she just said "I don't want to marry you."

[@zeroounce8874]

More like pre-schooler.

[@RaquellePhillips]

Unfair to high-schoolers

[@AlexandraVioletta]

Toddler

[@greenAbbot]

She will eventually find a man to lie to her and hide things from her. You’re not that guy. Good for you. There are plenty of women out there who value honesty and will love the whole person that you are; go find one.

[@elpatron7916]

There are very few women who aren't like this .😢😢

[@roisindubh1883]

Great insite. People who can't handle normal differences or conflict will end up with partners and eventually children who lie to them non-stop.

[@Rwashere28]

She sounds immature AND legalistic. I personally wouldn’t sit down with her to fix it… I will just runnnnnn….

[@devankurmitra4118]

What does legalistic mean?

[@kathyp1563]

​@@devankurmitra4118"Legalistic" refers to Christians who do not offer grace to other Christians. We just follow the letter of the law. Or, Christians who are very strict as to how other Christians pursue righteousness. In this case, listening to secular music might cause one person to sin, but not another. The Bible gives us freedom to make that decision ourselves. Sometimes, Christians don't think others should make that decision for themselves.

[@kathyp1563]

I think she was looking for a reason to break up with him. She was too cowardly just to say she didn't want to marry him. So, she formed the situation so he would be the cause.

[@devankurmitra4118]

@@kathyp1563 so people can choose to follow what's righteousness for themselves?

[@devankurmitra4118]

@@kathyp1563 I thought Bible was to be taken literally like baptists do

[@noushs8004]

She’s a nutcase, if she’s this controlling about something benign… she’s going to be a nightmare when you marry and have children.

[@Kellendras1]

Fully agree

[@dbtest117]

DO NOT GET BACK together. She does not value you or respect you. Dodge this bullet, I have a friend who didn’t dodge the bullet. He is now a wreak and she is filing for divorce. Run as far as you can, build up your own self worth and start valuing yourself. From now on go 0 contact with her, block her on the phone do not ever contact her or let her contact you. If you do that, the healing process for you may be as short as 1.5 years. Stay away, this woman is not a partner. The more contact with her you have the lower self esteem you will have. Dodge this bullet.

[@BlackStump172]

Spot on , and if he is smart then he will run if a new girlfriend does not respect him . Eventually, she would have cut off his friends and family .

[@BlackStump172]

My husband is not the keeper of my morals and ethics , and I am not his . We have similar views but not the same .

[@RoyalMasterpiece]

ALL OF THIS!

[@AlexandraVioletta]

Maybe he should reconsider his choice in women too.

[@landshark7684]

Easton- please run away from this big bag of crazy. This isn’t a mutual relationship, this is “jump when I say” like you’re her pet. Nothing will ever be good enough. She’s got a lot of issues and they aren’t your problem.

[@momof1576]

I agree. She will make him and his future children miserable with her uncompromising, controlling attitude.

[@warrensloan3467]

Hold the door for her as she goes.

[@gaararulesall]

I like that line, I'll be using it in the near future.

[@dbtest117]

And lock it firmly afterwards.

[@dennischiapello7243]

@Ididntwantthishandle Better she be run out of town!

[@yeshua7776]

Bro! This is my life! I was a Christian PT who sadly married a narcissistic jealous immature ex who destroyed my life. She said the exact same thing to me but the only difference was I was unwise to stay in the relationship for 10 years before I had the courage to leave

[@austinb5063]

What happened? I’m a PT too lol

[@AlexandraVioletta]

Do you have kids? Are you OK right now? Do you need help?

[@yeshua7776]

@AlexandraVioletta thank you. I got lots of support through it all. Have 4 kids and took me nearly 4 years in family court for the court system to see the truth. I am still personal training, have my children and recently remarried to a beautiful Christian woman who supports me like no other

[@esd_des3606]

This kid gonna be just fine. Seems like he has a solidly secure attachment and good group of pals and family around him. She fumbled the bag!!!

[@kvps27]

The number of women that would kill for this man

[@AlexandraVioletta]

The number of women having the male version of ops gf in their life. ..

[@Kellendras1]

I really hope he took the advice. He sounds like a good man and she would absolutely break him. He deserves better.

[@Demigod8ether]

I started watching Dr. John because he's such a realist.... " My wife doesn't like my music and I don't like hers so I just never play my music in the car ( milliseconds later) unless it's a really good song!"... I love this guy !!! Brutally honest about himself and helping the many clients who call in for his help. He beautifully executes with truth and tact !!!! I wish I woulda been part of the original OG 17 and I woulda definitely been if I woulda found him soon enough.

[@JustinCase780]

He should tell her he is changing his career into medicine to be a gynecologist.

[@omotayosatuyi252]

Nahhh chill bro 😂😂😂

[@PS-qn4oz]

LOL!!!

[@mmmmlllljohn]

Hahaha!

[@jbr2991]

😂

[@uscitizen3252]

lol

[@electronsauce]

That aint a test, that's a trap

[@astrongmama]

I literally said this out loud to my cat, an instant before I read your comment.

[@chadholtsclaw793]

This should be #1... That's exactly what I think also!! She just needed someone to "blame" or put her guilt on!! And all the "picking" him apart about the music, it just got and was going to get worse and worse the more time that was invested in the relationship! Like he was doomed from the beginning! He deserves better!

[@teresamagnusson]

It is a trap. And he was weak minded enough to walk right into it.

[@carterdoering3789]

Was in a relationship with a girl exactly like this. Nothing you do will ever be good enough for these people. Absolutely no compromise and they don't see anything wrong with that because they have the voice of God telling them they are perfect 100% of the time.

[@MaryMay-x6x]

Like if you genuinely believe music is Satanic, it's fair for someone to not want to marry someone that could expose your kids to danger. If someone is willing to listen to secular music that opens your kids up to danger. I wouldnt date someone that was willing to shoot up drugs in front of them either.

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

In high school and college the most “religious” girls were some of the freakiest ones I met..

[@sds6303]

Yup, these people are narcissistic & will weaponize religion.

[@devankurmitra4118]

Why do you say so as I'm going through something similar?

[@hllymchll]

​@@devankurmitra4118 how old are you? I'm a girl who was raised Christian and was a little bit like the girl in the video (on a MUCH smaller scale. I'm not actually crazy and she sounds delusional) so I have a perspective on this that could help you lol

[@calebmallen]

Easton, you dodged a bullet! John hit the nail squarely on the head - RUN! She's not for you! She'll make your life impossibly difficult!

[@AnnaLicata-ml7nr]

She sounds like a narcissist. She gets off on having you wrapped around her little finger. Run run run! Never ever ever ever change yourself for a person. If they truly love you, they will let you be 100%.

[@zeroounce8874]

100%

[@bcjammer87]

I’m happily married now but when I was dating any woman that played stupid games like this got the automatic boot. No time for that. Stick to your values and don’t change for anyone.

[@sannoua5686]

She wants to destroy his self image. He is already thinking he is a failure! All because he agreed to something she proposed! She did not test him, SHE TEMPTED HIM! SET HIM UP FOR FAILURE!

[@onestepcloser5925]

My cousin is very spiritual and she told me that it was tough before her marriage to not do anything with her fiancée. For this wife to abuse that by pretending she was into it is horrible.

[@lizwiens671]

She’s trying to be his Holy Spirit. Sounds miserable, RUN!

[@chanceceee3659]

That part!!!

[@neftalithekushite4063]

Testing your partner is so icky and slimy. Tbh it sounds like she already has a picture of what her ‘ideal husband’ is and she’s just trying to squish him into the mold. It doesn’t sound like she has much appreciation for him as a complete person with a personality, preferences, and flaws. I could be wrong, but that’s what is sounds like to me.

[@Meggiebeth19]

I hope he has the strength to move on & not go back to her. She is manipulative & controlling, if they marry it’ll be way worse for him w/ her rules for him. Listen to Dr. John, “Run from this.”

[@michaelm9710]

This one is wild. You can hear the heartbreak in his voice. He doesn’t want to leave her and he still hasn’t decided. I feel his pain. Been there more than once with a partner.

[@landont8958]

It’s hard to end things with someone you’ve shared a connection with. But remember “it’s better to have a tough season than a miserable life.”

[@ERMADELL]

Dr John is right on the money! Run fast and run far!

[@cooper57m]

The good thing about being chaste is without that bond or allure of sex it's easier to say, "See ya!"

[@zeroounce8874]

100%

[@judyperri9496]

Nah it’s not that hard to walk

[@jasonbender2459]

@@judyperri9496 it is if you are getting none

[@dirtyace1668]

If your girlfriend is testing you now, imagine how it will be after the wedding. You are going to be in a quasi-boot camp instead of a marriage. End it and save your sanity and ultimately your life.

[@Sorchia56]

I’m a female, this “test” thing and other wild games that women do is so bizarre to me! Who has time to concoct these ridiculous ideas? Run, Forrest, run 🏃! This guy dodged a ballistic missile! There’s a phenomenal woman out there for him who won’t play games.

[@judyperri9496]

And you think men don’t test women 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@danwhiting7254]

Hey man as someone who had a relationship similiar to yours, I can tell you leaving was one of the best decisions I made. God had someone else for me and she is amazing. Instead of being put through tests all the time, she builds me up and makes me feel like I can do anything. We have been happily married for the 3 years. God has someone else for you too!

[@joywebster2678]

Really? I'm still waiting for God's choice of man for me...... I'm 60. So how can you promise such a thing? You don't know God's will.

[@WillE454]

I was once in a relationship with a woman like this. It felt like I was walking on egg shells everyday because she kept testing me. Back then I had low self esteem and was afraid of hurting her feelings so I stayed in that relationship for way too long. I’ve learned that the right person won’t test my morals and values.

[@krystleklarity]

"Run form this" Very good advise. She is not partner material. He did not fail the test. She did.

[@anabelsanchez4605]

The fact he has to ask anyone is scary. She’s clearly a control freak. Music he hears with his dad is a problem. School work is a problem oh hellsss nooo.

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

If she grew up fundamentalist Christian this is what they are taught to think and treat each other.

[@momof1576]

This girl is a divorce waiting to happen. She is a jealous control freak. She also plays mind games. Run! Find another woman to be your wife. She will make you miserable and she will make your children miserable. Please listen to this 52 year old family lawyer.

[@Chreeves]

Leave.. she has an idea of who you should be and she will never be satisfied. The goal post will always move and she will constantly find something to be upset about.

[@bignickenergy723]

I heard a therapist on a show like this one time say, "she will move the goalposts right into your grave." And what she was saying is she will keep moving the goalposts till the day you die.

[@Chreeves]

@@bignickenergy723 trying to keep a woman like that happy is a fools errand.

[@sixfootoneistall2002]

she didn’t give you a test, she gave you a gift. The gift of being 100% sure you’re about to make the right decision.

[@0rnery0verwatch]

There are 'tests' in every relationship, but not in a bad way, not like this. This is just an inability to cope with the real world... his girl was too sheltered, that's about all I took away from this.

[@wezzers84]

As a Christian I’m ashamed to hear someone failed a sexual temptation test and that a Christian thought she should give a sexual temptation test, both would be a type of sin before God even if you had good intentions. Because God is always honest, it sounds like fear and immaturity was masked as spiritual in some of the actions in this relationship

[@TheLainers]

The fact that everyone needs to bring a third entity into a relationship with humanity is weird. We are biological creatures not creatures of a god who dictates how we should live and value each other. Respect of our fellow human is the key but not our rights needs desires and wants to be imposed on each other. No one matches 100 percent and particularly through an unseen entity that doesn't exist. As Christians why do you get to judge if you believe God does or doesn't...its al a carte living...choose a god slant snd it's destroying humanity.

[@wezzers84]

@@TheLainers God can enhance a relationship like in my own, everyone has a different moral ethic they bring to relationships which are important to them, I used a christian moral ethic above to critique the person who claimed to be a christian because that is the standard they claim to live by, if they were an atheist there would be no basis to critique their behaviour, because they would have to opt into a moral framework for their relationship and agree it with their partner

[@Melanie3581]

She sounds like the devil, and he bit the apple

[@mwhe3111]

Legalism, dude...RUN. I know from whence I speak.

[@devankurmitra4118]

Could you elaborate more, cuz I'm going through something similar

[@devankurmitra4118]

What's legalism?

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

​@@devankurmitra4118it's a theologically black and white rigid extreme interpretation of the Bible and it basically turns people into little cult followers where everything in life i judged and nothing ever is pure or good enough. It's fundimentalism. I too grew up in this scene, i recall women at church who led the girls group to test men like this to make sure they'd be good husbands. It's messed up.

[@James_Hough]

It's good to find out if you are incompatible now. It's OK that they have different convictions/tolerances, but the litmus test is a bad, bad thing. Going their separate ways is not a failure. Ignoring basic incompatibility and forging ahead anyway could lead to an actual failure.

[@xiqueira]

I am surprised he didn't mention this is a form of abuse.

[@Bluemoonracer]

She is controlling, jealous of the girl in the video, which means she has low self-esteem . It is hard to deal with people who have low self esteem because you never know what filter they are using.

[@jbrat122]

He nailed this one. Run as fast as you can brother

[@louiseloughlin4615]

Theres no love in the relationship when you need to control someone like that

[@Katprint]

The BIG problem was her dishonesty and trying to trick him, but also it seems like he was manipulating her to some extent by telling her what she wanted to hear. I think an honest test is OK, like bringing a prospective life partner camping/hunting/fishing or to church or to a family get-together and so forth. It is reasonable for people to observe how their prospective life partners deal with inlaws, finances, housework, children, etc. Different things are important to different people, and sometimes people are simply not a good match for each other.

[@j.t.1086]

Yeah, testing by bringing someone into honest situations versus testing by arranging a gotcha via peer pressure + lying. Big difference.

[@EKL-qu7ih]

That's an opportunity not a test. The difference being it's obvious it's an opportunity and something you want them to do to build the relationship. By pretending she's changed her mind is not an opportunity - it is a childish test.

[@goneloko1368]

The problem with that is the ONLY thing you can do with a woman like that is telling her what she wants to hear. People like that are always micro analyzing you to find fault and persecute. You can only make it work with them (for a short-term solution) by barking when they want you to bark. For many guys, a solution is a solution, and they don't take the time to understand the bigger picture. The big problem is simply the woman taking religion to the level of a perfectionist abuser.

[@Spookyaki1]

That’s not what a test is.

[@kuhmpashun]

That’s not a “test”. Thats a manipulation and gaslighting tactic. She needs to do some serious work on herself, and it’s not your responsibility to see her through that. Wish her well, and move on. Seriously.

[@zacharysmith2730]

I love this guy because even though he is Christian and probably holds some more conservative values, he tends to approach things from a very neutral and reasonable standpoint. Despite the fact I do not hold similar values, I find his advice to be very useful and valuable.

[@hpprochargedtbss]

This woman is truly insane. This is stuff KIDS do! I remember a girl I dated as a freshmen hitting me with “tests” I even THEN thought it was INSANE and the most childish thing I’ve ever dealt with from a female.

[@SaffronHammer]

This beautiful man deserves someone who honors and adores him. He is absolutely Husband Material. May he be patient and wait for a woman who is good for him. I wish him all the best.

[@SaffronHammer]

This man is a good soul. I hope he can move on, and find true love. He seems like a kind and considerate person. I agree: RUN.

[@orangesplaylist]

John doesnt say run a lot. I totally agree to run though. She sounds immature

[@theprodigalson4003]

6:20 u reminded me of something I forgot, something u forget at 3am where your missing them wondering if they were so bad. I wish I had a better way to remember to tell myself, GUY RUN

[@Isaaccross-gh9fq]

Bro to test someone like that is crazy!!

[@Asia_B_85]

John was a perfect person to give him advice because he’s also in a very personal role with people humans of both sexes. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and his wife is understanding and she knows this is her husband‘s job and she trusts her husband that he will not cross any of those boundaries. The only people that cross any of those boundaries are lunatics or. Deviants. Or creeps and predators. this man didn’t do anything wrong at all his ex was very very very immature. Manipulative is an understatement

[@PCKA1987]

She sounds incredibly insecure. I can absolutely relate to her. I was her. But it was a healing touch from God that helped ME change and not live from crippling insecurity. That’s what it truly takes for someone in that position.

[@devankurmitra4118]

But hey traumatize a innocent guy right, also it's because of these stupid idolization is why this happens

[@PCKA1987]

@@devankurmitra4118 none of us gets out of this life without inadvertently hurting others. No one is innocent. You know?

[@tyronewilson7890]

6:00 Her “testing” you in that way is very immature. She’s basically playing games with you. Once she does that you lose trust because she’s telling you she wants to change the relationship but she’s secretly testing you which is not being honest. So if I’m her boyfriend, now anything she says, I’m worried that it may be a test. I don’t like being in that situation because I’ll become hesitant. That’s a red flag.

[@Hswamp2008]

This guy has been lying to her about how religious he was. He admitted that he did sometimes say he believed different things just to agree with her. Which is common for young men to do early in dating. She called him out on it, pointing out the many ways that his daily actions didn't actually align with what he said he believed. He was even perfectly ok with having premarital sex just because she asked. Just bc its common, doesnt mean thats not a big deal. It would be like someone saying "yeah I agree that going into debt is totally wrong", only to act totally cool with it in the moment. She could have addressed it in a more mature way, but they simply dont seem compatible.

[@Damaris756]

He’s probably lying to himself, too!

[@CD-tw9tv]

@@Damaris756I agree they’re not compatible, but she definitely handled this really poorly. If she didn’t like his values she should have just left

[@salhal271]

I agree they are not compatible. I can see both of their positions here, honestly. (She is controlling, but I can see why). They are both trying to make it work, and deep down know that it's not working. The woman is desperate to change him, and is worried about being blindsided. He is trying to make it work so is fudging who he is with her. But dating shouldn't be about trying to make it work. It should be about finding a compatible mate. My advice to the both of them would be to practice acceptance. Accept the fact that you aren't compatible, and move on. No need to change, test or fudge. Just know that that is what dating is for. It takes time to really know someone, and sometimes you are very serious and close before you realize you are incompatible. But that's ok. Accept that is part of the dating job. Pain is part of finding someone truly compatible for you.

[@cynthiaholland13]

She definitely needs to be with someone whose Christianity precludes secular music, no matter the content. And she needs to be with someone who thinks it's okay to test and play games with sin

[@goneloko1368]

That's y'alls takeaway of a hyper controlling woman? She is bordering on mental illness that will destroy any man and future children she could have. Her religion is that God is a perfectionist abuser, and she is the persecutor of sinful humanity.

[@bonniehall578]

If you haven't had a broken heart, you haven't lived.

[@natalieharrison5202]

Come on now people. Let's not bash her. It seems like she has deep seated fears of abandonment and has done this in order to test his commitment. It will backfire and confirm her bias, that she is unlovable.

[@manqobashongwe1301]

"I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who distrusts my integrity." That's a powerful line. Been in a place where I did all the compromising and the woman I was with didn't budge in any major way. I'm beginning to realise now that it stemmed from her not trusting the man I am. Even after I went to lengths to show her. Which sucks because I wanted nothing more than to protect and provide for her.

[@DrasticSkuba]

The saddest thing about break-ups like this is that he's heartbroken over a person that didn't exist. He's measuring his own value and integrity against what is essentially a fictional character

[@mufasahm8238]

Spot on with many people

[@stremendous73]

Creating tests - especially ones like this where the partner is speaking directly to the other partner and lying as the core part of setting up the test - is an atom bomb to a relationship. How can anything she says ever be trusted as truth in the future? It absolutely cannot.

[@JakeStewart1343]

Iron Maiden: "Run to the hills, run for your life!!!" 🎶 🎵

[@Carebearsied]

Perfect! 😊

[@John.Christopher]

Excellent episode John!!! Hit the nail on the head in this one.

[@ShelleyJane]

I'd be out the door as soon as someone told me what music I couldn't listen to!

[@samanthac.349]

I was once in a long string of relationships with abusive master manipulators. They tested me and nitpicked my choices while they were breaking all sorts of basic relationship rules and calling that behavior my “fault” because I failed an earlier test and broke their hearts. 🙄 It wasn’t until I spoke to a therapist who pointed me down the same path of self-evaluation that John mentions in the video that I changed my dating habits forever. Much wiser and happier now. I hope the caller is walking that same path.

[@coolaunt516]

When he becomes a personal trainer and has female clients it will be like walking through fire ever day. Move on to find someone who deserves you.

[@Blacknight6577]

As someone who’s Christian I completely understand where this guy is coming from as well as his GF. That being said, I don’t agree that he should be with her because he doesn’t meet her standards and that’s ok. He should find someone else who’s more understanding and at the same level as him and she either finds someone else who will bend to her will and/or she needs to improve herself

[@kendrascorner]

Christian woman here. She tempted you to sin. What she did was wrong. She is not a woman of integrity, despite all the "godliness" she tried to portray herself as. I can understand her not liking secular music, or being insecure about you potentially working with female clients. (Not saying they should be deal breakers or that there shouldn't be compromise in these, but understandable.) But her intentionally tempting you to sin WHILE ALSO being deceptive is absolutely AWFUL. Run. You can find a godly woman of integrity who will not be manipulative.

[@anneshirley95]

Right. It's sounds like he's more liberal in his faith and she's more conservative. They're just not compatible.

[@kendrascorner]

@@anneshirley95 I agree with you that there might be a slight difference in values, but it's definitely more than that. I'm about as conservative as they come. But tempting him sexually and then turning around and turning it into a "gotcha" moment is so ungodly. Honestly, that behavior is absolutely horrible, hypocritical, dishonest, I can go on and on.... What she did in that moment by deceiving him with a "test" was far worse even than him agreeing to go along with her. Setting someone up to fail is completely ungodly behavior. And that's exactly what she did. She could have easily said that their values didn't align and that she wanted to break up with him. But instead she tempted him into sin, and then turned it around and made him the bad guy. It's wrong on so many levels. It's not just that they're not compatible. She is manipulative. And I'm sorry that I'm so adamant about it LOL. But manipulation is never okay, and as a very conservative Christian myself, I am just unwilling to associate myself with this kind of behavior.

[@j.t.1086]

​@@kendrascorner serious question -- how do you feel about the tests God put Abraham and others through?

[@standground8284]

If he passed the test she likely would’ve called him gay as an insult for rejecting her. He should’ve said no then promptly broke up with her for not being true to her word and promise to wait until marriage. At least that what I did when I was faced with his situation. Both of our parents tried to talk sense into me to take her back. I didn’t give into peer pressure and it was the best decision I made.

[@goneloko1368]

​@j.t.1086 That is a terrible comparison. She tested him to convict him. God tested them to build conviction in them. God had no intention of chastising with the testing. She had every intention to chastise.

[@averynmitchell]

9:47 This helps me so so much. I am a people pleaser and do not speak up for myself, so when something becomes too much for me I believe I've unintentionally manipulated a situation in hopes someone would change. I also feel like I'm not the most self aware human, so it's hard to commuicate things clearly. I'm starting to understand now that we, as humans, have to have those direct uncomfortable situations in order to have real results. Kind of like delayed gratification... it's for a greater good. I will start embracing this and speak directly and kindly when I don't agree with something. I think I've been the girl in this video in the past and I'd like that to change :)

[@scottkelley4517]

That lady seems like a living nightmare.

[@BugsyB1979]

I loved the heartfelt way he said, "Run from this." So true. This is not healthy.

[@ArmOr_of_the_Alpha_and_Omega]

He sounds like a good soul. She sounds like she has gone through some trauma causing a LOT of anxiety and distrust. She needs therapy. Testing your partner is a HORRIBLE thing to do. If anything, testing your partner makes you fail the test as a good partner. Now, it is okay to be prepared to live intentionally and good moral boundaries. Go through premarital couples counseling, one focused on fidelity in marriage if that's a fear. That's okay. Testing your partner is not that. Making a no-win scenario that causes you to fail your own morals doesnt help. It's demoralizing.

[@j.t.1086]

I think someone with a traumatic background would have better perspective than to get hung up on music lyrics. She just sounds extremely inexperienced with life. Needs to grow up before marriage.

[@ArmOr_of_the_Alpha_and_Omega]

@@j.t.1086 perhaps. I'm no expert on the matter.

[@itsdebs]

He sounds so genuine and thoughtful. She’s not on his level. Love isn’t passing tests

[@chrislim7976]

What test did she pass that qualifies her to administer tests. 😂

[@missk2559]

You wouldn’t be able to trust someone after this. Everything might be a “test” and not sincere. Not a good way to start a marriage, he needs to run!