"I feel like I'm never going to recover!" ep.191

This week on Ask Kati Anything, I will discuss feeling like we will never recover and how to get through it. I will also talk about body checking and how often a therapist should call out a client about it. Then I will explain why we can struggle to have fun and relax in life, and why we can feel stuck in a younger version of ourselves. I will dive into what effects being a child of rape can have on us, and why we can feel angry when therapy is ending.
1. I suffer from anxiety, depression, and CPTSD, and if I'm honest with myself, I've never felt like I'm going to recover - I've always felt that one day the things I struggle with will win, and I'll end things. I've been struggling a lot lately to do anything that isn't immediately required - for example, working on my dissertation feels impossible, but replying to an email that needs to be answered today is doable (though still a struggle). I know this is probably a depressive episode (I have all the other hallmarks, disturbed sleep, poor appetite, lack of joy in things that used to bring joy, etc), but...
2. I'm wondering about the frequency that a therapist should be calling a client out for body checking behavior during session? When are times you ignore it vs bring it up? I'm currently in ED recovery and we have sessions where there's absolutely nothing said, but other days that are rapid fire, one after the other callouts. I'm still very stuck in some of the behaviors and don't realize I'm doing them when I get anxious...
3. I feel like I don’t know how to have fun and just relax. I’m so anxious and scared all of the time and I feel like everyday if not multiple times a day I hear horrible stories about shootings, killings, disease, war, fires, car accidents and so much more and I’m constantly so scared and feel so sad for all the people affected. I feel guilty for having minor issues when such bigger things are going on and I also feel so on edge that at any minute something bad is going to happen...
4. I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about being a child born out of rape. I'm sure there are quite a few of us out there, but no one ever talks about the impact this has on our lives. I think I've known my entire life that I was the product of a rape but it didn't click with me until I was in my late 30s. The more I think about it, the more uneasy I feel. Half of my DNA is from a monster. I feel disgusted. I am adopted, abandoned at birth, so there is no one I can ask about my biological parents. Has there been any research done on children born from rape?
RESOURCES
• trauma.blog.yorku.ca/2016/01/...
• www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
• static1.squarespace.com/stati...
5. I hope you're well. I have a question, why do I still feel like a young girl even though I'm already 51... I don't understand it, it is so confusing. I have CPTSD, does that have anything to do with it?
6. My therapist left her practice and I'll start therapy with a new therapist soon but I don't know if I'll be able to trust her and I feel very lost. Is there anything I can do to be open towards her? Also I ended the last session with being very angry at my therapist. And I don't know what to do with that anger. I feel like she just abandoned me and doesn't care. I can't even think about her without getting angry anymore. Why does that happen and what can I do to process these feelings? Because it almost feels like I hate her now and before I always felt very close to her.
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[@Lemonady]

Timestamps! Q1 - 0:37 Q2 - 7:18 Q3 - 10:08 Q4 - 17:05 Q5 - 23:06 Q6 - 26:39

[@TheJimbo1791]

Thank you !!

[@MykeWinters]

Yes, I feel this way. I’m almost 60 and had childhood traumas, abusive relationships and I’m on the spectrum. I feel that I’ll never get better, feel a bit lost tbh. I’m striving to find myself again

[@MykeWinters]

@@thebigscreentheory thank you so much Maria, bless you 🙂

[@manfredthewonderdog]

I am 76. My childhood was abusive. My first infant died. When I was eight months pregnant and with another infant, my husband came home and informed me he had enlisted in the army. He came home in box. Both of my remaining daughters have since died. I now have custody of a thirteen year old girl. And now have major surgery scheduled. I do not want to wake up from such. I am exhausted. I am so very alone. Facing more alone. There is no one.

[@creativeobx8367]

I feel so hopeless about my life

[@debbiemckenna5]

I am sooo sorry for everything you have gone through. You are soooo strong! I really know the feelings of depression anxiety PTSD and loneliness and also wanting to go to sleep and not want to wake up. The only thing that keeps me going are my young adult children. It sounds like maybe thinking of the 13yr old girl and how she would feel and where would she go may give u someone to live for. She needs you! We all need you. I wish I could do something for you and make all the pain go away. I will pray right now for you and if u could pray for me and my children too. We can get through anything with GODS help and protection. PLEASE don’t do anything to harm yourself or end your life. If u feel this way please call a hotline or 911. I wish I could give you my number and hug you! Love Debbie

[@chirokathleen]

You have you. You’re an amazing woman! I am finally discovering how wonderful I am as a human being. I love being in relationship with me. Everything else is external and usually transitory.

[@angelatracey8353]

I lost a partner to suicide, have lost many friends to my disorder, people I loved. I am feeling alone and wish life was over but have promised my mom I won't take my life. You're not alone. ❤🙏

[@Gerald381000]

You are so special. There's a reason for everything, even if we never find out the reason for the situation. I believe you have things to teach the girl you're caring for. They are so important. No one, but you can teach her what is needed for her future. Your legacy can still live on with your surrogate daughter. I hope you underatand how precious you are, how wanted and needed you are. Bless you and your journey.

[@PrincessCadancee]

I feel like how am i supposed to live with everyting.

[@beckysorg9406]

The person that wrote the first question: I have been feeling so similar for quite awhile. I've always had in the back of my mind that the depression will eventually take me out and I'm just in a holding pattern, waiting for that day that I've finally had enough. I've finally started slooowly coming out of it with the help of counseling and medication adjustments. But the things Kati said are absolutely what helped me in the day to day until that started happening.

[@kj-sf4md]

I've come to wonder /question recovery. My recovery expectations is unrealistic. What does recovery look or even feels like? Evidently realistic recovery is not equal to expected recovery. What is the recovery spectrum?

[@LiveFaustDieJung]

These videos are so relatable it’s almost scary.

[@BPCado]

Happy Thanksgiving Kati and anyone who celebrates it! I'm thankful for every and eachone of you!

[@maxfreer6455]

As someone with cptsd, the first question resonated with me a lot. I’m just starting emdr with an additional therapist next week. Learning how to regulate my emotions and fighting the shame is exhausting. I’ve had some major breakthroughs lately, I’ve been doing really well with self compassion and it’s making it easier to actually FEEL what I need to feel. Not just thinking about it. You can’t reason yourself out of suffering. Pain + Resistance = Suffering. Just letting my emotions exist and learning to tolerate them has been so hard. I finally feel hope though. This feels different. It feels like I’m learning how to walk again after surviving my entire life. With professional support, recovery is possible. I’m very much in the beginning part of recovery but even now, it’s gotten a lot easier.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

First question resonates soooo much with me. Thanks for the advices! 💜

[@lisacrow5762]

I love your shirt Kati ❤

[@michelleschmitt3926]

It's like you are talking directly to me. Thank you.

[@LizDavinciLand]

I enjoyed the AMA format here, Kati. You provided sound advice for quite acute situations. We really have to love ourselves and then we can love life. All the best, Liz

[@BirchWitch]

Kati, you are the best! I have grown so much from listening to you, and I recommend you to everyone I know. Thank you, and bless you for sharing your time and wisdom with us all. ❤

[@peaceindarkness.darknessis3494]

Happy thanksgiving Kati! I’m thoroughly enjoying my audible copy of traumatized so far. Thanks for all your help!!

[@popflickbogeypoo]

This was first of these I’ve seen. Thank you ❤

[@Ahmed_Phenomenal_Ali]

Thank you for everything Kati Ma'am.❤❤❤

[@emmyhewittportfolio]

On journal number two. The healing has been uncomfortable and slow but very enlightening. Thanks!

[@TacomaSteelhead]

You’re a saint. No one can see that anyone happened to me. Cause no one knows. I watch your videos to feel heard for a moment.

[@fifteenbyfive]

Thank you Kati Morton your channel is a gem. 🤗

[@chaimleo5860]

Happy thanksgiving KATi 🎉🎉

[@harrymetalhead3776]

Happy Thanksgiving Katie. Pray you are having a loving peaceful day! ❤

[@Breigh_Miller]

Thanks for this helpful video - I needed this 🫶🏻 Happy Thanksgiving Kati ✨

[@nancyliawoods]

Thank you for these ❤

[@tranquillelechat4119]

Thank you as Always :)

[@angko-pe]

Thank you for answering my queation about being a child born out of rape. I will take a look at the resources you've linked. Thanks for all you do!

[@AmethystWoman]

Just saying, I know she is just a character but Olivia on Lae and Order SVU, her character was born of rape. There's some episodes where she talks about it very clearly. And feelings around it. Could be validating. I think a lot of rape survivors watch Law and Order SVU because we all wish we had an Olivia! (and in real life she runs a nonprofit for sexually abused people. Good woman IRL too.

[@ilee2196]

Thank you for all the answer especially question 1, which I have been struggling recently. I kept thinking I'm just being lazy, I should just have it off, what is wrong with me. Thank you for the suggestion and advice that I can do it on my own at this moment. Thank you very much.

[@EvalenaSheets-of7zb]

I listen to your podcast every week I look forward to it I completely forgot your podcasts comes out on Thursdays early to day when cut for the first in about a month and ive had this numbness for a couple of weeks I also have anxiety so that doesn't help

[@TigaFeva]

My psychiatrist had been prescribing me with anti-depressant / anxiety meds but I still felt these intense emotions and often acted on emotional impulses and confusion on reality vs PTSD. I felt hopeless like this was just how my brain was wired and nothing was ever going to help me feel non hyper-vigilant. She started me on a low dose mood stabilizer and I have to say, I have never felt this emotion before. This calmness. This ability to step back and sit with the emotion and to think it through rationally before saying or doing an impulsive action. It actually makes me a bit emotional knowing that I went my whole life never feeling this emotion/rationalism until now. Even going through the most emotional experience of my life right now, I still feel the calmest I've ever felt. I'm sharing this incase someone has felt this way and didn't know this was an option. I hope it helps anyone that is struggling and feels like they will never be able to enjoy life. You can. It takes work in small steps and gets easier with consistency. You deserve to be here. You deserve a happy fulfilling life.

[@mikeflair6800]

We can understand, accept and not lay blame. That helps a lot, but it never can be really be fixed.

[@shaymarie9870]

I had a friend who was very politically active and that was fine, but I was so overwhelmed and we were part of a discussion about fandoms too. Not inherently political. I did my best to remove myself from channels where irl topics and stuff were discussed, and then those topics were brought up in our other channels. I told them and they dismissed me because they said the post was okay. So I left and explained why- and then was dismissed again, so I ended the friendship, and I made the mistake of giving them a final explanation telling them how I felt and thanking them for our time. They decided to make it a public spectacle and accuse me wrongly again. What a crazy person- but I believe there are appropriate places to talk about news death injustice and destruction. It shouldn’t be a lighthearted conversation. If we genuinely care about the causes we support then we should want to cultivate environments where people expect to find it and are emotionally and mentally ready to support them. I made mistakes but the biggest one was giving someone who didn’t care about me the time of day. They’d rather champion their cause to appear “good” than do genuine good.

[@StephanieDefinitely]

I am in therapy and have a history of disordered eating but have never been told I’m “body checking” during a session-what does this entail? I understand the general term and googled it but didn’t get an example of what kind of body checking someone would be doing during a therapy session. 🤔 I mean, Kati talked about it like it was something that was super common, without explanation, so I feel like I’m out of the loop. (But maybe it’s a good thing that I have never been called out for it, I have been working on my disordered eating for a LONG time. 😅) Could someone give me an example of some body-checking behavior a therapist might point out? Thanks! 🙏🏻

[@joshp.5714]

Sun light on your eyes not through a window is a great for helping set your circadian rhythm (even through your eyelids. Studies have shown sunlight to be 1/50 as effective through a window.

[@andregriffin3565]

I held my face when I started off some where but went in my head and cover the negitivites t positives😮

[@melnelly5918]

I started to improve immensely when i stopped my antidepressant. They screwed me up big time. I bought a dog and started walking orhers dogs and connected with people. Antidepressants dont work for everyone.

[@robertpolnicky7702]

My childhood was awfully abusive. Not so much my parents but elementary school. But ive got wounds i cant heal now. I cant deal with them yet

[@thatchickencat4562]

I’m feeling that way too. I have depression, Anxiety, ADHD and i’m on the spectrum. I feel like i’m a lost cause and i’m only 20.

[@MabelRD08]

Read the thumbnail and felt like fannnnnn Just saw my nutricionist yesterday and she expressed how concerned and not happy she is cause I've lost more weight since started treatment. I'm not sure how else to work on things. I feel like I'm almost giving up and as if I'm supposed to be with A.N until I die Thank you for another great episode.💔💕💜🌹🌟🎤🦋🐩🇩🇴I love you mama Kinnion.

[@areuarealman7269]

The weight thing I'm probably going off on mine if they keep pressing I'm a dope head I have no dope so I'm not eating gee duh .

[@superwomynink]

Thank you for this post, I am seeking help from psychiatrist on Tuesday. I am 59 and have been isolating myself for over 2 decades. Self analyzing has led me to the belief that I have BPD, CPTSD with Depression/Anxiety. Lately my self harm ideation has been overwhelming. 39 years ago my cousin drugged me and I participated in my own rape. As a lesbian I feel shameful and have never told anyone this is how I contracted HIV. My abandonment issues cause me to react with fawning or avoidance behavior responses. My trauma list of emotional baggage is so very large, I am overwhelmed. I'm afraid I won't find a therapist who will be able to discern what might point me in the right direction for recovery. Are there questions I can ask during these first therapy sessions that will alleviate this fear?

[@dabbler1166]

I LIKE the way that Kati said what all of the questions were, first, and then went back through them. I LIKE how Kati DID recommend MEDICATION for depression (at least some of the time). This leads me, as a NON-professional to say MY opinion on "Why Therapy Sucks and people feel like they wont get better". MY answer is: many times, people wont. Why?? In my un-professional opinion, its because in 85% of cases, people Need some medication and DONT get it. Period. So, you go on feeling depressed. Or overly worried, or whatever. There's a HUUGE chance that you're feeling this way in the first place because your internal body chemistry is out-of-whack. Without anything to fix that, you go right on being miserable. But you are on your own. Its only my opinion, but i feel I'm very likely right in a vast majority of cases. There's that, and also-- The Talking, that IS therapy only goes so far. If you can gain INSIGHT from it, know when it started and what triggers it, thats good. But that wont help a chemical or bodily imbalance. So you go back, for more "sessions" and a year and a half has gone by and you are "still struggling". Pffft. In my opinion you wasted a year of time. If it were me, myself, I would by far, prefer taking something FOR whatever's wrong, and buying 1 or 2 BETTER books on it (Hopefully written by a PH,D. or Psych person who's been in practice for years), Reading those books and continuing the meds til yer ailment/problem fades out-- and I believe it likely would, MUCH sooner, than if we just "hang out" and gab for another session. Psychology should do a better job of combining a Psychoanalytic (how did i get here) approach WITH medication and RAPID-transformational therapy approach. Again, my unprofessional opinion. Stop wasting time. If you dont NOTICEABLY feel DRAMATICALLY better by 4 months-- yer just spinnin' yer wheels. And personally, I dont want to just "settle" for "better." Let's get OVER it- and be"recovered". Completely. Not just recover-ING. Let's be "Well". with Insights, resilience and strength, for the future. But I'm not liable. Whatever you do, or dont do, is up to you.

[@lllStayHigh]

Thank you, Kati! 💐 Ahhh I can't stop staring at that cute flannel of yours! May I ask where you got it? 😍🤭

[@andregriffin3565]

Inner/ child /work

[@mchunzicker2054]

Where did you get that shirt????

[@Matty-oc8db]

Your answer to question 5 really made me think. If someone were subjected to abuse very young to the point that they were developmentally arrested to the point that they're coping with baby talk, diapers, or bottles, how would you even begin to address that? How could you even begin to process that kind of trauma with someone when there's no memories, no coherent or even fragmented story to let out?

[@AmethystWoman]

Definitely a therapist well trained and experienced with deep trauma who would also understand the scale of dissociation all the way to DID where there are even usually little parts that present as children. Little children.

[@STEVOLOVESTHAILAND]

I don’t feel like I will never going to get better. My mother and big brother killed themselves. I’ve last longer then them. Is it ok to give up?

[@lazoshi]

Can I shoot out a question, regarding my issue(s), to wherever you receive them. I don’t know if it’s here, or on an email account? What do you allow?

[@lgpeace]

I’ve been in therapy for 4 years. I’ve been sober for 2.5 years. I have felt really different from people in recovery. I can’t find happiness and I also haven’t figured out how to connect with people. I feel constantly anxious and like I’m doing the wrong things. Xanax was the only thing that calmed me down but I was addicted to it. Does anyone have any advice? I think I am focused on fixing myself all the time but I can’t stand the thought of being at a standstill. I want to be a therapist one day but I constantly feel like I’m not good enough. I’m 23 years old and I just feel like I need to be doing more with my life. I feel ashamed of who I am.

[@lgpeace]

How do I ask you a question?

[@8covers938]

where can i assk a question?

[@magicstarz8042]

Random I know, but Kati you look great that shirt/ colour suits you

[@Mindsetolympics]

I literally think this everyday T_T

[@AdrianHiggins83]

❤

[@andregriffin3565]

To get a greater than from inside my head could be from mental health to show

[@andregriffin3565]

is there two mentall healths for a college students life to recover

[@andregriffin3565]

So if the kid in my life with known everything is it the rape cause or did cause effect.

[@andregriffin3565]

So what if you stoped laughter talk since been asingled alone;?;

[@andregriffin3565]

These are good things. This mean I can super try to petinial. I can speak it was?!?

[@jessicaabbott10]

My heart *dropped* when you said that people come in wearing diapers and drinking out of baby bottles because of C-PTSD, that is one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard!!! 😭

[@AmethystWoman]

I wonder why she didn't bring up DID as a possibility or even just dissociation.

[@hiramalik3818]

First . Hii kati. How are you?

[@andregriffin3565]

After so long I should be able to feel like I gained

[@andregriffin3565]

I had my neibor hood fallwhile going off to school and my child an I shared scholors

[@woldyietigneh2546]

please give response katie

[@woldyietigneh2546]

please your email address is not active. Do you have other?

[@vancetang2288]

I have anxiety and depression, and all I get from my support system is lectures. I.e. my mom

[@apparently_sonam]

then she isn't really being your support system if you are specifically trying to talk to her about sensitive things (I don't know your age!). Find someone else or a therapist if you can afford where you feel safe discussing and getting positive affirmations. This type of feedback is damaging to improving your well being and inner conflict of course.

[@ababy6074]

I've noticed the last few weeks that these episodes are a lot shorter, around only 40 minutes, and this one us only 31 minutes! What's going on? I love these episodes and we're not getting as much anymore 😢

[@babieeeeeeee]

It's only 9 mins shorter, maybe Kati needs rest too. Let's not be too demanding

[@ababy6074]

@@babieeeeeeee I don't think it was demanding, I was just asking a question and like I said it has been for several weeks now

[@AmethystWoman]

I think it's fine to notice and I think we need to be really careful about jumping down on each other? In some ways noticing the shortened amount of time, it means to me, that maybe you're more aware of self-help, the need for self-care. I know these videos can be very validating for me, especially this one. Is there somebody else in your life who listens to Katie also that you can actually talk on the phone about the episode that would help it last longer and process it for you better? I used to do this with a friend. We would spend more time talking to each other about our therapy session than she did in therapy with her therapist. She would have an hour therapy and we would talk for 3 hours about it. Processing and realizing maybe for the first time what feels helpful. Good for you. And yes, Kati has talked about needing to do better with her own self care. So it's not either or. Look to Kati to lead by example. Maybe reading a good deal of the comments and making yourself comment on them or write about them or something will help? (I think you know Katie will tell you to write!!! Lol) sometimes in therapy I'll say to my therapist that something was said on Kati's AKA and blah and then we talk about it. I'm going to guess any therapist who has a lot of trauma clients knows about Katie Morton! The anon beacon of hope. My therapist actually works hard and makes me be aware of how dependent I might become on her. So there's also that to explore within ourselves. How dependent are you on KZbin for therapeutic advice that's kind of scary. I do too btw. Yeah we are how Katie makes a living. Go look at how many people subscribe we are far from alone. My best to both of you. I hope the first commenter wasn't mocking your user name! We don't bully each other here if it wasn't coincidental. Right. @Kati

[@mandybowdoin5346]

@@ababy6074 Kati might just have extra life demands right now. And I don't know if you are from the US or not, but this last one was during one of our biggest holidays. So that's another possible reason.

[@apparently_sonam]

@@ababy6074 practice gratitude for what she is giving and not focus on something as a fault. Life isn't robotic. Neither is she. It's her channel and if an episode flows like such a length then acceptance is the key.

[@forest1butterfly]

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@andregriffin3565]

Good bad or people

[@BronnBlackwater]

I am never going to financially recover from this -Tiger King

[@itsonlyatail]

My psychiatrist is manipulative and I left…my family doctor is helping out,but I feel like why bother. I have attempted suicide in the past but now I’m not going to do anything now, but if I don’t wake up in the morning I’m ok with that.

[@atrohadff]

I am a Christian counsellor with a patient who has depression and anxiety. She had a horrendous Life of sexual abuse assault and multiple rapes over the years. She is overly compliant with poor boundaries and is easily taken advantage off. Due to financial constraints she is not getting all the help she needs. She spent 3 weeks in a mental clinic where she saw a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Her medication is somewhat under control but she is the black-sheep of the family and suffers abuse and bullying from all her family members virtually daily. Her therapy is stopping now. What should I concentrate on, to do, to help her. I am a South African. Any suggestions of how to proceed will be helpful. Thank you for what you are doing.

[@andregriffin3565]

The answer is to mind yourself words as to normal depression.

[@DrMacca]

Quick fact: Kati doesn't like TikTok dance challenges because she grew up in the small Midwestern town of Bomont. 😁 (Yes, this is a Footloose joke in the Year of our Lord 2023. Sorry, I'll get my coat.)

[@andregriffin3565]

😢😅 scream makes a part of me dice

[@lsisak7651]

Seems like people waiting for life to end need to find their purpose.

[@andregriffin3565]

😂😮😂😅

[@andregriffin3565]

Know you can gain off abandonment

[@andregriffin3565]

🤮🤢🤮

[@jonski_i]

KZbin is married to big farma gotta have a disclaimer on money

[@michellebell9332]

Some stuff I do is childish but I'm learning to accept them. At the end of the day, my stuffed animal and cartoons make me feel safe. I noticed too when I'm okay with myself, I'm a better mother as well ❤️‍🩹