My Wife Constantly Thinks I Cheat When I Don’t

My Wife Constantly Thinks I Cheat When I Don’t
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[@thecramptons]

Anyone who forgets their phone is not always on their phone

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

I dated a girl who constantly brought up the idea that I am cheating or would eventually cheat. Turns out it was all of her friends telling her it would happen because of their past/present relationships. They would constantly chirp that all guys were like that.

[@labrigful]

Wow, never thought of that

[@lala_arneezy]

YES YES YES. Social media influencers don’t help either.

[@shachede6828]

Very sad, there are a lot of terrible women that are miserable and misery sure love company!!

[@JKNat9004]

Sorry you had to go through that

[@SIGSEGV1337]

Yup lots of girls do this out of jealousy, especially if they're single

[@greenAbbot]

Possibility 1: she’s cheating. Possibility 2: she’s manipulating him because she gets something from having him keep having to “prove” himself to her. Possibility 3: she’s got some serious psychological issues. Unfortunately, if neither one of them is interested in counseling, it doesn’t matter which of the three it is, because the only remaining solution is the same. If they didn’t figure it out on their own in the first 12 years, they’re never going to figure it out on their own.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

💯%

[@littleme3597]

He is not innocent.

[@andromeda3780]

​@@littleme3597how do you know he isn't. You seem certain. Are you the wife 😅. Nice profile Pic by the way.

[@lala_arneezy]

If SHE is on social media.. she needs to get off. I went through the same thing. I swore my bf was cheating because I was getting so many toxic things put in my head. I got off social media & realized I was being fed all these fake scenarios from reels/tik toks. Not to mention I’ve been cheated on in the past, so that didn’t help. But.. the point is, getting off social media has helped my relationship & mental health so much. My mind was so clouded & I was so paranoid. Now I have a clear mind to TALK to my partner if I’m feeling some kind of way rather than just accusing him.

[@eljoshsfgaming6335]

It’s so funny the same situation happened to me where my ex would always accuse me of cheating or talking to other women (spoiler alert I wasn’t) and I tried to tell her it’s because she’s on social media too much and comparing us to other people too much. She never really got off of it and the accusations never stopped

[@kellywade8275]

@@eljoshsfgaming6335 Are you still with her?🤷🏾‍♀🤷🏾‍♀

[@Eleguilli]

The same here! Once you get out of social media everything gets better

[@neechee5150]

@lala_arneezy Did you take 100% responsibility for all of your slanderous false allegations against your BF? If so how did you demonstrate that you took 100% responsibility for not only your slanderous false accusations but also all of the collateral damage that you caused? If you spread any of these false allegations around and share them with friends and family, you absolutely need to tell all of those people that you lied and that the accusations are false and that you and you alone are responsible for being so dishonest and mean and ugly to your BF. I hope you own the fact that he really should have broke up with you and sent you packing and that you are damn lucky that he did not do this to you. I hope you learn to control your sexist chauvinistic biases and not get into these slanderous false accusations again because if you did, the guy needs to leave you and cut his losses. False allegations are a form of abuse.

[@lala_arneezy]

@@neechee5150 chill tf out, I kept it between me & him. you sound like an incel

[@warrensloan3467]

It will never cease to amaze me what people will ignore on their way to a pregnancy that handcuffs you together for life.

[@bernadettehuff2984]

It would be interesting to hear her side of why she thinks he is cheating. But the bigger question is why would SHE marry him, if she thought he was a cheater.

[@joycemckenzie5723]

shes not logical, this is a psychological problem!! why would he marry this????

[@tonimilstead5089]

The bigger question is why would HE marry her? I'm a female and I'm siding with him.

[@GallowayJesse]

she is clearly cheating on him hence the projection

[@DoggiePaws_onlyfan_spoof]

Low self esteem toxic family life in early childhood. Married a man that cheated when we were going together, prior boyfriends cheated…. Fast forward 30+ years porn throughout relationship…. Both of us with toxic issues. Also what is her side of the story….. only getting his side. Also red flag that he doesn’t want to go to counseling! My spouse went once walked out of the session when he was offended by a reasonable? On counselors part and never went back. Something is also telling me that he wants out and she is pregnant now! Why did he wait so long! Commitment issues on his or both of them??? 13 years and only married 1 year yikes! Shouldn’t take that long to know if someone is or isn’t right for you!

[@EmpressMermaid]

Because she wants power over him. When he's constantly twisting himself in knots trying to "prove" he's not cheating, she can use that as a manipulation tactic. They love to set up a "I'm the good one, you're the bad one" dynamic. I know, because my ex-husband was like this.

[@gessrinky9129]

First and foremost, this is a form of control and abuse. Second, I grew up in a house where both of my parents cheated on each other. I grew up thinking “this is just what husbands do” in my teens and 20’s I ALWAYS thought this of boyfriends. It took a lot of soul searching and self reflection to change this mind set.

[@Flash3-22]

Good of you to change this mindset. Perhaps this wife grew up with a similar situation.

[@texasgina]

Same! My parents cheated on each other and when I was younger I always worried about it too. I'm older so I don't think like that but it's a sad way to live. Life is short and it's better to enjoy having fun with your mate and focusing on the good

[@FTG2Eli]

Good for you!

[@supernova11711]

This is so true. I had the same issue until I realized it was all about me and that I was actually being extremely controlling and (yes) abusive. It was like a punch in the face because I never wanted to be that person. Never saw it in myself. Funny thing is, is that once I let it go…it just went. My (and my partner’s life!) is so much more peaceful now. We actually have quite a healthy relationship…a place I never knew I would get. For me, it was a narcissist for a mother. My childhood was really chaotic and I was helpless. No control over anything and no stability as she moved us every year (from boyfriend to boyfriend). Really did a number on me.

[@FTG2Eli]

@@supernova11711 Good job! for realizing that! Amazing the difference............right?

[@squidward6187]

I am female. This one sounds like a nightmare! Why would you want this vampire in your life?

[@donaldjohnson-ow3kq]

She may have other skills that make it worth it

[@lesliemontagne6797]

Dr. John was right to question her family background. We cannot discount the fact that she may have a huge fear of abandonment. Even to a point of near paranoia. Anxiety, insecurity, fear???

[@JK20239]

She's projecting. She's cheating so thats why she says you cheated to put all the spotlight on you. Narc logic 101

[@cashway0420]

Yep, she's having secret sausage parties and he's not invited

[@JP-ll8iy]

@@cashway0420 sausage party lol

[@Astro95Media]

BINGO. My ex accused me of cheating all the time and I never strayed. Sure enough, she was busted whoring herself out to a subordinate of hers in his parents' house. GET OUT, MY MAN.

[@AmyMichelleMosier]

I’d like to reuse that one.

[@livelife9644]

Bingo

[@FantazomiXroma]

She may be cheating, she may not be. Sometimes they'll push away and push away because they're afraid deep inside that the person they love will leave. So when the person they're accusing of cheating stays, it's like a relief mechanism to which they get addicted. Either way, he cant do anything about it except tolerate it or leave.

[@BarnzTT]

But often than not it is a form of projection. So I bet my money that the wife is most likely cheating.

[@HSHeart723]

He could ask her to seek therapy.

[@amorl4520]

He can be misleading her to.

[@anyagee9467]

Another option is counselling and therapy for each and both of them.

[@supernova11711]

Very accurate description. She’s the only person who can change her behaviour. She needs healing. Counselling would be a great start.

[@jeremyshuey3715]

Something similar happened to me. We did go to a marriage counselor. Counselor spoke 1:1 with her first and then me. When I walked back into the room to talk to the counselor, they told me that its all her, and I am not the problem. Probably not the best thing for the counselor to tell me but it is what it is. I was always accused of cheating when in fact, I found out later that she was the one who did the cheating. Its also a big reason I am single to this day since then. I can't trust anyone anymore.

[@melissahale7806]

Yikes! Sorry! That sucks! =(

[@MommasPeachCobbler]

I’m sorry. You definitely did not deserve that. I feel the same way. I can’t trust any more.

[@om617yota8]

Oh, and she's pregnant. Dude you better get a paternity test.

[@amberriley7633]

Why bring a baby into this toxicity 😢

[@dontworry1568]

who said it was intentional

[@themoonbleu627]

@@dontworry1568 doesn’t matter

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

Too late- it’s done- get a paternity test, just in case!

[@CarolynnMarkey]

I was in a previous relationship that involved cheating so when I got married I stressed about it... turns out my husband is very different than the previous person I dated. It takes a lot of healing to deal with insecurities. hugs

[@mv7374]

Waited 13 years to try to address and doesn’t wanna go to counseling 😩

[@cristinap6394]

That’s the problem. He’s obviously hiding something g.

[@bradleykimmons]

@@cristinap6394nah

[@GallowayJesse]

​@@cristinap6394victim blaming

[@GallowayJesse]

​@@cristinap6394 I wouldn't go to counseling either. she can either stop accusing or she can gtfo. stop victim blaming

[@patricias6227]

Mr wishy-washy

[@baysideharpy8350]

I had a jealous, paranoid partner like this. Nothing I said or did made any difference and it’s exhausting. In the end it killed our relationship. Oh, and having a baby won’t fix it, in fact it will probably make things x10 worse.

[@crazygeechee]

This is 20000000% true. They don’t change. It won’t get better and having the child only makes it worse

[@jceggbert5]

had a girlfriend do this. I don't deal with false accusations well, and I managed the best I could. I confronted her on multiple occasions, and she always deflected with "I'm sorry for bringing up the past...". Glitch, no. It's not the past. It's your imagination. I left. She tried saying she was pregnant and showing me a sonagram (we never had sex, so idk how that was supposed to work lol), and she got pregnant like 3 months later.

[@SomeBody-ce3gq]

Oh my God, she sounds literally crazy. Glad you got out!

[@jceggbert5]

@@SomeBody-ce3gq she is

[@SaystheTruth3]

Yeah you dodged a big bullet right there! Wheww

[@mmp495]

Good riddance 🥾🥾🥾

[@TheSnoozeFox]

Yeah shes 100% cheating herself, how this guy didn't figure that out is crazy.

[@David-wo9un]

You are right; I would recommend a paternity test.

[@ryand7713]

I didn't "figure it out" in my 20's when I had BSC ex GF doing this - but I know now.

[@Dark_Souls_3]

@@ryand7713 black southern Californian girlfriend?

[@Dark_Souls_3]

@@SarahConnor562 LMAO never seen that acronym, thank you

[@sucks2bthem]

We're only hearing one side of this. I'd sure like to hear her reasons why she's always accusing him.

[@Gingerrrrsnapps]

She’s insecure and he doesn’t make her feel loved and wanted. It’s an insecure attachment from childhood trauma.

[@mmp495]

If that's the case no one will ever fulfill her needs. She has to love and feel secure herself.

[@cristinap6394]

He’s obviously not saying everything. Not getting married for finances…. That’s not true and you could hear it in his pauses. He can easily answer EVERYTHING else except for that question. I’m willing to bet he’s caused insecurities and is ignoring it and unwilling to see it because he believes it’s not an issue, but it obviously is to her. Speaking from experience, myself.

[@Gingerrrrsnapps]

@@mmp495 She and they will need counseling for sure. If its trauma from childhood she has to learn why she does and acts the way she does and learn new coping mechanisms, and he needs to learn that along with her.

[@Gingerrrrsnapps]

@@cristinap6394 Yeah the whole I want to fix it myself thing tells you a lot about him. He thinks hes fine and she needs to fix herself, but if you arent making an effort to speak love languages, make her feel secure, and go to therapy with her, then neither one of them will be happy.

[@cristinap6394]

@@Gingerrrrsnapps exactly!

[@kittycatobsession]

Had a relationship where the guy was constantly accusing me of cheating. He also spied on me. Turns out he was a serial cheater. Everyone told me it was projection but I didn't want to believe them. Now I cringe and laugh at the irony. Even if that's not the case here, it's emotional abuse that cannot be justified by her evident insecurity.

[@florencia2771]

I was like this woman in the past. I accused my partner all the time, it was because I saw my father cheating all the time. She needs INDIVIDUAL counseling to heal from this. (In other cases they are the cheater and accuse the partner).

[@NVDAbets]

I was in a relationship like this. I am gay. But the idea behind it is the same. The other guy constantly accusing me of cheating when I have never done so or even had the intention to do so. To the point where even me driving 1 hour to see my friend is being questioned non-stop for 15 minutes unaccounted for. And in the end, whatever it is, I decided it doesn't matter to me anymore. It's just not worth it to deal with such a big insecurity issue.

[@SF-op5ix]

Can’t build a relationship when the other person can’t trust you. That’s frustrating

[@NVDAbets]

@@SF-op5ix it's very toxic

[@supernova11711]

Sometimes I think this is even a bigger issue in the gay community. I absolutely could be wrong and it’s probably different everywhere but I have some gay men in my family that I’m quite close to and they find it exceptionally hard to find men who want monogamous relationships. A cousin of mine was fortunate to find a great guy and they’ve been together about 20 years now but an uncle is having real difficulties. The one partner he did get serious with did cheat. Now he’s having a hard time even finding someone who wants a committed relationship. All of his friends (and he has LOTS) all have open relationships. It seems a lot more acceptable in the gay community from what I gather.

[@oncetwice5942]

Something tells me she’s the one that’s cheating. It’s usually the person that constantly accuse their significant other or spouse of cheating that turns out to be the one that’s cheating.

[@Chet_24]

That's what happened to my Aunt. She said she was always being accused of cheating and walked in on her ex husband. She's happily remarried now.

[@melissahale7806]

Not always true. I'm always worried my husband will or has cheated. He had a "friendship" with his ex while we were dating and was secretive with his phone. I never cheated and never will.

[@oncetwice5942]

@@melissahale7806 He’s friends with his ex?? That’s a huge red flag.

[@pcharm3711]

Your wrong.

[@seadragon1456]

My step father accused my mother of cheating for years. It was always, “I want a divorce!” But they never acted on it. Turns out he cheated on her while she was out of town. Then she cheated on him to get even. Now they cheat on each other while denying it to each other. They need to divorce but they won’t because of their business and home. Both are in their 50s. One doesn’t want to start over financially and the other struggles with man problems if you catch my drift. So I don’t speak to either one. Too much negative energy and too many secrets.

[@TheFlyingZulu]

If a chick ever accused me of this.. I'd just say: "Well I'm not and I will never cheat on you. if you can't take my word for it then the problem is in your head. You need to talk to a psychiatrist about it". And this is probably why I'm single because me saying that would have about a .01% chance of working. Lol

[@TheFlyingZulu]

The letter thing is great and the wording is fantastic. I'll save that for later if I ever need it in a relationship.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

I said that to my ex, so frustrating when you’re a loyal person and not trusted.

[@Chet_24]

I'd say "I'm not, but there's the door."

[@Duchess_Bananabread]

Lol. Totally a valid response, but you're right: I can't imagine that going well.

[@unravel2053]

When in a relationship never use the words 'it's all in your head' say anything else but that

[@Price8903]

Who has the energy to just keep accusing someone. There has to be something bigger going on or maybe this is what she has normalized. It’s still weird.

[@TheSnoozeFox]

It means shes cheating

[@biolife3274]

Idk he sounds guilty of something and is trying to clear his conscience or trying to convince her/himself that there's not at least an interest in other women.

[@neededtobesaid4275]

@@biolife3274 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@lot2196]

​@@biolife3274 nope. She's nuts.

[@mmp495]

Fixated, OCD. Sounds miserable 😢

[@ashleylarsen5294]

As a woman burden with this paranoia, I have constantly felt my husband was going to leave me or was doing things behind my back, knowing deep down he isn’t doing anything wrong. Back story, my father was a cheater and came in and out of our lives for years. It didn’t help that I dated men very similar for many years because that was “normal” until I broke that cycle. I still deal with the demons and try not to let it out but there are thoughts that pop out from my insecurities and pain. I know it’s not healthy and sought help but it’s not all the time, usually when my hormones are raging or he’s been extra busy with work. I find, all I really need in those moments is reassurance that I am loved and safe. In a way it’s an unhealthy demand for attention too. I’ve healed a lot and my husband has been there to help. I think therapy will really help her and as long as he is supportive emotionally they will hopefully heal their relationship.

[@supernova11711]

You could be me. Not the same back story but had the same effect. What really helped me was realizing and admitting that it was controlling and abusive behaviour. It was like a punch in the face and I never wanted to be that type of person or partner. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad but just in case seeing that might help you too. We can also reprogram our brains (the most vulnerable thing I learned in therapy). When you start having those intrusive thoughts, start arguing with them. When you start wondering why he’s taking too long running an errand (or whatever…as you know, could be anything) and you’re mind all of a sudden shows you a reel of him meeting up with another woman, immediately say to yourself “No. He would never do that. He loves me.” You won’t believe it at first. You’ll have to force it and it will take a while until one day…you really DO start believing it. It sounds SO simple but I promise it works. Everyone is different but it usually takes about 3 months to develop new thought patterns. Eventually it will become automatic the second you start to have those thoughts…your brain will argue it and you’ll believe the new voice. This can be used for any areas of your life that you need it for and it’s a wonderful tool! Best wishes to you 💕

[@Duchess_Bananabread]

I can relate. He's never given me reason to believe he's actually cheating, so when those thoughts pop up, like "It COULD be a thing," I really have to consciously talk myself down. Sometimes, it helps just to go to him and say, "I'm feeling terrible and just need a hug."

[@kimperes5987]

​@supernova11711 thank you for this.🌻

[@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607]

If this were a woman who wouldn’t keep any social media, calling about a man who accused her of cheating & tracked her constantly-everyone, including Dr. D, would be screaming for his head. They’d be calling him mentally & emotionally abusive & waving torches & pitchforks. This is semi-abusive, & if he doesn’t leave, she’s not gonna chance. The only recourse he has is to draw a line in the sand & ACT on that.

[@overworked123]

OK, my senses tell me something else is going on. He took over 10 years to tie the knot, he objected to all suggestions. He's either "tried" everything that was suggested, or he doesn't want to do it. I wonder if he's just done, and wants some path out, but he knows he's gonna pay a high price to leave?

[@ronaldnichols9945]

He married her knowing how she is. Then, she is pregnant. Wow. He willingly walked into this.

[@lot2196]

He stuck it in crazy. A big no no.

[@susannefitzpatrick9955]

Aptly put.

[@aimeerebecca1]

He probably had a good amount of magical thinking, hoping she would change eventually. It’s easier said than done to avoid falling deeper into this trap.

[@specialboy7809]

Seems like most men can't resist the urge to save a h**/crazy woman

[@lucianaromulus1408]

​@@specialboy7809 men love crazy, they can deny it all they want but the history doesnt lie lol. Just like the trope of women liking bad boys.

[@rungeon83]

I dated someone who was always going through my phone and she'd find any remark to twist into flirting \cheating, it was exhaustion, and also insulting as i pride myself on honesty and communication. So one day 3 years into the relationship i checked her phone for the first time ever knowing for me it was over. Sure enough she's trying to arrange a meet up with a lad she really liked without letting him know i exist haha. It didnt hurt as i was over it long before but it helped me stop feeling so guilty. If you can't trust yourself not to cheat you're gonna assume others are too.

[@random-nz7dy]

1. He married into this. 2. It's weird that he also doesn't want to go to marriage counseling. Like he seems to be worried about this but then says he doesn't want to go get help? Huh? Either she's completely crazy and therefore he's totally in the right, Or there's something that he's not saying

[@seame3795]

My thoughts too. He’s calling for affirmation. It sounds like he’s gaslighting her.

[@cristinap6394]

“I don’t know if I would even go to marriage counseling myself” “I like to work out my issues myself” and that’s your answer. How is this not being discussed more 🤦‍♀️ he’s hiding something.

[@pattyc655]

That’s exactly what I was thinking. He’s basically saying “there’s nothing wrong with me, she’s the one with the problem”. I’m sure there’s more to the story than the caller is saying. Maybe there’s something he’s saying, doing or something he’s not saying or doing that’s causing her to question him and his faithfulness. A woman knows when there’s something wrong, if your gut tells you something, you should at least research it before going to him with it. Have your evidence in hand before you accuse him so he can’t deny it.

[@geometerfpv2804]

​@@pattyc655 Some people really are just off the deep end, they aren't necessarily "sensing something wrong." Could be.

[@pattyc655]

@@geometerfpv2804 yes, I’m sure in some cases that happens, as well.

[@bettersecret1499]

Tons of people don't like the idea of counseling. Not everyone is open to talk to a stranger about their problems and it doesn't mean they are hiding something, it's just that they aren't ready for that step culturally, personally, etc yet

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

Either one of two things is going on: either he is behaving in a way that would make her suspect he is acting inappropriate with other women (IE she sees him chatting up women a little too much; he texts women when its not work related; he strikes up conversations with every cashier or waitress he interacts with; he comes home later than normal often) OR she might be projecting or diverting because she is thinking about cheating herself.

[@Flash3-22]

That is definately another possibility. Great comment.

[@gdhhayes2129]

excellent reply. I agree.

[@cadecope278]

Exactly what I was thinking

[@jordanferguson2254]

Or she's seen it happen too much. You should see the sheer number of married people in my place of work who act single. It's sad. Even my neighbor's weird! ʕ⁠ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ⁠ʔ

[@cristinap6394]

Yep! Or speaking to women differently than he is to her, treating other women better than he treats her, forgetting to take care of her love needs while instead filling someone else’s cup emotionally, even a cup of ego.

[@Lianne459]

She's been doing this for 13 years and he married her anyway a year ago. He knew what he was getting

[@moondog7694]

It's interesting that he would date for 12 years without marrying. I've heard that men who date for many years without marrying will never marry that woman.

[@flozzy1626]

switch the roles u wouldnt say the same. That she knew what she was getting in to

[@dhritikapoor2897]

Your wife has self esteem issues and doesn’t think she deserves a loving loyal relationship with a man. That’s why she keeps self sabotaging in that manner. I have seen many people who just push their partner away by accusing/belittling them and turning breakup into a self fulfilling prophesy. The day u leave her she would be like “see … I told u…. He is not committed to me”. It’s sad you are stuck in this. Your wife better agree to counselling before she ends up destroying her whole marriage

[@calebburghardt3391]

It’s sad that grown adults can’t comprehend the damage and stress they cause someone else and choose not to address their own issues

[@adilenesanchez5715]

This!!! I was literally in the same boat always accusing my husband because it was literally my fear that he would find someone better and it was only due to my lack of confidence and my low self esteem only recently has things gotten better because I’ve been speaking to my therapist regarding self esteem and how to gain my confidence, self love etc etc

[@cristinap6394]

He needs to actually be willing to go since he said he wouldn’t and said he never brought it up… she never said no. He did.

[@calebburghardt3391]

Honestly he’s too good of a guy for his own good. You have to protect your own peace and sanity at some point and if I went just one year dealing with that, saying I would be completely done is an understatement.

[@gdhhayes2129]

I very much doubt it (that he's a good guy). Very much doubt it.

[@morgandawn6413]

@@gdhhayes2129 There's definitely more to the story

[@calebburghardt3391]

@@morgandawn6413 there is more to the story on all of these calls. We never get the full picture. I didn’t get a sense he was hiding anything but it’s possible you’re right.

[@user-pn3og9os6w]

Hu w​@@gdhhayes2129

[@gemintherough555]

I was in marriage were I was cheated on constantly. About a year after divorcing the cheater I met someone wonderful and started dating. Not gonna lie it was hard for the first couple months of dating but we talked my fears out. He was so patient and things are better now ❤️ My point, it’s concerning this caller has dealt with this for 15 years 💔

[@MeowmyandMe]

Very often the cheaters are the ones insisting they are innocent

[@theeasternfront6436]

But not always

[@MeowmyandMe]

@@theeasternfront6436 you’re right…there are no absolutes and exceptions to every rule

[@GallowayJesse]

very often the cheaters are the ones who insist their partner is cheating

[@iaffjake]

HOLY CRAP does this hit home!!! I lived with this for 5 years!!! Its as if this was me on the phone call. After months of counselling, I finally understood that it was not me, it was her. Classic Borderline Personality Disorder and fears of abandonment. Not a damn thing you can do Brother........ she's NEVER going to change. Good luck!!

[@debfox]

My ex fiancé CONSTANTLY accused me of cheating. He’s the one that did, MANY times!

[@desireeperham7093]

Same.

[@nomnomnugget]

Either she's extremely insecure, which is heightened with pregnancy hormones or she's projecting the cheating she's currently doing or did years ago. I'm currently 6 months pregnant and the hormones are a lot (I've gotten more anxious for example), but it doesn't excuse her behavior. I hope they can communicate, get to an understanding and seek therapy to talk it out before baby comes!

[@bp6877]

The ones who accuse you of cheating are the ones who, themselves, are the ones cheating.

[@GallowayJesse]

always.

[@Astro95Media]

I was married for eight years to a woman who accused me of cheating with women I'd never even met. She was caught sleeping with some kid from her store in 2016 and lost everything in the divorce. GUYS ... if you're with a woman who does this to you, she's going to cheat if she hasn't already. Get out.

[@Gigisgamblechannel]

How can they be together that long and he doesn’t know about her past relationships? Or family dynamics? And after, not one year he’s done?? Something isn’t right?!? If he’s doing nothing, why can’t he just keep reassuring her. Be an open book. Show her your phone. Be pro-active instead of reactive. When men become reactive they also put a wedge in communication that causes women’s feelings to arise. I also know many men that fib about a lot of little things. Truth might be a big deal to her and the small minimal things might add up to trust issues.

[@celisseevans309]

Amen

[@enaibee1661]

some guys just rather not know about your past relationships. I know because my boyfriend is like that

[@lynzvoets1227]

It's exhausting to keep reassuring someone who doesn't believe what you're saying and he shouldn't have to keep showing her his phone. Jumping through someone else's insecurity hoops enables them. If she's never found evidence of him cheating, it's her problem, not his. He shouldn't have to suffer for it. Carry your own baggage.

[@LaniLanilei]

Is she trying to lose him because the baby may not be his?

[@aliparker3]

This convo John is pitching needs to happen in front of a third party to hold her accountable. To put what he says in terms she may better digest bc she's not "getting it."

[@jesstheromantic]

You’re not leaving your child because you left the mother… that logic is what keeps people stuck

[@deed449]

My first serious relationship was almost exactly like this guys. He wanted to marry me and I said nope. He was completely insecure and took it all out on me. Every time I went out he accused me of cheating. It was exhausting. She needs a lot of therapy.

[@mmp495]

I have been on both sides of this and both are extremely exhausting. It's taken good therapy but I'm free and much happier. ❤

[@cristinap6394]

It’s pretty healthy to feel insecure after being turned down for marriage.

[@tinasmallwood9546]

My mother is an EXTREMELY jealous person and it ruined all THREE of her marriages. She was a spoiled child and is a self centered adult. She wants attention constantly. She is jealous of me as her daughter and has acted inappropriately toward my boyfriends when I was a teenager. It is a horrible personality trait and I would not put up with that for 2 seconds. I hope he finds a woman who will love and appreciate him.

[@swim610]

I had a bf that denied he was cheating when he was texting his ex girlfriend everyday during the work day. They both deleted their texts and stopped texting at night when i noticed she texted a music video late at night. Like this caller, He would sit and tell me hes not a cheater. When he said....well i have women talk to me....thats a red flag...i wonder if there is a reason for this womans fears. I hope for the sake of her peace and her babys well being that she get the support she needs.

[@bradleykimmons]

lol, stop projecting your personal life onto this man .

[@hanney3194]

I have experienced a similar situation. She probably has a lot of hurt and insecurities from her past. She probably can't even pin point it but as John says the body keeps the score. My best advice for you would be to keep loving her and have patience with her. I know it's unfair. I know your feelings matter too. But if you have made up your mind to stay with then doing those things will help her, at least it has for me and my relationship. Keep sacrificing and when healing comes you two will be so strong. I do agree with John about going to counseling and also getting hormones checked wouldn't be a bad idea either.

[@g3a9j7]

My ex did this. It was very destructive and gut-wrenching constantly putting out fires, getting accused and dragged through the mud. She went to counseling the first time but refused the 2nd time even after I offered to pay for it. I should have walked at that point but didnt. Took me 2 more years of chaos to finally and reluctantly end it. Now she's on to her 6th long term relationship but of course I was still the problem.

[@JerryStevens]

He's put up with it for 13 years but now he can't put up with it anymore? She could be cheating or she could just be really jealous and insecure.

[@18266609]

huge red flag. women project when they themselves are cheating. Seen this a bunch of times.

[@johndeagler4556]

I would agree but I have done this and not been cheating so I also don't think it's guaranteed

[@amberriley7633]

It’s not a man or women thing . Everyone who cheats does this 😂

[@johndeagler4556]

@@amberriley7633 disagree, not every cheater accuses their partner. And not everyone accusing their partner is cheating

[@neisci]

Cheaters project, men, woman and everybody else In between.

[@herbjergens6350]

13:12 to 13:22 Wow!! Lightbulb went off for me!! "She's choosing to put wedges between the two of you so that you cannot get close. And then blaming you for that distance." Well said!!

[@LaniLanilei]

Bingo Dr Delong

[@pipperlue]

Amazing advice

[@thaneros]

Waiting for the comments with my popcorn....

[@mimimonster]

This is one of the more toxic relationships I’ve ever heard in this show. MARRIAGE COUNSELING NOW or this guy is choosing a life of toxicity and emotional abuse for the rest of his life with a woman he has allowed to treat him this way with zero consequences. He has put up with this for 12 years? You ain’t NEVER gunna “fix this yourself.” Dear god y’all get some help before YOUR CHILD sees this and this one day does it to his/her partner. Break the cycle man. You can do it. Y’all can get past this.

[@FTG2Eli]

His mental health is really important to sustain here. I don't know what to say. My husband suspected me of cheating for a few years before he finally realized I was not his ex-wife and we did not have the same marriage relationship as they did.

[@NvrDieNvrSurrender]

I worked with a great guy who's wife had been in a very tough relationship before him so she was constantly on high alert. I really wish she learned to trust him better so we could have hung out as families outside of work. You cannot hold the current guy responsible for the sins of the ex...

[@umiluv]

It’s not holding the current guy responsible. She never did the work to get over her ptsd from being betrayed and then got into a new relationship. And she STILL hadn’t done the work to stop being traumatized.

[@NvrDieNvrSurrender]

@@umiluv She did go to counseling & so did her kids, it was just that bad, like the ex was a criminal that did horrible things, unfortunately it's just something she'll be working on for the rest of her life. Her current husband is a very good dude that loves her through it all!

[@traditionalwoman5648]

I'll bet that she has anxious attachment style, if they went to a therapist that specializes in attachment, and she became secure attachment, everything would be fixed.

[@gdhhayes2129]

YES! or it could also be disorganized attachment style as that creates a LOT of insecurity, especially when the relationship is committed by way of marriage and a child coming into the mix. The need to be loved combined with the fear that anyone who loves you will (not might, but for sure will) hurt you, (this being what was experienced in early development stages of life) would definitely give an explanation for her fears. Given that she would put up ith a guy using her for 10 years without the commitment of marriage further cements this suspicion for me.

[@moondog7694]

​@@gdhhayes2129 Are you saying that only someone with a disorganized attachment style would date a guy for many years without him marrying her? Why wouldn't someone with an anxious attachment style tolerate a guy dating her for many years without marrying her?

[@cristinap6394]

He said he wouldn’t go to counseling because he likes to figure out his issues alone 😂 that’s the problem.

[@flozzy1626]

@@cristinap6394 its not for everyone, I've done it before and it only made me worse

[@flozzy1626]

no accountability

[@localjess838]

My friend's husband was like this. Always chatting other women online, seen at motels with women, eventually asked them both to go for an STI test because while pooping, toilet bowl water had splashed in his urethra and given him an STI, which he passed to her. He would deny, delete messages and make her feel crazy.

[@seame3795]

He sounds like a gaslighting narcissist in need of a Momma to confirm he’s the victim. He’s probably gonna show her this video too.

[@DirtyDuramax]

In a past relationship i was in, from the start of the 2nd month of dating she did the same thing. 2.5 years later and i left her 2 weeks before our wedding. It was avg every two weeks she’s going through my phone. Going through it while I’m sleeping. To the point where on my birthday two weeks before our wedding, she’s going through my phone through every single app looking for something. I ended up lying to her and telling her i was cheating and deleted everything. I did this because Everytime i tried to leave she always found a way to get me to come back. We broke up multiple times through that relationship where this time i had enough. I’m glad i left because i was absolutely miserable everyday to the point it was making digestive system react everytime an accusation would come up.

[@TheEquiss]

Omg I dealt with that for over 6 years. It was constant. I got soooo sick of it. Then o found out he had been cheating with multiple people--both men and women. We had been married 35 years. The last 5 he was retired and was out cheating with everyone while I was working that last 5. People accuse you of what they are doing.

[@sallyspits]

My ex fiance would constantly do this and it was exhausting. Even when she managed to get into my phone without me knowing, it was "you just deleted the evidence before I could see it!" when she didn't find anything. Nothing was ever good enough, and whenever I had something like a female colleague add me on Facebook she would take it as evidence I was cheating. The worst part is, I don't think she was projecting. I honestly think she was loyal to me. It was just tragic insanity.

[@Tweedilydum93]

Sounds like she’s trying to sabotage the relationship so her brain can be right. So she can go “see? No ones there for me. He didn’t love me”

[@leahwilliams9333]

Gonna throw this out there. Is it possible that you have not been truthful about other things and she has caught you lying about them? Bc that has happened to me and I oscillate between believing that cheating hasn't occurred and being convinced it has. So...any amount of lying will ruin this trust. Also, pregnancy is wild. Probably is amping her insecurities and postpartum will be similar.

[@luminous6969]

*Reads title That means she's cheating bro, sorry you had to find out this way.

[@David-wo9un]

Agee; he might want a paternity test.

[@breeeque]

No, sometimes ppl r VERY VERY VERY insecure n have low self esteem

[@Butterd4t4ss]

I understand that logic but me personally, I used to think my girl was cheating in the beginning of our relationship. I would bring it up to her (the reasons why I thought she was cheating) and she would always deny and kinda get mad at me and thinking I was projecting . But I don’t cheat lol. Never cheated on any of my exes either . So who knows

[@David-wo9un]

@@Butterd4t4ss The problem here is it’s not the beginning of the relationship; he’s 12 years in.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

​@@David-wo9un If you listen, the caller said that she has been saying this since the beginning

[@larissaalcorn3406]

Dude doesn't want to go to marriage counseling, is clueless about her past relationships or what her parents were like, etc. It completely sucks that she's so accusatory, but there's clearly some serious dysfunction here that he's been participating in for 13 years. He's scared of what the 3rd party will say once BOTH sides of the story are laid on the table.

[@Chet_24]

Skip the counseling and just get the divorce.

[@dylanmoyer8554]

You can hear it from his accent that he’s not on his phone all the time.

[@juliusmoore2176]

He needs to leave her ASAP! It's not working.

[@TNFVLOGS]

I delt with this for 2 years because we have a 2 year old daughter.. but I finally had enough and left but of course now she uses my kid as a weapon and say if I can't be with her then I can't be with my daughter

[@InannaIshtar1115]

1000% my life...theres no escape though so idk what to do. Continue to fight for it everyday.

[@initial_sail8565sda]

Ben: There have been moments where women have SPOKE to me.. John: How dare you, Ben 😂😂😂😂

[@Flash3-22]

OMG - can't believe John made a comment about hay/baling wire!! Our marriage took another hit when my husband came at me with baling twine around my body, because I didnt do a horse chore according to his demands. Ended up with a DVPO, legal separation. It was the "last straw" of years of being fearful of my husband's moods.

[@LaniLanilei]

Hello Dr Delong

[@zuzanaxyz8866]

I see two possibilities here. Even though I can be wrong… First, she is/was the cheating one and doesn’t want to feel guilty, so it would be easier for her if he was cheating too and that would make him the “bad guy” too. Second, she had no self worth, she feels not worthy of being loved and having a “stable” relationship, so her anxiety makes her act “crazy”, because she can’t even imagine, that someone would love her and be faithful to her…

[@David-wo9un]

If I was him, I’d want to ensure that is my biological child; I highly suspect she is the one going out side the relationship for action.

[@meljay5660]

I struggled with insecurity and would have irrational jealous feelings. It was magnified while pregnant, to the point I would at times be convinced something was happening. Thank goodness I didn't act on them and accuse him because I now know how insulting that would be.

[@enngee2339]

Someone might be 100% trustworthy, but the other person still must choose to trust if the relationship will be viable.

[@Destiny-jf5pb]

No woman just ACCUSES a man of cheating out of nowhere. He’s done some things that are giving her these ideas and hints that maybe something is going on. As a man he should reassure her and have love and compassion towards her to try and prove he’s not cheating. Give phone passcodes everything.

[@stephenzygiel5266]

He acknowledged he already had a tracker app on his phone from her. Yes, women are capable of making false allegation. A particular set of genitalia does not make one immune from neurotic insecurity.

[@sidneybristow815]

Marriage counselor! He can’t see what he needs to see in order to fix it all. He’s never gotten to the root of her insecurity. She needs CBT to work out how she can change the way she thinks about the traumatic event that is stuck in her head. This came from somewhere. Until it’s reframed

[@wearenhlife]

Well said

[@SaystheTruth3]

Either it's that or she's just bat $*** crazy....

[@riblets1968]

I lived with somebody that jealous and constantly so. It's not sustainable.

[@trexxy9628]

I was always accused to cheating by my then BF. He was the cheater.

[@rageburst]

She might be gaslighting you to coerce you to do something. That can be to invest more in the relationship (or to get better treatment) or conversely it might be to make you break up with her (and that would allow her to move on to another relationship while blaming it on you).

[@rrodriguez8877]

Othello syndrome. Delusional jelousy , a symptom of various mental health disorders, like phychotic depression; Biopilar; delusional disorder, etc. It's a non bizarre delusion. MY husband has phychotic depression and gets this felution during various manifestations of the disease

[@icecreamgirlrockyroad3547]

I was like this in my Marriage it does get bad and I was so scared of it like the worst thing someone could do to me straight fear so I would think about it all the time then react and now looking back I did not feel safe-it was horrible for us both 😢

[@LaniLanilei]

Therapy time

[@av8rgrip]

This happened to a buddy of mine. His entire 20+ year marriage she was extremely jealous and accused him of cheating. I never knew him to do this. Turns out she was the one who was cheating. Also pretty sure she had BPD petulant child.

[@oWMatt]

I could be wrong but it kind of rings a BPD bell to me when it comes to her wife. It definitely seems like an abuse and control tactic because of her insecurities, trauma etc.

[@sarahmcdonald9624]

These women that are obsessed with other guys phone, I will never understand.

[@distorbia20]

She is either projecting and wants to push him to leave or she has past relationship insecurities

[@ChristopherDonnerArtist]

Generally either the person is insanely controlling or projecting . Either way you need to separate or she needs therapy badly .

[@demon-mk2jm]

I was with someone who constantly accused me of cheating when I wasn't and didn't have plans to and never had. He even accused me of sleeping with my girlfriends. I ended up cheating on him.

[@TheFlyingZulu]

Lol 12:01 "putting a body part is somebody else" Hilarious... For a second I thought John was about to start talking about murdering and dismembering somebody...

[@SaystheTruth3]

😂 yeah that's funny!

[@melissahorton6292]

What is the update on this one? I would bet money that she cheated and is pregnant with the other guy's baby. So she is pushing this guy away so that she can be the victim when he leaves.

[@kaizenborntowin]

2:25 Truth!