My Boyfriend Wants Me To LEAVE MY HOUSE After I Refused To Fund His Halloween Dream r/Relationships

[@mracula1667]

Story 2 NTA. Nosey coworkers are the absolute worst. In my experience, they are sniffing out drama more often than they are looking to connect with coworkers.

[@Cel3ere5]

I know that the way OP frames her perspective makes her seem less at fault, but this is legitimate anti-social behavior. This is "she was a quiet lady" type stuff. She's got a massive chip on her shoulder too. Her previous job obviously pegged her as the last one out for picking vacation days, not that it was more than likely a situation of seniority, whom always, in the majority of corporations, get first pick at vacation times. There's nuance to personal information and she can't separate shooting the wind about Game of Thrones versus someone asking a for a complete origin story. Very, very black and white processing.

[@Flakey101]

@@Cel3ere5 How do you know she does not talk about games of Thrones. She admits she small talks about things that have nothing to do with her personal life. Yet you jump to the conclusion that talking about tv is out of bounds for her. Please show me where in her story this is so.

[@savvivixen8490]

@@Cel3ere5 Asocial.* Not antisocial. Antisocial would be stabbing the person with an office pen and expecting little consequence, or manipulating everyone against her with no remorse or feeling. She just wants to be left alone, and this single coworker won't leave her to it. Acceptable corporate culture or not, that's bordering very close to harassment. I do NOT like the amount of people defending this strange, invasive, social drain that is office culture. Sometimes, people don't want to talk to you, and that's their right. Sure, it stunts upward mobility in the company if you don't play the game, but maybe that's not the ultimate goal! Also, if she can prove it, how is the "last to vacation" thing not discrimination? She's literally being passed over for certain days because of her SEX and MARITAL STATUS. Am I missing something here?

[@ZoeAlleyne]

@@Cel3ere5 But she DOES talk small talk. She already said that. She will say hello and talk about small things that are not her personal life. And you are dead having a laugh if you don't think childfree people get less consideration for time off and holidays.

[@Splatoon_Kirby]

@@Cel3ere5 She does small talk, just not personal talk, She has talked to this CO worker in private multiple times about this boundary and its constantly being pushed on by the coworker.

[@EchoJ]

*Last Story:* Who tf has time to fabricate a whole fake life just to coddle a busybody at work?? Why is it a personal affront to keep your personal life private? It’s a shame that a studious employee is hamstrung from advancement because they’re not interested in winning a popularity contest 🙄

[@carolroberts4614]

Those redditers safe being ridiculous! You can't fob off people like that with snippets of information, it only encourages them to want more!

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

It also won't necessarily affect OP's career advancement. Most employers would love someone who focuses on their work instead of chitchat with co-workers. As long as OP is polite and works well with the co-workers, there is no reason they can't advance. If schmoozing is more important that skill and good work, you don't want that kind of job anyway.

[@HodajuciParadoks]

I find it best to only share likes about tv shows and some books, but not my social life, love life, family life...anything personal. If they ask anything personal, just ask the same question to them- How about you? Answers are just- everything is fine, great...how about you? Most people like to talk about themselves, so it is not that hard XD ...Usually only creeps do not get the hint that you do not talk about personal life. My collage was easy once I find out this works, never ever one person got to know me, we had coffees, talked ..but after school, we do not talk or anything, and they never knew anything personal about me...just my favorite shows, not even about my favorite books...just what new tv show is showing...bla bla bla, small chat like this, pretty boring, but you stay neutral, no friends and no enemies, no drama. Friends are for after work, best is to separate personal life and professional. If you start to talk about personal stuff like love life, family...goals...they can be envious , some will be good, but some will not..some just love drama. So polite but firm about keeping your life private.

[@anonymouse9833]

every time a redditor leaves an abusive partner, an angel gets their wings

[@Colorbrush21]

I love your phrasing. 🤗 Some of these redditors are such doormats. When they grow a spine, they deserve wings. 😇💐

[@AlexRising_]

I--what?! OP's boyfriend clearly doesn't respect her, he only respects her wallet. Also if you try to kick me out of _MY_ house, we're gonna have a whole ass problem. Also, if he handed out candy with a friend and didn't dump a third of the damn bowl into all of their bags, then he knows how to appropriately proportion what you give trick or treaters to make it last. Edit: thank god he is now an ex.

[@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118]

He definitely gave out way too much candy per kid on purpose, because he thought she owed it to him to go out and spend more money. I haven't even finished the story yet.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

OP's BF needs way more therapy for whatever his issues are (but OP doesn't need to fund his fantasies in hopes of him getting over whatever). And the BF lied about the facts of the case so his friends would be on his side. She had too much sympathy for him and ended up wasting 3 more months on this BS.

[@AvyFerg]

His broke ass would be out of my house as soon as legally possible if not sooner

[@technicaldifficulties368]

Story 1: She seems like a very nice person, but she needs SO much therapy for her severe doormat syndrome. Why would you do this to yourself?

[@ineedhoez]

😂😂😂😂

[@ineedhoez]

It's called self-love deficit disorderIt's called self-love deficit disorder

[@viciousrape]

everyone's a badass until it's their relationship with their lover

[@Zonee1328]

Jesus Christ not everything requires therapy and not everything is a mental disorder

[@AndyyWithAY]

First OP definitely needs therapy, but for herself bc anyone with self esteem wouldn't have even wasted $500 on this foolishness let alone anything after that.

[@am7081ify]

Doormats love being stepped on. She technically doesn’t deserve to be treated so badly, but it’s her own fault for continuing to allow it. Domestic abuse victims who choose to stay have the floor mat mentality, other people would leave right away.

[@yamairad1]

@@am7081ify Finally, somebody said it. I typed this once and was called a victim blamer. But, people need to know what they do to allow this situation to go on. You don't make a person an a-hole but, you choose to have them in your life.

[@aparnarai3708]

Agreed I ain't spending more than $100 on any festival decorations no matter what

[@Sherwoody]

When I first saw the title about a Holloween fantasy, I thought that OP’s SO wanted her to dress up. I was thinking Princess Leia, Red Sonia, Vampiress, etc. Spending thousands on decorations might be cool if you’ve got the time and money, but when you’re struggling with finances, it’s not a smart option. BTW, who got to keep the clown.

[@luvuforeverjames]

@@Sherwoody she didn't, she dumped him lol! 😉

[@HaleyJo1992]

I hate how introverts are looked at as a challenge or pity project. We're not broken. Just reserved, and that's fine. Took me until I was 30 to really internalize that not having a 40-person friend circle wasn't a negative trait.

[@k3upikachu]

I realized it a little earlier than you - I'm 31 -but I'm so glad I accepted it because I'm way happier by myself lol. I really only need like three or four people in my life to be fulfilled, and I hate talking with coworkers now that I wfh because it's not killing time at work anymore; it's free time I'm using to stare at a computer 😅

[@PaiSAMSEN]

Honestly, I'm not that averse to non-essential social interaction. I'm just prefer to have them on my own term. The thing is that too many people take opening us up to non-essential social interaction as a personal challenge, and those are stupidly annoying. The amount of semi-condescending comment about how they "Just want to try to include me" or how having socially-active people -performing a blitzkrieg into personal space as if reenacting Operation Barbarossa- try to be friendly is such a nice favor that should be repay kindly, or similar bullshits, are enough to made me understand (and I don't condone such action, I merely understand) why some people resort to physical assault.

[@shamimtorang4390]

That's annoying as heck. I'm an introvert but not shy by all means. If someone pushes my bottom too much gonna find out why I don't like to hang out with them and their flows in great soul-crushing details!

[@AndyyWithAY]

No man is putting me out of my house. Period.

[@carolroberts4614]

I think the animatronic clown sounds like a better boyfriend!

[@aindrilaroy4464]

@@carolroberts4614 *laughs in Pennywise!* Your comment had me howling.

[@melindaflick631]

The absolute BALLS of him to demand that just flabbergasts me. Where DO they get that nerve??? MY home, in MY name, and you want ME to leave because your manchild feelers are hurt? Oh hell no, buddy boy, hell no.

[@raveniaelhoran2647]

@@melindaflick631 I have similar problem with my friend's boyfriend... he's blunt idiot, entitled, spoiled, childish, dull, uneducated about how brain (and things in general) works, and he can't control his hips...

[@melindaflick631]

@@raveniaelhoran2647 - is 'can't control his hips' the same as cheats, and can't keep his pecker in his pants? I haven't heard that phrase before!

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 1: "I told him to have fun with the clown" my first thought was "you told him to have fun with himself"

[@babybookworm003]

Story 1 most of the houses that go all out at Halloween actually build it up over years

[@Cel3ere5]

This!!! I've witnessed it from a neighbor who was a nurse. I have no idea how she acquired a fraction of what she did over the years. IV poles, specimen jars (empty lol), empty IV bags filled with fake blood. Lot of cannuals... A lot... She went out for Halloween every year. It was awesome!

[@JohnWilliams-wl9px]

Or you buy the decorations after Halloween as it's hit clearance/price drops

[@BMakabre]

@@JohnWilliams-wl9px That is how I get my props for my music performances (and even some parts for ghoulish Christmas decorations for a black Christmas tree I made Addams Family-like) and I don't even do Halloween. Some of those pieces I had collected and customized for years.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

considering they previously have had arguments about money, this is probably just his most recent obsession. Never mind the manipulation, the screaming in front of Halloween trick or treaters, the disrespect and disregard for everything she says, like, what’s the pros to dating this guy? Just sounds like a whole bunch of cons.

[@LunaP1]

She doesn’t have a bf, she has a mentally unstable child of his meds. He lost his mind over things that he is not entitled to.

[@luvuforeverjames]

@@Arhimith meh! Could probably get better from a personal toy 🤣seriously though, why would she want sex from a manchild like that, his tantrums would be enough to put anyone off of ever having sex again.

[@Valfara770]

Well, with her edits and updates, it might be that she want to "save" him, but he proved to be unsaveable I guess. :/

[@amandasunshine2]

@@Arhimith whereas this can be a factor, it's usually because women are often pressured into taking care of men, regardless of how they act

[@JasmineSmith-vt2jc]

He kept the lawn healthy 😂

[@taz598]

Story 2 NTA You don't have to share personal information with anyone you don't want to and honestly to those saying it could hurt his career .....I've seen more career's tanked from over sharing personal info with work colleges than I can count because if someone has a grudge against you using and or manipulating that info is a tactic often used to get you fired. I've never seen someone loose a job or client for not telling who they are dating or what they are doing during their personal time.

[@fytrndm]

Yup, best advice I got from an older colleague was to share just enough to keep the conversation going but keep everything else about your life private. Oversharing about your life could cost you your job.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@CatacombD]

Yes, oversharing is a good way to lose a job, but, especially in a corporate setting, being overtly anti-social is a good way to end up stuck in a dead end position.

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 2: just because she’s friendly doesn’t mean she’s entitled to people’s personal life just because they are curious. Some people you just can’t find a compromise with; because they think curiosity equals entitled to that information

[@marshawargo7238]

Nobody paid attention to OP saying about vacations and breaks! Some workplaces give people with families or kids more consideration on holidays and Summers. Sometimes smokers tend to get more breaks than non-smokers I think the kids and family thing was what she was talking about. I could be wrong and she was worried about her parental situation

[@AngelaVEdwards]

When I was single and childfree, I also was not given as much grace with holidays and time off as the parents. It sucks, actually and no one should have to go through that crap.

[@PrincessAfrica3]

She was curious, trying to engage in small talk. Maybe the coworker tried to include her. Not a reason for OP to be rude.

[@cleopatraonlyfans]

Coworker knew full well what she was doing. She wasn’t being nice, she was being friendly to someone who asked not to be treated as a friend. Sucks to be her.

[@PaiSAMSEN]

@@PrincessAfrica3 Being continuously intrusive into personal space is not enough reason?

[@amyyaku5022]

S1: NTA. What a narcissist. Like seriously. He lies, guilt trips, verbally abuses her, breaks her boundaries, puts a counselor into his corner and acts shocked when he ends up single and homeless. S2: NTA. Be as friendly as you want but you still have to respect people's boundaries. Also didn't know "staring" could make you TA 😂

[@cuzican1902]

Story 2: I'd like to hear that HR complaint. I asked her a personal question and she just stared at me!! Oh, the horror! NTA.

[@d74killer]

No one demanding you spend your money on their dreams gets to call you selfish or cheap.

[@AndyyWithAY]

How is that last commenter going to call OP TA?? On what grounds? OP said she had plans, when pressed she didn't want to provide details. After that, any pressing makes you firmly YTA. It's not inoccuous, it's pressing for personal info or just being nosey and making people needlessly uncomfortable either way THAT is TA behavior

[@kemonono]

ikr, it was clear different alternative methods that INCLUDED speaking didn't work, this was just a last effort out of exasperation and it's so blatant the comment made me lose brain cells

[@Zanzetihunter]

Agreed. I tend to share basics like "watching some movies" or "might go to the mall" but I don't want people pushing for more details. And OP already tried different methods to get her to stop. Sorry not sorry coworker, not everyone WANTS to be your bestie.

[@defect213]

Literally! "You starting at them is aggressive!" Soft af

[@VidWatcher01]

Ol Boy (or Girl) was triggered🤣

[@drewtatum5846]

Could be the ex BF 💀

[@sheilagarza7179]

My daughter married a guy that made her laugh until he made her cry. He turned out to be abusive. She has since moved on and married a much better man. Her ex has been going from girl to girl. They figure out what a piece of crap he is and dump him.

[@sazanafadoju7350]

congrats to your daughter.

[@pippo17173]

I never thought I hear an abuser using laugher as a tatic.

[@staysilent4392]

@pippo17173 I guess some people change and others are just better at hiding who they really are.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@pippo17173 That was why my mom married my dad (her words). But, she said, she later found out he told the same joke over and over. And yep, he was abusive.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

Glad to hear your daughter moved on to someone better. We want the best for our family.

[@LexysamaIllustrations]

Story 1: I have a feeling he chose the really religious counselor because they would reinforce his misogynistic views to make the OP look bad, which is why he was so argumentative about the OP's suggestion of finding another counselor. This was nothing more than an effort to make him appear right when he's dead ass wrong and controlling the OP and her money so he could fulfill the ridiculously expensive ideas he had. That comment about him being her ATM was right on the money, literally. Story 2: That soft YTA comment is stupid, and the other comments saying that the OP basically has to be some kind of social also triggers me a bit, because this whole corporate career BS doesn't take into account the mental health of a person. They've stated that they are friendly and whatnot and that's more than enough. Just because others are used to this idea of making office friends doesn't mean that the OP is an AH or that it should impact their career because they prefer not to. That whole attitude is based off of a work culture that expects everyone to bend to the whims of your coworkers because otherwise you're creating a "hostile work environment". Then there's the fact that the OP has tried for literal MONTHS to get the new coworker to stop prying into their business but she wouldn't, so rather than say something mean, the OP found a way that gets their point across. Some people just want to be left alone to work. Definitely NTA.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@WobblesandBean]

Agreed on both points.

[@artemishallihan8973]

The last story feels very relatable, where you have a clear boundary and some one makes it their mission to break it. Some days Id love to stay in the corner and hiss at anyone who says hello but that's not the best way to make friends.... or so im told.

[@Painted-Coyote]

That 2nd story made me think about the man who sued, and won, because his company was punishing him for not wanting to participate in drunken office parties. You should not be forced to be social if you do not want to, especially if you're literally just there for a paycheck. NTA

[@peteranon8455]

Story 2. NTA. If you don't want to share, you most certainly don't have to. It certainly beats the alternative of picking a movie character and pretending you're that person.

[@debbietaylor2983]

I honestly didn't understand the "Your the AH" verdicts. Why can't people just accept that others do not want to engage on their level. I honestly can't stand those overly friendly and hyper people. Introverts exist, leave them alone. Sounds like she was friendly enough, just that one AH just wouldn't accept her boundaries.

[@shenn.annagins7176]

I almost choked on my chicken sandwhich at the AUDACITY of the bf in the first one. Holy shit!

[@stephaniet1389]

I love going crazy on Halloween, but I've learned to be clever and put a spending limit on myself. I now have a load of Halloween decorations, but it took years to collect them all, buying them from sales, DIY-ing half of them and being very picky on more long-term decorations that will last for years. The boyfriend should learn to get handy if he really wants to go crazy on Halloween. I've seen some amazing Halloween setups made from nothing more than recycled pallets, paint and Christmas lights.

[@impishrebel5969]

What did they do for the pallets because I am really curious how they pulled that off.

[@brainfluidZ]

I LOVE Halloween & I completely agree. There’s a guy on tiktok who spends all year building props & getting ready for Halloween. The things he creates are amazing & he gives tips on how to recreate them. If OPs boyfriend wants to go all out on Halloween he’ll need to get crafty.

[@stephaniet1389]

@@impishrebel5969 They turned their house into a giant pirate ship! Yar!

[@impishrebel5969]

@@stephaniet1389 That sounds pretty awesome, ngl.

[@stephaniet1389]

@@brainfluidZ One of my favorite decorations is a ghost I made from chicken wire and cheese cloth. Took some work with the pliers, but worth it. :3

[@TheSuperTroutMan]

Story 1: If I found that someone invaded my privacy, started loudly disclosing my deepest secrets at a party, secrets they had no reason to know, I might actually attack them. I truly don't know. But I know I would want revenge.

[@AndyyWithAY]

People who push personal boundaries are people I cannot tolerate. Maybe it's the cynic in me, but I always get the feeling people like that want that info to use to manipulate you, maybe even blackmail. It's perfectly okay to keep coworkers at a distance as long and you're cordial

[@fytrndm]

That's the thing, it's not even required for you to be friends with your colleagues. It is preferred if you're polite in a work place setting but no, no one should have to share the details of their life if they don't want to. Also, OP is making conversation, these are surface level conversation that would _actually_ get you hired if someone's looking for certain qualities like ability to separate work and private life as well as ability to keep secrets. So, it's stupid to think this would hinder OP's career. Talking to someone who constantly push her personal boundaries and won't respect her choice to not join the chatter, however, could easily cost her her job.

[@roserain35]

I agree. I have experience with two coworkers like this. She is not being friendly at all.

[@AnnerzDrum]

This is exactly my thought. I just posted asking why is this co-worker so pressed to know one employees business. If you don't vibe you don't vibe just focus on the job. So yes I agree there is some huge vibe of manipulation here.

[@ineedhoez]

That is exactly what it is.

[@thesecretshade]

I laughed loudly listening to the second story. This could have been me with the dead stare. What her second colleague ignores is how OP had her boundaries overstepped several times and her way to counter that was completely non violent and smart. People that keep pushing boundaries don't respond to words but actions.

[@zambiis]

Story 2. You shouldn't have to lie to get people to leave you alone. The comment about "lying you have errands". Saying you don't want to should be enough.

[@pezchef7577]

this whole story reminded me of a saying my grandpa use to say. * you can't smell the bullshit when you're in the barn* love you grandpa. man of a million quotes.

[@nospeak34]

That is spot on!! I want more grandpa quotes!!

[@pezchef7577]

@@nospeak34 one of his favorites. he would cry laughing at his own words. *religion is like a penis. it's ok to have one. it's fine to be proud of it. it's not ok, to shove it in somebody else's face" - coming from an Italian, twice a week Mass attendee. who would have thought. imagine, you are 10 years old, and this completely white haired full beard man with an oxygen line to his nose saying that then roaring laughter and wheezy coughing. I loved that old-timer to death. another was, *I got dicked by the dangling dong of destiny.* 🤦🏽‍♂️ said when something didn't go the way it was planned. ive heard somebody else say something similar so idk if it's a quote from the time or what. asides from some archaic view points, the elders in my life have had some funny ass quotes.

[@nospeak34]

That's awesome, thanks for sharing. Sounds like you have some very fond memories of some really great people.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: There is nothing "friendly" about asking invasive personal questions and yeah, I'd take that one to HR. The office gossip and stalker needs to take her little hobby elsewhere or she's going to be getting some even harsher lessons in privacy and boundaries.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Yes. I agree that OP actually could have taken it to HR, although I would probably have gone to my immediate supervisor first and tell them that while I respect co-worker, I prefer not to discuss my personal life, and her incessant questioning is disrupting my ability to get my work done. THEN I'd go to HR if my immediate boss didn't put a stop to the problem.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 2: you don't owe anyone anything. The fact that OP is being polite and allowing work related small talk is a good plan. This is harassment and people are allowed to have boundaries. She is violating them by not respecting a very simple request.

[@WobblesandBean]

But of course Reddit is all "durrr but why don't you just open up"? 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@thelittlefox6460]

@@WobblesandBean no one told OP to open up, just to answer without actualy saying anything

[@deborahyoung1873]

@@thelittlefox6460 why should op even have to do that especially when someone is continually nosey.

[@thelittlefox6460]

@@deborahyoung1873 it's the option that leads to less headache, refusing to say anything will not work because she will try again later and/or it makes OP look like the rude one (which is already happening btw). She can't keep refusing to answer whenever a nosey person decides she will be their next target, people like this exist everywhere and are pretty much unavoidable. The best way to deal with people like this is making them think like they got what they wanted, because they are not worth the time, or else you get stuck in the same situation as OP.

[@deborahyoung1873]

@@thelittlefox6460 I guess it's just different with people today, and of course in a professional setting. I worked many years at a men's maximum security prison, so I had no problem at work or out in the general public of telling someone to piss off if they kept prying into my personal business.

[@GallowayJesse]

"we had a lot of early money arguments" "he agreed to pay down his credit card debt" JEEEESUS

[@dm9078]

Only took her 3 months to stop being a doormat. 😂 Edit I should’ve said it only took her three additional months to stop being a doormat!

[@chariezwane3981]

I am still not over the fact that she gave him $500 for this nonsense. After converting it to my local currency, I screamed. He must have something else going for him because laughs and a fresh lawn do not pass the standard.

[@ericaallisonc]

@@chariezwane3981 either hot or good at sex, even then those are terrible excuses.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@louisejohnson6057]

@@chariezwane3981 I had a friend, ex friend for good reason, and she let a guy she had zero respect for, and didn't really like very much, live in her house because she said he had a very generous 🍆 and he knew how to use it. He also made a great curry, that part I can attest to, not the 🍆 though, I took her word for that.

[@OldManAndTheSeaOfTooManyCats]

She probably has a kid with the jerk now and another one on the way, and will be dealing with the turd the rest of her life.

[@lauraanderson8785]

It's his responsibility to fulfill his own dreams. He should've saved money for it himself instead of bullying his gf into spending her savings on his obsessions. The yelling when she doesn't immediately roll over and obey his commands is abusive :/ My ex was a gold digger too and burned through my savings, so I know how it feels. He also would take my money and used it on others, he really enjoyed how everyone thought that he was so charitable, but in reality all the money was usually literally stolen from me

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: Peeps, the (now ex) boyfriend in this story is why you don't date grown toddlers. It never ends well.

[@kbf9644]

Never go to someone for help who inherently thinks you are less than, ladies. NEVER.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "He talked about it extensively" from what we're seeing here, he brought it up one (1) time and never really outright said that he wanted to do it himself or that they should save money for it. Story 2: Op told her directly that she's a private person, but still talks to coworkers in the form of small talk, yet reddit is acting like she's gonna ruin her whole career. I'm generally very private as well, especially at work. I'll make small talk, much like Op, but other than that I just... don't talk much, and nobody has an issue with that. They know if they want to say something then they can and I'll listen. Texting is a whole different story lmao, but actual face to face conversations are dependent on how well I know the person and whatnot. I still have some coworkers who have no clue what my voice sounds like.

[@novabrilliant4510]

Sitting in the corner hissing at people should have been the move at some of my old jobs!

[@MsTemptation]

S2: NTA. You have the right to not provide any personal information about yourself and for her to not get the hint is her problem.

[@guywhowatchesvideos-z2e]

Giving out cans of soda are a cheaper way to give kids a more fun candy

[@LunaP1]

Imagine one of those kids being a vengeful little crap.🤣

[@lynsthoughts3576]

She took way too long to dump him, glad she did . Story 1

[@GBunnyG]

It is also my dream to have the best trick or treating house around. You know why I don't? Because I don't have ANY MONEY. Boyfriend is a moron.

[@carolroberts4614]

I hope you get your dream Halloween house one day!

[@GBunnyG]

@@carolroberts4614 Thank you! One big half off Halloween decoration per year at a time! (No $500 clown for me 🤣)

[@yadayada752]

I would say just staring at someone could be rude, EXCEPT she has told her many times she is private. That makes the other person rude to continue intruding! That makes staring the only appropriate response!

[@PlasticBluVentRabbit]

Story 2 OP is an incredibly private person that doesn’t want to give out much info OP says that to the nosy coworker Instead of leaving it at that, she continues to push and push And op is supposed to be the a-hole?

[@cal1276]

I actually worked, at the known American Halloween spirity store at a assistant manager, and let me tell you, those animatronics are wickedly expensive,and the amount some people spend is amazing. The way this guy thinks is so easy and his right to buy all the decorations without communication astounded me. I've had been people come in spending 500$ and up in one go and come back for more. The amount of times customers come in and end up putting something back like a animatronic because it was over their budget without a fight was common so this guy is unreasonable. (Although i will say, i gave out a fair amount of discounts for the nice folk bc again, shits overpriced 💀)

[@Its_like_the_T-Rex]

Last story.... You have to be careful in an office job. I've worked with a lot of coworkers who live for gossip and will pretend to be your BFF only because it helps them stir the drama pot. Several people come to mind instantly who'd intentions were never positive and incredibly manipulative. OP stated that her previous workplace discriminated against her because of her family structure (single with no kids). It's understandable that she's keeping her life private as being open screwed her before. I used to have a boss that would pry for personal info and use it against you later. It's all so immature and sick. Truly, some people need hobbies.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 2 - NTA. I hate when people take it as a challenge to make everyone in every environment their friend or that they need to know a certain amount about them. It kind of speaks to a desperation to be liked, which especially pushes away people who were already not interested and have tried to be polite but still maintain boundaries by not divulging in any personal information. Op has already done everything she could to maintain boundaries while not shunning the coworker, I agree that HR is the next step because the woman won’t leave her alone and continually tries to force a friendship OP is interested in.

[@Its_like_the_T-Rex]

I'm a Halloween freak and I budget. The fun part of Halloween is MAKING your decorations from cheap materials. I've made tombstones from FREE cardboard boxes and dollar store paint. I've made floating candles with $20 on Amazon and some dollar store wire string. I carve 10+ pumpkins that I buy for $2-3 each. I've made giant spiders out of foam balls, paint and pipe cleaners. All dollar store!!! A $500 clown is a stupid waste of money. I hope OP kept the clown... she bought it afterall!!!!

[@jakeking3859]

Story 2: don't you just love how reddit we be all 'defend those boundaries' until those boundaries are ones they themselves don't share? It's a personal boundary that she doesn't make friends at work. Why shouldn't she be able to enforce that boundary in the way she sees fit? Besides, she literally did what the comments said to do. She gave a basic answer, and when the colleague pushed for more, she turned just how rude the colleague was being back on her. I also think it's strange how no one has recognised and pointed out that the coworker probably has entirely selfish motives, and would almost certainly gossip whatever OP said, and peacock around that SHE was the one who got OP to 'open up'. As an experiment, maybe she should tell her an absolute lie, and see how quickly those things she said get around to all her coworkers. When I was in school, I shared one class with a guy who was doing this to me. I kept mostly to myself, and he was just asking me question after question, and I ended up making up a whole string of lies to tell him and what do you know - by the end of the day, every single one of the boys was making fun of me for the obviously ridiculous answers I gave.

[@lsilvaeditor]

BF is insane; one of the best Halloween's I ever had was a year after the pandemic, when most adults were vaccinated but kids weren't just yet. So, I had trick or treating outside: I put a bunch of my furniture on my front lawn, covered it with a bunch of cobwebs, got some old fashion teacups and plates from my kitchen and added red food coloring to every dish. I then had the candy laid out on a giant table (I also had other decorations from past Halloweens). Total cost: $70, all it spent on FUN SIZE candy, cobwebs, mini coloring books, and three pumpkins. Even just getting a bunch of mason jars and filling it up with green food coloring or adding a black light to your porch can create the perfect spooky scene; you don't need full size candy bars or animatronics.

[@shydog7276]

Second story is a case study on why it's extroverts that need to learn to effing chill instead of quiet introverts needing to "be friendlier." That pushy coworker sounds absolutely exhausting to be around. That YTA comment bugged the hell out of me too. Why should the OP have to "learn to interact around all kinds of people"? Literally no one had a problem till the "friendly" coworker showed up and literally could not seem to understand the word no. She's the only one in the whole story who needs to learn how to work with all kinds of people. I have a group of coworkers I see outside of work. And one other who likes interacting at work but almost always passes on invites to meet up outside of work. We invite him each time and each time he politely passes. How do we handle it? "No worries, maybe another time :)" and let it go. It really isn't that hard lol.

[@sophiahumphrey4686]

Story 1: I think that OP's boyfriend was using her as an ATM. She created a budget for them and I think he resents her because she got him to pay more on his debt. He has less spending money than her. I am glad that she got rid of him. He lies about her to get people on his side.

[@TheArnaa]

Story 2: I wish I could just sit in a corner and hiss at anyone who tries to have personal conversation with me. I agree with Mark that if OP gives Ms. Nosy an inch, she’ll be back to grab an mile.

[@alg94]

story 1: the man needs to actually provide and maybe own the house before he can be "head of the household"

[@milescoburn1845]

Story # 1 - HE demanded SHE leave HER OWN house? Hell, no! Pack his stuff up and kick him to the curb.

[@Kerry-qe8ul]

Last story , op you owe nobody anything. As long as you are good at work your personal life is nobody's right

[@catT5236]

With the last story it really aggravates me that some commenters were calling OP the AH. I don't know if they just skipped over the fact that OP has in fact taken this colleague aside & told them their stance on privacy & personal information in a nice way, multiple times. It's not OP's fault this colleague refuses to respect their boundaries. Like wtf are you supposed to do when you've asked someone not to ask you personal questions & told them you don't want to talk about your personal life, but they refuse to accept it? I know OP is probably coming across as a bit weird to her colleagues but OP isn't actually doing anything wrong. It really annoyed me that someone commented that OP could be an inspiration to others & tell their story, I can't tell you how much I come across this as a disabled woman & it's infuriating. It's called inspiration p*rn & it's f**ked up in so many ways, just let people live their lives.

[@blix_xo]

>.> S1. My husband wouldn't allow me to spend that much on Halloween decorations. I would never imagine it either! If anything, if we wanted to go all out for that said holiday, we'd get the tools out and start making things ourselves. My late mother used to paint Halloween stencils all over the windows of the front of our house and garage windows where everyone could see and when we got home from school, she'd hand us little trays with paint and brushes. We spent the evening listening to Halloween music throughout the house while she brought out boxes of sentimental things we made in school. People LOVED seeing our house whenever the bus came to pick us up. That is something I'd totally do rather than spend 500$+ on an item. And candy? Holy crude, handfuls of big candy?! I love the idea of smiling children on Halloween, but good lord, they'll have hours worth of getting free hand outs. They won't be mad not getting a handful! He went overboard. Update: Wooo that Update. Glad she tossed him out!

[@Cel3ere5]

Maybe a wholesome story? Idk. Lol When I was growing up, my neighbor who was a trauma nurse (= bad ass) was basically my hero. During primary/ elementary years she had made it to Career Day every year with out fail. She explained bike helmet safety for the kids and the likes, brought swag, had some gear with her (like a neck brace) and honestly was a great show woman too. I lit up like a beacon every single time. Other children were nervous and got skittish around stethoscopes. Not me! Gimme! During Halloween however, she went all out for her lawn decorations! As I got older, I realized the accumulation of hospital gear she had acquired over the years. Old school IV poles, surgical drapes, a stretcher (some how!?!?), specimen jars filled with gelatin brains and fake eyes, empty IV bags filled with fake blood, and _a lot_ of cannuals (oxygen/ IV tubes). You name it, she had it. I think she must have noticed my enthusiasm as a child because on one Halloween, I mentioned my going for nursing. She gave me the biggest, strongest mama bear hug ever! 🥰

[@livewellwitheds6885]

so he said this thing about his Halloween dream. but never told his gf what he expected. he never mentioned it during their budget planning sessions. and wants to kick his gf out of HER OWN house. this would be the end for me. his poor communication. his poor planning. his poor treatment of his gf.

[@hilarymurray8741]

First story : That's not a grown man you're with, OP. That's a child. Have to treat him like a child or, better still, let him stay where he is and get a grown up BF. NTA

[@JohnSmith-xq1pz]

Hey Mark you cheeky so and so

[@thebookofgenises]

this is why new generations like working from home. office politics sound exhausting OP clearly says they redirect and the new employee keeps prying, so why are the comments telling them to redirect? People like that will always ask more and more questions. Based on the other colleagues reaction, im wondering if the new girl is the mouthpiece of the whole office.

[@cynthiaholland13]

I literally had my head on my forehead when Mark said he had his head over his forehead. Who goes into debt for CANDY?

[@OmniscientlyMe]

1. If finances are separate and you want something, you pay for it. If you didn't save for it, better save for next time. The other person paying for it doesn't prove that you "made it". 2. Repeat after me "I have work to do. Do you mind?" "If this isn't about work, please leave."

[@C0C0N0T]

Your little comments always makes me smile, you're a wholesome man Mark! lol

[@crem-crem4070]

Sup Mark, trying to figure out some coding for MRI data while watching your vids (Edit) Story 1: I’ll never understand how people end up being so overconfident in themselves that they think their partner will never ever dump them. Like legitimately HOW?!

[@joaolima7131]

It's probably narcissism

[@Detector1977]

People have an INSANELY hard time to accept it when their SO is actually an AH. It doesn't matter to what degree and they will flat out deny reality. It doesn't matter if it is stealing, cheating, being abusive, being manipulative etc and still the excuses comes to defend the indefensible..... Even a blind person could see that the bf in s1 was an AH and op wasted months of time and energy just so she could deny reality....

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: Tell bf when he buys his own house, decorations, and candy, he can have the Halloween of his dreams. Until then, he has to stick to the Halloween your budget allows, and point out that he's trying to live his dream financed with YOUR money instead of his own; you've put up just as much, if not more than he has. (But no, seriously, I'm with Mark - this one's a deal-breaker.) Quit using his childhood as an excuse. I grew up in an abusive household. I got kicked out when I was 18 with one suitcase of clothes. You know what I did? Got two jobs: one 6 days a week 12-hour days that I walked to; the second one was 9 hours one day a week and I rode two buses to get there. It's doable. S2: "That was no way to treat someone that was genuinely friendly." She's not genuinely friendly, she's a gossip that needs to know all the personal information. How can you tell the difference? A "genuinely friendly" person would have stopped after you pulled them aside and kindly laid out your boundaries, been apologetic for overstepping, and would have dropped it. A gossip won't take no for an answer because they can't stand not knowing, and aren't above trying to pressure you socially (in front of others) into giving them what they want. NTA. You don't owe anyone your personal stories in a work environment. You are friendly and willing to help out.

[@mercycunningham2813]

Story 1: Everyone who has lots of any holliday decoration has collected them over time. Halloween, Christmas, Easter... whatever you start to prepare the day after the holiday for the next one. Things get on sale, people move and give parts of their collections away, there are garage sales and thrift stores... It also helps if you stick with a theme or buy expensive stuff that can be combined. Also have fun and sketch out several Ideas, see what you already have to pull them off, what you can make yourself and what you need to buy to make it work. Now regarding the candy situation. There are various shops online and offline that sell candy and chocolate that were overproduced or with a short best used by date (about a month after the holliday) for cheap. You scout them out. When the date nears more often but you start waaaaaay before the holliday. I got whole boxes of candy for a third to fourth of the cost that way. Fullsized stuff thats cheaper than funsized... you don't get always lucky but the chances are good.

[@alexandermccalla5098]

“Do you have plans this weekend” is a personal question and you shouldn’t ask anything you couldn’t answer.

[@carolroberts4614]

Absolutely agree!My final years of working were in care homes, where there's not much time for socialising, unless you want to! The last one, I worked on the attic floor, so I really only saw residents, or kitchen staff when I fetched my cup of tea! It was great! Then I retired, and was glad of it!

[@GreebleClown]

“He said it would look cheap” As a professional set designer, that’s bull crap if you know what you’re doing. I’ve done wonders with fishing line, toilet paper tubes, cardboard, insulation foam, and half an old mannequin found in a dumpster. The dollar store is amazing if you need raw materials! All you need is imagination and time to work.

[@alyzu4755]

Story 1: Yikes! Thankfully he's an ex.

[@peteranon8455]

Story 1. Well, NTA, but she certainly is some sort of idiot for dating this guy. Let me tell OP this: JESSICA, STOP DATING THESE GUYS, DATE MY BUDDY MIKE. You know... just in case this is exactly who OP happens to be.

[@aidanlecter4841]

For story 2. I think op needs to learn small talk because the more she shows she doesn't want to talk about her personal life the more they want to know. Think of it like a wall, ppl want to break walls down but if you camouflage the wall they won't see it as a wall

[@shizanketsuga8696]

That boyfriend in story 1 really wanted to see how far back he could draw that slingshot, huh? He can't _possibly_ believe that anything he did was the least bit justified.

[@Tammohawk1]

1. Boyfriend has issues. Issues that I wouldn't want to deal with. No one is going to tell me to leave my house after demanding me to spend my money on useless stuff. 2. I don't think what OP did was wrong. That person was acting very intrusively and all OP did was refuse to answer and just look at the idiot.

[@preciousmcfadden4291]

Story 2: she doesn't have to tell people a damn thing! I had a man at my job that kept trying to always be around me and talk to me and then would talk behind my back that I didn't want to talk to him. I felt creeped out especially since he was 30 years older than me! If this was a grown man harassing a coworker it would be shut down immediately. No one owes you their life story or to even talk to you.

[@llamabrat07]

The first comment on story 2, won’t help OP, as it reminds me of the children’s story If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. If you’ve never read it you should.it’s about how if you give a mouse a cookie he’ll want a glass of milk, which he will then spill, need to clean it up, then take a bath, on & on. This story also always pops into my mind whenever I read stories about money & everyone says just give a little to make them back off. You are only opening the floodgates. Nosy co-worker would see it as hope they are finally breaking through to her. The co-worker needs to learn to take a hint & back off.

[@cattyanamontes5996]

I remember this story and man that bf is such a major asshat.

[@VidWatcher01]

That Joker in the thumbnail tho!!!🤣🤣🤣

[@GreenKnight1982]

Personally I would tell the nosy witch after she ignored my first 15 hints that if she keeps asking about my personal life that I was going to HR to report her.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1 update: bring it up to the board or wherever to put that couple’s counselor on notice and/or let them fire him and remove his license to practice. It is so unprofessional that a couple goes into couple’s therapy to work on their issues but only to get a misogynist religious guy who tells them they are wrong to move in together before marriage and that the man should be ahead of the household. Like do your job instead of force feeding your archaic views due to religion on to those who are probably not even religious!

[@Revelwoodie]

I really, REALLY hope she doesn't take this guy back. Because this is a very common situation, and if they get married, the outcome is inevitable. She'll think that once they're married he'll magically grow up and become responsible with money. In fact, the opposite will happen. When their finances were divided, he had little personal money because he was paying his credit card bills. So they were constantly fighting about her not giving him enough of HER personal money. So what happens when they're married? He has access to ALL the money, and he absolutely WILL spend it like water. Then you're both broke, in mountains of debt. DON'T DO IT.

[@MamaMOB]

I work with 2 people who don't talk to me. They say hello when I do and you too when I say have a good day but that's it. And they're entitled to not talk to me. I am not entitled to their conversation. No matter how small.

[@emnorfolk5559]

My friend was put in care when her mum met a new man because he didn't like her, they kept her brother, she's super sweet and very focused. She's now married, with kids and owns a chain of salons! What I'm saying is "having a toxic childhood, doesn't make you: a) an idiot, or b) a c@#t!"

[@fytrndm]

I don't get this insistence that you gotta be buddy with your colleagues. Sure, you can chose to do so but the opposite is also true. Some people like keeping their private life separate from their work life and that's their choice. Constantly badgering them is not a good thing. Heck, I had several colleagues I knew *nothing* about but we worked well together and we do talk, we talk about work. It's not that hard to respect someone's boundaries and sounds like the new hire should learn to respect people's preference.

[@michamocha]

I'm sorry but while his childhood explains things, it doesn't excuse it and his entitled behavior. I can understand being disappointed that you couldn't make it happen, but to blow up on your partner, try to kick them out of _their_ house, and shame them with your friends is beyond disrespectful. After that update...wow. Last: NTA. I gotta agree with you, Mark. Sometimes there's that outgoing person who just won't respect boundaries and leave someone who obviously want to be left alone be. As long as Op is a good worker and polite, as she said, to her colleagues, she doesn't have to go the extra mile when she really doesn't want to mix business with personal life. Though I do think that commentator gave some really good advice that might help Op redirect attention from her personal life.

[@joeschmo622]

I had a few nosy cow-orkers once upon a time. It's one thing to ask when being sociable and sharing, but something else to just ask to "dig up dirt" on people, to throw back on them at a later time. One was of the latter ilk, so whenever asked anything about, say, plans for the weekend, I'd just say, "Oh, this and that. Maybe something else. Possibly a little of whutever.", and similar gibberish. Where am I going for lunch? "Oh... out. I'll know when I get there." And so on. Make like you've got terminal aphasia. Where'd I go over the weekend? "Oh, that... place... what's it called? You know..."

[@danir3988]

As soon as she said that he selected a religious "relationship coach," a shiver ran down my spine! I never mean to victim-blame, and please forgive me for saying this, but what is it that makes a woman willing to put up with this for so long, especially one without children or anything else bounding her to this horrible person? 🤦‍♀️

[@___LC___]

Years ago, I build all of my own fancy Halloween decorations. I built a big candy slide with all free things…either things I had saved in my art/craft/creative stockpile, things I found, items collected off the curb over the years, and made what I wanted for free and with my own labor and creativity. One year I made a candy-go-round. The things one sees in movies and special effects shops all came from someone’s imagination and likely a shop that seems to be full of junk.

[@milieg3309]

This guy doesn't have red flags, he is one

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Story 2: A person that nosy will not back off, they will keep prying into your personal life. You can redirect all you want but they'll keep pressuring you with personal questions about what you do, who you do it with, etc. I've seen plenty of this in my 40 years of working. Sometimes all you can do is refuse to answer.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 2: How hard is it to reply, "I'd rather not say." Enough of those replies, and she'll back off. Then again, I agree this is HR-worthy. You've asked her to stop, and she hasn't, so it's time to escalate.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: why is boyfriend expecting OP to be the one to pay for everything? If he wants to be the king of halloween HE can save up the money or slowly collect stuff overtime and reach the dream trick-or-treat host he wants to be in a few years time. The fact he literally asked OP to leave the house??? This is such a man child. OP’s not cheap. She’s an adult not understand the value of a dollar and knows how to prioritize for spending habits. Unlike the boyfriend. ATU: the fact, the cheap boyfriend went to a misogynistic religious couples coach, so he can get less flack for being a terrible partner, because he was a man. Glad they broke up. Clearly, he saw OP as an ATM not a partner that he loved and respected.

[@jay2thaudy]

S2: the last commenter is my least favorite kind of redditor. OP doesn't owe anyone polite conversation. No need for her to come up with break the ice questions. Just leave her alone.

[@livewellwitheds6885]

story 2.... ignoring all of somebody's boundaries is not a way to make friends. also what is personal to one person is not personal to another. I am also an intensely private person so thus has been an issue

[@PeacheIIe]

The bf in story one is a psycho. £500 is an absolutely HUGE amount, OP was way over generous to give him that much all for halloween decorations, and he STILL COMPLAINS?!?! Jesus CHRIST.

[@amandasunshine2]

Ok, as an autistic person, that comment on story 2 blew my mind. The meaningless thing about yourself in small talk can be a LIE??? I'm honest with people, I'm not a good liar to people I respect, and everyone starts with a base level of respect that I don't feel like I can lie to. I read a statistic that said people lie X number (I wanna say it was like 9) of times a day and I'm like 😱 REALLY?? I don't think I lie that much.. but I guess people do.. :/

[@carolsimpson4422]

As a single woman in the workplace, I found there were lots of nosy parkers prying about my personal life. They need so badly to put you in a box. If they can't judge you a "good " or "bad" girl, they're not comfortable with you. They need more info to base their judgment on, and get frustrated when you refuse to oblige them.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

Story 2. OP NTA. Truly I dont get why your colleague feels like she is owed information when your have told her multiple times your a private person and keep work and private life separate. She needs to leave you alone if she isnt there to ask a work related question.