I Found Out Of My Wife's Affair After She Passed Away r/Relationships

[@diamcole]

He showed up and shook his hand??? Fuck that's disgusting.

[@mogulmade]

Op was way too polite and political. The friend and the lover would get it AT THE FUNERAL.

[@crisrodriguez5693]

@@mogulmade OP didn't know yet

[@loganblackwood2922]

This is why I am pro-shame. How can anyone be so disgustingly shameless? It should have been a funeral for two.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

I would have throat punched him and said “what was that. What did you say”

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

OP should text back the AP from the wife's phone with "I know what you did". Just leave it at that-- AP can spend some time being mentally off and anxious if there will be any other consequences.

[@DrWho1596]

“Don’t tarnish her reputation” oh I’ll tell everyone and tear that friend apart

[@lunaticbz3594]

I feel like I'd personally have a very hard time with that. Don't get me wrong I've flat out celebrated a couple of deaths of horrible people I have no qualms with that. But I felt that way about them before they died. Losing someone who you truly loved and thought the world of, and then discovering this after the fact... I'd really struggle with that. I don't see how I'd come to terms with this situation. How would you separate the loss and pain of death, from the loss and pain of the betrayal? I'd need a darn good therapist.

[@megaman37456]

I agree with DrWho "fuck her reputation" scorched earth time.

[@sargampareek2774]

Actually when you love someone and they have passed, you won't be able to do that. It's not about saving their reputation but nothing will be achieved. They are already dead, company does not care and BF of the best friend doesn't care. I hope he'll be able to talk about it with his friends and family though because that would be a step towards healing. I am heartbroken for him.

[@mindyschocolate]

@@megaman37456 yup. I’d be posting those screenshots on social media and tag tf out of them.

[@mindyschocolate]

@@sargampareek2774 you’re correct, but the one thing he never did was confront the side piece directly. I’d make him feel like crap. She died because she was visiting him. If she wasn’t having an affair with a guy who knew she was married she’d never have been around to be hit by the drunk driver. I’d blame side piece and let him know I blame him. I’d finish by saying I hope he’s happy.

[@forsomenotreally]

Story 1: The audacity of the the AP showing up at the funeral. the "friend" showing who the husband was (that's why she hugged him to point him out to the AP). The two of them having the nerve to play with that man's emotions!! How evil.

[@DemonAngel]

Right? Ugh I would have gone nuclear after in all honesty

[@Musiyca]

Also, the friend not only knew who the AP was, but also knew him. She literally talked to the guy on the funneral, giving him condolences as well?? OP should point that to her boyfriend, cause the friend might as well take the dead's place with fucking the AP.

[@DemonAngel]

@@Musiyca right??? Ugh I would have been the "vengeful sister" character

[@deborahyoung1873]

I know a lot of people don't believe in heaven or hell, but I do, and maybe he can take comfort in knowing the way she died (being a hoe) she won't be going to heaven.

[@Sherwoody]

The actions of these two are despicable. Was this like a game to them where they had a good laugh afterwards. Was OP’s wife part of a cruel manipulative game that ended too soon for them. It almost seems like they were pleased at the pain that was inflicted on OP.

[@Hossnow123]

1st story: What a pos his wife was. He needs to let her go, she doesn't deserve his grief.

[@maddy8328]

Agreed

[@Sakuraqueen]

I agree with you too!! She is not worth an iota of his tears!! She was just garbage!

[@hammie265]

that woman got the most extreme version of karma and I am all for it honestly

[@viddergrapho8488]

Yeah, her death is no loss. What a garbage person.

[@orenmontgomery8250]

Karma got her.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

The part that truly pisses me off is none of the people who pushed her to it or participated in it seem to be feeling any guilt over her death. Instead of being sorry OP got hurt, they should be sorry that she might still be alive if not for them.

[@gmun2248]

Nobody else knows the timing, or where she was coming from before the accident. Only OP has those details because he got them from her phone.

[@paulman34340]

We're only hearing things from OP POV! AP showing up at the funeral makes me believe the pathetic man might have LOVED OP wife! Even when he knew their relationship was "Sexual" cause why risk getting exposed as an AP to OP or others if he didn't feel anything for her beyond sex! He might even feel guilty because meeting with him is what got her killed in the first place! As for the POS Friend, her BF knows, lying or telling him the truth and him "Trusting" her doesn't change the fact he now knows this! Even if he told OP to let it go, it might be because he wants to keep the PURITY of his relationship alive by burying the truth! He knows now his GF is a woman who advocates cheating, and she knows he knows, it will ALWAYS be a sword of Damocles over the relationship! One fight, one misunderstand and it's over! He'll leave beating himself up for thinking differently and even telling OP to move on because HE wanted to protect his own relationship with a cheating enabler/encourager! I hope the Best Friend REALLY loves this guy and views him as "the one" because it will be SO much fun and karma when she loses him to this! And I hope AP REALLY loved her and she NEVER leaves his heart or mind forever (to the point he's FORCEFULLY made an Incel, he can never get it up for another female again because of the trauma! He wants to have sex, but can't now because of her!) and if not the next wife "he touches" husband finds out and he gets "gilded" one way or another for it along with broken bones! But fuck those people, my concern is OP, I hope he gets over this, makes peace with it and moves on from that Bitch! Poor man needs it!

[@jakemarie828]

​@@paulman34340you might be on to something. AP messaged Wife more than she him. So his feelings being sincere is a possibility. And friend's boyfriend is absolutely in denial. I don't hang out with people who cover for their buddy's affairs for this exact reason. People can get in your ear and try to rationalize damn near anything. Sword of Damocles is a perfect comparison!

[@pragatisingh8467]

it's no one's fault but his wife's

[@analyticmoviereviews101]

They didn't push her into it. We have free will and the ability and responsibility to say no. Wife cheated and karma worked its way around. A bit harsh but, no one's fault but the wife's. She could have told them both to kick rocks but she, being of no common sense or morals cheated and now she has to contend with that in the after life should there be one and the friend and affair partner get to go on looking like the true pieces of excrement that they are. I feel for OP. I truly do. I blame the wife and her only. HER choices lead to her not being alive. HER inability to say no. Stop trying to defend the wife like she were some innocent, neive child because it was her fault and hers alone. She's guilty and her friend and AP need to take accountability as well.

[@ultraviolet2447]

Her boyfriend is delusional if he think she won’t or isn’t already cheating on him

[@tylerrice4178]

Exactly.

[@treefittyforall]

His response is proof he deserves what she ends up doing to him. Whatever she may be doing to him already. Treating him like a doormat, cheating on him, or eventually cheating on him, or all of the above. The fact someone told him his girlfriend told someone they should cheat on their husband should have made him look at her in a different way. She's not a person he can trust and of she lacks basic morals. So, whatever happens to him... he was warned of her character or lack there of and thought it was fine to stay with her. Basically, they deserve each other.

[@lalvarez5151]

Who suggests cheating? Another cheating gf

[@aparnarai3708]

@@treefittyforall dude's probably desperate

[@roarkthehalf-orc6598]

Simps: not even once

[@grizbear4115]

Story 1: We definitely know bf is whipped! Who could stay with their gf knowing that they encourage cheating? He better not be surprised or upset when she cheats on him.

[@brigidtheirish]

He might be a cheater.

[@devchekhov7512]

@@brigidtheirish Are you in the Olympics, because that's one hell of a leap 😂

[@djskjyy]

@@brigidtheirish why do you think that

[@Sakuraqueen]

Oh God, I hope she cheats on him something dreadful! Vile human being!

[@brigidtheirish]

@@djskjyy Just pointing it out as a possibility, since he's basically excusing the practice.

[@madambutterfly1997]

I’m not sure how to feel about the first story. My testimony is I despise cheating and no amount of context will ever justify cheating.

[@RJLiams]

View it as divine intervention.

[@indianspartan76]

I think the part that enraged me was she would turn down anal with OP but did it with AP Edit: fixed typos

[@slippyquack7672]

@@RJLiams divine*

[@drewtatum5846]

@@RJLiams I see it as this way as well just a bit though. It's more like a warning sign in my mind's eye. It's just not worth it and the truth will come up eventually

[@RJLiams]

@@slippyquack7672 yeah my fault. Thanks for the correction.

[@MrH347]

Story 1: She hooked up with the AP on their anniversary, that tells you all you need to know. She never felt bad, she wasn’t a good partner and she would have kept hurting OP if she didn’t die. He needs to expose them, it might not make anything better but those “friends” are selfish strangers who sleep well at night while they let someone who thought they were friends look like a fool, live a lie because they never cared. Post the texts, tag the offending parties, leave them at the car accident like they left OP. The wife didn’t care about OP, just about the image OP had of her, her stability, her lifestyle, OP wasn’t enough, she wanted more attention because she had was greedy. No one deserves to die, but some don’t deserve the life they have. OP talk to people, stop drinking, work out, bury yourself in work, take up hobbies, get angry, break something, cry, get it all out, then start rebuilding.

[@mrbas5150]

I found out my wife was cheating after she committed suicide. We seemed to have a great relationship and I was completely taken by surprise. Double owwie. 10 years later and I am still messed up.

[@vampire9545]

Sounds like the affair partner needed to suicide too

[@gaaraxnaru]

I'm sorry you went/are going through that. I hope everything gets better for you.

[@DemonessMark]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Please know that neither incident is your fault (I only say, this as people who try to be good people tend to blame themselves for things going wrong). Those are self-destructive choices she made (whether or not she had mental issues) and they had nothing to do with you. I hope that you are getting past it one day a a time, and while therapy might not be the answer for everything, you might want to consider it if you haven't already, as your whole word changed and you can't get closure with the person who made those changes.

[@amandasunshine2]

Jfc.. I'm so sorry dude

[@danir3988]

Oh, dear God! I am so, so sorry! Please know that you weren't at fault for either choice that she made! 💔

[@RJLiams]

He should definitely post the texts of the friend encouraging the affair. We know full we the friend knew she would do it. Ruin her reputation.

[@Khaisz.]

Yeah, him saying its no point in posting either messages since the wife is dead is missing the point of doing it. It's not to make the wife look bad, it's to make the AHfriend and the dickbag look bad.

[@FunSizeSpamberguesa]

@@Khaisz. I think he won't because he doesn't want to cause the wife's family more pain than they're already in.

[@pippo17173]

@@FunSizeSpamberguesa Quite honstly, I think they have the right to know how much of a POS their daughter is. Hopefully their not the one responsible for raising her like that.

[@FunSizeSpamberguesa]

@@pippo17173 What good would that do? If she were alive, I'd agree, but I get why he wants to spare her family the kind of pain he's in -- it's not what POS she is, but what she was. There's no way to call her out or confront her now. OP will never have closure, and he probably doesn't want to inflict the same thing on them. In a perfect world, the friend could be exposed without harming the surviving family, but as it is I think he 's thinking of the bigger picture. The real shame is that the friend's BF is such a jellyfish. If somebody told me my partner did that, I'd be out the door, but maybe he'll come to his senses when she inevitably cheats on him.

[@pippo17173]

@@FunSizeSpamberguesa True but honestly being dead isn't an excuse anymore and keeping their reputation shouldn't be worth it especially to those who suffered a lot.

[@yadayada752]

I would send the cheater a message from the wife's phone, appearing to be from her. Saying, "I would be alive if I hadn't gone to your house that night"!

[@JDPOWERNO]

Exactly. Or lie about some witness protection program. I would mind f that guy.

[@mindyschocolate]

Yup! It seems the only person OP didn’t confront was this pos. He knew she was married. He slept in his bed and shook his hand at the funeral. Gross. Forget his company, I’d post screenshots on social media of their text messages and tag him. Let him squirm knowing she didn’t have to die. Drunk driver just played the part of karma. Too bad she paid for her infidelity with her life. Hope it was worth it.

[@coureenlawrence4915]

I would send it to the ap and best friend and post her message on social media so all their family and friends will see.

[@VastIceGaming]

Never protect the reputation of a cheat or the person they cheated with. People should not remember you fondly if you don't deserve to be remembered fondly. What a sick excuse of a human she was, meeting with the AP on her anniversary. He's better off without her. He said at the start they were going to start having kids. Well, I have a feeling they wouldn't have been his kids. I hope he'll be able to heal and find a woman who isn't a common piece of gutter trash. And for the friend that encouraged it, I hope she gets her act together and takes accountability, but I sincerely doubt that will happen.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: I do not get people who think it's okay to physically assault complete strangers, whether they think they are employees of a store or not. That is just insane. I accidentally asked someone where something was in the store the other day and when she said she didn't work there, you know what I did? I apologized and walked away. Because that's what you do, people.

[@Khaisz.]

Yeah, I been on both sides of the situation before the big chain stores in my town started having their logo on their shirts, it always ends with "oh sorry, my bad" and then just walking away. In 1 case though, an old lady just needed help reading a sign at the bottom of a freezer, which I obviously helped with even after she apologised for mistaking me for an employee. It's surprisingly sad that people get mean and violent over a mistake THEY did, just because they can't admit fault.

[@brigidtheirish]

I'm *really* careful to look for employees. If there are none around, I might ask someone who's in the same section as I am as they're probably looking for something similar and might have seen what I'm looking for. In that case, I phrase it like, "Hey, have you seem [insert item]?" One time, I approached someone in a uniform holding a device with rubber padding and clearly taking notes about the items on the shelves. So I asked him if he knew where something was. Turned out he worked for one of the store's suppliers and was checking for recall items. Oops! I wished him luck and moved on.

[@Khaisz.]

@@brigidtheirish oh lol yeah, that's a mistake I also done more times then I want to remember. Just walk up to a person in a work looking outfit holding a rubber padded device asking "excuse me, do you know where X is" and getting the answer back "oh sorry, I'm just here delivering bread". Nowadays most delivery drivers wear a gray or black shirt while workers for the 3 big chain stores in my country has green/red/white with logo, so at least I won't make that mistake again lmao.

[@keilatenshi5910]

When I first started working at my old job, we had to wear khaki pants and a different colored polo shirt each day of the week. One day was dark blue, another day was red. I learned real quick not to go to certain stores on certain days after work! Fortunately, everyone was apologetic when I told them I didn't work there. Sometimes, though, I did know where the thing they were looking for was, so I would tell them where to go. They removed the uniform requirement eventually, and I didn't have to worry about being mistaken for an employee anymore.

[@phoenix72999]

I am so glad she went to jail for 2 years. It is one thing to have to audacity to assault someone, but it is even on another level to do that to someone who seems mentally unwell and is literally pleading with you to stop and crying? Must have just been an extra lazy employee. How freaking out of touch can you be?

[@nathanhinman9069]

The absolute audacity of the friend and the AP at the funeral. Feeling so so sorry for OP.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: who assaults someone over coffee? Op was having a panic attack!

[@robertx8020]

I hope Karen had 'fun' in jail ...bet her 'Kareness ''didn't work well for her in there

[@loganblackwood2922]

Women, because usually there is no consequences for it.

[@Zucca101]

He should tell the ‘best friend’ about the timing too. That if she hadn’t encouraged her to cheat to begin with, she’d still be alive. We need to destroy this ‘cheating is empowerment’ bullshit and this person needs to be made to know the misery she’s party to.

[@goreslashdow3813]

Exactly. It's technically not really fair to blame her, but she deserves that guilt.

[@SailorMya]

She never will... She already spun it to her boyfriend that it wasn't her fault because she needs to beLIEve it is that way... "I didn't think she would actually do it!!!" but you were fine with hiding it when you did push her into another mans arms! She is complacent in all of this and her boyfriend is stupid to think she wont cheat on him since her morals are questionable at best... I do hope it keeps her up at night knowing no matter how much she lies to everyone including herself that her friend is dead because of what she told her...

[@Ocean_Monae]

Regardless of the friend, If she hadn't pursued the guy, she'd still be here. She really only got advice from the friend to make it seem like she's conflicted with her decision, but either way she would've done it anyway.

[@randomusername3873]

@@Ocean_Monae oh she would have cheated eventually, but the friend deserves any guilt for being an horrible person

[@Callimo]

That's....never been a thing. Only folks who encourage cheating are usually cheaters themselves. Sheeit, now I'm side eyeing all of those bf's thinking OP's wife's friends wouldn't do the same to them....

[@alwaysthelovesongs]

What really gets me about the first story is the man she was having an affair with showed up at her funeral and offered condolences to her husband. The audacity.

[@partyshoes2917]

Story 1 out her so people know what she was all about, death doesn't cleanse them from responsibility of actions and don't pay for a grave marker let her friends or family pay for one.... At the local cemetery when I was a kid my mom pointed out one of the markers that read "a great son, father, and unfaithful husband"

[@Kstanimal]

DAMN .... BRUTALITY

[@louellacharlton4425]

There was a story on here with same.

[@partyshoes2917]

@@louellacharlton4425 do you know which one? Or link?

[@corlenajames1381]

Personally, I wouldn't want anyone else paying for her marker except me, if I were the OP. I'd pay for it myself, but it would be engraved with one of her last text messages to her AP, followed by the date & time.

[@louellacharlton4425]

@@partyshoes2917 it was a man who put it on his father's headstone. All the fathers family was chapped about it, but could do nothing as son paid for everything.

[@MorbidKat]

Oh man...I already felt just devastated for Op but when he said that if he started to feel any worse he'd go check in at the hospital...oh my heart broke for him! Like my chest actually shuddered and I got chills.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

His wife is a monster. This is why cheating isn't okay. It literally ruins people's lives. People end themselves all the time over it. There is no excuse or justification. This is 2023. Break up with them ask for an open relationship take a break from the relationship ask to bring a third in etc. This will haunt him for the rest of his life. The good news is he got to keep everything. What if (if she hadn't passed) when he found out and confronted her she decided she didn't want to work on the marriage and she wanted to leave her husband for this guy and take half of it everything instead! There are plenty of people who do that all the time too. OP is looking at this assuming they would have worked it out and she would be sorry about it. But that probably isn't the case. Very sad my heart breaks for him.

[@MorbidKat]

@Whitney Dahlin Yea, another comment brought that up too and while I agree, and at some point he might too, he's not there yet. The biggest question that will always plaque him is "why". Even though there isn't a justified answer for it, if even if she was alive and didn't have an answer to give, the lack of closure and answers will nag him for years. I really hope he'll update, at any point, if to just say he's ok. 🩶

[@Callimo]

I'm glad he at least had the mind to get to a hospital. But jesus christ, poor OP

[@thedarkwench]

The friend is not a friend, the lover is dirt. It is their fault she is gone.

[@brigidtheirish]

She made the choice to cheat.

[@technicaldifficulties368]

It's the drunk drivers fault she's dead. No one else's. We are all responsible for the choices we make.

[@eldritchthorne]

@@brigidtheirish She had enablers. That friend encouraged it instead of being an actual friend and telling her no. AP was messing around with a married woman instead of being an actual man and not allowing himself to be a damn secret. Both deserve blame just as much as her and the drunk driver. They don't get let off the hook just because of "her" decisions. They have responsibility in this as well.

[@randomusername3873]

@@eldritchthorne no, the wife was a monster and an horrible person that never loved her husband nor respected him. The friends are disgusting people too, but she would have cheated in any case, simply because she wanted to

[@Grimangell135]

Story 1: I dont buy the whole "I didnt think she'd do it." BS. All her friends encouraged it and knew what was going on. I feel for OP. I really do. I'd be shaming the "friends" and co workers that knew somehow, but thats just my vengefuly heart speaking. He should've kicked the AP out of the funeral to be honest. It goes to show what people really thought of him. Cant even give him the deceny to let him have a moment to himself.

[@virtualatheist]

Truth! If they'll support a cheat then they'll cheat themselves. Their partners need to know. And AP needs to be left in a ditch.

[@aspidistraeliator]

Dude.....he didn't know at the funeral. She told 1 friend not "all her friends" and he WONDERED if her co-workers knew, not THAT they did. So maybe with actual information you will make a different thought.

[@brigidtheirish]

Not to mention that OP said the text to her friend was *asking for confirmation!* His wife *already* thought cheating was okay and just getting her friend's opinion! And OP still thinks she wouldn't have cheated if not for her friend's encouragement? Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

[@Jogeta5]

@@brigidtheirish That update had OP realising he really didn't know this woman. She obviously chose OP as the one to settle down with and went on with the double life. It took breaking his heart, again and again, to fully get it in his head that she didn't love him. Hopefully OP is doing okay in the last year or so.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Jogeta5 Yeah. I hope he finds real happiness.

[@sagesaria]

Story 2: I'm sorry but can we talk about "OP's mother essentially bragged about abusing her, so I'm gonna abuse her too!"

[@AndyyWithAY]

We had basically this same story before with a husband. Might have been a car accident too, I can't remember. What a horrible place to be in, mourning your spouse and finding out they cheated then having no way to resolve it or confront them

[@sallynguyen4403]

Yeah, I remember a story with the husband cheating and the wife finding out that he got the mistress pregnant. The mistress tried to go to the wife to get some inheritance money after the husband passing but OP rebuffed her. The mistress eventually schemed to get one of OP's children to a DNA test to confirm her child's identity by pretending to be someone else online and slowly manipulated the kid into her machinations. It eventually led to that kid losing out on some of their inheritance to the mistress's kid and ruined the kid's relationship with OP and the rest of their siblings. And of course, the rest of kids feeling betrayed by their father for his duplicity. Just a mess all around.

[@noneedtoknow07]

Wait was this one where the affair partner was the best friend?

[@jenniferkay9789]

I remember it. Not sure if it's the same story, but it's almost identical. Husband's wife passed, and he found out, after, that she'd been cheating, and was actually on the way back from APs house, when she was killed. Don't remember the drunk driver part, though...

[@lajasnjohu5264]

I remember. But they had kids, too right?

[@mbyerly9680]

This is an old story so you may actually have heard it when it was new.

[@SP-io7lj]

Story#1: The wife was a piece of trash and he just didn't realize it. She was horrible and her friends are too! The idea that the affair partner would show up at the funeral shows he is trash too!

[@trinitylane2202]

I'm glad OP told the boyfriend of his wife's girlfriend that his girlfriend had encouraged OP's wife to cheat. The boyfriend didn't seem to care but he should realize that his girlfriend seems to think cheating is okay so he shouldn't be too shocked when his girlfriend pulls the same thing on him. And OP should be at least grateful that they hadn't had any children yet. His wife could have passed off an affair child as his.

[@bonefetcherbrimley7740]

Story 1: poor guy. His late wife sounds like she was pretty awful. I hope he finds peace.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

First story let's be real here all her friends knew about it encouraged it and then they basically knew that he had found out so they told their boyfriends a different story and their boyfriends are choosing to believe them over you even with the proof. They basically want you to move on from it as if it never happened because they know automatically they have regrets and guilt for what happened. This is a man that pretty much has to figure out how to move on with knowing that his wife not only cheated on him but basically was killed by a drunk driver. In addition he has to figure out a way to move on with everyone around him with the exception of her family knowing that his wife cheated kept this secret from him and then encourage the cheating. Not to mention the fact this woman love the idea of having sex with a man she cheated on him with but she didn't love him she just loved the sex. She wanted to have the best of both worlds the infidelity and the intimacy while also having the commitment and the financial and mental stability. And the moment he found out that she cheated on their anniversary tells me everything I need to hear. He knew he was done he's never going to let her go but it's going to be hard for him to even move on without trying to figure this out. If I was him I would just go scorched-earth everybody that knew tell her parents and just go no contact. They ruined your life and have you deal with the aftermath of what they knew and didn't tell you that you need to ruin theirs. Go scorched-earth on those that knew on social media and make it known to the public. In addition you need to send a message to the dude that cheated and make it known to him that you know everything and you will make his life miserable and make it known to everyone who you are. Not to mention the fact I have to wonder if the gender roles were reversed with people would be this silent because if this was a man that passed away then you need to go scorched-earth and then go no contact. I think many people don't want you to disparage her because she's dead and she won't care and her friends don't want her to have her name be dragged through the mud. When in reality if they don't want her name's be dragged through the mud and you need to drag their names to the month left their boyfriends realized the type of women they're dating and potentially marrying through The eyes of the public and social media

[@jamestown8398]

That’s what he should do. Expose everything to everyone involved, ruin their reputations, then go no-contact with the lot of them.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

@@jamestown8398 that needs to happen but there's a part of me just like he doesn't want to do it because he doesn't want to disrespect her because she's passed. He doesn't want her family's image of her to be completely tarnished because of her actions. Especially when it comes to her parents and he also doesn't want to ruin that relationship with them. He's definitely a doormat he definitely needs to go scorched-earth on those friends so that the boyfriends can realize what type of women they are dating. In addition he also needs to make it known to the public about the man she cheated with. Especially if he knew that she was married. Another thing that really bothers me is the fact that he wants to move on from it and a lot of people want him to move off of it as if it never happened that's really something. Because we all know if this was a man that cheated on his wife and got killed and his wife found out about it the wife wasn't only told his family about it but she wouldn't want scorched-earth on anyone that knew. To be honest I would not be surprised if this man just had a complete psychological break and people will be talkin bad about him. They do not want him to crucify them but they also don't want him to basically be angry with them forever. He has to go scorch earth on them to learn, because if these boyfriends don't believe him then maybe some public shaming of their girlfriends will

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

It just galls me, that this loser of a guy that pursued a married woman, showed up at her funeral and even shook OP’s hand! He was probably smirking on the inside knowing that OP was oblivious to the affair and the things he did to OP’s wife that she wouldn’t even let her husband do with her 🤦🏼‍♀️😡

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 I mean the fact that he went to the funeral shook the original poster's hand knowing that he slept with this man's wife especially since she was the last person he slept with before she was killed and then had sex with her on their anniversary and did things with her. She wouldn't let her husband do. What did I say about him. He really needs to be lucky that his job doesn't have a policy for that especially if it's not on the clock. But I do believe the original poster needs to go scorched-earth on these people. Think about it how would you feel if you found out your wife cheated everybody knew didn't tell you and we wanted you to just move on with your life and move on as if it never happened. He needs to let people know social media but he needs to tell his in-laws first so that way they don't be blindsided by it

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@BIGEAGLEDUDE I agree...that man has more self restraint than I would have! Gotta be a dark alley out there somewhere just waiting to be used, right?

[@theLadyScribe]

To all the people being so harsh on the husband He’s obviously in shock and is trying to deal with this situation as best he can STOP calling the man pathetic

[@anikanele7958]

I´m always so baffled by people being angry when someone tells them they dont work there. If I accidentally mistake someone for an employee I´d be so sorry for taking up their time.

[@andredunbar3773]

They're probably the type of people who can't accept being wrong in even the most trivial of circumstances

[@las9582]

This one's making me feel physically ill, I can't even begin to imagine how that man felt..

[@MikkosFree]

"He did things with my wife, my wife wouldn't do for me" Yeah, I know this one very personally. Some may think it's a small thing in the larger scheme of betrayal, but trust me, this wounds very deep. This makes you feel so invalid as a man.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: This poor guy. He needs therapy. I think that if I found this out, I would be strongly tempted to post the photos and texts online, call out the sidepiece and the enabling friends, and watch the carnage. But I like to sit with things for a bit and not do impulsive moves, so I don't know. I do think he's going to need to out her at some point for his peace of mind. He shouldn't have to sit with this - and screw her friends, letting him be stuck with it. May their SOs cheat on them, too, so they can learn how he feels more directly than the empathy they apparently aren't capable of.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

I do but I think he needs to inform her family first before he starts throwing out nukes at the affair partner and all friends who enabled the cheating to begin with. Once he informs the family of the situation and the extent with proof then after a couple of days you need to go scorcher on everybody that knew and let the world destroy them from within.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

I have been to a store a couple times and accidentally mistook a customer for an employee. I get so embarrassed, and apologize immediately

[@holyek7892]

Karma hit the wife like a drunk driver oh wait... I really hope she had insurance and OP is the beneficiary. There is always a silver lining.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

You don’t make wishes like and you are sorry

[@LovesGaming37]

Most people in their 30s don't have such things.

[@Russman67]

At this point, OP Reading and discovering how deep the betrayal went is only allowing the wound to not heal. Also there's no way for him to exact any satisfaction on the affair partner or the friend. That just leaves him feeling more and more impotent in the moment. Break that damn phone and sever the connection.

[@patriciaalastre2546]

Story 1: if it was me I would put the 3 people on blast on social media and sue the cheating partner

[@magma1lord]

Cant sue the dead.

[@patriciaalastre2546]

@@magma1lord not her dude,the cheating partner who she cheated with. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@paulqueripel3493]

@@patriciaalastre2546 not something you can sue for in most places.

[@magma1lord]

@@patriciaalastre2546 sue him for what exactly?

[@patriciaalastre2546]

@@magma1lord leave me alone

[@lisadgingersnaps9843]

Jesus. I don't know how anyone could watch the Karen event play out and not go ape sh!t on that Karen. Poor OP.

[@wimsylogic65]

I've been with my husband for 20 years now. We've been together since we're teenagers. Around the time that I was 21. I started getting attention from other men I never received before. I didn't really know what to do with it. I was curious as I had only ever been with my now husband. So I asked him what he thought. How would he feel if I let one of these guys kiss me. He told me it would hurt him. That was enough for me to never try that ever. My husband is more important to me than any curiosity. And then I had a very vivid nightmare. I dreamed that I did cheat on my husband. And in my dream I went through the process and the after and I regretted it so much. It hurt and felt like dying. I woke up with it feeling real. That nightmare told me that nothing was worth risking my husband. Because to me losing my husband would feel like dying. If I betrayed my husband, I would be betraying myself. I don't know how people who love their partners, Could do that to them. Doesn't it break their heart to imagine the pain they're inflicting on their partner..

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

I just want to give OP a hug in the 2nd story.

[@magma1lord]

Both Op's really

[@bridgetbenson6291]

@@magma1lord seriously. Those are both heartbreaking.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

@@magma1lord Agreed

[@Windxchild]

Oh Mark… After hearing that incredibly sad and shocking first story, and then you mentioning the next story being from “I don’t work here, lady”, I thought; good, something more fun and lighthearted to end the episode… Boy was I wrong 🤣 I swear, some people lack a bit too much human decency 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@carolroberts4614]

When he said what he did when he was on the floor in the shop, you know what an awful life he had with his family! It's heartbreaking.

[@deettekearns9092]

@@carolroberts4614 - I thought OP in that story was a woman?

[@tiawheeler1153]

The first story is definitely rough... In all honesty, I would seriously suggest that OP takes care of his mental health first. This was an instance of betrayal and its older cousin coming to visit... That being said, I would suggest telling the late wife's friend (along with those making excuses for her encouragement or telling him to "get over it") and affair partner to never darken his doorstep again if they are still trying to be in contact with him. Edit: In regards to the second story... What in the nine circles of Hell is up with that woman?! I don't care if the person works there or if you are familiar with them in some way, don't put your hands on people! How would she have liked it if someone did that to her?!

[@OhHeyItIsNano]

Story 2: As someone who enjoys Coffee, we do not Claim her. Please keep her away from everyone, including OP. To heck with that Karen.

[@sablemoreno5095]

For 1st OP, if he isn't willing to share what he found with the family, he needs to distance himself from them and heal on his own. They'll continue to see and view her as the loving faithful wife she was not if he doesn't and it'll only keep opening the wound for him each time because he will have to lie and nod along that "yes she was" every time he refuses to share what happened. If he does share, he needs to tell them it's so they can get that notion of her put of their head and remember her as their kid/sister, not his wife. Her actions as his wife were abhorrent and shouldn't be celebrated, but her time as their daughter/sister should (unless of course she was awful there as well)

[@boogiebear3095]

They want him to just move on? He didn’t know and only finds out after she passed away, he gets no closure as they are gone. Infuriating. I wish OP the best going forward.

[@LSnicket]

I need to say to OP in story2, I'm so proud of her! I know the encounter was terrible, but she got to live by herself and get the help she needed to get better (which she is right now). On top of all of this, she was able to stand to herself and press charges on that Karen. So, so proud of her!!

[@s.e.e.s.615]

Story 1: That's some poetic justice

[@MsTemptation]

S1: Just wow. I hope that he sees a therapist because it’s like finding out that your whole life with someone you loved was a sham. Like when wives find out about their husbands affair and that he has a kid. You can’t get closure because the person who needs to answer for their duplicity is dead. He needs to stop reading the text messages regarding his wife’s affair because it’s bordering on obsessive. He wants answers but the only person who could give him answers died with her secret.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Let's say she somehow could tell him why she did it. Does it make the betrayal go away? The answer is moot, there's isn't a justification to make it OK. He really needs to talk to a counselor though.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Friend asked OP not to say anything... yeah... um... no... I'd go scorched earth!

[@faeriefire78]

I guess it never crossed the friend's bf's mind that if she would enthusiastically encourage a married woman to cheat, that she's probably wide open to cheating on him too. Both of these stories today are heartwrenching though.

[@Number-vt1fl]

All of his memories of his wife are now tarnished.

[@juliamiller2299]

It was such a sad story from OP about finding his late wife's affair. This one made me cry, his total despair and shock over it. It will be hard for him to move on from this. One thing I would do is place some of the guilt for his wife's death on the AP. I would write him a letter, including screenshots, and make the guy well aware that OP's wife is dead directly because of him. She left his house and was heading home when she was killed in a car collision. Had this AP any respect, he would have not messed with a married woman.

[@jerriewyatt905]

Story 1… That would be devastating to find out the person you love most in the world, was having an affair behind your back.. only finding out after they die in an accident.. coming form the AP no less..

[@yerim24]

To the first story OP, wherever you are, I hope you have found peace. Whatever you decided to do, I hope you have found contentment.

[@4BWVan]

God, poor OP. What an awful feeling. I hope he can somehow find a way to move through this and try again to have a family.

[@Darth_Nycta_13]

Honestly OP in Story 1 should just get therapy and move away from everyone if it's at all possible. But yeah it's fucked up that not only did his wife cheat, everyone close to them seemingly knew other than his in laws and some of them actively encouraged her infidelity. OP needs to grieve, get therapy and move far away from all of these vipers.

[@robertcromwell9736]

Story 1: I would be suing the wifes AP and some others that encouraged her as well.

[@cynicalminion]

s1: well.. as bad as i feel that someone died... they DEFINITELY didn't deserve waffles...

[@FelixRodriguez-ct9ll]

Hell no!! I would have been throwing punches and getting rid of that “friend”

[@cpaul9269]

story 1 - i'd have words with the friend and AP. I feel so bad for OP. I can't imagine. It would make it easier to get over her death, for sure, but introduces a whole other pack of pain though. What a horrible situation for this guy. Take it out on the AP. (legally)

[@shawne7228]

If ever there was a case of temporary insanity to commit double murder ......

[@mrshelbysprsnake]

Story one is just pure Karma and consequences!! And really the affair partner showed up to the funeral!!!

[@michellealinateague9892]

I understand OP in story 1 being unwilling to expose best friend and AP with the messages. He's not certain what he can do because they were extremely careful. The best he can do is file a legal action against the AP for dislocation of affection. Basically its an old law that many places still have. It forces the affair partner to pay monetary compensation for theft of affection that was not meant for them. Basically stealing the heart of the cheating spouce. It can get expensive. Years of payments that can total close to if not exceeding a hundred thousand. After that i would serve the best friend with a summons and have them be a witness and read aloud the text messages in the court room. Two birds, one stone.

[@mimichanmeow596]

I think OP should let her parents know about the friend atleast. She had a part to play in her eventual demise.

[@deettekearns9092]

Wow. Story #2 had me tearing up. I just want to give OP a hug.

[@carolroberts4614]

Hi there! Wanted to reply to a comment you sent me, but I couldn't find it, so thought I'd say hello anyway!

[@ericalamothe2958]

That's the time you go to the funeral and the first thing you say at the podium is "Ain't God good?"

[@hello93617]

Whenever I hear this story, all I can think about is how he could channel all of that greif into anger at his wife's friend and her lover. You dont have kids, man. There's nothing holding you back.

[@KorGarrot]

Story 1: on the bright side, OP doesn't have to deal with the divorce process

[@AndyyWithAY]

I thought story 2 was going to be a lightheaded funny one, but that was heartbreaking. All that over coffee? And if you're talking to someone for MINUTES and they don't answer, why don't you think maybe they're deaf or otherwise disabled and you shouldn't be a POS too them? Maybe they're not ignoring you and maybe you and your first world problems aren't the only things that matter in the world? If this lady had just had the good sense to find "another" employee this could've all been avoided. I'm glad OP pressed charges and even more glad that AH had to serve time

[@Cel3ere5]

I'm shocked by the concept, repeatedly from these stories, that people don't first ask if the person works there or not. If it's not obvious to me, I always ask. When I'm told 'no', I try and laugh it off and pay them a compliment, "Oh, you just looked so professional I thought you were apart of management. Sorry! Have a nice day." People usually love it. No harm. But the extra of "hey I know your mum and that your mum told me you were garbage, therefore I will also treat you as such" is astonishing. Thanks for the double confession and validation that the parents knew exactly what they were doing, I guess?

[@kanekiken-dd2lg]

Story 1: I would've shared the text messages to the whole world, destroyed Ap's life and also prayed to God give the wife most suffering in hell and also thanked the good she died, would've not purchased the house planned with her , made her family see the whole text messages and would've throw away all her things and photos like she didn't exist

[@NeroTheDarklord]

The last story... Usually my blood would be boiling to the point I exhaust myself emotionally just from being so angry. But while I would love to say this is the case again right now, I'm calm. This should never become so normal that you just get numb to hearing such stories, but they get more and more common while also escalating further and further. People like the OPs parents and that woman... We would all live more happily if they would just die. I'm not angry. I'm sad. Really, really sad. This is not what humanity should be like. People can do better and should.

[@brie1162]

Ok look, while I do not condone, accept, or forgive cheating I wouldn’t wish ill will on anyone-but maybe that one was karma. She was having a long running affair and was at the AP partners house RIGHT before she died. Man that’s shitty. I hope OP finds peace and I am happy they didn’t have kids together yet-that would have been so much worse. I feel bad for her family, too. It’s just sad-if you aren’t happy-just leave. No one is perfect but why stay where you aren’t happy

[@whitneybennett4857]

Because the AP is just good for giving them some great hanky-panky. The AP isn't the one paying their bills or funding their lifestyle.

[@dianasmith8248]

I agree. The fact of the matter is she would still be alive today had she not been cheating on her husband.

[@krystalfloods6197]

For real. OP should’ve posted everything on social media and posted about how her own friends were the ones that encouraged it and maybe she would’ve been alive if they hadn’t.

[@dianasmith8248]

@@krystalfloods6197 I think he should let her family know eventually what happened. In the meantime, I think he needs to dust any pictures and give her family any sentimental things that she had so he can move on quicker.

[@hammie265]

First story: This is the most extreme version of karma one could ever receive.

[@capmodesty]

The most disgusting thing was that the affair partner went to the funeral and shook the bereved hand, that's a final slap round the face. He needs to let the truth out, let her family know first what went on and then let it be known what she was doing and call out the POS extra guy and friends who had the gall to encourge it. if it calls drama for them then that's their problem, he needs to achieve some kind of justice and closure in order to move on

[@whiskeyontherocks]

Story1, I feel so sorry for OP. I wish I could give him advice IRL, when you loose someone close very suddenly it's a trauma itself. You aren't prepared at all. After having that trauma then realising your partner cheated on you?! I wish OP gets to a place where he gets out of his head, stops looking at the phone and step by step try to find a new normal. I hope he has someone he can talk to, but maybe more go for walks with, play games, take a cup of coffee and just do normal stuff with. Those normal things become really important when your life as you knew it ends

[@gcarr1089]

Story 1 OP is mourning the death of of his marriage and the woman he thought he was married to unfortunately neither existed except in his mind. Hope he sorts himself out and finds a partner in the future who shows him a happy life that is real.

[@shelby6]

Op is a better man than me, I would have blasted everything about her, the friend, and the affair partner online. If I'm in pain, we're all in pain 🤷🏼‍♀️ the timeline, the AP shaking his hand at the funeral, the disrespect from all of them is insane

[@PikalaxALT]

Story 1: OP should text the friend and affair partner from her phone, that'd give 'em a fright.

[@lordnecrotis5517]

Story1: I’m sorry, there would be only one way for me to get closure… AP would need assisted living for the rest of his life.

[@GallowayJesse]

Blessing in disguise for the OP.

[@superkingoftacos2920]

Story one makes me hope hell is real. Evil to the core. No soul.

[@PastorRapture]

Story 1: OP should get the AP fired by reporting the affair to HR. The friend’s texts should be sent to the deceased wife’s parents too in a public way.

[@stormexaustralia77]

Story 1, I would of messaged the affair partner off her phone saying "you k!lled me, my death was all your fault".

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 1- to answer Mark's last question, yes it was healthy that he read everything. Think of it like an infected abscess. You have to drain every last bit of infection or it will fester and turn septic and kill you. If he didn't read everything and just got rid of the phone, he would always wonder what else there was. Now he's lanced it, drained it, hopefully taking therapy antibiotics and will be able to move on eventually in a healthy relationship if he chooses.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

Damn. That really sucks. And I don’t really know what advice to give on this one. Seems like one of those situations that there’s just nothing you can do.

[@faraht1250]

Story1: When you are ready, confide with your best friend/ a very close family/ your dad to clean everything of your wife. As in giving away items like jewelery to her side of family or sell them away or donate. Asked if any of her side of family wanted the clothes or you are going to donate them to charity. You will needs support as you go through her items.

[@J-tron-ke2fn]

He just bought a house, planning having kids and then, she died in a car accident. He dodged a nuke in the most brutal way. Sad she died, but he skipped lots of pain and finantial problems.

[@greenbeacon394]

Story 2: Thank you for pressing charges

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

S1: Poor OP. The worst part of this situation is that, because he found out about the cheating after her death, there was no emotional catharsis and closure. At least if he found out before, it would have still hurt, but it would have given him the chance to come to terms with it. Instead, all he’s left with is their relationship in a positive context being suddenly contrasted with the fact that she was lying to him, and on TOP of all of that, he’s grieving her death. A lot of people are saying that he should be angry with her, but remember: it’s basically as if his wife led two different personas, and he never got the chance to reconcile those personas before she died. She was still his wife who he only realized cheated after the fact, so he only has the positive memories. I hope OP gets the help he needs and goes into therapy. He deserves better than this.

[@samanthaw3845]

It’s absolutely wild to hear the stories, because if I tried to talk to someone I thought was a store employee and they responded “I don’t work here,” I’d apologize and walk away. And if I tried to talk to someone and they didn’t respond, like OP did (since they didn’t realize Karen was speaking to them), I’d make eye contact and then say excuse me again. If they still didn’t respond, my first assumption wouldn’t be “they’re ignoring me,” it would be “oh shoot they aren’t an employee.”

[@franciebelcher4594]

S1. Damn. So sorry OP. Ur better off without her, because she didn't care about u

[@hello93617]

I wouldn't blame OP for showing up to the APs house with a g*n. Showing up to the funeral is unacceptable.

[@bollocks42o]

I hope OP’s wife can see the turmoil she caused from wherever she is.

[@marionmarshall8438]

The guy with the dead wife, don't let what she done destroy you. Time does heal.

[@floraposteschild4184]

The "friend " helped tarnish the wife's reputation. But the wife could have done it all on her own. She was going through a midlife teenagerdom.

[@Lily_of_the_Forest]

I’m so sorry Cheaters are evil!!! No mercy for cheaters! Their willing affair partners are evil too. Also Never date someone “separated”. Separated is still married. Yes you CAN wait for the divorce.

[@sarahm9209]

I’ve literally been in a store in a hoodie and sweats with both my headphones in and some items in my hands and had people think I work at the store. Some people just have no common sense. Luckily I’ve never had an overly difficult Karen to deal with like the one in this story.

[@angelaa7388]

Okay, maybe this is messed up, but I would text the affair partner from the deceased wife's phone, and say every horrible thing I wanted to say to him. It's the only way to hurt the AP anywhere close to as deeply as OP is hurt.

[@vSpade]

sad to hear stories like this. I hope he finds the strength to let go of her and her social circle and start over.

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Story 1: Carousel riders are they all! Don't mourn for a cheater. This death is just but a tiny bit of the pain that they could have caused you. Karma did OP a huge favor, he just can't see it yet. She's the devil's problem now. The boyfriend of the friend who encouraged her to cheat should watch his back. His time is yet to surely come. Truthfully, I believe OP is morally obligated to let everyone know. Not for revenge or to tarnish her name, but to get closure and not carry this burden all on his own anymore.